Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Tit For Tat, Double Ups and Blowies

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. All right, I'm just going to come clean again. Why were you so dirty before? Remember just a couple of weeks ago where I admitted

Starting point is 00:00:29 that I had made a grave error? Yes, I do. By giving Keisha a hard time about her sensory light vibe? Do you know why? Because Keisha comes to this episode with the most obscure vibes, but it's almost like she's ahead of her time. So she'll come with an obscure vibe and then three weeks later or a month later it's in trend.

Starting point is 00:00:47 I'm a trendsetter. No, it's not in trend. It just comes to the fact that I'm like, oh, I could have used that product at that time. you've also started following that installation floor guy haven't you brit no this is the one thing i you haven't influenced me on i don't even know his name people have started sending me other accounts that are similar and they're like i think you'd like this and i'm like you are damn right i do enjoy this no so it was the little sensory stick on lights in case you missed it and then i

Starting point is 00:01:12 i laughed at quiche and i said it sounds like a really old person thing and then i stayed over quiche's house and as i in the middle of the night went to we i thought wow these are brilliant sensory lights. I was like, well, I need to get them. Can you call them sensor lights? Cause sensory lights means you touch them. They're good for your sensory. Everyone listening knows what I'm talking about. Um, anyway, it happened again. So last weekend, I, if you guys saw on Instagram, I had a real mishap. It was very early in the morning. I had a really big shoot day where there were, and when I say shoot day, it's like, I'm saying shoot, not to sound like a wanker. I wasn't going to shoot myself for content. It was like, I've been hired for a big shoot. They'd

Starting point is 00:01:47 shut down a restaurant they'd hired crew of 20 people it was a really big thing I could not not make this day because it would put so many people out and a lot of people would lose a lot of money and now I'm saying this because it is important you're like I'm not a wanker but I'm so I cannot cancel thousands of people needed me too important no but it's like the shoot was based around it like I can't you cannot let a crew down it was a campaign shoot for brand yeah it was a huge campaign shoot anyway so the makeup artist was at my house with my sister she was there I went to get coffees. And I was on the FaceTime to Ben and I was walking down the street and I just buckled, like my foot just gave way. And I felt this really instant pain.

Starting point is 00:02:26 Did you have a fall? Well, no, I didn't. If only she had the sensory lights. Sensory lights. No, it was daylight, guys. And so I looked down and the pain at that moment didn't equal what I was looking at. It was this really surreal moment because I just felt like I'd maybe stepped on a rock for a second. I was like, ow. And then I looked down and there was a giant rusted nail embedded in my foot, like so deep in my foot. And I had shoes on. I do not know how it's happened. And I stopped, dropped my copies on the ground, sat down and I was like,

Starting point is 00:02:56 oh my God. I said to Ben, I was like, look, what's just happened. And I should, I'm going to put the photo up for you guys to see again on Life Uncut. But there was this huge nail. He's like, what the hell? And I'm like, he's like, can you pull that out? And I was like, wiggling it. And it was stuck. It was like, it was hooked in there. It was like a massive tetanus ridden nail it was just it couldn't have been more rusty i reckon it was from 1920 it like it had little spurs sticking off it because it had rusted so much and that's what gripped on inside it looked like a drill bit yeah it was quite thick wasn't it thick and like it wasn't a tiny nail with a point it was thick and it was like it would had melted in like what are those licorice pieces

Starting point is 00:03:32 that are like swiveled you know like oh yeah it was like twisted the whole length of the way and it was so rusty what i loved about this is because when you you shared it on your stories right that's how I saw and I was like Britt looks like she's been crying and then as it went on you're like I've got something in my foot because I was kind of like you're like here we go no well a little bit she loves to admire I was like let's see how bad it really is and then when I saw it I was like oh my fucking god go to hospital you maniac it was I mean if you don't laugh you cry and I did laugh and cry but I was sitting on the street and captured the content 100% and I was like trying to get this nail out because in my head I thought okay cool there's a nail in there it's going to

Starting point is 00:04:12 pull straight out. It'll probably hurt for a second. And I'm going to pull it. And I'm really gentle at the start because I thought it would just slip out. It didn't. I'm yanking, start to yank. And I was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to go to a hospital and have this removed. And then I realized I had 40 minutes to get to the shoot. I was like, I cannot go to a hospital. What am I going to do? I called my sister. She came running down and I was like, can you pull this out? She tried to pull it out. She's like, bro, that is stuck in there. And I was like, nothing is stopping me from getting to work. Anyway, I bit my lip, strapped in and I shredded this thing out of my foot and got on with my day that's not the point of the story the point of

Starting point is 00:04:44 the story two points one i reckon i had four and a half thousand people write to me to get a tetanus shot i got people right to me that's how much i believe how many messages you got i got about i was one of those people yes everyone and i was like guys i a i have a tetanus shot b i'll i'll get a booster yeah i know okay anyway it was just funny because a day later i got a message that It just hit home so hard and I was like, bravo. Somebody in life literally wrote to me and said, wow, imagine if you had Keisha's steel cap boots. That never would have happened.

Starting point is 00:05:17 I was like, fucking too right. She's right. Too right. It is true. You do need to apologise to Keisha again. No, it's not worth an apology. Have you got them ordered? I have ordered them, yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:27 I used Keisha 20. I'm pretty – actually, can we just like do a little flashback because you shat on the steel cap boots pretty hard. No, that's my point. Oh, yeah, I know. I just want to revisit it. Here it is. they have become my everyday shoe if I'm not at work I'm wearing these boots they're the best

Starting point is 00:05:44 wow I feel like you can't mark my recommendations anymore because in two weeks time you're gonna be saying they're the best thing you've ever heard I think you can like wearing steel caps as a normal everyday shoe is weird because it's definitely made for like protection on building sites and renovations but great record okay yeah but like there is honestly i think one of my best qualities is when i can say that i'm wrong and i can appreciate something i should have had steel cap boots on at 7 a.m on that morning at 7 a.m in bondi on the morning of my photo you never know when you're gonna need them that's why you should just wear them all the time you're protected it's true isn't that like the whole premise of it it's like you know safety

Starting point is 00:06:26 equipment you don't need it till you need it they're not becoming an everyday shoe I met Keisha at the dog park the other day she had a steel cap on I was like why are you wearing me no nails in my heels all right guys let's get into the vibes and unsubscribes for today Keisha what is your vibe I have a vibe this week that look I loved this I think I could have loved it more though because I have read the book or I listened to the book that it was based off of it's the Thursday murder club movie that is brand new on Netflix it's currently the number one film so I loved it I really liked it too but one thing that I think a lot of people who have read the book that was written by Richard Osman that the movie was based off of we all kind of felt as though it was a

Starting point is 00:07:08 little bit rushed you know I've seen a lot of reviews around the fact that the first half of the film I think pretty well reflected the book and then the second half kind of felt like they were trying to wrap it all up pretty quickly and I don't know if I'd feel that way if I hadn't have read the book so you probably wouldn't have okay and I say that because I haven't read the book I enjoyed the film for what it was but it is very hard for any book adaptation to hit the mark like whether it's a movie or a series it's like you know I felt similarly to Outlander ah right I say I say some people were saying that they wish it was made into a tv series so that they could go a little bit deeper but it's got an amazing cast it's got Helen Miriam and Pierce

Starting point is 00:07:49 Brosnan and I recently spoke about Mobland that show that they've worked together on there was actually a third person from Mobland that was in Thursday Murder Club too so I wonder if they're just actors that really like to work together and they've got a good vibe so they're doing a couple of different projects but yeah as I said it was based off of the novel written by Richard Osman and I've spoken about him before because he's like this English TV guy so he made a lot of different shows. He's produced a lot of different TV shows and he's the host of The Rest Is Entertainment. So it's this podcast that came off of The Rest Is History. Then they've got The Rest Is Politics. You've actually vibed it before. Yes, I love it. I listen to most episodes every week,

Starting point is 00:08:29 like it's in my regular schedule. And they actually did an amazing episode about the Riyadh Comedy Festival that came out a couple of days ago. So this is a bit of a double up vibe. they're both Richard Osman based this Riyadh comedy festival it's in Saudi Arabia the episode is called the comedians crazy for Saudi cash and it's all about these comedians like some of the most famous comedians in the world are going to perform at this comedy festival in Saudi Arabia and a lot of people are saying like you're getting paid by the Saudi government you're basically doing you know tourism and you're kind of you're almost working for the Saudi government because you're trying to make out that, you know, this place that you go to have a comedy show and not

Starting point is 00:09:12 necessarily somewhere where there's human rights abuses. And it was just a fascinating unpack for the episode. So yeah, it's a little bit of a double up vibe for me this week, both based around Richard Osman, but the Thursday Murder Club movie on Netflix, it's a really nice watch. And I think it's something that we don't see much of. It's about these retirees. They're in a retirement village called Cooper's Chase, and they kind of get this new lease on life by trying to solve unsolved cold case murders and that kind of thing and so they all get together and they kind of utilize different skills that each person has and it's about their friendship and about you know that bond the camaraderie i guess and then something happens to their specific retirement

Starting point is 00:09:53 home there's a murder and they go about investigating who actually did the murder can we just sit in the fact that people don't appreciate pierce brosnan enough he is so to fat. No, do you know what? I've always thought Pierce Brosnan is hard done by. We need to appreciate him more. I think he's not given enough credit. I mean, I was going to say for his looks. He's acting but his looks. When I watched this, Keisha, it was what I was thinking the whole time. I was like, he's just such a handsome man. For me, I'd take him over George Clooney because they're in the same category, same age group, same level

Starting point is 00:10:29 of fame. Have a look at that stare. oh yeah he's hot he is so hot and you should see now he's a he's a beautiful silver fox in this tv show like full head of gray hair he's smoke show i think that people do i think he no we don't appreciate him enough all right well i feel like we don't appreciate helen mirren enough like she's someone who is such a phenomenal actress but she's also aged in a way that we don't typically see in hollywood yeah but i wouldn't bang her i'll take her i'd take pierce now pierce you heard it here first. And one more thing about Pierce, sorry, he's been married to his wife Keely for like 25 years. Well, that's why he wasn't such a heartthrob in the same way as what Clooney was. Yeah. And he

Starting point is 00:11:08 was all over those, what was it? Not Nescafe. What was the thing? Oh, Nespresso. All over those Nespresso ads. Okay. I'm giving you my vibe. My vibe is a hair tool. I've been using it for probably the last year and it's taken me too long to vibe, to be honest. It's mermaid. So you guys all know mermaid hair tools the creepy one yes but this is not what the tool is so mermaid is like they're all pink all the tools are pink so you've probably seen it advertised around but it's called the m iconic hair dryer but it is like this little hair dryer that bends like it can fold in half so it's really good for travel it comes with these attachments so it comes with a normal hair attachment but it comes with these two i guess it channels like the um air wrap like it is a form of

Starting point is 00:11:51 an air wrap so they're curlers and they're just magnetic so just like you just pop off the end it magnetizes on and it just blows its air and you just literally I've never seen an easier tool you just hold it next to your head hold the hair and it just wraps it up into a perfect curl and then you take it out I can have a beautiful head of curls in like five minutes so it has all these attachments like normal hair dryer two curly things and the diffuser it's called the M Iconic hair dryer and it's $299 but I have used it every day and I and for I have tried it for a very long time before I recommend something that's interesting that they've kind of done an air wrap equivalent because I get asked I bought an air wrap and I get asked a lot if I think it's

Starting point is 00:12:31 worth it and my honest answer is unless you're using it every day the price is pretty up there I have used an air wrap before and I didn't love it like the the actual I think it's fine but would i spend it again no i have one and it sits in my cupboard up there at very top and i think i've used it once sorry i thought we're doing that burn book thing she's gone bald sorry lovely hair in a bun it's as nice as my hair's ever gonna be like i've actually got some for a change because it stopped falling out this pregnancy and you still come for me sorry i thought i thought that's where we're in the friendship i thought we're making jokes that's what a joke is it's funny and it's not real if it was real i wouldn't say it as we all

Starting point is 00:13:10 no. The problem is it is real. Okay. All right. Look, I have a recommendation, which I'm sure a lot of you've heard about now because it is number two in movies on Netflix at the moment. It's not K-pop demon hunters. I'm like, hold your horses. It is a Netflix true crime documentary. It's called Unknown Number, The High School Catfish. I want to be careful about describing this to you guys because a lot of people will be familiar with the case. It only kind of came out in 2022. It's about a young girl whose name was Lauren and she was receiving literally hundreds of thousands of messages from someone who was cyberbullying her and her and her boyfriend at the time. She was only 13 and it was investigated. And I don't want to give away who it was in case

Starting point is 00:13:56 you're not familiar with the case. Yeah, definitely don't. Because it is, look, I think the thing is, is if you do know the case and you do know the outcome of this, you probably won't be as shocked watching the one and a half hour documentary you know on this but if you don't know it will truly leave you feeling sick I think if that's how you come to the conclusion of what this story is it's a true case obviously the person who is the catfish the person who was found to be harassing and the bully behind this little 13 14 year old girl at the time she is now free from jail she only just recently got out and they're both part of this documentary it's really fascinating But part of it as well is, is like just how much this type of cyber bullying, when there's anonymity involved in it, how much it can escalate and how much it's actually, it's not always surrounding, you know, I guess what I'm trying to say is, is like when you're in that, you probably think the person who's doing it is someone who hates you.

Starting point is 00:14:51 Or you think it's someone who's from school who has something against you. Like you would spend so much of your life trying to figure out who is this person that's saying these awful things. And the things that were being sent to her were truly horrific. they were super sexualized towards her boyfriend saying that that they were you know having an affair basically that the boyfriend didn't want to be with her but then there were also things around suicidal ideation saying like she should go kill herself something that she was ugly telling just the most heinously awful things that you could think that you could say to someone with what were being written in this but I guess the thing that's like the real clincher of this

Starting point is 00:15:25 is that often when it comes to cyber bullying and as we know from the doco that you spoke about the sweet bobby one brit from quite a while ago it can be from people who you know and who are actually you seemingly have great relationships with well they usually it usually is yeah and there is just this sick psychology around control around connection that's what this explores it's fascinating it's hour and a half i've literally not gotten quite to the end but i know what's happened i watched it last night and i was hooked brit you didn't love it as much but that's because i think you know too much about the story i did love it but i think that what i was going to say is I did know the story because you guys know I love all this kind of stuff so when they come out

Starting point is 00:16:05 I always listen to pods on it or whatever so I knew the story so I wasn't as I guess I didn't have the shock and surprise value but I think if you know the story you'll still enjoy it because the thing that I I hadn't had access to before was the actual emotional responses from all the parties involved and I think that that is what so even if you know the story that is still so surprising to sit and watch them speak and Laura you're I know you've just still got the end to watch but you're going to be even more blown away at the end by just some of the responses that are given on tape by the people involved it's a bit like leaves you a bit like bewildered you're a bit you're so confused as to the how and the why and I guess yeah I knew it and I still really

Starting point is 00:16:47 enjoyed it I just didn't have the value yeah and I think I mean even though I haven't seen that last little bit at the end I was like really late last night no I think you're like 10 minutes off No, I'm about 15 minutes off and I was like, I fucking need to go to bed. Like I feel so unwell, but I was like, I'm gripped. The thing is, I think it really, to me, just shows like how psychologically effed up the people are who, I mean, we obviously know that if you're going to send tens of thousands of messages to one person, cyber bullying them, but you would think it would come from someone who is a child or doesn't have the emotional capacity or whatever it is.

Starting point is 00:17:20 But this is like, it is so psychologically dark what happened in this. and then just to think like how that then impacts everyone's life for the rest of their life like this little girl was only 14 when this kind of all absolved uh so yeah i'm not gonna give any more away go and watch it it's fascinating and it will make you feel a bit disturbed afterwards i'm pretty sure all right let's get into the questions okay question number one should i get my husband a father's day present or organize a day for him if he didn't bother getting me a Mother's Day present or plan anything for me. I love the tit for tat. I had to really show how upset I was for him to eventually, and I'm talking weeks later, buy me a new pajama set that I had

Starting point is 00:18:02 already asked for for Mother's Day. He barely made an effort to do anything. We went for a walk to get a coffee at a cafe, but there was like no planned brunch or lunch or anything fancy. I was furious. I ended up doing the groceries with my toddler by myself and she had the biggest meltdown. I was so embarrassed and upset. My daughter is two and a half, so she's too young to know what Mother's Day is. And I've been pregnant with our second child. He didn't even tell our daughter to wish me a happy Mother's Day. I've told him that the bare minimum I expect is that our children know that it's Mother's Day, that I get a present, and that something is planned. I don't want to stoop to his level and not make an effort as I hope that leading by example

Starting point is 00:18:40 will make him make an effort. But I'm fucking angry. What would you do? oh part of me is like an eye for an eye but then the other part of me is like remember it makes everyone blind it's so funny that you say eye for an eye because I go the opposite I'm like oh no go above and beyond this is this is how you get the guilt in him this is how you like this is how I show up for you no the problem is though is that if he then falls below expectation again next year you're going to be doubly angry right like you're going to be absolutely seething but you got more ammo you do you have more ammo yeah and that's what it's about in a relationship healthy level of like I do more for you I feel like this is really shit for you I mean it sucks because

Starting point is 00:19:24 obviously you're going to be doing things for him but with a bit of resentment mixed in because you know it was so upsetting for you you had to try so hard you I'm sure you do majority share carry the load the mental load everything else and all you wanted was for him to get your fucking two-year-old to make a card and some pajamas and just buy some pajamas like the level of effort is so minimal and the fact that he did absolutely nothing. And then when it comes to Father's Day, you're still carrying that load and you're like, okay, I'm going to do something for him and make him feel special. I understand the resentment and I understand the need and the want to not do anything right now. And I would feel exactly the same. I think though, this is your time to

Starting point is 00:20:05 be like, okay, set that aside. That happened. He did that. I am accepting that he is going to do better than next year and he better do better next year. But I would say go about Father's Day in the way that you would have if you weren't angry at him and you weren't still feeling resentful, you know, organize a nice lunch or get him some pajamas, get him all the things that you wish you had for your Mother's Day, whatever that looks like. Get him female pajamas. But then I think that there has to be a conversation preempting next Mother's Day or even, and I say preempting, do you know what? Maybe I feel in two minds about this. Part of me is like, I think a preemptive conversation so that he knows what the expectations are. But then the other part of me is like,

Starting point is 00:20:45 you shouldn't have to do that because having a preemptive conversation means that you're then carrying the mental load again. But I do think that you could potentially save yourself a lot of heartache, a massive argument. If you say, Hey, you know, a month before mother's day, mother's day is coming up. You know what happened last year? And it made me really, really upset. I don't want us to be in that same situation. It's really important to me. And I hope that you make me feel special this year. That's all you have to say. It doesn't have to be a big thing it doesn't have to be a big deep conversation but I think if you do that you've set the precedent and you've reminded him of what that precedent is and if he fails in that

Starting point is 00:21:19 instance then man there's some big conversations to be had Brittany hit me I'm petty I know I am too no I am I'm actually not I'm trying to be better than the petty honestly I don't have expectations for anything and I think that that is why I do it I think it's like a protection thing if you expect nothing you can't be disappointed doesn't mean you can't be upset like you're like oh it would have been nice but I think that when and you know I'm not saying it's the right thing but it's just what I do I always just expect the least or the worst in everything and because that way you can only be excited or like impressed or whatever it is having said that you definitely need to tell him and you have you've told him how upset you are you've said you're furious you said

Starting point is 00:21:59 that like you put your boundaries there and on your expectations that you you know you want a gift at a minimum and you want your daughter to know. I think that they're pretty small things to ask for. I don't think you're asking for a lot. So I do want to say that. The question is, do I organize something for him if he didn't do anything for you? Yes. I think you do because at the end of the day, you are trying to teach your kids. It's as much about your kids as it is about the parent in a way. Like you are trying to teach your kids appreciation and gratefulness and love and like all of those things. I think that that's really important. It's just hard when it's like Like mums work so hard, 24 hours a day.

Starting point is 00:22:37 And you're pregnant with your second. Yeah, like every day. So it's one thing to not feel appreciated in life, generally speaking. But when you know that there's the one day that you're supposed to be appreciated and you're not even getting it on that day, like, of course, you're absolutely devastated. You guys might have seen, I mean, I don't know if you follow her or not, but Amy Gerard, she is a... Oh yeah, she had a big moment.

Starting point is 00:22:57 She's a mumfluencer. She's also got a radio show. it was Mother's Day this year and she got on her Instagram at the end of Mother's Day and basically was like is there not one fucking day in my family where I can feel appreciated my husband did nothing and like seemingly they have a great relationship she's always posting about him like everyone knows who her husband is it's not like you know she's just talking about being a parent on there and it was pretty confronting yeah it was like no present I spent all day making lunches and doing grocery shopping and doing loads of washing she's like my day today

Starting point is 00:23:31 has been no different every other day and not one person in this fucking house made me feel special and I watched that and I was like that is a hurt mom yeah that is someone who is hurt underappreciated and I I totally agree with you Brit in terms of like I don't expect like I'm not a present person right I don't care about my birthday don't care about Christmas don't care about Easter like I have never been a present person and I don't expect anything from anyone but that changed when I became mum and Mother's Day feels super different to me than any other day Mother's Day feels like one day where all the things that you do every day of the year for everybody else to make everyone else feel special you know because you sacrifice so much of yourself when

Starting point is 00:24:13 you become a parent but often more so when you become a mum it was like for me something in that day felt really important and I know it's just a date it could be any day I'm not talking about the commercialization of it what I'm talking about is just like having your family stop down and be like we appreciate you and it's special and and then finish my washing yeah but I appreciate you make my dinner but then then the other thing is is like as parents we're the memory makers right like when you are a mom and a dad you are the ones responsible for creating memories and moments in your family and you kind of realize this like I had this realization around Christmas I was like Christmas used to feel really magical in my household growing up oh that's right that's

Starting point is 00:24:53 because my mum made it feel magical it's just a normal day unless everyone kind of chips in yeah and so that's the same with Mother's Day right it only feels special or magical if the people in your life actually step up to the plate and do it and so that's why I think it's so important to people because it's like the one day where someone else is putting in the effort to make you feel special yeah but that's why I think and I go back to making that statement again it's like it's as much as you don't want to it's for your kids as much as your husband and so maybe it's just a card maybe you actually don't have to get him a gift maybe you say to your kids like it's so important make him something and that way it's like you're showing up for him but you

Starting point is 00:25:29 haven't gone and spent money on this amazing gift but like you're still making the effort and maybe the kids are making a breakfast in bed or whatever it is but I wouldn't be literally give him play-doh in bed and tell him the kids made it and that's like the special thing you've done yeah so I would I would be doing that and then if the next Mother's Day rolls around and this happens again, then obviously it's a – Yeah, obviously. See ya. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:51 Do you guys remember the gifts that you used to make for Mother's Day and Father's Day at school? I remember I gave my dad a pet rock once. Oh, we both had a rock. It was a black rock with eyes glued on and I'm like – Lola came home from daycare literally yesterday with Matt's Father's Day present. So it was in like a bag that she made with a really cute card

Starting point is 00:26:08 and it was hand cream. So it's a little bottle and they'd obviously made hand cream in class. They put the hand cream in the bottle and she'd written on it, or the teacher, I guess, has written on it, like what are the ingredients in the hand cream, like ginger, lime, blah, blah, blah. Then last night she walked around the house giving everyone hand massages. It was lit.

Starting point is 00:26:25 That's an act of service. That's a gift and act of service. Well done, Lola. She took him upstairs to the bedroom to give him a hand massage, made him sit on the bed, have a hand massage. Do you know what I did? I remember my poor mom, how she didn't get her so mad. I made her perfume so I got a bucket of water in our backyard it wasn't even at school

Starting point is 00:26:44 a bucket of water with just from the hose we've all done this I got flowers leaves whatever I could find put them in got a spoon and mixed it up that wasn't enough I needed a perfume bottle so I tipped out her perfume organic better yeah her good perfume so that I could fill it with my specialty perfume that I had made for her and then I gave it was so chunky there were chunks it was disgusting and gave it to her and i'll never forget her internal monologue must have been like well the actual fuck she just dipped my ciara down the drain i smell like lawn and i'm like put it on mom's like manure we used to watch her put it on in the morning it's like the things that parents do but i'll never forget that was the gift that i just thought was like she's gonna be

Starting point is 00:27:23 beside herself kids suck mine was the macaroni frames as well can i just tell you one more thing while we're here please bear with me everyone listening is like fucking move on to the next questions this is so funny because everyone will have their own version everyone is going to have their own version but while we're here this is just another one of my greatest gifts of all time and I need to tell you my best friend Shannon she was a bridesmaid at my wedding we have been best friends since we're five years old we always used to make each other presents and try to outdo each other and I'll never forget I was like how she made me a dream catcher like with string and I was like how do I outdo this and I was like I know we were in full four-wheel drive club my family

Starting point is 00:28:03 We used to go into four-wheel drives with other four-wheel drivers and we used to go up mountains. That's what we used to do. That was my childhood, a four-wheel drive club. And we're at the top of this mountain and it was a really low cloud cover day and I was like, fucking bingo. I took the rest of the Vegemite out of a Vegemite jar that we had taken for lunch, cleaned it out, and then I ran really fast across the mountain

Starting point is 00:28:25 and caught cloud. And then I put the lid on the cloud and I gave her, I said, this is air. But no, it wasn't air. I said this is pure cloud from the top of a mountain, but it was just an empty jar with air in it. I wonder how long she kept that one for. Do you remember how those influencers made heaps of money selling farts in jars?

Starting point is 00:28:42 That's what made the original cloud jar girl. Anyway, move on. All right, look, selfish friends. This is what we're getting into now. My best friend is also my colleague. She had a really rough 18 months, a divorce just six months into her marriage, and then she had a miscarriage. Since then, she has struggled to be happy for others.

Starting point is 00:29:00 she refuses to contribute to colleagues wedding or baby gifts and when another colleague tried to organize a present for our pregnant boss she told her i'm not paying you money you can all fuck off wow she also makes comments like i wish i got treated like that i'm not contributing to that after what i've been through when others are celebrated the thing is when she went through her divorce her miscarriage and birthday we all supported her with meals presents and care packages but she's never once gotten me anything not for my birthday or even when my nan passed away I'm finding her selfishness and expectations really hard to handle how do I deal with this as her best friend without being cruel about what she's been through I'm sorry but going through

Starting point is 00:29:46 something personally in your life doesn't give you the okay to go and be an absolute mole to other people like you don't get to say to someone else fuck off I'm not giving you anything to somebody else's pregnancy like these things just don't correlate you can not contribute but it's hey times are tough like i'm a single mom now i've divorced or whatever it is you can also be sad for yourself and still have room in your body to have happiness for other people but you can also still not be happy for someone and not be a horrible person like it's actually the response that gets me like i'm not paying to that you can all fuck off sorry that i don't care what you've been through that has nothing to do with that person and it doesn't stop you from being a good person

Starting point is 00:30:24 you don't have to be happy and you can feel sad they're all those feelings are all warranted and valid but you don't get to treat other people like that that's what I think yeah I agree I think I mean the saying you know the saying hurt people hurt people she's obviously a really sad person at the moment she obviously is really hurt and clearly is not getting over it you know you said that it's been in the last 18 months that she had this divorce six months into her marriage then a miscarriage you know she's clearly so deeply unhappy with her life and I think my question would be has there been a massive switch did she used to always be a bit selfish beforehand as well but now it's just been amplified or was she a really generous friend prior no she says that

Starting point is 00:31:09 she said she's never as a best friend she's never once gotten me anything yeah not for my birthdays not when my nan passed away she's selfish and her she finds her expectations really hard to handle Well, I think that that's the big thing. If there has been a huge personality switch, then I would have more grace for it. Cause I'd be like, I think my friend is going through depression. Like this is not normal. Like this is just so long-term out of character for her. Yeah. But if you can kind of look back on your friendship and I don't know how long you've been friends for, you haven't actually said that. If you can look back on it and be like,

Starting point is 00:31:40 she used to be such a positive and generous person. And now she is this like nasty and negative I would say not that you have to support her through it in every entirety not that it's your job to fix this but you could have a conversation with her and be like look I know you've been through some really hairy stuff the last 18 months but I feel like you are deeply unhappy at the moment and is there something that you know you could do or you could talk about or talk to someone so that we could you know get you back to being the version that you used to be because I don't believe that you're happy right now with the version that you are obviously that is trying to look at it with the most empathy possible but there does come a point in any

Starting point is 00:32:19 friendship where it is I don't want to say it's exhausting because that's not a fair thing to say but it is it's it's really hard on the person when you are always having to have empathy for them because their life is harder and nothing that you experience is validated like losing your grandparents or going through your own hardships is validated because their struggles are innately harder that feels like an imbalance in a friendship but it can become very very tiring I agree with everything you said but I still don't think there's a reason to treat other people like that like you can still be sad and you can still be going through something but I agree with what you said Laura they're like if it's really abnormal behavior for her then there's that

Starting point is 00:33:00 little bit of grace but the grace doesn't go alongside silence so you don't just give grace and say oh she's just being a c-u-n-t because she's going through something I'll let her you can still have those conversations and call someone up about it like if you had said to me Laura if I said hey can we get Keisha a birthday present and you're like I'm not giving money go fuck yourself you can all fuck yourself if you had said that to me even if you were going through something I'd be like whoa that sounds like a disproportionate reaction like that sounds a bit aggressive I would say that to my friend and I think you can have those conversations in the moment like when someone has said something that is so like crazy yeah I think you're all right to

Starting point is 00:33:35 be like whoa like that seems like a lot absolutely but put it into perspective if Matt had just left me and I'd had a miscarriage and within that same period I'd said I'm not fucking contributing to that you would know that that is so out of character for me and you would be like wow Laura is not well like she is not well but I would still say that to you I would still say hey hun that sounds a bit like a lot are you all right like you don't have to contribute if you don't want but I don't think we need to tell the whole room to go fuck themselves you know I with you it just seems like yeah yeah this actually just reminds me of my favorite robin williams quote and i know that you know laura you said hurt people hurt people there's also another side to this and

Starting point is 00:34:10 it's his quote i would it's actually my favorite quote and i think it's so beautifully sad he said i think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that this friend is doing the opposite it's kind of like i'm in a bad way and i want everyone else to feel as bad as I do you know I actually think like you said it could be a situational thing but I think often times when people are feeling down and sad they don't want the people that they love around them to feel how they're feeling she's just jaded she's jaded or she also you know I don't like this terminology because I think it can be thrown around and it can be like a very invalidating

Starting point is 00:34:49 way to speak about someone's trauma but you can also get stuck in a bit of a victim mindset you can get stuck in this like everything bad happens to me I'm so unhappy you don't have a right to feel as unhappy as I do because I have it harder it's a comparison of pain yeah and when you do when people do get stuck in that mindset it makes it impossible for them to have empathy for other people's hardships or to have joy for other people's happiness and that is just like as much as it's a really tricky person to be friends with it's also a fucking miserable state for them to live their lives in as well you know like she is this is an unhappy person yeah and the other thing i want to say is because i know i'm coming across really harsh no you're not you're not you're

Starting point is 00:35:31 coming across like i think that most people would agree with what you're saying but what i do want to say is oh i don't think there's ever an excuse to treat people in that way but i do want to say i understand where her pain is coming from she has lost her partner she got divorced and she lost a baby so she had a miscarriage now all of a sudden even though it's 18 months she's been asked to celebrate somebody who's seemingly happy they're having a baby and assuming that they are with a partner and happy because she said like I wish I got treated like that yeah I have said that comment a thousand times in my single life when I was at the depths of despair and I was so unhappy and sad I used to look at all my friends who were in relationships and they're kicking their goals

Starting point is 00:36:10 and I remember being like why can't I have that I wish I would have said that internally and I would have voiced that out loud many times those feelings are so valid like I understand why she's hurting. I just don't like the fact that people can use that as an excuse to treat other people who are not directly affected by your personal relationship or situations. But like, I just think that there needs to be a time and a place. And obviously you've got grace for your friend, 100%. It seems like you're giving her that, but that doesn't mean you can't have those difficult conversations at the same time. You can still support her and call her out at the same time okay next question friend wants to have a second baby shower just to get gifts but i gave

Starting point is 00:36:52 her gifts for her first baby one of my girlfriends within our friendship group announced she is pregnant with another child the age gap between her youngest will be six years and she was the first of our group to be married and have babies she had them quite young whereas the rest of us are only now having our first baby she has advised us that she would like somebody to throw her a baby shower given the years gone past and no longer having any baby items. We all contributed to the first baby shower which was six years ago. A few of us have expressed that it is the first child that you have a baby shower for and the rest you can celebrate as like a baby sprinkle without expectations of any gifts or restock of items that they originally had been given for the

Starting point is 00:37:35 first child. She has expressed it is in fact a shower and not a sprinkle and she wants not just a celebration, but also gifts. Is it bad for me to not want to attend knowing it is purely based on wanting gifts and having a strong expectation from guests to bring them? I mean, look, I kind of agree. I do and I don't. I did not expect to have a third baby shower. I was the one that was like, no, that's a ridiculous thing. You can't have a baby shower and expect people to come and bring you presents. I was very fortunate that my sister-in-law organized one and my sister organize one that's what the surprise baby shower was but there also wasn't an expectation of presence like some people brought them a lot of people didn't but it's also was unnecessary in

Starting point is 00:38:20 terms I'm very grateful for it but I do feel if you've had three kids you've kind of missed the baby shower sort of situation I think it I'm personally I think it's a first kid thing but like whatever if you want to have more go off queen you don't have to go like if someone has a baby shower you get invited you don't want to go because you don't want to buy a gift don't go Like, it doesn't have to be a deep, big unpack. That's why Keisha and I didn't go to yours. We were like, oh, she's already had two. This fucking bitch just wants more gifts.

Starting point is 00:38:51 How many kids is she going to have? She said she doesn't even like presents. I wonder if she wants a hand massage with handmade cream. Literally, can you? The only thing that's different about this is your friend had a baby six years ago and has given everything away. She's starting from scratch. Like, she's got nothing and now she's got a new baby coming

Starting point is 00:39:08 And I know that you're saying, oh, well, all of our other friends are just having their first. This is going to feel like having a first baby again. It's going to be hard. And at the end of the day, whether it's her first or her second, like be happy for your friend. And I think you don't have to get a huge gift. You could get her anything. You could get her one of those giraffes that you chew on, you know, that are the teething giraffes. They're $25.

Starting point is 00:39:30 You know, I think that it's okay for you. What? I already got one. I was like, note that one down. I've already got one. Keisha's like, you could get them like, no, Flora's like, you could get them like a new fridge or something. You could get them a new Ferrari.

Starting point is 00:39:45 Like a Bentley. No, but you could get them something small. It doesn't have to be. I know you're saying that the only reason why she's having it is because she's had really like high expectations around getting gifts and whatnot. You don't have to conform to those expectations and you can still be a part of the day and, you know, it could be something small, a token gift. It could be some muslin wraps, whatever.

Starting point is 00:40:05 Is it weird that she has these really high expectations? Yeah. I mean, I think that presence in general, and we've kind of established that over the last, I mean, six years of doing this Ask Uncut, that having expectations around presence is a strange thing in general. But I don't think you should poo-poo her wanting to have a baby shower quite so much either. All right. Hear me out.

Starting point is 00:40:23 Keisha and I talked about this a couple of days ago when we read the question originally. We had very differing thoughts. And interesting that you say that, Laura, because Keisha's like, yeah, fuck it. You've had one baby shower. You don't get more. It's not their fault that you threw the things away. But who keeps things for six years? Maybe it's with a different man.

Starting point is 00:40:41 Maybe she got divorced. You don't know. That's what I said to Keisha. I was like, the thing is, she didn't have a baby a year ago or two years ago. Six years is like she might not have ever thought she was going to have another baby, this woman. Totally. Six years is a long time. You are in school.

Starting point is 00:40:54 You don't have baby stuff and you don't hold on to them that long. Britt actually said that's like Marley, but with no Lola in between. Yeah. It's totally. And you wouldn't be keeping your newborn stuff. I mean, guys, I didn't have anything. I got rid of everything after Lola because that's for almost five years. Totally.

Starting point is 00:41:09 It was an obscene amount of time to hold on to. And you know what actually happens? And this would be my next question. Sorry to jump in on brief. I was like, I haven't even finished my sentence. My question is, she probably didn't just give it all to Salvo. She probably gave it to friends who had babies. I have given everything I owned to my friends because everyone had children after me.

Starting point is 00:41:29 And some of it came back. most of it didn't because most of those friends then gave it to their friends who had babies but i think it's irrelevant she doesn't have the stuff it's six years doesn't matter how she got rid of it or where it went the only icky part for me here is and i'll just never understand it like i'm not the person that can do a registry i'm not the person that can ask for gifts if someone says what do you need or want i can never answer that the icky part for me is not that she's having another baby shower it's that she's like i need gifts let's do it like when somebody blatantly like lays that down and I'm in two minds about it because I mean that's what a baby shower is for

Starting point is 00:42:03 though no I understand it which is why I'm in two minds about it and I'm not just saying baby shower it's like the idea of just saying like hey come because I want gifts is one thing but having said that I understand where registries come from so the person doesn't get the same thing a hundred times over so it's like asking for specific things makes sense but the idea here of her just being like hey come because I need presents but she's obviously doing that because she does need things like Laura said it doesn't need to be a big thing if you value her friendship you can go and get her a bonds zip up onesie you can get like three packs for 20 bucks or something there's something that you can contribute that's going to help her yeah but for me I'm surprised to hear that people think

Starting point is 00:42:44 that a baby shower is for one child only I just thought a baby shower is for the baby every time there's a baby that baby still is coming into the world and needs something that's why the middle child and the third child and the fourth child all have issues because they don't get as much. I think you guys might've changed my mind a little bit on this. We all know how I feel about lists for gifts. I am all for a registry. I think it consolidates it. It means that you get things that are going to be practical. Maybe I'm just a tight ass. Imagine when Keisha gets married. Well, we're going to get, we're going to get the longest list. No, no, no. I think, yeah, look, I kind of, maybe I've changed my tune on this. Initially,

Starting point is 00:43:19 I was like, Ooh, that's a bit cringe. Like, you know, you've already had one, your friends have already given and it's probably because firstly I haven't had a baby but you know what it's like when you're the single friend and you have to get gifts for every engagement every wedding every baby shower and you're like this is sending me broke and now I'm doing it twice like it's a really big financial cost to you as the person who's not necessarily on the other end of it where you receive it okay well here's the question for you then in this situation if she if this was a second marriage. Like if you've been married once and then you got divorced and then you have a second wedding because you met someone new, are you like, like I already gifted you for

Starting point is 00:43:59 your first wedding. You don't get shit the second time around. I don't know. I get it. Yeah. People like sometimes things are done in multiples. Unfortunately, the only other thing I want to add to this is like, if your friend has nothing and they've expressed to you, like, I don't know in the way that they expressed it, it sounds like they didn't express it in a very good way. sounds like it came across probably a little bit tone deaf but what it is that they're saying is is like we're really ill-prepared and we have nothing so if there's a way that my friends can help I would appreciate the help most people don't ask for help most people say it's fine it's fine it's fine and then they just do it all themselves but like if my friend had said any friend you know

Starting point is 00:44:38 that I'm close with had said fuck I'm pregnant this is hard like I don't have anything and I don't know how we're going to get on top of it all I would help and I would want to give a gift I would want to give something that eases the burden. I don't want to get them like something they don't need or something that's just going to be added to the pile. I would do something super practical, like go and get three pairs of bonds, newborn zippies or go and get some muslin wraps, like things that I know are absolutely going to get used and are functional and helpful.

Starting point is 00:45:05 Not like they're pretty silly gifts. I'm going to ask you to give me a nanny. Can you give me a nanny? Give me a wet nurse. All right, let's go to the last question. Are we giving blowjobs? Nah. okay that's a wrap that's it thanks for coming to the show everyone all right girls blowies

Starting point is 00:45:21 are we giving them my partner and I have been in a relationship for eight years now so it's eight years it's no I reckon it stops at one yeah um a common issue that often arises is around aligning what we want sexually I have quite a low libido and could quite happily go months without sex he has quite a high libido and would love to have sex every few days so we have compromised on once every one to two weeks okay sure it's working for us for now apart from when i'm on my period when i am on my period my partner says that i need to give him a blow job in the week of period well he can get fucked it is something that he really enjoys says every man ever however i don't find it enjoyable i don't like it i actually find it quite uncomfortable and it

Starting point is 00:46:09 feels like a real chore to me. I've told him that I don't like doing it and this is a constant issue that comes up in the relationship. Every time he asks for a blowjob, I am conflicted between not wanting to cause conflict and not wanting to do it because I don't enjoy it. We've had a big discussion about this and we're going to try to incorporate other things into our sex life to meet his sexual desires without doing the blowjob. My question is, is this a common issue that other couples are facing? I feel like no one really talks about it, but surely I'm not alone. Are People giving their partners blowjobs. I love that that is the question.

Starting point is 00:46:41 If they are doing it, do they enjoy it or are they also just doing it for their partner? Okay, she also asked if we can poll this. Are we doing blowjobs because it's a chore? We poll everything. Are we blowjobbing because we feel like we have to? Is this the time that we're actually? I don't reckon you blowjob.

Starting point is 00:46:58 No. If you don't want to do it, you don't do it. I think once it's an obligation, that's the biggest ick you could ever get. You know, the second that they ask for it is where you're like no not for me I don't mind ask if they ask but if it's like a if it's an ask with an expectation that's very different yeah the asking I'm okay with I think you can ask for anything in a sexual relationship it's the badgering I'm not okay with oh I think I picture it more like I'm in the kitchen and I'm cooking and someone's like hey can I have a blowy

Starting point is 00:47:26 I'd be like no like that's how I'm picturing it not that they're getting sexy and frisky like I think it's that time of the month for her and he comes up and he's like how about a blow job like that's how I imagined that going down and the problem is is look there's lots of problems with this but the reason why I think it has become even more of a chore is because a lot of people have sex on a period they don't care and some people don't feel comfortable don't want to but what it sounds like is like you're not getting anything out of that experience whatsoever and you're just expected to go and do the chore of giving a blow job when you feel shit from your period with nothing like it's not like it's not like there is anything that he's giving you in return in that

Starting point is 00:48:02 moment. And I guess for that, I'm kind of like, well, then of course, the reason why you feel like it's a chore is because it's become a chore and pleasuring someone and having pleasure should never be a chore because it makes you, there's more distance to then once you've done that during your period week where you're like fucking got made to do this, you're already then so far behind the eight ball because the next time that you have sex, you're like, oh, I got badgered into it last time. And now here we are again, I got to do it because you know, you're not doing it because you want to, you're doing it because you feel like you have to. And for your question, yes, Of course, there are women that love giving blowjobs.

Starting point is 00:48:35 There are men that love giving blowjobs. There are people that get off on it, on pleasing and doing that kind of thing. I would say, though, and we will poll it, I would say the majority of women, especially when you're eight years deep, aren't frothing it. They're not waking up being like, can't wait to suck my partner's dick today. Like there's not people, that's not what people are doing eight years deep. And the general consensus I would say is that it's like, oh, I will do it for him because he likes it, but it's not something that they like are dreaming about.

Starting point is 00:49:01 Or it's part of the foreplay and it gets them from A to B. So that's the thing. No one does it. Even if you're doing it, you're not doing it to completion. You're doing it to set up the sex. Like no one is sitting there for however long an hour getting locked jaw. I cannot remember the last time I gave a blowy to completion, honestly. I don't know if you ever have.

Starting point is 00:49:18 I'd call it – I'm confident to lay that down. I think once. I feel a bit like – I don't want to say self-conscious because it's not what it is. I feel unsure because obviously we're a room of four women, but one of them doesn't count because she's a lesbian, so I don't think she's giving blowjobs. Yeah, but I think she could still contribute.

Starting point is 00:49:36 No, she doesn't have to. Ness, how long ago did you give a blowjob? No, but the idea is the same. Are women in same-sex relationships, like, walking into the kitchen being like, go down on me? Like, is that? Ness is like, I'm not contributing to this. Oh, they have two kids.

Starting point is 00:49:53 They're not doing it. Ness is excluded. I genuinely am curious because I know that we speak for, like, our small little world, but maybe, like, we, you know when you you surround yourself with like-minded people you think that's the norm like maybe there's going to be so many people when we do this poll who were like no i'm like sick for a blow job no they're not i'll put my life on it back when i was in my 20s i'd put a blow job on it if the poll's the other way i'll give ben i'll go that poll yeah i was on ben's like sharing the

Starting point is 00:50:17 instagram story just getting everybody knows to vote i would have said as well and maybe this is just so jaded but when i was in my 20s if that poll had come my way in my 20s i'd have been like yeah because i'm a cool girl i love doing that now that i'm married and i'm almost 40 i'm like no i really enjoy having sex with my husband is that the part that i enjoy the most no but i do i will do it if he enjoys it luckily matt doesn't actually he's not that he'd just rather get down to business too to be honest he's not that thrilled on it i don't know if matt feels that way i'm sure matt would like a blowjob if you offered it i don't think he's gonna be like no honey no i don't no of course if that was the only thing on the table he'd take it but it's like if the main

Starting point is 00:50:59 course is there he's like fuck the entree he doesn't need a starter he just likes the pinky and the stinky the straight to sex okay the other thing is and i guess it's such a personal thing obviously but why do you choose not to have sex on your period is that your choice is that his choice like does he not like it do you not like it is it painful is it messy or you just think it's gross like i personally think it's fine i will have sex on my period it doesn't bother me but I don't have ridiculously heavy periods. And you know, a lot of the time I'm not feeling overly unwell. I feel unwell for one day and then I'm okay. So like for me, it's not the end of the world, but I guess I wonder why. So yeah, I guess at the end of the day, we will put the poll up

Starting point is 00:51:38 for you. So you're gonna have to keep your eye on our Instagram. We can bring you back the results in the audio version next week. We will. We absolutely will. But I think, look, just to round out this question though, rather than getting stuck on the actual people giving blowjobs or not the problem here is that you are being badgered to do something you don't want to do and no one should be badgered to have sex or to be pleasured or for their partner to be pleasured or whatever it is childish it is wrong on many levels but also the other thing that it does is it absolutely deteriorates pleasure like you will never want to show up in your relationship and have sex and be excited about sex when your partner has fucking badgered you for it for like a week

Starting point is 00:52:20 in preparation. I don't know if he's badgering her. I just get the impression that it's the expectation of, oh, if you can't give me one, you'll give me the other. That's what's gross, but I don't think it's – But I think that that's where the badgering comes in. I mean, that's my interpretation of it because otherwise it wouldn't come up.

Starting point is 00:52:35 He's like, oh, period, you know what that means? Time for you to give me a blowy. Like, no, absolutely does not mean that. It means go give yourself a fucking wristy and don't come near me. Go away. Sorry. I feel like I was 16 ago. Sorry.

Starting point is 00:52:46 All of that was disgusting. I hate myself. But nothing dries you up quicker than someone being like, you know what time it is, give me a blowy, give me a wristie. Like, yeah, that made me feel uncomfortable. Anyway, if you have a question for us for Ask Uncut, slide on into the DMs on Instagram, Life Uncut Podcast. You can also send them to us on Facebook, join the discussion group,

Starting point is 00:53:04 Life Uncut Podcast. It's all happening. YouTube too. There's a lot of visuals in this one. So you know the drill. Say mum, say dad, say dog, say friends and share the love because we love love. We'll be right back.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Tit For Tat, Double Ups and Blowies

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