Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Petty grudges and cold feet

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Hey Lifers! Welcome to therapy Thursday! It's time to unpack your deep and dark dilemmas! First up today we chat about a girl who had the longest running grudge we've ever heard of. Crazy or correct? We will leave that to you to decide.We also hear what your most petty acts were. Vibes for the week:Laura: Mac face and body and MCo beauty xtend mascara Britt: Book trilogy - The Bronze Horseman by Paulina SymmonsThe questions we unpack this week are: -I am getting married in 3 weeks! I don’t know if I am getting the normal cold feet to the legit ick. My partner has never been good when comforting me or saying the right things if I am upset. Today I found out our family dog has untreatable cancer and we don’t know how long she has to live. All I wanted to do was tell him everything and have a simple hug and kiss for comfort When I told him about my dog all he said was ‘awww sad’ and then after an awkward silenceI said ‘so what should we have for dinner?’ and then left to shower and cry alone. I know your partner can’t be everything but is it normal to expect comfort and empathy at times like this? The episode with Mark Groves is here! - Create the love - Uncut with Mark Groves -I’m 22 and I have been in a relationship for almost 2 years and I love him so much. We live together and have traveled all around together. He truly is my person. The only issue is, he’s starting to go bald both at the back and in front. How do I broach this subject without making him feel bad about it, and to open up the discussion so that he doesn’t feel like I’m attacking his looks? -Recently my dad gave my sister his car - roughly worth about $20k as he no longer needed the car. My sister is a single mum with a good job earning good money. I have two young children and a husband. When I brought up to my dad that I was a bit hurt that he gave my sister a car and my family didn’t get anything, he told me he didn’t think of the car as money and basically dismissed my feelings as he didn’t see it that way. My question is am I being unreasonable to expect something as well?   GET TICKETS TO OUR LIVE SHOW HERE  If you have a question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug, Wollongong land. Hi guys! Hi everybody and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. That was really in time.

Say it at one, two, three. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. That was once again. What do you want me to do? I don't know anything. I don't know what I want. What do you want?

Heaps of stuff. I want sex. You want sex? If you had to pick something that you wanted, sex was the first thing that came to your mind. What, I could pick anything in the world? You literally, I said, what do you want in life? No, you didn't say in life.

I just said, what do you want? What do you want? Like, what do you want? And it is 9am on a Tuesday that we're recording this and the first thing that comes to your mind is sex yeah fuck we are different but i mean yes we are different you're married live with your partner and have two kids and have been with him for seven years i have a partner that i haven't seen in three months lives overseas and we've only been together a year we're very on very different wavelengths right sometimes i

think we're the same person and then other times i'm like we're so different okay answer the first thing comes into your head then all right you could go anywhere in the world right now where are you going? To bed. Fuck, we are different. If I could go anywhere in the world right now, I think I'd go to Fiji. And the reason for that is because I would still take my kids, but there's an excellent kids club. No, you could have anything as if you wouldn't leave your kids at home and go on a romantic holiday with your husband. Nah, I really love hanging out with my kids and also with Matt and Matt really loves it too and there's nothing I enjoy more than laying by the pool drinking a margarita and watching him try and swim laps underneath it

it's my favorite thing and we are very different anyway guys this is our ask uncut episode where we answer all of your deep your dark and your burning questions I am going rogue today and doing an accidentally unfiltered on today's episode because it just came in last night from one of our listeners you know what's good when you haven't even gotten it out of your mouth yet and you're already laughing it's just so dumb and just something i feel like i would do so i put up a story frame last night that was like get your last minute tickets to the last life uncut podcast tour shows and this girl writes back to me i'll shout her out her name's tori hi tori she writes back and she goes not me just turned up to the canberra show a week early

oh no tori maybe she just wants to be there so bad she's going to camp out for the week i wrote back to her yelling no you did not and she said yes i did and this was after i had the audacity to complain that my tickets which were promised to be sent to me 72 hours before the show hadn't come through yet she goes nope you'd think it would have clicked by now it didn't and I said this is actually so funny but obviously not funny she goes the worst part was deciding whether I stay out for the length of the show or go home and admit to my boyfriend what I'd done I said so what did you do she goes I lasted 10 minutes and I got bored so I had to go home and admit defeat do you know what though if you were okay this is again once again when you're in

different places of life you would play that differently if you were married and you had kids you would stay out you would find something to do and then you would just try and reschedule another one for two weeks later what would you do would you admit what you would you have been like i just turned up to a whole theater show like you've gotten dressed you've done your makeup you've pre you've had your pre-drinks you've turned up and she was by herself she's coming tori is coming to the show in canberra alone okay tori can you please make yourself known to the person sitting next to you when you arrive because hopefully they've listened to this episode and they will become your friend a week early how do you get it that wrong don't you start you've gone

to an event a whole week early or like a whole week late before don't throw judgment at tori i also turned up to my holiday a week earlier now that i think about it i turned up and i was like booking for britney she was like what that's next week and i was like oh do you know what i this is the shit i do all the time i'm like i'm a very forgetful person i've spoken about it before I have so much going on in my life that my calendar is chaos and I often get things wrong so I never tell people when I do for fear that they use it against me because if I did that and then I told Matt Matt would be like oh my god typical Laura yeah it just adds to the list so I'm like you will never know I will never tell you that this happened to me well now I'm thinking

about it yeah there's been a lot of instances I did it with a flight as well so I've done flight event and accommodation like holiday well look Tori next week it's gonna be a concert if it's a concert how could you everything else is understandable anyway okay look I wanted to before we answer your questions there was something I saw this week and I gave me such a giggle it went a bit too far I just want to put that out there first but it gave me a giggle and I then I wanted to ask you guys the question right and we put it up on our social media but basically the question was is what is the pettiest grudge that you have ever held on to and like what I mean by that is not just the pettiest grudge but like what are the pettiest things that you've

done in return to try and get back at someone who's done wrong by you yeah just the pettiest thing you've done just the pettiest thing but it has to be like a bit of a long-term grudge okay and the reason why I said this is because there was a TikTok that went viral last week now the girl who created this TikTok has deleted it because I think she's probably copped a bit of backlash from this has she deleted it it's gone now you can't find it but I was so in it when it first came out and I found it I was so in it and then there were quite a few articles that came out about it. And then since that has happened, I went to go and watch it again before we did this episode. And I was like, oh, bless. It's gone. So look, I'm not going to send you to her Instagram

or TikTok because obviously she wants to not be named. She needs to disappear. But basically what happened was that, so 15 years prior, this is a long grudge. So 15 years prior, she went to a comedy show with her girlfriends and one of her mates stood up and then she accidentally bumped into this guy and then he spilled his drink so like you know annoying but accidental accident so instead of him just brushing that off and moving on with his night he completely lost it he stood up and he called her a stupid fat bitch oh which is fucking horrible and then unnecessary totally unnecessary he was so rude to her and he continued on carrying on like an absolute flog for way longer than what was appropriate anyway her girlfriend was completely like

distressed and upset by it she went to the bathroom they end up leaving the night and she went home this girl who made the tiktok went home that night and she was like no you know what fuck this guy fuck him for making my friend feel so sad and for making her feel so self-conscious how dare he i think i read he actually spat on her oh and he called her an yeah an ugly bitch he really fucking went to town it's proper abuse he spat on her because she accidentally i mean i'm sorry but I would have been throwing fisties throwing 50s you're gonna fist him I'll bend over you're not gonna like this you asked for this bend over oh no but isn't that that's how badass I am that I don't even have to say I'd be throwing fist you've never had a fight in your life I'm

gonna throw up fisty you've lost me don't say i didn't warn you i'm coming in dry okay wow so anyway she then says this iconic line in her tiktok she says so we moved on with our night but we did not move on with our lives now this girl went and found the guy on facebook right i don't know maybe it's a small town but she finds him eventually on facebook and i think you know what she probably went to the venue looked at like tagged photos and stuff anyway she found him okay she also found out that he was really into his tv shows like tv shows like the walking dead like breaking bad and these are weekly shows she fucking got deep man is this and what does he what do you like i'm hacking into his hey so then she started sending him spoilers

every week before the episode came out she created all these fake accounts and she would send him spoilers to the tv shows that he loved now this was getting him really upset because he was writing things on twitter and on his facebook i mean i want to fist him but she just wants to spoil his tv show so anyway he was getting really irate by this and obviously you know it was affecting him because he wanted to watch his shows no one likes a fucking spoiler anyway eventually as you do she moved on because she got over it she got bored by it like you know but she did this for quite a long time to a point where it was very annoying for him she eventually was like ha ha ha moved on now plot twist you would never believe this years later when she was at university she ended up in the

same study as him like basically they ended up doing the same course stop it and she was like this guy was a monumental flog like she's like it reignited my deep hatred for him she's like he was the sort of person who when you're at university always plays the devil's advocate like always wants to just to fight just to have a fucking debate about something and sometimes you're sitting there like shut up and let the teacher teach anyway so it starts again so she was very personal laura yeah we all know that i've been there anyway so okay when she's at university she finds out the guy's reddit name so she can go even deeper on the things that he likes and also she finds that he's like quite problematic in his views you know how like reddit you can really

it really is and it does not necessarily bring out the best in people's opinions and views anyway so she got into his Reddit and she kind of saw the things that he was writing. Wait for it. It continues 15 years later. So she finds out that he is engaged to a girl who is a friend of a friend, someone who she knows. And she's like, this woman is an absolute angel. Like she is just a sweet, lovely woman. And she's like, I cannot believe she's marrying this absolute pig of a person. Anyway, she once again goes onto his Reddit and she finds all of these posts and she finds all these things that he's said and done. She doesn't go into context around what it is, but it sounds like it's really problematic. It also sounds like the type of stuff that if you

were marrying someone, you would want to know. And I'm guessing it kind of pertained to like cheating or it pertained to his views around cheating. Anyway, she then created a fake account and sent all of the screen grabs of his reddit to the new fiance oh my god yeah this is so excessive it's so excessive this is borderline harassment it's not actually it's not borderline it's it's not borderline it is i also talking unstable and harassment for 15 years but like it's you know i'm here for it anyway it turns out well she finds out through her online stalking that the guy when she was in his garden outside his window she found out she found out that anyway they didn't end up getting married this woman's now married to someone else has a beautiful

family moved on with her life whether it was because of the reddit conversations who knows but she basically in this tiktok was like i played the long game of revenge and she's like and i never ever was able to get over it and she's like was it petty yes she's like but did i get my pay back and then some yes was it worth consuming your life for a decade and a half no i don't think so no but it did make for a really good tiktok anyway the reason why she's now deleted it is because people have come for her because obviously people like leave the guy alone like you shouldn't sabotage someone's entire life over one incident that happened 15 years ago also like reporting to the police if he spat on you and abused him and then move on no but the

thing is though like i mean my only part of me that goes i want to protect this poor girl is because if he had seemed to have changed, because she's obviously monitoring his social media, so if his views weren't problematic, if she could see that like, okay, well, look, he seems like a nice guy now. His views on Reddit are really quite reasonable and he really seems to have changed. I don't feel like she would have gone as hard for as long,

but because she kept seeing things that he was doing that were like absolutely problematic. Yeah, but she's not a Reddit political vigilante that has to go and monitor for two decades and be like, you know, not all heroes wear capes, some troll Reddit. it no i mean i love that she went for the revenge at the start like this story to me would have been amazingly perfect if it stopped 15 years ago if it stopped at the spoilers like like after the event she found him she found his interest and she spoiled it no harm like you know people are

not going to die from finding out the end of what happened at friends but 15 years that she stalked him it's stalking yes do i approve no does it make for something interesting to unpack yes but we did put a call out to you guys for the pettiest thing that you have done have you done anything Laura because I feel like you're pretty petty like fuck off no like in your she knows it defensive I feel like in your 20s like in that pretty crazy intense dating stage that you had for a decade I feel like you would have done some petty stuff I did some petty stuff what'd you do I'm a petty bitch anything you would talk about yeah yeah i'll tell you okay so my ex-boyfriend who cheated on me and then we broke up yeah actually he cheated on me lots of times so he deserved this

he cheated on me for seven years he cheated on me for many years i posted a whole heap of things on gumtree so basically i can't even remember what it was that i said i was giving away i think i said i was giving away a playstation something really dumb but something that i knew would be fast moving and then I put his phone number on it and I said it was free and you could come pick it up and he received a million phone calls as long as that was that one time only and you know I still doing it today I did I put one up yesterday for content content purposes although yeah no I don't think you're supposed to do that I think it's not okay I think it's actually quite illegal but you know what statutory what is it called when 10 years passes and then you're like you have said

that so many times in this podcast. Laura out herself for something illegal and she goes, it's been 10 years. It's the statutory decade declaration. I murdered someone. It's been 10 years. It's fine. I can talk about it now. And I'm like, Laura, that's not a thing. I think it is a thing. No, it's actually genuinely not. It's why people can go to prison 50

years later when new evidence comes up. It's not a thing. So stop breaking the law. Maybe for things like murder, it's not a thing. But for petty crimes, I reckon it's a thing. You can't just... Okay, I'm not having this argument with you on air, but you're going to prison. Okay. So the only thing that I have ever done, and when I say this out loud,

I realise how pathetic I am, and I think I've said it before, I don't hold grudges and I'm not a petty person. I remember the sociopath, crazy person that was cheating on me for two years and had a double life. I thought this was like the best revenge ever. I just went to his house and took all his toilet paper. That was it. That's how pathetic I am.

That's so lame. So in my head I was like, yeah, next time he does a shit, he's going to have no toilet paper. That's how pathetic I am, yes. I mean if this happened through COVID, I would say like, well, late but like it's been 10 years now I still break into his house and take his toilet paper okay do you know I will say someone once got a petty revenge on me so yeah I don't know who it was though so after the bachelor finished it was Brit after the bachelor finished and I was living

like Matt and I we were together but we weren't actually together he was you know living elsewhere we couldn't be seen publicly I got this delivery to my house I kind of think it was my ex-boyfriend but let's not accuse people I got a delivery to my house and it was a package and I opened it and it was a kilo of glitter dicks I remember somebody sent me a fucking kilo of glitter so when I opened it it exploded and there were little tiny dicks of glitter was it definitely to you like did you check that it was Laura Byrne yes Laura Byrne and then it was like you know it was package it up like a gift and I was like oh my god I'm like people love me and I opened it and a bag of glitter dicks exploded all over my house don't you think that's more something maybe one

of the other girls in the house would have done than your ex-boyfriend because it's like I don't know maybe if you were the winner of the batch was there someone you had beef with that would think that because that's not a manly thing to do right but like it's a very it's a very female thing to do I mean yes it could have been one of the girls I didn't just oh my god I never thought all right we asked you guys what some of your petty things were there are a couple of funny ones i chose an ugly photo of someone i work with that i didn't like for the group presentation oh that's fine no if any of us put ugly photos of each other we're like why did you guys put that up you can't put an ugly photo for a group presentation that goes around to your whole

workplace like and you can't you can't but you can okay i used my ex's card or my uber eats for Months and months he eventually realised and messaged me and I just denied it. Oh, wait, this is good. I poured glitter onto the ceiling fan blades. That's fucking great. Oh, no, that's fucking cool. It's so good.

Because that shit's never coming out. That's actually amazing. I am going to use that. Edited my ex's hinge profile settings to over 60 years old and 100 kilometres away. That's so dumb. He's going to figure that out. What was it?

she went hacked into her boyfriend her ex-boyfriend's hinge profile and she set the settings to must looking for over 60 years old and 100 kilometers i mean like that when the grannies are turning up you're gonna realize your settings and on a bit of a mishap right yeah but also like that's only gonna last okay i need like the long-term pettiness okay these are actually all too cute you guys are too nice i reported my ex-boyfriend for lying on his tax return good i'm in prison so hectic a girl i know cancelled another girl's makeup booking for her formal as revenge. That's fucking savage. What'd she do? You're not listening. You're reading. I was reading the next one. She called up and cancelled her makeup booking just before

her formal. You're a mole. What did she do? You can't fucking do that. Do it to someone on their wedding day. That's worse. I dropped 150 keys all over Melbourne. Each tag said, if found, please call this number. And it was her ex's number. Do you know what? Look, that one is fine, But I think a way more cost-effective way of doing it is just putting an ad up on Gumtree, multiples, costs you nothing, it's free, and it goes out to more people. Totally because otherwise you have to buy 150 keys. 150 keys.

That's actually like such an expensive revenge plot. This is so funny. I told my friend the wrong brand of perfume I was wearing so she wouldn't buy the same one. That is so petty. She's going to know when she buys it. She's like, this doesn't hit the same. Also, I do understand though, you know when you've bought something

and you really love it and your friend's like, oh, where did you get that? I want to go and get it. And you're like, fuck, I just want to stop buying the things that I like. It's annoying. These guys, you guys are actually way too nice. My ex was really organized and extremely obsessive about things being in the right place. I took all of his DVDs out of their cases and I put each one into another case. That's really funny and would be really annoying.

That's really annoying. Yeah, especially if you have like 200 DVDs. Remember when you used to go to Bali and get all the pirated DVDs and you used to come home with like, you were the coolest kid in school if you came home with like a thousand pirated DVDs. We had three cases of them because my mum went over there this one year and literally spent $1,000 on DVDs. So we had every DVD that you could ever possibly imagine

and it was like living inside Video Easy. Yeah. Yeah. I got a friend a book titled A Guide to Kindness for Her Birthday. Oh. If you need to be petty towards your friends, you probably should just get new friends. Don't be friends.

Don't be friends. Don't like give them a guide to how to be a better person. You can start there and then you can end with getting new friends. Anyway, let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes. Now my vibe for the week is very, uh, what's the word? Vibey? It's, it's basic bitch vibes. The reason why is because I'm vibing a makeup that's been around for forever, but I've just rediscovered it. Okay. I'm actually going to vibe too. So I'm vibing, okay. I'm vibing the face and body from Mac cosmetics. I used to use this when I was 19, 20, like all through my twenties and I was dewy and

I was youthful. And I thought that that was youthful. We are not letting anything through the Kiva today. We're being so mean to each other. We're so in a stupid mood. I was very youthful and I thought it was my skin back then, but apparently it was the face and body makeup that I was using. So I used to use it religiously as one would suggest from the name of face and body makeup. You can use it on your body. Great on your legs. I've been using it all through the live show on my legs oh you've been keeping that one a secret yeah and sharing it with me everyone's been saying like oh my god you've got such great legs and i don't you saw a photo of me yesterday and i look like i've got 90 year old nano legs everyone says you've got great legs and

everyone's been going britney's legs look dry because you've been keeping the face and body moisturizer from me yeah so it's mac cosmetics face and body the thing that's so good about it is it so it's very watery when you first open it but it coagulates so you can make it thicker on your skin and it reacts to air. So it kind of turns into a more thicker foundation. The more that you let it oxidize in the air, if that makes sense. I love it. It is amazing. And I've like rediscovered it and feel like I just now have this really deep love affair for it. The other thing I want to recommend is Emco beauties, their extend mascara. It's like not extend with an E it's like X tend. I've got it on right now. It's a tubular mascara and it is fucking amazing because I'm

somebody who anytime i use mascara i get uh like makeup fall i always get the black under my eyes so the thing with tubular mascara is it's not waterproof but what happens is when you want to take it off you basically wet your lashes and you can pull the little tubes off your eyelashes yeah and like actually just it is what it sounds like you just sort of grab it and it just comes and it slides off but it just means if you're someone whose makeup always smudges it doesn't do that so it kind of works like a waterproof mascara without making your eyelashes dry like a waterproof from scar it is a game changer i highly recommend great good vibes thank you okay guys so they weren't so basic bitch after all no that felt great very makeupy body ish which we don't

often get from you face body and eyes yeah fb fb okay my vibe this week is a book a book series for all those readers now there's three books in the series it is called the bronze horseman by somebody called paulina simmons that's who's written by not by the author just by somebody A woman who happens to be the author named Paulina Simmons, The Bronze Horseman. So it's a trilogy. I have two book series in my life that have literally completely consumed and engulfed me and I have become obsessed with. This is one of them. One was Outlander by Diana Gabaldon, Sam Heughan. We know it. I've talked about it. I read it when I was 19, 20. I also read The Bronze Horseman when I was 20. Like, so I found this series after I read The Outlander and I felt

like i was lost have you ever you know when you finish a series book or tv and it's so consuming that you're like what do i do with my life now that's what these books do right so i've reread the bronze horseman now because it's been 15 years and i loved it as much as i did then now i don't like war books as such but it is set in 1941 it's set in the world war over in leningrad in russia it's not a book about war it is a love story between these two people tatiana and alexander they're the two characters it is just the most incredible beautiful heart-stopping love story and the writing is so incredible and the characters are made up but it's all very historical and factual so you're learning something at the same time but obviously the characters that are in that

time are made up I can't recommend it enough Sherry my sister and I are just we both felt the same way about it and I reckon you would probably love it Laura but it is three books so you do need to like have that time to settle in. Yeah, I love that we've both recommended stuff from when we were 19 years old. Well, no, because I reread it. A lot of the books I've been reading lately have been very, very nothing,

really great like teenage love story novels. You know, the things that are just like- Just fluffy, sugary. Just fluffy, great, sex, love, cute, whatever. But this is a book that will just hit different, I promise. So if you are a reader or you're looking for something, The Bronze Horseman, Paulina Simmons. Question number one, please help.

I am getting married in three weeks and I swear to God, I don't know if I'm getting the normal cold feet or legitimately getting the ick. My partner has never been good when comforting me or saying the right things if I'm upset or going through something difficult. Today, I had a really bad day. Long story short, I have PCOS going on one year. I had a horrible day with my symptoms and my parents told me our family dog has untreatable cancer and doesn't know how long she has left to live so yeah she had a really hard day i'm obviously very defeated and was always stressed out but the news really upset me all i wanted to do was go and tell him everything get a hug a kiss some comfort and talk it through with someone i love but when i told him about my

dog all he said was oh sad and then after an awkward silence of five seconds said so what should we have for dinner i then went to the shower to cry alone because i was so baffled by his response. Do I need to talk to him about his lack of empathy and feelings around something like this or is he maybe just not as attached as I am and he didn't realize how upset I was even though I told him. I don't know. We're going to get married and I know your partner can't be everything all the time. Maybe some people just go to friends or family for these things instead but am I wrong for being salty and slamming all the doors in my house right now? No, you're not wrong for being salty I think running around slamming doors is probably not the best way of I mean probably

definitely not the best way of communicating that you're upset he might not realize that he's the reason why you feel angry not just upset he might not realize that he didn't provide comfort for you in that moment to the level of which you needed now should he have realized that yeah sure we always hope that our partners are aware and perceptive enough and can understand our hurt enough, especially when we've said it to them, that they're going to respond in a way that's going to make us feel completely validated and understood. I think it's like that feeling when when your partner doesn't meet you where you need to be met, you feel like they don't know you. You feel like you don't even understand how I'm feeling, which makes you feel further away from

them. But I definitely think you need to speak to him. The only thing, though, is that maybe makes me want to question things a little bit is that relationships are easy when things are good, right? Relationships, when everything's coasting and you're having a great time, relationships are easy. It's in the moments that are really challenging. It's in the moments where there is heartbreak, there is tragedy, there is grief, that there is loss. They're the moments where people really show you who they are and they really show you how they can support you. And I mean, he may have not realized that you were as attached to your family dog and he may not see it as a bigger thing. He might react very different if there was a loss of a person or if

there was some other emotional tragedy that you're going through. He might not see those things as being similar, but I would hope that in the instance that you're going through something that you're really struggling with, he would have the emotional empathy and the ability to get on your level and to support you in a way that you need to be supported. Because if this becomes repeated behavior, that space between how disconnected you feel is only going to get bigger and bigger. I agree. And I do agree with this girl saying, I understand your partner can't be everything all the time and that's completely accurate but in my eyes one thing that your partner should be is be able to comfort you like when you go through something I feel like that's

almost I want to say like the non-negotiable of what they have in the relationship like yes they can't be your best friend and your employee and your husband and your spiritual leader and give you the emotional things you need and they can't do everything right and be a lover but be a sensitive lover but also be the chemistry sexy time lover like a hundred percent you cannot have it all but for me being there in a tough time is one of those things that every partner should be able to do it's like one of the basics it's like a hundred percent it's the foundation you don't need your partner to do everything for you but that is literally one of the basic foundation things that you expect them to do for you yeah it's like the bread and butter of the relationship

totally so my only thing i do want to say here is if you are not communicating how upset you are to him and you're not communicating that he's not giving you what you need he doesn't know so if you have had this moment with him where you've said you're upset but then you guys went on to talk about dinner and then you removed yourself to cry alone in the shower so he didn't see and and you have said i don't know if he knows how upset i am then he's not gonna know like you have to give him a little bit of grace in that sense it's different if you break down crying to him and you're telling him and you're emotionally laying it all out and he responds that way that's very different like if you're saying I need more from you and look how upset I am and he's like

babe what's for dinner that's completely different so my first thing I'm going to say is just let him know because they're not mind readers women aren't mind readers either we're better at it than men for sure but men aren't mind readers so make sure you're communicating that with him and then go from there and then say I really need more from you in these moments like moving forward as well and if it doesn't come naturally you need to consciously try to provide it for me yeah and you can say you know the reason why I felt like you weren't there for me is because you know you said oh that's sad and then you asked what's for dinner like you didn't give me a hug I needed physical affection in that moment these are the things I need from you I definitely agree with

everything you said Britt I think that sometimes we expect our partners to be able to read our minds a little bit too much. And we expect that they should instantly know what we require of them, intuitively know. And sometimes they do, and sometimes they can really surprise us. And oftentimes they don't, and it can make you feel super disconnected. So that does come down to the conversation part of it. The only thing I do want to say is, and I mean, I don't know if it's completely relevant to this specific situation, but it is something that stuck with me off the back of when we interviewed Mark Groves years ago. Mark Groves from Create the Love. Yes. Mark Rose from Create the Love. We have an episode with him and I'll link it in the show

notes because we did that just before I'd gotten married. It was such an eye opener in terms of like how I want my relationships to be. And one thing he said, so Mark, he called off an engagement prior to getting married. He was in his twenties and he was getting married because he felt like that that was the next stage of what his relationship was at and what he thought he needed to do. And then he had this realization that he didn't want to get married to that person. Not that he never wanted to get married in life, but that that person wasn't his right person. And he said that often we get told that you're supposed to have these feelings of doubt pre-marriage.

Like we've been sold this idea that it's normal to have quote unquote cold feet. Yes, for some people, it is normal to feel a little bit anxious about the fact that you're doing something that you've never done before, right? There's a little bit of anxiousness is okay. But if you're going into getting married terrified or second guessing yourself, the ick, feeling the ick, those are not normal reactions to getting married. You should not be going into marriage feeling this incredible pull that it is the wrong thing or questioning yourself so much that they're not your person.

If that's how you're feeling, you need to unpack that before getting married. And I think that some very honest conversations with your partner are not necessarily around how you're feeling about having the ick because that's pretty damning but the things that have led you to feel like you have the ick to make sure that you are on the same page because if you're not on the same page before getting married you're certainly not going to be on the same page after you're married because it doesn't change the relationship it just makes it harder to leave yeah also the ick's pretty hard to reverse like once you're in it you're in it so don't let it get that far oh i imagine about to get married though and you feel like that like three weeks

away you're not meant to I genuinely think a little cold feet a little bit of cold feet fine an overwhelming feeling of this is not right is not normal it's not you should not go into getting married terrified or having the fucking ick or feeling like what am I doing yeah because if you're feeling that that's not normal okay sorry I'm getting passionate about it question number two i'm 22 and i have been in a relationship for almost two years and i love him very much we live together and have traveled all over together he truly is my person the only issue is he's starting to go bald both at the back and the front how do i broach this subject without making him feel bad about it and to open up the discussion so that he doesn't feel like i'm

attacking his looks you don't you don't you don't you don't no you buy him a beanie no joking that was a bad joke i find it such an interesting thing right and i say this because when i was younger i would have like much like younger i'm talking like in my early 20s i would have made like the jokes i would have been like but now i understand just how problematic it is and how it is the exact same as saying making fun of a woman for putting on weight or a woman for I don't know getting acne or it's the same as any other type of physical change that you don't necessarily have control over or care about like well it doesn't change who you are totally like why I don't know why you need to bring it to his attention I also think like he knows yeah there's a really good

chance he knows and I think sometimes when it comes to baldness with men because it's men we think it's okay to make fun of like we're like oh whatever you know but we would be so up in arms if a man was to make fun of a woman or it was to say like if this question was hey my girlfriend's put on a bit of weight and I really want to just you know I don't know what the right way is to point it out to her that I want her to know but like I don't want her to feel like I'm attacking her we would say fucking shut up there is no way you can say that to her and also like why is this something that's become a problem within your relationship. Now, I don't want to go as hard on you because I appreciate that you've written it in, but I do want you to question why is it

that we feel like it's okay to comment on the way a man looks, especially when it comes to baldness? Because baldness can be a real moment of insecurity for guys. It can be something that they really feel emasculated around. And it's something that there are a lot of men who are bald and who are transitioning to going bald or losing hair that they already feel so self-conscious about look I do find it interesting that you proceed that statement with he truly is my person but he's going bald I don't understand why that changes anything what I do want to say is just to give a different point of view from you Laura everything that you said I agree with the only way I think you can bring this up is if he brings it up if he wants to talk about it you can talk

about it but you cannot bring it up the only other way you could bring it up is if he is going bald at the back and you think he doesn't know then that's probably something I would tell my partner for sure but that's not a I wouldn't tell my partner that is a problem I'd be like hey do you know that you're losing some hair there like I think that's okay because if I was going bald at the back of my head and I because I can't see it and I don't know. Brittany you are going bald at the back of your head. I do have a double crown it looks bald. Every time we get ready for a live and he's like is my bald spot covered yeah because i got a double oh guys if you know what a double crown is it's like a rhodesian ridge back like where their hair goes the different direction

anyway my hair does like a cyclone sort of swirly thing and then it looks like i got a bald patch anyway if i was actually going bald at the back i would want my partner to tell me if they could see it and i had no idea sure tell me don't make it like it's a problem but it's more of a just letting you know in case you didn't you would lord don't shake your head if you were bald at the back and no one told you you'd be pissed off you'd be pissed off but that has to be like a a heads up telling you because you might not know but you can't care about it and the only way you can have a discussion because you said you need to open up the discussion you're like you want to open it up right so what do you want to open up for you want to open it up because you think he

needs a hair transplant this is a fine to suggest that to him if he says do you know any treatments for going bald like if he brings that up to you you can be like oh there's heaps of stuff because the other thing is there are hair transplants right every second i know people around sydney that have had them they're actually quite common now yeah but also like that is very that's a very extreme like there's loads of things that you can do prior to that like use rogaine look i guess my thing is and i don't know if i agree with you brit and the reason why i say this is because i don't think i would ever bring it up like if i looked at matt and i ever thought that there was something about him that was changed you know like anything if I noticed it I would not feel compelled to

point it out to him and the reason for that is even if it came with good intentions even if it was because I I thought maybe he hasn't noticed and I want to tell him that his hair's a bit thinner on you know then maybe he might want to do something about it if he hasn't noticed I don't want to be the one responsible for breeding an insecurity in the person that I love I'm not going to point it out to them in the same way that if Matt turned around and said to me oh your your melasma has gotten a bit darker babe have you noticed he would never do it he would never point out something about my body that maybe i didn't notice so that i could fix it because that all that does is make people feel so fucking insecure and if you're not already insecure you soon will

be yeah i'm gonna i mean we won't agree on this because i do disagree on that i wouldn't like it if he pointed out melasma on my face but you already know that i'm talking specifically about a bald patch on the back of your head and I'm putting myself in that position if I was going bald at the back of my head which I do not see I never see and no one told me none of my friends not my partner like not Ben I'd be pissed off I'd be like how could none of you have told me that because it's not something that I can see or notice and that's the only way I say that she should bring that up he's gonna know if there's a bald patch at the front of his head you don't have to bring that up but it's like it's highlighting something that that person might

not know about that they might actually be insecure about because they don't know about it but once they're given that information they can do something i could do a comb over i could like you know like you can take that into your own hands but you can't approach your partner and be like hey you're going bold let's talk about that like i've googled some things you can do about it let's get you a toupee let's get you to turkey to get your hair transplants like you just can't do it totally and i also think it comes down to like the type of person that your partner is like and the type of relationship that you have because like okay when it comes to hair loss so I dated a guy who was losing his hair and he cared and I never mentioned it to him I didn't

care but he really cared so he was using Rogaine right so if you are losing your hair the first line of treatment is an everyday treatment so you can take a pill a capsule and which has a thing called like minoxidil in it and then you also use it on your hair right and it's like a lotion or a Rogaine or whatever. There's many different brands of it. But the thing with that is that it's an every single day, can't miss a day treatment. Is your partner even the type of person who would want to keep up that type of upkeep? Because a lot of people aren't. So if you know like, oh my God, there's no way my boyfriend doesn't even wash his hair every week. Like if he's never going to use this product every single day, he doesn't care about his looks enough to do something

that's going to be an every single day process, then I think that there's no point. And I guess like my big take home from this is that it should be insignificant if you have found the person that you want to spend your life with if you love them so much if they are your penguin and then you find out that their hairline's receding it truly should be something that is absolutely insignificant in the same way that you know if you put on weight or if your body changes or things start to look different about your person as we all look different as we age they should not be big deals and I guess it's not our partner's responsibility to point out the things that they think are flaws in us is how I feel. Amen. All right. Question number three. Recently, my dad gave my sister

his car roughly worth about $20,000 as he no longer needs the car. My sister is a single mom with a good job earning good money. I have two children and a husband. When I brought this up with my dad that I was a little bit hurt that he gave my sister a car and my family didn't get anything. He told me he didn't think of the car as money and basically dismissed my feelings as he didn't see it that way. So my question is, am I being unreasonable to expect something as well? Or sibling rivalry? This is okay. Look, no, I think you're being a little bit unreasonable. That's okay. That's how I feel because I don't think that everything in life is tit for tat, right? And you know, maybe people will disagree with me because obviously we should treat our

children evenly. I'm sure in your dad's mind, he sees the fact that your sister as a single mom is that he needs to still support her more. And you are in a relationship, you have a husband, the two of you mutually are contributing to your life together and you have someone to build a life with. And now she's not building a life with anyone and she has to rely on herself, right? For everything. Well, one family is dual income and one is single income. totally it's a big difference and maybe not because we don't know for example we don't know if the other sister who has kids and a husband is working we don't know what their financial situation is because she hasn't said so maybe that's not the case maybe she isn't financially

great assumption yes but i guess the thing about when you become a single mom is is that you are always doing everything on your own like everything you don't have anyone to bounce the stuff off with you don't have someone to come and help you to pick up there's no one to come home to and talk through the good bits of your day, the bad bits of your day. And if you're lucky enough, your parents often come and help and fill in that void a little bit. And I know for me, when my mom was a single mom, my grandparents monumentally filled that void and they did so much for my mom. And I guess I just kind of think like your dad, probably when he says, I didn't see it as money, I just saw it as a car to help her. He's not thinking about this, like, I love one daughter more than the other.

I'm going to give her X amount of money. And ha ha ha, you are getting nothing. He was probably just doing something that he thought would really help her while she no doubt is going through a pretty tricky period of life, which is being a single mom, because it is hard. Yeah. I think he probably just looked at it like it was situational. He looked at, okay, I don't need my car anymore. You guys are husband, wife, assuming you've got two cars. She's a single mom. She could really do with that help. I don't think he thought this is the value of $20,000. dollars. I'm going to purposely give it to my favorite child. I mean, we could be wrong. We don't know the situation, but I don't know many parents that would be like that and favor one

person. I also think in life, like if you keep school like this, if you keep tally of your parents' relationships or with anyone, but especially it can be with parents. If you keep tally over the years, you could end up being in a situation where you are very, very hurt and like, you'll be bitter. And who is that going to help? No one. I kind of also think with this, like, if you're keeping tally all that's going to do is erode your relationships with not just your dad but also your sister and I guess you know at the end of the day you have your husband who you can go to for support you can invest in in terms of your relationship you guys financially can work together towards your goals and I think kind of focus on the things that you can do with your now

nucleus family with your husband and your kids rather than thinking about what you can get from your parents is it a situation where maybe in the future when they pass away that their wills are not ended up being split evenly then maybe that's a time for you to feel like okay maybe my dad didn't love me as much as he loves my sister but I don't think in this instance I would be getting as upset as what it seems to have upset you other people may disagree and I think you're also upset because you've said he dismissed my feelings so maybe there's a level of you being upset because he wouldn't even try and understand where you came from that can also hurt from a parent when they when they don't try to understand what you're saying or why you feel that way but at the end

of the day I think that you've got to be really careful with this because it's going to probably just build a whole lot of resentment also though I think that there's a sense of entitlement like I mean at the end of the day it's your parents money like as parents we don't have to give our kids any money once they're adults if we don't want to so like if he's chosen to pass a car on to one sister and not another I would think that there are a lot of people listening to this who have siblings who have experienced at one point in their life feeling as though their parents have financially preference one child over another. I experienced it in my childhood. I have a little brother. And for a long time, I was like, why is my mom still supporting him

as a mid 20 year old adult? But she didn't do that for us when we were in our mid 20s. And you make comparisons. And then when you make those comparisons, you think, well, why was I so hard done by? And all that's going to do is just fuck up your relationship. And I know now like my relationship is amazing with my mom. I know she loves us evenly. It just was a different time in her life. And she was able to support him more because she financially had the freedom because she didn't have two older kids to take care of at the time. Well, I sort of feel the same. It's she says, am I unreasonable to expect something as well? It's hard for me to answer this because from the moment I've turned 18, I've never asked for or gotten anything from

my parents in that capacity. It's like I was an adult and I went out into the working world and I did it. Like my parents' money to me is my parents' money. I was like, they've worked their whole life they've looked after four kids they've set us up that we can earn our own money and we went to do our own jobs like it's different so when I hear other people or families where their parents are like buying them a house giving them cars that blows my mind totally like I can't believe the parents did that I'm like I can't believe they would give up what they've worked for their whole life they get to enjoy that money as well that's how I think so maybe I have a different lens on it but that expectation I expect not a dime from my parents even when they pass

away, I don't expect a dime. I hope that they pass away having spent every dollar they've got. Totally. But I also think it's situational, right? Like, I mean, you've worked really hard. You've also been really fortunate and you're in a position now where you earn money for yourself and you are very self-sufficient and there would be never a need for you to ask your parents for anything. There are absolutely going to be adults out there who have parents who, you know, are financially stable and they simply are not, whether it be because they've gone through divorce, maybe they've been made redundant, whatever it is, that's the situation. I don't think that it's abnormal for parents and I'm talking like older parents to help out their adult children in times

of need oh no and I don't mean that no no I know you don't I say that because like like you know reiterating my grandparents my grandparents financially helped my mum so much throughout my whole life but I guess it comes down to like whether or not your kids financially need you and that you're in a situation where like not just the love but they need the support of dollars the support of a car the support of whatever it is a place to live because you never stop being your kids parents even when they're all grown up right and i guess they've probably seen your sister go through a horrible marriage breakdown she's probably had to find her feet again she's gotten herself set up as a single mom in a house with the kids and they just thought may you know

a car would probably make her happy and make her life a little bit easier and maybe it was a safety thing maybe she didn't have a car that was safe enough for the kids like you don't know you don't know you know and so I guess like put yourself into that position and and maybe if it was you who was the single mom you would have been the one getting that offer from your parents I don't know I just think going back to this idea of keeping tit for tat it's not healthy it helps no one it will not improve your relationship with your parents and it will make you super resentful but having said that I also understand it like a hundred percent I understand where that feeling comes from because there's always a bit of like from when you're a kid to adults there's always

a bit of sibling I don't want to say rivalry it's not the right word but there's a level of jealousy maybe can be yeah like I think that that's really normal and I think you just need to be a bit careful with it that's all because you don't want it to impact your relationship with your sister I have a question for you Britt would you ever or have you ever had a conversation with your parents around their will my parents will would be split between the four kids evenly and you've spoken about it yeah we've spoken about it because we yeah I also know how they're gonna not how they're gonna die that was sounded morbid I also know what we're gonna do for like their funeral like you know what they want at that part of life yeah actually if you didn't hear it last week we

did an interview all around we need to talk about aging and we didn't speak about wills specifically but we did speak about the importance of talking to your parents around what they want for their lives and for the end of life and what that looks like I have not really spoken to my mom around her will and stuff like she's definitely mentioned things to me but I don't want it like I don't want anything I don't want to I'm like just whatever you do with it if it's not you guys Yeah, I know. I'll give it to the kids. Give it to the grandkids, obviously. But then at the same time, my brother doesn't have children. So that wouldn't be either. He can have his bit and then I'll give the bits to my grandkids because I don't know. I think that the problem here is,

is that when it comes to money that people feel like they own or feel like they deserve, but they haven't earned. So when it comes to your parents' money, it can create such separation in families. It can create such a huge and awful division. But at the end of the day, that money is not yours it is not yours to feel any ownership over so if your parents want to do whatever the fuck they want to do with it yeah it doesn't mean that they love you less it just means that they've made a decision with what is theirs and i guess it's something that can be really hard to accept and it can cause a lot of breakdowns in relationships yeah anyway that's it that was a different question wasn't it we really took a pivot like we dog-legged there we're all

now we're talking about dead people's money and i don't we don't even know why we're there because We're talking about a single woman in a car. It was just a car. It was just a car for a month. All right, well, guys, okay, so you will know if you're listening to this, we had our Gold Coast show yesterday, but we don't know, we can't tell you how it is because we're recording this before the Gold Coast show because it's just going to be wild.

But that means that we only have two shows left, two live shows. We're going to Canberra and then we're going straight to Brisbane. Our very last show is on the 31st, which is the Brisbane show. If you haven't got tickets yet, there are some last-minute tickets that were released. It's so fun. I know we've been talking about it forever, but it is so unbelievably fun.

We hope that you guys, like, come, have such a good laugh. If you've been thinking about coming on your own, go get your tickets. There's, like, final release tickets. There's also some cheaper tickets if you get in there and find them. Like a lucky dip. Get in there. Well, no, they're kind of like wherever there's single tickets,

wherever there's any random ones left or there are ones at the back, but they are cheaper. And we have some merch to give away there. And, look, it's all happening. Get your tickets. Don't forget. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, with all your friends

and share the love because we love love! We'll be right back.