Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Recycling Partner Nicknames

Episode Date: March 22, 2026

Welcome back to your ask uncut where we unpack your deep and burning questions! Do you argue with your partner about household admin?  Vibes for the week:Sensor light link Britt - Marlo & Co Dog seat cover Laura - Queen of Chess documentary on Netflix Keeshia - @breeonabudget and Petrol Spy App  Then we jump into your questions! WANT MY BF TO USE A PET NAME EX USEDIs it weird to want my new boyfriend to call me the pet name that my ex used to call me? I am not one for pet names, especially ones like Bub, babe, lovey etc. But in my past relationship I adopted the name potato. Yes weird, it was because part of my name was similar to the word potato in his language, but I loveddd it. Whenever I heard it I felt giddy and personalised and special etc. I really miss that word lol and yearn to be called potato again. I am very much moved on from my ex and love my current partner and saying potato doesn’t bring ex desires. So is there a way that I can ask or play out to my new partner that I want to be called potato? Or do I very sadly let this go haha FRIEND CONSTANTLY STORY TOPS ME DURING CONVERSATIONSHow do I call out a friend that constantly brings up her own experience/s when I share mine? For example, if I share something about my kid, she won’t even acknowledge it and just share an anecdote about hers. Or if I tell her about a work thing, she’ll respond by saying how she’s been so busy and her manager is being difficult. Sometimes I think she’s trying to show me that she gets it and is being relatable. But talking to her is so invalidating and exhausting but I also don’t know how to call her out on it?? It really seems like she thinks she’s being a good friend when really she’s making every conversation about herself! PARTNER DELETING SEARCH HISTORYI’ve been with my partner a decade, we are about to get married very soon. Since early on in the relationship, he's always followed loads of women that post very sexy content and actually just loads of women in general, often liking posts. This used to really affect me when I was younger and it made me feel super insecure. He was fully aware of how I felt about this though. Time and time again I was having to remind him of why this hurts me and I wasn't okay with it, even though he'd continue. But then he turned it down over the years. Fast forward to now. I feel so much more secure in myself and I feel like I've grown so much over the years with my self-confidence. And I also trust him, honestly, rarely thinking or worrying about what he's up to on social media. However, just today I asked him if I could look at something on his phone or on Instagram. My phone was dead and instead of him just handing his phone over to me, he kept the phone and went to the search bar and asked me, what do you want to look up? About to look it up for himself. As he did this, I noticed he quickly started deleting multiple searches from his recent search history. I immediately asked why he felt the need to remove his searches, and why it was an issue for me to say he didn't really give me an answer of what the searches were, but said he didn't want to get in trouble. I asked why he felt like he'd get in trouble, and obviously it was something that would be upsetting for me to see. The fact that he decided to remove them immediately in front of my eyes. He said he was sorry and it was something he shouldn't have been looking at, but didn't really admit to. What now?I wouldn't say I've ever been a controlling partner. And I know it's so normal for men to look at other women and think that they're attractive. He has free will, and I have no right to be looking into his search history. However, my issue is with him seeking women out in social media constantly, even when he knows it gets under my skin. It's made me feel really icky. Is this normal? I don't feel like I'm asking too much to expect of a partner that isn't looking at other women on social media constantly, or am I overreacting? PARTNER DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO HAVE FUN OR LET LOOSEMy partner and I have been together for 8 years. We live quite different lives where I work in a bar which is social and I often go out afterwards and he has a standard 9-5. We own a house together and are getting married in May. We went to a wedding on the weekend and I noticed on the dance floor all these happy couples dancing, paying full attention to one another and both laughing and letting loose. My partner doesn’t behave like this, is quite awkward and seems like he doesn’t know how to dance or ever fully let loose. Others have noticed this too…….How can you get your partner to loosen up a little or is expecting this of him too much? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. This is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning question. I have a question for you all. Do you guys ever fight with your partners about admin? I am in a Do I do anything else? No, I don't. We don't live in the same country, so we don't have any admin. I need to check if this is okay for me to share before it goes out. Do it.

Keisha, no. The answer is no. No, I know where Keisha's going. It is not. Keisha, beg for forgiveness. We had a fire on Saturday. Not for permission. And then I saw Brittany very shortly after, and she was shooketh to her core.

She was like, do people actually argue like this? And I was like, yes, Brittany, all the time. What are you talking about? I've just never had a, I have never in all of my relationship history argued or known anyone to argue like Kish or Argus. I would love to know, Kish. You're a fusty little number. I am fiery and I can be a little bit stubborn and turns out my, I think my partner's way

more stubborn, but we got into an argument. I actually can't even remember what it was that it stemmed from. It was probably something so stupid. It always is. It's always like about some, like, you know, you didn't take the bins out or some shit, but we got into an argument and we were driving to go and meet Brit. We had Bonnie in the car and so we were going to get the dogs to meet up. And anyway, we got like to the end of our street.

We're having a crack at each other and I stopped and he just got out of the car and walked home and I went to Bondi by myself. But what was the fight about? What were you arguing about? I know. Do you? Yeah, you told me.

He cooks and spends seven hours cooking but he won't do any housework. And you were like, that's right. And he'll spend an hour and a half putting the gym timer up but won't do the bin. Yes. didn't do the bins. It started from something very small. Anyway, he just got out of the car and he just, he just walked home. And I was like, am I supposed to stop and wait for you? Or am I supposed to continue to Bondi? Anyway, I got to Bondi and I told Britt and she was like, what the

fuck? I was gobsmacked. It's like when you're a kid and you're being a real little shit in the car and your mom would pull over and be like, if you don't stop, you can get out and walk. I had to walk so many times. Yeah, I got out before. As a kid. My mom would threaten it. She never actually made me get out. I don't think I ever got out and walked anywhere, but I was scared of the threat. Oh, I got my 10,000 steps nearly every day. Keisha was quite a problematic child. We would never do that to our kids these days.

Like back in the day, you could be like, get out and walk. You're on a highway, like, you know, 17 kilometres from home. And you'd be like, so long as they're home before dark. Now, no way, no chance in hell. Like I don't even think it's occurred to me to pull over and threaten that because I'm like, I don't want to send my kids to therapy. But I feel like the flip side of that is that all of our children are just going to grow up entitled.

Like they've never been threatened anything in life. Not mine, because mine are frozen. Mine are in the fridge. If you don't behave, I'm going to defrost you. I'm going to defrost you. Can I get a quick read of the room? Are you more like me in this situation or Brit? Brit was shook to her core that we could have a fight like that

where he would get out of the car. And I just keep driving. I've seen Laura's fight style too, Laura's and Matt's. You guys are on par with each other. Thank you. No, the difference about Matt and I, though, is we antagonize each other on purpose. and like it seems like a fight from the outset but we're both and we were like up up up up up

and it will go up and up and up and then one of us will storm off and then 10 minutes later they come back and we're both laughing at each other about it like we we de-escalate faster than what we actually escalate usually and it always been there for some of them no you were there for that one Matt came downstairs and we started laughing yeah but in the entire the one argument I cried in the spa you've known me for seven years the one argument that brit always brings up we had it in front of her and she was like i'm gonna go stand outside she was on the phone to mitch churi it was like when your parents fight you know how you're like please don't break up i think that's an act of kindness that shows you how close in the fold you are but it also is one of those things where

like the entire argument transpired and we'd made up in the space of about 15 minutes like it's such a quick turnaround for us that we don't stay in the anger at all no i needed to get keisha's follow-up too i said as soon as you get home i said text me what happens do you kiss and make up what happens how long you're fighting for is it 24 hours is he gonna cook you dinner anyway i got the updates it didn't last too long no just a week i require a lot longer than you do to come no mine is mine is like i'm very very quick to come back and it always is that one of us will make a joke and then the other one's like a fuck off and then it's all fine and then they just finger each other what is wrong with you everything what why why does that shock you

as you were the reason what's wrong with me you guys are the ones that get out of the car I really hijacked that story though sorry it was particularly topical it only happened the other day oh look there's not a lot to this but the reason why I'm asking is because I feel like increasingly in the last couple of weeks Matt and I the only thing that we're fighting about and it's not even a fight but we're bickering about like an old married couple that have been together for way too long is admin but we bicker about who does more admin because matt does objectively he does more admin without a doubt i'm not trying to argue with him on that but i feel as though because he does more of it he thinks i do none and so like it's all these it's the extremes

of it is that when like you booked poppy into the hospital for a health check that that admin that you do poppy is five months old and i still haven't registered her for medicare but it's fine it's gonna happen i reckon that's where it stems from anyway i just don't know i don't know how you get out of this i feel like we're in a point scoring situation at the moment where we both think that the admin that we contribute to our relationship is equally of value and i know that someone like terry cole who we've interviewed on this podcast is all about good relationships and boundary setting would be like you're both just too set on winning and the truth is yes we fucking are and we both want to win this argument i'm so sorry in my relationship i am

the mat here and I need to tell you that all he needs is a bit more appreciation for the admin that he does because not all admin tasks are made equal it's true he just wants me to appreciate the admin yeah you're not ungrateful bitch you're not even and you know it you know it because I just might say yeah I get it there's always one person in a relationship who's the admin person and one person who's not I do everything in my relationship except cook everything but I get that's very specific it might be different one day when Ben lives here but like I am over adulting man I do not want an adult anymore okay I have to but I have to because he can't do it he's not in the country no this is true but you're going soon you're not here for that much longer stuff like

if you know if your car breaks down or something or like you need to put a tire on it's the little things where you'd be like baby can you go fix the tire no I have to do everything when did the car break down when did the tire break I'm pretty sure I took your car to the mechanic the last time you had a flat tire the one before that oh my god okay this this was my question that I had to ask though is there in every relationship one person who is the admin person yeah and one person who rides on their coattails absolutely is there because i think i'm i'm having the ride of my life right now you are you're like aladdin you are like and he's like appreciate me but i'm like i can't admit that you do more or maybe you're laura be the bigger person you're your own worst enemy i

I swear to God. Anyway, guys, what's your vibes for the week? Okay, my vibe for the week is one I actually got from Keisha. Keisha's had it for a little while. It's a grounding mat. It's not a grounding mat. It's a Shakti mat. It's not a light, the sensor light.

It's not a wind blower. I reckon I get two messages a day from people asking for the link to the sensor light. You know what? I'm going to put it in this episode, okay? Just so that everyone who wants- Stop doing it until we get paid for it. Yeah, we should. We should get an affiliate link for that.

This one is if you have a dog or multiple dogs. It is from Marlowe and Co. Obviously, we're going to link it, but it's basically like a platform seat thing. So it's like you put it in the back of your seat. It hooks onto your back seat, but it almost just extends out where your legs would be. So it just gives a bigger, harder area for your dog to sit on. And then it's got like these little seat belts, holes that come through so you can clip your dog in.

It's very safe. It's got zippers up the side. So it gives them a space. It gives them more space to actually be able to lay down. you can just brush off sand and water if you've been at the beach it's just not that i ever had a problem delilah is a really good traveler she just gets in the back in one spot sits down and doesn't move like she's not chaotic but she does come with me a lot of places so i feel like it just gives her more space and a safer space isn't it also it stops all of like her hair

molting all over the car if you've got a dog that molts isn't that the whole purpose of it but also yes it's like a protection so it's like it's a platform it goes over the whole back seat So, yes, it will stop sand and everything falling down into your carpet. That's the biggest thing. Like Buster, I love him to death. He is my angel. But, my God, his hair ends up everywhere. It's such like thin, needly, like that hair.

Do you know I had my car detailed and they couldn't get the hair out so they just spray painted the carpet black. I know this because you gave me a floor runner rug years ago. I'm talking like nearly three years ago. I'm still getting Buster's hair out of it. That's true. Yeah, and it gets vacuumed nearly every day by the robot. This shirt is actually just made out of Buster fur.

Poor Buster. I think the best thing about the platform thing is that it is hard. Like you insert these bits in it so if you have multiple dogs, it gives them quite substantially more room in the back of your seat. So you can get like a lot of car seat covers, obviously, which will do the sand and the hair problem. But the reason that this one is so good is because they just get so much more space.

Yeah, that's it. All right, well, look, I have a five of the week. it is rogue. Bear with me because it's not something that I would normally be interested in or care about. A diary. It's about admin. It's a diary. It's an admin organizer. No, it is a documentary on Netflix. It's called Queen of Chess and it came out this year in 2026. So it's actually fascinating. Like I don't care for chess. So I feel like I'm the perfect person to recommend this. I don't care for chess. I don't know how to play it. I've never showed any interest in it whatsoever. However, it is fascinating because it centers around this woman. Her name

is Judith Polgar. She's from Hungary and it's around her rise to success and around how like deeply misogynistic chess is as a game. It has always been for the gentlemen. There's never really been positioning for women. She became a grandmaster. She was the youngest grandmaster and she became that at only 15 years old. The reason why this is so fascinating is because not just of her and her sisters who are chess prodigies it's because of what her father did to create her and so there is this real thread that runs through the documentary around can a genius be created or are they born a genius her father he conducted a social experiment on his daughters it is it's your face just then is exactly how I felt however he is a very loving man

you've got to remember this is post-war Hungary they were destitute and he was like what can I do to get this family out of poverty and this is a communist time in Hungary where everyone's supposed to be in an even playing field but he was like what can I do to get us out of this poverty that we're in and the cheapest thing that he had access to was a chessboard and so his children played chess every single waking hour of the day. Have you seen Queen's Gambit? It's not well I mean Queen's Gambit is probably has some loose ties to this. I've watched Queen's Gambit, but that's obviously a fictional story. The story itself. And like I said, the part that I found so fascinating was how her father parented her. She doesn't have any animosity towards him now, but at the end of

it, there is some really interesting like psychological moments throughout it. Her rise to chess fame is incredible. It's also set during a time where chess was a really prolific cultural movement. And I fucking loved it for someone who's got no interest in chess. I thought it was utterly fascinating. It's called Queen of Chess. It's on Netflix and it's a really fascinating time in history. Cool. My vibe this week is very different to those two. I actually got this from an Instagram account. I guess it's kind of like a double vibe. The Instagram account I got it from is Bree on a Budget. She's got nearly a hundred thousand followers. She's actually from Newcastle, which is my hometown, but I've never met Bree before. And she has really good tips and

tricks on under consumption so like how to save money but in ways that doesn't make you not have a life or not enjoy yourself and it's this app and it's called petrol spy and so you basically just download it and you can you have to allow it to check your location and it comes up with every single price of petrol in your area particularly relevant at the moment when petrol prices are skyrocketing insanely high and you know continues to climb and climb and climb so I found it really really useful and the other day my car got quite low and so I just opened up the app and like you know there's I live in Sydney like there's a million petrol stations around but one was like 10 cents cheaper than the other so I just went to that petrol station and filled up

it all adds up yeah I reckon I probably saved 15 bucks from it so if you are you know money conscious and you want to find it's the exact same stuff it's just cheaper at certain places so petrol spy is the app and I have found it quite useful amazing right well let's get into your questions all right question one is it weird to want my new boyfriend to call me the pet name that my ex used to call me now i am not one for pet names especially ones like bub babe lovey cutie etc but in my past relationship i adopted the name potato like um lola little potato melon Yes, weird, I know. But it was because part of my name was similar to the word potato

in his language, but I loved it. Whenever I heard it, I felt giddy and personalised and special. I really miss that word. That's how I feel about potatoes, especially the low-carb ones. I really miss that word and I yearn to be called potato again. I am very much moved on from my ex and I love my current partner and saying potato doesn't bring ex desires. so is there a way that I can ask or play out to my new partner that I want to be called potato

or do I very sadly have to let this go haha you cannot ask your your now boyfriend to call you potato you fucking can you can you can do whatever you want but that doesn't mean it's just mean you should just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it this is funny on so many levels because even if okay great that it doesn't remind you of your ex that's great I understand that like you feel good with a name so if you want to be called potato sure my question is I don't know if you can pick your own nickname I don't think you should go to your partner and be like my nickname from here on in is potato like that's weird to me to be like can you now call me potato because if it doesn't come naturally like a nickname or

an endearing name in a relationship comes very organically I don't think you go to them and say from now on in I'm called potato I'm here on in like I don't think that works solely as potato I wonder if, okay, usually nicknames come up, and nicknames often are the same nickname that each person calls the other. Do you know what I mean? Like if you start calling him Potato, will he call you Potato? No, they're different. Like how you and Ben both call each other Squids.

That could be the same. You could just call him Tates or Tater Tots and see if he starts calling you Potato. Actually, I don't think Ben has like a nickname. I call him Squid, but I also call Delilah Squid, and I also call my niece Squidlet. Like I love the squid family. I love the under the sea family, but I don't think Ben, he'll sometimes say squid, but

he doesn't really have a nickname for me. I'm just like a bait. Hey baby. Like that's what he says. I don't know. I want a nickname. Yeah. The weirdest nickname I've ever had was pooch.

So I dated a guy who called me pooch because he thought, I don't know if he was just calling me a dog, but he thought puppies were really cute. And then he'd always like, every time we'd see a dog, he'd be a little poochy. And then he was like, and you're so cute. You're like a little pooch. and then somehow I just turned into pooch and at the time it was really endearing and now looking back I'm like that's fucking weird it's what happens with nicknames they're weird and then all of a sudden you're like oh I'm special I'm a pooch I do think that what you said about the

fact you don't get to pick your own no you can't I don't think you can ask for potato maybe you could ask for a different roast vegetable but I feel like you need to it's you need to like plant the seeds well if Ben came up to me and he's like could you now call me sexy head or something whatever I'll be like no like it's weird if someone tells you it just has to be natural so I don't know how you would organically unless you're like cooking one night you're like this potato's so cute I love potatoes and hope he picks it up I don't know I don't know why you call me potato from now on because I love them so much I think the thing is though is like even knowing like for myself having that as a nickname pooch was like fucking 15 years ago and it was cute at

the time I would never try and get a new partner to call me that name even though I like quite enjoyed it in that relationship I think it's like special to the relationship it makes sense from the relationship it's a nickname because it's come off the back of something that is meaningful to that person you said it was you know potato is close to your name in his language it has no reference for your current partner so to just get him to call you potato it won't even feel the same because it doesn't come from the same like cute inspired meaning so I was like do you know my last name in Croatian is potato she's trying to get him to think about it nicknames are sacred to the relationship also like I know you say you're over your ex and I truly believe that but I do not

believe that if you are every day all day called a nickname that you had such a fond attachment to in that relationship I don't believe that there's going to be no thought or no feeling that ever pops up and I'm not saying it's like it's not going to be like oh my god I miss him but that is the association that is the period of life and as humans our senses are far too high to not be able to associate it with that you form a new nickname like that's special to you guys and you will eventually love that nickname too like if that's what your partner uses for you all day and you have that love you will form that bond again it's just that you need to find what that new thing is yeah but even so I don't think that you can say I want you to come up with a nickname for

me like if that's not in his normal remit like if he doesn't just spontaneously come up with that nicknames don't stick when you tell someone to use it do you know I mean they only stick because the person who's come up with it finds it endearing as well and wants to use it for you I think what you could do is I think you as much as I say you can't go and say give me nickname I think you could in a way sit down and say hey like should we come up with cute nicknames for each other like I think you can have that conversation or play this in the background pretend it's not you and then say what we don't really have nicknames for each other like make it organic play this on the tv or something and then say and then he'll think about it and then the more you

gotta force it the worse it's gonna be i know but it's obviously important to her she's written in my other nickname which i would call exes was toots i would call them i thought it was like my little micro feminist moment i would call them toots and they all liked it just to diminish and so fucking unique thanks toots all right next question how do i call out a friend that constantly brings up her own experiences when i share mine for example if i share something about my kid she won't even acknowledge it and she just shares an anecdote about her kid or if i tell her about a work thing she'll respond by saying how she's been so busy and her manager is being difficult it'll just be something about her

work sometimes I think she's trying to show me that she gets it and is being relatable but talking to her is so invalidating and exhausting and I don't know how to call her out on it or if I should call her out on it it really seems like she thinks she's being a good friend when she's just making every single conversation about her when I read this my very first thought was oh your friend has undiagnosed ADHD maybe she has diagnosed she doesn't know that she's like conversation mirroring So like a lot of people do this as a way of showing that they understand and they relate to, they actually do it. They're not doing it to try and story top you.

They're doing it because they want you to know that they understand the story that you shared and they feel connected with you because they have a similar story. But that's also not ADHD thing. That's just a relatability thing. A lot of people do that. Oh, it's very symptomatic of ADHD though. It's actually got a name in ADHD spaces. It's called relational storytelling or anecdotal empathy.

And I didn't know that this was a thing until I was diagnosed. and then I realized that all of my closest friends also had ADHD and that's why they'd never they'd never brought it up the fact that they thought it was so rude because we all do it to each other I think it's crazy to limit that to ADHD I think everybody I understand it's a symptom of ADHD but I think most people that's a very natural thing to do is to say oh that's happened to me too yeah I think that the reason that they're doing it is the important factor here if they are doing it because they don't give a shit about your life and that they only want to talk about themselves that's obviously very self-centered and you don't want to be friends

with someone like that most of the time and I think I I hope I fell into this category more and I didn't realize how much I did this which is why I kind of feel for your friend if they also don't realize that they're doing it but it was something that I did a lot and I found out after the fact I thought that I was showing you that I understood the emotion that you were experiencing because I was sharing a story about how I had experienced something similar and therefore we could work on a solution together because it was something that I also related to and like I understood to a deeper level than just hearing you and being like, oh, that sucks. But I think that's-

Or, oh, that's hard. I think that's like 80% of people. I think everybody thinks that. Like if somebody tells you a story about something that's happened to them and you know that's also happened to you, the very natural thing is to also say, oh my God, this time, this such and such and such and such and such happened to me. And then all of a sudden the conversation continues. You show that you understand each other.

But what you said is the key. It's the why. and you've you've said it you said in here I think she's just trying to show me that she gets it and be relatable like if you know the why I don't think you call someone out on it you don't call a friend out and say well like fucking stop story-topping me to be fair I like I I felt embarrassed when I found out I did this a lot I felt embarrassed because I was playing situations back in my head and I realized how common it was and I was like oh my god how many people have thought that I was so rude and I'm actually glad I found out that I did it because it made me be

able to put strategies in place so that when I was in a conversation with someone even if I felt that impulse to be like oh jump in with your story I had to remind myself of being like no most people in the population perceive that as being really rude they just want to talk about themselves now so finding out for me although initially it really sucks because you're quite embarrassed about some of your past behavior and feel a bit of shame about that over time I'm really glad I found out yeah I think it's in how you do it I think that there is a conversation there. I mean, especially if you're at a point where it's affecting your friendship, if you're not able to have conversations with your friend, because you feel like everything you say feels as

though they're not even validating what it is that you're saying to them, their instant response is to tell you how they've experienced the same thing. Especially when sometimes the example that they bring to the table is actually juvenile in comparison to what you've just experienced. It's really invalidating, like incredibly invalidating. And I think if you're feeling like this on repeat, instead of just discarding the relationship or the friendship, which is probably where you're going to get to if you're that frustrated by it, is having a conversation and kindly letting them know that sometimes they do that and be like, I know you're not trying to story top, but I just need you to tell me that it's going to be okay. Not give me your version

of this. I would never, I would never. And I, I think it depends on what it is, right? If it's about your divorce it's your husband's cheating on you if it's somebody's really unwell and they're sick or they're in hospital or they're dying or they have passed away or something that you know is really serious and heartfelt of course like people want to be heard and listened to and understood so if it's these things that you're trying to talk to your friend about and then not even validating that you've said anything and they're like oh my grandma died too and like they take that from you I think that's the conversation but when it's about something that's like you're saying something about your kid the only thing they've probably got to talk

about is also their kid and i think that that's a real bonding thing when it's about but the two examples she's given is like if she says something about work or her kid i think that's pretty crazy to have a sit down and say stop story topping me when i talk to you about my kid like that seems weird to me i don't mean that's fucking weird i don't mean have an intervention but i mean you what you can say is is like i just really want to debrief with you on this because this is like upsetting me or something that is, if there is something that is upsetting you and that's one of your closest friends and you really want to talk to them about it, but you're never able to get past the just telling the story part because the conversation's cut off and then they're

telling their story. If that's happening on repeat, I think that there would be a kind way of going about it so that you actually have a conversation that's not just, do they ever ask a question? Like if I was telling you about my life, Britt, you never asked a single question and only responded with your life, I probably would stop telling you about my life. I'd be exhausted. But you're saying what I just said. You're just saying if it's something that really upsets you. Her examples are not. She's like, I say something about my kid and she'll say something about her kid. That's how a conversation works. It's probably the frequency. I just think that like when you, I'm all for, you guys know, like the number one thing we say here is like,

have a conversation with your friend, with your partner, like be, be communicative. I hate that word communicate well I over announce that word every time communicate well like that's the number one thing we say here but I do sometimes think occasionally it can cause more damage than good and sometimes in a friendship like that if you know it is so innocent and they have a really good heart and it's day-to-day things maybe you don't speak as often but I think you give grace to some people like she maybe wanted to talk about her issues at the same time like if she is also going through the same things if she also has shitty work and shitty kids I just think you have to choose your battle sometimes and people do communicate differently if you know there's

no ill intent sometimes I think okay is sitting down and saying to my friend you've got to stop story topping me or like when I talk to you just listen it's going to cause some kind of a rift between because that's all they're going to think about from then on is like what do I say here can I contribute or is she going to know I really want to be clear telling your friend you story top me or I just want you to listen is never going to go down well and that is absolutely not the advice that anybody in this room is giving I don't however you say it what I'm saying is is if there is something that is a conversation you want to unpack with your mate like if it's something that's happening to you and I don't want to like trivialize the kids thing because like

if you're a mom it could be something that you actually really need to unpack and want to talk about not just like what's the fucking feeding schedule of your five month old you could ask a question or tell them a story and if their instant thing is and just be like oh I really want to be able to I really want to ask you this like I really want your take on this I know that you've experienced it but like I really want you to like tell me what you think of this and prompt it in a way so that they're not instantly replying with a story but they're answering it with a question just to try and break through that I don't think that telling them that they're story topping you is the way that you should navigate this but I think that there is a way of navigating

in the conversation, especially if it's about something that's important to you so that you both feel like you're heard in this. The very last thing I'll say on this is I wonder if it's just you that this is happening to, or if you've noticed it happening within other social circles that this same person is doing the same thing. Because I think something I was really guilty of, especially in dating, was that I would continue to share stories and I would share stories about myself because I felt as though that was carrying the conversation, you know, and I was doing the the heavy lifting of continuing the conversation to keep going. And I eventually realized that apparently people also don't like that, but I thought I was doing the social thing. I thought

I was doing the thing that helped the situation. So if she's only doing it with you, that makes me kind of question, well, are you facilitating more conversation? Is the only reason that they're talking about themselves because they don't really know where else to go with it. And they feel like you've just done a monologue. So now it's their turn to have the talking stick. If they're doing in more social situations, it would indicate that, you know, they might not be as aware of the fact that they're doing it. But problem is, is that now you've noticed it and now it pisses you off. It's going to keep pissing you off. You're not going to be able to, you're not going to be able to flick the switch back and be like, oh, I just don't notice this now. So I think that

the only way you're going to be able to feel satisfaction in your friendship is remove it from the group chat. Is to stop inviting them anywhere. All right. Question three. I've been with my partner a decade. We are about to get married very soon, which also makes me worry about the advice I give because I'm not going to be here screwing up people's relationships. All right, hear me out. Since early on in the relationship, he's always followed loads of women that post very sexy content and actually just loads of women in general, often liking posts. This used to really affect me when I was younger and it made me feel super insecure. He was fully aware of how I felt about this though. Time and time again, I was having to

remind him of why this hurts me and I wasn't okay with it, even though he'd continue, but then he toned it down over the years. Fast forward to now, I feel so much more secure in myself and I feel like I've grown so much over the years with my self-confidence and I also trust him, honestly rarely thinking or worrying about what he's up to on social media. However, just today I asked him if I could look at something on his phone or on Instagram. My phone was dead and instead of him just handing his phone over to me, he kept the phone and went to the search bar and asked me, what do you want to look up? About to look it up for himself. As he did this, I noticed he quickly started deleting multiple searches from his recent search history. I immediately asked why he felt

the need to remove his searches and why it was an issue for me to see. He didn't really give me an answer of what the searches were, but said he didn't want to get in trouble. I asked why he felt like he'd get in trouble and obviously it was something that would be upsetting for me to see the fact that he decided to remove them immediately in front of my eyes he said he was sorry and it was something he shouldn't have been looking at but didn't really admit to what now sorry i wouldn't say i've ever been a controlling partner and i know it's so normal for men to look at other women and think that they're attractive he has free will and i have no right to be looking into his search history however my issue is with him seeking women out

on social media constantly even when he knows it gets under my skin it's made me feel really icky is this normal i don't feel like i'm asking too much to expect of a partner that isn't looking at other women on social media constantly or am i overreacting that's fucking weird it's uh look it probably is normal that men are doing that and looking at things it's not normal for them to hide it from you and keep it from you and not admit to something point blank when you've seen it you have asked a very direct question you have said what were you looking at that you had to delete right now and he said I'd rather not say like that's the part that I have a problem with right like yeah I don't want to say yes it's completely normal and okay for men to look at porn and

whatever but they do right they do if Ben if I found Ben looking at porn do I care not really if it started to impact my life yes if he if I had told him it was a problem and he was still doing it behind my back and then lying to me it's a problem right but if he googles it every now and again I couldn't care less that's my personal honest feedback but if I asked him point blank if he was hiding something in front of my face and I saw him do it and I said to him what was that and he said not telling you none of your business and and it would make me crazy it would make me we'd be fighting about more than admin wild unless I'd get out of the car and I'd walk home yeah but unless you were like on the cusp you may be of and this is me like clutching at

straws of an engagement or a proposal or a birthday or something that he could actually, it might be fathomable and reasonable that he's hiding something from you that could be good. The thing is she says we're about to get married very soon. So they're already engaged. Yeah. But maybe it's a birth. I'm just saying like, I'm just covering bases, right? Like if there's a possibility that it's a surprise or a birthday or whatever, let the dogs lie. But it just doesn't sound like that's what this is. It sounds like he's fucking hiding something from you yeah I really struggle with this one because like you don't know what it is that he's hiding it could be a breakupable offense it might not be it might be something that you feel really angry

about it might not be like we don't know what it is and it's not even about what it is that he's actually hiding it's about the fact that he is saying I'm not going to tell you or he's going to lie to you about it it's such a pointed statement yeah it's the lack of open communication and it's the lack of him of him feeling as though he can't speak to you about it because he would rather admit that I don't want to tell you because I don't want to get in trouble. It's so bad that I would rather face your wrath and say that like, and just say computer said no. I guess for me, I would be asking a few questions to myself because that type of behavior would make me feel insecure. I know you say that you're super confident, you trust him, you've come into

your own, that you don't feel as insecure anymore, blah, blah, blah. If my partner was doing that, if he was deleting the search history in his browser, because it was something that in his mind was so bad that I couldn't see it that would build an insecurity in me like that would really I would find it really hard to to just I guess like just be totally fine with that and I'm not saying that people aren't entitled to privacy like he is entitled to privacy he is entitled to look at the things he wants to look at online but I think it was the way in which this moment unfolded and it was the deliberate freak out around whatever it was he was looking at and I think that there needs to be some conversation there around like I trust you to do whatever you want

and to look at the things that you want to look at online but if we have a conversation about it because you have actively deleted things in front of me there has to be some transparency with me like you have to give me some sort of insight because now you're creating an anxiety in me that that shouldn't be there you're making me fear this you know whatever this distrust is and that's a you problem you're creating that by putting the seed in me but I want to know how the conversation went because for me if I was like what was that and he said sorry something I should have been looking at i would have said what what that's what i mean how does that conversation just end there how does the conversation be like oh okay how did you

not torture it out of him how do you not say what the actual like tell me like i'm not this conversation is not ending until you've told me what it is because i just feel like in my situation if somebody if he has actually said i know i shouldn't have been looking at it i would be pushing that i would need to know i would not sleep again ever for the rest of my life and then we're fucked we're the problem no the question that comes from it is like you're you got two options don't speak to him until he tells you withhold sex no silent treatment you got two options you go through his shit which we don't encourage that yeah yeah you don't want to be doing that but you also don't want to get pushed to a place where you feel like you have

no other option or you sit down and say hey babe I haven't stopped thinking about that like it's really bothering me can you just put me at ease and tell me what it was I understand it's something that you probably shouldn't have been I'm not going to get angry about it but like it's making me more mad that you can't be honest with me than what it even was and I think just tell him that and obviously try and weasel it out of him if he's still adamant that he will not tell you if he's still refusing to tell you that is such a trust boundary breaker for me like that is a real I'm like oh you feel like you can't even admit to something if it's so bad like it makes me be like what are you in the manosphere like are you subscribed to andrew tate are you watching

hardcore porn are you like are you having an online relationship with someone else like your brain is going to be sent into a spiral if he's absolutely refusing to tell you and that's that is worse because that puts you in this purgatory wait it's all you'll ever be thinking about i think that the thing though and i'm glad you said it brit like we don't endorse going through his phone not because you can't look at someone's search history like to be fair a search history should be like a relatively open slather I think in terms of like if I was using Matt's computer and I opened up search history I still wouldn't want Ben looking through mine just because I'm weird and I look at a lot of weird shit I don't want him to know how stupid I am totally you're

like five plus seven take nine how to spill yes the thing is though is that there's nothing in my search history that I would be like mortified if Matt saw it in there do you know what I mean like it's nothing that's gonna make him hate me or think that I've done the wrong thing I guess the reason why I'm saying I don't want you to look and I don't want that to even be not a last resort but like an anything resort is the only person you are robbing by doing that is yourself because if you look whether you find something or you don't find something it's not going to scratch the itch that you have you'll look again you will look again it will become a habit and then you will be that person who forever checks their partner's fucking website browser

behind their back and you don't want to be that person but he's also not leaving his browser up anymore he just learned a lesson he's deleting that as he goes now because he knows you're on to him whatever it is you're on to it so I would just be sitting down or he's going incognito like if he had a really close call and you guys had that brief conversation he knows that it's a thing now but also don't necessarily jump to worst case conclusions and I know that we we've kind of no because it could be something he's embarrassed about it might not be something that you're actually going to be mad about it could be something that he's like I'm embarrassed I was looking that up you know like he might totally we're giving a lot of benefit than doubt he

admitted it's something he shouldn't have been looking at just find out what the fuck it was and then tell us and we will do an aftermath yeah do us put some spyware on there don't do that that's a joke that's a terrible joke all right next question a little bit different this one but i think it's very important and resonates with a lot of people oh my partner and i have been together. My partner and I have been together for eight years. We live quite different lives where I work in a bar, which is obviously very social and I'll often go out afterwards. He has a standard nine to five. We own a house together and are getting married in May. We went to a wedding on the weekend and I noticed on the dance floor, all of these really happy couples were

dancing. They were paying full attention to one another. They were laughing, letting loose and having fun. My partner doesn't behave like this. He's quite awkward and seems like he doesn't know how to dance or ever just relax and fully let loose others have noticed it too how can you get your partner to loosen up a little or is this expecting too much you can't say other people have noticed it too that's the equivalent of like everyone's talking about it now you can say that someone said that recently in australian media no you can say that you're just going to say to him how did that turn out keisha no i think that this is hard he's obviously like a bit socially anxious or like doesn't like I mean maybe not maybe he's not maybe he's too cool to dance

yeah but it sounds as though he's a little bit socially awkward and doesn't enjoy dancing loads of people don't enjoy dancing how can you make him do it you probably can't he's probably gonna feel super awkward and doesn't want to do it I guess like how important is it to you that your partner dances with you at a wedding or cuts loose on the dance floor is it really that big a deal I do think it is. Yes. When we were trying to like organize the conversation, like which questions we were doing, but it was like, this is a deal breaker. It's a deal breaker. I know it's funny. It's, it's not, oh, you know what? I joke saying it's a deal breaker. It's really up there for me. I used to say my mom and my sister and Sherry and I, it used to be

something we used to say growing up was like, when you're looking for things that you want in a partner, we used to joke and it was specifically about weddings. You want a partner that's going to dance with you at a wedding. And I think it meant more, there was more in that, right? It's not just about letting loose, but it's about like somebody that you know, that is going to get up and have fun with you in life. Somebody that's not going to be too embarrassed to have those moments. There was more in it, but specifically at a wedding, I would be offered if I was like begging my partner to come dance with me when everyone else is up there. And he's like, no, like he won't even do that. Cause I don't think that is about letting loose. I think that's about

not even wanting to meet your partner halfway with some things now could he just be an extreme introvert and incredibly uncomfortable yes of course he could be but i think even if you're extremely uncomfortable you don't have to get up and let loose on the dance floor but you should be at something like a wedding i think every body should be able to get up with their partner and have a dance whether it's a slow dance whether you're in the corner but like if you're the fucking party pooper that can't even be bothered to get up and have a moment with your partner sorry you're sitting in the corner like because there are those people and I think lighten the fuck up meet your partner meet the partner because it really it frustrates me we used to say it's the

front porch test I don't know if you've heard that it came from a sitcom with Ted and Lily so How I Met Your Mother and there's this one episode and it became a real cultural moment but they do the front porch test which is basically like when you're looking for a life partner and you're dating and what do you want in life you think of being on the front porch sitting on the front porch when you're older and you're in your rocking chairs and it's the things that you would still be non-negotiables for you and you would still be happy with so are you still being able to talk to each other are they are you still taking care of each other are you still being able to laugh and have fun are you still being able to get up and have a dance it's all those little things

about if you don't think they're going to meet you on the front porch and this is one of those things like if Ben was like I'm never gonna dance with you I'd be like mate either get up or get out do the YMCA or fuck off I don't feel as passionately as you do so I think whoever's written this question in it comes down to how passionate you feel about it this is a deal breaker for Brit I mean my deal breaker is like I don't want to go to cheat on me Brit's like if he won't dance with me at a wedding but the thing who you've also said like that he doesn't really cut loose I get the impression that he's probably a little bit less socially vibrant than what you are like we all have different capacities right like some people are life of the party extrovert

they get their energy from getting out there on the dance floor they are the ones that create the vibe at a wedding or at a function or whatever it is you know they make the dance floor and then there's other people who the thought of that not only makes them uncomfortable but they just like they don't get anything out of that it is an awkward unenjoyable experience for them where they feel really exposed I don't think we need to force the people who feel really exposed into being that version of themselves you can try and like coax it out of him but if he's like absolutely fucking no way absolutely no way i don't think you can make him be a version that he just isn't isn't at his core and i think what could happen is like yeah he might get up and have

a dance with you but you're gonna be able to tell he's not into it you're gonna be able to tell he's not loving it because that's just not the person he is you've been together for eight years he's obviously a homebody that's the kind of person he is he doesn't want to be going out he works he's nine to five. You're the very social butterfly. I get that. I do think there's a bit of a metaphor here. I think it's a little bit deeper. I think she's just looking for connection. So she's used the dancing as an example. We're at a wedding, we're dancing, but it's what she's saying. So she's saying, I see other couples paying full attention to each other. They're laughing, they're engaging, they're having that moment. I think she's lacking that.

I think that it seems like he's not meeting her halfway with that. He probably sounds pretty boring to be honest he goes to work to his nine to five he comes home he chills it's monotonous they do the same thing every day they're not having the intimacy or the connection or the laughs or the fun or the excitement so I think I might be going too deep here but I think this the wedding example I think is a bit of an analogy for more I think she's just wanting that connection I can picture this in my mind the way she's explained it I can picture them sitting at a wedding everyone's dancing having fun she's she's like please come dance with me he's like no and she's looking out there being like I wish I could have that like I think it's just that moment and

I do think you cannot force your partner to be a social person and go out and drink with you and have fun if they're not that person but by all means you can force them to get up and have a dance with you at a wedding that is what if that's the least he can do you can but what I'm saying is is that if it doesn't come from a place of him really wanting to do it you're never going to have the version of what you see because if you're sitting there watching two people who both are like fucking let's go get dancing at maggot it's a wedding like they're both voluntarily doing that in their relationship and they're having a great time but what you've said here my partner doesn't behave like this it's quite awkward and seems like he doesn't know how to dance or even fully let

loose it doesn't matter if you get him off the chair and you get him on the dance floor what you're perceiving and what you're seeing in another couple that's up on the dance floor you're not gonna get that with your partner not to that level i don't think anyway like so i don't know if you're trying to make him be a version of himself that he just isn't. You might be able to get another 20%. You might be able to get another 30%. You're not going to get 100% where he just does this full 180 and is like, fuck yeah, I love being on the dance floor.

Woo! Let me tell you. Not bush. Get it on, baby. Is it an open bar or not? Let me tell you a little story. Let me tell you a little story. When I met Ben, Ben was, you guys know Ben,

but most of you that have even heard Ben, you can probably tell even just through the way he presents himself. he's quite shy he's quite quiet he's quite reserved and he was never going to go into that dance floor with me and cut laps he was not YMCAing he was not doing anything and I used to ask him about it and he said because I love to dance as you guys know and I don't get embarrassed and I just could have a good time and he said well I've just never really done it because I've always felt like I drew too much attention to myself because he's so tall so he's like people already looked at me when I walked into a room because I'm abnormally tall then when I'm on the dance floor

I feel like they're paying more attention to me and he's such, he doesn't love attention. So he found that really hard. And so he just never did it. And then because it was important to me, we went out quite a few times at the start and I got him to dance with me and he did it because I was like, can we dance? And he was like, yeah, to make you happy, we'll do it. Man, I can't get that kid off the dance floor now. Like he is a different person.

The last wedding we went to, he was on there the whole night. He was on there the whole night for hours. And three and a half years ago, that was a different person. and I know that that's not you know like that's one specific example I don't know your person but sometimes also we don't know what we like we don't know what we want until someone pushes baby in the corner forces it out of us do you think in your example though that meeting someone new and you guys both exploring who each other are and like getting to know each other right so like this is Ben showing up in whatever version Ben is you don't know each other right like your early days

dating is very different to trying to get someone who you've been with for eight years to behave and act like a different person like if he for eight years has been like I don't dance and I don't want to dance that's a that's so much harder I think that the task that she has is far greater and I think before we're getting very hung up on the dancing I know that that was what the question this is so interesting I really want to I think I just want to zoom out a little bit if he is amazing in every other way if he is you're getting married to this guy okay if he's like showing up in the relationship I mean yeah bring it up about your own wedding that you want to have a first dance etc but if he's showing up in your relationship if he's like supportive loving

ticks all the other boxes I think sometimes we have to accept that there is a box somewhere along the line that our partner won't tick whatever that looks like yeah but we also have to I almost think it's the opposite Laura I always think if you're eight years deep and this guy all he has to do to make you happy is meet your halfway and dance with you in relationships you you always do things that you might not want to do to make your partner happy if it's as little as dancing at a wedding if you know that's going to make your partner happy row a set that's what I think I think this is such as sometimes I think we fucking beat around the bush here the guy can dance with you at a wedding he doesn't have to be doing the worm in the middle of the circle he doesn't have

to be I mean that's what I'd do but like I do think we have to meet our partners halfway sometimes I wonder if this is actually the bigger, you know, thing that she's experiencing is that eight years ago, maybe he would have been the type of person who got up and did it. And maybe that's actually what the problem is. The problem is, is that he used to be more spontaneous. He used to be more fun. And now as you're eight years deep, you're like, where has that gone? You know, maybe you're actually like missing a previous version.

You need to go and do dance classes for your wedding. Do pre-organized dance classes because then he doesn't have an excuse. no you drag him to that because like that's it's that is not in a social environment where he can feel socially pressured it's you and him and a dance teacher you're learning your first dance so you know at least he's gonna get on the dance floor to have a first dance at your wedding with you and at least it gets him to feel a little bit confident moving his body yeah it's I understand it I understand it it sucks when you have a partner that doesn't want to like that's not on the same social level as you it does and again I think zooming out there's more to it I don't

think it's just about the nat bush at a wedding but i think there's more to it but i think that you can 100 say like it makes me feel really excluded when you're the only person that won't dance with me at a wedding and everyone's talking about you behind your back and everyone's saying you're a shit oh no all right guys look that is it from us if you have any questions for ask uncut send them in we want to know what questions you have for us we feel very grateful that we get to be your uh unqualified therapist you can slide into the dms or you can send them to us at life Uncut discussion group on Facebook and also all of our episodes are up on YouTube so if you want to see us in the flesh you can go and watch the videos and you know the drill we wore matching

pants today but you'll have to see what they are on YouTube tell your mom tell your dad tell your friends and share the love because we love love