Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - No One Is Giving Them... EVER! 🍆

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany, and this is Ask Uncut, where you're writing your deepest, darkest, burning questions. We do our dandest, dandest, to answer them. Yeah, I really did enjoy last week's one about pubes, the pube fetish. I was listening to it again last night, and I was like, that was a great question. The styling. Did you think about styling yours, maybe?

Starting point is 00:00:33 I don't know. No, I gave it a trim. We're back down to nothing. How did you give it a trim? I felt inspired. Oh, look, I'm not saying. Matt got the hedge clip around. I am not saying that it is well, like it's well done.

Starting point is 00:00:44 I have no idea how patchy it is. No one's seen down there for a while. But at some point soon, my obstetrician is going to look down there. And so I was like, at least I should try and figure out what's going on. Isn't it funny? It's a field basis at the moment. It's not by sight. Why do women do that when we're like, oh, we're going to a doctor

Starting point is 00:00:59 oh, we're going to someone that could see it. Like, we need to trim it and style it. And why do we do that? Like, it's just pubic hair. Totally. My obstetrician does not give a fuck. No, no fucks. Zero.

Starting point is 00:01:10 You don't think he's going to be impressed with you, Mohawk? You're like, what do you think? Pull it back inside. Pretty sure I still would have a hairy crack anyway. I'm going to reach everywhere. Laura, why is your obstetrician looking at your crack? Well, don't they see everything? When you're giving birth, they see it all.

Starting point is 00:01:24 Like, they'll see. Yeah, but your obstetrician appointment's not fingering your crack. He's not like, let me see what's happening. I don't know where you go. Sometimes I really worry about you. Your obstetrician, is he in like a back room in a dark alley with flashing lights? Neon sign? Baby looks great.

Starting point is 00:01:42 Well in here. Look, something we did talk about the other week on an Ask Uncut episode, you guys might remember. It's probably the only thing that I brought to the podcast this year, so I thought I'd bring it back up. The thirsty hamster. If you missed it, it's a new sex position that's going viral. when I say it's going viral there's been a few media outlets speaking about it it's definitely

Starting point is 00:02:00 not viral it's definitely been spoken about on tiktok has anyone ever tried it unsure until now so just to kind of set up what it is in case you missed it basically the way the thirsty hamster works is that you have to get your partner or whoever has the penis in the relationship to lay on the roof of the car now this only works if you have a sunroof a convertible or a sunroof. It's very niche. It doesn't work if you have a convertible because how are you going to plank on that? Right. Cause you've got convertibles that are only like three quarters and stuff. Yeah. So imagine like, you know, those Dickie sunroofs that like a lot of the cars have these days where it's just like a cutout square. You didn't even intentionally do that. So Dickie

Starting point is 00:02:38 lay on your Dickie sunroof with your Dickie out through your pants, popping through the sunroof. And then the person in the car has to give head to the person who's laying on top of the car. it's the dumbest i'm sorry it's the dumbest sex vision also the neck pain that the person that is in the car sucking like that is not a comfortable position no no it's terrible i wasn't recommending it i was just having a laugh about the visual and the reason why it's called the thirsty hamster obviously is you know how when you have like a guinea pig or a hamster or does anyone in australia have a hamster no do you know it's illegal to just have one hamsters yeah only in some countries yeah not nordic countries the countries that care more that's wow because

Starting point is 00:03:17 they get lonely oh you also couldn't do the sex position with anyone either typically you don't actually need a hamster for this because that would be illegal so bestiality so you know how they have like rabbits and guinea pigs and stuff have that water bottle with like the little metal tube and then they go up and they drink out of it so imagine the penis is the metal tube there we go there's the visual we brought it up it was funny we all had a laugh about it and the consensus on this was that who on earth would ever try it and let me tell you one of our true blue lifers who is just she's here for us she's doing the most she really did she came through with the goods well she's written this hey girls

Starting point is 00:03:53 true lifer here the last ep said to write in if anyone has tried the thirsty hamster and i'm here to say that hubby and i were laughing so hard about this on the pod in the car and thought fuck it let's try it just for the lols and it was honestly the funniest thing ever and also some feedback your head has to be completely back like the exorcist for it to work yes my point it is the most uncomfortable thing for the i mean the person up top just gets to lay down i love how it's like hubby and i were laughing yeah of course he was laughing he's like oh so funny we should try yeah let's try something else let's try it again and just to make sure i wonder if it's possible i do turn the engine on so it vibrates i have more questions though

Starting point is 00:04:32 like where did you do it were you parked in the garage yeah they're not doing on the main street we just pulled into your driveway like where were you nah you're in the garage it's public indecency you can't just fuck on the street you're like life uncut told me to do it like that's not gonna fly when a policeman pulls you over i reckon worse things have happened anyway look let's get into vibes and unsubscribe so that way you can answer your questions there's a number of people that have gotten in trouble from giving blow jobs driving in a car because being caught on camera like phone camera i think that that's like a really young person thing like I feel like you do it when you're in young love.

Starting point is 00:05:05 Like I don't know any. When you're less risk averse. Well, do you know what I mean? Like I feel like. Definitely heard some people dabble. I don't know if it's like me when Ben was here. He's only here for short periods of time. No, but I feel like it's one of those things that everyone attempts

Starting point is 00:05:17 when they're in like their early 20s. Totally. And then you get old and you're like not giving people blowjobs while the car's going. Or ever. It's like never. Matt is like, what do you mean when the car's going? Matt's like, what?

Starting point is 00:05:33 Matt's like, what's a blowjob? That is so funny. Oh, I laughed through hard because it's true. Poor Matt. Maybe you need to give him one. No. Just for like, I don't know. Are you bending your neck back like that to do the Thirsty Hemp

Starting point is 00:05:49 while you're pregnant and that's too many angles? I couldn't do it with my neck Botox. You tried? No, I wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be able to hold my neck up to do it. Yeah, I'm not giving that one a go. All right, let's get into vibes now and subscribe. Okay.

Starting point is 00:06:01 I'm going to start with my vibe because it's probably the most boring. Should I go there? No, no. It is a product and it's something so niche, but I think a lot of people will benefit from it. I don't think it actually has a name, but we're calling it the phone cord holder. Are you right?

Starting point is 00:06:20 No, because it's like this really niche. You can just get them on Amazon. You can get them from anywhere. They're really cheap. It's an organizational tool. So they're like these little stick on round, like adhesive things that can go anywhere. So the idea is they hold your phone cords. So if you've got a hundred cords behind a lounge or something.

Starting point is 00:06:40 Oh yeah, I have seen these. Yeah. So like, I mean, you've Googled it, but like they just stick on and it's got a magnet. It clicks your cord in and it holds it up high. So if you've got like cords for me, for example, in my lounge room, behind my lounge is where my PowerPoint is and I have phone cords and laptop chargers, but they go so far down. so you can stick them on the wall behind the lounge and it just magnetises your cord into it

Starting point is 00:07:00 so that it's just organised, neat, tidy. They don't get messed up. It's the easiest thing. You can stick them next to your bed or work, on your desk, in your car. They're just an adhesive that sticks anywhere and holds all different kinds of cords. I feel like we're going to need a very specific link for this because unless someone's seen it, they're all like cords and stick-on and walls.

Starting point is 00:07:18 No, that's what I mean. That's when I said it doesn't actually have a name, but it's on Amazon. If you just Google Amazon phone cord holder, you'll see them and they come in packs of six and ten or whatever and it's just an organizational tool exactly quiche that's it you just google that that's it these little stick on adhesive things amazing well i mean we'll still put a link in the show notes as we do every week we'll find one i have a recommendation for any mums to be or if you have a newborn baby and it's because

Starting point is 00:07:45 you're having a baby yeah but also and i'm not joking i know i i know i said this last week we're now eight weeks away or like eight and a half counting down and we still don't have anything we've organized nothing like I don't have a single thing and now it's become like you know that episode of Hamish and Andy where they kept driving with the petrol in the car to see how long they could push it I feel like I'm that person with this baby but also it's because you've you've done it I don't think many people would do that on the first time no yeah it's like now you're like I know it'll be fine no matter what happens Poppy's going in a drawer and she's wearing size four like yeah wearing some glad wrap she's like oversized is in yeah no look I gave mine of these

Starting point is 00:08:22 away and I just put them I put together a little list of all the things that I know are absolute essentials because you end up with so much stuff that you don't use when you are having a baby and you often buy a lot of things that you don't use as well especially when it's your first and your second because you think especially your first I should say I'm gonna dress it in cute clothes and berets all the time totally so like I've really like kind of like stripped down my list and one of the things was at the very top and it is what Lola absolutely lived in for the first six weeks of her life. It's called a baby wrap. So the brand that I love, it's Checo or Chico. I don't know how to say it. It's C-H-E-K-O-H. And they're like a long piece of fabric, stretchy fabric. So

Starting point is 00:09:01 instead of having a baby in a carrier, you wear your baby. So you wrap it all around them. It's very Byron Bay moms, if you've ever seen them. But for me, I found it so comfortable. Lola would sleep in it all day long. Like that was the only thing she would sleep in. And they have really nice colors and they're really nice fabrics. They're such good quality. The ones I had when Lola was born, I gave them to a girlfriend and they have now been passed on to two more babies since. So, and they're still in circulation somewhere. I wish they'd come back to me. I don't know where they are. Yeah, that's a good vibe. So yeah, it's great. I really love them. I've got a couple of them on my list at the moment. My vibe this week is possibly my favorite

Starting point is 00:09:36 biopic or doco that I've ever watched. It's the one by Mariska Hargitay. It only came out, I think two weeks ago and I watched this on HBO Max and it's called My Mum Jane so Mariska Hagete if you're trying to place the face yeah she plays Olivia Benson in Law and Order SVU she's been on the show yeah two decades and I had no idea about this her mum Jane Mansfield was a huge Hollywood star like Marilyn Monroe-esque vibe and she was only a couple of years after Marilyn Monroe and she was incredibly famous and very, very well loved, but she was quite a complicated person and she was this sex symbol, but she kind of played the dumb blonde role for so long, but she wanted to be a serious actress and she kind of tried to get the public to take

Starting point is 00:10:22 her more seriously. And they almost rejected that side of her. And, you know, it's interesting to look back on kind of the cultural times now looking at it with the 2025 lens. Anyway, she ended up having three husbands and five children and quite complicated relationships with some of those husbands but Mariska actually lost her mum Jane when her mum was only 34 it was in 1967 and it was in a car accident and Mariska and two of her brothers were in the car at the time oh wow and there's a really interesting thing that comes out from her brother in that the brothers were taken to hospital and when one of them woke up he was like where's my sister and they had to go back to the car wreck and Mariska was actually trapped underneath one of the seats she was alive oh my

Starting point is 00:11:07 god like yeah goosebump kind of stuff and then there's a whole other twist about two-thirds of the way in where and there's you know I'm not giving anything away because there's a lot of reporting about this now but Mariska kept it a secret for 30 years that her father wasn't actually her biological father she found out when she was an adult and her biological father joins the documentary as well. One of the most interesting stories, because it's kind of two people's stories. It's, there's like this underlying theme of Mariska searching for her identity in her mom and also has a lot to do with her name. Her name on her birth certificate is actually Maria and it wasn't kind of changed until later in her life. And like, it's just absolutely fascinating. I

Starting point is 00:11:51 loved this documentary so much. I tried to watch it all in one night, but it got too late. And it was the first thing that I put on as soon as I woke up. So I watched it on HBO Max, which is a new streaming service that we've signed up for, like as if we need another. Adds to the list. Yeah. But I did have a look online and apparently you can get it on Apple TV in Australia as well. So I cannot recommend it more. My Mum Jane by Mariska Hargitay. Oh my God. Sounds like a great one. Interesting. All right. Well, let's get into your questions. Question number one. Help a girl out this is one of the most awkward moments of my life I'm 25 and quite close with my dad my dad is gay and he has been all my life it's a long story is it he might have been gay his

Starting point is 00:12:32 whole life too who knows I would assume so anyway I've just hopped in the back of his car because we're going to visit my sick grandma in the hospital and there is a sex toy in the back seat I'm talking black anal beads and butt plugs that kind of a vibe do I ask him what it is do I mention it and talk about it do I pretend I never saw it do I kick it under the front seat so he's not embarrassed with it laying out in plain sight and knows that I saw it help a scarred girl out I love that you've obviously written this in real time like I'm imagining you sitting in the back seat looking at the anal beads and you're like fuck give me instant help sorry this has probably come a little bit late so you probably have figured out what to do and I would say if you're

Starting point is 00:13:13 wearing closed shoes kick that thing under the seat and pretend you didn't see it there is no need there is no need at all to speak to your dad about his sex toys you do not have to have that conversation dad you can i just have a quick chat look i just need to talk about the anal beads what are you going to talk about so how have you been using them who with no sometimes we're too open like we're too open with our parents it's great like all for him sometimes it's better to plead ignorance plead the faith it never happened you don't know what like hey let's say they're rosemary beads they went around his neck he's religious in fact not anal beads let's go with that and take that to the grave pretend it didn't happen don't kick him too far into the sea because

Starting point is 00:13:55 the poor guy needs them like he doesn't want to lose them but you don't like that's just not something you talk out unless you've walked in actually no not even unless i was gonna say unless you've walked in face to face you look down in between your anal beads and you have to mention it but even then maybe don't even then i reckon you can still get away with not saying anything I'm going to church, Dad. See you there. Yeah, no, this is just an easy one. I don't even think we need to unpack it.

Starting point is 00:14:20 There's no need. There's no need. I'm in full agreeance. Have you ever found something totally inappropriate of your parents before? Keisha's nodding. I have. I don't want to talk about it. What did you find, Keisha?

Starting point is 00:14:40 Poor mum. I wonder if she'll ever hear this. Once I found a toy of hers by accident. Oh, you only found one? I found a whole bag of dicks. You found a whole bag? I found a whole bag of dildos. Yeah, just under the bed.

Starting point is 00:14:52 My fault. I was searching. I don't know what for. I think Christmas presents. Christmas came early. I found a sack and it wasn't one that had any presents for me in it. My parents are just gold. I've not found anything.

Starting point is 00:15:03 I'm sure they were there, but they just protected us. Nah, they're just better at hiding it. Poor woman. She was single. Leave her alone. oh no yeah so was mine we are leaving her alone do you know what we're like yeah it's great you're like it's back off vibrators back in the day they're about this big vibrators back in the day were so hectic because like now they're cute they're purple they're little bunnies

Starting point is 00:15:23 no they're a big penis yeah but back in the day they were visceral real veiny penises yeah like jelly like well no they had like it was like they molded it off a dick yeah they had like foreskins and veins and like they were huge and they were like i don't know who did the marketing for them. It was obviously made by men and they were like, this is what women want. Do you know what you've just reminded me of? And it's got nothing to do with dicks. But when you're saying like it was a different time back then, I think about my parents' night of their wedding. This is what they did. Well, obviously they did stuff. That's not what I'm going to talk about. They got a hotel and it was just of the time. Their hotel bed, you put, it was like,

Starting point is 00:16:00 it was like a game. Like you put 20 cents in the machine of the bed and the bed would vibrate around in a circle and on their wedding night they put the money in in this hotel and it got stuck on. So the whole night they just vibrated away. I just like never forget that story. But can you just imagine the time, like that's where you've gone for your honeymoon and your bed vibrated. I didn't even know that there were beds that did that.

Starting point is 00:16:24 Apparently. It feels very 80s as well. It is so 80s. It's like waterbeds and vibrating beds. They had a waterbed. Of course they did. And so did my brother. Everyone had his waterbed.

Starting point is 00:16:32 Look, rounding this question out. Hang on one thing. If no one's ever had a waterbed, you used to have to put the hose through the window into your room and feel it. That's what we had to do. You had to take the fly screen out. People have no idea the time that we lived in, all the young'uns listening.

Starting point is 00:16:46 But also waterbeds were so unsupportive and so uncomfortable. They made no sense. When you're asleep and your partner gets in to the other side, your life will wobble up. I have so many funny memories. Okay, continue on. All right, well, I'm just going to round it out. It's great that you have a really open relationship with your dad.

Starting point is 00:17:05 I don't think it's open. You don't need to talk about this with him. The end. Okay, question number two. Is it common practice for people who are receiving gifts to open them while the gift giver is present? I've been to both a baby shower and a kid's birthday recently where I brought a gift, but to my disappointment,

Starting point is 00:17:22 the gifts were not open during the event, but taken away to be opened at a later time. As a gift giver, I think it's nice to see the receiver open my gift, mainly to see if they like it or not when you put time and energy into picking the perfect gift i feel like it's a bit anticlimactic to not actually see them open it and hopefully enjoy it am i wrong in thinking this is strange not open gifts at the event in front of the givers this is so funny i think it depends you've said it's a baby shower i think it depends on the situation like the party that you're at in terms of like is it a huge party with 50 people no one sorry no one wants

Starting point is 00:18:01 to go to a party and sit around and watch someone open presents so I understand why they're like you know thank you so much I'll open that later but I also understand why you want to watch them open the gift but I think that's more to fill your cup like you're wanting something from that you're wanting the satisfaction which I understand like you're stoked about it I get it but I wouldn't say it's a strange out of the ordinary thing to not open a gift in front of you like i also think as a parent from a kid's birthday party perspective there is nothing more annoying when you go to a kid's birthday party and one kid is opening up all these obviously it's their birthday they're allowed to they're entitled to no look at every other kid's like crying because

Starting point is 00:18:39 they're like but i didn't get any presents not my birthday like especially when they're little it's really hard for them to comprehend why one especially they have siblings like i understand maybe that's the resilience building we need to give for our kids but i don't do that they get all their presents I put them to the side and then once everyone's left what I do is I ration them I pick out like six presents or four presents and I'll be like cool they're the ones they can open the rest of them go in the cupboard do you yeah because it's too many presents and the seller makes money I put them on marketplace marketplace yeah no never been used still wrapped I bring them out whenever there's like a reason why they should get a present for something or if they've done if

Starting point is 00:19:16 they're like you know really being great that weekend or clean their room or something like that or i need an activity i'll bring a present out but the amount of stuff that kids get at kids birthday parties even then i'd be devoid if i like on the other end if i got somebody a present like a child a present or something and then their parent was like i'll give it to me like two years i'll save that one i'd be like hey do you yeah i would be i'd be like open a bitch i mean give you money i do open it so i know what's in it but like then i wrap it back up so that marley well because like i just maybe other parents are not going to agree with this yeah i don't know i I think this one might ruffle some feathers.

Starting point is 00:19:51 I do the same on Christmas. So like Christmas, whatever. Let's never buy more presents again. No, because I think that the problem with getting too many gifts when you're a little kid, especially because our kids are still small, is that they are so overwhelmed by the volume that they pay no attention to any of them. They don't appreciate it as much.

Starting point is 00:20:08 Yeah, it's no longer about the gifts. It's no longer about like, oh, my God, that's that toy I really wanted and I'm going to go play with that now. It's how many can I open? Yeah, what's next? What's next? And they're just ripping things open. They're not even looking at them.

Starting point is 00:20:19 and then they get to the end and they're like, is that it? Like there's a level of ungratefulness that happens. So we ration presents when there's too many of them for that reason because I'm like there's never going to be a world where a four-year-old can play with that many toys in a short space of time so stuff just gets forgotten about. So that's kind of why we do it, but maybe that isn't the most thoughtful thing.

Starting point is 00:20:37 I don't know. I don't know. I think there will be people on both sides. I'm trying to raise not shit kids. No, I actually – I'm doing my best. I actually understand it, but maybe just don't buy them that many then.

Starting point is 00:20:45 Well, it's not us. It's people give them. I'm not buying the presents. it's falcon it's falcon falcon talking to you falcon falcon for anyone who doesn't know is like one of our best friends he's the best uncle ever but he is like the most elite gift he won't come over even for dinner or a visit without bringing presents it's too much falcon what i know you're listening wind it back you're making the rest of us look bad you're making minkies you look bad yeah look i don't think it's rude to not open it i don't know i i'm not someone who needs to sit

Starting point is 00:21:16 through a gift opening procession I think it's fine if you want to open them in your own time and send a nice thank you note it's yeah I'm not I don't know whatever yeah yeah I think it's okay let that one slide this one I think I think it's important we unpack it but it has a lot of layers to it some quite problematic that I'm just wondering maybe the listener hasn't thought of yet I'm 29 I've been with my husband for over six years and we have two gorgeous sons four and two I've been feeling like we're roommates rather than partners for a long time now. We rarely have sex, we don't communicate very well, and I just feel really lonely. Earlier this week, I had an appointment with my GP.

Starting point is 00:21:56 He's a 53-year-old man who has been our doctor for five years. It was a long appointment, and we shared and cried over our joint experiences of losing our daughters in very traumatic circumstances. They passed away on the same day, five years apart, and Monday was their anniversary. So sad. Yeah. At the end of the appointment, we hugged for a very long time and there was a moment and we ended up kissing. Nothing hot and heavy, but it was really nice. Now I can't stop thinking

Starting point is 00:22:25 about him and that kiss. He's divorced and has been such a source of comfort for me during some really dark times. And he says the same about me. What was the kiss? Is it just because we're both lonely and we're emotional on our daughter's anniversaries? Or is it more than that? Please help I feel like the kiss is completely inappropriate to me there's many layers but that doctor patient relationship in that environment for him to have ended it that way is just a completely completely inappropriate thing it would be almost akin to going and seeing a psychologist or a therapist and talking to them about what has happened to you and sharing those stories and then having them kiss you do you know I mean like there's there's such a level of patient

Starting point is 00:23:07 yeah a patient doctor breach here it's like going to a gynecologist and they finger you no it is it's like you're in the situation and you take it so consensual and you take it too far you're in a situation and they take it too far it's wrong it's really different very similar giving very similar firstly okay firstly before we we like take this down and i don't want to take it down a funny route i really want to say like i'm so so sorry that you're going through this. That is an awful thing that you've had to even deal with the fact that you've lost a child. I cannot comprehend. And then the fact that he has also lost a child, like that is, that is a huge, it's a huge amount of grief. It is an incomprehensible loss that none of us sitting

Starting point is 00:23:51 here could ever understand. But I would imagine you would never, ever be able to get over. And I think you'd find it really hard to find someone that you relate to. One part of this story that we don't know the details for is you said you lost your daughter in a very traumatic circumstance. I wonder whether this is your daughter with your husband that you're now with was it a past relationship like we don't know those details and I guess like my reaction to that is is you know I don't know I kind of wish that we had the information as to whether it was your husband's child as well like whether you've shared that that trauma together or whether the reason why you feel this closeness to this man is because he shares a very similar feeling that

Starting point is 00:24:30 your now partner has not experienced? Do you know what I mean? It could be from a past relationship. I'm not sure how much it matters, to be honest, because grief affects people differently, whether you're in the relationship or not. Like a lot of people have spoken about the fact that their relationships don't survive something like a loss of a child, because even though they've both experienced the same thing, the way they experience it is different. It's actually one of the huge, the biggest statistics. It drives them apart. Sometimes they build resentment. sometimes they can't understand you grieve slash move on slash grow at different rates so I don't know how much that comes into it and as we can as we Laura said like we could not even

Starting point is 00:25:08 begin to imagine we can try and imagine the loss of a child is something that no parent should go through and so I don't think you will ever get over that I'm sure time helps but I don't think it's something that any parent ever moves on from we don't know enough about you and this doctor but what I do think is he's only been your GP. I would very much say you are trauma bonding and I would say there is a misuse of his power in this situation. He probably wants the comfort just as much but the setting and the timing and everything about this is wrong. That's not to say that you guys might not have real feelings for each other in some way but I would imagine that you're in a long-term relationship with two kids and you said your youngest is two, your oldest is four and

Starting point is 00:25:49 you've lost a child and you feel lonely in that relationship. I'm not surprised you feel lonely in that relationship like you are still in the depths of newborns and and like trying to figure your life out and Laura you've said so many times that it takes two to three years to try and get your relationship back on track when you have a kid because your whole focus is on making sure these kids are alive and you lose your identity for a little bit I'm not surprised you feel like that with your husband but personally from the information you've given me I would not be leaning too far into what this kiss means. I think it was a very emotionally driven moment. You have felt understood by somebody. You felt emotionally connected to somebody,

Starting point is 00:26:28 which are two very powerful things, especially if you haven't been getting those at home. I would want to say if your relationship at home is otherwise good, I'd be going back to focus on that and try and work on that. Yeah. I agree with everything you've said, Britt. I think it's really inappropriate that the GP kissed you. Like I really do. You know, and the fact that you have been going to him for five years, there's been this rapport that's obviously been built. You've obviously spoken about your shared grief together. I think it's incredibly unprofessional. It's not, I don't think it is incredibly unprofessional of him that he has not set better boundaries around this. Like, look in a different time, in a different world, maybe this could be something

Starting point is 00:27:06 that could have been, you know, a conversation or a date or a relationship, but you're married and you have two kids and you hadn't entertained these ideas or thoughts until you had a very intense doctor's consultation that literally should never have happened. And then I feel like he also, and I don't want to say he took advantage of it because it does sound like he's also in this like very emotionally grieving moment. And it was probably a moment of vulnerability between the two of you, but I definitely don't think that you should be putting your focus and your energy now into this doctor over trying to fix your relationship and your marriage no it's with your husband and so inappropriate yeah I don't I just think just to give like a

Starting point is 00:27:43 bit of how inappropriate he could potentially lose his license if this came out if it was reported to APRA he would at least be suspended and investigated it is so inappropriate to be having a kiss with one of your patients it's actually inappropriate to hug I remember a doctor that I worked with he lost his license got suspended because he had a patient and they hit it off they vibed nothing happened but he got her number off details on the system and then followed up with us so this is lit I mean in a way a different level of inappropriateness but there was no sexual connection nothing inappropriate at the work but just by getting her number he got the sack so like this is very serious that this man in his consult room as your GP a trusted

Starting point is 00:28:29 medical professional for five years is kissing you yeah during your appointment yeah it's crazy And I think the only reason that we are all not going down so hard on him for almost like preying on you. Yes, it's consensual, but also he's obviously gone through something really, really awful as well and is in a vulnerable position himself. I think that's the only reason that we have a bit of grace for him because he's lost a child, you know? Yeah, absolutely.

Starting point is 00:28:53 There's also people that are in the discussion group on Facebook, if you guys want, if you're not a member, go and join, but that have said, you know, questioned if maybe he has made this up to connect with you and maybe he's more of a predator and stuff like that. But I think that's a push. I highly doubt you have to be like a whole nother level to have done that. So I don't think that's it at all. I just think you're both trauma bonding at the end of the day. I totally agree. Also like reading the rest, like the reading the full question, this is a doctor you've been seeing for five years. That's a real long game of someone trying to like emotionally manipulate you just to get a kiss at an appointment. Do you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:29:25 For me, I'm like, that's not feasible. I think it is very coincidental that you have both experienced a shared catastrophic grief and that there's something in that that like you know makes you feel seen and validated and understood and all of those incredibly complex emotions you ask the question what was this kiss I think the kiss is grief I think the kiss is shared emotions of feeling understood as I said and you wrote is it because we're both lonely and we're emotional over our daughter's anniversaries yeah probably I think I think you've answered the question do I think you're in love with your GP absolutely not because you've never entertained these thoughts prior that has happened and now that that sparked some chemistry in you which is understandable

Starting point is 00:30:07 it's confusing but I think the more energy and time you put into it the more that you're going to be confused and have these conflicting feelings you need to refocus that energy into your relationship your husband and maybe have some conversations with him around how you're feeling disconnected how you're feeling lonely how you want to prioritize your relationship again And, and also maybe go and speak to, I'm sure you probably had grief counseling, but go and speak to a therapist or a psychologist or a psychiatrist around like ways that you can reconnect with your partner after going through something that was so, so tragic. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:30:41 I truly think this is just situational comfort. You had a really long appointment with him where you were both crying and upset and all you ever want in that feeling is to be comforted and connected. It's, it's human nature. It's not you. that's not a wrong feeling I personally think that you need to not go back to him again because if something has happened now your relationship with him has forever changed like you can never go back to him as just a GP now and I think it's good to put some distance between that you've said the two

Starting point is 00:31:09 big problems in your relationship are rarely having sex and you don't communicate well they are two things that are very easy to work on so you're lucky you're not in a relationship where they're you know previously before this moment where there's been any infidelity or anything Like there are two things that are A, normal and B, very fixable. Like a lot of people don't get back into normal sex after, you know, it's only been two years. You've got a two-year-old and a four-year-old. And the death of a child.

Starting point is 00:31:32 Like that's normal and you'll find your groove back there, but you do need to work on it. And the communication, both of you can communicate better. Easy. You literally just need to sit down and talk to him and say, I want to be able to talk to you more. What can we do? So that's what I would be saying.

Starting point is 00:31:46 I would say don't read too much into it and I'm really sorry you're going through this and there's no blame on you we're not putting anything on you that says you shouldn't have done it or you've done the wrong thing like we absolutely feel for you i just think that that can't be your gp anymore personally yeah i absolutely agree all right question number four am i unreasonable for not wanting my husband to go to a friend's funeral from the title i'm gonna say yes but let's read it yeah i don't know if i'm being unreasonable with how i'm feeling about this So my partner works FIFO two weeks away, one week back, and we have a four-month-old baby. He got some news about an old friend of his who suddenly passed away who lived interstate,

Starting point is 00:32:25 so would need to travel for the funeral. I don't know this friend, but he apparently played a large role in his life back when he was younger. The funeral is the day after he gets back, so now instead of coming home, he's got to come back, pack, and fly away again for a few days. I feel so incredibly upset with this decision I understand the importance of this friend and I get that he wants to say goodbye but I feel like given the circumstances it isn't just as easy as him jumping on a plane and going am I wrong to feel this way maybe I'm just being hormonal I don't know please don't get me wrong I absolutely love being a mom I wouldn't change it for the world I just feel like I count down the days for him to get home so that we can have some time

Starting point is 00:33:07 together as a family and I can also get a little bit of a break or time to myself it's not like I get to just jump on a plane for a few days whenever I want not that money is an issue but it's also costing over a thousand dollars for these flights as they are last minute thoughts oh I want to say I need more information to give you a proper answer and the reason I say that is it's not going to end well if you tell him he can't go to his friend's funeral like if he if he has said to you this was an important person that I feel the need to go and say goodbye to I understand how much you're looking forward to seeing him and I you know you're flying fly out so you don't see him for weeks at a time or whatever it is and you've got the stress of a baby so I totally get

Starting point is 00:33:47 why you want him to come home but it's going to build a lot of resentment if you say you're not going to say goodbye to a friend that died the reason I am on the fence with saying I need to know more information is if you know deep down or you have this weird feeling that in fact it's just an excuse for him to be away. If he's not a great partner and doesn't often show up and you feel like, do you know what? I've never heard you speak about him. You don't know him for 20 years. You're always trying to find excuses, but that's something that you need to ask yourself. What kind of a partner is he? Because we don't know that. But from the outset of this question, yeah, you're going to have to let him go to the funeral. Yeah. I would say if your partner is a great partner and

Starting point is 00:34:25 he shows up in every other way and he's saying that he wants to go to this funeral, I understand And when you have a four month old baby that that feels super overwhelming and you are so looking forward to this, but this is a situation that's also out of his control. And sometimes funerals are not always just about the relationship with the person that's passed away. It's also about the relationship with the people who are grieving. So if this person was a huge part of his life and maybe he hasn't seen them for five years or seven years or whatever that looks like, that could also still be someone who was incredibly

Starting point is 00:34:55 close to all of his best friends. Like, I don't know what that situation looks like. I think the way that you probably need to look at this is that yes it is a sacrifice and yes there is the expectation that you're not going to see him but it's probably going to be three days or two days like and that's a really small time window in when you think about it in comparison to the rest of your life as parents together and I don't know it's so hard because I know what it's like being in those early trenches of motherhood but I don't think that it is fair for you to say you don't want him to go to a friend's funeral if he is telling you that this is an important

Starting point is 00:35:29 thing for him to do. You can obviously express to him that it's really, you know, you really have been looking forward to him coming home. You're counting down the days and that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed in this period. But ultimately, if he really thinks it's something that he needs to do and he isn't using it as an excuse and you know that because you know your husband and you know that he shows up in every other way, then I would say it's unreasonable to not let him go and do that yeah and it's it's very easy to make it so much more superficial and say would you know what like they're gone they're dead you're not going to see them whereas we're here and we need you like can you not say goodbye yourself from here and like it's very easy to sort

Starting point is 00:36:10 of top line top shelf that but everyone grieves differently and everyone needs different things and like you said laws you don't know what their connection was what the the friends and family relationship was, what he did in that life. But I understand why it's hard for you to fathom when you're like old friend, when they were younger, I've never heard of him. I don't know. I understand where you're like, cool. I get if it was maybe someone more close, but if you're making a choice between your four month old me and helping me out and saying goodbye to someone you haven't seen in 20 years, I understand why that is upsetting. Like I do want to validate that because I would probably be upset too. I'd probably be like, I'm struggling and I'm here. Like I'm here now and

Starting point is 00:36:48 I'm your wife and I really need you. But I also don't know how much you're struggling or how much you were just looking forward to the family time. There are so many variables and people need different things in grief. It's a tricky one to answer. I think it just has to come back to what we've both said already. You know your partner. Is he using it as an excuse to have more time away or do you know deep down that he really needs to go and do this and he wouldn't ever be away from you guys if he didn't have to be? There's your answer. But if he's told you it's important and needs to go you think you think you need to let it happen yeah and I guess also the last part of it is you don't really have a choice you can't tell him he can't you don't you can't control

Starting point is 00:37:25 and it just won't go down well yeah but you can't you can't you can't control your partner like you can say I don't want you to go but if they say this is really important to me and I'm going what are you going to do like what's the consequence or the ultimatum here you're going to be so angry you're going to throw a like you know you're going to make have a huge argument like what is the outcome or the consequence for him going he's not saying he's going to go on a boy's weekend he's going to a funeral and and maybe you know maybe it is turns into a boy's but maybe he can make it the shortest version okay cool if it's you know let's say you live in sydney and it's in queensland you fly there for the funeral you fly home like

Starting point is 00:37:58 there are sacrifices he can make to make it the shortest amount of time possible so that what he is going for is the funeral and he isn't going there for the socializing aspect around it. Of course he can go to the wake. I'm not saying like, just go to the funeral and go home. But I think that there is a conversation that can be made around the sacrifices you are both making and you both can meet in a happy place. Yeah. You can't tell your partner what they can and can't do. And at the end of the day, unless it's like East coast to West coast, every flights in around Australia interstate, it's like two hours max. Three hours. Like, yeah, it's like, it's, there's probably really no reason that he couldn't come back the same day.

Starting point is 00:38:35 I'm not saying he has to do that or one night I don't think you're saying he's packing for a few days that sounds like there's going to be a bit of a meet up with people and a bit more of a boys club or friends club which you know that's the happy medium he can go to the funeral and then he's got to come back to his responsibilities which is his four-month-old child and he's you know and you totally yeah and I think that they're the variables that you need to kind of nut out anyway guys that's it if you've got questions for us slide on into the dms at Life Uncut podcast on Instagram where you can send us all of your Ask Uncut questions or some of these have been discussed in the discussion group on Facebook, which is where we got the one

Starting point is 00:39:10 around the doctor and dealing and all that's happening. So you can join the discussion group as well, which is Life Uncut discussion group and all the good stuff goes down there. Don't forget guys, everything goes on YouTube now. So Ask Uncuts are like the fan favorite on YouTube because you can put them on a big screen and watch a play out live and have a chat with your flatmates or your friends or your partner and see how you would handle that situation. so please go hit subscribe and give that a watch and remember to your mum, to your dad, to your dog, to your friends

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