Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - What you should never say after coitus

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

Hey lifers & lovers!Time for therapy Thursday where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. Today we kick it off with reading out some of the worst things you've had said to you straight after sex and once again WHERE DO YOU FIND THESE PEOPLE?!?These had us in stitches.Then we jump into: Would you be okay with your partner going to a bucks party where they had to sign a confidentiality agreement? My partner just got a bonus that is equal to what I make in a year. I'm feeling embarrassed about my pay. They haven't done or said anything to make me feel like that however we live together and we split everything 50/50. I'm starting to feel a bit resentful and jealous, and I don't know how to bring it up. Can I ask my friend's brother? f yes, how do I ask and what are the terms and conditions? If you have a question you'd like us to answer, send it to @lifeuncutpodcast on instagram!If you are looking for more information - where to buy merch, tickets to our live show or to pre order the book 'We Love Love,' visit our website lifeuncutpodcast.comIf you loved the episode, you know the drill - Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love... because.... WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

A Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded on Gadigal land of the Aurora Nation. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany.

And this is Thursday. This is Ask Uncut. This is our down and dirty episode where you write in your deepest, darkest, burning questions, sometimes sexy, and we do our best to answer them. Often not that sexy. But today I've got a couple of sexy things to tell you, Britt. Do you know what? they're more often sexy than not to be honest nah do you know how many wedding questions

yes there's so many wedding questions it is wedding season which you know what i have a lot of questions about my wedding also hopefully it comes together anything you want to ask or how many weeks away are we now like seven weeks we don't want to tell everyone do 52 weeks away well look we do have some good questions coming up but we have some stuff we want to talk about before well before we get into that i just want to quickly say i cannot tell you the number of people who have slid into my dms desperately wanting to know the type of milk that i drink and i know that that if you haven't listened to the last couple of episodes that might come as some surprise because you would probably be thinking why would anybody care what sort of

milk that laura drinks but i went to the coffee shop today i'm here right now with my coffee i walked up and ordered it and the woman there said laura just letting you know that we serve Bonsai here. Hang on. Was this the one directly across the road here? Yes. So shout out to Sophie, the barista at the coffee shop across the road. It's one I have not been to, but she knows, she knows where it's at. Sophie is the same. That's the same girl. When I said a few episodes ago, when I said, I tried to order a coffee and I swapped and she said, Oh, are you also a snob like Laura? That's the same coffee shop. There we go. Now you all know that Bonsai is on the okay list so it's one of the good ones okay so bonzo yeah okay bonzo is above the line anyway we don't

want to exclude any we're not going to tell you what the ones are that are below the line let me tell you i came across what was possibly the funniest thread on reddit recently and i wanted to share it with you and i also thought i would throw the question out to our facebook community and also to everyone who follows us on instagram and i cannot tell you the replies that i received had me wetting my pants with my bad pelvic floor so this was the reddit thread the worst things to say after sex it was so funny this thread the things that people have actually said after sex so there was an anonymous reddit user who kicked off a very fiery a fiery thread of all the cooked things that people have said after they've had coitus is it coitus or is that just when you go

down on someone i don't actually know ah the coitus okay sexual intercourse isn't it britney is doing a live google as we speak this one says it's the physical union of male and female genitalia accompanied by rhythmic movement okay but also and what a description let's not discriminate same-sex couples can have coitus too yes that was just a random one that came up i think it's just yeah it's just sexual intercourse it's getting down to funky town all right continue on okay so we put the call out on life uncut podcast on our instagram and i wanted to read out some of the replies from our wonderful community some of the things that after you have just embraced in beautiful lovemaking and you rolled over next to I mean sometimes it's someone who you don't really

know uh these are some of the things that were said I'm gonna kick it off with you should talk to your friends about how to please a guy that is so rude oh wow that's a lot of discharge Raj, I don't have any lust for you. What about three, two, one, blast off, and then he came. He laid next to me and then tried to guess my weight in kilograms. After I lost my virginity, I said, is that it? Wait, after you lost your virginity? She said it.

She said it. She's like, is that what all the fuss is about? She was not impressed. She was not impressed. Wow. Oh, this one is so cooked. You feel different to your sister. Turns out he fucked my sister.

Oh, my God. Oh, that makes me feel weird. That makes everything clamp up. Okay, it's probably better if you are in love. We most certainly were not in love. You know that meant nothing, right? They burst out crying just after they came and said they missed their ex. Oh.

Instead of making a noise when he came, he just said, it happened, and then rolled over. Okay, this one, I burst out laughing when I read this one yesterday. He smeared cum on my forehead and called out Simba. No. I mean, that has to be a joke. He has to be being silly, right? Unless he's a super Lion King fan.

Who knows? okay this guy after we had finished he rolled over and said you know you have to go and pee now so you don't get a uti thanks pal thanks buddy right before he came he said to me you're milking me what is wrong with people okay don't say anything at all just lay there he didn't say much but he got up gave me cash to get the morning after pill and then said i'll call you an uber oh my god look i mean that is pretty bad but also so is someone calling out madge vag like magic vagina madge vag i mean that's a bit of a compliment oh yeah madge vag baby that's better than imagine you just had sex and someone said is that it i wish someone would

say i had a madge vag after three kids it's not as mad as it used to be put it that way after three i've only had two after two after two kids it's not as madge vag as it used to be what about this one you are now the 218th woman I've slept oh who cares shut up who you're a loser who cares about your body count who's counting I know I just I don't understand why some people after having sex feel the need to talk about how many people they've had sex with like as though is that because you think you're so skilled that that I'm gonna be impressed by your expertise there was one person I have told this on the podcast many moons ago one person I dated a long time ago hadn't slept with him would have slept with him until on the date he told me I think it was maybe our

third date and you know in my head I was like this is it three dates deep this was meat raffle no no no this was um he was in a band this was band guy this is band cam he said to me on the third date I have slept with over 200 women you know that right why would I know that I was like bro why why how would i know that and just so you know you just lost this you're like i'm not on your belt this is not gonna happen now because he said it like as in like oh get ready you know it's gonna be good and in my head i was like i'm so turned off now that you have told me that i am dry like the sahara desert these undies are on the pants are on the belt is on okay this one made me feel sad it was during a drake song that was playing and he said shh listen to the lyrics

the song was about a breakup with someone and then he broke up with me straight after sex oh so it's like a subliminal message it was like they just had sex and they were laying in bed and he was like listen to the lyrics and then he made drake do his dirty work that is cooked especially because he knew he was about to break up with her via song and he still had sex with her you were a dead root that's not nice who says these things maybe maybe she was doing that catra sex what's it called the one we just spoke about correct the sex maybe she was just laying there sideways being relaxed um you definitely like me more than I like you you'd make a great mother after the first time we had sex oh that's nice maybe he like maybe

he was into age play and this one is uh is also mother related he said it doesn't even feel like you've had a child oh my god I'm not even laughing at that my jaw is on the ground what does it what Does it feel different? I'd love to know. Matt always says it doesn't feel different, but I think it must. What about this? I'm sorry. What would you do in this situation?

They just finished having sex and he said, you know that that means nothing, right? I'd be out of there. Because, like, even if it meant nothing. Yeah, that's what I mean. You probably don't mean anything to me either, buddy. Just so you know. I don't like you either, but you don't want someone to say it.

You're like, let's all just mutually in our own heads agree that this meant nothing and go on with our lives like you you can have a friends with benefits right you can just be having casual sex and mean nothing but you don't finish the sex and be like oh fyi like i'm gonna have sex with someone else like you don't even clock on my radar you just don't do that just do it and leave it's literally like rolling over them being like you are dirt what about what about i have a girlfriend someone said that funny no not terrible but also kick him out call his girlfriend like you you're not a very good cheater if you've told if you've cheated and then told them straight after sex okay I have one more as soon as we had finished having sex

he said I could see us getting married one day two minutes later he called his mum and said I met my future wife then he made me talk to her we were both still nude I cannot have you ever had have you I couldn't think of anything that was like I don't think I've been in this position where anyone has said something that was so mortifying except for actually this just clocked i just clocked this now remember when i hooked up with that person ages ago and they said to me you have a really masculine energy do you remember that yes that to me i was like why why why why did you have a masculine energy and i don't think i have a masculine energy but that was the only thing that i could think of it so i mean you did have

a strap on no no i did not but like okay at the end of the day guys there's a there is a message here keep it to yourself keep your internal monologue in unless it is something that is very positive very lovely very loving unless you're gonna say that was hot as fuck you're amazing what do you say you have hot vibes hot energy hot energy yes that is when you can say it if you've had sex tell me i've got a hot energy just don't write it to me on dating app All right. Let's get in to your questions. All right. Question number one. I'm kickstarting something different now. This isn't a question that was written in, but it was a question that I just heard, right? I heard it on another radio station overseas and I just thought it was really

interesting and I wanted to get your opinion on it. Oh, Brittany Hockley breaking the rules. Like we don't get enough questions from our actual listeners. We've got to pull them in from radio stations I just heard it and I was like how would I feel about that how would you feel about that and it is wedding season it's bucks it's hen season I do have my hens in a couple of weeks time my sister's hens is this weekend Matt is also doing his bucks I've decided to leave the state when he has his bucks I'm taking the children and we're going away to Queensland okay so this is the long and short of it obviously it was a voiced question a woman's partner is going away to a bucks party she's fine with that but he has told her that the buck has asked them all to sign

confidentiality agreements so they have to sign something like non-disclosures that says you know what happens in fight club stays in fight club she wants to know what she does about that how she's supposed to feel about that is she allowed to ask him questions should he still go can she be upset about that she doesn't know confidentiality agreement for a box yeah i'm not like what the fuck is going down at this box okay is he tom cruise i'm gonna assume no she wasn't she was a normal civilian i think if you are a famous person then i understand why like this is pretty common like if you are someone with a big public profile then it is a common thing actually i'm pretty sure cam from maths cam and jewels yeah i'm pretty sure the guys that attended cam's box

had to sign a confidentiality agreement. Really? Word on the street is, because I have some friends who went there. Word on the street is fact. Word on the street is that there was a confidentiality agreement. But the reason why they made that happen

is because they didn't want anything to be leaked to media. They didn't want any, you know, photos, which I totally understand. I'm leaking your whole things. I don't care. I'm putting it out there. Do what you like.

I'm doing a live stream. There's gonna be blob dolls and strippers and lots of dildos. So look, I mean, if it's to keep it private from that respect, then I get it. But let's just say that, you know, it's Dave who works as an accountant and he's getting his friends to sign a confidentiality agreement. My question would be why? Like, are you signing it because you don't want the men who are attending to tell their wives? Like, is that who they're

keeping the secret from? Or is it because you don't want, like, there's going to be, maybe there's going to be cocaine there. Maybe there's going to be things that could get him into trouble in his workplace. So therefore he doesn't want anything to be shared on social media and so he kind of thinks I'll go to the extra lengths to keep it secret if that would happen to me if Matt came home and said babe I'm signing a confidentiality agreement to go to a box I would say cool but you have to tell me everything like well I mean I'm in on this confidentiality agreement business well I would I would draw up my own contract my own agreement that says you can only go if you then tell me what happens at the box I'll do like a agreement

in inception and that would i don't know if it works like that i don't think one agreement counteracts another agreement it's your relationship you can do whatever you want but but it just makes you think right i agree with you with if you're uber famous sure you don't want it to come out but when it's just a joe blow it just makes you think it would make me think you know something is going to happen that you don't want anyone to know about which makes me like if you tell me not to do something i'm going to want to do it so now you've told me that there's something going down that you can't know about i'm going to want to know and I'm going to want what I'm going to think about it if my partner's gone somewhere right now

and I'm at home sitting in bed and I know that he's doing something that he's not supposed to be doing and he can never talk about it's going to bother me well it's going to breed insecurity in you it's going to be that's the like you obviously would have no issue with your partner going to a box but it's the secrecy around the box it's the implication that everybody is doing the wrong thing and that you're never going to know about it and it's like you've almost just given him a get out of jail free card to do whatever the hell he wants to. I think ultimately be in relationships with people who you trust, who just because they do get a get out of jail free card doesn't mean that they're going to go and use it. You know, like I think that is the

biggest and most important take home from this whole conversation is that just because your partner can cheat on you or do something that they shouldn't do, be with somebody who wouldn't do those things who you trust that even if they're put in that situation of temptation that they would choose the opposite like if you don't trust that your partner is around temptation that they're not going to act on it because you know the the opportunity presents itself then there are bigger trust issues at play there I mean like if I'm with my partner I trust them I if I don't trust them I'm not dating them so I would say sure you can go that's fine sign the agreement obviously they want you to but just know that in we have an unspoken agreement in our relationship where

you're going to tell me what happens. And that's an expectation that I would have. I would want to know in my relationship, what my partner's doing and why. So if he came back and told me, I can't tell you what happened. I can tell you right now, I would be ropeable. I would be crazy. I would be crazy. I'd be like, you fucking tell me or I'm out. I mean, I probably wouldn't say I'm out, but I would, I would definitely be confused as to why keeping the secret of the Bucks party was more important than us being able to have like open, honest communication. That would definitely be something that irked me. I do think that bucks, like we've had questions about bucks loads of times. And I do think that it can be a really fearful time for a lot of women, you know, that

they fear that their partners are going to play up or they're going to, you know, have lap dances or do things that make them feel insecure. And I really hate that for so many people, it's this source of insecurity. Ultimately, the only way to overcome that is to have really honest communication with your partner and say like, these are my rules. These are the things that would, and when I say rules, I don't mean you can't put rules in your partner. They're going to do what they're not going to do, whatever it is the hell they want to. But you can say, this is what makes me feel uncomfortable. I would be uncomfortable if you had a lap dance. I would be uncomfortable if you did cocaine, for example. And then it's up to them to decide

whether or not they want to do it. And I think ultimately all you can do is give your partner the information about where your boundaries lie, and then trust that they're going to uphold that because they love and respect your relationship enough but as much as we make jokes it's truly a very very tricky situation once you start putting ultimatums on your partner also we're not gonna have an like an NDA for my hens it's fine oh no I'm that's we're telling everyone going everywhere if you come into the live show okay so my hens is like the day before the live show perfect timing I may be very hungover at our live show but also it could be very loose. So I'll tell you everything that happened at the live show. I'm sure you're all

on the edge of your seat. We wouldn't have slept yet. No, I'm just going to roll on in. I'll still have a dick straw hanging out of my hair. Ladies, I've arrived. Dick straws for everyone. All right. Question number two. I love my current job and I earn enough for me to get by. My partner is on a good salary and he just got a bonus that is equal to what I made in a year. Oof. Great bonus. Where do you work? I would like a job there. I am really feeling embarrassed by my work and my pay. He hasn't said or done anything at all to make me feel like that. However, we do live together and we split everything 50-50. I'm definitely starting to struggle with this and the feelings of jealousy. I don't know how to express my feelings around him and I don't know how to

talk to him about this money situation, but he definitely earns a lot more than I do. Please help. I hate this so much. I mean, it's great for him. You should be proud of your partner when they, you know, kick massive goals at work and get pay rises and all that sort of stuff. But paying for things 50-50 to the dollar when you're in a relationship does not equate to 50-50. And if one person is sitting comfortable and they're able to add to their savings, I'm assuming that you don't have a joint bank account. I'm assuming that you save money independently of each other. He's able to save money while you're living above your means. And I think that puts an incredible amount of pressure on a relationship it also creates so much resentment and now while

it's not his responsibility to necessarily like pay for you if he wants to live a certain way like if he wants to live in a house that's $200 more than what you can afford a week if he wants to go to nice restaurants if he wants to do things that sit above your means and where you feel comfortable then he needs to pay additional for that and I think that a far more equitable way of divvying out money in a relationship and sharing money is by doing things as a percentage. So just say that he earns $100,000 a year and you earn $50,000 a year, then you should be paying half, you know, and that would be 50% of whatever it is that he is paying is an equitable way of you to divide your incomes. And that goes for everything. It goes for rent, it goes for

expenses, it goes for buying groceries. The reason why I personally feel so passionate about this, and we spoke about it ages ago when we did an interview with Victoria Devine from She's on the Money, is because when I was in my mid-20s, I was in a long-term relationship. We loved each other. We were super committed. We lived in a beautiful apartment in Bellevue Hill and he earned a really great salary and I earned a truly terrible salary. And I had so much resentment for him because there were days where I would go to work and I'd be eating cans of tuna and crackers and he would have gone out for a beautiful long lunch with his work colleagues. He's had sashimi. He's had some smoked salmon. Mate, he was at Chin Chin dining up and I couldn't afford it. And then

when it came to our rent, because we were paying 50, 50 to the dollar every week, I had such a small amount of money left that I felt so stretched and so anxious. And he was completely fine and completely comfortable. I agree with everything you've said, Laura. We've done a money episode before. We did an episode with She's On The Money many, many moons ago, if you guys want to go and look that up but this is this is a common question we're revisiting it because it does come in a lot I agree with everything Laura said I think what you're struggling with is how to have that conversation with your partner because you don't know you said you're struggling with these feelings of jealousy and insecurity and you don't know how to bring it up I would like to think and money is

a hard one for a lot of people to talk about but I would like to think that you guys you are living together you are sharing all your bills and you're sharing a life together which means you're creating a life together. I would hope that you would feel comfortable enough to bring this up and have the conversation, even though I know it is pretty tricky. I think you just need to be really honest and say, hey, can we have a talk about the money? Like far out. Congratulations on your bonus. That is amazing. Make a joke of it if you want to say like you literally just got a bonus that was what I made this whole year. Like just put that out there because he might not know exactly how much you're making. A lot of people don't actually talk openly with their partners about what they're

making I know I had a girlfriend and I thought this was really weird I had a friend that had been with her partner for four or five years and she didn't know she did not know how much money he made you know his salary I personally found that weird because I would have thought that I mean for me I would like to know if I'm moving forward with my partner and we're making plans we're saving for a house or whatever I think it's one of those things that you do have the open discussion with and I think it's so important to like I don't know why we make money such an awkward and weird conversation like socially and culturally we don't like discussing money and all that does is it can create so many areas of stress and tension within a relationship you know we know

that the number one cause of relationship breakdowns is cheating and the second cause of relationship breakdowns is financial stress so there has to be this open communication money shouldn't be something that we're fearful of discussing whether it be fearful because we don't earn as much, there's inadequacies, or because you're worried that your partner won't step up to the plate and pay more when they really should. Yeah. And it's like the only example that I have about how open you can be is when I was dating Jordan, Jordan earned more money than me. He was an athlete. He earned good money. When he wanted me to go overseas with him, that was fine. I was always going to go on a trip. I was always going to pay my way. But when it was going to be an

extended trip and I had to all of a sudden leave an apartment behind that I had to pay rent for, an empty apartment and then I also had to afford to be overseas for however many months I was really honest and I said look I can come but I'll just come for this this amount of time because I can't live two lives I can't pay for a life here that I'm not living and I'm not working as much and I'm over here with you I was trying to be really like I felt really bad but he was always like oh no like I've asked you to do this like I'm going to help you with money I would never ask you to do something and then not offer to help you so if your partner is constantly wanting to go to really high-end restaurants and then asking you to split that 50% that's not on

if he wants to do that or she wants to do that then they need to be paying for that but they can only know they can only do what they have the information to do with so if you haven't been honest and said I'm struggling at the moment I'm not putting anything away I earn half of what you do can we maybe just go down and get fish and chips if you if they don't have that knowledge they can't make a decision you know the other thing as well that I always think about and this just like it takes me back to my past relationship it's that obviously this is not the case for everyone this is very much in heterosexual relationships but one thing that used to piss me off so bad is that I would never eat as much I would never eat as much as my partner like he was

always going to the gym like he had the most fucking insatiable appetite but we were paying 50 50 for groceries and I reckon I could have gotten by with maybe a hundred dollars on groceries a week for myself they only need a can of tuna here and there well no like really like I know if I had eaten and like bought groceries for myself in like a way in which I would cook and I would kind of take care of myself. A hundred bucks would have stretched me the week for my like day-to-day groceries. When I had to do the groceries for the two of us, it would be close to $400 because he just ate an insane amount of food. So I think that there's also other areas where maybe one person's using more or doing more in the house. Maybe you're doing more cooking,

more cleaning, who knows? Maybe there's other ways that you're contributing to the household that need to be taken into account. And the 50, $50 split is just not a fair way of doing things. So like have the conversation. It's so important too, because ultimately, if you don't do that, you are going to become more and more resentful over time. And my last, my last point, one last line is that it really, it really got me. Do not be embarrassed by your job and what you earn. That's what you said.

You said, I'm embarrassed by it. Do not, you do not compare yourself to anyone else. If you are working hard and you are loving what you're doing and you're enjoying your life, do not ever, ever be embarrassed by that. No, that's enough on that one. All right. Question number three. Now this one, I feel like is a pretty easy one.

can i ask my friend's brother out i went to my friend's 21st last week and there was a definite vibe between me and her old brother there were lots of eye contact a little flirty talk and some dancing i'm new friends with this girl and this was my first time meeting her family is it weird if i reach out to her brother or slide into his dms how should i do it do i need to tell her or ask for her permission any help is greatly appreciated i haven't been in this situation did you slide into the dms what'd you do this was way before dms i don't think i've even had a phone did you hook up with your friend's brother yes no i no okay sorry a bit different actually no i hooked up with my brother's friend so it was okay it was a bit of a different situation but

at the end of the day i am going to come in here with one rule there's probably more rules but i'm just going to try and like simplify this do i think that you can hook up with your friend's brother ask them out slide into the dms yes yes i do oh shit where you eat do i think you should ask your friend's brother out slide into the dms if you just have an itch to scratch and you just want to bang no i don't now let me explain that your friend's brother very well could be your penguin they could be the love of your life it could be amazing if you've known each other how will you know if you don't scratch the itch britney but exactly but if you know if you're going into that knowing that you just want to bang then no and you know what you recently gave me this advice

Laura in a roundabout way there was someone that I had a crush on that I wanted to hook up with oh yeah that was a terrible idea they had a connection to someone in my past right terrible idea and you and Keisha I said can I do it and you both vetoed it you both said absolutely not because I knew it wasn't going to be a lifelong partner you said you said the only reason why I want to bone him is because I want to bone him because that was it there was no I was like do you want to date him and you said no but I'm very attracted to him and I said well then don't do it so I didn't do it but this is my point yes if you think you could actually date and there's something there that could be serious I think that you can ask him out but I do think you should probably speak to your

friend about it I think it at this point if they're your best friend it's a pretty shitty thing to be going behind their back and they will probably feel pretty hurt by it if all of a sudden you're like hey FYI been banging your brother for three months like I would be shooketh to the core if my friend came to me and said that but if you went to them and had a conversation and you were like would you be completely put off if I asked your brother out like you know I have a vibe with him I quite like him but I want to run it by you I think there could be something there so I think that it has to be a what do you want from it long term or just the bang and itch don't just scratch an itch it's your best friend's brother do not scratch the itch yeah and I think like ultimately

like just because you have a vibe just because you're like you're like you know there's some desire there, whatever. We all know chemistry does not equate to our relationship. It doesn't equate to happiness, all of that sort of stuff. So I do think out of respect for your friend, I totally agree with you, Britt. I think go and ask the question and just kind of feel out how she would feel. Now, the other side of this is if you actually genuinely have spent, you know, in a few weeks, months, whatever time, some quality time with him and you think, holy hell, like this could be something, then that is a different kettle of fish. Like I still think, tell your friend, tell your friend that you have this connection and that you want to

see where it goes and then gauge what their response is. Okay. But here's my question, Britt. If you just say you wanted to have sex with my brother, which would be very weird because he's married to a man. But if you wanted to be with my brother and you told me, and I said no, and then you were like, but I really want to do it. Like, what would you do? Is a no and acceptable answer because I actually think as friends we can't gatekeep our siblings like I don't think it's an acceptable thing and people are going to disagree with me but I actually think it's pretty crappy form especially if there's been no big drama or no big fallout no anything to say to your friend you absolutely can't hook up with my brother just because you want to have ownership

over your brother or keep drama free or whatever no I agree I think when you go and ask the question to your friend can I ask your brother out there's a part of me that thinks it's actually a rhetorical question you're not genuinely asking you're more like you're more just saying I want to do the right thing and let you know what's happening but I'm I'm going to make you feel like you have a saying I'm going to do it anyway so I'm not going to ask for forgiveness I'm asking for permission but I'm not really asking for permission I'm kind of asking for forgiveness it's a difficult situation because if I was in love with your brother and I had known him for a long time and I thought we were a thing and I said to you can I date him I'd say he's married can't do that

Brittany hey this was your hypothetical or if you if then if you said no that I couldn't I guess that would be another conversation that you and I would really have to have because love and those feelings like if you actually think you love someone or have something like a potential for love that is a really strong feeling and I hate to say it but I think in a lot of situations that is going to trump a friendship at the end of the day that person is going to build up a resentment for the friend not allowing it and it's probably going to make them want to go and explore that more so it's a tricky situation but hey you might get something great out of this you could have a best friend and a relationship and a brother and a dating and being a family and be one big,

happy little community. It could be a really good thing. And do you know what? Like I get it. I understand why some people, when I say, I don't think that you can gatekeep your siblings. I do mean that, but I understand why some people don't want their friends to hook up with their siblings because they don't want the drama, right? They don't want, if there's a breakup and then a problem, whatever. Ultimately, if your friend is dating your brother or they're hooking up or whatever and things start to get a bit sticky or icky I do think you have to have a very honest conversation with your friend and say if you're going through this breakup whatever it is I just don't want to know about it like I can't be your support person and also be my brother's support

person because like that's an unfair place for you to put me so I do think you can say to them like look go ahead do what you want but like do not put me in the middle of this like I will not allow myself being put in the middle of this that's where my boundary lies I have some friends I used to work with them two girls same age and one of them started to date the other one's brother and it was never a problem it was always like cool this is a thing like you just go for it thinking it was a hookup but they've been together like seven years so now they're best friends and they're all there are four of them are best friends but her best friends also now her sister in law and it's like they are what I just said they're they're all these friends that actually

worked out now they have a little family unit which I think is cool I mean obviously that is a success story when they're not all going to be like that some are going to be like bangs and runs yeah I was like bangs and hangs and then see you later I was gonna say I feel like we're getting ahead of ourself because she's only just met the friend and she's only just met the brother so like I don't think you're gonna be skipping down to holy matrimony town but you you know what it might be a good time for a short time yeah we're saying like if there's really something there you met him last week at a party like just at this point you just want to bang him so I'm gonna say no well okay maybe ask the friend oh wait I reckon hang out all of you hang

out a bit more you've known him a week you got an energy sure there is a sexual energy but you might not actually like who he is as a person do you know what you can do what i this is how i think you approach the situation i think add him on instagram you met him at a party there is nothing wrong with adding him on instagram you can send a message and say hey like you know it was great meeting you don't make it flirty don't get too flirty no fire flames you don't be the one to to do that. Okay. You just like, say, Hey, be nice, be friendly, whatever. And then if he starts being flirty back, you blame him. Thank you. So you, then you say to your friend, Hey, look, I added your brother on Insta. Cause obviously, you know, we met at the party last week. We had

a really great time. He's messaged me. And I just want to make you aware that some of the messages have turned a little bit flirty. And I think I want to, you know, go and bang him. Can I flirt back maybe don't say it but like you there are some steps that you can take before you're you've done the wrong thing do you know what i mean so just add him oh yeah you could just be like oh my god crazy i think your brother's flirting with me they're either going to be like that is so funny go for it or they're going to be like yeah don't even think about it and then you can assess the situation but anyway that is it from us guys thank you to every single person who's written in a question for ask uncut if you want to slide into the dms into our dms you can add us

and, you know, we'll be friends with you. It is Life Uncut Podcast on Instagram. You can also go on to lifeuncutpodcast.com.au, get yourself a ticket to the Sydney Live show or pre-purchase a copy of We Love Love, which is out in just a couple of weeks. That is it, guys. Don't forget.

Tell your mum. I forgot what I was going to say. Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because we love love. Oh! We'll be right back.