Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - THERAPY THURSDAY!

Episode Date: November 25, 2020

It's that time of the week guys! Where you hit us with your deepest and most troubling problems and we give you our deepest and sometimes troubling answers. JOKES our answers are always very heartfelt, considered and come from a place of love and experience.  Today we have an accidental message slip up. HELP! I sent a message to my friend saying that one of our other friends babies looked like a potato.... but I accidentally sent it to the mum! My boyfriend broke up with me because I told him I didn't want him to hand out with another girl... All my friends are getting married and having babies, how can I be happy for them without resenting my boyfriend as I want to get married too. My ex has intimate photos of me and I want him to delete them, what should I do? We absolutely LOVE ask uncut so please keep your questions rolling in! (literally any topic is welcome) And if you love the episode please share the love, because, well, we love love xThis episode is proudly brought to you by ToniMay jewellery - shop 30% OFF Black Friday Sale when you use the code BLACKFRIDAY - Sale ends midnight Monday 30th - Shop here https://www.tonimay.com.auSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. This is our very special Thursday edition, our little sexy episode where we answer all your deep, dark, and burning questions. This is Ask Uncut. It's really not that special, but I love that you amp it up. Well, it's so special because we do it every week to the people. Yeah, but we do it every week. It's not like it's a bonus episode, but you're like, it's our really special episode.

It is special because we do feel very honored and we love giving you our advice. We love that you trust us with it. Some of the times we're like, whoa, we can't answer this question. a bit heavy sometimes we're like therapy i need a lot of therapy yeah but we love it we actually it's probably my favorite episode of the week for anybody who has a question for ask uncut you can always send them through to our facebook page which is life uncut podcast or you can send them through to our instagram at life uncut podcast as well so we do get a lot of messages from people saying like hey guys i have a question but i don't know where to send it to that's the perfect place

to send it to wherever you're sending that question to you can send it there and then we'll figure out whether or not basically like we go through all of the questions we read every single message that comes through which is hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and we pick out the ones that we think are going to be the most relatable or also the ones that we think we can give the best advice on so that's how we kind of pick the questions we also from time to time chuck them up anonymously on the facebook group as well i also love seeing the way that you guys jump in and help each other out and answer each other on the facebook group we've got people that write in questions they're 20 30 40 men women 50 60 divorces about to get married

new babies like everything and everyone is so supportive Laura and I had this conversation we were just like we're just mind blown that we can have a group so big and everyone's great no one's cutting each other down no one's bullying each other and it's really nice to see that we can still in this day and age in this climate maintain something that's so positive it's actually mind-blowing like I've been a member and this is not to take toot our own horns I'm gonna toot my own fucking whatever this is not I've been a member of so many other podcast groups on Facebook pages and they just have a tendency to turn really toxic and to become uber political or uber feminist uber left or uber right like there's always some slant and I think that you

know there's uh it can become really toxic when people have very very different points of views and that people aren't respecting other people's points of views. But from what I've seen so far in our Facebook group, like our community, you guys, you freaking rock. Everyone's amazing and everyone is super supportive. And it's a place where like there's conversation back and forth.

We don't always agree with each other and that's okay. We're not supposed to always agree with each other. No one's trying to silence someone for having a different opinion, but it's a really, really like wholesome and inclusive place. So if you haven't joined the Facebook group yet, go do it. And for everybody else who's already a part of it,

then you guys already know how bad it is. All right, guys, we do have four questions today. So it is going to be, well, we're going to still try and keep it quick. We usually only do three to four, but one of these is really short, but I'm not starting with a short one. Okay. Well, can I start then? Cause I have one that I think is like really, it's kind of like, you know, it's different to what we normally get. So I was like, how do we answer this? Okay. Basically I'm going to summarize this one because the question itself came through as pretty long, but the essence of the question is pretty to the point. My friend's baby looks like a potato. oh wow basically this person's written and saying her friend's child newborn baby is quite

unattractive and she sent a text message to another friend and in that text message she had written let's just call the mom sarah sarah's baby looks like a potato but accidentally sent it to sarah no and now no longer knows how to deal with this situation she hasn't heard back from sarah she wants to have a conversation with her i'm like obviously her name's not sarah guys this is just i know how to deal with keeping the cloak of anonymity here um i read this and i laughed out loud not funny situation for the person who wrote this in i'm mortified i'm dying on the inside i know how she should deal with it she needs to go and dig her own grave and move to switzerland but don't you think we've all been in that situation where like a friend has had a kind

of ugly baby well firstly i don't think babies are ugly because they all come out a bit warped their heads can be like misshaped they're but like they come out like the poor things have been bundled up in some fluid in your belly for nine months like i don't think they're a bit bloated you know yeah like they're swollen they're bloated they've got rashes then they get milk rashes i think all kids are beautiful i'm dying for this woman i don't know how i actually don't know what you can do other than apologize like you've said it you can't hide the fact that you you can't blame it on someone else you can't say oh i meant to send that to sally who also had a baby who you don't know like you just can't do that your baby's beautiful but sally's baby looks

like a potato salad needs to take it to a barbecue um no absolutely like you i think you just need to own this if she's really a friend you just need to maybe you could make a joke of it like i said maybe you could i think she's made enough jokes no but maybe you could just say like like I'm so I'm sorry I just meant that like his head's still misshaped from birth. Like is the baby two or is the baby three weeks old because there's a big difference if you're saying the two-year-old. I think from the question that it was a newborn baby as someone who's had a newborn baby I think that every new mum kind of thinks at some point like oh god I hope my baby doesn't come out looking like a turtle and like Marley when Marley was born Marley was fully cross-eyed

like one eye was looking at her nose and the other one was like I don't know where it was going but it was out for a party it's funny you say turtle because I legitimately used to think Marley was looked like a turtle but like a cute turtle I that was what I used to always say I was like she's like a little turtle I don't know what it was but maybe it was the shape of her face looked like a little turtle I remember uploading a photo so basically like Marley was like two days old and I uploaded a video onto my stories right and I thought I had muted the video I was very tired I was really sleep deprived I just had a kid for two days like forgive me anyway I obviously thought she was the cutest thing in the world but I was very acutely aware that she was cross-eyed

like I wasn't lying to myself in that moment I was like you can't hide that I was like our baby's adorable but she's a bit cross-eyed we'll have to get that checked out anyway I was videoing her and I put into my stories and I was like look at my little frog she's so cross-eyed left that on the stories anyway I got a barrage of abuse from other mums who were like I can't believe you would say that about your own daughter like think about how she's going to feel about this when she's older I hope to god that my small child has enough of a sense of humor that she's not going to be mortified by the fact that I said she was cross-eyed at two years old when she was at two days old look I I think we can all make jokes this is a it's a funny and unfortunate situation

it's probably not funny for your friend um but I do think that honesty is the best policy if it's somebody who you love and who you respect and who is a good friend of yours you can't just ignore it and then never speak to her again. You do need to own up to it. You do need to say, hey, Sarah, I'm sorry that I've called her Sarah, but hey, Sarah, that was really mean. Actually, I probably should have,

do you know what? This is gonna come back and bite me in the ass. One of my best friends is about to have a baby and her name is Sarah. Sarah, I'm just gonna tell you this right now. This is a prerecorded episode. So like, you haven't even given, you're giving birth today.

This has not come out yet. Okay, anyway, so this is not about you. The name just came to mind. So you need to kind of reach out and say, look i'm so sorry that was super inappropriate of me i love you i love your baby whatever the baby's name is and look he's gonna grow into his law i just i'm trying to think if i'm just trying to put myself in the position i'm trying to think if i just had a baby and you sent me a message accidentally that was like oh my god have you seen britney's baby it's so ugly i i don't know i

actually like i'm trying to work through that now and think of what i would do i don't i would be mortified i would be like what the fuck it's really mean but i don't know how you would i think i wouldn't unfriend you but i'd be like well buy my baby heaps of stuff to make up for it i actually do you know what just bring this back to me for one more second i actually got a message the other day by someone on instagram and it was sent to me by accident so they had had obviously sent they were supposed to reply to the story that i'd put up of marley but they meant to send it to their friend but they replied directly to the story which happens a lot oh yeah yeah guys if you're ever going to shit on an influencer or shit on a celebrity or something make sure that

when you do that you're actually legitimately sending that story to your friend and you're not just replying on the story you know what happens is no it's not when they're sending it sometimes another friend has sent it to them they've watched it and then they reply that's what it is so the other person sent it to her she's going to reply back but she replies to your video that's how it works so this person replied to a video of marley and said ha ha ha look their baby got cute which obviously meant at some point her and her friend had been having conversation about you know what we got off to a bit of a rough start but my baby grew into its looks so look we had some hurdles when we were young I think it look this is whole situation like I said

we can make jokes about it it depends on your friend's sense of humor it depends on how sensitive your friend is like I personally wouldn't be as offended as somebody else I mean I I you know my my self-worth and my child's self-worth is not based on my two-day-old baby being the cutest two-day-old baby out there I don't really care so long as my kid is healthy and everything else is going right if my friend said my kid looked like a potato I'd be like look he's two days old give it a bit of time also what you could do is play on the potato thing a bit if they don't have any hair just be like lol don't worry she'll get hair and she won't be a potato like you could play on it and being like it's just that she's bald and I hope that she is bald for the sake of this

situation yes and also just call your friend have an honest conversation say sorry there's a lot of power in admitting fault and saying sorry buy her a bunch of flowers and say it was a really mean thing and I hate that I did that and I really regret it and I love you and I'm so happy for you and I've really checked myself because it was a bit of fucking shit thing to do and I'm never gonna do it again so yeah and then never speak badly about anyone again ever that this is your lesson be a nicer person anyway I thought I laughed when I read this question and I was like this is so far out of our normal realm of relationship questions that I want to bring into the table but guys just if you're gonna write something mean make sure you're sending

it to the right person you just made me feel sick like because I've done it so many times where I've not mean things but we all know I've sent pictures and not nudes just awkward pictures we all know I've sent things to people that haven't been the intended recipient when you just told me that I physically felt sick because that is the ultimate I would rather send accidentally send a nude to someone then send something offensive to my friend like it is I felt sick I don't know how you can deal with it other than like Laura said you just need to own it and hope that she is okay and you can laugh about it later be like there's nothing else you can do but what I want to know is what you wrote back to the girls that wrote to you saying that Marley

got cute did you respond I did write back I wrote back and said assuming you mean my child used to be ugly and then I had some crying laughing faces anyway and did they write back again they're like oh my god i'm so sorry this wasn't meant to be sent to you like i was like clearly anyway let's all move on all right speaking of moving on let's get to question number two okay all right i wanted to ask your thoughts on this girls i was in a relationship where a guy was consistently texting a girl and sending her memes that he outwardly admitted to having had feelings for her right before we dated he told me he still finds her attractive i told him i didn't feel it was appropriate slash or wasn't comfortable with them meeting one-on-one and flirting he wouldn't take

no for an answer and it got to the point that he was willing to break up with me unless I would let them hang out alone do you think this is reasonable what are your thoughts lol no it's not reasonable there's a reason why you're not dating him anymore this is absolute fuckwit like no okay I very swore just very aggressively I'm sorry to anybody who's gonna have a problem with that no but you're and I always talk about the fact that like we are happy for our partners to be friends with people of the opposite sex absolutely but not to the point where he you've said you're uncomfortable and he wants to go and meet her alone after he's told you he has feelings for her after he told you that he's still attracted to her like there's nothing that is okay

about that situation nothing I also think like you know you know that you don't need us to tell you that this is not okay like you know this is not okay you know that there's a reason why you guys aren't together anymore and that's because his behavior is absolutely appalling and ridiculous you shouldn't want to be with somebody who doesn't respect your feelings and who doesn't prioritize your relationship like it's one thing to be a you know like where where the first people say like as a girlfriend or a boyfriend you cannot say to your partner you can't see this person you can't be friends with this person you shouldn't be in a relationship where you have to dictate the people or the friends that your partner can have but if your partner is spending an excessive amount of

time with someone who he has expressed interest in, in a romantic sense, and is also flirting with them and being really open and casual about it. And then when you say that you have a problem with this completely, completely disregarding your feelings, you're being gaslit and it's completely wrong. And this is not like, this is not a mature relationship. This is not somebody who should be investing time in. And the fact that he's broken up with you because you tried to put some boundaries in place and he wasn't okay with that just goes to show that this is not the type of person that you should be investing time into and absolutely is not the type of person that you should be investing your pain and your hurt in because you're not together so get back

on that horse there are plenty of better guys than that one out there i guarantee the other thing is if you're in a relationship where you're experiencing this if it's someone that he cares about and it's a friendship and he doesn't want to lose her i totally get that but why can't you all go to the pub for a drink why can't you all go to dinner together why can't you all go hang out at the beach together why does it have to be you're staying at home i'm going to meet this person on my own like it's just not right and maybe when you're 16 17 and you're all friends at school but not when you're grown adults in mature relationships and you know what like we are all adults well not you know majority of people who listen to this podcast are adults

but like the reality is is guys and girls can be friends 100 anybody who thinks that a guy and girl can't be friends and just friends needs to grow the hell up because adamant about this because I have so many male friends yeah absolutely you know and not everything has to be a sexual relationship, not everything has to lead to flirting. And we shouldn't feel insecure about every single person who is of the opposite sex that's in our partner's life. Like that's ridiculous. And if you feel that insecurity, then maybe you need to work on yourself more than what your partner needs to work on themselves. But at the end of the day, if there is one specific person and the behavior is different and you know, it's flirting and you've expressed your

concerns and you're upset and they're crossing boundaries, he's not including you in the friendship, all of those things, then they are massive, massive red flags. And that is where it completely shifts and takes a totally different territory. And that's where it becomes okay for you to express the fact that it makes you insecure and that you're not okay with it. Like my, one of my absolute best friends is a guy and there has never been a moment where we have flirted. There's never been a moment where we crossed the line. There's never been anything sexual there because I don't have sex with my friends. I don't hook up with my friends. I don't flirt with my friends and I think as soon as you have crossed that territory whether it be in the

past or thing maybe that changes things a little bit because you know there is history there there is an attraction there there's something there maybe that can be a bigger concern of someone in a relationship but if you are legitimately just friends with someone it doesn't have to always be this suspicious conspiracy also the main issue here is the fact that you've told him you're uncomfortable with it and you've asked him not to do it and he's still done it it's different if he calls you and he's like babe i'm gonna go meet sharon down at the beach after work for a quick drink um i'll be home after that and you're like yeah cool because you don't care that's cool whatever but the fact is you've had the issue with it and you've you've brought the issue up

you've discussed it you've told him it's uncomfortable and he's still saying i'd rather break up with you than stop this then alarm bell leave his ass well you already have well yeah but like not even not even just the fact that he's like well i'm going to continue the behavior the fact that he's like if you have a problem with it i don't want to be with you anymore like no like just this is like this isn't even like a red flag this is like a big red billboard in the shape of a flag so i think that he's done you an absolute favor like get on with your life you'll meet somebody way better than him who respects you and treats you the way that you deserve to be treated like that is not even a question guarantee he's talking out with her

oh my god just to get that wound and rub a bit of salt and just all right question number three thank you next wait i have i have question number three okay okay question number three i have been with my partner for almost three years we live together we've been living together for two years i'm definitely ready to move forward in our relationship with getting engaged and starting a family all of our friends are currently either getting engaged married or pregnant and i'm so happy for everyone but i'm struggling seeing everyone moving forward with things i'm longing for any advice on how to be happy for others while still being happy and satisfied in your own relationship and not putting pressure on your partner moving forward

i this is hard it is really hard um i i mean but this is for me this is like my whole existence like everyone in my life is moving forward going into the next chapters they're in love having babies getting engaged having getting married like that is literally my whole life and i am never anything but ecstatic for them it doesn't mean you can't have a moment to sit in that and feel like a longing for that part of your life to arrive that's totally okay but if you're starting to be resentful of your friend's happiness and resentful of your friend's successes and their love then you've got to look a bit deeper there's definitely something more going on in your relationship maybe your relationship isn't where you want it to be maybe that's why you're not

moving forward at the rate you're going to move forward that's a conversation you need to have with your partner and you need to say I'm ready for this like I I want this are we are we at the same page are we on the same page we're at the same part of life um but if you are genuinely not happy for your friends and their happiness there's an issue within your tiny little world at home it's one thing to want something because you know you genuinely want it for yourself like because you're ready to get married and you're ready to have babies because you love your partner that's where your relationship is at. It's another thing to want those things because you feel like everybody around you is doing them. It can be sometimes hard to distinguish the two. I think

sometimes having babies and getting married and everything, because it's the next, next progression, everyone else is doing it. It's very exciting. And then you think, well, I'm missing out on something really important to sit down with your partner. And if this is genuinely how you're feeling to have a conversation with them and make sure that you guys are on the same page after two and a half years of being together, I would think that you would be able to have a very very raw and authentic conversation around what do your futures look like and what are your time frames and are you on the same time frame trajectory like maybe he does have an intention of getting engaged in the next six months maybe for him he's thinking more the two

year mark would what would that do if he said to you look I don't want to get engaged for another two years or so I want a bit more time of dating and really getting to know each other and traveling and spending time as a couple before we settle down and get married and then we can have kids if he said two years are you going to leave are you going to try and find something else like is the marriage and the kids the main priority or is the relationship the main priority and everyone puts a different importance on this like you know for me on marriage has never been something that's been crazy important but we obviously had the kids right like you know at time frames don't necessarily have to mean the same thing to everyone but if they're important to you then

it's a conversation to have with your partner well there's a difference between being envious of someone and then taking it home to not being able to be happy for them like I can be envious of my friends situations and relationships and whatever else and and career successes I can be envious of it but it doesn't mean I'm not happy for them so that's a differentiation too you can still want what they're having without taking away your happiness and respect and love for them yeah absolutely and I think also like you can't take that home and then be resentful to your partner that's not going to have any positive flow on like I think that if you get to a point where you're putting pressure on because you're like well everybody else is doing it and I feel

resentful for you because you aren't proposing to me it's just it's not the right reasons like the reasons of wanting to be married and the reasons of wanting to have a baby and wanting to progress the relationship don't sound like they're coming from necessarily the best of intentions and that's not to say that it's not because you're not ready like I absolutely think you probably are ready to get married and you do want to progress your life and your relationship but if if those feelings are only being magnified because other people are doing it then that shouldn't be your sole motivator that's my only concern and I think the only way to really get to the bottom of this is to like I said sit down have an honest conversation about timelines with your

partner explain what it is that you want and that what you're looking for when you want to have children what you hope to have with him and understand fully understand where he sits on that and if you guys are matching up and then you can make decisions for yourself about your life and your timelines yes perfect I feel like we covered a lot of ground I think we're good but I mean like I mean just very very lastly to tie it up just one more point it is okay like Britt said to feel jealous of other people in your life or to feel a bit envious of other people in your life who have things that you wish you had I'm sure that you and I do it interchangeably I'm sure you look at me being like I'd love the freedom like not to like to be able to go and

do what I want when I want like not have a commitment absolutely there are 100% there are times where Britt's out for dinner and I'm at home doing the same thing I do every night and I'm like fuck I wish I had that freedom still I'm also able to look at my life introspectively and have the perspective of like well no I love my family I love my life that I've created and I wouldn't sacrifice that for anything and I think someone give me a shot of gin yeah I just want to at home with a tequila okay and a margarita in my hand but I think that's what you need to do right you need to be able to look at what somebody else has and be like okay I wish I was getting married but then if your relationship is great if your relationship is healthy if your partner is

committed to you if he loves you if he treats you with respect and he does want those things in the future then just like I think you know calm down a little bit and don't compare your life so much to what other people have because it will make you jealous and it will create problems that haven't existed before but have that conversation with him gratitude goes a long way and something little that you can do actually is instead of looking at other people and wishing you had what they had is to look at yourself and your own relationship and be grateful for what you have and look at how successful you guys are how much love you have so you can literally do a gratitude journal lots of people do this it's very very therapeutic write down every morning wake up

write down three things you're grateful for be happy in what you've got and what you're creating knowing that you're moving forward at your own pace and um that's it for that because we've oh my god 100 no no you just nailed it i'm so glad you said that i'm 100 on board with that okay and the final question guys is we can actually do noises on this podcast machine that we've got we just have never done it i cannot think of anything more annoying than sound than sound effects through a podcast could we just clap the whole way through okay all right drum roll please question number four okay question before my ex and I have separated since January 2020 so what's that like nine ten months we've stopped all communication and stopped seeing each other

since July I'm not seeing anyone else and I'm unsure what he's doing my question is when is the right time to delete intimate photos he's got some of me but since we don't talk anymore how would I go about having him delete those oh I mean we've talked about deleting photos about exes in the past. Look, I mean, personally, I don't think that it is a necessity to delete every photo of your ex from your Instagram or from your Facebook. Like I think that they're an integral part of your past. Anybody that you date in the future is going to know that you've had a past. You don't need to like totally wipe all the photos of your ex so that you look like you've never dated and you're a virgin. Like that's not necessary. If, if looking back on

those photos makes you feel upset, if it brings back memories, that means that it's hard for you to get over, if it's causing you any sort of like trauma, then yes, delete them, remove them from your Facebook, your Instagram, remove it so that you therefore like, you know, you're not being reminded of something and the good old times, but it's definitely not a necessity. Okay. The other part of this is if you are upset by photos that he has on his Instagram, firstly, you can't control it. Like it's his Instagram. He can do whatever he wants. And maybe he looks back on that time as like a fond memory as well he's like you know what we had a great time I don't want to delete the relationship completely from my life because it was a really big part of my life it's part of

made me who I am it's part of my identity and so I'm gonna leave it where it is also maybe he just doesn't use Instagram that much and he just doesn't care about it as much as you do I agree with everything Laura said but I read this differently I read this in not that he's just got photos on his instagram and facebook and things i read this that she knows he's just got intimate photos on his phone i think he's just got photos because she's just like i know he's got some of me i don't know how to go about deleting them i was in the same situation there's literally nothing you can do other than ask him to do it there's you can't control it you can't get into his phone oh yeah this is though just like having intimate photos from

the past 100 yeah i think but but it's good that we touched on everything laura because because it's like a question we get a lot of and everything Laura said about having photos deleting them I don't think you need to delete all these photos of your exes sure if you've got them like macking on two weeks ago yeah that's not nice but I think this 100% she just knows that he's got a lot of photos of her and she doesn't feel comfortable that happened to me with my crazy ex I knew he had a lot of photos and all I could do was ask him to delete them And I literally just had to say, I'm trusting that you will delete them. And then I think I threw in like, I'll ruin your life if you don't.

This is something that we really need to be aware of. Like when you're in a relationship and there's a lot of trust there, you will send photos and you will send, I mean, like I've sent nudes to guys before who I've been in a relationship with, but you send that with the trust that someone is not going to abuse that. You send it with the trust that, you know, if something does go wrong, that it's not going to be held against you. the reality is is that you guys broke up almost nine ten months ago he may have those photos in his phone it doesn't mean he's going to do anything with them it doesn't mean they're

going to go anywhere you know I I could probably go back through my phone and I'm sure that there would be or back through my iCloud I'm sure that there would be photos in there that shouldn't be there of my ex or of me that I've sent to my ex whatever like I don't go back and look at them I'm not reminiscing on those photos I just don't care so don't dip into it see I'm the opposite I would want I feel I felt sick knowing my ex had photos of me like that and I think that's what she's like she's like I just feel uncomfortable by knowing he's got those we're never going to speak again I don't I feel violated like I get I get the feelings and I get why you would want to I also get why you were like I can't be bothered I don't even know if they're there I don't look at

them but I think for this it's like fresh I think she who knows how it ended maybe didn't end well and she's disgusted by the fact maybe she feels disgusting like that's actually a common feeling knowing that someone's looking at your intimate photos when you don't have that connection with them anymore unfortunately there's just nothing you can do other than really nicely and respectfully ask him say hey I don't feel uncomfortable with you having those now that we're completely over can I just ask and trust that you'll delete them that's all you can do it really is all you can do and like maybe this is a whole other conversation for further down the track because like it does seem completely unfair that you can be removed and like you can remove consent at any time right

like you can say I don't want to sleep with you anymore this is me removing consent but once you've sent those images to someone the consent that you have over those images when it comes to them personally viewing them it no longer exists like yes you have control over them like sending it out to other people like they're not able to like use them against you to blackmail you or to send them on but you can't stop them from viewing it after you've sent that and I guess that's something that we all need to be really conscious of when we do send out photos of ourselves or nudes or whatever like you do release a little bit of control over that when you send them out into the world and the only thing that you can do in this situation is to ask someone to delete them

and hope that they do and maybe asking gives you a little bit of peace of mind shy of literally just reaching out to him saying i know this is out of the blue i know we haven't spoken in a while it's just something i've been thinking about a lot lately i was just hoping you would be able to delete all those intimate photos that we sent to each other now that we're not together i'd feel more comfortable knowing that they're not there hope you've been well take care XO XO XO XO gossip girl but also like there is a chance that he has deleted them as well it's just one of those situations that like you shared a really loving situation with him and a loving relationship with him and you guys were obviously in a place where you were sharing

intimate photos with each other of each other together on holidays all of the above and that's a really nice thing to do it's it's just unfortunate that it's at the point now that it's not like he is sending them out to people and I'm not saying it's okay but I'm just saying our advice when we say there's not a lot you can do shy of just politely asking him to delete to delete them he's they're his photos now and they're on his phone yes they're of you and I think he should 100% delete them especially if you ask him to delete them but unless he is going out and it's like revenge porn and he's sharing the content like legally it's not like you can summon his phone and delete them it's like it's literally just a respectful conversation that

you're going to have with someone that you used to share a really intimate connection with yeah and I think that that's probably the most important part of this is like if you did at one point in your relationship love respect each other treat each other the way that you were supposed to if he's never acted in a way that's been you know that's called into question and insecurity around these photos then I would hope that when you do ask him and say hey can you delete these there's still that level of respect for each other that he would go yeah sure I'll delete them you know if like if an ex reached out to me and said hey can you go through your phone and delete those photos look I mean out of respect yes I would absolutely go and do it like that's the thing you know and I

think we can we shouldn't just assume the worst in people if he's someone that you loved and he's someone that you did have a great relationship with and he respects you enough he's going to respect your wishes now so something to keep in mind too when you're sending um intimate photos in the future just cut your head out at any identifying marks but no like it is something that we really need to think about and I think you know especially if you don't know the person that well or you don't know if you can trust them or the relationship is new like we do need to take responsibility for our own personal security and it shouldn't be this is not victim blaming this is not saying that you know it's your fault for sending out photos none of that we've all done it

of course but I think like be conscious of the people that you're sending these photos to be conscious of the relationship that you have with them be conscious of the footprint that you're putting out into the world because you can't trust everyone so exo exo all right guys that's us this is like like we said this is our short sharp episode that never ends up being that short and sharp another ask uncut if you have any questions slide on into our dms we love it and we'll be back next tuesday with a big meaty juicy deep episode for you and please keep the accidentally unfiltered coming in we love reading those just remember to slide into the dms with those and at the top caption them accidentally unfiltered just so that we know what it is we love getting all of your

messages all the questions all the funny stories all the can't believes he said that we read every single one i know we don't get back to you all because it's physically impossible but just know that you are being seen and heard and we love you can i just say as well i have had so many people in the last couple of days come up to me on the street be like i love your podcast and i just want to tell you how happy that makes me it's actually like the best part of my day it was like two days ago in the one day I had about seven people come up to me and I honestly just I cannot tell you how wonderful it is to know that so many of you guys listen to this that you get something out of this that you know that you've laughed or you've cried or it's helped you through something

a lot of people have said that you know when they've been going through breakups they've listened to some episodes and they've found some solace in it and that's the whole reason why we started this because Britt and I you know we met this one day and we're having these conversations around relationships and we were like this is this is the sort of shit we want to share with our girlfriends so let's put it on a very public platform let's share it with everyone no I love the people coming up to you I just get heaps of dms being like hey I just saw you at the cafe I wanted to say hi but I didn't I was like do I have a resting bitch maybe you're like the intimidating one and I'm like the friendly approachable family guy you guys should know on this podcast how open

and approachable I am so if you do see me don't feel like you can't say hello because I just get all the time all the time at the hospital too I'll get home that night and I'll be like hey you did my x-ray today and I'm like what did you say hello I'm like you did my best friend's ct scan but she didn't want to say anything and I'm like okay so funny I went down to Wollongong to visit my nan over the weekend last weekend and um I was getting out of the car and this like gorgeous nurse came over and she was like hi I was like hi she's like I don't even know why I just came up here I listened to your podcast I'm like great you can tell me where ward 17 is let's go for a walk and it was just so nice like i i love it i love being accosted in the street because it really makes

me feel like what we're doing has a purpose and like we we sit in this tiny little bedroom we shoot the shit but it's so so fulfilling to know that it actually means something to you guys who are listening to it so yeah that's i just want to throw that in there before we wrap it up but anyway i'm gonna get off the microphone now okay share the love because we love love We'll see you next time.