Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - What's the Price of Love?

Episode Date: September 27, 2023

Hey Lifers!What's the price of potential love for you? Shall we say $500 per month? Because that's what Tinder is proposing! We run through the ins and outs of paying for dating apps and how much our attitude has shifted over the years with subscription based dating apps. Vibes for the week:Britt: Sex education season 3 on Netflix Laura: Apps - Keeper password manager Keeshia: Copper tongue cleaner Then we get into your questions! I've been with my husband for 6 years and we have 2 kids together. He didn't know that our family iPad synced up with his phone. On the iPad, there are phone numbers of sex workers that have been blocked. I can see that he has also been messaging sex workers on OnlyFans and offering them thousands of dollars for certain things. I contacted one of them and she confirmed that they had had facetimes, but never met up in person. I feel lost about what to do and how to go about this. Please help. I run my own business and almost lost it after the damage from a bad ex. Years and years on I’ve found this beautiful man and we have decided to move in together. My concern is that my business now earns 6 figures after YEARS of working 6-7 days a week… Do I need a prenup? I am nervous it will damage our relationship but I know logically I need to protect my business and my new property. Emotionally I am scared I will lose him and do damage even by asking or showing the papers My partner always wants to grocery shop together, I would prefer to do it solo and alternate weeks (more efficient). What do I do with that? Please note that we do not have kids so it's not like we're too time-poor to do it together. He views it as wanting to spend more quality time together, I see it as a waste of time 😆 how do you compromise on something silly like this??? Is it okay to tell people to be quiet when having sex because you can hear them?? Specifically my sister and her girlfriend. My sister lives with me and her girlfriend is SO LOUD when they are intimate. It’s driving me nuts. I read at night and the moans I hear disturb my peace 🤣 do I let it be? Do I say something? And to who, my sister, or her girlfriend?   GET TICKETS TO OUR LIVE SHOW HERE  If you have a question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xx    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm Laura, and Brit, are you not so thrilled? That we've gone viral? Yeah.

All that dancing with the stars really paid off, guys. Look, the dance moves, if you haven't seen them, they're on Instagram. We are pretty much professional dancers, or oompa loompas. I don't know what you could call us. It's completely inaccurate. We are not professional dancers. We are oompa loompas in the video, yes. Do you know what I figured out?

So if you haven't seen it, I made Brit come over to my house. We were supposed to be doing live show prep. She came over. Which I am anxious about. I'm the one that's like we really need to get this shit sorted and usually that's not me. Usually Laura's that person. She's like we just have to postpone the prep for a minute

because I really need us to do something and I'm like, wow, this sounds urgent. She's like this is my idea and I'm like, fuck, my life. I'm like I'm losing hair and sleep over this live show and Laura needs to spend an hour doing this dance. I was like I found this TikTok video and I think we should recreate it. I think we should learn this dance. And to be fair, how good do your quads feel today?

They actually don't hurt. Do yours hurt? Yeah. They were burning at the time, but I feel really good now. I must have like a retained level of fitness. It made me realise how good endorphins are. Like sitting for an hour on the ground stuck in a jumper laughing really set the mood for the day.

Was it the part where my husband had to come and grab you by the arse and lift you up simultaneously? Okay, so if you haven't seen it, it's a very dumb dance. It's on our Instagram. we had a lot of fun making it and even more fun when I was putting the bloopers together of trying to make this stupid dance but basically you put your legs inside the arm holes of your jumper then you put your arms through it so you look like a tiny little chicken roast a little a little crab and then you you do a dance with your arms and your legs combined and it's the best leg burn ever

also good giggles but once you've got your legs in the jumper and you are in that little pose I don't know what you would even call it you look like half a crab that's been eaten by a seagull once you're in that little pose you physically can't get up so you need a third person you need a third person there who's kind of like your spotter and that was matt and he took his job so seriously he really did he would get in there every time we'd fall down he'd get in there lift us up by our bums put us back into position once you roll over that's it you can't get up he was the real mvp of that whole the whole video did you see that someone wrote that they wanted to make us custom chicken suits i'm not kidding he was really serious about it he followed up on it

who wanted to make us custom chicken suits. I would wear it. With the, what's it called? Like the crest, you know how they have the red crest? In detail, he said what he's going to make us. And then he followed up and said, I would love to,

I'd be honored to get this to you. And I was like, I don't think we need a chicken suit. I'm flattered. If you want to make us a chicken suit, guys, we will do the video again in a chicken suit. It was possibly the single funnest thing that I think I've done in the last four days.

But you know what? If you want to recreate what we made and then you share it to your Instagram, we will give away some free live show tickets. how about that yeah we will give you and your friend a ticket to your closest city for the life uncut live show all you have to do is do that video and tag us on your social stories or your social post either either so if you want to come to the show it's pretty simple right eat your body into a jumper learn some choreography with a friend you don't even need to

learn choreography we sure as hell didn't and that is evident in the video also go to life uncut podcast and follow us on instagram if you haven't already but brit i saw something before we get into answering all your deep your dark your burning questions I saw something that no longer relates to me because I haven't been on the dating apps for a while but let me tell you back in the day I hit those things hard I went hard and I went fast and I was one of the people who had a subscription and I don't know if that is embarrassing what are you talking about subscription to what to dating apps dating apps yeah I mean I was on right oh that's a subscription yeah I know but I feel like people don't really admit that they subscribe for the month so

therefore that they can get extra. I wasn't like subscribing for anything other than to be able to continue to swipe because I was online dating addicted. But I was, I mean, I can't remember if it was just Bumble, if it was Bumble and Hinge. Whatever, I paid the app subscriptions and most people don't want to admit that they pay the app subscriptions. What did you get more? Is it just more swipes? Because you get like a standard number of swipes on the Bumble and Hinge and stuff, right? Well, I don't know because it's been so long since I used them. But back in the day when I was on there you only got x amount of swipes per day on each platform and then if you wanted to keep swiping you had to sign up to the subscription but most people back then would say

oh no I mean oh my god if anybody would sign up to the subscription what a loser and I was like I did I do I'm not I'm not eating this month because I've got my extra because I paid my $19.99 for my tinder subscription no I signed up because I wanted to date and 19 swipes a day just wasn't cutting the mustard i thought you were about to say because i wanted to date 19 year old 19 swipes is not long no it's not much i don't i think it was probably more than that but look remember i didn't have the chance to subscribe because remember i got banned from bumble remember i was only on there for 24 hours and they cut me off yeah but you got cut off because people thought your profile was a catfish it doesn't matter why i was still cut off i couldn't even

pay for my i had to go to the court of dating law to reinstate my bumble i had to like plead my case and tell them why I deserve to be on there and who I am. Did you have to send a photo of your passport and were you like, I am a real person and I really just want to find love? Yeah. I even went on a dating show for it. Yeah. I had to like have a meeting with someone. I just really try to find love. Show proof of identity. Do you know what happened? I think I spoke about it on the podcast. I was like, guys are devastated. I got canned from Bumble. Like I got cancelled. I think someone heard it from Bumble and reached out. And they were like, sorry. I also think the irony in that is because at the time Bumble was one of our sponsors and you

couldn't even use your phone. I was like excuse me minor technicality you guys cancel me. I am on my face is on the bus stop for Bumble but I can't actually swipe. It was very funny. So I never had an issue with using the subscription services on the dating apps and you know I'm not ashamed to say it I was pretty prolific on dating apps at the time. I was a pretty big deal. No I just used them a lot. I just used them a lot and I don't know it was like my thing before I'd go to bed. I'd just sit there on a dating app and I would swipe and swipe and swipe. And then I would see the doom thing that would say, there's no new people in your area. You have exhausted your radius of 150 kilometers of the entirety of Australia. Tinder is bringing out, I don't know if you've

seen this Brit, but Tinder is bringing out a new feature. It is called Tinder Select. Now, if you're someone who pays for subscription for your dating apps, this might be something that you could use if you had $499 a month. Well, just to tell you, that is actually $777 Australian a month. That is how much that is. This is fucking wild. Okay, so it doesn't start at this much money, like $490 US or whatever it is. It starts at like $30 US a month, but basically you can pay for Tinder add-ons, right?

Now, I think that this is absolutely taking the piss. Like who has the amount of money or who wants to be in a relationship that bad that they're going to pay this much money for a subscription base? I reckon a lot of people. Not me. but I reckon a lot of people but otherwise they wouldn't do it like they must have that clientele I think it's ridiculous but their clientele must be there for them to be doing it so there's apparently a dating app that exists called the league I don't know if you've heard of it but

the league is a dating app that's been created for people who are super successful very wealthy and are entrepreneurial basically it's been made for people who are kind of like within a business space that just want other business people as a partner well yeah but we want successful people as a partner. That's kind of like their litmus for it. The reason why that is the case and why the benchmark is so high is because the subscription service for the league is a thousand dollars per week. So per week, people on this app are paying a thousand dollars. Now Tinder has taken a leaf out of their book. The league sounds crazy to us, but it's obviously been successful. And that's what Tinder are trying to replicate. But the thing about the league that sets it apart is that you

actually get this kind of like one-on-one personalized dating service. So they have people, real people, not algorithms, not AI, real dating analysts who try and basically like play matchmaker, play Cupid on the app and match people together. So you get much more of a high level dating experience. Whereas the thing about Tinder and doing select Tinder is that they're opening up to 1% of Tinder users. So basically the way that they're going to run this is anybody who is extremely active on the site, whether that means that you have doomed scrolled till there's no one left in your area or that you're very popular in terms of people selecting your profile that could also be the case they haven't really specified which of those but it does say for

very very prominently active users that they will be invited to join this subscription service and now there's benefits of being part of this service things like you'll be able to message people who you haven't actually matched with yeah they also have what they have called a skip the line feature which means that I guess when you swipe right on someone it shows that person that you've swiped right like it puts you in front of their profile so I guess it's more I don't think it necessarily says this person has swiped right on you but it immediately puts you as their next swipe so does that make sense so it's like it is putting you front and center to people you have if I understand right to people you have swiped right on yeah but listen to this this is actually

madness okay so with the tinder select select subscribers can direct message people that they haven't matched with up to twice a week so not only is it just you can't send one message and then it's gone you can continuously message someone who you've not matched with who's shown no interest in you if you've paid this additional amount that doesn't bother me that's fine because most dating apps do that most dating apps you can contact someone you haven't matched with that's how it works and i have no doubt that that person can block them and say they don't want to talk to them anymore yeah but that's also like having that annoying person your dms in instagram who's like hello hello yeah remember me i want to date you like if you haven't received

to reply why allow someone to continuously contact another person no I actually think that that is not the worst feature to be honest like think of how many times people have messaged us for anything and you need a couple of follow-ups to be like sorry I've been so busy absolutely like it's nice to meet you I've I have gone on dates with many people who I haven't responded to straight away purely out of laziness work laziness work the bottom going on other dates you got to the bottom of the barrel and you're like oh park all right i can't afford dinner come here steve you've made your way up to the top with your persistence no that one doesn't bother me being able to text someone like well it's not text but being able to message someone on a dating app without having

match doesn't bother me because like if you think of hinge having prompts you can respond to people it's the same thing like you're still making a connection and the person chooses whether they want to connect with you how much do you pay for raya a month so raya starts when i went on raya because it was a long time ago i was like an ogr it was very different it was like one fee that was quite low i think it was like i say low in comparison to this i think it was like 15 a month like it wasn't that much but there weren't that many people on there so there weren't tiers there weren't features it was like pay this join up swipe you would always run out of people on raya it was such a small pool so now i just tried to have a look there are so many different

levels to Ray now and it is so big it's not as exclusive as it used to be like basically anyone can go on there if they've had a referral I shouldn't say anyone you still have to be approved by a real human but it's much easier to get on I think they realized very quickly they could monetize well but it does not charge anywhere near what this tinder is charging and I know if I was going to be signing up to pay for something I'd be on Ray out not the tinder I hope tinder never wants to sponsor us but i wouldn't i don't think i would be doing tinder select it's too expensive well the other thing about this tinder select thing is that if you are so if you're one of the one percent because like the way that they're trying to frame this in all the articles that

i've read about it is that it's like really exclusive like you're so privileged to get selected to be part of tinder select right we chose one percent of users can do it and so they're like if you want to be part of tinder select you can have a badge on your profile that says that you're part of tinder select they like boy scout badge i i mean i paid for the subscriptions there is nothing wrong with taking dating seriously and you don't want to tell everyone you do not want to publicize that no one is going to wear that badge like it's a badge of honor and i also think i guess my only question about this whole thing is people who are really using dating apps people who are like spending a lot of time on there probably fall into one of two camps one it's

totally a hookup and they're, you know, aggressively using it because they're trying to churn and burn and find someone to, you know, have fun with for the night. Or two, it's people who desperately want to be in a relationship who are lonely and who are spending their time scrolling in the hopes of matching and finding someone, right? And I think that if you're making that much money out of people who are lonely, who feel as though they don't have connection, I think that this seems like revenue raising from a company rather than actually adding benefits to the users. Let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes for the week britney harkley what have you been vibing i have vibed sex education season three now i know i actually told you about this laura a couple days

ago and you were like what's that and i was i actually lost a teeny bit of respect for you that you didn't even know what it was um so laura did not and hasn't heard of sex education sex education season three has just come out a couple days ago and i binge watched the entire thing and I absolutely loved it but what I will say is I'm glad it's the last season because you know when some shows are multiple seasons you feel like it's run its course you're like I feel like you've done all the angles I don't know where you can go from here I definitely felt like that with this season so like they have ended on a high or did you feel like this was a low in comparison to the last season no it was it was different this one was more emotional like you cry a lot but the thing

with sex education is and I think you'd enjoy it Laura touches on every kind of issue that it's definitely focused to younger people because it's they're set in high school and then into college it follows the life of these bunch of teenagers and the issues that they face around sex it's very sex positive and it's got a bunch of these teenagers in it it's their group and it's one of them becomes a sex therapist at school so he's like 16 17 and his mom's a sex therapist so he starts doing sex therapy at school in like a rundown toilet cubicle out the back and all these teenagers come to him paying like a fiver and ask these sex problems and it's really funny it's really emotive it's upsetting it's all these things but it's real issues that young people are

facing which is why i really like it but this is season three season three is very different to season one and two it was very much wrapping up the whole story like you can tell there's not going to be a season four is it a comedy is it a drama it's a comedy drama so it's got really serious issues but they make light of a lot of it so it's really hard to explain if you haven't seen it it doesn't make fun of any issues but it's a lot of like think i don't know i think teenagers getting these spontaneous boners and and things like that and like teenagers being like i can't make my girlfriend come and what do i do it's like it's just sort of that kind of a vibe but like the awkwardness of coming of age 100 but then it also sort of shows one of the main

characters mothers and she's the sex therapist she has her own toxic relationships and her own issues and I don't want to spoil anything, but it's not just for kids. Like it does show these adult issues as well. So if you haven't seen it, I recommend starting from season one. You've got to start from the beginning, but that's my vibe of the week. Season three. Yes, but only season three if you've watched season one and two. So my vibe, if you haven't, is to go back to season one. Okay. I have my vibe for the week. It is an app and I'm trialing two at the moment, but I am somebody who really struggles with my passwords, right? And I think that that's something that a lot of people can relate to. I always forget which passwords have been used for different

apps or different websites. I try and have the same one across all of them, but then, you know, you might have to change one single fucking letter or character or something. And then to be able to roll that out, you then forget. So I'm the person that if I'm automatically logged out of a website, I do not know my fucking password and I need to password reset. So the app that I've come across and I've started using, it's called Keep a Password Manager. Now this is an encrypted app that you download onto your phone. It helps you aggregate different passwords, but it keeps them all stored in a safe place so that they link it to the websites that you've accessed. It's kind of like having a key chain on your phone, except it's encrypted. It is highly secure and it will

stop you from forgetting all of your fucking passwords. They'll all be in the same spot. It also gives you really high level passwords that are hard for viruses or for Trojan viruses to be able to access and figure out. So I think the issue that most people have is that we use the same password for every single thing and in this day and age it's such an unsafe way of going about protecting yourself and your online security and this so far since using this one I have not forgotten a password and I feel like a little bit more of an adult which is nice I don't think I would be able I don't think I would trust doing it I know you said it's encrypted and obviously they're not going to put an app out that's not but I just think hackers are so good like the

proper elite hackers that i feel like if you're going to target anything you're going to target an app that is just you know has every single person's password that would be my worry yeah but that's also the whole point of it right like if your security online is so shit that you're using the same password for everything that you forget it so you're constantly resetting it those things are more problematic than using an encrypted password tracker right that you have on your phone so i think you're kind of choosing between the lesser of two evils and this is a safer way and more secure way of you taking care of your online data and i guess for me i'm so sick of being that person who can't remember so like if you are somebody who also like me struggles with

it you will find this app very fucking useful producer keisha do you have your vibe for the week i do do you both wake up with bad breath in the morning no i feel like everyone does to some level i am like an angel i have a real aversion to not only bad breath in the morning but you know over the course of the day where you can feel that build up on your tongue of shit like you've got a tongue knife thing what's a tongue scraper previous to last week i was a plastic tongue scrapey gal and i have upgraded to the black chicken remedies copper tongue cleaner oh my god i didn't know your vibe was a scraper when i introed that i was just like you scrape it's 12 i got mine from adore beauty but i'm pretty sure you can get these from like literally any

pharmacy it's the fucking best thing I've used in so long all of the bacteria off of your tongue and so you can go about your day being fresh breathed and bacteria free I didn't know that people scraped their tongue I brush my tongue with my toothbrush I well I mean that's a form of scraping I guess I am not as effective I am addicted to Listerine like mouthwash I use it like it's going out of fashion because I the idea exactly like you Keisha the idea I wake up with first thing in the morning and go and do it whether i'm alone with ben whatever i like have to have fresh breath at all times it's just so much quicker to scrape it though like it's so fast yeah but i have a real gag reflex so i can't even put my invisalign in sometimes without being like

yeah poor ben maybe you need to train yourself with a tongue scraper to be less sensitive even if i try and put the two oh my god i do this no i've got almost gagged now i'm the same you ask matt matt pays me out every morning i'm not gonna ask matt about you giving him a blowjob at the gags we're close we're not that close okay question number one saucy oh dear well actually it's not saucy it's fucked i've been with my husband for six years we have two kids together he's always been secretive with his phone which was a red flag but everything else was okay we got a family ipad and he didn't realize that some things sync from his phone so i've seen some weird blocked numbers and FaceTime calls and now his search history. I googled the numbers that he

has blocked and found out that they're escorts and sex workers. So I clicked his OnlyFans link and it took me to his messages, which shows him trying to pay local sex workers thousands of dollars to spoil them and organize FaceTimes and calls. I spoke to one of these ladies. So she's gotten the number she's called them i spoke to one of these ladies and they confirmed they had never actually met him but they do facetime he's also organized visits to massage parlors but i haven't confirmed this please help so basically she's suspicious because she's seen all this shit that's blocked which is like red flag she's done the digging inspector gadget she's found that he has been having these conversations with sex workers and sending money so he hasn't physically

gone out and done it as much as she can tell except he has visited massage parlors which i think she's assuming is a happy ending but she doesn't have proof of that that's an assumption based off everything else i think the thing that often what we can do in these situations right is justify oh but if it hasn't happened in real life like it's not as bad do you know i mean like if i haven't actually yeah if you haven't actually physically been there then it's not maybe as bad as what it sounds this sounds pretty bad it sounds like pretty bad i mean like look i think that right now you've done more digging because the suspicion and the feelings of you know you know when someone's being secretive with their phone I think the feelings of insecurity and that

instinct that's telling you something's wrong is what has propelled you to go and do extra digging the fact that you have to take a number that's blocked in your partner's phone and run it to figure out who it is and then your worst nightmare realize that it's an escort or that it's you know a sex worker, that he's going and he's doing these things. I mean, first big step of this is how are you going to have the conversation? Like, how are you going to sit down and present to him all the information that you have and all the things that you've discovered from your family iPad? How are you going to present that to him? Because I think obviously he's not going to come forward or I would be very surprised if he was to come forward and just say, oh yeah, here are all

my indiscretions, like here is everything I've done wrong. He will try and deflect and he will try and minimize. And the reason for that is because he doesn't want to lose his relationship. Like he can still be having these extramarital affairs and still want to be with you. Those two things can exist, you know, and I guess for you, like you're in a situation now where you're like, okay, my husband isn't the person who I thought he was. Our relationship isn't what I thought it was. And then you have to deal with that realization. But I think that the big first step is sitting down and having a conversation and trying to get to the bottom of what the fuck has been going on and for how long well see i think the best thing to have happened is that it was your family ipad

because you haven't gone digging into his personal things the first thing people say to us or i mean anyone is when they find something in their partner's phone they're like i don't know how to bring this up because i went into his phone like i went into their property when i shouldn't have and i found this so how do i say that which at the end of the day doesn't matter you found something they're going to deflect and try and blame you to get out of it but in this situation it's your family ipad if a bunch of blocked numbers and facetime calls and weird blocked websites and things came up i would do exactly the same thing i'd be like well hang on i didn't block that and my two-year-old doesn't know how to block that like what is this i think

it's a pretty standard thing for you to be curious as to what that is you need to confront him a hundred percent because you're never going to go on in this relationship and have any sort of trust or respect again like this has broken you in some capacity yeah and it's going to be different for everybody for me this is cheating some people might not view this as cheating because there's no physicality but for me there's obviously online sex going on and sexting and facetime sexting so for me that's still a form of cheating do i think you need to up and leave him right now i'm going to say no because you obviously love each other and you have two kids you need to have a conversation and his reaction is going to determine your next steps 100 if it's denial if it's blame if it's

diversion whatever else it is maybe there's a level of acceptance and honesty but if it's anything other than acceptance honesty apologies and wanting to change I hate to say it but I'd be looking for an out yeah but also i mean i know that you said that in like the most because we have to be very even yeah oh my god like we have to be even-handed we don't want to be giving information which is like leave the motherfucker but then when i read things like this my very first reaction is leave the motherfucker no but you've got a family and kids 100 100 and i mean from all the things that we have read from all of the ask and cuts we've been sent in over the years things are way more complex than just that person cheated it's black and white i'm out of there we

know it doesn't work like that right and when you do have a family when you have been together for six or seven years or whatever even longer even less everybody reacts to these types of deceit and lies differently and some people can get over it some people can work through it and their relationships can be better once the cheating has come to the surface and other people can't because it absolutely rots their ability to have trust in the relationship and it's something that they can never ever ever kind of live through or get over neither of those responses is wrong it's just that we all will respond differently. And I guess the big thing here is, is like trying to understand why, like, why is he doing the things that he's doing? Has he always done this? And I'm not saying

that his why is going to be justified, but you know, if you say, yeah, it's not like he's going to say, oh, well you weren't having sex with me and I felt devalued in the relationship. It made me feel like a man or whatever. Like, it's not like his response is going to be justification for but I guess the why is really important for him to be able to work through it or get over it or for you guys to be able to address it and have conversations about it I would be saying you need to confront him you need to put everything out on the table and then dependent on what his reaction is you need to go and book some therapy like you guys need to talk this out with someone who's actually a professional because I don't think that two people who without any sort of external help

can get through this and be totally fine on the other side of it because he needs to change some massive things about what he's doing in the relationship because this is not just like one time that he's cheated it's not one bad decision it is so many small bad decisions it is so much lying it is so much deceit and it's like well he probably does not have the capacity to stop this on his own or does he want to stop it on his own who knows if it was me what would you do if you found out that this was ben i'm not saying it's right but if it was me i wouldn't go and say hey like heads up our family ipad syncs to your phone and i found this shit i would ask i would say do you get massages i'll just say something like that just i'll just be trying to catch him out

because i'm a manipulative little bitch like that and i'd rather i'd rather have something else to go at him and say you've lied you've doubled down healthy this is the healthy and this is the part of the podcast you should not take advice from i would want to see if i ask him straight out if it's a lie straight away i would want to know the level of him lying so i would say like i would say something like that i like do you get massages do you ever like massages because you know he's been going right you've seen the receipts if he says no then i'd be just saying have you ever cheated on me i just say it just tell me he's gonna either know you're on to him and he's gonna be like uh we need to talk or he's gonna deny it straight out then once the denial comes in that's

when you come and kick them out from legs out from underneath them that's when you come and say i've seen the shit on our family ipad i've spoken to the woman so let's just fucking put it out there but i'd try and catch him out first because i'm not healthy like that i honestly don't know how i would respond if something like this because the thing that you have to remember is like if she's never had an inkling about this if this is the first time her entire identity around her relationship has just been ripped out from underneath her well she says he's always been secretive doesn't mean that she thinks that this is the outcome do you know i mean like it's six years of thinking oh yeah my partner's a little bit weird with his phone and having that insecurity

validated. That is like, I can't even imagine how disturbing that would be and how fucking hard that would be to even imagine how to go. And when I say even imagine how to go on, what I also mean is, is like, he's going to come home from work and you have to decide for how long are you going to keep it a secret? Like, when do you tell him? I mean, I get the ick from the simplest shit. Could you imagine the ick that she would feel for her husband right now? She would be so repulsed. You wouldn't even want to be in the same room as the guy because she'd be so angry at him so then trying to think okay well when do i bring up with him that i know he's been facetiming sex workers like i can't even imagine waiting because i don't have what you have brit like i

couldn't play the long game i couldn't be like oh my long game's like 20 minutes he would he would walk in the door i wouldn't even have time to send in an ass gun cart matt would walk in the door and i would have called a babysitter the kids would be out of the house and i'd be like come here and sit down because this is what i found today and we need to talk this out i do i have zero cool you need to catch him out no i can't my i'm compulsive my other question here is it's just the way you say this so casually and i i can't work out if you knew about it or not so i clicked on his only fans link and it took me to his messages was the only fans link something that you knew he was doing because it is sort of casually put in there or did you find the only

fans link when you were delving so i wonder if you already knew about the only fans link or if this is something you also discovered because I feel like that is another layer on top of the whole thing you don't really have an option other than laying it on the table here's my question obviously we can only go off with these questions like how much information we've actually got if this was you if you were in this situation and you found out that this there had been this long term long stemming infidelity in your relationship and you had kids and you were married what would be right now without having all the rest of the bits of pieces of information what would be your gut reaction to it if he was really open and admitted he'd been having these messages and conversations

and facetimes but didn't do anything physical i would probably try and work through it and try and understand it for the sake of the marriage the family and the kids if he straight out said yes i've been going to physically have sex at parlors i'd be ending the relationship that's it for me i also think like you don't have to give him all the information like i think you know you can save the bits and pieces that you have found but i think leave it for him to come to the table with what he is gonna share because like he might share more he might share less he might try and minimize or the floodgates might open and he might be like look this has been going on and i want you to know everything yeah that's why i think you ask him have you ever

cheated on me yeah he's gonna know you know something and he's not gonna know how much you know so let him let him come to the table that's what i'd be doing because at the end of the day you have the information and information is power you're in control of this situation i mean that's really important it's really hard to feel in control of it though when when your life feels so out of control i don't know if i was in a situation where like i don't know if i would be able to be the bigger person like i don't know if i could stay and i say that purely because you know obviously love Matt to death would hope that we could work through anything but I know that I really struggle with overcoming cheating in terms of like in the long term like I

know that that stuff really erodes my sense of self I can't just move on from it and even though I have stayed in relationships for years after being cheated on it was always the beginning of the end because for me I couldn't move past it and there are some people who like I said at the beginning there are some people who can and there are some people who fundamentally can't and I think it's really important to be honest with yourself around what you are capable of and whether your relationship is one that you believe could be better because it's all going to come down to now what he does next and how he tries to prove to you that he's making changes and maybe he will level up and maybe he will and maybe he won't but you don't deserve to be in a relationship

where you're being lied to i agree all right question number two i finally found the love of my life after some really rough messy relationships exes who have stolen gambled and did the dirty on me i run my own business and almost lost it all after the damage from my dirty ex years and years on i found this beautiful man who we have decided to move in together he has encouraged me to purchase my own property and first home and get government grants we do not go halves as he already has his own home and we would lose these benefits. My concern is my business now earns six figures after years of working six to seven days a week. Do you think I need a prenup? Now I am nervous that it's going to damage our relationship to even ask him the

question but I know that logically I need to protect my business and my new property. However emotionally I feel scared that it will scare him off and he'll walk away. What should she do? I I actually don't think there's anything wrong with a prenup. I think I've said this before, but I think the prenup needs to suit you guys. It can't be a standard prenup. It needs to be a very catered prenup to you both, what you have, your assets and your relationship. Surprisingly, there's been a lot of prenup questions that have come in recently. Well, I think this is why. I think people like us having these conversations is making people think about it because it's not something generally people think about. I think what

I would do in this situation is say, and this is what I plan on doing in my life when the time comes is say hey this is what I'm bringing to the table this is what I've worked really hard for on my own before you came into my life so I want to protect that and I totally appreciate that you can do exactly the same because it sounds like you two are now in the same position you've both got what you've got but if you have grown your own business for years working seven days a week to six figures I think you can protect that but it has to be in a way where when you do get married and start to share a life together for me I think that's when your finances do become joint because you're working towards the same thing so maybe there's a level I mean you have to decide at the

end of the day what you're happy with but for me I think you do have to start to share finances when you're married because you do want to work towards houses together properties financial security all of the above one of you is going to earn more meaning one of you is probably going to contribute slightly more I think that is okay everyone does finances different in a relationship is it okay for you to want to protect what you already have earned yes I think it's one of these things right where I love the way that you've written this question is is that you don't feel as though this person is in it for the wrong reasons like they have been financially supportive of you in terms of like wanting you to better your position not that they're financially supportive

as in they're paying for you but they support you in your financial decisions which is important and you guys seem to be on the same page when it comes to money I don't think a prenup needs to be this you versus me situation. I don't think it needs to be like, Hey, I'm coming to you with papers for you to sign. This is me protecting myself. Is it not a possibility to go and be like, should we sit down with a lawyer together and have these discussions together? Can a prenup not be something that you discuss openly in your relationship without coming to the relationship with the terms that you want? Does that make sense? So like, and I think that that, if you were to approach something in that way, that it's collaborative rather than it being, I want you to

sign this, you don't get anything, then it would be received in far more of an inclusive way in terms of like, not feeling like that person's trying to totally cut you out of their life and safeguard themselves because they don't see longevity in the relationship. It almost feels like the opposite. It's like, well, I see longevity in this relationship. I want your opinion. I want you to be a part of this process. But I also am really, really, really scared about losing something that I've worked so hard for. I also think it's so important that when you've been in a relationship before when you have been taken for an absolute fucking ride when you've been put into a place where you've been financially not okay because of your relationship that you learn

from those lessons and you protect yourself and I say this from I mean my mom I've spoken about my stepdad a bit on the podcast before but one of the biggest things it wasn't him being an addict that was obviously very very challenging but the biggest thing that he did to my mom which I think had the most long-term and was the most damaging was that so he had a business and he was taking the money out of the business because of his addiction but when he left because my mum was part owner she was half owner with him they were joint partnership on this landscaping business it plummeted into debt and it put my mum hundreds of thousands of dollars into debt as a single mum with three kids and it took so long to recover from that and it was because she didn't have any

sort of financial protection when she went into the relationship whatsoever and I do think that as women we need to protect ourselves as anyone not just as women but I think more so and then also if you've worked so hard for six years to build up your business to a place where it is paying you hundreds of thousands of dollars that's an incredible achievement like well done that you have done that all on your own and with all of your own hard work and if you're in a relationship with someone who loves and respects you I can't imagine that they would want to do anything that was going to undermine that. So I would say if it is a red flag for him, if he says, I don't want to be with you, if you're going to make me sign this, that to me would say that he doesn't have

the best of intentions. I think it all comes down to how you approach the conversations around prenups and that it's kind of more inclusive rather than exclusive. I'd love to know if anybody else out there listening to this has done a prenup with their partner, has had these open conversations. How did it go for you? Give us your like side of what it did to your relationship and how it affected you because I think it can be a positive but we so often look at it as though a prenup must be the beginning of the end it must be because that person thinks that they're not in the relationship for the long term and I don't think it has to be that okay there's a funny one my partner always wants to grocery shop together I would prefer to do it solo and alternate weeks

because I think it's more efficient but he wants to be together what do I do with that please note we do not have kids so it's not like we're time poor he views it as wanting to spend more quality time together i see this as a giant waste of time how do you compromise on something as silly as grocery shopping this has got to be one of the funniest most trivial questions we've ever had but nothing is trivial it's important to you and we're here to help you i in my 20s would have thought that grocery shopping was quality time now in my 30s i couldn't think of anything fucking worse than going grocery shopping with my partner I understand why the hell would you want to do it I don't grocery shop I order online that's your answer order online I used to like the leisurely

like look and read the backs of labels and stuff and I used to like going through I would spend hours in the grocery store just like literally reading the backs of everything also what had some problematic eating at the time so like that's probably why I spent so long in the shopping centers but the thought now of hanging out with Matt and spending our time walking the aisles of a grocery store. It is in, it is out. We are efficient. Let's do it. One of us will wait in the car. You've got kids. You're time poor. They don't have kids. They're just like a romantic date. Let's stroll in the aisles. I agree with you. I think it's okay to tell your partners that you don't like certain things. You don't have to spend every, I just spax, I'm so passionate about

this. You don't have to spend every moment of every waking day with your partner. Grocery shopping is not quality time. It's simply just not. It is time, but it is not quality. You're not having a conversation about your day. You're walking around picking up fucking eggs and a piece of lettuce. Like I would say in this instance, it's okay to say, honey, do you know what? I love you. I love spending time together, but I really like the peace, the quiet, the efficiency that comes with grocery shopping on my own. And I couldn't think of anything worse than trying to do that with another person in tow. You need to say, honey, if you think grocery shopping is quality time we have bigger problems here it is not quality time it is not a romantic date

hear me out you need to start ordering your groceries online neither of you hang on neither of you have to go to the shops then it gets delivered to your door and you can utilize that time to go and spend quality time together doing something that is quality i.e not grocery shopping everybody has things that they fight about that are trivial in their relationships but i do think that this is one that you could easily have the conversation with your partner yes i think there is an easy out for this but good luck let us know what happens do we need enough math on this one i also need to know if he does it by himself and if you get proper food or just like a whole kilo of beef jerky well i mean and also coming back to brit i know brit you say

that you enjoy doing your shopping online but i've seen your fridge i've seen how fucking barren know how barren your fridge is how barren your cupboards are like you've got a half a kilo of mincemeat and some crackers and some chicken yummy drummies so if that's all your girl needs no it's really not you need more yeah hello fresh not sponsored but could be okay yeah it definitely could be anyways okay question number three okay this one is a saucy one it's about the sexy times is it okay to tell people to be quiet when having sex because you can hear them specifically my sister and her girlfriend my sister lives with me and her girlfriend is so loud when they are intimate yes driving me nuts i read at night and the moans i hear disturb my peace do i let it

be do i say something and to who my sister the girlfriend help yes 100 but i also i think it's weird to be a housemate and to not have the decency to be quiet like if you think that they can't hear you but you're like and being like no they can hear you everyone can hear you it's a house it's quiet it's not time and it's uncomfortable like i don't know i was gonna say i don't know anyone but i don't know many people that like to listen to other people have sex like especially when it's your sister like a sibling you don't want to hear your sister getting banged it's traumatizing it's literally traumatizing i think i hear i've got it for you when they wake up in the morning and you're all sitting there having breakfast you say hey you guys were loud last

night don't make it a big deal it's not a sit down conversation yeah like have fun it's yeah it's you kind of tease them and be like you know kept me up listening to you guys last night didn't want to keep it down oh you think the passive aggressive route yeah i think i i think it is all about not being direct not having good communication in this instance i would say just make fun of them until they stop or next time they're fucking really loud scream and be like i can hear you no do you know what you should do you should put porn on really loud put on sex noises from your bedroom and play it as loud as you possibly can and then when they wake up in the morning they'll say oh my god well some weird noises were coming from your room last night and

you'll be like yeah or you could do the mature thing it's your sister you could be like can you keep it down i can hear you having sex all night it's not great like just just say it i do think it is absolutely fine if you were in a share house this doesn't just come down to being with a sister so many people have to deal with this hearing their housemates get on down to hanky panky town i definitely in the past have heard my housemates have sex they have definitely heard me have sex and i have always found that making fun of it in the morning makes the person aware like you know, and they've done it back to me. They've been like, yeah, you were not quiet last night. It makes the person aware. It makes the person a little bit more conscious of it. And then the

next time they're having sex, they'll go into it being like, oh yeah, that was, I need to keep it down. If you have made a joke about it a couple of times and they are not getting the picture, then yeah, sure. Then maybe it's a bit more of a conversation of like, no, do you know what? It really is pretty awful to listen to. Would you mind trying to keep it down? But I think seat it in a way that doesn't make everybody in the room totally humiliated first yeah what would you do if your partner was really loud and you didn't like and it was giving you the ick you didn't like it i have been here have you i once dated an english guy who was so fucking loud like what talking loud or moaning loud moaning loud squealing like like a little pig like a

little english pig what do you like a little yorkshire pig do it no i can't i wouldn't even for me actually this is gonna sound bad because i look i've dated a couple of english people i'm worried my friends are gonna be like which one no he was so loud he was so loud and it gave me the biggest ick because i was that masculine loud or feminine loud um i don't know if you can do a masculine loud what's a masculine that oh oh nah see there's not really a masculine loud was that i don't know i look it wasn't that it was effeminate or masculine it was just loud it was a loud moan at a time when i felt as though the moaning was unjustified it felt performative it was like it can't possibly be this good and you yelling magic vagina i do thank you no i said

maybe yeah look maybe have fun i ended up saying to him that he needed to keep it down but i used my housemates as like the buffer i blamed my housemates and i was like oh they can hear you can you please keep it down so not that you're drying me out but really it was because i got the complete ick and then i think we only had sex like one or two times after that because i was like i cannot get over how theatrical this man is you can't go back from the it was like having sex with pavarotti the singer the opera singer well that explains the turn off laura he was an in-bed opera singer opera singers are fine i'd fuck an opera singer nothing wrong with that as long as they're not doing it mid-pump i do think it's weird when they're really loud

what about chicks because most girls like usually it's not the guy who is loud right i'm talking in heterosexual relationships usually it's token that the girl is louder than the guy and i would say in the past i have been loud i can be pretty loud you would be you're only no it's not but i'm not performative mine's only at like the the crucial moment like we're at the peak i might go up an octave we've all heard your kookaburra laugh so we all know what it would sound like Yeah, use your imagination. Poor Ben. No, it's still sex.

Have you ever had a guy tell you to be quieter? Never. Because most of the time people find a little bit of volume attractive, right? Like usually it's just a signal. Because I think they're doing a good job. Yeah, it's reassuring. It's a signal that you're doing a good job. It's very occasional that someone would find the volume of the person

they're having sex with an issue, I think. I think it's really good, like a very delicate balance because I find it weird when there's no noise. I'm like do you like that I don't know is that good for you is that you know when it's just silence like I need something but it's got to be within that little small window to be fair Matt and I have very quiet sex now but it's because we have two kids and they're in the room like next to us do you at least like whisper moan or just just spread your silence just like you could hear a cricket we whisper moan

otherwise the kids are gonna wake up lola mid-sex and then what do you do finish the shag and go get her while she screams over a bottle do you whisper talk little bit a little bit a little bit talk a talk let me talk just a little bit but no one's it's not like you're not reading at it you're not yelling stop it look i don't know i think in this instance for anybody who has a housemate that is too loud absolutely you can tell them there is nothing more uncomfortable and more ick inducing than listening to your sister fuck her girlfriend at night time whilst you're just trying to relax and go to sleep you could also just text her while she's in the in the middle of it just message her i'd be like keep it down

like do you think it also depends on your relationship though with their partner because like so you know she said it's not her sister who's making the noise it's her sister's girlfriend so like do you think it depends on how close they are as to whether she could go direct to the girlfriend or whether she needs to go through the sister i'd go through the sister i would feel more comfortable going through the sister sounds like everyone's going through the sister because then because then it doesn't have to it's more awkward when it's coming from someone else then the sister can approach in a different way she can be like hey i'm worried we're keeping her up you don't have to be like she said something because i think that's when it makes

it a bit awkward when you know it's the elephant in the room also i'm gonna put it out there some houses just have thin walls and it's it's okay put a little bit of music on do something to make your room less ambient less sexy like just run a tap i don't know whatever you can do in your bedroom run the water crisis laura whatever you can do to drown it out like you do that you do what you need to do for you noise cancelling headphones headphones some earplugs there's many things that you can do in your environment to drown out but also when you go into bed you don't want to have it these noise cancelling headphones on when you're trying to sleep i could easily sleep i would rather sleep with these on my head than listening to my sister fuck

yeah hundreds of times yeah yeah yeah yeah only once i think from memory we used to live together we lived together for a short period of time i've heard everyone who i've lived with i've heard and everyone who vice versa like you know we've all heard each other and it's not nice for anyone no i don't think i took it that seriously though at the time but now looking back i should have cared more my housemates always used to be like laura you're too loud i'd be like yes having a good time i don't imagine you to have given a fuck i didn't but i do now as someone who is someone who has to whisper moan i now care as someone who has children who has to keep it down i now care and i wish i had been quieter and cared more back then but i didn't anyway that's

it from us good luck in your sex quest guys if you also have any updates for us on ask uncuts maybe you have an aftermath maybe you sent in a question we answered it and then the advice was good or terrible we want to hear about it slide into the dms with your aftermath slide into your dms with your questions and also you can go and get your live show tickets baby they're on www.lifeuncutpodcast.com.au in case you know where it is all of our bios have the link in them as well www i am old school in case you didn't know what a website was www that's the world wide web the world wide web.lifeuncutpodcast.com.au yeah anyway that's it from us and you can go and you can follow along at life uncut podcast on instagram and also on tiktok

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