Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Resourcefully Fertilising Your Plants

Episode Date: August 7, 2024

Hey Lifers! Welcome back to Ask Uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions!How do you feel about group saunas? Are they good for a bit of a group therapy session or human stew?  Vibes for the week can be found here!Britt: Tom organic period cupKeeshia: The Shocking Effects of 500 Days Without Alcohol - Mark MansonLaura: Koala Suffolk Chair Then we get into your questions! DO I CATCH UP WITH HER OR LEAVE ITI had this girlfriend I’d only known for a short time through work. Early in our friendship, just a couple of months in, she asked me for advice on proposing to her boyfriend. I encouraged her to go for it and a few weeks later I found myself hiding behind a beach umbrella, camera in hand, capturing her proposal. Not long after, she asked me to be her bridesmaid. I was flattered and accepted, although I was a bit surprised given how new our friendship was. Then, the wedding was postponed for a year due to a venue mixup. Life got busy for both of us, but I made an effort to stay in touch, regularly checking in. Her responses were few and far between, until one day out of the blue, she sent me a long text telling me she didn’t want me at the bridal party anymore. She claimed I was the reason we’d drifted apart but said she still wanted me in her life. Yet, when the wedding finally happened, I wasn’t invited at all. A few months after the wedding, she messaged me saying she wanted to catch up. Now, I’m torn: should I take the high road and give her a second chance, or cut ties since she was the one who cut me off first? We still have mutual friends, so it’s likely we’ll run into each other at some point.  NO MORE BABY TALKMy best friend sometimes makes comments when we are out for dinner with our closest girl group like ‘no more baby talk’. It’s a punch in the gut for me. This year my entire life has been consumed with my baby. I was on family leave and just started back up at work now. At this point of my life, all of it revolves around my baby. I feel confused and don’t know who I am any more, I feel like I have nothing else to talk about, and to my friends who I love dearly, I’m boring them. Normally I wouldn’t want to care what people think of me, but her opinion of me really matters. My best friend does want to have kids (but in a few years). I guess my question is, how do I navigate this friendship, since we are both at different stages of our life? How do I navigate the comments? How do I find myself again? I sometimes miss the old me (freedom and time to do things I want to do), but I especially miss the old me when I feel I’m boring my best friends and have nothing else to contribute. Or how do I care less about this? NOT READY FOR MY MUM TO MEET MY NEW BOYFRIENDI’m going away on an overseas holiday with my new boyfriend. We have only been dating for 2-3 months but a holiday is a holiday so why not! My mum is actually going overseas (not with us) at the same time and our flights come in on the same day around the same time. My mum has asked if we can give her a lift home from the airport. It’s only early days in the relationship and a long 2 hr drive home from the airport. This might possibly be the first time she and he meet and I’m not ready for that. I don’t know how to say no without feeling guilty and if I tell her I’m not ready for her to meet him she won’t understand. I know she will take over the car ride home and won’t stop yapping or complaining. I’m feeling so anxious about it already. I’m 35 yrs old if age helps with context.   Keeshia mentioned a great conversation about going sober and alcoholism with Emily Weir & you can listen here   You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. Why did I just throw peace signs to you? I liked it.

Bilateral, when I said it's Brittany. Bilateral, like both? Yeah, bilateral. It's a double. Whammy? A double peace. El duble? I don't think people single peace anymore.

There's only two kinds of people who do peace signs these days, and it's millennials and five-year-olds. No, you're a millennial, so you fit in. You're fine. I still to this day have to fight my hand coming up in a photo to peace sign. Like I just saw that snot bubble you blew too, Laura. Can we get a close-up of that, Jono? A slow-motion snot bubble.

That should be the piece of social content from today's video. Of all the highlights that are going to happen on today's episode, please let it be this piece of snot that flew out of my nose straight into my hand. No, but I'm serious. Slow-mo of the bubble. It was. You know when you're like talking to someone and you snot bubble and you know but you quickly wipe it away and you're like

they probably didn't see it and you continue the conversation. That's because most of the time it happens in front of people who wouldn't call it out. But when it's your really good friend, they can be like, I saw that, that happened, and I'll never let it go. Okay, hang on. Speaking of that, I was in the sauna last night. And the sauna is –

Must be nice. It was wonderful. I sauna five times a week. It's my thing. Fuck. Tell me who doesn't have kids sitting here right now. Everyone else in the room. I don't have kids.

I don't have time to sauna five times a week. I'd freaking love to. Guys, the sauna, I can get from my bedroom and be in the sauna walking in 120 seconds in two minutes. It is directly across from my house. Like you can't be closer in a sauna. So like sometimes I'm just like, oh, I'll duck across and listen to a podcast in there. You could be forgiven for thinking that the sauna is actually in Britt's house. It's not.

She has an infrared, but it's not. It's across the road. No, but I was just talking about people that ignore things on your face or something. I was in the sauna last night and it's a thoroughfare. Like it's the place to be. People come and go. It's not a single sauna. It's a big one.

So, you know, you can fit like 10 people. So you all go in there together. You just sit in there. Yeah, that's what people do, yeah. This Laura looks so shocked. It's gross. What are those things called where you put your meat in and you cook them like a gravy boat? Yeah, no, I was like, whatever.

No, I don't take my gravy boat in actually. Like a hot pot of people. Yeah, that was exactly what they said, Laura. In comes the shrimp. Sorry. I don't even know. Laura's lost the pool. Do you remember when people used to call people that had really great bodies

but not great heads shrimp? I just realised that's not what I was saying. I was not calling you a shrimp. Loud and clear. You're clearly, your face is clearly better than your body. And also, losers, it's not a shrimp, it's a prawn. That is why I didn't connect the two because I don't think anyone has said shrimp.

Laura's like, yeah, you're a lobster. You're obviously extremely attractive. Whatever. It starts at about the ankles and goes up. Give you this shovel to keep digging your hole. There you go. No, guys, we haven't finished one story yet. So I was in the sauna.

We've gone to like four stories. I was in the sauna. People coming and going, talking nonstop. It turned into a therapy session for this one guy who was asking me all this dating advice because his sister listens to the pod. He's like, oh, you have that podcast. My sister is always like, have you seen Brittany in the sauna? Anyway, so we're talking to so many people for like 20 minutes.

Then finally, when I got out, this guy just walked up to me because he was about to go in the sauna. He's like, hey, and he's like, oh, you got something on your face. And I had this huge, big thing on my cheek. What was it? A big black, I don't know. Not snot. Not snot.

Shame. But my point was not one person in that therapy, in that sauna, as I was talking directly to them for 20 minutes, said anything. And this one guy that I barely knew told me and I was like, why do people not want to let someone know when they've got something on their face? I was like, now I'm embarrassed. I gave a serious therapy session in there with a goalie

or something on my face. Well, maybe they didn't notice. It is mood lighting in there. yeah it's not like it's bright light no it is bright lights okay you go to a sauna and talk to people like a therapy session sweating in bright light i could that's my worst nightmare isn't it like it's red isn't it like it's the infrared one so everyone's a hot stone it's not infrared it has stones and stuff okay one time someone in a sauna i did try the whole group sauna thing and they stood up and they kind of like moved their hands and the sweat from their

finger flung onto me and i've never been filled with so much disgust and rage i was like you've got to embrace it geesh so no i'm not having someone else's sweat that i don't know a stranger's sweat filling on to me and not make a comment about it don't you ever have sex and sweat and like your partner's sweat is on you she's not fucking the guy in the sauna she's not living is she what goes on in your saunas it's like fight club oh dear all right well look there's a lot to talk about today. But firstly, before we get into all of, I mean, let's just segue. We're going to go from the funny stuff to the not funny stuff, back to the funny stuff. I just wanted to say a very big thank you because so many of you guys have slid into

our DMs after Tuesday's episode about conversations that you've had with your dads after talking about Neil, but also just like really, really nice messages. And then I read them and then I cry again because I'm like, we've got the best community in the entire world. So I, we do, we really do. You guys are amazing. So I just genuinely wanted to say thank you because I feel the love, very much so. Well, we love you. I actually, while we're on that train, I also want to say a big thank you to the community

because I got a lot of messages too, which I appreciated, that said, I would have cried for you, Brittany, when I looked at your wedding dress. And then back up again. Hey, Brittany, I just want to let you know I would have cried for the wedding dress. If you'd brought me, I would have cried too, but you didn't bring me and you haven't shown me,

so I'm not going to cry for you. You were in Melbourne. And I did say, let's catch up. You wouldn't show me. I said, send me a photo. No, I was at that trade show. Anyway, I spent my entire weekend at Life in Style hocking jewels on a stand. To be fair, you were crying a lot as it was, so it would probably have been easier.

I'm sure I flung some snot on someone on that stand. Because let me tell you, everything's really lubricated inside me at the moment. Is that why you don't sell anything? You're like, why? Is it because you're just brave around with your snot? Pretty much. All right, let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. Okay, my vibe this week is you, if you've been following for a while,

you know that I use the menstrual cup, like the period cup. I don't use tampons or pads anymore. I haven't for years. But I have always until recently used a period cup that came in like a sash, like you keep it in a little bag. A little bag. Yeah, like a little bag. Like a little baggie for your period cup.

Yeah, I wouldn't know what a baggie is, but yeah, it's a tiny little. What's a baggie, everyone? It's a tiny. Laurie in her 30s doesn't know. Laurie in her 20s. Yeah, so it just used to be a bag that you tied at the sides, which was fine because you've cleaned your period cup and wiped it dry and you put it in. It's fine. But I recently updated it to Tom Organic period cup and it comes in a plastic hard casing with a little pop top. Not only is it the

casing, but it's also how you sterilize it. So after you use a menstrual cup, you usually put it into a cup of boiling water and you let it soak and that's how you clean it. Process. Same mug that you make your tea in. Yes, that's what I do, yeah. Yeah, I lick it after Laura. Dry. Extra iron. Some people.

Poor Jono, the only guy in the room. He's like, what's a period? Some people pour their menstrual blood into their houseplants. That's what I do. They pour it into their houseplants and apparently it's really good for your plants. Yeah, I don't actually use a period cup. For the week I have my period, I just cock a leg over my plant. You just hang out over your.

You got me, Laura. You got me. Hang out over your monstera. Everyone's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, just chill it. I can't come out this week. I'm fertilizing. They're like, you mean you're trying for a baby?

No, no. I'm putting it onto my plant. Straight to the soil. Straight to the root, get it? So anyway, it comes in this hard plastic casing with a pop top. And the casing's not only the casing, but it's the sterilization. So what you do is put the tiniest bit of water, a couple of mils in the bottom, close the pop top throw it in the microwave for 20 seconds or 30 seconds and it sterilizes the

process is so quick and easy so for someone if anyone uses menstrual cups I might be slow to the game here with this casing thing but until now I didn't even know it was a thing like I need to bring it down a second because I can't stop laughing all I'm thinking is you can like sterilize your menstrual cup and make your popcorn at the same time you can you really can plan do play once again i will stop i have seen these and i love tom organics as a brand so you know when you've had a baby you just believe no one tells you this you bleed for so long afterwards right like it's just like the world's longest never-ending period but you have to use maternity pads because you can't use tampons you can't use anything like that the tom organics maternity pads

are fucking amazing they're the only ones that i've ever used that don't feel like you're wearing a diaper like they're so so good that's not my vibe but there you go i'm corroborating your vibe if you've been thinking about trying it you don't have to worry about if you've run out having to go buy it because you've always got it in your bag it's brill all right and that is not sponsored but tom organics could sponsor us tom if you want to sponsor us come on down my vibe for this week i actually stumbled across this because i was watching our youtube channel little pluggy plug plug subscribe to us on youtube it's freaking great it is one of my favorite content creators you guys have heard me bang on about this for a long time. Mark Manson has a YouTube clip. It is

less than 10 minutes and it's called the shocking effects of 500 days without alcohol. Obviously, like I mean, we've spoken on the podcast quite a lot this year. I've almost gone sober. Like I kind of consider myself mostly a non-drinker now. Me too. Yeah. My desire to drink alcohol. Yeah. Me as well. She drops the bottle now. She's just putting it beside the lounge. my desire to drink alcohol has evaporated and I'm really really enjoying the effects of sober life and something I have found quite interesting this year is that while I've been speaking to people about being sober I almost think that they assume you fall into one of two camps one is that you were either a problematic drinker and your behavior was not good when you drank alcohol

Emily Weir did a wonderful episode with you guys last year on that I actually will link that in the show notes for anyone who might want to listen it was really really great episode the other camp I think is that you are a health nut and that you you know are an endurance athlete or something like that and that's obviously me I've never felt as though that fit for me and this particular YouTube Mark went through how he redefined what fun meant like he was the type of person who experienced hypo dopaminergic and seeking out stimulus and that's why he used to drink he used to get that impulsive nature because he used to get these novel and exciting experiences And so here are two other quotes from the YouTube.

He said, quitting alcohol has completely reshaped my idea of pleasure, enjoyment, and fun. Novelty and excitement is a cheap substitute for intimacy and happiness. So if you don't have much intimacy and happiness, you can always fill the void with novelty pretty easily. And for him, that was coupled with drinking. I really enjoyed his perspective on how his life has shifted since not having alcohol in it. I think it's become way more common as well, because even when we started this podcast

five years ago it was so uncommon to talk about being sober and I think if you said that you weren't drinking it was associated with exactly what you said that you must have had a problem with alcohol whereas now I don't think that there's as much peer pressure around it and it's in no way are you the odd one out of your group if you don't drink because there's so many friendship groups now where people are like just not as into it the one exception I think still exists kind of the stigma is I've got quite a few friends who are in similar stages where they're choosing not to drink but they're dating and they're finding it a little bit not awkward perhaps because it makes it easy on a first date yeah let's go and get a wine let's go get a drink and also when

they're with this person that they don't know well and they're like oh I don't drink or I'm not drinking because of the assumptions that we've made about why you might not be drinking alcohol I think they find it hard to be like it's not been a problem in my life I'm still fun like I'm still fun don't worry I just I think for them it's been hard to kind of navigate dating alongside sober life but the thing for me is that I never thought I experienced anxiety because when I'm drunk I actually I quite enjoy my personality I've never been the one to cause arguments or you know get too emotional or anything like that but it's been very interesting for me because I didn't realize how much three or four days later my mental health would be affected by it and that's

been the real change for me is being like oh I'm so much more stable I don't have these ups and downs because I thought anxiety must have been that you had anxiety about the behavior that you'd done the night before but for me it's actually been the more prolonged effects I think so yeah look if you're curious about it if you're a little bit so curious maybe or you just want to see a different perspective it's 10 minutes YouTube it's produced beautifully what is your vibe for the week was so my vibe is I mean you guys might have noticed if you've been watching our socials from the last episode, or if you're watching this on YouTube, we've got brand new spanking chairs in the studio. And they're so good. We also have new side tables, which you

probably can't see that well. And a new pink rug. We also have a new rug. We're really, we really like upped our game here, but I've recommended this before. You guys all know koala mattresses. Koala mattresses are amazing. I have a koala couch at home. It's modular. The pieces come apart. You can rip the covers off it, which was a really exciting discovery after are having it for a year. So I already am like sold into the world of koala furniture, but these are koala chairs. Their fabric is beautiful. The name is the Suffolk chair. And they're big. That's the thing I like because none of us sit properly. I'm literally laying down doing a podcast right now. I'm doing yoga. I have my feet on the chair. I'm laying sideways and I've never been more

comfortable. But if you've been thinking about upgrading your lounge room or getting new furniture. I don't think many people would instantly think of Koala because I think people think of them as a mattress company rather than them being like a great furniture or lounge room company. I have always used their lounge that is the sofa bed. So it's in my spare room. Yeah, the folder. I've got that as well upstairs. Yeah. Cause I don't have a lot of room in my house, but I wanted a spare room. So Keisha actually slept on it last week. Yeah. She's that's you don't need to know why she was there. No, Keisha slept on it last week and it's so good because it's a beautiful couch and then you just literally grab a little flap we're so immature that's not

why i was at britt's house my flats were not being just grab a little flap but you just flap it out like you just pull it out in one swoop and then you've got a ready-made bed can i tell you guys what i like about koala the most and this exists for these chairs as well no fucking screws not an allen key in sight i put a bed together with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago i reckon koala is responsible for saving relationships because I've put pieces of furniture together in the past. Always arguments. You can never put a flat pack together without causing an argument within your relationship. I agree. Yeah. The bed took about 15 minutes to put together and these chairs didn't take long either. Which Keisha would know because she assembled all of them. Yeah.

All right. Let's get into the questions. Okay. Question number one. I had this girlfriend that I had only known for a short time through work. Early in our friendship, just a couple of months in, she asked me for advice on proposing to her boyfriend. I encouraged her to go for it, and a few weeks later, I found myself hiding behind a beach umbrella, camera in hand, capturing her proposal. Not long after, she asked me to be her bridesmaid.

I was flattered and accepted, though I was a bit surprised given how new our friendship was. Then, the wedding was postponed for a year due to a venue mix-up. Oh, Devo. Imagine if your venue was like, well, sorry, double booked. Jesus. That's a pretty big mistake. Anyway, we won't name that venue.

Life got busy for both of us. But I made an effort to stay in touch, regularly checking in. Her responses were few and far between. Until one day, out of the blue, she sent me a very long text telling me she didn't want me in the bridal party anymore. She claimed that I was the reason we drifted apart, but said she still wanted me in her life. Yet when the wedding finally happened, I wasn't even invited.

I shouldn't laugh. But how do you go from like... I'm so sorry. We're not laughing at you. What a rapid decline from capturing the proposal to bridesmaid to not bridesmaid to not even being invited. A few months after the wedding, she messaged me saying she would love to catch up. Now I'm torn.

Should I take the high road and give her a second chance or cut ties since she was the one who cut me off first? we still have mutual friends. So it's likely that we'll run into each other at some point. Oh, cut your losses. Yeah. Bye. Cut your losses. Who knows? I mean, we don't have the full context of like what happened. Maybe you did something that offended her. We don't know, right? That could be a possibility. And then she might be so conflict avoidant that she distanced herself. The thing though, to me that screams that maybe she is not someone who prioritizes friendships or have strong friendships in her life is the fact that you guys had only known each other

for such a short period of time and you were the person that she prioritized to have in all of those special moments. So I think that that to me screams that she's someone who has hard and fast friendships, but doesn't know how to maintain friendships. And maybe she doesn't have many friends in her life. Maybe she was onto the next exciting person or exciting thing that she'd filled that void with. I would say, you know, the fact that this all happened in quite a relatively short period of time of your friendship, she didn't even have then the decency to speak to you before the wedding and have you there as a guest. I, for me, would see this friendship as way too much drama and would be saying, appreciate you. I hope you're happy, but I think that maybe

it's better we just leave things the way it is now. How devo that you don't even get an invite to the wedding. Didn't even make the cut. Like you've gone from being the one that gives the advice of like should I propose you've encouraged it you've shot the engagement you're part of the bridal party and then you're not even a part of the wedding yeah it's crazy like it doesn't make sense to me I understand the demotion from bridesmaid to guest like I understand that if over a year goes past or two years and friendships change but it's pretty drastic to cut someone from a wedding completely I don't see the reason that you would want to catch up with her now like what is the point you're not friends you haven't been talking you haven't gone to the wedding like it's

not a relationship in your life that you need or you're trying to save her she was new not a 20 year friendship so I'm a bit like totally also to cut someone from your wedding without a conversation like it's the coldness of it I completely agree I also do that didn't you uninvite someone by just not sending them the invitation yeah I did but that was different it really was it was a very different circumstance my only thing though is and you kind of touched on it when you said like this is not a 20 year friendship. It's the same as if you were dating someone. I think people can appear to be, especially in friendships. And I think sometimes it takes longer to figure it out. People can appear to be amazing. The friendship can appear to be incredible. And then the longer

that time goes, people show you who they really are. And I think the way that she's behaved has shown you who she really is and that she isn't someone who puts the same level of effort into friendships or puts the same level of commitment into them as you do. So it's a really beautiful quality that you still after all of this want to catch up and and maybe give the friendship a second chance for me I would ask the question like how much drama is that going to bring into your life and is it going to be a situation where you have another intense burst of friendship and then she falls away by the wayside again personally I read that and I'm like that is way too much work and I could not be bothered it's also such a strange thing like out of the blue when you have

no connection or communication with someone to be like oh my god we should catch up why why I don't understand that because you're not friends anymore so unless she wants something again I don't get it which is also why I said it at the very beginning though Brit because I was like the context of this doesn't quite make sense to me if it was something that had happened or there was an issue that should have been brought up before the wedding like that's a big conversation to have but maybe something went down that you're not aware of or maybe you did something that really hurt her feelings and it's a misunderstanding or you're completely unaware I don't know but that to me this behavior without anything actually happening is so fucking weird, which is why

it makes me think, oh, maybe something did happen. The fact that she now wants to have this catch up or sit down or whatever it is. But I, I don't know, even if something did like, look, let's play devil's advocate for a second. You go and you have the conversation with her. Maybe if that is what you're thinking about, it could be good for you to get closure. Like if you want to go and have another catch up with her and have a conversation with her, it might give you an opportunity to draw more conclusions around why her behavior was so bloody strange in the first place I feel like it's just a waste of energy to be honest I agree completely but some people like to package this shit up in a nice bow you know they do some even with exes and stuff there's

been loads of times that we've had questions come in and I've been like I would never speak to that guy again but relationships are not as easily navigated and sometimes our curiosity is what gets the better of us like what does that person want to talk to me about so if you do feel as though you want to go and catch up with her I would really hope that it's to get closure for yourself I hope that that's the reason why you're going not because you're wanting to kind of you know reignite a friendship when you've been treated so badly through it imagine if she wanted to catch up with her because she's like I just noticed she didn't get me a wedding present no she's like I'm pregnant I want your advice on how I should plan like the gender surprise

and the baby shower can you come and help me in video I actually want to call my baby after you is that okay question number two my best friend sometimes makes comments when we are all out for dinner like with the girls she says okay tonight no more baby talk it punches me straight in the gut this year my entire life has been consumed with my baby I was on family leave and just started back at work now at this point of my life all of it revolves around my baby I feel confused and don't know who I am anymore and I feel like I have nothing else to talk about and to my friends who I love dearly, I just think I'm boring to them. Normally, I wouldn't care what people think of me, but her opinion of me really matters to me. My best friend does want to have kids, but not for

a few years. I guess my question is, how do I navigate this friendship since we are both at different stages of our life? How do I navigate the comments? How do I find myself again? I sometimes miss the old me, the freedom and the things that I used to be able to do, but I especially miss the old me when I feel like I'm the boring person to my friends and have nothing to contribute? I love this question because I think that this is something that so many mums go through. I mean, every mum. I think this is something that every mum goes through. After I first had Marley, every conversation I had with my friends was mostly around being a mum or around something that she had done or something that had happened. And it's true. Your entire life becomes the fact

that you're like this conduit for this baby like everywhere you go they come with you everything you do they're part of it and it's divisive right because some of you listening we always get comments where it's like well I didn't just become my baby you know I still was my own person I still held on to some semblance of my own identity if you're able to do that that's fucking amazing because for a lot of other women it's just simply not the case and I know for me there would be times where we would come and do this podcast and like this podcast was the only thing in my life that was non-baby related. And I say that because even though I do Tony May,

Marley came and Lola, they came with me to work. We set up a crèche in the office and my niece and nephew were in there as well with Lola and Marley and it was wild. So I get it. It's a wild time of life. I think back on that and I'm like, how the fuck did we do that? I think back on that and I think, how the fuck did you do that? Like I had her in a bouncer under the table while still working.

Crazy. So I get it. And I think firstly give yourself a bit of empathy. You're not boring. this life is I know it can seem sometimes boring when you're talking about it because you're in Groundhog Day but you're also not going to be in this phase of life for forever this is a very finite time in your life the other thing I would say is be really honest with your friends and I don't think she means it the way that it's coming across the way you're interpreting it

and the way that you're receiving this information she would be devastated if she realized that saying that made you feel the way it makes you feel. She doesn't understand that you've had this massive loss of identity. She doesn't understand that like the person that you are and the person who you used to feel like you were, they kind of feel like worlds apart at the moment. Having conversations with our friends who haven't been through, you know, the transition of having children really, I think, opens it up and allows you to be honest around your feelings. It also gives them the opportunity to be a little bit more empathetic about it. But also I think on the flip side, having a bit of sense around you that sometimes the conversation has to gravitate

away from it just being babies to allow your friends to also feel as though that they are able to talk about the things that's happening in their life. Just having that mutual empathy for each other is so, so important. It's not like you would ever say to your friend group, because it sounds like I'm getting the impression in this group of girls that go out to dinner, like this close group, I'm getting the impression that she might be the only one with a baby. yeah but you would never say to them you'd never sit down and say all right no more talking about fucking don't talk about dating no more dating guys yeah you wouldn't ever say that to them for them to not talk about what's going on in their life so i do think that's a conversation

you need to have and i get it when you go through a phase of life when nothing else is happening there is nothing else to talk about because you're not doing anything else you are a life source for the baby you are literally keeping a human alive like that is a huge responsibility and it is going to consume all of your time. I just, oh God, I just have so many memories of this point in my life. Like it's so hard because I think every single mum goes through this. There's even been times where like, for example, I was reading, I won't say the podcast, I was reading reviews recently

and some of the comments was like, enough, we know you're having a baby, enough, we know you've just had a baby. And we would receive the same things. When I just had Marley and Lola, some of the fucking reviews we would receive would be like, you're not the first person in the world to have a baby, Laura. And I was like, I know, I get it. I know I'm not the first person, but it's the first time I've done it. And it's literally the only thing I think about at the moment. In fact, trying to think about anything else feels mentally exhausting. But what you have to remember is the people that

are writing that don't have kids. And there's 10 times more people that are probably listening to you because of the conversations you're having. To be honest though, sometimes it is people who have had kids but it's their kids are older it's sometimes women who hold this kind of like they hold a standard for other women and it's the standard that they were held to there's just a lack of empathy all around honestly I think the only way that you can navigate this conversation is to just be super honest with your friends and say the next time that that is said you don't have to do it in a way that's to make them feel bad absolutely do not do it in a way that's passive aggressive because it's going to make you sound a little bit crazy. I think just say, guys, I know

that baby chat must be so boring for you sometimes. And I'm so sorry if I do monopolize the conversation talking about my child, but I'm really struggling with even feeling as though I have anything else to talk about. Like I am struggling because I don't think I have anything of interest or anything of value to add to the conversation because that feels like I'm living a totally different life. So it's the only thing that I'm experiencing. So it's the thing I talk about. I do believe genuinely with that being said, your friends love you and they're going to treat this with a little bit more care and sensitivity.

This is also why friendships change and navigate at different times. It's also why people, when they have children, get into mother's groups so that they know that they have a commonality, a similarity with the other people that they're hanging out with. And you can all compare and you can talk about the same things. You can complain. you can show each other photos whatever it is this is the sole reason that friendships change in life doesn't mean that you have to not be friends with this group at all but 100% you need

to let them know especially your best friend you've referenced her a few times so you are saying like her opinion matters to me I value it I feel like I'm not enough for her in that group have a conversation with her and say I'm yeah exactly what you said Laura like I've just gotten like nothing else I know it's probably boring for you but it's important to me and I don't have anything else happening right now do you know what's also really hard when you're like the pioneer of something in a friendship group when you're the first person to do it it's so hard because you don't have the other people to then have that conversation with but I guarantee you in three or four years time if your friends also choose to have children that's all they're going to be

fucking talking about and then you're going to be talking about oh god we're talking about babies again and my kids are five like this is boring chat it's what happens and actually interestingly I was having a conversation with a friend recently. Do you have other friends? How dare I? Funnily enough, I have friends who are mums so that I can bore them with my mum chat. I was talking to her around her experience with her daughter who has an anxiety disorder, but she was diagnosed very, very young. And she said, you know, it was so isolating because none of my friends and none of the people in my friendship group had been through it yet and nobody had any understanding for it. Nobody had any care to talk about it. And I

felt like we were just as a family suffering alone. And then five years on other people in that friendship group, their children were then, you know, dealing with different versions of either an anxiety or disorder or other things that, you know, teenage girls go through. And then everyone was talking about it and everyone had a lot of empathy for each other because so many more people had been through it. She said that, you know, she had this lunch with them this one day and was like, look, I don't want this to be a big deal. And I don't want you to think that I have hangups about this. She's like, but when I went through this, no one was there for me. No one wanted to even talk about it. But now you're going through it and it's all we talk about. And she's like,

I just want everyone to know how that felt. That when I heard that, I was like, wow, that is so hard because, you know, we do it to each other in different, not just about parenting, but about lots of things. Sometimes, you know, we find it difficult to kind of sit in someone else's problems if we have not experienced it ourselves. But it's really important to give people the grace when they're going through massive life changes and parenting holy shit it doesn't get bigger than that the other part is because you have asked like a few questions to this when do you feel a lot of pressure on myself to solve your life problems but how do I find myself again that's really tough now I am not a parent but every person in my life because all my friends

almost all of them probably only a couple two maybe Keisha's one of them that don't have kids So I've been surrounded by them for years and I've been there with my friends as they go through it. The common denominator is time. It's like you have to dedicate that time to suckling and keeping your child alive and then you will eventually. You don't do the suckling, just FYI. But, Laurie, you're a prime example.

I remember, I mean, you never stopped working in terms of like you took the kids to the pod and Tony May and stuff, but you didn't have a lot of other things in your life because you were so tired. You would go home, you'd be with Matt, you'd put the kids to bed. they were on a time frame and as the years went past I feel like you found yourself again in a way you're doing so much more now in loads of aspects in terms of travel in terms of other jobs you're taking on and and whatever it is and I think it just comes with physically being able

to do it so you will find yourself again and you will find your passion it might just look a little bit different to what it was before you had a baby absolutely give yourself grace it's time I think the greatest I mean everyone has advice for you when you're a new parent but the best advice I ever received one was don't listen to people's advice and the second condom and the second was everything's a phase like this is just as soon as you think you've got something nailed like shit hits the fan and as soon as shit's hitting the fan soon enough it changes again like you're never in the same phase and I don't think that that just is relating to the kids and where the kids are at it also relates to you and how you're navigating the kind of journey of being

a parent. I'm going away on an overseas holiday with my new boyfriend. We've only been dating for two to three months, but a holiday is a holiday. So why not? My mom is actually going overseas, not with us, but at the same time. And our flights come in on the same day around the same time. Intentional on the mom's behalf. My mom has asked if we can give her a lift home from the airport. It's only early days in the relationship and a long two hour drive from the airport. this might possibly be the first time she and he meets and I'm not ready for that I don't know how to say no without feeling guilty and if I tell her I'm not ready for her to meet him she simply won't understand I know she will take over the car ride home and won't stop yabbing or complaining

I'm feeling so anxious about it already I'm 35 years of I don't know why that means anything but sure I'm 35 years old if that has any help with context it actually does does it yeah I think it does because it's probably a little bit more serious but having said that they've only been dating for two to three months i don't think you can ask your mom to get in a two-hour uber when you're driving the same way like i don't think you can do that no but the mom is asking so how do you say no i don't think you can that's what i'm saying i think that you have to give your mom a ride you just suck it up it's two hour drive you're either telling her to get a taxi or an uber for two hours i agree with you when you're in the same trip or you're saying find someone else

to drive two hours to pick you up in this sense I think bravo on the mom she's planned this impeccably she has done this so that she can meet your lover and I think that that's a great idea you're 35 years old I think it's okay for them to meet even if it doesn't work out it's not the end of the world like if anything see how they get along have a laugh it's okay if she takes over for two hours if you need to quote unquote warn your boyfriend that you know mom's gonna to yap your head off for two hours but I think like I think you need to embrace this I 100% agree with you Brit the only thing that I think I disagree with no I don't disagree with you at all but what I might do differently if you have an issue here in this situation on one hand you've

got your mum your mum who raised you who loves you suckled you suckled you who lost her identity for you. Who does not know who she is because of you. She can't even speak to her friends because of you. You know, she's lost her friendship groups. All right. You got your mom who needs to get home from the airport as well. Two hour drive. You've got some guy you've dated for two to three months and went on holiday with who you even have said you're not even sure if you're that invested in. Who are you going to prioritize on the drive home? The math ain't math. Okay. So if you have to make a choice here and you don't want them to meet, the person you're having that conversation with is your boyfriend hey we've had so much fun on this holiday i've had a great time

i am not ready for you to meet my mum yet so unfortunately we're not going to come home from the airport together i'm going to go home with my mum because otherwise she's going to have two hour drive that's awkward that's an awkward chat no she might be digmatized totally so in which case it's your mum digmatizing is hard if marley may left me at the fucking airport for some guy that she wasn't even sure she would introduce me to. After I suckled her. I would be so awful. Okay, I've got it.

Picture this. I'm already mad at her and she's five. Like, is she going to do this to me? This is what someone told me once when I was trying to make a hard decision. Close your eyes. Everyone do this with me. Okay, you're on the shore. If you say something about a boat.

You're on the shore and there's a boat. And in the boat is your mum. And the guy that you've been dating for two months. and the boat has a leaking hole in it and it's slowly going down and neither of them can swim. It's my hypothetical. Neither of them can swim. You can only save one.

Who are you saving? I bet you you're saving your mum. So that means your mum can get in the car. That is a real thing that I was once told, how to make a decision between two men. Britt went to a psychic. Twice. They said the same story twice.

She went to a psychic with help as to who to choose and that was their premonition. That was so funny because I took it really seriously. I was really with my eyes closed thinking that my whole world was about to be changed. And then when she's like, the boat has a hole, I was trying so hard not to laugh. That's it? I was like, unplug it. Unplug the hole.

Usually it's hanging from a cliff. I like that one better. I don't think that this is as big a deal, but I think it can turn into a massive deal. If it was a 15-minute car ride, if it was a half an hour car ride, I would go, oh, look, mom, you know, let's just go separate. we've got so much baggage whatever the excuse is but a two-hour car ride to leave your mum to try and get her own way home just seems really mean and even if it is premature and you're not ready for them to meet I guess my big questions would be why why don't you want them to meet is it

because you're embarrassed by your mum is it because you think he's gonna judge you because of your mum is it because you're not sure if there's longevity in this relationship all of these things can be managed. But the only thing I would want to say, and it comes up as a big conversation, a lot of people might feel embarrassed by their parents or that their parents might do or say something that's embarrassing. So long as you have a good relationship with your parent, like it's different if your dad's an alcoholic or something and he's going to do something that's embarrassing. That's a very different conversation. I totally understand why some people want to put boundaries in place. But if you're just embarrassed by them just being

who they are, that says way more about your insecurities than it does about your parents' personality. Because a guy who really likes you, who's invested in you and invested in your relationship is absolutely not going to judge you because your parents are quirky. They're going to embrace that. And I genuinely, genuinely believe it. I have dated men who have had the quirkiest parents and I have found it so endearing the way in which they have been protective over their parents and loved their parents regardless of their quirks I haven't found that as being off-putting do you know what I mean so I don't know I think don't overthink it or get in one big car together and let mum do a thing well the only other thing is there could be a chance that

you're having these feelings because you don't want him to think you're rushing it like you maybe you feel like the relationship isn't at the point of meeting the families and I think that is also okay he is going to understand how situational this is like a what a coincidence this is if you explain it if you say look i get we're not there yet and you know like in an ideal world i probably wouldn't have invited you over for dinner to meet my parents yet but are you cool if my mom comes home like we're landing at the same time it's two hours it's like you know i know it's not perfect like she's not driving to the airport to meet you she's not picking you up she's not like I'm coming to get you, honey.

Yeah, I do understand that. That could be weird, but yeah. It's a road trip. Embrace it. You guys are 35. If that freaks him out, then he's immature as well. 100%. We're out of here, guys.

Thank you so much. If you have questions, please send them into Instagram, Life Uncut Podcast. Put Ask Uncut at the top. We'll always keep you anonymous. Yeah, give us your spicy questions and, you know, we'll do our best to answer them. And your accidentally unfiltered Ask Uncut follow-ups,

aftermaths, anything that you want us to know, please send them in. Also, if you've enjoyed the episodes, jump on leave us a review wherever you listen to your podcast and you know the drill can i tell you something funny before we go yeah i'm cringing a bit at myself what like we said at the start of the episode we got loads of really nice messages yesterday both to the podcast to you laura and to me about different things about you and like what you're going through about me and the dress and funny stuff i also got messages about you as well i got messages about the three of us and how we

made people feel. I was inundated and it was wonderful. I think across all platforms, there would have been thousands of messages yesterday. It was really, really beautiful. Well, I read one that was really, and like, there's a part of me, I'm so appreciative. Like when we get these messages, it's so good. Cause you're like, I feel so good that we're making you feel good. You know what I mean? Do you feel good? Do you like that? But like, there's such beautiful messages, but they're private and they're DMs. Anyway, I wrote back to one girl who wrote a really nice one and I was like, oh my God, thank you so much. is literally the nicest review to receive.

And I was like, if you wouldn't mind writing it publicly. Can you write a review on Apple Podcasts? And I told her because I was like, wow, we literally got like 100 people write these beautiful things. And I was like, if only some of these were on the – Oh, I agree. So I asked. I was like, do you mind putting that – and I don't –

I should check if she's written back. I don't know if she's – Guys, I agree. You guys are always writing really nice stuff to us. Privately. publicly let me see if she's written back write it for everyone so it doesn't she double tapped it that's it it doesn't count if the world can't see it god damn it can i this is what she just said i love you guys so so much i'm from california and my sister and i listen to you guys while we

cook then later on we talk about all the podcast points interestingly i don't know if you know this but the way apple podcast works because we're based in australia you can't see international reviews you can only see reviews that have been done within australia but if you go on to like pod hub or like whatever that keeps it then where you can check the reviews out that's where you can see all the international ones so i shot my shot with one person and it was the wrong person it was in california yeah can i actually say we got a message last week and it was the most brilliant idea and i've had friends say this about the podcast but now we have a different medium to do it we got a message that said my new thursday night dinner with my partner is we come home we

put YouTube on and we watch the Ask Uncut questions and then we discuss our opinions on them. Perfect. Because the questions go up individually. So it's only like, it can be from five to 10 minutes, you know? And so they watch it and then they discuss amongst themselves. And my friends who do this have got such an insight into how their partner's mind thinks about different situations without them being in the scenario. Like without you having to have the argument or the situation happen to you, you get how your partner feels about it. Well, to take this back to the start of the episode, what is happening now?

Brittany's now mounting a monstera, bleeding into the pod. Let me take you back to the monstera. No, to take this back to the start, to the sauna, what is happening, which I love, is now that I know some of the people that go there, but they're all men, basically, but we will get into the sauna and they'll say to us, what were the questions this week like what was a really good question because they saw some of them that went viral online and so now we get in and i to the guys i rehash a question from ask uncut and then we talk about it in the sauna there's like five men sweating in their dickies that are talking about like if she should tell him she's cheating or not like it's but i love

the fact that people are talking to each other about people's life problems and they're really trying to go through what they were doing themselves so i think that that's everyone's doing it we really are the self-help generation aren't we we do we like we like to know how each other are thinking and feeling but we don't like to have to go through it ourselves it's like sipping tea on other people's life drop yeah i'm here for it anyway guys that's it bye you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends i needed to take a breath before i did that and share the love tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love

We'll be right back.