Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT- Sh*t tats, hung up and 'platonic' friends

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

Welcome back to to therapy Thursday!Today we're kicking it off with some wedding chat about Britt's sister's wedding(s) and ho breaking the fourth wall is becoming the best type of reality TV we can consume!Then we're jumping into these questions:I’ve been with my partner for 9 years and have 2yr old twin boys.10 years ago I had a one night stand with the local fuck boy and my partner has recently found out about it (I didn't cheat. It was before we were together). Now he doesn't seem to be able to get over it. I’ve told him I just want to move on from it, and that while I do care, I’m not responsible for his emotions about this. Am I being selfish to want to put that in the past and forget about it? Or do I need to be more sensitive to his feelings?I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years now. I love him very much. I have always struggled to make friends as I'm pretty introverted and have always seemed to gravitate toward male friends. Since moving back to my home town I've made a really nice guy friend at my gym. It's purely platonic but he is single and keen to hang out outside of the gym. We get along super well and he knows that I have a partner. I would love to hang out with him more but Im super worried my partner will get jealous. Is it weird to have male friends when you are in a serious relationship? If not how do I approach this with my partnerTo what extent do you have a say about your partner getting a tattoo you don’t like?If you'd like to send a question in for Ask Uncut, you can slide on into the DMs at lifeuncutpodcast on instagram!You can grab our new book at lifeuncutpodcast.com.au!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we LOVE LOVE!! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany.

And I feel like I have been away forever. You have been away forever. Well, I mean, I think I had 1.5 episodes off, but it's been a crazy time. Guys, my sister Sherry, she got married. It was the wedding that kept on wedding-ing-ing. She wedding-ed? She wedding-ed. That was a really hard word to try and like elongate.

To try and make up? Yeah. She weddinged. There's a reason why it's not a word, I might say. That is why. She had two weddings last week. Now, a lot of you already know because you're big followers of the podcast and Sherry's everywhere in the Life Uncut discussion group.

Everyone knows her. Well, she's not just a listener. Like Sherry's like our admin person of Life Uncut. She is there deep in the trenches of the Facebook group. She does so much behind the scenes for us. Moderating the hell out of all you all. and she keeps Laura and I in line a lot as well but she she got married to Jay who is now my official brother-in-law she got married last week but she got married twice because Jay is Indian

so they had their traditional Indian wedding and then they had a Scottish Australian wedding because Jay is also Scottish but it wasn't just that it was like pre-Indian wedding party post Indian wedding party pre-Australian Scottish wedding party post-Australian Scottish wedding party like she had parties yeah so before the Indian wedding you have what's called a mendi which is I guess it's the henna party all the women get together it's very traditional and this amazing woman came and did the henna on our hands and if you saw it on Instagram if you haven't seen it yet you can see it on my Instagram or Sherry's Instagram she was amazing she was sitting there if you looked at her hands it looks like we had stenciled and this lady like drew the outlines

And it looks like there's no way she could have free handed it, but she was absolutely mind blowing. Don't you think it's like such a shame when someone does such a beautiful piece of work, but then it's so temporary at the same time. You're like, I want to take, like, I'm looking at your hands now. You've got the tiny little remnants. I look like I have scabby hands. It just looks like I've got scabs on my hands.

Cause it's almost all come off now. But it's just like something that's so beautiful that you wish you could keep a copy of. It was a very big week of parties, weddings and post parties, but I didn't have the best start to the week. So let me set you up. You know, everything comes in threes. That's what they say.

Bad things come in threes. So I got to the airport with plenty of time to fly up to this wedding. Plenty of time. I got to do the online check-in. You know, you're like, last name, where you're flying. You know, I'm a little self-booth, self-help booth. Put my name in, put my destination in, couldn't find me. It was like, you need to go speak to an attendant.

Great. Isn't it so nice that now you have to do everything yourself and just go to a bag drop? And the line's like 500 people long. It's amazing that you can do it when it works. Yeah. It didn't work. It doesn't work. I was like, go find an attendant.

anyway the line was too long finally find an attendant I'm like hey can you please help me she's like yeah sure let's just have a little look see what's your name put my name in she's like oh we don't have you on if we don't have you in the system I was like you didn't buy a you didn't buy tickets and this is late at night why didn't you pre-check in before you got there I tried to and it said you can't you know how sometimes it says you can't do this online sometimes that happens I have a feeling that you booked a flight that wasn't that flight like you were on a different day no you fucked it up for it no it wasn't me it was I don't even know what it was it was just one of those malfunctions but of course it's like the day before something that

you have to get there for a wedding you know something is actually very important and it's at night time so there was no other flight after me so I'm get she's like you I don't have you in the system I said oh have you spelt my name right and she's like put it in again and I was like well this is weird she's like you you're not on a flight and I said well I am on a flight I have a confirmation email and I showed her the email and she's like well you're not in here I was like it doesn't really matter if I'm in there or not like I'm getting on a flight I was like I paid for it yeah so I still to this day don't know what happened she got all these supervisors involved everyone came and I said look this is my sister's wedding tomorrow I have the confirmation

here you need to get me on a flight right now and then all of a sudden they're like oh look I think we've found you and I could see them typing it in I think they just like booked me in and like here you are they just like typed in that I was in seat 100a near the toilet so I get the flight I come through I'm wandering around getting a coffee getting a drink getting some food you know like when you think you've got plenty of time I just happened to decide to look up to double check the boarding you know how sometimes i change the boarding gate so i look up to the screen and it says last call boarding for my flight so because it didn't come up and register my i didn't actually have a seat i didn't get the text message or email to say that the flight had been moved forward

wait they brought the flight forward they can't do that well laura burn they did it when do they bring a flight forward i don't know but they brought it forward by i still reckon you were booked on the wrong flight you booked a different airline on a different flight on a different day because I've got the confirmation so I'm running I'm literally the last person on the airline I'm running through the airport I'm like if I miss this after almost not even getting on this flight so I don't know what happened for some reason I wasn't supposed to get it I'm the last person on and I make it the next day now it's the night before the wedding I find out my bridesmaid's dress for Sherry's wedding because the Indian wedding is called a lahenga lahenga is traditional

attire for the Indian wedding so that's what I was wearing as Sherry's bridesmaid and Jay's family were bringing that from overseas they had picked it for me they'd picked Sherry's outfit they'd picked all these beautiful outfits when they were flying overseas one bag got lost one bag we get here this is the night before the wedding and the only thing in that bag was my lehenga so I had nothing to wear I was doing call outs on the you guys so many of you and I thank you so much so many people were writing to me saying that they had something I was calling around all these stores and this is like two hours to go before close everything closes at five o'clock the wedding started at 6 30 a.m 8 30 that night the bridesmaid's dress turns up so that turns up last minute I feel

like as much as they sound like they're bad things like none of them are actually that bad because nothing bad happened like every single thing resolved yes they all worked out yeah my whole point is it was just a very stressful start to the week and then I've just had the biggest week of my life and right now I'm like Sheridan you can never ever get divorced because I'm not doing any of this again like congratulations but I'm not doing it ever again knowing that this was the wedding that kept on wedding-ing-ing what was your favorite like if you were to say pick a favorite between the Indian wedding and the I don't know if we can call it is it you call it an Indian wedding between the more traditional wedding yeah we I mean we all call the even

Jay's family they call it the Indian wedding the Indian ceremony because Jay's family were referring it to as the Indian wedding the Australian wedding that's just what they were referring it to was there a difference between like how they both as in like you know what time of day that they were both took place like was there a difference between like the energy or the dancing like what were the main differences between the two weddings well yeah so the thing is a normal indian wedding would go for quite a long time like usually three days to a week that's you know there's a lot of big celebrations so this was a very condensed version this was just to really touch on jay's culture but one day do you know what i love about jay i love that jay has the

scottish heritage so therefore he was wearing a kilt he has the indian heritage so they had that cultural part of the wedding and then sherry is just australian which i feel like we just don't have just australian we don't have the cultural traditions like what are you going to do have meat pies at the ceremony totally a couple of lamingtons no but that's right jay is scottish as well so everyone in the family wore the kilts to touch on the scottish there was bagpipes like it was beautiful i could not pick between like which one i preferred because that was so different i loved learning about jay's culture i loved meeting all of his family because he had a lot of extended family that came that i never knew and just seeing how they interact how they interact

with jay the difference with the food obviously it's a lot of beautiful indian food we just gorged ourselves on Indian food all day. And that starts from first thing in the morning. Like you have Indian for breakfast and we ate it for lunch. Then we had it for brunch. Then we had it for a snack and then we had it for dinner. It's also very different, I guess, in the way that the celebrations take place. Like there's no alcohol in Indian wedding, but there was alcohol, I'm guessing at like the white wedding. Oh yes, there was. There was lots and lots of alcohol flowing at the white wedding. But honestly, we are just, I mean, I'm so happy for Sherry. I'm so happy for you guys. I'm glad that it was just such a beautiful week for Sherry and Jay. And if you

see Sherry in the Facebook group go and give her your congratulations yeah she's behind the scenes well she's not even behind the scenes she's in the front of the scenes too but it was something about seeing your little baby sister I cried the whole time just it was really beautiful watching her marry the love of her life and knowing that I don't have to worry about her ever because he's such an amazing man but that's all I'm going to say and now we're going to go to your wedding soon in a couple weeks I'm going to cry all over again I'm going to cry so bad yeah you are people have been asking like what role the girls are going to play in the wedding and I we have so many bridesmaids and like page boys it's just like it's this plague of children and a dog and

there's just like that's what's going to go down the aisle and then going down the aisle too i think so we i've been trying to find an airbnb that will allow to have dogs so that he can be with us on the ceremony day so you're trying to get busted to new zealand exactly real stealth brit okay but before we get into answering all your deep your dark and your burning questions which is exactly what this episode is all about brit there was something that you have seen that you wanted to share with me. And I think I know what it is and it's so fucking spectacular. Okay. I have been losing my absolute shit at this. I could not stop laughing. I watch Love is Blind. I'm a fan of Love is Blind. I didn't watch season two, to be fair. I watched season one, but season three is

out now. Have you ever seen it, Laura? I've not seen an episode, but we have spoken about it on the podcast before and you truly shared your deep level of excitement and joy for this TV show. well love is blind just in case you haven't seen it it's a very light easy watch it's a love reality tv show but the whole idea is you know there's like 10 or 12 guys and 10 or 12 girls and every day they can go into these little diary rooms it just has a mirror that they look back at themselves but they can't see each other but they sit and face each other and they talk and they get really deep and they tell their life stories so it's about falling in love with someone without seeing the way they look yes and the whole idea is is love actually blind because then they propose

like they can propose and accept the proposal and then once they've agreed that like they're the couple they're in the relationship they get the big reveal and they get to see each other so the question is like is love actually blind can you fall in love with someone's personality but then still be in love with them when you physically see them has there been any couples from this tv series that have actually lasted or worked out yeah there's been a couple from season one that that's like three years now like there's been a couple of really successful couples the show is intriguing on so many levels especially I love watching their faces when the big reveal because they're always going to act surprised but sometimes you see this one little second of hesitation where

they're like oh that's not what I imagined what the fuck did I get myself into but what has just happened is so funny and every single person needs to go and youtube we're going to put it up we'll put it up on the instagram page but you need to go and watch the video it would really be a test for how superficial you are when it comes to looks because like looks are important to everyone at varying degrees. You know, like I think we are always going to be attracted to someone straight away based on the way that they present themselves. Like, you know, if you see a guy in a bar or a girl in a bar, you're not like, oh, I wonder what their personality is like. You're like, that person's hot. I'll go and talk to them and find out what their personality is like. But

when you take that out of the equation and you get to know someone, like often you will fall in love with someone or start to have feelings for someone who maybe aesthetically wasn't your type to begin with. But because you have built that connection, you now start to see them as being attractive but of course it's superficial like it's funny you say that because when I was away for this week for the wedding week Simon my best friend you guys all know him he was my wedding date he's a really good friend of mine he was watching me online date right and he was watching me swipe and I was swiping so quickly because I am like a pro and I've done this for 10 years he was like well hang on a minute you didn't even look at that person why are you saying

no and I was like I know I was like I saw they're like but I said I saw I saw what he looked like and he's not my type and he's like but what if he's a really nice person how will I ever know that through tinder i said why that's irrelevant right now this is the dating apps are superficial right that you're going to say yes or no to someone based on the way they look which is really shit because for some people it's why they don't end up getting matches but they're actually you know a 10 out of 10 person in all other aspects but like when you think about it it's just based so solely on that one for some people it's based on that very first picture that's what we date off 100 and i to be fair i do love when they have funny captions and stuff like that i do

love that and i give people a chance if but you've got to get me really quick because i just don't have time i don't have the time energy but going back to love is blind season three i think it was episode four what i want to tell you about if you just google love is blind teardrop you'll find the video the producers did this poor guy so dirty his name's andrew lu he's one of the male contestants on the show and long story short he had a crush on this girl the girl sort of had a crush on him back but then the girl chose someone else they were doing an interview with him about how you feel about you know how do you feel andrew that you know it didn't work out for you and you got and all this stuff and andrew like an exit interview it's an exit interview right and he

starts talking explaining and he's fine right he's just like chatting away and then he says oh hang on are the cameras rolling like are you ready to go and then you hear the producer say you can tell it's all behind the scenesy stuff then you can see the producer say yeah yeah we're rolling he's like oh just give me a minute he gets out some eye drops by scene and he puts some eye drops in his eyes and for a second you're like um maybe he's got a sore eye or something but he goes helpful like these eye drops are everywhere then he puts his face back down and it's like it is action he's on he starts being like so emotional he's like it's so hard going through what I went through like the eye drops were tears then he stops again the producer asks

him another one he goes hang on time for round two and he's like happy and normal he's like time for round two gets the eye drops again splurts them all over his face you can see you can see the eye drops running down his cheeks he goes four times in each eye then he puts his face back down composes himself and then says I just never thought I would develop feelings for someone on here that would make me cry what the fuck Andrew I have not even like I haven't even seen this show but I have seen this video and it's so fucking funny it also makes me realize like some people do reality tv shows like reality dating shows or whatever and they are acting they are acting from the minute they walk in to the minute they leave they know what

to do to try and like get the emotive response out of the viewer but the thing about andrew is he didn't realize that you know everything that's caught on film can end up on the tv well because you never think in those moments you never think that they would use that like andrew would have been like i'm gonna give them this really sad scene i'm gonna give them heartbreak i'm gonna give them what they want that's enough he would never in a million years have thought they were gonna put the hold on a minute while i fake cry can we just like guys we're gonna actually get the video we're gonna put it on our social media for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about, go and look at our Instagram because it is just the most brilliant piece of reality TV

goal that I think everyone needs to see it. It's so fucking great. I mean, from someone that's about to be on a reality TV show next month, it's made me worried. I'm like, what did I say to the producers behind the scenes? But there's plenty of times it happens. I mean, I remember in our season of Bachelor, the girls would go and hide in the bathroom or in the toilet to talk about what they were feeling or thinking, like the things that they really felt or really wanted to say. They would go and hide in the bathroom. And then I think our season was the first season where they started to really show behind the scenes production. Like they saw the cameraman running, you'd see like, you know, the producer running over to the bathroom and then the camera was

basically just on a toilet door, but you could hear what the girls were saying inside the toilet. That was a very different technique to how they would run reality TV back in the day. But I guess that's because the whole landscape of reality TV has been shifting. And now we start to see behind the fourth wall so much more and it's when you get those little glimpses into the actual like runnings and the mechanics of it that you start to see who people really are oh yeah because it's i think it's come off the back of remember the unreal tv that show that came out did you watch that yeah unreal was basically like a whole series which showed how the production of the bachelor unfolded from behind the scenes it's brilliant it's actually so fucking true i think

like until people die and stuff and no but it's very very real all right let's get into the episode All right, let's get into answering all your deep dark and your burning questions. I'm going to kick it off with question number one. Hi, girls. I've been with my partner for nine years and have had two-year-old twin boys. At the start of our relationship, I told him about a one-night stand I had prior to our relationship. But because I live in a small town, I didn't share with him the details of who it was with. I just didn't want the shame and the judgment associated with hooking up with a well-known fuckboy.

naturally he has always been quite curious but never pushed it until not long after the twins were born he kept asking more frequently so i told him i don't even know what compelled me to divulge all of a sudden but i did and since then this has been a very sore point in our relationship i can sense a lot of judgment and shame from myself and from him he can't seem to shake it either i've told him i just want to move on from it and that while i do care i'm not responsible for his emotions about this am I being selfish to want to put this in the past and forget about it or do I need to be more sensitive to his feelings I mean volcano you can't say volcano like this is serious for them yeah no I mean volcano to this guy this is the reason I say volcano is you had

a one-night stand with someone you didn't cheat on your partner this is before you even knew him and we're talking like a decade ago now since you've been with your partner for nine years Yeah. So a decade ago, you hooked up with someone and now it's causing a problem in your relationship. That's to me, I guess, a bit confusing. I wonder if there's more there on his side. Did he have some sort of a connection or a relationship to this person in the small town? Like you did mention it was a small town. So were they friends or does he feel like you've lied to him by keeping it from him for this long? Because I'm a bit perplexed at what he's upset about. I think, look, this happens in relationships where you might find out something about your

partner from their past. Like you might find out something that they did or someone that they slept with, and it might make you feel icky because like you kind of feel like, well, had I known that earlier, maybe I would have felt differently about you. But the reality of this is that 10 years ago, you slept with someone and you were a very different person 10 years ago to who you are now. So you don't have to carry around shame or judgment or anything for the decisions you made 10 years ago. At the time, it seemed like a good fun time. You had no idea that you were going to end up in a relationship with someone who you're going to have twins with, who you would have to explain that night to down the track. I also think it's really unfair to do this to your partner in

terms of like what your partner's doing to you. It's so unfair for us to push our partners for information, to push them for something that like, and I, when I say information, I don't mean like when it comes to them cheating or something like that. I mean like information that is from before you were together, information that truly is not going to benefit your relationship at all. to push your partner for information. And then when they give you that information, punish them for it, especially when they did not do anything wrong. I think it's a really cruel way to treat your partner. And also it's such a self-sabotaging thing to do in relationships. For me, I look at this and I think that there is an element of it's quite childish of him.

It's quite selfish of him, but it shows that he's not able to regulate his feelings of jealousy. And that's kind of what was overclouding this whole thing. We actually did an entire episode on this and it does have a name. It's called retroactive jealousy disorder. So if you type in that into our library, retroactive jealousy disorder, it will come up, you'll find it. But it's where one person in the relationship becomes very consumed and very overwhelmed and obsessive about their new partner's past relationships. And it does cause a real divide in your relationship. It's something that they can't move past. And to someone that doesn't suffer this, I guess it's like us, we sit here right now and we say,

oh my God, it was a decade ago, get over it. But maybe your partner has a touch of this. Maybe they have something that they really need to work through because I don't like to ever use the word normal, but this situation isn't so normal to be having problems in your relationship about something that happened one night a decade ago before you were together. So it could be a good idea for you or maybe both of you, maybe he can have a listen to this episode as well, or just do a little bit of research on the episode, but a lot more people actually experience it than you would think yeah and I think the other big thing from this is the question that you asked is like should you tell him to kind of get over it or do you need to be more sensitive to his needs

I don't think that you can just say get over it to someone because like that's not going to move you forward in any way but I do think in this instance it's very important to say like I'm really sorry that you are struggling with this so much but I cannot be and continue to be sorry for something that I did 10 years ago before we were together it doesn't define who I am now it should have no impact on our relationship and the fact that it does doesn't lie with me it lies with you and so I think you might need to go and speak to someone about it or maybe we can go and speak to someone together and we can unpack why this is such a big deal for you but it shouldn't be and it really can't continue and at the moment the way that he's going and holding this against you and

making you feel shameful for something that you did so long ago is only going to sabotage your relationship and it's to be honest it's not fair it's not fair not fucking fair okay well while we're talking about jealousy which is common I have another question regarding jealousy so I feel like now is the time I also think that so many people at different points in their relationships deal with jealousy like it is a very fucking common thing and it's a very common thing that we get questions about I think it depends on the relationship you're in and we've spoken about this before I don't think I'm a jealous person but I've definitely been in relationships that have made me very very jealous and I think crazy yeah and it comes down to how secure you are in yourself but

also in your relationship all right well hear me out i've been with my boyfriend for almost four years now i love him very much but he does get a little jealous every so often i have always struggled to make friends i'm pretty introverted and have always seemed to gravitate towards male friends since moving back to my hometown i've made a really nice guy friend at my local gym it's purely platonic but he is single and he's keen to hang out outside of the gym oh yeah i that he is. I'm better splatonic. We get along super well and he does know that I have a partner. I would love to hang out with him more, but I'm a bit worried my partner will get jealous. Is it weird to have male friends when you are in a serious relationship? If not,

how do I approach this with my partner? Oh, tricky. You know what? Okay. We always say that yes, you can be friends with people of the opposite sex. Can you intentionally strike up a friendship with someone of the opposite sex when you were in a long-term relationship and knowing that you want to hang out without your partner did that is that what she said she wants to hang out without her partner or she just doesn't really want to include her partner well it just says he's single and keen to hang out with me outside of the gym but she hasn't mentioned she just says am I allowed to do that okay so here is my if and I'm talking about it from my perspective as in like in my relationship if Matt came home from the gym and said hey Laura I've just met I mean he doesn't

call me Laura's that's weird hey babe I've just made a friend at the gym her name's Sarah and we're gonna hang out and have lunch on a Friday and then go for drinks I'd be like that's fucking weird that is weird that is weird that you're doing that but do you think you'd be like okay for the first time and just be like because you don't want to control him or say no or do you reckon straight up you'd be like do you think that's weird Matt I would probably think it was weird myself but wouldn't verbalize it I would definitely verbalize it if they started hanging out more and more if he wasn't including me I think the difference is if he came home and was like I met this girl at the gym she's so great I reckon you guys would get along so well we should

go out for dinner one night and we all went out together I wouldn't find that weird at all but leaving you at home on a Friday night while he's like I'm just going out with Sarah yeah but it's the exclusion right like it's when you know and like I think I think that guys and girls can be friends there has to one be no chemistry there at all like you cannot find him attractive yes you might think he's a great person you want to be friendly with him but like physically you cannot be remotely physically attracted to him and like don't lie to yourself about this because that's only going to come and backfire in your face I think I guess like when you're in a relationship of course you can maintain your long-term friendships with people who are of the opposite

sex but I do think it becomes a tricky situation to strike up new friendships especially if you don't intend to bring your partner into that friendship like if you're trying to exclude your partner and then have a relationship with someone who's of the same sex as just friends I think it's a fucking really gray area because one person always ends up catching the feels things always end up going a bit weird and there is the risk that your partner is going to get really jealous and feel excluded I agree and I think the only thing that I would say or add to this is if you genuinely have zero attraction to him you're not lying to yourself you just you know think he's funny and think he's great or whatever it is the most I would say you could do

or should do is maybe after the gym if there's a coffee shop that's there you don't have to go out of your way if it's like you want to grab a coffee on the way out half an hour and then you also tell your partner about it so you're really honest you're like oh I had a coffee with Johnny after the gym today but that is it otherwise yes hang out with him for sure with your partner invite him over to your house with all of your friends for a barbecue make it a big inclusion so it's very obvious that you're together the lines have been drawn there are boundaries and then sure he can come into your group as a new friend but you going to hang out with him one-on-one and also you saying he knows you're in a relationship and just wants to be friends like that is really cute and

innocent of you to think that and let's give him the benefit of the doubt that that is true but I'm putting my bets on that 99% of that is not true he obviously has some little attraction to you in some capacity I also often think that we over complicate these sorts of questions and like when these sorts of things arise in our relationships we can create more problems for ourselves and what we need to. And what I mean by that is if you need to ask if you're doing the wrong thing, if something feels uncomfortable for you in that, like maybe you're dancing with fire or maybe you're doing something that you think would upset your partner. If you have those feelings and that intuition that this maybe isn't the right thing to do, the likelihood is, is that

it's not the right thing to do. And I think like ultimately you probably don't need to write in a question to get an answer when something in you is already telling you that your partner is going to be jealous and not okay with it because I think he's the only person who can tell you what he feels comfortable with. Ask him. The only other thing I want to say, there's always one more thing because as you were talking, I was thinking about it. It's something that I said earlier. I made a joke about, you know, when we swipe online and you have to have a physical attraction to them, you know, obviously that's not the be all and end all, but online it is. For you to say now that, you know, there's, that's just platonic, even if you don't have a physical attraction to him,

one thing that I do want to say is physical attraction is not the be all and end all. So you might not have that surface level attraction to him, but I can almost guarantee if you guys are getting along that well, there's something you really like about him, whether it's his humor, whether it's his morals, whether you just have great banter, whatever it is. If you start to hang out with this person one-on-one, even though maybe at the beginning, the physical attraction wasn't there, I can pretty much say you'll develop an attraction because it's human nature, right? if you are bonding with someone at that level he's obviously interested in you if he's wanting to hang out with you and I'm not saying it's definitely going to happen but it's a risk you're

putting yourself in a situation that could develop into something that gets you into a very very sticky situation so the question is is it worth putting yourself in that situation and is it worth is hanging out with this guy as a friend occasionally worth jeopardizing your relationship and making your current partner feel jealous and uncomfortable that's the big question here yeah and you know what? There's a part of me that fucking hates this answer. There's a part of me that's like, no, you should be able to be friends with whoever you want to. You can like, you know, be a grown ass adult and have friends who are the opposite sex. Like that's what I want to say. Me too. Real like feminist, Laura, live your best life wants to say, you should be able to be

friends with whoever you want to of any sex. It doesn't mean that you're going to end up catching feels for them. You're a grown up, you can behave appropriately and you can make decisions for yourself. That's what I want to say. But then the other part of me is a realist and I'm saying like, well, what's going to be okay in your relationship? And I think ultimately we can't answer that for you. If you are worried that your partner is going to think that this is inappropriate, ask them, ask him, say, I've met a friend at the gym. This is a situation. Do you think it's weird? Would you be upset if we hang out? And if he says yes, then there's your answer. And I want to say that too. I really want to be like, you can be friends with anyone

because I have so, I probably have more male friends in all honesty than female friends. I get along with males really really well but when I was reading this question I thought sometimes you end up having sex with them exactly that is my whole point Laura Byrne yeah like I am friends with a lot of these guys but I when I think about it I think most of them you've slept with well yeah that's my whole point is right are these the kind of friends where if I was in a relationship would I still be having these friendships and the answer is no because half the time I want to tap it exactly all right let's get into the last question question number three something a little bit different to what extent do you have a say about your partner getting a tattoo that you

don't like zero really no I'm gonna be one of those people that's been on the fence on this one if you're at zero it's your partner's body if your partner wants to get a tattoo I'm against you no if your partner wants to get a tattoo that they love that is important to them for whatever reason is important to them okay and you don't want them to get it all you can say is is I don't think that that's appropriate but if they're gonna go out you do have an you do have i mean like it depends on what it is like if they're just getting a shit tattoo that looks a bit ugly like let's you know ben affleck with the dragon down his back if they're just getting a bad tattoo that's one thing if it's a hate speech or something that's anti-semitic or it's a you

know symbology that goes against your belief system then that's a very different thing but if it's just a bad tat a shit tat you can't tell them not to do it you can't tell them that you have ownership over their body or anything like that I wouldn't say I have ownership but I would tell them not to do it I own your back but like what's the outcome okay if you were dating a guy and he was like I'm gonna get a sleeve and you're like that is the ugliest thing I've ever seen well I would be very honest with my opinion obviously yes of course it's their body and they're going to do what they want you don't own them but I think you can give a pretty strong opinion if you're in a long-term relationship so Laura what if Matt came home to you and said he's getting a

full chest piece from the chin down so his neck all down his chest all down his tummy and it's a memorial for the queen it's the queen's face and what if he said that to you what would you say would you be like your body you do what you want matt is covered in tattoos like he's actually covered in tats yeah but they're all fine it's not a giant picture of the queen's face on his body he has a tattoo on his feet that says oh you don't remember i can't remember what it says i've forgotten it says die by your kiss or something like that oh my he does not he does one on each ankle and it's kind of like it's continuous like live by your smile die by your kiss something like that that is you need to take a photo of that and put on your stories i will i

would take a photo of matt's ankle tattoos well a it's so funny that he has that tattoo b it's so funny that you have no idea what the tattoo says you're about to marry the guy it doesn't mean anything like it's like it doesn't mean anything to him it doesn't mean anything to me he's also quite our kids like oh actually he's only got molly may's birthday on his arm he's been meaning to get lolas but he forgot if matt was gonna get a whole picture of the queen's face down his chest you'd be like i'm jealous i have retroactive jealousy i would be i would think it would be fucking weird i'd be like that is a really weird shout and i'd love to know where that came from he is a bit of a monarchist so like he probably would think about it i would find it weird would

i tell him that he can't do i would say i would like you not to do it but would i stop him from doing it? No. And would our relationship be threatened by it? No. You're not going to leave. I'm not going to leave him. Am I going to love him less? No. Probably. Will I have sex with him less? Yes. Yes, absolutely. That part is very, very clear. But no, I think when it comes to things like piercings, when it comes to things like tattoos, when it comes to things like cosmetic surgery, when it comes to things like getting Botox, I think it's okay to voice to your partner that you don't approve of something or you don't want it, but you can't tell them what to do because we don't own our partner's bodies we don't have ownership over them and I

think it's a very controlling thing to try and tell someone what they should and shouldn't do with their own body I agree and the question is to what extent do you have a say about your partner I think all you can do and this is all I would do I would be very honest with my feelings you're never going to say you can't do this you don't give them an ultimatum don't say if you do this I'm leaving if you do this we're not having sex if you like that's just toxic what you can say is I don't find that attractive if you don't if you don't find a whole sleeve or a whole leg piece or whatever if you actually don't find it attractive it's okay to say that I think it's it's just an honest thing generally speaking I don't find that attractive if you really want to do it

fine I'm not going to stop you but it's not my ideal tattoo maybe you could even say have you thought about this maybe you could suggest something else but I think it's okay to be honest in a relationship about something that is going to be permanent change to your partner's body that you have to look at for the rest of your life I think it's okay to have an opinion yeah I think it's okay to have an opinion but I also think it's pretty important to tell them that you wouldn't love them any less like if Matt yes still yeah because like I think you know if Matt was to say he wanted to go and get a really shit tattoo like that doesn't change him as a person and so like yeah there would be part of me that would say okay I don't really like the tattoo

and I don't find the tattoo attractive but I still find you attractive like I think you have to be careful with that because even if you're not giving them an ultimatum telling them I don't find that attractive is the same as saying, I don't find you attractive if you do it. It's an ultimatum without meaning to be an ultimatum. And I think be careful with that because, you know, even though on one hand we're sitting here saying you shouldn't give ultimatums and you can't own someone's body and you can't, you know, put your preferences on someone, language is really important. And I think that by saying that in that roundabout way, you're kind of getting the same outcome anyway. Well, that's why I think it's important to say, I don't find that kind

of a tattoo attractive. Not, I don't find you attractive. Totally. Yeah. But I think at the at the day give a very loving diplomatic and thoughtful opinion of said tattoo and once he gets it send us a photo so we can tell you if we think it's a shit tat do you know what i would love to see how many people out there's partners have just had like the worst tattoos that they just hate i have a terrible tattoo i have two yours is not terrible but it's i often forget you have it and then sometimes it's so big it's a big dick on her back a fucking massive dick on my back no but sometimes I catch it and I'm like I forget you had that I have a do you know what I went through an eat pray love moment in my 20s and I have a great big hamster hand down my side

which is just yourself it's just so stupid like I found yourself and you found a tattoo I was yeah I was 23 I was going through a breakup and instead of cutting a fringe I went and had a valium and got a tattoo on my side you're making it sound really bad why don't you why don't you start the thread why don't you put a photo of your tattoo up that you don't like and then everyone else can I know you've got I also have I also have another eat pray love moment I have a shit mandala which is on my wrist and it is off center and do you know why it's off center because everything in life is not balanced and that's what I thought I was 25 it makes me feel sick as well and do you know what it actually looks like it looks like a nightclub stamp I just vomited in my mouth you

saying you put your tattoo off center I actually can't look at it now it's not the middle of your ears it's like my little OCD you're ticking me off anybody who has OCD tendencies or like likes things to be in line or in order finds this tattoo really really unnerving why don't we do a little thread on the facebook discussion group which do you have a tattoo you regret so on your body don't throw anyone else under the bus do you have a tattoo that you regret laura you can kick start it with either of yours that you regret i have two maybe matt can put his feet tattoo on there too if you work out what it says live by your smile die by your kiss is that what it is live by your smile on one leg die by your kiss i don't think matt's okay i want to make this very clear

though i don't think matt's tats are shit i like matt's tats all of them he has so many and i think that they contribute to like his cool personality vibe yeah i quite like that about him like matt's a good looking rooster so i feel like he's got lots of little tattoos so they don't he also has a coffin that's got a skeleton in it that's holding a naked woman on his leg yeah he's got so many tattoos you don't really notice he's got a great big rose on his arm was that for the bachelor no he had it before the bachelor but it was very coincidental i can't remember what else he's got heaps so he has to get lolas do you know what the one thing i don't like the one tattoo that i don't i personally don't like is a neck tattoo i find that less attractive on a guy but

i like a neck tattoo on a girl yeah so if matt came said he's gonna get a neck tattoo you would say can you get it somewhere else i would say to matt if he said he's gonna get a neck tattoo i'd say in the work that you do i.e wanting to work on tv and doing tv presentations and you know working for brands and content and everything else, it's a very strong statement to have a neck tattoo. That's a real look. Are you sure that's the look that you want? And he'll be like, fuck yeah.

Anyway, that is it from us, guys. If you have enjoyed today's episode, please jump onto Apple Podcasts, leave a review. If you fucking hated it, maybe just don't say anything and just live your life and go on your merry, merry way. If you want to get yourself a copy of We Love Love, the book, you can jump onto the website. It is www.lifeuncutpodcast.com.au.

Would you believe I actually signed a book at a pub up in Queensland? It was the cutest thing. Someone had a book there and asked me to sign it. Would you believe I found our book in the airport in Townsville? I was coming through the airport bookshop and it was in the wrong section at the bottom. It was under fiction. Was it? Maybe that's why I couldn't see it.

I tried to find it at the airport. I said, Delora, I can't find it. That's probably why I nearly missed my flight too. I was like, I can't find our book anywhere, but maybe it was just sold out. It was put under fiction. Or did you move it somewhere else? Yeah, I re-merged it into the top bestsellers at the front. Front and centre.

You just put some streamers around it, put some, like, big arrows, like, look here, shop here, buy here. Totally. Anyway, that is it from us, guys. You know the drill. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. We'll be right back.