Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Peg him like a Queen

Episode Date: February 2, 2022

Welcome to therapy Thursday where, hopefully, you feel a little less alone navigating the shit show that our lives can be sometimes!We are jumping into your deep, dark and burning questions. Today the questions of yours that we are tackling are:My partner and I have recently brought sex toys into our relationship.He has now said that he would like to use a dildo on himself, with me and also by himself. Do you think this implies that his sexuality might not be hetero? How do I navigate this because it makes me anxious?My boyfriend and I broke up 6 months ago.It was a pretty toxic relationship.I have recently found out that he was cheating on me while we were together.Should I reach out to him to tell him that I know?I am so mad and still feel so hurt by what happened.I've just found out that my ex boyfriend cheated on me while we were together.It was 6 months ago but I am still so mad and hurt.Should I reach out and tell him that I know?If you have a question that you'd like us to tackle on ask uncut?Hit us up in the DMs @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friend and share the love because we love love!!xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Do you know what I'm into? On your Craigslist couch, everyone but your dog. It wasn't intentionally, but it just started and now it's on repeat. You don't know your worth. What song is that? You don't know your worth. I literally have no idea what song this is. hey guys and welcome back to another episode of life uncut i'm britney and i'm laura and this is

our thursday episode it is our down and dirty little ask uncut episode where we answer your deep dark and burning questions and britney there okay we spoke about the whole tuesday beginning intro chat on Tuesday's episode was around moving house. Now Britt has just spent her entire day today moving house. So this is 9pm. We are recording at 9pm. I have been moving since 7am this morning. It has been a very, very, very big day. But also we're committed to the course. Like we're never going to, I shouldn't say we're never going to miss an episode because we're literally going to miss an episode next week. No, we haven't missed an episode in a year. we really try not to miss anything. So I am absolutely exhausted. Laura's been moving all

week, but we wanted to get it done. So I've left my house. It is still not unpacked whatsoever. I've left my cute little Delilah at home, manning the fort, but we did speak about the fact that I was moving. Wait, when you say you left your house, are we going to tell the people whose house you actually did leave? Well, yes. I have moved into Laura's house, funnily enough. So when we recorded Tuesday's episode Britt was like I don't want everyone to know that I'm now living in your old apartment she was like I just I don't want the paps to know like can we just not address it on the podcast can we just say that we're both moving at the same time and I was like yeah sure we can lie to the people whatever whatever makes you happy Daily Mail just outed Brittany about 10

minutes ago saying Brittany Hockley moving into best friend and co-host Laura Byrne's old house so yeah we just literally did they're like house swap best friend house swap which it essentially it is i just didn't use any apartments i didn't even see them there i wasn't looking my best i was like brittany's all she was carrying was a plant like a tiny little pot plant every there was these two burly like removalists moving everything else and there's like oh it's so hard moving with my pot plant it's so funny i've got one literally you have to look it up i've got the tiniest pot plant ever but that plant have a look it's thriving it's really it's like one of those long vine plants you know the ones that like it's because they're a weed it's a poison ivy they're a

and they literally you can keep them alive you could never water them they could be in the middle of sahara desert and then you give them one drop of water and they're like why don't you knock me down when i'm on a high laura i also really love that you were like i have been moving all day i am so exhausted and then the true like the photo evidence came out which is you carrying a plan you know that i mean it looks really and then one blanket it looks really funny but you have to remember that you see what the paps want you to see there was a lot of heavy lifting there was a lot of box carrying it was a very big day but anyway they've added me I moved into Laura's house but it was just a really really perfect swap Laura obviously had a bigger house than mine she

had room for a dog buster it was really really I needed an office for the life uncut we needed space for Delilah and I'm also a creature of habit and I hate change so now anytime that I'm feeling like a little bit of a disconnect Bridges comes out of the lounge room and I'm just there on the couch like it doesn't feel the same but yeah basically i'll be spending all my free time at brit's house now so fine so fine something funny did happen to me moving actually and it's not on par anywhere near on par with your vibrator story laura but can we just make sure that that's crystal clear it's a theragun story it wasn't a vibrator story but i was like busy doing my own stuff in other rooms while these two big burly men were moving around doing their own stuff

And once they moved, the last thing they moved was the washing machine out. They moved it out. So the whole house was empty. I go in just to do one more sweep and I can see three pairs of like the laciest, laciest, sexiest white underwear that have obviously at some stage fallen behind the back of the washing machine. In the throes of passion. Now they weren't clean underwear.

They were like, oh, I don't know. They've probably been there for a year. I don't know how long they've been there. I think they've fallen out of a washing basket. So these men have 100% looked at them. I hope they didn't touch them and I hope they just walked out. At your crunchy yellow undies. No, they were white.

No, they were sexy lazy ones. But I don't know what's worse. I don't know if I should have had my Bridget Jones's there or my sexy ones. What would I prefer? I think I'd prefer a removalist to see like my Bonds undies. 100%. Like I have sexy undies. Anyway, thank you to every single person who has written in a question for this week's episode.

We've picked out three goodies today. but before we get into answering your questions, we wanted to talk about something that's pretty remarkable and special and just gives you all the feels that has gone down in the Facebook group over the last couple of days and also across social media. Now, if you are a member of the Facebook group, you might be familiar with a post from Jamie Wernert, which was in regards to, so Jamie is a, she's a property manager. She is a real estate agent and she works on rentals in the Gold Coast. And she posted about one of her 80 year old tenants who'd been living in a property for a really long time and unfortunately the owners of that property were wanting him to

move out apparently he'd been paying like far below what is the standard rental rate for that place because he'd been there for so long yeah I don't think it was a matter of them kicking him out it actually sounds like the owners of the property have been doing him a solid favor for a long time and I guess it got to the point where at the end of the day I guess people have mortgages to pay and that's the impression I get of what went down totally and there was no painting like the owners of this place as like the villains in the story but at the end of the day there was an 80 year old man named Dennis who had nowhere to move to he had no help no support no one to pack boxes no one to move and living week by week on the pension yeah literally no money to be able to

support himself not only just into a move but to be able to pay rent following up and Jamie out of the absolute goodness of her own heart she put out the post on the Life Uncut community and she was like, I feel like I need to do something for this man as the property manager. She's like, I feel like I need to help him. And the Life Uncut group was like, why don't you start a GoFundMe? So Jamie went and created a GoFundMe page and she put it out to the Life Uncut group. We shared it throughout socials as well. And at the time of recording this, that GoFundMe page had amassed $35,000. Now the year pension is only 25,000. So I wanted to share that with you all because I just am so fucking proud of the life uncut community it's so amazing to see social media be used for

good to help somebody out and yeah thank you to every single person who jumped on board who donated and who knows the story well it's actually nearly at 40 000 laura yeah there's 1.6 000 people have donated which is incredible and celeste barba somehow this made it to celeste barba celeste barba threw in a few grand it's been absolutely incredible and at the end of the day I am just so proud like Laura just said the community and I don't want to say that we've created because we haven't created the community that you guys have created yourself just on the back of the podcast the fact like we've literally done nothing we just gave you guys a space to do it and you are all every single one of you every day I say to Laura I just can't believe how

positive this group is I can't believe how supportive this group is it is so amazing and I know there are so many other groups out there that haven't been as lucky or haven't had as much of a supportive group but you guys are just fucking the best people and we're so stoked and you should all be so stoked what you've done this time and in the past and I'm sure we're going to do in the future again I'm just I'm so grateful for you guys and that's I like I could go on forever I'm gonna stop but I'm I was crying I was really upset I was really happy there were a lot of emotions and I'm just super proud of everything you're gonna cry again I just want to say one more thing i'm also so tired so i'm very emotional i'm probably behind and i got my period

i did speak to jamie today and she said that dennis was at home he was packing and he was supposed to move out on monday but because he didn't have any help or any support and like he's 80 the guy can't pack boxes and move him down the stairs like i know how hard i just called you bro who am i i'm so tired i'm like bro i today like i'm a young healthy woman and it is really hard it is exhausting I Dennis cannot pack a house up on his own he's 80 totally and trying to do that on your own without any support is just such an insurmountable task and so I spoke to Jamie today and she said she called Dennis and was like whatever you're doing stop doing it he was like I'm packing she was like stop packing and come down to the agency and she told him at

that point in time how much money they had raised and like like we said this is truly life-changing stuff and we're just so proud of the community of you guys if you guys aren't a part of the discussion group this is the stuff you're missing out on but go on there join it there is a photo of Dennis when Jamie told him how much money was raised and that he was going to be okay and if that photo doesn't bring tears to your eyes and make you want to burst with happiness I don't know what will he is just ecstatic he bless his soul when Jamie said to him look I'm going to try and get some money together for you we're going to you know we're going to sort you out I'm going to raise some money. He thought it was just going to be a local sausage sizzle. He had no idea. He

thought he was going to make like a hundred bucks from a sausage sizzle. So he didn't know the power of life on cart. I have goosebumps over my whole body. I'm just like, fuck yes, you guys are such legends. Anyway, I could talk about this for a long time. So let's move along. Let's get into question number one. Hi ladies, my boyfriend and I are in our mid twenties and we have been dating for 18 months. Recently, we've been experimenting with toys in the bedroom and he has been using things like butt plugs and stimulators. Yesterday he asked me if we could get a dildo and if we could use it on him. He plans to also use this by himself. My anxiety has taken over my brain and I'm worried that if he wants to use these things, then maybe he might be gay. What if he

enjoys them more than he enjoys sex with me? I know I'm being silly, but I don't know how to get that thought out of my mind. I told him I was nervous about the new ones, but I didn't say why I was nervous I just said that new things make me nervous and he took it relatively well then reminded me that introducing toys was my idea in the first place am I being completely unreasonable and worrying for nothing help yes yes you are yes you are and also like I read this and I was a bit in shock just because a guy enjoys some sort of penetration whether it is a finger a dildo whatever else has nothing to do with his sexuality no men have a g-spot up there some men just like it does not mean that they are gay if they form deep connections for a male and identify as gay

that makes them gay but just because your boyfriend enjoys a dildo up his butthole the thought that that is all that it constitutes to make someone gay is not only wildly inaccurate it's also pretty offensive having said that also you just need to have a conversation with him if you actually i mean you introduced these toys so he's reminded you of that that is absolutely fine i think it's brilliant if you feel uncomfortable with it tell him say i would want to use it on you first like let's do this as a couple instead of him going away and using it on his own i probably wouldn't want my partner to do that either i would probably say well i just think at the start if you've introduced a new toy because you were trying to spice up your sex life together then you do it

together it's not spicing up her sex life to know that he's going to do it on his own but also like I mean he can do whatever the fuck he wants to on his own if he wants to stick a dildo on his ass go for it he doesn't need her permission to do that of course he doesn't but that's not the question here the question is she says I feel uncomfortable what do I do so first of all you say hey let's use this together you can't tell him not to use it he's a he's a man that can do whatever he wants but I think you could introduce it into your sex life together have a conversation have a playful play and if he wants to go and use it on his own because that is how he masturbates and that is how he seeks pleasure. That's so okay. Totally. I just guess I think it's a hard

one because I don't, I almost think normally we say, go communicate, talk about your feelings. I almost think in this one, you don't need to communicate that this is your reservation because the reservation is completely unfounded. Like if your reservation about him using a dildo is that you're worried that he's gay, like that doesn't need to be communicated. Maybe you may choose to communicate that he may also be really offended that that's where your mind has gone to have you ever had a guy ask you to peg them never not once in my existence have you yeah I've never done it but I've had several guys ask me to wear a strap on and peg them well there you go it's obviously very common I think it's more common than what we give it credit for even

guys like a finger in the ass if he wants to use a dildo it's not going to affect you like it doesn't change and even if he wants to use it on your own I think it would be a very different story if you were to turn around and you were to say oh I've bought this sex toy for myself and your partner was to say I don't want you to use that when I'm not around it's kind of like very self-limiting like why can't you use a sex toy when your partner's not around like you are in charge of your own sexuality you're in charge of your own sexual experiences as well so long as it's not affecting your relationship so long as you're still having a sexy health life when you're together you're entitled to masturbate and whatever you need to do to get off fine yeah the only thing

I'm going to disagree with you on Laura is I'm still and always will be an advocate for communication I still think that you are absolutely entitled to have this conversation with him and when I say this conversation I don't mean you don't go and say to him oh you want to use this on your own are you gay I just mean if you're uncomfortable with something or you're curious about something you just ask your partner you say how come you want to do that on your own don't you want to do that with me like that's a simple question to me that shouldn't be divisive and that shouldn't be giving you anxiety to have that conversation like if you are close enough that you're putting butt plugs with your partner you're close enough to say hey what is it about that that you want

to do on your own and not with me but just be understanding and open to his response that's all but I mean his response is just going to be it feels good the other thing is every relationship and every person is different there are plenty of people that don't like their partners watching porn that feel uncomfortable with their partners masturbating without them because they think why don't you want to have sex with me everybody's relationship is different I couldn't care less if my partner watched porn for me personally doesn't bother me for other people that I know they don't like it when their partner watches porn they feel like it's like this borderline inappropriateness okay I feel like porn is a slightly different thing I can understand why

porn is polarizing for some people because it's introducing another person into your sexual relationship. How would you feel if a boyfriend said to you, you're not allowed to masturbate without me? Like, what would you do? I would not be okay with somebody. Exactly. That doesn't mean you can't. And that's not what she's saying. She doesn't want to say to him, you can't do it. She just wants to say, I feel uncomfortable with it. What do I do? So all I just think every situation in the whole world, you just communicate it. You just ask him, you talk about it. You might not get the answer you want he's gonna go and still masturbate but at least you know you've said your feelings you've gotten an answer maybe you understand more and maybe his explanation is

gonna make you feel a little bit more comfortable I agree with you that you can communicate and should communicate about everything in your relationship but I just so strongly come back to this thing that like this issue has nothing to do with her partner it has to do with her perception around sexuality and what constitutes being gay and I think that there is like and I don't want to say it's homophobic because I don't want to like lash out at somebody I don't know but I think that there is some homophobia in the fear that just because a guy wants to have something in his butthole it must make him gay and I just don't like that that's where her mind has gone because obviously he's in a very committed relationship he just enjoys experimenting in

the bedroom and shouldn't feel shame or guilt around that either. And that's why I feel passionately about like, be careful how you bring this up in your conversation, because it could come out as an accusation rather than a conversation. All right, moving on. I feel like that one was like, I mean, we agree. That's divisive, that one. Do we think it's divisive though? Yeah, because you think like, fuck it, do what you want. Stick it in your ass, go for it. And I think, cool, he can do that. Have the conversation because you feel anxious about it. Okay, but what happens? This is my, my question is what happens if she says, I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to pleasure yourself without me. What is he supposed to do? He says, I'm always going

to masturbate without you. That's a conversation they need to have. That's a conversation between them. And then they might have it out, but that's not our problem. Tell us how it goes. Tell us how it goes, but I bet you're going to have some great butt play. Yes. Oh my God. Enjoy yeah, lean into it. Have the time of your life, girlfriend. All right. Question number two. So this one came in the other week and I think this is an interesting one, but I'm going to paraphrase it. Hi guys. I've been broken up with my ex-boyfriend now for around six months. It was a pretty toxic relationship and it really took me a long time to get over it. I'm not even sure if I'm completely over it yet, to be honest. Anyway, fast forward, I just found out that whilst we were

dating, he was cheating on me and he'd been cheating on me with a girl for a couple of months. Should I contact him? Should I tell him that I know? I feel so angry that I didn't know about this when we were dating because it explains a lot. Should I reach out to him now? Dun, dun, dun. No, no, no. I mean, that's a funny statement. I feel so angry that I didn't know when we're dating. If you knew when you were dating, you'd probably, the relationship would have ended then anyway, I would hope. Well, I think that's probably the point, right? It's feeling lied to and you know breakups are so messy but yeah but also they don't come home and be like babe I cheated on you no but I guess like when you're going through a breakup and like there's obviously

multiple reasons why their relationship breaks down if someone's not being transparent and part of the relationship breakdown is actually that they cheated like they were cheating so all the other excuses that they maybe had or that he had saying like well this is why we're breaking up and this is what you've done kind of become obsolete if he was cheating and she didn't know about it. Do you know what I mean? Like I understand where the hurt comes from and I understand it because I've definitely lived this experience before, but do I think it's worth going and now like once again, opening up those wounds, recontacting him, especially if you're in a no contact situation just to get the last say, I think it's really unhealthy. Okay. I am sitting

completely on the fence. Like the fence is up my butt. That is how on the fence I am. I'm sitting there. I don't know. You're penetrated by the fence. I am penetrated by the fence. I do not know which way to roll, but I'm going to tell you what would happen in my life. You're impaled on the fence. Okay, I'll get over it now. If I rolled either way, I'm going to talk you through it. Okay. I can see both sides. My initial response to this, I just wanted to jump up and say, no, absolutely not. What is the point? What are you going to get from messaging him? It's six months ago. He's done the wrong thing. I'm hoping you've moved on. I'm hoping he's moved on. I'm hoping you're not hurt and I'm hoping that you look back and say what the fuck with it but you're big

enough and okay enough to leave it it's not going to bring you anything that is what I want to first say or is it just going to bring you more torment into your life and it's going to upset you more is it going to take you back to a place that you don't really want to be but then there's the other part of me if I roll onto the other side of the fence I tried to put myself in this position now and think, okay, if I found out that Jordan or a partner in the past had cheated on me, would I want to say something to them? And there is a small part of me that would. There's a small part of me, but it wouldn't be to ask questions

and it wouldn't be to have a go. It wouldn't be to start an argument because that's just so much toxicity and negativity that you just don't need. But what I would do – Would it be to be petty and have the last word? Like, hey, fuck you, found out about Sarah, you prick. Yeah, but it wouldn't be that. Like the way that I approach things in life, I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't be getting aggressive and angry. And my literal message would be, just say, I knew who it was. Just say it was Sarah. Her name was Sarah. My message would probably just be like, wow, Sarah, really? Okay. That's it. Right.

So you won't get like aggressive, but you'll get passive aggressive. Yeah. You keep that shit passive. Bottom line, baby. Okay. Do you know what though? I think that sometimes. Hang on, let me do the power of the message.

Wow. Sarah, really? Exclamation mark, question mark, exclamation mark. or it could be a dot dot dot I don't know you know three dots I don't know which one do you do a lol at the end like loser okay no no okay my thing is though I think that sometimes we can sit here and behind mighty and say like you shouldn't do this take like the high road obviously it would be great if we were all perfect all the time and always took the high road sometimes it's nice to have the last say sometimes it feels good to be like hey guess what I found

out about it and fuck you like sometimes that feels there's a little bit of like I knew that that was the case. I knew that there was something wrong and I knew that I didn't have the full truth. And now that I had that piece of the puzzle, it all clicks. And guess what? I want you to know that I got that piece of the puzzle. I really hope that by finding out that he was doing this whilst you're in a relationship together, that it brings you more closure, not more torment. I think that's the biggest thing because I really hope that you can look back on your relationship and go, wow, like there were so many more things about it that was wrong that I was trying to hold onto without having like a clear, bigger picture. And whether you do

send a text message just to be like, Hey, wow, really cool. I know about it. And then move on. The thing that I think you definitely shouldn't do is don't open up a conversation around it. Don't allow for him to explain his actions. Don't allow for any sort of like back and forth on this topic because it truly won't get you anywhere. And all it will do will undo the wounds that you've already started to heal. And at six months, they may not be completely healed. like you may still be in that phase where you're like some days you're great some weeks you're great and then you might still have some really sad moments around losing the relationship and missing the relationship yeah you don't open the conversation the really at the end of my text is

rhetorical hopefully like hopefully he gets that it's fucking rhetorical we don't want to respond but I agree with what Laura said sometimes it is nice to be like hey you know what here it is I know but the reason that I say don't get aggressive and don't get angry is because you don't want to show him that it's bothering you you don't want to show him that you care and that you're upset by it that text says hey I know can't believe you would do that but I don't really give a fuck anymore so good rudeness to you that's what it is without being aggressive you're being the bigger person but there's a little dig in there and I think that's okay if it's going to make you feel better if you're then going to sit by the phone and watch your text and look for his

name to light up to see his response don't do it just don't even engage and also I think the other big thing about this is like you in your head might feel like you're getting the last word like if you send that text, if you have that little dig, you might feel like you're getting the last word. He might not care at all. Like after six months after a broken down relationship, he might not care. And he might get that and be like, Oh, you know what? She still thinks she cares enough that she bothered texting me. Do you know what I mean? Like I'm on the other side of the fence. I think if you have the self-control, don't text, take that information, use it to better, like kind of heal your trauma, walk away from this relationship going, wow, that is the absolute

nail in the coffin that I needed to be able to go that relationship wasn't right for me I would say don't send the text don't open the conversation because it could just open a Pandora's box and don't underestimate the power of silence I left a silent gap there on purpose okay I feel like we've answered that I feel like so many people would have experienced this at different times in their relationships like where they have broken up and then they find out something and they feel like, okay, I want to reach out to him just to let him know that I know so that he doesn't think I've been fooled by his actions or her actions. You know, it's not gender specific, but I think it's always better if you can and you have the self-control, take the high road.

100%. All right, let's get on to the next question. Question number three. Hey girls, I have been dating my boyfriend for one year now and things have always been really great. I'm going into my final year of uni and when I graduate, I really want to move to a rural area for my first job. Yesterday, my boyfriend, who is about to start an apprenticeship, told me that when I move, he will find work wherever I want to go so that we can go and live together. Now, I should be overjoyed by this, right? The problem is that the second he told me this, I felt my stomach drop and I haven't been able to shake this weird sinking feeling ever since. I don't want to break up with him, but I'm scared. He's my first boyfriend and it worries me

that I'm committing myself to something so long-term and possibly to this guy being my forever person. I love him so much. I don't want to break up with him, but I'm not sure what to do. Should I wait it out and see how things go over the coming months? Or is this deep sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach a sign that the relationship is not right for me? I think this is a relatively easy one. Essentially, I'm going to summarize this. Your feelings are you've been in a relationship for only a year and I say only because you're young you're just about to finish uni and a year is for the rest of your life a year is relatively a small amount of time you love him you don't want to break up with him but you know you want to move away but you don't want to live

with him so that's where we're at you're in love you've been together for a year you want to move you don't want to end up with him but you don't live with him does not wanting to live with him So equate to not wanting to be in a relationship. Absolutely not. Those two can live side by side. You can be head over heels in love with someone in a really beautiful relationship that could go on for a long time and still not want to live with them yet. You could still want your independence. You could still want to go and live. You're fresh out of uni. You might want to get a housemate. You might want to be a bit independent, live on your own for a little while. That doesn't mean you can't have a relationship and that doesn't mean you have to end it. If the sinking feeling

that you're getting is because you can't imagine a life with your partner or you just feel like it's too much too soon that is just a conversation you can definitely say to him hey this is moving a bit fast for me like what if we try long distance for a little while what if we try visiting each other maybe he could move to the town with you but live in his own place there are a lot of options it doesn't have to be far out I'm freaking out I don't want to live with him it's over I think don't pull the trigger too soon yeah I mean it is always awkward though when one partner says like oh I'm ready to make the big commitment or especially when there's a move involved like I'm ready to move in or I'll make myself available so that we can kind of progress

our life in a certain way and the other person's like oh I'm not ready yet like it's an awkward conversation to have there's a feeling there of like a mismatch and there is a good chance that his feelings will be hurt when you say I don't want you to come with me or I don't want to live together. Like there will probably be a little bit of his ego that will be bruised. I think it really comes down to explaining the why behind it. So like figuring out why is it because you're not ready? Is it because you want the freedom? Like what is the why in that? And that'll kind of give the indication as to whether it's because it's relationship based or it's, you know, to do with you personally and what it is that you're kind of after at this point in life. I think for me,

if I'd been with someone for a year, even if I'm young and they were moving away and they said, I don't want you to come with me I would really struggle with that I would really struggle with the rejection that came with that especially if I didn't have anything that was tying me to the place that I was in and I felt like we were moving in the same direction together like if I thought hey we're ready to move in together we're ready to kind of like make this a thing and then they were like I'm gonna go move to another state and I don't want you to come with me I would definitely see that as a pretty big rejection funny you should say that funny you should say that. I did that. I 100% did that. And I think this is very dependent on the person that you are.

I was with, if you're new to Life Uncut, I've told this story over the years, but I haven't told it in a very, very long time, but I was with my first partner for eight years. That's a long time. And I was very young, but I was with him for three years. We were inseparable for three years. And then I said to him with not a lot of notice, probably a month to six weeks, Hey, I've decided I'm going to move to Italy alone. I want an adventure. And in the nicest way possible, I don't want you to come. I want you to visit. I want to stay together. I didn't want to end it. It had nothing to do with him. It had everything to do with me, my growth, what I was feeling. I was feeling trapped and suffocated. I was feeling like there was a whole world out there that I wanted to see. I was feeling

like from a very young age, I was reliant on another person. He was older than me and I was young so I never really had that independence and deep down that's what I wanted so I was just really open with him it wasn't like this is what's happening or not I said look I really want to do this and it doesn't mean I don't want to be with you can we try and do a year-long distance you can come over and he did so he was really supportive he was really upset he's like do I want to be away from you no do I want to lose you no do I want you to be happy yes so we we both did that we had a year apart I went he came over in the summer European summer and we did probably like five six weeks around Europe it was amazing we were both completely faithful to each other

because it wasn't about that and that was what kick-started a whole different journey for me when I came back we still stayed together for four more years it didn't make me want to come back and end it and move on it was just something I needed to do for my own personal growth so I guess because I've lived this experience I'm very encouraging of it and I know that it can work as long as there's complete honesty and transparency you've got to do what's right for you at the end of the day you have to be respectful of your partner of course you have to talk to them about your feelings but at the end of the day you get one life and if there is something in the pit of your stomach and we always say this if there's a feeling if your body is telling you something

you have to listen to it I cannot stress that enough that was a big story but I feel this girl I feel this girl in my veins totally and I get it and I do a hundred percent think like you have to do what's right for you. Does that mean that that is then right for your partner? I think your situation Brit is incredibly unique. And I think it takes a very committed, very loyal. Your boyfriend was so fucking in love with you that he was like, my fear of losing you surpasses what I want for myself right now. We were both equally as in love. It was incredible. We were obsessed with each other for eight years. I guess my thing here is, is like, you can make decisions that are best for yourself, but you can't always expect that somebody else who's in a relationship with

you will subscribe to what you want. And maybe they won't, maybe they'll say, Hey, do you know what? I feel like you're moving away and you not wanting me there and you pushing me away physically because you want this independent time doesn't fit with what I want. Like I want someone who wants to be with me in a way that's very physical and wants me physically in the same suburb fucking houses them. You know, I think it comes down to a factor of like priorities, but also figuring out whether your life is aligned. And sometimes, sometimes the right person, the wrong time is actually just the wrong person. Like some people will be able to make this work and other people just won't. That's the determining factor. Yeah. You have to be aware

that exactly what Laura said. You have to be aware that his reaction, their reaction, her reaction is not going to be, or may not be what you want. Totally. That's something that's a risk you've got to take but I think your best bet in this situation and anyone that's listening that's in a similar situation and not just about living but just about maybe you're scared to say something to your partner that you wanted to do something different you want to try something new you want to go down a different path the best thing you can do is have a really open conversation so all you need to say to him is hey I don't know about if I'm ready to live together yet I absolutely don't want to lose you but like what are our options would you consider moving to the town

with me but get in your own place and we just keep dating because there is a lot of romance to be kept alive in dating. Things change when you move together. It can be beautiful but when you live together it definitely changes. What do you mean you're sitting next to a paddle that Matt just bought? There's literally like a spanking paddle right there. There is a sex paddle next to me. I'm sitting on the floor. Okay Matt brought this for a skit. Matt brought this for a skit. It's got nothing to do with me. So just have the conversation say hey what are our options? can we move to the town together and live separately would you be okay to not move to the town and we see each other every second weekend and have a long distance relationship

just put some options out there engage where he's at and what he's thinking because you're not going to know unless you talk to him about it he's going to ask you why you just be really honest it's literally all you can do because if you're not honest it will come out later and it will cause problems down the track totally and i think at the end of the day like you've got to make decisions for yourself that aren't based in the fear around what somebody else is going to do like you make the decision and you explain the why and you explain the why around your decision so that the communication channels are open but if at the end of the day he's like hey this doesn't work for me you can't change that you know you can't force someone into doing the things that

you want and living on your terms if it's not how they want their relationship to be either i think that's it from us today here we are anyway guys that is it from us we will be back next tuesday with another meaty episode but we're taking next thursday off because we're going to queensland guys we are going to queensland we do have work up there we've got to do some stuff with radio and then we're going to have a few days break well the reason why we're doing it is because i missed out on christmas so we're going to see matt's mom we're blaming i got covid of christmas i missed you know i missed having a holiday so we are going up there to see matt's mom for her 70th birthday uh so yeah i'm gonna get on the wines and i am going to brisbane and then i'm

going to where am i going noosa for a few days and i'm going to see my sister sherry and i've never been to brisbane or noosa so i feel like it's a little bit of a new vacay for me so i'm excited to get a couple of days up there so we'll be seeing you on tuesday we will not be seeing you on thursday and then we'll be backing your ears on the radio on saturday so please keep your questions coming into life uncut podcast on instagram just put ask uncut at the top and keep the accidentally unfiltered and all the other funny shit coming in tell your mom tell to your dad to your dog to your friends and share the love because we love love