Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Was that an orgasm or did you spasm?

Episode Date: August 3, 2022

Hey lifers!Gosh it's nice to be back and answering your deep, dark and burning questions.We had some super spicy ones come through while we were on break so without further ado, today we're looking at: How do you know if you've had an orgasm? I don't like my engagement ring. The thoughtfulness behind the surprise ring is really lovely but I've upset him by saying it. Have I done the wrong thing by being honest? I was recently on holidays in Thailand with my husband and two kids. We were on a boat with some hot backpackers in little bikinis. The way I saw my husband staring at the girls has made me feel like he's a creep. Are all 'husbands' like this?  If you have a question you'd like us to tackle, or a follow up on what's happened since, send it on it @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany.

And this is our down and dirty, sexy, fun little Thursday episode where we answer all your deep, dark and burning questions. Do you still feel random? Do you still feel, even though we've been back a few days from our Bali trip, actually been back a while. I feel like this weird jet lag, but the time difference is only two hours. Like what is, is that actually jet lag or am I having holiday withdrawals? I think it's a bit of both, but also I'm like with you on the jet lag thing because like, okay, if you normally wake up at 6am, you're now waking up at what is Bali 4am. Like that's jet lag. That's fine. You

can have it with two hours. I think sometimes when the travel is less time, the jet lag is more severe. I don't know if that's a fact. No one quote us on that. I've certainly done zero research, but I do have two kids that are also jet lagged because their sleep pattern since getting home is fucked and it is not enjoyable for anyone especially in my household and that is why I had to just make you your third cup of coffee for the day I would like to say it is 5 p.m and that's why you've had three but it's three and it's probably like 10 a.m and it's like to my eyeballs but it's keeping me feeling I'm feeling great this is exactly what I need in my life but this is very convenient because Starbucks at home are our sponsor for today's episode they are a long-term

partner of ours and one we absolutely love. Now, Starbucks at home have three different roasts. They have the blonde, the medium and the dark. So there really is something for everyone. And Starbucks at home can help you be more confident and creative with your coffee making at home also. And let me just say, Brittany Hockley, you have gotten very good at milk frothing. Very good. Because you drink so many coffees. You can put this on your resume as one of your true skills. But let's get in to what today's episode is all about. And that is answering all of your questions. We have been on break. We have had so many questions come in, like hundreds and thousands. And I'm sorry that we don't get a chance to get back to or answer every single

question. We do have an amazing person who works in admin now who goes through and actually replies to everyone. So we guarantee that your messages have all been seen, but we have picked out a few for today. Before we do get into this, I want to just talk about something I just read. So obviously we've just come home from holidays from overseas. We've come back. How long do you think we can talk about holidays for before people start reviewing us and saying Laura and Brittany only ever talk about fucking holidays until we go on another holiday all right three months later no I just thought this was just for me this timing from the universe I was like maybe I need to move somewhere else don't hate me Laura but this is what I felt I read this article by Time Out magazine and I

thought great I need to pack up and move countries Time Out magazine just did a survey with about 20,000 different people from all over the world that's a fair few people it's a lot of people If you've got 20,000 people in a room, it would be a big wedding, put it that way. Now, the results that came back about Sydney do not instill a lot of confidence in me. It came back that three quarters of people said Sydney was pretty much the number one city in the world, like the worst city in the world to make friends, like to meet anybody new. They were saying that we weren't very nice people and it wasn't easy and I guess people

are all in their cliques maybe, like maybe it's hard to break that barrier. but that many people have said it's not a friendly city on top of that they've come back as a loveless city they've said it is so hard to be single here now this is people that have traveled from all over the world and spent time here and spent times in other countries so they've said being single is fucking cooked like don't go there but you know why i think sydney is so hard for meeting new people it's also because we have no nightlife anymore well that was the third thing there's no nightlife that was it it was the second worst place in the world for nightlife what's the first worst place in the world it doesn't say which one is probably probably somewhere like

Antarctica I would say that that probably has a fucking bad nightlife it's the North Pole what else has a terrible no but I mean like it makes sense right like not that you need to be drinking to make friends or anything like that but like going out being able to like have a bit of a boogie have a party like that is where so many best friends are made in bathrooms or like you you meet new people you change numbers whatever like think about the amount of friends that you made when you're in your 20s and you're going out and you're being social versus the way that Sydney is set up now it's like you arrange to go for dinner with people who you already have a foundation of friendship with absolutely so now you can't go out you can't make friends you

can't fall in love so it's it's it's not ideal but speaking of love actually I am going on a date tonight with someone from Sydney actually no he's from England but he lives in Sydney now but i am going on a date tonight wish me luck he's not from australia so this could be a positive thing after hearing those results because no sydney person will date you because they're already they don't want to open up their circle i mean i wasn't gonna go that far but keep me on down no i want to say one thing because i think like on this like little report that's being done i think that people who live in sydney and like we obviously are from sydney right so this is this is definitely not a sydney-based podcast in terms of like we are open to all

areas it goes out all across Australia and the world but mostly you guys are from Australia so I think that people who live in Sydney think that Sydney is the best place to live whereas like if you ask people in Melbourne they will say that Melbourne is the best place to live if you ask there is like a fucking rivalry and every time I have been to Melbourne or I have been to other metropolitan cities in Australia I'm always like wow I think they're a bit better than Sydney like Melbourne is better it has so much culture there is so much nice stuff to do it's just that it's often raining and cold not to like stereotype but it is better no but also it's not just Melbournians that think Melbourne's better the rest of the world also thinks Melbourne's better

I think we can give that one to them also Adelaide freaking great very underrated small a long way away its own country great wouldn't even let people in during COVID because it was so good they didn't want us it has its own micro climate do you know okay going back to this whole thing that you're doing tonight which is going on a date this whole weird thing that no one knows what a date yeah this very foreign concept uh that is called a date i read something that i want to share with you before we get into answering questions now it is trending on tiktok uh it is also trending across all news websites at the moment so not only if you're not on tiktok like if you google this word you will find it you may have even heard other people talking about it so

could collectively say it's trending it's a fucking thing it is a thing and i heard it thrown around a few times whilst we were on holidays and i put it into my notes because i was like i need to talk to you about this brit and that is vabbing is are you saying vaping with an accent hey man no is it like dabbing with a vape no it is dabbing something though dabbing your vagina the vaping well dabbing a what your vagina i mean dabbing a vagina how or you would do it you do everything else to it this is this is really great i feel like we're playing a game of charades now okay so for anyone who doesn't know vabbing is something that has taken the world by storm uh it currently has 35.7 million views on tiktok wow i need to get out more there is a lot of

conversations happening about vabbing vabbing is when you take your vaginal juices i knew it was the vagina and you dab it on your erogenous zone so like under your arms you dab it on your neck you dab it on your wrists and you use your vaginal discharge as perfume should i do this on my date tonight see what happens yes so apparently it is like how you use your pheromones to be able to attract the opposite sex and there are so many people doing it and there are so many people documenting their experiences with vabbing i do not want to walk around smelling people's vaginas down the street like this you might be imagine if someone was doing it and then they just gave you a hug and you didn't know that they'd bad that morning i mean there's no consent there is

where's the line okay but it's like okay so apparently and you want to think about it scientists have been trying to manufacture like artificial chemical based pheromones for the better part of the last three decades right like I mean Gwyneth Paltrow did it with her candle didn't she yeah well no I think that actually smelled more like patchouli oil or patchouli oil or whatever it was whatever her vagina smelled like like literally smell like dried flowers no so like this is something that scientists have been trying to do for a long time because there is so much money to be made if you could create a bottled version of what pheromones are and I guess the thing is is that it happens in the animal kingdom like dogs do it cats do it what

who i let other animals do it i'm sure loads monkeys and i think that we kind of do it to some level like i mean you know you might like your the smell your partner's bo but not like the smell of anyone else's bo that's a thing right like i don't think no that's a thing matt's bo doesn't smell bad to me but i'm sure it smells bad to other people i remember and you've just made me think of this but i remember my very first boyfriend he was a builder like he stink at the end of the day like 10 hours in the sun sweating but i remember i used to love it like it used to do things to me but if you just walk past someone that you don't know at the gym and you smell them you're like bro go put some deodorant on so apparently this is a thing there

are hordes of women out there who are dabbing their vaginal discharge onto their bodies in the hopes of attracting men and oh my god laura i just realized what the smell is in here you you have tested this on me having you absolutely not absolutely there's there is nothing that i'm going to gain from doing that in this environment whatsoever okay but let me just this is how i feel about this we already have to go to so much effort on dates like you've got to shave your legs you've got to like fix what's happening downstairs you gotta like shave your underarms you've got to do your hair you've got to put makeup on there's so much effort that women have to go to when they're going on dates right so this is just one extra step and then do you put your dab on and then

put perfume on or do you just dab and go? No, you dab and go. You don't dab, spray and go because it covers up the dab. But then what if you get there and you smell like a vagina? Well, it's the point. That's the whole point. What if you get there and you smell like a vagina and your date looks at you and goes, you smell oddly like a vagina. Do you think I should try it tonight? I will. I will pay you money to go on a date and report back for the podcast. If I had to go and get a vagina ozonizer for content you are gonna dab and come back and report can i just say no one made you go and get the vagina ozonizer you were like frothing at the bits to go and get that done you kept it a secret you're like this is gonna be great i did it purely for content guys

i did it for the greater good of this podcast yeah right well look my date just messaged me right now do you want to see him and just tell me if you think i should dab okay all right here we go Brittany's showing me a photo. This is what's happening. I'm getting a live viewing of tonight's date. Do you know what I really like? Okay, you can zoom in there. He's the one with the dog.

I really like when somebody uses your name. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you should like it. You should dab. Brittany is dabbing tonight. That is, you need to go. I keep calling it dabbing. You need to go and dab some bab.

That is one boy. Hello. What is his name? Oh, yeah. Cute. I thought you could. Cute. Hmm. Anyway, I'm not, I don't think he's the right person to trial the dam.

Oh, I think if anyone was going to have a little, hello. Oh yeah. Oh, I approve of this one. I don't really approve of many. She never approves of any. Okay. Well, I'm looking forward to a live update after this date. Okay, well you're in 2014 now on his Instagram. Should I like one? All right, let's get into the questions for today. First off the ranks,

we have a very important one. All right. Question number one. Hi guys. I've been in a relationship with my partner, for two years and we have an amazing relationship he's the first person I've ever had sex with and it's been great at least I think so now I don't know what it's like to orgasm and there has been a few times when I've spasmed but I'm not sure if this means I've come what is it like for you and do you know if it's happened this you can take this one first for it yeah I can see you giggling away over there this is actually a very very good question and a very fair question and I think pretty common because maybe a lot of people don't know but not everyone can orgasm

like that is a thing even the people that do orgasm orgasm very differently some do a clitoral like external orgasm some are internal orgasm and some people and I believe Laura from our conversations we both know people in life that haven't orgasmed and not for not want of trying but they haven't got there and this is actually brilliant because we are going to do a whole episode on orgasms very very soon but in answer to your question on on how do you know if you've done it i mean i can only speak for myself because i've only orgasmed for myself but you know it feels so good like you know that that is happening at the time so okay i don't know this is why i think the question is an interesting one because for me the sensation of having an orgasm is so

unmistakable that i i 100 know i've had an orgasm and that is from the very first time i ever had one you know i was like oh this is an orgasm and some of them get way better especially from the first time to the last time they get better but like but yeah you you can't not when it's happening you can't not know what's happening but then i think when she says no i've definitely spasmed but I don't know if that's an orgasm what could that be like maybe maybe this person who's writing in is having orgasms or they're having a really heightened sense of arousal but maybe in their mind they think that an orgasm is supposed to be this like transcending toe curling euphoric like I go I fucking astral plane to another planet moment and maybe they can be but maybe that's

not what their orgasms are because obviously every single person is going to be different and even though I think people experience orgasms in a similar way, they definitely don't experience it in the same way. Yeah, this is exactly right. And one thing I want to add here is, and all I'm going to say is definitely tune into the episode we're going to do, because we will ask all these questions and we will really draw this out. But we've spoken to sexologists in the past that have said orgasms can be learned. They can be something that you can teach yourself and your partner and your body to improve or experience differently or on different levels so what Laura just said could very much be true you could be having one but you could be very much stuck in your own mind

thinking is it happening is this it am I having it like what am I experiencing so maybe you're not in that moment enough to enjoy it and experience it and let go like this is just I mean we don't know this is just a thought process that if you find yourself thinking that at that time maybe try and just be really present in that moment and really enjoy what is happening as opposed to like worrying if it's happening also i think like on this and what you said earlier brit about how there is clitoral orgasms and how there is an internal orgasm the type of intensity that you can get from different types of orgasms is like that's something that plays and factors in like a lot of people will only orgasm if there's external stimulation the way you are waving

those two fingers around as you talk Laura you are waving two fingers by external stimulation there's a lot going on I talk with my hands but I guess the thing is is that from what we've learned from the interviews we've done in the past with sexologist Chantal Otten and also sexologist Juliet Allen internal orgasms that are achieved from internal stimulation can be far like far more intense than an external one but I also and I also on top of that Laura before you go on is that they can literally on top of it jumping on top of you as you wave those fingers around out of my babbing this morning no but the other thing is like yes internal can be different to external but also when they're

combined they can be different as well so if they're happening at the same time you're having penetrative sex something's going on with the clitoris simultaneously and they're together that can be different again so there are just so many there's not a one size fits all well to round out this question, I did do a bit of research on this, uh, not physical research. Uh, I do just once. Can you make me orgasm so I can see what it's like to tell the girls to explain to people what my orgasms feel like? No, this has got nothing to do with my personal experience, but this is a bit of information around. And it's a very common question. Like, how do I know if I've had an orgasm? Okay. So the idea of an orgasm is supposed to be the relief

of pressure. So if you've gotten to a point where you're so sexually aroused that you have this intense feeling. And then the orgasm is like a feeling of completeness. Like something has been done. Do you know what I mean? So if you have had this spasm as you describe it, and then afterwards you're like, ah, I feel satisfied now. Like I'm kind of, I'm kind of done. I need a, not necessarily a break, but like there's a calmness that comes afterwards. Like that is an orgasm. And I think that for a lot of people, especially if you don't feel it to the same level of intensity as what a lot of people do. So like for you or I Brit, we undeniably know when it's happened. Like we're like, yes, that's what that was. Cool. I'm done now. Or if you, I mean, I'm like you Brit, you

like to go for multiples, but if I've had one, I'm wham, bam, thank you, ma'am. I'm finished. But I think if you have a level of satisfaction that comes after you've had this spasm or however you describe it, it could be like, this is how it's described in this. I'm going to read this for you there is no one way or one size fits all when it comes to orgasms so the doneness like this feeling of being done may be associated with vigorous muscle jerking or very quiet shivers or just a funny tiredness after sex also so this could range from anything like the full-on all intense body experience of like yes that was levitating levitate i'm astral plane or it could be something that is like a far more subtle experience. And that is simply because everybody

is so incredibly different. Question number two. Tune into our episode for the sexologist. I feel like we have someone on who's way better equipped to comment on orgasms. And also what we're trying, the reason why we haven't got that episode completely finished yet is that we're really wanting to speak to someone who has never experienced an orgasm as well. So somebody who has had an active healthy sex life has had multiple sexual partners but just hasn't experienced an orgasm and how that impacts their like how that impacts their relationships how it impacts their sex life how it impacts the way that they communicate with their partners so that we can give a really sort of full rounded context to that episode okay I'm coming in with question number two

I don't like my engagement ring okay guys my penguin partner of 10 plus years recently finally surprised me with a proposal I mean 10 years you've you've put in the effort girl 10 years is a long time I was at a point where I thought this would never happen as we always prioritized other things over the years example holidays house babies we have a toddler and another on the way but he recently went out by himself and chose a ring design sourced a diamond with a jeweler and surprised me the thoughtfulness behind this I am so grateful for and it really demonstrates his personality traits that I love so much. However, I was slightly underwhelmed by his choice. Having been interested in fine jewelry for a while now, I know a bit about diamonds and

let's just say I would have put a bit more priority on carat size rather than the best colored diamond within the budget that he spent. I sat on this for a few weeks and finally told him and asked him how he would feel if I investigated a different diamond choice. I love the design. I just wanted to see what options there were for a bigger center stone within his budget curiosity just got the better of me and i couldn't stop thinking about it so i felt the need to be honest with him especially since i will be wearing this ring for the rest of my life but he has been really hurt by this comment ever since which has made me feel terrible and ungrateful have i done the wrong thing by being honest with him on his engagement ring choice oh it's a really hard one i mean i see

why he's hurt for sure I absolutely see why he's hurt but as someone okay as someone who is a jeweler like um that's that's my job for anyone who doesn't know hashtag Tony May so if anyone who wants to get an engagement ring designed I'm here I'm waiting I'm available not officially sponsored so I got nothing from that okay so there is so much even if it might seem thoughtless so even if to you you're like this is not my style I don't like this normally and typically when someone proposes there is still a lot of thought that and a lot of like a lot of time and a lot of pressure and a lot of emotion that's gone into that choice or the choice of that ring by your partner sometimes people get it wrong like they just do sometimes they're not

attuned with the clues or with your style and he's only had 10 years to think about it give him a brain and they purchase something that they like but they're not really necessarily thinking like what is it that you like you know but at the end of the day 99.9% of the time they have put so much effort into finding that ring so there is a bit of an ego bruise that comes with finding out that your partner didn't like it because intentionally they've tried to do the best thing by you so I I anytime that I've ever had it's only happened twice so in all the engagement rings I've ever designed, created. I've had two people come to me and say, my partner doesn't like it or, or even better. I once had a, had a guy halfway through the process. The ring was almost finished. He said,

fuck, my girlfriend has just sent me some photos of rings that she likes. And it's completely different to the ring that we're making. Like, what can we do? Like sometimes people get it wrong. You haven't done anything wrong by voicing the way that you feel. Um, but you do have to have the sensitivity that of course his feelings are hurt and that's also okay and probably for him he probably feels like oh it's ruined the proposal a little bit because your reaction wasn't just like I'm so happy I love the ring I want to marry you your reaction was I want to marry you and I hate this well I think her no I think her reaction was I want to marry you I'm so happy and it was a few weeks later that she was like okay I don't want to put this on my hand and look at it for

the rest of eternity so I'm gonna say something I think I'm trying to put myself in the situation which I've never really come close to and I probably won't in a long time but so it's a look lucky I act so I'm gonna I'm just gonna try and imagine it I think that I would also say something if I detested the ring that much but I would have to really dislike it I think he's just at the end of the day of course he's gonna be a bit hurt that he didn't just nail it like a hundred percent he didn't come in with the goods and it was just like this beautiful happy ending obviously there's a part of me that's like well I just feel like I wasn't fucking good enough in this moment but I think if you explain it and just say exactly that just say I am so over the moon that I get to marry

you and spend my life with you it's like there is no doubt about that I think it's just this isn't 100% my style and I have to wear it forever so if we could just maybe tweak it a little bit this would be brilliant but let's do it together so like take him on the journey with you so you can go and source the new style together. You can pick it together. So he still feels like he has an input and a choice. That would be my suggestion in this. Yeah. And I absolutely agree. I do think that he has to have an input and it has to be something that's done collaboratively. And the only thing that I, and I mean, I have definitely seen this and experienced this before, but like if he says, no, I don't want you to change the ring because that's the ring I proposed to you

with. I do feel that there comes a point where you kind of just have to accept that like that is that is how he feels about it you can't you can't make him be okay with it right I'd be drawing up the divorce paper but you can't you can't make someone so like if he was like no I designed that and I really want that to be the wedding ring like that to be your engagement ring which would be weird it'd be a weird weird flex but I've definitely seen it happen really yes like my ring or nothing like well like this is it as in like I don't want you to change it because then it loses the sentiment from the fact that that's the ring I propose with it's no longer that ring. And so like people become really attached to objects. And I understand that that

is something that a lot of people feel, even if it's not my style, they become attached to the, the meaning that it represents. So they don't want to fuck with that. Cause then they think it's going to, you know, tarnish whatever it was that the proposal was. But what I think you can also do is be like, cool when it's our one year anniversary or when it's our whatever, whatever big milestone that you have, or when it comes to the engagement ring, then you get all the say, You're clearly like, I need, I need a 10 year ring and that's going to then turn into my wedding ring. I'll never wear this again. On our one year anniversary, let's melt that bad boy down and redesign something else. But also like at the end of the day, he's going to be hurt,

but he's going to want you to wear something that you love. 100%. He's not going to flex and say it's the ring or nothing, or I'm leaving. And yes, okay. He's going to be hurt. Normal. You can design it together. You can create something you love together. I think that that will be a very normal progression, but this is going to be an ask uncut aftermath, please. Please write back in and tell us what happens with this because i'm not gonna sleep until i find out well okay well here's the other thing though what is more important wearing a ring that you don't love or his feelings the ring is this a trick question no but it's serious like if he's gonna be that hurt by it but also he's i mean come on grow up you're not gonna grow that fuck up all right okay

question number three my husband and our two little girls who are three and five and i were recently on holidays in Thailand. We were on a boat trip and some young backpackers boarded the boat. I'm talking maybe 17, 18 years old, living their best lives in bikinis. Amazing for them. I love that for them. I can see where this is going. This is real life Instagram scrolling. Yeah, but this is a bit more. Okay. Unfortunately, my husband loved it for them too. I know everyone looks and that's fine, but what I saw him do really feels absolutely not fine with me. when the girls walked past i saw him staring right at their crotch and the look on his face gave me the absolute fucking ick he zeroed in on all of their crotches as they walked past

it was unmistakable and i can't get past it i already had a bad feeling about him to be honest and now i feel even more like i don't trust him i guess my question is how common do you think this is do all men do this or is my husband a complete creep what I can say is this is a I mean I didn't pre-read that question so this is coming in Brittany did a research she really prepped not this one yeah I'm pulling the uh my jaw up off the ground right now the first thing that jumps out at me in that is that you said and I don't think this is ever a sentence that should be said I don't have a good feeling about my husband I never have like that to me I feel like when you are choosing a life partner you have a good feeling about them so there's definitely uh

an underlying alarm bell there for me that whether something has happened with you guys in the past that obviously we don't know that but maybe something has set you on that track or maybe this is just that guttural deep instinct that as women is built into us that sometimes you just feel like something isn't right but I think that I think that that sentence I always got a bad feeling kind of a thing i don't think that sentiment belongs in a in a sentence with your husband oh i'm jumping in hot on this one this to me is a fucking huge red flag yeah and yes sure people look it's okay to appreciate beautiful people that is fine is it okay to predatory stare at another woman's crotch especially like no woman i was gonna say especially a young girl

literally no woman like no one no one there is a appreciating beauty there's a oh that girl's really attractive there's a hey I'd like to tap that and then there's a I'm not even taking into account the person's face but I'm like staring at them in a way that is like wildly predatory and that's what I got from this question and there is a reason why you feel the way that you feel and there is a reason why it's made you as uncomfortable as it's made you I think think that there's something about this question that gave me the instant ick. I can tell by your physical reaction, Britt, that it gave you the ick. And I think it's really important to draw a line in the sand with this. It's not normal for men to perv like that. Matt, he checks out other

hot chicks. I'm so fine with it. He will appreciate beauty. Usually he'll be like, oh, that girl's really beautiful. I feel included in that. He doesn't do it in a way that makes me feel uncomfortable. And the fact that your husband around your two children and you felt like it was okay to view somebody else, but in a way that was actually just like so explicit, I think is quite problematic and not something that is normal. So I don't want anyone to think like, oh, it's fine. My boyfriend was totally staring at that chick's boobs and like, I'm okay with it. Yeah. And also I'm going to hone in on this one too. It is very, very normal to check out other people like at any point in a relationship not in a relationship it's it's human nature you're

always going to look at someone and appreciate them or be like damn they look really cute they're really beautiful they're hot whatever it is in your vocabulary but this should be something that there's no more thought to it it's an appreciation from afar it's a respectful appreciation and it's not an appreciation that happens in front of your partner like in a relationship if I see a hot guy down the beach I'm gonna in my head I'm like he's cute then I don't think anything of it and it's a subconscious thought because it's it is literally in building us we've spoken to psychologists about it we've spoken to sex therapists this is something that is built into humans to see something and without even thinking it like if you've just looked at something without even thinking it

you're like wow that's that's she's really pretty he's he's really beautiful it shouldn't be to the detriment of your relationship it shouldn't be to you shouldn't be feeling bad in a relationship that your partner's doing that and like you said laura if they are going to do it jordan and i used to do it for sure but we would also everyone would know like you just said it would be inclusive wouldn't be like look how hot that guy is but i'd be like oh that tennis player is really attractive like i would say that to him and he'd be like yeah everyone loves him you know there were comments like there'd be comments like that but it's a very inclusive like yeah but even i mean you also of course you know and i'm not saying like that it's normal to be like that guy's really hot like

if matt if we were walking down the street and matt was like that chick's really hot and said it i would be like mate put your fucking head in like no but like you know it's more I guess like what I'm trying to say is is that there's a reason why you feel the level of insecurity and the feeling of like something isn't right here and that's because this behavior truly isn't right if this was me and I was in this situation what's my advice like what do you do when you're married and you have two children I don't know I would absolutely be raising it with him be saying like this happened this is what I saw and this made me feel really really uncomfortable and explaining why, giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, which I don't think that

he deserves it in this instance, but like maybe he didn't realize how overt or what he was doing. And maybe he needs to be pulled up on his behavior and, and, and hopefully he himself feels a bit mortified and disgusted in himself if he's made aware of it and how obvious it was as well. Now, like I said, I don't really feel like it's something that somebody needs the benefit put the doubt on. I just think it's really terrible behavior, but I do think some sort of conversation needs to happen here because we're not going to sit here and tell you to just throw away your marriage and your husband and your happy life together. But if there's something that's made you feel this level of insecure, this level of the ick, and it is completely related to

his behavior and the things that he does that make you feel like he's not trustworthy, you have to communicate this with him. I agree. Good luck. Also, you can't like this can't be avoided because you've got the ick and once you've got the ick in a relationship like you need to confront that or deal with it in some capacity because you can't live forever with the ick well it just will fester and only get worse yeah consume you good luck report back conversation report back for aftermath but also for anybody if you guys have written in and ask uncut if we have answered any of your questions and you have an ask uncut aftermath for us please slide into the dms and Tell us what happened in your life.

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