Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - The Great Drink Bottle Deception Debate

Episode Date: March 1, 2023

Welcome to therapy where we answer your questions, completely unqualified but enthusiastically! First up, Lola is being a sleep terror and it's got Laura praying to the sleep gods.We've also found a 'new' way to see if your partner is cheating on you, and Lady Gaga is getting sued for the most ludicrous reason. Today the questions we are jumping into are:-I slept with my coworker about 4 years ago. He has a new girlfriend now who I have become friends with. We really click! Should I tell her that we slept together years ago or should I pretend like it never happened? She has started asking questions about his past.-My ex and I had a list of baby names with one that he really liked. My new partner and I are now talking about baby names and he likes the exact same name. Can I name my child the same name that my ex picked?-I accidentally saw that my partner had ordered my engagement ring. He left it open by accident on his safari when I went to search for something. I saw the ring, the receipt and everything. Should I tell him I've seen it or act shocked when he proposes?-How early is 'too' early to bring up stuff like mental health issues in the early stages of dating someone?Vibes and unsubscribes today are:Laura- the app Dext https://app.dext.com/loginBritt - unsubscribing from photo widgets that show photos of your exes If you haven't hit subscribe or follow, tap the little plus and the episodes will download directly when they're available so you won't have to worry about reception or internet connection! Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love!! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany, and this is Thursday Ask Uncut, our down and dirty question therapy session where you write in your questions, we do our best to answer them. Yes, it is.

Laura is, okay, I'm just going to, Laura wasn't going to say anything. I'm just going to say it. Laura is beside herself with exhaustion. I feel like beside myself makes it sound like I've been crying. You're on the ground. Like I've come in crying. No, beside yourself with exhaustion. Of course.

So Lola Derby is awake, like a party animal, all night. It's a new thing she's doing? She's free to a good home. Anybody looking to adopt a small child. No, at least we get some money for it. Yeah. I mean, she's pretty top shelf. She's a bit broken because she doesn't sleep.

But apart from that, like, she's pretty good. A little bit used, but in good shape. What is it? Is she teething? Is she night terrors? Is it growing pains? Because she's two. So is that like a growing time?

I think she's just trying to ruin my life. Isn't that what kids do? That's actually probably exactly right. Yeah, like you have children. And then I think about how I was to my mum and I'm pretty sure I purposely tried to ruin her life. And I think it just isn't, well, not purposely, but like, you know, by accident, I tried to ruin her life by just existing.

Do you think it's standard for girls and mums? Do you think it's a standard rite of passage to go through this? Like I say hate, but I don't mean it. Like every mother and daughter has this, I hate you moment where you, you're almost so similar and that's why you fight. But do you think that's normal? Do you think there's any daughter out there and mother that just had this like amazing A-plus relationship their entire life?

I think it's called puberty. Like hormones make you angry, right? I'm sure that there are parents and I'm sure there are mother-daughter relationships out there who have just sailed the test of time and have never had any hiccups or their mums are their best friends. My mum and I are so close now, like we're way closer now as friends, but I wouldn't have said that we were friends growing up. Like she was my mum growing up, even though she was a single mum, even though, you know,

she was a pretty relaxed single mom she was pretty parenty about other things so I feel like I think that sometimes single moms have the like there's this thought that they always want to be your friend and that they're not you know they're really lax with rules and she was really lax with some rules but she had very like high expectations I guess and there was always like a standard and that kind of meant that you know we weren't like we weren't best friends I never understood because my parents weren't like that either I never understood the whole like I'm best friends with my mom I'm best friends with my daughter thing because I mean every therapist and psychologist will tell you will tell a parent you're not their friend like you are their parent of course you want

them to come to you and like be loving with you but everyone's like don't try to be best friends with your children try to parent them and obviously when you're adults of course you're gonna be friends but I was oh my god we were not best friends me and my mom well let me let me tell you this. Lola and I are not best friends right now. No, she, I don't know. She's just going through, she's going through a hard time too. It's a challenging time in life. And she's decided that sleep sucks. And she got a little boifee at preschool. Maybe she's having some trouble. Rafael or Leonardo. I can't remember. He's got an Italian name. Shut up. There's a Rafael and a Leonardo that she's fighting between.

There's a Netflix show on the internet. Let's sell this immediately. Okay. Something I wanted to talk to you about. I came across this thing on TikTok and I want to know your thoughts on the validity of this and anybody out there who is experiencing maybe you think that your partner's cheating on you well if you do think that then i'm really i'm really sorry because that fucking sucks but if you think maybe your partner's cheating on you there is this new tiktok trend okay i'm going to describe to you okay so you have to get a used drink bottle right so like go to an op shop go and buy an op shop for the drink what are you Can you just not go and get a drink bottle from the shop?

No, it's got to be like a used one. It's got to be like an old drink bottle, like one that's like obviously, you know, being used by someone else. Okay. Hear me out. I'm already going to say no, this isn't valid. So go and get a used drink bottle and then when you're in the car with your partner, just say to them, oh, hey, I found you a drink bottle

and pass them the used drink bottle that's like on the floor of the passenger seat of their car. It's France from 1963. also do op shops sell used drink bottles i don't think so this is why the whole thing's so funny okay okay so you hand them a drink bottle hand them a drink bottle and if they're cheating on you and they've had someone else in the car you know that they shouldn't have that they're trying to hide from you they will be like oh thank you and they'll try and downplay the fact that you've found this drink bottle they'll be like oh pretend it's theirs to cover that yeah oh thanks and then

like you know it'll be a non-thing they won't be like oh whose drink bottle is that but if they're not cheating on you and they don't know the drink bottle they don't recognize the drink bottle and they don't have any reason for that to be in their car they would be like whose fucking drink bottle is that it's not mine what's that doing in here this is ridiculous just put a gps tracker on the car let's go straight to the top i feel like that's illegal i'm sure the paps around sydney do it actually but yeah i think gps tracking your partner is very fucking illegal it is i wonder how many people are breaking up over this drink bottle. This is not a surefire way to see if you're –

No, apparently it's not. It's not science. They haven't done a PhD study on it. There's not a thesis. Some guy just did it with his drink bottle. Yeah, but apparently he was like a CIA agent. So he's coming out with – He was not.

Laura's been sucked down such a rabbit hole. He's not a CIA agent and I bet you it didn't even work. I bet you this guy who did it didn't even find out or confirm if his partner's cheating. I think he's just done the TikTok, it's gone viral, and now op shops are selling out of drink bottles like Brad said. And to be fair, I wouldn't be getting my drink bottles from an op shop. If you handed Matt a drink bottle in the car, you're in the car,

you handed Matt a drink bottle and said, baby, forgot this, and he's like, thanks, put it in his bag, you'd be like, it's over. I knew it. Is that what you're telling me? I think Matt would say, this is not my drink bottle. He would also be weird. He wouldn't even look. He'd just get it and put it in the bag.

He would also be like, what the fuck are you doing? Because like there's – You don't drink water. Yeah. Well, I mean it would be weird for us to just be in the car and for me to pick up a drink bottle and go, hey, Matt, here's your drink bottle you didn't ask for. Like why would I be passing it to him?

But I reckon that's 90% of the population. I don't know if the whole idea of you bringing this was for me to debunk or not, but I'm like if there was a fail buzzer, like on The Masked Singer, I would be turning around and doing that. So it's had 10 million views. 10 million breakups. 10 million people have broken up because of this poor information. But it made me ask the question and it's one that we haven't done yet

on the podcast. I'm laughing already as if a CIA agent is going to out himself on TikTok and be like, guys, don't tell anyone I'm a CIA agent and this is how I get through relationship cheating. Like how many people do you think he's broken up with because he thinks that they're cheating on him? Well, that's why he's still single, isn't it? That's so stupid.

Okay. So it led me to this thought though. Okay, so the thought is, well, the question is, we haven't asked this question before and I think we could get some good answers. What is the weirdest way that you figured out that your partner was cheating on you? Oh, cause we had like Shakira recently, how she figured out her partner was cheating because of the jam in the fridge. Yes. And okay. I was telling him about this thing last night and he reminded me of another story. So there was a guy who was cheating on his wife and he said he was going away to like a work conference or something. And in the middle of the

night, so his Apple watch was linked to the iPad and she looked at his health stats for some reason and his heart rate, just making sure his vitals are good. So his heart rate kept spiking in the middle of the fucking night on this work trip. And she was like, well, he's not going for a run at midnight, is he? Turns out he was, you know, he was horizontal running, doing the horizontal dance of love well there was another way I didn't know this is a thing so I felt like I was about to put it out there if you guys are cheating be careful I was about to be like be careful make sure you don't find out yeah like linking your ipad to your phone messages that's a rookie era everyone's you know I mean I shouldn't say everyone's experienced that but like I know a lot

of people have experienced that I'm so technically challenged I would 100% get caught cheating in like 10 minutes but I didn't know this was a thing someone got caught cheating a woman caught her boyfriend cheating because alexa you know the little machine in your house you're like alexa play sally got trouble that's not a song i could not think alexa i like the radio show and you couldn't think of one i couldn't panic song alexa i can't think of something alexa play justin bieber baby great i'm glad i got my example but what happens is this girl somehow stumbled across that Alexa, you can print out a whole instruction sheet of what you have said to Alexa, word for word. So it will tell you what you asked for and timestamps it and stuff

like that. And so I don't know why she decided to do this. She stumbled across it and there were loads of conversations that were had between two people that were asking Alexa to do things around the house. Cause you can ask Alexa to do other stuff. It's not just play music. So because she Alexa, do the washing up. Alexa, do me from behind. Put Lola to sleep. Why does Alexa do nothing, lazy bitch? I love that you go, Alexa, put her to sleep,

and I go, Alexa, do me from behind. It shows the difference. One of us is in a long-distance relationship and you'll win nothing if you can guess who that is. But apparently Alexa does that. It does printouts of everything you've ever said. How did she know it wasn't her partner who was just doing that? Well, this is the way I understood it.

She says, when you say, hey, Alexa, if you're having a conversation of sort, it will pick it up because it's lit up and said, Alexa. Right. But it doesn't give you like the tone, like, or was it just that, hey, Alexa, and then it was asking to play like, what was like, you know. Taylor Swift. Marley Story. Like, is that the thing?

Is she like, my husband would never listen to that. Yeah. But if there are other really weird, interesting ways you've found out your partner's cheating, or maybe they found out you were cheating, let us know. Like, we don't want to laugh at you. Yeah, we do. But we will. A hundred percent.

You know, it's good to – once you're over the trauma, it's good to laugh about these things. It's healing. There's been research studies that's been done on how good it is to laugh. Okay. I mean, yeah, I laugh at my psycho relationship all the time. Okay. Speaking of trauma, this isn't funny, but we're speaking

about getting over trauma. In 2021 – What a segue. I woke up every night last night. Now, this is – Every night. Every hour last night as well. Now, let me just – I love how we compare ourselves to each other.

We can just get on to what you were going to talk about. No, because I'm just going to talk about it for a second. Delilah, my child, is getting de-sexed tomorrow and I'm really anxious about her going in for the operation. I think it's like a child, you know, when they're going in for surgery the next day, that's how I feel. I would be anxious about that too though. Yeah, I am.

Now I'm just like what if something goes wrong? I know it's an operation they do all the time, like literally hundreds of times. Is it like a hysterectomy? Yes. yes and I say that because producer Keisha's nodding yes I actually don't know what they do believe it or not how to de-sex them but I don't know if it was like a little tie or they take it all out but she's got to be a conehead for a while four or five days pain medication so I'm I was

yeah I was really anxious about dropping my child at the operation tomorrow no I totally relate to that that would be very stressful and I'm sorry she'll be fine that's not what I was going to say anyway I want to talk about Lady Gaga now in 2021 a lot of you might remember Lady Gaga there was this big saga around gaga i had to it was a big saga around gaga her dog walker ryan fisher was walking her two beloved pooches one day down the street in la and he got shot critically shot he didn't die he survived but it was it was really bad and he was shot because someone wanted to steal the dogs yeah ransom yep and then the person shot him i don't know if it was intent to kill or not but luckily he didn't but they stole the dogs gone now lady gaga put lots of statements out

saying anyone find my dog and she put a reward out that went up to 500 000 us dollars which conversion is probably 758 oh no probably more 900 000 it's a lot of money in australian dollars and part of her statement when she put out the reward was you know i will give this money no questions asked for the return of my dog. Now, fast forward, Lady Gaga is being sued by the person that returned the dogs, which when you read that headline, you're like, you said that you would give someone $500,000 if they returned your dog and they returned your dog. The person that's suing her for the money is one of the thieves. So someone stole her dog and then one of their like loose accomplices saw the reward money for $500,000. So they brought the dog back.

did they find the person who did the shooting they've got them all yeah they're in prison and so one of them is in prison but is she getting sued from prison like she's saying like you lied it was deceit you deceived me you said if you got your dogs back and because lady gaga in quotations said no questions asked which i don't know how this is gonna go because on a technicality she said that it didn't she said there's not like whoever's gonna give it back i'm gonna give you the money do you know what this makes me think only in america 100 only in america would this shit fly well she's suing because she said there's been mental anguish and pain and suffering for her for the person who stole the dogs like yeah i don't know i don't know what i'd be very pretty

stressful being a thief this is the sort of thing that i feel like they might win because this is happening this is all playing out now this is literally like a couple of hours ago that there was an update saying it's going to court. I don't think they'll win. I've got two reasons. Also, who's the fucking lawyer who's like, oh, that's a good case. I'll take that one. Maybe it's because they just want the celebrity kudos that goes with fighting this case. The reason why I think that it's impossible for them to win one is because it sets a precedent. Everyone's going to be out shooting people and stealing dogs. And two is because it's surely it's not legally binding. If you say I'm going to give a reward for X amount of money, that's not a legal contract.

That's not a, yes, it's a statement, but like, I mean, I could say free speech, say whatever you want in America, you don't get held accountable for it. I don't know, but I'm very interested to see how this plays out. Also, I just want to correct something. I did say two dogs. It was three dogs. It was like three dogs and very important information. Well, I mean, I just feel like that's, you know, 500,000 three dogs.

Like, you know, it makes a difference. So I'm going to keep my eye on this and I'm going to update you next week because I need to see what happens. I need to see who's going to sue who. I can't wait. On the edge of my seat. okay well before we get into answering all your deep dark and burning questions i have a recommendation this week because i am an organized bitch now that is my life i am someone who

particularly uh struggles with doing their tax because anything that's non-critical doesn't get done so unless tax is pretty critical you can go to prison but it only becomes critical once you've passed the deadline date of it right tax evasion you heard it here first no so what i mean is is that for example if i get a bill or a fine or i need to renew my license you do have or i've got to do my tax like whatever it is unless it's at the due date or like a week past the due date sometimes a little bit further past unless my license is being suspended unless i am going to prison it doesn't get done because i only do things when they've moved up into critical status yeah like an alarm's going on which i know like freaks a lot of people out people who are organized

like can't live like this, but I also live like that. I'm like, you know, I've got so many other things to do in my day to day that until that thing that's not a necessity right now moves into critical, it doesn't get done. Oh, my notification has to have that big red stamp across it that says like final notice, debt collector coming. I have to be at that stage. And you're like, fine, I'll do it now. Don't yell at me. Anyway, so I found a new app. I've been using it. I'm really trying this year to get on top of my tax. It's called Dext. The thing I struggle with is I always lose receipts. So when you run your own businesses, that's a fucking nightmare because I don't listen to Brit. Brit reckons you can do everything from bank statements,

but you're supposed to have your actual receipts if you're ever audited. So Dext is an app where you can just take a photo of a receipt as you use it. So, you know, whatever, go have a lovely lunch meeting, take a photo of that receipt. It uploads into Dext. It reads all of the information on it and it puts it into your Xero and your Excel spreadsheets and everything else. So it automates all of the work for you and it can allocate what expense it is, so like where it belongs. Honestly, for me, for someone who is the most unorganised person

in the world, yeah, it's great. And this is not sponsored. I just think it's fucking awesome. Maybe we could have got a sponsor if you had some forethought. Hey, Dexter, if you're out there, please can you sponsor our podcast? Do you pay for it or is it free? No, it is not free. It's actually quite expensive.

But you can claim it. But you can claim it. So it's a receipt in itself. I feel like this is probably more suited to people who are business owners or sole traders. But if you are somebody who has to constantly keep on top of keeping receipts so that you can do your tax or whatever, it's like $400 a year. It's not cheap. It's expensive.

But when you break that down, what's that? What's $400 divided by 12? I imagine. Maths is not my strong point. I'm going to put it in a calculator. It's $33 a month. If you're a business owner, that is not a bad amount of money to spend to stay on top of literally all of your expense organisation.

It's fucking great. Okay, so you have the vibe. I have the unsubscribe. So this week I'm unsubscribing from widgets. All widgets? Every widget. Well, a widget can be a lot of things, but a phone widget. Now, I think this is only on iPhones.

I'm talking about iPhones. So if you're a weirdo that has like a Samsung or something. Sorry to everybody who listens to this podcast and has a Samsung. I always say it's my dad. I'm like, dad, why do you have a Samsung, dad? I don't know because now we can't airdrop and do other stuff anyway. You always know when you have an iPhone, you always know who doesn't because then you try and send them like a group message

and theirs goes individually and you're like, ah, Cass. It happened to me yesterday. I was like, can you airdrop me that? They're like, well, I don't have a Samsung. I'm like, oh, don't worry. Fucking email it then. This is going to take all day. I guess just message it.

No, so on an iPhone they have something called a photo widget, which is you can say yes, put it on your phone or not. Like you can take it off, which is why I want to take it off. in the top corner of your home screen or lock screen it will just basically go through your photo album and it'll put every minute a couple of minutes it'll just bring up another photo most of the time this is super cute because it's like if you've got photos in your photo album on your phone usually it's something you want to see it could be the beach could be your friends night out your kids a lot of mine are Delilah but I have a hundred thousand photos on my phone

But now it means all these old photos. I woke up this morning and there was a photo, I hate to say it, of like myself and Jordan from years ago on the phone and I have to unsubscribe the whole thing because I don't know how to get those certain photos off the phone without going back through 100,000 photos to delete it. There are memories that people are going to have on their phone that they don't want to be reminded of.

Well, maybe iPhone just needs to be smarter. It's almost like Facebook's quite good now. It knows when you've broken up with someone. so like well that's because you say not complicated anymore just but if you if doesn't serve you that person very often so like for example if you were friends with someone clearly you were dating them and then you've unfriended them it doesn't usually go hey here's a suggested friend for you it's your ex-boyfriend how wild is it that we used to well I mean I think we used people probably still do it but we were living in a world where you openly if you had a fight with your partner you're like I'll

show you you logged onto Facebook and you're like it's complicated you let everyone know by your Facebook status update that you were like having an argument with your partner isn't that crazy now yeah see that's the widget look producer Keisha's pulled up her phone now with a you've screenshot that from yesterday on her widget is a photo of her and like someone that she would rather forget that's popped up and it's like one of her I know because I know you it's like one of your fondest memories I remember you've told me so this is the shit the iPhone needs to work out you need to be they have face recognition you can search faces you know you can I can type in Laura and it will search my phone for your face.

So you should be able to update your widget with a face if it's that clever. And say, I don't want to see this face. And it can filter through and not show you that. That's what, wow, oh, my God, I think I just thought of something. Maybe if they hear this. Trademark. Anyway, let's get into the question.

All right. Question number one. Hemi. Hey, that's Jim Carrey the mask. Is it? It's been a long time. I love Jim Carrey. Okay, go.

I slept with my co-worker about four years ago. We continue to remain friends, however, and also work colleagues ever since. Recently, he got a girlfriend, which I have met a couple of times in group settings. We instantly clicked. Fast forward, we now go for drinks and we text on a regular basis. She is in love with my friend slash colleague, asking me about his past partners etc my question is do I tell her that I slept with her boyfriend many years ago as we are now close friends or is it too late and I have ruined everything

this is tricky because normally I would say if two people were friends if two women were friends and one of them started to see somebody I would say yes if you'd slept with that person you'd tell them right so like if producer Keisha came to me and said I've started seeing this guy and i had hooked up with them i would say oh fyi like however many years ago i'd hooked i would say that because for me in a friendship that stuff will come out one day especially like you've got to say it early on you can't like wait for them to be weeks deep you can't be like months deep and they'll be like hey fuck your boyfriend totally yeah at the wedding yeah so dear keisha i'm so happy for you and i hope that he's better in bed than he was when he fucked me oh no like

i know you're gonna have a happy life because he banged me real good this is why it's tricky but now you've become friends by default with this girl after she was already seeing him. So it's like backwards for me. She is in love with him and you're getting really close. So there's a big part of me that's like, you probably need to get it out in the open, but I think maybe it needs to come from him. If you're going to form a really good friendship with her, it will come out at some point. If not, it's going to eat you alive because one day if they're completely in love and they're together down the track, you have held onto a secret, whether it's one year, three years, five reason it comes out she's going to be like what the fuck how could you have been my friend for

this long and not told me that you slept with my partner will it though yes laura it does and it will absolutely okay i have slightly different views to you brit only because i think like you're not really friends with this girl yet right you said they've formed a very good connection yes she's met her several times she said through her work colleague slash friend but they're not like besties they're not like yeah yeah but well if they do become besties then she's the one pursuing that friendship right like you have an option you don't have to be besties with your friend's girlfriend because it sounds like it that they're friends but they're more work colleagues right doesn't sound like she's best friends with the guy that she works with no sounds like she boned him

four years ago they remain friends like you know friendly at work and work colleagues and now he's got a girlfriend I think maybe suggest to him like I do agree with you suggest to him hey this has come up what do you want to do here because I feel uncomfortable and I don't want to be the one to tell her but I do think that it kind of puts you in an awkward position and I don't think that you need to be bringing up something from four years ago like did it mean anything to you do you have any feelings for the guy do you care do you think about it will you really be holding on to this big dark secret well yeah because now she's lying she directly asked her about his past she's asked what's his past tell me about him knowing she's sitting there going oh my god I've

got to answer about his past knowing i fucked him and she's not and she's not telling him so now she's lying i guess to a new friend who she said she wants to form a like she said we're pretty close we really like each other we've hit it off her words i feel like put yourself into that position though like if it was someone from your work like as in let's say it's someone from upstairs in like the radio team who you've become friends with and their very new partner very new Well, no, they're in love. Asked you about their past. Oh, I think you're playing this down.

They're in love. Yeah, I just don't think, I don't know, maybe I have a different feeling towards it. I don't think a one sexual relationship, like as in we had sex once four years ago, I just think by telling her it kind of makes it feel like it's a way bigger deal than what it is. And I think like depending on how close you see your friendship

being with this person, if you do think you're going to be best friends and you're going to, you know, that's what you want, you want to like really hang out all the time and you're going to be having it's really close friendship, then maybe it's a different story. But if you're going to be just, you know, acquaintances or like friendly with each other, even though you hit it off, but you're not going to be like, you know, deeply entrenched in each other's lives. I just don't think it's necessary. I think at the end of the day, it's very tricky. I can't

lie in a friendship like that. Personally, if you think it can never bother you and it will never come up and it will do more damage than good. If you think it will hurt her feelings more than it will help then don't do it but what I think you should do is just go to the boyfriend your friend your work colleague and be like hey I really like Sarah we're becoming friends she's asked me directly about your past what do you want to do are you ever going to bring it up with her are you going to tell her and what if he says no because if you decide not to tell her now and you haven't spoken to the boyfriend and then she asked him directly about his past have you ever hooked up with anyone at work and he's like oh yeah once you know whatever her name is Sally

from down the road I hooked up with Sally four years ago she's gonna be shattered that you lied so you both need to say look is this worth putting it all on the table are we just gonna make it like yes we did it once four years ago it meant nothing we're not friends or do you think it's gonna make it too awkward between you but it's going to end badly if you don't talk to the boyfriend and know where you both at it just I'm just telling you it is not gonna end well I agree with you you need to get on the same page either you get on the same page with keeping it a secret or you burn the book Or you get on the same page with telling her, but I don't think that it's your place to go and tell her. I think like it's his place or it's his decision. I just think like it's unnecessarily

going to create drama if you go out of your way to tell someone that you had sex with a guy that they started dating four years ago. I don't know. I just, I think that sometimes we think we want all the information, but sometimes having that information can actually just make us feel crazy. What's that going to do to her? Is she then going to feel insecure every time you guys hang out or have a friendship is it going to make her question the level of what that friendship is and I think it's a big thing for the person like for the person writing in the question is the friendship completely platonic now was it a one night thing and then four years on you you have absolutely no interest like the thought of that is just like repulsive to you because you know your friends

owned him so hard he's like a brother because I think sex can be a huge deal and it can truly mean nothing but it certainly won't mean nothing to the new girlfriend yeah you're in between a rock and hard place that's not a it's not a good place to be there's no really good outcome i want like okay producer keisha what would you do in this instance since brit and i can't fully get on the same page what do you think in this isn't it we're calling a third party i actually have been in this exact scenario was it with me no we have not hooked up but that's nice have you had you and me hooking up you idiot we're hooking up with the same person have you guys ever had sex with the same person no i don't know if i could i feel like i don't want to be compared to you

And I also had, oh, I don't want to be compared to you. I had a drought last year as well. So I was off the cards, off the books. Nah, there was a few people in and out. In and out, literally. Yeah, maybe two, but no, those two didn't cross over. Okay, right. So in my particular situation where this literally did take place,

it was in this situation where I thought, look, there is a really pretty high chance that this will eventually come out because we weren't the only people who knew about the fact that we had hooked up. Yeah, right. So if other people know, especially if you work together and other people in your workplace know, there's a good chance that like come a Christmas party, everyone has a couple drinks

and something is said and all of a sudden it's really awkward. Remember that time you fucked? Like that. Yeah, so I said, hey, look, it's totally up to you but I personally would prefer that it comes from you. I don't think it's my responsibility but I also don't want to be on the receiving end of it if she finds out down the track and then all of a sudden we've kind of got to justify stuff, you know.

Okay, and how was it received when he finally said it? Are you guys still close friends? Are we all hanging out together being besties? Look, she wasn't stoked but I think that – Did it then affect the friendship and change everything? I don't think it affected my friendships. I don't know whether it affected like the way that she was comfortable with the two of us being friends.

She handled it pretty well and I also – I think the time in between makes a big difference. Like I think it – like she said, it's been four years. That's a long time. It's not like you're saying, hey, by the way, the person that I was sleeping with before we got together is the chick that you've become friends with. Whereas in Keisha's situation it was two weeks,

so I can understand why she was a bit more pissed. Put it this way. I wouldn't be stoked if this was me. If I found out my new boyfriend had slept with a friend and his work colleague and they still see each other and no one told me, I would be like, you're a bunch of dickheads. Like why wouldn't you just tell me this so I knew? I would feel like the joke was on me a little bit.

Everyone pulled the wool over my eyes. I don't think it's cool. I think something like this, it's better out on the table and then if that means you're not going to be best friends with this girl, that's okay. You're not besties with her yet anyway. I get that you like her but it's better in a relationship for them anyway to know the truth, especially if you're all going

to be associating with each other. And that's when I put myself in that situation. Good point, Britt. Thanks. I've got one more thing to add. I think it actually depends on whether other people know that you're hooked up or not. It's a work office.

They all know. Keep it a deep, dark, dirty secret. I think if it's just the two of you that know, I'd be leaning towards putting it away. Don't tell it, yes. Yeah, I'd be keeping it. Well, we know you're the honest one here, the three of us here. But that's what I mean by like if it's not a big deal,

if no one knows about it, like I just. They know. It's a work office. It's the gossipiest place. Like think of the gossip in a work office. All right, question number two. We all have a baby name ideas list in our notes app, right? Correct.

I do. Did you? You write your baby list names down as you think of them? I wrote them down in high school. I haven't written them down since. I kind of just knew. I would love to see what yours were in high school. like i feel like all of mine were very byron bay hippie salt of the earth yeah is that what it even

is not even salt of the earth whatever just hippie okay well my ex and i had chosen baby names that we both really liked fast forward i am now with a new partner and we've just at a stage where we talk through baby name ideas and i'll add the ones we like to my notes app the other day is this just something you do with every boy like like no because you're trying or is it just that you've just brought up hey if we ever have a baby a hypothetical baby one day yes it's what we call it yes when you get to that stage you know that love stage where you're like I think they're the one and you love to talk about your future I'm already doing it with Ben I have never ever spoken about baby names with a boyfriend except for Matt because that's someone who I actually procreated

with I've never just had a boyfriend where I've been like let's do baby names I have once anyway the other day my partner randomly said he likes a name which is the same name my ex and I had chosen for a boy if we had one. I love the name, but I obviously never brought it up because it was a name I'd chosen with a different person. Is it weird to name our kids a name that I was going to call a baby with my ex? A name technically chosen by the ex. Yes. But my partner has no idea about that. Yes. I secretly love that my partner likes the same name though. Is it weird? Can we call them the same name? I was going to call it with my ex-boyfriend. You can call a kid whatever you want you can call a kid peanut if you want to but does it just mean that every time you look at

that kid you're going to think about how once upon a time you were going to name that kid the same thing that your ex was I don't know if you think that the name is going to remind you of your ex in any capacity I would say call your kid another name there are hundreds of names out there thousands millions I think the same thing I did that with my ex like I said and I had names that I really really liked but they were names that he also really liked and he's such I just hate him so much like you don't want to give him the satisfaction but whether I wanted to or not I would think about him at some stage if I had to say that name a hundred times a day to a child which you're going to do you're going to be repeating that name for the rest of your life

all day all night screaming it yelling it saying it affectionately all the emotions if you're going to just think about your ex I would say don't do it I'd say pick another name even if you love it there has to be another name you love out there when you have this hypothetical baby that's not conceived yet but when it's hypothetical not real when you have this baby and you name it the name that you've spoken about with your ex do you think that he's gonna then be thinking that you're still hung up on him or that there's some sort of like do you reckon that's gonna be a little ego patch for him what when he searches for her on facebook yeah like he's gonna know that you've had a kid like we all look at our exes every so often do you think he's gonna be like oh she's just like

taken our life and duplicated it with someone else and do you want to give him the satisfaction Yeah, that's what I mean. Like don't give someone that satisfaction at all. I don't know. Maybe people are different in terms of like, I know that some people get very, very attached to names, but I think the reason why you're attached to that name and the reason why you like it so much is deeply entrenched in your ex. I would just get a different name. And I might even say to my now partner, if you ever, you know, guys get pregnant together, I would say, look, I love the name, but weirdly, this is a name that like my ex absolutely loved. And it just feels like there's some sort of you know weird reminder there that I don't want to have with my child I don't like

personally any emotive connection so I don't even like if I started to date someone new and he wore the same aftershave as an ex that smell and you got that I would be buying him your aftershave and I would be honest I'm like you cannot wear that like my ex would for you yeah I don't want any reminder of something like that in my past and I mean it smells very specific because that does bring up a lot of emotions can make you horny can turn you off can do anything the power of smell honestly if you had covid and lost your sense of smell i'm sorry for you but i think in this stage in the words of elsa from whatever that show is let it go let it go it is let it go let it go let it go move on okay okay question number three laura

really hitting the hard-hitting questions today aren't we okay my partner and i have been together for a few years and have been talking about our future for a while now i have told him i'd like to get engaged in the next year or two and we've been looking at rings together the other day when i was setting up netflix on his phone it opened to safari and i saw a tab with the order confirmation from a jeweler we had been looking at oh no it's most definitely a ring as i also saw the price tag although it's not a complete surprise i knew immediately i wasn't meant to see it and have been pretending that i didn't should i tell him that i've seen it or just let him continue planning We have a trip coming up on my birthday, so I'm definitely suspicious now,

but I also don't want to feel like I've ruined the surprise. Girl, no. Don't tell him. Take that shit to the grave. That should not even come into your brain. All you do now is practice your shock face in the mirror. If you tell him, yeah, put your acting cap on. If you tell him, he ain't proposing.

He'll still propose, but it'll just not be as fun. Nah, he'll postpone it because he'll be like, I'll show you. I'm going to do what you least expect it in 22 years. I can guarantee you I have so many friends actually they're all engaged now but so many friends that I think even Sherry did it my sister Sherry they're talking their relationships about when are you going to propose when are we getting married when's it going to happen and without knowing the partners were planning on proposing but every time the woman the girl brought it up the guy put it back in their head because they're like well I want it to be a surprise and now she's

asking she's going to expect it she's going to think I did it because she asked yeah that's the way they think so every single time because they all told you know i know this because all the guys said it like you're your own worst enemy every time you ask me i'm putting it back so stop it's one of those things so i think if you said to him hey yo i saw the ring saw the confirmation like can't wait for you to do it he's not going to do it he knows you expect it he knows you're going to expect it on the holiday that you're planning it's your birthday if you want to get engaged take this to the grave 100 i also think like the fact that you guys have gone to shops and looked at rings. Like it's not actually that big of a surprise. It's not like when he finally does it,

you're going to be like, I didn't know, you know, he's going to do it. You've literally been to the shops and looked at rings together as a couple. It's just the, when that's the shock, you know, it's the, which holiday is he going to do it on? So I think just give him that. I think you pretend like you're shocked. Maybe you can tell him afterwards if you want to, like if you really want to, but I think at the time and preempting it, there's no need to tell him that you've seen it. Also definitely no need to tell him you've seen the price tag. It's also disappointing when you're wanting to surprise someone with something and they find out the surprise before it happens even just the little things birthday presents surprise party sexy lingerie whatever it is

there's this sense of disappointment where you're like well cool I couldn't even pull that off it's all ruined he'll feel pretty shitty if he knows that you've seen literally the price tag the ring where it was from when he bought it like there's nothing left for him to surprise you with so I almost ruined my own engagement I told you before how Matt had a photo vault in his phone and in that photo vault he'd been keeping photos of the diamonds that he was choosing between and like the design and stuff but stupidly he downloaded a photo vault app so I was like why have you got photos of your ex-girlfriend in a photo he was like I don't you accused him and I was like then show me and he was like why are you being so crazy I was very pregnant at

the time and I also didn't think it was his ex-girlfriend I was just you know I was like what have you got like who else has a photo vault app yeah what are you keeping it in there what purpose would a man need a photo vault app and I was getting really angry at him about it and we were at his sister's house and his sister pulled me aside and she was like he's doing something nice for you and you're gonna fucking ruin it shut up and I was like that could be yeah anyway sometimes guys aren't being assholes they're just being great and we've been conditioned to think that they're all awful okay I have one more question I reckon we can wrap that one up just don't tell him just take it to the grave sometimes it's better to lie this is a question I'm gonna

to summarize because I read it when it came in and then I cannot for the life of me find it. So if this relates to you in any sort of way, it could be your question. It could not be. If she's added some mayo, she's sorry. Yes, totally. Okay. So I started dating this guy a couple of weeks ago. We've been seeing each other for three weeks. However, we've been seeing each other multiple times a week. So three or four times a week for three weeks. Okay. Recently, and the last time we saw each other, I told him about how I really struggle with anxiety and also told him some stuff about my past, like my family and just, you know,

complicated relationships with my parents. He's done a full like emotional retraction. He's kind of instead of the dates like maintaining that consistency, he's really pulled back now. Since she expressed herself. Yeah, since she shared all this stuff about her, since she shared her vulnerabilities, talked about her anxieties. But the question was how soon is too soon to share that side of your life?

How soon is it too soon to share things like anxiety, potentially things like mental health, things like a challenging childhood or a challenging relationship with your parents? At what point in a relationship is it okay to share that? It's a hard one because it's sort of like how long is a piece of string? This situation, I think there's two sides to the coin. I think first of all, it depends on, I don't want to say how old you are, but it is your age as a couple, the both of you. And I say that because of emotional maturity, how much people have lived, life experience,

those sort of things. So I think that's dependent. And the person and how you're developing, are you exclusive? Are you seeing other people? What's the connection like? What's it been like up until then? Was it like just nothing, nothing, nothing, fun, casual dates, and then boom, you put a lot of childhood traumas on him, really deep stuff?

Or did you just say you have anxiety about really superficial things? There are so many layers. at the end of the day, you shouldn't ever feel like you can't express yourself or be you with somebody that you aren't intimate with. And I think for the right person, it will be accepted and they're not going to pull back and they'll be there for you. They'll say the right things. They might not say the right things, but they'll want to. They'll want to try. They'll want to help you through it and they'll want to move forward. They'll ask you questions. What do you need? Do you want to talk about it? That kind of a thing. If they're the right person. If you've just been

with someone for a few weeks and then you really unload your deepest, darkest secrets on it, there is a chance they might not be ready yet. Yeah, they might be like, this is too much. They are 100%. More than I bargained for. And all that means is it's not the right time. It's not the right person. Maybe it's okay for this person to have all pulled back

if he doesn't feel like he is ready to take that on because it can be a lot to take on a partner's past and a partner's issues. I don't know if issues are the right word. Like, you know, air bunnies, but like baggage, I guess. Yes, it can be a lot for everybody involved. Some people aren't ready for it. I had a few feelings about this because I was like, when I first read it, I was like,

when is the time to unleash your crazy on someone? Yeah, and that's not until you lock them down. Yeah. Okay. I think everything that you said, I absolutely agree with Britt. But I also think there's another way to look at this. And that is, why do you want to tell someone so early on? Like, what is the motivator for wanting to tell them?

Is it because you feel so connected to them that you want to open up about yourself more? Is it because you want to show your vulnerabilities because you think it's a way to deeply connect? is it because you feel like you have to tell someone that you're dating because they have a right to know to therefore make a decision to date you like what is the motivator for wanting to tell someone all about you and like the things that may be challenging and you find challenging about your life or about how you show up in the world so early on in the piece because like I kind of think of it from the other perspective of like myself I have some pretty challenging childhood stuff and I don't tell people that stuff until I feel really safe in their company and I feel like

they deserve to know and when I say deserve to know it's like this is my private story and only people who are in my inner circle deserve to know that about me and they have a not the right but like the privilege of knowing that part of my life if that makes sense and it's a trust thing you trust them yeah with that information and so for me I think it wasn't until Matt and I you know certainly didn't tell him on The Bachelor. It wasn't until we'd been dating for months until I wanted to peel back a little bit more of a layer. And that was a process. It's not a sit down on one dinner or drinks and just unleash all the things that you think that someone needs to know about you. It's a process. It's a process of building trust. It's a process of you give a

little bit, they give a little bit. When we open up our vulnerabilities to someone, it often encourages them to open up their vulnerabilities and they would say something. So I think it is also something you can kind of navigate in the conversation. Are you giving, giving, giving, and they're not saying anything? And how are they receiving it in that moment? Are they talking about their vulnerabilities and the things that they struggle with? And is there a mutual give and take to that conversation? But I think sometimes we think we owe it to someone to talk about the stuff we struggle with, like, oh God, I should probably warn them. And you don't need to warn anyone. You know, you don't need to tell anyone about that stuff until you get to a

point of real comfort and trust. But I would say that three weeks to me is probably too early because I don't think, even if you have spent a lot of time with someone, I think that that's still the fun part of the getting to know someone. It's like, that's when you're showing them all the good parts. You're like, Hey, look at how, look at how carefree and fun I am. And you know, look at what we can have together. I think you're almost still on like resume best behavior. You're still in that three month contract period where you're like, look at how good I am at work. Probation. Totally. you're on probation and they haven't committed to being exclusive with you they haven't really like committed to the relationship yet and so I would almost think sometimes you can tell too

much like some people go into new dating situations or relationships and they talk about their ex all the time and it can turn someone off even though you might be the perfect match for someone it can turn someone off purely because they get an impression of you that it's too hard which may not be you. You've just unleashed the worst part. Why would you unleash all the challenging things instead of building up all the awesome things first? Yeah. I think also you can do it in a way that maybe you don't go too hard, too deep, too soon, but you can sprinkle it. You can bread crumb your trauma. So here's a bit of my anxiety. Totally. So I know when I met Ben, I said surface level, I was really honest. I said, just, I really like you, but FYI, I have commitment issues

straight up i'm gonna tell you like i have commitment issues i will probably try to run soon but maybe don't let me that's what i was saying he was like what i was like i'm just gonna tell you what i do because i know what i do but i didn't tell him why so i think you use that a bit like for a guy he's like oh challenge accepted totally it was really just really mean it was like reverse psychology anything that's just like the most perfect tactic you were like already fucking like setting up camp in his life i was on my horse i was already like galloping out of it You can't catch me if you can. Not even.

You were like fully cementing yourself in his life and you're like, hey, I'm probably going to like try and run away soon. He's like, I won't let you. And you're like, cool. It's just jokes tricking you. But it's a level of – this is so funny. It worked, by the way, everyone. It's so funny.

Treating me and keeping keen. It's a level of self-awareness that I have developed that I know I do it now. I used to do it to everybody and I didn't know I did it until everyone pointed it out. And now I know I do it. I also know why I do it. But he didn't need to know that. I wanted him to know that I yeah I might have commitment issues for a while I definitely want

to see where this goes I don't want to rush it we didn't go deep than that he said the same thing he said you know I've been through some stuff too it's cool I get it let's just chill and that way you both know there's more to someone because there is no one out in the world that doesn't have something that they're going to want to talk about something they've been through or overcome everyone has especially like it's that is life it's human nature I mean I've known Matt for six years and I mean even a little bit longer than that now and like even last year there were things about his life that he told me and I was like wow I you know partly because it hadn't come up partly because you know it's not something he thinks about all the time but like ready yeah and he

told me and I was like wow I feel closer to you knowing that but it took him five years to tell me and that's okay like you don't have to get every bad thing out on the table to then know if you're suited to someone some people do and it is psychologically backed that we do bond as humans by sharing vulnerabilities and what we do in relationships is one person shares and then they sit back and they wait for the person to reciprocate this is a normal expectation but it doesn't always happen because sometimes people aren't ready so this is what's happened for you you have unloaded wanting to have a connection and be vulnerable and it hasn't been reciprocated for whatever reason you don't know what that reason is maybe it's triggered something for him maybe

it's too much. There are so many reasons. What I would do is just try to go back to normal with him. Just try and keep dating like you're doing. It sounded like you guys are having a lot of fun. I don't think make a big deal about it, but just see how you go. And then you will know when the right time is. You'll know when you're close and you're feeling that. If you do have this overwhelming desire to talk about whatever it is you're talking about, then it doesn't have to be with him. You can go and speak to a professional or you can speak to a friend because you should be speaking about it when you want to you should it might just be a case of wrong time wrong person wrong situation yeah I totally agree I think if you do have these real strong urges to talk about

stuff that's going on in your life or has gone on your life a very new dating partner is not the person to do it with just yet I think wait until you have that trust you have that bit of longevity you know that they're committed you know that they're in you know that they want to be with you and it's because they've given you that indication throughout other ways. That's not to say that that's hard and foolproof. You know, there are definitely people who their relationship has blossomed because they have had these really deep and intimate conversations very early on. I know that that is the case, but I think if you are somebody who continuously over shares and you find that people are pulling back from you, then that's an indication that you're giving too much

too soon and it's too hard for that other person. It's almost like that other person feels like it's going to be too much work you've scared them off a bit so I think just be conscious about how other people are receiving the information you're giving them as well yeah and this is going to sound bad but there are people and I've been that person before when I've dated someone for two weeks and they've unloaded on me where I've been like whoa too hard basket literally it sounds awful but it's like I don't actually know you that well I'm just not even going to enter it it's too much you've got stuff you need to work out let's regroup when you've worked it out and that is I think probably more people than not would have that reaction two or three weeks into dating is what I would

assume yeah I absolutely agree well I feel like that's it I feel like we've covered a lot of ground I feel like there's a bit of a therapy for me then yeah how you feeling great if you have any questions to ask on cart slide into the dms at life on cart podcast on instagram you can also follow us on tiktok because that's been really firing lately we're having fun with it I know who would have thought that we'd become the tiktok and talkers that we are do you talk yet on your drone nah don't have any time it's life uncut podcast for that as well and you can join the discussion group which is life uncut discussion group that is where all the juicy stuff goes down and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love

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