Life Uncut - Ask uncut - Put a Single Ring On It

Episode Date: March 22, 2023

Welcome to Ask Uncut, where we answer all of your deep, dark and dirty questions.First up today, we'd love to know, if you are single or if you were single, would you be open to wearing a particular ring to indicate that you were single and open to being approached IRL?We've got mixed feelings and wonder whether it may become as mainstream as online dating. Question 1: When I was on a night out with a friend, I met a guy. His friend invited my friend and I back to his apartment. Our physical intimacy progressed throughout the night and we got very close, only I didn’t sleep with him because of a weird gut feeling that something was off. I gave him my number and we said we couldn’t wait to go on a date to spend some time together. The next day, I found his Instagram. His tagged posts have a wedding video of him and his beautiful wife. I clicked on her profile and it shows they’re still married. I feel disgusted with him and myself. My question is, do you think the wife has a right to know and should I be the one to tell her?  Question 2: I'm 26 and have been with my boyfriend for 2 years.  I've decided I want to move to Australia for 1 year. He has said that he would be keen to come with me. He's great, kind etc, but I'm not sure he is the one! Should I allow him to move to the other side of the world with me if I'm not 100% sure about him or should I break it off for a fresh start even though I'm not sure if I want to break up? Question 3: If your partner has 'made' the decision that it is time to go to sleep, e.g. lights off, phones down, do both of you have to put the devices down, turn the lights off and go to sleep? If you have a question, send it over to @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions.

What's going on this Thursday? Oh, I woke up in a real flurry this morning. In a tease. Like a McFlurry? You woke up with a McFlurry? What does that mean, waking up with desserts in your bed? Yeah. Do you know what?

This is, I'm going to come straight out of the bat here with the best. Straight out the gate? The bat? The gate? Whatever you want to come out of. I'm going to come straight out of the gate. You know what the best McFlurry is? Wow, that took a detour.

Yeah. In existence. The best McFlurry is everything with caramel sauce. Like if you order that, you'll never be the same again. Okay. So that's not the McFlurry then. You're just saying that the best topping is caramel sauce topping. No, you order, this is your order. I'll walk you through it if you guys need. Hey, how are you? I'm just going to get a McFlurry please with everything and caramel sauce. That's what you order. You order every topping in one and then you put the caramel sauce on the top. What was the thing that compelled you when you walked into McDonald's to place that order. It's probably a breakup. You were like, I want every single thing. Chuck a hash brown in there as well, please. Do you know what? I remember the

first time we are taking such a detour. This is so funny. I remember the first time I ordered that I was 17. No. And I had just got my P's. Now, you know, when you just get your license, all you want to do is drive your friends around and you go through McDonald's drive-thru. I feel like it's a rite of passage, right? McDonald's drive-thru when you get your license is a rite passage. Now I remember going through the drive-thru. My mum had this car called a Nissan XR and it was like, it was a convertible, but like not a fancy one, but it was not, the roof came off and it was bright red. Yeah, like because it was old and it fell off one day, but not because it was supposed to. It was just one of those ones that like you press the button

and it flaps back and whatever. That is fancy. Actually, no, it wasn't. You actually physically pulled it off. Yeah, they were the pop tops. It was a pop top. And then when it was in the range, you had to pull it to the side of the road and put the pop top back on. Yes. And it was bright red. Anyway, I just got my license and I remember going through Macca's drive-thru and ordered my McFlurry thinking I was so cool. My friend was in there, like we were just killing it. And then I couldn't leave. I stalled like five times at the McDonald's drive-thru window. You know when you just keep stalling? The lady's in hysterics and I've never been more mortified in my life. Finally turned the car back on and did a burnout out of McDonald's. And that was my

experience for my first McFlurry. This has turned into a core memory for you. You've held on to this. I've known you for so long and I've never heard that story before. I'm traumatized but anyway that was anyway thank you for sharing your McFlurries okay so you would so you woke up in a McFlurry fuck we are long gone past that I woke up this morning to a guy coming well it's actually two men two men coming that was the end Matt you woke up to Matt coming no two guys who walked at my house to fix our air conditioning which has been broken all through summer so glad that they arrived now that it's fucking autumn might I just add you know when they say that they give you a window they're like i'll arrive between 6 a.m and 4 in the afternoon

it's never gonna be the 6 a.m one yeah it's never gonna be right on the dot you never first cab off the range so i hear the doorbell go and i'm nude and i was like what i'm like what's going on anyway i chucked a towel on thinking it was just someone dropping off i don't know i don't know what i thought i just thought maybe it was a postman or i don't know but i threw a towel on matt had to like pick marley up and put her back in her bedroom anyway i opened the door and then there's these two men they're coming to do the two men coming the two men were coming to do the air con and i was like fuck anyway so then i spent my morning trying to get ready and get dressed and shower myself and be here around two foreign men in my room not foreign but like that was strange

they were australian do you you often greet people naked i don't know just put a towel on i don't feel like that that's that do you exposed is it if you're nude but you put a towel on is that like very confronting for the person at the door no but for some reason it is more like you can go to the beach and be in a tiny little bikini and it's not like you're showing too much but all of a sudden if you answered in a towel it hits different because someone knows you've been masturbating or you've been in the shower or you've been doing something new no no i'm not saying you but the towel at home hits different to like a bikini at the beach well i think it's context what if you answer the door in a bikini at your house also kind of weird for 6 a.m in the morning still fine

the towel hits different anyway did you get hey big boy come in no and then he was like can i you know when you i just hadn't prepped like nothing was cleaned not on me but like i mean i hadn't prepped the bush was out the house was a mess the bathroom was like everything about our house looks like we uh you know disgusting we had random people in our house and it was disgusting anyway we're here now and we've taken a really long time to get to the point which is that we're going to answer your questions we're not there yet Laura we're still talking sorry yeah we're having a yarn missed you I came in this morning and Laura goes oh you look pretty and I was like thanks she's like wearing a very like buffonty top no but then she goes oh I know what's happening

I said what she's like the peacocking has begun yes I said what do you mean she's like well you going to see Ben next week the peacocking has begun and there is something to be said for that Like the pruning and the preening and the getting ready is starting. The nails are starting. The lashes are starting. The hair is starting. Well, we all know after last week's episode, the waxing has probably started as well.

It has not yet. You're going to need a wick whacker. What is it? A wibber sniver. Yes. I actually just might have one. I need to buy it. A lot of you won't know this, but like Brit is going over to see Ben next week

and they're going to have what, like two weeks together? Yeah, we've got a two-week holiday radio break. We're still bringing you the podcast, but we've got radio break. So we're like, what are we going to do? I'm going to duck over to see Benyamin, which is his name. Benyamin. Benyamin. Yeah, you don't pronounce the J.

Okay, thanks. Cute. How do you feel? Are you on a scale of one to excited? Like do you feel nervous to see him? Are you just excited to see him? I know you guys FaceTime every day, but I think now like a couple of months. I'm not nervous at all, but I cannot wait to have sex.

Okay. Can't wait for his dad to listen to this episode. Hi, Dad. In law. No. I mean, I think that's standard. We're adults. We've been apart for a couple of months.

we're in love i think that's normal but no i'm excited for sure it's just that it's the weather's not great there which is fine i'm not going for the weather i'm going for love does it annoy you though that every time you take a holiday you have to go somewhere that's cold and wet correct yes yeah it sucks it really sucks it actually really does suck and i guess the difference is he so you guys know i'm going it's my holiday so i get two weeks but he doesn't he's not on holiday. He still works every day. I think he only gets one day off the entire time I'm there. So it's just part of the long distance commitment, I guess. I'll see him in the mornings. I see him in the afternoon and night, but he still goes and does his job and I'll still be recording the

podcast from there. So it's going to be fun. I'll do some little check-ins from Scotland. Anyhow, accents are not my thing. I want to talk to you about something else, something more serious. Okay. I don't know if you've seen this going around. There's a company called Pear and they have released this new silicone ring. Now, when I read this, I was like, is this a penis ring? Is this a cock ring? Like, what is this silicone ring? Why does it need to be silicone?

I don't think it has to be, but it's just what it is. Long story short, they've released a ring for singles to wear, single people, to sort of put out to the world that they're open to being approached when they're out, that they're single, that they're open to date. now the premise is when we're in love and we're taken and we're married we wear a ring we wear a wedding ring and when you're out i don't know if you ever did this laura i know producer keisha did i know i do when i was single you do glance down to check if there's a ring i feel like it's

even if it's subconscious because if someone's got a wedding ring on you're not even on your radar totally so the idea is okay if we can do that when we're married and saying we're taken why can't we do it and say we're open to dating so there's this blue silicone ring that people are supposed to wear on their middle finger it's like 40 bucks which is so much for a silicon ring but it's so that you wear it out and it's signaling to everybody that like hey I am open to being approached if you like now what do you think about this idea I don't hate the idea like I mean I don't hate the idea that there is a physical marker which kind of is like I'm open to being approached like I'm open to the idea of dating right especially for someone who might be

introverted and might not like be very good at starting conversations or yeah but i also think what's the likelihood like how popular is this thing because what's the likelihood that someone's actually going to have it not only that someone's going to have it but that someone's even going to have any fucking idea what this thing is well this is i mean because people like us are talking about it okay right it's actually brilliant marketing from the team fighting the good fight it is it's brilliant marketing and it i mean it's like anything it's like when tinder started remember back in the day when the first online real online dating app started and a no one knew about it b everyone was like ew I don't want to go online dating and it wasn't a really popular thing and

it wasn't the done thing it was almost a thing that you did in secret at the start but then people talk about it it becomes popular and it takes off I reckon that's what might happen with the silicon ring well I think when you talk about like online dating I think online dating has been through several phases of it I think originally online dating was like your e-harmony and it was sort of fish yeah and it was for older people like people who maybe had been divorced and were looking for companionship it kind of had a really different feeling around it i felt like it was very serious yeah like you were on plenty of fish you were you were wanting to settle down you were wanting that deep and meaningful chat you're not wanting like the friends with benefit

absolutely and then i think as tinder came into the scene it changed the age demographic like it really brought it down but i remember originally when tinder came out the feeling around it was like oh my god as if you would use a dating site and then it was only as it grew in popularity and kind of it got to a point where almost everyone was on there if you're online dating it's so commonplace now that there's absolutely no judgment with it but i think it's the same thing for this right like no one wants to be the first to do something no one wants to be the first to wear a ring on their middle finger and be like i am single because it sounds a bit lame and also makes you seem like wearing like a tattoo on your head being like available open

Yeah. Like it almost makes that that's become like such a core part of your identity. And it also means that like you're aggressively looking for someone by constantly wearing something that says to everybody around you, I am single. I remember just like taking it back a step, but I remember when I went on online dating for the same, I felt the same thing. I was, you're always embarrassed to tell people about it. And then I remember matching with someone and I was like loosely dating them. And I remember having the conversation about how are we going to tell people we met? What story are we going to come up with? Because there's no way you can say like we met on tinder even my sister sherry and her now husband jay who met on

tinder they've been together i guess it's six years now so they met about six years ago which you know tinder's been out way longer than that but even when they met for a few years they were like we've got to come up with a story how embarrassing and it's still sort of until the last few years now they don't care it's funny but it took quite a long time for it to be acceptable and I don't know if that's just online dating or if it takes us as a person a lot to accept that we don't have our meet cute because 100% online dating isn't the story that you want like you want even when I met Ben which we met online we started to joke he sort of said the same thing he's like can we come up with a better story how nice would it have been if we were

walking past each other on the promenade and running to each other with a dog and started talking but we're like at the end of the day it is what it is 90% of the people and that's a made up statistic a lot of people meet online and it's okay it just takes that romantic story away well i mean when you talk about a meet cute it's because we've been sold for so long that relationships in the start of relationships are supposed to be this really like romantic idyllic magical time and i guess when you bring in the tech of it i.e tinder or bumble it takes that romance and that romantic idea out of it which i do also think for this new ring do i think it's going to take off no really realistically I will eat my own shit if it does but Keisha laughs because she's like

the amount of times you've had to eat shit on this podcast no but I just think like will it take off no but also I mean I would never have thought that online dating is as prolific as what it is now you know I never thought that it would become so commonplace that majority of people who are single would have it on their phones I think that there is though a big difference between wearing a wedding ring when you're married and wearing a ring on your middle finger to be single because I think for me like I wear a wedding ring for myself I'm not wearing a wedding ring to be like hey boys don't come near me I've got a wedding ring on because you need to beat those boys away I'm trying to bang them off me like that's no I don't think that

that's why most people wear a wedding ring I think the majority of people wear a wedding ring because it's a reminder of that commitment for themselves it's also like for me you know I think jewelry and this is coming from the jewelry designer in me I think jewelry is really important tonymay.com there's no there's no sale this week no but I think it's really special because jewelry is this one item like you don't really have it with clothing you don't have it with hair products or other accessories or handbags but jewelry transports you to a time it's something that can have so much meaning imbued in it like it could be from your grandmother it could be something that's a family heirloom like jewelry is very sentimental because it carries stories with it

And so that's why I think wedding rings are so important. Do I think that having a single ring has the same importance? No, I think it's like it's almost the opposite. It's like a very much a branding of like I am single. Yeah, which is fine. I think that's fine. The problem I think it could have is that will it open you up to being approached by anyone?

Because that's not what it means when you're wearing this ring. It doesn't mean I'm open for every single Joe Blow in this place. I'll date anyone. It also takes away, because you know how sometimes if someone approaches you and you're not interested, you say, sorry, I'm seeing someone. You can't do that anymore because they're like, well, you're lying because you've got the blue ring on. Like, I don't know if I was single. I don't think I would wear it. And I also would hope, like, are we as a generation, I'm going really deep now, as a generation at the point where we can't just go and have a conversation with someone in real life if we're interested?

Are we at a point where we're so scared of being rejected that we won't try to have that conversation? Like, I would still appreciate someone coming up to me and saying, hey, I saw you across there. Like, can I get you a drink? Even if, and I'm like, oh my God, thank you so much. I'm actually seeing someone. And they're like, cool, no worries.

Why are these days gone? Why can't we do that? Why are we still, I think we're all trapped in this idea of like being on our phones, being on media, having to need a ring. Just have a conversation. I mean, it's easy to say that, but I think there's a big spectrum of different types of people and personalities. There's been people who have always struggled with just walking up to someone in the bar.

Yes, we know that like people are more adverse to it now because of online dating, but there have been a lot of people and I would say most people struggle with just going up and striking a conversation. I don't have that confidence and I talk for a living. Would a blue ring give you that confidence? So if you were the person that struggles to have a conversation anyway, if someone has a ring on, is that going to make all of a sudden your idea of public speaking fear go away?

not at all but it may make me seem more approachable in terms of like it may break that barrier down and may make it easier for someone else to approach me that might be why someone's wearing it they might wear it not because it's going to be them doing the initiating but it's a signifier that they're open to other people initiating and they think that that might you know make that more accessible keisha's had an idea i actually just remember when i was at schoolies this gone back in the gold coast i remember when we used to go into the clubs and they would give you an option of picking a red sticker or a green sticker and it was to indicate whether you were single

or in a relationship. Sounds like the Matrix. That won't appear at school, is it? 100%. What class were you going to? In the Gold Coast in 2011, I think I graduated. And, yeah, you used to go in and I remember I thought I was a fucking genius because I had really long hair.

So I would get both stickers and I would flip my hair from one side to the other depending on who the person was. That is pretty smart. That's fair. Thank you. But then they were like, show me your other side. But, like, the concept is the same. It's to kind of be like are you open to being approached

or are you closed off? Well, I think that's the problem. What you just said, you had the pre-thought of being like, oh, I might not want them to talk to me. If you've got this blue ring on, baby, that ring's on. If you are single, if you're a listener and you're single, we're going to do a poll because we genuinely want to know, would people wear this stuff?

Would you buy a blue silicon ring for $40 to wear out to indicate that you're single? Or like, you know, maybe a life uncut one. Let's make one. Well, that's what I was putting the feels out for. All right. It's time for vibe and unsubscribe. Actually, I don't even have an unsubscribe.

I only have a vibe. This is basically like what we're recommending this week or what we've used or come across that we think is very handy and very useful. And I don't know how many people this is going to be useful to, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway, because it makes my life so much easier. and every single time I post a reel or I post a video on like Instagram or social media where I have edited my clips together, like my videos together, I always get questions as to how I've done it. And I feel like if you're someone who spends a lot of time on Instagram, you probably

will already know this. But if you're somebody who just really wants to maybe, I don't know, make a family video or make a reel and you want an easier way of doing it, it's an app. Okay. So the app I'm recommending is called Splice. Matt got me onto it. It is what he edits every single one of his dumb, funny skits with. It is so easy to use. It's a very intuitive video editing app that you can download through the app store. Also not sponsored. You can do voiceover on it. You can add music from iTunes. You can add your own music and do fade ins, fade outs, literally anything that you can think of in terms of video editing. You can do it through this app and it also just makes it so unbelievably easy you can do it all on your phone so that is my recommendation it is

called splice and i think it is freaking great i use it genuinely every week i also use splice and i have for a long time i can vibe your vibe well when i said i was like this is what i'm recommending this week brit was like that is not a hot take and i was like well i mean other people might not know it we work in the influence of the world i just didn't know how many people want to edit their videos but it is great i just even do little delilah videos with it it's brilliant from like complicated to the to the little it's great my vibe this week is a tv show it's a show that has kept me absolutely hooked i haven't had this level of interest in a very long time the only other one i recommended a few weeks ago you which was brilliant i finished that also brilliant but

this is on netflix and it's called sweet tooth so it's pretty new because i saw it in the trending the other day sweet tooth now as a really tiny little wrap up of what it is just trust me on it it's post-apocalyptic there's a virus where i feel like it was very covid-esque this virus came through lots of people were dying from it and off the back of that these babies were being born not all of them but some babies were being born and they call them hybrids which is a half animal half human everybody thinks that these hybrids are the reason the virus came so they're wanting to kill off all these children that are half animal and half human and the whole idea of this show is this is one little boy it follows who is a half deer he's the cutest little thing he ends up

been alone in the wilderness and this man finds him and it's them against the world for a little while trying to find his long lost mom. It sounds probably terrible if you're listening. It is so good. And on Rotten Tomatoes, I checked, it rates very, very highly. It doesn't really have any bad reviews. So not my usual show, but I'm really going to recommend this show, Sweet Tooth on Netflix. When you tried to describe to me what it was about, I was like, this is the weirdest thing I've ever heard. But I'm a kind of hooked. On the second describe, I might give it a go. It's really, really good. You've got to trust me.

All right, let's get into the questions. When I was on a night out with a friend, I met a guy. He was so charming and flirty and we immediately hit it off. His friend invited us, me and my friend, back to his apartment where we could continue having drinks. Our physical intimacy progressed throughout the night and we got very close. Only I didn't sleep with him because I kind of got this weird gut feeling

that something was off, but we did plenty of other things. we left the night with me giving him my number and saying we couldn't wait to go on another date and spend some more time together the next day I found his Instagram and naturally started stalking him his tagged photos have a wedding video of him and his beautiful wife I then clicked on her profile and it showed me that they are still very much married and very much still in love I feel disgusted with him and myself my question is this do you think the wife has a right to know and should i be the one to tell her if i was in her shoes i know that i would want to know about his infidelity please help no the answer to these it's so hard because he didn't do anything right

yeah they they kissed they were physically they did everything but have sex so yeah no he so he did oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah you know what the thing is though the reason these are so hard is because yes i would want to know if i was the wife if my partner was playing up but do you want to bring in the shit storm that this is going to bring in like she's going to want to talk to you she's going to want to involve you she's going to want to speak to you on the phone everything do you know how hard it is because also she's just there living her life being happy she's happily married everything's fine fine fine fine fine fine she lives in like narnia and then all of a sudden her world is going to come crashing down all around her. Her entire reality is going to be

crushed. I would probably message him and be like, fuck you. I'd let him know that I know you piece of shit. You've got a wife, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I would do that because that's just like, I'd just be angry. I don't know if I'd want to invite that in to my life. And I feel bad saying it because I have been on the receiving end of both. I've been the person that someone's told, which, you know, I've appreciated, but there's also a part of you that's like, why did you tell me that? Like you've ruined it, even though you want to know. And then I've been the person that has told somebody. And I regretted that at the end deeply, the shit storm that that brought for over a year. And I was like, should I just let it go? Yeah. I think that these situations

are so personal. And I think that every single person who's put into this situation will react differently. Would I want to know if I was the wife, like if Matt had gone out and done something like this to me, would I want to know? Absolutely. Do I expect somebody who doesn't know me to bring on that drama to kind of take the moral high road and be the person to tell me? I don't expect that of anyone else. I expect it of my husband, but I don't expect it of a stranger. I think in this instance, whichever option you choose to do, there is no right or wrong answer. It's whatever you can morally live with and whatever you can bring into your life. What are you ready for? Yeah, it's going to bring with it some fucking baggage this one night almost stand that you had is going

to bring with it so much drama because you're going to have to justify what happened you're going to have to give her details she's going to want to know the whole story he's going to probably contact you and blow the fuck up as well like she'll probably end up believing him over you yeah there's a good chance that they'll work through it because you know she only has the small pieces of information that you're giving her and probably only as much as you feel comfortable with actually telling her and the amount of time that you because you're going to give the information and then walk away like you're dropping the bomb and then you're leaving it for her to figure out so she will probably reach out to you to try and get more closure more information more

understanding which you can't blame her if she does that I do not think if I was in this situation that I would tell the wife and I know that that goes against me saying that if I was a wife I would want to know but I don't think that I would want to bring that level of drama into my life and I may contact him and say, hey, you're an absolute piece of shit. You are a piece of shit. But it's not my responsibility to play vigilante for their relationship. It's not my responsibility to hold him accountable for the way that he's behaving in his relationship. And it's not your responsibility either. If you want to take the moral high road and do that, though, you're absolutely entitled to. Tricky. What would you do? I don't think I would do it. But I think that's because and I say

the same thing I say I would want to know for sure but I have done it I went back and forth for about two weeks when this situation happened to me do I tell this person this is the problem right it wasn't that the boyfriend nearly cheated with me but I knew he was cheating on this girl and but she was my friend if this makes sense so I knew her we weren't close we were just associated and I went back and forth because I was like it wasn't me but I do know and she was like wanting to marry him and i was like oh my god i eventually decided to i asked some other friends they'll like probably tell her fucking shit fight like oh i was like what have i i had so much regret that i did it in the end because she didn't believe me for a long time and i got stuck in the middle

then there was a bit of like accusations towards me or how do i know this where did i get it from why would i do it because they or people always want to shoot the messenger when you're totally When your entire identity, your whole world just came crashing down, the last person that you're grateful towards is the person who tells you. You're fucking mad. And fast forward a couple of years and she was great about it. She's moved on. She understood why at the time, but it was still what that brought

into my life, the anxiety that then I was going to run into them because then she told him that it was me that dropped the information that he was in and I was like, fuck, it wasn't my best friend. I just thought I was doing the whole girl code thing and it just backfired. So I think if this situation, if it is someone, if it happened like that and it was someone close to you, then of course you would do it. Like if it's a good friend or someone you really know, but this is just some guy you

met, I would just don't think I'd do it. Like this whole idea of girl code, like I get, I understand that you want to have another woman's back. You want to look out for their welfare and their wellbeing, especially when you know that they're in a bad relationship. But I don't want someone listening to this thinking like, oh, like, you know, you've chosen the wrong thing or because you wouldn't do it that you're a bad person it's okay to have boundaries in your own life to preserve your own mental health and I think bringing purposely or

knowingly bringing drama into your life that you may not have the emotional capacity to deal with right now it's okay that you choose that option absolutely you can definitely choose you in that situation totally anyway good luck question number two okay a little longer but I'm feeling this all right hi girls i live overseas and i've been listening and loving your podcast since 2020 my love of aussie podcasts including yours has actually played a role in my decision to move to australia for a year everybody is exactly like us here which brings us to my issue i decided on my own that i want to do this yearly adventure to australia but i do have a boyfriend of just over two years when i told him about my choice i pretty much said come with me or don't but either

way I'm going to Australia. After some thought, he decided to come with me. My issue here is I don't actually know if he's the one. I have a lot of love for him, but I don't think I'm in love with him. I think that either going on this adventure with him will be a good thing or take away an opportunity for me to have a solo experience and a fresh start. I'm 26 years old, which I know in many ways is still young, but I'd like to get married and have kids sooner rather than later. There is nothing wrong with my boyfriend. He's so loving and kind. He's someone that I can rely on etc he's really excited for this trip to Australia but before we start booking it and 100% locking it in I want to make sure if it's the right thing to do to bring him with me

do I bring him with me to have an experience knowing he might not be the one or do I cut it now so I can experience a solo trip and fresh start um what should she do well I know what I think Laura's confused she's just thinking about what she wants to do but I know what I would do in this situation what I would do is say I'm really excited to go on this trip and I do want to have a little bit of independence so why don't you ask or tell him you're going to go for a few months first because you want to be solo like it could be one month two months three months and then he can maybe come and meet you after the fact so you do get to experience some travel on your own I think that is completely fine to do and then he can come later say I want to go do some solo

travel, do some backpacking, experience life on my own. I think the issue though, is that you've already invited him. You've already said, come. And now he's excited. You can change it. You can still come. He's just coming three months later. Imagine, imagine if Ben, imagine if he had said, let's go traveling together. You had gotten excited. And then he turned around and said, Hey honey, actually I want some solo time. I want to go for three months on my own. I did this. I did this for an entire year. I know you did, but you were the one who did it. I'm saying, imagine if you were on the receiving end of this you would fucking hate it i do not think i think that is the best thing to do in this situation you don't know if you want him to come but you don't

know if you don't want him to come like you don't know so go on your own for a couple of months you're either going to miss him terribly and cannot wait till he comes and you'll say come right now i miss you or you'll realize that okay i didn't actually miss him that much i love my new life. I know now that this is the life I want. I don't really see another way around this. The last thing you want to do is bring this poor guy, make him move across the world for you to get there and then say, soz, I made a mistake. To me, that is 10 times worse than saying, hey, I'm going to actually go for two months on my own. And then you come. I don't know if I agree in this, because I guess for me, I know that you have done something

similar, but you also use it as a trying to figure out what you wanted in your relationship. And I think by doing that, you're expecting someone to wait around, but you haven't actually told them that you're not sure. And I think that that's kind of unfair. I do actually think that the lack of transparency with that person means either it's just hurtful to say, hey, let's do this trip together and then turn around and say, oh, actually, let's do three months apart. I know if that was me and that was my partner and he had said that to me, I would be deeply hurt that they had changed their mind and wanted to be away from me. Would you not be more hurt if they made you move across the world and then we're like, psych. Totally. Which is also why I think there needs to

be some very honest conversations now that I don't think it has to be black or white. I think it can be, you know, I really need to do this. I'm not sure what I want in my life right now. I love being with you. You're an amazing person, but there is a part of me that really feels like I need to go and experience the world and have some independence. I guess my worry is, is that if you kind of just frame it as though I want to just go and do two months of solo travel and then come meet me he's still going to put his life on hold he's still going to make all those arrangements in his mind that's happening in two months time but then you're you've left your options open so then you could turn around and go actually don't come for me which I mean at the end of the

day say whatever you want to him but I think the only answer here is to go by yourself for a month or two I really do I don't think there's any way around this can I mean they're not moving to another country they're just going for an extended trip is that not no a year is moving you're moving overseas for a year is it not possible to kind of put a shorter time period on it and go together I mean I think that travel is such a make or break in relationships you're going to know very quickly whether you enjoy it because like I think travel puts a pressure cooker in any relationship it's like you either thrive in that environment or you don't at all because who's to say that just because you did organize to spend an entire year together that your relationship's going to last

that year anyway do you know I mean like you might break up you might like things happen just because you've committed to a year travel together doesn't mean that you absolutely cannot break up with that person in a year I guess the reason I'm pushing I mean like Laura and I we have different ideas of how this should go down which is fine the reason I'm pushing to go on your own at the start and then to come rather than you both to go together is because you've literally said I don't know if I want to be solo I don't know what that is like you're not going to know what that's like if he comes with you from the very start. You're just not going to because he doesn't know anyone in that country. You don't know anyone in that country. You're going to want to spend all your

time together. The only way you are going to have a proper solo experience is if he doesn't come with you immediately. Now that could just be four weeks for you. It could be eight weeks. It could be 12 weeks. I mean, I did it for an entire year. My partner was going to come and then I was like, do you know what? And I was with him for four years. I said, I just want to be on my own for you like I love you we're going to stay together but I want to experience solo travel and he was like I get it shouted I'm not going to see you but like that's what life is if you want to go and experience some time on your own do it and it is a conversation you need to have however you want to phrase that if you want to tell him you're unsure about him or if you want to say

I just want to know what some independence is like I want to feel that I want to be scared I want to not know what's around the corner I want to have to figure out stuff on my own however you want to frame it. I just genuinely don't believe if you guys come together, you're ever going to get that experience. I do agree. I don't think that you'll get that experience, but I do think that you have to make a decision around how you have the conversation. And I don't think that you can just keep someone waiting while you figure your life out. And that's my only thing that I, I guess the thing that's different with you, Britt, is when you left, did you know for certain that you still wanted to be with him? Or were you like, hey, you pause your life. I'm going to go

live my life for a year and then I'm going to come back to this? Or were you like, hey, I'm going to go live my life for a year and I'll make a decision as to whether I want you or not? Yes, I was option B. I didn't know what I wanted and that was why I did it. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted life to be, if I wanted to be with him, if he was the right person. But was he very well aware that that's what you were doing and he chose in? See, that to me is unfair. No, because why would I do that for him? Because I still loved him and I wouldn't want him to go and sit there thinking, what am I doing? Am I going to leave him any second? I think that's worse because we still loved each other fiercely but deep inside I didn't know who I was because

I'd only ever been with this person and I'd never ever been on my own so I didn't know if I just wanted to be on my own and come back to him or if I wasn't if it wasn't him and the only way I could work that out was to go and be on my own yeah I mean look I can understand what you're saying I guess I'm looking at this from the other side of it from the person who's being left and I think it is a bit selfish to not be honest that you're trying to figure things out because that person is essentially putting their life on hold, being committed to you, thinking that you're committed to them while you're out there in the world, kind of just living life independent of them, really unsure as to whether they're the person. And I think everybody deserves to be in a

relationship with someone who fiercely chooses them. And I don't know if you can waste a year of someone's time figuring that out. Well, it wouldn't be. She'd be gone for two months and then she'd decide. But think of it this way. Okay. So we're doing all angles here. If you say to him now because I also get what you're saying Laura but she's not sure that's what she wants she just hasn't been on her own yet if you say to him I don't know if I want to be with you I don't know if I love you in the right way I need to go figure that out there's a high chance when you come back in three months say I was wrong I love you he'll say fuck off there is a big chance if someone says I'm not sure about you and then they say oh I was wrong I am they're going to be like well you

weren't sure three months ago but you don't even know if you're not sure like you don't even know what that is. So I think it's okay to not go and put this doubt in their head if it's not really deep inside you. Maybe it is that you just want this one little experience on your own and then you realize that they are absolutely your person and that you could change it. So I think it's a big call to put that doubt in their mind now because they might not want you back after that, which is, it's a risk. Totally. I guess the thing is, is though that doubt's already going to be there because if you have already said, let's go travel together, they've already gotten excited about this trip that you're going to do as a couple they're already making arrangements to

be able to go and leave and take a year together if you turn around and say now actually i'm going to do x amount of time on my own without you that doubt's already there that has already been cemented in that person i don't agree with that we're not going to agree on that one because i think it's okay as a couple to be like hey i changed my mind i want to go and have a i want to be on my own for a month i think i'm very interested to hear people's opinions on this I'd be so interested to know whether if you were on the receiving end of that, whether that would destabilize you in that relationship. I think for me, if Matt was to turn around and say, I need to go away and have a holiday

independent of you, that would really rock my belief in us as a couple that he, and I don't mean just like a holiday, like go away for a weekend. I mean, if we'd planned to do a Europe trip for a year and he was like, actually, I need to go and do it on my own. I think for me, it would kill me. But you're married with two kids and 37. She's 26 and they've been together for two years. like she's figuring out who she is and what she wants so I don't think we ever really know who we

are and what we want and she's still in her mid-20s so maybe I'm different I'm a very independent person and I have made a decision a long time ago that I won't ever put my life on hold when I want to do something for someone else I will find a way around it whether that's an open conversation if you have to think to yourself not you Laura this girl if you don't do this and you never have an experience overseas on your own, will you be okay with that? Is this something you want to tick off your bucket list of life? Is it something you know deep down that you will always regret if you don't do it? These are questions to ask yourself. But for me, maybe I'm different. Maybe I'm because I'm a bit of a lone soldier. Maybe I'm looking at it from a different lens. But I think

if you have an open conversation, if my partner said to me, came to me and said, I want to do a month or two on my own, would I be upset? Yes, absolutely. Would I understand? Probably if we had a conversation and they explained it. If they said, I just want to go, I've never been on my own before I could go for it I mean but I believe and again I might be different I don't believe in relationships where couples do everything together I thoroughly believe for a successful healthy relationship to thrive for the next 40 years that you need to be able to do things on your own you need to be able to go and have a girl's trip he needs to be able to go have a boy's trip you have your own interests I don't think you have to live in each other's pocket so maybe I am just looking

at it from a different lens because I know there are couples that would never ever want to do anything without each other. Like, I think we're going to see this differently. And it's not often that we, it's not often that we answer questions and like, don't get to a mutually exactly the same point. It's actually never. I do want to say though, of course I agree with you. When you say that you think that couples should be independent of each other and do things independently of each other, nobody is disagreeing with that. Like I 100% think is so important to a healthy long-term relationship. We're probably never going to get to the same place. But for me, I know that that would make me feel very, very insecure. And I think I would want the honesty. I just don't

think that you like, and because I see it very much as being selfish in that you're trying to figure out what you want while you keep someone waiting. And that's what, what I don't like about it. Yeah. We thoroughly disagree. Yeah, we do. It is so fine. It's happened like once a year that we actually. It's up to you. I do what you want. All right. Question number three. Now this Hasn't been written in by anyone. This is not an Ask Uncut from a listener. This is my own little moral pickle. Oh, your own Ask Uncut.

My little home pickle with Matty J that we had a fight the other day. Actually, it wasn't a fight. We had a tiff, a little tiffy tiff, and I want to get your opinion on this. So Matt, every night, we get into bed and he has like a bit of a wind-down routine. He'll sit on TikTok for a while. He might read a news article. He'll be doing stuff while he's in bed.

this is post-shower, teeth brushing, whatever. He's just in bed, winding down to go to sleep. I, however, have a very busy workday. And whenever I have decided, because I also, I get into bed, I also scroll, I do whatever it is that I'm doing on my phone. But then it's always me who's the one that makes the decision. It's time to go to sleep now. So I will say it's time to go to sleep now. Turn my phone off, put it down, you know, roll over, turn the light off, the lamp. He has an issue with the fact that I am the drill sergeant of going to sleep time and that I don't allow him the opportunity to finish whatever it is that he was doing. So whether it was that he needs to read the last chapter of a book or the last bit of an article

or he wants to watch three more things on TikTok, he has an issue with the fact that as soon as I've made that decision that it's time to sleep, that he must sleep also. Who's in the wrong? Because it's him. How am I in the wrong? Because let me tell you why. When you first, when we discussed this earlier, I thought it was more like you're saying when we go to bed it's bedtime so I thought you do all your scrolling in the lounge room then you're like it's bedtime you go into the room you go to sleep but you are both doing your wind down routine you're both scrolling it's not up to you to be like I've decided it's time so you end it I think what it needs to be is all right let's do another 10 minutes so it gives time people time to do a

wrap up but I think you can't he's not a toddler I don't need to say two more minutes of screen time okay how would you feel let's let's reverse it how would you feel if you were in the middle of doing something matt rolled over and said i'm done took your phone put it down and you were like babe i'm doing something you it would not fly on reverse so i think it needs to be like a mean halfway i would get up and go and sit in the lounge room which is for scrolling okay the reason why i have such strong feelings about this is because the bed is specifically for sleeping so if one person has made the decision that it is time for them to sleep that's what that that gets priority every time well i think even if it's the middle of the day and someone's like hey i'm

going to use this space to sleep now that's the function of that space but his problem i think his problem is the fact that you're just saying i'm the decision maker i think this is what i'm getting yes but you're not the decision maker you're a couple so i think you need to be like let's wrap it up in 10 minutes not i've decided this so you have to do it right this second that's what i think his problem is it's not 7 30 it's like 11 o'clock at night when i'm like it's time for sleep now but it's okay for you to be scrolling until you're ready so i think that's where his problem is. So I think maybe you guys need to do a like a 10 minute signal where you're like, hey, let's finish what we're doing. So he doesn't feel like you're just telling him.

To be fair, I have one more thing. The issue I have though is I'm always the first person to say I'm going to bed. So I get into bed, but then he comes in and has his shower and dicks around in the bathroom for a while. So I'm already waiting. I have a question. Yes. Does he use headphones no okay that i can understand as a bit of a that's annoying but also wouldn't even matter if you had headphones on i can't stand the light it's the okay now you're being a fucking punish he can roll over put his headphones in dim the light i think his problem is with the authority i don't think it's a fact i think it's the now or never like i don't know if i agree because i'm a really troubled sleeper like i've had problems sleeping for years and years and years and this

dates back to so long ago and i remember when i lived with my boyfriend and i often have to listen to things to go to sleep i have to watch things to go to sleep like i i seem to have a very hyperactive mind and i know everyone's like you should sit there and count sheep but if someone laying next to me was like yo you can't have any sound you can't have any light i'd be like cool that means i'm literally not getting to sleep tonight well then you can sleep on the couch Although sometimes I do go to sleep with my Omnilux mask on and Matt's like, are you kidding me? On?

Yeah, like I put it on. That light is blinding. I put it on and Matt's like, it's like we're in an infrared sauna and I'm just like laying there with this, oh, no, you don't know. Is he getting like the off-cut health benefits? Just on one side. He's youthful but only on his left-hand side. That's why you're so good.

You're supposed to wear it for 10 minutes. You fall asleep with it for like 12 hours. You're glowing. I think if he brings headphones, it's play on. play on the sound i can understand if you're trying to get to sleep and someone's watching a tiktok video especially if they're laughing and carrying on that i can understand is like an irk i'm not quite fair i don't even care that i'm outnumbered the bed is for sleeping the person who wants to sleep is the winner of that argument i also know okay i'm gonna throw this to my sister

for a second so my sister sherry and her husband jay so jay works jay's from the uk and he still works on uk time so he does a lot of night work but he will often say to sherry because he usually is in a lounge room so he doesn't wake up he'll often say like can i work in bed tonight because he wants to just feel like he's he's with her like be next to her still because he's otherwise he's never see that and she's like of course he puts his headphones in she puts an eye mask on and he just works in bed next to her and it's fine that's great for them doesn't work for me i love you Thank you. And I will always have your back.

Don't tell him I'm on his side. He never listens. But I sort of am. Like I understand and I think there is an easy way for you guys to meet halfway. You put an eye mask on, Laura. You're happy to wear your Omnilux, which is like the havest heck you've ever seen.

Put an eye mask on. He can put his headphones in. He can roll over and just go to sleep. Like he's not going to do it all night. I think his problem is you being like, it's time to shut up, Sean. Look, we're not in cahoots with Matt. No, he's not paying us. But if we were to be in cahoots with one of you right now,

I think we're pretty strongly falling on his side. Anyway, guys, that's enough from us today. It's been a great episode here at Ask Uncut. I don't think Laura expected us to do that. You all know the drill. Also, Omnilux sponsored the podcast. Can they already? You got so many shout-outs.

That's why they don't sponsor because they know we're going to talk about it anyway. I mean, you just stop saying the brand. We need to just be like that bright face mask. tell your mum tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends put the plug in

and charge her in and turn the fucking light on and go to sleep we love love