Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - My Partner Needs P*rn to Have Sex With Me

Episode Date: September 4, 2024

Hey Lifers, This is ask uncut where we answer all of your deep and burning questions after we've had a bit of a gasbag about our own personal dilemmas! Have you noticed that children's dolls are now wearing g-strings? How do you feel about that? Vibes for the week: Britt Netflix doco The Lie: The Murder of Grace MillaneLaura Glass Podcast by Shameless MediaKeeshia Love and Loss Piece by Zara Seidler Then we jump into your questions! PARTNER WATCHES PORN BEFORE WE HAVE SEXMy fiancé and I have had issues in the bedroom for years. He’s struggling with anxiety and takes a medication  which has massively affected his sex drive. Over the past few months he’s been asking me if I want to have sex, but it's always been after he’s been on his phone in bed, and already has a raging boner - so I assumed he’s watching porn. I looked at his google browser history on the computer we share (the same google browser on his phone), and it turns out he’s been watching porn right before asking me for sex, as I assumed. I know I shouldn’t have looked at his history but I was going crazy. I’m in two minds. One is complete jealousy as I feel like he needs another girl to turn him on before he can sleep with me. But I also know that he’s probably just doing what he needs to to get it up and get the job done as I’ve been putting the pressure on lately. For context: we have a great relationship, we’re getting married in a month, I know he finds me attractive - he’s constantly tapping me on butt, grabbing my boobs etc, but I’m just struggling to be okay with this. I also don’t want to tell him that I’ve looked at his browser history so I don’t know how to talk to him about it. FAMILY NOT COMING TO KIDS BIRTHDAYI come from quite a messy family. I have 6 siblings, all half. My dad is on to his 4th marriage and my mum has had 2 divorces. I’ve always been close with my mum but have only become close with my dad in the past 5 or so years. My parent’s break up was very messy and they’ve never been amicable since. I now have a beautiful partner and a darling little daughter who is just about to turn one. We’re throwing her a party and have invited all our friends and family. However, a few weeks out, my Dad has just said that no one from his side of my family (himself, my step mum, brother and his family) will be coming because they feel uncomfortable and they would like to have a seperate party for my daughter instead. I’m so disappointed! It’s been over 20 years since they divorced, he’s had 2 marriages since! How are they still hung up on this to the point that they can’t be in the same room for an hour? I never wanted my daughter to have to celebrate everything twice like I have. What would you do? Do I suck it up and throw two parties? Or just say to my dad that he’ll unfortunately have to miss out? DITCHING A WAKEShould you ditch a wake (after a funeral), to go to a footy match? Our team has made it into the finals, but the day of the game is the funeral of a grandparent. My sibling thinks it’s ok to go to the service and skip out after to make the game, but I think that is in very poor taste. What are your thoughts? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And it is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. Should I start with an update? How burning are you?

What are your questions? No, I'm pretty cleared up. Got nothing going on. No, I have an update. So this week, early this week, I was breadcrumbing the excitement that my sister Sherry had her baby, but I was like, I'm under strict instructions that I can't give too much info. To be fair, when you say breadcrumb, we still talked about it for a good 20 minutes. So we gave as much information as we possibly could.

and then some. Well, we ended up just talking about me and what I want in my life. So we didn't really talk about Sherry for 20 minutes, but as an update, I can tell you now because Sheridan has posted it, but it is a little girl called Maya. She was two kilos. She's so tiny. Yeah. She was two kilos. And I am just, I know that every woman says this, right? Like, or every birth, everyone's like, I'm so in awe of the human body and how it works. And that a woman can even push that out. But when I hear Sherry's story, I really am just like gobsmacked. She went in at only 34 weeks, just the back end of 34 weeks with a bit of pain, but it's her first baby. So she wasn't sure, but she's like, I don't want to risk it. She's got high blood pressure. And they were

like, you're fine. Nothing's going on. They checked her. She was, they're like, look, the baby's head's engaged, but you're not dilated at all. The contractions are so far apart. They're like, it's Braxton Hicks, not real, but we're going to keep you just because your blood pressure's high. So she was like, great. So she stayed in. I always say to friends who are pregnant, who are like towards the end of their pregnancy, they're like, how do I know if I'm in labor or is this labor? And I'm like, if you're Googling, am I in labor?

You're not in labor. But this is the thing, right? She was in labor, but she must just have the highest pain tolerance anyway. So she does marathons. She's good with it. She does. She does that ultra shit. A couple of hours go past and she messaged me.

She goes, oh, it feels like it's ramping up a little bit, but she's still not concerned. But she's like, something is happening. So she calls them back. So they whip her undies off, have a look. They're like, oh, you're only two centimeters dilated. Nothing's happening. Plenty of time. And her waters had only partially broken, which I didn't know was a thing.

Like the tiniest bit had leaked out. That's why she sort of went to the hospital because she's like, I think this is my waters, but it was just a small amount. And they're like, yeah, sometimes it can leak out for like weeks. Anyway, so she calls them back. They're like two centimeters dilated. She calls them back again a bit later and they're like, bro, you're not in labor. And she's like, well, I feel like there's a bit more pain right now.

and she's messaging me this and I'm like, okay, keep me posted. But I didn't think anything was happening. So they gave her one paracetamol. That's it. They're like, you are fine and you are not going to last through labor if this is bothering you. So they gave her one paracetamol. Within one hour, she was screaming, screaming, pulling her undies off and they came running and she's like, I need to push. They're like, you don't, you're two centimeters. Look down. And they're like oh my god they're like clear the room Sharon was like it was like a movie they were like wheeling her down and she's ripping her clothes off screaming and within one hour that baby shot out on one paracetamol it just it just decided I didn't even know that was a thing

I didn't know you could be two centimeters and so early and the doctors are like there is nothing happening to it being out on her chest it's also why people have babies in car parks and in cars and on their bathroom floors it happens it doesn't happen frequently but it absolutely happens I have a friend who had her baby she was like I'm having contractions I'm gonna have a bath and then had a baby on the bathroom floor 45 minutes later couldn't get to the hospital in time ambulance on its way but just her partner birthed her baby crazy it is wild anyway so she's also so healthy they've just gone home now she didn't need like she's obviously preemie but she didn't need anything she had a bit of jaundice so she was under the blue light for a bit but they were like

Stick around the sun. She's killing it. Yeah. They're like, off you go. So I just look at my sister and I'm like, you smashed that out with one paracetamol? That's amazing. Yeah. It's amazing.

That's my little update. And she's so small. Oh, speaking of kids, I had something I wanted to bring up with you, which I feel like I'm very late to the party on this because when I did some research online, this is something that's been around for a while, but it's new to me. So hold on to your knickers, literally. So Marley is obsessed with this type of doll called an LOL doll. It says, LOL, OMG.

Probably not a doll that you should get for your kids. The packaging in and of itself is probably enough to be like, oh, it's probably not the best thing for a five-year-old. Even I know what an LOL doll is. LOL dolls. Because Marley's told me. Marley showed me her LOL dolls. She loves them.

They come and they've got all these accessories and they're all dressed up and you can get different ones. You can get tiny little full plastic figurines or you can buy dolls that come in boxes. Some of them come in like an egg so you don't know what you're getting. It's like a surprise LOL doll. A kinder surprise. Like a chicken with a doll in the middle.

I am shooketh. I am absolutely effing gobsmacked because she got this one the other day and it's like a – it's kind of – I don't even know how to describe it. It's got big permed hair. It's got a puffy fur pink jacket. It's wearing like bell-bottom jeans. It's like very adult-looking clothing on this doll, which I guess is kind of like, you know, the old Barbie.

But you take its pants off, as kids do when they're getting them changed, and it's wearing a yellow G-string. this doll is wearing a yellow g-string fluoro yellow and i was like i really like that g-string but like so inappropriate for a kid's doll that's five years old like really hyper sexualized for a child's toy what would you like some bridget jones's full briefs in nude color full nude brief does not need a fluoro yellow g-string for a five-year-old yeah unnecessary it seems a lot can i ask the actual doll itself is it supposed to be a teenager because i think it's like a Barbie is a name of doll, but it's very slutty.

It's a very slutty doll. Yeah, but is it a teenager? Actually, is it a toddler doll or a teenager doll? Like what is the age of the doll? Like how old is the doll? Well, yeah. Excuse me, doll. How old are you?

Well, you know, like a Barbie, you would say it's a grown woman, right? Yes. The doll is probably in her 20s. Yeah, so she can wear a yellow g-string. Yeah, but she's made for small children. Yeah, I find this really weird. But she's made for little kids. Is it removable or is it stuck on?

No, it's stuck on. It's stuck on. Thank God. So your only option now is to paint over it, to add some extra briefs to it. I think that's worse. I just took it away. We just said we lost it.

It's gone. But she has so many of them and they all like there's different levels of inappropriateness. Like some of them are a bit like, ooh, that's on the edge. But this one really went over the edge. I was like, okay, now I understand why people are up in arms about LOL dolls. I also understand because these things don't happen by accident.

These are like round-the-boardroom conversations of what are we going to do on this particular doll, how are we going to market it, what are we going to put as its undergarments. Sex sells, Kish. No, and also, I mean, we make jokes about it, but there is a much bigger and far more serious conversation around how children are exposed to hypersexualised objects very, very young and how there is so many things that are actually targeted

to kids, created for kids that are already conditioning their brains around being sexualized and even the other day and i know like i'm going on a parent rant now we had matt's book launch the other day and marley has this really cute set from seed it's like a little top and the pants and the top is a bit cropped but the pants sit up high-waisted she looked like a cute little floral girl from the 70s like that was the vibe that i got from the outfit it was really cute yeah and if the pants are worn the right way then they are kind of like they're cut off at the ankle like they're a little bit cropped but she gets dressed and she comes out and she has her full midriff showing.

Like she's pulled them down onto her lower waist. And I was like, Marley, put your pants up. You're not going like that. And she goes, but I like this. It makes me feel like an adult. Is that what she said? That's what she said. She's five.

It made me think where she gets this from or where she's seen this before. Maybe it's from watching the Taylor Swift concert. Maybe it's her Aunty Brittany. I'm sorry, is this where I laugh? Yeah, this is where you laugh. Are you shaming me on my own podcast? Put your midriff away. but it's not shocking where they get it from it's literally everywhere it is she lives in

bondi beach there's no one that wears clothes in bondi beach she's she watches dance videos she watches taylor swift like we live in a society where that is normal at any age so i'm not shocked that she has that thought that like oh this is what everyone's doing i'm not shocked but it does feel very young and then when you see things like an lol doll and the way in which the dolls have been curated to dress to look the way they come with the accessories to into match and then you see what they're actually hardwired with underneath that like the lingerie underneath that that was to me pretty shocking it also made me go okay i really need to check these things before because like you can't see the lingerie from the outside of the box right

like you can't open it up and see it so yeah it's it's fucking wild to me it's so interesting though because i saw a tiktok only yesterday or the day before of a woman she was australian australian or Kiwi she had a pair of shorts from Kmart and this went really viral and the commentary on it on Facebook was super divided and she was holding up a boy's pair of shorts and they were size three and she was holding up a girl's pair of shorts and the girl's pair of shorts were these tiny cropped uh Daisy Duke style denim shorts right and the boy's version were inches and inches and inches longer yeah and she was like what the fuck is going on why is this the option for girls like why are we conditioning them that their clothing should be shorter that they should be showing more

skin from the age of someone who would wear a size three you know and the commentary online was it was very interesting because so many people were like don't like it don't buy it and then other people wrote and said there's actually more to this we need to be having conversations about why these decisions are being made because they have a flow-on effect and the flow-on effect is Marley going I want to look like an adult and my dolls have g-strings on yeah and and the thing is is like that mentality of like if you don't like it don't buy it that fine yes absolutely as parents we need to be conscious about the things that we're buying I know that someone listening to this will be like people know this is not a hot take Laura that's how lol dolls are I don't know

I think that these are just the lessons that you kind of hit as a parent and sometimes you feel like you're behind the eight ball when you're having these lessons you know I mean it's like Like kids have always wanted to, like when we were growing up, we used to put on our mum's heels and jewellery and like we've always wanted to have that experience of dressing older or like, you know, playing dress up or pretend. But to me it's actually a really fucking weird thing that a group of adults sat around a table and went,

what underwear choice do we want for this doll that is targeted at five-year-old children? Let's put a G-string. That to me is where I'm like, what? Kids probably see their parents in G-strings all the time though. That's not sexual. It's just a different type of undergarment. It's a very fine line between what is playing into things that are adult

and where that line is when it becomes something that's sexualized. Girls are conditioned from such an unbelievably young age and it's stuff that we are so, as adults, we're so conditioned to, we're so used to that we don't even necessarily notice it. Yeah, it's the LOL doll really got me yesterday, that's for sure. So burn it. Fucking burn them. Burn them all.

Maybe that's your unsubscribe. I'm unsubscribing from LOL dolls. fair and short shorts and midriffs on five-year-olds are we here are we in our vibes now did you just segue us there yeah what's your vibe brit okay great my vibe is i think it's currently as i speak number two on netflix it's called the lie the grace malayne murder now you'll all remember and i think you'll be shocked like i was at how long ago it was remember the british backpacker that was only 22 that was murdered in new zealand on her year away it was absolutely huge and like rocked the nation. It was her 22nd birthday and she was murdered or she disappeared

on her birthday. Now I'm shocked that that was in 2018 because for me, it feels like it was yesterday, but it shows all the video footage from when she disappeared to how they arrested the person that they arrested in the end. But it goes a little bit deeper than that. And it really highlights the domestic violence and the violence against women issue in New Zealand, particularly. Was it her boyfriend at the time or was it a stranger? It was a Tinder date. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was a Tinder.

You'll remember it if you look it up, Laws, or when you watch it, you'll remember the case. I remember. I remember it being in the news and it was a developing story. Like they didn't know who had done it and then it was all, it all kind of unfolded quite quickly. Yeah. So it ended up being a Tinder date and it highlighted so many issues.

Then it flipped. I didn't realize how bad domestic violence was there. Then it flipped and it showed all the statistics around the violence against women in New Zealand. And we know that's everywhere, but this is obviously based around New Zealand. But I found it a really great documentary on that case particularly, but then highlighting these really important issues off the back of it. So there, that's on Netflix. It's called The Liar Grace Mullane Murder.

So my vibe for this week is a piece written by Zara Seidler in Elle Australia, the magazine. It is titled Love and Loss, What It's Like Getting Married Without a Parent. I read this too. It was absolutely beautiful. Now, Zara is the co-founder of The Daily Oz. We're all friends with Zara, but quite a few years ago she lost her father and she got married, I think it was either at the start of this year or the end of last year.

She lost him as a teenager, so a long time ago. So Zara wrote this beautiful piece about the complex emotions involved when you have an experience, like a big milestone in your life, but there's someone that is like this big gaping hole that you think should be there experiencing it with you. and I like I almost tear up thinking about this piece it was so beautifully written and I thought it was um I don't know if it was deliberately around Father's Day but it made me think that a lot of people would experience this type of like complex emotion around days like Father's

Day in particular anyway it is such a gorgeous piece I haven't been able to find a link for you to read it online I think it must be available in the magazine but Zara actually shared the entire article on her Instagram page. So I will link her Instagram post in the show notes so that you can have a proper read of it. I guess like she wrote in the piece about how she's really downplayed all of these different milestones in her life. So her birthdays, like work achievements, all these different things. And she was like, well, initially when I was proposed to, I was like, ah, I want to elope because I don't want to have to go, you know, walk down the aisle with this thing where you're traditionally supposed to have your dad there and I'm obviously not going to have my dad there

and the piece kind of wrote about how she woke up on her wedding day and went to visit her dad's grave like that was the first place she went to I get teary even thinking about this it was just so beautiful her explaining the range of emotions you can have when you have something so joyous but also so sad at the same time I read through what she posted as well and I think anyone who has lost someone who they love who then enjoys something that is truly magnificent in their life feels that duplicitous feeling of like I want to be happy but I also feel like something's missing I really liked the fact that she didn't just highlight the feeling the void surrounding the wedding it was all the achievements that she has in her life and Tony Lodge who we had at our live

shows she speaks about this as well she speaks about she doesn't want to celebrate any work achievement or any big achievement because she's like well my mom's not here to celebrate with me so let's just like keep bypassing it um so yeah it's yeah it was a very beautiful piece I agree so I will link that in the show notes and I'll collect my tears I don't know I actually just thought it was one of the most gorgeous short pieces that explained how these things coexist you know how grief lives alongside joy and yeah I really recommend it especially if you're someone who maybe experiences that same thing I think you'll feel very able to relate to her I have a recommendation as well which is not just my unsubscribe which is full brief undies for dolls

can we get a full brief on these legs mine is um full brief panties yeah um so this is a podcast series it is three episodes it is by shameless media founder or co-founder michelle andrews the series is called glass and it is you guys might have heard of it so far but michelle spoke and she shared about it this week on Instagram that she has been having her own struggles when it comes to fertility. She talks about how her left ovary, basically she was having some issues and she went in to have an ultrasound done. She was having pain and was trying to get to the bottom of it and discovered that she's completely missing her left ovary, but also had severe cysts on her right ovary. So this series, I really love how Shameless dropped this. It was three episodes,

but they dropped it all at the same time so that you don't have to wait for the suspense of episode two, which I think when it's something that's this sensitive, it's really about the storytelling aspect of it. It's not about like you're driving suspense, guys, subscribe next week, got a new episode. You want to consume it all at the same time. Yeah. So I appreciated the sensitivity around this because the women who are going to listen to this podcast series are people who are having their own fertility issues. She talks about IVF. She also talks about her own family history and how when you are somebody who has fertility issues, often it's not just your story, but it's the story of your sisters. It's the story of your mum as well. And the reason

why I liked this is because it was very different to a normal podcast. This to me was far more like an audio book. So Michelle has written her experience down, almost like listening to someone read out their diary. She's a great writer and she's written down her experience and she is reading her experience and it is a storytelling aspect to it. I think it was beautiful. I am one and a half episodes in. I was listening to it in the car on the way here and that's my recommendation. Three episodes, shameless media, glass, and yeah, it's a really, really beautiful story. All right. Question number one, my fiance and I have had issues in the bedroom for years. He's struggling with anxiety. He takes medication, which has massively

affected his sex drive. Now over the past few months, he's been asking me if I want to have sex, but it's always been after he's been on his phone in bed and has a raging boner. So I assume he's just been watching porn. I looked at his Google browser history on the computer we share, the same Google browser, which is on his phone. And it turns out he's been watching porn right before asking me to have sex as I assumed. I know I shouldn't have looked at his history, but I was going crazy and I was in two minds about it. The one is complete jealousy as I feel like he needs another girl to turn him on before he can sleep with me.

But I also know that he's probably just doing what he needs to do first to get it up and get the job done. As I've been putting the pressure on lately for context, we have a great relationship. We are getting married in a month. I know he finds me attractive. He's constantly tapping me on the butt or grabbing my boobs, et cetera. Fuck. I, why do men do that?

But I'm just struggling to be okay with this. I also don't want to tell him that I've looked at his browser history so I don't know how to talk about it first well firstly Laura what's wrong with a titty grab oh I don't hate it like don't get me wrong I don't mind like the butt slaps every so often but sometimes like if I'm in the kitchen and I'm cleaning or I'm putting away laundry having someone try and stick their finger in my ass when they walk past doesn't really arouse me okay we went from that escalated quickly from a titty grab to a slip in the butt like if I'm bending over doing the dishes or whatever. Matt will come past and try and grab my ass. And I'm like, just stop. Like I'm in the

middle of doing something. And I find that really annoying. It's not arousing. There'd be some people that that would be arousing for. I think that's more where you guys are at. I think my first thought for this, and there'll be people that won't like this, but I don't think there's a problem with this. The problem would come if he was watching porn and not wanting to have sex with you. And that was consuming his time. But it sounds very much like you've had the discussion that you want more sex. For whatever reason, he might be having some issues, which is something that you need to investigate further. But I think if he's watching it to try to get a little bit excited and in the mood, he's coming to you then. He's not jacking off in the bathroom without you

and then saying, I don't feel like sex. He's doing it from what you've said so that you guys can go and have the great sex life that you are looking for. Is it the right way to go about it? I mean, for some people, it's not an issue. If it's an issue for you, it's an issue for you. That's that's where it comes from. It sounds like he's not taking away from you. It sounds like he's just trying to get in the mood and that's what porn is for, right? Porn is to stimulate you to get your imagination going, to get your juices flowing. That's why it was created. So as long as he's pointing that and channeling that in the boner in your direction. As long as he's pointing the boner in your direction. Yeah.

I don't know. I feel a little bit differently because I do think that if the only way you're able to get off is by watching porn, if that's the only way you're able to get in the mood to then have sex with your partner I feel like that is and has become a crutch and and if it's affecting you as in the person who's written this in and it's upsetting you then it is something that needs for a greater conversation because I don't think that it's healthy to need to have porn as the only way to get in the mood to be able to have sex with your partner for me I would say that there is some other thing that's going on there that you would want to have a conversation with him about. The thing that I think though is very tricky is that you've said you don't want him to

know that you looked at the browser history. So then how do you bring this up? Because if it is an issue for you or you are feeling insecure by it, a very honest conversation may open up that channel and may either A, make you feel less insecure, B, it'll give him an opportunity to explain why or what it is about that that helps him, or C, explore new things in the bedroom, which might mean that he's able to get off easier without it just being about porn. Yeah, I don't know. I feel like we're looking into this, or maybe you are too, maybe you haven't given us enough information. It doesn't sound like it's the only way he can do it. She just said that she's noticed that he'll be on his phone in bed,

then he'll want sex after. That's what she's saying. So I don't think it's like it's the only way. Well, no, she said over the last few months, he's been asking me if I want to have sex, but it's always been after he's been on his phone in bed and he already has a raging boner. So what I interpret has happened here is she's brought up with her partner that she's feeling as though their sex life isn't at a place that makes her satisfied because she also said it's after she had put the pressure on a little bit. And so he is making an effort, but the only way in which he's able to make an effort is by watching porn. The other thing here is that I think you can easily have that conversation. You haven't been snooping on his phone. You have a shared browser history.

so it's pretty easy when you go to type in something into your browser history it often drops down what you've been looking at so it's pretty easy for you to be like hey this just popped up I've seen that you've been watching I don't think that's a big deal conversation to have you're marrying him next week yeah this should be a conversation that's like hey you don't come to him like accusatory and you don't come with anger it's like hey baby I was looking on the computer and I saw you've been watching porn can I just ask do you feel like you I know you've been making an effort with me do you feel like you need to watch that to have sex is there something that like we could do differently or try to maybe help I think it's a really easy

conversation to be honest I have a bit of a different opinion on this and I just want to give her the alternate perspective as someone who is on medication like this and has been on medications in the past that have absolutely decimated my sex drive like pretty much any type of antidepressant or like ADHD medication or any anxiety medication has very known effects on your sex drive for a lot of people it completely disappears I actually think this is a really kind thing that he's doing like he's probably quite aware of the fact that it's such a strange thing to explain because you can still find your partner just as sexually attractive and you can be like yeah I really enjoy sex but just that it's like getting the ball rolling you just have no desire

whatsoever in your body to do it and so and I've personally experienced this like it is one of those things that I'm just like, I don't know why it's just like, it's just not there at this time that I'm on these particular medications. And so I kind of am trying, I mean, I'm putting a few things in place that maybe don't exist in your relationship, but he's probably aware of the fact that you are wanting to have a sexual relationship with him. And I truly genuinely believe that he wants to have a sexual relationship with you. And so he's like, okay, this is a really good way for me to like get the ball rolling and get my juices flowing so that I can have sex with you in the way that I want to yeah I agree in some parts but obviously and like whether it's medication or

anxiety whatever is the you know contributor to this like he has an issue with managing arousal like he doesn't have arousal but the problem is is that he's relying on an external stimulant and will become conditioned to only being able to have sex if he's watched porn and if that's the only way he's able to get off like that is going to cause some long-term issues in a relationship if the only time your partner wants to fuck you is if he's been laying in bed watching pornography prior I understand why she feels not threatened but she feels like okay maybe sometimes this is a way that we can get into the mood of having sex but if this is a condition of him wanting to have sex with me and it's become something that is normally in their relationship

I would also feel as though that's something I would need to address I read a really interesting study the other day, but it was around long-term relationships and being able to ejaculate or have sex, I guess even masturbation, but more than one time in a day in a long-term relationship. And what they found from these studies was really interesting. And I think it leans into this. Men that are probably from 30 on, like once they're past their peak, peak ejaculation, you know, in your early twenties, you can just go and go and go and go. Men that have been in long-term relationships that are a little bit older can really only have sex once and then it takes quite a long time that day like if they could have sex another time in that day with a

long-term partner it's really really really hard there's no way one hour later they can do it again but when given the same day so they've had sex with a long-term partner when given external stimulus like porn that is somebody new they can have sex they can they will get a boner and they can ejaculate again far quicker than they can if it was their long-term partner and once I read that I was like I sort of understand why people do need external stimulus in long-term relationships it doesn't mean they don't love you as much but if you've been with someone for 10 or 15 years and and you know them inside out and you've had all of that that initial burning chemistry at the start it is going to take something different and I'm not an advocate for porn I'm not saying everyone

should watch it but I totally understand why some people need a helping hand to continue giving their partner what they need and that's why I'm usually I would be against porn in these questions when we've had ask uncuts when the person is like he won't be having sex with me but I know he's having watching porn but I really feel like sort of what Keisha said I really feel like he's doing this because he's trying to give you what you need and maybe he's not going about it the right way but he's watching it and not ejaculating he's watching it and then rolling over to you and saying do you want to have sex like I'm ready yeah but I understand why as someone you feel like a cum dumpster. Get aroused by watching someone else and coming off your load. I really

understand the points that you guys are making, but I deeply relate to why she is not okay with this as being the constant in her relationship. And I think that they need to have a conversation about it and put it out on the table. And I'm relating to it in terms of like, if that's where my sexual relationship got to with Matt, that the only time he wanted to have sex with me was after watching porn I would be upset by that so I'm understanding her feelings that's all I very much do as well especially if this is like you said it becomes a conditioned response I think that if you're going to have this conversation my only point of mentioning like how much this medication can affect you is and it does sound as though you will enter the conversation with a lot of

compassion of the fact that like it's a physiological thing it's actually and I'm only saying this because I have genuinely experienced it so much it's not a psychological thing it's just like something is different in your body and you're just not able to get the hormones or whatever it is that causes you to be like it just dissipates I think the medication thing is what sets it apart for me I don't like this idea that just because you've been in a long-term relationship with someone that you need to have external stimulus to maintain desire I think there needs to be big conversations around arousal around what you both want in the bedroom around all the things we've spoken about with Esther Perel I don't think that porn should be the only thing that we go to

to try and maintain desire in a relationship and I actually don't have anything against porn I think it can be a great contributor but I also think it can be something that takes away from relationships very much as well yeah of course and like I said this is an easy convo for you to have you've got a shared history like I don't think this is a way it'll be a tiny bit harder if you had unlocked his phone and gone through his phone like you know gone through his private stuff but when you've got a shared computer I think that's an easy in but it's all around the way you approach it which you've written to us so calmly and with such understanding that I think that you will approach it in the same way. Good luck. Next question. I come from quite a messy family. I have six

siblings, all half. My dad is onto his fourth marriage and my mom has had two divorces. I've always been close with my mom, but have only become close with my dad in the past five or so years. My parents' breakup was very messy and they've never been amicable. I now have a beautiful partner and a darling little daughter who is just about to turn one. We're throwing her a party and have invited all of our friends and family. However, a few weeks out, my dad has just said that no one from his side of my family, so him, my stepmom, brother, and his family will be coming because they feel uncomfortable and they would like to have a separate party for my daughter instead. I'm so disappointed. It's been over 20 years since they have divorced. He's had two

marriages since. How are they still hung up to the point that they can't be in the same room for my daughter for one hour? I never wanted my daughter to have to celebrate everything twice like I have. What would you do? Do I suck it up and throw two parties or just say to my dad that he'll unfortunately have to miss out? Firstly, I understand all your points. Very much so. No, you don't have to have two parties for your kids but if your parents are that fucking like have that much disdain for each other if they feel that uncomfortable being in the same room after 20 years I would not want them both at my kids one-year-old birthday party because they will make it about themselves they will make that situation uncomfortable and then a memory that is like

your first child's first birthday party is such a sweet and big event like you made a whole year That's like your first birthday party. You had a whole year of parenting and you kept that kid alive. Good for you. I personally would not want my parents there in the same room because I wouldn't want to give them the opportunity to make it about them and to take anything away from the experience of my day and of our family unit's day of enjoying my child. So that would be my first thought. So if the opportunity came up to have two separate parties, I think I personally would just do it because I absolutely couldn't be bothered with the family drama. But in saying that, if you don't want to have two parties because you have memories of how

divisive that was for you growing up, I would just say to your dad, okay, well, unfortunately we're not doing a second one. So, I mean, we can have cake at your house or something, but we're not having a second party. So if you guys are unable to put your differences aside, then unfortunately you miss out. Yeah, I agree. I absolutely do not think you need to throw two entire parties. It's your prerogative, it's your child.

And it's also, like Laura said, your birthday. Throw your one party. Be nice to your dad. Say, hey dad, this is the party we're doing. Totally get you don't want to come. I wish you could. I would have thought you could put your differences aside by now for the sake of my daughter. But if you can't, you are welcome to take her for an ice cream or have a cake or you can have a moment with her and the family. But I'm not going to the extreme of two parties. Also, once you start two parties at one, you've set the precedent and you're just going to be a lot of effort for the rest of your life. You set your differences aside and you do what's mutually best for the people in your life. Your parents are not

doing that. They're only thinking of themselves. They're only prioritizing their own discomfort. And this is your opportunity as the adult in your child's life, as the parent to now make decisions that are right for your nuclear family. And, you know, we either grow up as parents ourselves and we emulate our parents, or we set really clear boundaries around how we want our children to be raised. And I think that this is going to be one of those opportunities for you to communicate with your parents what you will and won't stand for in your kid's life. And unfortunately, you can't make people be less selfish. You can't.

And some people are so stuck in their ways. And it sounds like if it's been 20 years, they're pretty stuck in the mud. Put it out there. Tell him how it is and his options of what he can do. He can either come and be great or he can take her for a little cake and an ice cream or in a moment with his family. But that's it. Like you don't need to negotiate and you don't need to bend over for other people when you

become a parent and you know how you want to parent. Again, good luck. Good luck. wishing you all happy birthday well happy birthday to your beautiful one-year-old and congratulations on a year of parenting all right next question should you ditch a wake after a funeral to go to a footy match our team has made it into the finals but the day of the game is the funeral of my grandparent my siblings think it's okay to go to the service and skip out to go to the game but i think that that is very very poor taste what are your thoughts fucking hell i think

it's poor taste i think you could almost do it ask your i mean like do you think your grandparent would care they're not there you know what when i first read like this i thought ditching just to go and watch a footy game but it's own final i think your grandparents would want you to go and win for them i think you go i'm doing it for you i'm doing you i love you i love you grandpa we're making fun of this obviously we're sorry that your grandparent passed away but i do truly think that if you have had that relationship with your grandparents, they know that you love them. You don't need this one specific hour to mourn them. If you've had the relationship where you think that they would be okay with it, like, is it ideal? No, of course it's ideal for you to be

at the wake with your family. But if your family are okay with you going and you feel okay with you going, I think your grandparents would be like, rock on, like go and win that football match. But if you don't think you can live with it, like you're the one that said your family thinks it's okay but you think you can't go if you don't think you can recover from skipping their wake which spoiler it does only happen once like this is it if you think that you're not going to be able to live with that do you think you are crucial to your team winning the final like will they be okay without you then I it's only a question that you can answer I mean it's it's a tricky one like I have had quite a few funerals lately unfortunately but I don't think that the wake

is for your grandparents the wake is for your family so like the funeral is the memory of your grandparents the funeral is the time where you you know it's going to be very emotional you will probably be crying it's going to be a real pivot to be like cool I'm on the field so like that will probably not you're probably not going to play the best game that you've ever played coming straight out of a funeral, but that's for you to decide. The purpose of a wake is for spending time with your family and sharing memories. And it's usually the levity that follows the funeral. I know that like when we lose grandparents, it is deeply, deeply sad. Like it is devastatingly sad, but it's also not a tragedy when a grandparent has lived a long and full life. The only question

you can ask is what you said, Brit, like what would your grandparents think? If your grandparents were to turn around and be like, oh my God, I cannot believe you left mom or dad or whoever it was in that state I was so so upset then I would have second thoughts but if your family are okay and this is just because you morally are you know throwing up this question then I'm like okay well you did the funeral I think of my nana my nana would be like mate I'm already dead go live your life like that's what my nana would say my nana be like I know you love me I know like you know should say go rock on for sure that's exactly my nana would also say rock on my nana was like don't even have a funeral for me just put me in the ground fucking be done which was

pretty grim but she's like just let me go she was like why are you crying so embarrassing for you yeah get it over with it's I mean it's again I think it's what you've got to live with you're the one that knows your grandparents and you know your family and you know if you're going to be okay with making this decision I think it also depends on like I mean I kind of touched on it but it kind of depends on the suddenness the tragedy of it like it really does depend on how everybody has gone with their mourning so far. When I think about my experience with my nana, she was so ready to go. Like she had been talking about wanting to die for about six years. She was like, you'd visit her. And every time you visited her, she'd be like, well, I guess this is goodbye.

Like nana, not yet. And so like, I don't know. I think if this was my situation, my nan would absolutely have been like, please do not, not play your football final. My Nana, just last time I was up in Port Macquarie visiting, she was taking her jewelry off and giving it to me. We're at my niece's football match and she was like, take this now, hun. I might not make it. I was like, what? I was like, Nana, put it back on your finger. I was like, I'm not taking it now. Also like you still live alone. You're still great. Like she's like, that's just better to be sure. It could change any day, honestly. So yeah, it's a tricky one, but I reckon most grandparents would be happy for their grandchildren to be going and living

their life and not missing out because of them. That's what I think. It could also be cultural though. I mean, we're talking about this from our perspectives, which are very, very similar, but culturally it could be very different. And also it depends on your relationship with your grandparents. Like you may be emotionally too bereft to be able to go and do anything else, but if you know that you yourself are going to be okay, you know that your family members and the people who rely on you for support are okay. They've had time to process this and it's more a celebration of their life, you are able and it is okay to celebrate the life of the people you love in your own way, especially because you have made an effort to go to the

funeral. You have been there. I'm okay with this, but you don't need Life Uncut to tell you that we're okay with it. Well, no, the only other thing that I'm putting in, I just really visually took myself out of the podcast and put myself in that exact situation. The only thing that I would say now is your siblings are okay with it which is great but I think the question is more around your parents so you need to ask your parents because they lost their parent so you're one of your parents has just lost their mum or dad yeah and you don't know how they are going to feel so that siblings saying you can go is one thing but I would go to your parents in all seriousness and just say this is the situation how would you feel if I did this I want to be

here for you more than anything but I also want to go and kick a footy try but I want but I want to win no but because like it depends on your parents relationship with their parents it also depends on what sort of football you're playing are you playing it doesn't matter if it's touch or rugby no i don't mean the style of football i mean like you like playing community sports yeah it doesn't matter yes it does no it doesn't it still is important to anyone it doesn't matter if you're a professional or if it's your weekend team think of it a little bit if it's important to you what matters more if it's the world cup but i don't think this i don't think this lifer is playing in the World Cup.

Well, that is it from us, guys. If you have a question, please write into the podcast, Life Uncut Podcast. Just put Ask Uncut at the top of your DM. We will store that bad boy away and try and answer it, and you will always stay anonymous. Bury it away like a little squirrel with nuts in its mouth. Yes.

Hey, you know what Molly did yesterday? Put a nut in her mouth? No. She stole a whole lot of almonds from upstairs, and I came upstairs to go to bed, and she'd made an almond cafe. She'd just set up like an entire shop, and all it sold was almonds. Wow. It's very niche.

Rock on. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. Also, if you enjoy watching or listening, you can go and watch it all on the YouTube channels because all the episodes are there. Go, watch, enjoy. Get real behind the scenes and up close and personal. Brittany is sitting on the couch with nose chews on with her toes like,

I was also just looking at how I don't wear high heels anymore and I had to wear high heels last week for a long time. Actually, they might even still be from the Logies, which was a long time ago. I've got these, like, blistered scabs on my feet, and I'm like, man. I can go one step further than you. Do you remember when I went to Bali? I think it was in June or July this year?

Yeah. July. Okay. You still got a blister? No, I don't have a blister. I have one single toenail that still has nail polish on it from July. You're actually so – No, there's two.

The fourth one. Oh, yeah, two. I have two tiny – even Molly was like, what the fuck are you doing with that, mum? Get that sorted out. That's pretty rank. My LOL dolls look better than that. yeah look at that

we don't need to put your foot down it's actually disgusting okay guys let's get out of here on that note you know the drill tell your mum

tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love