Life Uncut - Ask uncut - The logo that's was a total cock-up

Episode Date: March 16, 2022

Welcome to your unpaid & unqualified therapy lifers where we join together to make us all feel less messed up!Today we open the episode by talking about 'that' women's network logo that looks like a big ol' peen.Scomo's marketing office has some 'splaning to do!Then we jump into your deep, dark questions/1. Do you have to have things in common with your partner?2. My housemate has casual flings a fair bit. Am I petty for being a bit off this?3. I am very suspicious that my now ex partner cheated on me with another woman, a woman who is also married. Should I confront her husband and tell him?If you have a question you can send them into @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram.Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your friend and your dog and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and yes we have had one sneaky little glass of wine. Do you know what it's been a long time since Britt and I have recorded an episode of Life Uncut with a glass of wine in hand. It has been

i actually hand on heart i'm doing it i don't remember so there was this little time between you popping out some kids you weren't breastfeeding anymore there was a time where we used to enjoy a glass for a recording here we go cheers cheers we used to we used to record on a glass and we loved it it was fun it was funny but then we stopped because i think well we started to take work seriously we were like you can't just drink at work every day yeah it was it was like the early days we weren't really getting paid it wasn't a job it was in the undies no one was paying off. I don't think that many people were listening so we didn't really mind but also Laura I think the problem our problem is the wine glasses that I have are like fish bowls so you

and I think that we've had one but the size you know think of those really really oversized huge wine glasses so I reckon for every time we think we've had one glass I think we've had two. What Brittany is trying to say is that we're having a great time tonight guys it's also been a long time since Liddy Laura has been here. And the last time that happened was when it was Batch Uncut. But anyway, we have come armed, prepped and ready and excited to answer your deep, dark and burning questions with Ask Uncut. And we have some absolute doozies for today. But before we get into answering all of your questions, there is something else that we want to talk about. A big giant penis. Actually, no, we want to talk about a very important women's

network that unfortunately was overshadowed by a big giant penis. Okay. I'm sure that you guys have seen it. It is circulating in the news. It has been all over Instagram. It's been all over our Facebook group. It's called the women's network and it is a volunteer based organization, which is part of the liberal party. So it is overseen by ScoMo. It is, and this is what it says on the website. It is working towards the vision of a more inclusive and diverse workplace for women. Now this network decided to do a little rebrand. Yes. You know what they thought? Let's step into International Women's Day 2022. It's time to really, really make sure that we're doing right by the women in our country and that they can have a more equitable, safe and prosperous

future. And in order to do that, we should give them a new logo. And do you know what that logo should be spearheaded by are cock and balls. Literally, you need to please go and Google this photo. It is, okay, I'm going to try and explain it to you. It's a W in like curly writing. So they've done a big W in purple with a curl at the top. In calligraphy writing. Calligraphy.

And then for some reason, and this part serves no purpose, so I don't know why they thought it would be great, they've decided to put like a big pointy circular, like an oval block color the same color at the end so it comes out to the side comes out laterally it's like a cylinder like it is literally a penis it is when you are you know when you're in year seven you're 14 years old and you you want to go and graffiti a penis on the wall this is exactly how you would do it and they have even topped it off with a little curly pubic hair on the top you could not laura you literally could not write this you could not script this in a movie it is

the funniest thing i have seen this week i think that people are so up in arms about this logo and i'm sure so many of you have seen it the reason why people are so up in arms is because at worse it's offensive that it was an oversight like how could someone be so like how could a team of people in a political party look at this and think oh that's a good logo that's a great logo for women for women to represent women an erect penis because it's erect it's hard but at worse it was intentional and i think that that's the thing that a lot of people are debating at the moment like was this an intentional cock up to almost like be satirical or to have a dig and I think that maybe maybe we're unpacking it maybe I'm getting too angry maybe feminist Laura is coming

out but like I almost can't believe that anybody on an advisory board anybody that oversaw the look of this rebrand didn't think actually that's very phallic in nature and I think of this with a graphic designer lens like old Laura who used to work in graphic design when you put a logo together, you normally think about the different elements of a logo. You go, okay, the W represents something. The big long phallic thing represents something else. But I cannot for the life of me understand what that purple phallic penis is supposed to mean, except Britt's got it on her phone right now and it's a cock and ball. So Laura sent it to me, right? She's like, babe, you've got to see this. Like, she's like, you have to get your head around this. So she sent it to me.

I the first thing I said was this is a joke I was like someone this isn't an accident this is not an accident someone has knowingly they have to otherwise it is the funniest oversight I have ever seen someone's for sure losing their job it's overseen by the Liberal Party but no one's gonna put their hand up and be like psych I it was me I did the penis for the Women's Network logo no one's gonna say that and like in ScoMo's defense there's no way he's sitting in his office and he's saying yes and no to logos. He would not have had to tick this off, but someone did. I'm sure ScoMo wasn't the person who was sitting there

ticking off a logo. However, there has been so many issues in his time as Prime Minister that have called into question his actions, his intention and his policies around not just how, for example, Brittany Higgins and his referral to like, oh, well, once I consulted Jenny, there is a huge misogynistic undertone. and overtone that's been throughout politics and throughout his office. I mean, there was someone

who's masturbated on a desk of another woman in parliament. So many issues. You would think with all of these errors in mind, with how he's walking on an absolute tightrope when it comes to women in politics, when it comes to how women have been represented or showing up, you would just think they would do their due diligence on this. And that's why I guess so many people are absolutely in shock and just in disbelief that there is a literal cock and balls on the women network logo now for anyone who's such an astronomical fucker for anyone it's a cock up for anyone who doesn't know this it's been pulled it's no longer in circulation it had a had a shelf life of 24 hours you are missing so many great jokes it's it's been pulled yes it's it's been pulled they

pulled out it was erected on the internet for only 24 hours it was only 24 hours and then you I missed my erected joke. No, you are missing every joke here, Laura. There are so many golden opportunities that I'm handing to you on a platter. All right. Anyway, with that, the heartthrobbing facts out there on the table, let's move into Ask Uncut. All right.

Also, thank you to everybody who's written in questions for today. We absolutely freaking love getting your questions. It's an incredible privilege that we get to, I mean, there's hundreds of them that come in every week that we get to read through your questions. There's something incredibly galvanizing about the fact that we're all going through different things at different phases of life. And as much as Britt and I don't have the expertise, we absolutely have the experience. And enthusiasm. We've got some enthusiasm too. Yeah, we have that unbridled enthusiasm. All right. Question number one. Is it important

to have things in common with your partner? The end. Question number two. I've been with my partner for six months now and we are madly in love and quite invested in this relationship. He makes me laugh so much and we have had a really fun time together. However, it recently dawned on me that we literally have absolutely nothing in common we have completely different music tastes like different types of movies and don't even find the same things funny really we have no mutual friends and even our family situations are so different we're both 23 and I'm wondering is it important for us to have shared common interests I can't help but worry about the future and maybe this is something that's going to become a problem for us

yeah right all right I'm coming in hot with some thoughts I have a few thoughts first and foremost overarchingly yes I do think it's important for you to have some things in common do you have to like the same music 100% of the time no do you have to love the same movies 100% of the time no do you want to do the same things on the weekend all the time no do you have to have the same core values foundations life goals yes I think that's where it becomes a bit more imperative. I think it's really important for you to have your differences in a relationship. I'm really big on that. Independence, enjoying your own time, your own friendship circles, your own hobbies. But I think it's really important to have a base level of things you enjoy to do

together. And then on top of that, I think it's important for you to have your own life and your own friendships and, you know, sports or whatever else it is. I think you need a base level of being able to sit down and watch a movie together and have a laugh and both enjoy it, not just force yourself to and I think it's important that there is some sort of activity that you enjoy to do together whatever that is then on top of that go do whatever the hell you want it just sounds like for you from what you've said there is literally nothing you don't laugh at the same things you don't want to listen to the same things you don't watch the same things you want to do anything on the weekend I mean that's what she said she literally agree on this one that's fine but

that's you can't disagree on what she said she just said there is not one thing in common I mean I agree. Fight me. Okay. Yes. Take your shirt off. That was weird. I don't know how you and Matt fight. We wrestle. That's one thing we share. That's a hobby. Okay. I agree with some parts of what you've just said, but I think it's not necessary to have everything. No, like obviously it's not necessary to have everything in common, but I think sometimes when we think about what do we have in common with our partner, we can focus on things that are really surface level. And we've seen this on maths. If you've been watching maths, I've forgotten the girl's name, but she was dating Dion. Dominica? No, not Dominica. That's the only girl's name I know. Definitely not her.

She was focusing on things that were incredibly superficial. For example, one of them was that he didn't eat breakfast and she liked to have breakfast in the mornings. It was like, it was like really superficial stuff. You'll be single forever. Yeah, a hundred percent. But no, my thing is like, you don't have to have the same shared interests so long as you have the same shared core values. And I'm very, very big on this because I think that everybody's completely different. In some instances, opposites attract. In some instances, same, same are incredibly magnetic, which I know goes against all science. But for example, Matt and I, we're very, very similar, but we have an incredible relationship. I've also been in relationships with people who

were very different to me and they had incredibly different interests to me. However, I think the reason why it worked at the time was because we had so much respect for each other and we had so much respect for each other's interests. But at the end of the day, we loved each other. We wanted the same thing. We had the same core values. We had the same level of like love, respect for our families, like what we wanted, where we were heading. We cared about the same things deep down. But on that surface level, when you think, oh, we've got nothing the same, that's why we didn't completely align. He was like super into geeky computer stuff. And I was definitely not into geeky computer stuff. But I think like overall, if you're really,

really happy with someone, if you're having a fucking great time, if you're laughing and you feel like someone is filling your cup up in so many other ways, I don't think that we need to like overanalyze and try and be like, oh, but like, what are our similarities and pick apart the issues in a relationship? You did say one thing that I, it's hard to comment on because it was a bit contradictory. You said that you find different things funny, so you don't have the same sense of humor, but then you went on to say you laugh a lot. Maybe you have great banter. So for me, that's really important. Personally, subjectively, I really, really need to have the same level of humor and find the same things funny because for me in a relationship, laughter is the

most important thing and having fun and a good time. That's what I really, really value in terms of having things in common on a weekend. I would love to have the morning we do the same thing and then I don't care what we do. I want to do one shared activity with someone and that's just me. And I want us to both be, I don't want it to be a compromise. I want us to both be stoked with what we're doing together, have fun, and then we can do what we want. And I have told you guys about this before for anyone new to the podcast. I was in this one relationship a long time ago and the poor guy, he was for sure in hindsight, a rebound. It was long distance. It was between, it was like four hours difference. And we base most of the relationship on, we saw each other

every couple of weekends and there was a lot of texting we got along really well the text bent was great we called each other all the time we saw each other every couple of weekends and when we did see each other like we planned things and often it was me planning it was a lot of things that I wanted to do and I think in the early stages like the first six months there's a lot of pleasing so he would there's so much pleasing in the first six months of relation the things I've done that I didn't want to do like taking your shirt off and wrestling so so he would he would go along with it right like jumping out of an airplane oh yeah but I thought we were only see each other every couple of weeks so I didn't know I thought he enjoyed these things as well

then I decided to go on a holiday to America and he was like why don't I come and I was like oh I'm just gonna get by myself five weeks and we'd only been together six months and he was like no why not it'll be great and I was okay I was like cool yeah you know what you've been my partner for six months let's go on a holiday so he came with me after like a 24-hour flight travel we got there for probably only three days in of like 24 hours together we hadn't spent so much time together I realized that we had not one thing in common so everything that I wanted to do on the holiday everything I had planned I was very active wanted to be at the beach wanted to be climbing exploring he wanted to be just going to like take some barbecues he had planned this whole trip

based around purely around food video games things like that and I just had this realization where I was like we have not one thing in common so I left I never saw him again I left like was that when you that's when I got the ick yep that's when I caught the ick and so I left him after one week probably like actually four or five days into our five week booked holiday I just said I can't do it I was like I can't you're not anywhere near my penguin you are not even on the same icicle what's it called not an icicle you're not you're a fucking you're a water buffalo you're not a penguin you are 100% a hippopotamus in Africa so I left him and because for me I was like, we weren't even sharing. We weren't even laughing. Do you know what? I remember the moment

he did this really bad fart. He, he, and that's the thing for me. It's not funny. He lives in his butt cheek. He did a fart. It stunk so bad. He thought it was hysterical. And I just looked at him and I was like, not only do we have nothing in common, but you are so gross. And I was like, that's when I just decided to leave. So for me, having something in common is really important. We couldn't date. Cause I definitely fart around Matt and he's okay with it. Bro, you fart around me. You're an animal. And you've never walked out in that relationship. You're an animal.

Okay. The only thing I want to add to this, which I think is really important. And like, I appreciate how important similarities are to you and how you want to be with someone who you share, not just like values with, but you want, you share core interests with, like, that's really, really important to you. I think on the flip side of this is that I want to be with someone who I have incredible conversations with. I want to be with someone who I have deep conversation with and connection with. And that is paramount to me more so than doing like activities and hobbies. I guess. I don't probably put hobbies as high up on the things that are priorities for me. That's what you've got to assess. Is it important to you that you have someone who you can go

hiking with or go camping with or whatever it is, play, I don't know, play Yo-Ho Diablo. Great game. There'll be so many people that would not know what Yo-Ho Diablo is. Your hobby is, or are other things more important? And does your partner satiate those things? I also think it's really important to acknowledge the fact that in today's society, we expect way too much of our romantic partners. Our romantic partners are literally replacing everything. We expect our romantic partners to be our best friend. We expect them to be our confidant. We expect them to be our lovers. We expect them to be our deep soul connection. Our masseuse, our chef. Am I expecting too much? My cleaner and also my daddy.

but we also this this sounds a bit crazy but it's true we also expect them to be like a god for us and in some ways I mean this because like so many of us are now agnostic so many of us are atheists there are a lot of people in today's society who don't rely on religion in the same ways that we used to and so we expect to have a spiritual connection through our partners as well that is an incredibly huge amount of pressure to put on one single person and back in the day when we would have a village, we expect that of our romantic connections. And I think that sometimes we expect too much and I think it's okay. So long as you have enough in common that you can have a great foundation for a relationship, I think it's okay that you don't share hobbies. And maybe that's

exactly where this particular question gets a little bit confusing because I'm associating deep conversations, having things in common. I think that is all having similar interests. I bunch that into the same group. I bunch wanting to talk about the same things, debate the same things in the same bag as wanting to do the same things on the weekend. For me, that's all about commonality, similarity, and building a deep connection. And I think that that's the part of this that's become a bit confusing. And that like, I think that the person writing this question in has that with their partner. I actually think that their relationships rock solid and they're focusing on stuff that's actually pretty surface level. All right. I feel like we have answered

that question to absolute death so let's go that was interesting though question number two I like that we got there in the same like I like that we got there together and we actually agreed but we just kind of did it in our own little roundabout way I have a question for you go before we move on this is not an ask uncut question this is just no it's not it's not an ask uncut this is about our relationship yours and mine do you think we are similar or opposite like how would you put us as a business friendship couple? I think that there are some things that we're incredibly similar on. And I think that there are some things that we are absolute polar opposite. Like 50, 50, but no, not 50, 50. I would say like overarchingly and overall, I would say that we're

actually pretty similar and it's our similarities that drew us together to be friends in the first place. But I guess, and it's something that like, I love, I fucking love about our friendship is the fact that like we have managed to ride the waves of me having kids and we're still here and we're still here and we're still here but I think that that's probably where our differences arise from like I think that we were probably more similar before I had kids and just the thing that's maybe become more of a caveat in how we're different is because priorities have shifted for me yeah different phase of life and that's that's all it is but as people I think that we're very very similar and we share the same interests and we love the same things and that's where

the foundation of our friendship has come from okay we can move on to question two now what do you think oh this is like laura i wish you guys could see the look on laura's face when she looked at me asking that is that the right answer to the question that was great i was just curious we've never really talked about it no i think the same thing i think any area that we butt heads on which is rare i think it stems from the fact that we sometimes are too similar and because i remember i used to fight with my mom a lot growing up or anything we'd have a disagreement on is because we were so similar and I think both of us have a stubborn streak yours is definitely worse than mine like you're so stubborn but also the funny thing about our relationship as well is I genuinely

think I was so so similar to you prior to where I'm at in my phase of life and I agree because we met and we were just like two moths to a flame 100% and I think I used to be I used to be incredibly carefree I used to be like far less regimented schedules didn't matter I would be like, Hey, what are you doing on Saturday? Want to go to Africa? That was my, like, I just didn't fucking care. But now that I have kids, what are you doing in 25 weeks? I could probably have a coffee. Yeah, totally. But also something else happened to me after I became a mom and maybe other moms might understand this, my anxiety and my feelings around worrying increased so much. Like I never used to be a worrier. The worry is a word that I never would have even used to define

me or who I am as a person. And I think that in the last couple of years, and maybe it's also a reflection of the state of the world and everything that we've been through, through COVID and everything else. But like, I would say that I am, I'm somebody who worries a lot now and it's not how I would have identified two years ago. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a mother of any level, let alone a new mother that doesn't have those feelings. I think that is a normal wave of feelings that comes when you bring another life into the world and you're responsible for another life and you literally have someone else to worry about. So yeah, worry is fundamental in your life now. And that is our therapy session. Question number two. I like this one. I think it's

relatively easy to answer. Although I do think that there is some etiquette involved. My housemate has recently started seeing a new boy. We share a bathroom and I have heard them showering together. The bathroom is right next to my room and I can hear everything even late at night when I need to work early the next day. I feel frustrated that this boy is using the shower that I use. I haven't lived with this housemate for long but I get the impression that she does have casual flings and often brings them back to the house. I'm worried that this could continue happening with other random boys. Am I being petty that I don't want a random man in my shower? Is it even appropriate to bring it up or do I just have to accept that this is something that comes with

living with random people. You definitely need to accept that this is something that comes with living with random people. Yes. But to what extent is acceptable? Like, and I don't want to be like, I think go, go out, live your best life. If you want to bring home, hook up with as many random men as you want. I think that that's totally fine. However, when you're in a share house and you also have to think about other people's safety and other people's belongings, there is definitely another thing to consider here. Well, yes, if I finished my sentence, that's what I would have said. So I think that, yes, it is something that's going to happen. Like that is you are young, you are single, you share a house because we usually, when we're young, we can't afford to

live on our own, especially if you're out in a city or it's just not the done thing. So chances are, and you want to live with other people. Like you want to be with your friends when you're young, you want to have little party houses, you want to have dinner parties, all of those. it is part and parcel it's going to come with the territory of being in a share house but there has to be a level of respect and that is something that you two need to have as flatmates you can't say that you don't I mean you can say it for sure you can say you don't want some random guy in your shower but there is going to be someone in your shower let's be real your friend's gone out she's picked up she's come home she's for sure banging him they're going to have a shower

at some stage whether it's in the middle of the night later in the night early in the morning it's going to happen it's how loud and disrespectful they're being are they pretending are they acting like you're not even there are they are they screaming laughing knocking things over making a lot of noise that's different to like trying to sneak into a bathroom quickly do what you need to do and sneak out so if if they're at a level that's just obnoxiously rude yes have the conversation you need to just say hey you guys were so loud last night do you think you try and be quiet next time because I've got to get up and go to work is that cool have you ever lived in a share house where your housemate has come to you and said I heard you boning last night

yes same it makes you feel so uncomfortable doesn't it you feel like there's a bit of guilt in there I know it wasn't no okay that's a lie no one heard me boning but there was this guy that I was seeing and he was just like a bit of a party animal and when he was out and had been partying he didn't realize how loud he is and he's a loud person at the best of times anyway so he couldn't he didn't really realize that he'd come home and you know when people think they're being quiet you know when they think they're whispering but they're like really loud and you'd be like anyway one night it was so bad and I knew I was gonna get in trouble with my flatmates the next day and I did and like he even got up and it was so bad he got up and knocked on her door of her

bedroom like quite early in the morning and I couldn't control him anyway I stopped seeing him after that but she the next day she literally walked in she goes Brett last night was not cool and I was like I know I was I'm so like I was like I was beside myself I was so sorry but like I recognized the level of disrespect and it wasn't something that was always it was literally a one off and I was mortified the whole time so it depends on the reaction from your friend are they like fuck off like I'm doing what I want then maybe they're not the housemate for you yeah and I think that that's the big thing to come back to is like have a conversation no you don't skip past your sex story oh I was single on and off a lot and I lived in a lot of share houses

and I also lived in share houses with my boyfriends. And yes, every single person I've ever lived with has heard me having sex. You're very loud. Not that I'm very loud, but just, I had not a lot of money. So I lived in very small share houses. I had very squeaky beds. With a lot of people and very squeaky beds. No, I do think that there has to be a level of consideration. However, it is kind of the known thing that if you're living with single people and you are not even just single people, you might be living with someone who's in a relationship. They might go through a breakup and then they want a date. It's always good to have a sit down conversation with your housemates and figure out what is and isn't acceptable.

What do they think is acceptable? What do you think is acceptable? And meet somewhere in the middle. Because if you have completely different ideas on that, then that's obviously going to cause a massive problem. Like I'm not a partier. I don't go out a lot. For me, I would hate to be living with somebody that was out every weekend or every second night and bringing someone home every second night. It's not my jam because I don't do it. And I guess the big thing here is, is like, I don't want you to be going out there and slut shaming your housemate. Like if your housemate wants to hook up with a different guy every weekend, that is absolutely fine. And I hope that she is having the best time of her life. Get it girl. However, if you don't feel comfortable

or safe having a different person or man coming into your house every week, that's totally understandable. And there's many reasons why you wouldn't feel safe with having a complete stranger in your house. You can have those conversations with your girlfriend. You can explain to her the why around it. And you can ask her that if she is thinking about going and hooking up that night, maybe she can go and play the away game, go and stay at his house. Obviously you also want her to have a safe space as well. Like it, maybe she doesn't feel comfortable going in and hooking up and going back to their house. There's a lot of things to consider here, but at the end of the day, I do think that there is a part of this that you have to be accepting of when you live in a

share house, when you're living with single people, that is just part and parcel of having housemates. Yeah. So the only thing that I want to like semi-disagree on or just add in is that I agree with everything, but I don't think that you can, I think you need to accept that she can bring that guy back to your house anytime she wants. If she doesn't want to go to someone else's house, you can't sit down and say, you know, maybe you need to go sleep with the person at their house a little bit. I think if she feels comfortable in her home, she can bring them back every single night of the week what this comes down to I also don't think you can do like a cleaning roster and stick it on the fridge and be like you can't bring someone home on Tuesdays and Thursdays

what it's about is finding someone that you have common interests with to live with so if you know that you and your flatmate are on just completely different wavelengths in what you see fit for your work week then you need to find someone that is on the same on the same path and every time I have lived with someone in over the years in a household whether I've been interviewing them to move in or they've been interviewing me to move in it's always the same questions what do you like to do on the weekends do you you know do you what job do you have do you work nights do you because you're trying to find someone that fits into your schedule because you're sharing an environment you want to be on the same wavelength so I think at the end of the day it's not about setting

boundaries for your flatmate as much as it is about just trying to find someone to live with that you share the same interests with I do think that it's okay though I think that you know if you want to live with someone for a long time and you're going through these different phases of life I don't think there's anything wrong with having a conversation about what is making you feel uncomfortable or feeling like totally not that I think you have to sit down and be like here are my boundaries and set down like incredibly rigid house rules but I do think that you can sort of say what does and doesn't make you comfortable in your own home and at the end of the day yes you have no control over your housemate if they're doing something that you don't feel comfortable

with, then there might come a point where you end up moving out. Totally. 100%. I agree. That's why I'll never leave this on again. All right. Question number three, which is our last question. My partner and I just split up. I've just found out that this girl that I always had a weird feeling about had been hanging out with him at our house when I was at work and he never ever told me. My question is, do I message her husband and see if he knew that they were hanging out? slash do I tell him and make him aware of it or do I just leave it okay I have a lot of feelings about this we have so many feelings about everything okay firstly I feel incredibly sorry that you're going through a shitty breakup and I always think not always but like 99.9% of

the time when you have intuition about something not being right if you have intuition about some relationship or connection or friendship, there is a reason when we've said this before on the podcast, there is a reason why we have intuition. It is your internal alarm system saying something is wrong. And often when we try and deny that and push that down and suppress it, it like makes you feel so fucking crazy. I mean, sometimes you are wrong. I think yes, but yes, it's the 0.1%. But honestly, like there is often a reason why your intuition is telling you that, that there is something wrong. And in this instance, and in this case, obviously there's something that's amiss. Now, do you call up and tell her husband? I think no. And the reason why

I say no is because I think the reason why you're wanting to tell her husband isn't because you knew it's not because like you found out it's because you want her to hurt. You want to cause hurt on her, the same hurt that you're feeling yourself. And like, I just don't think that that's like a productive or useful use of your time I think that that will only create more drama and more pain for you and I think at the moment focusing on your own healing is probably way more paramount than trying to take her down in this because at the end of the day it's your boyfriend who's the one who fucked up and as much as she has probably fucked up her own marriage like let her go and do that I have feelings too oh you want to you're saying go call him no I'm a husband I'm Switzerland

the fence sitter no these I want to explain myself you don't actually sound like you have the information of knowing that there was an affair or any actual cheating going on you've just said they were hanging out so okay were they just having a cup of tea and enjoying each other's company were they unloading were they actually having sex I don't know if you know if you don't know I I wonder why you would want to be telling her I just think that if it's over for you and you've moved on, I would keep trying to move on. That's what I think. It might be different for me because I always try and put myself in both parties shoes. So if I'm in your shoes, I'm like, cool, I just want to move on. I'm done. You don't actually know anything. You don't know anything

has happened. You just know that they had some form of communication, which fucking sucks. Like we've said it before, any emotional contact or emotional relationship can be so much worse than a physical one. Then I put myself in the other husband's shoes. If I was in a relationship and this is why it's always so hard. If I was in a relationship and my partner was cheating on me and somebody knew, I've always said I would want to know. I've always thought that I would rather have the truth and whether or not that time comes and I'm handed that information on a platter, maybe I'll feel different. Maybe I'll just be like, why the fuck did you tell me? Like ignorance is bliss. Why did you just turn my life upside down? But you know, I've been in a

situation before where I do wish my sociopathic ex, I wish someone told me earlier. I probably wouldn't have believed it at the time, but I always try and put myself in both parties shoes. For this exact situation, you don't know anything's going on. It's over for you. You're done and you've moved on. I would just leave it in the past, focus on yourself. You obviously don't need any more torment in your life and any more stress. And that is going to open just such another huge can of worms. Like once that explodes that you don't just walk in and drop that information and walk out you'll be involved in that there'll be text messages there'll be calls be what's happened where were you here what do you know both parties and your your ex will be calling you like it's a

whole nother can of worms that I don't think you need or you're probably ready for I understand when you have been betrayed and you've been cheated on there is like there's a couple of stages that you go through and the very first one is this like hate the world it's crisis and it's chaos and you find out and you feel so fucking angry and you feel like somebody else and you need to funnel that anger. Like somebody else should feel as sad and as angry as you feel. And somebody else should pay for what they've done, especially when there's somebody else who's been involved in the relationship and they have a partner as well. You're like, you need to feel the pain that I'm feeling. You don't get to have a happy relationship when I

don't. No, exactly. And look, I understand that maybe other people who are listening to this podcast, who have been in this situation, who have done differently will feel differently to what Brit and I are saying. And that's okay. I don't think that there is necessarily a right or wrong in this situation. I think you have to do what you and your conscience feels great and okay with. The reason why I wouldn't go out there and call up her husband and have that conversation is because I think the amount of drama that it would bring into your life is not worth it when you're already going through so much. And like what you think you will gain back from getting back at her probably won't really feel the whole of pain that you already feel. This is, and we've

spoken about it in the past, this is a really, really tricky situation where there literally is no right or wrong thing to do. It's just what's going to be best for you in this moment. For your particular situation, I think if you don't know anything, if you have no hard evidence or you're not sure of anything, the relationship's done, I would just keep on walking and I just wouldn't look back, that is in the past, that is done. If you know for sure that there was a proper affair, that there was a lot of wrongdoings, whether it was one night, long-term, whatever else, and you know that it'll be on your conscience and it's going to cause its own levels of stress by holding that information, then of course, if you feel like it's the right thing, then you can

let her know. This is so subjective and so dependent on your specific situation. So at the end of the day yeah we've said this before but it is so imperative at the end of the day to put your own oxygen mask on first anyway that is it from us another episode of ask uncut please jump in slide into the dms next week with your own questions if you have anything that you want us to answer if you have one that you want us to answer on the radio you can slide in with a voice mail is it a voicemail a voice memo voice memo yeah voice memo us and that is it please don't forget to tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love