Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Photo vaults and his exes nudes, Lies and Pet Support

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Hey Lifers, Welcome to therapy Thursday where we unpack your deep, dark and dirty questions. First up today we're chatting about the simple way to see if your friends actually like you!Annnnd we want to know which word you mispronounced once and it still haunts you to this day. Vibes for this week:Britt: Peaky Blinders on Netflix Keeshia: Wild with Sarah Wilson - Left is Not Woke Laura: Headspace Tools about the referendum Then we jump into your questions! -My partner still has s3x videos of his ex in a secret album in his phone. We have also made videos together and the secret album is where it is safely kept. Going to watch our video is actually how I found out about the old video with his ex. I asked him to delete any old stuff he has of his past relationships and he said that he would. Now, 2 weeks later I checked and the video is still there. What should I do?-I went for a job, it’s a once in a lifetime, rare and amazing opportunity sort of thing. I'm 23 and everyone there is a bit older than me. Although I’m young I can honestly say that I’m extremely mature for my age, I’m just so sick of people judging me for my young age, and I hate being the youngest person in the room.  So when I was asked how old I am? I said without thinking, "I’m 26." I immediately regret it and I’m shitting myself that I’m going to get caught out. What should I do? Do I take this to my grave? Do I tell them the truth?  -When you've bought a pet (in this case a dog) with a partner and you break up, can you ask for 'pet support' (financial input from them ongoing) to help you pay for the pet that you keep in the break up? GET TICKETS TO OUR LIVE SHOW HERE  If you have a question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And I haven't slept at all. Wow, that's a great way to kickstart the episode, Laura.

Lola's not sleeping. So I got to bed at midnight. I was up late working. And then she woke up every 45 minutes until 5 a.m. And then she was ready for the day at 5 a.m., ready to go. It seems like this shocks you, though. Like, this is a toddler, right? This is what they do.

They don't sleep, the little turds. Yeah, I had to censor my producer case. She doesn't even need to censor that sentence because I did it myself. The little. You watch what you call my child. I know what was inside your mouth just then. Do you know what I was going to say? I was going to say a little bastard. You can't really say that anymore. You really can't. Also, to be fair, they were produced out of wedlock. So technically. Yeah, I actually didn't mean that. But like,

I feel like that's toddlers. They don't sleep. They're growing pains or they're nightmares or they're. Also, before we move on from that, anyone who's new to the podcast who's listening to this, I love my children. I never, ever, ever would speak about them in a negative way, except for the fact that sometimes they don't sleep. And then I feel a little bit tired and a little bit cranky. Do you know why it always comes as a shock? Because you go through periods where they're sleeping so well and it's amazing. You feel amazing and they're amazing. And then the love is blossoming and you're like, parenting is the best joy in the world. You're like, parenting is so easy. I'm going to do this again.

I was like, I'll have a third, honey. Like, let's do it. Then they go, it's like something just changes, like something in their little brain, they go through a leap or some other little development milestone. And then everything, all the hard work, everything you think you've achieved. It's like you're being gaslit. It's like when you very first start dating someone and they love bombing you. And then all of a sudden it just changes, which we learned about on yesterday's episode. I can just never know. Like every time I speak to you, I change my mind about kids. It's like a real high and low roller coaster. Nah, they're the best. What is the update for you? A couple of weeks ago, you said when you went to Bali, you messaged Matt and you were like,

let's have a baby. And he was like, no, what's the update? We've spoken about it a couple of time since he is very firmly, very firmly sticking to the position that it was inappropriate for me to message him after I'd been in Bali for a week away from the children, but I wanted to have another one. He was like, I'm just going to make it very clear to you that that was not the time to ask me. He's like, cause it's not made me feel like I want to have another one just yet. But now you're back. No change. Well, basically just, I mean, yeah, he did a week of parenting by himself and on day six I was like, hey, babe, let's have another kid.

Yeah, because you were having like pina coladas in Bali. Parenting's easy when you're in Bali alone without the kids. We should totally do another one. I just completely snorted and it was very unexpected. Parenting is easy when you are six hours flying away from home. I find personally as a childless woman, I find parenting very easy. It is. It's incredible, isn't it?

I can barely look after my dog. I can't imagine what it's like to keep a child alive. Even Delilah, I'm like, oh, my God, I need to feed you again. I need to walk. You need to poo again. Keisha's looking at you like, I do it though. It's really hard. It's hard.

I am struggling with Delilah as a single mum. No, look, anyway. Do you know what? It takes a village. Actually, speaking of produce Keisha, I had an interesting discovery over the last couple of days. What did she do? Keisha, do you like me?

My immediate answer is yes. Well, hang on, you shouldn't have to think about it. What do you mean my immediate question? It's because it seems a bit loaded. I'm just asking. I very much do. I love you. We all love each other.

We love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all. We love each other. Annie. No, no, no. Matilda. Matilda? No, no, no. Madeline.

Madeline. It's Madeline. Madeline. It's Madeline. It's Madeline. And though she's very sad. No, I think red. She has red hair.

It's Madeline. It's Madeline. But inside, she's bad. I don't know the words. I think that was it. That sounds familiar. No, it definitely wasn't inside, she's bad. I'm just making up the words.

She's very teeny, tiny. Laura, hang on. Can you hear that? That's our listeners dropping off. Oh, there goes another one. No, so I have hair extensions. I talk about it all the time. I post about it all the time.

I hope you guys know. But if you don't know, I have great lengths hair extensions. Yeah, Britt has incredible hair extensions. It is the biggest catfish. Like your hair, no offense, Britt, it is the biggest catfish because your hair is luscious. it is voluminous every day you walk in and it looks amazing yeah that's why I get the hair I know and I'm always like god I just wish that I had thick hair because I have like I look like

a little ballless ferret when I'm you know that's why I always have a hair back but every so often when you get them taken out I feel like you're one of my own I'm like oh Brit we're closer we're more similar than you think well you guys might see it soon so I've always had I shouldn't say always probably the last five years on and off but mainly on I've had hair extensions because my hair is there's nothing wrong with it but it's it's quite thin and I always wanted longer and it just I don't know why my hair got to a certain point and just stopped growing yeah mine's the same does anyone else's do that but it's not and it's not very long it's like just past my shoulders then it gets like stringy at the bottom I'm like what is saying what is happening so I've always

had hair extensions because it's easy it looks good but the time has come where I'm like oh I'm going to go through that phase where I take them out for a couple of months and then re-put them in because I want to experience some short hair again no you don't don't do it well listen so I said to Keisha the other day I said hey what do you reckon if I took my hair extensions out and just went to like a short bob for a while oh that would look amazing you should definitely do that you'd look so good and I was like oh thank you that's really nice I was like yeah I'm gonna do it like she's she got me over the line I back that I think he would suit a lob I said lob so long bob yeah but like not like pixie cut I'm not encouraging yeah you don't you don't have the

because she's like I think I'm mullet undercut if you shave the side and grow out a rat's tail anyway I thought that was really nice and supportive and I was like that's what I need to take this jump and then I saw an article yesterday literally that was just like this woman that's gone viral it's just like a tiktok thing she's like how to figure out if your friends hate you and I was like clickbait you got me you got me hooked and it was literally if you want to figure out if your friends hate you ask them if you should cut your long hair off into a bob if they say yes they hate you like you're being stitched up yeah like you're being stitched up she's just like no real friend would ever tell you to cut your long luscious hair off into a bowl

I'm not telling you to cut your luscious hair off I'm telling you to cut someone else's luscious hair that lovely Russian lady who sacrificed all her hair for you that's whose hair you're actually cutting off well then some other people I thought was really funny and this video is like posted in humor in jest obviously but there are those it actually goes into like a bit of a serious topic where it's like some people have those friends that you're friends and you obviously really respect and like each other but there's like an undercurrent of disdain or like you don't want them to succeed too much or you don't want them to look too good or like they're still your friends a lot of people jumped on this train and started to talk about this people that tell you

to cut your long hair friends that never like or comment on your social media that's me though because I'm like it is you it's funny Laura because right now yeah I don't comment or like on anyone's stuff and it's not because it's just because it's not how I engage with social media. I look and I go, that's nice, and I do it in my head and my head goes, that's nice, and then I keep going but I don't ever. Yeah, but I think it's a, we need the validation.

In the friend situation now in this era, it's like you just do it, dear friends. It's one of those unspoken rules like you double tap them, you give them a fire flame or like that's the generation we live in because social media, if you think about it, holds so much power in terms of think of all the people that write in when you're dating you're right you're like I know he follows me and he hasn't liked any of my photos this is what people say right you know he hasn't liked any of my photos in weeks where he always did like you use

social media to get messages across subliminal messages this is the era we live in right now so when you know your friends are seeing your stuff and they won't tap or like anything that's what these people are saying they're like that's how you know do you know what though I rebut this I think if you're someone who's out there tapping like in and you're liking everything and then all of a sudden you've changed your behavior I get it something's amiss something's happened that if you are consistently not liking anything you're not a bad person you're just fucking lazy or you've got other things going on you haven't slept because your toddler's awake or not and that's me well the other things are like they post ugly photos of you online the other one I

thought was funny was they encourage you to wear or buy clothes that don't suit you so you know how like you might send your friend a photo like which dress should I wear tonight one looks banging and one doesn't and they go, oh, wear that other one. But objectively, you know, like you've sent it as a test. You know which one looks better but they're like, wear that one. You look like Shrek. Wear that Grinch one. That's another test that people do.

And there were people on here, which is pretty funny, I would not do this, but there were people on here that were like testing their friends. Do you know I hate this because this has such an undercurrent. I'll tell you why and I'm taking it more seriously than I need to. Doesn't sound like us. I hate this because all it does is reinforce these stereotypes that women are always competing with each other, that women are always trying to undercut each other, that we aren't transparent

with our friends, that we aren't like a girl's girl or a biggest cheerleader. It's this idea that even the people in your closest network don't want to see you thrive or achieve. And if you do have people who are in your closest network who don't want to see you thrive and achieve, it's because they have been taught through many years of conditioning that the pie is so small that if one woman succeeding another one can't and so that's why we fucking all fight with each other that's why women are always fighting on the internet because you never see men doing it the pie is big enough for the men but the pie is so small for women that we've got to tell them to look like shrek when we're going out to a nightclub guys it was just a humorous joke sorry i'm glad we

took it to toxicity i totally think that and i think that actually a lot of people i think i would have a lot less now that i'm getting a little bit older because i think you find a way to kind of weed those people out of your life as you get older but i definitely had them in my 20s where there was this part of me that thought that person I think that they're happy for me to be successful until I surpass their success or their idea of success and then you just get those passive aggressive messages kind of come through where you can feel it and you're just like I just feel like you don't actually support me or want me to do well yeah and I think it happens I mean we joke about it happening in friendships but I think it happens in the workplace a lot too I think there's

a lot of women who feel like they're in competition with their quote-unquote friends without even really realizing that that's what that feeling is you know Grace Beverly actually when you guys spoke to her on the podcast I think it was earlier this year she actually said something really interesting about that because there was a conversation around like competition with women in the workplace when you feel as though the only way that you could get to that senior position was to take some other woman's job and you know for us this happens a lot in media because there are specific roles that are carved out for women and she said the problem isn't that you're trying to get that person's job the problem is that there's not enough women in that level to begin with

totally that's what i mean the pie is small yes the only person that you can take the job of is the other woman whereas like there should just be more available for you to climb to yeah absolutely yeah so i think and i think this happens in friendships a lot more than what people actually might realize particularly i think if people are single if you live in a smaller place like i experienced this a lot more when i was in regional towns because there was a smaller pool of people to date yeah so you do date your brother and you can't come at me for that like it used to be a bit more like well there's five good guys in the town and sarah's dating them well like that's

can i say one thing brit i just want to you can but this was a joke oh no i'm going back to making this about you please don't cut your hair into a long skinny bob because it'll be a skinny lifeless limp little bob so now one of you like me one of you don't which one is it i disagree you're a chameleon of hair she's had every color some of them look better than others though yeah like i think you look good with all different hairstyles what i'm gonna do guys it's happening i'm gonna take the extensions out i'm doing a lob but i'm only doing it for a month then they're going back in so it's only a month that it could be straggly but it could be the greatest lob month of my life also that feeling when you take extensions out and you go swimming for the first

time it's like it's like you're doing a skinny dip but for your head yeah laura doesn't she can't look at it she can't it's a good feeling i can't relate all right let's move along so okay you guys might remember on our social media and instagram 11 cup podcast if you don't follow go go go right now swipe swipe swipe follow follow follow we put out a call out recently for words that you have pronounced incorrectly the times where you thought you were sounding super intelligent turns out you didn't actually know how to say the word that you were saying. Now, this comes off the back of a TikTok that went viral recently. And the guy was trying to say a word that's a very common word. However, he got it very, very wrong. This is how he pronounced it.

What's a word you pronounced incorrectly one time and it still haunts you to this day? Chamomile. Chamomile. Chamomile. Britt, what do you think, if you're going to unpack this, what do you think he's actually saying there. What's the word? What comes to mind? Chamomile. A chameleon? I actually can't like figure out what he's saying. Chamomile. Chamomile. It's almost like marmalade. No. Chamomile. What is it? Chamomile. Chamomile. Because I couldn't figure it out. I literally sat there for, you know, as it was playing out, I was like, no idea what this guy's saying.

I literally cannot do it. Chamomile. I can't do it. What is it? The word in which he is trying to describe that he has read incorrectly is chamomile. oh yeah it is which is so so unbelievably dumb such a dumb word in his defense because ch is not car it's 90 percent of the time anyway look i mean the reason why that came up again is because we saw it we thought it was so funny and then yesterday we were doing this recording we had to record some ads and i was talking about my skin you know we've been working with skinceuticals and we absolutely love the products but i was talking about you know when you follow a sequence of skin routines. Like you have an order of which you use them. And the word is

regime. Now, yesterday was the day that I learned how to say that word because I didn't know how to say regime. I've always said regime. And regime doesn't really, it still doesn't roll off the tongue for me. So we were doing this ad and Laura goes, I've really been enjoying my regime. It's it's the first time I've stuck to a regime and I was looking at it and I was like is this a sick joke and I was like do you mean regime and she's like is that where you do the same thing every day and I was like yes I knew the meaning of the word obviously I just can't pronounce it and you know what it's one of those words that you don't use very often why would you ever say it's my regime like unless you're an influencer no one says it right it's my

regime it's pretty common no it's a pretty common word it's not that exclusive it's not that rare Okay. Well, anyway, I didn't know how to say it. I've literally always said Rajan and now I know that I'm wrong. Yeah. Like I was today years old when I worked out how to say Rajan. Yeah. 37. Anyway, not embarrassed by it. But what I would be embarrassed if I was you lot, because some of the things you wrote in, no, I'm joking, but truly they were pretty bad. Okay. We did a call out. We asked what's a word that you mispronounced one time and it still haunts you. Shiitake mushroom. I ordered as shit take. Can I just get the shit take mushroom stir fry?

Thank you. Thank you so much. Fatigu. Fatigu. Fatigue. All right, this person went on a holiday to Mount Hotham and when they were describing where they were going to their friend, they described it as Mount Hot Ham.

Sounds fucking delicious. I would like to go to Mount Hot Ham too. What are you ordering if you order sea same? Sea same. Sesame. Sesame. me. I mean, you would be embarrassed, but that one's kind of okay. All right. Permeate as permete. Linguri as lingerie. Oh, that's embarrassing. Linguri. Linguri. Hey, you want me to dress up

in some linguri? Epitome, I pronounced as epitome. Oh, I reckon that would be a common one. Yeah. Because I don't think epitome is a word that people throw around. I told my husband that Cajun pepper was pronounced with the J sounding more like a huh sound and I thought it was Cajun pepper, like you didn't pronounce the J. And then a really common one, jalapenos. The Galapagos Islands? Jalapeno. Can I have some Mexican with the jalapeno?

With the jalapenos? Yes. I reckon that's common too. Anyway. Don't judge the people, Laura. We should probably get into our vibes. My vibe this week is a television show on Netflix that is six seasons. There are no more seasons after this.

The six seasons is the final one. I watched it over the last two and a half years maybe, but I recently re-watched the sixth season and I remembered why I was so obsessed with it. It's Peaky Blinders. Do you know what Peaky Blinders is? I've heard of it, but I don't know what it is. Oh, it is so good.

So it's set in like the 1900s, 1919 or something. Is there a new season of this or you just rediscovered it? Season six came out this year and I've just re-watched it. I love recommending TV series, mainly for me, that have multiple seasons because I hate watching one season of something and then that's it. So when I rediscovered this and I was like, oh, people will love this. It's six seasons. It's got Cillian Murphy as the lead.

Now, Cillian was recently the lead in Oppenheimer. He is one of the most brilliant actors and he's so good in Peaky Blinders. So it's set in Birmingham over in England. This isn't going to sell it, but you guys need to trust me. It's about mobsters. Killian is the head of the mobsters but he's a really bad guy. You know those characters that have the best character development? Like he's a really bad guy in terms of he does bad stuff, you know.

But you still love him. You fucking love him. What type of bad things? Well, he's like does a lot of drugs. Murders people. He'll kill people but he's killing people that are bad. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, you can get on board.

So it's like you're bad but he's also so hot and the character is hot. Like his character is so hot. Sorry. I loved it. But that's, my vibe is Peaky Blinders. It's on Netflix, six seasons. You do have to start from the start. It's not one of those ones you can jump in anywhere.

So start back at season one. And I really do feel like you're going to thank me. All right. Well, my vibe for this week is a little bit left of field. And I'm using that ironically. It is an episode of Sarah Wilson's podcast, Wild with Sarah Wilson, with a woman named Susan Neiman. And the title is Left is Not Woke.

Stay with me if you're not into politics. the reason i was so interested by this episode it's with a woman like i said called susan neiman she's got a phd from harvard she's basically uh she's someone who goes back through history and kind of examines the political landscape of history and she's written a book and now they've done an episode on it and the whole episode is about how woke has become quite a loaded term and it's been weaponized by the right but also they unpack how often it's actually the left fighting with the left. So I traditionally would have considered myself quite a left-wing person and quite progressive. And more recently, I have found myself feeling a bit exasperated by some of

the conversation from what I would consider to be wokeism. And I have felt myself being pushed more towards the center. Yeah, I would agree with that in terms of woke has started to have a negative connotation to it. Absolutely. And I think there's started to be more mudslinging between people who have similar values. So this whole episode kind of, I didn't, to be fair, I didn't actually agree with everything that she was saying. And she was talking about it from an American political landscape, but it was more like the ideas behind the people who think this certain way. I just found the episode very, very interesting. So yeah, it's an episode of Wild with Sarah Wilson with Susan Neiman. I will link it in the show notes. It's called Left is Not Woke.

Super interesting. So my vibe for the week is I have spent a lot of time this week doing deep dives into the referendum because I feel like there has been so much information going around around the yes vote. And I didn't feel like I was educated enough to make a decision that I felt comfortable or confident in. The reason for that is because my initial and very instant thought was yes vote. And that is where I was predominantly swaying. However, I recently saw Taylor Gray. You might remember her. She's an Indigenous woman. We had her on the podcast to talk about why changing the date for Australia Day is so important. And she was speaking around how she had been instructed by her Indigenous elders to vote no. It was a Instagram video that she put up

and it was all around the want for treaty over the voice to parliament. Now, in saying that, I think I watched that video and I was a bit like, oh, am I being an ally? Am I making the right decision? What is the right decision here? If there are some Indigenous people who don't want How do I best support them? Is this the right decision? Now, I did quite a big deep dive and I have come to my own conclusion that I'm going to be voting yes in the referendum, that I'm very much supporting of that. I know that that may not be the perfect answer for every single Indigenous person, but if that's the way in which I can show allyship, then that is what I'm choosing. Now, the reason why I wanted to recommend this is not because I'm trying to persuade your political

vote, but I think that we all need to know and be informed about what we're doing. And I think it's too easy to stick your head in the sand and go, Oh, I don't know. I don't, I don't know anything about it. So I'm just going to vote no, which is the current slogan for the conservative. If you don't know, vote no, which is just absolutely fucking stupid. If you don't know, educate yourself. Yeah. If you don't know, find out, find out. So I just wanted to give you guys some resources so that you can go away and you can make your own decision and you are able to be an ally to the Indigenous community and do what you feel is right, headspace.org.au has some incredible resources for the vote. There is also a podcast that's being created by the ABC. It is

called The Voice Referendum Explained. Now there's quite a few episodes on there, but it has been created by First Nations people to represent their voices in their own words. And so I feel as though with this looming now and being so close, we can't just be saying that we don't understand or we don't know and therefore you're going to make the default vote because the default vote I think is such a negligent vote to have so just go and educate yourself take your time after this maybe go and have a listen and yeah that hopefully you feel like you have the confidence to make a vote that is in alignment with allyship with our Indigenous people. I also think that and not to you know be clear about where I'm voting but I actually think that whole like if you don't know

vote no is such a fucking privileged position because it's actually saying this doesn't impact me yeah it's actually saying like I don't care enough to go and find out why I feel a certain way and there are two camps in the know there's the conservative no and then there's the progressive no that is like we want better things out of this agreement and so there are first nations people that fall on either side of the yes no vote but that whole idea of just like I don't have to care about this because it doesn't impact me is a really horrible stance to have just because it doesn't impact you directly like you should give a shit absolutely all right let's get into the questions question number one i've been with my partner for two years we are very happy he's

amazing in every way although something has come up now that i'm really struggling with i have a history of being cheated on so i have struggled a lot with retroactive jealousy and constantly thinking about my partner's past relationships i obsessively stalk her social media and know how unhealthy it is, but I just can't stop. Okay. That's one issue. I have spoken to him many times about how I struggle with this and how constant reminders of her around him make me feel. And he has always reassured me that I have nothing to worry about. My partner and I made a sex tape and I asked him to put it in a hidden photos album. One day we were about to get intimate and he went to the shower. So I thought I would watch it to get in the mood. His hidden

album was full of sex tapes with his ex and naked photos of her. I straight away got out of it because it made me feel sick. My partner returned and I asked him where he kept our sex tape because I was worried it wasn't hidden. He said that don't worry it certainly is. So I said to him well if you do have any sex tapes with your ex can you please delete them because the thought of you watching them makes me feel uncomfortable. He agreed and was very supportive. Anyway two weeks later my curiosity got the better of me and I checked the app they still weren't deleted I'm so upset he didn't delete them because I feel like he watches them alone and compares them to me and for some reason he can't bring himself to delete them I don't know what to do because I

don't want him to watch them but I also can't tell him that I checked and know they're there help oh my god there's so many so many red flag where do we start okay firstly yes you've been with your partner for two years. It is a big issue that you're this jealous. It is a very big issue, but that is not the biggest issue. We'll come back to that. The biggest issue is why the fuck after two years, does he still have photos in and videos of his ex? The problem with this is, and we've spoken about this many times, like this is so unethical in his part. It is, I'm pretty sure borderline illegal, if not illegal, you can't maintain having videos, even if they were made consensually, because the fact is, is once you've broken up with someone, the consent ends there.

his ex-girlfriend is not consenting to him still having videos of her naked or having sex he should not be watching them he should not fucking have them and it makes me so mad that he hasn't one taken your request seriously but two that this hasn't been a priority to him to delete that's a fucking huge red flag let's just make sure that that's on the table it's fucking weird that he's got him in an app literally on the shelf next to yours yeah like which who am i gonna watch tonight my ex or should i watch my current part like fucking like you're at the porn store like you're at blockbuster picking your dvd for the night now i understand that you feel like you don't want to tell him that you know because you feel like to him it might be a betrayal of

trust that it might be that you've breached his privacy right now i don't really care about his privacy and so my advice to you is i would be having a very direct conversation with him that you are aware that he has photos and videos of his ex that you've seen them and that he needs to delete them and that is not a conversation to dance around it's not a conversation to be like oh if you have any do you think you could you did that the first time and that was very nice of you and it gave him absolute grace and the benefit of the doubt but the benefit of the doubt goes now because it's been two weeks and he didn't action that and there's plenty of time within a two-week period to delete them and I guess I understand why you're like I have fear around him not deleting

them or watching them again or maybe he's going to move them to another place to be able to store them but I would be having that conversation face to face and I hate to say this because like I think I would be a bit more wanting to oversee now because he's already proven that he can't do it I would be like delete them now while I'm sitting here I want to see you delete them and I think that's probably not a healthy way of engaging with your partner but I know that's how I would respond because I would want absolute clarity that they were not on that computer anymore I don't think that's a non-healthy thing to do to sit there and say delete it in front of me I don't think that's not healthy at all but I think that that's like a little bit no not not in

this situation yeah she's already asked I also agree with you about I don't think you have to dance around it I don't think you have to be embarrassed or feel guilty in any capacity for quote unquote breaking his trust and going into his phone because of the intention you went in for you weren't actually going in because you didn't trust him you weren't going into his phone he's not in the room he's gone out i'm quickly going to go and see if he's cheating on me you were going to watch your mutual sex tape to get into the mood to have sex with your partner who was a meter away in the bathroom so yeah my understanding is if you know how to get into his phone there is a level of trust there he obviously didn't think you were going to go into a photo

vault is the problem but i think it's just it's a pretty easy way to bring up this conversation hey i need to be honest with you i went in to the phone to watch our sex tape because i wanted to get the mood and you know watching sex with you is what gets me in the mood and unfortunately I saw something else that was in there I don't think I need to spell it out for you but I did try to bring it up with you without you know having this conversation and this is where we are now you didn't do it I know that they're there I feel really uncomfortable and a little bit violated by this you need to delete them and if deleting them is a problem you need to tell me why and in my head my relationship would be over yeah if my partner had a problem with me because I wanted

to delete he I wanted him to delete his ex sex videos it's such a red flag there's something so much more deep-seated in this relationship do you know it makes me question and like this might be reading into it too much because obviously it is just a question and we don't have all the facts it isn't normal to be that jealous two years into a relationship it isn't normal to feel that level of anxiety that you have such intense retroactive jealousy that's not a normal feeling to have I'm not saying he's doing anything wrong now in terms of like cheating on you I'm not saying that that's the case but is his behavior or are there other things that he does within his behavior that inflame your feelings of jealousy that don't make you feel secure in your relationship

because it's unusual to me that you still have this level of jealousy when so much time has passed and I guess like for me if I was you and now I had found these sex tapes I would be like that would almost be like a reassurance of why I have this feeling of jealousy. It would be like this, that this is not normal behavior. The thing is Laura, I know you said it's not normal, but retroactive jealousy is a thing. Of course it's not normal. 100%. I've experienced it massively in my relationships. Yes. But I think the point is, and what you're trying to say is like you're two years deep now and you should have this really ingrained trust and comfort in your relationship. I would like to think after two years. So there's definitely something you need to work on yourself

there with the retroactive jealousy it's normal to sometimes think about your ex's partners or your own partners briefly they might pop into your brain it might be like what you're doing but you said you're like really stalking his exes after two years it is strange but i do wonder you sort of touched on it laura i do wonder if there are a lot of other things that your partner is doing that's making you feel that way because like having sex tapes of his ex i would feel that way too i guess the reason why i say this is because like i have experienced retroactive jealousy it's awful. I have been the one who has looked at my partner's ex-girlfriend's Instagram. I have been the one who bloody checked the Tumblr back in the day when Tumblr existed. I used to check it all

the time. I now understand that I was in a relationship then that made me feel insecure for many other reasons. I couldn't realize it at the time that it wasn't just me. I thought I was just jealous and I needed to get over it now absolutely there are those people who exist who will just feel jealousy and that issue lies with them solely but often it comes from there's something that instigates it there's something that makes you feel insecure whether you can put your finger on it or you can't and I think it's really important to look out for those signs and reasons as to why you might feel the way you feel and if you can't find those reasons then I really think you need to go and work on yourself go and speak to someone because it's not normal to want

to stalk your partner's ex-girlfriends two years into a relationship. That's something you have to get over. But I mean, for me, the course of action is you have to sit down and have a very open conversation. I know these are on your computer. I know these are on your phone. You need to delete these. And his response is going to determine how you can proceed in your relationship. And if he is once again, like, I'm so sorry, I genuinely hadn't thought about it. You know, you said it the other day but I didn't think it was a big deal or I didn't occur to me I didn't realize how many whatever his reasons are but regardless of his reasons if he doesn't do it there on the spot if he makes up excuses if he gaslights you if he's like I'll do it later or you shouldn't have

looked whatever his reasons are if they're anything other than I will delete them right now here they're gone then that's a problem what's so important to know your boundaries and your non-negotiables in a relationship before you enter a relationship and when you're in the relationship and I would be pretty surprised for any committed monogamous relationships that people wouldn't have a non-negotiable of sex tapes with your ex producer Keisha did bring up a point where she said you know maybe he didn't know they were there because a lot of people do have photos from exes like I'm not proud of this I have 120,000 photos on my phone because I never clear them and I just keep getting a new phone and updating it and all the photos go on to the next one so

like guess how many I have probably 200,000 166,000 I do have two kids though yeah 166,000 I have a dog Laura don't take that away from me so there's a difference right of course in 120,000 photos over the years there might be photos that you have of your partners that you literally have no idea are there you have completely forgotten that is one thing and I can completely agree with that that that could be a problem but if the issue is brought up of hey like you know have you got these photos specifically can you delete them sure the problem i have with this is it is in a specific hidden photo vault and if you have gone in there to look at your own tape and you have seen the other tape he knows it's there there is no way he does not know the sex

tape is there because if you went in briefly to click on your own tape and you've seen them he's fucking saying them he knows they're there don't listen to his excuses put it to him no i'm serious like you what fucking excuse have you got like i've asked you to do it two weeks ago you know it's there because i know it's there we all know the tape is there also i think it's important to realize that there is a difference right like we live in an age where everyone sends oh not everyone but most people send nudes right or people make sex tapes it's not a big deal if you have a partner and they have an ex you might assume that they have at once upon a time sent nudes to each other it is very common to still have a photo hidden in a camera roll somewhere it is not common to have

albums of hidden photos and if you are somebody who creates albums of hidden photos I do not think that you forget at all completely 100% poofed from your brain for two years that you have an album of hidden photos because if you're making sex tapes if you're someone who is sending a lot of images and you're purposely putting them into the one spot that's something that you've thought about multiple times so I feel less inclined to give the benefit of the doubt in this because it feels quite specific but you've given him the benefit of the doubt once you can give it to him again but his actions now in terms of whether he deletes them on the spot is what's going to define everything I think. Fundy. Have you ever found photos in your partner's phone of

their ex? No but I have found I remember seeing this guy and it was like we've seen each other for quite a while but then I remember seeing websites of someone that he used to see so he's ex I remember seeing websites that she was a part of well like OnlyFans or something well it was a website that had a lot of like bikini photos on there kind of thing like it was a lot of modeling but like pretty raunchy it was I don't think it was quite OnlyFans but it was that vibe right but before OnlyFans same sort of vibe topless photos on there and stuff so I remember seeing it in the browser and I don't know how recent it was but I just remember coming across it and I said something on the spot immediately I said look I was using your computer for something else like wasn't

looking I 100% accidentally saw that you were looking at this and he was mortified he was like I'm actually so sorry I hand on heart will promise you he's like sometimes I I pop on there because something will pop into my mind and it's like one of those things we like I wonder what they're up to now exactly like you said Laura but he was I wonder what their breasts look like now but he was like I didn't think I didn't think that that could ever hurt your feelings in a way and he's like that was just an ignorant thing and his response was everything because his response was everything I could have asked for and I mean I had to trust him but he made a really heartfelt apology and promised that like he's like it does nothing for me I'm I'm with you and you know and

he never looked at again so I is my understanding and he got better at clearing his browsy history and now he's on incognito i have been in the situation i have found photos of my partner at the times x in their camera roll like as in like you know from dating back maybe i was looking i can't even remember how i came across i was back in 1991 well yeah no i was looking at their old photos like i literally had clicked on and was looking through their old photos like by searching by year and it was that instance where there were nudes no no videos but there were nudes that were just amongst the camera roll and I made it very clear to them at the time I was like hey I know that this is from ages ago but I'd never want to flip through your phone and see things like this

I never want this to be that accessible on your phone and at least put it in the hidden vault yeah no and I don't mean like that I mean like like if I can find this in three clicks then you can find this in three clicks like this needs to go and instantly they deleted it reiterating it is their reaction and is them taking your feeling seriously that I think is the most important thing in this whole thing. Question number two, I went for a job. It's a once in a lifetime rare and amazing opportunity sort of thing. Everyone there is a bit older than me, not old, I'm guessing like maybe late twenties, so relatively still quite young, but I'm 23 and in all my friends and work and circles, I'm always by far the youngest one there. Although I'm young, I can

honestly say that I'm extremely mature for my age. I'm just so sick of people judging me for being younger and I hate being the youngest person in the room. I've been bullied for it in the past and have not been taken seriously and people are so condescending. So when I was asked recently how old I am, I said without thinking, I'm 26, even though I'm 23. Such a stupid lie. I immediately regret it and I'm shitting myself that I'm going to get caught out now what should I do do I take this to my grave do I tell them the truth I hate confrontation and I don't want them to think bad of me for lying in the first place I know there's no excuse but what do I do now am I in too deep I think the problem is though the problem is is that the people that you work with if they were

like in their 60s like if you were working with people who were significantly older than you and you said you were 26 I would just never mention it because like you're never going to hang out with them outside of work you're never going to like become mutual friends with that bigger age gap your age probably will never come up again but because you guys are actually really close in age realistically like 26 if they're 28 29 you probably will be hanging out together you might become really good friends with some of them if this is from your work environment so there is a chance that if they then in mesh in some way with your friends that look it might come out it might come out so what are you saying tell the truth no not exactly what's your answer

here okay i think don't make a big deal about it and hope that they forget i would not be going back in and saying actually hey guys morning monday just wanted to let you know you know when you asked me how old i was the other day i i told a phoebe whippy so what happens when you're there long if this is you just said this is like a dream job once in a lifetime rare amazing opportunity so you're probably gonna stay for a while so what happens in four years when they decide to celebrate your 30th but it's not really a 30th what if you just say oh no guys i'm 23 i'm not 26 gaslight them into thinking that they got it wrong that's how you do it right my answer was actually going to be to gaslight like you've got no option but to gaslight 100 so eventually when

it comes up again in the deep future you'll be like where did you get 26 from what and they're gonna say you told us you're 20 you're like no i didn't why would i say that i'm 23 like i never would have said that 100 there's no other option here you take to the grave and you gaslight you just gaslight you gaslight you take a leaf out of my ex-boyfriend's book and you gaslight we call it the gg the double gas gaslight to the grave yeah i look i mean let's take this seriously i am taking seriously you can't that's it you have to pretend it never happened you know why i know that you're worried about it you're thinking like oh my god should i bring this up again the problem is though is that bringing it up and admitting to the fact that you lied about your age

shows your age 100 it makes you look young and i don't want i know that you're saying that people are condescending and this is a condescending thing to say. So I apologize for that, but it is a juvenile thing to say because you're worried about what people are that are older than you will think. But having said that, I understand why you worry. Totally. And I don't say juvenile in the way that I think it might come across. So I'm sorry if that comes across as offensive. What I mean is that it's just, I can understand why you're wanting to age yourself up. You're wanting to get respect. You're wanting to seem as though you're on the same par as your peers and often it's true people can and often do go oh you're just 22 you don't you know you're 21

you're just a you're a baby people are ages and it is condescending sometimes though they are correct often we are at an age in life and we think we know better we can be 22 and we think we know as well as someone who's 32 or we could be you know whatever it is i mean there's even sometimes where i'm at 37 i'm like i am old and i know everything there is to know but really i know that when I'm 47, I'm going to be looking on this period of life and go, I've learned some lessons in the last decade because you are constantly in evolution, right? You're constantly evolving in what you know and don't know. Well, I do understand that people also think, oh, okay, you don't have the life experience if you're only this age. And like I said before, people are

ageist. It is an uphill battle, but you're far better off to tell the truth and prove them wrong. Tell the truth. Say you're 23, but do a fucking good job. Impress them. Show that you're wise. show that you're experienced, do that. Because there are a lot of super successful people in the world that are under 30, that aren't 25. Age is just a number. But I think the worst thing you can do is be lying, especially to new colleagues. Totally. But I mean, in saying that, admit your age and then prove them wrong. It is hard if you think that that's going to get you off on a worse foot. Like if you think that you're going to be judged or discriminated against because you were young, maybe you have the same amount of years of experience at doing something as somebody who is

older and they're being given more credentials or being treated as though you know that they're better at their job even when you have had the same amount of experience regardless of age it is frustrating and i totally understand that but i do think that it is not wise to lie about your age purely for being caught out right like for the embarrassment of having to come clean like i said or like brit said double g take it to the grave gaslight to the grave bad fucking advice okay the last question now i'm going to paraphrase this we've had quite a few surprisingly of these style of questions coming over the last couple of months and i noticed them because they're dog related so i'm a dog person but i feel like so many have come through that

i'm going to put one in that sort of takes over all of them so my ex oh wait this is an amalgamation of questions it's an amalgamation because they're all pretty similar like they're all written a bit differently but the end goal is the same the end question is the same my ex-partner and i bought a dog together he wanted one all the time he it was all he ever asked about so i finally agreed went along for the ride of course dogs are cute but this was definitely his dog six months after we split up he decided he no longer wanted to care for the dog because he was always away on holidays which do you know what this sort of angers me because people don't realize the responsibility of a pet a pet is family like i i think if you get a dog or a cat or whatever

like guinea pig it's for life you don't get it and then you're like oh I want to go away on holiday now I'm gonna give it up but it's a really hard one like it's a really hard conversation to have right because if you're wanting to mutually get a pet together it's very rare that you have the conversation of like okay well if we break up who gets the pet because most people going into that commitment are not foreseeing that they're going to break up at all and I say this because I with my ex-partner from many years ago I got a cat that's where lady and the cat came from we used to have a cat its name was ninja we got ninja together and then during the breakup he took everything else and i got the cat because i wanted the cat but it was never a conversation that we

had and when it came to like who was gonna get the animal it was really hard it was so oh my god the fights we had over the damn cat yeah but the difference is usually people are fighting over the animal not that they don't want it not like no you take it no you take it usually people like the dog's mine you know this one he's like even though he wanted the dog he's obviously realized how hard it is and he's like you know i want to go on holidays and stuff he wants a date well he says it's unfair on the dog that's what he said so this person goes on to say like i love my pup on par with how much brit loves delilah don't get me wrong but he does have bad anxiety it takes a long time to trust someone new doggy daycare right now is out of the question she needs to do a lot

of work with this dog like this dog needs expensive dog training expensive food medication and dogs without all this extra or animals without all this extra vet care and stuff they're expensive like desexing constant medication grooming looking after them babysitting dogs and animals aren't cheap the questions that surround this are can you go in for like child support when you break up with a partner you've both agreed to this responsibility that mind you could be for 15 years cats 20 years like this is a long time can you go in and expect and ask for child support for an animal once you've split no yes no you can ask you can ask whatever you want you can ask for whatever you want and they can say no unfortunately as much as we love animals like we love them that

they're our children in terms of like the legal system they're not and so if you have separated with someone and then you've taken full quote-unquote custody of the animal you can't be like i need child support for my dog to be able to help support you until they grow up and move out of home I mean some dogs live longer than what children get child support I disagree I think you absolutely can but that conversation needs to happen in the division in the divorce in the split like that conversation needs to happen and be agreed upon then you can't say you want to take an animal and then in six months or a year realize that like oh I can't really do this I'll go back to that person who's moved on with their life yeah but also I mean what you're saying so if some if

one person in that relationship turns around and says oh I don't want to take the dog you take the dog you can have the dog 100% of the time you expect that the other person is still going to contribute financially to the dog if yes if you both agreed to get an animal at together but you have to have that conversation when you split when I was with my first partner we were together for eight years and we had two dogs right we had house we were it was a very long relationship we thought we spent forever together and we both loved those animals fiercely when we split it was that I wanted those dogs right but he was a bit older than me and we had decided that he was keeping the house I was moving into an apartment these were working dogs so we made the really

hard decision that the dogs would stay with him and for a very long time I was going over and getting them and like it was almost like a shared custody when that day came that I was like okay and it's always a slow wean off when the day came where I'm like we actually need to split for good I can't have this tie I'm gonna have to officially give up these dogs to him knowing that they were in good hands and he loved them he looked after them but I had said because it was my responsibility to get those dogs as well when I even when I said okay I can't keep doing this we've got to move on I had said if they ever need anything an operation or vet care whatever let me know and I will always help with that because it was my responsibility and I said especially if for some reason financially

you can't do it I want to make sure that you know you can come to me because I want them to have that care and we had this odd relationship where it only happened maybe once but I wanted him to know what could happen we had that sort of relationship because we both cared about the dogs that even like eight years later when one of the dogs died he even called me out of respect but we hadn't spoken the whole time and he called me to be like I want you to let you know that she's passed on I feel like I could cry about it I know she meant a lot to you so like I'm keeping you informed and I think people need to take pet ownership and I'm really passionate about it but I think people need to take pet ownership more seriously.

And if you have been the one that got that animal and then you've palmed it off to someone else, there needs to be a responsibility. Oh, I agree there needs to be a responsibility, but I think you're giving people the benefit of the doubt. Of course I am. If you're going through a breakup and your partner doesn't want to help with the animal,

you would hope that you were dating a stand-up person. You would hope that that person would still contribute and not just like shaft you with the dog that they wanted. But if they have done that, I think you're expecting too much to think that they're going to care enough to help because for a lot of people in their mind it's like out of sight out of mind they've passed it on to you that's your problem to deal with now and most people I would say not most but a lot of people would not pay child support for a dog

they would not want to have the ongoing co-parenting relationship of an animal because they don't want to keep their ex in their life and so for a lot of people any type of financial deposit or payment or whatever would mean this ongoing connection to the X. Maybe a better resolution, for example, which might happen during the breakup is, well, if you want me to take the animal, then you need to give me X, Y, Z. And it's not like a monthly payment, but it's a one-off payment because I just don't think that two years time after a breakup that you're still going to get financial payments for an animal that you don't see and have no connection with because you've walked away from it. Well, the question here is, can I ask for it? Yeah, absolutely you can.

Are you going to get it? But I think that, I mean, I agree. Weekly payments is probably not a thing that's ever going to happen. And it's not a thing that I ever would have asked for. But I think maybe what I did was a really good example of, okay, like you're doing the main looking after, you know, like the day to day, the week to week. But like when something big happens, if you need help with it, let me know. And I think that that is really amicable and a pretty, I don't want to say standard.

It's definitely not standard, but I think it's pretty baseline in an amicable split to have that conversation for sure. again are they going to agree maybe not but if they're a good fucking human and they want to look after the dog as much as you do then of course they're going to say look if something happens let me know and then you're just going to have to take it case by case yeah but the thing is for me i guess the last thing to add from my perspective is that if you're having to write in an ask uncut question about this then your partner or ex-partner is not the type of person who wants to have that arrangement and if you're not able like you can float it but i would be so unbelievably

surprised if they were at this point in to turn around and say okay I'm going to financially help you with the animal even though like people disappoint you all the time people do things that you never think they're going to do in relationships they cheat they change their mind they get pets that they don't end up wanting and I'm not validating it I'm not saying it's okay it's absolutely messed up I mean we have a rescue dog who I love completely but I know and I have seen it that people will often in a breakup one person takes the animal and the other person never sees that animal again and that often and does happen the other thing you could do i just thought about this then you could say like i'm gonna take the animal like i'm gonna take it because you

can't and i'm gonna look after it day to day week to week but maybe they can pay the pet insurance you can get pet insurance for like a really small amount that it could be like a monthly payment or and it's pretty small and what it does is it's only ever used in case you need an operation or something goes wrong maybe some medication down the track that could be an option again he might say fat chance but there are definitely things you could put forward especially if he got the dog and then he's left like most half decent people will try and find a meet your halfway I don't know I just think before you get an ant like the same having kids like just have many conversations around what life looks like if you're going to get an animal with someone because for so many

people it's like this real like oh my god we're so in love like it's a thing that we're going to do together and it is it really can be incredible and at the same time it can just add another layer of total complication to your relationship if your relationship breaks down and then you have this beautiful little creature that you've got to take care of if anything I think that these sorts of situations and like how someone behaves in a breakup just really reinforces the reasons why you don't want to be with them anyway right like I mean I know that that doesn't help the situation with you having to manage and take care of a dog but it really is that reminder that he is not the person you would want to be with because if he's going to do that with a dog imagine what he'd be

like with kids amen sister probably bad we assume anyway guys that is it from us if you have a question for ask uncut slide on into the dms and we will you know you could make it on the podcast we'll do our best to answer them if you have a question which we can use at one of the live shows because you are coming to our live show make sure you put which live show you're coming to at the top send your question your accidentally unfiltered story whatever juicy goss that you've got for us we want to hear about it and the tour does start this sunday in adelaide so if you haven't got your tickets yet there are still some left we are going to seven different places we've got brisbane gold coast sydney perth adelaide melbourne canberra yes that was so impressive

got them all so like we've tried to come to as many places we can we're gonna try and do more later on in another day but we're doing the best we can right now we're doing the best but we're really nervous and really excited and it's going to be amazing. So we'll be seeing you hopefully very, very soon. Don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. We'll be right back.