Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Talking about exes on a first date, boss affairs and playing it safe

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

This could be our funniest ASK UNCUT yet!Here we answer your deep dark and burning questions of the week. Should you talk about your exes / sexcapades on a first date? Help my boss is having an affair with a colleague Should I get back with my ex... or f*ck my friend? If you have a question for us slide on into our DM's @lifeuncutpodcastSubscribe and share the love! Because, WE LOVE LOVE!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our Ask Uncut episode where we answer your deep, dark, and burning questions. This episode, you can truly ask us anything. It could be about your shitty boyfriend who never writes back when he's out on a boys' night. It could be how to spell jalapeno. Whatever your heart. No one ever asks us that. No, don't ask us that.

Just Google it. It could be whether Brittany and I have any rogue facial hairs. Do you, Brittany, have any rogue facial hairs? I can hands down say I have never had a rogue facial hair. Oh, shut up. I don't believe you for one second. I am the un-hairiest person, even my body hair. I don't have hair.

I could literally shave my face. Really? I have never. I barely even pluck my eyebrows. I've never waxed a lip. I've never done anything. I've got some true Italian genes in my family. I have this one rogue chin hair that always comes back.

And every so often, it's like every six weeks or so, Matt will be like, oh, my friend's back. And then he'll pat it. When I was in labor, when I was in labor, I hadn't noticed that it had grown back. and it's not what you want to be told when you're laying in a bed and you don't have tweezers on you and you're trying to give birth. And you have a baby poking out of your vagina.

And someone says to you, hey, babe, your chin hair's back. Anyway, I hope that made some women feel better about themselves. My sister's got a wicked one on her chin. Sorry, Sherry. It's just like this one little mole that always grows a really long hair. I think it's one of those things that every, like so many, I would say 99% of women have a rogue facial hair that just grows. But no one ever talks about it.

Is that a statistic you've looked up? I want to, yeah, look, I've done my research. I want to de-stigmatize these things. We're here to make everyone feel inclusive and connected. Totally. Let's start with the questions. I want to tell you something funny, actually, that my friend wrote to me. She wrote into us as just a funny story that had happened to her.

Literally, she goes, guys, this just happened to me 10 minutes ago. And of course, I was going to tell you first. She has quite a big following and she's someone in the public. I won't name her, but she recently had a baby. This is what she wrote to me today. I'm now going to try and decipher who this is. And it wasn't me, guys. She goes, guys, this is almost real time.

This literally just happened. My partner is doing an online course and thought he'd spend this really rainy day finishing it off. I've just put bub down for sleep and I thought, you know what? It's been a while. I might spice things up. I might set his study alight. So I ran into the room, lifting up my shirt, completely naked and shoved my boobs in his face. Here I was hitting him in the face with my boobs and I thought it was hilarious.

until he told me his webcam was on and his teacher was watching the whole thing. But also if you've just had a baby, you're more than likely after a few smacks around to start lactating as well. Oh, that's why I think it's so funny. But also imagine if you were just going like, come on, babe, woo. And then the professor's like, excuse me. Oh, man. Stuff gets so weird after you have a kid.

It just gets weird. Do you know what Marley did to me today? Oh, I couldn't. I don't even know where to start. The child is a maniac. so I was sitting there on the couch and she'd just been eating chocolate. So she kept on asking me for more coconut rough chocolate. And I was like, you're not having any more. You've had three pieces. And then she comes up with what I thought was chocolate on her head and goes, yucky, yucky.

And at the same time I could smell human shit. And I was like, I don't think that's chocolate. I don't think that's coconut rough. I don't think that we're talking about the same thing. I grabbed her hand and I smelt it and I was like, yes, you have just shoved your hand down the back of your pants into your own poo and you think that's yucky. I was like, my child is a genius. She knows that this is yucky. Look at all the words she's learnt.

Do you know what? This is how they work it out. They're not going to know that the poo is yucky until they've put it on their hand, they've smelt it, they realise it doesn't feel good. This is how they're learning. Call it education. It's organic education. I told you, she's a genius.

She put two and two together. I think genius is a stretch at this point. it's a stretch but we'll give her she's learning anyway guys thank you to every single person who's written in a question for today's episode we love these episodes it is when we answer all the tricky stuff that is happening in your lives some of it's not that tricky some of it's pretty entertaining and you know what we've we hash it out we've got no experience we don't know what we're talking about but we still profit we've got unbridled enthusiasm and you can't beat that and we have a lot of life experience as well so britney who has chosen all the questions for today because

she's the only one who has some free time. Please give me question number one. Question number one is the reason I chose this. I love that I'm giving you a background. It's like an essay I'm presenting. Guys, the reason I chose this topic today, but seriously, the reason I chose this topic today was it is something I think is very relevant. It's something I have had this exact conversation quite recently, not quite to this extent. I think a lot of people have this question, so I'm going to get into it. A girl wrote into us and said, hey guys, I recently got sent this message. The message reads, Hey Francesca, honestly, you are beautiful, funny, and I really would have liked to see this work out, but I don't think I'm up to it anymore. I guess there's just

too many red flags for me. You've never been a girl that commits to one guy. And I don't think anyone wants to hear that you have a roster on the side or that you're literally the opposite of a fuck boy. You're a fuck girl. I love that you're honest and you say that whatever is on your mind, but I think if you actually want to have a special relationship and have someone special in your life they probably shouldn't hear so much about your past experiences and I've heard too many about yours I am really sorry and I do hope you find what you're looking for but unfortunately it's not me I love that he's like I love that you're honest but actually stop being so fucking honest because I don't like it so what a backhanded compliment that was yeah in a nutshell

she's met this guy and she's been really open about her past experiences and they are the fact that she doesn't really commit easily she's hooked up with heaps of people she slept with heaps of people she has people on the side she has fuck boys she's got friends with benefits and she's been open about that with him and he has turned around and said in all honesty and I don't think he's been rude but I don't think he'd said it in a very good way and I don't think he needed to go into that detail but essentially he's saying look I don't want to know so much about your past and now I feel like I know it I don't want to go there she finishes it by saying look I do think this is a great conversation and I have been having this conversation with my friends essentially should

you be sharing your past with someone new that you're dating? And if so, how much should you be sharing? So I actually think that this is a really great question. Firstly, I just want to say it is relevant how many people you've slept with. Like, you know, no one can slut shame you or no one should slut shame you. You can sleep with as many people as you want. It doesn't define you. It does not impact you as a person. It doesn't impact anyone else. It doesn't impact anybody else. Should you divulge all the information about yourself on a first date and your history no I don't think so and I think that you know you need to kind of be aware about how much of your past you share because you haven't spent enough time with someone for them to

understand who you are as a person now and the things that you like and whether you have a great connection and I think that there's so many other things that you can focus on before telling this person hey I've got this many people who I've slept with you know I'm not really looking for anything serious right now because you just don't know what it could grow into so I think be very very careful about jumping straight into talking about all of your exes and all of your past relationships. And it's not because you should be ashamed of them. And it's not because you should feel guilt for having them, but it's just because that doesn't need to be the first conversation you're having on a first, second, third, fourth date. And when Brit came and we started talking

about this question and we started unpacking it a little bit, cause it's like, you know, we usually, we usually try and get on the same page before we start recording this podcast. We usually want to know each other where we sit, what side of the fence we sit on. So I know a lot about Matt's past relationships and he knows loads about my past relationships because I think it's really important to talk about your past for your current partner to get a really good understanding of who you are as a person. I think that there is context there and I think that that's an important part of what makes you, you. However, I have no idea how many people Matt's had sex with. I don't fucking care. I don't want to know. I don't want to know because

I don't think it would make me jealous, but it's just irrelevant. And I think that it's such an unnecessary topic to have because it can cause some hurt. It can cause some jealousy and it can also make someone feel a little bit insignificant if they're a bit immature. And I say this because when I was really a lot younger than I am now, a lot more insecure than what I am now. I didn't have a very big sexual experience. I mean, I think I'd only slept with a handful of people at the time. And I met this guy who I really, really liked and I did end up being with him for a long time. But he told me that he'd slept with over a hundred people and I'd only slept with two people the time. So hearing that he had slept with a hundred people and I had only slept with two

people made me think that I was so insignificant. And of course that's my shit to deal with. That's my baggage, but it was just a conversation that I wish we had never had. And I wish I had never asked because it made me feel a way that I didn't need to feel. And you know what? Like he hadn't done anything wrong and that's all on me, but still I felt that way. And those feelings were still valid I couldn't just will them away so I think just be careful early when you meet someone and you like them you don't need to tell them about every single thing that's going in your life you don't owe them that yet either I think the same thing and I think that everyone's entitled to talk about their past and everyone's entitled to know your partner's past to an extent but I

think I really do think and I've learned this from experience I have dealt with it in my current relationship with Jordan now but I do think it is the way you deliver it and it's the level of detail you go into. The fact of the matter is you don't need to go into detail. And maybe instead of telling your current partner that like, I slept with him, slept with him, hooked up with him. Here's my friends with benefits. I don't think you need to go into that detail. I think it can be like, oh yeah, like we had something in the past. It could be literally the language that you choose to use because whether we like it or not, whether it's right or not. And I've had a really hard time getting my head around this. Most men in my life that I've spoken to, and I'm

talking I asked friends I asked relatives male relatives I asked Jordan my boyfriend I asked his friends I've asked a lot of people I even just asked Matt most men have the same response and it's that they don't want to know your past in that depth they don't care about it okay cool they want to know that you had a relationship for two years that's where it ends they want no more detail and they don't want you to speak in depth about it because they want to feel like they're in the moment now they're living with you you're what they're thinking about they don't want to think about the fact that you've slept with all these other people it's just like a mind game to them it's funny isn't it because I think and this is very gender like norms that we're kind of going

into and we're being a little bit stereotypical here but I do think that as women we like to talk like we like to talk about our feelings I hate talking what are you talking about I like to tell people everything that's happening in my life and I know that in the past I've definitely made the mistake of talking too much and saying too much and then getting myself into a situation where the person who is receiving the information I'm giving them, i.e. the guy that I like, he doesn't want to hear it. But the fact of the matter is that you may get someone offside before they get to actually know the whole picture of who you are as a person. And the other thing as well is, is what you can run the risk of is to this guy, like this text message that's come in,

you have said, I have a roster or I have a, you know, I have my side men that I want to be with or like, you know, I have my Tuesday guy or my Wednesday guy. And good for you girl. Mate, I used to have a Wednesday guy too I'm not going to tell someone who I go on a date with that I've got a Wednesday night guy because especially if the date's on a Wednesday night well no if the date's on a Tuesday I'm not like hey so tomorrow night I got Wednesday night guy that's worse if you go home from the date the reason why I think you don't have those sorts of conversations is because you don't know if you actually really like this person or not and then you're giving the impression that you're not after anything serious and even though I had a Wednesday night

guy I still wanted a serious relationship so I think you shoot yourself in the foot and you give an impression that you're not after anything more than friends with benefits or to have a fuck buddy so I really do think there is a level of how much of you you need to share before it's totally over sharing well this is where my problem came in right with Jordan your girl likes to talk my spirit you girls got a history you girl likes to talk you're like so I dated a sociopath I once say to this guy who had a wife and you know we had a dog and we were gonna get married and then he gaslit the fuck out of me the thing is for somebody like me and i say somebody like me i refer to the fact that i've been single for nine years ten years and i've dated a lot of people

i've been on two dating reality tv shows the thing is for me i have a history and when i want to talk about my past it often whether it's traveling to certain places usually there are stories that are linked in with someone i might have been seen at the time and so i've got a big history of experiences with other people and I would never go into detail about people that I had been with or anything like that but I would mention people I'd be like oh you know I ended up seeing this guy in Argentina and then we went to this place and I would just throw into conversation like that and eventually Jordan had to say to me look like I I think your history is great everything's great but I don't really want to know I don't want to hear about people you've been with and I was

like oh but I haven't really gone into detail he's like I know and it doesn't matter he's like I just I don't want to think about that part of your life that you had all these experiences with other people I just want to make them with you and I had to really stop and register that because I love to talk like I wanted to tell him everything and I had to realize that okay maybe it is going to affect him and whether I think it's right or not I couldn't understand it at the start I was like but I want to tell you about this because it was a big part of my life I had to come to the point where he said I understand you want to tell me but I need you to understand that I don't want to hear about it and we had to meet at this point where I had to say okay I can't

I can't do that because making him uncomfortable and I think that's what we need to realize is that everyone's going to be different but if you go into a relationship or the first couple of dates and all you're doing is talking about all these other people that you've been with immediately this person's going to lose interest or the only thing that they're going to have an interest in is like maybe they're going on to your roster. I'm not saying that to be mean or to be harsh I'm saying you would think the same thing if the role was reversed. Just as an example too as like a role reversal I was on a date like a long time ago obviously with this person and I'd been speaking to him before we went on the date he slid into my Instagram we were chatting

for a little bit we went on this that had an amazing day like went into the harbour went to really nice restaurant went to opera bar went to another bar and it was great the band was there the chats were there it was really smooth I was like I like this guy now I don't know why he did what he did next but we started to talk about like the last person we're with in terms of a relationship and then he told me I've slept with 300 people that's what he said he goes oh I've slept with about three 320 people or something he's like I don't really count and I was gobsmacked and the way he said it to me was as if this was going to guarantee him getting laid with me because it was almost like he was like this is how experienced I am this is how good I am in all

honesty it was the exact moment he said it everything in my body switched and I was like I want nothing to do with him it just completely and I know I'm not saying that's right but I'm trying to explain that whether we want to or not we can't control the way we feel and that is that ignited something in me that was like oh cool that's great for you but now I just feel like I'm in another notch on your belt and I lost interest I think because it makes you feel like you're not special yeah as a notch yeah and when you're with someone and you really like them you want them to make you feel special you don't want them to tell you that you're one of x amount of people you know you want to feel like you're an individual and they see you as an individual so I

think you know regardless of how many people you've had in sexual partners that's totally beside the point and like we've said all throughout this like you could have 300 partners you could have a thousand you could have two it's fucking irrelevant to be perfectly honest but if you want to have a serious relationship with someone and you do think that you're interested in them then do try and make them feel special and do prioritize their feelings and maybe there might be a little bit in them that feels put off by hearing about your exes because we all have that little bit of jealousy that's inside us obviously like I said I spoke to Matt and Matt knows a lot about my history and my relationships I only started telling him about my history and my

relationships once we were in a committed relationship and he asked because he wanted more context about who I am as a person also when you knew you had him yeah I won you in a reality tv show i'm gonna tell you all of my fucking crazy stories because i think we have wrapped that question and answered it probably answered it too much but anyway i'm gonna talk keep some of this keep some of your past to yourself all right question number two all right this is controversial okay guys i got quite the doozy for you and i'm in a sticky situation so it's kind of a long story but essentially my boss has been having a secret affair with one of my co-workers that dirty dog dirty dog almost everyone in the office knows about it because the co-worker that

he's sleeping with has actually told us it's very obviously true as well and it's starting to become a problem in the workplace because it's interfering with our ability to do our jobs not only is this an inappropriate work situation but also what a fucking dog cheating on his partner for a year it's hard because i really like him as a boss but i get really annoyed when i see them together acting flirty and making jokes about their affair thinking that the rest of us don't understand i don't feel as though i am in a senior enough position to say anything but no one else is saying anything despite us all wanting it to be over what the heck should i do should i tell a board member or should i leave an anonymous letter to my boss telling him that everyone knows and to

sort his shit out and keep it out of the workplace i'm really confused about what to do because the whole situation is wrong but i don't feel or know if it's my place to say anything help okay i think this is very controversial because what are they doing when you say flirty what is it that's flirty about their behavior and what are they doing that is stopping you from being able to do your job like if it is just that they're jokey and they have banter you're gonna have a really hard time saying that whatever it is that's going on is a problem because just because you morally see this as being an issue which of course it is like I mean he's cheating and that's fucked right but him being a dickhead and him cheating on his wife is not your personal problem just because it's

morally wrong doesn't mean that you should take on somebody else's bad shit that they're doing and take ownership from it and get yourself involved that said if it's obviously happening in the workplace if those actions are impeding your ability to do your job if he is preferencing her or prioritizing her just say that you guys are in the same position and she's being given preferential treatment by him if any of that sort of stuff's happening then you absolutely have a reason to say something and in that case you should take this to HR and you should have a conversation because you know it's already such inappropriate workplace conduct but if they're not physically doing anything or not necessarily I don't mean physical as in like they have to be

fucking in a boardroom like that's not what I'm saying but like if they're not doing anything that actually kind of crosses a line of being flirtatious in a way that it stops you from doing your job then I think you're going to have a really hard time with this because if it's just the moral implications that she's told you and it hurts your soul that he is cheating on his wife and you want to do like the vigilante right thing which I think most of us would really struggle with and most of us would want to be like you know what no screw you you should suffer for this like you need to stop doing what you're doing and do the right thing because what you're doing is wrong And that's really noble that that's where your head's at.

I think it's going to come back and bite you in the ass being an employee that it will bite him in the ass because they are both going to deny, deny, deny and say that nothing is happening. And then what do you do? For me here, the issue is, and I agree with Laura, if this is just your moral compass that literally is going haywire and doesn't know what to do, you need to reconsider whether it's worth disrupting and causing a problem between everyone in the office and him and his wife.

because people are assholes. People are going to be assholes around you. You're not responsible for somebody else's asshole behavior. But for me, the reason I think this is actually quite a simple answer is, and I'm very passionate about this. You say that you're not comfortable in your workplace and then it's causing problems and you're unable to do your job. And for me, that is pretty clear cut. If no one should ever under any circumstances feel uncomfortable in their place of work. Now we don't know what is happening to make you feel that way, but I want everyone listening to know that if you're uncomfortable you 100% can take that further because this should be a safe place and I mean with everything happening in the world right now

and everything happening in parliament I think that I can't drive this point home enough now how you go about that you can either go to HR obviously and you can have the discussion and you can leave it to them or because you did make a point where you said look I quite like him as a boss normally and you don't know what to do I do think that you could leave an anonymous note if you really wanted to that's not passive aggressive that's not nasty that's not malicious I think you could even know saying exactly what you just said to us hey look we all know what's going on and we don't feel comfortable with it if you could leave your extracurricular activities outside of the workplace that would be the best thing for everyone I personally think that's okay

if you're torn between whether to go and throw this person under the bus or to just say hey give them a nudge in the right direction, that would be my advice in what to do. But ultimately only you're going to know what to do. I just don't think you need to go to work every single day if you're uncomfortable in that environment. I 100% agree with everything you said. And I guess like where I came from in my perspective with this is if they are bringing this to work, then you need to say something. But if they are leaving their extracurricular activities at the door and they are exactly that extracurricular and you only know about this because your friend told you and it's the moral side of it that you're grappling with then I think

that's when you don't want to get involved but if they are physically doing stuff at work if there is anything that makes you feel uncomfortable from their behavior that is impeding your ability to do your job that is sexual misconduct that is absolutely freaking inappropriate and we're definitely not sitting here advocating saying and I'm not I swear that to say that you should just cop that on the chin or look for another job. My perspective at the start is more so if nothing is happening at work and it's on you and how you feel he should be behaving because of something that you've been told, then that's where the area is gray, I think. Well, the other thing that I want to point out too, and it's interesting that it's the first thing that we think of, it takes two to

tango. There are two people in this. There is your boss, the male, and there is your friend who is a colleague and he's the female why do you just have to go straight to the boss and leave a note why can't you talk to your friend and call her out and not even call her out but just say hey like I don't agree with what you're doing I don't think you should be doing it you know morally because the guy's married but you can't bring this to work anymore like you guys need to do that outside like I don't think of course the boss has a responsibility and I'm not taking that off him but I'm just saying there are different ways you can go about this if you don't want to go and throw yourself under a bus to your boss well i guess the thing is right is that there is such a

gross imbalance of power right well if you're going to be hooking up with your boss like the issue doesn't necessarily lie with the employee the issue well i mean like look it's not good from any side of the coin it's a shitty shitty coin but the imbalance of power comes when somebody who is the boss has the power in the workplace they are abusing that and really there should be boundaries in place i mean a lot of workplaces have the rule that you can't hook up with people from work at all. No, not my workplace. Maybe not at your workplace.

Hospitals are incestuous. But that's the thing, right? So maybe if your workplace has those rules in place where you can't date other employees or you have to have a conversation with HR before you start dating people from within the company, then that's a really clear cut conversation for you to be able to have with HR.

If that's lines a little bit blurred or if it's a smaller company and they don't have those distinctions, then that does make that conversation a lot harder. But I do think that even an anonymous letter could come back to them, figuring out that it's from you. I even think that you're able to sit down if you really want to, and you have the capacity to, you could sit down with your boss and say, this is making me feel uncomfortable. And you could have a face-to-face with him that

doesn't need to be accusatory, but it could be, I've heard these things. I don't feel comfortable in this situation, but that would take a lot of courage to do that. I think don't do that without HR. Absolutely. You need to do that with other people around as well. Absolutely. Yeah. Don't have any of these conversations one-on-one if you're actually going to go in and I guess not I don't want to say accuse someone but just be very very aware that it's always great to have a paper trail and it's always great to have someone else in the room 100% I stand by that from experience and next and last question I am currently stuck on what to do I have been broken up from my ex-boyfriend for just over a year recently we decided after much thought and

individual growth that we wanted to work towards being together again sometime in the coming months so we are in inverted commas dating again but not in a serious relationship as of yet we're just trying to feel it out however recently I've gotten to know one of my guy friends well through regular chats and I feel as though there is a mutual connection to the point where it feels like I would like to possibly explore more with him though I'm not 100% sure this friend is feeling or thinking the same thing, even though he appears to be interested. I'm stuck because I feel as though I'm already in too deep with my ex because we're trying again and we're in a good place. But the fact is I do have these new feelings too. What do I do? Do I explore the feelings with a

friend or do I continue to build a relationship with my ex where it's just stable and I'm in a good place because we've known each other for eight years okay okay okay okay okay fuck your friend fuck your friend fyf and that's at the end of the um so thanks guys for listening to another episode of life uncut you know the drill i think if you are having these feelings and these thoughts really really assess them like I mean first up we're not our feelings there's definitely going to be temptations that come and go throughout all of our relationships you know you're going to have times where you think oh maybe I'm attracted to this person yeah still have your moral compass absolutely right like you're going to be tempted but the fact that you've already gone through

this breakup with your partner and now you're trying again and yet you're still tempted by other people and you use the word comfortable hashtag makes me think you're just doing this because it's safe, it's reliable, it's comfortable and you know exactly what you're going to get from your long-term partner. Whereas the new person, it's scary, it's uncharted territory, it's not safe, it's not a guarantee and you could be risking it all. It's mysterious even. I know, but that's kind of makes it fun and naughty. But I do think that there is a lot to say about having a relationship that is safe and stable and comfortable. Like I'm not going to just rattle that off and say that those things are important because they are really really important and after

eight years what you have built with your partner is something that is very significant however if you do have this longing to try something new to be with someone new if those feelings are overpowering what you have with your partner especially when you've already gone through this really tumultuous time then I think you really need to assess whether or not you're just playing it's safe because you don't want to be alone because you're hatching your bets right now and going well if I take this it's a risk and I could have no one but at the moment I've got someone make sure that you're making that decision because that someone is the person who you absolutely want to spend your life with who you want to you know potentially have kids with if

that's what you want in your life and you can see yourselves together in 20 30 40 years time still inspiring each other and still actually loving each other and being engaged in this relationship otherwise fuck your friend I'm gonna start by saying we already know what you say Brittany yeah and then I'll explain it I'm gonna say it's your time to shine fuck your friend not necessarily let's not be so crude hook up with your friend explore that for sure and now I'm gonna tell you why I am a big believer that you can definitely get back with an ex and it can be beautiful and you're forever in your penguin. I think that sometimes we do need a break in long-term relationships to assess where we're at and what we want. And I think you can come

full circle and you could very well get back with your partner and it's your everything. The fact is right now, you've been broken up with him for a year. There's a reason you broke up. We don't know what it is, but there's a reason. You've been broken up with him for a year. You still have feelings for him, which is absolutely normal. You have stated that, you know, it is a stable relationship. And like Laura said, I want to reiterate, we want stable, but we want stable when it's our penguin. We don't want stable because we're scared of what the other option is. The fact is you're not with him yet. You're still trying to work it out and decide if you want to get back with him. But there is someone here that whether you like it or not,

you have developed feelings for someone else and you want to explore that. I could almost guarantee that if you don't explore that and you get back with your partner, that little seed is going to be in the back of your head for a long time and you're going to wonder what if and I've done that before we've had a lot of people write in that say 10 years later they're still thinking about a what if from when they were 20 like this is quite common you're doing nothing wrong if you explore it and it sounds like you've got nothing to lose if you explore it with this new person and it doesn't work out well I disagree I think it does sound like she has a lot to lose I think it sounds like she has her now current even though they're not back to being in a serious

relationship they've made commitments to work towards that and I think once you've made those verbal commitments that means you're not having sex with other people or you're not seeing other people so I am going to say the one thing you shouldn't do is monkey branch or not be transparent I think if you're going to pursue your friend and you're going to see what that is I actually think you do owe it to your long-term partner to say hey I want to hold the brakes on this because if you've made a commitment that you're not seeing anybody else don't break that commitment oh if you've made a commitment yeah i'm not don't cheat on him fuck no i don't advocate that ever of course but she said in inverters commas we're seeing each other again it's not serious you need only

you're gonna know if you're cheating if you're doing this he's gonna think you're cheating don't do it you know where that line lies you know you don't need us to tell you what that is and you don't need if it's a gray area then it's probably wrong you know absolutely but if you know that you're both in a point where you're like just feeling it out you're doing your own thing you're independent you don't talk every day if you know that if you hooked up with this new person that it's going to be okay I would say explore it even if you just kiss the guy like even if you just get that just to see if there is a spark or a feeling you might kiss him and be like oh my god you are my that was the sloppiest thing I've ever experienced and you are in the friend zone

baddie bud I kissed my friend once and it was the worst thing I ever did it was like he's my brother I was like oh it was like my brother get off me it was disgusting but yeah like that's a whole another story I did it was actually my brother's really good friend sorry bro but that's irrelevant so I think like only you're gonna know if you're doing the wrong thing by hooking up with him but I'm a big advocate like we have a whole lifetime to be with someone if you're unsure right now you need to figure it out if kissing this guy or hooking up with this guy is going to help you figure it out I think that that's what you should do and that's just personal as long as you're not crossing boundaries and hurting anyone's feelings and doing the wrong thing and the big red flag to

me the big red flag that like I can't overcome in this and why I'm like look you should go and pursue a friend is that after spending eight years with someone having a year apart and then coming back together you should be damn certain that's the person you want to be with this shouldn't be ambiguous to you you should be like you know what we're getting back together because I absolutely know that you're the person I want to be with and I want to spend my life with and the fact that you're still not sure makes me think that you're playing this safe because you don't want to be alone that's that was harsh all right tough love here at life uncut anyway guys that's it for another episode of life uncut ask uncut please keep your questions coming in you know you can

slide on into our dms like a slippery little sucker just put ask uncut at the top and give us absolutely any question about anything it could be about finance it could be about your chin hairs like we said it could be about how to spell jalapeno but you know what personally i'd prefer it wasn't that but if that's your biggest problem of your life actually if that's the biggest problem in your life you're doing okay i don't need to hear that or how to spell champagne i always get it wrong i have to say champagne champagne i feel like no one knows how to spell champagne but we all know how to drink it like february or wednesday yeah like i have every time i write those i say in my head i'm like wednesday february everyone does every single person does and when

they do it every single person goes fuck does everyone else know how to spell these words and I don't know why. Oh, yacht? That's a hard one to spell. Diarrhea. No, Worcestershire. I can't say Worcestershire sauce without saying Worcestershire sheer. Wow, this really took a turn.

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