Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Thin walls and loud neighbours 👌👈😳

Episode Date: October 6, 2021

Hey Lifers!It's your enthusiastically unqualified but passionate about helping a sister out therapy Thursday where we dive into your deepest questions!First cab off the rank today is about whether you need to experience a couple of people before you settle on 'the one.' What happens if you're really young and you've found the person you want to marry but you're afraid of the judgement? Secondly, well things get a little juicier here and this one isn't for the faint of heart...I want my husband to go down there after we've finished having sex, but he thinks it's a bit gross and weird. Opinions?Next up we're talking how to address that awkward AF sitch when your neighbours have obnoxiously loud sex; like, wake the dog up loud! How do you get them to shush it without making it hella awkward?Lastly we dive into what to do when someone that you really liked and dated for 2 months completely ghosts you, and then resurrects themselves with an apology. Do you entertain it or throw it in the bin?If you love the pod but you haven't taken a cheeky second to give us a review, we'd love it! Let us know your thoughts!Share the love because we love LOVEEEEE!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and we just finished a freaking awesome interview with a woman named Logan Urie which is coming out next Tuesday, but that's not what we're doing on today's episode. Are you going to tell them what it's about or just drop a name? Are you soft launching an episode, Laura? I am. Guys, it's going to be the best episode that you've ever listened to. This one's going to be really good as well, but maybe we should tell you what this episode's about. Well, this is Ask Uncut. They know what this is.

You'd ask us your questions and we'd answer it. I think we don't need to go into that one. Well, maybe there's a new listener who doesn't know, and this is where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. But before we get into unpacking all of the messed up shit that's going on in your life at the moment, Britt, have you watched Squid Game yet? Okay, a few people have asked me this and I have seen it everywhere. Obviously, I'm in quarantine at the moment. I'm almost, I think, halfway through.

I've been binge-watching Netflix, but I have not turned on Squid Game. And this is because all I've heard is people say it's really scary and really gory and that I get scared in scary movies, as in the piss take of the scary movies. You know the comedy scary movie? And that scares you? It scares me because it's like too close to the real thing. I'm such a pussy. I can't watch anything scary or I'll have nightmares.

So I haven't yet watched it. One thing I have, look, I'm going to come in with a recommendation. And I do think that I'm behind the times. I think I'm late to the party, but it's Peaky Blinders. Have you watched that, Laura? Have not seen Peaky Blinders. Do not know. I thought I had seen the whole of Netflix now.

No. So I have seen Peaky Blinders. You know, when you're scrolling your Netflix of things to watch, you see the same shows, but you always just bypass them because you're like that's probably so shit or it doesn't grab you something about it doesn't grab you I've seen Peaky Blinders for so long and I've just thought man not for me I am hooked I just binged watched six seasons like the whole it's over for me and like I cried at the end because I was like what do I do what do I do now it was so good so I can't recommend it if I tell you what it's about if you haven't watched it you're not going to be

interested it's like back in the day these mafia in England and their drug dealers and it's about their family dynamic and it doesn't it's not a sell but you get so obsessed with the characters there's so much great wonderful scripting and great acting and great character development that you really get hooked in and you just like you feel like you know them so and they're the sort of seasons that I absolutely love so that's my recommendation and that is what I've been binging wait can we just go back a second to where you said you cried because the series ended now was the last episode sad or did you actually cry because you finished watching it and you were like there's nothing else for me to watch now. I'm mourning a loss. Okay. So this happened with

me with Outlander. When I read the books, there are also six books of Outlander. It took me like two years to really like get through them. I was at school. I put the last, I remember closing the book and I was in hysterics because I didn't know what to do with my life anymore for all this time, for years, these people, and I sound crazy, but any bookworms out there, you know, this feeling, you know I'm not crazy but like when you're that invested you're mourning a loss because I went back and read the whole series twice but if it's a good writer you feel like you're there with them and you feel like you know them and you are so invested in their story and anyone that knows what I'm talking about you know I'm not crazy there is a feeling that you can mourn a loss

when you finish a good series of book or tv so that's my defense okay well I have started swid games and I'm going to tell you when this trauma is finished I am not going to mourn a loss I'm going to be very happy that this is the end and it comes to an end. I know that there's going to be so many people listening to this who have started watching it. Just for some reference, I am on episode two right now. I've seen the first episode, the second episode. You're in early days.

We're so early. But we turned it on last night because obviously the entire internet has been talking about it. Some people in the Facebook group were talking about it. It is fucking chaos. And I'm not going to give away too much about it for fear of spoiling. I mean, I can't spoil it. I've only watched two episodes. I can't spoil it for you, but it is this dystopian reality where

they are basically, I mean, if you've seen the Hunger Games, it kind of has a very similar premise to the Hunger Games, except it was created in Korea. You can either choose to watch it dubbed or you can watch it subtitled. And basically it's a game or series of games where the contestants are fighting literally for their lives. The losers die and the winners continue to go through the games in order to win this incredibly huge amount of prize money. I think it's like 45 million dollars which is supposed to be trying to highlight the disparity and it's got this like deep concept it's trying to highlight the disparity between the rich and the poor what we would do for money how money runs the world but guys it is it is so messed up I can't

even recommend it because it makes me feel so uncomfortable watching it I don't think I would be able to watch it like you know where there was that period in our life I think you and I were probably about 20 when it happened where all these horror films came out and the real gruesomeness I couldn't watch them I can't do it it was like I know what you did last summer saw and they were just back to back and if you go back and watch them now they're so lame they're so poorly put together and they go for really horror like gore factor whereas squid game it's not scary like I mean it makes you feel very uncomfortable and I think for me I went to bed with wild anxiety after watching it last night but it's not so much scary as what it is just really fucking disturbing and

the fact that somebody actually sat down and created this this came out of someone's mind is just so mind-blowing in and of itself I think I would still be scared I don't think I've outgrown scream and those things because my my tolerance is just so low but do you watch these shows like when you watch a foreign show do you watch it dubbed or do you watch it subtitled this is pretty controversial look I prefer subtitles but if I'm doing something I'll watch it dubbed so last night we watched the first two episodes dubbed because we were eating and I was like I want to also be able to enjoy my food and not miss anything and yeah so I think for like ease of watching we watched it dubbed but dubbed kind of makes it all feel a little bit more comical like I think

when you're watching it dubbed it kind of loses an element of that suspense and fear because person's voice doesn't match up to their mouth two episodes in I am hook line and sinker and now I need to know what happens but I also think and I do think this and I think this is why you've watched it as well for sure it's going to end up being the number one most streamed show that Netflix have ever had but I think a lot of people are watching it because there has been it's everywhere like there's been so much talk about it it's everywhere I look people are talking tweeting resharing it's all over every platform squid games I think there's a lot of people that are like would never be interested in it or would never watch it and they're like all right fine

like let's just see what the fuss is about which I feel like is probably why you've checked into it now because you're like I'm probably not saying I'd watch I'll probably end up watching it because eventually it's going to get the better of me when everyone's talking about something you're like okay I'm going to have to see what the fuss is about but I reckon there's a big chunk of people watching it purely to see what everyone else is talking about it's totally FOMO and I think as soon as you start seeing the memes that are coming out and the jokes you have this feeling of like oh I don't want to miss out on this I want to see what's going on but then you check in and you see what's going on and it's actually so so messed up and so chaotic so I don't even know if this is actually

a recommendation I'm not going to sit here and recommend that you guys should go and watch Squid Games if you haven't already but it's there everyone's watching it it's a thing to do and I am well and truly jumped on the bandwagon. Okay. Maybe I'll force myself to watch one just so I can maybe just one is the first one too gruesome. The first one is fucked. That's the second episode is actually really slow moving. I thought, but the first episode is so maybe that's just it. It doesn't, I don't know if the gruesomeness adds anything and I don't think we need to see that many people be killed in that close range. Like I feel like we've become desensitized to watching people just get slaughtered. It's wild that this is going to be

the most watched Netflix series. It blows my mind, but here we are fully the world. We're full of sickos. So sick. Anyway, guys, let's get into the questions. We have picked out a couple for you guys today. I mean, no, no surprise. It's the same thing every week has been for two years, but Brittany hit me with question number one. Okay. Question number one, my partner and I are both 21 and have been dating for over four years. So do the math. That's pretty young. He's absolutely my penguin and I am ridiculously happy and settled in a life that we have together. we have spoken a lot about marriage and both see it as the next step I feel like I'm absolutely ready for that commitment however there is a part of me that worries about the judgment of my

friends there have been a lot of successful young marriages in my family so I know there will be support as well I'm just not sure about some of my friends not that it really matters but I would just love to hear your opinion on this what do you think what are your thoughts on young marriage Laura well I mean look I'm not against it I think there is a big part of me that's like you know you need to experience life you don't know who you are in your early 20s but that comes from my own personal experience you know I know how much I've changed from being in my early 20s to being in my mid 30s but just because that's my personal reflection on it and just because that's my experience doesn't mean that it's somebody else's and if you're in an awesome relationship in your

early 20s and you are so lucky that you've met someone who you can grow with who challenges you who supports you who you can see and and know that you're going in the right direction together then I don't think that you need to just experience dating a whole lot of people you don't need to go and experience how fucked up dating can be to appreciate something that you already have it's a totally a non-essential and I think sometimes we put too much pressure on this idea that you need to be single to find yourself you can very much find yourself and be in a supporting and loving relationship at the same time the key here the key sentence is the what you are most worried about is I'm worried what my friends will think I mean that is that is the biggest problem here

and it's a problem that should be non-existent it does not matter what your friends think of your decision to marry the person that you love like that is irrelevant and if any of your friends are going to judge you for that and not get on board and not be supportive that's the problem and I would be looking more at those kinds of friendships and why you're still in those friendships if you were in an abusive relationship and you were saying hey I'm going to marry him and your friends were worried about you doing that, that is very different. But you are so happy, you're in love.

You really want to marry the love of your life. I wouldn't worry about what your friends think. In regards to what Laura said, if you had written in and said, we talk about marriage and we're pretty happy, but I'm not sure if he's the one, that's when I would say, maybe you need to think about this really carefully

because you are on the border and you're not sure whether he's someone you want to commit to. That's when I'd be like, maybe you do need to experience life. Maybe you do need to date some more people. Maybe you do need to figure out who you are. but you sound very convinced and confident in your relationship. So I think go hell for leather.

There are plenty, plenty of long, beautiful, loving relationships that have been together since they were like 16 years old. Regardless of age, I think that there are the same things that you need to ask yourself when you're heading into like making the big decision of marriage, like having the big conversations around, do you guys want to have kids? Where do you want to live? How do you see your life looking in the future? Like what are you aiming towards? What are your aspirations, having all of those really big, hard conversations first are what really define whether it's going to be a successful marriage, whether you guys have your five-year and your 10-year plan mapped out. It doesn't matter. At the end of the day, sure, maybe some of your friends will

think, oh, it's a bit weird. They got married so young. They're going to get over it. Loads of people in my friendship groups in my life got married young and some of them are still together. Some of them are, you can't predict exactly what's going to happen in the next 10 years of your life or 15 years of your life but if you make that commitment that you want to get married I think the big thing is regardless of age is really being clear on where you want that relationship to head and making sure that you have those big big conversations and also I guess it will come with its own set of challenges in that you know you guys are not going to be the same people that you are now in 10 years time you will do a lot of personal development in your 20s we all do like

we all experience and grow so much in our twenties. It's a time of huge, huge change for so many people, but that doesn't mean that that change can't happen alongside someone. And it doesn't mean that you can't grow together and be a great relationship and have a great relationship at the same time. So if your only thing and your only barrier is what people will think of you getting married young, I just think be super clear with your intentions and who cares what people think amen sister wouldn't it be nice to just meet someone early and just like cut out all the fucking bullshit my first boyfriend from 18 until 23 was an angel and then I just dated so much shit after that like if only I had known what I knew then I was like this is what relationships

should be but I then kind of got a bit bored and then dated some other people and I was like I really need to fuck things up before it gets good again honestly my relationship from 16 15 to like 23 was what dreams are made of like in hindsight I'm like he was such a he was just such a nice guy but for me and it's exactly what you said Laura you do grow so much in your 20s like 100% I am a different person some people are lucky enough to grow together and grow in the same direction and on the same path for me this person he was still he still is incredible he's just such a great human but our paths diverged and where we were heading and what we wanted from our life was different even though we loved each other and that's just something for us it didn't work young

after eight years but that doesn't mean it's not for you and also the last thing I want to say on this as well is like sometimes when you are young and you're in a good relationship you don't necessarily value how good it is or what you're getting from that person because you because you don't know you don't know you don't have a point of comparison you think that you're supposed to experience dating lots of people you think that you're supposed to put yourself out there and look i do think that there are so many benefits from meeting a variety of people from dating from kind of learning the life lessons but if you don't you don't need to subject yourself to dating shitty people or to like sleeping around in order to learn those lessons if you're already in a great

space and you're already happy then it just means you buy you skipped all the bullshit that so many of us get to a point that we're trying to avoid it 100 but again that comes with age but you do you get married congratulations and I hope you live a happy life invite us to the wedding okay question number two okay question number two is it's a little bit different this has come in from a wife whose husband has literally asked her to write it in they're having a disagreement in the bedroom and he has said well I think you need to ask the life uncut girl so that's why I think this one's interesting my husband recently got fixed up so he obviously got the chop now we obviously have a lot of unprotected sex wait when you say the chop you make it sound like he had his balls cut off

he did he was castrated we took my husband to get him desexed he obviously got a vasectomy yeah he didn't get his balls he didn't get castrated um now we obviously have a lot of unprotected sex after he comes i really want him to go down on me but he flat out refuses to basically lick his own cum is this a normal request from me does anyone else do this or is it just a weird kinky thing that i'd like to try my husband knows how much i listen to you guys and he told me to ask you guys he's dying to hear you tell him that it's weird i would just love to hear your thoughts am i alone in wanting my husband to go down to me after he's coming me i just love this question so much because there's like so many like there's so many layers to it my favorite part is the fact that the

husband's like ask the girls like laura and britney will know what to do dear god i think nothing is weird like nothing is weird so long as both people are accepting of it for starters right like if he was all down for it then it wouldn't be weird clearly it's weird to him and that's also okay I do find it pretty interesting when a guy wants you to go down on him but is absolutely adverse to ever like he's not okay with his own jizz do you know I mean like there's so many guys who don't want to go down on you afterwards or they don't want to like even get it near them well because their penis has already been there yeah but they're like quite happy for you to put it in your mouth it's like dude if it's not okay for your mouth it shouldn't be okay for

mine that's that's like this is a benchmark what's good enough for you is good enough for me i do think there is a different level of expectations there 100 but also i mean it's not like you drink you're not asking him to drink a cup of it you're not like here have a go i think it would be nice if he would give it a try. But I also very strongly think that if someone's against something in the bedroom, you can't force them to do it. And if there's something about this that he's uncomfortable with and he's explained why he's uncomfortable, then I kind of think you have to be accepting of that. I don't think that you can really like coerce or guilt your partner into going down on you. Yeah, I think. And the thing is, it's not even like you're trying to guilt him

into going down on you. I don't think that's his problem. It doesn't sound like that's his problem. The problem is that you want him to do it when he is just ejaculated inside of you and it's still there. Everything Laura said is right. We talk about this all the time. Whatever you want to do in the bedroom is what you want to do. Nothing is weird. Some things, sure, they're not as common in other relationships, but that doesn't mean it's not right. It doesn't mean it's wrong. It's whatever you guys are comfortable with. In this instance, all I can do is think about what I would do. Would I ask that? Would I expect that? Because that's what you've said. Would you girls expect this I would love to hear your thoughts for me I wouldn't ask my partner to do that and I can

understand why he wouldn't and like you said Laura like why the expectations different they shouldn't be but I for me if I would ask one thing and if my partner said like I'm not comfortable to do that it's just something that I wouldn't push so I think maybe you guys need to come to a compromise maybe you can say I just love it when you go down on me but he does it before he comes I've got my hand up. Okay. Okay. My question here is Brit, would you go down on a guy after you've been having sex for a while? So like if he was having sex with you and then pulled out, would you then still go down on him? Or are you like, no, I don't want that in my mouth. Yeah. But this is why the expectations, this is why I said there's almost like this difference in expectations. I also think

it has to do with, I think for a lot of people has to do with like the, and we're getting very in depth here, but the literal consistency and like what it is. Cause I feel like men's ejaculation is very different to women's and like you can't argue that totally but I also think it's so unfair for a guy to expect a female or any of their relationships or partners to be okay with their semen if they're not okay with it like and this is that my question is is if he says to you babe I don't care if you don't swallow like I don't I don't expect you to if he's like I genuinely think it's a bit gross for you and for me and for everyone I don't like it then I would be like cool that's okay but if he is saying he thinks you should swallow he wants you to go down on him

he thinks you should have absolutely no problem with his semen but he thinks it's gross I think it's such an unfair and weird disparity that we are okay with like why are we okay with a guy thinking that that's gross because I think on the flip side if a girl was to say oh I don't want anything to do with it after he's put it inside me I think that that would be seen as more unusual than for a guy. I do also question as to whether this plays into our social perspectives around heteronormity and around like what is and isn't homosexual or emasculating. I wonder if there is something that's been very much ingrained in us that if a guy is okay with that, then there must be some homosexual tendencies there. Why is it that there's this expectation that women would

be okay with their own discharge but men find theirs okay for women but gross for themselves I think that there's more to unpack it from like a social perspective as well yeah totally and I mean like way too deep I'm taking this way too deep guys you really did Laura but I think what it comes down to here is the same thing in any relationship in any situation in the bedroom if somebody is not comfortable with something it's pretty much irrelevant what it is it doesn't really matter if you think it should be okay or if other people in your life have found it okay the fact of the matter is that in that moment in that relationship in that situation someone has said hey I'm uncomfortable doing this I don't want to do it and I think that that's it you've

just got to come to an agreement and respect your partner's decision so as much as you would love him to do that maybe you can just ask him to do it before he finishes so he might be more comfortable in doing that and then just come home with a bang technically it would also be pretty messy like imagine slamming your face into that when it's full if there's a lot going on it's a lot do you know what I think I get it I get why he doesn't want to do it I understand you know what that sucks for you if that's like the one kink that wants to get that you need to get off on but at the same time I can see this from both perspectives yeah so if you don't want him to hear that don't just tell him we didn't answer the question don't let him listen to the podcast

okay next question okay question number three let's get into this one now we had a couple of questions that were similar to this this week all around loud sex some of them were in regards to their housemates but the one I'm going with is in regards to a neighbor so I think that the advice is slightly different but here we go so the guy who lives in the apartment below mine has sex with his girlfriend every night and she is so so loud like so loud like screaming loud that's all I can hear and when I'm asleep it wakes me up sometimes it even wakes the dog up too they're at it now whilst I'm typing this there is literally no peace and it goes on for ages I love that it's happening in real time and it goes on for ages am I being a bitter old cow because I'm single

and not getting any or do I have a right to not hear extremely loud sex and moaning when I'm trying to sleep almost every night if it's the later how on earth do I approach the subject do I write a note do I leave it under the door face to face do I publicly shame him in the buildings Facebook group no I'm joking I won't do that but what are my options guys how can I bring this up or how can I enjoy my evenings again without having to listen to my neighbor having outrageous sex she's even written do I dub him into the real estate agent I mean no the real estate agent is going to tell you to go get laid I think that this is pretty common and we do get it a lot and I have a lot of friends I've talked about it I have been in this situation especially

in okay for example where we live in Bondi in Sydney and this is in a lot of high density city areas it's just apartment on apartment on apartment next to apartment they're all old they're all thin walls like you hear this a lot and hey hats off to them they're living their best life you know that they're both getting some really good sex hopefully you're getting that too can you complain if it's just like here and there I don't think so I think like you've got to let them live their life you might have to suck it up put some headphones in just get on with it turn the tv up a bit louder if this is happening religiously night after night after night and if it's going for a really long time and it's really interrupting your sleep and it's like

disgustingly obnoxiously like porno loud like it's not just like the thumping if it's like full-on screaming and moaning which it sounds like it is can you do an example for us I'll example the thump but I'm not example the moaning but if it's like that then I think and it's really getting you're not going to be the only one that is bothering I think you can definitely say something now do you out him to the Facebook group absolutely not do you tell the real estate absolutely not what I would probably do is make a funny ingest kind of note like so I would make a note that is somewhat humorous like I'm so stoked that you're living your best life and like you're you're obviously doing something right I would make a bit of a joke like that and say but it's

really hard to sleep in this building with that every night do you think there's a way that you could keep it down don't it can be anonymous unless you're in an apartment of two unless you're in a townhouse and they know it's you but that's what I would do I would just like make it a little bit lighthearted because you don't want to start something, but you also want to get your message across. And I think if you are propping them up a bit, being like, you know, you are obviously doing something right in the bedroom, it softens the blow a little bit. It makes it a little bit less embarrassing, but I would make it anonymous. I would make it a bit humorous and cute, but get your message across. That is what I would do. And then I'd go get laid.

Look, I agree. But I also like the one thing I agree with from that is that you have to make it kind of lighthearted because if you don't make it lighthearted if I received a letter this makes me sound like a dickhead but I'm gonna go for it anyway if I received a letter that was like I'm really angry that I can hear you having sex and it was like real bitchy from my neighbor it wouldn't motivate me to be quieter put it that way it would be worse it would make me so angry and be like oh my god my bitter neighbor who's so old and doesn't have sex and is an angry just sexually deprived person it would make me turn up the theatrics tenfold and just be so much you'd go for the oscar i'd fucking go for gold guys this is my time to shine so i agree i think you can obviously

write a note exactly like brit said i do think you can maybe try some like noise cancelling headphones or get some earplugs first like there are other things that you can do in your own space to try and minimize how much somebody else in another apartment is upsetting you before you kind of go out of your way but you have to keep it light-hearted there's a very good possibility that they don't know they don't realize that you can hear them I think that that would probably be the more common option b is is that they think maybe you can hear them and they genuinely don't care so even if you do say hey guys like I can hear you having loud sex they may not want to change the way that they have sex maybe she doesn't realize she's being loud maybe she doesn't care

that she's being loud. But I think there's no harm in putting it out there. I just think you have to live in this building with these people. You're going to see these people. Don't create an environment that makes you uncomfortable or them uncomfortable when they are your neighbours. I just think what I would do, and I mean, I like to think I'm a considerate person, but if I got that message, my feeling would be embarrassment. I wouldn't say, fuck you. I'm turning up the theatricals. I'm going for the Logie. Watch this performance. Sit back, get your popcorn. I wouldn't do that. They're not even having sex. They're just sitting on the couch screaming on purpose watching squid game yeah exactly but I think that I would feel

embarrassed and I would try and tone it down you're not going to stop they're not going to stop having sex like no one's ever going to do that but maybe they just weren't aware how thin the walls are like I guess you just don't know but yeah if they don't stop that's something you've got to think about are you happy to live like that do you want to move out do you want to think of something else but when push comes to shove you can't physically go in and rip them apart and say like you in that corner you can't put the hose on them like they're dogs so I think you either have to put the the cute little funny semi-funny anonymous letter to slide under their door if you're worried that they'll figure out your handwriting type it up make it a but I think

make it like a funny letter and that's what that is the route that I would be going down okay but you think that letter has to be anonymous you wouldn't put your name to it you wouldn't say hey apartment seven here uh you guys are banging on my wall no I I would want to make it more anonymous because otherwise I would have this weird like eye contact when I pass them in the stairwell I'd be like morning hope last night was what was good yeah you sounded like you had a great time or just go around and collect like signatures from everybody in the in the apartment building here's a petition look we've organized a petition you could also do that okay so I used to live in Paddington I used to live in a tiny one-bedroom apartment like it was a one-bedroom

studio apartment didn't even have any internal walls except for the wall with the toilet and all of the apartments in this building were the same I lived directly below a couple and she was this tiny little like five foot blonde petite little thing he was a giant and she used to scream like she was being murdered she used to scream the house down scream every night like it was exactly this it was so wild and what did you do nothing I just listened I just recorded it I couldn't bring myself to do anything I didn't want to make them embarrassed I felt wildly uncomfortable by it but I was also in my early 20s and I think back then having like difficult conversations I felt really like I wanted to avoid conflict they think the way that

you've described this is like an anonymous letter hopefully you don't get caught putting it under their door keep it super light-hearted which is like I'm so happy you guys are getting some I'm a little bit jealous but also like it's very loud is the only way to kind of attack this situation and I know that there'd be listeners out here now that have gone through this and I think we've touched on in the discussion group in the past but if you guys have ever actually written a letter and you have made it funny maybe you haven't made it funny maybe it's a bit like straightforward and sharp let's talk about it in the discussion group so I want you guys to just like start a little thread because I know that some people have written in saying I've done this

before like I definitely wrote a letter so put them in the discussion group and hopefully we can go and check other people's experiences wait I have Matt here for one second he's just walked into the room I've been handed Lola Matt's about to leave to go to the gym Matt if you had someone who is extremely loud at sex I know that you have once before you've told me what would you do how would you mitigate the situation so basically I mean I'm not going to tell you the full rundown on this but basically this girl has a neighbor who has really loud sex but if you you were the guy having sex with someone and they were screaming what would be your reaction to that I was once with a girl who was extremely noisy to the point where I thought she was taking the piss

But I would have to say, mid-sex, I'd be like, can you please just be quiet? I have roommates, please. And she'd be like, oh. And I'd be like, please. Like, come on, what are you doing? I said you can't make that much noise. My neighbours are going to hate me.

And she just wouldn't be quiet. Do you think she was faking it, Matt? Testament to myself as a lover. I mean, I'm painting a pretty good picture here right now. Yeah, I reckon she was compensating. And she just couldn't help it. she just couldn't help herself like she just couldn't keep quiet I would plead with her because it was embarrassing for me the next day with my roommates to then come out to the living

room and have to face them and be like hey I'm really sorry about you know that screaming person I promise they weren't in pain last night that would make me uncomfortable in a situation I haven't really ever been in that situation I mean talking about sleeping with someone that's really loud but I would find it quite off-putting if someone if I was sleeping someone that was like screaming I'd be like is everything okay there are a lot of people out there who don't realize they just don't even have any idea about their own acoustics and they don't know that they can hit some pretty pretty exceptional high notes well I also think some people think that their partners I think they think it turns their partners on like they're encouraging their

partner almost and some people it might like you know like you're doing good sweetie yeah you're doing great cutie or maybe it's an exaggeration of trying to encourage them to do a certain move or a certain position so maybe when someone gets into the position they're like oh if I am really over the top right here, he'll realize that I like this and he'll continue to come back to this position. There could be so many underlying factors here. I'm like having this conversation whilst Lola is on the ground in front of me. This thing is getting weird. All right. Well, I think we're on a bit of a roll. So we're going to go a bit further today and I'm going to throw in a fourth question. Are you all right with that, Laura? A bit deeper, a bit darker. Throw it.

Throw it in the mix. No, it's actually, I'm trying to actually wind it down. It's not deeper or darker, but I think it's a nicer way to finish. Help. Two months ago, I met this guy. We got along so well. Things were going great until one day he literally banished. I just never heard from him again. It was the ultimate ghosting. I was devastated and I was confused. However, he popped up to me apologizing recently for how he had treated me, said that he feels really terrible. He wants to hang out again and he respects that there may never be a chance for anything to happen again. What do I do? Do I give him a second chance or is he just back for sex and should I leave that alone i'm like a no i'm a no don't give that another chance yeah i probably would

look okay i probably would too i probably have but if somebody has treated you so disrespectfully like if it's someone who you were dating who you actually really liked and then they just fucking ghosted you there is so much disrespect in that why would you give him another chance why would you open yourself back up to being hurt by someone who has already shown you exactly who they are and I say yes I probably did in the past give that exact person another chance and it didn't work out I agree with what you say like people do show you who they are with their actions 100% and as long as they follow through with what they're doing he definitely made you feel really shitty and that's important to remember what I would do in this situation because I am and this

isn't for everyone but for me I think people can make mistakes and I'm a big believer that people can change and giving people a second chance. I really am. I'm just not, I'm not a one strike person because I've made mistakes in the past and I've been very grateful that someone's given me a second chance. I've said the wrong things. I've done the wrong things and I'm not a bad person and I know that. So I like to try and give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes that has bitten me in the ass really, really badly. Sometimes it's worked out okay. What I would do is ask why. Don't make it easy for him, but maybe you can entertain the idea. What happened? Why did you, you really hurt me I was really fucking confused why did you leave maybe he has a good answer maybe he's like

I don't know I got scared I panicked and I ran you don't know what it's going to be ask him firstly why he happened and have that chat and see if you a think there's anything genuine there you think he's telling the truth and b ask why he's back say well what do you want now you want a random hookup do you just want sex do you want to go on a date find out what his intentions are and if they're in line with what you want if you are after casual sex and he's like look I just I love spending time with you and be keen to just like hook up again go for it if that's what you want if you want a relationship and you want to actually date and he's still saying I'm back but I still want something casual don't even entertain it because it's never going to end well and you

have to listen to what they're telling you like he's telling you what he wants he's showing you with his actions so they are that's my advice and I just think like I'm going to toot my own horn I just think that was really great mature advice I was like really vibing my advice then no I agree and I think the one part of that which I think is the best and most standard very good Brittany advice is if you want a relationship if you want a boyfriend if you want something that's committed and constant and he isn't able to say that that's what he wants off the back before you guys start having sex before you start going out for dinners whatever it is if he can't say that that's what he's after then don't entertain the idea because you're only going to put yourself into a position

where you're what you want doesn't align you're hoping that things will change again and you're just wasting time and energy on someone who's already disappointed you so much I guess my big thing around ghosting is that it's so freaking cowardly it's such a severe way of getting rid of someone and removing someone from your life it's such a cowardly way of being like oh I don't want to have to deal with conflict. So I'm just going to disappear. And I think it says a lot about a person. And I don't mean this as in like, there's a very, there's a different layers of ghosting. If it's someone who you've literally been dating, who you've started to form a connection with, you've gone on several dates, you've talked about what you guys want, things are heading in

the right direction. And then they just totally go silent, unfollow you on dating apps, unfollow you on Instagram, block you on Facebook. It just says so much about that person. And I really think you have to make very, very strong considerations and you have to think about it really hard before you open yourself up to that level of drama and open yourself up to being hurt again by the same person. And I just think a lot of the time in these situations, you're not going to get the truth. The truth probably is, is that there was somebody else. He tried to see where that went with that person. It didn't work out. And then now he's got nothing else on the burn. And so he's back to kind of give this one another go. He was probably hatching his bets. And I think

a lot of times when people go, that's the reason. It's because there's somebody else that they're putting their time and their energy into. So just be really mindful and really wary whether you think this person is worthwhile opening your life up to the drama. Yeah, I think that's it. I think we nailed it, Laura. Guys, that is it from us. That is another Ask Uncut, done and dusted. Like I said, I'm so glad that we can bait you for next Tuesday's episode. It's going to be great. It's all around navigating the dating world. It's all around how important relationships are.

It is really back to our core roots, this conversation with Logan Urie. She's a behavioral scientist and she really puts the science behind trying to find a great relationship and not dying alone, which is what her book is about and exactly what we're talking about on next week's episode. Guys, if you want to keep writing in your questions, just send them into the Instagram Life Uncut podcast, DM them and just put Ask Uncut. Keep your confessionals coming in. confessionals is the new segment where you basically tell us your biggest secret we love it

so much just put confessionals or whatever you want to call that and also you're accidentally unfiltered and tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.