Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Talk dirty to me

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Hey Lifers!Ever heard of praise kink? We hadn't but we think we might have it! We kick today's episode with what y'all like dirty talk about!Producer Keeshia is stepping in today for Britt as she's celebrating her sister Sheri's wedding!Then it's time for some round table talk. We're jumping into these questions:-I caught some porn on my partner's phone. I'm very mad about it. Back story, I've caught him wanking before to porn and it doesn't sit well withme. He has disrespected my wishes and feelings as he's done it again. He thinks I'm being over the top and apologised but how do I know he won't do it again?-I have been diagnosed with breast cancer at 32.My question is online dating. It’s tough already but being bald makes it a whole new ball game! I was wondering if I need to tell matches that I’m bald and going through chemo? I don’t know if I should warn them before meeting? Am I false advertising?-So my husband asks for BJs WAAAYYY too much. I mean daily. I’m all for giving bjs…. I quite like doing it to be honest. But I like doing it when I want to. The man will bargain for them. I have told him before to stop doing it because it makes it seem like a chore. I love the man. He’s a VERY good husband but he’s also very sensitive and his love language is sex. HELP! How do I draw the line gently without causing the sensitive sexual beast to feel unloved).If you haven't left us a review, frankly, our praise kink desires would really appreciate it! You know what to do! Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love!! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm producer Keisha, filling in for Britt.

We just had a discussion because Keisha tried to introduce herself as just Keisha, and I was like, no, you have to be producer Keisha in case people are thrown into turmoil and confused and don't know who this new voice is on the podcast. True, true. But I did it in defense of myself. I was like, that's not my actual name. And people have started calling me that in real life. Like at the live show.

What happened? Producer Keisha. And I was like, hello. Like it's your, like your second name is Keisha and your first name is producer. Yeah. Like it's my character, you know? Do you know what? I know that you think that maybe that's offensive, but like think of it.

I don't think it's offensive. I just think it's a little odd. Or you could think of it as though it's an accolade. Like doctors go around and say, I'm Dr. So-and-so. Once you've got that at the front of your name, you use it until the day you die. You know, one time I was dating a doctor and I got us tickets. Oh, all right, settle down. I got us plane tickets, like, for a holiday.

And I was really annoyed about the fact that he had the better, like, is it a suffix or prefix? What's the thing that goes at the start? You know, Mr. Mrs. Doctor, the thing you tick. And I was like, you know, stuff him having the better one. I don't want to be Ms. when he's Doctor. Aren't you still Ms.? What is a Ms.?

Are you a Ms. when you're in a relationship but you're not married? Are you a Ms. then? I'm not sure. Or are you a Ms. if you don't want people to know if you're a Mrs. or a Ms.? Do you want me to live Google? Yeah. Because I don't actually know the answer. A title used before the surname or full name of any woman regardless of her marital status.

So it's neutral. So you can pick. So it's an alternative to Mrs. or Ms. See, so if you don't want anyone to know if you are married or aren't married, you become a Ms. Well, that day I was a captain and then I found out that that is illegal. So I do not recommend doing it. But for that plane ride, I was Captain Bishopette. And you know what?

I really, I really liked it. So if you lie about your status, like if you call yourself a doctor and you're on a plane, that's illegal. Oh, it would make sense because obviously if there's an emergency or somebody carts it in there. That's why I picked captain because I was like surely. The plane's falling down and they're like, Captain Keisha. I would have told them it was for boats.

Like don't worry, I'm a captain of a boat. But as it turns out, yeah, no, it's illegal. However, I did enjoy the experience. Well, when producer comes up as an option for you to select the next time you're on a flight, that is, you know, the box that you can stay in i'm ready to get out of the ms box okay the reason why keisha's feeling on today's episode is because brit is currently away at her sister sherry's wedding sherry's having two weddings the first one was on tuesday that was the indian wedding

and then today is her not indian wedding i don't know how else you'd describe that today is like is the big wedding i think they call it a white wedding and that is not cultural it's actually like you know that song it's a nice day for a white wedding i actually think that's what it's called if it's not i'm gonna cut this out because because you wear a white dress whereas on tuesday she was wearing a sari and we saw the beautiful sari photos i've never seen them look more beautiful like i don't know enough about indian weddings i'm so intrigued to hear from brit when she gets back about the cultural practices they do for the wedding because i know it's really different obviously they look so different like there's so much color and it

just looks like so much fun what i would like to know is where is jay though because i've seen a lot of photos on social media i've seen photos of brit and asari i've seen photos of sherry and of sorry, but I haven't yet seen the husband. Britt's like, you know what? I'm not going to get married anytime soon. So this is my wedding too. It's mine and Sherry's wedding, but they looked so insanely stunning. Before we get into answering all your deep, dark and your burning questions, there was something that we wanted to talk about. Now you might remember a couple of weeks ago on an Ask Uncut episode, somebody had written in about dirty talk. Now their new partner had started using some dirty talk and they weren't sure if they should be or shouldn't be offended.

And it went something like this. You are a chubby little whore. And let me tell you, a lot of people who heard that episode were very offended. But the big question was this, was the person who wrote in offended because they were called chubby or were they offended because they were called a whore? And that's what we wanted to seek out. So we put up some socials. We asked the question, what is it that you enjoy being called in the bedroom? Like where can that line be drawn and some of the responses we got were truly fucking amazing they were and I really regretted not putting Jason Derulo talk dirty to me as the backing song of this Instagram story what a wasted opportunity you just would have got things going uh however I did bring these

responses to you this morning and I would like to read some out to you and you can tell me where the line is no no okay this is what happened Keisha prepped she was like here are all the responses from all of our amazing listeners we asked what dirty talk do you like hearing in the bedroom and let me tell you you provided and they are dirty little bitches you dirty little whores and i know that you're gonna like me calling you that because you told me this is the thing we read through some of them the way that we would normally do these segments is that we would read out to you some of the craziest things some of them are so smushy that i'm worried that our more like pg g-rated listeners would turn this episode off because they don't like the dirty talk yeah

but i reckon you'd be fun like i reckon the ones who wrote this in would be really good to go and get a drink with okay but also they're all like the very normal vein they're things like and i'm gonna just i'm gonna brush through a couple of them very quickly just to give you a taste of what some people are enjoying in the bedroom i'm really enjoying your body language right now like i just feel like you're mildly uncomfortable and i don't know if it's because i'm in your employee come on my cock was that too much do we need a hr is that where we're at okay cool line and i'll take two steps back sorry do i need to say it more sexy will you come on my cock what you have a nice asmr voice thank you thank you so much look no like i said i don't want to read out the more

like smuttier ones the more dirty of the dirtier talk and that's just because i understand that there'll be some people who don't want to hear that but one thing that we did find really interesting that we wanted to unpack was that there was one type of dirty talk that kept on coming in and like it's not particularly dirty but it's a common theme that we received hundreds and hundreds of times from you all yeah you're like being called good girls as it turns out okay see the one that I always think and like it's just a bit of an expansion on good girl it's good little girl and I don't know why but that one always got me off daddy issues yeah deep-seated and that's exactly what it is i don't like to talk about on the podcast but yeah good

girl came in like hundreds and hundreds of times and this thing came up in the responses that i was really intrigued by because i hadn't heard of it before it's called a praise kink now a praise kink was someone who thrives to be praised during intimacy don't we all like compliments all the time anyway though like it's not surprising it goes a little bit further than that so it kind of explained how it was a little bit more of a a sexual turn on rather than just like a oh that feels nice like your hair looks good you know like it's not like that examples are things like and I want you to look me deeply in the eyes and I say this Laura Byrne you look so good baby you feel so good this is really inappropriate um good girl yeah good girl you like that huh

You like that, don't you? However, I've got some questions for you to determine whether you have a praise kink or not, or whether you think you might. Do you have a sexual, submissive, dominant, or otherwise kink-based response to receiving praise? Which I think is a pretty long-winded and professional way to say, do you have sexual arousal when you're being told praise? I feel like so many people would have this, though.

The fact that they've done this research into what questions you need to ask yourself, for me I think that this is probably the most common one like being told like you're a good little girl or you're a good girl I don't know why we like enjoy the submissive part of that or we enjoy like having that positive affirmation but there's something about that that is very fucking sexy yeah and I agree tell me what you really think like I'm thinking of sex with people that wasn't even loving sex but when it's happened you're like yeah nipples are hard like let's go okay my other question to you is before you get down the list of the criteria to know whether you have praise kink or not what is your one dirty talk like what's the big thing that if someone was

going to say it to you it would mean o-town i think like yeah along the good girl lines would definitely i think being complimented you look so hot or along those lines that would definitely get me going but i think oh god this is so good i think i'm more into the question answer style of like do you like that and then I get to tell them how much I like that I feel like we're really taking this relationship to a new place I'm really getting red patches on my chest you should see like as Keisha's speaking literally from her nipples up she's just gone red and my nipples are popping through my top I love this for us I feel like it's a bonding experience this is close

It's just a shame Britt's not here. I have one more question to ask you. When you think back on your hottest sex scenes, do the complimentary things your partner said to you stand out as one of your favourite parts? Do you know how I feel for me? As much as I like it and enjoy it, it's dependent on the person that I'm with.

Like I quite enjoy a bit of, I mean, I don't mind a praise kink, I don't mind a bit of dirty talk, but I also think it has to be with someone who I've had a bit more of a long-term relationship with rather than it being a one-night stand or rather than it being something that's a fling I feel like I need to be in safe territory in order to enjoy it so for me it's it's not just something I enjoy across the board and I think that makes complete sense especially if you're talking about more like potentially smuttier dirtier dirty talk right you're probably not going to have that with a one-night stand as much as you'd have with someone that like you love and

respect and you know that they do respect you so that's why it's more okay for them to call you certain things whereas someone that you don't know you might not feel that way about well exactly because like if somebody who you know respects you calls you a whore you're like oh they didn't mean that but if it's someone who's a one-night stand and they're like you're a whore you're like you might actually think that of me and i don't know i don't know if we're role-playing right now or if this is real i need to rethink my behavior what would be like what do you i mean oh i'm personal what are you like good little girl that's it i'm there i'll be yeah well no there's more but like no we're not sharing that one yeah no no that's enough anyway let's get

into answering all your deep dark and your burning questions I will just quickly add one more thing is that equal to the amount of good girl responses we got I actually think that there were almost as many I don't like it responses that was very interesting to me there were people who were just like I don't like dirty talk at all I hate it when people do that and so that's kind of the flip side of the coin I guess well do you know why because I think unless you're someone who's really confident and comfortable with dirty like not everybody is comfortable with verbalizing like we love talking. We talk so much. It's no surprise that we would enjoy it. But for some people who are maybe slightly more introverted, having to verbalize how they're feeling or what that

sensation is or how much they like something just takes it into awkward or intimidating territory rather than it being something that they find as expressive. So I can completely understand why there's people who, when someone's like, yeah, you like that, they're like, yes, I suppose so. five stars on uber i was until you asked me you know like it's like for some people it's fucking awkward i get it and i get that there's both sides of the spectrum like we can sit here and be like yes dirty talk's amazing and here are all the different ways that people enjoy it but they're equally a people who do not enjoy it at all and they just want to like show their enthusiasm through other means do you reckon you could give dirty talk like because we're talking mostly about

receiving it here which i'm completely comfortable with but i don't know if i'm that comfortable giving it I don't know what I would say like I mean apart from like you're so hard that feels so good I don't think that my I am very much a regular on that that feels really good that you feel so good you feel so hot that's literally that's the end of it because I think for me as well then I get awkward I'm like how can I be creative with this I don't know if you're a girl and you enjoy giving dirty talk I'd love to know those responses as well I think some people misunderstood the brief because we actually did get a couple of responses and a lot of you like calling people daddy as it turns out do you like calling matt daddy no no even if you say it softly

and slowly no because he actually is a daddy so for me that's weird he's got two kids he is a daddy he's not my daddy but he's their daddy and i don't want to think of them when we're having sex also they have destroyed my vagina enough that i don't want to be even thinking about them remotely whilst we're having sex yeah you are nobody's daddy you are mine all right let's seriously get into these questions. Question number one. Hi. Oh, actually, do you know what? I'm just gonna preface this. These questions are all fucking saucy today. Ladies, I need help. I caught some porn on my partner's phone. Accidental find. He was watching me use his phone. No spying needed. I'm very mad about it. The backstory is, is that I've caught him watching porn before and

wanking and it doesn't sit well with me. He has disrespected my wishes and feelings as he's done it again he thinks I'm being over the top and apologized but how do I know that he won't do it again basically she doesn't want him to watch porn and wank I feel like we've taken two steps back in the relationship I have something to say to her that I don't think she's gonna like I don't think you can control someone like that I think your behavior is really controlling oh unleash Keisha yeah he's producer Keisha giving you the 411 well it's because it's the 411 is that what it's called or is that pot that's 420 oh fuck 420 blazes it's been a while boomer talk uh the reason that I think it's a bit of a controlling behavior is because I mean obviously

there are elements to this if the person that you're with is watching porn so much to the length that you know they're not having sex with you or that it's interfering with your sex life then yes I understand that's a problem and you're gonna need to talk about that but if it's just like the occasional having a look at porn and masturbating like he's entitled to do that totally I don't see a problem I don't know I think it's quite strange when so many people get so hung up on porn because they think it's this like really debaucherous thing where it's really wrong that they don't want their partners watching it but it's just kind of like a level of self-expression in sexuality I guess I mean there's a few layers to it it's okay that you don't like it you know

that's fine I think it's okay for you personally not to like something right like porn if you are against it that is okay and I don't think that we can say that everybody should love porn because it's just not the case not everybody will the part about this I think is a bit problematic is like if your partner is watching something that's like you know consensually made porn it's not porn that's problematic it's not porn that's like violent or in any way confrontational I guess because like you know I think that there is some porn that can be quite confronting to watch and then maybe that would make you feel insecure because you're like well is that what he wants to do in real life like how does this play out where is the line between fantasy and fiction

all that sort of stuff so I think that there is that part of it to consider and unpack for yourself but I don't think that we can impose our beliefs and what we want for ourself on our partners like if your partner wants to watch porn and he wants to masturbate you cannot say you can't do this all you can do is say I don't feel comfortable with this like I don't like it when you do that for example I don't like it when you watch porn and if they say well I'm gonna do it anyway then it's up to you whether you want to be in a relationship with someone who does that or doesn't do that because ultimately I would say that the vast majority of people do watch porn and do masturbate and I also think you need to kind of like separate the two do you have a problem

with your partner masturbating without you there like is that part of this because if that is a problem for you then I think that that's a much bigger thing for you to unpack like your partner has full agency over his own body. He is allowed to masturbate whenever the fuck he wants to. He doesn't need to ask for permission to pleasure himself. You don't need to be there every time he does it. It's not a reflection of you not doing a good job. It's not a reflection that he doesn't love you. Sometimes you just need a wank. I actually think that that's a massive part of it is like that it's not a reflection that they don't love you. So reassure yourself with that. Him watching porn doesn't mean that he doesn't find you sexy. It doesn't mean that

he doesn't find your sex life great, that he doesn't care about you and love you and want to continue having sex with you it's not like it takes away from that I think the other part of this as well is is that if you tell your partner that they can't do something right like if you say you can't watch porn and you can't masturbate and you make that such an issue in the relationship like that there's an ultimatum that surrounds it it doesn't mean that they're going to stop doing it they're just going to continue to do it behind your back and if they think that you are over reacting about it or it's not a space where they can have a conversation with you about it they will hide that from you. Not because they want to appease you or because they agree with

you, but because they're trying to avoid the drama. They're trying to avoid the shame that you're going to make them feel for doing something that I think a lot, like most people watch porn. Totally. And especially most guys. But I, I mean, I, I think that there's going to be some people who listen to this, who don't agree with us and that's okay. Like there's going to be some people who listen to this, who do not want their partners to watch porn, who don't want their partners to masturbate and actually no it's um it's not allowed in some religions as well so if that's a facet of like the religious situation that the two of you have agreed to then my advice in that situation would be very different because if that's something in your belief system then

that brings in a whole other level of okay we've agreed to go by these rules and you're not following it yeah and I think that that's such an important point to make but I think if it just comes down to controlling your partner because of your own insecurities around it then that's quite an unfair expectation to set in the relationship and all that that's going to do is create an ultimatum where either they're going to do it behind your back or you have to leave because they're not actually doing anything wrong by watching a bit of porn that is like you know correctly made porn and masturbating there's so many rules in life like let someone fucking masturbate just let him let him have a wank also gives you a night off fuck win-win anyway question

number two she just wants to be told she's a good girl you're doing a good job you're a good little girl question number two so I have been diagnosed with breast cancer at 32 fun times firstly so sad I'm so sorry really sorry that you're having to go through that my question is online dating it's tough already but being bald makes it a whole new ball game I was wondering if I need to tell my matches that I'm bald and going through chemo I tested it on one guy and told him I'm going through breast cancer but left out the bald part he was lovely about it but now I've noticed he's making these sly comments like how's the sexy blonde going today or hey blondie I just responded but I'm thinking these comments are a sly way to find out if I have hair and they don't but I have

a human hair wig that looks natural I don't know if I should be warning people before meeting them am I false advertising oh this is so shit I'm so sorry that you're going through this no you're not false advertising you can wear a wig and you can do whatever the fuck you want to you don't owe anybody anything and I think you know go and date dating can be casual and there's no commitment there and if it's you know you're in a period of your life where you feel self-conscious about the fact that you have lost your hair because of chemo you don't have to have that conversation with anyone until a point where maybe you are going to become sexual with them or things are progressing and you're like well the situation is probably going to arise where they're going to

see me without hair and then they can make a decision of what they want to do and if they choose that they don't want to be with you because at this point in time for a short period of time you're going to have no hair then they're a fucking pretty useless person I would say you know I actually asked my housemate who is a straight man this question last night because you know he used to use apps he's in a relationship now but I was like how would you have felt about this scenario and he said I think that anyone who would react badly to that you know being told oh hey, by the way, I'm going through chemo, blah, blah, blah. There might be a couple of different things about how our first dates go. You know, for example, you might not be able to

go walking in the sunshine on a big hike because your skin gets really sensitive when you're on chemo, like little things like that. And he said, anyone that would respond badly to that is firstly a piece of shit. And he was like, it might be a really good way for you to weed out guys that aren't worth your fucking time anyway. And that's exactly what this is going to do, because ultimately there will be people who may find the situation that you're in at the moment, like your health, which is obviously going to be a huge part of your life for the next little bit. It's going to be a huge focus for you. They may find that too overwhelming. That's okay. There's going to be people who don't want to opt into, you know, supporting someone through their cancer journey

at the beginning of a relationship. But that also is a very, very clear indication of who is worthy of your time I think the big question with this is is this guy who you have said to you know you've told him that that's where you're at in your life and in your health and he's super supportive of it and he still wants to date and that is a great indication that he's you know a good person at heart but I guess it comes down to this question around hair and how much of your identity is defined because as women that's such a big thing like so much of our identity is as women is defined by the fact that we have long or beautiful hair like think about for like how many people who, when they've actually washed their hair and then blow dried it in a day, people will

say, oh my God, you look amazing. That we use our hair as part of like our aesthetic identity as a female. It's seen as quite like a sexual part of femininity. So I can understand why you have a lot of like your identity wrapped up in this. I don't think that you have to tell them though. I completely think that that is up to you, whether you feel comfortable telling them or not. The only thing I would think is that if your wig hair does not match your photos, as in if it's a really different color or if it's a super different style, I think tell them what your hair now looks like so that they know which one you are when you turn up to the bar or cafe that you go and meet at. Yeah, I agree with that. But also I think, you know, if you are dating someone for a

little while and you're getting to know them, you're building that sort of trust and rapport with them, there will come a time where you want to tell them that you don't have hair. Like there's going to come a time where you're going to want to have that conversation because you're probably not going to want to be in a situation where you're having sex and your wig falls off like that would be more uncomfortable I would suggest having the convo outside of the bedroom you know not when things are getting heated and it doesn't have to be this big long deep and like you know you don't have to bare your soul to them about the fact that you've gone through this period of your life you can say you know yeah like I mean you might not know this but this is a wig I've lost

a lot of hair because of chemo. It'll grow back. It's not a big deal. And I think that the way that you describe it and how you portray it is going to be how other people receive it as well. And the thing is, if it is a really big deal and it is something that you're really struggling with, then it's also okay to be honest about that and explain that to them. And I think that, you know, going back to what we said at the very beginning of this question, it will very quickly draw the line in the sand as to who is worth your investment. And we all know that dating is hard. It is really challenging to find people who you click with, who are respectful, who treat you the way you want to be treated, who value you for who you are. And I think that this is just going to

fast track that process for you. And so to summarize, no, you are absolutely not false advertising whatsoever. I also hate that fucking sentiment when people are like, oh, you've worn so much makeup. So you're false advertising or you've done this or you're false advertising. It's like, I would hope for everybody listening to this, that your aesthetic, like the way that you look is the least important quality of who you are as a person. I would hope that all the other things that make up who you are are better and more amazing than just the way you look because like I want that to be the most boring part of who I am also you gave me some great advice a while ago that I very much took on board your dating profile photos make them your version of like a

seven don't make them your 10 photos because then surprise and delight exactly when they meet you in person they're like oh you're even better you're better than I thought you were going to be and then it just sets you up for a great date well it's almost the opposite isn't it I feel like people set up their dating profiles and they always put their absolute 10 out of 10 out of 10 photos on there, then you live with this fear that people are not going to think you're as hot in real life as what you are in your photos because you've bagged them because of your profile. But then when you get there, you've got to really put on your A game. So I always think like, don't be your best on an online dating app. Be like just a notch down from your best.

Lower the bar for yourself. Yeah. Lower your own bar a tiny bit and then you will exceed expectations and you could rock up wearing a potato sack and they'll be like, fuck, you look good today. I think Balenciaga was selling that for like $1,500, that garbage bag dress. You look fabulous. You have well and truly outdone yourself. Okay. I have one, another one, and I have a lot of feelings about this. So my husband asked for blowjobs way too much. I mean, daily. And I'm all for giving blowjobs. Well, you're a better woman than I am. And I quite like doing it to be honest, once again, a better woman than I am, but I like doing it when I fucking want to. The man will bargain for them. Picture an incoming text message at 10 AM when

you're in a meeting at work i'll give you a back massage tonight if you give me a blow job that's all well and good i'm expected to commit to it at 10 a.m in the morning and i might not be in the mood by the end of the day but he will remind me that i promised a blow job i have told him before to stop doing it because it makes it feel like a chore and i'm not committing to sucking his dick several hours in advance i love the man he's a very good husband but he's also very sensitive and his love language is absolutely sex help how do i draw the line gently without causing this sensitive sexual beast to feel unloved oh sister i feel for you because there is nothing that makes you like a sham wow might as well come in and dry you up based off of the thought of someone being

like you told me six hours ago that you'd give me a blowjob tonight i'd be like fuck off no one wants to be badgered to do anything especially not sex like no like you said to me you would give me a blowjob so you have to do it okay great i also said i was going to clean out the car this saturday and I might not do that either. I said I was going to go to the gym this morning and I slept in, okay? Totally. It does and I really like that she said here that she tried to tell him that it makes it feel like a chore because that's exactly what he's doing.

He's making it a job for you. Yes. Within our team, I am very much the – Blowjob queen. Keisha is the blowjob queen. That sounds so fucking wanky. I have expressed within the comfort of our little office between you in brit and now apparently with the rest of australia and other parts of the world i like

doing that what is but the reason shamwell cleaning the car i like giving blowjobs but only because it makes me feel really like powerful and i love doing that as like an act of service to them this is the act of service that i like it's not because they've asked me to do it that completely changes the dynamic yeah no you were going to get one beforehand but now that you've been like you told me you would I'd be like well now I don't want to do it even more well because when you say I don't want to do it now it's because you're reclaiming the power so I think that this is a big point I know you've already said to him that it makes it feel like a chore but I think the other part of the conversation of this is that I think for a lot of people when you

give a blow job part of it is feeling powerful part of it is feeling like you're in control You're in the driver's seat. Like, you know, you're able to provide that pleasure, but you're also doing it because it's something that you're voluntarily wanting to do, you know? Yeah. And you want to give a gift willingly. I want to wrap that present and tie the bow, whichever way I want to do it. Absolutely. And the thing is, is that when he badges you for a blow job, when he asks for them all the time, or he's texting about them, it takes the power away from you. It no longer is you doing something because you have onus and you have agency and you have the choice to do it, you're now doing it because you feel forced into it. And it totally changes the whole dynamic of

the reason why you wanted to do it in the first place. So I think it's really important to have the conversation around one, how much you like doing it, but how much you dislike being told because him telling you that you need to do it and him badgering you for it makes it feel almost degrading in a sense as well. And we always talk about a shit sandwich. So you're going to go in with I really like giving you blowjobs then exactly what Laura said of the however this can make me feel like it just takes away the fun of it when you know you're kind of yeah it's a bit it makes me feel a bit ick when you do that so I would really love it if you would just like let it be a gift that I like to give you like let that be a choice of mine because I really enjoy

doing it but I just don't like doing it when you make me feel pressured to and then the next follow up of this is reward good behavior so when he doesn't ask for it give them to him and when he does ask for it and demands them and then says you're telling me that you're gonna do it so now you have to you don't give him it yes and i think that that needs to become like part and parcel of this is like if he's gonna badge you to a point where you just do it in submission and you just do it because like you just want him to stop like you have to stop doing that because he's going to continue to do that as well which is super disrespectful i think yeah it's pavlovian conditioning get their girlfriend it's what Pavlovian conditioning it's an actual psychological

thing I'll be getting a bit deep on that have you heard about that thing where they have the bell they ring the bell and the dog gets given a steak right and then they end up teaching the dog that anytime they hear the bell the dog starts salivating because he thinks he's going to get a steak it's all about the reward system yeah so it's about the reward system exactly like what you just said if you reward the bad behavior of giving him a blowjob when he actually pesters you for it he's got that's his reward process of like he's going to know that that works so he's going to keep doing that so you need to cut that shit off we're literally treating this man like he's a dog but like right now he's behaving like one so it's a psychological

experiment we're treating this man like he's a psychological experiment just to make this very clear we don't we're not calling your husband a dog i'm sure he's amazing i'm sure he's wonderful in many other ways just not in his badgering for sex anyway guys that is literally it from us we have been dropping some bonus episodes you might have seen them we've been dropping all of the live show chats into the feed from our Sydney live show, which was last week. We've already put up Chantal Otten and Jan Fran and coming up tomorrow, we have two more, which is Matt O'Kine and also M. Kerry, the girl who fell from the sky. And can I just say, if you haven't heard of Matt O'Kine before, or you haven't listened to any of his chats, the accidentally unfiltered story at the

start of this episode, that's going to drop tomorrow is possibly the funniest thing I have ever fucking heard in my entire life. And that's a big call. It is a big, big, big call, but I was on the floor dying. This makes me really excited because I haven't heard it because I was backstage with the people behind the stage getting like the mics and stuff for M ready to go on after Matt so I haven't heard it yet so I'm really excited to like listen through. Have you ever tried to go down on yourself? What? Have you ever tried to get your head between your own legs? No except for in that yoga pose you know the candlestick one. You never tried when you were like 14 or something being like how close can I get? You did? Well I'm guessing it's just a guy thing. No but Matt O'Kind

did and it's really fucking great oh i can't wait for that i also love the m kerry uh like you said because we've spoken to her on the podcast before we don't just want to kind of go over the same things and you guys spoke about some really different aspects of her story and her life and i did hear that part and it was fucking phenomenal so i'm really excited for you guys who weren't able to go to the live show or to stream it to be able to hear it so that is all coming up tomorrow and that is it from us guys if you've loved the episode you can jump on leave a review for producer keisha here she is filling in for britney huckley and he's only positive ones my ego is like we all know she's got a praise king and you know what to do tell your

mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we are love We'll be right back.