Life Uncut - Ask Uncut: The Great Handj*b Debate — Are We Still Doing This in Long-Term Relationships?

Episode Date: May 3, 2026

Welcome back to ask uncut where we unpack your deep and burning questions. Britt is officially Britally, coming to you live from Italy. Laura did a full wardrobe purge and has made peace with the fact that her sequined mini skirt era is over. Keeshia is the hand me down bin chicken. Vibes of the week: Laura - The Founder podcast — I Started a Jewelry Brand With $25K and the WRONG Business Model Britt - Vietnamese iced coffee. Espresso shot over condensed milk  Keeshia - Hasan Minhaj Doesn’t Know Podcast - Fighting The Crypto Cult with Ben McKenzie Then we jump into your questions! Q1: Two of my close friends have fallen out. I'm hosting a dinner party with Friend B this weekend. Friend A has a flair for drama and is asking who's coming. Do I tell her or withhold to avoid the fallout? Q2: I introduced my work colleague to my friend's ex. I said he was a great guy and fully encouraged her. They've been together for five months. I have just found out the real reason the relationship ended — secret brothel visits, SA’ing her friend in a taxi, and inviting her friend into the shower. Do I now tell my colleague he’s different to who I thought he was? Q3: I'm pregnant, my husband has a higher sex drive than me, and he keeps asking me for handjobs when I'm not in the mood. I find it really awkward. Am I being a bad partner? Q4: My housemates chew with their mouths open. Loudly. I love them. How do I tell them without it being weird?  ⏱️ TIMESTAMPS 00:00 — Britt is officially Britally  01:04 — Laura did a full wardrobe purge 04:34 — Vibes of the week 13:45 — Q1: Do I tell my dramatic friend she's not invited to my dinner party? 24:53 — Q2: I vouched for him. Now I know more. Do I owe her the truth when I gave the character reference? 33:40 — Q3: My husband keeps asking for handjobs when I'm not in the mood — am I a bad partner? 42:19 — Q4: My housemates chew with their mouths open — how do I say something? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne Hosted by Britt Hockley & Keeshia Pettit  Produced by Keeshia Pettit Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford & Lachy Pugsley Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut, I'm Laura, I'm Brittany and I am still coming to you from Italy and that's going to be how we start every episode from now on. I'm Brittalee, I'm Brittalee from Italy. No, that's what I was about to tell you Laura, I've got a new name, that is so funny you said that. I've got a new name that I'm going to start using for my content and it's Brittley. That was literally the first thing I was about to say.

I am a mind reader. Yeah, it's Britt in Italy. To be fair, I actually think you half said it and then my brain was like, I came up with that. Trademark. Did we? That's mine. Because I shot something yesterday that was like, hey guys, I've decided to be Brittley,

Britt in Italy. Very similar to Emily in Paris. It's so funny that you just read my mind like that. We really are in sync. We're so in sync. We just know each other so well. What am I thinking now? Don't be weird.

You're thinking that you want to go home to bed. Oh my God, you're a mind reader. Do you know what? I know this is an ask uncut. We're here to answer your date, your duck and your burning questions. But I have a very small life update that I would like to share with everyone because it seems insignificant and I'm sure a lot of people will think it's insignificant. But to me, it was a real moment of acceptance.

Last night, I stared at my wardrobe. I opened the doors and I have a lot of clothes and I looked in my wardrobe and I accepted the fact that I'm probably never going to fit back into the clothes that I fit into three or four years ago. The pre baby number three clothes, like the tiny short skirts that I know my legs can't handle anymore. I do not think this is that you won't fit into them because you are the same size. I think it's that you don't want the style anymore. It's not about the style. It's well, yeah, partly it's like, I'm a mother of three now. I can't wear whorish little skirts. you can still be a whore you can wear what you want when I don't know there's something about

the clothes that I wore from three or four years ago that I always thought it's weird because like when you have kids I think you kind of think for a little while or maybe not everyone but I did I was like I will get back to those clothes like I will get back to that version of me and I know I talked about it when I was fully postpartum with puppy and I was like I just kind of don't know what my style is now but looking at those clothes and there's a lot of them I was like I just can never see myself going back I'm a t-shirt and pants kind of gal now I'm just never gonna be a sequined short skirt gal and so I did this entire wardrobe purge last night and it was three garbage bags full that I was like I think I had a moment of hyper fixation and I have no

clothes anymore. There's nothing in my wardrobe. Where are the garbage bags? That's the real question Keisha wants answered. Where are the garbage bags? Are we doing a giveaway? The garbage bags? To my wardrobe? Keisha's not joking. She really wants to know where the garbage bags are. Trust me. She's had my garbage bags. Okay. I will tell you they are in my hallway and they are waiting for you to come and pillage the bags. I'm a bin chicken for hand-me-downs. Keisha, I think you only come up to Laura's nipple. So I'm not convinced like I'll make it work. The clothes are the right fit.

Oh, no. All of my minis will just be maxis or a geisha, but they'll look amazing. I can't wait. You know what, actually? I bought a pair of pants that were cropped. Britt, you were with me. We went into the Nimble store and I was trying on. They're meant to be like three-quarter to seven-eighths.

They're like a full cropped, meant to kind of have that 90s vibe back to them. And I was like, these are full length. What are you talking about? I thought they gave me the wrong one. They actually looked really good. They were like capris and capris are in right now. Did you know that, guys? coming to you from Milan fashion. That's who I am, Brittley. Thank you so much, Brittley. Well,

Capri's are not really Capri and Fikisha. They're more like full slacks. Do you know what? Actually, I take this back because if you listened to our Offcuts episode last week, all we did at the start of that episode was pay you. I think it was, was it Ask Uncut? No, it was Ask Uncut. Also, I got a lot of messages. So the conversation was basically about me not wearing underwear underneath my bodysuit. I felt free. I felt nice. We talked about the clips. We talked about whether they should have clips or not. And I got a lot of messages from people who free flap through the week. Okay. A lot of support from the free flappers. Would you say you felt laburated? Jesus Christ. Liberated. Get it? It's a play on words. I like it. I like it.

Should we get into the vibes and unsubscribes? Laura, do you want to kick it off? Absolutely. Look, I have a vibe and I was really questioning whether or not to share this one because there are things about it that I don't like. And I want to be honest. I want to be honest, the content is really interesting. It's very niche, but if you are a founder or you are into small business or you own a business, or you're wondering how to scale the business that you have, it is a fantastic conversation, but it's only a one-sided fantastic conversation. Hear me out. Okay. So it's from a podcast called The Founder Podcast. And the person who's being interviewed is Nora Sakija and she is the founder of Mejuri Jewelry. If you guys know who Mejuri is,

my jewelry is i'm not trying to promote a competitor yeah this is a majority it sucks actually on second thoughts get lost no majority are an american brand they're enormous it's like talking about a pandora basically but majority have sold over 6.5 million individual skews of jewelry so like an enormous enormous brand and she talks about how she scaled her business from being a company where she had 25 000 in the bank and she did it through getting a lot of grants So she applied for grants. I'm sure it's different in the US to what it is here, but it was all done by like seed funding to get the capital in order to buy the stock that she needed.

Because obviously to sell 6.5 million pieces of jewelry, you need the money to buy it in the first place. But she speaks in a really fascinating way around how she built business, how she builds brands, the importance of storytelling, how she does direct to consumer sales rather than even bothering with wholesale. and I found it fascinating as someone obviously who has a jewelry label I really took away so many pearls of wisdom from it. My criticism of it is that the guest is so incredibly articulate but I feel as though the host didn't seem as well researched and it didn't seem like the questions

that he were asking were I guess critical or in-depth enough for like what she had to offer however she takes the conversation there anyway which is what I really enjoyed about it. Like I said it's pretty niche considering that I am someone who owns a jewelry business I find this stuff really fascinating but if you are a founder of a business or you do and you want to grow or scale a business I think it's something that you will find interesting it's number 647 it's called I started a jewelry brand with 25k and the wrong business model by Nora Sikija and yeah it's where you can find all your good podcasts from that's awesome and you know what what you just said is so interesting and so true you can really tell sorry not about the jewelry but you can really

tell when you are listening to an interview and the host hasn't properly researched the person that they're interviewing like there is a huge difference between being able to sit down get through an interview sure but on those like top line questions but you can tell the people that have done that a little bit extra and they've gone that little bit further because they can dig a little bit deeper totally nothing worse than when you sit down I don't know if this has happened to you laura i've been interviewed before i won't say who but i've been interviewed before where i was i walked away and i was like they walked into that room their producer gave them a sheet and said this is this girl interviewer and i could tell i was like you know i think the

first thing they asked me was like so you went on the bachelor and i was like yeah a decade ago and i've done a lot of shit since then and that was all they could focus on it's like they did a Wikipedia quick search and then went in for the interview. I left feeling so disappointed because I was like, why did I even come here? It's like ticking a box, you know? I agree. And I think normally I wouldn't recommend an interview that felt like that. But the woman who is behind Majoree is someone who understands business so fundamentally. And I think she could explain it to someone who is incredibly business savvy, or she could explain it to someone who's just starting out. And I found what she had to say really, really fascinating. So yeah,

I agree with you completely, but she totally made up for it. Well, Britt from Italy. Britt, all the way from Italy, what's yours? Well, I know Keisha's is also going to be quite intellectual, so of course I'm just trying to please the people and I've taken a different turn today. Mine is coffee. Now hear me out.

That's it. I love a latte in the morning on soy milk. Fucking great for getting you up for these early morning records. It's real niche. So, okay, it actually, we laugh, but it is coffee. So when I flew over here, I flew with Vietnam Air because I had to fly a different route. Obviously, I was avoiding the war. So I went through Asia, flew Vietnam Air and had a layover in Vietnam as well.

And on both the plane and when I was on my layover, I had, of course, completely immersed myself into the culture and I started to drink Vietnamese coffee. And now I have become obsessed with it. And in Italy, and every Italian is going to probably hate me right now, but in Italy, coffee is amazing. But if you like it as an espresso, if you want any other coffee with milk, they just don't do it. They don't have the same coffee culture as us. And especially if you have like a soy cappuccino, you looked at like the devil and that's what I usually drink. So I've gone on to this Vietnamese coffee and if you've never had it, it's literally because I just make

it at home. It's just an espresso shot with condensed milk. Delicious. Oh, it's so good. I don't know if you've ever had it, Laura, but you just get like a big, however sweet you like, a big tablespoon of condensed milk put it in the bottom let the espresso so you need to have like you can free pour it i guess like you can boil your coffee on the stove or you can have a pod machine whatever just let the coffee melt it just do a double shot and mix it and that's it but the condensed milk with the coffee is like the creamiest most delicious touch of sweetness coffee you can possibly have but you don't drink it hot you then need to put ice cubes in it wow well that is the most random vibe i've ever heard however they do the same thing in indonesia you can get condensed

milk coffee and it's equally delicious yes i'm all for it yeah and anyone like condensed milk's like a dollar so just you can just buy from the supermarket and then you guys can have condensed vietnamese coffee did anyone do this as a child like this was like this just brings me back it's such nostalgia for me to my nana my nana would always have a can of condensed milk in the fridge and it would have had two hole marks on the top one on each side she would never open the can totally she would punch her two hallmarks so that it would drain and I would suck the condensed milk out of the can as a kid the end that's my story also my vibe no that's too much that's too much cool what's yours Keish I really don't know how to pivot from that but I want to start by saying

that this vibe surprised no one more than it surprised me okay so I watched this podcast or I listened to the podcast because I saw a video come up on Instagram like a reel I started watching it and I was like this one in directions I did not expect were you guys fans of the OC yeah the TV show no there was like a lot of seasons Misha Barton you remember Ryan on there yeah so his actual name is Ben McKenzie turns out Ben McKenzie he's now in I have to say probably 40s like thereabouts he's got an economics degree and he is like a finance bro but the opposite of what you think when you think finance bro he's just come out with a documentary I've tried I've like googled where I can watch the documentary in Australia. And I haven't been able to figure that out.

The documentary is called Everyone is Lying to You for Money. And it's about the crypto world and basically how this crypto world is a scam. So this podcast episode that I watched, it's by Hasan Minhaj and it's Hasan Minhaj doesn't know. Now he's a comedian and an actor. He's got like a lot of followers. You might be actually familiar with him from his other bodies of work, but his podcast is really good. And this whole conversation, it was essentially a who's who of the crypto world. What's what? What's dodgy? What's not? How is Trump involved? How did Trump coin make so much money? Where is the corruption? In what ways is this infiltrating particularly man spaces at the moment? How do they suck them in? How is it similar to gambling? How is it

different? It was utterly fascinating. And I'm someone who doesn't get crypto words. Like I would have initially thought if someone had said this podcast to me, I would have been like, yeah, I don't know, I don't know the difference between, you know, Bitcoin and some other coin. Like I had no literacy around the crypto world and he explained it in a way that didn't make me feel stupid. So it was so, so, so interesting. I actually reckon we, I know he's just like, we're going to do an episode on crypto.

I feel like we should interview him. We're not doing crypto. We can talk about both Hollywood and the crypto world. but it was particularly fascinating if you are someone who has a man in your life who is in the crypto world or has kind of been sucked into it because that is kind of how it all propagated and his his argument is essentially that crypto only exists because of crime you know and that's the main difference between it and legal forms of gambling so yeah if you are at all interested or if you just like ben mckenzie because i'll tell you what i'm a new follower of ben mckenzie

like him. He's my new celeb crush. Keisha, you were not wrong when you said it was going to be a rogue and very niche recommendation, but I'm behind it. I like it. There we go. Keisha's about to get us to buy her crypto. She signed off. I've got NFTs available at lifehungerpodcast.com. All right, let's get into the questions. Question number one. Two of my close friends have had a falling out. They are not speaking and it all seems irreparable at this stage. I have gone about it by living life as normal and by continuing my friendships with both of them as they have been forever. For context, I have been friends with friend A for 15 years and have only recently become friends with friends B in the last couple of years. Friend A has a flair

for the drama and has a problem with friend B and anyone else who is remaining friends with friends B. Now I am hosting a dinner party this weekend where I have invited friend B and some of our other friends. Friend A is fishing for some information on who is going to be attending the dinner party. Here's the question. Do I withhold information to protect friend A and our friendship or is honesty the best policy? Honesty has not gone well in the past with friend A and could end up in more drama. This drama with friend A is a bit of a repeated pattern over the years. Any help is appreciated. Wait, I'm so confused. Did friend A not get the invite? Did she not get invited to the dinner party yeah I guess because I'm getting the vibe that because

friend A seems to be the problem and friend B still friends with the friend group I think she's been like okay I still want to have a dinner with everybody it's easier not to invite friend A she's the one that has the problem so friend B and all the other friends are having the dinner party and she's like do I be honest and tell her hey just so you know I'm having it and this girl's gonna to be there oh I think that this is going to unfortunately be messier than what you would like it to be firstly I do not think that you withhold information and lie about it we're kind of trying to put the context of this together because I don't know why friend A hasn't been invited at all is it because you don't think she will come because friend B's there is it because

she's not as good friends with the other people that have been invited is it because she's the bringing the drama or is it because she's actually not around this weekend and that's why she hasn't been invited in the first place like you haven't actually specified the reason as to why friend A is the one that you've chosen to not invite to this thing but firstly I think it is something that is quite relatable there are lots of people who have friendship groups where two people have fallen out and then the rest of the people in that friendship group have to navigate what do the friendships look like I think it's really immature when you're an adult and you have a friendship breakdown to expect that your friends pick sides and expect that your friends will also

sever friendships because of something that's happened that has absolutely nothing to do with them depending on what has happened but like that's kind of how I feel about these things most of the time the only thing about this in the way that you've worded the question that I think will come back and bite you in the ass is the lying about it and I know that you're worried about what the repercussions will be if you tell her and then she knows that she's not been invited and she feels left out. But I think you need to consider how bad the repercussions will be if you don't tell her and she finds out she wasn't invited and she finds out that you purposely excluded her. Someone shares a picture on social media or something happens. I think that she'll

be really, really hurt. And then you will then become the bad guy. You will become the person who picked sides in this you will become the person who like had an allegiance to friend b and i just think it's the type of drama that you don't need to invite into your life i agree and i do think we're trying to read between the lines here i'm assuming laws that the reason friend a isn't invited is you know there's so many friendship groups mine is one of them like i'm just trying to think of my own group there's so many groups where like there's like little sub groups in the group and if you were to have an engagement party or a wedding or maybe a birthday or something big, all the groups would come together

to celebrate, right? But on your day-to-day hangs, you probably don't mix the little groups. I'm wondering if this friend A isn't necessarily as close to everyone else as friend B is to this group. So I think she's gone like, okay, just because my friends have fallen out doesn't mean we're not going to play on and you should be able to play on.

You 100% need to tell your friend you're having a fucking dinner party with every other person in your group and she's not invited. even if you give her the option to come like and unless they're completely at each other's throats if you know she's not going to come maybe you can just say hey I'm going to have this dinner party Rachel's going to be there you're welcome to come but I'm expecting you not to want to but I want to know you're always invited like I think that that is usually the best sort of meet in the middle like let them know they're included if they want you know by knowing that they're not

going to come but there is no way in this day and age a group of women are getting together and that doesn't get out somewhere. Whether it's like a story upload or a TikTok or just comes up in conversation or you're retelling a story in a couple of weeks and you're like, when did that happen? And you know, oh, that dinner party that you weren't invited to. It's just, you're never going to keep that a secret and you shouldn't have to keep it a secret. It's just going to make things so much worse. But you know, the other part of this, and like, I guess the thing to kind of unpack a little bit is it sounds like the person who's writing this in, like our listener, you sound like you're someone who's also maybe conflict avoidant and in being conflict avoidant

there's going to be one or two outcomes just say you don't tell your friend that she's not invited either she finds out and she says something to you and then there's a great big bitter conflict that you have to deal with or she finds out and she doesn't say anything to you which is also a very likely thing right she finds out and she's really really hurt by it and she just never tells you that she was super hurt by it and that affects your friendship and you never get the opportunity to explain and she never gets the opportunity to tell you how she felt but it just corrodes something a little bit of something that shouldn't be corroded and you've been friends for 15 years and now you you'd think she doesn't know but actually she does and I feel like we have all

been there at certain points in our friendships where our friends done something or we've experienced something and we're like oh I'll just cop it you know what I mean like it happens to everyone on both sides of every friendship it'll happen at some point and it's like you are intentionally doing something that is unkind most of the time those things happen and they're not intentional but that is unkind to be like I'm gonna purposely not invite you and then I'm gonna lie to you about it is an unkind thing to do and I know why you're doing it but you're making yourself the unfair person in this situation I know why you're doing it you're doing it because you just want to avoid the conflict but I think by doing that it's actually going to come back and bite

you in the ass even worse i mean it's kind of it's an unfair position that you've been put in but i do think i agree with you brit i think in these instances the easiest thing is just invite everyone and then let them fucking fight it be like to the death the hunger games only the people that make it to the turkey get to eat the turkey who's gonna make it to the turkey it's true though it's like you're both invited if you want to be adults about it and come come if one of you doesn't want to then don't come it's fine but don't come here and bring your drama to this dinner party I'm not having it I do understand though and on what you said about like she's conflict avoidant I would go so far to say there's not just that on top of that you've said she has a flair for drama

it hasn't gone well in the past when somebody slash I have been honest with her I understand why you're petrified like you know what's going to come right she's obviously not the kind of friend that's like hey that's cool I get it you know we don't get along it sounds like you know she's going to absolutely kick off when you tell her. But I also do wonder, and I'm not saying do this, but I do wonder sometimes when you've been friends with somebody for so long, it's pretty normal for you guys to outgrow each other. Like not every single person that was friends at high school remains friends. Maybe you keep one or two really good friends, but like you're different people growing in different directions and doing different things and your personalities develop

and you become your own woman and your own person. For me, I sometimes think people hold on to friendships because of the time that they've known each other and they're like, well, we've been friends for so years, I'm not just going to cut them out. But if you really dissect the friendship, is it what it used to be? And I only say that because you say you've been friends for 15 years, yet you seem petrified, Oliver.

You're including a friend you've met like in the last two years at a dinner party over your friend of 15 years. I wonder if for you it's become more of a just like a you've convinced yourself that this person needs to remain in your life and don't take that the wrong way I'm not saying break up with your friend but it's just food for thought for anyone thinking about this situation now a friendship when you were 15 doesn't have to remain when you're 30 just because you were friends when you were 15. I know but it makes it so much harder because you have so much history and you share so much and even though sometimes their behavior might not be perfect no one's behavior is perfect

And like any relationship of 15 years is going to go through ebbs and flows and it's going to have periods where it's like, you know, it's strained and tested. And I think you just get better at navigating the pinch points in friendships when you've been with someone for longer. Like I guess, you know, in the defense of this one, it's like she knows, like you said, how her friend reacts. And so therefore she's trying to mitigate a situation before it happens, which I completely understand why. I just go back to that thought of like just don't make yourself the bad person or the person that's doing the wrong thing simply because you're trying to control an outcome that hasn't happened yet be honest and if she is totally irrational totally unreasonable makes a whole lot of drama out of it well then then it's time for you to decide look is this actually worth what I'm getting out of it

I don't want to have friendships where I have to tiptoe around because she's you know likes the drama but I think give her the opportunity to be or to react however she is going to react why do you think friendships are so much harder to navigate than a relationship because like if that was your partner you'd be like mate pull your head in if you're coming you know I'm not not sitting down with your rubbish you're not having to go at Sharon like you're so much easier to confront a relationship than it is a friendship circle don't you think I don't know I think I think it depends on the person I think it depends on the relationship I think we tolerate a lot more in our relationships than we do in our friendships I think or we we tolerate a lot more and we also

bend to more requests if our partner said to us hey you know I have an issue with this this and this we're probably more inclined to try and bend to those things than if a friend was to go like hey I have an issue with this this and this I think a lot of people would become more defensive because it's just not how we've been built to communicate in friendships we're not built to sort of be as open with our I guess like with our holding people to account and setting boundaries like all of that feels a little bit stranger in a friendship relationship there's so much more information on how you should communicate with like a romantic relationship and how you should like navigate it and set boundaries we've even talked about it before how fucking weird

would it be if your friend came to you and said like i'm putting down some boundaries because i feel like you've crossed this and this and this if they worded it in that way it would definitely put a wedge in your ability to move past it as a friend whereas if you had that conversation in a relationship you might have a great big fight and then you would get back together and you'd be like you know better than ever like i guess what i'm trying to say is we put up with so much more when sex is involved. 100% digmatized. All right, next question. Okay, this next question is a long one, but bear with me. I met a really good friend at work a couple of years ago. Let's call her Bonnie. And we started to hang out lots. Many plans included

her long-term boyfriend. We're going to call him Aaron. We all became so close that whenever we hung out, it was usually the three of us. And he would often be the organizer of anything we did because he's someone who loves doing that. And honestly, I ended up being as good friends with him as I was with her. This is not going the way you think, I swear. Anyway, fast forward a couple of years of friendship and she asked me to hang out. I asked if we are bringing our boyfriends and she said, no, let's just do a girl's day. So after a fun time out, she broke the news to me that they had broken up and that it

was very amicable. She had just fallen out of love with him and they were still going to remain as good friends and that she is well and truly over as she had fallen out of him a long time before it ended. Anyway, a month later, a girl that I work with at a very different workplace tells me that she's going out on a date with Aaron and that she really likes him. Now, I know that my friend has moved on amicably and so I tell her to go for it. I encourage her. I say he's such a great guy. I tell her all the great things about him because we've been friends for so long.

They have now been dating for four months and I really gassed both of them up to each other. Here's where things get interesting. I've just recently caught up with Bonnie and after a long chat she told me the real reason as to why her and Aaron broke up there was so much more to the story than it amicably coming to an end it turns out that for almost the entire relationship he would sneak out to brothels he did this on many occasions while she was sleeping in their bed he once chucked a hissy fit when she got upset with him because he invited one of her friends to shower with him after getting drunk in the hot tub with her. And then the final straw was that he unconsensually

felt up her friend in the back of a taxi while Bonnie was passed out next to him. And then he felt her up under the table a few nights later to which the friend broke her silence and said something to Bonnie. Anyway, my question is this, should I now say something to the colleague I have from work who I know is dating him? I am not that close with her, but I do feel a responsibility since i went over the top in telling her what an amazing guy he is i feel this extreme guilt for encouraging her to pursue him they've now been together for almost five months and i'm worried that it is too late for it all either way what should i do now or is it not my monkeys not my circus oh my god that did add so many twists and turns didn't it it really did i was like all these

at the start i thought these two are hooking up she's done the dirty on a friend it's actually so much further away from that and so much worse. This is, I mean, this is tough and it's not tough for me. It's hard because you're not very close with this girl, but I do think you owe her a responsibility because this isn't just a guy that you found out was a jerk. Like he wasn't just cheating on his partner or he, you know, it's not like he was like, oh, he never cleaned up around the house and he didn't do anything. And he wasn't romantic with her. These are really serious issues these are like unconsensually sexually touching people not even your partner not that it matters but her friend in the taxi and then again a few days later and then the the

whole inviting people into the shower and getting upset that you know they don't want to come in with you or that you didn't want your friend to come and shower with your partner they're sneaking out to brothels it's there's loads of it yeah but the brothels part for me is the best part of this and that's the crazy thing like if you are sneaking out to a brothel when your partner is asleep and that is the best part of the situation then you know that this whole thing is deeply problematic because of that I would say you absolutely need to tell this girl and don't be embarrassed by it all you have to say is hey I need to tell you something because when I initially told you to go for him and he's a great guy I genuinely believe that and I have since found out information that I

think is really important for you to know that would be like for me a non-negotiable that you need to do because you have information that makes him dangerous. Yeah. I think because you gave such a thorough character witness for this guy, like, I mean, you even said yourself that you gassed him up. I think that there is a sense of responsibility. Now it's probably not going to go down great. You're not going to walk away from that discussion and feel good that you made her aware about what it is that you know. The problem is twofold. One, by all accounts, you probably are still friends or have been friends with Aaron and so he is not going to I guess be ready for this character assassination that's going to happen even though it's the truth and

even though it needs to be said I'm not saying character assassination as in like you know you're taking something away from him he should be held accountable for the things that he did but he will be unexpecting it and he will turn that fury to you when he finds out that you're the person who's saying these things about him behind his back. So I think be wary that that is something that is going to put the lens and the focus on yourself. But if I was you, I would go to my colleague and I would ask if we could get a cup of coffee. I would sit down with her and I would say, Hey, I really want to tell you something because I feel a sense of responsibility because Aaron is someone who I've been friends with for a long time. And I did say so many amazing things

and really told you to pursue him but it turns out that there were quite a few reasons as to why his relationship broke down with Bonnie and some of them are a bit alarming the problem here though is like if she had just met Aaron normally on like a dating app or somewhere else she would have not had any sort of you know he didn't come as a referral from a friend but because you gave that referral you gave that green light saying like I know him from past relationships and he's amazing. I do think that there is a greater sense of responsibility here than if you just found out that your friend was dating someone who, you know, you knew, but you didn't want to get involved or something, you know, I guess a different circumstance. I think because you gave the

reference, you probably should give the follow-up to, hey, I don't want to overstep, but I want to give you the awareness. You know, something similar happened to like one of my friend groups. And again, I have a lot of sub friend groups and it was actually a friend of somebody I know. So it wasn't me I wasn't directly involved but she was dating somebody for a couple of months and then another girl came and told her some pretty hectic information like hey I know we don't know each other well I've heard you're dating this person I just want you to know that this was my experience and she ended up being really grateful of that information and she said oh thank you I didn't know that and I don't want to be involved with someone like that and then she removed herself

from that relationship that was how it worked out for them but she was incredibly grateful of that information and I think back to some of the the hectic toxic relationships I was in I would have moved to heaven and earth for someone to have told me in the early days that that existed you know like but there was no information and I didn't know but I if some girl had come to me and told me the things about the person I was in a relationship with I mean I wonder if I would have believed it I say in hindsight yeah like hindsight's a wonderful thing hindsight I'm like oh I wish someone told me but obviously at the time I was head over heels in love and you don't think your partner could ever do that. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But yeah, it's easy for

me to say it now, but I just, I do think you have a responsibility to sit down exactly the dialogue that Laura said, write that down. Brilliant. But I wouldn't be able to sleep easy if it was me. And I knew that info and I didn't pass it on to somebody that I had encouraged to hook up. I think that that's a really important part of it though, Britt. The reality is if you've been dating someone for five months, yes, you might believe it. You might even believe the information you're being given, but you probably will hope that you're the exception. I think a lot of people will listen to it and be like, uh-huh. Yep. Thank you for that. They'll go home and they'll tell their partner, but they're not going to break up over it because a lot of people, and I hate this,

but it is the truth. Like a lot of us need to learn those lessons ourselves. And we don't want to make final decisions based on someone else's experience of the relationship that they had. Like, you know, I think about me and my past relationships. If someone had come to me and been like hey your current boyfriend is a fucking sex addict who cheats on everyone I would have been like I already know because he told me he cheated on his wife and I'm gonna be the exception you know like I already knew the information I'd already heard it from him and I just was so convinced that our relationship was something that was going to be different you know like I hadn't heard it in the way in which I guess was the experience from the woman's perspective I'd

heard it from his experience. The thing is, is it wouldn't have mattered what anyone had told me. I would have given him the benefit of the doubt or all of my exes the benefit of the doubt. And I had to learn those lessons for myself. And I think that that is something that a lot of people go through. Okay. Next question. I've been with my husband for 12 years, married for four, and we have an 18 month old son. Our sex life has been relatively consistent over the past few years. However, my husband has a much higher sex drive than me. And in the past, we have argued about how frequently it's happening. Now since we had our son we've been having sex maybe once a week which seems to have been satisfying for both of us which is great. However when I was pregnant I

didn't feel like being intimate much at all so my husband would ask me for handjobs. Now I for some reason find it really awkward. It's not something we have ever done in the past. We're either having sex or we're not doing anything intimate. He said he feels like I should be happy to give him a handjob if he's in the mood even when I'm not in the mood for anything. For context my husband is my only sexual partner ever so I have nothing to compare it to. Now am I being a sook for not wanting to give him a handjob in the shower when I'm not in the mood? I've only given him a handjob once when I was pregnant because I felt bad. I haven't done it since and I don't know how to get over my awkwardness around it. I think I find it awkward because I'm like zero percent in the mood

for intimacy so i would have to pretend to be into it in terms of doing all the kissing and the intensity whilst performing the handjob and it all feels like too much it also totally wouldn't bother me if he just went how to wank if he's in the mood when i'm not in the mood it's so much effort please help i don't want to be a shit partner but i don't know how to move through this p.s take a shot every time i said handjob you can say wristy if you want i fucking get it I actually get this question so much. You cannot give a handjob if you are entirely not in the mood because if you're entirely not in the mood,

then you have to still do all the things that would pretend as though you're interested or enjoying the handjob. Like you can't just sit there going with a deadpan look on your face. Don't even look at him. Sorry, Vanessa. Just making the eye contact. You can't. We're talking about handjobs, Vanessa.

Enjoy. No, you can't. You actually can't. You can only give a handjob if you're still kind of in the mood. Otherwise, it's a performance. And that's what he's asking for. He's asking for you to disregard the fact that you're not in the mood and to perform as though you are in the mood, but just not do the whole sex.

So I understand why it feels awkward because it is awkward. That part of it is awkward. If Matt was like, I know you're not in the mood, but give me a handjob and pretend like you're in the mood. Honestly. Honestly, I would say no also. I don't want to get that picture in my head, but now I have a picture of you and Matt.

Great. I need to know this, Britt. This is a question for you. What? If you're not having sex with Ben, like just say you can't or for whatever reason, I'm sure it doesn't happen that frequently that you're not having sex, but if there's a reason why you've decided not to,

are you giving him a wristie? No. Neither? Who's doing this? Are you giving him a blowjob? I just tell him I have RSI from years of sport as a kid. I told him I had a ganglion in my wrist you know what ganglion is is that the thing that people smack with a book yeah I was like I'm so old I got a ganglion I can't I've never said that but

I'm not doing it no but the thing is here and like you know we're laughing a little bit but the unfunny thing is here and it seems very basic and very obvious but it must not be to you and I maybe say this because you've said you've only ever had one relationship but you don't owe your partner anything you don't owe them anything if you don't feel like having sex because you are pregnant or even if you're not pregnant if you are not in the mood your husband doesn't get to say well then you owe me a hand job like you owe me something if you do not want to do it you do not have to do it but I could not imagine anything worse than you not wanting to do something not feeling confident doing it and then all of a sudden you're naked in the shower and you're just

jackhammering his penis with your hand like there's no more awkward moment because you do not want to be in the moment also imagine doing that in a shower and being heavily pregnant like all you want to do is go and have a nap like fucking hell you poor thing it's the last thing you want to do so this is for me I guess what I want to get into is do you think you're not in the mood and this is a genuine question do you think you're not in the mood because and you don't want to give hand jobs because you don't give hand jobs and you feel uncomfortable and you're not confident I just wonder because you say that like this is your first relationship and you've only ever given him one so is it because maybe that you don't have a level of confidence and then

you're embarrassed and you feel awkward or is it just because you genuinely like don't fucking touch me I'm pregnant and I'm not horny because they're two different things because I know sometimes sexually when you're not confident not it's not comfortability it's when you're not confident doing something you don't want to do it because you're like oh I don't even know if they like it I don't know if I'm doing it right like and I just wonder if because you've only ever given one that maybe that's what you're feeling but when you say she's only ever given one I'd love to know if she means I've only ever given one to completion because then she said like you know we always just have sex anyway so it's like I mean I would dare say sorry Matt if this is too

much information I don't think I've given Matt many hand jobs to completion because we just have sex like this is a I know too much it's too much I'm glad happy to hear that I bet that was the best day of his life I think I was also pregnant or at my period or something like it's it's a generous gift like I'm not giving out gifts I'm tired as well do you know what I mean it's like are women out here giving their husband blow jobs and giving their husband the hand jobs like are we doing that or at what point and for how long because I know I used to do it in my 20s when I was dating, but like, I've been with him for nine years. I'm not, unless we're having sex, I'm not doing that. And like, I also think that the frequency of sex, when you're like,

we're having sex once a week, I thought it was enough for me. He's now come and said, it's not enough for him. And so therefore I have to give him a hand job. When sex becomes obligatory, it becomes unenjoyable and a problem for everyone. And like the fact that you feel as though, Oh, I've got to do this now because he's aroused and I'm not. And like sex should never be that. It should always be fun. It should always be enjoyable. It should always be because two people want to do it, not because one's been badgered into it. And I hate that you even have to question the fact that like you're now once a week having sex that you want to have sex. And then once a week feeling as though you're being badgered into giving him a wrist job. Like it's

awful. I actually can't take you seriously when you call it a wrist job. It makes me cringe in my core I'm like a wristie I'm 40 years old everyone I know she's like I give Matt wristies not many if any you know how you just said are people out there giving wrist jobs like are people out there giving hand jobs I need to know well we have a friend and I'll not name her okay it's Keisha but beep that out Keisha you're in charge as producer who has said she often will prefer to do that she would prefer to give a hand job or a blow job than have sex and I just think you're a psychopath. Like that is so much more work and so much harder and so much more effort than just getting, I don't want to say getting it over with, that's not it. But like for me, sex is way more

enjoyable and way easier than if you were to give a handjob or a blowjob. Yeah. Like if I wasn't in the mood for sex, there is absolutely no way on this planet that I'm in the mood to give a blowjob. Do you know what I mean? Like those two things, it's never going to happen in my life where I'm like god really don't feel like sex but could suck a dick today like i'm that's not gonna happen never never never never never has never will i have to be so wanting anyway this is going too far we can move on thank you so much everyone i think we've established that yes but we should poll it are you guys out there doing this stuff like i need to know because i don't know are people giving out these generous sexual gifts because and and i'm asking this as someone if

You've been in a long-term committed relationship. You've been together for more than, you know, 10 years or whatever, around that kind of length of time. I feel like sex does shift to that point. And I'm not saying it's not enjoyable and I'm not saying that you don't have an amazing time, but all like some of the extracurricular bits and pieces that go with it that might be standalones, I feel like they kind

of disappear a little bit. But I might be wrong. I'm not a sexologist. Well, there's more as polls of the week. Are you giving wristies? That could be the poll. Are we all giving wristies? yes or no all right last question this one is a very silly one i don't think it's silly i think

it's silly i think it's silly i think it's serious but i feel for the person who's experiencing this because she might as well just have to move out of her own home okay i have a funny one for you but how do i tell my housemates to close their mouths when they chew now i moved in with a couple earlier this year and i love them i love living with them they're great people but they chew with their mouths open and so loudly i am not normally sensitive to this but it is incredibly disgusting can i say something light-hearted and if so how do i say it to them or has it been too many months that have passed and now i've missed my chance thanks in advance no it has not been too many months past and you've missed your chance it's not like when you've met someone you forget their

name that's when it's too many months and you've missed your chance but someone chewing with their mouth open there's no time limit it doesn't expire but I think that this is funny but I actually think it's relatable and I understand why you this you are so bothered by this that you've had to write in it makes me feel physically unwell when I see inside someone's mouth when they're eating like I feel like I could vomit now picturing it like when like it makes oh that's how I feel about chewing gum it's the same thing I feel exactly the same about chewing gum like when someone is talking to you and they're eating and they're chewing and you can see like the saliva and their mush in their mouth and like it's just actually vomitous I think you can say

something but I'm just not I'm not convinced what and I do think it probably needs to be on the light-hearted side at the start but I don't know what's light-hearted about saying I can see what you're eating. Like, I don't know what you would actually say, but the only alternative is to never eat around them. It's like to leave the room when they're eating, but you might want to be having sit down dinners. Cause you're, I don't know. What would you say? I just looked it up. I literally just chat GPT. What are some things? Sorry guys. I don't think for myself anymore. I just chat GPT. My brain's left the building. No. Cause I was like, you have to do it in the moment. This is not a sit down intervention. You can't like when they're not eating, be like, Hey guys, I need to

talk to you about something it's got to be you've caught them in the moment yeah they're doing it and you'd be like whoa are we are we eating with our mouth open are we wow i can see what you had for breakfast literally sorry okay my chat gpt told you to say well no here i've got a few a few for you you could say are you trying to aerate your food that's no hey yes okay hear me out Are you trying to aerate your food? I didn't realize that this was a 3D show. This is mean. Hey, how's the cud?

That's mean. Don't say that. That's not nice because you're calling them a cow. Here's another one. It says, wait, let me put some earplugs on before you finish that bite. Mean, but also kind of funny. I think some of your food just escaped. Are you trying to share that bite of food with the whole room?

I didn't know that we were having dinner with a woodchipper. You could say some of these. I think you could. I think that I didn't know I was having dinner with a wood chipper is a good one. I think these are ludicrous. I know this is awkward, but I can see everything that you are eating. Or could you please chew with your mouth closed? Might be a nice one.

I appreciate it. Try that one. That could go with our mouth. I think we need to leave the wood chipper ones. I don't, I mean, chat chipper is not where it's at for this question. I'm just trying to think what I would actually say. I think I would just say, I can basically see your insides. Can you close your mouth when you chew?

and then just walk away and put your plate in the dishwasher and run off to your room and avoid any kind of conflict in the future. No, because then if you say it like that. No, if you say it like that and then you run away and you avoid it, it's like so passive-aggressive. It has to be said. Don't actually run away. It has to be said.

I'm like, are you trying to share your food with me? And they'll be like, what? And you'll be like, gosh, you're eating with your mouth open. You've got to say it in like a really non-offensive, joking way or be like, oh, my goodness, close your mouth. I'd say, mate, I can see your insides. Would you close your mouth? Like I would say it like that in that exact tone.

Mate, I can see your insides. Can you close your mouth? Like I'd say it like that. Yeah, but that tone is full of judgment. If you said it to me like that. No, it's – well, it is. I am judging them. I know.

I am. But if you said something to me like, mate, I could see – can you do – I'd be like, okay, you are rude. No, picture this. You're sitting across from each other eating at dinner. It's all cute. Chew, chew, chew. Nom, nom, nom, nom.

Mate, I can literally see your insides. That's all you need to say. And then they'll be like, what? and I'll be like I can see literally see every single thing you're chewing like it's just a laugh like that godspeed I don't think we've been any help but I think you need some help or you could just move out of home one of the two move into a new place get some new housemates that eat with their mouth closed I've definitely dated people who have eaten with their mouths open and I've had to say to them like you're chewing with your mouth open I think you can just approach it like

that but I do think be careful with sounding too judgy or too mean because I don't think that that's going to go down well when it's your housemates it's not your boyfriend this is why it goes back to what we said at the start it's why when I said it's easy to have these conversations with a romantic partner than friends it just is because if Ben was chewing with his mouth open I'd be like bro close your mouth what's wrong with you you know what I mean like I agree but then you can have sex later and make up you can give him a wrist to your makeup later okay hear me out there's two more did you learn to eat in a petting suit or is it your first day with teeth Laura they're 10 times ruder than what I said no just do my one everyone do my one all right guys

that is it from us if you have a question for ask uncut slide on into the dms also if you like have had to navigate living with a housemate who's just fucking revolting tell us how did you navigate it what did you say to them how did you tell them to close their mouth or wipe the skitties off the toilet seat we've all experienced it different ways do you go the passive aggressive route do you say it to them in the moment do you send a text do you be up front or do you just never say anything and you live suffering a long suffering housemate also give us the aftermath on that one i want to know what angle you took keep your questions coming into our instagram life uncut podcast just put ask uncut at the top you can do your accidentally unfiltered confessionals

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