Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - My boyfriend ignores me, the sex is no good, I'm bored in my relationship, he won't commit.

Episode Date: April 14, 2021

Happy Thursday Lifers! It's the quick down and dirty episode where we answer your deep and burning questions. Well, we try anyway. Laura takes us down memory lane with a hilarious dating story. Then: -He wants to hang but wont commit to me. But everyone else bores the hell out of me. Do I suck it up and just stay with him to avoid the wet cardboard personalities of all my other online dates? Or do I keep looking for my penguin? -My boyfriend and I are long distance and he always ignores me and leaves me on read, even though I see him online all the time. What do I do? When is enough enough? -Help! I came out of a toxic relationship. Now I am dating a great guy.... but... I am bored. There's no ripping each others clothes off.. is this normal or do I need to go find something more exciting?   You know the drill guys, hit subscribe and tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love, because, well, we love love. xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and this is our Thursday edition. This is our sexy dirty edition where you write in deep dark and burning dirty sexy naughty questions i was trying to design you you guys slightly aroused that's what i was going for you guys write your questions in and we do our best to give you our best very experienced advice what we do is we channel all that trauma from our past and all that life experience we project it terrible decision making and we tell you to do the things that we probably still wouldn't do ourselves that's that advice actually actually to be honest I'm just gonna make a quick point Laura and I are the queens lately of dishing you guys

out advice but then we don't take it ourself we go and tell each other our problems but we know what we should be doing to treat the problems but we don't do it which for everybody listening to that it's so fucking annoying when your friend gives you advice and you know that they wouldn't do it themselves so I deeply deeply apologize for that we will do better when you know better you do better anyway what have you got to bring to the table today okay so actually I've been holding this story over Brittany for the afternoon because you would think that after a year and a half of doing this podcast especially me since I haven't been dating for quite a while and you're older than me I may have two kids and I'm boring would have exhausted every single one of our dating

stories and I thought I had exhausted every single one of my dating stories you have a new dating story well I haven't started dating again guys but basically I had forgotten this story and my sister reminded me of it today is that because it's so traumatic you've suppressed it and tried to forget it no I think it's the Alzheimer's really no honestly this is not a traumatic story at all I remember all of the other ones no this is just something that happened that was so funny that I cannot believe my brain didn't retain this just for the sake of bringing it out in the podcast but basically the reason why it came up is because well this is not funny at all but I'm pretty sure that Marley is starting to struggle with night terrors oh no which and

that is traumatic yeah and I'm not coming to this conclusion lightly like this isn't me just being like oh she had a bad dream and she screamed sometimes at night time night terrors run in our family my brother had them really severely growing up and over the last few weeks since Lola was born and I thought that's why I didn't quite tweak to what it was because I thought maybe this is just her really acting out and being super jealous over Lola but last night we had a huge episode and I honestly it was like no that's what that is that's a night terror because she was screaming inconsolable and like running around the cot but like not aware of where she was not even aware that anyone was speaking to her like she was it was like she was possessed like an

exorcism yes exactly i've actually got goosebumps thinking of her running the lengths of the cot and like throwing herself into the cot not even realizing that it was a cot like she's are they still asleep yeah it's like they're asleep but they're asleep and they're dreaming that it usually happens like two hours after they go to bed and they've had like very light sleep but they are not awake they are not coherent you cannot have a conversation with them you can't wake them up you can't get through to them and you cannot calm them down so this episode lasted about 25 minutes last night and she was just thrashing hitting oh and then conk went back to sleep like nothing happened that's actually really freaky yeah i'm freaked anyway runs in our family

so i went to work today and i work with my sister and i was like oh my goodness like this is what's happening. And we started talking about just weird shit that you do when you sleep, like the different types of sleep disorders. And she was telling a story about how somebody had had, you know, like slept walked. And then she was like, Oh my God, do you remember that time? And I'm going to tell you about that time. So I'd been dating this guy for about two years. We lived together. We'd been living together for about six months and it was just a weekday. Hadn't been drinking. And I remember waking up at about two in the morning and he wasn't there. And I was like, oh, he must be in the toilet. Just went back to sleep. Thinks he can sneak on out of here.

So I went back to sleep. Anyway, I wake up a couple of hours later and it's like six o'clock in the morning. So the sun is up, but it's still really early and he's not there. And I was like, this is weird. It's like a Tuesday or something. And I'm like, okay, well his phone's there and his wallet's there so someone's either kidnapped him I was like the bastard is still cheating he's run away there we go so everything is there and this is like quite a few years ago this is going back about a decade so I didn't have Facebook on my phone all I had was my phone and you know phone numbers text whatever I couldn't contact him because his phone was there so a couple of hours passed and I got out my laptop let's say it was like 7am so I open up my laptop and I get

onto Facebook and he's messaged me on Facebook. I'm like, where the fuck is this man? So he messages me and he's like, babe, I need you to come and get me from the office. Now the office is about seven kilometers or six kilometers, give or take from where we lived. And I was like, you need to, I need to get you from the office. The hell are you doing at the office? He's like, and I need you to bring me some pants. Oh my God. He has like slept, walked naked to the office. no he slept walked nude out of the house got locked out of the house and then he couldn't get back in because we lived in an apartment building no one was answering he was nude on the street did he try to buzz your apartment i didn't answer anyway he then started panicking

and didn't know what to do and he didn't want to be nude on the street when people were like getting out amongst their day so the sun was starting to rise so he ran to the fucking office in the nude how did he get into the office how did I forget this I don't know how you actually it's probably the best story you've ever told I don't know how you've forgotten so he it was his office he owned the office and so he had a pin number so he just pinned into the office and then just sat there nude waiting and sat there nude but he needed me to bring him pants before everyone arrived imagine getting to work and your boss is at the office on a Wednesday nude um excuse me is this HR I've got a problem to report that is so funny the best part is like

I got there and I brought him pants but he had a top on so he had a top because he left a change of shirt at the office but no change so he was he was completely naked running the streets you know what he needs to I'm sorry if that's you you need to start wearing clothes to bed if you know you're going to get up and god knows what's going to happen and where you're going to end up you have to wear clothes you also need to lock the door and have a contingency plan but he'd never done it before it wasn't like this was the thing he always did I knew a couple that were in their 50s and he had slept walk his whole life they had to put it was really dangerous because you're not supposed to wake a sleepwalker up you know that right it's really dangerous you're

supposed to just let them sleepwalk and guide them back is that like an old wives tale though possibly let's go with it you heard it here first I can't confirm nor deny but I just know that that's what they say you should never like wake them up and just guide them her husband used to go out the front door across the road to the beach and go swimming and the swimming wouldn't wake him up at night but he was asleep so she had to put all these bells like really loud bells on the door so that when he opened the door she could hear that he was sleepwalking and she would wake up and run after him and she'd just follow him around to make sure he's okay this sounds like the perfect excuse for someone who wants to cheat babe i just slipped out of the apartment i got in

the car and i fucked her i'm sorry my ex used that one as well he's used to i woke up inside her it was crazy i didn't know what i was doing anyway so let's get into the questions i fucking love that I love that I hope that like some other forgotten dating memories come up from the past do you know what I reckon I have heaps more that I've suppressed I've just got to let them I've just got to free them you maybe we'll go to some like therapy where they'll do some sort of like dream sequence with you and bring it out and then we'll have content ongoing for forever actually speaking of dream therapy I don't know if I've raised this with you personally Laura but I'll just do it right now how do you feel about getting someone on like a dream specialist

I'm thinking about it I'm not opposed to it I think it'd be cool how about we put this out to the listeners guys do you want us to get like someone on the pod who can unpack dreams like what do dreams mean why are there connections are there deep-seated things do we need to be looking more into them I think it could be interesting all right let's do it so if you have any funny hilarious wild sleepwalking stories I don't want like the scary ones where you almost got hit by a bus or something like that I want the funny ones come at us at life Uncut podcast on the Instagram and we will share them with you guys on the next episode. All right, I'm coming in hot with question number one.

Let's do this. Hey ladies, love the pod. I always leave those sentences in. Totally unnecessary, but I'm here for it. Me and my partner of six years have been doing long distance for a couple of months now as he's doing a gap year course in the army. I love him to death and I want to be with him forever. however at what point is being too busy or being ignored not acceptable anymore he works 6 a.m to

8 p.m and throughout the day he gets his phone and i constantly see him active and online i told him i feel disrespected and lonely when he leaves me on red and i see him interacting with other people on other platforms but his reply to me is always leave me alone or i'm exhausted it feels manipulative because I told him he hurts my feelings when I get ignored but he just leaves me on read all the time and just calls me overly dramatic yes he could be tired and has a busier schedule than I do but at what point do I give up and realize he's just not treating me right thank you now yeah probably yesterday right now do you know what I learned today what has it got anything to do with answering this poor girl's question it does it has to do with Instagram and I think

this is going to help a lot of people I learned that if you read a message that comes through your dms and then you mark it unread it still says seen to the other person the other person still knows you read it it's just for yourself you're just unreading it for yourself i am screwed i know i'm so screwed too i actually found this out only a couple of months ago i i think it was my sister told me i thought i would put them on red and it took the message back to unread but it's not i have unread probably about 500 people and now i feel like i need to go back and personally apologize i'm an asshole okay but back to this question which is way more important girlfriend the fact that you're even writing this in he is disrespecting you like and I think there

needs to be some allowances for busyness like that does exist you know like there are times where Matt messages me through the day and I see the message on whatsapp and it is not a time pertinent question it is just that he's a bit bored and he's reaching out and I'm really really busy and I don't write back to it right away and there are times where he calls and goes hey I sent you a message and you didn't write back and I'm like yeah but babe you sent me a message about like oh did you see that article about married at first sight last night like right now whilst i'm working it's probably not something that i have to get back to right away not a priority but that doesn't mean that i then don't make him my priority as soon as i'm finished work and i

call him and i make sure that we catch up on all the things that he wanted to talk about and i see him as soon as i get home but the fact that you guys are doing long distance that you've expressed that it upsets you and it hurts your feelings when he reads a message it says red and then he doesn't reply to you for hours and hours on end it does just take two seconds to write like kiss kiss or babe I've seen this but I'm super busy I'll get back to you this evening that's all that takes and I think that's all it takes to feel validated and if he if he wants to tell you that you're overreacting and that putting it all back on you and isn't even making just a small amount of effort then he is not worth your effort either I'm going to draw on some of my own experiences

for this one I'm still waiting for that text back I agree with everything Laura said I'm team Laura for this one the thing that sort of jumps out at me on this that I'm not happy about like Laura said everyone is busy sure but it takes you two seconds to respond in some way even to say hun really busy I'll call you after work even that or even like Laura said a love heart of the text and a kiss kiss what pisses me off when I read this and it actually really did piss me off was his response to you if he doesn't leave you unread that his other response is leave me alone oh yeah this is not compatible with the relationship you're not in a relationship you don't be together to not be together does that make sense you don't say hey let's date and be together so that we can

spend all our time apart and i don't have to even give you anything via text or communication or call yes let's be committed but also leave me alone yeah so the leave me alone thing is very disrespectful the fact that then you have expressed your feelings and he hasn't given you anything in return means and not even that he's also gaslighting you telling you that you're being overdramatic all you were doing is stating honestly your feelings and he's telling you that no you're crazy you've been too much you're dramatic so I'm I'm not vibing this relationship at all and I do just want to just make an example for my own relationship you know Jordan and I are going to be long distance and we have been long distance the last few months this sort of a thing

happened with us not to this extreme but I was just feeling really needy I was been really unwell i've been really sad my hormones were through the roof and i just said to him and you were at home as well so like when you're sick and you're feeling like that you're at home and you have way more time on your phone and an hour to someone who's busy doesn't seem very long an hour to someone who's not doing anything is waiting for a reply feels like freaking forever and jordan's amazing like he's a great communicator i wasn't complaining about anything else but i literally said to him i'm just feeling so shitty and i'm really needy right now i just need like more from you and i and i admitted i was like i know i'm needy and he was like that's cool i understand

that and then he's texting and he's calling and he's just sending messages in the day voice messages increased dramatically and that he's busy he's over there training and playing all day but he'll pick up the phone for two seconds and say something that's because I expressed that I felt like this way and he was so respectful and and gave me what I needed so I'm not saying that to rub that in your face but I'm saying that because I think in an adult relationship respect and communication is at the forefront of any healthy relationship and you've asked for something and he's not giving it back so you are just I think you need to sit down with him and really express your feelings another thing that Jordan and I did just last week was we did the love languages quiz

now we've done this guys on the podcast we've spoken about love languages but we did the quiz again so that we could resend it to each other and understand what we need and mine was words of affirmation which has changed it used to be physical touch was my number one but since he's been gone it's changed without me even knowing because obviously subconsciously and internally I need more words and communication now so that was a really cool thing that you could do with him you could send him the love languages quiz and then swap results and then talk about it and then just be open and say look obviously I need more of this are you willing to give that to me if he's not fuck him off and I just want to add I'm like yes yes I'm like nodding my head pretty

good speech yes you can rant you can give me your advice any day Brittany the only thing I want to add to this is that like what you said Britt everyone is busy every single person is busy everyone in the world has shit to do totally and one person's busyness is not more important than somebody else's and I think that it's a really undermining thing to constantly say and at the end of the day when you text someone and when you message back what you're doing is you're making them know that they're a priority and even if you're busy we all still have priorities in life and the fact that he's not making you his priority outside of work is where this issue lies because he's 100% still doing other things than work he's still talking to the boys he's still got other

things going on and for this relationship to work and for this long distance to work you need to be able to be a priority as well well the other thing is Jordan will message me and say hey cutie just woke up just so you know I've got training and a match so I won't be around for six hours that's it and then I'm like oh cool because now I know you're busy for this amount of time so it's literally communication we say on every episode communicate I don't know communication communication communication no but that's exactly what Matt and I do as well and when I say you know sometimes he'll message me and I'll be really busy and the message is trivial hence why I don't get back to him I will only not get back to trivial messages if I have expressly told him I'm super busy today

like I've got this this and this on I'm from meeting to meeting so then I don't feel like well okay that message can wait if I'm just at work and I'm not busy fuck yeah I'm gonna have a conversation about maths like I'm I'm not I'm not purposely not replying to my partner because I want to not reply to them I'm only not replying when there's actually other things I have to concentrate on and I have to put my phone aside so I'm not on it you know but I'm not reading messages and purposely ignoring them and honestly all you have to say to yourself in this and you already know it because you've asked us and you say do I move on like do I let this go you just have to say am I happy with this behavior for the rest of my life is this how I want our relationship

to be if your answer is no just do it like a flow chart if your answer is no you go to the next one which is to have the communication we've been asking and if it still doesn't change then you're out the door oh he's just a dick sorry I'm just adding that in I don't like I don't like his attitude angry at this man one last thing to think about and this isn't just to undo everything that we've just said because everything we've said still is completely valid it's just additional information only little bit of like consideration with his situation is that i understand that being in the army and having that training is probably very all-consuming and it probably does take a lot out of him does that mean that you should be disrespected absolutely fucking not like you

there's no excuse for that but maybe there is a little bit of give and take here where you have to think about how often is it that you are expecting a reply expecting it is he is he still replying several times a day in which case maybe yeah but the replies leave me alone true true okay I'm just thinking think about how many times you're contacting as well like you know because it's all fine for us to sit here and say he's a total dickhead but if you're messaging him every hour and he's not able to reply to them then obviously like maybe the onus is that he can't meet your expectations at this point in time oh no totally have the yeah but if you are texting of an evening or morning and he's not even giving you anything for a 24-hour period and then he's

like hey I'm too tired to write to you then there's a problem so I think assess that as well and what is it that you're comfortable with what is it that you can live with as well well maybe that's the other thing you do maybe you have the conversation with each other that's like you know what let's just try and talk to each other about eight at night and chat about our day and then go to bed then that's it maybe then you both have a boundary for when you're speaking he's got the time then you haven't gone back and forth all day there's no negative energy it is another option you could try but again he still needs to get a little bit more respect with his response and I just wanted to add that in there to really give a full well-rounded picture of question number one

now let's get into question number two that was a lot number two after an emotionally abusive three-year relationship and two and a half years single I have landed myself in a new relationship finally in the beginning I was smitten because he was everything I was looking for and he was so different to my ex but now after five months I'm feeling bored I realize now I've never had that burning desire for him and we've never had that real passionate just want to rip your clothes off phase it's like we just skipped it we settled straight into the doing things together being content being in each other's lives and having relatively good sex before bed phase of a relationship is this a sign that he's not my penguin or is this just something that's a part

of relationships that doesn't have that tumultuous ups and downs that my previous relationship had I'm trying to understand if this is normal and my other relationship was far too toxic I think that you know how long is a piece of string for starters that was a weird analogy but what I mean is is like what is normal you're in a normal relationship you love each other it's healthy you respect each other I think that's normal could you be addicted to like the toxicity and the drama and the intensity that comes with breaking up and making up and feeling like you're missing out on something because you don't have that constant like yeah maybe maybe there is something there that you need to work on in yourself but it is possible that not that the

relationship is boring but that the relationship isn't the relationship for you that's also a possibility but I think in this case considering how long you spent in a really shitty relationship that probably had a lot of ups and downs and a lot of very turbulent extremely exciting makeup sex it's probably a very difficult comparison to make because this to me sounds healthy and great and I don't think you should be throwing in the towel in this relationship this has two parts for me the part that Laura's talking about this the sexy part ripping the clothes off part you know that's not necessarily in every relationship not everyone does have that but also is that because you didn't want that as well because you could have definitely tried to rip his clothes off so

something to think about there is it are both of you not coming to the party or it's just one of you not coming to the party there's also no reason you can't instigate that now you've only been together for five months so if you do want to ramp up the sex life if you want more every relationship and every couple can have that you can have the chats you could bring some sex toys in like we know it might not never be what you've imagined but it can definitely change but the thing that I don't like about this is you saying that after five months you're bored I don't think you should be bored after five months because you know you've got another 60 years with that person so whilst things can get into routine and a bit monotonous I still don't think you should be bored with your

partner this soon into a relationship so I think that's something to think about why you're bored and what you feel is lacking I think you need to really knuckle down in your brain what you think the relationship is missing otherwise you're not going to know whether to stay or go there's no way we can tell you whether to stay or go in this situation but I really really think like after going through a very and you've said like that was a full-on terrible toxic relationship and now you're in something that's healthy I actually think if you haven't gone and sat down with a counselor and worked through your junk yourself like actually worked on yourself not necessarily the relationship but what was it about that toxic relationship that made you want to stay for so

long what changes have you made in your life to make sure that you're armed that you'll never make those decisions again that you'll never put yourself in that situation again what things have changed in you and what was it that attracted you to that and why is it that you're in this relationship now I think like once you start unpacking all those questions and doing a little a bit of like work on yourself that's when you'll be able to sort of sit back and go oh I'm not bored this isn't boring this is just like what a constant and comfortable relationship feels like it doesn't have the really intense highs and lows it's just constant which for somebody who's addicted to the drama and addicted to that toxicity it would feel boring it would feel like

oh well where do we go now we've done this for five months but the thing is like you want consistency in a relationship you want predictability yeah you want safety and comfort and and protection and that volatility that exists in toxic relationships that makes you feel like you're like overwhelmed with emotions is a very very dangerous place to be in a relationship it really clouds your decision making and it makes you go back because you're so addicted to the highs and then the lows are so so low so I do agree with Brit that a relationship should never be boring but after five months if it's just something that's flicked in you and you are feeling bored I'm not sold that the relationship is necessarily boring I think that there could be some things in

yourself that you need to work on because you might get into another stable relationship and also go holy shit this is boring in which case maybe it's not the relationship maybe it's the addiction to drama well I think the other thing here is we always say you can't compare any new relationship to an old relationship because they're always different and I think that that's what you're doing well it is what you're doing you're comparing it you're saying it's just it's boring in comparison to what I had but do you feel more secure and more loved and more comfort than what you had as well and the other thing as well as is is the sex still good because like chaotic chemistry sex is very very misleading and we've done a whole episode about how chemistry in a

relationship can be misconstrued with love it can be misconstrued as that person's your soulmate you know we've I think a lot of us have been in relationships where the sex has been so good and the chemistry has been so strong that we have convinced ourselves that it was meant to be and that is just absolutely not true like you know you can have great chemistry with someone and they can treat you terribly and absolutely damage you so so I think you need to do a little bit of work on yourself to be able to step back and answer these questions for yourself the last little thing I want to add is that you have said that you have a relatively good sex before bed the theme of this seems to be that the sex is a bit of a problem for you because you feel like

you don't have that ripping the clothes off thing I think you really just need to have a conversation with your partner tell him what you want maybe that conversation is too hard so maybe you could start by you're watching a movie or something and you there's a sexy scene you record the scene and you just send it to him and you're like this turns me on there's like little things you can do like that to show him and tell him what you want without sitting down and having this conversation where you're like, I want you to choke me, for example. I think there are a lot of ways around it. If you're not getting what you want in a relationship in any aspect, whether it is in sex or whether it is in communication, whatever it is, you just need to sit down and

have the conversation or communicate in some way. Otherwise, nothing's going to change. You can't expect change with nothing changing. So try something new. Try and get this all-consuming sex going in the relationship. So I just think before you go packing your bags, you need to at least know in yourself that you've given it a go or you've tried to communicate what you want or you've tried to get that desire and that sexual desire back before you pack your bags and go so give it a go give it a whirl if you're still not feeling it the sex is not happening if you're still bored in the relationship then yeah maybe it's not for you jump on that horse all right question number three jump on that horse that sounds like a sexy bad yeah well you just think

about sex for 30 seconds so i was like once again the singing is beautiful today okay one more if our careers as podcasters goes to shit, we know that we can start a girl band. Anyone want to be in it? Laura, have you brought a third question for me? All right. I have the very last question for today and this is it. I was dating a guy for a few months that I'd met in a bar and he was pretty awesome. We had heaps of fun and our sex was really good. Initially, he said that he wasn't really looking for anything serious because he's just gotten out of a marriage six months previously I was okay with that initially but as we started to hang out more and more my feelings got a little bit deeper for him oh god they always do always one person one person always caves and

I wanted more we spoke about it and he said he wasn't ready to commit yet so I've ended things the problem is that I've now been on three different coffee dates with different guys and they all seem really funny and great when I'm messaging them but then when I meet them in person they are complete duds what should i do should i just go back and hold out hope that in a bit of time hit this guy will come around to the idea of committing to me or should i keep going on more coffee dates with the hopes that one of them will have 10 of a personality oh this happens all the time i actually have a friend that called me on the weekend with this exact question maybe this is her question and it came in anonymously on no because she would

a disaster. But I think it's a common theme. This is so common. Yeah. This is what I think about this situation. Everybody runs their own race at a different pace and it depends what he's saying. Is he saying to you, I don't see myself ever committing to you because that's very different from I'm not ready to commit 100% to you right now. Like they're two very different things. If he's just saying, I love hanging out with you. I love spending time with you we have a lot of fun I love sex with you all of the above but he's just saying I just still feel like I'm not over you know my past marriage and I'm not ready to jump so far into something but I still like you you just have to see if you are happy to go along at his pace for a little while

and ultimately this is the advice I gave my friend on the weekend I said she really wanted a relationship he really likes her but he just can't 110% commit right now and I said is that a problem if it takes another few months for you are you happy to just do this for a while and she's like well yeah I guess and I'm like then just cruise just hang out with him until it becomes a problem where you're like I know I want more when the point comes that you absolutely cannot go on any longer without a commitment you just speak to him again and then he says I'm still not ready then you say well I'm gonna have to go a different direction because ultimately you do have to look after yourself but if he's like fucking frothing hanging out with you and you guys have a lot of

fun and you have a lot of chemistry but he's still just being honest with you saying like you know I've got he's probably got a lot of real emotions from his last marriage if he's asking to hang out and he's asking you just to give him time and bear with him then I would suggest if it's that good between you two that you honor that and give him some time and roll with it for a little while I am a bit of a fence sitter and I agree and disagree with some parts of what you've said so I'm gonna here we go we don't we don't often disagree okay but we will I can guarantee by the end of this conversation we'll be agreeing because I think we both think the same thing so my issue is is that if you know what you want if you want to be in a relationship and you want

to get married and have kids or whatever it is if you are like at this point in my life I'm done just seeing people and I want a committed relationship because that's what will make me happy then I think you have made the absolute right decision and you need to stick to your guns and go date other people because you are never going to meet somebody else you're never going to find that relationship if you are half in with somebody who is not committed to you and he may be not committed to you for six months a year a year and a half maybe never who freaking knows and I say this from my own personal experiences and from me putting my life on hold in quotation marks for somebody hoping that maybe they would change their mind and I love this saying when somebody shows

you who they are believe them the first time he's literally telling you I do not want to be in a relationship with you so are you okay with him sleeping with other people are you okay with this casualness running its course or is that going to actually really hurt you are you going to be hurt when you find out that he's had sex with someone else because you shouldn't be because he's told you that that's exactly what he wants to do you know he wants to still be available he wants to not be pinned down he's already made a commitment and it didn't work out he needs some time to work on himself so like i almost feel really passionate that i know this period is really hard and it's really really shit when you want to be with someone and they're saying i'm just not that

into you yeah i did it for like three years and i know it's shit and i know that you think actually do you know what there's no one else out there i'll just go back because that's the easiest option but the easiest option isn't always the best option and i don't think that this is the right option going back to him there always is going to be someone else out there we do 100 he is not your only penguin there is a whole what is a gaggle of what are they there's a whole flock of penguins out there there's probably a few toads and ones that have got like their legs chopped off and stuff as well but like there's definitely a lot of penguins talking about women well there's just always you know penguins have their legs chopped off like seagulls that have

Laura's lost her plot um no I look I do agree like and what I said is you only do it to the point that you know you can't do it anymore you have to agree to his terms and if he says he doesn't want to do it and he wants to be with other people at the same time and you agree to that then like Laura said yes you can't get upset because he's been really honest with you literally word for word what I told my friend this weekend but yeah we as women every one of us goes to this point and it's when you do have feelings with someone that probably aren't reciprocated or you've just been broken up with where you 100% honestly believe that there is no one else out there in the whole world view and that is so wrong I believe we have multiple soulmates I don't

believe we just have one I think different phases of our life different parts of the world depending where you are what has happened to you on your journey in this whole world there is more than just one person and I think that that's what you think you've gone on three coffee dates with duds girl I dated for 10 years with duds and I finally found the most unique beautiful penguin but that's because I didn't go back to someone that I knew wasn't right you gotta keep kissing some toads girlfriend kiss those toads there's definitely a prince out there but no I feel really passionate about this because I feel like I've been here I think I've done this exact thing and I made the wrong decision and not that there is a right or necessarily a wrong decision in anything in life

because we always end up where we're supposed to be but I just think if you are going to get hurt by putting yourself in a situation where you're doing a relationship on his terms don't do it to yourself because at the end of the day the only person you will have to blame is yourself and you will feel 10 times shitter that he has said from the get-go I don't want to be with you and you're like but I want to be with you so I will lower my standards and I'm going to change you don't lower your standards you they're there for a reason and somebody who matches up and who chooses you and wants to be with you who doesn't make you wait will come along I'm sure there's gonna be people out there who disagree with me but I also want to say my last into my podcast yeah so take

it my last bit of advice is if you do decide that you don't want to go down that path with him and you do want to leave what I would do is I would be really really open with him and I would say to him I want to be with you I love being with you I love our time together I haven't met anyone like you but I can't go down this track because I'm looking for something more so I'm just going to go and do my thing and if the time ever comes where you change your mind you know where to find me but I think it's really important to even if someone doesn't love you back I think that doesn't mean you don't tell them I'm a big fan of that if you feel something you tell them so if you leave him with that if you leave him knowing that you think he's great and you do want it but you're

strong enough to follow your own path and leave when the time comes that he is ready you don't know that he's not going to come to you and say I've had my six months to heal I've had my year to heal and I felt that same connection with you and let's give it a go but ultimately that way you can't have any regrets because you've openly told him your feelings you know he knows how you feel and you know you're going and honoring yourself so you can never look back being like should i have told him i liked him or did i do something wrong it's all out there on the line you're getting on with your life and what is meant to happen will happen well guys that is it for us on ask uncut life uncut a little you know answering your deep dark and dirty questions episode if you

have a question for our ask uncut episode next week please slide into our dms at life uncut podcast and we will put them in the mix for next week's questions also if you have an accidentally unfiltered story or a funny sleepwalking story or any funny stories i've got a really good accident unfiltered that i'm going to bring next week okay it's not actually good okay guys so cue in for next tuesday then please also send that through to life uncut podcast on instagram as well guys you know we've got the facebook group and also if you haven't left a review yet and you love the podcast and you listen every week then we would absolutely love it if you take the time to leave us a review on apple podcast it is literally how we grow it's how

other people find us it's just all the good stuff for us so we'd be greatly appreciated stay in your ears anyway guys that is it from us you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your cat tell your fish tell all the toads and the penguins that don't have a and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.