Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - The MOST controversial proposal of all time 💍

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

Hey lifers,Ever wanted to be frightened to death to a proposal? Neither! But this guy thought it was the perfect, romantic plan!Vibes and unsubscribes for this week:Laura vibe- Country Road bike shortsBritt Unsubscribe - CoachellaThen we jump into your deep, dark and dirty questions:1. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. However, I often think about the time I slept with his younger brother one drunken night, only 2 weeks before my boyfriend and I started seeing each other. I don’t know if my boyfriend knows this happened, I certainly haven’t told him and I’m unsure if his younger brother has either. Do I tell my boyfriend about the one time we slept together? I’m not sure how he’d react and if he finds out later down the track… but given he may already know, is the fact neither of us have ever brought it up weird?2. I’ve been with my partner for 6 years and we have a 12-month-old. Today he had a serious talk with me about being present and my phone usage. He works full time and I’m the primary caregiver. When he gets home, I get to have a break, so I enjoy my time going on tik tok and Instagram. I feel all the mum guilt right now. Am I being a shit mum? How do I approach this?3. There is a girl that I used to be quite good friends with. Not best friends, but close. Her and I had a falling out about a year ago. It resulted in me blocking her on social media because of some really nasty things I found out she had said about me. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for about a year and a half now. I’m having blood tests and trying to work out why my partner and I can’t seem to fall pregnant. Over the weekend, I saw some mutual friends post that this girl I used to be friends with was pregnant. They were at what looked like an early baby shower for her.I am livid. To the point where I understand it’s possibly irrational but I can’t help how I feel. It is the only thing I have been able to think about. I’m so angry that this person who was horrible to me seems to get to have the one thing I want most in the world. Do you have any advice on how I get over this jealousy? I’m a mess and I don’t feel like I can say this to any of my friends because I understand how horrible it is that I am reacting this way. If you have a question you'd like us to answer, send it over to our Instagram DMs. Join the Facebook group Follow us on TiktokAnd tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and this is Ask Uncut, where we answer all your deep, your dark and your dirty questions. We both this morning have sounded better.

We have been having like an asthmatic coughing. How cute is it that we like all have asthma still as like full grown adults? I don't think it's asthma. I don't think I've ever had asthma, but I've had this thing in my throat for like 10 days and I can't. It's semen. Yeah, it's stuck in there. It's stuck there on the walls, clinging on for dear life, dripping down still.

that's what happens no that is not what it is but i can't sorry clear i'm not sorry no don't be sorry for me i'm great i want these airways open yeah i apologize to ben do a salt water flush you'll be fine i've done everything i've gargled i've listerined like i've bedded and gargled i've done the salt i've done the lemon i don't know what it is it's called being sick i wonder if i i've been really jet lagged right the last couple of days but i think i'm moving past jet lag i have insomnia like i cannot sleep no i think you've just moved past jet lag and you're moved into being old and that's what happens when we hit our late 30s i thought all people sleep more no less broken sleep not as good i don't know grandparents sleep all the time like they

nap all day but they have to get up like five times a night just to pee do you know what speaking of speaking of sleeping do you know why i am tired all the time because my three-year-old Marley gets into bed with us every night right like she still does it she's been doing it since she was like one and a half she'll just climb out of her bed come and it's like maybe two in the morning she climbs into bed and she's super daddy orientated so she always wants to cuddle dad and kick me in the tit and that happens about right yeah over and over and over but now she started doing this new thing so not only does she want to cuddle dad and be like affectionate towards him at night time and get like like be right in the spoon with him and kick me in the tit she'll come

around to my side of the bed and instead of like just climbing in being like a normal child she just stands there like a tombstone until i wake up screaming because like she'll just like touch me a little bit or stroke my cheek or like play with my hair and a gentle caress to wake you up and then there's just this figure in the dark standing there ominously over me staring down at me like chucky the grudge or something i feel like other moms will know no she's awake and she's fucking petrifying no but i'm being honest she could be asleep because i used to do that and i was asleep that's quite a sleepwalking thing you look awake you can talk but you're asleep she's awake and she's standing there with a knife trying to terrorize me it's not but she could be

sleepwalking because i used to do that all the time i caught mom and dad having sex on the lounge once when i was a child i don't remember it but they've told me because i stood there i walked in and stood there looking at them and they just stopped and they were like oh my god we've been sprung this is going to cost us so much in therapy for the next 20 years and I apparently just took my eyes open staring at them and then they were like sweetie is everything okay and then I said to them if Mitch kills me can I kill him back Mitch is my brother and then they realized that I must have been asleep they're like why would your brother kill you and I just said if he kills me can I kill him back and they're like sure and then I just went back to bed never remembered it

but I'm I look away do you know what that actually is called that's a repressed memory that's trauma if you go and have my brother tried to kill me no that you watched your parents having sex and then your brain was like can't commute if you went and had hypnotherapy that's the stuff that would come out they would be like oh remember that time you saw your parents doing doggy on the couch that's what that is no I wasn't doggy I think it was missionary no I think mom was on top dad but that no one needs to know that right that's good yeah the participation doesn't need that everyone needs that image here's a thought could be on my own thinking or not thinking but knowing my parents have sex does not bother me nah neither like i know a lot of people are like

oh my god i couldn't think of anything worse knowing my parents have sex makes me happy because i'm like great they've been married 45 years i'm stoked they're still happy you are probably alone with this but you know what does bother me walking into my mom in a 69er that's what does bother me and that is still seared into my brain which actually explains a lot she was on top and he was on the bottom wait no we know how 69 works everything us to the doorway think of it like that yeah i think i was about 10 and i still really every so often when i'm in the depths of my trauma that image recalls to my brain yes i was like i saw where i came from why images don't come to mind which means i'm not post trauma anyway we do not need to talk about our parents

having sex anymore this is fine sorry mom she never listens to the podcast nah has she ever listened no she doesn't anymore i think i said a few things early on and she was like not for me well say hi to big tony because my dad listens to every episode so hi dad and i hope you're still getting written into the sunset there get it dad get it okay well speaking of love speaking of being happily married i want to say that most not all but most women at some point from when they're a young girl to a teenager to the early 20s to whenever at some point i feel like women dream of the day they'll get married they imagine it the proposal who it's gonna be what it's gonna look like i feel like i thought about it probably once but it's been 35 years so

I've let it go, so I'm not going to think about it anymore. But if it happens, stoked. But I think it's one of those things that I don't know if you are the same, Laura, but everyone thinks about their proposal day. Everyone thinks about like whether or not you want to get married or not. There's been a point in your childhood where you've thought

about it because we're brought up around this very, you know, traditional idea that you get a white dress, you get married, and it's all lovely and beautiful and your whole family's there. Picket fence, 3.4 kids, dogs. You think about it, whether you're someone, I mean, I think there's different types of people. Some people like really, really think about it and then some people are like that might happen, probably never.

Oh, people have – I know friends that have whole – what's it called? That pin board? Pinterest. See, I don't even know that pin board. And they're not even engaged yet. I've never had a Pinterest. People that have Pinterest their entire life and, you know, they've got kids' names and they've got their wedding dress

and their venues and they haven't even had a boyfriend. Fine. That's fine. Is it? Sure. We're not going to yucky someone's crazy young. It's good to have goals. Yeah, dream big.

It's good to manifest. Well, the only time I thought about it was when I almost got married to the sociopath. Because he was marrying someone else, I have not thought about it again. You know, like that just sort of took away the specialness. When you're not the only one. But I want to tell you about this kidnapping. I don't know if you've heard about it, Laura.

No, everyone's heard about it. Okay, great. Yeah, everyone who's looked at the news in the last couple of days. Those of you that haven't, there's a man that's gone above and beyond for the quote-unquote ultimate proposal. He's actually a Sydney man. he's Australian Adam Ritzk is his name doesn't surprise me to be honest he's from Sydney yeah it's such an Australian man thing to do he went on holiday with his lovely partner to Lebanon

he decided to surprise her there with a proposal but what he did for some unknown reason he thought it would be a good idea to stage a carjacking in Lebanon so they're in the car and all of a sudden the car gets carjacked she gets taken out she gets blindfolded there's a knife there's these men yelling that she's been kidnapped this is Lebanon she is petrified this is all on footage petrified they're driving for a long time she doesn't know where they're going because she can't see she can't all she can hear is men bumpy dirt road they finally pull up to a destination and it's rocky gravel and they're pushing her along the road she's literally fearing for her life this is I don't know how long this has gone on for but it's it's not quick it's a the woman

think she has been fucking kidnapped the woman thinks she's about to die and i don't blame her i would feel the same and when i watched the video i was like she's gonna die like this is a proper kidnapping so they walk her down this gravel road when she thinks her life is over they rip her blindfold off and instead of there being a kidnapper that's gonna behead her or something there is her partner on one knee with a proposal he staged the whole kidnapping and was like psych you're not gonna die it's me and i want to marry you i am laughing at this and the reason why i'm laughing at this is not because it's funny it's very serious it's absolutely outrageous i have a lot of feelings about it and i'm sure i'll rant a little bit the reason why i'm laughing is because

i knew dating in sydney was fucked i knew that it was hard to find a good man but i didn't think it was this hard do you know what makes it worse it gets worse surely you think all right this has got to be like he's in lebanon he's had a last minute spontaneous idea like this could be fun let me just quickly organize this in 10 minutes this was like he didn't think it through like it's one of those things that you you think it's going to be a good idea and you do it on a whim and then you're like oh and you're like i wish i sat on that and thought about it yeah three months he planned this he also planned it with his sister so this has gone through multiple people and a large amount of time has gone by there's been a lot of times that this could have been

shut down but they thought it was a brilliant idea and you know what the even crazier part is she said yes yeah but to be fair yes to the kidnap to be fair i've been in relationships where i so wanted them to propose to me so i probably would have said yes to no in the past not anymore i'm not saying it's a good thing i'm saying like deeply flawed also stop doing fucking proposals for instagram who are you doing that for like are you doing that for clicks on tiktok are you doing that for people to like get a viral download you haven't thought hmm what's a way to really mark this engagement what's the best way that's going to be super special that we can look back on and use to come aha i will kidnap her and make her petrified for her life trauma bond

yes i just couldn't believe it and i'm all for pranks and he came out and said you know we like to prank each other we often prank each other hide behind the kitchen door and jump out and scare them don't kidnap them in lebanon with a knife and three strange men maybe she said yes because she was so relieved that it was him at the end like she genuinely thought she was so close to a near-death experience that the only reasonable thing to come out of her mouth was like oh my god thank god it's you and then he interpreted that as a yes you think she was probably like yes i'm not being kidnapped i'm not done yes yes yes no okay but the thing that's even wilder is that so since this has happened obviously it's garnered a massive amount of views

across social media which is why everyone's talking about it which is what makes me think that this is the whole reason why it was done in the first place but she's gone on to say so her name is Vanessa she's gone on to upload photos from her engagement and she says it was a dream come true it was a dream come true which also makes me think maybe they're just into some fucking weird kinks nah maybe she likes it maybe she's really into bdsm like being tighter took it one step further yeah i think she's convinced herself that it was the best day of her life adam's sister also said adam always joked that he wanted to propose to vanessa in a way to scare her and my family joined in and made it possible when she was visiting family in lebanon

they always play pranks on each other so it's just their relationship there's a limit there is still a limit there's a line and you crossed it big time oh my god what would you do I would say no I'm not kidding I'd say no and I would it's hard to know because you're not in it but I reckon I would break up with him I'd probably get back together with him but I'd be like if you think this is normal like if you think this is how I wanted this to go down after 10 years they've been together for 10 years and he still thought this was a good idea I genuinely look back on my past relationships and think there have been times in my life where I so desperately wanted to be married. It was terrible, bad relationships, trauma, toxic. I reckon that if someone had done

it, I would have been like, Oh, at least they proposed. Like at least I'm now getting married shows. He loves me. It means he actually loves me. I would have convinced myself that that was like a good thing. I actually feel like I'm the opposite. Yeah. I mean, I was pretty crazy in my twenties. I wouldn't recommend it. And Ben, if you're listening to this, do not take me to Lebanon do not kidnap me and do not pretend my life is over I don't think he was ever gonna do that I get a really strong feeling that you've made that pretty clear anyway before we get into answering your questions I have a vibe today I don't know if it's a hot take but I'm gonna tell you anyway because I'm fucking loving them so I find it really hard to get bike shorts this sounds

dumb but bear with me my legs look like you know when you buy two sausages and they're still connected that's what bike shorts do to my legs they just cut me in the middle and suck in around a ring and then my legs billow out below the bottom of it that is not accurate it's because i'm thin but i'm not toned there's no tone to these legs they're just soft and so bike shorts cut in in the middle see what you're saying is you found some non-sausage bike pants you've only seen me in a pair of bike shorts that you can't actually wear exercising they're like soft bike shorts from zulu and zephyr i actually think i've seen your bike pants once in my life you know you've seen me those cream ones that are from zulu zephyr the ribbed ones which you can't exercise

in them because your bum falls out the back no i wouldn't call them bike pants though they're yeah they're fashion okay but then yeah i bought bike shorts and they're freaking great and if you're someone who feels like a sausage when you put them on and i don't mean i don't mean because don't name drop no it's country road country road bike shorts they're the fucking best yes and that's why it's my vibe because i walked in there it was unsuspecting i saw them on the shelf it was actually i was at the airport and i was going to something where i needed to wear active wear and i'd forgot to pack it and i was like it would have been rockhampton no it was something that was being shot and i was like okay i'll get them it's jeopardy jeopardy and then i put them on and

they were amazing seamless straight down the thigh are they actual exercise bike pants i did the exercise in them and i think it went well i love that for you yeah so who would have thought country road bike shorts for exercise where if you are somebody who finds the bike shorts always cut you in the middle of the thigh okay i always get a camel toe yeah no no camel toe like kind of a bit reinforced or you need the ones that have a bit of not that it's battered in the middle but it's just a bit thicker in the middle for anyone who actually has a labia well I also think when we're talking about camel toes like it's a natural part there's nothing wrong with it but some people are more prone to them than others yes literally women with labias no I think the reason I get them

is because I like high waist and I have quite a long torso so for bike pants to get to my high waist, they just jack up a bit. Do you know what I mean? So I think that's why. I just think some of us have media muffs and it's fine. That's my problem. No, that's true. Lots of different muffs, but mine's definitely the latest. Well, you'll have to call it that. Someone's going to get angry. Someone's going to write to us right now and say, it's a vulva. We know. I haven't said muff since I was about 12 or 14. All right. Let's not call it that then. Anyway, what's your vibe? I don't have one, but I have a big unsubscribe. Oh, here she is. This is probably the biggest unsubscribe that there is and I don't think you can actually do it but oh instead of recommending

something you're angry this week I really want it and it's going to be controversial but I want to unsubscribe from Coachella it is I do not want to see one more thing of Coachella not because I'm jealous not because I have FOMO because I feel like it's gotten to the point which changed and it is so performative there are people coming out there are all these stories now like it's just clogging my feed and i don't want to look at it anymore but there are people coming out and saying that loads of people fake going to coachella they don't go and you can tell when they don't have the wristbands they do the whole thing they get dressed up they pretend they're there they photoshop them in they do all this stuff and they're not even there wait are they actually in the country or

they're just standing in front of a green screen at coachella well i think a bit a bit of me but no a lot of people go but they don't go in the gates and other people just take photos dressed up pretending they're somewhere with like a plain background but that's the same as fashion week fashion week in sydney mercedes fashion week or whatever it's called now you go there and there's influencers out the front taking photos but they're not going to the shows they're just standing at carriage works coachella is a giant carriage works wow i love people having fun have fun but for me i'm don't share it with me it's just my unsubscribed this week i want to just like i wish i could type in the hashtag coachella and then mute it for this week that's

all i'm just i feel the same grumpy i'm just probably old and grumpy because i'm not sleeping I feel the same when it's Burning Man. I feel the same when it's Coachella. I feel the same when it's Fashion Week. Anything that kind of like clogs your feed and takes it by storm. And I get it. I get that people go to Burning Man and they have life-altering experiences because they took mushrooms for a week and they feel like they're enlightened.

And they look amazing. These festivals look amazing. They do. They do. But I also think a lot of these things now, half it's for the experience and half of it's for Instagram. Well, another girl put up, I just saw this this morning, an influencer put up how ludicrously expensive food and stuff is there

and she put up a photo of what she bought. It cost her $70, $68, and it was like scraps. It looks like you picked something up off the ground that someone else has eaten. And you know what? Maybe this is me projecting. I think it is. I might be old.

Do you know why? Because if you went to Coachella, you'd be posting the shit out of it. So I think it is just you right now. Maybe one day I'll tick it off. It's not even on my bucket list, but maybe I was supposed to go last year. Do you remember that? And then you would have been someone you hate. Remember a guy asked me on a date from here to Coachella?

He was going to fly me on a private plane, remember? Why didn't you go? I thought I don't even usually do dinner on a first date so flying to Coachella was pretty big. All right, let's get into answering these questions. Question number one. Now Britt and I have different feelings about this. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years.

Three years, keep that in mind. 36 months. Is it? That was good. That was good maths, real fast. Are you kidding me? Bum, bum, bum. Did not do standard maths at school.

Laura's got a calculator. She's like, I need to confirm. I stopped maths when I was in year 10. I was like, I'm never going to use this shit and I never have. You should still know what three years is. Well, do you know how I'd have to count that up? I'd have to go 10, 10, 10, and then six. You wouldn't go –

That's how I would count it. You wouldn't go 12, 24, 36? No, I'd have to – my brain's having an aneurysm. I'd have to break it down. 10, 10, 10, 6. I still count shit on my hands. that's going to make some people feel better about themselves counting is not it's not something that I excel at and I'm okay with it all right here it is my boyfriend and I have been together for 36

months he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I know one day we will be married however I often think about the time I slept with his younger brother one drunken night only two weeks before my boyfriend and I started seeing each other I don't know if my boyfriend knows that this even happened. I certainly haven't told him and I'm unsure if his younger brother has either. It was a one night thing and the brother and I have never spoken about it since. We have also remained really great friends and I now feel I am a part of their family. My question is, do I tell my boyfriend about the one time I fucked his brother? I'm not sure how he would react if he was to find out later down the track but given he may already know is the fact neither of us

have ever brought it up weird don't fucking tell him now it's been three years it's been 36 months stop stop what you you are you are ruminating in your thoughts some things just need to go to the grave you've left it too long and he does not need to know disagree oh no no disagree in fact of I don't think he needs to know now but what I'm feeling from this is you're obviously thinking about this a lot like this is on your mind it's been 36 months and you are constantly worried about if he knows which is fair I would think that too every day if I was in your situation I would be like is today the day did he find out yesterday if you've had a fight and he's off you for something you don't know you're like oh my god has his brother said something has someone else

said something has a third party said something there is a chance that this will come out there 100 is a chance and i think if it ever happens you like play the fifth i don't even know that what that's that is you don't play the fifth you plead it you plead it you all you you say you have amnesia you don't remember just do a harrison for maths i can't remember i must play the fifth yeah i'm sorry i don't remember so long ago or if it passes the 10-year mark you can pretend it's like your tax and just say you didn't keep the receipts I don't remember no because you can go to prison for that no no you can't after 10 years gone let's be okay here we go this is serious is it yes this is her life on the line I think what I would do in this situation the sensible thing to do because

I'm going to say that if your partner finds out about it you're going to know about it I think he's gonna bring it up like you you're gonna have a combo what I would do is probably go and speak to the brother only if you're that concerned and you feel like you can't sleep another wink and you have anxiety every day because that's a horrible feeling and it is is today the day something's going to happen it's a horrible feeling I'd speak to the brother not ideal but I would be like yo bro in law do you plan on ever talking to your brother about this I'd just say your feelings I would just say like I'm really anxious about it you didn't do anything wrong you slept with him before you're with the brother but there is a level now of you've kept a pretty big

secret for 36 months if I was with my partner for 36 months and he then had said or I had found out like you know I've got to clear the air I slept with Sheridan two weeks before I was with you and everyone knew that except me for 36 months I don't want to say I'd break up because I don't know if that's the answer but the lie and betrayal from a your family member and be your partner is pretty pretty humongous what if the brother doesn't remember either he remembers what if he He doesn't remember. What if she then goes, hey, remember that time we had sex? And he's like, oh, my God, it was you.

And then he tells the brother. What if that happens? He remembers. I think. It would have been the best sex of his life. Yeah, obviously. My only worry is if nobody's talking about it, if it's been three years and you start to bring up things from the past

and having conversations with the brother or whatever, start talking about it, it could bring it to the surface and it could make it front of mind and it could make the brother want to talk about it. Maybe they go out, they have a few beers and then he decides to share that information. I actually think it's very deceptive to go to the brother and say, hey, are you going to tell him or not?

Get that information and then be like, cool, it's our secret to have. I think that's even worse because then you're in on a lie. You're in on a secret that you have. They're already in on a lie. But it's not been spoken about that you're conspiring with the brother to then purposely keep a lie. My thought is if it comes up down the track because the brother does decide to talk about it you can at least be honest you can say I have never ever ever spoken

to your brother about it since it happened I'm sorry I didn't bring it up there was never a good time to bring up the conversation of I fucked your brother before we were together and once I fell in love with you I was so frightened that you wouldn't want to be with me because of it I think it is worse to go and speak to the brother to conspire on a lie and to then not tell your partner than what it is to continue just keeping it the way it is currently. That is more deceptive and that is eviler. I agree with you. What you're missing here is the fact that she's extremely uncomfortable. She thinks about it. She needs to get over it or talk to her boyfriend about it. You can't say that if she's got anxiety. Yeah, well, there you go. There's your answer. Talk to the boyfriend. She's

got anxiety and she's worried about it. So you can't just live a life like that. Like you have, she has to make a decision. Or go speak to a therapist about it. Don't go and speak to the brother. This is my honest opinion. I don't think you should speak to your current boyfriend about it since you've been together for three years I think it's going to create a lot of problems which really sometimes the past can just be in the past especially if there isn't an overlap but I just don't think speaking to the brother about it is the right thing to do to your current partner so if you have anxiety about it I'll go and book a consultation with a therapist to talk through it but that's not going to help the anxiety because the anxiety is her wondering if it's going to

come up and if he already knows that's the question is it going to come up because the thing that I think about is there is not a guy I don't care what anyone says there is not a guy in the history of time that will have sex with someone and not tell someone else someone no no one ever no guy takes sex to the grave ever especially when it's a secret as big as your brother's girlfriend sorry guys he's told someone someone knows about that then that's someone that knows about it they don't keep that sort of secret this is big shit so what if one time in the future they have a conversation and it slips out I think that's what the anxiety is and that's where my anxiety would be I don't think you should speak to the boyfriend right now no that's not what I'm saying but if you

are that concerned in this situation there's not really any I don't believe there's any good answer like there's nothing that is easy for sure you left it too long yeah you're 36 months way too long you're 10 plus 10 plus 10 plus six months deep I don't personally like the advice of going and speaking to the brother and kind of getting from him and sussing that out because even as you say brit maybe someone else knows maybe that information is never going to come from the brother maybe it's going to come from the brother's friend i worry that doing that creates even more of a triangulation in the relationship it creates a purposeful secret it's not just a secret that has happened i agree where you've all ignored the elephant in the room it creates real purposeful

deceit against your current partner and i don't like that what you could do is just play this episode in the background and let him hear it like oh my god what would you do and then be like Imagine if I had slept with your brother, what do you think would be the best outcome? What would you do in this situation? And then see what he says. Hypothetically speaking, if this were us and that was Bobby. It's really hard on the look.

There isn't a clear-cut answer because if we were going to be the moral, take the moral high ground, the clear-cut answer would be sit down, have a conversation with your boyfriend. But we don't take the high ground. But we're also realistic that sometimes there are things that happen in relationships prior to relationships that information like if your boyfriend receives that information now and he's not being privy to it and you decide to make a great big grand deal about it and sit him down and talk about it it's going to be something that he has to overcome it

could fundamentally affect your relationship i do you want that i do agree though that if the time comes for whatever reason whether you decide to speak to your brother whether it comes out at any stage play the fifth play the fifth stop saying play the fifth plead it do what laura said which was just be really honest and say like it happened before i met you and then i i just fell for you hard and there was no coming back and i didn't want to lose you and then all of a sudden 36 months went past like just explain it like that and beg it meant nothing it meant nothing and you know i mean it's so hard because sometimes we do things in our past that affect what we want in the future without doing anything wrong. You know, like without ever stepping a foot out of

place, you having sex with the brother two weeks before is just hugely unfortunate timing and you have done absolutely nothing wrong. So I just don't think you need to wear the level of anxiety or wear the level of stress or feel as though you're living in this huge amount of deceit because you're not. I understand he would want to know. I understand like I would want to know if Matt had had sex with my sister I'd feel like that was a betrayal but the thing is is like the relationship I don't know fuck it's so hard put yourself in that position imagine if Matt came out now and said I wouldn't want to know now but no I would not want to know yeah so okay you don't want to know but someone's told you you know wouldn't you feel the ultimate betrayal it's

such a tricky one you wouldn't be like cute guys love that for you do you know what I would not care as much now as what I probably would have in the past obviously because I'm married and I'm my relationship feels very secure but if Matt was to turn around and be like hey I had sex with your sister x amount of time before we got together you wouldn't care I would care I would care there would be part of me that kept I'm not gonna leave my relationship for it well no it's not the problem's not the sex it's the not talking about who would you be more mad at would you be more mad at your partner or your sister both probably for me oh I reckon my sister yeah my sister because she's my best friend yeah and i can understand why a partner didn't say it in the beginning

because they're trying to impress you they want to be with you but i would be confused as to why my best friend didn't say hey that guy that you're dating i also slept with him just like the time you started dating someone and i was like hey i also slept with him yeah weird that the brother was like yo bro i fucked her he probably has forgotten he probably forgot he did not forget he might i've forgotten some people have been inside me they've all oh that is so concerning okay question number two Keisha also has two okay anyway question number two what is wrong with you two I have never you remember the name of every single person you've had sex with every single one it was two weeks prior it's not 12 years you two oh my god question number two I can't deal

with either of you okay question number two I've been with my partner for six years and we have a 12 month old today he had a serious talk with me about being present and how much I use my phone he works full-time and I'm the primary caregiver when he gets home I get to have my break so I enjoy my time going on TikTok and Instagram and just scrolling I'm really feeling the mum guilt now am I being a shit mum how do I approach this conversation I mean you're the mum here I know you're not being a shit mum I think like okay let's unpack this are you on your phone all the time during the day when you're caring for your child are you using your phone constantly is your child constantly trying to get your attention because at every moment when you're

not interacting one-on-one with them you're on your phone if that's the case then yeah absolutely you need to look at your phone usage and you know because kids connect with us and and I know with for example with Marley or Lola I know when I'm on my like you could be playing but really you're like half playing and you're on your phone kids know that you're not plugged into them they know that you're not engaging with them and they act out when you're doing that, when you're like half paying them attention, but you're obviously more distracted and more interested in your phone, they feel a sense of rejection. And I have definitely witnessed that in my kids. And I'm super conscious about not, if I'm giving them my attention, they get all of it. If I'm on my phone,

my phone gets all of it. And I go into another room and I don't try and do the two at the same time. If your partner is not seeing the mum that you are during the day when he's at work, and the only time he's seeing it is when he comes home and then you're opting to be on your phone. That doesn't make you a bad mum. Of course not. It just means that you're wanting some downtime. So the solution to this I think is really simple.

I think the solution is, hey, honey, when you come home from work, can you take the kids for 45 minutes? I'm going to go for a walk. You don't have to go for a walk. Just leave the house. Leave the environment and go and sit in a park on your phone for 45 minutes. And the reason for that is because as long as you're in the house, as long as you're in the same room as your kids your kids are going to want your attention and

they're going to see that you're on your phone and your partner's going to see that you're ignoring them and you're on your phone so this issue is being created by perception more than what you're actually doing so i think just take your 45 minutes of alone time and go and do it outside the house it doesn't matter what you do do pilates watch tiktok for 45 minutes who fucking cares but like really allocate that time out or do it once kids are in bed i agree but i don't think you need to leave the house if you don't want to like you're allowed to go on your phone at the end of day I'm wondering if uh when I read this again I'm wondering if also your husband might feel like he hasn't seen you all day either so he's just gotten home totally and then you're on the

phone so I wonder if he's actually like I want to connect with you as well like you're not even talking to me you're not listening to me whereas because you are the primary caregiver stabbing the dark here but he might not know just how much you're doing all day every day with the kids and he might not know quite what that involves on a Monday there's absolutely no way that he knows that's the thing the person who's at work and we say this man i say this all the time whoever goes to work and doesn't have the kids has the easier day a hundred percent of the time because being stuck at home and i shouldn't say stuck it's not stuck but being at home with children all day every day is unrelenting and it is extremely exhausting work it's rewarding we all know that

but like we cannot deny that it is fucking hard to well that's why i'm thinking that maybe it's a bit of a bit of b so he might not realize how much you just need a break because he might not look at it like you've been at work for the last 10 hours he might be like you've just been at home you know and he wants you he wants to have a conversation with you about your day and his day and connect but that's also why i say i think it's really good to have a conversation about carving out that 45 minutes or an hour and leaving the house because the thing is is everybody sees screen time as a really negative thing it doesn't always have to be a negative thing sometimes it is a great way of just completely disassociating from what's going on around you. It's a great way to

kind of just like, okay, that's my downtime. That's my mental, literally like mind numbing mental me time. And it's okay to have those moments. But if your partner is feeling like he comes into the room, then he asks you a question and you semi ignore him, or the kids are asking you things because you're doing it around them. The easiest way to combat that is just to go away for 45 minutes. And then you kind of have your cup filled, but it's when you take the break and you go, I'm doing 10 minutes here on my phone, 10 minutes here on my phone, 20 minutes here on my phone, that it seems like you're never off your phone. That's the problem. If you do it all through the evening with little chunks, it gives the perception that all you are is on your

phone. There's also, I mean, we might be going off piste here, but there's nothing worse than when you're talking to someone, I'll say a partner now, because we're talking about that, but even a friend anyone when you're trying to talk to someone and they're on their phone and if it's something like even if it's mundane it's a problem but if it's something quite deep and serious and someone's on their phone it's so offensive because you're like are you even listening to what i'm saying like i'm so when it's a partner too you haven't seen all day and someone's trying to talk to you and you're just looking down like you're gonna start an argument at some point because and that's the thing is though is that you can't even get into those

deep conversations because when someone's on the phone it's such a ball for communication and contact matt and i have a system now in our house because for me i work on my phone a lot so i am on my phone so often yeah you both do yeah and the reason for that is because i run my emails i run tony may from my phone we do all our podcast organization and whatnot from phones so like i'm on my phone so much and definitely there has been a time where not so much in terms of the kids but in terms of matt and my relationship he has felt a sense of rejection because i'd be on my phone doing something and he would ask me a question and I cannot multitask in that way. Like if I'm doing something on my phone and someone's talking at me, it doesn't go into

my brain. I'm responding, but I'm not actually communicating with them. So Matt and I now have a system where if he can see that I'm doing something on my phone, he'll say, I need to ask you a question. Can you let me know when I can speak to you? And then it's a very clear, put the phone down and we have a conversation and then I can go back to whatever I'm doing. But it's the trying to multitask and you physically can't your brain cannot do it and so you're giving literally 10 of yourself to your partner or to your kids whilst you're scrolling tiktok yeah and sometimes i think as like everyone try and keep this front of mind for the next week sometimes you pick your phone up when someone's talking to you you don't even have anything to do sometimes you'll just

you'll see the person scrolling or something on instagram and you're like you're not even urgently doing anything it's just a habit that you pick up your phone and you're open tiktok i would actually say that that's more often than not we are so conditioned to have our phone in our hands we're so conditioned to just open an app when there's no other stimulus or if we've checked out of a conversation for a couple of seconds it's so second nature to just be like listen and scroll at the same time and i think if you're really conscious about that behavior you start to realize just how frequently so many people do it but at the end of the day no you're not being a bad mom you've been a normal human that has worked their ass off all day with their kids and like any other normal

human you want to switch your brain off how do we do that we scroll aimlessly on our phone we do whatever we want on our phone so you're not doing anything wrong it's just about fitting in with others around you can i also say on this like i think sometimes because like mom guilt you can't escape it you're always going to feel it about something right someone's always going to say something yeah someone's going to say something that triggers in you that oh fuck i haven't been doing the best job i possibly can do none of us are doing perfect parenting not a single person i parent delilah pretty well keisha does too because she has like 50 at the joint yeah but like guilt is such a great motivator for changing behavior sometimes as well so if you are now that

you have thought about it you're going to be so much more conscious about your phone use and that doesn't mean that you can't use your phone doesn't mean you're not entitled to instagram doesn't mean you're not entitled to sit on social media because god knows fucking mums need the downtime more than anyone it just means you won't do it around your kids and that's great as well all right last question there is a girl that i used to be quite good friends with now not best friends but we were close her and i had a falling out about a year ago it resulted in me blocking her on social media because of some really nasty things i found out she'd been saying about me i've been trying to get pregnant for about a year and a half now i'm having blood tests and i'm trying to work out why

my partner and I can't seem to fall pregnant. Over the weekend, I saw some mutual friends post that this girl I used to be friends with was pregnant. They were at what looked like an early baby shower for her. I am fucking livid to the point where I understand it's possibly irrational, but I can't help the way I feel. It is the only thing that I have been able to think about. I am so angry that this person who was horrible to me seems to be able to have the one thing I want most in the world do you have any advice on how to get over this jealousy i am a mess and i don't feel like i can say this to any of my friends because i understand how horrible it is that i am reacting this way oh it really sucks it really sucks are you being irrational yes are you being

irrational no i think there's aspects for both i understand it's normal rational is the right word the only reason i don't know if irrational is the right word is because i think when women are overly sensitive or have strong emotions we often say irrational but you'd never say that about a man who was upset about something no I know what you mean this is irrational I think you're more mad because you hate her it's not just because one of your friends is pregnant but it's because you have this hatred of her and this dislike and it sucks to even see when you're in that position it sucks to even see your friends falling pregnant and you're happy for them you're so happy for them and you are allowed to feel sad at the same time, but this is hurting you way more because you hate

her, but that's not fair on you. So you need to try and find a middle ground where you don't have to be happy for her, but you've got to try not to let it affect you so much. You're trying to focus on you right now and your fertility and falling pregnant. And from what I have been told from when we've spoken to fertility specialists, stress can have the craziest effects on your body in all sorts of mediums, in illnesses, in fatigue and sleeping, in fertility. So I don't know how you can get around this, but I think you really need to block that out and put your blinders on and just focus on yourself for the moment. Again, you don't need to be happy. You can be sad because it fucking sucks. Like you want something so bad. And when you feel like you're doing everything

right and it's not falling into your lap and everyone else is getting what they want, you know, with what you think without trying it's not fair like life is not it's not fair it doesn't follow a linear logical path but I mean I just want to go back to this thought on irrational because I actually hate the word in this context so irrational not logical or reasonable that's the definition of it the feelings that you have are logical I think and are reasonable and I think you can give yourself grace to feel the way that you feel because you know it's hard enough like you said Britt to be happy for someone who you love even though you know you're going to love their baby even though you're happy for their happiness you're happy for their fertility when

you're someone who's struggling with infertility it's already hard enough to be happy for other people alongside your own sadness but being happy for somebody who you hate who has caused you pain I think that that is why you know when you say irrational that is why you feel this level of like this is so fucking unfair. And I think it's okay to feel that way. And yeah, maybe your friends won't understand it and you don't need to talk them through it, but it doesn't make you a bad person because you have those feelings. The only thing that is the really horrible part of this is that the way that you feel doesn't affect anybody else, but you. You are hurting yourself by feeling so hateful by feeling so envious and jealousy is such a shit emotion because

it fires you so much inside it takes over all of this it takes over your mental space all your energy and yet everybody else around you is unaffected by it and you're living within this fury and you have to live like that the person that you're jealous of doesn't they don't receive any of that they don't understand it and then it's like the toxicity lives within you only I think in this instance I mean it's so amazing that you're going you're doing all the fertility treatment stuff but I think it's also really really important to go and do all the mental health stuff that sits alongside it go and speak to a therapist go and speak to a counselor speak to your family and friends about how fertility is affecting you because I think that once people

around you are very aware of it they're also more sensitive in how they have conversations with you about it but I mean I've had two miscarriages but I've not struggled with infertility but I can only imagine how that affects everything. When the one thing that you want and you see other people having it, I can only imagine how that affects your day to day thinking. I mean, one of my best friends had what they call unknown infertility. So they did all the tests and there was literally the doctors were like, we don't get it. Like everything's great. Levels are great. Blood's great. Sperm's great. Count's great. You just have something that's called unknown. We can't put our finger on it. And it was all she wanted. Like, I cannot stress that enough. As long as I

have known her she was born to be a mum and it took them a couple of years of you know fertility treatments and they finally fell pregnant and I was witnessing that I was very close to her and all of our other friends were falling pregnant and so I know firsthand what it felt like from her because I was with her every day with the tears with the you know she came to my fertility appointment as well and there's nothing else to say than it fucking sucks but all you can do is focus on you. And I think something that might help is you actually don't know if this other girl has also been struggling. Like you don't know what her journey was. You don't know if it was an IVF baby. You don't know if she was trying for years or if she's miscarried in the past, or

you really don't know other people's stories. And one thing we do know are the statistics that infertility or fertility problems are far higher than everybody thinks. I'm so happy you said that Britt because I think you see a pregnancy announcement and you don't think about what went into having that happy baby and often people don't feel comfortable sharing their fertility stories because it is so personal and it's so painful for so many people and we can think everybody else has it so much easier you're like why was it so easy for them you don't you don't know you really don't so and I think the best thing to do in your situation now is to avoid triggers avoid things like social media triggers block people who and I'm not saying block anyone

who's having a baby but in this instance of this girl like you can mute the things that might come into your feed and ruin your day do you know what I mean like don't go looking for things that you know are going to make you sad and block or mute things that you know if you're having a great day and then all of a sudden you see that pop up on your Instagram it's going to affect you we really have to take responsibility for the stuff that we consume that hurts us I mean yes and of course there's limits to that like you're scrolling social media you don't know that the next picture is not going to be a pregnant person but totally absolutely there are things you can put in place but I mean to sum it up you're absolutely entitled to be upset because it's a really

upsetting thing and it's a very stressful thing but I also think like you know I know we've said it this whole idea of giving yourself grace you know allowing yourself to feel the feelings but know that it's fucking corny and cliche but in a year's time you're not going to feel this same level of rage towards this person or jealousy towards this person. Jealousy just like every other emotion fluctuates. The way that you feel right now is not going to be a constant and I think that it's okay to ride this wave and know that in a month or two months or however long it takes you you're going to start to feel better about this situation. It's so important for you to do what you can to focus on you and not worry about someone else's journey easier said than done

but however you want to do that whether it's talking to your friends more so that they understand more so maybe they don't drop these things they don't ask these questions i don't know if your friends are across your fertility journey but if they're not it might help you to talk about it and it might help them to be more hyper aware because nobody ever means to offend you ever but if they don't know they very well could say something that will trick you totally totally yeah and also like you can people can put up stories and exclude people from seeing stuff your friends if they go on a baby showers and whatnot and they know that it's a trigger for you because you've told them they can put up stories and they can exclude you from seeing it

and like that would be better for your mental health i think anyway guys good luck anyway that is it from us done and dusted if you have a question which you would like us to answer for ask uncut slide on into the sexy dms and they're not always very sexy but you know what if you've a sexy one we love the sexy ones love the sexy ones slide on in ask the question and you may feature on next week's episode you can also join us at life uncut discussion group on facebook or at life uncut podcast on tiktok and instagram don't forget tell your mom tell your dad tell your friends and share the love because we love love Thank you.