Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - We missed our birthday... again

Episode Date: July 24, 2024

Hey Lifers,Welcome back to your weekly venting session where we unpack all of your deep, dark and dirty questions!It was our 5th birthday but we missed it... We reflect on what the last 5 years have meant and you're all the fkn best for listening to this podcast and helping us create this community! WE HAVE A NEW HOME FOR OUR VIBES!!Vibes and Unsubscribes page! Britt: Netflix Simone Biles Rising Laura: One Life film Keeshia: Book - Everyone Here Is Lying Then we jump into your questions: WEDDING SAVE THE DATESI’m getting married at the end of this year, we sent the save the dates February this year. Since then we have lost touch with a friend (never see them, never talk to them over social media etc) they are still close friends with mutual friends of ours. If you send someone a save the date, do you have to follow through with the invitation? There’s no other aspect of money being an issue or anything like that, just purely aren’t close with them now and don’t foresee us being close in the future? PARTNER WANTS TO TELL GROCERY STORE, I WANT TO KEEP THE REFUNDMy partner and I can’t agree. He collected our grocery order tonight for $140 worth and they have had IT issues so we never got the message to say our ‘direct to boot’ order is ready so he went inside the store to grab it. Two hours later we got a message to say our order has to be cancelled and we will be refunded due to IT issues. I think they will take the refund as they are a huge company - we spend at least $300 weekly (family of four- 3 kids in nappies🙈). We are farmers in drought struggling to make ends meet so I think treat it like winning the lottery. He thinks we should ring them to let them know we got the order. I know he is morally right but surely sometimes you have to just take a win. What do you think?  DATING SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T QUITE FIT WHAT I PICTURED I’m 28 and have never been in a relationship. A couple of years ago I wrote a list of my ideal man; ambitious, funny, chatty, reliable etc so when I was dating I wouldn’t entertain anyone who wasn’t right for me. I’m in the early stages of dating someone and he ticks everything off the list: he’s really great, I feel safe with him and my friends love him. There’s one small thing that’s niggling at but as I haven’t been in a relationship before I’m still figuring it out. I always pictured myself with someone being the centre of his friend group, could dominate a room, in a sense a bit cocky. But this guy isn’t quite like that! I’m not saying that he’s not confident, but I suppose it looks different to how I envisioned it. I realise I’m overthinking and doubting but any thoughts or advice? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And this is Ask Uncut, where we answer your dark and burning and deep down and dirty questions. Yeah, Therapy Thursday, we call it. We do.

I mean, we've been calling it that for five years, and you know why we've been calling it that for five years? Because that's the name? Because it's our five-year birthday, bitches. Today? No, it was last week, and we didn't celebrate it. Why do we miss every milestone ever? July 17 was actually our birthday. It's now, what, July 25 when we're recording this?

July 24. One week exactly delayed. So we recorded on our anniversary. We did and we completely forgot. And so I'm here to tell you that we have been a happy family for five years. Ben and I celebrated our six-month anniversary and I can't even remember the podcast five-year anniversary. Look, in our defence though, I mean I've had Tony May for almost 16 years now

and not once have I celebrated a birthday. How? To me you're like five years old. 16 or 15. Maybe it's 15. I've not celebrated a birthday so I can't remember. But I started when I was in my early 20s. So, yeah, I'm fucking old, guys.

Fuck, that's how old you are. I know. Do the math. Shocks me. Yeah, five years. Happy anniversary. Happy anniversary, Britt. I would just like to say something.

If it's not going to be super emotional and make me cry, I don't want to hear it. I think I'm your longest relationship, most successful thus far. What do you mean think? You are. A hundred percent. And you always will be too. Unless Life Uncut finishes, if we continue and then Ben and I continue,

you will always love me. loved more by you when i think about my professional goals it's to outlove ben with you but am i yours no no no matt is a longer relationship i met him first and then that is technically how i met you why am i always unrequited love no but no it's like one-sided yeah but it is but it's not as the same it is a little bit triangulated but it's returned brit you know you came into my life and you are right up there as number one i did have a five year i in an eight-year relationship remember so long ago it didn't work evidently but I still had it so I still feel like you've got a trumpet do you know what not the same but I always forget Delilah's

birthday too oh it's so harsh but I don't think that matters as much because she doesn't know she she's a dog okay can I say one more thing oh god do you remember okay I can't even remember my own birthday there must be so many people that listen to this when I make these analogies and be like fucking shut up okay but I'm always going to make these analogies because I don't have kids I always say this thing. I can only imagine what a parent feels like because remember when last year, I think it was, there was one of the dogs from the dog park. It was its birthday. And remember, because we live at the Eastern beaches of Sydney, one of the dogs had a birthday party. They hired the owner, hired a minivan and went around and picked up all the dogs for the

birthday party, took it to somewhere that they hired out. All the dogs had a party. They had cake, they had hats. Then the minibus dropped all the dogs back. I remember this. Delilah was not invited to the dog park birthday i was like i imagine this is what it's like when you're a parent and your kid doesn't get invited to a party because i was up in arms i was like why would you exclude delilah why is she the only dog from the dog park there was one other australian shepherd that also didn't get involved and it's delilah's best friend it was blue delilah's best friend they're the mean girls that's why no they're not the mean girls blue's a boy anyway that was took a segue but going back to the life uncut birthday we laugh but it's such

an achievement the fact that we've had this podcast for five years and it's almost I think we're around like 77 million downloads yeah nearly 80 million that is one we will celebrate five years over 500 and something episodes we are not 600 we are not people who I think you know a lot of other brands out there. And this is not, I think it's actually an amazing thing. I think people should celebrate their achievements and I think we should celebrate them loudly, but we haven't necessarily done that over the years. And it's because often the achievements kind of come and pass us by. And I really was going like Matt and I were talking about it the other night when we were talking about the fact that we've had this business for five years now.

The little cute hobby that you had. That little cute hobby that Matt told me, you know, no one listens to podcasts. Like, why would I want to, I was, you know, at the time, as you guys know, I was pregnant. And Matt was kind of like, why are you taking on more things to do? As hobbies. As hobbies. He was like, it's crazy. But he's obviously so proud of everything that we've achieved, Britt, now.

He's also a podcaster now too. He also now has a podcast. It's a shame that no one listens to podcasts. But we are so incredibly grateful for everything that you guys as listeners have allowed us to be able to create and achieve. Because if it wasn't for you coming on, and some of you are OG listeners, you've been there from the very, very start. Some of you are recent.

Some of you have been there at all different parts of your journey. but if there's ever been an episode that we've done that has meant something to you or it's helped you in some way even if that's anything from just giving you a laugh all the way to helping you through a really challenging part of your relationship it means everything to us and that's been like the absolute kind of juice that's kept this thing going we had no direction whatsoever when we started I remember we were like let's just do a couple episodes see what happens and here we are see it's funny I think we had so much direction I think we knew exactly what we wanted to do with it we didn't might be the wrong word I mean like we didn't know how long it was gonna

last we were like let's just put a couple episodes out and see what happened but we always knew what the core values of life uncut were we always knew what we wanted to do with it we always knew the conversations we wanted to have pinkies and stinkies yeah yeah I mean look I know that we're making it out like we've got a sort of deep political podcast that's moved mountains no but we wanted to talk about relationships and that's where this whole thing started and I think at its very core even though we talk about lots of things these days we always come back to things that matter when it comes to relationships and whether that relationship is with your partner, whether that's a relationship with your job, whether that's your relationship with money, or whether

that's your relationship with yourself. They're the episodes that I think mean the most to me. And, and this is just taking a second to say, I'm so fucking grateful that we get to do this for a job. So thank you guys. Do you know what one thing that I, I don't know if I've ever told you guys this, I hope I have, because I was a listener before I worked for you. And I was, it was 2020 that I started listening to the podcast. I was living in Victoria. Anyone who was down there at that time need I say more we really lacked connection because we were in lockdown for the whole fucking year and the podcast was this form of connection for me it made me feel less lonely and I think that I just felt like I had like a sense of what was going on but also

it was like an easy entry and I think that still exists now for a lot of people like sometimes if you're not feeling that great you can chuck a podcast on to feel better sometimes if you just want to go for a walk by yourself and listen to something but you don't have to give much mental input. The amount of people who've messaged and be like, I know you don't know me, but I feel like we're best friends. That is like such a privilege. It's such, I, you know, guys, I'm going to get emotional. I'm just very grateful. And I'm so happy that we get to do this for a job and happy birthday Life Uncut because five years is a fucking huge achievement in this world. And I'm really proud of us. The funniest thing just happened actually, just before we're coming in

here, I was lining up to get our coffees at the coffee shop. And so I was ordering and talking to the women behind the counter and we're having a laugh because we all know each other at work, having a big laugh and then I turned around and the girl that was directly behind me was like oh my god she's like it makes so much sense and she turned her phone around she's like I'm listening to you right now but then I was like why does it sound like surround sound because I because I was in front of her also laughing and talking so she was looking at her phone being like is it skipping is it double playing yeah she was like what's happening it was literally surround sound and I was like I love that thank you so much for listening but it was it was very

funny moment but they're the moments we froth like when you actually see someone in the wild and we get to meet you guys yeah can I say I really quickly I know we're going on I had that happen it was only a couple weeks ago I was in Tony May I had Delilah a beautiful listener walked in she looked at me she looked at Delilah and she kind of was just like what the she's like you working she turned her phone and she showed me she's like I'm listening to you guys I'm in Laura's store. Delilah's here. You're here. And she was shopping for earrings for her wedding. Oh, that's so nice. It was so lovely. And I thought this is actually such a funny, like full circle moment. Doesn't get more life on cutting than that. There's three components

of this. And yeah, it was very, it was a really nice moment. All of that said, I think it's probably time for vibes and unsubscribes. Yeah. Okay. I will start then. My vibe this week is a Netflix documentary. Very timely because of the Olympics. It's Simone Biles. The documentary series is called Simone Biles Rising. It's only two episodes, I think, of two hours each, so probably four and a half-ish. I don't know exactly, but it's not too long. And if you don't know Simone Biles, she's the most decorated gymnast

of all time, and she's absolutely incredible. She's American. And you may or may not remember, but back in 2020 at Tokyo Olympics, everyone was like, cool, she's just going to wipe the floor with gold medals because she's so incredible. Like she has gymnastic moves named after her because she's the only one that can do them. She's just so good that she makes up new moves with new spins and twists and no one else can do them. So what happened in the 2020 Olympics was she actually pulled out.

Something started happening to her that has never happened. She wasn't landing. She was going up and like, you know, hitting the springboard, doing nothing like what she was supposed to be doing. And she ended up talking a lot in this documentary about what happened then. and it's something called like the twisties or something that happens inside a gymnast's head where the brain no longer can connect to the body. Almost like a vertigo type thing. Yes and it's something that happens in the gymnastic world with how many spins and stuff they do. It's like the thing that they all fear. So she would be going and doing the jumps in the air and the

flips and her brain's like triple flip whatever whatever whatever whatever but it's just not connecting and her body can't do it. Wow that's so petrifying. Yeah so she had to pull out because you can die yeah like yes and she wasn't being able to compete anyway so she pulled out and then it just follows she never thought she would compete again she talks a lot about her mental health and finding her husband who's a football player over there she never thought she'd make her way back but she's at the olympics now so this is her comeback and the documentaries followed her the last couple of years netflix netflix yeah okay did it cover the controversy that happened with the coaches yes yeah yeah it also she also touches on a lot of you might remember too a lot

of the sexual assault accusations that happened within the gymnastics team in America and all of the young girls came well they're not young girls now they're women but they were young girls when it happened it covers that as well so that also leads into her having to admit that she's having some mental health issues and that was a really big thing for her to say I actually do need to go and get help especially in that athlete world where everyone puts you on the pedestal and you don't have issues so yeah I found it fascinating educational inspiring really great unreal I have a bit of a different vibe for this week my book club have started I say I say reading but I'm an audiobook girl my book club have started reading until then we just drink wine well I was in it

for the social aspect to be honest started reading that's the best line they read I listen to the audiobooks you can get if you pay for Spotify premium you can get 15 hours of free audiobooks per month so this one I just found out it was only released 20 days ago it is by Shari Lapina Now, she might be familiar to you because she has written thrillers called The Couple Next Door, which I think they turned into a TV series. I just watched that with Sam Heughan, my celebrity crush. A stranger in the house, an unwanted guest. She is a New York Times bestselling author over and over and over again.

This is her new one called Everyone Here is Lying. I'll just read out the plot line for you. William Willer is a family man on the surface, but he's been having an affair and that affair ended horribly this afternoon at a motel up the road. So when he returns to his house, devastated and angry to find his difficult nine-year-old daughter Avery unexpectedly home from school, William loses his temper. Hours later, Avery's family declare her missing. Suddenly, Stanhope doesn't feel so safe, and William isn't the only one on the street

who's hiding a lie. As witnesses come forward with information that may or may not be true, Avery's neighbours become increasingly unhinged. Well, initially, I was like, I'm not really into thrillers. I have inhaled this book. I've had my speaker on and I'm carrying it around with me in the house. Showering. Why don't you just put your headphones in?

Last night. Why do you carry your boombox around? Because I can shower and stuff because it's waterproof. Keisha's also like, Toba needs to listen to this as well. Everyone needs to enjoy this book. Keisha with a boombox on her shoulder, like walking around with her audio book. No, it's one of the tiny Wonderboom ones. My book club have inhaled this book in literally a day.

I love that. I needed a new book recommendation. It's also hard when you haven't gotten a good book in a while, you haven't sat down and read for like a while, it's hard to know where to start. You kind of feel like you're a bit out of the book world. Page one usually. Yeah, it's always a good spot.

Anyway. But if you are wanting a book that like just such easy entry that you can just consume that's gripping, highly recommend. It is called Everyone Here is Lying by Shari Lapina. It is brand new, just came out on the 4th of July. Perfect. I'm excited about that recommendation and also get excited about this one because this is one of the best. This is one of the best movies I have seen in such a long time.

It's a biographical drama. It's a true story and it came out last year, but I had not heard of it. And my lovely mother-in-law was like, we need to watch this. So she watched it recently when she was in France and it was in French, but she was like, I think I missed parts of the storyline. I really want to watch it again in English. It has Anthony Hopkins in it. The way in which the biography is told is it's him telling his story from when he was 29 years old. Now, this story is based around the life of a man named Nicholas Winton. He was a British man who went to Prague during the middle of World War II when Hitler invaded Czechoslovakia. There was thousands of displaced Jewish refugees in Czechoslovakia at the time. And so he went over

there. He was a young banker. And when he got there, he discovered that there were thousands of children who were living in refugee camps at the precipice of winter coming and he realised they were all going to die, they were all going to perish in winter. And so he came back to England and with his mum they started a ground roots charity and what that charity did is it put out a call out for as many British families who would home and foster any Czechoslovakian children that they could

or any of these refugee children that they could and they ended up homing 669 children. They got visas for them. they brought them over. And as some of you may or may not know, but basically every single person in those refugee camps ended up dying and being taken to concentration camps. So he saved so many children. It's an incredible story. The way in which the story is told is it's him retrospectively, and he's such a humble man. Nobody knew at the time the impact that he had made during the Holocaust. Sounds like a tea jerker, doesn't it? Holy shit. I was a blubbering mess sitting on my

couch but I don't want to tell you the end of it because the end of it's really really remarkable and you have to watch it because it was one of those movies that leaves you and it makes you think for days about it please go watch it it's called One Life I watched it on Apple TV but I had to pay for it to watch it on Apple TV but it is also on Amazon Prime so there's a couple of places where you can watch it it's phenomenal we have some exciting news usually at this point we say that the vibes go in our show note but because every week every week we get lots of messages we get facebook posts in the discussion group saying a couple weeks ago someone mentioned this and i can't remember i don't know which episode it was in so i'm not going to go back and try and

find it we now have a place that the vibes will live it is on the website if you go onto lifeuncutpodcast.com.au along the top it says episodes about us merch and then there is a whole page that says vibes and it will have each person's vibe you can click on it it will have a Link to it, and it will live there for probably about two months, I think. I think we'll do like eight weeks' worth on the one page. Yeah, it's not going to be there forever, so you've got to get in quick, kids. And, Keisha, you did a very good job making this happen. Thank you.

Also, speaking of the website, lifeuncutpodcast.com.au, if you need yourself a jumper, there's some really amazing, beautiful, ah, we love, love Life Uncut jumpers. They are so comfy. I'm not even just saying this because they're ours, and everyone that has ever worn them is like, holy shit, they're such good quality. The inside is so warm and soft.

I wear mine to death. So they're $79. You can go and purchase them straight from the website so you can check out your vibe and get some merch on the way out. Question number one. I'm getting married at the end of this year. We sent the Save the Dates February this year. Actually, that's not a lot of time.

That's very recently. That is a very short period of time between a Save the Date and a wedding, right? As someone that's now engaged, someone that's now thinking about these things, guys, that's a short amount of time. How much time would you leave in between the Save the Date and the actual wedding date? Well, to be honest, I want to get married this time next year.

You are fast-tracking stuff. Like you, I mean, you're like locking him down. I think a year is fine. I think a year is fine. Yeah, I agree. But then we just couldn't get the save the dates out, so it's probably not going to happen. Anyway, that's a whole other story.

Let's get back to the elicitus problem. Not mine. I'm getting married later this year. Since then, we have lost touch with a friend. We never see them. We never talk to them over social media. Nada. They're still close friends with other mutual friends of ours though.

Question is, if you send someone a save the date, do you then have to follow up with the actual invitation or can you just ghost them? There's no other aspect of money being an issue or anything like that. It's purely just that we're not friends with them now. We don't foresee a friendship with them in the future. So with only like an eight month in between a save the date and an invitation, can you cut it? It's not even been that.

It's been five months. No, but between the wedding, like can you just not? Actually, yeah, because when they send the invite, it would have been like two, three months. Well, yeah, I mean we're only July now and this was February so it's been five months. How have you not sent the invitations? What do you mean?

She only sent the save the date. She hasn't sent the invitation and it's at the end of the year. Girl, you're cutting it fine. No, because she sent the save the date so it's fine. Invitations only go out like two months before the wedding. No, for your wedding they did. I don't think that's normal. I don't think that's standard practice.

So I – man, it's so awkward. It's so awkward because I feel uncomfortable. It's awkward because there's just not enough time between your save the date and your actual wedding invitation and your wedding. So that is probably why I feel differently about it because I did this. So this happened from like Matt and I, but the problem was still turned up. I know I sent her a text and I was like, Oh God, finally, she keeps nagging me. No, Matt and I sent out the save the dates, but then because of COVID, our wedding date

changed multiple times. So can I just add one thing in before we continue? Laura says she saved the dates and then she says she sent her invitations and we kept saying to her, okay, we're not invited because she hasn't actually sent them. And I kept saying, oh, you haven't sent them. You're like, no, no, no, no, I swear I have. After like eight months we realised that she had this random website

and everything was going to spam. So no one ever got the saved dates and no one ever got the invitation. Every single person except for you guys managed to receive it, which is so hilarious. it is. Anyway, look, it was good for me because at least then I could pick and choose who I actually wanted at the wedding. No. So we sent out save the dates. Then our wedding date changed twice. So it got pushed back by two years longer than when we were actually supposed to get married because of COVID. And there was one friend who I had sent, well, actually it was a couple,

but I'd sent save the dates to. And then in that two years, I had never heard from them, not a text not a phone call hadn't seen them not a like congratulations that you had another baby like nothing absolute zilch radio silence so then when it came to sending out the actual wedding invitations matt and we went through the the guest list matt was like i've never met this couple and i was like yeah i know because you've never met them you've never spoken to them i haven't spoken to them and so i just didn't send a wedding invitation to them so i went for the ghosting route. I took the high road. I blocked and ghosted. I didn't send them a message to say, hey, you're not invited. But I don't think that they were surprised that they weren't invited

because we've very much like gone separate ways since, you know, nothing bad happened. We just kind of fell out of our friendship. I do think that this situation is a little bit more awkward than what mine was. But, and I might be in the wrong for this, it's your wedding and you're entitled to invite whoever you want to to your wedding. And you are also entitled to change your mind if you want to change your mind it may mean that they hold a grudge against you but you have said here just purely we're not close with them now and I don't foresee us being close with them in the future so I take that last line as though you don't care if you're not friends with them in the future so for the sake of a bit of awkwardness you're going to save yourself 500 bucks by not

having them at the wedding and I would just ghost I would just not send them an invitation I'm going down a different route I would just not send them an invitation whilst I agree with what you said like it's at the end of the day it is your wedding you absolutely do not have to invite anyone you don't want to invite but what I will say is I think that you should invite them I know listen hear me out you've said it's got nothing at all to do with money like you've got the space for them you've booked your wedding right you've already got their seat done you've paid for it if you're a couple months out the wedding's paid for you've sent the invitations you're not not friends you just haven't been in a lot of contact you don't see yourself friends with them in the future I

can guarantee you're not going to be friends with probably a lot of people that go to your wedding seasons change friendships change you have also said that you've got like a big group of mutual friends I don't think it's worth it in this situation when it's only a couple of months away you only just sent the save the dates I don't think it's worth it for the future awkwardness when you are all in the same group to not invite them purely because in the future you don't think it's going to work out if they had done something or had there been a huge falling out or there was a big clashing of hands or something. I totally get that. But I think this is going to cause you so much more hassle in the future because of how tight your friendship group is. If it was a random

that lived in Perth, I say that because I'm in Sydney, that lived five hours away. Everyone who listens in Perth is like, we're not all random. Renee, I love you. My best friend lives in Perth. Renee, you will be invited to the wedding. You are invited to the wedding, yeah. But what I'm trying to say is if they don't live close and they're not intertwined in your life, your family or your friends, I think that's an easy decision. But you're going to see these guys all the time. Everyone's going to talk about the wedding. You're making it awkward as fuck for

you for the next however many years. You're not going to see them all the time because it's been five months and you haven't seen them or spoken to them. Mutual friends. Okay. I have changed my mind slightly. I love when this happens. But only a little bit. I don't think you have to have them at your wedding. If you're so convinced that you're not going to be friends with them in the future and you have had no contact with them, I don't think that you have to invite people out of politeness to your wedding, but maybe ghosting is not the right course of action. I think another probably much more palatable way of doing it would be to send them a message saying, I'm so sorry. I know that we've sent out save the dates, but financially we've had to downscale the

wedding a little bit. And I, you know, we love you. We want to see you. Maybe we can go out for dinner or something pre-wedding, but unfortunately because of having to downscale the size and costs and things, we aren't able to have you at the wedding. And I know that that means that they're on the bottom rung of friends. But at the same time, they probably know they're already there anyway, if they haven't spoken to you for five months. I don't think not talking over social media and not seeing them a lot is indicative of not having a friendship. And I say that because that's like a huge part of my life. Most of my friends, I don't see very often. They don't live here. Like, you know, I've got a small group of friends in Sydney, but most of my friends who

will absolutely be coming to my wedding, I probably haven't seen in ages. And our Instagram social media chat involves sporadically sending a meme to the DMs or forwarding a funny thing. And that doesn't mean I value their friendship any less, but it means the older you get when you get to different places in life, sometimes that is how friendships are managed. This is our summary. I think absolutely no one has to go to your wedding that you don't want. But in this particular situation, your question is, I've just sent the save the date. It's a few months to the wedding. They're in my friendship group. Do I do it? It's not a money thing. Yeah. I'm going to say do it this is for me in this particular situation so so do you know what I'd love to

know from you is because Laura and I have given you very different answers I'd love to know what you decide to do can you please write in and tell us if you keep them coming or if you cut the cord if you cut the cord are you ghosting them are you texting them and being honest what are you doing also oh no you can't fucking ghost them no don't ghost them don't ghost them but do send them message saying you're downscaling the wedding I would love to know if someone else has done this If you have done this with your wedding, this is not an uncommon thing. Loz, I think it is uncommon when it's this close. I don't think it's that uncommon.

The only aspect here that throws me is how crammed together the time frame is here between sending the date to now where you have to cancel them and send the actual invitation and the actual wedding. It's like, I think you're setting yourself up for a shit fight. Question number two. My partner and I can't agree. He collected our grocery order tonight for $140 worth, But the company had an IT issue, so we never got the message to say that our direct-to-boot

order, I don't even know what that is. That's where you pick it up and they put it in your boot. Oh, our direct-to-boot order is ready. So he went inside the store to grab it. Two hours later, we got a message to say our order had been cancelled and that we would be refunded due to an IT issue. The thing is, we got our food and now it looks like we don't have to pay for it as the refund is going to come through.

Now, I think because they are a huge company and we spend at least $300 a week from them, I'm talking we're a family of three kids and we buy nappies, et cetera, and we are also farmers in drought, so we have been struggling to make ends meet. So I think that this is a little treat. It's almost like winning the lottery. He thinks we should ring them to let them know that we got the food

and that we don't need a refund. I know he is morally right, but surely sometimes you just have to take a little win in life. Interested to know your thoughts. Oh, I think everyone listening right now is going to feel probably the same way. Morally, yes, your husband is right. Your husband's a good man. Morally, you have received your food.

You do not need to. Morally, you received it. And theoretically, metaphorically, and literally, you received your food. So morally, yes, you've received your food and the money's coming back in. And that means that they are out of pocket. So should you return it? Yes. Are you going to return it?

No, let's be real. Let's be real. I think most people in this situation would probably want to take it like a treat. There'll be people out there that wouldn't, that wouldn't be able to live with themselves. That's fine. What I feel like saying for you is, I feel like this is maybe a little win that you need. You said you're a farmer that's really struggling in drought with three kids. I think you're going to keep it. And I think that's probably okay. I know people will probably come for me for that, but if you're struggling that much and it means that your kids get fed that week and you put nappies on, we know how much the big supermarkets can absolutely annihilate us sometimes. I know it's so wrong. I feel guilty even saying it. If I ever accidentally

take something, I take it back because morally that's what I'm like. I feel really guilty, but I feel like maybe this is a little lotto win for you. I think you are trying to be politically correct for fear of people getting angry at you. I don't steal. I take stuff back. No, of course. Of course you don't, you don't intentionally steal. Like I don't think anyone intentionally steals. Well, actually it's a lie. A lot of people intentionally steal. A lot of people. But I think in this instance, and this comes as someone who is a business owner, like I feel as though there is, and I don't want to say that there's differences in terms of the people that

you steal from. There absolutely isn't. But like some people are going to be more affected by it than others. They absolutely are. That doesn't mean any of it is okay. I don't want anyone listening to this being like, oh, Laura thinks it's okay to steal from the big guys, but I'm not endorsing for anyone to steal anything. But I just think, you know, as someone who owns a business like Tony May, for example, you know, I would say 90% of people are super honest. 90% of people do send back or do make the right choice when it comes to, you know, returning money to a business. But I think the reason why people feel a little bit differently about it when it comes to something like a big grocery store, I'm not talking about your little local

IGA, I'm talking about one of your big, you know, your Coles, your Woolies or whatever, is because of the markups that are existing across all groceries and the billion dollar profit that companies are making on food and necessities that people are needing to buy. So I think when you see in, you know, across media that so many of these grocery stores have recorded billion dollar profits, it makes me feel a little bit less judgmental of someone who wants to keep $140 worth of groceries because of a quote unquote IT error. But at the end of the day, if all of these things are true, if you are struggling financially in the way that you say you are, then I'm kind of like, look, you have to sometimes prioritize yourself.

Morally, the answer is obviously gaslight, light your husband, say you took a batch of coals, but keep the money in your own bank. End of story. I don't know. And I think the reason why we're dancing around this is because- We're not dancing. Well, a little bit is because it is one where the right and absolute just answer is to say, don't ever steal. There's no situation where stealing is okay. Return what isn't yours and be an honest person. And I do think that that is definitely the right way to be in all situations in life. But I think sometimes there is like things that are horrifically bad when it comes

to stealing, it comes to theft and it comes to how it's going to affect a person. And then there are ways in which we allow ourselves to justify it because there's no little guy who's getting hurt at the bottom of it. There's massive, massive corporations. And I'm like, those I feel a little bit differently about, but should I, I don't know, maybe I'm the one who's a bit of an asshole here as well. Well, I also think it's a different story when if you were going through the grocery checkout line and you just quickly took the money and ran off knowing that you weren't paying for it, it's different. Like it's. I actually don't think it is. I do. I think it's an intent. Yeah. You set out to intentionally steal. It's very different to this being an IT mistake later at

home that you found out a couple of days later. Like that is hugely different to having the malicious intent to steal from somebody okay well here is my question though because regardless of whether is it an opportunistic theft or an intentional theft at the end of the day it is still a theft it is still it is still the same amount of money that you're taking from a business so if you don't feel comfortable to walk down the aisle and put 140 worth of groceries in your back pockets and up your skirt then is it morally different to take advantage of a situation where you are profiting from something that's an incorrect error and that business is being affected in the exact same way. Intent is the difference between going to prison or not. Intent

is a huge thing. Like let's not downplay intent. Look, I'm still on your side, but I think that's like a bigger thing to unpack. Like whether something's done maliciously or opportunistically, the outcome is the same because it turns into being malicious because you've got the opportunity to correct your ways. Yeah. Look, is it wrong? Yes, it is wrong. Do I care? Like it doesn't have to go further than that stealing is is wrong stealing is not right you have taken money and you do know about it Keisha's like but I would do it yeah but I having said that I think in this economic climate I genuinely believe and maybe you guys can all think in your own head what you would do right now I genuinely believe there'd be a lot of people probably more people than not

that would just keep this and not mention the glitch that's what I believe I absolutely agree with you Brit and I think this would be such an interesting one to poll because I would love to know whether or not you guys as listeners feel more of a moral obligation than what we're saying we would. And I would return it because financially I'm not in a situation that this woman is in. But if all of these things were my financial situation, if I was finding it hard to make ends meet at the end of the week, fuck 140 bucks can go a long way. Question number three. I'm 28 and have never been in a relationship. A couple of years ago, I wrote a list of my ideal man, ambitious, funny, chatty, reliable, et cetera, et cetera. So when I was dating, I wouldn't entertain anyone that wasn't

right for me. I was being very intentional. I'm in the early stages of dating someone and he ticks everything off the list. He's really great. I feel safe with him and my friends absolutely love him. There's just one small thing that's niggling at me. And in the grand scheme of things, is really not major, especially as he ticks everything else off the list. But as I haven't been in a relationship before, I'm still figuring it all out. I always pictured myself with someone being the center of their friend group, someone that can dominate a room. In a sense, I guess a bit cocky, but this guy isn't really like that. That's not to say he's not confident, but I suppose it looks different to how I envisioned it. I realize I'm overthinking and doubting,

and it doesn't help that we only see each other once a month we live far away from each other but any thoughts or advice I mean I think it's good to get intentional with what you want in a relationship but not that like that's way too intentional like that's too specific around I mean maybe if that is something that's really important to you I would question how important is it and does it sit above things like feeling safe being treated well being you know given respect having someone who's funny and ticks literally every single other box that you've given. That isn't dominant in the room. Which people can be dominant and be incredible people at the same time. But sometimes people

who are the most dominant or the most like, look at me person in that friendship group may not have all the other qualities that you desire as well. They may be someone who you end up finding and encountering other problems with because they like to be the center of attention. They need more X, Y, Z. Now I'm not saying that that means that every single person who's like that is a problem. No, but also sometimes Laura, people that are the center of attention and quite dominant in a room are actually not as confident in their private life, like in themselves. Sometimes that is a cover and a front. We see that a lot. Totally. Or it could be someone who displays all those characteristics and actually there's someone who loves external validation. And that's part of

the reason why they're so bravado in all these other situations. And then you run into the issue of them needing validation from other people beyond your relationship. I don't know. I think getting down into the granular nitty gritty of your expectations in a partner, there's a fine line. It can be really tricky because on one hand, and I know we have said it before, set your intentions, create a list around like what it is that you want in a person. But I think that there is a point where you become too specific and you become almost like you build a human that doesn't exist. And if you don't entertain anybody else that sits outside of that, like very specific criteria, you're never going to meet anyone that meets every single thing that you need.

At the end of the day, if that is so important to you, then maybe the person is not for you. But what I do want to say is, is that a person that ticks every single box completely doesn't exist. There is no human in the world that you will 100% absolutely love and not disagree with and be completely satisfied with as a whole. Like they don't exist. And I want to say, you don't want them to exist. What a boring existence it would be to have two humans who worship the ground that we walk on we don't have any disagreements we you know like it just doesn't exist it's not a thing and I don't want you to go and shut out this person who you've said is incredible and sounds like he ticks all those wonderful foundation building blocks that you

need for a relationship just because he's not walking into a room being the life of the party like you also think that like and this is like a condition I think some of us experience some people are chronic overthinkers. And so even when things are good, their brain will try and find something that's wrong. Like their brain will try and find, well, what's the thing that I can do to pick this apart? And it turns into, it kind of goes into a bit of an area of like potential self-sabotage. I mean, I don't want to like give a specific example, but I definitely have friends who always look for the negative in the situation that they're in. And that can be really exhausting. You know, if you're quite happy and everything else is great, I think always looking

for like, well, what's that one thing that hasn't fulfilled me is going to leave you feeling a place of being ungrateful in life rather than focusing on all the things that he does that's amazing and is giving you what you wanted out of a relationship. I also want to say that sometimes life doesn't pan out. Most of the time it doesn't pan out how we envision it. Even in my own relationship, I could say the same thing. I always thought I would be with somebody that was like the life of the party and really funny and Ben is he's really quiet and shy like he's really reserved thank fucking hindsight because he's got me like somebody that talks underwater but it sounds to me like you are maybe self-sabotaging a little bit because if somebody treats you exactly how you want them to

be and it's everything else you want in a relationship and if that really is the only aspect is that cockiness in a group I wouldn't be calling it a red flag I wouldn't be calling it quits on this relationship yet and I wouldn't be overthinking it. I would just be seeing where the relationship goes. You probably do need to try to see each other more than once, especially while you're getting to know each other. Maybe if it's still early days, maybe he's still been a little bit reserved as well when you're there. Maybe he's still trying to woo you and win you over and doesn't want to be too much or whatever that factor is. But he sounds pretty great. I don't know. I also think like, and tell me what you think, Britt. I'm trying to think through every

single person I know, or every relationship I've been in where I've dated someone who is overtly, and I use the word cocky, like real bravado. And I, you know, like the most dominant guy, you know, they've always ended up being a bit of a dick. Like they've always ended up being problematic. Someone who has like cheated on their girlfriends, cheated on me, or just like not treated women a hundred percent in a way that's like respectful. There is something about that type of bravado that isn't necessarily conducive for a great relationship or for someone who is a great character in other ways. I want to be really careful because I'm not saying that every single person who's like confident and an alpha is necessarily a bad person. But I think

a sense of cockiness, like overt cockiness is definitely not a characteristic that I would write down as an admirable or desirable characteristic in my partner. Yeah, but everyone's different. And I guess that's what you've got to think at the end of the day. You've written your list of what you want, which is great. We love that. Yes. But the big thing about writing a list about what you want is why, why do you want it? Why do you want someone who is cocky? Why do you want someone who has bravado or is like the center of attention? And I think if you don't have a good reason for the why that's important to you, then I don't necessarily think the list is working in your favor. Yeah. Look, I think it's silly. This is what I'll say. I think that

if you're going to have doubts about this relationship because of only that one factor and that's all that we have to go off right now because it's what you've written in. I think that that's silly. I think you should embrace the relationship and embrace the important qualities of feeling safe, friends love you, have fun together. That is far more important. If you date for a little while and it doesn't work out, that's okay as well. But you're asking us if putting so much weight on this one aspect of dominating the room and he's not what you thought he would be when he's with his friends group, then no, I think that that's silly. I think you need to ride this out, bury that insecurity. Maybe think if you're trying to self-sabotage,

I've been there, did it to all my past relationships and just maybe embrace it for what it is. No one is going to fit your mold 100%. All right, guys. Well, that is it and all the questions for today. If you have a question for Ask Uncut and you want to slide on into the DMs, it's at Life Uncut Podcast. Just write Ask Uncut at the top. We love receiving your questions. Also, if you have any sort of aftermath, if we've ever answered a question for you and the advice was good or bad, please let us know. Not bad. All bad.

Said with so much confidence, Laura. Because we love being able to update you guys on whether the advice or what happened, basically. It's like never knowing the ending of a problem. Don't forget, vibes are on the website. Merch jumpers are on the website. I think there are still some hats on the website too. You know what, actually?

Get some hats ready for summertime. Go get a hat as well. And we'll see you guys next week. Don't forget. Don't forget. I like that. See you guys next week. See you guys next week.

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