Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Ungrateful Mother's Day and is the dating bar too high?

Episode Date: May 15, 2024

Welcome back to Ask Uncut where we answer your deep and dark dilemmas! The first dilemma of the day is that Marlie Mae (Laura's 4 year old) has been watching Taylor Swift 'The Eras Tour' and she's learnt some questionable dance moves... We have an ask uncut aftermath from a question last week!! We absolutely love finding out what happened next. Vibes for the week: Britt: pretty lazy magic wand hair perfector Keeshia: The Mel Robbins Podcast with Dr. Jen Gunter MD How to Balance Your Hormones: What Your Doctor Isn’t Telling You About Menopause Laura: Mimi's haircare for kids Then we jump into your questions: GRANDPARENTS WANT WEIRD TITLES THAT WE HATEMy husband and I have a problem, we are 5 months pregnant with our first child and my in-laws have been thinking about what they want to be called. Now, I’m happy for it not to be the typical grandma and grandpa etc if they don’t want but they have just called my husband to let him know that my MIL wants to be called cougey and my FIL has picked Ockey. (I don’t know how they would be spelt but they sound like koo ghee and ock ee.) We don't like these names and think they are weird, and could be confusing for our baby when she grows up. We don’t want to hurt their feelings but we also don’t want to have to refer to them as these strange names forever. How can we approach this with them or is it something they have every right to choose on what to be called by our child? DO I PRETEND IT'S GREAT?If a partner plans something for an event such as birthday, Mother’s Day, etc and you are disappointed, do you pretend it’s great? Or let them know you're disappointed? A couple of times I’ve expected a bit more planning from my partner and been disappointed but felt guilty for feeling this way. Are my expectations too high and is anything better than nothing? I should mention I’ve told him that I’m a sentimental person when it comes to milestones DO I CALL BULLSHIT OR IS THIS ‘NORMAL’ THESE DAYS? I’ve been dating a guy for 6 months (after his marriage of 2 years ago and 2 kids ended). Due to this I’ve given him space in anything too heavy about committing etc. About a month ago I asked him if he was on the apps and he said no, we haven’t had anymore “exclusive” chats. I’ve found out this week that he has liked one of my best mates pictures on hinge (who he’s met). He says it was an accident & he went on there because he was bored. Do I call bullshit on this? My male friend says that blokes need validation and until you tell them your boundaries and commit, it’s fair game. He wants to talk it through and get on the same page but I am unsure if I want to bother. I have been single for 10 years and had hopes for this. He has all the qualities that I’m looking for but he seems emotionally immature. He hasn’t told me his feelings for me yet but he clearly likes me.  Is my bar too high or is this just what we would expect nowadays? You can watch us on Youtube If you have an question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Gadigal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. Okay, this is our Ask Uncut episode where you guys write in your deep, your dark, your burning questions, and we do our best to answer them, as always.

But I have a predicament, which I have a question myself. And, Britt, maybe you can help me. And maybe if you've been in a similar situation, you can give me your feedback because it's a parenting question. Well, how am I going to help you? Zero fucking help. I've got Delilah. That's about it.

So Marley is almost five. She turns five next month. Which is mind-blowing in itself. Do you remember when we first started this podcast and I was like breastfeeding her during recordings and now she's five? Yes, I remember. I absolutely remember. We started the podcast with a newborn on your titty.

So once we were at the titty, now we're here. Yeah. Recording was hard at the start because like we're working around. Because we didn't know what we were doing. A, we didn't know what we were doing. But B, like we were trying to record around a baby. Yeah. Oh my God.

I forget. Wow. She's almost five, which means next year she's starting school. But that's not what this is about. What it is about is that a little bit late to the party, because it would have been handy if she was into it like four months ago when Taylor Swift was actually here in Sydney. But at some point in the last two months, Marley has become obsessed with Taylor Swift. Like I'm talking, can't get in the car without the Error's Tour playing, can't be in the

house without it blasting through the Uwe Boom. She is obsessed. Where has she come across Taylor if she didn't know her three months ago? I think the ladies who are amazing, that work at Hodeca, I think they play it. And so now all the kids. And then like now they're kind of old enough to talk about the things that they like with their friends. So she's got a little girlfriend at daycare who's like her little bestie and they like

compete on who knows more of the songs. It's very, very cute. But she discovered that on Disney Channel, the Heiress Tour, like the actual, like, what is it? Recording. Thank you. The movie. The movie, The Heiress Tour.

The short film. Directed by Taylor Swift. No, the concert is on Disney Plus. Anyway, so from like the last couple of weeks, she's been watching it nonstop. So anytime that she's allowed to watch the TV, that's what's on, which was fine because I was like, it's the heiress tour. It's not, it's not, not age appropriate. Like it's just a concert.

Last night, Marley put on a concert for us. And let me tell you, Taylor Swift dancing is not age appropriate. She is like dropping it and she's like doing the thing where she slides her hands from her ankles all the way up her body and then like half lifts her shirt up trying to do like a sexy butt roll. And I was sitting there last night. It was like bedtime and she's in the mirror doing the, you know, whatever, I can't even think.

Her favourite song is Blank Space and she just sings it over and over and over. So what do you do? Because you can't, you obviously don't want to encourage her to be dancing in that way. Well, I don't know. Well, it's too provocative for her age. But also you don't want to shame her into saying why she can't dance like that because that's a whole other conversation.

Like what ever happened to. You can't slut shame your five-year-old. When I was that age, well, you can, but it's not really. It's not going to set them up. It's not setting them up for a good future. It's not. But when I was that age, I was doing the dance moves of like, you know, when you hold your nose and you go down like a snorkel. Same. I was doing that stuff. I remember putting a concert on for my

mom and my, not my stepdad now, but my ex-stepdad. And I remember doing a concert for him when I must've been like five or six. And at the end of it, he was like, that was awful. He was so, it was mean. It was really mean. But he said, you need to move your legs and stop just moving your arms. And I was like, fair. I think I just stood on the same spot and did like windmill circles. Do you know what the song was? I saw the sun and it opened up my eyes. I saw the sun. I bet you he was the kind of man that also said,

like, if you're not first, you're last. That's giving that kind of a vibe. So what did you do? So I had a conversation with her last night and I said, you know, your dancing's getting really good but maybe you should do more dancing like kids and not adult dancing. But she didn't understand. She was like, yeah, watch me kid dance and then tried to dry hump the wall.

Maybe just show her the wiggles or something. What's a kid dance? Daddy finger, daddy finger. Is she outgrowing the wiggles? I don't know. I don't know what is age appropriate anymore. I don't know. She has no idea that the way she's dancing like looks sexual

and that's why it's very jarring as a parent to see. Because she wouldn't know what sexual is. Of course not. Of course not. It is very normal. My five-year-old niece went through exactly the same thing. She's eight or something now, but I remember her putting on a dance for me and my sister Sherry and I was like,

I don't know what to do in this situation. no you're like less legs and ass more arms you know more arms more circles you know the phase of I think it was like Cardi B was becoming really big and she was doing the big twerking like where she'd bend over and her whole shtick was just the butt going the jelly jiggle yeah so that I think was what my niece had been watching and that was a dance she performed for me not knowing what it was and I was like she's like I'm getting pretty good at it and I was like you're getting too good at it and you know what she was no you know what she did it to though she did that maneuver, but I like big butts and I cannot lie. And she twerked. And I was like, I'm just going

to send you home to your mom. I'm not equipped to deal with it. This is my question though. And I'm sure most people have been in this situation with their kids. Things you think are age appropriate. Like I, and maybe that makes me sound stupid. I went to the Taylor Swift concert. There were loads of children there. There were five-year-olds there. I would not have thought that that was not an age appropriate thing for Marley to watch. But the fact that that's the way that she's picked up dancing like without context I would be mortified if she danced like that at a kid's birthday party or something do you know what I mean like how do I explain that and that's what's gonna happen they're gonna go to the plaster fun house and she's gonna be

gyrating a wall and I don't know how to explain to the mums that it's just because she's into Taylor Swift well the other kids are probably dancing like that as well because they're not they're gonna be dancing like that at preschool like they do dancing so I'm so worried about parenting a five-year-old is actually really easy in comparison to what I can only imagine parenting like a 13-year-old or a 14-year-old is so if you are I'm sure there's loads of people who don't have kids at all but if you do have kids that are of that age group like godspeed help godspeed I'm thinking of you my thoughts are with you okay so we have an aftermath finally on Ask Uncut but it's from a good one yeah we've been calling out for aftermaths which

is if you don't know what an aftermath is it's where you guys actually write in what the resolution was or maybe there wasn't a resolution to your predicament, to your question. Because quite often we give our advice and we lose sleep over the fact that we don't know what happened. Did you leave? Did you stay? Did you have the baby? Did you tell the cousin that you fucked? That it's his baby. Yeah, that it's his baby. Whatever it is. So we always want the aftermath, but we never or very rarely get them. But we finally got an absolute banger. So just last week, we had the question. my husband and i travel frequently with another family who have children the same age it started

out as my husband and his friends but over time the wife has become one of if not my best friend they live interstate but we talk most days we are two weeks away from an international holiday with them when he asked me in a private message if i was with my husband at the time and to message back when I was alone. The message I received from him was if I would like to hook up whilst overseas and at the same time said, obviously don't say a word to them, meaning his wife and also my husband. I actually asked if he was joking to which he replied, no, but now it's a bit awkward. I brushed it off and politely declined as we were about to spend a significant amount of time with them as i stand it's nearly 24 hours after the message i am planning on telling my

husband that we will need to rearrange our holiday and accommodation plans she is going to know something has happened so when she asked me why are we canceling on them what do i say she is my best friend if roles were reversed i 100 would want to know we have always suspected he's probably not 100 faithful to her but this is just too far to make matters worse she is pregnant okay so this is the follow-up now it's long but i am going to read it verbatim how she wrote it so i thought i'd give you a little more context after reading some of the comments and listening to the podcast one i originally hadn't told my husband straight away because i was shocked i didn't know what the right thing to do was and didn't realize that changing our holiday plans

was doable until the shock left and i could think clearly two i never had a flirty friendship with this man he's very sexual most conversations end in sexual innuendo and his wife and I just laugh it off and shake our heads at each other now I think everyone knows that kind of person I know that exact kind of person that she's saying you know those friends or acquaintances that you have that everything is sexual I also think if they are that type of person where everything ends in a sexual innuendo I think often not always but in my experience they're testing the waters they're testing the fucking waters and it often indicates something else that's going on maybe they are someone who has that behavior because someone who is like a steadfast never cheated never ever ever

done anything wrong isn't making jokes about fucking another woman yeah they're just not they're not it's not weird yeah yeah congruent behavior liking that word at the moment but it's true so she said i told my husband and he was absolutely ropeable which is obvious okay couldn't believe it that's what we thought was going to happen he's going to be angry I then thought in my head because I played this out as a short film I thought that the husband would find out and then he would go over to the house knock on the door have it out okay that didn't happen after I told my husband we decided we would rearrange the holiday and that I was going to tell her as I was sussing out of time I could call her because he works away so I wanted to ring her while he

wasn't home to have this conversation she sent me a message saying oh I heard about your messages with my husband. Apparently, prior to him sending me the message, he told her that he was going to play a joke on me. Keep in mind, he didn't tell her what he said until the next day. He's saying it was just a joke and he was apparently very offended that we thought it was something he would actually do. So what he has said to his wife, he's prefaced this with like, hey, I'm going to play a joke on this couple tonight, but he hasn't told them what the joke was going to be. Obviously covering up his tracks in case it backfired she goes on to say that she feels like if it was supposed to be a joke he would have called it straight away and maybe posted a screenshot of

it in the group chat that they have or something joking to stir my husband up he would have told me straight away that it was a joke instead of saying nothing now there's a bit more context to this in terms of like whether it is or isn't a joke but they did go away on the holiday together because i think that the awkwardness of it they were like you know what let's just pretend this hasn't happened and go on the holiday, which wild. I know they, she even says like, I know that some people will think that that's crazy. And I understand why sometimes we do things in life where we're like, oh, sometimes the alternate rocks the boat too much. And the people pleaser in you wants to just like make the awkwardness go away. I mean, I get it. She said, I left the

decision about whether to change our holiday plans up to my husband. And he decided to give the benefit of the doubt shrug emoji. I know this is probably strange from the outside looking in, but it was really a fucked up situation for us all to be in we just finished the one week holiday abroad with them it wasn't mentioned and he was fine the wife acted a bit different than usual but I put that down to her being hot and pregnant now for me and I want to use my words carefully I am shooketh that they went on this holiday I am absolutely shocked that the husband and the wife decided and I know you just said Laura oh you know sometimes it's easier not to make things weird it is weird he hit your wife up he hit you up and now you're gonna go on a holiday it was very

obviously not a joke and she goes on to say that she says what do I ultimately think I do think he was being serious I think he told her he was playing a prank on my husband as I back up in case he got caught yelling it goes back to my original thought of if it was a joke why was it all said and sworn to secrecy I'm shocked that they went on the holiday because if my best friend's husband hit me up and then said it was a joke you know deep down it's not and she knows deep down it's not I know and I agree but I do think that this is a case of when something feels more awkward to do the thing that is right for you like I know that when she wrote in this question she was like should we go on the holiday what do I do and I'm sure that there was a very big part of her that

didn't want to go and felt completely uncomfortable by it but leaving that decision up to the husband her husband who probably also felt completely uncomfortable by it and wanted to pretend like let's get this holiday that's all been planned out of the way. And then we can phase them out of our life is probably the approach that they thought suited them the best. But what I do think, and I know it's really important from what you said in this, I do not think this was a joke. I think 100% this is this guy covering his ass because tell me what person out there thinks it's a funny joke to send their friends, their best friend's wife, a message about cheating. Like it's just, it's not funny. And I think that's the big thing, right? If everyone was in,

on the joke, maybe you could pass that off. But the fact that no one was in on the joke until potentially he was going to get caught until he, he gauged your reaction. And then the gaslighting nature of like, oh, I'm offended. I'm offended that you actually think I would do this is such a way of the person who's the cheater. Jerk face. Yeah. The fucking jerk face to make himself the victim. He is making himself the victim and making you feel bad that you interpreted his not joke as not a joke? I guess this is what I do, right? I always put myself in the situation because it's the easiest thing to do.

Imagine if I messaged Matt and was like, hey, next week. I want to hang your curtains. When we're away, I want you to hang my curtains. No, imagine if I was like, do you want to hook up? Laura's going to be busy with the kids. And then he was like, I fucking love Laura. And I'm like, oh, I got you. That was a funny joke.

Like imagine. imagine as if you would still go on a holiday with me knowing I'm trying to bang your husband but that's the gaslighting thing of it right and obviously he's I would say that this is the behavior of someone who has gotten away with cheating a lot and like and he's very good at lying his way out of things and this is what I mean by people who are overtly sexual and make overtly sexual jokes and not just overtly sexual anyone can be overtly sexual that's not a problem but people who are in relationships who their go-to is to make inappropriate sexual jokes to other people outside of the relationship firstly it's just disrespectful and secondly in my

experience those people are often the ones who do do the cheating and it's not to be clear there's nothing wrong with like sexual jokes especially when they're direct at your partner like if you're at a dinner party totally yeah if there's like three four couples you're at dinner party the opportunity comes up to make a sexual joke that involves your partner fine but when it's about fucking someone else's wife at the dinner table it's it's too far and it's not funny and there's i feel like it's always soaked in a level of truth this is not normal behavior friends don't joke about fucking their friends wives they just don't yes secretly behind behind their back in the dms is your husband around all right before we get into answering your questions very quickly our

vibes and unsubscribes the week but also if you have any other aftermaths send them through Brittany, what is your vibe? Okay. I apologize in advance. I don't have a very educational vibe this week, and I often don't. Let's be real. I'm always giving. I was like, Brittany, when have you brought an educational vibe?

Well, I like to give you guys products I use because I'm always being asked about products I use. So this is a product that I am ashamed to say I've only just discovered. I'm pretty sure producer Keisha uses it. Deodorant. It's soap. I have started to clean myself. How's it going for you?

It's great. No, it's this particular one that I have got. It's called Magic Wand. It is just from the supermarket. I think I got it from a Woolworths, but you can get this product anywhere. It is the hair perfector. So it's like Laura, so your hair, oh, and Keisha's hair right now, not mine because my hair is currently out and wavy and a bit bushy.

Oh, it's for like your flyways. I know this shit. Yes. Mascara for your head. I put it in my eyebrows today. Do they look good? They look so slicked down. Yeah.

I don't think you're supposed to use it on your eyebrows, but I was like, you can oh there you go so it's just like if you're wanting to wear a sleek pony or your hair sleek back or it's for those flyaways at the top that you can never get especially if you have had a baby and your hair is growing back you know when you have um you know stop pointing at me you're the only one that's had a baby in the room and it's got this gel that doesn't make it greasy you just mascara it down and it's incredible it doesn't have the same effect as hairspray sometimes when i use hairspray it's too crusty and it looks like helmet man which someone has called me before and it stuck with me the rest of my life. It's called Pretty Lazy Magic Wand

Hair Perfector. Perfect. Keisha? My vibe this week might seem a little like I'm in a different age bracket, but I actually found it so interesting. So it was the Mel Robbins podcast. She's an American podcaster. She's huge. She's kind of in the self-help, but palatable, palatable self-help area. She did this episode with Dr. Jen Gunter, who is a medical doctor. It's called How to balance your hormones, what your doctor isn't telling you about menopause. So this whole episode was about the myths surrounding menopause and a lot of the misinformation about menopause. I learned so much from this episode that menopause can start from your early forties, which is slightly

abnormal, but it does happen. Average age is 51. They were talking a lot about whether you should or shouldn't go on hormone replacement therapy, about how to reduce the symptoms that you experience during either perimenopause or menopause. It was so interesting. They talked a lot about this thing called bioidentical hormones. And this is something that I've seen kind of floating around in like, I guess, compounded products here, the ones that aren't TGA approved for us, it's FDA over in America. But that was for me, the most interesting part is that a lot of the things that are given to women, particularly in this space, are not as regulated as what they should be. And that's why you should stick to the ones that have been

tested thoroughly and go under that TGA approval. I feel like that's the case though for so much hormone related stuff for women in terms of like going to a naturopath and getting like different types of, and I'm not saying that doesn't work, but I'm saying that there's a lot of unregulated hormone affecting products out there that aren't necessary. You know, if you're also, if you're using a whole lot of different things at the one time, I'm the type of person that I think holistic health absolutely has its place. And I've utilized both traditional and holistic. I think it's slightly problematic when holistic products are being kind of marketed towards women because the only reason that they're turning to holistic medicine is because they haven't found the answers in traditional medicine that they've been after. And it kind of loops all this way back to like, you know, we're not believed enough.

We need to advocate for our own health. And my own hormone journey was an absolute shit show and a half. It took me years and years and years of going to doctors and being dismissed until I eventually went, weirdly enough, dermatologist that then referred me to an endocrinologist. Like it was such an expensive process. And I can absolutely see why people go to naturopaths because they can just get in and they're taken seriously. But it can be this complex situation where things that you are given are not tested as

rigorously as what they should be. So yeah, this whole episode, if maybe you're going, you know, into a phase of life that you'll be in perimenopause or menopause soon. Really interesting. Maybe you know someone in your life and you just want to know a little bit more about it, but I really, really enjoyed it. It's the Mel Robbins podcast. Links for it will be in our show notes as always. Okay. My recommendation is something that is only going to be interesting for parents who have children who hate having their hair brushed. So recently, Chemist Warehouse, and this is not sponsored, but it was gifted, right? I got home and this package was at home and I was like,

what is this stuff anyway it's this mimi hair care for kids right and it comes in a blue bottle it's very cute cute little mimi hairbrush cute little products it's a one you know the one wash only like everything's an all-in-one thing that you can use i usually hate those well yeah as an adult as an adult because i feel like that's a real mark of a child if you're still using like a two-in-one wash as a grown-up the amount of men that i spent the night with that had the fucking four-in-one in their shower no it's common it's hotels a lot of hotels have it it's a one two in one it's like a body wash too i agree shampoo conditioner but if you walk into a man's house it's everything it's loop hair wash okay if you walk into a man's house and you're like on a

you know first date one night stand whatever it is maybe date five no judgment if you walk into their shower and all they have is a fucking five in one or a four in one red flag that is a red flag or has it been so long since they've had a girlfriend so you know you're in the clear that's why they don't have a girlfriend because a girl comes over and sees a five in one is like i'm fucking out what happens to the opposite what happens if they've got like 40 products and you're like they have a girlfriend they're in a relationship they're married they're married what happens if they've got this kid's hairspray then they've got children that's fine that's okay they could be broken up with they could be single parenting but they probably should have spoken

with you about that should they not no if they're just banging you true see you don't have to disclose that to bang anyway we're back to the kids hair product okay this stuff it's called Mimi hair care for kids it says yes you can tame that mane anyway it's very very sweet the kids tried it and like I feel like my kids get more excited when they get new products to try like as probably excited as you do Brit but genuinely genuinely Marley's hair is stringy and horrible and it gets so well it just gets so matted all the time as soon as you wash it it's matted as soon as you try and like wash the shampoo out of her hair she's screaming crying it doesn't like it's no tears and it is wonderful. Like it's been brilliant. So anyway, that's my recommendation. I

know it's like a silly nothing one, but if you're going past a chemist or you're going past a Coles or wherever it's docked and you want to try it for your kids, it's actually really, really great. I love that. The end. All right. All links in bio. Let's get into the questions. Question one. If a partner plans something for an event such as a birthday, mother's day, et cetera, and you are disappointed, do you pretend it's great? do you tell them that you're disappointed a couple of times i've expected a bit more planning from my partner and been disappointed by feeling guilty for feeling disappointed are my expectations too high and is anything better than nothing i should mention i've told him that i'm a sentimental

person when it comes to these milestones oh this is sad because obviously she just had such a fucking pathetic mother's day and was like make me feel special god damn it mother's okay mother's is a big one and not for everyone, but like, I don't care about my birthday, but I care about Mother's Day. Mother's Day is the one day of the year where I'm like, you will fucking celebrate me. You will celebrate me for everything that I do for this goddamn family. And for the fact that you destroyed my body on the way out. So I understand why a lot of mothers are left feeling deflated on Mother's Day, because it's not about you making a big deal about yourself. You want the people around you to just take stock and appreciate you. I think it's tricky with answering

this question because I'm like, I don't know. And you don't know. And we don't know what it is that your family did for you. Like, was it a couple of crappy homemade cards? Well, we know she's disappointed. We like, we love a homemade card, but also there's homemade cards and this is going to sound controversial and someone's going to be like, you're ungrateful, which is okay. But hear me out there's a scale of effort in everything in life and sometimes my kids give me homemade cards that I know have required zero effort they haven't tried they've just scribbled a bit on a paper Matt's folded it up and handed it to me and being like that's your card and then there's other times where I get a card and I know that they have sat down it's been an activity and they have cared

and been excited about making me a card you draw with love and I was like that card is a fridge card. That other is a bin card and that's the scale. So I understand why sometimes you are left feeling as though, oh, okay, that's more, we all know that's not an effort one. Maybe it's the fact that like she had, there were little things that were done throughout the day, but like she wasn't made to feel special. Maybe she needs those like verbal affirmations or whatever it is. I think it is okay. Don't, maybe you don't have to say that you're disappointed, but I think it's okay to say to your partner that on days like Mother's Day, you want to be made to feel a bit more special, that you want to be made to feel as though it's a bit more of a big deal because it is

a big deal to you. And I don't know what that exactly looks like, but I think it's okay to say to your partner what it is that you want or what you're expecting. Maybe it means like you go out for lunch for the day or you organize a babysitter or whatever, but tell him what it is that you want for him to organize. Because the last thing that you want is for Mother's Day to become a job where you're left organizing the babysitter, organizing the place you go for lunch. That's not fun either. but I don't think that there's anything wrong with explaining that maybe it didn't quite live up to the expectations that you had a hundred percent especially when you say you know I've told him that I'm a sentimental person basically what you're saying is I have given him all the

tools and information he needs to give me something or do something for me that he knows will mean something and that I love and he's not doing that do you have to make a big song and dance about it no you don't have to make him feel bad about it unless it's like he's a repeat offender that puts in zero effort. But I absolutely think you have that conversation because you've got a long life together. And if you think he doesn't quite understand now, have the chat with him again and explain to him why you felt a bit disappointed and what you would have liked or what could have been done differently. Like don't make a big deal about it. But if you've said this a hundred times and he's not listening, it probably has to be a more serious conversation. You know, I saw Jesse

Stevens, you know, Jesse and Claire who are from Mamma Mia, the twins. I saw them on the project and they were talking about this exact thing. They were talking about how it doesn't matter what's done on Mother's Day. It never feels quite enough. Like you always feel a little bit disappointed. And when I saw it, my very first thought was like, oh, that's ungrateful. And then I was like, no, no, Laura, because it's the fucking truth. So many people like, and it's not that your family don't make an effort. They do. But like nothing is ever going to be big enough for the fact that you push that thing out of your vagina or you had it cut out of you and you were pregnant for nine months you sacrifice everything and you're like all I got

was a spaghetti card but we're just sitting in Mother's Day it's anything it's any event it's Christmas it's birthdays it's it's whatever it is and I had this with Ben and I was just trying to think about if I should say it or not because I don't want to make him feel bad but Ben is a unicorn he is the most loving special human his day-to-day for me he treats me like a million like he's always looking after me but I'm a very like I love surprises and spoiling my partners and making them feel like over the top loved I've always been like that and you guys know we see each other so sporadically a couple of times a year now so we always it probably looks like we're on these extravagant holidays we are because we don't see each other for the rest of the year so

every time we see each other we do a holiday so over Christmas I took Ben to the Maldives like I took him it was my thing I said I'm gonna take us on an amazing holiday so I booked everything he didn't know where we're going like took him to this incredible island I booked so many little surprises on there like I booked this shark diving thing and things that I thought he would love and these romantic dinners and all these different kind of stuff I booked him a helicopter ride so he can look over the ocean because he's never all this stuff that he's never done insane yes it's insane but then I don't see him for five months right if we saw each other every day we're not doing this shit you're like and you're living the bachelor you're on the bachelor i am the

bachelorette i'm like love me but he's a bachelor she's just only she's just only like courting one man yeah it just cost me a fortune anyway i don't mind it because yeah we don't see each other so the end of this holiday came and i was like why haven't you proposed bitch no not yet fucking where's my ring like you're like i gave you i'm about to propose i gave you every opportunity to propose and you didn't do it no but there just wasn't any surprise or anything that he organized on the whole trip and it's not it wasn't supposed to be my holiday it wasn't supposed to be like I'm going to plan everything I just by default fell into it and at the end I was just even something nice like organizing with the hotel a dinner or a spa day or a whatever nothing and but he treats

me well in the day right the end of the holiday came and I was like I'm actually going to say something because I'm a bit disappointed and I had that conversation I said you know like have you loved this holiday he's like yes it's been the most incredible holiday ever like everything you've done and I was like I just want to be honest with my feelings I was like I feel like I also would have liked something and he was like what do you mean we have had a great holiday and I was like yeah I guess just something I was like it's something to make me feel special too because I've done you know I've made you feel special the whole time and just and he's like well what do you mean and I'm like

baby I don't know like I don't want to have to tell you but maybe like book you know I'll have a massage or like anything put me in for something nice and I could see this is the last day right this is 5 p.m on the last day and it wasn't a fight I just let him know that I also like surprises so anyone angry you were disappointed 10 p.m that night at least the guy listens there's a knock on the door and I was like who could that be like we had like a 5 a.m flight the next day it's flowers that you can't take with you a man came in with a massage table and he put the massage table down and I was like what Ben's like surprise but it was so after hours that there was no one that could do the massage so Ben just asked them

to provide the table and he gave me a massage that's cute at least he tried but I was like baby I'm so tired I want to get up in three hours anyway my whole point of the story is you can 100% have those conversations you don't have to make someone feel like a piece of shit But it's really important because if one person is feeling like they're not being met halfway or they're not appreciated or whatever, it's going to cause a divide in your relationship. I totally agree. And I think it's how you approach these conversations. It's not accusatory.

You're not doing it to make them feel overly guilty. It's just, you know, you're making them aware so that you don't start to feel resentful, I think is a big thing. And also giving them the opportunity to do better. Can I tell you Mother's Day this year, which I love being in bed. I reckon my favorite place. I love being horizontal. I fucking love my bed.

I love it. I dream about bed. I don't get to bed until like 11 o'clock most nights because I stay up on work. But from about 8 p.m., I have fantasies about laying in bed and just. What are you doing in your fantasy? Nothing. Just laying in my bed with my blanket. Like I'm like a giant baby.

I just want to be in it. Is Matt in the fantasy? No. He's like, God, no. Even last night I got into bed. Matt was going into the bathroom and I was like, I'm so happy I could cry. I can't even tell you how happy I am to get into bed at night time. The feeling of when you lay down, I like moan out loud every day.

The feeling when you lay down and you put your head on the pillow and you pull the blanket up and that release and the release. Yes, that's me. Oh, orgasmic. I also have a blanket that I've had for like 12 years that's still on our bed that I sleep with every night. I'm a giant baby. Yeah, of course.

Anyway, it's a sensory thing. I love it. So I wake up in the morning. I wake up at like 6.45 because the kids wake me up and then Matt's like, okay, we're going to go and make breakfast, but he hasn't bought any of the things for breakfast. So then they have to leave to go and get the stuff for breakfast. 8.45 is when I got breakfast in bed, but I was not allowed to leave the bed. That's great though.

After two hours just lolling around in bed and I could hear things being smashed around downstairs. I just had raging anxiety. I wanted to get out of my favorite place. He just said you fantasize about bed. Now he said stay in bed. Four hours. Man, he can't win.

He can't win. He's just let you stay in bed for an extra day. Question number two. do i call bullshit or is this normal these days i've been dating a guy for six months after his marriage of two years and two kids ended due to this i've given him space in anything too heavy about committing about a month ago i asked him if he was on the apps and he said no we haven't had any more exclusive chats i've just found out this week that he has liked one of my best mate's pictures on hinge oh who he's just met he says it was an accident and he went on there

because he was bored do i call bullshit on this yes my male friend says that blokes need validation and until you tell them your boundaries and commit it's fair game oh your mate sounds like a douche too he wants to talk it through and get on the same page but i am unsure whether i can be bothered now i have been single for 10 years and had hopes for this he has all the qualities that i'm looking for but he seems emotionally immature he hasn't told me his feelings for me yet but he does clearly like me is my bar too high or is this just what i should expect these days your bar ain't high they have been dating for six months six months yeah okay here are the crucial points they've been dating for six months it's a long time he's met your friend he's secretly gone online to a

dating app that he said he wasn't on he's liked your friend that he's met profile on hinge he's douche he knows who your friend he's met her and now he's gone online when he's told you he's not and liked her profile your bar is on the ground yeah if I can like get rid of this guy this person for me I mean yes I call bullshit your question is do I call bullshit how do you accidentally like a photo on hinge do you have to go it's a slippery slope on those apps can I just say there's like mad similarities between this question and the aftermath when you get caught out for doing something and then you lie and say it was an accident or it was a joke or whatever why like i just don't it's very unfortunate for him if he managed to accidentally sign up to an

app to accidentally lie i've accidentally created a profile i don't know how it happened i blacked out but no no okay you've accidentally liked a photo of your friend who he met through you on the app as you said brit that he said he was no longer using there's too many accidents for this to be an accident unfortunately the other thing that i want to say here is actually i want to say a lot of things but i'm going to keep it tight like a tiger what i want to say here is the idea that you are trying to gaslight this girl and say i'm a man i need validation like men need validation bullshit well that was his that's her friend who was trying to like play devil's advocate yeah about men yeah 100 okay maybe that is true but then you don't want

that kind of a man. A man that is in a relationship that says he needs validation from somebody else. Why would you want to be in that relationship? You should be getting what you need from your partner. I totally agree with you. And I do look, I am not going to discredit what your friend said, because I agree. There are loads of men out there. We've all in this room, except for Jono, has dated somebody who's like that, who has needed external validation because their cup is never full enough by the person that they're dating individually. I understand that that is something that's very, very plausible. But like you said, Britt, you don't want to date that person because people who are constantly seeking external validation from insignificant other connections,

because it makes them feel good about themselves, are just really, really weak men that you don't want to have as a partner. But the other thing I want to say on this as well is you've had six months, you've had conversations with him around commitment, and he said that he's not ready yet because he was married. He's got, you know, two kids. He is telling you, he is telling you, he is not wanting a committed relationship. It's been six months. You've given it enough chance now. So if I was in your shoes, I think what I would do is I would have one more conversation around if you really want this relationship, if you really liked the guy, if it up until this point, everything had indicated that he was amazing. I would have a very honest conversation

with him around what is this, where are we going, are we going to be committed to each other, and if we are, that starts right now, and you give it a red hot shot or you make the decision that actually, you know, he's done his dash. But I think without having that sort of solidified line in the sand, then this can get wishy-washy and it could be another six months of situationship perpetuity.

What's it called? There's heaven, there's hell, purgatory. Fuck it. Woo, thank God. I would never have been able to move on. Wow, I'm glad we got there. situation ship purgatory the only part of your male friend that i actually agree with like your male friend's advice that i agree with is that until you set your boundaries and commit it's

fair game i can agree with that if you haven't set boundaries and said that like we're not to be dating other people i expect you not to be on the apps or if you haven't had those conversations people are going to push the limits until they know that they can't men and women i'm not just saying men women too like women will go and date as many people being like we haven't had the conversation who cares but they can't fuck your friend well no this is the problem there's an unspoken boundary no it's spoken to so okay that's pretty spoken that's what i'm saying i'm saying that there's also you don't have to sit down and explain every boundary to someone so for example if you've met this guy you're dating him for six months he meets your friends the unspoken boundary

is that he's not trying to hook up with your friends on hinge there's the spoken boundary here is you directly asked him I directly said to him are you on the apps and he said no so even if you think you might want this relationship and to push through it you have to say to yourself okay he lied to my face about it and then within that lie was the fact that he was trying to match with my friend that he had met for me the relationship wouldn't be for me like you spend six months trying to commit after six months he's lied to you and he's trying to hit on your friend also So the reason why he said no, he's not on the apps, is because he knows that whatever it is that you guys share

has progressed too far that it would be offensive to say, oh, yeah, I'm still on the apps. He's giving you the information he knows you want to hear to keep you around. It's also offensive for his reasoning. He said he's gone on the apps. Once he got called out, he said, I'm bored. Sorry, I was bored.

Okay, so now I bore you enough that you want to fuck my friend. Cool. Next. You don't need this. Thank you, next. yeah for me you don't need it i know you've been single 10 years what's another couple of months do you know okay i also agree is my bar too high or is this just what i should expect nowadays so many people will behave like this it should come as an expectation it doesn't mean that it

should be something that you accept so like you can expect that people will do this and that's okay that will also stop you from being too hurt by it when people do because you can't control their behavior but you absolutely do not need to accept this behavior even if it is common but this is becoming normal because people aren't setting their boundaries. So men or women, but I'm going to say men in this situation, this man hasn't had boundaries set for him. So he knows he can do that. It's why I always say, when you go into a relationship, put your boundaries out there straight away, put what you want, but you have to be willing to stick to those boundaries. If they cross them and they're doing the wrong thing,

you have to be strong enough to say, I'm not cool with it. I would hate for you to settle for this because you think it's normal for a lot of people this would be normal it is common like this kind of behavior unfortunately especially in Australia and I can say that because I've dated in many countries but with Australia the dating culture is so lax and there's never any effort it's always just so throwaway blase matey mate gaslighty for me this isn't normal and it shouldn't be normal if you're happy with your like you've waited 10 years is this the love and the relationship you want? Have you waited 10 years for this? And ask yourself that because there is someone I think so much better out there for you. Okay. I think this is a funny question. And also if you're at the age

of having kids and like the whole grandparent situation, it'll be relevant. My husband and I have a problem. We are five months pregnant with our first child and my in-laws have been thinking about what they want to be called. I'm happy for it to be, you know, not the typical grandma or grandpa, et cetera, if they don't want that. But they have just called my husband to let him know that my mother-in-law wants to be called Kugi and my father-in-law wants to be called Oki. I don't know how they would spell it, but that's what it kind of sounds like. Kugi and Oki. We don't like these names and think that they are just weird and could be confusing for our baby when she grows up. We don't want to hurt their feelings, but we also don't want to have to refer

to them as strange names forever like Kugi and Oki. How can we approach this with them? Or is It's something that they have every right to choose on what they are called by our child. This is common. It is common, but I'm thinking the grandma's like a smoke show. Coogie. Cougar. I think she's nicknamed herself Cougar.

I think that this is common where grandparents don't want to be like grandma and grandpa anymore because it has an attachment to being really old. And there are so many young, cool grandparents these days. My mum, when she became a grandparent, she did the same thing. she was like I do not want to be a grandma because she was she was young and hot like my mom was a smoke show and she's like I'm not a grandma like and my brothers and sisters were like cool you come up with what you want but within reason like they were still going to approve it but they ended

up just going for like nan and poppy like nan and popper or popsicle or whatever mom just start with nan she didn't just make a name up and pull it out of a butthole but like who wants to call their grandparents coogie there's nothing more awkward than people try to like self-identify with a nickname yeah like everyone calls me cougar no one calls you so matt's mom ellie who we love she's the fucking best she lives with us now and she wants to change her name from being nana to nelly and i was like nana it's never gonna stick you're never gonna make nelly work the kids don't want to call you nelly you can't call yourself nelly they're not gonna do it is that like a cross between nana and ellie yeah nana ellie she doesn't want to be nana she's like i just don't

feel like Nana. I want to be, she's like, I want a cute name, but the kids don't care. They just call her Nana. She's Nana. But I understand this. I think that this is very common. I have two feelings about it. I think it's very common that these days grandparents don't want to be, like you said, grandpa or grandma, you know, Nana or Poppy. We have in our family is Far, Nana and Far. And Far is, is my stepdad, the kid's granddad. We have Nana, we have grandpa and like all variations, we also have a mammy so mammy is my niece and nephew's grandma yeah and the reason why she's mammy is because she never she was like very much like I am not being a nana so you can call me mammy so she self you know named herself mammy anyway everyone was okay with it and the names

are not so weird that anyone cares like far is great mammy is great it's all great how would I feel if my mum came to me and said it's kugi and oki I guess for me I'm kind of like why you there's why but I also don't think I care enough to tell them that they can't be yeah so at the end of the day like and I understand that it's annoying and like it's a bit of a lame name but if it's going to make them happy and it doesn't actually change anything about your parenting experience you've got to say the name I know but I just I don't know I think sometimes pick your battles I don't know if I would care enough to stop my parents from being the name that they wanted so long as it wasn't offensive yeah I think what you do is be really honest with them just say look I

don't love it do you have any other options that like we can all come to you I think you can say that you don't have to necessarily like veto it and throw it back in their face yeah but I think you can say like a is there a meaning behind that like where did that come from find out where the names come from because your partner's parents have obviously gone away and spoken and really thought about this this is obviously important to them so you don't want to offend them and throw it in their face but I think you can say oh I mean I've never heard of that that's unusual where did come from look I don't love it I don't love it but is there another name that you'd be happy with and maybe you can work together I say that like when my family members come to me and have floated

names for their kids I always tell them the truth and I do it in a diplomatic way if I don't love the name I will say that but I'll say it in a way that if they name it that you're not gonna be embarrassed forever I'll be like oh it's not my it's not my fave are there any other options but you know and I think you can do the same thing with your grandparents but at the end of the day is it worth causing a divide within your family it's not like they're called fanny and dick nothing wrong with those names nothing wrong i would love to know what's the weirdest thing that you like if you have a weird name a grandparent name that you call your grandparents or that they've self-asked for can you send it in because i think that these are really interesting

i do think as a base rule grandparents choose their name i think mostly grandparents pick what they want to be called within reason i think parents do have the option the right of past to say, okay, we're not going to call you that because that's just too crazy out there. I think that there is a way in, but I do think that ultimately it does come down to the grandparents to be comfortable with the name that they're going to be called for the rest of your child's life. That is a big thing as well. So make sure that you're approaching it with a little bit of compassion, I guess, because this is obviously when you become a parent, it's like the most like you're centered at it. It's all about you, but there is a part of it that's about them as well. Becoming grandparents is such a big

thing seeing their child have a baby that it's a huge experience and a huge transition for them and yeah and there are so many cultural names yeah and their excitement wanting to choose these names that your child calls them is also something that's really joyful so i mean yeah i would say approach this conversation with caution and with love and maybe direct them and guide them towards a name that you feel more comfortable with rather than just vetoing a name i think oki i could get around. Occy's cute. Yeah. But Coogie to me, I just think of a cougar. Like I'd have to change Coogie. Occy's great. I actually think Occy's really, it's really like a little, we're going to go to Occy's house. I love that. Also for reference, Matt is Gongy in our family to the

cousins. So Gongy, Millie couldn't say uncle Matt properly when she was little and she just started calling him Gongy and it's just always stuck. So we go, it's where, you know, Aunty Laura and gongy. So kids often, and it's, it's so stuck. Like kids often come up with their own things anyway. So I don't, yeah, I mean, you can choose and pick the things that you want to be, but often they'll say something and then that's cute and it sticks too. Anyway, that is it from us guys. Please keep your questions coming into Instagram. Just put the heading Ask Uncut. And if you have an aftermath, I can't stress enough. We froth them. We really want to know. And you guys want to know, you guys are always writing into us saying what happened? What's the follow-up of

that question it's almost like watching a movie until 10 minutes before the end and never knowing what happens that's what it feels like every day of our lives for five and a half years that might be why we have more stress in our life than we think we need it's because we never get to know the resolution for these we want all of you to write in and tell us what happened and then we'll start doing aftermath episodes if you actually start sending in what you did if you took our advice or not we'll start putting out aftermath anyway that is it from us guys also send in your accidentally unfiltered leave a review if you love the app share it with a friend send in your ass down cuts for next week and you know the drill to your mom to your dad to your dog to your friends

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