Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - My Boyfriend's Brothel Past, My Mum's Young Boyfriend and He Won't Take No For An Address

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and this is Ask Uncut, where you write in your deep, your dark, your burning questions, we do our best to answer them. Hey, it's a great, great week for me. I don't often come in and say that. I am thrilled for you. I am. Through and through. I'm thrilled. I'm equally as I'm thrilled. It's been a busy week, a good week for work. We're not talking about work right now. We're talking about personal life.

Starting point is 00:00:33 I know we're not, but I'm just sprinkling that in anyway. It's been a great week for work, but it's been an even better week because my husband arrived. My husband, he's here. He has arrived. Our husband. Benjamin. He's ducked over.

Starting point is 00:00:48 He's not here for long. You guys might have seen on socials. I popped him up a couple of times, but he's here for, I don't know. I popped him up. You're so nonchalant about it. I, like, love that you haven't seen him for a while and you're like, yeah, I just popped him up. Yeah, I did a story set for him, Ben 20.

Starting point is 00:01:05 Ben 20 if you want to meet him. No, I popped him up on my socials. Yeah, he's here for a week or two. He hasn't got a return flight. Was this planned or was this just, like, a little impromptu in between? Sort of just impromptu, yeah. But it's really nice, you know, because Ben's never here. Like, every year.

Starting point is 00:01:23 Actually, did he come last year? Oh, yeah, we had a mini honeymoon, yeah. He was here, yeah. Yeah, because we nearly didn't get into New Zealand. I know what you mean. You're the one that usually travels to see him most of the time. You're the one that's clocking up the Qantas flight points. Honestly, I don't want to complain, but I'm four years deep now

Starting point is 00:01:39 and I cannot tell you how nice it is for him to come to me. I'm like, yes, King. Anyway, that's my little mini update. Well, now that he's here, we can organise little dinners or do something. Yeah, we can do little cute things. Okay, the fucking babysitter. I would like that.

Starting point is 00:01:54 Yeah, you tell me. you tell me when you can do it i actually don't even know what's happening in my life anymore to be honest every day is the same i'm surviving every day is the same but it's not like it's groundhog day in terms of like your routine and things like that but every day is different there might be a shit on the floor one day and it's not there the next oh just don't yeah it's we're not gonna get into it anyway all right so i'm gonna cut let's do your vibes and your unsubscribes i I want to go first because I am, I am in, I am. It better not be my vibe.

Starting point is 00:02:26 Nah, you can't. If you try and take my vibe. If you take mine. On three. One, two, three. Traders. Okay, no. I faked it.

Starting point is 00:02:36 I didn't say it. Okay. So you guys know I am obsessed with the traders. Like the UK traders is my favorite, favorite reality TV show. Nothing even remotely comes close. We've tried to do an Australian traders in the past and it failed. It was not good. Not good.

Starting point is 00:02:53 It didn't rate well. It didn't do well. No one was into it at the time. It was probably like four years ago, was it? Yeah, it was a while ago. And I wonder now looking back, was it a little bit ahead of its times? Like had Australia not kind of caught up to the traitor frenzy at that point in time? Or was it because the kind of the functionality and the storyline and the storytelling was a little bit different?

Starting point is 00:03:11 I think both those things were true. Yeah, I think both. This year's Traitors, it's on Channel 10. You can watch it on 10 Play. There's four. By the time this comes out, there's been four episodes. it is a quote unquote celebrity traitors it's mostly i hate that you can't say quote unquote there are fellow degraders we're amongst them i wouldn't even call myself one that's the thing

Starting point is 00:03:31 it's like celebrity traitors but then it's purely you went on dancing with the stars oh i'm not a star that's a joke that's a joke and a half well i'm i'm just saying that's a laugh and a half and how often with dancing with the stars were people like who the fuck are those people well everything When I went on The Jungle, everyone looked at each other and no one knew who each other were. Everyone was like, what? Which unfortunately is kind of the thing with Australian, I guess, like reality TV or like, you know, Australian TV. We don't have a lot of stars and the really good stars don't want to go on reality TV. Also, we all know it.

Starting point is 00:04:03 We know. Totally. Anyway, this is not about that. But what I was trying to say is, is like, there are some contestants on there who I didn't know who they were. It is mostly ex-reality TV people who are doing it. however one thing that I think is quite cool about it is the storyline and the storytelling is much better than I expected it to be like I went in with low expectations really low and the storyline has been pretty gripping and I'm in after the second episode I was like all right

Starting point is 00:04:30 fuck you guys had no budget you're all sitting on shitty plastic chairs but the story's good the story is good and I'm in that's all you need so I've only watched episode one I do have to catch up but my husband came so I've been very busy what I will say is I could not believe in episode one and quick spoiler if you haven't seen it I'm about to say something that happened in episode one three two one no I'm just giving the audience oh I was like do we have to do it again I'm giving no I'm giving the audience I was like care merchant got kicked out yes sorry they haven't even entered the house they roll up to the driveway they get out of the car they're standing there. They meet the host, Gretel Colleen. It's this whole moment. And then one of them is like,

Starting point is 00:05:12 hey, in order to stay, you have to kick someone out. So this woman either had to leave or kick someone out. So she closes her eyes and just picks someone. And poor Cam Merchant, who is Jules Robinson's husband, he got evicted before he stepped foot in the trader's house. I could not believe it. I would be absolutely ropeable, Laura. I was like, surely something's going to happen in this season where he's brought back, but I don't think he is. It was Shane Gould, who was the winner of Survivor. She's an incredible Australian Olympic swimmer. She was the one.

Starting point is 00:05:42 It was the most virtuous. Look, if you haven't seen it, it's been a bit savage in some of the storylines. It is. And I love that about The Traitors. Like I love how unforgivingly brutal it is. If you thought that was brutal with Cam. Does it get worse?

Starting point is 00:05:56 It gets worse. Wow. Episode three, wow, that man got a bad run. Oh, no. Does Cam come back? Tell me. I can't tell you. If you gave up your life to go and do a TV show like this, you know, you went to New

Starting point is 00:06:09 Zealand, you organized care for the kids and everything else. Like Cam's got two kids. You would be absolutely livid to have to pack your bags and turn around on the same day. Well, that's what I said because I would cry. As you guys might or might not know, I've done quite a bit of reality TV. How many? How much have you done now? I lost count.

Starting point is 00:06:27 Double digits. It's because you're a star. You are a star. I always say that. Shut up. My best friend Brittany is a star. Yeah. And I say a lot of things about you.

Starting point is 00:06:35 shut up no we are equal stars guys I have done some reality tv I have some in my back pocket for sure I've got some room to maybe traders next year who knows but don't if you do traders before me I will fucking rage I didn't do traders this year they asked I know which makes me sorry sorry I'm just putting this out there to whoever does the casting for traders I'm the one who cares i'm the one who watches it i'm the one who is so in the trader's vortex sorry don't you dare do you know what we should do we should go on it at the same time no what if we were on the same time because i think you would be a bad sport if i was a trader and i killed you you would hate me if we didn't have some kind of like pact when we went in if i went in and they said to

Starting point is 00:07:24 me britney you're the trader i wouldn't kill you until the end i'd save you i would kill you though because the thing is, okay, think about Alan Carr and Paloma. If you watch the UK version, he killed Paloma straight off the bat. It's way better to get rid of them early than to get rid of them later because the longer that they're in, the more chance they have of winning and then you're robbing them of that chance. So if I went in, you'd just kill me day one. No.

Starting point is 00:07:46 Day one. Is that what you're saying? I'd be a canned merchant. I want everyone to know this. If I do the traders one day, you've got to play the game. You've got to play it. You cannot. There's no niceties.

Starting point is 00:07:57 you're not in there to make friends you play the game all right just be silent for a second i just cracked my knuckles into the it's on it's on put us in together put no don't because i'm scared because actually laura laura was savage she'd actually probably knife me in the back the second we get in there he's actually dead and everyone's like what like real life oh my god there was an accident on set and laura's like okay don't put us in together i want to say this i want to say the same thing too also they didn't ask me just to be clear they didn't ask me on traders like please come on traders they just asked my interest and i said oh i don't think i'm available it's like laura would kill me if i did another reality show do you think do you think

Starting point is 00:08:35 they went through the list of ex-reality tv stars they just did a google search they're like australian reality tv stars and i was like britney harkley's been in everything no i because i think it is reality traders that everyone's reality tv i agree i was joking no no no not that you agree it is i'm it's the theme i'm telling you you idiot you're so funny okay the only thing i want to say before you guys strap in to watch it because if you are someone who loves the traders I'm sure you're already watching it but if you're not someone who's seen any episodes before and this is a new series for you you might watch it and be a little bit like what has Laura been drinking or sniffing it's very evident that this series the Australian series has been built with

Starting point is 00:09:16 zero budget like they have no and I feel really bad for the art department the art department's sticky taped a tablecloth together. We have no money. There is no budget in this. And that's really disappointing because the UK one and the American one, it's so opulent. Like it's done in a castle. The whole murder mystery vibe of it is very, it's very luxe and it's very cool. And they like parachute in and stuff. And when that's missing, when the luxe part of it's missing, it does feel a little bit like a murder mystery dinner party, just that you're doing with your friends around, you know what I mean? Like in a big Airbnb. Yeah, it's a bit big brothery. Yes. it loses a bit of the vibe but in terms of the storyline the storyline's really compelling

Starting point is 00:09:54 the traders that they've chosen are really good choices i think they did a really good job of the casting of the traders and actually the contestants themselves like the reality tv stars they're making great tv so they're doing exactly what they were recruited to do and it's been enjoyable would you want to be a trader fuck yeah same put me in there because i i think i'd be a good trader Nah, I don't really. Nah, I don't. Anyway, what's your vibe? Okay, I'm going to finish.

Starting point is 00:10:23 You have made me want to finish watching. I need to get back into it because the US and the UK traders is brilliant. Okay, my vibe is on Amazon Prime. It's a docu-series, documentary. It's actually just like two seasons, but it's not series. It's like two documentaries back to back, and I'll tell you why. Jessie Nelson from Little Mix. Oh, yes, yes.

Starting point is 00:10:42 I know who she is. Yeah, most people should. I mean, at one point, Little Mix, they were a band from the UK, but they were the biggest girl band in the world. They were absolutely huge. And the documentary starts with the tumultuous lifestyle that they had. It was almost like there are modern day Spice Girls. Remember how the Spice Girls got really hounded by the press and there are so many politics

Starting point is 00:11:05 within the band. So it sort of flashes between her life now and talking about a really crazy time of her life, which was when she got thrown into this band. Now, when I say thrown into this band, she went on to like an X Factor and she went on as a single singer. And at the end of the X Factor, they were like, you four or five girls, we don't want you on your own. We're going to throw you in and make a band. And so they just developed this relationship and it covers some pretty heavy things. So Jessie actually at two separate points tried to take her own life and she's never really spoken about it and so she sort of talks about what was happening in that time to make her

Starting point is 00:11:44 want to do that and then the response from her management the band members the public it's really it's really gobsmacking and heartbreaking to see what she was going through and the way she was treated at that time then it goes into her personal life now of her falling pregnant and she fell pregnant with twins and she yeah she was really public about the pregnancy she got really sick in the pregnancy she had to have like operations on the twins in vitro and she recorded it all then the documentary ends and then in real life like it's you can tell it's finished filming and then in real life her twins as newborns got diagnosed with SMA which is spinal muscular atrophy and basically that gives them like a two-year lifespan unless they get the

Starting point is 00:12:30 treatment as soon as they can and so they missed that diagnosis at birth when it could have been diagnosed with a simple test and so she shows her life now as a mother to these two children which is like it's like she has a hospital in her house they she has to tube feed them they're constantly in oxygen they're in a chair they'll never walk they'll never be able to swallow properly it's horrific and she has just dedicated the last year to advocating and getting change in the health system all through the uk and scotland so that this testing can be done at birth and that other babies can avoid this because if it's caught they can put the gene back in the babies and stop it in its tracks it's absolutely phenomenal and i just cannot believe the woman she is i had no

Starting point is 00:13:18 idea like she's absolutely incredible yeah it's true you will love it laura like it's heartbreaking but so inspirational at the same time yeah i mean i remember little mix now that you say it we talked about them honestly maybe when we first started this podcast it was one of the first episodes we did there was a documentary that came out at the time around the bullying that one of them received whilst they were also jesse yeah how much focus had been on her body and how she was you know seen as like the outlier of little mix and just how that was so normalized at that time in pop culture history i remember it it's all come it's all come back to me now that sounds amazing i really want to watch that. Yeah. You'll really enjoy it. So it's on Amazon prime. Maybe it's a tough watch

Starting point is 00:13:56 if you're maybe pregnant or have a newborn, like I would just enter with care because it's, there are some pretty confronting things, but otherwise, yeah. All right. Well, let's get into the questions. All right. Question number one, brothel. My boyfriend has been to a brothel in the past and it makes me think differently of him. Now I have been with my partner for about a month officially and we are seeing each other for a couple of months before that the other night we were laying in bed when his friend made a joke that he was going to the brothel again I asked have you ever been to a brothel thinking the answer would definitely be a no it turns out he went to a brothel two years ago and paid for sex when he was single he says he regrets it significantly

Starting point is 00:14:39 and would never do it again I feel disgusted even thinking that he would have gone and I don't know if I can get past this. Should this be something I am allowed to care about and potentially end the relationship over? Oh, that seems a bit intense. No. I think you've got to let him live. He hasn't done anything wrong.

Starting point is 00:14:58 Like brothels exist for a reason. They're legal. You're allowed to go. He was single. You didn't know him. You don't know the reasoning. Your question is, am I allowed to feel like disgusted and put off by this and end the relationship?

Starting point is 00:15:10 Of course you are. Like of course you can feel disgusted and if you don't want to be with him, don't be with him. But I think it's a bit harsh. I wouldn't end a relationship with someone I thought was wonderful because of something they did like that two years ago, personally. I think it's outrageous. I think it is absolutely outrageous that you are so disgusted by something that your partner

Starting point is 00:15:33 did two years ago. Two years ago, he had a mutually agreeable sexual experience that like didn't hurt or harm anyone. He paid for it. Who fucking cares? Who cares? it was two years ago like you know what I understand that people have very different feelings around sex work I get it like people have very varied opinions and feelings and there's a

Starting point is 00:15:56 lot of you know internalized misogyny around it and biases and all of this stuff but the fact that you are so disgusted that he did something two years ago that you want to break up with him for it I really think that you need to assess those biases a little bit and think about why does it repulse you to that level that you are going to give up what you say is a great relationship and a great guy because you can't get over something that he did in the past there's also this question as well what standard and like where does the line and the limit like where does it exist for holding our partners responsible for the things that they've done in the past if they're not that person now or like even so like you know I don't even want to say not that person now because like

Starting point is 00:16:35 he doesn't actually have anything he needs to apologize for what I mean is is like if you find out your partner cheated maybe on an ex-girlfriend in the past or they did something that compromises what would be your current boundaries where is the grace period for the people that we used to be I think it depends what they did like can you still be disgusted over something they did two years ago that was disgusting yes you can be disgusted for eternity like if something is that bad and puts you off you might never get over it I just don't think this is it like just to reiterate what Laura said. It was just two consensual people having sex. I understand that there is this feeling of an ick when someone pays for sex, but I don't know why. It's like,

Starting point is 00:17:15 that's her job. He had money to burn. He wanted to have sex. I don't know. For me, it's not a big deal. Maybe I'd feel different if I found out he was going four times a week for four years or something and it was like a habit and an addiction or it might be different. But for him to say, oh, yeah, I went to one a couple of years ago. I think you just let it slide. Let him show you who he is now and if you're in a wonderful relationship, as long as he's not going to a brothel now when you're in the relationship. I just – yeah, I think I'm struggling with it a little bit

Starting point is 00:17:43 because it would be such a non-event for me. Me too. Like it is – you know, if Matt said to me he went to a brothel two – well, if he went two years ago, I'd probably be a bit pissed off. Yeah, you've been together a decade. If Matt said – yeah. but if I found out he went to a brothel two years before we met I fucking play on I would not care one iota I'd be asking the quote I'd be curious I would want to know and like don't get me wrong

Starting point is 00:18:09 I'm not saying that you're not allowed to have feelings and I'm sure that there's going to be people who listen to this who are like how dare Laura shame her for having feelings I get it we all feel differently about different things and we all have different boundaries in place but this isn't a boundary like he didn't even know you existed like he didn't know you had these boundaries he didn't know you he was ever going to meet you like I don't think it's about her boundaries though it's just about what she considers to be a boundary for her it's something that she considers to be something that is not okay with and that she won't allow or be with and she now is judging him because he was okay with it yes I just don't think it's it's not like

Starting point is 00:18:45 she's saying I can't believe you did this to me obviously neither of them existed it's more just like she the way she's looking at it is saying oh my god could I be with someone that is okay with doing that yeah I guess my question though and I kind of want to keep coming back to is like really ask yourself why you feel that disgusted like why does this make you feel so disgusted that two consenting adults had a sexual relationship in any capacity and that money was exchanged like there's so many other versions of what a sexual interaction could look like that would leave me disgusted two years on like finding out that my partner had sex with someone who didn't consent that would leave me feeling disgusted like that would leave me feeling

Starting point is 00:19:22 like hey I don't know who you are like I don't want to totally but like that's something that I think is a boundary and something that I would find hard to get over this is I don't know I just think I think you're going to potentially give away a really great relationship if you're holding people to the standard for two years I was speaking to somebody I know not that long ago and it's probably what maybe it's why I'm so nonchalant about this like I think I would be nonchalant about it anyway because it wouldn't bother me but I was chatting to him I was like he dating like he's seen anyone whatever he's an older guy and he works so much and he's like no I don't I don't see anyone I don't have time I don't want to get into like I don't want the complications

Starting point is 00:20:01 right now I just go to a brothel and it was such a I said oh you just go to a brothel he's like well yeah he's like the great girl there it's consensual I don't get tied up in anything and I when I talked to him about it I was like I actually understand it because it hits different to wanting to go out And if you want to have sex and you want to go and have a one night stand, as much as you say, like, I'm just going to go and have sex for the sake of having sex, you are still maybe entering something that can get complicated. Like you're still going to probably exchange numbers with somebody. You still can become entangled.

Starting point is 00:20:36 It can still cause problems in your life. And I don't want to say problems like somebody that wants more is a problem, but it's still a connection that you just aren't looking for. And so he knows the girl. So he obviously feels safe and they obviously have some kind of a relationship in terms if they know each other. It's just that there's nothing else attached. He goes, he pays for it, he has sex, he gets on with his life,

Starting point is 00:20:55 he gets on with his work. And I thought I actually understand when he explained it. I got it. You know what? And I think that maybe that's a better example than what I was trying to get across, that idea of like if you found out that your new boyfriend let a girl on for a few months, had no interest in her whatsoever, but they were having great sex, had no interest in a relationship,

Starting point is 00:21:18 she really wanted a relationship. He didn't want one but he liked the sex so he kept on stringing her along. Like that is way more morally compromising than waking up one day and going like, I guess I'll want to, you know, or being drunk and being like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll go over there and, you know, pay some money and get it done and that's just transactional. I don't know. I'm not trying to say that I don't think sex work is a big deal at all.

Starting point is 00:21:39 I think there are parts of it, yes, there are parts of it that I would question. If I was in a relationship with someone who I found out frequented, I would want to talk to them about it. I'd want to understand why. But I do think in this instance, it is pretty, it's a pretty trivial or it should be a pretty trivial thing that happened two years ago. And the fact that his friend joked about it, the fact that he was honest about it, all

Starting point is 00:21:59 of those things point to the fact that like, actually, not that he doesn't think it's a big deal. He's just being really transparent with you and doesn't want to lie to you. So that's a plus. Play on. Play on. Next question. This is a question that came through on our Facebook group.

Starting point is 00:22:13 I've never been in this situation and neither have you, I don't think, Laura. So it's, I don't know if many people have, fuck. So it's going to be hard. We can't come to this from experience, but we can just come with our wisdom. I'm pretty wise. I'm 35 and I have four younger siblings, three sisters, and my youngest brother is 24. Recently, my mom, who is 55, told us she has a new partner who is 28. That's so hard.

Starting point is 00:22:38 So she's 35, the brother's 24, and the new partner's 28. I'm really struggling with it if I'm honest. I can't help but feel uncomfortable. She keeps telling us that he just treats her so well and age is just a number, but she's almost twice his age and it just doesn't sit right with me. I genuinely want to be happy for her if she's happy, but I'm just finding it difficult to get past the age gap, especially knowing that he's younger than me and all my sisters and only four years older than my brother. I'd really appreciate hearing other people's perspectives. Has anyone been in a similar situation did your feelings change over time I am not looking to judge her

Starting point is 00:23:15 I just want to understand why I am finding it so hard to accept this I understand why you find it hard I'd find it hard like the I guess like the virtuous and kind of you know socially moral correct part of me wants to be like whatever he's in a consenting adult and she's a consenting adult and they're in a consensual relationship and like who are we to judge age gap relationships and but I understand when it's your own parent how differently it hits and I think I would also really struggle if my mum started dating a guy that was the same age as me it wouldn't affect me in terms of like my feelings towards my mum like I'm not going to stop having and caring for her but I think that there would be a part of me that would find it very hard to be super excited

Starting point is 00:23:56 about their relationship I don't think I would see it with the same level of respect as I would if she was in a relationship with someone of a parity in age I agree it's hard for me too my parents have been married for 50 years so i can't even if i imagine my parents with someone else that's the same age as them it gives me the heebie-jeebies because imagine your mom dating someone the same age as ben yeah fuck i can't like it's also do you know what the problem is i'd be like oh god i can only imagine the sex that they're having but good on her at the end of the day i agree with your mom age is just a number it's because she's your mom it's because you're related to her if you took kids out of the situation and you just saw a 28 year old

Starting point is 00:24:34 a mature 28 year old a hot bang and 55 year old they're in a relationship you'd be like oh big age gap but like well done play on if they're happy but when you put the kids back into the situation it's why you feel weird right it's your mom you know she's with somebody basically your age I understand it but I think at the end of the day if he treats her really well and it is serious and it makes her really happy I'd be trying really hard to be happy for her and I know it's going to make you uncomfortable but she deserves happiness as well and if that's where she's found it and if a younger man is treating her better than a man that is her age I'd say go for it I just worry that in relationships like that this is not really based on anything but I worry that

Starting point is 00:25:16 there might not be longevity and I could be so wrong but I think a 28 year old male and a 55 year old woman is great now but I wonder in 10 and 20 years if it's going to still be continuing in. I don't know, but maybe she doesn't want long-term. Maybe she's just looking for something right now to make her happy, to give her a little bit of life again. I don't know. I think it's, I agree with you. I think it does hit very differently when like, He hits differently. Oh, no, it hits differently in terms of like, where is the relationship in 20 years time? You know, like when he is 50 and she's 80, like, you know, there is a very different dynamic that

Starting point is 00:25:53 happens then. Yes, absolutely. Some people have stayed in relationships and it has worked and everything else usually the genders are reversed but I guess my thing is is like normally like I said I would come to this a little bit more sort of like everything is awesome we're all consenting adults but I think when you are in the position of it being your parent it hits differently and I really want to validate that it is okay that you feel uncomfortable by it and by reading your question you're trying really hard to not be uncomfortable you're trying really hard to accept it you're trying really hard for it to not affect you and I think the fact that you're so conscious of it and the fact that you are you know processing it in the best way that you can I think give

Starting point is 00:26:30 yourself some grace for that the other part of it is like I would feel a bit weird if my mom started dating someone who was younger than me because like growing up you never think it's a possibility that your parents could be attracted to your friends right like that's that's a weird thing to try and compartmentalize and kind of process you're like okay I'm this age my mom's that age but my mom could be attracted to someone who is my age that's pretty fucking weird when you think about it and so like I don't want to totally disregard that yes there are some age gaps that do feel more uncomfortable than others and if this was genders reversed if this was your dad dating at 28 well I mean they're 28 not that no baby but no no I think she would too but I think

Starting point is 00:27:12 we would probably more inclined to be like yeah we understand why age gaps make people feel weird I do think we actually now the conversation around like older women and younger men is starting to shift and we're a bit like yes queen but we would never turn around and be like yes king no because it's also standard we've lived with that forever totally and also because there's so many more social implications around like you know age power dynamics income dynamics all that sort of stuff but I guess what I want to say is I validate why you feel weird I would also feel weird and the only thing that you can do is work towards feeling as okay with it as possible you don't have to celebrate and be like super joyous about your parents relationships if you're not

Starting point is 00:27:50 into them that's okay but you do have to be like amicable understanding and like try and kind of I guess keep the peace so that when Christmas rolls around you're not like hey daddy hey hey cuz not even it's dad hey stepdaddy call him stepdaddy and see what happens you can't he's younger it's impossible like he's still your stepdaddy yes but he could never have been a dad when you're five seven years older than him I wonder how the younger brother feels because I I think that that. They're the same age. Well, the younger brother's four years younger,

Starting point is 00:28:19 essentially the same age. I think for a boy, like for a man, a son, that would be even harder maybe because, like, it is literally like your friend fucking your mum. And I don't say that to be crude, but I imagine he would be having a hard time with it. I'd love to know how your siblings feel. And I think at the end of the day, you only get one mum. You've got one family.

Starting point is 00:28:39 I would sit down with her and, first of all, check in with, like, what is it? Is it a fling? does she see any future is she having fun for a couple of months or are they really serious if it's just having fun I just think you don't need to be around them and let her do her thing you don't need to know the details if it makes you uncomfortable let her live her best life if it's going to be more serious and he is going to roll in on Christmas day with a pudding then then I think with these issues you need to make as much effort as you can to not cause issues with your family and your mum but you don't have to immerse yourself in their relationship to make

Starting point is 00:29:13 yourself and feel uncomfortable but if you have a great relationship with her do your best to find the happy medium if she knows about it and she's aware of it and the mum's introduced and everything else I would dare say that the mum thinks it's serious or it is serious because like you're not introducing sexual flings that are going to be a bit stressful or be maybe received not great to your kids unless you have to do you know I mean like there's no way like if I'm in my 50s and i'm dating a 25 year old i am not introducing my 25 year old to my kids unless i feel as though there's a necessity to if i'm just fucking them on a friday i'm not going like hey no sweetie look at this guy i always feel the opposite because you're all adults i feel that way inclined if

Starting point is 00:29:55 they were kids and teenagers still like you're like i'm not introducing someone to you because your frontal lobe hasn't developed and i don't want to do that to you they're all adults if it's someone she's been seeing for a few months mom it's even when you're an adult you're still a kid to your parents I maybe I'm saying this I have a really good friend whose mom has been single for like a really long time and she's also trying to find a person and she dates she's young and hot and she dates she looks great and my friend has met so many of her partners because by all accounts it's serious right they're six seven eight months it doesn't work out because that's what dating is but her family's important to her so they meet a lot of the partners and it's okay because we're

Starting point is 00:30:33 38 years old like we're grown women we have to accept that our parents are going to date if they're single I don't know I just think you've got to be happy for your mom she's fucking getting laid by a 28 year old good on her oh I don't know if I feel the same I would feel weird about it and yeah but if you're single and you're 55 and a young hot guy waltzes in I bet you as a traitor I bet you you're tapping that all right this one also came in from the Facebook group and it had some very mixed reactions and i i thought the comment section was interesting because it was black and white in there all right am i wrong to find this a red flag or is this me looking for perfection

Starting point is 00:31:10 in a person i went on a first date with a guy and after i asked him to just drop me near my home as i don't give out my exact address until i know someone well which i told him directly the very next day he texts me that he wants to drop by my house with a gift his exact words were i'll get some chocolates drop them by your house and say hi then leave in my opinion I feel as though this is a clear indication that my boundaries are not being respected what do you all think am I overreacting yeah I think you're overreacting I understand what you're saying and you are totally right to say I don't know you it's a first date you don't need to know where I live I get that I don't think it's that much of a red flag that he's saying hey can I drop you

Starting point is 00:31:55 chocolates I really enjoyed the date but it could be the red well for me the red flag would come if you write back again and say hey I'm still not comfortable giving my address out and he reacts poorly that's the red flag for me but right now I think okay he's messaged you he said he's had a great date he wants to see you and say hi he wants to drop you some chocolates by all accounts that could be a green flag I think it's just making you feel uncomfortable because you did say the night before, Hey, I'm just not going to give my address out yet. I would just write back and be really open with him and say, Oh my God, that's so sweet. Thank you. How about we catch up later? Like, cause he also said like, we'll just say hi for a little bit. Why don't we grab

Starting point is 00:32:33 a coffee and maybe put it that way. And if you're still pushing for the address and you feel uncomfortable and your spidey senses are going off, then like absolutely listen to them. But I would hate for you to rush to this being a red flag. It was an interesting one in the comment section. Some people were like, if you think this is a red flag, you're going to be single forever and die alone. And then other people were like, yeah, this is a red flag. This is something that you've made a very clear boundary to him. And this is like a attempt to see if he can erode those boundaries quickly. Like some people were very quick to say like, I would have my wits about me if I was to encounter this kind of behavior. I think it is hard to know for certainty, but I do

Starting point is 00:33:13 like what you said, Britt, around like, okay, reinstate your boundary and see how he responds to it. For me, when I first read it, and I think maybe because of the way in which you phrased it, I think it was probably a little bit negatively phrased in terms of the actual question itself. My first initial reaction was like, I think this could be a red flag. I actually think it could be because it is a pretty pointed thing to say to someone on a date. I don't want to give you my address. Please drop me at X location and I'm going to walk home because I don't give my address out on first dates and for them to go okay yeah no worries and then the very next day be like I'm gonna drop you chocolates and I want to come to your house and I'm just gonna stay like it's a

Starting point is 00:33:53 it's a bit weird but for me it might just be because he's super into you and he wants to try and build a quick and fast connection and he's like well if she does let me drop these chocolates over that's a sign that she's into me too because she's now agreed do you know I mean I don't think it's necessarily like he's a totally fucking bad person no fuck he could be a creep for sure but It could just be really nice, like I've had a great date. Maybe in his head you did have a great date. He understands why at night time you don't want him dropping you at your house, but it's the next day he wants to see you again.

Starting point is 00:34:25 He's trying to show he likes you. I just don't want us to get caught up in these intentions being really malicious because it's not necessarily that way. Again, reinstate your boundary, but not like, hey, I told you, people don't come to me. It doesn't have to be like that. I think it's more just like you can say that, hey, I'm still not comfortable giving my address out,

Starting point is 00:34:43 but I did have a lot of fun would love to see you again let's grab coffee like that is enough and that is a perfectly acceptable response looking back through these comments there's actually been more people replying than what there was when I very first looked at this and I would actually correct myself I would say overwhelmingly people are saying it's a red flag now they did yeah for sure yeah it's now saying like this is giving block him vibes way too keen too soon incredibly narcissistic red flag he's a weirdo big red flag block no I don't like this you should have just gotten uber home since it was your first date anyway completely unnecessary action on his part it's weird these are all individual comments mind you yes yeah it's giving smart ass vibes for me

Starting point is 00:35:20 I'd say no thanks then I'd block him this is a major red flag I mean there are definitely people in there that are saying uh you know that it's we're kind of overstating it but there are a lot of people saying you know getting chocolates just seems like a random excuse to come by to your house I mean it might be but I don't think it's to get to your house I don't know maybe it is But it could also just be he's being an old school romantic. And again, I am being devil's bloody advocate. But what I would say in this instance is if you find yourself here, do not crumble and let him to your house.

Starting point is 00:35:52 No. That's not the solution and that is absolutely not what we're saying. She doesn't give crumbler. Yeah, she's not crumbly. This chick ain't crumbler for nothing. I think it's a very clear moment for you to reinstate your boundaries and I think that that is the only way to navigate this. I don't think that you need to go down the route of being like,

Starting point is 00:36:07 fuck you I'm gonna block you I never want to see you again erase yes he might be an absolute dick but like we said he might be someone who is a bit too over eager you can kind of manage this situation in a slightly different way and then you will know very quickly from your his response or your next interaction as to whether it's worth pursuing but it is interesting and people's reactions and I think the reason why people's reactions are what they are is because it's evident that so many people have had their boundaries crossed in dating so many people have felt as though they've put a boundary in place they've said no to something and then instead of respecting that the person that they're on a date with has intentionally tried to corrode

Starting point is 00:36:44 that boundary yeah and I get it women are always made to feel unsafe and unfortunately we're in a position now where like our first response to everything is I don't want to say negativity that's probably not the right word but our first response is always red flag let's be scared his intentions are bad because we've had so many bad experiences so I understand it when I came off the back of like some horrific experiences I felt that way too and every time somebody did or said something that maybe could have been taken two ways I always took it the scary negative way like I always thought that they had ill intentions when they didn't necessarily and I'm not saying that's what this is I just hate the fact that maybe we jump to conclusions too quickly this guy might

Starting point is 00:37:29 not even be thinking he might have just been hey I had a really great time last night if you want to let me drop by and say hi I'd love to see you if you write back to him and say hey I still don't feel comfortable giving you my address he might be like fuck I'm sorry I just completely forgot that like let's have a coffee you don't know and if he is like get over it fucking tell me where you live obviously block and report him can I can I say though it is pretty fucking wild how casual so many of us are with giving out our addresses or like inviting people back I think about my 20s and I think about my early 30s and dating and like I had zero fucking regard for my safety in that way like I would have gone on dates dropped home come back for a drink at mine like I used

Starting point is 00:38:09 to always say like do you play the away game or do you play the home game like not to them specifically like to my friends I talk about like you know are you playing the away game are you playing that home game and you're you know you've got housemates so sometimes it's easier to play the away game sometimes they're not on our home so it's easier to have them to come to your house but like regardless if you're having a one-night stand with someone or you're meeting them for the first time like we don't know you don't know anything about that person especially like a one tinder date where you've got no connecting friends or no loose attachments it's actually quite a vulnerable position that a lot of us put ourselves in and so like I do think that this is

Starting point is 00:38:45 the way in which we should be approaching dates with people if you're not going home with them or you're not going for a one-night stand there isn't a necessity to give someone out your home madrasa when you don't know them i was just literally laughing two reasons one i was thinking i was like fuck you're right when i had my one night stand with ben i literally didn't know him like hit him up huge footballer come over here yeah destroy me six foot five footballer come to my house and then i'm laughing even more because i was like oh no it was safe his security guard dropped him there so his security waited he had to have security drop him to my house stand out the front but while he knew what we were doing like the security guard i know he knew that he

Starting point is 00:39:22 was dropping this guy to hook up with a chick and so I'm like does that make me feel safer that there's a security guard out the front but it's also his security guard it's not gonna do anything for me also for anyone who doesn't know this story obviously so Brit met Ben on Raya and he was here traveling at the time for footy and so it was like the team has a security guard it's not Ben's personal but Ben went to the security guard and was like I've just matched with this chick and I want to go and have a one-night stand and the security guard was like you can't go on your own So he chaperoned Ben to Britt's house and waited out the front while they parked. And that's when Ben left and there was a famous story.

Starting point is 00:39:54 When Ben left, there's a story I've told many times where I decided to flash him my boobs. As a security guard. As a final goodbye. I didn't realize the security guard was standing there yet. That's the, anyway. Imagine fucking with a security guard out the front. It feels elite. It was hot.

Starting point is 00:40:07 It was hot. I did. It feels powerful. I was like, who is she? I'm in control. Anyway. Actually, no, he's in control. He absolutely was.

Starting point is 00:40:15 oh okay i look i would love to know if you went on a second date with this one i'd love to know what you did and also for everyone in the comment section who felt really riled up about this i get it dating's hard and i think we've all experienced things that have really tested us and tested our boundaries so i understand why everyone's come to this with a really strong me me me spidey centers yeah spidey senses yeah speaking of the senses okay now the facebook one you guys have really delivered the facebook is lit i'm guys get in there be nice to each other with your nicknames but get in there yeah your nicknames are killing me britney okay sensor 874 i need everyone to know this britney is on the fucking edge okay she's on the precipice of

Starting point is 00:40:54 wanting to remove the nicknames i am but i need you all to know this i'm like mrs trunchbull if we remove what you're swinging kids around by their fringe like the teacher the one that wants to shut everything down i know so the thing is if you guys keep misbehaving in there with nicknames if anyone is rude to each other yeah britney's gonna screenshot that and send it to me and that's going to be her building her case for removing nicknames i've been building it but if you want the tea if you want the fun if you want the spicy fucking goodness you have the spicy goodness but you'd be nice to each other okay just have some respect we love your anonymous questions we love that you feel comfortable posting with dinosaur 84 but be nice and the second that you

Starting point is 00:41:32 guys are not nice anymore we're shutting this shit down and we can see the people who are being cunts so we also you're not anonymous to us we know who we know who you are we know who you are all right we're coming for you okay i'm gonna spin you around by your fringe help laura and britney please don't scroll past me oh i saw this one i saw this one i'm glad i'm glad we're doing it well i stopped in my tracks i did not continue to scroll i love my partner he's the best he's smart he's handsome he's kind he does the housework and we have similar values but he's just not funny it's often frustrating having to explain my jokes to him help what does this mean are we really soulmates if i don't find him funny you're fine it's fine

Starting point is 00:42:16 people prioritize different things in different relationships having the same sense of humor is not the most necessary thing to define whether or not you're a soulmate or not if you can say you love him you have a great relationship you guys get on like a house on fire but sometimes your fucking jokes land flat maybe you're not funny no I'm sure but like maybe I'm sure you are maybe you just have different senses of humor and I understand why that would feel disappointing especially if you're like all I want is for someone to laugh with me with my jokes totally I absolutely get it because I would find that really hard too but if everything else is amazing please don't compare what one person has in their relationship to what you have if you

Starting point is 00:42:59 feel as though your relationship is great and you are happy. But also laughing is very important in a relationship. Laugh at him instead. Yeah, but you don't have to laugh. Laughing doesn't have to be at jokes. You don't have to have the same sense of humor to be able to laugh together. Like you can have fun together and still laugh and you still have those moments. Humor of course is important to an extent, but it's not the be all and end all. Like you've got the perfect man. You said you love him in all aspects and hey, he does the housework. That's a keeper in his own. I think you're overthinking this. If you are going to think about ending a relationship to go and find someone that laughs at your jokes and that you don't have to explain your jokes to, you're going

Starting point is 00:43:36 to be looking for a long time. Like you have an amazing person. Find those moments in other moments in the day. I watch you explain your jokes to Ben quite often. He also speaks five fucking languages. But do you know what? I say to Ben all the time. That's a great example. Ben and I, sometimes we don't fucking get each other. It's so funny to watch. Britt will make a joke or like you'll say something that's sarcastic and Ben's like I can't tell if he's like slightly offended or he's like trying to he's trying to figure out whether you mean it or not but like you guys do that dance of like kind of sometimes misinterpret like it's never a misinterpret but it's like a oh yeah no it's sometimes it is one of the things I say the most to Ben is it's not

Starting point is 00:44:15 funny if I have to explain it because I'll say a joke and he'll be like don't worry it's not funny but also sometimes we and I feel the same about him sometimes he'll make a joke and I don't think it's funny I make a joke he doesn't think it's funny other times we're in hysterics at each other so it's like I just think you're basing too much pressure on this one thing makes me wonder if maybe you just don't think the relationship is right for other reasons and you're looking for excuses because this alone is not an excuse like it's not a reason I don't think that I think that you know sometimes I mean for example like that's that's one of the things I do love about my relationship with Matt is we get to laugh together a lot right like and I love that but like I haven't had that

Starting point is 00:44:55 in other relationships that I was very happy in, you know, like there was definitely, I've had other relationships with people who I don't find funny. They weren't funny, but they were great people. And like, we had an amazing time together and like, you can never compare. Comparison is the thief of joy. So if you're looking in, I made that quote up. Is that a trademark? Yeah. I want to put it on my, on my tombstone. Next to a live love love. Yeah. It's a, yep. It was a Laura Special patented. I just think that if you are comparing to what you see in other people's relationships it is the easiest and quickest route to feeling miserable about your own and like other people would be looking in at your relationship and looking in at like you know

Starting point is 00:45:32 either maybe the way in which you are so respectful to each other kind to each other the way in which that you know you've built the foundations of your relationship and be jealous of that you know so I think just it's no it doesn't mean he's not your soulmate it might mean that you guys are just on slightly different frequencies and like that's okay and if you find yourself explaining jokes all you have to do is you laugh at them and then he doesn't laugh and that's fine who cares yeah i'm always laughing at my own jokes and matt's not laughing at them that is very true yeah i laugh at matt a lot the other day he doesn't laugh at me the other day i made a joke in the podcast and i said laura can you just laugh and she's like she goes it's not that funny and i was like

Starting point is 00:46:08 yeah because i said it four times i was like just laugh at me can we edit out the mistakes guys britney made a joke no i'm always funny britney made a joke that wasn't funny it was actually Like Keisha told me it was. I didn't know how to respond to it. I was like, just fucking laugh. And I was like, I'm sorry, it's just not funny enough to even fake laugh. And then I was like, can you say it again? I was like, still not funny enough.

Starting point is 00:46:29 Well, I would just like to let you know, all the other team members told me that it was funny. You are actually really funny. Yeah. Thank you. Only those that go too far can possibly find out how far one can go. You are. I just wanted to put a quote in there too. Okay, let's get out of here.

Starting point is 00:46:41 It's true though. Unless you push the boundaries, you're never going to know. Okay, guys, we're going to go. So please keep your questions coming in to Instagram. Just put Ask Uncut at the top. You'll always stay anonymous. Accidentally unfiltered, embarrassing stories, confessionals, anything you want to tell us.

Starting point is 00:46:55 Tell us everything. After mass, have we answered a question and you know what has happened after, please write in and let us know. We love to hear it all. Also, just go and join the discussion group. If you're not there, it's the Facebook discussion group. And YouTube. And you know the drill.

Starting point is 00:47:08 Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love for girls. We love love. Yay. you

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - My Boyfriend's Brothel Past, My Mum's Young Boyfriend and He Won't Take No For An Address

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