Life Uncut - Ask Uncut- The Mindful Orgasm

Starting point is 00:00:00 A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

Starting point is 00:00:43 And this is our Thursday episode, our down and dirty little number where we answer all your deep, your dark and your burning questions. Now Laura, you've been wanting to try something out, something you read? Meditation. To relax. To try to orgasm. to relax my body you're like how can I come without touching myself my mind and my spirit no I haven't been trying to try something out but it's something you're gonna I will I absolutely

Starting point is 00:01:11 will because you all know how fucking lazy I am so if I can orgasm with just my mind that sounds like a great time so start at the start what do we because you pretty much came in hot being like I'm gonna come without doing anything okay I found this article it was in the deep dark corners of the web it's a vice article that's written by a woman named gina tonic and it says i tried to orgasm using only my mind so apparently there are these different techniques that you can use which are like erotic hypnosis and orgasmic breathing techniques which mean that you can just lay on your bed in a meditative state oh i do not believe think erotic thoughts think about being touched and your body will have an orgasm for you without having to do anything.

Starting point is 00:01:55 Well, I mean, I guess is that the idea behind a wet dream, right? You go to sleep at night, you dream something, you don't necessarily have to touch yourself, but people can orgasm in their sleep, right? Well, I mean, you know. I mean, I haven't. Okay, yes, this is a fact because I can orgasm in my sleep. Not like whenever I want to.

Starting point is 00:02:11 I don't go to bed and go, oh, tonight's the night. But do you wake up like touching yourself? No. So it's just in your dream. I've told you this before. Yeah, but I'm just trying to get the details. I don't know if we went into detail. Okay, no, you just wake up mid-orgasm and you're like, oh, that was good.

Starting point is 00:02:27 And then you go back to sleep, but you're not touching yourself. It just happens. I'm like a 14-year-old boy sometimes. So it's a thing. So what does one have to do and can anyone do it? Okay, no, so I put it out to the Mind Trust. I put it out to you guys. I asked the question on our socials, has anybody orgasm just from thinking about an orgasm?

Starting point is 00:02:47 So, so many people wrote in saying that they've had like, you know, your stereotypical orgasm in your sleep. Stereotypical? It is not stereotypical. Some of us cannot do that. That's boring news. But what we wanted to know is who has had an orgasm just from thinking. There was one girl who had an orgasm in a sauna. She didn't go into detail. She just said she was sitting in a sauna. Was she alone? I think she was alone. What happens in the old sauna? I think she was alone and it was warm and she was thinking nice thoughts it was warm it was moist it was a great environment why do we hate the word moist i don't hate it moist it was moist yeah but like people have an aversion to the word moist i think it's like one of those things that people tell you that

Starting point is 00:03:25 you're supposed to hate so then when someone says it you're like oh moist like a moist cookie best word it's not the best word i don't know why a moist cake okay so she came in the sauna just by thinking there is another girl who had an orgasm on a bus in vietnam very specific while she was thinking about her crush and they were going over bumps. So I feel like there was a little bit of- It's the turbulence. That was the bumpy road turbulence.

Starting point is 00:03:50 But also she wasn't touching herself. She was just thinking about her crush and then she had an orgasm. Well, that's also, okay. So here's the thing, right? That's not like you're just laying in bed thinking. That's still a vibration. She's masturbating.

Starting point is 00:04:01 It's not intentional, but the vibration of the bumps is what's doing it, right? Okay, also this person, I mean, yeah, look, this is also, she's not touching herself, but she's using an apparatus. she said she said that she was having some uh some good thoughts and then she was doing a foam roll and she had an orgasm so i foam roller like on the hips and stuff or she well it doesn't say i don't think she foam rolled her clitoris but she was just she was just foam rolling and then she had

Starting point is 00:04:28 an orgasm okay i'm so jealous of these people one person watched porn didn't touch themselves just came from watching porn okay but here's my thing right this is all incredible and i'm very jealous but this isn't laying in bed meditating thinking of an orgasm like this people still using external apparatuses yeah as you said yeah but if you're just laying on your bed watching porn and you have an orgasm without touching that's amazing that's amazing it's incredible you're superhuman that is like yeah you're doing god's work peeling this back to basics we have been told by professionals that not all women can orgasm there are some women in the world that can't orgasm so I think it's pretty wild to think that anyone can go and lay down and

Starting point is 00:05:13 meditate and orgasm like surely you've got to be one of those people that orgasm very freely there are I'm not exaggerating this there are hundreds of people who have written back saying that they do orgasm in their sleep and then we've got another person who had an orgasm they were very much awake and they imagined having sex with their PA well the PA was in the room no you she didn't have an orgasm in front of her PA she just hadn't you can't control it she had a fantasy about her PA and it made her have an orgasm wow are these people trying to do it or is it just happening are they consciously laying down thinking I'm going to meditate to orgasm or is it like this one sounds like she just slipped on into it accidentally I don't think you can I mean can

Starting point is 00:05:54 you ever go into something like even going into sex being like I'm gonna have an orgasm usually makes the orgasm feel a lot further away so I feel like if you're laying down just to have a rest and you think I'm gonna orgasm it probably isn't gonna come I feel like it just is something that you know washes over you do they tell you what you have to do to do it are there some rules and stipulations okay so I did do a little bit of a deep dive into this and apparently it's all about using your mind obviously oh yes it is rooted mind the pun in thousands of years of Taoistic and Tantric practices and it is very popular this is what it says it's a very popular exercise among plenty of fetish communities using non-physical stimulation like breathing exercises hypnosis and

Starting point is 00:06:37 meditation so the writer of this article Gina Tonic she actually to try and get the end goal of having an orgasm she didn't just lay down and then use her erotic thoughts there was four different steps and she kind of went through this like four day phase so on day one she did erotic hypnosis which she went to a licensed hypnotist to go and do that part of it that's obviously something you can just learn well I don't know but I don't think that that actually gave her an orgasm I think it was just to try and like unlock her sexual needs and desires now the second part of this was orgasmic breathing so apparently if you concentrate on your breathing not that that's going to get you to an orgasm but concentrating on your breathing apparently unlocks a deeper

Starting point is 00:07:18 bigger more exciting orgasm than shallow breathing I mean yeah there's a lot to be said for breathing people do whole breathing courses so breath work yeah breath work didn't make get her to O-Town but you know apparently it helps okay okay number three is a thing called coregasm so this is kind of like a combination of doing core exercises and pelvic floor exercises yeah it sounds like a fitness workout yeah but apparently doing these specific coregasm type exercises can bring on an orgasm of itself so you're actually instead of like stimulating yourself with your hands you're kind of internally stimulating yourself so like pelvic floor exercises like do it now do a bit of tell me I can feel it it's a bit arousing actually you can yeah do a few more I am wear some tight

Starting point is 00:08:02 jeans and do it okay and then number four was another thing called lucid dreaming which I think very much links into this idea which is what so many of you wrote in saying is that you'll have an orgasm when you're dreaming so lucid dreaming is that space when I think you would think that you're asleep but you're not quite asleep and you're not quite awake but you have yeah you're aware that you're dreaming that really and and like you have those really weird rapid thoughts and it will take you like you know you'll be doing some crazy shit and it kind of feels like you're in a dream but that apparently is a really remarkable space to have orgasms in it's like the only lucid dream because i feel like i've had them before but the only ones i've had because

Starting point is 00:08:38 it's when you know you're in the dream but you can't get out of it and you can manipulate it i've had it before where i'm just like a scary dream you know like a murder dream and someone's chasing me and i know it's like i'm telling myself this is a dream don't be scared but i still can't get out of it and i still have to manipulate the dream like i know where i have to go to hide to get away. Have you ever had those? Okay well but no but next time you can manipulate the dream so you can run away hide and masturbate and maybe you will have an orgasm without having to touch yourself. Well maybe I'll try and yeah divert it from a scary dream to a sex dream next time I have a lucid dream. I mean in theory it would be very nice to be able to just lay there and get yourself

Starting point is 00:09:13 to O-Town. But then do you think you'd get lazier? Yes but also I mean how lazy is it to just whip out a vibrator and use that instead? I feel like that is lazier. It's a faster way to get yourself to where you want to be rather than laying down doing orgasms and breath work yeah yeah yeah but then would you do you think if you could just lay down and come without doing anything that like you wouldn't put the effort in with your partners anymore and like hey honey I'm just gonna go for a lay down all right well maybe we all need to go and sign up for this four-day course I want to know though if anybody else has just and I know that the dreaming thing is a big thing so like if you've had an orgasm dreaming like you know good for you good for me we've all done it actually

Starting point is 00:09:51 we haven't all done it but a lot of us have done it but if you have managed to get yourself to being able to have an orgasm just from like you know the use of your own erotic thoughts i want to hear more about this because this to me is absolutely fucking wild slide into the dms give us a little bit of a rundown on how you get there on what you do how you get yourself in the mood is this like a whole self-love thing where it's something you had to learn and train and study i want to know it all and where send the links to where you trained to the four-day course for anyone to sign up all right let's get into answering your deep your dark and your burning questions so i met this guy at a bar a few weeks ago and we went home together later that night

Starting point is 00:10:30 after stalking him on socials i figured out that he has a fiance and a baby oh like it's really weird i confronted him about it and he says that they were engaged but he decided to call it off and just be friends just before the baby was born however they haven't told anyone this as Her family is super religious and they are trying to navigate the situation together. They still live together. I told him I can't continue to see him unless he can prove to me that he isn't in a relationship or unless he tells her about me. He said he doesn't really know how he would be able to prove it and isn't ready to tell

Starting point is 00:11:08 her unless he knows if we are going somewhere. I really like this guy. The sex was amazing and there is definitely something there between us, but my gut says that maybe he's lying. should I cut it off now before I get any more invested oh I'm straight out of the gate I think I think he's telling the truth I think he's being a really nice upstanding guy I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and you know not telling the truth he lives with his partner they are having a baby he's cheating on his partner this is what every part of my gut instinct

Starting point is 00:11:38 tells me in this situation I think every part of you wants to believe him for sure because you obviously had attraction to him and there was maybe a crush there or there were some sort of feelings there. So you always want to see the best in people, but every single flag here is pointing to red. I just think when you were writing this out, were you just like, oh yeah, he's definitely fucking lying to me. Like I feel like as soon as you write this question out and you can see it for point blank for what it is. My thing is he says, oh, there's no way for me to prove it that we've broken up. If he really wanted to prove it, there would be a way for him to prove it. There would be text messages between him and his partner being like, you know, we've

Starting point is 00:12:15 broken up, whatever. Like it's not like you walk in one day and say, Hey honey, I think we should separate and still live together and raise this baby together and pretend to everybody else that we're still together and never text about it. There are ways for him to prove it to you. If he could prove it. The reason why he says he doesn't know how he could prove it. And he wants to keep you a secret is because he is fucking lying. Yeah. He's got a whole other life and he has a whole other life. And also, I mean, it just sounds like to me, even if he isn't lying, even if let's just say for some amazing remarkable reason that he is telling the truth benefit of the doubt this is so much baggage do you want to be in a relationship with someone where they're going

Starting point is 00:12:54 to keep you alive and someone that has what i'm assuming is quite a new baby a newborn baby i don't know but he's got a baby with somebody recently that he still lives with i'm not sure if it's the relationship you want to be jumping into no should you cut it off with him now before you get more invested the answer to this in i think this is the most black and white question we've ever received is absolutely yes. And do I think he's lying to you? Yes. You said my gut tells me he's lying. I think that this is such an important thing because sometimes we want to disbelieve our intuition. We try so hard to ignore what our intuition is telling us because we want something so much. We want the reality to be different. And so we just kind of, we'll ignore

Starting point is 00:13:32 what our gut's telling us because the fantasy of what we want is so much greater. And I think in this instance your warning internal warning systems are saying like this is a fucking bad idea but you're trying to ignore it because you want him always go with your gut instinct trust your gut instinct that's what we're going to drive home here this is alarm bells all over from the second the first word i read which was i to the end was invested the whole thing is a giant alarm all right save your soul save your heart save your emotions and just don't even go any deeper. Question number two, I'm getting married next year and I don't know if I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. One, I don't feel totally comfortable with the concept of the father

Starting point is 00:14:13 giving the bride away. I feel like it's a little bit outdated and low-key gives me the ick. Number two, my dad and I have a good relationship, but we aren't super close. What are your thoughts on the bride walking down the aisle solo and how I should approach this conversation with my dad? oh i mean i guess this is one i haven't overly thought of before because i haven't been in a position where you know i'm getting married and thinking about it i haven't had the conversation with my dad my first thought before we throw to you laura is that at this day and age i think you can do anything you want to do at a wedding whatever you're comfortable with i think a lot of people think it's really nice to have this tradition and i think there's no wrong and right

Starting point is 00:14:55 with a wedding anymore i think you do whatever you're comfortable with in maybe you want to include your dad in a different way in the ceremony if you don't feel comfortable with him physically walking you down and giving you away there are so many other ways that you can include someone in a ceremony but first and foremost you have to be comfortable on your day totally and i think like just on what you said brit like this idea of it can be a really beautiful thing i think it's only a really beautiful thing if the relationship you have with your dad is a really beautiful thing if like it's a special moment to you because it signifies something that's important to you you know I think that then it's a really beautiful thing for me I found this

Starting point is 00:15:31 really tricky because my parents got divorced when I was really little they got divorced when I was three and my dad was an army major I mean we had a good relationship but he wasn't around a lot like he spent a lot of time away he moved to Townsville so he wasn't even in the same state as me so we had a pretty disjointed connection for a lot of years and so it didn't feel right to me to just have my dad walk me down the aisle and not my mom so I had my dad and my mom walk me down the aisle I now have I have a great relationship with both of them but trying to preference one of them having divorced parents seemed like a really cruel thing to do so I wasn't going to kind of lean into that just because that's what tradition said no you had the kids you had the dog you had your mom

Starting point is 00:16:12 you had your dad like you had whatever made you feel comfortable yeah my dog walked me down the aisle but also like in the opposite to that when my sister got married she had me and my brother walk her down the aisle she didn't have either of my parents walk her down the aisle because for her she was like look you know it means something different to me and I want my siblings to be there because they've been my support as well through my whole life I do think that yeah maybe your dad may take it to some offense he may be upset by it but I think having a conversation with him around you don't have to make it a big big deal but just saying oh dad we aren't doing things really traditionally I'm not actually going to have anyone walk me down the aisle

Starting point is 00:16:48 you know we kind of aren't having a super traditional wedding and just managing his expectations a little bit can go a really long way as opposed to saying like oh dad I don't want you to walk me down the aisle because I think that feels very pointed that might turn it into something that you don't want it to be but yeah I do ultimately think that weddings are at one situation in life where you have to kind of like juggle right is this going to bring more drama to my life than it's worth and if the answer is no and it means you're going to have the wedding that you want then whatever it is that you want is how the day is going to be and there is no tradition that you have to lean into if you don't want to absolutely agree okay question number three

Starting point is 00:17:28 Brittany okay question number three I'm just gonna hitchhike on the back of your wedding question with another wedding question because it's wedding season it is summer how long does wedding season go for well I think probably like six months I feel like wedding season is all year round because some people have summer weddings and some people have winter weddings it's just always a wedding season it's also like a backlog of covid weddings now so it's forever okay i am getting married next year in fiji and my fiance and i have invited our closest friends and family to come and celebrate our day with us i have a group of girls i see on the odd occasion four of which i am personally close with and have invited to my wedding the other girls are more friends of

Starting point is 00:18:04 friends who i don't really have a lot to do with the group of girlfriends who are invited were organizing accommodation for themselves when another girl in the group who i don't really know or particularly like invited herself on the holiday now i know it's a public place but just makes me uncomfortable as i am in fiji to celebrate my wedding with my friends and family and she's not somebody who i would want around my new in-laws as she can be a bit of a troublemaker and i don't agree with her morals am i in my right to politely ask that she does not come or is she entitled to come if she pleases i just find it weird and awkward it is awkward i did this to my friend did you I'm a fucking bad friend I was so young and I didn't understand the etiquette

Starting point is 00:18:47 of weddings like I really didn't my girlfriend got married in the Philippines I was in my 20s I was supposed to be going with my boyfriend at the time and then we broke up so I was like I'll just bring by my friend I'll just my friend can come with me and she was so I know I now know how bad it was like I'll just replace him with someone else that you don't know so I was like look I'll bring my friend she'll just stay with me because I had we were only going to the wedding for a little while for a couple of days. And then my girlfriend Galena was going off and she was having her own holiday in the Philippines. And so were we. So I wasn't together. It was just a couple of days over the wedding that was together. And I was like, well, he's not going to come with me now.

Starting point is 00:19:24 I'm not going to cancel the whole trip. I've booked all this accommodation. So why doesn't my girlfriend just come? I was like, she doesn't have to come to the wedding, but why doesn't she just come with me? And then Galena, cause she's an absolute angel superstar. She was like, just bring her to the wedding it's fine like bring your friend and now I understand as someone who's now gotten married myself so cooked how presumptuous to just invite anyone oh Keisha's here saying it's fine no because you think it's fine to bring a random to someone else's wedding that they don't know what else are you supposed to do travel around by yourself in the Philippines for two weeks okay I think in my instance she was very understanding of my situation right like she

Starting point is 00:20:04 didn't have to invite Kaya, my girlfriend. She didn't have to invite her to the wedding. That wasn't my expectation. However, it would have been weird to exclude her because all the wedding people were staying at the same accommodation. So it was a default. Yeah. It was like a lose situation for her. I just think if it's not your wedding, it's rude to assume that you should just invite extra people. However, I guess that the thing that is a big thing is when you're having a destination wedding, when it's a, you're going overseas, destination weddings end up becoming holidays as well. So for me, yeah, I went to a destination wedding in the Philippines, but that was also my holiday for the year that I took in the Philippines for two weeks. So the wedding is

Starting point is 00:20:44 only a couple of days of what was my also two week holidays. So I think you have to kind of be a little bit flexible when you've got every single person traveling to be at your wedding. To a different country, to a different country. I'm on the fence with this one, not on the fence. I understand what you're saying and I agree with it, right? If it's a destination wedding specifically, you are going to another place to travel people probably would make it their one holiday of the year so yes you do want to make it a holiday maybe you do want to travel with friends after but it's a tricky situation because of what you just said Laura if you can't really just say my friend will come be sure to stay in the room and won't do anything because that's not how it works

Starting point is 00:21:23 right there's always these big get-togethers for the weddings for usually days before days after especially if it's a destination wedding so it can get a little bit tricky I think the best bet if possible is to still do the two fly over for the wedding and then maybe ask your friend to come and meet you on the day after the wedding so that you know you can focus on your friends and the family and you're a part of that and then your friend can come over the next thing you can continue on your holiday I think that would probably be the best way to navigate it if possible but I understand that you still need to like live out your life and go on your holiday and it's it's a very very tricky one but I don't think you can expect to have a random at someone

Starting point is 00:22:01 else's wedding. No, you absolutely can't. And I think we're answering this question around the wrong way though, because the person who wrote this in is the bride and she's saying, I don't want a random to be at my wedding. And I guess what I want to say to you as the bride who has had a destination wedding and your friend has invited her friend to also come on what will be her holiday. What I think you can do is I don't think you can say, Oh, I don't want you to invite your friend at all to the destination because like, you know, you don't own Fiji. Fiji is not yours believe it or not Fiji's not your island yeah her friend can come to Fiji right but you do not have an obligation to invite that friend to any of the wedding things so if the wedding

Starting point is 00:22:41 goes for three days and there's a lunch and a dinner and a get together whatever it looks like you don't have an obligation to invite the person that you don't want there and if they feel left out well that's really on them because they've come away on a holiday where the person that they've chosen to come away with is at a wedding so i think you can be as inclusive or as non-inclusive as you want to be and in my instance galena my girlfriend she was incredibly inclusive my friend but i now understand what a massive offering that is to have someone who you don't know at your wedding it's looking back now after you've had your wedding wild wild i would probably not be as good a person i actually remember i mean different but i remember oh god it must have been

Starting point is 00:23:24 i'm pretty old must have been 10 12 pretty old must have been 10 years ago at least one of my friends got married and i was dating someone at the time but it was pretty new and i was part of the bridal party and i had said hey do you mind if they come like you know we're dating and she was really honest she was like well yeah actually like i don't want them to come she's not a bad way but she was like i don't really know them and you know i don't might not know what's going to happen with you guys in the future and you know like we've sort of already got the tables settings and all this kind of stuff and I was I was like yeah cool totally fine like I hadn't even mentioned it to the person I was dating I just thought I would ask but there's a part of me that was like

Starting point is 00:24:00 oh I thought you probably would have let him like there's a little part that was like oh I thought you know if it was my partner you would have let him but I completely understood it like when I went home and thought about it and I understand it way more now like you just said when you're older and you look back you're like oh it was wildly inappropriate I should never have even asked how long were you with the guy because I think that this is a real point of contention for a lot of people. I think a lot of people get into new relationships and then they think that because they're in a new relationship that their partner, even if the bride and groom has never met them, should be an eligible plus one. We had the rule at our wedding that unless your plus one

Starting point is 00:24:34 is like, if we haven't met your plus one, then they're not coming unless you've been dating them for more than a year. She had met him like once, but it was a new relationship, pretty new couple of months. And also she'd known me for a long time. I think she was looking at this for what it was she knew what it was she knew it was a rebound she knew that it was not going anywhere like she wouldn't tell me that but she was wise beyond her years she 100% could see what I was doing but I couldn't see what I was doing did you I think you asked me for a plus one as a joke to my wedding it would have been a joke because I'm never gonna have one lucky you didn't bring a plus one because didn't you have a great night I was like hey can I can I have a plus one but it was

Starting point is 00:25:08 more that was a bit like presumptuous tongue in cheek I was never good I was never gonna get a last one all right let's go one more question question number i think it's four but who's counting okay i have two guys on my radar one i met online a while ago we clicked crazy chemistry then he went traveling for a few months and we kept in contact regularly calling etc i was looking forward to when he came back in two weeks and we were intending on giving it a bit of shot. However, in the meantime, my longtime friend from high school who we've been back and forth liking each other expressed he has strong feelings for me. Initially, I was thinking no, but now I have strong feelings for him also, but I still have strong feelings for the other guy. I've been

Starting point is 00:25:53 indecisive for ages and have no idea how to decide what is the right thing to do. Do I not date anyone because I can't give them my full attention or do I just simply flip a coin? So scared that I'm gonna make the wrong decision is there any advice you have here oh this is hard do you know I feel like so many people have been in this situation where they have really because like you know I know some people say oh it's not possible to be in love with two people at the same time it is very very possible to be in a lot of lust with two people at the same time I actually think it's probably possible to be in love with two people as well I think you can be in love with two people different kinds of love but I think you can yeah I do agree with that I think that

Starting point is 00:26:30 love is way more complex and conflicting than what we liked it we like to package things up into perfect little boxes black and white and we know that life is not like that i have been in a situation similar to this before many many many many many moons ago i have spoken about this on the podcast many many many moons ago but i didn't know what to do i didn't know whether i could go back to someone that i had had something with before that i had very strong feelings for or to go down the path of someone new that i had met that i didn't know that well did you toss a coin and call heads no I went to a psychic so did I because that is so funny okay I remember being so confused because I was like I have all these feelings for this person that I was with and I

Starting point is 00:27:12 did have this relationship with strong feelings and I had a something comfortable with them you know yeah and then I had this new person who I had so many feelings for and I was so excited to see what happened but I was like if I go one way am I going to lose the opportunity could be better but if I go that way do I lose the opportunity of something that was amazing that I know was already great I had never been so confused in my life so I went to a psychic and I didn't say exactly I just said look I'm a bit confused with wanting to go forward or back and can I tell you what she said it was wild she literally said she put me into this meditative state right she said did you orgasm no I didn't I wish I did she was like close your eyes and I closed my eyes and

Starting point is 00:27:51 she said I'm gonna do it to you right okay close your eyes yeah close everyone do it with me close you're on the beach you can hear the water lapping on the sand the sun's shining the birds are out it's a beautiful day you feel really good you look out to sea and there's a beautiful boat and on that boat are two men oh i know where this is going the two men that you love oh no there's a hole in the boat the boat's sinking who do you say this is the dumbest question it was so I started bursting to laugh how much money do you pay for this too much money but that's that was literally and I was like okay I'm calling bullshit you are not a psychic that was the dumbest way to decide and I said I opened my eyes and I was like are you kidding I'd save both of them she's like

Starting point is 00:28:40 no you can only save one I said no I would save the both I think that this is so common I think one i think the situation you're in is so common but i also think people wanting an answer like you're writing into us because you're wanting us to say hey go with this guy or go with this guy and i've been in the exact same situation as you brit like i had a guy that i had been seeing for a really long time it was stable he was great like i know i should have really liked him and then i also was in love with this other guy and i went to a psychic because i wanted them to give me the answer and they gave me absolutely nothing so what did they do did they do what i had minded no I ended up picking definitely the wrong one so probably don't they're probably both

Starting point is 00:29:20 they were the wrong one and that's the thing look the reality is in life is that if you pick one guy and the other one falls through I very much doubt in like five or six years time you're going to be thinking god I picked the wrong option you know like you're going to pick the option that is the right option for you with all the tools that you have at the time you're going to pick the person that your heart wants and you know what it might not be the one that's the best for you on paper. It may not be the one that works out to be the best for you in the long run, but if it's not the one that's the best for you, they're simply not the one and you can't beat yourself up about it. I think the big thing in this is you don't have to

Starting point is 00:29:55 instantly be committed to anybody. It's okay to keep your options open for a little while and to be transparent and say like, I really like you, but I just want to date for a little while. Go on a couple of dates with this guy. When he comes back, go on a few dates with your friend and see if the chemistry's there, but I think be transparent in that conversation. And you know what, you might be in even more pickle in three or four weeks time where you're like, oh fuck now, I really, really like both of them. But it might also give you a bit more information on each person to try and figure out what you really want, you know, and figure out whether not just what you want and not what chemistry is telling you what you want, but you know, what are the things that

Starting point is 00:30:32 they're saying that they want in their life? Are they after a long-term relationship? Do the things that you like actually match up? And you can make a decision that's not just based on like this pure want for someone, but it's also based on what is a good relationship decision too. The other thing you can do is, and I'm not saying it's the best thing, I'm not saying it's the worst thing, but you can write down a list of pros and cons. And I don't mean pros and cons as in one's tall, dark and handsome, one's blonde. I don't mean that. I mean, what do you both want? What do you want? Are you looking for a long-term relationship? Are they both looking for long-term relationships? If that's the case, do you look ahead and you say, do they want kids? Are we

Starting point is 00:31:07 going to live in the same place do we want the same things you can write down parts of the situation to help you if you need to but there is a thought the thought that I'm sort of having here is and I looking back I wish I had this thought to myself too if you're that confused between two people should you be picking someone now because it does mean you have feelings for someone else I don't know if jumping into a relationship with one is the best idea when you know you have strong feelings for another person well that's what I mean by taking some time taking a bit of a step back on the relationships completely, like, you know, whatever they are, just take a little bit of a step back, date casually without there being any like, you know, the love bombing or the

Starting point is 00:31:44 over-commitment or any of that stuff that kind of can happen really quickly when you're excited about someone. Because I think you need to get to know them both a little bit better. Maybe not your friend, you obviously know him, but I think you kind of need to have the opportunity of dating a little bit before you make a decision. Because ultimately, if you're so confused between two people, the answer could be that it's no one as well. You know, it doesn't have to be that you're not tossing up right now and being like, who am I choosing as my life partner? That doesn't have to be the question that you're asking. You're just saying like, who is the person that I want to date? And you can kind of get to know both of them at the same time. At the end of the day,

Starting point is 00:32:17 this is the sort of thing where no one, including us, can give you an answer. No one can know exactly how you feel, your situation and what they're like to you, what you want. This is all you. It's not a running race, right? There's no, you've got to get to the finish line and make a decision by this point, take a step back and just really evaluate it from the outside. Have a think about what you want and go from there. It's a tricky one. Yeah. And I came with the only thing I want to add to this is that, and this is from my own experience, it may be very different for you. You may have like these two guys may both be just like truly awesome people who are like trustworthy and fantastic and are being consistent and wonderful. And like, wouldn't that be amazing

Starting point is 00:32:55 to find two of them because most people can't find one. But what I have found in my experience is that normally there's one that the heart really wants. And there's one that the heart finds safe. That's the toss up. There's the unpredictable one. And there's the one that would be comfortable and a reassuring love. And that's why I think what you said, Brit, around like almost creating a list, which sounds so unromantic, but like if the unpredictable love is actually truly unpredictable if it's unpredictable because you know there's inconsistencies in the things that they say and do and how they behave and actually you're just being attracted to maybe there's some toxicity there I think writing it down can make things seem really clear and you

Starting point is 00:33:37 can kind of get an idea as to whether you're just attracted to the chemistry or you're attracted to the qualities that that person has I think that's a really important thing so kind of like you know psychoanalyze both of them to try and find an answer in this as well and not just be led by this like chemistry gut oh i'm in love i can't make a good luck i do not want to be where you are right now but you know what it'll all work out because however it works out is exactly how it's meant to be guys we would love to hear your ask and cut aftermaths whatever happened to a question that you wrote in or a friend wrote in was there an outcome we want to know because sometimes it keeps us up at night not knowing what happens a lot of the listeners writing they

Starting point is 00:34:15 want to know your answers as well so if we've ever answered a question or we've had your question on here and there has been an outcome please send that into the podcast along with your accident unfilters your other ask uncut questions anything you want to say send it to the dm and you guys know the drill to your mom to your dad to your dog to your friends and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut- The Mindful Orgasm

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