Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - She Cheated With Her Second Cousin

Episode Date: May 1, 2024

Hey Lifers! Welcome back to our ask uncut where we answer your deep, dark and debaucherous dilemmas. Today includes a doozy!Vibes for the week: Britt- Plane Tablet Holder   Laura- Severance on Apple TV  Keeshia- SBS Insight -Convenient Relationships Then we jump into your questions: SHE CHEATED WITH A SECOND COUSINMy cousin has come to me absolutely distraught. She confided to me that at a family wedding about 2 months ago she got very very drunk and had sex with our second cousin! Keep in mind she is newly married! She also told me that she is pregnant and not 100% sure who the dad is (her husband or the second cousin) . She has decided just to assume it’s her husband and is not looking into a paternity test. She is so ashamed and I think the only reason she has opened up to me is because of the pregnancy. Is it my place to tell the husband (who I’m close with too), for his sake and the baby’s sake (it could have serious health implications) or do I just pretend I know nothing? AM I MEANT TO BE WITH MY EX? I truly believe that my ex from 10 years ago is who I am meant to be with… We were really young and it just wasn’t the right time back then however, over the years there have been multiple times when we have talked about getting back together. There has always been something in the way like work commitments, personal reasons or one has been in a relationship when the other hasn’t. Only a few months ago when I was in a short relationship, I found out he was interested again. I'm not in that relationship anymore but he has just started seeing someone. What should I do? No matter how much I try to convince myself I’m wrong, my gut keeps telling me that it’s him and it will always be him who I am meant to be with. Should I try and talk to him about this (if so what the hell do I say) or just wait and see if time brings us back together again? Is he just the one that got away and it’s time to let that go? HOW SHOULD COUPLES SPLIT PAYMENTS I’m planning on moving out with my boyfriend and our two mates in three months into Sydney. For reference we’ve been dating for 6 years and I’ve been friends with his mates the whole time.I’ve been looking at places and am confused about how couples pay rent. Are we expected to split the amount evenly by all 4 of us even though my boyfriend and I are in the same room? Obviously bills are paid per person but I feel like it’s unfair when we are getting half the room. I haven’t moved out before so I'm not sure about roommate etiquette.  You can watch us on Youtube If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and I'm still so excited to be back. It feels so weird. I know, I mean, it's my second episode back, but I can't believe how much I missed you guys.

Like, shocked. Was it when you said, hey, do we do our vibes first or the questions? It's like it's my first day of school. My brain has actually switched off. Oh, my God, I felt like it was my first day of school today because we're in the new studios in the city and I had to drive myself to work alone. So I did a trial run with Laura.

On Monday, I chauffeured both Brit and producer Keisha into work. Because I get lost in the city. It was a new studio in the city and I was like, do you know what? Pick me up on our first day. It's easier. We'll catch up in the car. I'll follow where to go. So today I had like my lunchbox ready.

I packed some stuff. I packed my oats in the car and got a coffee and I drove here and I felt like it was my first day of school. And then when I parked and made it, I messaged the girl straight away and I was like, I'm here. I made it. I'm safe. And I beat you bitches.

Do you know why you beat us bitches? We don't need to talk about it. We do need to talk about it. It's fine. We got to work nicely and peacefully today. Producer Keisha, why wouldn't we talk about it? uh well i got a message and i heard that producer keisha had a bit of a hurricane moment so we were running very early today like i'm talking like 20 minutes early i was thought i would get in here

i'll do a bit of prep i'll just relax i'll get another coffee anyway it's been raining in sydney it's been torrentially raining in sydney the last two days and i drove up to pick keisha up i pick her up every morning very grateful for i am i am keisha's personal uber service i pick her up every morning I drive into like there's a little pull-in zone and in exchange for me picking her up she pops inside and gets me a coffee right I mean you know on the business card but still she does the actual she does the walking in to get the coffee it's still our money but she gets I pay for it so anyway so Keisha goes in and she gets the coffee and then I have never seen someone move with such like ferocity it was like a hurricane was trying to enter the car in one movement there

was a bag an umbrella that was still half up a fucking cup of coffee what did you say you said something around like swings bulldozer yeah that's it yeah you called yourself a bulldozer which was moments before I'm talking like five seconds before bulldozed her entire handbag straight into the cup of coffee that she bought and it just evacuated all over the car it wasn't like one of these little spills that you could like it just fell on the floor it got into all you know the handbrake where it's got the stitching of the leather that goes into the plastic and it's like got so many crevices and then every where i wiped it just more came out it was like you know that's this is a song that doesn't end it goes on and on every time we wipe more fucking coffee came

out of the car i realized that i got it in the center console like on the top and in the handle and then in the center console as well it was it was a freaking disaster if you're gonna do it you do it well right like you spill the whole cup and you spill it everywhere i do put on instagram and Everyone keeps messaging me being like, that's your fault for not using a keep cup. And I'm like, I know. To be fair, I would have spilled that just as fast. I brought my oats to work today. Since the jungle, I have oats in the morning.

Are you not traumatized by oats? No, I'm on this new bandwagon. I'm just wanting them all the time. So I brought it to work, but I have been bringing my oats in a keep cup. Just so you know, it's a brilliant idea. It sits in the middle console. Must be nice to sit on your pedestal. I mean, it's not a pedestal.

I just did spill my coffee everywhere. But you're saving Gracie's. Laura has two kids. So I'm sure spill a lot worse in that car. This is true. After we finished cleaning up the mess, I did say to Keisha, I don't think that that part of the car has ever been so clean. We did joke about this because this applies to anything in life. It has to be bad enough that you make a change, right? So like the cleanup process had to be bad enough that we gave it a nice little wipe down. It's good. But anyway, have you guys seen the new straw that's going around? I don't think this trend is going to take off, but this is how far women have gone

to like preserve their face there is a new straw that you don't suck the end anymore because if you think of when you suck a straw cigarette smokes lines yeah you put your purse your lips over it all right so people are saying now that that constant position of your lips is going to cause like yeah what the equivalent of smoker lines like those little wrinkles so now there's a straw that goes up like a straw then goes on a right angle and goes horizontal and the hole for the straw is in the horizontal part and you just gently put your lips over and suck like that like if you guys i know this is not a visual medium but if you can google it it is the funniest shit there is no way i'm ever walking around drinking from a horizontal straw i thought you're

about to say that you'd started you'd gotten one you're like it's the new thing it's my vibe for this week horizontal straw sucking oh my god do you know what okay i'll try it i'll try the trend but i i think it's the dumbest thing i've ever couldn't have a lip flip that's for sure no you should tell us about that i went through a process a couple months ago where i had a fresh little bit of botox put for anyone who doesn't know what a lip flip is it um i got it instead of getting filler because my lips used to be a little too big so i was like okay this is a nice happy medium anyway it paralyzes the muscle just above your lip so it kind of turned your lip outward anyone who's had this will know when you drink the muscles don't work properly and it just

falls out of your mouth even when you like brush your teeth it kind of dribbles what about when you're sucking i love that you this is a sex podcast and laura's like what about when you well if you can't suck a straw you can't suck a dick oh my god teeth you've had to stop oh poor toblerone poor toblerone the sucking is the problem right yeah yeah no i've decided lip flips not for me one and done for me it's so hard to like keep any type of tension in your mouth so wow you can't suck spaghetti up you can't honestly it really limits how you consume food liquid and other things if you wish can you reverse it like you know if you get filler you can have it dissolved is or is it because it's just the same as boy talks right so you

just gotta let it you just gotta let go you gotta let it wear out essentially so yeah i'm a couple months in now and it has decreased thank god i think it's gone away now it was when you very first got it done because keisha didn't come to work and say hey guys i got a lip flip done you just tried to let it fly under the radar and straight away I was like Keisha did you get a lip flip because your lip is doing all sorts of weird things it also causes you to get like a little bit of a like your speech changes oh yeah yours did I didn't realize how much you use the top lip to kind of pronounce things properly and I know it's really funny actually now I feel like I can spot it when I'm on social media I can see and I'm like oh you've had a lip flip that's why

you're talking like that it's surprising because i have seen a few people with lip flips and i don't think i have yet to see a lip flip on someone where i think it looks better than their normal lips and not when it's static like when you're not moving great looks fantastic it's the talking the talking just doesn't look quite natural and so it's a bit distracting because it paralyzes your lip so only one lip is moving all of a sudden so when you're talking your top lip stays stationary and only the bottom lip like a groper is doing the work yeah you know what we've been be criticized for and i'm putting this in quotation marks promoting cosmetic procedures before because i'm very open about anything i've had done this is the opposite don't get it done

it's not worth it you can't drink shit you can't eat properly and you cannot give decent do you reckon tom florida's marked the diary for how long your boat he's like so what's your metabolism like how long does botox take to wear off i've marked the diary he's like no it's fine babe i'm tired i don't know this is i mean for you guys playing at home you've been a life uncut family for a long time you'll know that laura and i have very different stances on what we do in front of our partners in terms of farting and shitting right oh yeah yeah yeah laura will take a dump no i won't anywhere whoa i i won't i will not i will not do a poo in front of my partner that is absolutely not true but you fart except do you know what okay i'm hijacking this for one

second and I was on the toilet doing a poo yesterday morning like in the middle and he walked in and said I'm having a shower I'm running late and I was like no you are not you will wait there are two other showers in this house and he was like I'm having a shower why that shower pick another shower go into another shower and then I just had to sit there because I was too humiliated to wipe whilst he was in the shower so I just sat there waiting for him to finish if you were mid evacuation i was at the city you would have had to have continued the evacuation i know and i was sitting on instagram i was enjoying my one minute of peace after my poo this was and he got in the shower i have a follow-up question yeah while you were sitting there did you flush or did

you just leave it floating i just left it floating the whole thing was the most bizarre 10 minutes of my life he came in he said i'm running late i have to have a shower i was like there's a bathroom downstairs and he said well your dad's downstairs so i don't want to have a shower so then he got in the shower but had a completely freezing cold shower so he was like the whole time it's very gary brekker health era and then towered off and left and i was left sitting on the toilet confused about my life decisions i don't know what to say because there's no worse part in a relationship for me than taking a dump in front of your partner i don't get it that like i want to look at my partner and this is why it goes to farting for me i get that everyone loves to fart i get that

everyone farts fine whatever is my opinion for me i want to look at my partner for as long as physically possible and want to rip their clothes off and the more farts that they drop around me on me the more i smell them the quicker that's going to deteriorate why don't you tell everyone what you did well this is what i'm getting to i've come out of the jungle and i'm still a bit of a jungle beast and like i forget that i'm not in the middle of south africa anymore and no one's around me and i was on the phone to ben and we're on facetime and i was in the bathroom getting ready the bathroom of all places the acoustics in a bathroom so Ben was on FaceTime on against the mirror and I was just going about my stuff getting ready whatever and it was silent and I

don't know what came over me I didn't think about it but I just let one rip like I just dropped a bomb I know Keisha I just forgot I forgot he was on the phone I forgot I wasn't in the jungle anymore I forgot that I don't fart in front of Ben anyway I let this fart rip and I just stopped And I was like, did I just do that? And I was like, maybe he didn't hear through the FaceTime. And he burst into laughter. And he goes, did you? Did you?

And I was like, no, what? And he goes, did you just? And I was like, that was obviously Delilah, Ben. And he was like, that was not Delilah. You just let one rip. Anyway, I burst into laughter. But then I had to pretend because I was so embarrassed. I pretended that I meant to do it.

And I was like, yeah, babe. I'm like, obviously we're there now. And he was like, are we? i was like what's the big deal he's like are we there are we there are we farting now and i'm like if you don't want to let's not let's take it back one time oh my god anyway he just thought it was the best thing now i'm in this tricky place of well he's going to listen to this i guess but i'm in this tricky place of do i own that was a slip and an accident and i don't want to go back there unless you want to open the floodgate unless you want to go down the slippery spiral of him

walking in whilst you're in the middle of a poo. But also I think, I actually don't know what came over me. You're a beast. And the bathroom makes it echo. You're just human. Everyone does. Do you remember what the catalyst was for you opening the floodgates? Was it just it happened one day and you were like, okay, we're here now?

No, it would have been Matt. Matt's disgusting. He has no problems with, he'll fight anywhere. I was like, well, if you get to do it, equality. Whatever's good for him is good for me. So now I'm just waiting for the next time he's doing a poo and I'm going to go and have a shower just to get one up on him. Yeah, but you'll never poo in front of him.

I already did that's I was in the middle of it no but yeah but you didn't have a choice that choice was taken that's what I'm saying I'm gonna do the same to him I'm gonna go and have a shower I don't think it'll have the same effect I don't think you'll care I'm not gonna enjoy the shower but I need to at least feel as though I did what he did you know I think this is a double punishment for you guys let's move on from poo let's talk about our vibes and unsubscribes I'm gonna kick start my vibe because it's fresh off my travel back it's literally from Amazon or from have you seen the new it's not new but you know the timu website where everything's like a dollar it's like that chinese website okay i'm not recommending that because i have bought something from there

before when it broke but you can get anything from there very ethically questionable but yeah terrible it's oh yeah it's terrible and it's low quality that's what i'm going to say but i'm just saying you can get on any website it's not specific but i got mine from amazon it's just like a travel plane phone and ipad holder and it's amazing it's like this little holder that will go over the top of your food you know your food tray how it flaps down so it like hooks over that and it comes down and you can screw it open put your phone in it can turn landscape or portrait and it sits in front of you and you can play your movies or shows or whatever you want to do if you're reading on there so it just sits in front of your hands free and then they have a bigger one

that if you travel with an ipad you can put your ipad in there too because you know how sometimes on planes they don't have screens well sometimes they have those straps that you can put your ipad into. That's few and far between. I've done the budget version and used a face mask and tried to like create a sling to hold my phone. Well, that's what I used to do. I have done some creative shit in the past. And then I saw this somewhere floating around online. I was like, that seems too good to be true. Ordered them. They're brilliant. They're perfect. So I'll put a link to an Amazon one that I got that was, I mean, hasn't broken yet. So, so far so good. My recommendation for this week is a, it's a series it's on Apple TV. It's called Severance. Now I

think there's nine episodes in the first season and I watched it all in three days I've like been binging my series recently so it's got Adam Scott in it and also Patricia Arquette do you know who Patricia is it Arquette yeah oh Arquette Arquette I was like I was gonna school you on who she is but you can school me yeah she's a brilliant actress she is from that tv series where she's like a medium and helps to solve crimes anyway so basically the the storyline behind this I don't want to give too much away but it's this moral concept of imagine if you had your your life outside of work and your work life and your brain was completely severed so your memories at work were completely severed to your memories outside of work so basically you go to work you get in

the lift and as you're going up the lift anything that happens at work anything you do at work you cannot remember and you're not supposed to remember and then you get in the lift you come back down and you get to live your life as though that part of your life never existed and so it's this concept where it splits you in two. And so you have what's called an innie and an outie because you're two completely different people living two completely different lives. I really enjoyed it. It's quite this, like I said, it's not a thriller. It's quite a psychological drama, I guess. Not even a drama. I don't know what category it would sit in. It's very thought provoking. And I say that because I've watched half of it on your

recommendation, Laura. And it's very one of those things where you're like, you put yourself in it. imagine this world would I want to do that if I had the choice would I want to separate and not know what happened at work and not what not not know what happened in my private life it's like very yeah insular thought provoking I think it's brilliant I really really enjoyed it and I really enjoyed sometimes you watch these types of series and you're like who was it that thought of this like how did someone have the creative ability to come up with this concept and that's what I really liked about it so Severance Apple TV big recommendation sounds like a bit of a lighter a black mirror yes it's very black mirror vibe I had to stop watching it it got too fucked up

speaking of thought-provoking my vibe for the week is kind of similar it's the entire program of insight that's on SBS it's hosted by Kumi Taguchi and essentially insight they're usually about a 50 minute like 45 to an hour episode and they all focus on a different topic so they will often get a lot of people in a room that are somehow related to the topic and they will get all of the different perspectives from the people. There was one episode that I recently watched. It came out, I think maybe two or three weeks ago. It's called Convenient Relationships. And so they got all of these different people. They got people that were like sugar daddies, sugar babies. They got escorts. They got these two mums who were single mums that moved in together. Like a mummy

union. Yeah. To create this household where they, cause they would like, you know, cost of living and it's really hard. And we've kind of provided each other this really good dynamic to raise our children in it was just very very interesting and it kind of investigated transactional relationships i really like that anytime i watch an episode it seems very respectful and it seems quite inquisitive but not in a judgmental tone so i really like that it gives you i was about to say it gives you insight into how these people live that's why the show is called insight yeah aptly named yeah so there's all these different ones there's one on guilt there's one on um stalking there's like there's quite a lot and there's a lot this is uh episode seven of season 2024 so

there's heaps of different episodes lots of different topics that I personally find very very interesting and I'm I'm just enjoying like watching one a week because often I'm like oh that's something I never would have thought about yeah otherwise just a little hit that you need where can you watch it SBS so you can get it it's for free uh you can get the SBS app if you don't watch i don't know when it actually goes live on the tv because i don't have live tv i just have the apps and that kind of thing so yeah sbs on demand app and you can just stream it to wherever all right well let's get into your questions question number one oh my gosh this is actually this is fucked up this is is it it's fucked up it's it is many levels of fucked up a lot of

people sometimes when we get some questions that are super left field people think that we make them up we have never made a question up in the history of life uncut like swear hand on heart every question is written in and we it's always anonymous but it's always from you guys and from the listeners we receive hundreds and hundreds of messages every single week all around different questions like from everything from cheating to relationship breakdowns to friendship breakdowns like literally everything and every so often there are some where we're like we can't even believe this is real life. And this is one of those. Okay. My cousin has come to me absolutely distraught. She confided to me that at a family wedding about two months ago, she got very, very,

very drunk and had sex with our second cousin. Keep in mind, she's newly married and her husband couldn't make it to this wedding. She was flying solo. She also told me that she is pregnant and not 100 sure who the dad is either her husband or her second cousin fucking hell sorry that was a pause dramatic effect and also i'm shocked she has decided just to assume that it's her husband's that is a big assumption he's not looking into a paternity test even though we are so close it took her all this time to tell me she is ashamed about it and i think the only reason she has opened up to me is because of the pregnancy my question is is it my place to tell the husband who I am very close with too for his sake and the baby's sake it could have serious

health complications or do I just pretend I know nothing any advice would be appreciated as I have no one else to talk about I firstly just I mean we can all cast a lot of judgment in this and I know that that's we probably will at some point I'm so sorry that you're in the situation now where you have to decide what's the moral right thing to do. Like it is so unfair. And I understand why your cousin needed someone to confide in. I'm sure that this is a lot for her to process as well, but it is a very unfair situation to be in when someone comes to you with their secret and says, I need you to keep this. And sometimes, you know, this happens to us where people say, I need to tell you something, but please don't tell anyone. And you make that commitment before

you know what the thing is. And that's so unfair. It's trauma dumping. It's completely trauma dumping but I also get it too if you've done something that's so like immoral in some ways we know and I don't want to say I mean maybe immoral is not the right word but it's so scandalous it's gonna rip families apart don't confide in someone who that's gonna have a massive emotional toll on as well go and speak to a therapist or go and speak to a third party that would be my first advice and I know that's not the question you asked no but taking while we're there taking away from the fact that this is like a cousin thing away from that it just goes into all we've had this conversation so many times around cheating when people have written in

in this exact instance my friend has been cheating on her husband she told me but I'm so close to the husband do I tell them yeah my friend's been cheating on his wife should she know like being put in that position is a really awful place to be put in but it happens often so frequently and I guess in this particular situation there's a little sprinkle of spice on top because it's the cousin and the pregnancy it's not just cheating it's a cousin and a pregnancy firstly I just want to rule something out because you said, you know, it could have serious health implications. I think that there's a lot of rumors around, not rumors, but like, there's a lot of kind of like urban legend that if you have a kid with your cousin,

that they're going to have three fingers and seven toes. You know, I think that we definitely have been brought up to think that people are going to have a lot of genetic mutations if that happens. Legally within Australia, you can marry your cousin. The risk or the increased risk of genetic mutation because of that is only three to six percent increase on what that genetic mutation risk already is which is a very small increase overall so it goes from three percent to six percent oh sorry it increases from three percent to six percent and that's just from our research yes so i would say that the risk to the child is minimal so i don't think make your decisions off the fact that you think that there's this genetic risk your fear around the child's

physical or genetic normalities i don't think should be what propels you to make a decision so like let's just rule that one out did you know this has nothing to do with the question but you can also marry your aunt uncle and nieces and nephews which i think is fucked but you can legally that's worse okay all right yeah brit you start i i do want to be careful with this one because i feel very grateful that we have done this podcast for so long if I had this question five years ago when we started I would have been shook to the core and I would have said there is so much wrong with this you need to tell them you need to have a conversation with her about the baby's health all of this stuff right but we have had

so many crazy questions and done so much research over the years that this shocks me less now it really does and I know somebody that has married their cousin I don't think they had kids but I know they got married so I feel like I've been a bit desensitized over the years from how much exposure I've had to it. People listening to this are going to be like, what the fuck are you guys talking about? This is crazy. No, but morally my head will never get around this. Even knowing that 3% chance of there being complications with a baby normally can go to 6% when it's a cousin or second cousin. So it does increase for sure. Doubles. But the problem for me isn't that the baby could be from the second cousin. The problem here just comes back to a standard

cheating problem now you know you're friends with him right you're friends with the husband and you're close and now you know that his child might not actually be his that's a really really big issue and it's a big weight on your shoulders to hold too i feel differently to you i think that the cousin thing does play a massive impact and the reason for that is because there is so much humiliation and shame loaded into this obviously she is completely distraught she sounds like she's distraught she's humiliated she got super super drunk and had sex with someone who she if she was of sound mind absolutely would never have had sex with and that's really really really upsetting for her like i i feel terrible for your cousin that she managed to get to a place

where she thought that that was normal or okay she's woken up with so much regret around this and i think that that is an awful situation let's now unpack the fact that the question that you're asking isn't around the morality of your cousin sleeping with her cousin like you know that's not around that the question is is do you tell her husband yeah would I tell no I wouldn't tell that doesn't mean that that is the right decision because this is completely completely subjective whatever you feel comfortable with doing whether you're you morally feel like you can live with the decision that you make I don't feel like I would want to take on the massive amount of responsibility that having that secret and giving that secret up would have. And what I mean by

that is it will definitely ruin their marriage, which is not your fault. She has done that herself. It's not your responsibility, but it would also ruin family dynamics and the drama and the stress that that would bring. I don't think I personally have it in me. And maybe that's the wrong thing to take that on board. Conflicting those feelings, however, is that I do believe that that child has the right to grow up knowing who their biological father is. I do believe that there is like so there's so much lying and deceit that is loaded into this and I don't condone any of the behavior I don't condone the lying I don't condone the but I'm saying I wouldn't have the emotional capacity to take on the truth telling and that maybe is is maybe that's a poor reflection

of who I am as a person but I I think that this will come with so much stress for you and the question is is how do you feel what can you manage and what can you handle I think for me what I would do and i did think about what i'm doing this situation and i agree laura as i said it's like it's got nothing to do with well i don't think it has anything to do with the cousin situation here i just think it has to do with the fact of it's cheating should they know when you say it has nothing to do the cousin don't you think like well it's going to be like the aunties and uncles are going to be fighting that's going to trickle down like it's going to affect everyone in that family yeah not just the person who's cheated yeah i guess it's more like for this person that's

written in her question is she's pregnant with possibly someone else's child do i tell him or not so for me in my head right now I've taken away the cousin thing because I know it's not going to have the complications it's still someone possibly someone else's baby but I think what I would do is I would go to her and say to her I think you need to be really honest and have that conversation and if you don't want to tell him you need to do a paternity test for your knowledge because if something happens to that child when it's born and it needs something or it has medical problems where it needs to know its biological history like its medical history if you don't actually know who the father is you can't give accurate health care to that child like you

absolutely cannot if it needs transplants if it needs to know blood if it needs donation blood donations I mean like this is extreme here but kidney is it predisposed to something because of what the parents have if you don't know biologically who its dad is but you could know I think that's a selfish choice do you know what as well we live in a day and age where so many people do their ancestry tests like it's the fear your cousin is going to live her life in absolute dread that maybe that child is not biologically her husband's child and that this will come out this kid is going to find out at some point in time and then what does that then look like yeah it's a secret that you are going to have to carry for the rest of your life I do agree with you

but I just, I don't know whether I would be the one to be holding the moral like compass here and being like, I'm the one who's going to tell everyone. I just don't know. I don't know if I have it in me to do that, but I literally cannot believe I'm so surprised. And this is a probably horrible thing to say, but I'm so surprised that she's choosing to go ahead and have the baby with the uncertainty around it. And maybe that's because of her own beliefs around abortion, or maybe that's because she is married and she can't justify to her husband why she would want to have an abortion. Maybe there's more loaded into this. We also don't know what a fertility history is like. You don't know. It might be the only child she thinks she could have.

You don't know. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Where the cousin part for me comes back into it right now that I'm bringing it back in because it is, you know, we can't deny that she had sex with a cousin. If you go to your partner and you say, I need to tell you something, I messed up and I cheated on you. Like I slept with someone else and I'm pregnant and whatever you want to do with that right there is a chance that you will work through that there is a chance for me it's different when you say and it was my cousin you're never going to work through that you don't I don't think you work through an affair is one thing you know Esther Perel many other people have told us many times that an affair doesn't have to be the end it is for a lot of people and that's okay

it's also not for a lot of people which is okay many people work through it depending on the situation but when you throw in the fact that the affair was your cousin it hits different i understand why she doesn't want to tell him i don't think it's the right thing and i think at a minimum she needs to go and get a paternity test i just can't believe she told you you couldn't torture this shit out of me you couldn't you tell me if you had sex with your cousin for sure you could waterboard me and i wouldn't tell you this like there is nothing you could do to me that would make me tell someone this information would you really not tell me if i fucked my cousin and i was pregnant and i was unsure nothing i'm so offended

i will i told you i farted in front i will die with that secret wow some people need to loose lip sally over here fucking shut up i worry about how we've answered this question purely from the fact that because we don't want to create a pile on but we've been so like it doesn't matter that it's the cousin oh no it matters it's so it's so effing weird the whole thing is so effing weird it is so on many levels of like the trying to hide the paternity, the hiding, the cheating, all of this. But the question you've asked is, should you be the one to tell? And I would be doing what you recommended, I would be trying to encourage her to have some truth to this and to be as transparent with her

husband as she can. Maybe she doesn't want to tell the husband that it was with a cousin. Maybe she can just give 50% of the truth. Nah, because if you've told your husband that you cheated on him, They're going to want to know who, when, why, what. Just say it was, I don't know, maybe you make up a lie because I don't know. Part of me is like is there any benefit of the whole family knowing that you fucked your cousin? I don't think so. No, there's no benefit at all.

It will ruin you. It will ruin you. It will ruin you. Yeah, but imagine if Matt came to you and said I need to talk to you, I cheated on you. Do you think you're going to accept the fact that he said, but I'm not telling you who or where you would want every detail, which is normal.

It's normal to want. I feel like the reason we're tiptoeing around this is I think we've been pretty we've been pretty open with how we feel don't fuck your cousin that's how I feel I feel that that in my core but you can't fight the law on this like legally you're allowed to and we've seen that it doesn't have that much of a consequence for your children so that's why I think we're stepping up we can say how we feel I ain't having sex with any of my cousins I'm not I'm not but don't you know someone Laura that married their cousin yeah I do through friends of friends I know people they're like our parents age yeah and they have children who are our age

and they've been married since they were like just out of uni and that's their first cousin so I mean and don't get me wrong like of course everyone is kind of like wow that's spicy and very very strange so the kids know their parents are cousins the kids know their parents are cousins the kids make jokes about it they're very very aware yeah how else what else do you do you have to make a joke about it you've grown up the whole your whole life knowing that your parents are also cousins it is very very very odd I'm not discrediting that their relationship didn't hurt anyone there was not an imbalance of power there was not any abuse they fell in love in uni their cousins they got together they have kids the end this is different there is an abuse of power and

there is so many levels of lying that have happened here and that's why this is so much more problematic and that's why I have way more of an issue with this situation than what I do with like two people who consensually decided they wanted to marry their cousins no matter how much we look at that might think it's weird and at the end of the day everyone listening is going to have a judgment on this but the question isn't about that the question is about does she just tell the husband that's where we're going to come back to and i think it is i would be going and dissing all this information onto her about why i think she needs to tell him the reasons i believe but then i'm not taking that on board for myself i'm not going to go and be the one that tells the husband

yeah i also think that this woman probably needs a lot of support at the moment 100 i think that there is no good outcome in this situation there is no good outcome for anyone involved and yeah I think it's just really fucking sad. Question number two. I truly believe that my ex from 10 years ago is who I am meant to be with. We were really young and it just wasn't the right time back then. However, over the years, there has been multiple times when we have talked about getting back together. There has just always been something that's gotten in the way. For example, work commitments, personal reasons, or one of us has been in a relationship when the other wasn't. Only a few months ago when I was in a short-term relationship, I found out that he was interested

it again. I'm not in that relationship anymore, but he has just started seeing someone. What do I do? No matter how much I try to convince myself I'm wrong, my gut keeps telling me that it's him and it will always be him who I am meant to be with. Should I try and talk to him about this? If so, what the hell do I say? Or just wait and see if time brings us back together again. We didn't end things on bad terms and have always stayed friends over the years. And I've always felt that there has been a connection between us. Is it just the one that got away and it's time to let that go? Oh, okay. I have strong feelings about this. So do I. Okay. I wonder if that's the same. My feelings are yes. Tell him. My feelings are a hundred percent.

Give it a go. Because what have you got to lose? You either go back and it works and it's amazing and it's the right time, or you go back and you're like, whoa, what were we thinking? Not for us, but I can guarantee you one thing. If you don't have that conversation and you don't try, you've been thinking about this for 10 years you're going to think about it for another 10 years 20 years if you meet someone else it's always going to be in the back of your mind whether you've romanticized the idea like there's a huge possibility that you have you've forgotten why you broke up and you've just remembered the amazing things we're all guilty of romanticizing our past relationships but maybe you haven't and maybe there is something really amazing there and

it was the wrong time because I do think timing can play a lot into situations and relationships I totally, I know we could not be on the more same page with this. I do think there's probably a very good chance that you have romanticized how perfect this person is for you over the past 10 years, how they're the one that got away, but you have to have a conversation about it. You have to lay your cards on the table, say exactly how you feel and explain to him that you want to have another shot at the relationship and see if that is reciprocated. And if it's not reciprocated, then you need to mentally close that door because if you keep it open indefinitely hoping that one time timing is going to align for the two of you you will never ever ever allow yourself to be

invested in another relationship because no relationship is ever going to live up to the fantasy of what you have created also to the time in which you had with your ex because sometimes when we compare new relationships with old relationships you're comparing someone who you've never met before to someone who you've had now a decade of relationship with because he's also been your friend so no one's ever going to live up to that and so I think even though he's just started seeing someone it's time and he will make the decision okay yeah well I'm going to give this a shot or I'm not and I really want to say and I say this from personal experience sometimes what you think a relationship could be the second time around is actually just the nail in the

coffin, the reaffirmation that you needed, that the relationship doesn't work as a romantic relationship. And I say this because in my twenties, I dated someone for almost six years and I was convinced that they were the person I was supposed to marry. The first night I met him, I came home to my mom and I said, mom, I met the man I'm going to marry tonight. And we persevered through so much in that relationship to try and make it work. we broke up and for another six years like I held on to this idea that he was the man I was going to be with right and I'm talking like I had another long-term relationship in there I lived with him like it wasn't like I didn't date like I was like very committed but he was always there

in the back of my head that we were going to end up together and maybe a year before I did The Bachelor we actually gave it another shot and it just wasn't it just wasn't all the things that I had kind of tried to forget that were happening in our relationship you know when we very first were together for that six years that kind of was still there and like all the things I thought he was so incredible about he's he's incredible he's a great guy but he just wasn't the great guy for me and and our life I'd moved on the things I thought I wanted were different to what I wanted back then and it just didn't work but I'm so grateful I am so grateful that we gave it that shot because if we hadn't I think I would still have a bit of a ping for him and this is what I

want to say you need a definitive answer because i genuinely feel sorry for you because i've been in a situation too laura for that long where you've thought maybe we're supposed to be together it wasn't the right time there is nothing worse than that being in the back of your head you don't ever fully move on you don't ever fully immerse yourself in your current relationship and if you think in your gut which you said i think in my gut we're meant to be together well you're that's not fair to whoever you're with then and you're never going to make that work if your mind is with someone else go figure that shit out 10 years is a long time of back and forth it's too long you said that you've gone back and forth multiple times talking about getting back together

but then you've said what do i say to him just own it just say do you feel what i feel because for 10 years i have tried to move on but i always come back to you is there something here or not because i just want to know because it's the uncertainty that does your head in in life the not knowing and i personally think life is too short don't get your answer so you can close the chapter or move on. And the only other thing that interests me here is you've said recently, I found out he was interested again. I'm wondering what that means because that doesn't sound like he has come to you and said, let's give it a shot. I found out he's interested. I'm almost wondering if someone, a mutual friend has said something like, you know, I think that there

could be something there still. It just didn't sound very convincing, but you have literally nothing to lose. You don't have him. Well, he does. She does. The thing that she has to lose is the friendship because she's migrated this like romantic relationship into a 10-year friendship but the thing I really want to reiterate to you is that you are kidding yourself because you're not friends because you don't romantically pine over your friends so either have the conversation and then sever the relationship if it doesn't work out like if he says I'm actually not into you I just want to stay friends sorry I'm really invested in my new partner whatever it is you have to put on your big girl panties and say, okay, I think it's probably best for us if we don't speak

for quite a while, you know, and you need to go no contact because it's the only way that you're going to break those neurons in your brain that tells you that you're connected to him, you're wired to him. I remember this quote, like when I was back in my Instagram, hashtag quote error. And it was, I wish I knew you in that time. The right relationship at the wrong time is simply the wrong relationship. And it is so true because you can keep hoping that the right relationship is going to align and it just if it never does it's never the right relationship okay kids sit down okay mama has a story so my friend a very good friend yeah she is my age so 36 37 34 35 whatever um no 36 87 she was married really young she got married 18 19 to her high school sweetheart

and you know they felt meant to be that's why they got married and they spent a couple of years together living not in a city like a little bit in land I don't want to give anything away but anyway so nothing wrong with their life great life everything that they wanted to do and then they just realized and I think she realized more so oh gosh there's nothing wrong with this relationship I love you so much but my mind and my thoughts are elsewhere like I think there's I want more in life and I want to go different I want to go travel I want to do this and this and study and move different cities and he was distraught because he's like wow I thought this was forever. Anyway, they divorced. They broke up and they got a divorce and she moved to the city

and started to do all these things she wanted to do. And years went past. They weren't in contact years. She had a baby with somebody else and then that didn't work out. So she was doing single mom life. And then one day, this is like a movie. She was in a supermarket in the new town that she'd moved to. Again, so far away from wherever they lived. She was in a supermarket and she was walking down the aisle and she ran into her first husband, her high school sweetheart that hadn't spoken in years. Speaking of romanticising shit. Yeah, it was like 10 years or something.

Caught up because it was not, it didn't end badly. How are you? Yep, this is my son. Like, you know, like crazy, crazy catch up. And then they were like, well, you know, we should catch up sometime. So they caught up. They are remarried now with another child. They fell back in love and realised that it was the perfect example

of the right person at the wrong time. and that doesn't happen often and they have everything they wanted now they're back in the house they wanted with the kids the family life beautiful relationship and it was just they refound each other at the right time so i am a believer that you should go and chase this for sure but not sorry not chase it investigate it but you have to be ready to close the door if it because that's that is a fairy tale you know the story i just told it totally is but also brit the thing that i think is important to take from that is that they went and they lived their lives they didn't sit in their you know in relationships being like oh my god i wish i was still with my

ex yeah they lived their lives she had a kid with someone else she was in other relationships and then they rekindled and then they made that decision but it's the pining over a love that you can't have that means you're robbing yourself from a relationship that you deserve so either have the conversation or if you can't have the conversation you need to go cold turkey and sever of the friendship then because it's simply just not a friendship. I agree. Okay. Question number three. I'm planning on moving out with my boyfriend and our two mates in three months to Sydney. For reference, we've been dating for six years and I've been friends with his mates the whole time. I've been looking at places and I'm just kind of confused as to how couples pay rent when they're

sharing with friends. Are we expected to split the payment evenly by all four of us, even though my boyfriend and I are going to be sharing the same room? Obviously bills are paid per person, but I feel like it's kind of unfair that we only get half a room. I haven't moved out before, so I'm not sure what roommate etiquette is. Oh, I remember these days. This is a tricky one and it's so dependent. There's no black and white. It's so dependent on the house you're moving into, the rooms you're moving into, and do you get non-suite? Do you get parking? Is there only one parking spot? Who's getting that? These people are going to pay more, right? But from what I experienced and what I saw, if there's a three bedroom house and there's a single person,

then a single person, and then a double, two people in one room, the two people don't pay the 300 each, but they definitely do pay more. You don't split the 300 to 150 each because that's not fair for everybody else, but you also aren't getting an entire room. So what I used to see when I was looking for rentals, it was always, for example, someone would say, hey, if you're looking for this room and you're a single person it's 400 if you are a couple that are moving in it's 650 for example or 600 so it's you're paying more but you're not paying exactly double more you still get a bit of a discount because you are only getting half a room but it's not fair to everyone else in the house for you to pay half yeah well you're not getting half a room you're still getting

a whole house you're getting half a room each but you're getting the entire house to live in and to accommodate and then usually the person in a house that has the double room usually gets a better a bathroom or an en suite, there's usually stuff attached with the bigger, better room. So you definitely have to pay more just so you know. So I had this relatively recently. I mean, I was pregnant with Matt living in a room sharing still. Yeah. Well, Matt, when I was pregnant with Marley, Matt and I shared in, we lived with housemates. I know when you say that was five years ago, when you say recently, I thought someone was moving in like a year ago. We still have housemates. Well, I guess like, as in when you think about us having kids and stuff like

that is still pretty recent. We are not only was there two people in the room, there was three people in the room. I was pregnant living in that house. But we, the way we did it is we had a three bedroom house and our room was the room that had the en suite. So it was already a slightly more expensive room, which meant that Matt was already paying a little bit more money. And then I paid an additional $200 when I moved in a week. So I was paying for the space that I was occupying, but I wasn't paying additional for the bedroom that he was already in. I was just paying to make everybody else's rent go down. So Matt's rent stayed the same. I paid an additional $100 of each of their rents, which I think was a fair additional payment. And it made their rent super

affordable. So they were all for it. But I guess the big thing is, is don't look at this as though you're only getting half a room because it's actually a pain in the ass. Because I'm sure so many people have experienced this. When you move into a house with a friend and then their boyfriend or their girlfriend starts coming over all the fucking time and they're not paying anything. It's annoying. Yes, they're sleeping in their bedroom, but they are occupying your space. They are occupying the lounge room, the kitchen, the fridge, the electricity, all that stuff. The noise, the air pollution.

And also just like you're there in their space. And the toilet paper. Yeah, and the toilet. If they've got IBS, more toilet paper. Thank you. That's it. Maybe you buy your own toilet paper. But I do think, yeah, I think as a couple you obviously have to pay more.

Do I think that it's double what an individual person pays? No, but I do think it needs to be a considerable amount more. And I think just have that conversation with them of like, hey, guys, if we're putting in $300 each and there is a better bedroom, then I think it's pretty obvious that we would take that as the couple who is paying the extra additional money. If all the bedrooms are the same or we're expected to take a bedroom that's not as good as like, you know, the top bedroom, then we'll pay a little bit less and we'll work it out. But I think that that's just a very open conversation that you have to have now while you're looking. You definitely

can't have it when you find the place that you love because everybody in their head has the amount that they're okay to spend. But the problem is, is that if you're going to spend a little bit more, so if you guys are both going to spend $250 each, you're also expecting everybody else's rent to go up. So that's why you have to be aware of what it is that the three or four of you or five of you, however, are moving into this house are mutually okay with spending. My number one piece of advice here, having lived all over the world with people I know, with strangers, like so many different kinds of roommates. Yeah. Same. I've lived with the home owner. I would hate that. Like so many different types. And I've lived with partners. The one thing that I will say

is have every conversation done and everyone on the same page and understood about finances completely, not just the rent, but how are you going to do the groceries? How are you going to do the bills? Everything needs to be sorted before you move in, because I guarantee you there will be big problems and uncomfortable situations if you don't have those even with friends like you think it's like my best friend whatever money money is a crazy thing and does crazy thing to people yes i think especially with housemates i think like housemates can really be or they don't sometimes it doesn't end up in big conversations but it ends up in like a lot of resentment that's what i mean and the tension you can cut with a knife yeah i hate all the fucking passive

aggressive texts that you receive and you're like fuck off just say it to my face i'll be home in five hours. Yeah, why'd you eat my fucking nachos in the fridge that I left over? I was saving those for the last week. Britt, how did it go when you lived in the house with the homeowner? Oh, he was great, right? He was lovely. But I not once ever felt comfortable. I never felt like I was in my own home. And I was paying a lot of money for that because it was a beautiful home in Bondi. Like that was when I was like, I'm going to live my best life. I was about to say, did you fuck him? And I was like, no, I know. No, you remember now. Definitely did not. Yes. You never felt like it was your home. Even when I came over, it was always a little bit like

we were in daddy's house oh don't you ever call him daddy I can't get that image out of my head now because I reckon he'd be a daddy like in his relationship he had daddy vibes he would be a daddy no but it was I never felt at home I don't recommend living with the home owner if you can avoid it because even though they want to make you they're like be at home it's yours it's not yours they own it and they're there yeah and they're there and you just can't you can't treat it like it's your own space yeah I agree I've lived in every every variation of housemates I've lived with, or you don't want to have sex in there too. I remember once I was having sex and it was really loud and I was like, oh my God, daddy's going to hear tomorrow.

Yeah. Don't recommend. I've had every variation. I've lived with girlfriends. I've lived with strangers. I've lived with girlfriends. And then my boyfriends moved in. I've lived with a boyfriend and friends. I've been pregnant living with housemates. Like seriously, I could not have lived in more variations of like housemate living arrangements. And I would just say, I completely agree with you, Britt. Having all conversations about money now is the best way of going about it. And you can just gauge it. I think if you're worried about overpaying, I think you can say, hey guys, I've just been looking online at how most places seem to divvy up payments. This seems to be what is standard. How do you feel about this?

Yeah, you're cool with that. And then get their opinions. They might say, oh, actually, nah, we're all going to pitch in 300 and we think it needs to be fair and even. And then you decide whether you're okay with that. and if you're not okay with it, then maybe you and your boyfriend just move out together. Yeah, and the food shit's a big one. I can't stress that enough. People are really funny about food.

I've lived with people that have written stuff, like their name on stuff, like the butter. Don't use a scrape of that butter because they'll know. If there's any breadcrumbs in the butter, they'll know you used it. That's, you know, I'm speaking from experience. Also, what I do want to say is you're living with a whole heap of boys and what I've discovered when I live with a lot of boys, I used to live in a house with my boyfriend and four of his mates.

They're gross. well they're gross but also they eat so much more than you eat and you end up bankrolling their appetite and it is the most frustrating and also just financially depleting thing i really struggled with it and i would have to pitch in the same amount to groceries and they would fucking eat everything so i would say consider that because maybe just you and your partner go for groceries and then you have some communal stuff like you know the milk or the the butter or whatever. But I think if you're all just doing like group groceries,

you will find that you are paying twice as much because most of the time guys eat more than girls. They just do. I reckon do a shelf each. Shelf each, pantry each. That's it. That's my shit. That's my milk.

That's my whatever. You get your own butter. You get your own milk. I agree. I agree. I think this is fine. Anyway, yeah. That is it from us, guys.

Please, if you have your questions, keep them rolling into the Instagram or the interweb, Life Uncut Podcast. Just put Ask Uncut at the top. You will always stay anonymous, I promise, even if you're having sex with your cousin. We don't look at who you are. We don't look.

And also, I need an aftermath of this. I have to know what you do. If you tell the husband, if you don't tell the husband, I just – I won't be able to sleep ever again. You've done me over. I 100% am going to sleep, but I'm also going to think about it. I'm going to think about you every day. I might dream about it.

That's worse. About the cousins. Sex with cousins. What if we dream about that now? I'm glad I don't. I'm not close to my cousins. so like I mean yeah like I like them they're lovely people but like I don't see them enough to ever have to worry about these things I remember having a crush on my cousin when I was

like six or seven years old you know when you hang around that now yeah I don't care when you're six and seven you've got no concept of who they are and he was like oh like he was a girl he was like 10 years older than me and you're like he's a hottie he was a teenager you know he's at high school and for me he was just like this person we used to hang out with but I remember it wasn't a crush crush like I liked him you're six years old but it was like you know when you're Marley likes to hang out with guys, you know, like they like boys. I take it back. I had a crush on my cousin too, but he was my stepdad's sister's son,

so not technically related. No, you've got no idea who they are. I could have had sex with him. I reckon most people listening or a lot of people would understand what we're talking about, have that crush on someone in your family that you don't know. No, but when you've got no concept, you're young enough that you don't know who they are, but none of us are having sex

with our cousins. I think you get over a certain age and that all kind of falls by the wayside. But Keisha is horrified, horrified. But imagine if your cousin was Channing Tatum. You would fuck your cousin. What if your cousin was Jason Momoa, Laura? I would fuck my cousin.

You'd do it. You'd bend the rules, wouldn't you? All right, that's it from us. Like and subscribe, leave a review. And anyway, you know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. We'll be right back.