Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - WE'RE BACK! Plant Gate Has Entered The Chat

Starting point is 00:00:00 This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode. Welcome back to our very first episode of 2025. Who says it like that? It's 2025. Is it 2025? Yeah, 2025. Live and survive.

Starting point is 00:00:26 Thrive. Jive. Live, laugh, love. live long. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And we're back everybody. We missed you all so much. It was, what did we have? Four weeks. Four weeks holiday, but we still dropped some eps in that time. I know we did. We had a few little sneakies. Also, if anyone heard, by the time this episode comes out, Matt will have been in the I'm a Celebrity jungle. Well and truly. Well and truly. So I think last night would have been the very, very first episode. So strap yourselves in

Starting point is 00:00:57 to get voting for him tonight because I want to see him eat a giraffe anus or something disgusting. Zebra ate. No, they don't do animal stuff because of Robert Irwin. No, they do do animal stuff. Trust me. I ate stink bugs and pigs nipples. They do animal stuff, but it has to be farm raised animals. They don't do any other animals other than farm animals. Okay. So we're doing our recordings on different days. We're doing our drops on different days. As you would have seen, it is a Monday. So if you missed our episodes last year, We have completely done a restructure on this year's episode drops. Monday is going to be Ask Uncut.

Starting point is 00:01:31 And we have some rules around Ask Uncut, which we'll tell you about shortly. Wednesday. Rules not for you guys. Don't worry. Rules for us. Wednesday is going to be our life catch-ups and also talking about, you know, just the things that everyone's talking about. If there's something crazy happening in the pop culture space or in the world in general

Starting point is 00:01:48 or in our personal lives, that is that episode. and then Friday is going to be our interview episodes where we really get into some more media topics or we, you know, interview all the people that we interview. Also, we realise people don't love change. Like we have been setting our ways here at Life Uncut for many, many years. We are making this change, but I want it to be noted

Starting point is 00:02:09 we're making this change because we put a survey out to all you guys. We asked you to give us all your feedback and this is what we came up with off the back of that. So it won't take you long to settle in. you're going to have more days in between the episodes to listen, to share it around, to tell your friends if that's what you do. And tell your dog as well, obviously, and your dad. When we talk about people who don't like change, that's me. We have made these changes. I am a

Starting point is 00:02:34 creature of routine. I eat the same thing every day. I cook the same meals. I like wear the same clothes every day. If I deviate from like the certain pair of jeans, it's like a really wild day for me I am such a creature of routine because I think everything else in my life is quite mental and work normally doesn't have any sort of standard plan that I need everything else to like just be exactly as so and I put like when we go to the beach I put the pram in exactly the same spot that's weird hey it's not weird it's normal Matt finds it fucking annoying is what he finds it he's always like let's go to the ramp and I'm like can't uh must go to the stairs go to the ramp Hey, that person who walks to Bondi and you have to touch the end where like, you know,

Starting point is 00:03:15 when you go on a walk and you have to touch the end of the bridge or like the end of the path. Nah, they're weird. We're at the age now with Marley where Marley's like, don't step on a crack, you know, step on a crack, you break your back. And I'm like, same girlfriend. I know. You're like, no, you just get to your thirties and you break your back anyway, Marley.

Starting point is 00:03:29 It's called aging, Marley. Well, the rules around Ask Uncut, so that you know, and so that we all abide by them, is that Ask Uncut will no longer be the life catch up episode. because this is what we did last year. We said we were going to answer your deep, dark and burning questions. And we talked shit for 40 minutes before we got to them. And we did it on repeat every episode for an entire year and this year is not going to be the case.

Starting point is 00:03:53 So if you are looking, I mean, obviously we have so many questions to answer on this episode, but also Wednesday we're going to be good. Wednesday is when we're going to unpack the life stuff, the real stuff, the funny stuff. And Ask Uncut will be your questions. It'll be like a little bit of hello banter at the start, but you're not going to get any juicy goss at the start of Ask Uncut. Ask Uncut is going to be questions only except for today.

Starting point is 00:04:15 We're going to give you a little bit of something today because it's the first episode back. Can I just say I didn't start 2025 off very well. I thought as an adult this didn't really happen to you anymore. Didn't we just say we're not going to get so into it? Where are we going now? Except for today. Okay, all right.

Starting point is 00:04:32 Sorry, rules. Rules are meant to be broken. You broke the rules. We're such rebels. I said, I said the rule is no content. Fuck, we're getting boring, guys. We're talking about broken backs and rules that we're abiding by ourselves. Keisha, wait till you hear what I'm about to tell you.

Starting point is 00:04:50 Subscribe now, everybody. If you think we've lost the plot. I started 2025 off with conjunctivitis. Oh, babes. What adult gets conjunctivitis? I thought it was reserved for small children or only people that have small children that got conjunctivitis. Yeah, you got to get some Corsig in that real quick smart.

Starting point is 00:05:10 To be fair, Matt also started off 2025 with a pink eye. Only one though. Oh my God. Don't take anything from that. Yeah. We've got matching conjunctivitis. One random pink eye, which didn't go around the household, which was nice. Yeah, but pink eyes from poo particles.

Starting point is 00:05:24 I don't think it was actually pink eye. I think he had a stye or conjunctivitis. Who knows? How long did your conjunctivitis last? Well, I still took this morning. I have like antibiotic tablets in my eye. Isn't that shit like highly contagious? Ben had it too.

Starting point is 00:05:38 So on the first day we woke up, we couldn't open our eyes together because we were stuck together with conjunctivitis. I was like, I'm too old for this shit. You waited so long to see each other in person and you physically can't? They were like, what does 2025 look like for you? I was like, I don't know. I can't open my eyes. That's so bad.

Starting point is 00:05:57 Well, 2025, you guys, if you've been with us for a while, You'll know that 2024 and 2023 we had some pretty big things going on at Life Uncut. Did we? We had Wallgate with my shrine, Shrine Gate. You guys gave me shtick about the fact that I had this, like, shrine on my wall to bend. We have a new gate that has entered 2025.

Starting point is 00:06:17 Oh, here we go. And it's called, if you've been following along our socials, you'll know it's called Plant Gate. I'm surprised that I didn't bring Plant Gate. That's the true shock of 2025. I'm surprised that this didn't come from me since I'm the one who's really down for the plant content. Well, you know, we love our plants here. So when I went away, I was going away for a month. Basically Keisha's always floating around Bondi near my

Starting point is 00:06:37 house. She's got the key. I said, if you ever need to go there for anything, go for sure. Like whatever. My space is your space. If you've got friends that need to come and stay, they can use my apartment, whatever. Can I also ask you, if you don't mind, can you water my plants? Because you know that plants can't survive a month without water. What about the plastic olive tree in the middle of the lounge room that one's fine okay how'd it go you only want to survive mind you this is exactly why i have plastic olive plant trees so i have this one beautiful fiddle a beautiful sister oh it was fine do you know how many people wrote to me and said i have admired your fiddle in your content for years it was so tall and it was so lovely it survived a move we

Starting point is 00:07:18 know that fiddle leaves are dramatic we know they don't like change but this fiddle leaf survived and was driving. It was tall, but it was top heavy. And why is that? Because Delilah once ate the leaves around the bottom. Four years ago when she was a puppy, we've recovered from that. The plant didn't. So I get this message from Keisha only like a couple of days before I came back. And she's like, oh, I've been putting this off. I have something I want to tell you, but I don't want to ruin your holiday. And I was like, oh my God, someone's died. I was like, what's happened? Is everything all right? She's like, no, it's just, don't worry. Like I'll just wait till you get back and I was like you can't feed this what has happened she's like it's it

Starting point is 00:07:56 it's really serious and I don't know what it's going to mean for our friendship she was so dramatic and I said to Ben something's going on like it was really serious I was like I have some bad news are you in the space to receive bad news right now or like do you need to sit down is it is there a better time later in the week that's kind that's a kind way of broaching the situation of like destroying someone's happiness so I said to Ben something really bad's happened at home So I literally sat down because Keisha's like, you're going to want to sit down. And she sends me this picture. She goes, don't blame me.

Starting point is 00:08:25 She sends me this picture and I have never seen anything so traumatic. Not only was the fiddle dead, it wasn't just dead. It looked like she had held a lighter to it and burnt every inch of it to its life. When Keisha said that she had been waiting to tell you, what she actually means is that's the first time she went to water it and that plant had not been watered in over a month and had been sitting inside a 30-degree apartment that had been baking. It wasn't a month.

Starting point is 00:08:55 It wasn't a month. That's three and a half weeks. Look, I did lie to you and I told you it had been two weeks, but that wasn't true. That was a complete lie. Keisha, I can tell it wasn't true. I don't know why you trusted me to be the person to look after plants. I have a terrible memory.

Starting point is 00:09:10 I forget fucking everything. I have notifications in my phone for everything that's important and I didn't deem this to be important enough to put a notification in. Laura is the plant queen. I'm offended. I live around the corner and I love plants and no one asked me, where's my key to your house?

Starting point is 00:09:25 Because I know there is no way in hell you would ever come and water my plants. No, I would, but I'd do it for the plant. I'd do it for the plant. Yeah. You have a deep connection with plants. I clearly don't. And this particular fiddle is an arsehole because it had only been three weeks.

Starting point is 00:09:43 It hadn't even been that hot. Imagine victim blaming a fiddle fig. That's where we've gotten to in life. No, that's where Keisha's gotten to. People messaged me that. They said, how's you not watering it for three weeks and then victim blaming the plant for not thriving? I was like, that hurts the fuck with.

Starting point is 00:09:58 I literally said, stop blaming the plant. It has nothing to do with the situation. This is very relatable. I think there's so many people who have been asked to quote unquote house sit and water plants and then have been really the ones responsible for killing off the entire greenery in the household. So anyway, I definitely did not ask her to. I said just it's actually fine.

Starting point is 00:10:16 I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed. So Keisha bought the new plant. She put the old plant outside. That is, wait till you see it now, Keisha. I'll send you another photo. There is nothing left of it. But so many people have written to me and said, like, it can be saved.

Starting point is 00:10:29 Yeah, chop it down. Yeah, even though it's like a little black stick. Just chop the sticks right down and it will re-root and re-bred. I want it to die. I hate this plant. No, I'm going to run an experiment. And my next period, I am going to use my men's. Yes, I am.

Starting point is 00:10:43 That's disgusting. No, it's not. It's natural, Keisha. It's natural, Keisha. I'm not a feminist anymore. The funniest thing actually was that I watered it the day that I took those photos and sent them to you. And I was like, I have some bad news.

Starting point is 00:10:56 Deep in my heart, I was like, maybe it's just one of those things that's going to bounce back. You know, it's got some tenacity to it. It's got some resilience. And I came back two and a half days later, expecting for it to be in a slightly better condition, right? Because I gave it a big drink. You drowned it.

Starting point is 00:11:11 A big, big, big drink. And I got back and I was like, how do you look worse? And then I kind of moved around and at one point my shoulder brushed up against it and three leaves fell to the floor and they crunched as they hit the ground. Once again, I just think this is a situation of too far gone. It's like giving someone a Panadol when they've been hit by a car. But this is exactly why I think this is the perfect time. I'm not joking. I'm genuinely going to because I use a menstrual cup, you guys know.

Starting point is 00:11:39 I'm going to try it and see what happens. like what is outside i'll instead of emptying my cup down the sink or the toilet i'm going to empty it into the plant if it doesn't work no one knows any difference but if it does work this is going to be groundbreaking i know because the thing is it will work and you're going to put it down to the menstrual cup just cut the plant back and it will be fine also i would like for it to be known that i did repent for my sins and you have a beautiful new plant that i think looks better It's very short. It's very thick though, two Cs.

Starting point is 00:12:10 It's Laura, it's about two feet tall and about five feet wide. It doesn't matter about the length. The width is important. Yes, it's what you do with it. Thickness is really important, everyone. It's how you use it. All right, well, look, we should get into our vibes and unsubscribes. Keisha, what are you vibing?

Starting point is 00:12:24 My vibe for this week is the new show on Netflix called Jerry Springer Fights Camera Action. So it's a two-part docu-series, I guess you'd call it, because there's two episodes, I think they're about 50 minutes each and it goes and looks at the entire 27 seasons from 1991 to 2018 of the Jerry Springer show. So like this show was the original outrage culture, right? It was kind of the groundbreaker of we're going to put things on TV that people don't think should be on TV. I used to rush home from school to watch this show.

Starting point is 00:12:59 Like I loved it. Yeah, my mum never sensed anything. I watched this in South Park and I was hooked. I just remembered, Jerry. jerry they used to like chant him onto the stage like a cult so quite interestingly initially when it was a show it was pretty stock standard like every other talk show that existed and the ratings were exactly the same as all of the others that existed and this guy came in his name was richard dominic and he was the executive producer of the show for 14 years and he was kind of the i mean

Starting point is 00:13:27 you could call it a mastermind or you could call it the conductor of completely revamping the show and making it into what it became of this just like insanely outrageous no rules applied no morals applied situation where they got more and more ratings and it ended up beating oprah it was the very first thing of its time where like i mean you know i think most people would have shied away from that type of content originally because it was like too smutty too dirty almost unrelatable but it was the unrelatable aspects and the outrageous aspects of that which is what made it's so insatiable to people. This was before we had any of the kind of understandings of duty of care, of what should happen to people who go on this show. And the whole docu-series

Starting point is 00:14:11 really exposed some of the incredibly dark sides of what happened behind the scenes of the Jerry Springer show. So it's got a lot of the old producers who worked on the show for a really long time. It also follows this awful, tragic story of a woman named Nancy Panitz, and she was involved in what they labeled a love triangle so her ex-partner had a new partner the three of them were on the show and she kind of didn't give the producers what they wanted out of that situation she ended up leaving and not coming back to the show which there were also really interesting rules about the way that they used to incentivize participants of the show for example they would say we're not going to get you a return flight unless you go back onto the stage and a lot of

Starting point is 00:14:53 these people were from underprivileged backgrounds so they couldn't afford flights back so that it was just such a different time where the well-being of the people on the show was not considered whatsoever and that woman Nancy Panitz the day that the episode of Jerry Springer aired she was murdered by her former partner and the Jerry Springer show completely washed their hands clean they said we had nothing to do with this it was utterly fascinating to see how much things have changed and for the right reasons that they have changed because it was just the wild west it was an absolute jungle and there were there were just no rules there were no rules about you know what you should or shouldn't do on tv because the thing was is that they were climbing the ratings

Starting point is 00:15:37 and so they were like well people want to see it it's so interesting isn't it it was almost that like the very start of reality tv it was a merger between reality tv and a talk show and nothing like that had existed prior that sounds like such an interesting watch and i also think it kind of touches on some of the stuff that we talked about last year around like making money off other people's trauma and who should be the one to profit in that situation and I think I've been particularly critical of like I know I've openly criticized people like Ryan Murphy on this podcast he was the guy who created the Jeffrey Dahmer and the monster series and a whole lot of other true crime stuff as well but watching this documentary I was like actually maybe I've been putting blame

Starting point is 00:16:16 on the wrong people we all watched this you know like where do we start to take some personal accountability and be like the only reason that this was ever made is because people wanted to see it so maybe that's somewhere that we need to look a little bit inwards as well and and that applies to today's standards you know I know that outrage culture is it's pretty much all that grows an algorithm now on social media the reason that that works is because of the exact same thing I think we're just seeing it in a different format anyway completely fascinating Netflix Jerry Springer fights camera action I can't wait to watch that one well I have a recommendation of a movie that I watched during the break. And now it's not a new movie. It actually came out in

Starting point is 00:16:55 2017, but I would be curious to know as to how popular it was. Neither of you had seen it or knew of it. So I thought it could be a good one to recommend. It's called Mudbound. So it's quite a dark watch and it's quite a heavy watch, but it was one of those movies that left me after it finished thinking about it for the next few days and thinking about the story and the characters and the character development. And I think that they're the types of movies that I really, really enjoy, even if they do feel dark and leave you feeling uncomfortable. To give you a very quick synopsis of it, it's based around World War II. It's based in Mississippi and it's mostly surrounding this one family who live on a cotton farm, but it's from two

Starting point is 00:17:37 different walks of life. It's a black American family who one of their sons goes away to fight in the war and it is the white family from the cotton farm whose son goes to fight in the war and when they come back and they're both essentially war heroes how differently they're treated and what happens to both of them and their families as a byproduct and it was really it's incredibly sad because the the black American character who is a courageously heroic fighter in the war comes back and has none of the same standards or has none of the same privileges that the white family has he still has to use sit at the back of the bus even though he was good enough to fight for the country he has to use the back exit of the shop and so it's this very

Starting point is 00:18:19 interesting conversation around racism and just how prolific it was in America in that time but I I loved it and I you know like I said very dark watch very very sad in some parts too so I'd say unless you're ready to like really get stuck into the nitty-gritty of a movie but it did leave me really questioning for a couple of days, like just how it would have been to live during that time and what an incredibly hard time it would have been for so many people. I think that that happened, all different versions of that happened like within Australia as well. I mean, you think about the Fuzzy Wuzzy Angels. I know there were a lot of Aboriginal soldiers who went and fought in I think World War I and World War II who were not recognised and not appreciated for anything that

Starting point is 00:18:59 they did. Well, there's, yeah. And the interesting thing is I didn't realise, but during this time in Mississippi like black people couldn't even ride in the front of a car like they couldn't ride as a passenger in the front of the car and there were just so many like there's such a huge disparity in the racism that was experienced it's called Mudbound and it's also available on Netflix awesome very good ratings on Rotten Tomato 97% wow yeah well we're all a bit grim and glum today my vibe's also a bit more serious it's a podcast I listened to in the break I did listen to a bunch but it's not true crime. That's shocking. Yeah, I know. It's called I'm Not a Monster, The Shamima Begum Story. Now, it's a BBC produced podcast by an investigative journalist named Josh

Starting point is 00:19:40 Baker. So he hosts this podcast. Some of you might have remembered because back at the time, it was really big news. This is back in England, like in London in 2015. These three 15-year-old schoolgirls disappeared. They sort of found out that they had gone to Syria to join ISIS. Oh, yeah, I did remember this. It's the story of one of these girls. So this three-year-old girl at school, literally 15 years old. Think back to where you were at 15. They married into the Taliban and then they wanted to come back into the UK.

Starting point is 00:20:10 Yep, that's it. So basically they disappeared for four years. No one, like there was no contact, no one heard, no one knew how they went or why they went. Like for a 15-year-old to have found their way across the border all the way to Syria from the wonderfully safe and privileged home that they have in London. so four years later everyone just presumes that they're dead or that they had been kidnapped and

Starting point is 00:20:31 taken there coerced whatever four years later they pop up well they don't sorry one does Shamima the other two I don't want to spoil it one pops up the story is this is Josh the investigative journalist he does so much research talking to the families he ends up going and speaking to her and she tells her story about what happened from 15 how she got there how she ended up there what life was like there and how different like I have goosebumps now I don't know if you can see I have never had such a visceral insight into what that life was like I feel like we read a lot of news like we see a lot of the news and there's a lot of propaganda and whatever else goes on but to hear her tell her story about how she got there and I don't want to say too much why she was there and

Starting point is 00:21:15 how different it was was so fascinating I was hooked to the whole story and it's very tragic she tried to come back to england she tried to say hey i made a mistake let me back in and they said no because she's now deemed as a terrorist but it's a super fascinating story and it has some sad aspects but it's not you will not listen to it and cry and feel sad the whole time so i don't want people to feel like you're going to be really really depressed listening it's more fascinating i found it fascinating so you can get it anywhere you get your podcast i know i said it's bbc but i just listened on apple podcasts is she back in the uk now no she's never allowed to re-enter? She's deemed as a terrorist, yeah. So where does she live now? I think she's either

Starting point is 00:21:55 in Syria or maybe Turkey, like a camp there. The end where he goes to talk to her, I don't want to give it away, but it's very tragic at the end. How devastating. But please go and have a listen. I learnt so much as well, which I think is always really great when you're listening to these podcasts. Wow. I actually think Jono would like- Jerry, bring it to Mudbound 2. Look at us, we're a little ray of positive sunshine, aren't we? Woo! Let's get into your questions. all right question number one i have been seeing a guy for the past eight months one of his previous one night stands reach out to him a few months into dating and said that she was pregnant we decided to continue seeing each other and it was going fairly well the baby was born a few weeks

Starting point is 00:22:35 ago and i am struggling to be positive and supportive do you think that it would be best to just let the new father sort out his relationship with his baby and the baby's mom before we focus on our relationship or could it happen simultaneously? You're a better woman than I am. I would struggle. Yeah, I almost want to say I would let him sort it out for a while. I'd let him see and then I'd maybe circle back like a shark coming back to its prey a little while later.

Starting point is 00:23:02 But I would have jumped out ages ago. This is not happening. Well, you said that you were seeing him for about eight months. I would have probably jumped ship then, but I do understand that you can develop a lot in eight months like you can get very close to someone and have really solid feelings in that time yeah 100 so you've obviously felt that and haven't wanted to jump ship yet you can for sure do it simultaneously but there's going to be a lot of give and a lot of leeway that you're going to have to give him and you are not going to be a

Starting point is 00:23:32 priority right now that's something you'll have to accept he's got a baby and the baby's the priority and he is going to have to prioritize his ex a lot as well. Like if he's a good man and a good dad, he will want to do the right thing by the entire family. That is just something you'll have to accept. It doesn't mean he's going to put her before you or give her more than you, but it is his child's mother and it's a very new situation for her. She looks like she's probably a single mom unless she's moved on as well.

Starting point is 00:24:00 So she's going to need a lot of help and he's the person she's going to turn to. The thing that's interesting about this though is that she's not an ex. she's a one-night stand so they didn't have a relationship he doesn't have an obligation to her necessarily but he does I think have an obligation to the baby I mean like I said you are a better woman than I am I don't think I personally could take on this load of parenting because the thing is is you you're not just now his girlfriend you are also going to play a role as the partner of someone who has a small child so like if you guys continue on and your relationship gets more serious and he is like a good upstanding dude and wants to be a part of this kid's life,

Starting point is 00:24:40 some point down the track, you will play role of step-mom. So I think that there's lots of conversations that you guys need to have together, but I would be pumping the brakes a little bit because I don't think that you are ever going to simultaneously get the same amount of attention, affection, priority, all of those things that you probably did have while the baby wasn't actually physically here. I think it's actually an attribute that he's a really good guy if he is playing a big and important role in this child's life after a one-night stand. I think that that shows that he's a good person, but I think that you have to be okay with not being a priority right now. Also, just for safety purposes, I would be getting him to do a DNA test just because it was a

Starting point is 00:25:24 one-night stand. Not saying I don't believe her, the girl that had the baby, but there's nothing to say there couldn't have been a lot of different people that she was seeing dating hooking up with whatever like to pinpoint an exact day of a one night stand and say it was you like we all know how strange ovulation is and ovulation happens not when we think it does and that's something i've recently learned with my ovulation sticks that's another story but i would be asking him to say hey have you thought about like just doubling down and checking that it's yours before we commit to a lifetime of being a father to a baby we're not 100 sure is ours i mean maybe they've done that who knows like she seems pretty certain that he's the father and that they've you

Starting point is 00:26:03 know I feel like if you're newly dating someone and they came out and said hey I had a one night stand and this is my baby you probably would have had those questions at some point I reckon you'd be surprised I just I don't think I've ever liked a guy enough to like want to withstand this type of situation I think even at the eight month mark I would have been like this is too much this is not my circus these are not my clowns you got to go and sort your life out and come back to me when you know, when we know that we're going to do this, you are giving a lot of leeway to him and how this is going to change his life and the impact it's going to have on him. I also think it's okay to step back, not because of him and what he's figuring out with the baby,

Starting point is 00:26:41 but for yourself, because you also are taking on a lot. It is a huge place of acceptance that you're expected to get to, to be totally cool with this situation. And I think it's very, very normal that you have these feelings I think it's very normal that now there's moments of insecurity there's moments of feeling as though you're not the priority like I would think that it was a crazy wonderful situation if that baby had been born and you were able to step into this role and go cool I'm fine everything's chill not a problem yeah and I get both sides the old younger Brittany would have said oh yeah I would have been out the door but now that I'm thinking about it if I was eight months deep dating Ben and then he said oh my god like I just found out

Starting point is 00:27:24 he's having my baby there's a big part of me that probably would have just stayed and worked it out because I think of where I was mentally with him emotionally eight months deep and I was like so in it you know already so I understand why you're saying the other thing is it's hard to know you said I'm struggling to be positive and supportive this is like a double-edged sword because completely normal to be struggling and trying to be supportive when this whole life change has happened and there's this new little tiny human being that's going to be in your life forever that is so normal to feel that this early on but on the other hand you have to ask yourself do you think that that feeling will ever go or do you think you're always going to struggle in that

Starting point is 00:28:05 role because if you think it's something that you will always be playing second fiddle to and almost holding a bit of animosity like because there's a big part of you that I imagine is going to think imagine how different our life would have been if that didn't happen imagine how different our dating would be you know are you always going to hold that resentment towards this other life that he now has and that's only a question that you can answer but in saying that as well he has a pretty big responsibility to reassure you like it's not just all up to you to feel okay and be fine with this like he's not in a relationship with the other woman yes he has a relationship with the child and he has to have like a healthy amicable co-parenting relationship

Starting point is 00:28:42 with the other woman he should also be doing the reassurance and the repair work with you and I'm also guessing that this is a very little newborn baby which means the baby's not having sleepovers with dad the baby's with mom he's probably having visitations with the baby they might be spending some time together but in that case like it should be okay for you to also meet the baby for you to also come and be included in this world to whatever capacity all three of you are comfortable with I don't think that their relationship happens in silo and I say that because they're not in a relationship together and so I really think that like there's a lot of conversations that need to happen mutually between the two of you and also three-way between

Starting point is 00:29:24 all of you for this to get to a place where everyone feels comfortable but and I would think it's not even about the reassurance I would think it's about the life change do you want the rest of your life to look like you've been a step-mom to this child. There's nothing wrong with that. It's just down to what you want and what you think you're capable of. That's tough. All right. Next question. Question two. I have matched with someone on Hinge and in my, of course, pre-stalking, I have realized I actually have slept with his younger brother about eight years ago. Fine. So fine. Do you think it's a big deal? They are close family, so I don't know whether to just stop talking to him now or keep pursuing and hope he doesn't care when it comes up

Starting point is 00:30:01 eventually no this is totally it's so fine eight years ago you forgot I forgot people I slept with eight years ago I could walk past in the street I wouldn't know their names people that I have slept with eight years ago have not forgotten me to be fair I've been with my husband for eight years so that's a lie but like there would definitely be people who I've slept with who have been inside me and I don't remember I can't remember yeah we've established this you're wild Well, I wasn't that wild. I just have a terrible memory. I don't remember any of their names.

Starting point is 00:30:32 I don't think you need to remember names, but you need to remember something about them like policeman or Brazil or whatever was the defining. I have both of those on my list. I wonder if it was the same policeman in the same prison. Look, I think eight years ago, it also depends. Did you just sleep together? Did you have a relationship together?

Starting point is 00:30:51 No, I think I just slept with. Yeah, I think it's fine. What I would do is I would keep dating him. i would you know wait go and suss it out you might not even like this guy like you might just be chatting to him and he might be a nothing a blip on your radar go and have a date go and see if you like him and if you actually like him and things are going somewhere then at some point in the future be like oh my god i have just realized i think i fucked you i think i i think i might have hooked up with your brother a while ago i know this is horribly awkward it was so

Starting point is 00:31:24 long ago I actually don't even remember if we did or we didn't but I think I did what's the time frame though when does she have to say no I didn't like when does she have to tell the person that she's now dating I think that she goes on a few dates with him first and if it's getting to a point where she actually has feelings for him likes him and it seems as though it's going in that direction before you're too committed before he invites you to the family dinner on a Tuesday night yeah the roast sunday roast i disagree i wouldn't ever bring it up until it has to be brought up because all that shows is hey i stalked you and i saw that i fucked your brother totally then i decided to keep it from you until the sunday roast i think what i would do i would just

Starting point is 00:32:06 date him at the end of the day it doesn't matter it was eight years ago and you hooked up with him big deal they'll probably high five each other the brothers got to sleep with the same girl knowing knowing them like I do I would just date him you may never want to see him again and then who cares you don't know if you like him 100 yeah if you are actually it's going really well and you think it's going to turn into something until it actually I think is presented to you so whether like you're looking at instagrams or you're showing a photo or he's talking about something where it's so obvious that you have to say it like something about the family that's when you bring it up but I think it's really weird to after a couple of dates be like look I've got a confession

Starting point is 00:32:46 I fucked Barbie like that's weird to me it really depends it depends on what the relationship was if it was a one-night stand I don't think you ever need to tell him because you don't need to have known or no come up because at dinner at the roast the brother's gonna be like hey Shelly I think we've met we fucked eight years ago wouldn't it be worse if she acted like she didn't remember but the brother did remember and then the brother told the brother that's what would happen and he was like I don't think she remembers though that's fine let's be like you were so insignificant to me but your brother I will never forget the brother as in like the guy that she's dating I don't know look I agree I don't think that there is an easy way around this

Starting point is 00:33:30 I think it's very precarious and you need to be careful but the one thing you don't want is to like really have feelings for this guy, for him to really have feelings for you and for the old little brother to waltz on in and be like, hey, got there first, have my sloppy seconds. That's an awful thing to say, but you know, siblings can suck. So he might. The thing is, even if it's not a big issue, this is something else you have to think, right? Like, okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves here, but this is what we do. It goes well. You're dating, you're in the family. It's all accepted. You get married one day. In the family or the family in you?

Starting point is 00:34:02 The family's in you and you're in the family. The family has been inside you. It's a reciprocal relationship. It's always going to be there. At every family dinner, everyone's going to know that you fucked them both. Everything from there on in, it will always be in the back of your head. Now, we have had people in the past, and I'm sure more people will write in, and I encourage you to write in and tell us your stories.

Starting point is 00:34:24 We have had people in the past that have done this. There have been people that have been in full-on marriages and ended up leaving and being with the brother. Like it's not – I don't want to say it's not the worst thing. That's pretty bad, I think, if you've been married for 30 years and you leave with the brother. but it's it's okay if it works it's not unfathomable and it doesn't mean that it's insurmountable but it does mean that there is a mountain to get over like I'm let's not play

Starting point is 00:34:44 this down this is a problem if someone I liked who I'd been on several dates with came to me and said hey wow I just realized I had sex with your sister I would get instant ick vibes so I would find it difficult and it's not because I guess for me I wouldn't want to be second to my sister like I would find that a challenging thing to mentally get over I would hope that some people are on my side maybe they're not and maybe everyone is more open-minded than I am I would too if Sherry was fucking someone I wouldn't date that person ever because that I want to vomit in my mouth what if Ben came to you eight months after you've been dating and said I'm having a baby with Sherry that is not even on that is not even remotely close to this situation

Starting point is 00:35:30 No, but if Ben came to you several months. Have you seen baby Maya, Sharon's daughter? Identical to Ben. Looks a lot like Ben. Long face. And not a lot like her husband, Jay. No, but I mean it. What would you have done if Ben had?

Starting point is 00:35:45 No, I mean it too. I wouldn't dame him. Yes, and I don't mean having a baby, obviously. I mean if he'd come to you a couple of months after you'd met. You'd gone over there to bloody Sweden, wherever you went to, and saw him. Switzerland. You went over there and.

Starting point is 00:35:58 Scotland. Wait, who is he? What is he? You went over to Scotland, hung out with him for that Christmas, came home, was like, I'm so obsessed with him. And then he said, Hey, I've just realized, I think I slept with your sister a few months back. That's actually feasible because Sherry was living in Scotland down the road from where he was. Yeah. So then what would you have? I would not date him. I couldn't, but I do think. There's your answer.

Starting point is 00:36:19 No, because I do think there's a difference and I hate to say it, but it's true. I think there's a difference with men and women. I think more men would be okay with dating someone that their brother had hooked up with in the past than women. I truly do. I don't know if I agree with that. I do. I think it's different. Guys don't look at it the same.

Starting point is 00:36:39 There's science behind this, right? Guys don't look. Where is it? We've spoken about it a hundred times. Where is that peer review article? When Brittany's trying to make a point, she just goes, there's research behind this. We've spoken about it.

Starting point is 00:36:51 I don't have access to it right now, but there is. Dolly magazine. women have sex and form connections and feel sex means more to women on a higher percentage than it means to men we know that but what i'm saying is i don't believe that brothers would have as big of an issue as sisters if you're listening to this which you obviously are please go and ask your boyfriends or your brothers or the partners in your life i need to know how the men in your life feel about this? Because I strongly don't necessarily agree, but I'm happy to be wrong about this. I think everyone would feel weird about the person they like sleeping with their

Starting point is 00:37:31 sibling. I think everyone would feel a bit like, oh, Jono, how would you feel? Jono says it would be so too weird. The brother's always there. But would you rather know at the start or when it was like when you were deep in the fields you'd rather know at the start or in your marriage vows which one i do promise to fuck you and your brother i will there is great genes in this family okay all right next question question three i think i hate my partner's cat and i feel like this is a question that my husband has written in okay so dumb it's it's a real problem what if you hate the thing that's most important it is no it is I just wasn't expecting that to be the next question it's very important

Starting point is 00:38:22 please continue okay I've been with my partner for two years now committed deep we love each other we live together and I know that he is my penguin however there is just one problem and it is his cat don't get me wrong I am the biggest animal lover and I would love to think of myself as quite a patient person but I have tried for our entire relationship to bond with this cat and while there has been some moments, the majority of it has just felt transactional and filled with a lack of unconditional love that you would get from a dog. That's because it's a cat, which I've grown up with. He also constantly meows. And often when I try to show him love, he scratches and bites me. It's actually at a point now where I become anxious from the constant meowing.

Starting point is 00:39:02 The cat's eating well, so that's not the issue. And the cat is three years old and well-trained. My partner absolutely adores this cat. And it's recently become apparent to him that, well, I don't exactly feel the same however I am at the point where I actually cannot stand it I don't know what to do please help there's nothing you can do fair that cat's gonna live for 24 years I reckon this is fair this is actually quite a serious question and I think that this is a quite a frequent issue with a lot of people there are kinds of animals that I wouldn't date someone if they had because people treat their animals like family and if I put myself in that situation if my animal really didn't like like if Delilah really didn't like who I was dating

Starting point is 00:39:48 it's genuinely a problem in your household like I know I know families have had to go and get like proper experts in therapy because of the issues they have with the animals and the couple the couple's being ripped apart I personally don't get cats I don't get them I don't get what they think i don't get why i don't get the use of them they're always like well like dogs i get because you go running they're a companion you go swimming or whatever it is right but for cats maybe i haven't been around the right cat every cat i've seen just scratches and shits and rips about your furniture and like it doesn't what the fuck are you giving me i was like i don't understand its purpose because if a cat chooses not to like you which they do right they either like you as a

Starting point is 00:40:33 human or they don't if it doesn't like you why is it there it just ruins your furniture you don't even get to pat it it's great it hurt physically hurts you so I don't I'm not a catty person if you didn't really yeah we can we can read between the lines I think that cats just know they know who is superior in a household she knows that she loves him she doesn't need you and you're getting between the two of them from having their exclusive relationship and she doesn't like it You can't do anything. You got to suck it up. And you also have to pretend like you like that cat because your husband or your partner is going to hate it. It's interesting because we have a kind of similar dynamic in our household. I really wanted a cat. As you guys know, I love cats.

Starting point is 00:41:12 I do understand them. I think they are beautiful creatures, but I equally love dogs. And I think that you get very different things from a cat and a dog. Like I quite like that cats are very autonomous and they will only love you if they think you're worthy. And I think that that's cool. whereas a dog will love anyone like a dog's not going to describe Delilah would leave you in a second she would leave you in the park for someone else if they had a treat so I kind of it's only offensive because it's true I love the loyalty of a cat right I love that the funny thing is is that every time a person describes their cat when they have a great one they're like they're kind of like a dog and I'm like no you just you actually just like dogs then because your cat you know what I

Starting point is 00:41:51 mean people are like my cat's different she's kind of a bit like a dog and I'm like yeah you like dogs you like dogs Ransby for example like curls up on Lola's bed of a night time now and she's getting sweeter and more lovely whereas when we brought her home she was a real bus stop cat like she she was like I'm from the streets and she would scratch you if she walked past like if you walked past yeah she hangs over the kitchen stool like this and if you walk past too close to her stool she goes at you and so there was a while there where Matt sounds awful yeah oh look it keeps you on your toes to be fair though when I was at your house like a week ago Laura kind of warned me because she was getting stuff out of the car and I walked ahead and she was like oh you

Starting point is 00:42:33 know just be careful with raspberry like you know and I was kind of bracing myself but then I walked in and I gave her all the cheek scratchies and she's doing the like one nice what's it called when they do they like rub up against you with each of their cheeks and they switch sides rub their face on you just like yeah it's not a name there's no name for it she was doing that for ages and I thought you were joking I was like is this the cat you're talking about the thing with cats though is that they can do that for ages and then all of a sudden something changes and they just go and you don't know if it's coming it's like you get really tricked into thinking that they love you and then they will fuck you up that's why you like it it's every relationship

Starting point is 00:43:07 you've ever had oh my god cats my toxic relationship that's why you're like I don't know she's gonna love me today so I relate to this question very much because I think that We definitely, like Matt definitely has a love-hate relationship with Raspberry, but I love Raspberry and he made the sacrifice to have her. He, you know, he was like, whatever, if you want a cat, you can take care of the cat and we can have one. But it doesn't mean that he has to love her as much as I do. Like it doesn't affect our relationship and it shouldn't affect yours.

Starting point is 00:43:36 Like I think he can have a really strong and close bond with the cat. And as so long as you're like kind to it, you still feed it and pat it and you treat it with respect and kindness you don't have to love it like that's not a mandatory of having a good relationship loving their pet as much as they love their pet well there's also other things here on a serious note like you have developed anxiety over hearing its meows there are other things that you need to go and investigate here because something like that shouldn't give you that high level of anxiety if it's meowing that much it's probably bored to be honest it might be fed and healthy and everything else but cats don't just i mean you can get chatty cats but they don't

Starting point is 00:44:12 meow all through the day it's like dogs that bark all through the day it's usually because they're also bored anxious there's something else going on so that could be a conversation that you have with your partner I understand why that would get annoying like that is definitely something to have a conversation about but overarchingly you moved into the house with someone who has a cat and it just sounds like you actually don't really like cats that much I think if you ever go to him and say it's the cat on me he'll probably choose the cat so you can't do that and Matt knows it So he'd never do that to me. You wouldn't choose the cat now over Matt.

Starting point is 00:44:43 Yeah. No, you wouldn't. You're so full of it. Because I would like the cat would never make me choose. But you are. You're like, Brittany, here's a cat. The cat would never give me an ultimatum. Raspberry wouldn't do that.

Starting point is 00:44:56 Although Raspberry still thinks she's a gutter cat. She like she struts around that house like I don't need this Bondi pad, you fucking plush bitches. She's like put me back in the bus shelter where I belong. Yeah, see how quickly she runs back. She's a street cat at heart. Last question. My best friend of five years has just told me that ever since we've been friends,

Starting point is 00:45:15 she has been lying and that her younger brother is actually not her brother at all. So stupid. She told me he was her biological brother, that he has the same mum, but he didn't speak with their mum and lives with his dad and step-mum. The whole time she's referred to him as her brother, and even when I have asked about their mum, she would say something along the lines of, oh, he just prefers to be with his step-mum.

Starting point is 00:45:39 She said she told me when she was drunk and just kept the lie going, but it went too far, so she thought she could never say anything to rectify the problem. He's now apparently just like a brother. So it's like he's a family friend. The truth's come out. He's a family friend that she says, oh, he's like a brother, but he's actually got no relation whatsoever. She said now that she's about to get married, she doesn't want me to question it at the

Starting point is 00:46:01 wedding when she sees him. So she thought it was time to fess up. So she was going to get sprung for her lie. so she had to be honest about the fact that she doesn't have a brother yep she goes i don't know how this feels to me it doesn't feel that deep but at the same time i've been lied to by my best friend for five years so it feels quite icky and a little bit too weird my question is should i be mad and upset or is it not that big of an issue in the past i feel like she does tend to lie a little bit as i have caught her out before about a few things keen to hear what you think

Starting point is 00:46:31 it's so funny but what a random thing to lie about about a brother who has this elaborate lie that lives with another family it's so stupid it is so stupid would you like should you still be friends with her i don't think that was the question my answer to that is yeah like still be friends with her but brit if i found out now this far into our friendship that sherry actually wasn't your sister and she was just a friend and you she was like a sister to you and you had lied about the intricacies of it would make me question not what kind of person you are but it would make me think you're a lot more batshit crazy than I think you already think you are do you know I'd be like wow you're you're actually super weird and that's not a normal thing to do so cool I'll be

Starting point is 00:47:15 your best friend but just know that I've clocked it that you're you're a weirdo now families are complicated even fake families they're even more complicated it's hard if this was role reversal saw and I found out now that Alicia your sister wasn't in fact your sister maybe go with my brother because that could be more believable because no one's ever seen him he lives overseas like he doesn't exist he does exist I do have a brother he lives in Boston he's married he came on a family cruise recently with us and everyone met him everyone yeah I know but everyone was like oh my god you have a brother and I was like yeah he's that's my brother imagine if I was like actually he's just his family friend and uncle that comes on trips I genuinely wouldn't care

Starting point is 00:47:54 that much I don't know if I'm an outlier I would be like cool weird thing to lie about but I don't think I'd lose sleep about it maybe that's me but I just think there's bigger things to lie about the lie hasn't been to manipulate you in any way it hasn't been to get anything from you hasn't been detrimental to you god knows why she did it because it's it seems like it's a lie that didn't have to be told it has nothing to do with anything I just think you're weird but I wouldn't yeah I wouldn't break up the friendship I guess my question is if you find out your friend has lied to you about something that seems insignificant maybe go back to when the lie was first told and try and remember like what was the conversation surrounding it and did that lie make them sound

Starting point is 00:48:34 a little bit cooler or a little bit more like they had something in common with you or what like did the lie come from something because they were trying to make themselves more appealing or likable or whatever else to you who knows like maybe she was like oh yeah I have a I have a brother too who is xyz or my parents are divorced and he lives with my stepmom like maybe she was trying to relate to you on some level I don't know I'm trying to unpack this from a I'm not qualified but I don't know what would make you cooler to be like yeah my brother lives with his stepmom but I think there are people who who lie without when I say without consequence what I mean is is that they lie so frequently that it's second nature to them to fabricate stories and they don't

Starting point is 00:49:15 even realize that they're necessarily doing it until they're in a situation where they're totally caught out on their lies. Like some people do have that behavioral trait and I would go, okay, cool. You can totally be friends with people who tell lots of white lies, but definitely be careful with how much of a friend you let them in. And if you said, oh yeah, she does lie quite a bit. I've caught her out on quite a few things. I wouldn't break up the friendship or anything like that. I definitely wouldn't lose sleep over it, but I would clock it and I would keep her at a comfortable distance from things that really affect me, I think. And I say this because I do have a friend in my life who tells lots of white lies and I love her. We have a really great time

Starting point is 00:49:54 and we have good friendship. I was like, you've only got three friends. They're all here. Keisha, you fucking can't trust the bitch. Mate, have you seen my plant? I know. Two weeks. She watered it every day and it just died. No, I mean this though. Like I do have a friend in my life that comes to mind instantly when we talk about this, who has told lots of white lies over the years and it doesn't affect me. It doesn't upset me. It doesn't bother me, but I definitely notice it sometimes when I'm like that's not entirely true and it just kind of makes me be a little bit more cautious with things that I share with them that's all and I reckon that that's probably what this is going to do to your relationship the only reason why this

Starting point is 00:50:30 has come out now after five years is because you're going to her wedding and you're going to talk to her brother and that would be weird as fuck if you were like oh my gosh I've been so looking forward to meeting you know your girlfriend's brother and there he is and he's like we're not related I don't know I just the only reason why she told you is because she was going to get caught out I'd also just ask her why like hey why'd you tell me it was your brother when it's not like I don't think this isn't a relationship that you found out your partner's cheating or whatever it's just like your friend said she had a brother and she doesn't so just say well like where did that come from because she said he's like a brother and I think how many

Starting point is 00:51:04 times in the past I have said that I remember there was like sometimes when you're telling it's me sometimes when you're telling a story about someone that's so involved in your life to people it's easier not to get into the specifics of something like we used to have a family friend that is not related to us it was my mom's best friend and we used to refer to her within us as like an auntie oh she's an auntie so when you're telling the story to people I used to say oh my one of my aunties used to do that or one of my auntie has this or whatever but then you I never used to specify to that person like oh she's not actually an auntie she's a because when they met this you got to remember they're best friends now when they met I imagine that's how the story was

Starting point is 00:51:44 told it's like oh my my brother I think that's slightly different because everybody I mean we are raised to call our parents I mean not everyone but you know I do it with my own kids a lot of people are raised to call their parents best friends auntie Matt wow auntie Laura uncle Matt you know like that's a normal thing we call my best friend Kaya auntie Kaya your auntie Keisha your auntie Brittany you know Marley and Lola currently don't know the difference between their real aunties and all their friend aunties they've got like 50 but I think that that's a little bit different because I don't think many people grow up referring to another person as their brother or their sister unless that person is like a stepbrother or they're like kind of an adopted

Starting point is 00:52:29 sibling? I have two boys in my life that we grew up across the road. So our mums kind of took turns in driving us to school and she was very much a second mum to me. And I refer to those boys as like my brothers. We have very sibling-like relationships. The reason I don't think that this is the same is because she made up the weird backstory about living with the step-mom. Do you know what I mean? I can see how if I was saying, oh, my brother, blah, blah, blah. And I just forgot to tell you that it wasn't actually a biological relationship if that just continued and I never clarified I can get that you'd be like oh you know she just might have slipped up and not really giving you the backstory but she actually faked a backstory don't get me wrong I

Starting point is 00:53:12 think we're all agreeing it's it's weird the whole thing is weird but I definitely think that there are people out there who don't have any qualms with telling white lies it's almost like a little bit of a fantasy that sometimes they make up stories that genuinely haven't happened or are an inflated version of what's happened because it makes them more interesting or it's just how they've managed to get through socialising. I don't even know how to describe it. Maybe she wants a brother.

Starting point is 00:53:38 Desperately so. Or like people who will say, I've been there, and it's like, but you've never been to the Philippines. But then they're telling you a story about how they've been to the Philippines before. Does that happen, Laura? Have you ever? No?

Starting point is 00:53:48 Okay, just me. I didn't know that kind of like this existed. yeah liars people who lie but like i know that liars exist but i just don't know why you do it for like literally no gain i genuinely think a lot of people do it because it makes them more interesting i think that that's the motivation or they think it makes them more interesting and then it's like it's become a bit of a habit to them that they just get carried away with a story and then one thing leads to another and then that you're married to four people yeah like do you know i mean i'm not condoning it by any means and i definitely think it's weird but i have i have

Starting point is 00:54:21 seen it in people before. I would struggle with them being my best friends. You know what I mean? I could definitely have them in my close network and be close friends with them. But this idea of them, you know, I think of like a best friend as the person you can go to with anything about your life. And if I didn't quite trust that they were always honest with me, then I would really struggle with that. So I think that without realizing it, it would affect my, even though it's insignificant, even though it's just a weird lie, it still would affect the way that I view that person in some ways interesting anyway my loves that that is it from us we are back and we are all ready and raring for this new schedule and programming we'll be back on wednesday your

Starting point is 00:55:00 reminder we will be in your podcast library at 6 a.m on wednesday for the big juicy catch-up we're gonna have a little discussion on how our breaks were we all did very different things we did very different things and we'll be back on wednesday you know the drill to mom to dad to dog to friends and share the love because we love love oh it's so nice to be back

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