Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Racoons or Architects, Boy's Trips, Cutting Ties & Empty Wishing Wells

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm Laura. And it's Thursday. Thank you. We are. We answer your biggest, deepest, darkest questions. I love this episode personally. Me too. Laura is running on a little bit less sleep than usual. You've had a rough night,

Starting point is 00:00:27 Not on the margaritas, just with the titties. I wish it was on the margaritas. You know what? Maybe this is a flow-on effect because you got pretty litty on margs on the weekend. I had so many margaritas on Saturday night. We had our pick-up Christmas party. Well, it wasn't – We went for dinner.

Starting point is 00:00:42 You can't really call it a Christmas party. We went to dinner. There was nothing Christmas themed. No one drank except for me, and I had about seven margaritas. No one drank – sorry, no one drank as much as you did. No, that's true. I had – I was doing – Don't you wave that finger at me.

Starting point is 00:00:56 I was doing lemon doing I was drinking limoncello spritzers we're at an Italian restaurant I mean to be fair I only had two but I don't drink anymore so two for me sends me like scent I would like to point out that normally I am also sent by not much but those cocktails were wildly weak but it was still delicious I had more of them I paid way too much for lemony water there's another place in Bondi that my housemate and I used to I mean my old housemate I no longer live with them but we used to kind of bitch about it because the cocktails were like $25 each and we were so convinced that they were like a third strength there was nothing in it it really really got to be in my bonnet because you guys know I'm a tight ass and if I'm paying $25 for a cocktail

Starting point is 00:01:37 I want to feel it I just think I know you at that time and I just think you're a little bit immune to it like you were in your party girl era so it would hit different now I bet you if you go and Test it out. It'll hit you different. Laura, you will be happy. For my wedding, I have unlimited margaritas. But I'm not, like, now I'm not much of a big drinker normally. Like, even when we went out for a life on cut thing,

Starting point is 00:02:01 I had two drinks at dinner. That was our Christmas party. Look, guys, every so often you've just got to have a night. Well, you don't have to. That's not the truth. But I did, okay? Stop judging me. Hey, talking about judging, this was supposed to be wholesome.

Starting point is 00:02:15 Like, this was supposed to be from someone that sent me something on Instagram. You know when they send you something and you know it had no real intent but it's like wildly offensive. Someone sent me and they follow me. They like me and they just meant to be like, ha-ha, this is you. And it was a meme and it was just like they wrote, ha-ha, you're both, but like love hearts and stuff, like sparkles.

Starting point is 00:02:38 And it was a meme about you've heard of geriatric pregnancies but have you heard of geriatric bachelorettes? What? It's a meme. That's hurtful. So you know geriatric pregnancies? If you are having a baby, I think it's over 32 or 33 now, it's ridiculous.

Starting point is 00:02:56 You're called a geriatric pregnancy. Yeah, it's like when you're in your early 30s. But it's just because of like – I know why. Yeah. But I'm saying the name is a geriatric – It's because of the patriarchy. It's because my eggs are shriveled.

Starting point is 00:03:08 I get it. My pregnancies were geriatric pregnancies. Explains a lot. Yeah. Lola's wild. No, I'm joking. But, yeah, so they sent me this like, you've heard of geriatric pregnancies have you heard of geriatric bachelor and it's these girls

Starting point is 00:03:21 that are obviously going on their bachelorette later in life like a bit older and they just can't handle it they've got the nurses over the next day and they're on drips at home and it's like it's a real old thing they're walking out with walkers and i was like i was a bit offended but i was like it also sort of is true like that is what i'm gonna be like in my bachelorette got you okay sorry it took me a while because when you were saying bachelorette i was like thinking like from The Bachelor and I was like but you weren't you were young and now and now you're engaged wow well welcome to the party I'm glad I arrived yes because you really did a number on me didn't it but your hands party to be fair when we've had some preliminary conversations

Starting point is 00:04:00 Laura and I are in a group chat with your two bridesmaids yeah and I did set it up we have been talking about what you want I did factor in well she's not going to be wanting a rager she's not going to be wanting to go until the early hours of the morning we're probably going to be sitting around having cups of tea at nine o'clock like we did at laura's and i had a great time that makes me feel so it makes me sound so lame but low-key yeah that's what we're going to do high tea party we're going to get stuck in a tea circle where like when you finish your tea and by the time it gets around someone fills it up again sherry and keisha were so we're in this group chat to organize brit's hands and john is rolling his eyes and we got sent i got sent the dress code

Starting point is 00:04:40 for your hens party? Have you already decided it? Or like the planned dress code? Well, I thought it came from you. I thought that this was what you wanted. And I was like – Kish and I snowballed some stuff. Okay, subtle.

Starting point is 00:04:50 Did one stick. One I thought stuck. I thought it was what you wanted, but you were a little bit worried about putting a theme in general because you didn't want people to have to like, you know, organize outfits and whatever. I want people to have to do and pay for as little as possible. Like I want to organize my own hens and people can just turn up.

Starting point is 00:05:07 I hate the pressure of asking people to do stuff. It's also because they become quite expensive when you do themed things and people have to put a lot of effort into it. And also then when you have a wedding that's overseas. There's lots of parts to it. I get that. But no, it's going to be great. You can't know anything about it.

Starting point is 00:05:21 So how do I get the theme then? Do you give me the – We'll give you an outfit that you have to wear. You're going as a blow-up dinosaur. I'm going as a giant cock. What? I wanted to ask you guys. I was sent a meme by my boyfriend last night.

Starting point is 00:05:36 And this is one of those ones. you know how they're like opposites attract and one person in the relationship is this person and then the other one's the opposite in the relationship and this one for me really hit me in the heart and it couldn't be more true in my relationship and I'm curious about whether this exists in every relationship or if ours is a little bit specific to this. So the meme read in every partnership there is a person who stacks the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and a person who stacks the dishwasher like a raccoon on meth. Oh you're the raccoon on meth for sure. Without a doubt. I'm also

Starting point is 00:06:08 there with you raccooning away in the dishwasher. I am a squirrel for sure. Are you also the rodent? I'm a rat, yeah. I am the roadkill rat. But I live alone too. If you opened my dishwasher, I don't even put them on the right shelf. I didn't even know that there was a shelf you had to put things on.

Starting point is 00:06:25 Oh, yeah. Cups on the bottom, pans on top. See, inside Cups upside down. Catch as much water as you can. No, you can't do that because then all the food and water like ferments in there. It is the reason why I end up doing about three loads of the same cup in a dishwasher it drives matt insane because he is very particular with and so he unpacks the dishwasher and then repacks it once i've packed it once my thing is

Starting point is 00:06:47 like a lot of people talk about weaponized incompetency in men they talk about how like so many men don't do jobs properly because the women will step in but no one talks about the women who abuse the system because i think i am like i've like completely manifested weaponized incompetency but i don't think you're abusing it you're just doing it you don't care because you're still you've still done the chore right he just has to redo it which is also like i mean really the definition of it i'm like i know that you want me to do it properly but i'm refusing to and he just has the patience of a saint i figure the dishwasher like you shut the door and the water fills the dishwasher right and all washes around because it doesn't make a difference the

Starting point is 00:07:26 outcome is the same i very much think there is always two types of people in a relationship and also i was saying this before but there is always two types of people when they go on holidays there's the type of people who live out of a suitcase never unpack their clothes and their shit is everywhere like the hotel room just looks like you've been robbed by the end of the stay and then there's people who rock up to a hotel they get on holidays and the second that they arrive they unpack all their things into a wardrobe sociopath which to me is insane but that is my sister so us traveling together has always been like a real kind of chalk and cheese situation my hotel room looks i could be there for two hours and it looks like i've been there

Starting point is 00:08:01 for a year and I I traveled like for three years out of a suitcase I'm going to Ben's now for a month my suitcase will open on the ground and that's where it will stay everything stays in there I don't pull anything out I don't hang anything up it drives him insane speaking of packing I am out of here tonight what time is your flight nine o'clock tonight nine o'clock tonight is my flight it's like a 28 hours pray for me it's a very long flight I'm gonna take some sleeping tablets and then that's me for the rest of the week you were sending messages last night of you packing like you always leave it to the last minute yeah it's not finished yet i know you're not i have like an hour when we go home i'm stressed i have an hour when we go home today

Starting point is 00:08:40 to pack before i have to leave basically and we have eight hours of recording and we've got we're working all day i've also got to go to the post office ben sent me something babes make sure you pick this up before you go i'm like ben it's bondi beach a week before christmas that post oh my god is hell can i tell you what happened yesterday this is we we nearly got into an argument because ben he's so sweet he sends me stuff all the time so he sent me something and he's like babe make sure you go to the post office this afternoon when you can so i was like oh my god thank you love love heart so i go to the post office the line is out the door i'm talking i was on the phone to you laura 35 people it's not only is it a couple of weeks before christmas it's the

Starting point is 00:09:18 week after black friday like the thing is is like everyone's parcels have arrived everyone's in the midst of pickup or pack down or whatever it is like the post office is fucking hellfire right now. So I wait in the line cause I don't have much time. I'm going today. I get the, it's like an hour. I get to the desk and I say, I've got some, I know them cause I go there all the time. I was like, I've got something. I was like, I've got friends with the post office people. I was like, hi, I've got something to pick up. And he was like, no, you don't. And I was like, no, I do. Please, please tell me it's here. I was like, my, my fiance sent me something and he pulls it up on the computer and he's like, no, it's still in transit. Maybe tomorrow. If you

Starting point is 00:09:51 want to come back. How did you not check that before you got there? That's on you. No, it is not ben told me it was there so i go back and i was like hey ben just show me what the message said he sends me the screenshot it says in transit i was like i would have been ropable i was like he sent you a present he just got it wrong i was like it's okay i was like no worries babe i'll go back tomorrow in all my spare time that's okay i'll just duck back in and i was like what is it he's like not telling i was like i was like do i do i need it for the trip and he's like maybe And I was like, you're killing me, kid. I was like, what?

Starting point is 00:10:26 Just so you know, I don't want it. I don't want it. Well, guys, look, I mean, before we get into vibes and unsubscribes and answering all your questions, if you are a lifer and you are from Queensland, well, specifically from Surface Paradise or Gold Coast area. Queensland's a big state. I know. I realized that.

Starting point is 00:10:42 I was like, well, if you're in far north Queensland, you're probably not coming. But this weekend on Sunday night, Matt and I are hosting the Carols on Surface Paradise Beach again. So cute. Which is so fun. We did it last year and there was like thousands of people there. The carols are always a nice way to get into the mood for Christmas. I wish I could come and like sit, but I'm always away,

Starting point is 00:11:00 but I wish I could go and see. What do you guys do as hosts? Like do you have to do a stand-up piece? I mean, do you have a dance routine? Are you dancing? So we open the carols and we introduce the acts. It's a whole bit. We do a bit.

Starting point is 00:11:12 It says on the box. Yeah, so you do a bit. And if you have, specifically if you have kids, of course, because it's very family orientated. But Emma Memma is going to be there. And then there's also Emma Wiggle. Emma Wiggle. She's not Emma Wiggle anymore.

Starting point is 00:11:25 Oh, she's Emma Memma. She left. She quit. And then she had a new identity overhaul and now she's Emma Memma. Okay. I didn't know that. My bad. And then there's also a guy named Lenny Pierce who is a DJ.

Starting point is 00:11:35 He's got like almost a million followers on Instagram. He's quite a famous DJ. Lenny Pierce? Lenny Pierce. You haven't heard of him? I've never heard of him. There's probably a reason for that. I just Googled.

Starting point is 00:11:46 maker of toddler techno, one of the world's fastest rising artists in the electronic music scene. What? Are their kid raves? He does lit. Do kids rave? Oh, yeah. You should see Marlene on a Saturday night.

Starting point is 00:12:00 I did see her at the Carols last week. With her glow sticks. No, yeah, I think he started off as like an adult DJ and then he realised actually maybe there was more bang for his buck doing it for kids. Are you telling me the fastest growing DJ now is a toddler DJ? Totally makes sense. I mean, even YouTube alone, like streams off of that,

Starting point is 00:12:20 you'd be, guys, we're in the wrong industry. Why are we here? Why are we not raving? It's also why people like Matt O'Kind have their bands, like their kids' band called Diver City. It's because like adults want to listen to music that's not infuriatingly bad. Do you know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:12:33 So it's kind of like kid-appropriate adult music. That makes sense. It's like Shrek. Like, you know how they make kids' movies? Well, how they make kids' movies, but there's adult stuff in there as well. Exactly, exactly. Well, anyway, that's what I'm going to be doing this Sunday night. come down to the carols. Sorry, I'm still shocked that toddlers are raving. And you can get amongst

Starting point is 00:12:49 the toddler rave. It's definitely not just for toddlers. It is for whole families. That is my dream job. Imagine being able to be a DJ, get paid on WhatsApp, rave, but be in bed and have a nap at 10.30am. 7pm. You're done. No, you're done. You're mourning because they need to have their lay down and their milk. You also probably get a nap in the middle of the day as well for two hours. Britney Whitney is coming. Watch out. Britney's raving, Britney Whitney. All right. What is your vibe of the week my vibe this week so this is a book it's by story worth you might have heard of it so sherry and ideas for my dad a few years ago and this is my what i'm holding in my hand is like my most valuable thing that i own this is my dad on the front it looks like he's died he hasn't

Starting point is 00:13:34 he has not died but the book has a photo of him and it says his name on it and what happens is you sign this person up to a website called StoryWorth and every single week for an entire year they send a question via email to this person. So there's like 52 chapters of all these questions and each answer is only one to two pages. It's whatever they want to write but my dad did it in like two pages and it's their whole life. He answers the question and he sends it back in email. He does it every single week and then they put a hardcover book together. It's a book of his life but it's not just his life it's things that you would I mean it is his life but things that you would never have known and also his deepest thoughts on things like I haven't finished

Starting point is 00:14:18 it I've had it for years and I haven't finished it because every time I open it I'm in tears happy tears sad tears and he has he has been so honest in it and sometimes that's really hard to hear because your parents protect you a lot or your grandparents protect you a lot from their feelings they never want you to know that they're sad or struggling and the way he speaks about my mum the way he speaks about us the hard times and it's just stuff I didn't know about his childhood or his parents and I think it's such a beautiful present if you are thinking of what you could get someone in your life my mum's a little bit lazier so she hasn't done hers but I'm really gonna push her that's the problem is like you if you have this sort of present for your family member you

Starting point is 00:14:56 need to make sure that they're the type of person who's good with a deadline like actually does things like the activities that you send them well it's not like it's like if you don't do it in that week it's expired it just means like it's going to take you longer to do it but if you're really good with it literally like two pages one question is is a page and a half so it's super easy so I cannot recommend this enough story worth is who I used I'm sure there's a bunch of different websites if you are lucky enough to still have a parent in your life and I understand this is going to be a hard thing to hear for people that might have lost somebody in their life I get that But if there is someone that you do want to put their whole life

Starting point is 00:15:32 into a hardcover, and if I lose this, well, I should check this. I'm pretty sure it's stored like online. So I'm pretty sure I could get another. But all the kids got a copy. That is like such a beautiful, beautiful gift idea and something that I think a lot of people, and I mean from speaking about grief, like a lot of people get to the end of the life of their loved ones

Starting point is 00:15:53 and realise they don't have all of the answers to the questions that they would have liked to have asked or have all of the stories. you know and there's so much about your parents and like their upbringing and who they were when before you existed that you might not know the details to and it's such a nice way to to like know the people that you love the most better and more intimately and i even i was reading it the other day sometimes i just flick through and open a page and read it and there was one that he was writing about my mom like i just flicked through now tell me about one of the best days that you remember and it's it's just his one memory from him and i flicked through

Starting point is 00:16:22 and i saw the way he was writing about my mom and i was bawling my eyes out and i took a selfie of my mom of my face sorry crying sent it to my mom sent her the page because I don't reckon she's read it I don't think she would read it and I just sent her the page and I said just a reminder how much dad adores you and she wrote back and she said I'm I know I'm the luckiest woman in the world and I was like oh I'm just anyway I'm not gonna get any more such goals that is a really beautiful recommendation that is my vibe what's yours Keish oh mine mine feels very silly and like light and fluffy after something as deep and meaningful as that but it's the new Lindsay low and Christmas movie on Netflix. It is called Our Little Secret and it follows two characters

Starting point is 00:17:00 named Avery and Logan. And this happens in the first couple of minutes. So no spoilers. They're in a relationship and they have a failed proposal and they break up. Okay. And then it fast forwards 10 years and they're both in new relationships and they're both in much better places in their life. And they come together with their new partners for Christmas. And it turns out that their partners are siblings. So they walk into the one household. Don't give it all away. And they've got to decide what they're going to do about it. Anyway, the movie is, it's cheesy, but not too cheesy and not as cheesy as Lindsay Lohan's previous Christmas movies that she's done on Netflix. Lindsay Lohan looks amazing. She's had a glow up. She's looking really, really good.

Starting point is 00:17:40 I even saw like a plastic surgeon online the other day and they were like, I don't know what she's done, but whatever it is, I want it for myself. She married a billionaire. That's what will do it she did but you you know we see a lot of rich people that get dodgy like surgery or glow-ups but she's she has nailed it yes she looks absolutely fantastic and this movie was just it was so enjoyable it was the right amount of predictable I watched it in one sitting which is actually quite rare for me to watch a film from like woe to go but it was just perfect for the time of the year it is when everyone's so exhausted and you need a little bit of Christmas cheer and something that's a little bit funny and the guy in it Ian Harding he's the one who plays

Starting point is 00:18:21 Logan I don't know he's hot did you guys watch Pretty Little Liars yeah loved it he was right so I put this up on my Instagram story because I was like I will never see him as anyone other than Ezra Fitz and so many lifers wrote back being like oh my gosh that's where I know him from I was trying to rack my brain for it but yeah really enjoyable little Christmas movie it's called Our Little Secret on Netflix I feel like everyone needs a good Christmas movie this time of year and I think love actually has had its I mean don't come for me but I feel like it's had its time because now you watch it and you're like oh half of these relationships are actually really toxic it's a different lens I don't love love actually they're gonna come for you yeah I

Starting point is 00:18:58 think the holiday is much better they're coming with the holiday is the Christmas movie Karen Diaz and Jude Law so good agree hot okay Jono's looks really offended Jono you stick to your really toxic relationships anyway what's your vibe Kate Winslet okay my vibe I have I have two and I'm going to make them both very quick. Okay. I have one that you can watch. It is a Netflix documentary. It's three episodes, very quick, very snappy, but I was absolutely hooked. It came out in 2022, but it seems to have had a resurgence on Netflix at the moment. And it's called Killer Sally. I don't know if anyone has seen it or heard of it. It's around these two competitive bodybuilders in the States, female and male. They met in the military and they ended up getting

Starting point is 00:19:41 married and i mean spoiler but you hear this in the very first episode it's certainly not a spoiler because it's in the name she kills her husband is her name sally her name is also sally and she is a killer but it's a really really interesting story and you know she has been framed to be this like quite cold murderous but then obviously the story develops and you actually find out that she is the victim of absolutely abhorrent domestic violence and he is a and I'm talking like when you see photos of them like he is an enormous man an enormous bodybuilder it's really really brilliantly done that sounds great yeah it's great okay and my second recommendation is something that is very very important this time of year or very key this time of year and I think it's

Starting point is 00:20:25 going to come in handy to lots of people it's something that I buy every single year or my sister actually buys it for me for a gift. And that is the jumbled diary. Has anyone seen this before? No, but do you use a diary? I'm laughing. I do at Tony Bay. It stays on my desk so that I don't lose it. But I'm not the person that can carry a diary around. I thought you only used a diary for like the first week and then it just crumbled. No, I take it with me for the first week. This is the problem. I get a diary. I'm like, I'm going to be the diary person this year and I'm going to carry it everywhere I go. And I carry it around for about a week and then it just sits on my desk at Tony May and I only use it for that job because I can't be trusted or I'll lose

Starting point is 00:21:03 it but they're awesome they're really beautiful like have a look they're really beautiful they come in all different colors every year they do like a new design and they're just like they're really thoughtfully laid out I love them they're $69.95 jumbled has so many like beautiful artworks and gifting and everything else but they're specifically their diary which they're known for is The Absolute Tits. Awesome. There you go. Excellent.

Starting point is 00:21:28 All right, let's get into some questions. Question number one. My husband is part of a boys' punting club where they put in $20 every week then use the profits to go on an annual boys' weekend away. He also has an annual interstate golf trip with a different group of dads. Okay, so he's got two big boys' trips away. How many days for? Doesn't specify, but I'm assuming a long weekend.

Starting point is 00:21:52 Yeah, fine. Okay. Both of these trips are expensive. and mean that I am left at home with our three kids under four? She must have twins or something. It's a lot of kids. No, not necessarily. Just pump, pump, pump.

Starting point is 00:22:02 Just pump them out. Am I right to feel resentful that he has the boys trips or are my expectations too high that he should give them up during this stage of life? All my friends are mums to young kids and babies, so it's a lot harder for us to organise a girls trip and I'd also just feel guilty leaving the kids for a few nights. Also, I would rather spend the time and money on a family holiday

Starting point is 00:22:22 or a trip with my husband. my dad never has boys trips so I'm not sure is this the new normal for our generation oh that is a really hard one to answer because I don't think one or two boys trips for a long weekend is a big deal in a year time frame maybe one is more acceptable but I also think maybe it needs to be more balanced if he's able to take a couple of nights away then you should also take a couple of nights away but do it without the guilt like you're if I think the thing that's stopping you from doing that is the fact that you feel guilty about leaving or you feel guilty about spending money on yourself. And your husband just clearly doesn't have the same amount of guilt.

Starting point is 00:22:59 Men never feel the same guilt. Some of them do. I don't have a blanket statement, but they don't have the same. I think it's different. I'm not a mom. I know I always have to say that, but I think it's different from all what my friends tell me is like when you're the mom, you always have more responsibility, whether it should be that way or not. You also have a different kind of a connection. You could be still breastfeeding. I think it comes with different layers I do agree it is harder but I don't think the guilt should be as like you guys should have equal guilt yeah but it also depends on your parenting and

Starting point is 00:23:28 relationship dynamic if the majority of the work is falling on you and you you are the primary and I put that in quotation marks caregiver to the kids then you will feel that it's harder to leave like it absolutely will be harder because you're more entrenched in the trenches whereas if he's just you know like the fun times party dad it's going to be easier for him to take a couple of days off here and there. This really sucks because I think on paper, it's not a big deal to have a couple of nights away so that you can still have connection with your friends and you can still have a balance between life and everything else. I think the problem is, is when you say, should we just be forgoing this type of a boys weekend at this stage of life? I think it then means that

Starting point is 00:24:08 you end up falling out, not falling out, but you don't have as close connections with some of these friendship groups, especially if that's something that all of those friends are doing. I just think the part here that's imbalanced is that you are not having those moments for yourself or you're not having time where maybe it doesn't need to be a long weekend but you're not having the amount of time that he is to dedicate to his friendships and that's where there is this like big caveat between kind of like the expectations and standards but I do think we have to as mums kind of reassess why we have so much more guilt about stuff than what our partners have. I think the issue here is also around money it seems like he's spending a few thousand dollars

Starting point is 00:24:45 a year on these two trips and you're not getting anything so of course you're going to feel resentment like he's getting time away without the stress of the family which is a stress whether you love your family more than anything it's a stress like it's nice to to be away for a couple of days away from the screaming kids because they're under four you're having beers with your friends you're you've got nothing else to worry about like you are going to build resentment that he's spending your family's money on that when you're not getting it I do want to say I don't think what he's doing is crazy but I think it's important you have a conversation with him and say either one of those boys trips needs to be swapped out for you or it needs to be a family holiday

Starting point is 00:25:26 because if he's doing these two trips and you're not even doing a family holiday there's an issue yeah I agree with that and I also think that's the problem right like if you look at the financials if you sit down and go okay what is this financially costing us how much do you spend on these two boys trips a year and how much do we spend on family holidays and if those things are equivalent and there also isn't the same amount of money for you to be able to spend on yourself then that's like another massive inequality here not just as the inequality the fact that he's going away and having solo time to dedicate to his friendships and you're left taking care of all the kids for those extra days but you haven't said how much this is costing and you haven't said

Starting point is 00:26:03 how much you have to sacrifice in order to allow him to do those things so so yeah like I mean I can understand why you're getting resentful about it also you say that like you can't really go away with your friends because they've all got little kids and babies as well and I get that go away on your own book a weekend and like a spa retreat yeah and check out read your book go to the gym sleep all day do whatever you want but like you deserve that time as well but there It's probably a bigger conversation here. And I know we kind of touched on a little bit. If your partner is not a competent enough parent to take care of your children for you

Starting point is 00:26:41 to go away for two nights, then there is a way bigger conversation that needs to be had here because it means the dynamic of your relationship is that you're not able to have nights away from your kids because it's not just guilt. It's around like the fear of them not doing a good enough job. And that's a whole different conversation, right? But I do think that as mums, we have to try and work on either A, relinquishing some more responsibility to our partner so that we're able to rebalance the load of work or B, kind of like fucking like give up a bit of that guilt that we have.

Starting point is 00:27:12 Because if your partner feels no guilt in what he's doing, then you shouldn't feel the same level of guilt if you have one night or two nights away from your children as well. Do you know what I mean? And the kids will be fine. And they're okay. So long as you have a partner who is competent and able to step up to the plate. All right. Question number two.

Starting point is 00:27:27 this is a bit gross but i think it's relatable this is so gross yeah she actually starts by saying this is a bit gross this is a bit gross but i'm wondering if i'm in the wrong my partner constantly complains that i leave skid marks in the toilet for clarification i'm not going out of my way to leave them there but we do have a very clingy one-year-old so going to the toilet is a bit of a challenge in itself i hardly want to finish where the child stuck to me and scrub the toilet when I'm done. My partner gets genuinely upset. My partner is genuinely upset and calls me an animal because of it. Again, I'm not going out of my way to do this, but when he brings it up, which it comes up a lot, my response is it's a fucking toilet. Like where is the shit

Starting point is 00:28:12 meant to go? Which is also sort of fair. Is it really that bad if I leave the odd skid mark on the toilet bowl? I would love to stay anonymous for obvious reasons. Yes. Yes, it is. Clean your toilet wipe your toilet down I mean I'm a fucking raccoon on meth when it comes to dishwasher but if I've left a skid mark in the toilet I will clean that and you can't tell me that you can't do it because you have a one-year-old like it takes 20 seconds 15 seconds or it depends maybe she annihilates it and don't get me wrong like if you're in a phase of life where you're in the trenches and everything is hard and you're going through like there are reasons why sometimes simple tasks are difficult I get that but it doesn't sound like that is the case in this

Starting point is 00:28:51 situation it sounds like you don't care and so you're like get the fuck over it which I'm like if your partner cares and he doesn't want to walk into a bathroom and be greeted by your shit in the toilet then I would I would really take that on and I would clean it I think you have to put yourself in the position like your partner's position in this one if you were constantly coming to the toilet if you were constantly going to the toilet and there was just a big shit in there and it was all down the sides and it was chunky whatever you're going to think that's disgusting like that is not inviting it is not that you need to be invited to the toilet but you no one needs to sit and stare at someone else's poop just clean it no absolutely i don't

Starting point is 00:29:33 often say this but i i'm on the side of your partner i'm on the side of your husband same you've got to clean the poo but i feel the same way anytime i walk into like the office toilet and there's a skiddy or like anywhere, my very first thought is what animal walks in, sees that, and then goes, that's okay, I can leave that. That's well enough. It's in the toilet. That's crazy to me.

Starting point is 00:29:54 And then imagine if you walk out and someone is outside. But then I end up cleaning someone else's because I'm so worried that someone who's outside the door is going to think it's mine. Totally. So would you clean the toilet here? Yeah, 100%. At work. I would clean someone else's at work if it was there

Starting point is 00:30:07 when I went to the toilet. Guys, I do a lot of gross stuff, but like leaving skitties in a loo is not one of them. It's just not. I would never leave a skitty in a loo. I would never. I would rather die than walk out and let someone walk in and see that I had annihilated a toilet. Brittany just drops dead. I would.

Starting point is 00:30:22 I'm sorry. I must go die now. I'm sorry. I did a skitty. There was no brush. I've got to die. I have to go and die. Clean the toilet, your animal.

Starting point is 00:30:28 Yeah. Look, and also, even in this question, you said it comes up a lot. If it's coming up a lot, it's because you're doing it a lot. And sometimes there are small things that seem insignificant to us. I'm going to go back to the packing the dishwasher. If it came up a lot in our relationship, if it really upset Matt that much and it was a point of contention for him that he brought it up a lot, I absolutely would change the way that I pack the dishwasher.

Starting point is 00:30:55 I know I made jokes about weaponized incompetency, but if your partner is telling you something that is a really reasonable and simple thing and they're saying it on repeat, I cannot tell you how infuriating it becomes when you feel like you're being ignored and a simple request is just going uncared about I'm going to also take it back to something that I reference a lot a lot of some people are on my side some people are not when I say my rule generally speaking in a relationship is that like you don't fart in front of each other because I will end up getting the ick yeah that's true father if I'm walking into a bathroom and seeing shit in the toilet every day I'm not going to want to have sex with that person like I am going to get the ick and if your partner

Starting point is 00:31:33 over and over and over again is saying like I don't want to look at your shit clean it up you're an animal then I think you need to listen like I think relationships are about listening and communication he has communicated that your poop isn't doing it for him like there's one more thing to this kids are annoying okay they are and it can be hard to even get two seconds to yourself to go to the toilet they come in and they stare at you and they talk to you and all you just want to do is a poo in peace yeah like gone are the days of a poo in peace lola came in the other day to show me her barbies whilst i was mid poo you're like please just let me drop the kids to talk to me about barbies and we had a full conversation about barbies whilst i was mid

Starting point is 00:32:13 poo so do you keep pooing yeah i'm not gonna stop for her if i stopped i'd be on the loo all day they don't care they have no they don't care they say mommy you doing a poo-poo yeah can you please leave so i can wipe and she's like okay i'll come back and she'll walk out for two seconds, then come back two seconds later. Please don't. Please don't come back. All right, next question. Question number three. My partner and I split up three weeks ago. Now we dated for five and a half years and had a house and a dog and a cat. It was a mutual breakup and it really came down to wanting different things in life and a lack of communication. Closer to the end, we got quite distant, which helped me come to terms with making this decision. Now, after we

Starting point is 00:32:53 broke up, we started spending time together again and talking through things like we were dating. We know we have to cut ties, but we are just enjoying each other's company. What am I supposed to do? And how do I just leave? I've moved back with my parents, but now I'm spending all this time at his house, like my old house. I just can't break ties and he isn't the one to call it. Please, please, please help.

Starting point is 00:33:16 How do I create some distance? I wish I had more information on this. And I hope you listen to this and write in because we need more. My first thought was like, I'm not 100% convinced that you want this to end. There are two options here. You could very well be like, sick of this guy. It's over. I don't want to be with him.

Starting point is 00:33:34 But you're like, it's so familiar. It's what I know. I'm not ready to be on my own. Like we all know the elongated breakup. Like sometimes they can take a very long time and you know you don't want to be with them, but it's just hard to cut what you know. But then there's another part of me that thinks, and this happens all the time as well. When you've been together for a long time, sometimes you can get bored and complacent.

Starting point is 00:33:58 sometimes you think something is not for you and you end it and I hate to say it but the saying of like you don't know what you've got until it's gone yeah but it was never gone they never had any time apart it can ring true and sometimes you need to like reset your relationship so there's a part of me that's wondering if maybe just off based off the information you've given me maybe you're like I don't think this is it for me we've been five and a half years bored over it you've moved out but now you're enjoying dating again so I wonder if you're enjoying re-figuring each other out and refinding each other and you've put the space again and the relationship might be exciting again I can't tell you either way because I don't have the rest of the information

Starting point is 00:34:36 but when you're like we've been talking we're dating again we're spending a lot of time together it sounds like it's going well so I do want you to ask yourself why you were so adamant about the breakup like if if the motherfucker cheated on you and then you're still going back different but if you just were bored then I don't know like maybe this was a little bit of space you needed nah we feel differently about this one I think you don't want to be together because if you did want to be together the question wouldn't be I just can't break ties and he isn't going to be the one to call it please please please help the thing is you want to break ties like you know that this is not the situation you want but you are bonded and you have codependency issues and you

Starting point is 00:35:18 don't want to be alone because well she's with the parents but the thing is is you haven't had any time away from him so like you did like this you did the breakup you did all the big breakup things but then you didn't actually have to break up and the reality is is breakups are hard and they hurt and you have to go cold turkey for a while like there has to be a period if you've made this decision and you're not sure and you need to quote unquote call it the only way to call it is to have like an absolute block amount of time where you do not have contact with them and then after a month or whatever that looks like for you if you're like actually this was the worst fucking mistake of my life that's a different situation but this are not untangling

Starting point is 00:35:59 from each other and still getting all the comforts of companionship and the friendship that you have with your partner and all that sort of stuff at the same time like you kind of have a boyfriend without actually having a boyfriend so you're trying to do the slow breakup and it's just you're at the point now where you got you have to call it i have to call love this because we don't agree and I love when we don't agree. I'm going to say, and I want you to write in, in January when we come back to the podcast, I want to know what happens. I'm going to say my advice here is to date again, to start dating, but not, don't move back in. Don't fall back into what you know, start to date again. Cause you said we're hanging out and we're enjoying each other's company.

Starting point is 00:36:38 We're talking things through. It's like we're dating. If you're enjoying it, I would keep enjoying it, but I would date and I would separate yourselves again and see if you genuinely, if the feelings come back or if you start to realize once you spend more time apart, it might be a slow burn where you're like, oh, I enjoyed it because I know him, but it's the feelings aren't there. But I don't know if I would cut this one off straight away, Laura. I would say sporadically keep them there. Explain it to him what you're feeling, like be really open about it. It's confusing. These feelings are really confusing and it's never easy to cut off a long-term relationship when you've got a dog, a cat in a house specifically, like that is really

Starting point is 00:37:16 hard. So Laura's saying break up and I'm saying date, but if you want to date other people as well, like I would really pare it back to basic. I know we don't normally disagree. So this is probably going to be very conflicting feedback for whoever wrote this poor question in, but you've said the reason why you broke up came down to the fact that you, you had lack of communication, but also that you came down to you wanting different things. I really think it's so important to sit down and figure out, well, what are those different things? Like, does one of you want kids the other one doesn't does one of you want to live overseas does the other one not want to like what are those differences that are insurmountable in your relationship yeah if it's

Starting point is 00:37:51 just packing the dishwasher differently like yeah you can work through if you're leaving skitties on the toilet but like like write them down because that could be your answer in and of itself it doesn't matter how much you get along and how much it might be nice to date again and this like idea of dating other people at the same time like that's going to end in a fucking disaster just fyi but like no he's not got this shit on my advice it's absolutely if you have been in a long-term relationship then you decide to start soft dating but you're also going to date other people at the same time that is a recipe for a lot of fucking hurt hearts is what that is i just think you need to be very clear with what it is that you want write those things down that

Starting point is 00:38:26 you want like tangibly write it down write down why it is that you made the decision to break up and if it's not clear and if you're unsure then of course explore the dating but if you are very very sure that the reasons why you're doing this is purely because you have become so used to their company and you're also losing a best friend you're losing that person that you have known better than anyone for the past five and a half years then I think the only way to really sever a relationship like this is to go cold turkey for a little while and put some sort of like strong boundaries in place to allow you to get clarity of mind because you're not going to get that especially when you go home to your own house with your own parents and family and you think

Starting point is 00:39:07 one thing and then the next time you hang out with them you think a totally different thing if you can feel that your brain is flip-flopping you just need some space to actually figure out exactly what it is that you do want and how you do genuinely feel about it I agree with what you said I agree with like if you absolutely know you don't want to be with him and you're like I just can't stop seeing him I agree you have to go cold turkey my advice is only based around the fact that I feel like you don't know I feel like the way you've written it please please please how do I call it but you've also said I really like seeing him we're communicating well it's different now so that is why my advice is I would never normally say like go back to basics and

Starting point is 00:39:47 start dating but I'm unless you tell me otherwise I'm not convinced you know yet so you do need to figure it out I agree with what you said Laura like write the reasons down and be really clear with yourself. But don't you think it's also a real possibility? So, I mean, part of this question is we know we have to cut ties, but we're enjoying each other's company. It's very possible to enjoy someone's company who you're not supposed to be with. It's very, very possible that spending time with him may be enjoyable and it might be easier to do this kind of like slow separation. It still doesn't mean that the relationship is right. And you don't have to walk away from relationships because there's been like a big cheating drama or the things that make it easy to go

Starting point is 00:40:28 line in the sand. I'm done here. Sometimes it's way harder when you've just kind of separated knowing that it's not the right relationship for you, but you still really get along with the person. They're an amazing person. You really like them. You kind of wish it could have been different. They are almost the hardest relationships to walk away from sometimes because you can't tangibly pin your hat on one thing and go, okay, that's why I'm leaving. But it's okay to break up with the person that you thought, you know, this could have been the thing I wanted. A lot of people use a slow breakup as a way for them to gain confidence to leave a relationship without realizing how much of they're using their partner as an emotional crutch.

Starting point is 00:41:05 And it is not okay to fuck someone else in the process of you becoming okay to leave a relationship. So really, really consider what it is that you're doing in this. You literally said in this question, I just can't break ties and I know he isn't going to be the one to call it. Why isn't he going to be the one to call it? Is it because he still wants the relationship? Is it because he still wants the connection with you?

Starting point is 00:41:27 And if that's the case, then you absolutely have to be the one to call it because you're going to abuse that relationship and you're going to hurt him. Yeah, I agree. If you know you want out clearly and you know he still loves you, then that's not fair. Yeah. Question four. We got married about a month ago. Like most weddings, we had a wishing well for cards and well wishes.

Starting point is 00:41:45 After opening all of the cards, we noticed that there was no card from a couple that attended the wedding, both reception and ceremony. Whilst we do not expect a monetary gift, we're a bit taken aback by the fact that there's not even a card. It seems somewhat out of character for the couple, so we're wondering if somehow the card just went missing. Is there a polite way of bringing this up with a couple or do we just leave it to avoid awkwardness?

Starting point is 00:42:10 I just can't fathom ever attending a wedding and not bringing at least a card. You leave it. You leave it. I feel all – I tried to think of what I would do. You leave it. Like, what are you going to say? Hey, did you give me a wedding gift? Did you give me a wedding card?

Starting point is 00:42:25 There is no unawkward way of asking that question. And if there is, if you are going to ask the question, you have to be ready for the response, which might be, oh, my God, I'm so sorry, I forgot. And then, like, you're going to guilt them into going and getting you a card, like a follow-up gift? Yeah, so this sort of happened to my sister, Sherry, at her wedding. And I was sort of asking people on her behalf, so how fucked is this?

Starting point is 00:42:48 my sister's wedding was at this beautiful venue but there were a lot of like different staff around a lot of young staff I'm not blaming anyone but it was pretty private and the only people around at the venue were like the guests Jay's family my family and some staff and the couple of days later when Sherry was going through the wishing well and reading the cards and stuff there was a card that didn't have any money in it and that wouldn't normally be in a problem but She's like, it's just weird because we're, they were like very, very good friends. And she's like, I know that she'd given money to other people at weddings and Sherry couldn't care less.

Starting point is 00:43:22 But when you're writing your thank yous, it's always nice. You thank you cards. It's always nice to know. But she was like, okay, whatever. Didn't think too much of it. It was like weird. Don't care. Then she came across another card.

Starting point is 00:43:32 Another card didn't have anything in it either. Again, not the end of the world, but this card was from my really good friend, Simon. And she had messaged me and she said, Hey, I just want to check. do you think Simon would have put money in the card and I said oh I was with him when he wrote it I saw him put the money in yes he put money in the card and she said there's no money in there and then she went through a few more and she figured out there are a few more cards that were missing money and so I was trying to politely go and ask these people on behalf of her because she's like I don't know what to do turns out someone had been stealing money out of her

Starting point is 00:44:06 wishing well out of the cards but then they must have opened the envelopes they were so all the envelopes were opened but not ripped open it just looks like you know how you can just put a finger in and like open the so it was just like it just looks like you'd flapped it down and put it in the wishing well which people would have done and sherry reckons it was someone who worked at the venue it must have been otherwise the only alternative is as one of our relatives yeah you don't you can't fathom and we would not even like there's just no one there that would have done it so it was a whole thing she went and spoke to the staff and everything and the venue and they just denied everything and basically it's like because there's no proof at the end of the

Starting point is 00:44:40 day like maybe I do have a cousin that's a thief who knows but we know we didn't but I had to have that awkward conversation on her behalf because she was like I would rather not have it but I want to be able to thank people as well was there a camera at the venue at all or nothing was caught there was a camera but not on the wishing well and the wishing well was put right next to the bar like there was a table with wishing well drinks and some presents and it was literally where the bar staff were so you could just put your hand over yeah but what do you do what do you do but I was having that conversation and it was awkward for me to ask people but I I ended up explaining it but I think in this situation it's like if it's one card yeah just leave it I think that's

Starting point is 00:45:22 the difference like if there's like multiple things missing where you're like this is strange then maybe that pertains to a bigger issue but like if one person's card is not there it's not because one card went walking it's because it wasn't put in and maybe they had every intention of getting something afterwards you know sometimes people forget on the way to the wedding they forgot the card you know they were going to or they thought they were going to and then they kind of just forgot but like I don't know I I think and I say this as someone who there were people that came to our wedding who didn't leave a card and didn't get us anything but I would never text them and ask them why I just wouldn't that's interesting people that

Starting point is 00:45:58 you thought would have yeah yeah a couple of people actually maybe people are just lazy now maybe people just like fuck it like lazy guests they're kind of like unless you keep and also unless you keep a list you don't know like unless you go through and you mark off and go that person gave me a card and depends on how detail orientated you are but most people do that you might not know most people do that because yeah because people send out their thank yous that's what you do i didn't send out any thank yous guys i know didn't you get the lamborghini i gave you god i was Someone stole it. I think one of the staff in the venue stole that Lamborghini.

Starting point is 00:46:31 I think you've got to think here, what are you going to get from asking? They're either going to be embarrassed that they didn't or they're going to lie and say, oh my God, yeah, I did. There was $500 in there. Like what? Like it's just, there's nothing to gain from it. Or, you know, at the end of the day, the average, I think it's like $80 to $100 is what people leave.

Starting point is 00:46:50 That's what you've lost. I think you send out your thank you cards. Don't be specific and say, thank you for the $80. Just say, thank you so much for coming to my wedding. it was great to celebrate with you let dead dogs lie like that one is that is just gonna fuck shit up it is interesting though because there are people who would be resentful because also it does depend on it depends on the culture it depends on the type of wedding you have like if you're an Italian family or a Greek family where like gifting and getting money

Starting point is 00:47:15 as a gift is a big deal obviously not a big deal to them because they didn't do it but what I mean is it's like you gift at you know you gift at family weddings and the reason why you gift generously is because it also comes back for your weddings like they're moments where it would be a way bigger deal than saying like you know like my wedding for example I didn't care if I didn't get a card or I didn't get a gift but I do think that there are people that this would be so much more of an insult than what we're realizing it to be yeah I have a follow-up question if you didn't get a card or a gift or money in a card would you send a thank you yes I'd still thank him for coming for sure you would it's such an effort to go to a wedding like especially if you're traveling

Starting point is 00:47:56 anywhere not even like destination but Australia is so big a lot of people travel around Australia to get to a wedding you're getting outfits you're turning up you're giving your time you'll love your celebration I think it's still worthy of a thank you when I was younger I think I was a jerk and didn't realize like the importance of like a gift and a card in terms of like not for local weddings but I remember I went to a friend's wedding in the Philippines and I didn't I gave her like a little bracelet or something that she wore on her wedding day that I found no it was something that was sentimental but I didn't get her a card I look back on it and I'm like I should have really done more I really put minimal effort in I've had similar feelings about because I have

Starting point is 00:48:32 emceed quite a few of my friends weddings and because I always lived away I had to travel for their hands and for the wedding and so I kind of just I don't know I can't remember if I actually said it to them or if I you know if I ever had the conversation but I think I justified it to myself that I was like no I'm emceeing your whole wedding like that's my gift to you and I'm also paying for multiple sets of flights and stuff but I feel a bit guilty about the fact I never actually said like hey you know is this okay if that's my gift to you and I never I still could have given them a card yeah I think it's the assumption sometimes when you're like oh but I'm doing this thing for you so therefore like like that's enough and a card goes a really long

Starting point is 00:49:07 way and it also is just like that nice keepsake memento that makes you think okay they put that little bit of effort into but I'm pretty bad with cards in the best I am too but I want to to flip that assumption I think the assumption needs to stop being like oh I assume I don't need to get them anything because of this I think the assumption needs to be put onto like in a wedding sense the bride and groom I don't think we should be assuming that people buy us gifts anymore like I personally feel like those days are done that comment that's on everyone's like oh you know your presence is our gift but it's true your presence is our present but everyone knows yeah your presence I think I'm calling bullshit well I am genuinely from the bottom of my heart

Starting point is 00:49:47 There would not be one gift that I want for my wedding. Gifts come from when people used to get married when they didn't live together. You're setting up your new house. You and Ben don't live together. Yeah, fuck it. Get me gifts. Good call, Keisha.

Starting point is 00:50:02 I'm going to write a registry. No, it's not just that though. It is also gifts come from people who don't necessarily have as much money to set up a new home together and stuff. There's different levels of it and there's different reasons why it's important to people. I think that we need to acknowledge that because like for some people being able to like break even a little bit more on the wedding is way more important than what it is to other people

Starting point is 00:50:25 who financially can afford the wedding. Do you know what I mean? There is different levels of what gifting and how important it is. Yes, but I think that if you can't afford your wedding, if you can only afford your wedding because you're hoping that the guests pay for it, then I don't think you should be having that kind of a wedding. And I don't want people to take that the wrong way, but your love shouldn't be worth putting yourself into debt for and it shouldn't be worth other people having to pay for it like I think you

Starting point is 00:50:49 just need to scale back your wedding I don't think you should be because I have seen a lot of people saying like people are charging people for their wedding so that they can cover costs but if you can't cover your costs don't do it and when I say put the assumption on the bride and groom that's not to say don't get people presents but I think we need to stop expecting that every single person is to avoid that disappointment we live in a different time now cost of living is through the roof and if you can be more hyper aware that some people are going to be in a very privileged position to travel to your wedding to give you gifts to give you cash that's amazing but you need to be aware that some people can't do that and a card is sufficient and then you can't judge

Starting point is 00:51:26 them for oh my god can you believe they gave me 20 bucks when this person gave me this like we need to be I think we just need to be a little bit more open about the time and that we live in now yeah I agree but I definitely think that everyone who's going to a wedding can afford to get a card Oh, no, a card for sure. I'm talking presents. I think a card, a lack of card just shows a lack of effort. If you don't get me a card and organisation first. Lack of effort, lack of organisation.

Starting point is 00:51:49 I think if you're going to rock up to a wedding, you're going to enjoy the hospitality, you're going to enjoy the beer, the wine, eat a nice meal and then have a great dance and a great time, get a card. Like it's just rude not to. Can I question, because I hate writing cards, I always bring cards for weddings and stuff, but can I, if I'm sending thank yous out for my wedding,

Starting point is 00:52:06 can they just be digital now? Do you have to physically write and send cards? Can you just do digital thank yous? For sure. I want to FaceTime. To be fair, I think I sent texts. I wrote texts as I was opening up the cards. So if you gave me a card, you got a text.

Starting point is 00:52:19 But if you didn't give me a card, you didn't get fuck all. This is my question. If you don't get a card, do you get a thank you? I gave you cash. Did you? Yeah. Did you get that? I gave you like $25,000.

Starting point is 00:52:31 With the Lamborghini. It was so nice. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. If you enjoy the episodes, go leave a review. You can also go and watch some of the Eps on YouTube and join the discussion group where all of the good stuff goes down, the Laugh Uncut discussion group on Facebook. Yeah, and I'm going to see you guys next week from Romania. Yes, Britt will be dialing in for our Ask Uncut next week from Romania.

Starting point is 00:52:51 And Tuesday's episode will be me and Kishi Pops. Don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. We'll be right back.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Racoons or Architects, Boy's Trips, Cutting Ties & Empty Wishing Wells

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