Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - My Husband Slept with a Sex Worker at His Bucks Party

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

Hey Lifers! Britt is very concerned about where Kate Middleton is. Laura and producer Keeshia are much more distracted by the free water station at Fred Again. Different strokes for different folks ya know? Vibes for this week: Britt: Three Women on Stan Keeshia: Loop Ear Plugs Laura: NYAD on NetfllixThen we jump into your questions! My husband and I got married 6 months ago. He left his laptop with his WhatsApp open and there were messages from his friends saying they were clear from STIs and for my husband it wouldn't matter because he would "only be passing it on to one person". That message made me feel weird. We’ve spoken about boundaries before. I was fine with strippers and a lap dance at his bucks. I checked his phone and have now since learnt he slept with a sex worker on his bucks. I don't know how to feel about it, do I confront him about it? I've done the wrong thing by checking on his phone without him knowing. I just feel gross and disrespected. If a guy asked you what your favourite flowers were and you told him a specific flower, but he bought you another flower instead because it’s HIS favourite, is that a red flag? I know it’s the thought that counts but why ask someone for their favourite flower if you’re not going to listen to them? My partner and I are having a ridiculous argument. It has been 40 degrees here and we're renovating so we don't have any aircon at the moment. I have been walking around naked and just did the dishes. He told me he didn't feel comfortable with me doing everyday things when I'm naked because it ‘leaves nothing up to the imagination’. He thinks if I continue doing it then it will impact our intimacy. He's used the analogy, 'a chef who cooks all day, doesn't want to go home and cook'. I don't see a problem with it and wouldn't care if the roles were reversed. What are your thoughts? You can watch us on Youtube If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And it's Thursday. And the big million-dollar question, where the hell is Kate Middleton?

No. Before we speak about Kate Middleton, can we just take a moment? I raved last night. I came, I saw, I conquered, I raved. Went to Fred again. Do you love, Producer Keisha, do you love how it doesn't matter how many times you prep something, Laura doesn't listen and then she goes and just does her own thing anyway? We don't need to talk about Kate Middleton straight away.

I like her own tangent. Sorry, this is also my podcast. I asked a question. Where's Kate? Why do we scoot over that? But we don't know the answers to that. What we do know the answers to is how was the rave? Why didn't you show more interest in my rave, Britt?

Well, because in our prep we were going to talk about your rave next. How was your rave, girls? Do you know what? You actually messaged us as we went for dinner around the corner from where the gig was and we were walking to the stadium or the kudos bank and I got messages off of you. I was like, Laura, Britt has completely forgotten where we are. She's sending work texts at 7.30 at night

and I am I'm in rave mode do you know what I knew where you guys were going I just forget the time and I'm one of those people that when something comes into my brain I just fire it off and then it's like you don't have to I said this to our new colleague Jono the other day I said you'll get emails from us at weird times you don't have to respond to them but I was like that's when we shoot something off just because we remember this is such a good debate which we should have another time and not now because that would go off piece for the content prep that Brit has so I wouldn't No one listens to you anyway. I wouldn't want to throw the spanner in the works for you.

But it's also a very good thing to unpack as to whether that is a bad way to engage in a work day. That just because something comes to your mind that we don't have the self-control to schedule it for tomorrow during the work hours. There's no point debating it. It's not going to change what I do. Okay. All right.

You can tell me I do it incorrectly. You can tell me it's against the law, but I'm going to continue to do it until there's a class action lawsuit from all of my employees. I'm making Jono say that he can't sue us anyway. Okay, perfect. I like the chaos because I also operate in chaos but I can understand that other people who have boundaries probably don't. Can we talk about the difference in and we're going to talk

about the rave in a second don't worry but this has to do with the rave. So when you guys were raving last night just to show you the difference between like I said I don't like raves that's why I said I didn't want to go. The difference between you two at the rave and me. So you guys are partying hard and then Keisha just pulls up a phone and gets a message from me it's just two pictures of a dog a random dog when you're raving I'm sitting at home googling my dog and Keisha's like hey firstly I'm gonna rave secondly what's the random bit of context around this this random bleach dog that you sent what's the random dog for and I said oh sorry that's that's Delilah's mom I thought you might want to see that's what I did that's the difference I'm sitting on my

lounge alone looking at pictures of Delilah's albino mom because Delilah's mom's albino so you sent that photo so Brit sends a photo to Keisha at the time we were actually in the taxi home zero context and Keisha leans to me and says oh Brit's just sent me this photo of a dog and everyone in the car was like did Brit bleach Delilah like did she give her a blow wave what's going on here because I thought that Keisha knows Delilah well enough that she would see the resemblance zero context just dog pics yeah anyway so how was your night okay so we did not, when you say we partied hard, we were the most sober people there. Not a single drop of alcohol, just a lemon lime bitters and some can do attitude. So we went to Fred again last night.

If you missed Tuesday's episode, Matt went on a cruise and I decided that I was going to book out every, like every night that he's away this week, I have something on. And last night we were on general admission. It was myself, Keisha and two of our girlfriends, three of our girlfriends, actually we were like down in the mosh pit but it was the it was the nicest mosh pit i've ever seen everyone just kind of swayed from side to side so do you know fred again songs or is it more just like a dj set where you yeah you don't have to know it you can rock out anyway britney he has a song called delilah of course we know his songs yeah you know what i mean like do you have to know his stuff i think his stuff is like popular enough in australia that even if you didn't know every

word to it you'd be like oh I recognize this song and like it was honestly I've never been to a gig like that sober before and I hadn't realized that until we were there last night and I was like wow this is I don't know I had one of those moments where I was like how freaking cool is it that we can come here with some of our girlfriends on a Tuesday night listen to some really really good music it was a lot less ravey than I anticipated it had way more like musical components to it and i had the best time producer keisha was all over it although when i say that we were not partying hard and i was like oh my god it's not a rave there were many people on the pingers raving oh there was this you know when you're in a mosh pit right can we insert laura's quote

on tuesday people don't do pingers on a tuesday it's just so aggressive it made me feel very old fred again i learned last night is a gen z that's where they're all going walked in last night i was Like I have never felt older going to a concert before. But, you know, when you're in like a mosh pit area or you're in like general admission and everyone's just kind of like it's a swarm of bodies. And so we were standing kind of like middle side. So that way we were in an area where there was quite a bit of space around us. We weren't like in the thick of it.

And there was this one fucking flog who had clearly had a few too many of the pingas and was just jumping into my back the whole time. And then I'd moved to a different area and he just somehow found me and continued to jump into my back. Maybe he looked like he had a good back for like bouncing off. Yeah, it was sturdy. Sturdy wall for him to. It's broad.

It's fit. It was cool. We met some awesome lifers while we were there. And this one girl came up and she was like, oh, my God, I love the podcast. And then she was like, I'll take a photo. But it was so dark. So then she just took a photo of us all raving together.

I mean a video. It was great. Fun. Fun, fun. Fun was hard. This is the most boomer comment that I could ever make. But about three meters to our right, there was this water station. The most responsible and also best thing ever.

Free water at a concert. Unheard of. Excuse me, Taylor Swift also had free water at a concert. It sounds so lame and old, but we had such a good time. I recommend it. Go to a rave sober. It's really grounding. I read a report this morning that scalpers have made a million dollars

off of reselling Fred Again tickets because they were so hard to get and they're selling them for like exorbitant prices, which makes me so, so angry. It's a business, Keisha. I'm joking. Yeah, but it's illegal, isn't it? It's not okay to buy out. Guys, it was a joke.

The tickets were so limited. I'm not on the scalper side. Someone think of the scalpers. To play devil's advocate. They need to put a roof over their head too. When I told Ben that I was like, I just didn't realize how many people were. I knew Fred Again was big, right?

I knew that these concerts were really hard to go to. I knew they're pop-up surprise concerts, but I didn't know the quite the level because I said to Ben oh my friend offered me you know a ticket with her to Fred again today and he was like oh my god when are you going I was like I'm not going I'm in bed looking at photos of Delilah's mom yeah I was like sorry I'm deep in Delilah's family history the family tree I have a PowerPoint presentation I'm such a loser and he could not believe that I had the opportunity to go and and didn't go and that's when I was like oh maybe this is bigger than i thought i know this is going to be a situation producer keisha i'd like

everybody who's listening to this to time stamp this date this because in a year's time you'll be like fuck fred again's cool and then we'll come back to this it's like the crocs all over again no because it doesn't matter if something's cool we've established that with me it doesn't matter if it's cool i don't enjoy those environments and that music i genuinely could think of nothing worse than being in that situation last night than having someone off their chops jumping into your back hitting me while everyone else is in your face while there's blaring it's just not my jam i don't know why he seemed to only gravitate towards laura he didn't run into me once and every time i saw him run into you it wasn't like he was deliberate you know those

people at concerts that are just super annoying because they want to get in front of you so they push you so that you move that was not the situation he had no idea what planet he was but he didn't jump on anyone else it was like i was a magnet for pinger boy and he just kept jumping on my back like jumping and then jumping into me and i turn around and i'm like i'm i'm too old for this shit i was like fuck off and then i turn around and he's like oh sorry sorry sorry two seconds later straight into my back again and i would have moved i don't think you can say you're too old for that shit when you're like if you put yourself in that environment you have to know that that's what's going to happen like those people are there so it's like you can

say you're too old but then you probably just need to sit by the water bubble also i am really glad you lived out your rave dreams last night laura while matt was away well matt sent me a photo of him so currently he's on a cruise as you guys know and he sent me a photo from the cruise the kids are having a ball like they're loving it so much but he's like this is kind of like glorified camping because we're all in one room and so the kids have currently got their own little sleeping space and whatnot but like our children don't understand personal boundary so they're all just sleeping in matt's bed with him on top of him it's probably a single bed too like a small cabin with a single okay can we go back to where the fuck's kate middleton

she just disappeared i genuine what do you actually like we don't need to deep dive this because everyone has knows what because everyone has everyone in the world is talking about where is kate middleton so we don't need to explain what we're talking about but i genuinely want to know what you think is happening because i'm thinking maybe her and wills are on the rocks and she's trying to extract herself from that family. I think she's trying to do a Meghan Markle. No, I disagree. She's been in that royal family for so long.

She's like institutionalised. But I reckon her and Willie probably have had a fight and she's like, you know what, I'll make you suffer for a little bit. She's not trying to remove herself. She's just like, fuck you. Or she's way sicker from her operation than they're letting on. Maybe she's way more unwell. I'm enjoying the conspiracy theory that this is all just to create media hype

to get people re-interested in the royal family. because you know this time last year or two years ago with all the the megan markle drama that was going down like everyone was fixated on the royal family now that they've moved no one's really paying any attention anymore and so i don't know i think that it could be a bit of like publicity everyone's like where's kate because they love kate and then when she resurfaces people are gonna be like oh it's kate our queen our hero that's why i'm sus on it because i think of the current royal family and who's serving and doing royal duties she's the most liked i would say so why are they making her the sacrificial lamb as in like all of the conspiracies are about her

not wanting to be a part of the family so if that was the case and they were trying to like get people re-interested i just don't think that they would use her as the one to sacrifice you know like have all the bad stories about i also like people are just like where is our katie pops but they're going where is she what have you done with her yeah they're like where she knows too much say like where are you hiding her where have you gotten locked up i don't believe as far back as kate and i go i don't believe she would do this though i don't believe that she would be in on a publicity stunt to this extent like i don't think she's signing off cute i don't i don't she's too nice and normal like if this is what's happening and it's to get the public talking about the royal

family again i feel like it's against her will i don't think she would she would do this okay so I know she had stomach surgery or something in January and it was actually publicized. So back in January when she had the surgery, there was a statement that was released saying that she was going to be taking time off royal duties until April. This was organized time off for her. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that she hasn't been seen or hasn't been part of any sort of PR or press or whatever else, because it was actually stated back then that she was going to have this time off anyway. But maybe she genuinely was like, I haven't had a day off guys. I always have to be on i always have to have my makeup done i am tired and i want my three month holiday yeah then just

post a selfie in bed do a video on instagram for two seconds goes gosh sorry that i released that photoshopped image i thought i needed to jazz my hair up and my fingers and my daughter's arm cardigan a cardigan but like there are ways for her to affix this there are ways to come out and stop people talking and be like i'm really sorry instead she released a she quote released a statement that was just like sorry sometimes i also like to dabble in photoshop come on bullshit i'm calling bullshit something is not and now just this morning as of this recording four hours ago i was just doing some research there are even people saying now that there's been that one photo that a paparazzi got of wills in a car and in the other side of the car is kate

looking out a window and you can see just like it's very distorted you can just see the back of side of her face and everyone's like oh look we did see her going somewhere now there are people coming out this morning being like it's photoshopped it's also been it's also been doctored in there but then they're you know they're a paparazzi saying hey i shot that photo that's not doctored but who knows it would go against the way in which kate interacts with social media if she was to just take a photo and post it on their instagram account like they're not out there taking selfies everything is curated everything is formally done she's not just going live from her bed being like hey guys peace out i'm fine just need a bit of r and r but if the

entire world thinks that you are either dead or being kept in a basement or something is wrong then you would do that like you would go against the grain and the only other thing i can think of is something else big is going down in a royal family no in the royal family that they're trying to deflect this is a kardashian maneuver we've seen it happen before it's when something is happening within one family member that something huge happens with another one so that the whole world talks about them well suddenly old mates doing whatever he's doing no one cares about prince andrew anymore he's back out he's like hey everyone else is missing he is out there hello i'm back she's gonna have to release a photo or a statement soon verbally record something herself

but with the way the ai is now like people won't even believe that no she needs to hold up a newspaper with the date you know how you have to be like this is proof of life like this is today's date I'm recording this yeah I just I don't know I don't think that there's anything in this current climate that people will actually believe and not have a conspiracy theory about these things just have a way especially in the royal family of being so secretive they do the whole never complain never explain yeah and yet she has broken that to explain with this little oh sorry I've been dabbling in photoshop I do think that that whole saying I mean I know that that's kind of like bred into the monarchy and this is news for you guys matt is like a full royalist he's got a

picture of the queen in your hallway you there is no pictures of laura or the wedding both matt and his mom are royalists they are so into royal history they're really into the royal family they find it super interesting and ellie's british as well like they're really into this and that whole like never complain never explain i do think that that is changing we've seen it so much over the last couple of years that there has been many press announcements many releases where there is a slightly more of an explanation than what would have gone on back in the day and I think that that's because of the advent of social media it's the advent of the changes in the way that we consume media and also in the way that groundswell can now happen with like cancer culture with

people having conspiracy theories they spread so quickly and they're so much more they're just so much more prolific than what they used to be well people used to accept that saying more like that there's not going to be an answer people don't accept it anymore people like you need to explain yourself do you think it's because of harry though coming out and kind of really lifting the lid no i don't i think it's just a generational move i think it's where we're at now we want answers we've always been treated like that you've always been treated like you're the little people you're the plebs you don't need to know just trust what we've said and now we're like fuck that we want to know what's going on and we're entitled to know what's going on and i think the monarchy

is very very slowly very slowly moving with the times see that I find very interesting when you said we are entitled to know what's going on the monarchy are paid by the public they make a lot of money like a lot and a lot of money that is given to them so I kind of go these people are taking time off of their jobs if I was to take time off for that long I would have to explain to you guys what I was doing and where I was so why is it different when someone in the royal family wants to take time off what i mean is that there's a financial responsibility so where is the accountability well that's what laura's saying there was this is why i don't like the monarchy i'm very because they won't tell you where kate is i don't think they're accountable i

think that they are so dodgy and so much of it is like hidden and there's such a veil of what they want you to see and what's actually happening and i find it really disingenuous what i what i think is so interesting and i know we'll move on the front of the royal family very soon to answer your actual questions but i think it is interesting that the role of the royal family is shifting as generations change they are way more a pop culture phenomena now than being actually something that's like linked within to the political system i obviously know that they have some pull but like within the uk that there's like quite a big division between politics and the royal family but the royal family's main sort of and i want not the main

but like a big important part of it is the tourism it brings and also the press that it receives. They are a pop culture movement and that's what we are all interested in it for now. We're not interested in it for the policies or what they're doing for charities or anything else. Anyway. We just want to know the fucking goss.

Just give us a live stream, Kate. Yeah, anyway. All right, well, look, we do our vibes and unsubscribes. Britt, what is your vibe for the week? My vibe is a TV series this week. It is on Stan, if you guys have Stan. I haven't watched Stan for a little while, but this is brilliant it's called three women this was based off a book that was written many

years ago it was a really popular book at the time it's written by lisa todora and it has been turned into this tv series now it's got one of the main characters is you know shailene woodley no you don't know her i don't know anyone oh she's huge i'm sure she's great she's great now it's called three women because it's about three women's stories but i think it should be called four women because in fact it is about the fourth woman who is shailene woodley long so short this woman this writer decided to like traverse America to find three different women to write about and write about their relationships and their sexuality and she spoke to so many different people until she found the people that she could really connect with and wanted to tell their stories and the three

different stories are one young girl who's at school who has a relationship with her teacher allegedly and I say allegedly because you know this is a real based off a real story that went to a real court he wasn't convicted but she tells this young girl's story and then she tells another story about a woman who is in a very unhappy relationship and just that life of being a stay-at-home mom with kids who doesn't get what she needs from her husband and wants to go and look elsewhere for like an extramarital affair and then there's another story about a woman who's it's so sex-fueled she's in this loving beautiful relationship but they just fuck other people and she always wants to have sex with somebody else and her wants her husband to watch wants

her husband to join in but it works for them until it doesn't and the three different stories are so fascinating there is a lot of sex in it like i actually quite enjoyed the level of sex that they showed because they didn't filter it i just found it really fascinating does it go seen with one person into a scene with a different person or is it more like episodic they intertwine yeah it cuts between different stories all the time so it keeps you hooked and then of course it's the it's about the writer that is traversing America it's about her story too because she's also doesn't have a normal life either so I don't know as a woman I found it really fascinating yeah okay Keisha what is yours mine came from the legends in the Facebook discussion group it is where I get

every recommendation of my entire existence from a couple months ago I posted a picture of these and I asked people, hey, has anyone used these? And if you like them, can you let me know? And if you didn't like them, can you let me know an alternative that you've used? They're the Loop Earplugs. So when people started commenting on this in the Facebook group, I ended up making a joke

and I was like, hey, sorry, I didn't realize I'd posted to the Loop advertising and marketing campaign team because every review of this product was so glowing. I was like, do you guys all work for Loop? everyone was just so incredibly positive about them anyway they start from 35 they're the ones that i've got you can get different levels of like noise cancelling i guess like you know noise whatever to make it quieter and they are really really good the reason i like them is because

i've got quite small ears and so i've never been able to wear those squishy ones you get from the pharmacy these have four different sizes to change the little bit that goes into your ear and you You just pop them in, twist them up, and they're really, really good. I recommend them a lot. I was wearing them wrong up until yesterday when I put them on my Instagram story. And now she recommends them even more. Someone was like – actually, I should say someone.

There were like 12 messages within two minutes being like, you're not wearing them correctly. You need to twist them in. Just to get this straight, you went to Fred again rave sober with earplugs. I didn't need my earplugs though because I expected it to be full rave and it wasn't as ravey as what I thought. so I didn't end up needing them but I did take them just to be sure oh my god I actually have just realized that the things I've listed about Fred again is that Laura was getting hit in the

back by someone there was a water station nearby I was sober and I had earplugs yeah welcome to being a millennial welcome welcome to the dark side you do sometimes like to say that you straddle gen z and I'm gonna say right now you're toppling into the millennial I think I'm going into boomer territory what's your vibe all right I am recommending a film that is on Netflix it's based on the true story. It is called Nyad. It's N-Y-A-D. I watched this with my mother-in-law. It's not a show that I would normally have picked. It's a true story about a woman named Diana Nyad. She, in her sixties, she swam and set a new record swimming from Cuba to Florida. Oh, I know that story.

It's incredible. So she tried to do it when she was in her twenties and she wasn't successful. And then she literally had this like awakening in her sixties and she decided that she wanted to be the first woman to set the record and no one thought that she could do it and it follows her through her training through her years and through the many attempts that it took her to actually make this possible and I did not think I was going to enjoy this I was like yeah whatever put it on I was hooked it is fucking incredible the two actresses in it were amazing it has Annette Benning in it she plays Diana Nyad and then it also has Jodie Foster who plays her best friend jodie foster's such a brilliant actress incredible and i guess the thing i loved so much about it is

it's not just the story around age is not a limiting factor for achieving things and how we have been almost conditioned to think that once you reach a certain age your expiration date is passed like her resilience and the way that she speaks about what she wants for her life is incredible it's also about female friendship and the friendship that they shared and that i think is what shines through because what happens is jodie foster the character that she plays on that being diana's best friend she also becomes diana's coach even though she's never been a swimming coach before but diana just needed someone alongside her that believed that she could actually do it and these people who all invest in her it's beautiful so if you have time this

weekend go and put it on it's naiad it's on netflix and it's oh so good i've just googled how far it is from cuba to miami because that's quite far south it's like 500 kilometers so she swam for almost three days without stopping without touching anyone swam through the night without sleeping so the only thing that she didn't sleep for or stop for three days so she was hallucinating so she could not stop so basically what happens is you you swim towards the boat and they feed you without touching you so they give you liquid food and then you have to keep going so you get a little bit of sustenance every two hours but basically most people don't make it obviously because they are absolutely delirious and then also you've got it's like the most shark

infested water there's box jellyfish it is the it's a fucking insane like make sure why people and she's in her 60s so she didn't set this when she was 60 it took her years there's so much to it beyond what i've just explained and i i was like wow this person is incredible last friday morning i do an open water swim in bondi on a friday everyone's welcome to come that can also be my recommendation it's at 6 30 we swim 1.2 kilometers it's hard and i went to get in and one of the guys who runs it was like hey guys just letting everyone know there's quite a few blue bottles this morning and i was like no no not next week i would i mean this is like my punt and long shot like i would love to get her on the podcast she's now like a really famous ted

talk uh speaker she's a motivational speaker she's incredible this morning so i'm gonna shoot my shot guys and hopefully i can get her on all right well let's get into answering your questions okay question number one my husband and i got married six months ago he left his laptop with his whatsapp open and there were messages from his friends saying hey just letting you know we're clear from stis and that it wouldn't matter for my husband because he would only be passing it on to one person anyway aka her the message made me feel weird because what yeah the message made me feel weird because my husband told me he didn't do anything sexual and he'd only gone and gotten a lap dance on this night out we spoke about boundaries before him going and a lap dance and

strippers i was fine with i checked his phone and have now since learned he slept with an escort on his box i don't know how to feel about it do i confront him about it i've done the wrong thing by checking his phone without him knowing but i feel gross and disrespected oh my fucking god do not feel bad do okay I'm sorry oh okay calm down all right firstly yes it is not good to check your partner's phone but do not let checking your partner's phone be the thing that you take as the evil in a situation that prevents you from having a conversation with your partner around the fact that they slept with an escort on their box because I can't even imagine how you're feeling because firstly you need to have decisions around okay well is this something that you can overcome

do you still want to be with him like there's many many things to consider here but you absolutely have to have a conversation about this you cannot ignore that this has happened this is something that will eat you up and also the trust the respect all the things that you require going into a marriage from your partner he has broken and that takes time to just rebuild you can't pretend like this didn't happen yeah but also let's talk about how problematic the other men are the friends are saying don't worry about you getting checked for stis like we've got it we've slept with them we got an sti don't you worry you're only passing it on to one person your wife so don't worry do you know the damage that can happen to have an sti that you don't know

about laid dormant and never know and there's no way she's going to get an sti check she doesn't go get checkups because she's married she thinks her husband's faithful like no one in marriage just goes oh better go and get an STI check because you trust that your husband hasn't cheated on you so the fact that these pigs these other men either don't understand that or worse they do understand that and they're still saying hey don't you you're going to get away with it you don't have to tell her yeah I actually cannot fathom that before we even move on to the fact that he cheated like that is one thing the fact that you can cheat and then hide an STI from your wife that that can make you infertile and this is secondary to like the big what's going to happen

to your relationship, but also these are his friends. These are people that he spends his time with. They have all allowed this behavior to happen. And I know ultimately it is his responsibility and he made this decision, but this is a situation that they created and were okay with combined lying to you about. So I wouldn't just have questions around whether my husband was going to be faithful to me moving forward. I would also have questions around his friendship group, the people that he surrounds himself with, the values that they share, because in that group mentality you can kind of go from throwing your morals out the window if everyone else is saying oh it's okay and they're doing it like do they cheat on their wives are these the people that

your partner has close to him that he values as friendships yeah and even if you did go through his phone like do I think that's wrong but in your specific case he just left his computer open and his computer had whatsapp messages on it and you saw a message come up so I don't think you need to be scared about bringing that up you literally just say that hey dude you left your computer open like this has got nothing to do with me i know you cheated on me on on your fucking bucks like you're about to marry this is nothing that you should feel bad about approaching him no but the thing is is then the reason why she's worried about this being twisted in the argument is because she saw that original message and then she went and looked for more information of course

she did which i want to reassure you that that is normal and it is i know we can sit here and say it's not okay to go through your partner's phone this is not a conversation about what you did wrong in that situation it is not a conversation about you going through his phone and if he tries to flip that that is defensive behavior and it is not congruent with the two of you getting to a place of resolution if that's even what you want I would be surprised by how transparent he is around what has happened but I think you need to really okay look at the facts look at what you've read and reduce down exactly what you think has happened in this instance it's pretty fucking clear that he's been sexually active with someone else if he was to get an STI not everybody some

people are honest when they're caught out in something that they've lied about but some people will often try and minimize the truth they'll minimize what actually happened by giving you a lesser version which is something that he could do because obviously he's not been forthcoming around what happened on his bugs but I just want to really reiterate like and this isn't just for this situation like if you go through your partner's phone because you found something that has made you deeply insecure and you've wanted to get information before you have the conversation? Normal. It's normal. Is it okay? Is it the right thing to do? I mean, that's a debate we can have on another episode, but it is normal to want the facts. And firstly, I would really

be considering, because I know that there's so many things now that are loaded into this. Do you want to marry someone who cheats on you on their bucks? Because it's not normal to cheat on your partner on their bucks and men who think it is normal have very very twisted morals and morality around what isn't isn't okay and how you should treat your partner and this whole idea that your bucks is like your last hurrah before settling down that's not how people actually approach relationships and if they're able to cheat on you in that instance they're able to cheat on you in any other instance in your married life as well when things get boring when you're busy with the kids when they haven't been sexually satisfied blah fucking blah blah blah how are they

going to respond and show up in that relationship it's not just that he hasn't told you he slept with someone he's actively lying because you have asked him so he's done the deed he's cheated then you have said did you do anything sexual and he said no so he had an opportunity yeah it has been brought up and he still said no and doubled down but this feels like a relationship for me we don't know your other circumstances i wouldn't want to be in this relationship personally because it's not just the cheating but then it's the lying then it's a hiding and sti this is so deeply problematic and i'm sorry that you're going through this but the question here is can you bring that up and can you confront him abso-fucking-lutely like you have to you have to

yeah there's not another option i mean it feels obvious to me so but i don't want it to you know someone's listening to this be like how did you not give that advice you need to go and book yourself into a clinic and have an STI check and have a full health check done because you can't trust that his version of what he's telling you is the truth. So please make your health a priority. Please go and get checked and get all the information. And the other thing I think it's really important to talk about is we don't know the exact timings of everything, but I'm going to draw some conclusions. So he had his box. You guys have now been married for six months. And I would assume if you're just sending this information into us now, you've only just found out that

this happened. So I mean, maybe somebody who was on the box had gotten chlamydia or something that managed to go pretty undetected for a little while. I can only imagine that you would feel humiliated for your family or your friends to know that this has happened. And probably there will be a part of you that will want to hold on to the relationship and make it work because of the fear of leaving something that is so new, of not giving it the proper chance. But I think you really have to sit down and question once you have this conversation and all the information's on the table, how did he respond to this? How did he lie to you? Did he gaslight you? Does he take accountability? Does he take responsibility? The ongoing lying, when did he find out? Did he go and

get a sexual health check? Like all of these big questions need to be asked. And I hope that you have the strength and the knowledge and the information and the support network around you that if you decide to leave or you you even contemplate that that's something that you want to do that you feel like you're able to do it because i would hate for you to stay because of the fear of a relationship failing or feel like you're in any way to blame because you found out about it you didn't want to like rock the boat by bringing up the information i also hate hearing and this doesn't go for just this relationship this is just in general right i hate hearing when people leave a relationship because their partner cheated on them that they're too embarrassed to

tell anyone why like i'm too embarrassed we've only been together six months i don't want anyone to know he cheated on me because you feel embarrassed that your partner could do that to you you didn't mean enough to your partner to be respectful you don't owe them anything you don't have to protect anyone and it's not embarrassing that somebody did the wrong thing by you and i think the best thing that you can do is realize it's okay to absolutely own that story and not protect them if someone goes what what happened after six months he cheated on me and you don't have to hide it if you don't want and it's nothing to be embarrassed about it's not you it's nothing you have done and I think that's such an important message because so many times in relationships like

this with these relationship breakdowns you feel humiliated and I understand that I've been in that situation I understand it but it's nothing to be humiliated about if this was me I never would be able to get over the betrayal because I would always fear that when he went out with his friends, that something might happen, that I wouldn't get the truth. Like I wouldn't trust his friendship group. I wouldn't trust any of those motherfuckers who came to my wedding. Like I would be so deeply hurt. And it's not just the betrayal of him. It's the betrayal of all of his friends as well. That makes you go, well, who do I trust now when everybody is so okay with lying to me? And I would assume for you, Brit, breeds such an insecurity in me that I would struggle

so much in that relationship i i mean i'm a bit different i true and i say this let me explain i truly believe that cheating doesn't always have to be the end of a relationship like it's it's dependent on you the boundaries that you set within the relationship what you feel like you can get over the situation surrounding the cheating you know it was a one-off multiple times how many times did i lie was there gaslighting yeah like there's so many things so i don't think when somebody cheats it has to be the end for me the part that really gets me is the cheating is totally one thing but then he chose to lie about it and then he chose to keep an sti from you that is so damaging to me and it sounds crazy but for me in this situation it's

the sti that tips me over the edge the fact that you can know your wife might have something that could be damaging and then choose to keep that from her could be so much more hurtful than cheating for one night yeah and i wouldn't be able to get over that here's my question brit Would you go and get your own STI check first before you brought it up with him? Probably. Would you want to know exactly where you stood? Yes, I think I would. And also I would probably want to get my head around what's going to happen because your

life is about to change when you bring this up with a partner and your relationship as you know, it is going to change whether it's fine and you work through it. It's not going to be the same. But the thing is, I think to keep in mind is even if you avoid this conversation, even if you don't bring it up which is what the thing is that you ask that's the big question is is should I speak to him about this your relationship has already changed because you know something that you didn't know when you said yes to getting married so whether you talk about it or you don't talk about it you cannot continue as though nothing is unchanged because you know too much

now to do that and I always I mean in the past when this has happened not this situation but like when there's something that you know in the relationship I always give them the opportunity to tell me again instead of going to them saying i know you cheated and i don't know if that's a selfish thing because i'm looking for more ammo like lie to me again you know like try me again i always go to them and say look is there anything that you want to tell me now about your bucks now is the time i'm giving you the opportunity and sit there and let him decide if he's gonna lie oh fuck does she know what that much what does she know am i gonna tell the truth am i gonna lie to her give him the opportunity because at the end of the day you've seen the messages you know you're

gonna go and get an STI check I hope you don't have something but let him give him another opportunity because it's going to show you his true colors tenfold yeah absolutely please let us know how that goes and I genuinely I know we say that a lot but I genuinely want to know how this one ends yeah yeah all right question number two I mean this one seems like a light question but there could be more layers to it all right if a guy asks you what your favorite flowers are and you told him a very specific flower but then he bought you a completely different type of bunch of flowers because it's his favorite is that a red flag i know it's the thought that counts but why ask someone for their favorite xyz if you're not going to listen to them that's funny no it is

not it's funny it's not and i feel very strongly about this i what you know the first thing that popped into my head my very first thought was your flowers were too expensive i bet you he's I bet you he's gone to the florist. He's been like, fuck, they're expensive. I'll just pretend that these are my favorite. That's what I reckon. Okay, maybe. Because flowers are expensive.

But I, and I've said this before, but I will say it again for anyone who didn't hear it. The thought that counts only counts if the thought is about you. Because if the thought is about them, it is not the thought that counts because that is selfish. And people who buy are fucking boom. I was trying to like keep up with where that was. No, but it's true though.

like if someone buys and books a holiday and says, you know, I booked this incredible holiday for us to go to, but you actually are allergic to mosquitoes and they're taking you to the Amazon and you're petrified of going there and seeing snakes. That's not a thoughtful gift. And you know, I think about this when people are like, oh, but I spent so much time working so I could provide this thing for you. And you're like, but I don't want that. What I want from you is quality time. I think sometimes we can lie to ourselves about the things that we do for the other person that we're in a relationship with when actually we're the ones benefiting from it I hear what you're saying but I still maybe not the case of flowers but no I still think it's I still think

the thought does count okay you've said your favorite flower like your ultimate flower let's just pretend it's the most expensive flower he's gone to the shops he's like I really want to buy her what she wants I don't have that much money but I know she likes flowers so I'll just get her a different flower I like this one this is my favorite flower in the shop I'll get her that that thought to me still counts I think if he's doing this in every single aspect of your life like you said Laura if he's taking it to what you're eating to the holidays to jewelry to if he's disregarding every other thought that you have well then that's a problem but I think in this case him buying you his favorite flower I don't think that's a red flag he still bought

you flowers he still cares about you I think that's calling that a red flag for me is a bit of a stretch look I agree with you I think that if it's a one-off thing then it's not but if it's indicative of overall behavior than it is and and also sometimes this happens in relationships I know that like I'm going very serious on something that's just a flower so like please forgive me because it's not this might not be indicative of anything more sinister or serious or a red flag but sometimes people will go I bought this for you to wear because I like this and I don't like the things that you wear so instead of like actually being thoughtful about what it is that you love what it is that like reflects your personality or the things that you

want in your house or in your space they buy the things that they want but that's a projection of themselves right and just did that with a cat when matt was away that's true i want a cat that's different i wanted a cat matt doesn't want a cat there's no middle ground in that the only middle ground is either you get a cat or you don't get a cat i think we've gone deep on the flower question no i i don't know i do think that sometimes it can be an indication of selfishness but you will only know that by being in a relationship with them and looking at all the other things that they do and whether they prioritize their needs over yours yeah okay ultimately i think you're overthinking this one he bought you some flowers i think it's really nice you can ask him why he

didn't buy you yours and your favorite and see if it's a cost thing tell him that you know next time you'd really love those ones they suit your house more you like the smell more whatever but to me this isn't a red flag socks and sandals red flag flowers fun my partner and i are having a ridiculous argument it has been 40 degrees here and we're renovating so we don't have any aircon at the moment I have been walking around naked and I just finished the dishes he told me he didn't feel comfortable with me doing everyday things while I'm naked because it leaves nothing to the imagination and he thinks if I continue to do it then it will impact our intimacy he's used the analogy a chef who cooks all day doesn't want to go home and cook

I don't see a problem with it and I wouldn't care if the roles were reversed what are your thoughts this is an interesting one because I mean I would say no you should be able to be naked do whatever you want in your own house which you absolutely can but interestingly when we've spoken to the Esther Perel for example we've had very in-depth conversations around how to keep desire in a relationship and there is some evidence to suggest that if you've completely taken desire out of your relationship because you're just like fucking walking around the house farting and naked whilst doing the dishes whilst doing the dishes it's really hard for the brain to then pivot to okay i see this in a sexual way i see you in a sexual way i don't think that this is necessarily

as much as a big red flag he's not saying he doesn't love you naked he's not saying he doesn't want to see you naked what he's saying is is that when you're always in xyz there doesn't I don't want to say leave much the imagination but there isn't the opportunity for desire there isn't the opportunity for spontaneity because it's we're all there we're already naked I don't know I can in some ways understand where he's coming from it doesn't make it right or wrong no but I do understand why it could be offensive to you yeah I agree it's a difficult one because first and foremost of course you can be naked you can do whatever you want your house i walk around naked all the time i love it i love being naked in my house and i also do mundane things i will cook

naked i'll do and that's not even when ben's there that's sometimes i just do that in my alone yeah i don't think your partner is saying anything to try to offend you he's not saying i want you to put clothes on because i don't like looking at you you do have to sometimes listen to what your partner's telling you their feeling and what how something is making them react and that's what he's doing he's not trying to offend you it sounds like he's just saying look for whatever reason I'm just telling you it changes intimacy levels for me whether that's right or wrong it changes it for me when I see you like that I don't think he can tell you not to do it I don't think it's fair for him to say you've got to stop doing that put clothes on that's different but it's one thing

to sit down and have a conversation and say hey I have noticed maybe I have less of a sex drive when I see you around naked all day what do you think what do you have you noticed anything like maybe it's a conversation like that but nobody can tell you what you can and can't do but I do remember the exact same conversation with Esther Perel and it sucks because I don't agree with it I don't I mean I don't want to agree with it totally that's exactly how I feel yeah every part of me is like that's stupid that shouldn't be like that you should be able to do what you want shouldn't change anything but physiologically for a lot of people unfortunately it does change things and i agree with that brit i want to tread so carefully with this because even as you were

speaking and listening to myself what's coming out of my mouth i'm like that would make me annoyed totally if i was listening to that i'd be like no fuck that you should be naked and your partner should desire you're a goddess yes queen which is true is absolutely true and obviously that is how we feel um and i would hope that if i was naked around my house all the time matt would want to have sex with me because he would find me sexually desirable he does find me sexually desirable i'm very grateful for that but not all the time matt doesn't find me sexually desirable at every second of every day because we fucking do life together like it's very hard once you get into a long-term relationship and it's something that's coming out an episode we've just done we've recorded

it yesterday with jillian turecki who's a relationship expert around going from having the safety and the stability in a relationship to also having all the things that make a relationship thrilling and exciting and having that desire. Those two things in long-term relationships don't exist as easily as they do at the beginning. You have the safety, but safety is not congruent with thrill because they're completely in opposition with each other. So I guess what we're trying to say here is that we all have a responsibility if we want it in our relationships to maintain desire, to maintain that sexual chemistry and what he is communicating with you is that he doesn't find the spontaneity of that sexual chemistry when you're always naked and you're doing really mundane

things naked it's not because he doesn't find you attractive it's not because you are not a goddess or all those other things but it's like you're conflating doing the dishes completely naked with then trying to transition that into a bedroom and he's like the magic isn't there for me and so i would say try not to be offended by that because it's not about you it's about the blurred lines of long-term relationships and how you maintain that sort of real intimacy and sexual tension yeah and it's so important to differentiate between the feeling between us saying that like we don't think we don't agree with it we don't think it's right but the facts are science says that a lot of people do feel that way and i think about it with matt like if matt was walking because

like we are we're very nude a lot too which I am fine with but if Matt was completely nude all the time doing all of his day-to-day tasks there would come a point where that is no longer like I'm not like oh yeah baby you are nude because I'm like man you're always nude you're walking around the house farting you I would personally find it hard and he is a very sexy man to transition into like well now's the time I'm gonna have sex with you now is the nude bit not the nude bit 10 minutes ago or an hour ago yeah it's this nude beard this is a bit of an it's a bit of an interesting one because I have actually dated someone and I found out we were already dating and I found out that in a previous relationship he was in she lived in a nudist community so it was in another country and

I don't want to go into too many specifics because at the time it was like it was a very interesting situation and I think I approached it with a little bit of judgment at the time but it taught me a lot about how I see sexual nature like sexuality and what I see about the body because he went to live with her and she had two younger sisters and their whole family lived in a nudist community and they used to go to nudist events as well and I remember being like that's so weird to me so like you get to the house and then you take all of your clothes off and then what and he's like we just do everything that you would normally do but we're nude it's a really freeing experience and we feel very comfortable and there's no judgment it makes us not sexualize each other's

bodies he said the reason you're struggling with it so much is because I grew up in the opposite of a nude home like I never saw my parents in the nude we did it just wasn't the way that it was I grew up in quite a religious situation and we just didn't do that and he said you have attached sexual like sexualization of a body you've attached naked bodies and sex in your mind like that's how you've been conditioned but naturally we actually aren't sexual things you know we didn't wear clothes until recent times in terms of evolution and he was like so we just go about our days like living normally without clothes on and so I feel like your partner in this situation because I view bodies as sexual things and so if I was to see someone just walking around the house

nude i would be like oh what that's something that's supposed to be like a sexual experience well i still wouldn't i still wouldn't want to be doing that with anyone other than a partner like i'm still hung up on the parents and stuff yeah but that's i know i found it very weird and which i feel bad for because you know different strokes for different folks and they were all consenting they have grown up in with no difference you know they that's all they've ever known and so it's something that they find very normal and to me it just made me question why i think of a naked body in such a sexual way because mainly when you see a naked body it's when you are being sexual a lot of the time in a relationship or sexualized if you think if

you're in a relationship how often are you actually not on tv how often are you seeing naked bodies you unless you're having sex with your partner it's not very often that you see them anymore unless you are part of a nudist community and you're making that choice that's why it's I don't think it's bad to associate it all the time because it's what we're exposed to yeah and I think I agree I think it was just that he had a very different understanding of it and I he wasn't shaming me for the way that I see it but I think that your partner sees it in a similar way to how I do so he wants your body to be a sexual thing to him he wants you being naked to instigate those feelings for him you know and so that's why I don't think it's that bad that you

guys are saying you know there is truth to this if you see it all the time you're not going to make that connection it's the perel setter so it's okay yeah and she is genuinely the queen when it comes to talking about maintaining desire in a long-term relationship so and sometimes with this shit we don't like hearing the truth because it makes us feel offended or it makes us feel as though we're doing the wrong thing in our relationships but i just i really really want to reiterate and i know we've said a couple times but like this isn't about offending you and this isn't about if he was saying you are unattractive to him if he was saying he doesn't like seeing you naked, then I would be like, let's burn the house down. But that's not what's being

communicated here. And I think sometimes we can, we can take what's been said as an offense when it's not intended to be that way. And when you actually break down what's being said to you, it isn't offensive. Anyway, that is it from us guys. If you have a question for Ask Uncut, please slide into the DMs at Life Uncut Podcast. We're also putting our episodes and parts of the podcast on youtube as well now you can go to life uncut podcast on youtube to find us there and send in your accidentally unfiltered all the good stuff you know the drill say mom day dad day dog to your friends and share the love because we love love