Life Uncut - Ask Uncut- Shooting your shot, rebuilding yourself and a partner who hates your friends. With special guest Lalala Let Me Explain!

Episode Date: August 2, 2023

Hey Lifers! First up today, we unpack all of the terms that you hate, and, ahhh we might need to amend our vocabulary! There's also a woman who fell in love with the man who robbed her (yep, we checked. The article isn't satire). Vibes for this week:Laura: The Deepest Breath on Netflix Britt: We the Wild Plant Care Keeshia: To end all war: Oppenheimer & the atomic bomb on Binge Joining the podcast for a special edition of Ask Uncut is sex and relationships educator, social worker, Agony Aunt, author and podcaster Lalala Let Me Explain! Lala is a top secret squirrel and remains completely anonymous online, but unpacking dilemmas and giving top shelf advice is what she does best! Today we jump into these questions: How do you gain confidence with men in public and approach them if you wanna shoot a shot? My boyfriend who I lived with for a year just ended things. I’m currently sharing a bed with my mum, all my belongings are in my car while I wait for my childhood bedroom to be cleared out for me to move back in. I'm also having to find a new job. I genuinely feel so dependent on him like I don’t know who I am anymore without him. How do I get back on track?  How important is it for your partner to get along with your friends? Everything else in our relationship is great, my problem is that he doesn't like my friends and becomes closed off and quiet around them. He says they're 'weird' and he is quite judgemental of them.  How big of a red flag is this when everything else is so great? Check out Lala's Instagram!She has a killer pod that you can listen to here!And you can get a copy of her book.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm Laura and it is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. We do have something a little different today. We had La La La Let Me Explain on this week, on Tuesday's episode. She's from the UK. If you haven't listened to her yet, she's absolutely incredible. But part of what La La does is she does like this

agony art thing. She does her own version of, you know, writing and she helps you answer her questions. So we thought what better way to capitalize on this opportunity and get her as a guest on Ask Uncut. Yeah. If you haven't followed her, she does this across Instagram quite a bit. So la la la, let me explain. She is like, she's an enigma. No one knows who she actually is. I do now though. And I am so freaking jealous because I'm the one who's followed her for so long. I am the one who wanted to get her on the podcast. Okay. I am the one who is invested. We're going to do this off air because we can't do it on air, but I'm going to ask you how you imagined her and see if you're close because it was not what I imagined. I will

say that well i followed along her instagram for so long if you haven't seen or you didn't listen to tuesday's episode go and have a look basically she does her very own ask uncut except it's definitely not called ask uncut and i missed out on being able to do the interview the other week and that was because i i you know i got sick at the time whatever it's not an exciting story but keisha stepped in like the champion she is and she was also across the interview on tuesday but then what brit and keisha both did is they asked some of your ask uncut questions to la la la let me explain and it is probably the most qualified person we've ever had on the podcast who answered questions yeah she actually is qualified so she's worked in social work for nearly two decades if we

had dedicated the amount of time that we have to the podcast to like getting an also like a degree alongside that's four years that's what i was gonna say you guys always say we're not experienced i actually think we are we have done four years worth of research we just don't have the bachelor a degree to prove it but I will maybe think about making us up one a fake one and framing it on canva yeah not that we don't have the experience we don't have the qualifications well we will after I print it off I mean technically we all have degrees that we don't use isn't that like the thing of our generation everyone who went to university and ends up doing a job that has absolutely nothing to do with the university degree that they did yeah but it's more so for

you two you guys did your degrees and then you didn't really sit in it at all but I mean I did my degree for 13 years i definitely paid that off and did my due diligence with that you still kind of use yours with jewelry i mean i was a graphic designer for five years before so it's not like i didn't use it and i still use graphic design almost every day so there you go guys i mean i gave cocaine to rats in a lab so and that's not a joke wait what the fuck she still does that to this day and now she gives cocaine to people on a saturday night no she does not no let's be serious for a second some really serious shit was going down in the Facebook discussion group and we need to talk about it Keisha this is basically because of you and my sister Sherry you started off a very

heated discussion I also have like a bit of a bone to pick because I think I say one of them Keisha tell us how this came about this came about because Sherry and I Sherry also moderates the Facebook group so sometimes if there's a post where we're like not sure about whether we should approve it or not we kind of run it by each other you know a bit of a litmus test with each other and i messaged her on whatsapp yesterday and a bit of a tangent as to how we got here but i just said to her i was like i don't know why but the term hubby it just irks me and then she was like oh my god me too i absolutely hate it but why did you say that are you already referring to your boyfriend tobler and his hubby no it was because one of the posts that we were

questioning whether we were going to that poor person who wrote in in the ask uncut discussion group and then they're just getting fucking reamed for saying oh my hubby did this. We do not word discriminate here Keisha. Yeah I'm so sorry that you feel victimized now. I do too don't worry. I was actually attacked in this discussion too but we'll get to that in a minute. Yes well it started a conversation where we kind of got onto like what terms do we irrationally hate. I mean firstly there's going to be terms that I know we would use on the podcast all the time. You know how people just have those kind of crutch words that really irk you. It's okay if you hate us. but i posted and i said was just chatting with sherry and i irk at the terms hubby

and bub i have no idea why i dislike them but i do this isn't intended to offend anyone what terms do you hate okay firstly throwing laura burn straight under the bus you've called me bub before accidentally because obviously you call it for matt and you've called me bub and i nearly vomited in my mouth i'm a i'm a bub yeah i'm a bubber i don't say bubber that was weird you say bubba no you sometimes say bubba just bub i'll say bub but also can i just when i was doing dancing with the stars and matt came in so there was one episode where matt came in to the studio the producers made me do a pickup because when he walked in and it was a big surprise i was like oh my god you're here and the back end of that was like no no we need context we need you

to say it's my hubby maddie j and they made me say it and i was like i'm all right they can't make you say that i said it's my husband maddie jay and also calling him maddie jay first vom second vom hubby and then like can you just give us one pickup of hubby and i was like guys i would never say that i fought them for so long and then i was like it's my hubby maddie jay it's what they use it's my hubby maddie jay hey bub i've never hated myself more hey hubby bub it's it's honestly bubby i just genuinely like i love you but i just lost a little bit of respect for you for hubby and bub same i'm surprised i didn't get cancer for it bub let's sit on bub for a minute i can handle bub it's more acceptable for a baby for sure because they're a baby not for your grown

husband or your business partner they're a literal bub one might say bub for me is it doesn't even roll off my tongue well it hits some roadblocks on the way out like it doesn't want to come out bub for me is probably one of my most vomitous words well before we take that one under the bus I just want to get in with one that I hate, and that's Lolcano. Still, ugh. Yeah, but that's not new. You said that four years ago, and guess what? I still hate it.

No, we did multiple polls, and it's shame because the audience voted. Sorry, you were outvoted, Laura. I am still convinced to this day that Lola was named after me, after my favourite term, Lola Derby. I think it's adorable that you live in such a delusional world, but that's okay. Should I read out some of the other ones that people commented? Yeah, so we threw this out to all of you,

And there are a lot of irrational things that we all seem to hate. There is another word that I used to hate and now I hate to admit that I say it and it's because of you, Laura, because you wore me down. You use this term so much that now I say it and it did come up. Somebody did write in with this. Kruti wrote in into the Facebook group and she said, I can't stand someone saying hun and it is your most common. Oh, do you know what?

It's hun and love. I'm a terms of endearment. I always, I don't call anyone by their names. Everyone's hun, lovely, bub. You don't know anyone's names. You can't get everyone's names. Nobody's name, babe. You're all, the reason why I call everyone by names of affirmations

is because I have no fucking idea who you are. Keisha, back me up. Hun is her word. 100%. 100%. You call me that at least six times a week. But do you know why? Because if I don't call you hun or lovely, I'm mad at you.

That to me is like an aggressive text. If I'm like, hey, Keisha, I'm like, oh, she's going to think I fucking hate her. At least she remembers your name. so one that did pop up in the facebook group that i i did take a little bit of offense too but i'm gonna double down is somebody said i know this is gonna ruffle some feathers but penguin they hate when people refer to like their partner or soulmate as penguin because i over the years have said that i was looking for my penguin i always said that because penguins mate for life yes i know not all penguins mate for life guys like it's just a cute term but there are one breed

and I can't remember if it's the fairy or the emperor, but there's one species of penguin that literally is so true to their lover and that's the penguin I'm looking for, the specific fairy penguin. Or emperor, we're not sure. Well, some of the things that you guys said that you can't stand, one of them was, this came from Jade, panties when referring to underwear, which I agree, I think panties is kind of annoying. I just think panties is more sexual.

It's too sexual for me. Which is why a doctor should never say to you, can you please just remove your panties? a hundred percent unless it's role play sonja wrote girl boss makes me cringe inwardly every time i think i agree with that i think i liked it at the time when at first like you know when girl boss was used originally it's because there weren't that many girl bosses around but now they're just bosses like now no one says boy boss hey boy boss you're just an entrepreneur you're like you're not a boy boss i don't know i think yeah it's fucking lame there is another one i

just realized that I hate and that is uh when men refer to their partner as bird I do I don't mind that one it's so derogatory and degrading you're not an animal with wings what about chick also gross yeah gross my chick and I hate missus as well so missus miso miso soup bird what about the quite a few people wrote that they hate when they say like the missus is at home or like the hubby or I hate it I think at the end of the day I have a name you can use it we've got a couple more Liv said boy mama that one I had to look into because I wasn't really aware of that one but apparently mom or a girl mom oh yeah like having a son they'll refer to themselves as a boy mama why don't you just call yourself a mom it's one that I don't understand and I feel like you

two both have this is the emotional support water bottle I have never called it an emotional support water bottle and the reason why it is not mine no I have but I lose it so it's zero support to me I always leave it at home that's true I'm very guilty of having one attached to my hip at all times and i get that you know it isn't emotionally supportive to do the sucky suck no i enjoyed what was written here was emotional support water bottle is about the dumbest privileged white girl thing i have ever heard makes me irrationally annoyed the last one that i quite enjoyed was the outrage around saying that you're going to do a photo dump and how inappropriate or just like how it kind of incites thoughts of something else like going to the toilet but that you're doing a

dump of your holiday hey guys here's a dump of julia i mean i think here's a pasta dump for you I think that one's fine. I'm going to let the dump go. It just goes to show that people are very angry about things that are very insignificant. Okay, Han, that's enough. Okay, well, I think I found, before we get into answering your questions, possibly the dumbest love story that has ever made it

into the pop culture world of news. I think that this is the stupidest way that a couple could possibly meet. And hear me out. So this is a Brazilian couple. And if you didn't read the articles yourself, you would think that this was completely made up because it seems beyond belief a great way to meet people yeah if the dating apps aren't serving you well then maybe you might try getting mugged basically there was this woman in brazil and

she was mugged by a man who stole her phone and then it turns out that after the guy took the phone went through the phone he saw photos of like the person that he'd robbed and he decided that he felt a little bit of remorse and that he might find out where she lives by going through her phone and getting her details and they have been dating for the past two years now there's a twitter video that has gone absolutely viral because of this and they've outlined how it is that they met and how it is that they've come into a relationship but basically he mugged her and that's it he said he was you know at the time was having problems with women didn't have anyone in his life and i don't understand why that's a reason to rob a woman because spoiler generally speaking

that's not how you meet someone you usually go up and say you know did you fall from heaven you don't steal their phone you don't be like look that way and rob them but he did he went home this is the part that gets me as well he went home and looked at a photo and then he goes once i saw how pretty she was i felt bad anyone who thinks that pretty privilege doesn't exist this is the perfect example what he did say though he said i was going through a difficult situation because i didn't have a woman you know and that is a red flag and it's fucking self do you know what i'm more curious about who did this woman date in the past that the guy who robbed her phone was an upgrade like how is the bar that low that she was like yeah you're all right like i mean i'll hear

you out i wonder i mean like we could do some digging but i don't think it's out i wonder if he admitted straight away to stealing the phone or if he wrote back someone was like hey i found your phone like i'm gonna return it and he played the hero card unless he was wearing a balaclava she probably would notice him and she'd be like oh that's that guy who uh well robin happens pretty quickly you don't stand in front of them and be like get a good look at my face so you can report me i'm about to steal your phone he would have just run past taken it and kept going otherwise if they looked at each other he would have realized she was beautiful and he wouldn't have robbed her no those are his words not mine his words not mine but it's crazy they've been together two

years they're in love i don't know about you but i don't think i could fall in love with someone or date somebody that I knew had like stolen from me. I don't think you have to say, I don't know, if it's just you. I'm pretty sure everyone listening to this agrees with you, Britt. No, I think it depends. It depends who the robber is. Like Jason Momoa, you're going to let him steal your heart and your phone. Your heart.

Take what you want. Take what you want. The one thing, though, about this that's just so unbelievably ridiculous was probably the comment section more so on this Twitter post. Obviously there are normal people out there who are like, wow, this is really problematic and this girl probably should get some therapy and other people who were like love knows no bounds if it's meant to be it will be and i was like there's so much fucking trauma in the world that all of us like all of us can learn from

these experiences this was just how they were supposed to meet this is the universe bringing them together no it's not here it is love can accomplish anything i certainly can't i think the bar is so low yeah two birds one stone he got a new phone and a woman out of one burglary he should definitely date a thief in the past you can tell she's getting very defensive sometimes when i think about my exes though i'm like probably would have probably would have dated this guy i really didn't want to be alone would have taken anything yeah i think you probably would have for a long time same yeah no not me you yeah you oh yeah i'm agreeing i'm agreeing well i feel like it is time for vibe and unsubscribe and i'm gonna go first because i

have the best freaking vibe today but your mind's better it's not so good my vibe if you've probably already seen it because i think i'm about you know maybe about six days late now but whatever I'm going to tell you anyway. It is the Netflix documentary called The Deepest Breath. If you haven't seen it, it is all about freediving and it follows this, she's an Italian freediver named Alessia Zucchini. Now, I want to make this very clear.

I do not give a single, not one single fuck about freediving. But you do now. I am not someone who's into freediving. I've never freedived before. Laura, I don't reckon the audience think that you're remotely into freediving. But like, it's a weird documentary to recommend.

So I think some people might be like, not for me. I'm not someone who's into freediving. I just want to make that clear because I was like weird choice, Matthew Johnson, but I will watch this within the first five seconds. I was like both feet up, like my knees were up underneath my chin. And I was like, you know, when you're so scared that you have to make yourself into a tiny little ball, it is so gripping. The story is so incredibly told.

Like it's probably one of the best and most well-made documentaries I've seen in terms of storytelling that from the very first second I had so much anxiety about what was going to happen because of the hook at the start that I had to google her story so I knew what I was actually watching I needed to know person that no I'm the same I have to otherwise I genuinely will be anxious and the whole idea around free diving makes me anxious to begin with so for those of you who don't know the thing that's so amazing about this is free diving there are certain spots around the world like it's an incredibly competitive it's a very cult like sport it's an extreme sport and there are certain dive sites around the world that are

more dangerous and have taken more lives than Mount Everest per number of people who have done it and this story is all around one of these dive sites in Egypt and it's just a truly incredible story and this girl Alicia well she's not a girl she's a woman but when she started free diving she was only a little girl and it was almost like she became obsessive about it like from the time that she was a little kid that was the thing that she wanted to do which is just such a weird thing in and of itself to think that there's like an 11 year old out there who's obsessed with free diving go and watch it it's on Netflix I will literally go and watch it again because I loved it so much I also know why Matthew Johnson put this on it's because he's obsessed with doing

underwater laps oh 100% he's trying to build up his aerobic capacity and he is completely banned from it now like after watching this and watching what they go through I was like you are never doing a lap of the hotel pool again but like ever ever fucking again I was like if you even think that you're going free diving we're getting divorced extreme okay but i stand by it i am gonna watch it because you have been raving about it now i don't want to brag but i think my vibe is better so if this is for all you plant lovers out there now you guys know i've had a tumultuous journey with my plants over the years i've killed most of them but you laura actually just walked into my house that was another thing that people hate i'm plant mom well i didn't say that but i

am a plant mom successfully if you were a plant mom we'd be calling support services to come and the plants away not anymore and that's what i'm here to tell you about when we walked in just to my left to your right laura if you glance over in my house we're recording to my house laura said wow your fiddle fig tree is thriving it's looking beautiful the vibe of this week is a plant product that literally breathes life back into your plants it is wild i have tested this product this is not sponsored you spray this on and the next day it has new life the leaves are up it is healthy it's actually insane it's from a company called we the wild plant care the product is just called protect that's it it's for healthy leaves and shine it's like a little spray bottle and brit

is here holding it in her hand waving it around i also want to make this really clear none of our vibes are ever sponsored and but if they want to i would love some more plant care stuff because i go through this so if you want to send me some like do it also i want to bring your minds back everybody to an ask uncut from many moons ago where brit tried to blame the wi-fi for killing her plants so i don't know if i'd be taking any vibes we got that many messages about people kept on sending this one particular video to our into the life uncle instagram that was like some short study where they quite literally proved that wi-fi could affect plants and everyone was like britney was right of course i'm right i have a science degree bitches also just so you know this tree

that's now thriving is because i moved it to the other side of the wi-fi room it's in a different corner and it has plant spray i would really like to not go back into the wi-fi plant chat it's because you guys don't like to be proven wrong there's a really shit week in the dms if i'm being honest so i'm gonna move on to my vibe can nobody nobody send keisha that message nobody needs to see that video again it hurts doesn't it when i'm right do you know what the only other video that we so consistently get sent is that one where people laugh funny yeah guys you guys Send me the laughing video. You're all going to know.

It was a video that was going viral about a show where they got weird laughers in a room. No exaggeration. I reckon 22,000 times I've been sent that. I reckon Life Uncut's been sent it a thousand times, so I believe it. It's a French talk show, and they got all of the people with the funniest laughs in France in the one room. And you know what?

We will screen record it, and we'll put it on Life Uncut because it should live there. It should live on Life Uncut's Instagram also because it is you, Britt. All right. Here's with your vibe, Keish. Okay, so Oppenheimer movie, obviously one of the biggest movies in the world at the moment, bear with me. I went to go and see it on the weekend, excessively wholesome, with my boyfriend, my mum, my stepdad

and my 86-year-old grandma. Now, in terms of films, it's directed by Christopher Nolan and I didn't know this beforehand, but he's kind of known as being a bit of like an intellectual point your nose in the air a little bit director, right? the week before Toblerone and I had watched a documentary on binge called to end all war Oppenheimer and the atomic bomb so as we kind of mentioned at the start of this episode science is really my vibe so I'm really into like the science of this I remember learning about it at uni and we watched this three-hour documentary on binge I really enjoyed the movie but I think the only

reason that I enjoyed it and I didn't feel really stupid and like none of it made sense to me was only because I had watched this documentary the week before so I kind of got what was going on because the movie the way it plays out is that it's not chronological and there's also some scenes are in color and some scenes are in black and white and I later googled that's because they're from different people's perspectives that if I didn't know the prior information that I knew I would have sat there being like what the fuck is going on so the vibe is if you want to see Oppenheimer you suggest watching this doco what was it called again yeah so it's on binge it's called to end all war oppenheimer and the atomic bomb christopher nolan is actually in the

documentary so they've got a bunch of scientists they've got a lot of real footage from the actual time like the real person of oppenheimer not the actor and yeah i really really loved it and i'm so glad that i watched that beforehand because i think i would have felt kind of like a bit stupid we're gonna put all those vibes in the podcast notes as we always do specifically the plants if you guys are struggling with your plants, please feel free to go and buy it. Let me know how it goes. Question number one. My partner and I, both 26 years old, have been together for nearly two years and he is great. We live together. We have the same values and goals for the future. When it's just him and me, everything is great. The one problem is he's not great in social

situations and not great with my friends. In fact, he doesn't get along with any of my friends at all he becomes closed off and quiet and when he does talk usually he says something judgmental I've spoken to him about it and he's aware that he does it but says my friends are just weird as his excuse even after trying to work through his behavior it hasn't changed how big of a red flag is it when everything else is so great there's so much good between us but this is a real sticking point that we can't seem to work through I wouldn't say it's a red flag in the sense that ah you need to run from this this is terrible and catastrophic and you can't improve this because I think that actually as she says everything else is great there is this one

issue when it comes to his social interactions with her friends and it sounds to me like this comes from social anxiety rather than him just being a terrible hateful person who hates your friends I think that he can't cope with the feelings that he gets when he's in that situation it sounds like it feels like a lot of pressure to him maybe and he shuts down social anxiety is actually a really hard thing to deal with and it's not as easy as just saying to somebody who's experiencing social anxiety like sort yourself out you're in a good bar like enjoy yourself have a good time like be nice to these people because actually it's like a physical feeling inside you of like I don't want to be here I can't be here I think it usually stems from deep insecurities

about how people are judging you and particularly for him I think it sounds like his social anxiety is heightened around your friends I think that's probably it then maybe it stems from a feeling of him not feeling good enough and feeling under pressure to impress and and then just going really deeply into himself and not being able to do anything about that and then it's easier to say oh it's because I don't like your friends rather than saying actually I go into this really deep emotional weird fucking place when I'm around them so I think that having a conversation about it shouldn't be a confrontational thing because I think that it putting him under more pressure to behave in a different way around the friends is actually just not going to help him I don't

think it should be leveled at him in a way like you're just so weird around my friends and my friends now think this that and the other of you because if you say that then that's just going to make it worse I think it needs to be dealt with in a really sensitive way and I wonder if you've ever suggested that it could be social anxiety and if it is that is something that he can work on with like cognitive behavioral therapy does this happen in other situations social situations does he ever get like that like work functions or whatever but also the other option could be it is possible to have a relationship where your partner doesn't have to come out with your friends every time you go out with them could you go out with his friends more or could you know would it

be possible to maybe just go look this just doesn't work he's maybe going to think about working on his social anxiety but in the meantime let's just not put him in this situation I've seen friends that are really competent usually in social situations but when they're meeting somebody that makes them nervous they turn into a completely different person I've been with a girlfriend before that we've run into a guy that she liked and she was a different human and I was like what are you doing in my head I was like why are you being so awkward like this isn't who you are and then you would walk away and she's like I don't know what happened I think people underestimate how nervous you can get especially when it's your partner who you love like he obviously loves you

and wants to make a good impression on your friends so he puts more pressure on himself absolutely this is not a red flag if the guy is treating you like a million dollars but it can cause problems because at the end of the day you want both of your worlds to get along and then you don't want that feeling of every time you bring him out that you are embarrassed by it you're like oh my god what's he gonna say now or like what are they gonna think of him it's not a red flag but it's something you need to work through like you said it's definitely something you need to sit down and say why do you think you go a little bit awkward in those situations but don't make him feel embarrassed about it so I think it's really careful with the wording that

you use in that situation the only thing I want to kind of place a little bit more importance on is that she has said when he does talk he usually says something judgmental I mean I know that we've all been in situations where we see the people that we love through rose-colored glasses and sometimes our friends can be a really good litmus test for what we don't see because it is shaded by feelings of adoration for your partner but I would be slightly concerned about that because is that element of being judgmental because he think you know he said that your friends are weird does he think that he's better than your friends like that would be my only kind of counter yeah argument to that situation well it depends what he's saying if he's

being an absolute turd burger to your friends and judging what why are you wearing that why are you saying that why are you working there then I'd be like yeah fuck off like I'm protective of my friends and you're just being a rude yeah I think there's a difference well it depends if it's rooted in a kind of misogyny and a need to control like as you say if he's like well these girls are just sluts why are you hanging around with them or you know why are you hanging around with these unstable women or whatever as Jonah Hill would have said from your past from your past him saying oh they're just weird and being a bit judgmental again that if it's not rooted in a kind of control or misogyny thing and again I think that just points to the social anxiety stuff where instead

of him going I feel like a weirdo here I feel like every time I speak I'm stuttering and I'm coming across terribly he's going that's not me it's them they're fucking weird deflection yeah total deflection I truly think it's a bit like what you just said about your mate I've got a mate as well who is just the most wonderful woman who I absolutely adore but I can't bring her out to certain social situations because previously in certain types of social situations I've been out with her and if she has a drink she starts getting really really mean to other women like horrible to other women and that's not who she is as a person but I think she feels so insecure when she's out that she then just takes it out on everyone else and instead of me trying

to change that I just don't invite her to certain things yeah so maybe that's the answer here maybe it's it is who he is and if you're happy with every other aspect in your life you keep your two worlds separate all right let's move on to question number two this one made me really sad to read to be honest my boyfriend who I lived with for a year just ended things I'm currently sharing a bed with my mum all my belongings are in my car while I wait for my childhood bedroom to be cleared out for me to move back in I'm having to find a new job because I'm back in a different suburb I genuinely feel so dependent on him like I don't know who I am anymore without him how do I get back on track breakups are so horrible and they are so brutal and it is like

a bereavement and I think we do have to treat it like grief she's going through grief she's lost what she thought you know the future she thought that she was going to have she's lost the person who was a huge part of her life who she relied on just even on the little things you know you have a partner you just tell them what's been happening that day or someone else to pick up the milk on the way home or whatever it is you know she's going through a lot of loss the home that they shared together the job that she was doing loss is a huge human experience that can fuck us up and if we don't treat ourselves kindly you know like if you don't manage your grief correctly and you don't deal with that bereavement then you can really fall apart and it's the same

with a post breakup so it's really about her treating herself kindly but also seeing this as I mean actually you know from an outside perspective when I look at where she is she's in an amazing place she's in a really great you know this is you everything has been stripped back to ground zero and now she is about to start a whole new life like new job new living environment new single gym which actually is really exciting so hopefully she's going to get to the place where she sees that the universe has sent her this opportunity to start again to start afresh and without a shadow of a doubt it will be better where she's at in a year will be 10 times better than where she was at last year so I really hope that she can start to feel excited it's not going

to feel like that at the moment while the belongings are in the car and while she's sleeping in a bed with mum but when things start to you know materialize and feel more stable then I think that she's going to see that this is an exciting new opening for her and in the meantime it's just the obvious stuff that you need to do post-breakup therapy if you can journaling if you can get your mates around you have people that you can really talk to like talk about it check in with your friends first check that they've got the space to do that but sit fucking process it find new single friends think about what you want to do with your life that you couldn't do when you were with your partner do those things you know really enjoy being single and time is a great healer as

long as you're doing the work within that time but really look after yourself yeah look and she's she's not going to be there yet I should say you're not going to be there yet to the woman that's written in but I think there's this common misconception that I always love to try and change because I was in this category for so long but there's this common misconception that being single is the worst and nobody wants to be single because it means you're a loser and it means that no one loves you and it's so wrong and as someone that was single for so long I was such an advocate for it because I genuinely loved it and I'll never forget hearing this woman say I don't remember who it was but it stuck with me for many years but I remember her saying it's the way that you change

the sentence structure and the way you speak to yourself and the way you speak out loud I get to be single. I get to live this life. It's so exciting. You can meet someone different every single day. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to run anything by anyone. There's no expectations or pressure or stress in a relationship. You can do whatever it is that makes you happy. You can sleep with different people. You can make out with different people. You can travel at the drop of a hat. Like there are so many amazing experiences to come from being single yet as a society we layer on this oh it's the end of the world like you're a loser no one's ever going to want you and we start to tell ourselves that I'm single because no one wants me

I'm single because no one loves me I'm back in my mom's bed how am I ever going to get out of that but it's such a fucking good time like you are going to have the best time and I can't stress that enough you don't feel it now because you're mourning a huge loss and you said you don't know who you are without him that's okay that's because you've relied on this person for such a long time but you will figure it out and the only way you'll figure it out is by taking baby steps and going back out into this whole brand new world on your own you know what I also think is so interesting is how we've kind of got this narrative around moving back in with the parents I've done this in my adult life when I hit rock bottom like I thought I knew rock bottom and then

I found out it gets much much deeper and with the benefit of hindsight which is always a nice place to be in I actually realized that that was such a good place for me to be in while I was that emotionally vulnerable because you're around the one person on this planet who is going to love you more deeply and more unconditionally than anyone else and it's actually such a safe space for you to go through that process of rebuilding yourself I know that it can feel I don't even know what the word is there's this unique sense of failure yeah it's a sense of failure like oh my god I'm back at home I'm back in you know literally in my mum's bed but I hope that you can get to a point yeah where you just go actually that was just such a good place for me to be oh yours is so much deeper

than mine my parents cooked for me every night they cleaned for me like I had a great time I wasn't there to say no yeah I was crying mum play with my hair to put me to sleep yeah it's nothing embarrassing about it at all I think that that's just like a a stigma that throws back to times when you could buy a house for like you know 12 pounds or whatever it was you know now we live I don't know if the cost of living crisis has hit Australia in the way that it has in the UK but you know you can't get on the property ladder you just can't unless you've got like tons and tons of money so actually it's becoming much more of a common thing to meet people in their 30s who are still living at home and I think that we need to take judgment

of that for anyone and like you say I think what a lovely place if you have a good relationship with your parents perfect place to be post-breakup and there is nothing embarrassing about it even if you're 52 all right question number three how do you gain confidence with men in public and approach them if you want to shoot a shot I love this Lala I know how you feel about dating apps so this will be a good one for you whenever I'm out in public more so on a night out with the Girls, I have the worst confidence when initiating with a cute guy. I would rather die, and that's a quote, this has been written in, I would rather die than approach a guy at a bar or a group of guys at a table.

How do confident chicks muster up the lady balls to have the confidence to get the man that you want? Any advice, please? Well, I don't know. I'm not really one to, I prefer people to approach me. I will make it very clear that I want to be approached so I will hold eye contact maybe smile at them maybe position myself near to them in the bar or whatever I don't mind throwing out a little wink winking is a bad idea for me I look like I'm having a stroke so I wouldn't buy

that one but I certainly I mean taking up smoking is a great idea because then you could be like have you got a lighter no we are not encouraging that here Lala it's worth it it's worth it know or maybe fake smoking I don't know but I mean I'm not going to be able to give you great advice on this because this is just not something that I do and I think that you have to have that confidence otherwise you are gonna potentially be in situations where you're forcing yourself to say stuff to people and you might come across a bit like so for me it's about like just making it really clear that you are open to being approached and then that's what works best for me but in the gym and stuff I certainly tend to meet quite a lot of men at the gym and if we're

having that like looking at each other then I might like go up to them and be like how many sets have you got left on this but on a night out I don't approach men you're at like the 200 kilogram squat squat rack and you're like how many sets you got left I mean I think you're not alone there I think most people or most women I'm going to speak on behalf of women probably men do but most women want to be approached of course it takes the pressure off takes the stress off gives your confidence boost it's everything you want but it's not always the case for me I don't mind doing the approaching I haven't always been like that but the reason I don't mind and I think this is really important for individuals to get to is that I got to a place where I wasn't scared of

failure anymore and when I say failure I link failure to rejection so if you approach someone and they're not keen it's a type of failure right you shot your shot you didn't hit the mark when you can get to a point where you realize what's the worst that can happen and will it affect me and the worst that can happen when you approach someone is that they don't reciprocate will that affect you or not and I think that's what you need to ask yourself the other thing I find really helpful with approaching people is because sometimes you don't want it right sometimes I'm like oh yeah I totally would have hit on that person but it's not the right time will you walk away you might never see that person again will you regret not shooting your shot will

you for the next month be like I just feel like I had such a connection with that person I can't believe I'm never gonna run into him again how am I ever gonna find if you think you're gonna sit on that and dwell and regret it I would go and start a conversation the conversation also doesn't have to be clear that you're trying to hit on them I think it does I think you can strike up a convo with like what are you drinking like just like just a convo you know no I think with men the best way to start is always are you single interesting if you're gonna do it that has to you the first question go hard or go home because I'm not going to sit because they will not tell you and I'm not going to fucking sit with you for 15 minutes chatting about what's your favorite

drink only to find out 20 minutes later that you've got a long-term girlfriend they do not offer up that information so the best way and I've done that I have done that a few times is just literally are you single and then if they say no it's a shame if they say yes then you've got an opener then you already know what page you're both on also think there's a lot to be said about how you make yourself approachable if you're in a group with 10 of your girlfriends the only type of guy who is going to come over lean on the table and go how are you going or like put some pickup line on you is a guy that you probably don't actually want to be yeah it's the narcissistic fuck like it's it's he's a loser he's just that arrogant kind of cocky wanker whereas I think you

have to create opportunities for them to intercept you if you go up to the bar for a glass of water 12 times that night you know what the worst that's going to happen is that you're really hydrated and you're probably not going to have much of a hangover so like yeah I think you also need to create situations where they have the ability to come and talk to you just one-on-one what's the body language to don't sit with your arms folded don't not look at them like you said I'll give them eye contact make it pretty obvious that hey if you're keen I'm keen at the end of the day this woman's saying how do you get the confidence how do you get the confidence and I just think it comes back to you've got to be okay with rejection and realize that it's not the fucking end of the

world it is not the end of the world absolutely work on your own self-esteem oh well thank you so much for making a quick little guest appearance on our ask uncut because we i mean we look at your instagram you do this every single week and you do it so bloody well so i feel like we've gone straight to the professional to get the best possible advice oh thank you i love what you guys do I have a real pet peeve about people answering questions on podcasts because so many of them do it so fucking badly and I had to listen to a few of your episodes before I came on and I was like some people who are answering the questions correctly yay yeah look we're we're very enthusiastic you do it really well I've heard so many podcasts that are just like oh no just

punch him in the face or whatever and I'm like oh my god what what kind of advice is this you know no do you know what we take the piss a lot with ourselves but one thing we pride ourselves in is actually doing our best to give some really great advice and some well-researched advice so thank you for the the kind words it comes first well that is it from us today thank you so much to lila for answering some of your deep dark and burning questions if you would like for brit and laura to unpack some of your questions you can send them into instagram at life uncut podcast just slide into the dms right ask uncut at the top if you remember that would be amazing also another call out please pretty please i love you for your ask uncut aftermath we actually i saw

someone down the street the other day and they stopped us and they were like oh my god we can't wait for the aftermath and i was like holy shit well we need some more aftermath so please write them in to us if we've ever answered your question let us know what happened and don't forget tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love you had no energy without