Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Not unless you've showered

Episode Date: May 25, 2022

Ask Uncut - what's your shower/oral hygiene time frame?Hey Lifers,Welcome to therapy Thursday! We're kicking off this ep with some good news about women, and money and sport and all of those things in one!Then Laura threw a spanner in the works and initiated HOT debate:How long in between when you shower and you're okay with someone going down to frisky oral town? Not so spoiler alert, the ladies have some very conflicting opinions on this (RIP Matty J).Today we're jumping into these questions: I've developed feelings for my close friend. They have a partner. I don't know what to do from here because my feelings are growing stronger and I think there's a real spark between us After 1.5 years of being single, I still haven't slept with, been on a date or hooked up with anyone else. I have no feelings for my ex. I have had the opportunity to hook up with people on nights out, but I'd honestly rather go home and eat maccas. I'm wondering if I'm becoming asexual or if I'll ever want to be intimate with anyone again I was swiping on a dating app when I stumbled across one of my friend's boyfriends. Do I screen shot it and send it to her? Or do I just stay out of it?If you have an ask uncut question you'd like us to answer, send it on into the DMs at Lifeuncutpodcast on instagram!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love loveeeee! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our Ask Uncut episode where we answer all of your deep, your dark and your burning questions. I'm Laura.

And I'm Brittany. And you threw me off there, Laura. I could see your face. Because you always start with I'm Laura. I literally, I changed a whole sentence and Brie was like, what do I do with my hands? And it honestly goes to show you like when you're in such routine and a habit, you just really threw a spanner in the works.

But maybe we should start mixing up our intros. Well, I used to try and you used to cut me off at the knees. Because look at what happens when we try and do it. There's a brawl almost breaks out in the podcast studio. Here we are. No, this is our Thursday edition where, yeah, you write in your questions and we absolutely love them. We have some bangers coming up.

We have one very juicy question, which the reason why I picked it was because this was an argument that I also had with Matt. It wasn't an argument. Look, I mean, it kind of was. But it was something that we unpacked this week and then I brought it to Brit and spoke about it. Did you? It's to do with sex and you agreed with him and not with me.

I don't even remember this. You will. Don't worry. I'm actually like, when did I talk about sex with Matt this week? I'm like, I feel like that's been a few fortnights. I actually am intrigued to hear what this is, even though I've had the conversation because right now I cannot pull it into the front of mind. Well, before we get into answering your questions, if you guys do have one that you want to send in for next week's episode, or even one

that we put on the radio show, you can write into our podcast, which is at Life Uncut Podcast, slide on into the DMs, just put Ask Uncut at the top. And then we have an amazing admin person now named Taylor who goes in and she gets all of your questions and she puts them into a spreadsheet. so you are completely anonymous the only person who knows who sends in those questions now not even Britt or I it's just Taylor and she's the vault and she also doesn't look either she doesn't go deep diving into you guys just so you know you are completely anonymous so you can send them in as weird or as wonderful as you want but send them in for next week's but we have a couple of doozies for you today but before we get into unpacking that there is something that we wanted to briefly

talk about and the reason for that is because you guys might remember a couple of weeks ago we interviewed Moana Hope and her partner, Bella Carlstrom, who are having a baby. Moana is currently pregnant, but the reason why Moana is so famous and many of you would know of her and who she is, is because she is one of AFLW's pioneering women in the sport. And she spoke on that episode around the pay discrepancy between female athletes and male athletes, and how even though she, when she was playing in AFLW, she was at the absolute top of her game. she was playing for Collingwood and she was one of the highest paid women at the time in AFLW and she was still earning less than what is the pension within Australia that is how poorly paid

she was paid when she was playing in the sport well at the end of the day she was expected to train and perform like a professional athlete because well she was a professional athlete she was at the best of a game but she had to quit the game she had to give up AFL because she couldn't afford to it was lit she was better off she's like I was better off to go and get another job and go on the dole than I was to play professional sport but the demands were exactly the same as professional male athlete now this is absolutely huge news I mean it's still it is still laughable when we tell you the actual numbers but the AFLW players did win a 94% pay increase this week so this is a giant step forward now 94% sounds absolutely huge right but I think also when

you think about a percentage it just shows what that discrepancy was prior so now moving forward players on tier one contract clubs will now get 71,935 a season which is up from 37,155 which when you think if that being somebody's entire job and they have to sacrifice so much sacrifice their other work sacrifice all of their time they have to train their asses off in order to be able to compete at a level that's entertaining that advertisers want to put their money behind it still isn't a huge amount of money but it's a massive step in the right direction well more than 40 players now are expected to earn more than a hundred thousand dollars which is it's incredible but if you still pull up the stats and the numbers that the men are earning it doesn't

even touch the sides because these these guys are earning hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars into the millions of dollars. So the difference is absolutely ludicrous. We're applauding the pay increase 100%, but it is not comparable. Well, I think it's such an interesting conversation though. And I know that there's many debates that play out across the, how much women in sport should be paid and whether it should be reflective of the advertising dollars that advertisers are spending. Now, obviously, especially in sports like AFL, men's sport has been around for so much longer it is very well established and so advertisers pay incredible amounts of money in order to advertise alongside their games which then obviously means that men

are paid more from that as well there's this debate that like the advertising dollars simply aren't there for women's sport yet and that's why women are paid such a low percentage but I think in these sorts of situations and the big thing to keep into perspective is that it's a chicken before the egg scenario unless money is poured into the sport and it is made as entertaining as what the men's sports is unless it's you know they put them on the same sort of platforms unless they really hype up the games put them in the same stadiums all the other fun stuff that goes along with watching professional athletes play adding that extra entertainment value goes so far in getting so many other people to watch the game not just people who are interested in the sport

but people who watch it because they want to have fun or have a fun day be entertained and I remember talking to Matt about this because I was like I personally don't like football but I will happily go and watch a football game at a big stadium because the atmosphere is so fun. The environment is so engaging and it's like female sport, unless they had the same amount of money being poured into it, can't compete with that sort of entertainment factor. Yeah. And in another huge, huge landmark equal pay win last, well, earlier this week, women in America. So if you play soccer now or football for the United States, you will be paid an equal amount as the men, which is absolutely huge this has been going on for three years this case for three years for them

fighting for equal pay and this is really setting an international standard here on in in the soccer world and hopefully in the sporting world we do hope that this sets a precedent and it is a flow on effect well also it goes to kind of change that conversation and it shows that there is shifting perceptions around women in sport and that women want to watch women in sport and not just that but everybody wants to watch women in sport and i think that you know as this new generation of kids come through as a new generation of incredible sporting stars come through they're given the opportunity to be able to play to the same standard that men are because for so long women haven't really had the option to go into professional sports because the money just

wasn't there and it wasn't worth their time or their energy now with that conversation out of the way there is something i wanted to ask you brit about the conversation i don't remember i had the conversation you don't remember that you had and it's very very intimate if you're dating someone and you guys have a healthy active great sex life i still don't know i'm like how do i word this okay if you're dating someone you guys have an active sex life just say you had a shower in the morning you haven't done any x like you haven't gone for a run you haven't done anything that's like out of control i know where it's just been living you've just been wearing clothes throughout the day you've just been living if you then have sex at

say four o'clock in the afternoon but you had a shower in the morning would you let your partner go down on you or would you not let your partner go down on you because you haven't just showered this is so intimate like how many hours post shower until you would allow someone to go down on you I mean I don't think there's a set number I don't think I put a timer on my phone I'm like oh you pass them you pass the hour i mean i think the general rule is if you feel like you're you're clean and you haven't gone to run a marathon and you're not sweaty and gross you haven't been at work for eight hours go for it if i feel like i have been working all day and i have gone to the gym no of course i wouldn't want someone to go down there i wouldn't want them to go down there

let alone want them to go down there i wouldn't want my partner to want to go down there because i would want to reciprocate that like i would not want to be going anywhere near something that had been sweating around for eight hours well okay I don't mean sweating around I think let's just take the gym element out of it let's take exercising out day-to-day living but if you've just been living your life walking around just being alive wearing clothes no at the end of the day you wouldn't let your partner go down on you no would not would you go down on your partner though no because I have a shower but would they have a shower what if you're like in the moment and you've just like you've gotten home from work you're about having a hot makeout session

I'd bypass it I'd go straight to the end goal this is wild to me so I mean I've had this conversation with Matt because Matt is very staunchly against it and if I am not freshly out of the shower like I mean walking out of the shower he's like nah not for me I'm not gonna do it so it's got it's got to be like a 10 minute limit yeah he I reckon the guy has a time up but he's always been like this whereas what's his reasoning he just I guess I mean there's probably too much of a major I don't think he probably likes doing it very much so it needs to be the perfect needs all of the situations and all of the scenario needs to be perfect for him to be encouraged to do it I am literally now picturing you guys in a fight where you'd be like just

do it yes you know you like just go down there and he's like I don't want to don't make me you're like forcing his hand down this is where my mind has gone right now never forcing he'll just be like just go and have a shower and I kind of you would be so stubborn that you'd be like just do it. If you can't have me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. No, have the damn shower, Laura. Okay. My reason why I asked this is because I have definitely dated guys in the past where it has been an absolute non-event. If anything, I'm the one that's like, no, I want to go and have a shower after the living the day. Whereas they would never, like it would never have been an issue. I mean, it's just a personal preference, isn't it? Of course it doesn't,

at the end of the day, of course it doesn't matter. It never matters. Like I actually, I think this all the time you know my favorite show one of my favorite shows Outlander which is set in 1700s in Scottish Highlands it's such a sex-filled show right I always think this to myself when they're doing these scenes because it's very sex driven but they they're camping and they don't have showers it's back in the day they're not even camping they just sleep on the ground but there's so much sex and I'm like when was the last time you guys showered I always think that I'm like wasn't isn't this very unhygienic but I think it's just a personal preference there's no right or wrong answer here and it doesn't matter you could go days without it and your

partner might be into it i would prefer my partner to be somewhat clean and i would prefer to be showered and clean i mean you're totally right there is no right and wrong there's no right or wrong in any of these situations and i know that there are going to be a lot of people who are like oh yeah my partner doesn't care and then there's going to be some people who like you say i don't like it like i wouldn't want my partner to go down there unless i've you know had a little bird bath or something in between yeah it's not a strong no i'm not gonna like karate kick him in the head to keep him away but like yeah I guess it depends on the moment and the person and the situation and have you run a marathon or not or do you just sit at your office desk okay but how

many times have you like gone to go down on a guy and then be like you have not washed this very recently and I need this to stop right now and then you have to just kind of like go straight back up like that never happened that's why you just shower that's this brings back you've just proven that you literally just came full circle and prove Matt's point that's what you just did you are not good at this debating it's not i don't think that matt doesn't have a point i just think that it shouldn't have to be the second you get out of a shower no that's that is extreme like there has to be some come on like an hour two hours what are we talking he comes into the shower fully clothed he's like let's just do this now while the water's running i haven't even toweled

off and he's like all right time's a-dicking anyway okay i'd like to know how everyone else feels about the situation do you need to be like very very freshly showered or is there is there some level of just acceptance that you will have with your partner if you want to get down to frisky oral town there's a lot there to unpack you bring the weirdest question well the reason why this came up is because somebody actually wrote this in as a question and the question was my boyfriend won't go down on me if i haven't just freshly showered and it makes me feel really self-conscious and i was like girlfriend i feel you i feel you to my core so it is good it's a thing people are writing the questions in there are lots of women in your

situation too Laura so what was your feedback and advice there Brittany oh for her for anyone I think you have to just respect your partner I think you can't make if someone says I don't want to go down on you you can't just say fucking get it son like you you've got to respect your partner's wishes and like we just said everyone's different if somebody doesn't want to do something unfortunately that's not on you to be like well I'm overruling you okay no and I totally agree with that but I think in this situation for example that whole conversation of like I will only go down on you if you're freshly out of a shower it's like well then obviously you just don't like a vulva or a vagina at all like you don't want your face near it because i don't agree

with that you don't because i kind of think well yeah like if you're only wanting to go there when it's like completely clean that's okay if someone wants that if someone only wants to go near genitalia when it's clean that is okay like that's a hundred percent fine that doesn't mean they don't like vaginas or vulvas or giving oral sex it just means they're particular about when they do it and I think that there's nothing to be self-conscious about it's just your partner's opinion and maybe you can talk to him about it and tell him why it makes you feel like that but then you have to also respect why it makes him feel like that this is like a very much a meet in the middle and respect each other's opinion all right let's get into other questions that

have come in hey girls I have a predicament I've been friends with this guy at uni for around two years now we spend so much time together get on like a house on fire and it's safe to say I've developed feelings the issue is he has a long-term girlfriend he's been with his girlfriend for a couple of years and I have met her at parties on many occasions although she's always been lovely to me and it's not my place to say it although she's gonna say it anyway I genuinely just don't think that they're good for each other it frustrates me so much I have found myself getting rather down about this lately as I can't remember the last time that I clicked with someone like this and That's stopping me from exploring other connections.

I've been on other dates, but constantly find myself comparing everyone to him. I 100% don't want to be a home wrecker. So need to find a way to figure this out and move on for the good of us all would really appreciate some advice. I also should add people constantly ask us how long we've been together or dating. So I think it's safe to say that there is definitely a vibe or a connection

there that other people can see help. Girl cut and run baby. This, okay i feel like i need to break it down into a few segments firstly you are 100 biased when you say it might be just me but i don't think they're right for each other you've been looking for reasons as to why they're not right for each other long term like they're a long-term relationship something is working in that relationship for them to be long term and yes i am a really big believer that you can be friends with people from the opposite sex you guys are at uni so you're

spending a lot of time you obviously have things in common because you're studying the same thing university. I have male friends and I think that is 100% okay to have if there aren't feelings there. That's when it crosses a bit of a boundary. If you're in a relationship and you're friends with someone of the opposite sex and there's feelings, that's not cool. I do love that you haven't acted on it and you're not saying anything because I don't think you can. He is in a, you know, what seems like a loving and long-term relationship. If the relationship isn't right, it will end it will run its course and maybe you guys can keep just being friends and if that time comes and he feels the same way or if he did feel the same way maybe he wouldn't be with his partner

maybe he would end that relationship but right now he thinks that he has a really good friendship with you which you do have but he obviously thinks that's all it is he's in a loving relationship I don't think you can say anything I think what you need to do is maintain a friendship with him and that's it but I think you need to start dating other people I think you need to start looking for your own connections it is also easy to and I'm not saying you're doing this but I have done this with people in the past where you do form a friendship with them and you start to imagine and fantasize what that would be you've got a really good connection as a friend and you think that oh because we have this connection as a friend we are 100% going to have 10 times better of a

connection if we were together but that doesn't always translate into a romantic relationship from a friendship so it is easy to sit back and imagine this amazing life that you would have together people are looking at you and probably saying oh how long you've been together but that's probably just because you spend so much time together as well if you're always seen around uni campus together and hanging out people are going to make that assumption that doesn't mean that the universe is saying look everyone else thinks we should be together so it's I don't know it's really tough and I feel for you because it's I guess a level of love that is not unrequited because I'm sure he loves you as a friend but you're in a situation where you really want to

be with someone and you can't and that sucks so much but it's tricky it's too tricky when he's with someone else that I just don't think you can even dabble in that well I think it is the definition of unrequited love like you know because he doesn't love you that's the thing like he he's your friend not romantically anyway yeah and I guess like the big part of this is like you said Brit and I totally agree you can be friends with the opposite sex but you're not actually friends now like once your feelings have gone past a certain point and you're thinking about what your relationship could be like if you were together if you're thinking about you know how you navigate the situation that's not really a true friendship there's so

many other things loaded into that and I and I think the only way for you to be able to move past it and to be able to actually find somebody else that you're interested in have a connection with someone else where you're not comparing is to get some space away from him because every time that you spend more and more time together as quote-unquote friends you're sitting there not really just being friends you're sitting there thinking like oh gosh you know I've got these feelings you know I hope that he thinks the same way is he looking at me in a certain way is his hand getting closer to mine is he sitting closer to me like you start to unpick and unpack little things that he does in his mannerisms to try and find hope that maybe that is being reciprocated

and maybe it is being reciprocated who knows but also you're getting yourself into a really fucking dangerous situation so I think the best way to deal with this is to just put distance between the friendship do you think brit though and this is my question do you think it's okay to say to someone who you are really good friends with who's in a long-term relationship do you think it's fine to be honest and say hey i need to be honest with you i don't think that we can continue to be friends because i've developed feelings for you and i think that it's just going to cause problems down the track so that way it's a really clear line in the sand and he knows why you're pulling away from the friendship a little bit that's a really tricky one because it's part

of me that wants to say you know yes live your best life live your truth if you have feelings for someone tell them but there's another part of me that's saying essentially all you're doing is going to him and saying hey do i have a chance i have feelings for you so it's it's a really backhanded not sneaky that's not the right word it's a way of putting your feelers out there to see if he feels anything back without directly asking him you're planting a seed in that relationship and it's it's 100 going to cause a problem of some level it's either going to cause a problem with you and him and completely end the friendship because he's going to say I don't feel that back this is awkward now goodbye so you've lost that or it's going to plant a seed

of doubt and cause a problem in his relationship but I do think that you can't just keep on continuing with things the way that they are and hoping that you're going to fall in love with someone else because when you're mentally and emotionally invested in someone and it's not being reciprocated you almost fall in love with exactly what you said Brit the potential of what that relationship could be and so you're so you're hanging on to it so much that you can't invest yourself in somebody else because you are comparing you're comparing them to a friendship that you've had for x amount of years you go on one date with someone there is no way that that one date or that small amount of time that you've spent with a new person can compete with someone

who you have the history with the depth of conversation with the connection with that you have with your friend who you've fallen in love with they're never going to stack up and I think it's an unfair comparison that you're drawing you're not giving yourself the opportunity to form any other relationships because you're so invested elsewhere which is a dead end have you ever developed feelings for a friend yes and how at uni so okay this is you what did you do um I think mine was a tricky one because I I developed feelings for him I was in a long distance relationship and he developed feelings for me but then when I found out that his feelings were reciprocated it kind of made me not really have feelings for him standard you're like oh

you want me now you're nice yeah I liked him until he liked me and then I didn't like him back and you're like ew don't like me back and you know what it fucked our friendship like we were genuinely best friends throughout uni and he's the fucking best guy and I still see him on social media and think god I'm so happy that he's so happy in his life and we were so so close but it fucked our friendship and we've never ever had the same friendship since so I think and that's a good point it does change things I think what you need to do now is what I would do is just put some distance between you guys you don't have to like you don't have to spend every second together you don't have to go to every party together you don't have to do that catch up coffee before or after

your class as well like there's definitely ways you can limit it for sure you can start to go on other dates and meet other people tell him you're going on other dates say I can't grab coffee today I've got a got a date like you know he's in a relationship if you guys are friends you would talk about that stuff yeah and I think the big big thing as well to start to break down that sort of attachment is also to start prioritizing other people I think when we are in love with someone especially well I mean when we're in love regardless of whether it's being reciprocated or not we prioritize them we put them first if he's saying hey let's get a coffee I bet you you were there like you're canceling other things you're making that like your priority because you want

to see him because that kind of you know that fills you with so much excitement hope all those different wonderful positive emotions but you have to start prioritizing other things over him because he is not your person right now and maybe maybe something might happen in the future who knows but while he has a long-term girlfriend and while he's happy in his relationship regardless of whether you think that he's in the wrong relationship or not he doesn't think that because he's in a relationship all right question number three question was a question number one i feel like that's question number one you went rogue with the going down on me question so i just like put that as a question question number 1.5 okay I got broken up with about a year and a

half ago and I still haven't had sex since or even been on a date or spoken to a guy for a bit of background my ex was quite emotionally manipulative and would always gaslight me into thinking that I was the problem making me believe I could never find a better man than him because I wasn't good enough oh gross now I feel like I have definitely moved on from him as I've seen him around on nights out I have absolutely no feelings towards him whatsoever however I still have not been able to have sex with anyone I've definitely had opportunities to go home with people but I'd honestly rather go and eat some maccas and I'd honestly rather go and eat some maccas and go to sleep even though I same girl yeah feels even though I do think I want to have sex I don't know

what's wrong with me I honestly feel like I'm asexual even though I actually want to have sex it's all very confusing please give me some advice you're okay I mean one if you are asexual there's nothing wrong with it but like you're not asexual I think that we just live in a hyper-sexualized society where we think that you have to be having like if you're single if you're dating you have to be having sex you have to be out there and putting yourself forward which is fine if you want to do that but it's also so fine if you don't want to do that and also depending on how you you feel about sex like a lot of people need to have an emotional connection or be invested in someone or like have some sort of some connection before they feel comfortable with

having sex it's not about having one night stands and I really think if you've been through this traumatic relationship or you've come out the other side of it healing is not it's not it doesn't have a time limit on it you know you it's been a year and a half and that's okay if it's taken you a year and a half to get over this relationship and you're in a really great place and you don't want to bring anything in that could necessarily fuck with that I think like be a little bit kind to yourself and don't think that there's something wrong with you just because you don't want to have sex yeah and you literally said I don't know what's wrong with me because you'd rather have Maccas nothing girl Maccas is great but do but no nothing is wrong with you and I think there's

another thing we did an episode not long ago if you didn't listen to it intentional celibacy and it was a really really interesting episode it was one of our lifers that we actually spoke to and she decided to be she you know she was in a bad relationship and she was like I'm going to spend some time on myself and I think she started from memory with six months but she just felt so good not having sex that she kept going and going and going she lasted two years and that's a really interesting episode if you haven't listened to it so go and give that a listen it's called intentional celibacy but I guess the thing that we forget too is that we sex we don't have to have sex to have this fulfilling life and if you don't have sex in your life nothing is wrong with you

like that's my first point my second point is I think that all you're doing is listening to your body because you said you've been out you've literally had the opportunity to but you have made like you have had the opportunity to go home with someone but you've made the choice not to and that's just because in that moment and in that situation for whatever reason you don't want to so all you're doing is listening to what you and your body wants I think for you what's going to happen is you will meet someone and maybe it is when you're dating them as opposed to a night out maybe you uh you are just not ready for whatever reason I think the time is going to come but I reckon for you it's not going to be a one-night stand and you don't have to go out and say oh I'm

just going to get it done I'm just going to go and meet someone listen to your body start dating again and it's okay if you date for a while and you still don't want to have sex but I think the time will come where you'll meet someone you'll have a connection and you will want it again there is nothing your sex drive is not laying dormant like it is still there maybe you can try and bring it back a bit if you want maybe you can masturbate some more I don't know what you're doing at home if it's if you feel like your brain is saying you want sex but your body is not maybe you can start doing things like masturbation but it's I think it's just going to come naturally and sometimes we go through these ebbs and flows and highs and lows I've gone through really long periods of not

having sex before not intentionally but I exactly like you I was like I don't feel it I don't want to have a one-night stand I wasn't connecting with anyone so life just put me in that situation where I didn't do it for a while and I also think on that Brit like when you haven't had sex for a while it you also continue to not want to have sex I think like the more you have it the more you want it the less you have it the less you really think about it like addictive drug yeah it's but it's funny isn't it how like you know if you get into a routine where it's not front and center, you often find that like mentally, physically, it really falls down the priority list because your body's like, oh yeah, we've gone a while without that thing. We don't really

need it anymore. So I do think like if you're not having sex, that also adds to the reason why you're not kind of like your libido. I almost think like your libido is lying dormant. Like your libido is gone. Okay, well I'm going to switch off for a while and I'm going to have a nap. I'm going to have a year and a half hibernation. Like it's been a long winter and that's absolutely fine and people forget or what people don't talk about and I don't think anyone forgets it when you're in the throes of it it's like it's a lot of fucking effort to go out on a night out to pick up to go back to some guy's house or have them come back to your house to mitigate having another human in your space and like hooking up and picking up there is a certain amount of effort

that goes into doing that oh it's exhausting it's exhausting and you have to be in the right mental space and I think after going through what you've been through getting yourself back to a place where you feel empowered you feel strong you feel like you have your sense of self you have your own sense of self-worth all of those things are so important before you get back out into the dating game because I think you can really get yourself into a situation where your validation comes from other people and your validation comes from how other people view you and I really think like this is your time to focus on yourself and sex doesn't have to be a big part of it yeah and just lastly before we leave this one the other thing I really wanted to hone in on here is it is

one thing to say listen to your body if you don't feel it that's okay but you made a point here of saying he made you feel like you weren't good enough if that is still something that you think and if that you think is still a big part of the reason you're not getting back out there because he has made you believe you're not good enough then like that is absolutely incorrect you are 100% good enough but that is something that we've all felt in the past we've all been made to feel a little bit smaller at times or like especially after a breakup there's so much negative talk that you can say to yourself like I'm just trying to think of an example of things that I would have said in the past like I'm never going to be good enough no one's going to love me well I you know

I couldn't keep that relationship there's all these things like that you've got to make sure you're a year and a half out now if you're still struggling with that then I 100% recommend speaking to somebody because that is a cycle that only you can break within yourself and there could be a big part of that, that is holding you back subconsciously. So maybe you're saying, I don't know why I'm not getting back out there. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe there are some subconscious things that you haven't dealt with yet from that relationship. That's a by-product of that relationship. And that is also very, very common when you get out of a toxic relationship. Okay. Well, I think we can get into the last question. I was swiping on Bumble and stumbled

across one of my girlfriend's boyfriends on Bumble with a new account. Should I A, tell her and show her screenshot evidence, or B, just not get involved in this as it's going to cause huge issues in their relationship. Of course it will. Well, yes, that's generally what happens. That's the point. For context, she is so lovely, but she's been really badly hurt by guys in the past.

I know she loves him so much, and I know he loves her too. Ladies, please help. I mean, that is debatable that he loves her so much too if he has just gone and created another Bumble account. I mean I am like I feel like this is cut and dry if you find your friend's boyfriend on a dating app you tell them you tell them if I saw Matt on one of my multitude of dating apps you I 100% wouldn't be like oh Laura loves him I will just I'll let that one slide and I'll protect that relationship and I think the big thing in all of these situations we get so many people who write

in ask you know like that they found out about someone cheating whatever the situation is behind it but finding out that somebody in your close friendship circle is cheating on their partner if it was the other way around and you found your friend on there and they were cheating on their boyfriend I would say go to your friend first and have the conversation of what the hell's going on but in this instance where you've it's your friend yes she's your friend you need to protect her and also like as much as you don't want to cause issues in their relationship you also want better for your friend and you want your friend to know what's going on behind her back and I think the big thing to ask yourself in any of these situations is would I want to know would I want

to know that this is what was being done to me and my answer is yes I would want to know that yeah I for me this one's really there's no fence sitting here for me this is really cut and dry you have literally seen her boyfriend on bumble you 100% need to tell her and you have to be ready for I mean we've I feel like we had something similar to this like maybe a year ago now but you have to be ready for the fact that she might approach him and he will end up coming back and saying it's not me like someone's catfishing me there's going to be all of these things that'll come from it all you're doing is delivering the information you don't have to go to her and say you end this now break up with him he's a liar like you just have to say hey just so you know

this is what I've seen and I don't know what it is or what it means or what's going on but like yeah it's this is the hard truth about here's the here's the photo and yeah I'm here if you need anything or what do you what do you want to do about and the big one with this as well is is like how I always think this if you are on a dating app and you see someone who you know who shouldn't be on a fucking dating app because they're in a committed relationship screenshot it like just keep the keep those receipts girlfriends but not on rea because you get kicked off for screenshotting do you really get kicked off for screenshotting on rea yeah screen it's the most private little community you can't screenshot that's it so if you screenshot will they know that you've

screenshot yes they get you get one strike you get a message sent to you saying that's your only strike okay so if you have screenshot one person once i forgot if you have raya i've got a whole other tip for you you keep it on that screen you go and find somebody else's phone and you take a photo of the phone of the screen because i think like in these situations it's so you need to have evidence you really have to be able to say look this is what i've seen and this is what i've experienced because it's so easy as the messenger to be the one that cops the full brunt of this the whole like you know they're going to end up shooting the messenger situation so I think like have the information have the receipts have the screenshots and then you have to approach your

friend in a really loving way of like I saw this and I don't know how you're going to react to this because I don't know what's going on in your relationship at the moment but I think you need to know this and then leave it to them to kind of figure out how they want to respond you can also So I'm just like really thinking ahead here. I'm putting my detective hat on. If there is any chance that they're going to come back and say, that's not me, that's a fake account, test the waters. Why don't you match with them?

Like them and see if it's a match. If it's a match and you start talking, it's 100% a fake account because he's not going to go and talk to his girlfriend's friend. So if it's just a random – Oh, spicy, Brittany. Yeah, if it's a random that's stolen photos and they're like, this guy's hot, I'll use his account, he's going to not know you. So you can chat away.

So maybe you could do a little test first and then take that extra. I mean, like I'm thinking ahead, but that's probably what I would do. I'd be like, let's see if it's a match. I actually love this. But then what if, okay, here's another scenario. What if it is the friend's boyfriend and then he's just swiped right on her because he's like, I don't know, really wants to fuck his life. You would start.

You would just be like, hey, what do you do? Nice to meet you. You'd start fresh. You'd pretend you were strangers and play it from there. You 100% know the person you've matched. This is so sneaky, Britt. i love this is like this is like another 10 years i know this shit i have had every circumstance thrown at me well anyway guys that is it if i was in a situation i would want to know if you guys see

matt on a dating app somewhere please screenshot it and send it to me because um i want the i want the cold hard evidence put it that way guys keep your questions coming in to life uncut podcast on instagram and also that is where you can put all your confessionals or accidentally unfiltered funny moments put them all there if you have episode suggestions everything goes to life uncut podcast dms also there's a facebook discussion group that has so many of you guys in it 60 000 people that have some really great conversations in there so you can jump on and join that as well on facebook and if you've loved the episode jump onto apple podcast and leave a review don't forget tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and

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