Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - To sit or stand that is the question!

Episode Date: August 25, 2021

Happy Thursday Lifers and today we have a couple of doozy questions for you!We're kicking off your therapy Thursday by asking how the heck to get a friend to not only admit that they damaged the house you rent, but also to pay to fix it!We then open a somewhat lengthy, and possibly 'please skip ahead if you're a little high brow' dilemma about whether you sit or stand...and whether potentially gender plays into it.Our third question is a little bit harder to stay neutral on. "I'm really into a guy who has a girlfriend. We hang out and talk a lot and the chemistry is so amazing. Nothing inappropriate has happened yet. What do I do?"Strap yourselves in for a yo-yo today lifers because we really tackle all sides of the equation!If you liked the episode, please take a minute to leave us a review! We love hearing your feedback. You can follow our banter and good memes at @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram.Share the love because we love love! x xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany And today is our Ask Uncut episode. This is where we answer all of your deep, dark and burning questions and we do our absolute best to give you the life advice that you come here for. We absolutely love this episode. Well, I mean, I'm speaking on behalf of Laura. I definitely absolutely love this episode. It makes me feel a little bit better. It makes me feel a little bit good in the world for helping you guys sort out your problems. And we actually did pick a few good questions today. And we've got some that we haven't really entered, some territory we haven't really entered before, but we'll get to that in a minute. Laura, I don't even know why I ask you, have you been doing anything fun? What have you been up to?

How is lockdown? Wait, wait, wait. Before we get into that, you just saying like, it makes me feel better. My first thought is like, I love hearing about all your problems because it makes me feel better about my life. It does. That's how I just interpreted what you said. It does.

a hundred percent like you're all fucked I think that's why so many people love to listen too because it makes everyone realize that everyone no matter who they are no matter what it looks like on the outside everyone is going through some shit no matter how good life someone's life looks how bad someone's life looks you never know what's going on in their life and I think when you hear other people's problems and it just makes people realize they're not the only ones going through this stuff that makes everyone or makes me feel that little bit better well I want to talk to you about one thing that has happened in my life which to be honest there's not a lot there's really not a lot but this is something that's happened in everyone's life in Australia at the

moment have you seen and maybe you haven't seen it because you're not here but have you seen the Qantas ad that is currently on TV I have seen the Qantas ad and maybe I don't know if I want to admit it but maybe I had a little cry to myself as well I am not emotionally stable enough to watch ad like that right now. They need a trigger warning before that ad comes on TV. I think that collectively, if you haven't seen the ad, go look it up. It's Qantas' new campaign ad. I mean, it's 30 seconds, like how emotive can it possibly be? But it basically follows one couple, one family and a guy on their journey and traveling after this whole situation that we're currently living in. Once COVID is lifted and people can fly again, one of them goes to

Disneyland, one of them is going to their wedding and then the other one, the dad is going home, what you assume is to see his little girl and the thing is it's so crazy about this is that it isn't just a Qantas ad it isn't just an ad for travel it's a pro-vaccination ad and I just think it's so interesting how massive corporations big businesses can no longer sit on the sidelines people are not removing themselves or getting you know this idea about not wanting to get involved in the politics around vaccinations people are like this is so big this affects every single one of us that even Qantas is like we are going for a Provax ad because it does affect every single one of us and I mean look I don't love to be talking about what I'm doing a lot over here

because I really feel for you guys and I feel so grateful to be here but like I don't want to be talking about it in the sense of look what I'm doing but what I do want to say is having a vaccination really does matter to travel I get asked to prove my vaccination so many places over here I've been asked as I'm entering countries to prove my vaccination that is already happening and I did read a few things in the media, a few influencers that were putting sort of some misinformation out there saying they're obviously anti-vaxxers and they're like, you don't need it. I've traveled. I haven't been asked to show it once. And I just read that and it made me a little bit angry because it's not true. I have definitely been asked to show it. And there are a lot of

places that are in the world right now. I haven't been there personally through Europe yet, but I know a lot of places in Europe, France and Italy. I know New York has started to do it. You can't go to a restaurant anymore. You can't go to gyms. You can't do anything without a vaccination or you have to get a COVID test that day like the day of that you want to go to dinner you have to go and have a test so I think everyone in the world is just realizing that whether we like it or not or whether you guys like it or not that's the way forward and that's exactly why Qantas has got on this ad but the thing about the ad was they didn't mention the word vaccination once but it got the message across in the best way possible I have never seen an ad so good in my

entire life how can you in 30 seconds have the most powerful message and make everybody falling tears at the same time well it just makes you think about the government rollout ad that was done you know a couple of months ago which was the woman in bed and she was so frightened and she was like hooked up to the ventilator and it was the scare tactic campaign that was trying to get people to go and get vaccinated and now look I mean we have been Britain I have been pretty Switzerland on this podcast we've not spoken about vaccination much at all and I guess it's because you know, you guys come to us and you come to this podcast to get some really uplifting and like funny content. We tackle other things that are happening in the world. This stuff is being rammed

down your throats on social media and in the media every single day. You don't need to come to Life Uncut to have that same message reiterated to you. But the thing I found really interesting about this whole thing is that Qantas has just done the best Provax campaign ever. Like you just said, Britt, they have completely trumped what the government did with their advertising. And it's because instead of trying to scare people into doing something, they've used emotion. And the reality is, is that COVID for the most of us has been this invisible-esque disease.

And I say invisible-esque, because like most of us haven't been directly affected by it. Majority of us in Australia haven't had somebody who's died, but every single one of us does know what it feels like to not be able to travel. Every single one of us knows what it feels like to not be able to see our family members,

to feel isolated, to feel cut off. and I just think this ad has done such an amazing job of really highlighting what it is that we're missing out on in life instead of it being about scaring people around the disease or the illness it's telling people you know what this is what we can have if you all just go and get bloody vaccinated but at the end of the day the other part of this as well is of course Qantas has a hidden agenda Qantas wants us to start flying again because they are a company they are a corporation that without unlimited and free travel they have been hugely affected by what is currently happening in the world i actually read that they were giving and i think like if

there's ever a way to give incentive now look guys i don't want you to quote me on this but i read that they're giving away something to do with like a year's worth of travel or a year's worth of heavily discounted travel to someone that goes into like a pool once you're vaccinated so once you get vaccinated you go into this lucky dip drawer and they'll give you a year's worth of travel and I think what better way and this isn't a quanta sad this is just something I read somewhere guys what better way to to give incentive because that's what everyone in the world wants and like you said Laura Australia is we are so lucky we are a very very lucky country and exactly what you just said not many people know people in Australia that have had COVID or have died from

COVID here it's everywhere COVID is literally everywhere and I know so many people here personally people that I've been really close to people I'm close to as family members it just seems that there's not I don't feel like there would be a person in the states that doesn't know someone that has had it is worlds away from what Australia is like and like Laura said we don't want this podcast we don't want to come here and ram things down your throat we don't want to we try not to talk about it as much as possible we try to pretend it's not happening but the fact is it is but any of you guys that know me and you've been listening for a long time you know that I've worked in the medical industry for like the best part of 13 years you know I'm very pro

vaccination I was one of the first people to get it because I was frontline I had no problems with it and I just think it is the way forward and it's about protecting you and you it's not just you it's your family members and all your loved ones and anyway that's all I'm going to say about it I am 100% all for the Qantas ad and I'm all for vaccination and getting life back on track well I guess the last thing I wanted to add on this, and I think it's like the biggest take-home message about this whole thing is like, we have been super Switzerland in that we haven't spoken about it. We're not Switzerland in our beliefs, but we're Switzerland on this podcast. And I think a big reason for that is because we think you guys are all adults. We're not here to preach to you. And

that's never been our jam either. Like we're not going to force our ideas down your throats. And we also truly believe like a lot of us have very collective ideas around this sort of stuff anyway but the real take-home message from this Qantas ad is that nobody can really stay impartial to it anymore like we can't really keep it out of the conversation because it does take up so much of our lives and it affects every single person and when corporations and companies are jumping on board and putting out TVC ads which cost so much money to do that are pro-vaccination to try and get the ball rolling so that life can get back to normal it just reinforces how you really cannot be Switzerland on the whole concept you can't be Switzerland on the conversation but anyway like

we said, let's get into Ask Uncut. Now is the time. I'm going to kick it off with one. I think it's time that we bring a Ask Uncut that is non-relationship because as much as relationships are probably one of the biggest hurdles that we have to deal with, there's lots of other shit that goes down in life. No, bring it. I'm ready. One of my best friends has damaged my rental and she tried to ignore it. So a few of us were getting ready in the upstairs bedroom. There isn't any furniture up there, just a huge mirror. That's why we were up there as there was about four of us in total and I didn't catch on, but she was 100% using her mermaid wand and was putting it down on the carpet. I didn't think anything of it because I have a lot of trust in her and I knew

it wouldn't be down for long. She was the only one doing her hair up there. However, when we were all about to leave, I ran upstairs to grab something and I saw the burn marks on the carpet. They were very obvious and I find it really hard to imagine that she wouldn't have seen them. I know I'm going to need to replace the carpet, but I'm so mad that she didn't pull me aside and tell me. We're close enough friends she could have done that do i confront her about it should she be chipping in for carpet replacement help this makes me laugh only because if and did i hear this right laura did you say she was definitely the only one in the room doing her hair 100 okay i mean like if you're it girl you're it like there's there's no shifting blame in here there's no saying that

the dog did it because the dog doesn't live there you were in a room doing your hair there is now uh burn mark on the carpet she's obviously I don't think that she has not seen it I think she's probably panicked and she doesn't know what to do about it she feels really bad you 100% totally can approach her about it and ask her about it I don't think you have to go in and be being aggressive or accusatory or anything like that but I think you need to be like hey I um I just went into the spare room yesterday and I saw that where you were doing your hair there's like actually a huge burn mark from where you put your tongs down did you did you know that just play dumb and see what she says and she's probably going to say oh my god no I didn't see

it like she's even if she saw it she's obviously uncomfortable by the situation which is fine I would just say that and then and then have a discussion and I think you're totally within your rights to say look I'm gonna have to replace that now obviously are you happy to chip in I don't know if you can oh this is a tricky bit you can 100% ask her but I don't know how much you ask her for and Laura what do you think do you think that this girl has to pay for the whole carpet or do you think there's a bit of ownership in terms of like you need to go 50 50 because it's also your house oh I okay look I have a few other feelings about this what do you do if she says it wasn't me like there's the whole other thing she might instead of like being like oh I

was embarrassed I didn't want to tell you there's a good chance that she might gaslight the shit out of you and say wasn't me yeah I think if she says it's not you you need to just put it to her and say look I was in that room that day it wasn't there the only person that went in was you and then it was there like it's science hashtag science that's what that's my answer to everything when stuff goes wrong you need to address it with some sort of immediacy I think is the big lesson in this because it's really hard to go back a week later two weeks later three weeks later and say a few weeks ago you burnt the carpet and she's gonna say uh it wasn't me maybe you've had somebody else over it's COVID you've definitely not had anyone else over but do you know what I mean like

If you had addressed it at the time and just been like, oh, dude, there's marks on the carpet from where you put your mermaid wand, I think this would have been resolved very quickly. But sometimes we're so scared of confrontation and sometimes we don't really know how to go about things. And I also blame, maybe this is a big call, but I blame text messaging. I think we are so scared sometimes of having conversations in real life, of just saying, oh, you know, this has happened because we think it's going to be huge confrontation

and we are so reliant to having those sorts of conversations via text message that we have robbed ourselves of the ability to have conversations that shouldn't be aggressive, that shouldn't be confrontational in just a really matter-of-fact way. I think that you kind of did yourself a little bit of a disservice by not pulling it up at the time when it happened. Okay, now for what you do now. I think you have to give her a call and I think it's a phone call conversation like I said it's not a text message give her a call and say to her I saw this happen on the night like I want you to know that like this isn't something that I'm just calling you about now I didn't want to ruin the night I wanted us to still have a really great time

but on the night I saw that there was damage to the carpet I just I'm going to send you some photos that you know how bad it is and unfortunately the real estate agent has asked me to replace it or you could say do you know what I'm going to wait until our my bond is over and everything else. My rental agreement's over and I'm going to see if they charge me for it. And if they charge me for it, I'll let you know how much it is. Of course, you can't force her to pay it, but you can ask her. I think if your friend damages your house because they were super neglectful and left a fucking hot iron on the ground, you can ask them for a bit of money for it. You shouldn't have to front the cost for that. Girl, first question, where the hell are you going? Where

are you doing your hair for? Is that for the supermarket or like, what are you doing? Why do you have a life? Because Australia's in lockdown for the best part of a year. So I want to know where you're going is there a secret underground party no exactly what laura said that's that's all absolutely correct text messages are fucking cooked sometimes they get you can you just can take them the wrong way way too easily the only thing i don't know if i agree with laura and i love when we disagree is i don't know if i agree with waiting until i don't know if i agree with saying hey look let's wait till the lease is up in 12 months and if they take it i'll let you know because in 12 months you know a you're not going to want to go back and be like hey remember 12

months ago, well, you owe me $300. She's going to be like, girl, get over it. I think you just need to say now, like, I'll get a quote. Just give me that half of the money. If I don't have to pay you, I'll give it back. And I think you do it reverse way. So if the landlord doesn't make me take it, I'll give you the $200 back. But that way it's going to be so awkward for you to ask down the track when, when the bond is up. So that's what I would do, but you need to front it straight away. And if this does happen to anyone else, this kind of a thing, take a photo of it straight away purely because then it's timestamped. So if you can see it, it's going to be on your phone. It has a date and it has the time. And I think whenever you need evidence in

these situations. I agree with you now. I can take it back. Yes, 100%. Do what Brit said, don't do what I said. But I also want to say from someone who has actually damaged carpet in a rental property, so they don't replace the whole room. If anyone's ever worried about this, I'm just going to give you a hot tip. They don't replace the carpet in the entire room if it's just a little section. What they do is they cut out a section and then inlay the carpet into that section so it's actually way cheaper especially if your landlord has carpet like from when they built the house or bought the house like hidden somewhere lots of people do it could be not as big a problem as what you think it is and I think we always go into these situations thinking it's

going to be worst case scenario and it very very rarely is worst case scenario this just reminds me of something and I can't believe I can't believe I forgot it and I can't believe I'm I actually did it I I mean same same but different about spilling something on the carpet I was at my friend's wedding this is like the worst thing you could ever do in existence I was at my friend's wedding I went up I'd had a few drinks but I wasn't drunk I went up to say congratulations sit with her say hello for a little while and I was sitting at her table at the long table you know like where they do the speeches and where they sit at the front and I for some fucking reason I decided to drink red wine I decided to take my red wine up there I spilt oh my god my

red wine on her wedding dress I'm not kidding at the wedding at the reception it wasn't even at the end of the night it was we had hours to go and I have never wanted to sink into the ground more in my life and there was nothing I couldn't pretend that wasn't me I couldn't do anything and I was I was beside myself I was in tears and I was like I have ruined your life I was like what can I do I'm so sorry she was bless her soul it was all down her dress to be fair it was like the bottom like probably three feet of the dress so it wasn't crisis I like that you're still trying to you're still trying to justify it to yourself you're like to be fair it wasn't that bad no it's like so cooked the chefs ran and got like a liter of soda water and they just drenched it in soda water

so she has this drenched dress half the red wine and they scrubbed it and it guys take this as a hot tip most of the red wine came out of the dress because we got it immediately but I have never never been more mortified in my entire existence and I can't believe I have remembered that and I can't believe I did it and I need to bury that story again let's get into question two I was like where is this going what is that what was the resolution what happened did you have to pay for a wedding dress like where is this related to the poor person who asked the question no I was just thinking that has no that story was completely irrelevant guys I was just thinking of when you spill red wine on carpet and I just had this PTSD flashback in my head of me spilling the red wine

on her dress and I was like oh my god how did I forget that story okay question number two I've got one for you Laura and uh I'm actually really interested because I feel like if anyone's going to do this it's probably you guys what is the normal way to wipe your ass thoroughly yeah well and cleanly one of the first things that my partner told me when we started dating a few years ago was that he actually stands up to wipe his butt i got so weirded out by it and i have avoided seeing it since we've been together i saw it this morning for the first time and i cannot unsee this i cannot get it out of my head he now he wants to teach our children to wipe their butt standing up and i just want to know is this normal could you please put a poll up she asked for the

poll could you put a poll up and find out how many if any wipe their butts standing up okay straight up no no no no this is wrong on so many levels why would you stand up when you stand up your butt cheeks would clench together more like they would be together how are you supposed to get in there I am living this horror right now I'm trying to potty train Marley and Marley has been taught by Matt to stand up to wipe her butt okay I have a theory and we have spoken about this Britt doesn't remember but we spoke about this topic on the podcast so so long ago and I have thought about it a lot since that day it's just men men stand up to wipe their butts chicks don't because we can like reach around from the front but they've got some tackle in the way so they've

got to stand up to go from behind no Laura you don't wipe your butt from the front that's the number one rule that is like literally the number one rule for hygiene you have to wipe from behind and you wipe from front to back you don't reach under and go from back to front otherwise you wipe poop in your vagina I only wipe halfway I wipe from back to the middle and then I wipe from front to the middle I never wipe the whole way across that's a terrible idea we can never take your advice ever again everyone we just lost all of our listeners they're all gone they're unsubscribed they've cancelled the podcast I can't I can't do it from the back I can't reach properly okay I gotta do it from I go literally you've got the longest arms I've ever seen how

How can you not reach behind to wipe your butt? Okay, look, I know this is technically incorrect. Now I'm going to regret saying this. I go from the middle, like I go from the skin part that is fully closed behind. I go backwards. So it never goes into anywhere where it shouldn't, but it goes the other way. Okay, anyways, there's a whole lot going on now. That's a lot of information about how I wipe my butt.

But I think it's just men who stand up. I genuinely think because Matt stands up, my ex-boyfriend stood up. all the guys i have dated have been stander-uppers and i'm a sit-downer i need to ask jordan because i've never seen him wipe his butt but i'm pretty sure he would sit down like i feel like he's pretty normal i don't know anyone else that has stood up but do you mean stand up like completely straight or is it like a semi-hunged over squat is it just like the bent are your legs still bent are they straight like what are we talking here how does matt do it it's like if you're gonna if you're going to get yourself into perfect squat position but like just at the top so like it's

pretty stood up but then like bent forward a little bit with a little bit of a bend in the hip so the butt is kind of like pointing out as though you're going to do a death it's the very start of a deadlift think about that like a little bit of like a bent loose knee a little bit of a bounce in the knee a little bit of a hinge in the hip and that's how they do it i guess my question is why that's my question why why would you make life so much harder for you why would you engage the quad should i get matt in hey matt yeah we need matt i've just messaged jordan but he's on the tennis court i think imagine if he checks his phone mid-match and he's like do i wipe my butt why do guys stand up to wipe their butt why do you sit down because you're already sitting down

i can't remember a time when i wasn't standing up to wipe my butt matt said this is the problem matt just said he can't remember a time where he wasn't standing up to wipe his butt so he was obviously taught to do it as well. You can use this microphone. It's so nice to have Matthew Johnson on the podcast on a Thursday, not just on a Friday. This is something that I've wanted to talk about for such a long time, but I've never had the balls to do it. I can't remember. I think, I think it's just something that just came naturally to me. Like it wasn't ever something that I had to make a conscious effort to do. I do remember one time somebody said, just try it, Just try and wipe.

I hated every second of it trying to wipe sitting down. But, hey, Britt, I'm going to put it back on you. When you wipe, do you reach around behind your backside or do you put your hand in front and then wipe towards your belly button? No, this is the comment. You always wipe from front to back. From front to back. So do you have to, like, perch?

You have to perch at the end of the toilet seat and then, like, dip forward to get your butt enough room for your hand to reach there? How does that work? You don't have to sit that far back. Like, I don't know how far men do. Does your butt touch the back of the toilet? Because you're too deep.

You're sitting way too deep. You don't need to be that deep. You can bring yourself forward. Yeah. I like to relax in the toilet, Britt. I sit right back. I recline. He also takes his mobile phone in there and stays in there for 45 minutes.

So, let's be real. That's the real reason why he's in the toilet. Speaking of, nature calls. So, lovely to be on the podcast. podcast um yeah see you on friday guys okay i have one more thing i want to say about this though i feel like you've misunderstood what i said at the start i want to clear my name i want to clear my name and vindicate myself from being a grub but how do you put your hand in the front and why would you put it in the front and then push it back why wouldn't you just go to the back and

pull it back i still okay regardless of what you think of me i still wipe from front to back i'm not wiping in the opposite direction and I just want to make that very clear just because I go from the front between my legs and don't go from behind also then I just find that so difficult as well I'm glad that we've clarified this I'm glad that Daily Mail will not write an article saying that I wipe poop into my own vagina I don't think we even answered it anyway to actually answer your question no I do not think it's normal to stand up look I'll check in with Jordan we'll get back you I think we definitely need a poll I could be very wrong maybe I'm the anomaly maybe everyone does the half squat deadlift stand up and I'm the only one that sits I don't know but I'm gonna say

no you stick by your guns and you teach your children to wipe their butt sitting down well look if we learn anything from Matthew Johnson's cameo that he just made it's that if you teach your children terrible behavior from a young age they will continue it into adulthood so if you teach your children to wipe their butt standing up they're going to continue to do it as a 34 year old man so I think it's important to have these hard conversations with your partner or if you have a girl and a boy then just divide and conquer you take the girl he can take the boy the woman that has the tackle can stand up the one that doesn't have a tackle can sit down that's what I reckon I love it here at Life Uncut we do really tackle the hard questions don't we Laura

life's biggest mysteries well you know what someone's going to answer these questions and the people are asking all right question number three okay so I met this guy on a night out and we literally just clicked the banter and the chemistry was amazing and the vibe was so good nothing happened between us but he ended up telling me he had a girlfriend and how complicated it is and how unhappy they are so we ended up going our separate ways that night the next day we were texting and he ended up coming to my house we literally just sat ate dinner talked for hours again nothing happened because he had a girlfriend we have continued to chat even sometimes talk on the phone for hours at a time I can't believe how quickly we have connected but I just can't

keep doing this knowing he has a girlfriend every time I bring it up he says how confused he is and he doesn't know what to do so my question is should I just give up or should I pursue this because I really do feel like our chemistry and sexual tension is amazing I haven't clicked with someone like this in a very long time and I genuinely think this could be something help okay i have a lot of feelings about this he is being weak he is being pathetic and i know that that's a really harsh thing to say but i don't really care right now if he's saying he's so confused and he doesn't know what he wants to do then i very much doubt he has this big long complicated relationship with his girlfriend that he's currently with i bet you if you asked

his girlfriend she would give you a very different answer to what their relationship is hundred percent at this point in time what he is doing is he is monkey branching and he's setting up a next relationship so that he has a guarantee before he leaves the one he's currently in or alternatively he's not going to leave his girlfriend at all and he's just getting an awesome ego boost through you I think this is so dangerous you said it yourself you can't keep continuing to do this if he has a girlfriend and I think it's fair of you to give him an ultimatum and say that I don't want you to contact me I don't want to continue this with you unless you're single and it could actually be something, but you have some things you need to sort out in

your life, go and do that or don't do that. That'll be the real deciding factor. And the reason why I feel so passionate about this, and I haven't really spoken about this relationship at all because out of protection, I guess I want to protect the guy. So I dated a guy for a period of time and we broke up and we got back together and he had a girlfriend and I didn't know he had a girlfriend at the time. I didn't know that they were together, but I thought we were together. but he was kind of seeing the both of us at the same time. And then I gave him that ultimatum, you know, there was definitely overlap. It was a period of my life that I very, very much regret, but he promised that he was going to break up with her so that we could be together.

And I went down this exact rabbit hole that you're heading down now. Anyway, eventually I put an end to it and I was like, look, you need to go and figure out what you want. You need to break up with her, but I'm not going to be the person that you monkey branch from that relationship into ours. I'm not going to allow you to kind of set up our relationship. so it's a guarantee and then you break up with her and you can just transition into an us and he's now married to her so he never broke up with her it never came out and I think the big thing with this is like just because someone says something to you and to your face if their actions are not matching up with that if they are saying one thing but clearly doing another i.e being in

a relationship with somebody else then it is no guarantee that what they're saying is the truth and I think if you were to ask his girlfriend just like if I was to have asked my ex's girlfriend they would have said very different things about how they viewed their relationship and the period of life that they were in I am going to give you some really tough love and you're not going to want to hear this no one ever wants to hear this but you are doing the wrong thing it is as simple as that you there is nothing that is okay about what you are doing and I think you know that deep down you're saying I don't know if I should keep doing it or like get my feelings involved kind of thing irrelevant of that you need to end this immediately and I think what Laura just said

is correct you if you have your feelings like we can't help who we have feelings for I'm all for that I've had feelings for someone in the past that have been in relationships I've had people have feelings for me in the past that have been in relationships it is unavoidable look you do have to let yourselves grow these feelings you do have to be putting yourselves in the situation and if you continue to put yourself in a situation where you're in an intimate place which is your home you know the feelings are there you're talking non-stop for hours you're texting she the girlfriend obviously doesn't know that you have this hidden secret relationship or there's no way she would be okay with it it is only a matter of time before this turns physical 100%

and that is just a line that you cannot cross what I think you have to do and this is what I always try and do in life is put yourself in somebody else's shoes if you imagine if that was your partner how would you feel if your partner your boyfriend was going to some other girl's house for hours to hang out with her talking on the phone for hours texting her all the time because I can guarantee you you would not be okay with it you need to end it you need to say look and just be honest with him I have strong feelings for you if you want to just like god I want to sleep with you like I have this connection with you but I don't want to be doing the wrong thing you're doing the wrong thing you obviously need to sort out whatever is in your

life if he goes and sorts it out tell him to come back tell him to come back and date you find me come call me as soon as you're single but don't call me until then I cannot tell you and this infuriates me because I've had it so many times I cannot tell you how many men use that line just to cheat they're not he's not going to break up with his girlfriend it's probably not complicated like Laura said they're probably having a great old time he probably just wants something on the side so many people use that line women use it too like I'm not saying it's just men but it's a like oh it's just it's so tough at home like it's basically over like it's not over yet but we're heading that way bullshit I'm calling bullshit yeah and I think the big common

denominator in some of these conversations and relationships is like yes it's complicated but the complication has come because of the new relationship that he has with you I'm going to put money on the fact that it wasn't complicated a few weeks ago I think maybe he has met you he obviously feels that there's a connection as well but he is hatching his bets he's not making a decision either way and he's either trying to figure out whether you will be a sure thing and he wants to jump ship in his relationship but why would you want to allow someone to make you an option right now you are an option he is making up his decision as to whether he wants to choose his girlfriend who he's currently with or you and him saying this is so complicated some other things

I want you to ask yourself and to anyone who's listening to this if you're in this similar situation because I know that this is common and happens a lot some of the things you can ask yourself to really try and unpack whether this is truly a complicated situation. Are there kids involved? Do they live with each other? Are they isolated from their family or their support network? Like they're big questions that I think could make this situation more complicated. It could make breaking up with a person more complicated. But if they don't have kids, if they live down the road from their family, if they have great friendships and great support networks, if they don't live together, if there's all these other factors that say,

actually it's not that complicated you're just making it complicated because of your feelings then I think that's when you really really need to kind of reassess and go I don't even need to afford this person some time to make up their decision because this decision is not a hard one to make they're just choosing to make it difficult because it suits their agenda in addition and another thing in addition this does actually happen you said I've just never felt like this you know it's something really special I feel so strongly that kind of a thing there is a high chance that your feelings are heightened because of the situation because you know he's not available you know it's a bit naughty you know it's a bit promiscuous you know you're doing the right thing

it definitely incites feelings that sometimes are not actually there or makes you feel like there's something more to the situation because it is a level of excitement everybody wants to feel that adrenaline rush in some capacity but this isn't the way to feel it so you just need to be aware of that too if he came to you would you still feel the same way if you met him on a dating app you went out to dinner he was single do you think you would still have this heightened sense of this is the most special relationship i could ever have or do you think that's heightened because of the situations just food for thought there like being attracted to the drama almost i think we've talked about this a lot like being attracted to the intensity of chemistry one thing

you said brit which i really like i really really think you didn't hit the nail on the head and i think that like a lot of us can take from this is that relationships and your feelings grow when you put time and energy into them. And at the moment you are choosing to put time and energy into this person. You're choosing to spend all these hours on the phone. You're choosing to grow your connection with someone who is unavailable. So your feelings are absolutely going to grow and your connection is going to continue to get stronger and you're going to feel more bound to this person and the issue with that is that it's going to make it even harder for you to break away or it's going to make it even harder for you to see that maybe they're doing the wrong thing by

you and also by their current girlfriend. So be really careful with who you invest your time in because where you invest your time is where your energy and your feelings and everything else grows from. I think we summed that up pretty well. Pat on the back and a gold star. All right guys that is it from us and our Ask Uncut. You guys know that we will be back actually we won't be back Brittany will not be here but I will be back tomorrow on our batch uncut episode with Matthew Johnson sorry about that guys I know that it's uh I promise I'm gonna have a wine everyone seems to enjoy it when I've had a glass of wine and I do those episodes look I won't hold back you only need one I've witnessed it she's come to my maybe she's come to my house to record a podcast before

and I was like has some have you are you on drugs I'm like what has happened she's like I've just had a wine and I'm like I am going to have a spicy margarita and we are going to record Friday's episode anyway guys that is it from us thank you to everybody who has listened if you have a question for ask uncut slide on in to our instagram dms it is life uncut podcast we also have the facebook group and if you are a scallywag and you have not left us a review an apple podcast yet then we are very cross with you and we want you to go and do it right now and we'll love you anyway so keep on listening but you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog and everybody else in your life and share the love because we love love