Life Uncut - Ask Uncut – Our bodies are not trends

Episode Date: November 9, 2022

Hey Lifers,Producer Keeshia is filling in today because Laura is a bit busy doing something kind of important… just getting married!! Britt might be hesitant about sharing a bed with Keeshia after the last encounter at Laura’s hens.Today we jump in by unpacking the return of the ‘heroin chic’ trend. We talk about how society’s ideals of what constitutes the ‘perfect’ figure have shifted so much over the course of time and how it’s been left undissected and not called out until now.It’s really only now that more nuanced conversation is happening about our body shapes and how we need to unsubscribe from this deeply problematic narrative. Then we jump into your questions!1.    Can you date your ex’s acquaintance?2.    I constantly check up on my partner’s ex on social media. I feel like a loser but I can’t seem to stop looking at her and comparing myself3.    Can I ask everyone to chip in $40 to come to my 30th birthday? There will be some food and a bar tab If you’d like to vote for us at the Australian podcast awards, we’d love you forever!!You can do that here: https://australianpodcastawards.com/vote You know the drill, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm producer Keisha, filling in for Laura today because she's doing something a little

bit more important than answering your deep, dark and burning questions, even though we got a review saying that we should stop saying deep, dark and burning questions. Well, that's what the segment's called, deep, dark and burning questions. Deep, dark and dirty for today. Pause. laura's getting hitched i mean not today because obviously that would be there but like very very very soon days we i mean i say we like we've done the right thing we've given laura some time off no obviously laura's getting married literally in i'm not going to tell you

how many days between one and four it's less than three and you still don't have a dress i know oh my god you just reminded me hopefully that's one of the packages i need to pick up i still don't have a dress I ordered it it did not come so I ordered another one it did not come I have a bit of a pattern here I think I am you need to be a lot more organized spoiler I am the most disorganized person you have ever met and mind you I get everything done like I get it done everyone gets what they need on time but I wait until the last minute and I know this with you every single day i'm more telling the audience i know you know because i leave everything so late and everything is chaotic but that's how i work i work better under pressure

i've like this morning i can't tell you how it's so early i can't tell you how much i've done because everything is due today i had to get up at like 5 a.m because i was like oh my god i left everything to the last day laura's getting married like tomorrow so laura is getting married in the next couple of days which is amazing which means she has taken a couple of days off and she's also going to take next week off because you know lo and behold they're going to have a mini they're not going anywhere for their honeymoon but they're taking a week off to be together but i will let you know that the episode that you and laura recorded yesterday can i just tell everyone who it's with because it's like yeah it's fucking huge it was great she's the biggest relationship

speaker in the world she's someone that we have been i don't want to use the term hassling enthusiastically encouraging her to come on the podcast for like 18 months two years I reckon or maybe even two and a half the pods nearly four years old I think yeah it's Esther Perel huge if we knew how to use this machine but I would put some clapping in or some cheering after that Esther Perel but we don't but Esther Perel is if you guys don't know who Esther Perel is go and have a look you can literally find her anywhere on podcasts books TED talks she's incredible the main book that she became famous for was called mating in captivity it came out in like 2006 and she has these really nuanced perspectives on relationships and affairs

and what constitutes monogamy and she's just fucking amazing she talks a lot about infidelity like that's one of her subspecialties I guess she studied infidelity and she's so fascinated by it and I'm also so fascinated by that and I just thought you know what I've been chasing it for two and a half years because she's so great that I just wanted a free therapy session and I just disguised that with questions for the podcast but I was like I was like therapy me and then we'll just add some other questions in for you guys but it's a brilliant episode and that will come to you next week yes next Tuesday so keep your hot little ears ready for that but Britt how do you feel about uh the fact that we're going to be at Laura's wedding in a couple of days which is so exciting

but um you're gonna have to share a room with me you guys I can't believe we actually didn't talk about this this was so funny so I think I actually asked for us to not because I was so mortified by this happening so a couple of weeks ago at Laura's hens party Keisha and I you know you got our hens we went away to a house all the everyone shares rooms Keisha and I because we're so close there was two people that had to share a bed not just a room but a bed so we're fine so we shared this queen bed small queen bed it's quite quite compact I think it was like a what's it called queen double queen or whatever those maybe a double no it was a queen but weirdly enough it was actually the first time that we'd ever slept next to each other and we see each other literally every day

yeah but that's because we live down the road you're not just gonna be like hey come sleep in my bed for funsies like so we're sharing kitchen i share in a bed and i am a like not to toot my own horn but i'm like an angel sleeper i don't move i just lay in one spot and i'm even more conscious of it when i'm sharing a bed with someone but i just like lay on the edge and i'm asleep in the middle of the night keisha rolls over frantically sits up in bed like i reckon her face is three centimeters from my face three max like i could feel her breath on my face and she's sitting up and i'm like what's happening and she starts to stroke my face and my head and with one hand and then she's rubbing my back and she's going shh britney it's all right it's all right

there there and I'm like what the fuck I was like Keisha Keisha and she goes it's okay I'm here I'm here nothing to be afraid of and I was like what is happening I'm like Keisha and I was trying to I was like oh my god I think she's asleep she's like caressing my body telling me everything I was not caressing your body I was patting you on the head excuse me I was the one that felt it you were unconscious and then you rolled back asleep and I had to like roll you over right I was like oh my god I woke up at that point because that's when I realized what was happening because in my reality I was having a nightmare that you were having a nightmare and you were freaking out and so I was like it's pretty it's okay like it's because you know you don't have many people sleep

next to you Brit you're not used to it that's even worse you think I'm so lonely that I can't even get myself through a nightmare that is so funny but now Keisha and I have to sleep together again so I'm wondering what's going to happen and that also poses another problem there's not that many single people going to the wedding you and I are two of the single people and apparently there are some single guys there how do we work around that when we're like when we're both in the room I mean I booked the room so I guess I can trust it you've got to go to their house I'm sleeping on the lounge apparently we will cross that bridge when we come to it I'm assuming but yeah look I do want to formally apologize for being a bit of a creeper in my sleep I couldn't sleep the rest of the night

I'm laying there like a salmon with my eyes open. I was like, what if she comes back? Well, in more exciting, happy news, my good friend, friend of the podcast, Rebel Wilson, just had a little baby girl. So she just, oh, she had it a week ago, but she just announced it yesterday. How beautiful. Her name is Royce and she's absolutely divine. And it's just one of those things where, you know, you just want to say,

I shed a tear. I cried because I know it's been a long time coming for her and it's so nice to see people achieve their dreams and this doesn't seem like a big dream when you're someone like that achieves as much as someone like Rebel Wilson is but personally you know something she's wanted for a long time so when you look at a friend do something incredible like that you're stoked gives you all the feels you know. I think also like Rebel's had so many I don't want to say shocks there's been some things in the past two years in her life that have been like oh whoa didn't see that coming oh yeah she dropped the this bomb did she totally like we saw the photos

of her with the bellas uh from pitch perfect a couple of weeks ago and they were having this i just thought it was like a really nice reunion catch-up and now again yeah she's in like a pink dress it was a baby shower which is so lovely but because she wasn't pregnant yeah no i guess when you look at it like that rebs has been pretty good at you don't want to say keeping secrets but dropping surprises and making little announcements but she did have a little baby Royce via surrogate which is you know why it was a surprise for a lot of people because obviously she wasn't visibly pregnant I mean my initial thought was pretty little sneaky sucker I had a suspicion that you knew this was going on you didn't say anything yeah I knew from the beginning you know that's

I think that's something that you definitely tell your friends and you tell trusted friends but I take that very seriously like I was I mean you guys I didn't even tell you guys that that was coming actually I don't know if I've kept a secret that long in my life but but that is something that I definitely value people's privacy and if Rebel didn't trust me she wouldn't have told me and I take that really seriously so um yeah it's been a long exciting little journey and I can't wait to meet her yeah well I mean she's a beautiful little baby but something that I would love to kind of do a little bit more of a deep dive on because this just made me realize that I didn't know very much about it was is actually surrogacy because I know that's really different between Australia

and America. Yeah I think surrogacy is different all over the world but we have pretty strict rules here and I don't like I don't want to jump in them too much because I don't know them but I know it's illegal here to be paid for surrogacy whereas it's definitely not in America. Yeah right interesting maybe maybe Rebs could come on and do part two Rebel Wilson. I'm like looking at you with deep eyes being like Brittany set it up. There is something in the news at the moment that I did want to talk to you about and I don't know whether you saw a post by Jamila Jamil in the last couple of days but it was in response to something that the New York Post posted so the New York Post is like a publication in America I know they posted me actually a couple weeks ago but that's irrelevant

well they're in our bad books right now I know because they posted an image that had Khloe Kardashian and Kim Kardashian with the headline heroin chic is back oh and doesn't your soul just vacate the building this is what Jamila Jamil had to say about it no we tried this before in the 90s and millions of people developed eating disorders I had one for like 20 years we're not doing this again we're not going back our bodies are not trends our body shapes are not trends fuck off and while I think like every single one of us yes can recognize that this is just such a problematic trend to happen in society something that I did actually think about was well is this like a new thing is this something that has only existed in the past decades or has this

been going on for a really long time no i think it's been going on for a very very long time i even think back you know i'm 35 i think back to my teenage years which is you know i mean that doesn't seem like a long long time ago but we're still talking 20 years ago and heroin chic was in then because i remember wanting to be really skinny because everything i saw and everyone i saw was really skinny that was like the Kate Moss the young Kate Moss and it's funny because we used to say the term heroin chic and not think about what it meant really it's only the last few years I've been like that is so fucked we are saying we want to look like a drug addict because that is what heroin chic is well Jamila Jamil went on to make a video about it she was like it's not enough

for them to look starving girl skinny they actually want us to look like we are so deprived of sleep and nutrition that we have dark circles under our eyes that we are struggling to hold our posture up well it's always like look at these really prominent cheekbones on this model they probably shouldn't be that prominent but they're so gaunt because this was the look that they had to achieve and so many victoria's secrets models so many different models around the world have come out saying how unhealthy that time was in their life because they were already size sixes size fours twos in america and every casting they went to kept saying lose more weight you're too fat you're too big their period stopped they got a mental illness from it because everyone was always

telling them they're not enough they're not enough lose more weight they're starving it's just so soul-destroying to think that this is coming back into trend especially after however many what do you reckon 10 years of the kardashians bringing curves back and bringing this more voluptuous body back in which i think i don't know if that was a great thing either because that was also an extreme trend I think that we've been yo-yoing between all these extreme bodies for years and I don't know when or how that's going to end the only thing that I think was a little bit of a relief about the Kardashians and this is my personal opinion this is not backed up by science but I think that out of all of the body trends that had existed it was kind of the first time

that you could put a monetary value on it so like generally speaking if you had enough money in the world you could look like that whereas other body trends before let's like let's compare this to heroin chic i'm a natural f cup i have what they call an hourglass body no matter what i did to my body i would ever ever ever fit into a heroin chic trend and so i think the only thing that the kardashians did that was quite remarkably different was that because all of theirs was through you know artificial i mean not that they're claiming that they're not admitting to it but we all know that there was Brazilian butt lifts. There were things that people could do if they had enough money in the bank. And I think that the only thing that that did in a positive way was that it

relieved the pressure of being like, well, that's not even real. Like that's not even what they actually look like, which I think internally took a little bit of the pressure off of ourselves. But I did do a bit of a deep dive into, and I'm going to put this in quotation marks, ideal body trends that have existed throughout time. And I thought I'd only be going back a hundred years hilariously i'm going back 1000 bc so what was the body trend 1000 bc this is ancient egypt wasn't it just like wine and grapes it says in this era the ideal woman is described as slender narrow shoulders high waist symmetrical face we move into ancient greece plump full-bodied light skin oh we would have done well okay now i've jumped ahead for obvious reasons but you

think about like renaissance paintings like you think about all the stuff that michelangelo painted all very voluptuous very curvy big bosomed let's go to the roaring 20s flat chest downplayed waist short bob hairstyle boyish figure fast forward to the 1930s to 50s curves hourglass figure large breasts slim waists i would have fit in in that time you fit in any time of the big booby time we get to the heroine chic time waferish extremely thin translucent skin, androgynous. I mean, okay, hang on. Translucent skin? That's not something you can do unless you are so malnourished and unhealthy. Like you can't, you don't, you don't go down to the store and you'll say, hey, I'm going to grab a turtleneck. I'll grab some foils in my hair and

I'll get some translucent skin. Like you don't, how does one accomplish translucent skin? That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. A hundred percent. They wanted you to look frail and basically neglected like kate moss was the model of the time if that's if you want to get a bit of a picture and then they've got post-modern beauty 2000s to today flat stomach healthy skinny healthy skinny that's what they've said large breasts and butt thigh gap my point of bringing up these body trends and the closeness in and by the way there are others in between i've just jumped to the ones that we're mainly talking about today but my point of bringing that up is because for you to live throughout your entire lifetime, it is impossible to fit into a body trend for your

whole life. It is literally impossible to fit into every single one of these things because they are so vastly different. And what I think is so fucked up is that for so, so, so long, like it's really only our generation that has actually called this stuff out. This hasn't been dissected. It hasn't been called out before. It hasn't actually been thought about. It's just been quite accepted as a societal standard that you know okay well now you need to change everything about yourself so that you can fit into this particular thing and I think that the only way that we're going to rewrite that narrative and as Jamila Jamil says like we're not doing this again we're not going back there and from 2022 we're not going back to this bullshit the only way that we're

going to not go back there is to call it out because we need to rewire our own brains like you think about any person that you know and I would even say to this day I think it would be almost impossible to find someone that hasn't had a bad thought about their own body image when they look into the mirror right no but I also think that's something that's happened for a long time I don't necessarily think that's a new generational thing I think transitioning from teenage years to a woman for anyone at any age these things start to happen and I think that also just comes from a comparison culture you're looking at someone else's and the grass is always greener right as women we're always like oh but what if I looked like her what if I did this what if I was skinnier

what if I had bigger boobs what if I like you always want to change something and I think that that society contributes a lot to that journey but I think that initial thought I don't know how women and girls get that out of their head completely I think that's going to enter their head as they start to go through puberty and they have these thoughts but that's when it's up to us to nip it in the bud then at 12 13 14 15 not encourage it by seeing its social media and its magazines and this is absolutely wild to me but the influence that the Kardashians have on the world is insanity now for women it is crazy to think and it's a crazy statement to say that one family could possibly be a huge huge instigator in these trends but I actually think they are

when you look at the family the Kardashians the women they're I mean they're all stunning women and there is nothing wrong with changing your body if you want to there's nothing wrong with it but they have done that a lot whether they've admitted to it or not you've seen the change they I think that they started the term you're not ugly you're poor because they've got the money to do what they want to do to change collectively they have over 1 billion people that follow them 1 billion and most of those are women impressionable women impressionable young girls because they are everywhere we've always looked up to them as a society because it seems like they attain so much their goals you know they're billionaires they're beautiful they drive the cars

they're at the fancy parties they wear amazing clothes they always look immaculate that's because a lot of it's photoshopped it's a lot of surgery it's a lot of control over the media but that one family every time they change this is why this whole conversation about the trend is back is because of kim kardashian because she went curvy she's now lost so much weight she's so skinny she has kick-started the trend again this is why people are saying look it's back kim is the photo they're using so i think it's it's wild that this one family can have this influence but it Definitely this change has to start with them. They have to.

See, I don't know if I agree. I don't know if it's a chicken or an egg situation. I don't know whether it's that they also feel the pressure that in order to stay as, you know, the it girls in the world, they have to follow what the rest of society is expecting of them or if they're the ones setting the trends. I don't have enough answers about like whether it's the chicken or the egg there because they could just as easily be the ones going like, oh, shit. Like, okay, well, this is what we need to conform to now. well you've seen the trends right there have been since chloe and kim and the girls came out with the big butts and the brazilian butt lift kind of vibe the surgical trend like yeah there is no

denying it skyrocketed now in the last 18 months oh yeah probably 18 months we've seen chloe and kim both start to shrink back to these very very lean small women which you know they're still beautiful like we're not saying there's anything wrong with any shape we're just saying the shape-shifting that they're doing but i think they do have a lot of influence like with a billion people that follow them when they get you know like it's evident that what they do is influential they put a lip liner up it's sold out across the world in five seconds everything they do people want so i think that it's good i don't like what you said before is accurate i don't think this is going to stop social media is going to get bigger these people we follow and look up to are going

to get bigger i think it's going to have to start back at home physically in home and home is in like ourselves in our brain with ourselves to say you know what i can recognize that they look amazing I can also recognize that I don't want to have to go and get surgery to look like that or I don't have to go and starve myself to have translucent skin it's just easier said than done totally and I think that the only way that we actually start to do that is by calling out situations like this and recognizing that even though trends like there's nothing wrong with following trends a lot of people are really into fashion they get a lot of enjoyment about it but whenever we see a trend pop up whether that be you know like gut health is all the thing at

the moment whether it be that this new particular fashion style like the noughties fashion is really back with the low rise jeans and the little crops and all that kind of thing. This is where I will never follow the trend. I'm not going back to the low rise. These muffin tops are staying well and truly trapped in here. I think it's like really important to recognize that even though you can get like, there can be health benefits out of things like that. It can be really positive things like enjoyment out of fashion and clothing and all that kind of thing. I think it would be ignorant for us to not recognize that there is a really dark side and diet culture has this way of like morphing itself into a different fucking beast. So that it's, you know, the whole idea

about diet culture is that they set these new trends in order to make you feel shit about yourself so that they can sell you something to make you feel better about yourself. Like that is the overarching umbrella of what diet culture represents. And I think it's important that whenever trends like this come into the spotlight, we just need to call it out for exactly what it is and while it is okay to enjoy the evolution of fashion and trends your body is not one of those things your body is not a trend diet culture is a very dangerous trend anyway that's pretty dark we got a little high horse there but uh should we get into answering some questions some deep dark burning questions we're not allowed to say i know apparently

all right question number one question number one this was a bit of a long story that came in but I'm gonna summarize it this girl was in a relationship for about 18 months with this guy and throughout that time she had met one of his friends not close friends but acquaintances they'd run in similar circles kind of thing but you know they hang out occasionally they broke up nothing they completely moved on probably like 18 months ago big time and now that friend acquaintance and her have been talking and there's a bit of she's like I have a real crush on this guy and I think I actually want to go and date him and I know he feels the same because I can get the vibe from the way they're texting. Is she allowed to do that? Is there a time frame between friends

or is it perpetually stepping on their toes? I thought this was a really, really good one. Now, obviously that was a longer story, which is why I had to summarize it, but they were the important points. I think there are a couple of different factors that come into this. Okay, hit me. Who are better friends is this person like a really close friend of their ex or are they just like an acquaintance style like I think that the level of acquaintance yeah I think the level of closeness between them is important to consider because if they're really good friends if anything ever happened with the new the friend there'd be situations that run in the same circle I know it's it's a hard one because part of me wants to say if it was like a best friend part

of me would say just you just don't do it like unless you thought that this was the penguin and you're going to marry them and like live a very long happy fulfilled life I'd be like go for it because I think you know it's hard to find your penguin so if you find it and you really think it is great but this is a really tricky one for me because I'm thinking okay if you if you guys could actually be something and you're not going to see them all the time they're not in each other's best friends circle it might just be what I don't know once a month once every two months who knows but there will be times you're going to see each other so I think these two people have to be very sure that they really like each other because it is going to start some uprest I mean yes but also

like sometimes like do you just go and encourage them and say just go and ride him like just go and have a good time and like you've moved on from your oh so you're saying like okay you're saying go and hook up and it's and maybe keep it a secret hook up see if the vibe is there before you go and announce it to the world I just think it's quite a full-on thing to be like okay well we kind of know each other through a caten circles and now I'm confessing my love for you and like I'm so into you like does it need to be that full-on with an acquaintance probably not if it was a really good friend I think it probably would need to be at that level before you cross that boundary but no matter what I think as soon as you do cross that line like you're saying goodbye

to the friendship the two guys are saying goodbye to the friendship you mean you know what actually the more and more I sit on this I actually think it's play on I think it's play on if you broke up if you need to like if you broke up that long ago I think it depends on whether you want to keep a good relationship with your ex or not do you care what they think because as soon as you do that as soon as you bang a friend of your ex that positive pathway of whatever you've been trying to maintain it's gonna go like no matter what no matter if you're just like yeah well you know how we broke up x amount of time ago like you're still going to care if your ex bangs your friend even if it's like an acquaintance friend you're going to be like oh that just doesn't sit

that well with me okay so my final verdict would be from what you have said and the level of closeness with the three of you my verdict would be if you really want to explore it explore it but I would be exploring it very privately I wouldn't be going and making this big fuss I wouldn't be rubbing it under other people's noses or making it public I'd be like if you really want to with this person go and see if there's something there see if it's there between you guys privately if there is something more and you actually want to go down the path of maybe dating or or getting to know each other better then that's a conversation you're going to have to have again and then it's a conversation of it's a whole nother question isn't it if that happens then

do you have to tell the ex in advance so that he doesn't run into you guys when you're out or is it something like that's another question but for now I'm going to say with how long it's been with the level of closeness I think it's okay I think that's a very standard thing in a lot of places like here in Bondi for example because everyone knows everyone it's always you're always dating someone that you know someone else has dated or everyone knows everyone so I think I'm gonna say go for it but tread very carefully go and ride him go and have some fun maybe keep it private like keep it don't live tweet it or live stream it or privately keep it on the download until yeah until maybe you think and you can keep it on the download forever like you are not obliged

to tell anybody but if it's going to turn into more like if you're actually starting to develop feeling zero if you think that something could eventuate maybe just recognize that that connection between your ex and you is going to be over no matter like no matter what yeah all right next question hi ladies can you please help provide me some clarity i've been with my partner for five years now we even have a child together but i can't stop myself from constantly checking up on his ex on social media i tell myself all the time that there's no reason to do it and yet i find myself just curious about what she's doing my partner is incredible and loyal and I have never had a reason not to trust him and I genuinely have no idea why I feel this way I hate that I'm the

type of person that does this and it makes me feel so self-conscious I feel like a loser honestly I just want to have this part of my life stop and move on any help or advice appreciated this is sounds like maybe like a watered down version of something we've spoken about before which is retrospective jealousy which is you get this level of obsession and you can't move on from a partner's ex now this is someone that you've never met someone that they were in a relationship before you even came on the scene sometimes before you even knew them sometimes this can happen you know we've had cases where people been in their 30s and they're they can't get past the fact that their partner was with someone at 18 like really it's a real condition yeah we did a

whole episode on i mean to me this just sounds like a little bit of curiosity killing the cat though I agree but there is a reason you can't get past the ex and I mean at the end of the day I think it's normal to have a level of curiosity about who your partner has been with like I 100% think that's normal I always have had a little look-see when I met someone new but like I'm really good with that it doesn't bother me that much I more just want to be like okay who got your attention enough before me like what did that look like what did that person look like what did they do but then I that's it I just have a look at them for two minutes and I'm done that's all I need oh see I've taken a bit of a deep dive like I could potentially ask them how their trip

to Dubai in 2012 was yeah like and like wish them a happy birthday Merry Christmas it's really sorry to hear about your granddad um no but like I don't think this is that abnormal I think it's a pretty normal fucking thing to do I think the only issue with this is that you seem to not be able to stop yourself from doing it and you have been with your partner for quite some time so I think that this means that there's potentially a little bit of an insecurity within yourself about something that she has that you maybe don't or that you deem that she has that you maybe don't like whether you think that she's more attractive than you are or she's more successful than you are or like she has more things than you do I don't know what it is there's obviously something that you kind of

need to unpack a little bit about what the reason that you're quite obsessively looking at her for and in terms of moving forward from this I think you're gonna have to do the thing that we all find the hardest to do? Block and delete. And I know that that is something that is so much easier said than done because like for me, I have to think about my exes with blocking them. And we've just been through this. Britt's been coaching me onto blocking the people that I don't need to see in my life. Every day she comes back, she's like, did another one, unfollowed another one. I'm like, yes, queen. But I think maybe what you could do in this situation is instead of kind of looking at her and just obsessing over her life think about what you have with your partner and the

fact that you know your partner chose you to have a child with he has chosen you to be with so obviously you have something in his eyes that they didn't have before you yeah I mean I think that's what you take away from it you have the family unit that you have right now with him he has chosen you you are living it so nothing good or healthy that can come from living in the past when it's not even your past. You're living in his past. Like you're going down that track. Again, normal curiosity to have a look. If you cannot control yourself, I just think block them. And I mean, they're not going to know unless they're also stalking you. They're not going to know if you block them. It's going to make it less accessible for you and you can start to

wean yourself off it. The other thing that might be happening is you do need to unpack why, but I don't know. This is, I'm just putting this out there. You have a kid, you guys have a kid together, a couple of years old, obviously, because you've only been together a couple of years. maybe she doesn't have a child and maybe you have something some deep-seated issue where you're like oh she's living this amazing life child free and we know like Laura and I have discussed this along the podcast when there's friends and I'm saying friends even though you aren't friends with her but like when there's other people that are at a different part of life to you it's easy to look when you're at home with the child it's easy to look at someone she might be going out drinking

she might be looking banging all the time with her friends and she might look like she has this really fun carefree life and you might be at home being like oh my gosh talking yourself making yourself crazy what if he wants to go back to his ex what if he doesn't want this life anymore like I don't know what you're thinking I just know that nothing good can come from living in this world especially when it's been five years it's just not healthy for you not healthy for your relationship not healthy for your partner I'm assuming your partner doesn't know either I'm assuming you're not like, hey, did another deep dive on Sally today. She's looking great. So it's just something that the only person that can control it, unfortunately, is you. And it's a matter of

willpower and it can become an addiction. So if you've been doing this for five years, if you have been looking and stalking, you probably feel like you know her, even though you don't, like you do not know her. So it does take a lot of self-control to wean yourself off that. Do you reckon any of your exes uh do you reckon any of their current partners are stalking you on Instagram I reckon they probably would with you actually I don't probably I reckon they'd keep their eye on that one I do have an ex I did speak to an ex recently I don't think actually any of my exes actually have girlfriends I don't think there's anyone to stalk me I'm not that interesting all right Question number three, I'm turning 30 and need some advice.

Is it inappropriate to host a birthday party at a venue and ask your guests to pay $40 per person? This would cover more than enough food with a bar tab, cocktails included. I would love to know where you've gone for $40 with a bar tab and food. I have paid upward of $70 to attend other friends' birthdays, example, a champagne breakfast or a set menu lunch. I have never taken issue with it. But now that it's my birthday, I feel rude to ask people to pay for an event that I want

to throw. So I guess the question is, can you ask someone to pay $40 per person to come and celebrate your birthday? What do you think? Because I mean, I have my opinion. I mean, I think you can. I think the only thing that needs to be really clear in this is that you disclose that people are going to have to pay money in the invitation.

so for example if like you know you send out a message being like hey guys I'm having a birthday it's Saturday the blah blah of this day starts at this time it's at this place great if you want to come let me know and then all these people are like yep yep yep see you there see you there see you there and then you're like cool you all owe me money I feel like that could be a little bit awkward and also that would make a lot of people that are going being like oh okay like I feel like that's something you probably should have told us early on I think because the price of this I think it's really, really reasonable. I mean, I think if you were asking for like an excessive amount of money, then it could be a little bit like, oh, well, I guess, you know, if people

want to go to that, but you also have to accept the fact that they might not be willing to spend that much to celebrate someone else's birthday. I think this is totally fine. I actually didn't even second guess this, this question. I was like, I would do that. Sure. I think it's fine to send out a mass text or a Facebook messenger or whatever it is, whichever. I'm sure you're not like courier pigeoning the invitation to people but like I think it's fine like guys it's my birthday come celebrate with me let's go to dinner I'm gonna book this place $40 per person that covers drinks and food 7 30 if you can make it let me know I would love to have you you're literally just saying like hey let's just all get together and celebrate a birthday I don't think you have

to take that upon you to throw this huge bash and pay for everything like I think it's how you present it it would be very different if you're like hey guys i have charted a super yacht that is five hundred dollars per person be there seven o'clock like that's different because that's a that's a lot of money a big expectation um but i think it's different to say come have dinner with me you know and help me celebrate it's 40 bucks you get dinner you get drinks um 40 is like made that is value for money reasonable that is insane that is insane value for money anywhere these days so I think don't overthink that and at the end of the day you have given the information you have said this is where it is this is what it costs I would love to have you it's cool if you don't like

if one of your guests doesn't want to go or if they find themselves a bit tight that week and they don't want to spend that much money they just won't come and they'll make an excuse and they're not going to hate you for throwing a dinner that costs $40 they're just going to say hey have an amazing time I've actually got other plans so I don't think you're going to ruin any friendships by but I think this is a pretty standard thing I've gone to loads of friends birthdays where everyone just turns up and pays for the dinner and drinks I've had birthday dinners where everyone just comes and they've paid their dinners that's just more of a like a friends meeting up kind of thing yeah I think that because you're like it's not like you're just asking them

to cover the venue hire they're actually getting something in exchange for it if it was just for like a venue hire then it maybe could feel a little bit different yeah exact same thing like two weeks ago I was on a boat for a friend's birthday and we all chipped in like 75 bucks so that it would cover the cost of the boat. And that was great. Like no one batted an eyelid at it. And you just, if you didn't have the $70, you just wouldn't have gone, right? 100%. And you're not going to hold that against, you wouldn't have held that against the birthday boy? No, not at all. But I mean, also think about all the other things that you like contribute money to. Like if you go to a hen's party, you always chip in, right? If you go to some baby showers,

like events like that is really normal to be like, Hey guys, this is what's happening. And This is how much it's going to cost. I genuinely don't see any problem at all with this. I think that maybe you are just the type of person that feels a little bit uncomfortable asking people for money. Yeah, I think you're an empath, which is great. You're not an asker. But I can almost promise you,

I don't think anyone's going to take an issue with this. And if they do, they're just not going to come and you're not going to lose a friendship over it. So I hope you have a bloody good 30th birthday party with all your friends and you drink and eat your heart's content for 40 bucks. Don't lose sleep over it because you are not doing the wrong thing.

100%. Well, that is it from us at Ask Uncut. Producer Keisha, thanks for jumping on the podcast today. Thank you for having me. Now we need to go and get you a dress. Literally, we have hours. I'm in a bit of a panic mode because nothing arrived. This has happened to me a few times lately.

It's been a bit of a disaster. Sorry, the Auspost is not to blame here. Your late ordering is to blame here. You have seen how many FedEx pickup things I have out there. I have a lot of things that have been delivered. do you know what annoys me is when they deliver things but they don't tell you when oh and then they're like this is the third attempt and i'm like well you've never told me when you're coming you don't even tell me what day how do you know what my problem is now

and it actually happened to me yesterday i was at home and i got an email being like your parcel has been delivered and i went i opened my front door and i was like no it hasn't and they've put the parcels down the bottom of our apartment blocks and i'm like deliver it to my freaking door yeah like i'm home i know i have cctv i am home don't put a fucking slip in the mail and make me come to the post office and wait for their opening hours and then line up to collect my package when I was home the entire day. I'm clearly getting very worked up about this. But while I am worked up.

This is definitely not sponsored by AusPost. Fuck AusPost right now. No, actually. No, they do a great job. You do. You work really hard. You work really hard. I get it.

I'm just frustrated. No, you guys do a great job. I'm a particular delivery person who keeps on not actually delivering to my door. But while we are on the topic of things that we are passionate about, the australian podcast awards have opened their listeners choice vote and you can vote for life uncut if you'd like to no even if you don't want to just do it i was just giving you the option we're all about consent here and if you would like to vote for life uncut you are able to do that you can go i'll put a link in the show notes so that you can go and do that it's also in our

instagram bio actually we timed it takes you 30 seconds you just type in life uncut and then you confirm it in your email and we are going to ask you multiple times to do it over the next two weeks I think we only have two weeks left until voting closes and yep it's the be all and end all for us we would love you so so so so much if you took two seconds if you love the pod if you love Laura and myself or one or the other maybe you only like one of us if you love producer Keisha Delilah anything any of the content we've ever produced any of the guests it would just mean the absolute world to us would be super super chuffed so thank you in advance I'll explain why this award is the big one because the listener's choice is the only one that is not voted for by

judges so it's like it's like the people's vote so you know it's so legit you know that it's not because like one person has a bad opinion of you or maybe they didn't like something that you said six years ago and they can't be biased because it's voted on only by you guys and so and you guys are the ones that matter anyway 100 and that's why we love making the podcast right so that is why the listeners choice is like the bees knees for us and that's why it's kind of the only one that really care about and on that note please keep your questions coming in to life fun cup podcast um just put ask uncut at the top accidentally unfiltered can't believe they said that confessionals anything funny that has happened to you keep them rolling in and don't

forget tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love now let's get laura married We'll be right back.