Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - When a threesome turns into a pregnancy

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

Hey Lifers! Britt and her follicles are back on the mic! Britt gives us an update on where her eggs are at and how round 3 of egg freezing is going. And Laura poses the question - Is talking so much about egg freezing increasing fertility anxiety?  We chat about Taylor Swift's maybe PR, maybe not PR relationship. Vibes for the week:Laura - Pet Ancestry tests! Buster is learning his heritage  Britt - Podcast The Trial: Ashling Murphy Then we jump into your questions & today has the most hectic one we think we've ever received.-My fiance and I had a threesome with a friend. Everything was consensual and respectful of boundaries. The woman who we had this threesome is now pregnant and my fiance is the biological father. He said that he was quite drunk (we all were) and he vaguely remembers the condom may have broken. I’m so embarrassed about how jealous I am now feeling that this is all happening and am even starting to question our relationship moving forward. It sounds awful because it’s no one’s fault that this happened but I am not sure if I can accept that this situation, it’s just become way too much for me.  -My boyfriend and I have been thinking about making a sex tape for ourselves. What’s your thoughts on this? Have you/would you ever make one? I’m not sure how exactly to go about it as I obviously would hate for it to go anywhere else but it would be cool for both of us to have access to it. Would love your advice on this subject! -I have been with my partner for 3 years . We own a house together and are engaged. Since February I have been feeling unsure if I want the relationship. Everything on paper seems good. But I am just not physically attracted to him. I even sometimes feel embarrassed that I am with him. On the other hand we get along really well. I also feel secure and have a lot of trust in this relationship. I have never had this before. He adores me so much and I mostly enjoy his company. I love the life we have built together so far but I also find my eyes wandering. No action, just wandering. I do however feel maybe I have settled for a nice guy but maybe not someone I am crazy about, maybe out of fear.  If you have a question please send it on it to life uncut podcast on Instagram hereJoin us on tiktok Or join the facebook group here Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Walamutta land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And Brittany's back baby.

Yeah, it was weird. I got a day off. I mean, yeah, must be nice. Not intentionally. So you guys know I'm doing the fertility journey, the egg freezing, which is the two weeks of hormones. And I've spoken about it many times. But if you're new here, I'm in the middle of doing my egg freezing.

But what it means, it's so time specific. Well, we didn't realize. I mean, actually, I did because I knew last time it was time specific. But like, it's to the minute. It's very time specific. And I mean, when I say didn't realize, this is my third time doing it. So I know now, but going into the process, and I think it's a really interesting thing that a lot of people don't know.

And this is what I say to people when they're saying, I want to do it. What do I need to know? You need to be available. And when I say available for a two week period, you have to be available to go into the clinic, to have your blood test, to have your ultrasounds, their internal ultrasounds, where the probe goes in your cervix. They scan the follicles from the inside and they check the lining and they check that they're growing.

They do all their measurements. but that is all very time sensitive. So you'll do a blood test. I did a blood test a couple of days ago. Then they get the results and then they say, okay, you need to come in Monday morning between seven and eight 30. That's it. So it doesn't matter what you've got on. You have to be available. Yeah. Because the rest of the testing and the rest of the injections and the dosages depend on that result. So once that result comes back, then I'll know when my next appointment is. So I know now that I have to go back tomorrow morning for another scan and another blood test to check how they're growing. And so I couldn't come to the recording last minute

because I had to go and do this testing. So producer Keisha filled in. Did it go all right? It went great. That was Tuesday's episode. But how are the baby little follicles? Well, they're still unfortunately baby follicles. So I have quite a lot. So I've got about 14 on one side and 13 on the other. So that's what the sonographer tells you, but that's irrelevant because she didn't tell me the sizes. She's like, oh, this is how many you've gotten. Then I got excited. That's what happened last time. But basically it's how big they are and if they're mature enough, so quote unquote. So they do all the measurements. So I've got a lot, but they're measuring, most of them are measuring really small. What are you going to do this time? Do you feel

like this is the last time or do you think it's something that you could do again? I mean, I thought the last time was the last time it's hard to know I won't know until I get my results and I don't want to do it again I already know that but if I get none again like last time yes I'll probably keep going until I get some more because none is none like none none is zero percent chance of me using those in the future so if I get none I guess I'll go again but I wonder and I know there's so many people in my dms you know I'm like third time people are like oh my gosh good luck I'm up to my 15th time and I just think oh my god like what you have gone through so many times and it's so common like so many women saying thank you I feel so alone and that's why I put

some polls up on my Instagram a couple days ago if you follow me just trying to trying to gauge how many of you have done this process multiple times yeah so people can look at it and see it's actually really quite common because so many people are messaging saying they feel so lonely in the process, which is really sad because it's very, it's really common. And a lot of women are going through it, I guess, just not a lot of talking about it. I read this really interesting article, which I can't remember where it was, but it was, I mean, it was an opinion piece around how prolific conversations are about egg freezing and how it's like, are we being made to worry more than we should now about our fertility? Because it seems like everyone is talking about

egg freezing. And I know it's been a big conversation for us over the last couple of months. And it's something that is so important to be aware of. But I wonder where the tipping scale is in terms of how important it is and how many people should have in terms of if they were to go down the path of egg freezing. Because I do think, I think like the algorithm now knows, I even get advertised egg freezing and I'm like, hold on. But do you know what I mean? It's like something that we never would have thought about 10, 15 years ago. And now it's almost become so commonplace that you hit your thirties and you are thinking about or expecting to go down the path of egg freezing? And I genuinely think now that I've done it for a few years, I think it

should be commonplace. I think this should be a really common discussion, not commonplace that you freeze your eggs, but commonplace that we're talking about it and that you're aware of it because education is the key. And I think a lot of the time people aren't educated enough to know that they might have problems, what those problems could be, what they look like, what masks those problems. When I think it should be common conversation, I think it should be common conversation that people are aware enough to say, hey, you know what? I don't know if I'll egg freeze, but I might just go and do that initial testing just to see where I'm at. Just so you have the knowledge to make the decision because it's not for everyone. Not everyone's

going to want to do it. And I think it is a really interesting conversation. And I'm fascinated by this idea that the pendulum almost has to swing so far in the opposite direction. And it's not in terms of like giving people fertility anxiety, but it's around at least knowing what your fertility is and having a bit of awareness over it. Because I think like for so many of us for so long, it's this like unknown until you're trying. Do you know what I mean? Until you're in the position that you want to have a baby, you just don't know. You're just assuming and you're going off what you think might be the case. But I do think it, I mean, I wonder whether in sort of 10 years time it will be something or five years time even that becomes more and I don't want

to say more of an anxiety for people but becomes like more front of mind because it is becoming so common and now the algorithms are selling us egg freezing there is like advertising around it and it's just becoming something that does play into people's insecurities around where their fertility sits especially for people who are single as well yeah and that's why I think it's important to go and get the testing so you have the knowledge. You don't have to go and make that decision because you saw an ad. Totally. Oh my God, I'm 30 and I've seen an ad. I've got to go egg freeze. That's not it at all. But it's knowing what your situation is, what your biological situation is, because it's different for everybody. So I don't think it's a scare tactic and I never want to

be talking about this and scare anybody. But I want to talk about this and have somebody sit there and say, oh, maybe I'll just check it out. Totally. And have visibility around it. Yeah. So this is Thursday. I think my collection will be Saturday, but you don't know until probably two days before. Harvest time again. When they do that, is an operation, like do you go under for a local or can you be awake for that? You can do either, but I always go under. Yeah. I think I would too. Because for a local, the way I think about it, and I mean, like, I'm sure everyone that's ever given birth is like, suck it up, Brittany. But for a local, it's like you're awake and they have to put the anesthetic into your cervix. So you still have

to have that moment where you're not anesthetized to be anesthetized. Do you know what I mean? So it's still got to go in there and you've got to have that. And I was just like, just knock me out and wake me up like an hour later. I don't know. That's how I feel about childbirth. Just put me under and take it out of me. I don't want to know about it. Totally. Like, wait, I want to know when I have a baby, I want to know, I want to wake up like two years later. Like when it's two. no you don't just put me in an induced coma i honestly every time i see like mother earth mothers who are like fucking water birthing and home birthing and breathing their way through it i'm just like you are a better human than i am and i know that that's not how we should look at it

but really i'm like wow you are so much stronger than me i am pathetic and weak and scared i know i think actually more of my friends than not have done water births this is wild just at home or like at a hospital that provides the water birth. I don't know if I can even think about that. And I think I'd be one of those people that thinks it's a great idea. I honestly, and I say this with the greatest admiration, when people are like, breathe the baby out. I'm like, I screamed that motherfucking baby out.

Yeah, slid straight across the ground. I was like, pew! No, it certainly did not. Trust me, it didn't. Fourslips and a suction cap and everything. That kid came out with a cone head. It was locked down. Honestly, Marlee Mae was still holding on to the lining of my uterus

she was like I'm not going anywhere she was two and a half weeks late and she was holding on for dear life and that's funny she's so small too oh she was I mean I know that doesn't mean anything but usually she's so small well usually you think when they go over they're eating more in there you know like they're growing bigger but she was tiny little thing I yeah she was so so small that it makes me think maybe she wasn't that overcooked maybe didn't actually get the time maybe but I mean I'm pretty sure the people who I'm pretty sure the midwives and whoever were doing the testing and the obstetricians and everything else know a lot more than I do. I'm sure they were correct and I was very wrong, but anyway. But I put a, um, originally when I started to

talk about this third process, like we've said, I felt like I was over talking about it, not over it, but like talking too much about it. Um, and I didn't want to talk about something you guys didn't want to hear about. So I put a poll up about what you want to hear if I talk about it. Is it seeing the injections? Is it how to do it? Is it how I'm feeling? Is it the result? And overwhelmingly, the response was like the physiological differences, how I'm looking and how I'm feeling. But the number one thing is I'm just so emotional. Like the number of times I cry a day and what I'm crying about makes me want to cry about

it. Like I'm having the most ridiculous fights with Ben. Okay, describe, talk me through the most recent fight. The most recent argument was only yesterday. I shouldn't say it's a fight, but because it's not, it's him being so confused and me just being so upset you being a psychopath and him being like what have I gotten myself into there were two actually that are actually so ridiculous that I don't even want to put it out to the universe yesterday's one was Ben's been a bit unwell and he had to go and get an x-ray

and so he went to get the x-ray and because I encouraged him right I'm like you're not well just go and check it out you know like appease me so he did went and got an x-ray I woke up the next day and he's like hey hey babe got my x-ray I was like cool um send the x-ray through so I can have a look because you guys know or you might not know but I worked in radiology for 13 years I've taken them every day of my life so I was like send it through he's like what would I send through I was like the x-ray he's like I don't have it I was like what what do you mean you don't fucking have it he's like well babe I just went to the hospital they kept it got the x-ray and they kept it on file and I was like you didn't ask them for the picture he's like why would I ask them I was like

I don't know, Ben, maybe because this is my job. This is what I do. Did you not think I'd anyway? It went on and on and on. And he couldn't understand. He's like, I'm sorry. No, no, no, no one can understand. No, he's like, he couldn't understand. And I was upset that I was like, you don't even understand me. You don't even know me. I'm like, what were you going to do that the doctor wasn't already going to do? Or the radiographer who took the photo in the first place was going to do? That's my point. And the thing is, I know deep down that I'm being completely irrational and

such a twat like i know it and i i came back later on and apologized but at the moment i really sat in it i really made him feel bad but i said quote unquote not considering me in this situation in his illness and his hospital visit and i was like you didn't even consider me he was like of course i didn't you're on the other side fuck it's so annoying because you're like i don't want to give into the hormones not that you don't want to give into them but you're like i don't want to believe that they run my life this much, but they really do. And every time, and I know this was part of you guys were at the live show. It was part of my, one of my stories, the live show, the amount of crazy that I feel two days before getting my period. I do remember I called you the other night

and I was like, I just can't stop crying. Laura called me bawling her eyes out. And then Matt said to me once again, he was like, are you sure? And it's like, every time it comes as a surprise to me every month, I don't track my period. So it's kind of like a bit of a kinder surprise. I'm not exactly sure what day it's going to come, but I should know by now that the two days that I'm fucking bawling my eyes out is a pretty clear indication that it's on its way. Well, also maybe you should just track it as well. Nah, I can't be bothered. That's another thing I'll forget about. Let's be real. I'm like, I feel like, I feel like saying it's going to make your life easier, but you do, you boo. You do, you boo, but you live your life. I like the

spontaneity and the surprise of not knowing. Matt can sniff that out. He's like a period bowel bird. He's like, I know what, what's happening here. He's always right. That's the problem it's so infuriating well I was just I think the emotions are only going to get worse so that was yesterday and I was just driving to work today and I was listening to the era's playlist like Taylor Swift because I'm crying in the car I'm trying to really get in the the Taylor zone for her concert and so I was listening to Taylor I've got the set list which you should start to listen to so you know the whole set and I was crying the whole way and every lyric hit me differently and like I sat there and cried for like 45 minutes on the whole trip every song and

I was thinking of Ben the whole time and then I would cry a bit of happiness. I hate me. I hate me right now. But speaking of Taylor, did you see her moment last night? Well, this would be two days ago when this comes out, but her moment in Argentina where Travis, her boyfriend, was at the show and she changed the lyrics to him. Did you see the moment?

No. Okay. I have not been following anything and I think I'm the only person in Australia who's not or the only person who actually enjoys Taylor Swift I have not been following this relationship at all okay do you have an opinion on the relationship if you think it's before we get into this if you think it's PR or real oh I don't have no I don't have a firm feeling either way the only thing though is I would suspect that someone as big as Taylor as media savvy as PR savvy as Taylor knows what she's doing I don't think it's a PR relationship

but I definitely think that she knows how to use her relationships to her advantage. Yes, I agree. And she's the queen of storytelling. So I don't think she's going to miss a storytelling opportunity. Like I know the whole friendship bracelet thing, like that is a storytelling moment. So I, when it first came out, when the relationship first came out, because, you know, we're not going to deep dive into that because I'm sure you guys have all heard it, but Travis went to her concert. He loved Taylor.

Travis Kelsey. He's an American football player. yeah he's got the big mo he's hot he's big manly not taylor's usual type right he yeah he's a footy player so he went to the concert he wanted to ask her out he tried to give her a friendship his own friendship bracelet to taylor like with his number on it he it was a whole thing right but he couldn't get to her in terms of she was like i'm not seeing anyone like no i don't even know who you are but then publicly he told that story and he's like oh he threw it out there i I want to invite Taylor to one of my matches. I tried to give her my phone number.

I couldn't get to her. So the media took that. Taylor heard about it. Taylor turned up to the game. It is a big thing, right? But since they've come out, both of them have skyrocketed. And I know you think she can't skyrocket anymore, but she has. I mean, he's definitely doing better out of it than she is.

Hundy, Hundy, Hundy, Hundy. He's definitely punching. So, oh, I don't know if he's punching because he's pretty hot. No, I don't mean, I don't mean, I mean, hotness does not come into punching. I mean as in like this in terms of success has been way more advantageous to him I think than her. Well, yeah, but I don't know a man in the world that it would be opposite.

Like any man that dates Taylor Swift, she's the biggest thing in the world, right? So anyone's going to be punching or like it's going to be advantageous, which is the sad thing and like it must be so hard to be someone like Taylor Swift who has to second guess everyone that wants to be in a life. I remember when it first came out, I am guilty of saying, oh this is probably PR her her tour is coming out and and he's got all these matches that it's going to do him good as well and it was such a different relationship for her that I didn't believe it at the start but I didn't care either like everyone in Hollywood does PR relationships so I wasn't

off it but I didn't believe it I was like cute you know they're going to do what they're going to do for a couple of weeks they're going to get a lot of publicity they're going to say that they're better off as friends and part ways but I'm so in this relationship now I think it's so real i think they're genuinely in love so they had this moment last night in argentina at her concert he's flown over there to watch her he's in a private box she's performing it's packed it's sold out and some people in the crowd are filming now she's singing the song karma which the lyrics karma is my boyfriend yes the original lyrics are karma is the guy on the screen i'm not gonna sing it karma is the guy on the screen coming straight home to me which is about her ex-boyfriend who

was an actor yep so it's about joe all in who's an actor so he's gone you've seen on the screen he comes straight home to me so she's in the middle of this set and she looks up to him to travis and she says and it was such a simple moment but he didn't know it was coming and you can see that. He hears the lyrics and his face and he's so shocked and so chuffed. And he puts his hand, it's so, I've got goosebumps. It's the cutest thing. You have to watch it. And he's beside himself. His dad's there. They're like, oh my God. And then he starts like really rocking out, like really dancing to his girlfriend's lyrics. And he's, and she's pointing up at him and she makes a few references throughout the concert to him.

Like whenever there's a key sentence or a moment, she looks up at him and she points at him. him. And my only take on this is that historically, a lot of the people that Taylor has dated have either been musicians or actors. And I can only imagine that when you were in her orbit, but you also are trying to forge a successful career yourself within the public sphere that you work. So like within a very similar industry to her, you'd then be constantly competing and be constantly in the shadow of her fame. I can only imagine that that's one of the reasons why people like her ex-boyfriend, Joel Ullman, weren't publicly getting photographed together. They weren't publicly going to events together. They were very private in terms of their relationship.

Whereas somebody who is very successful in his own right, who is an American football player, that they're not competing. It doesn't take away from him to be public and it doesn't take away from her. It only is something that they can revel in each other's successes without either of them living in the shadow of the other person's success because the industries are so so deeply different yeah absolutely and I think that's a part of why I originally thought it was publicity because she historically speaking is so private and half the time she gets carried out of places in like bags people don't even know she's in there she gets like smuggled out because she doesn't want to be seen in photographs and she really respects that relationship now I'm not saying she doesn't

respect this relationship but I genuinely think she's come to a point of her life like where she's like I don't fucking care anymore I want to be like everyone else I want to be happy no because she's not fucking like everyone else there's not a single part no but there's not one single part of their relationship that's like everyone else's no but she doesn't want to I get she knows she's going to be photographed she knows she's not the same but she's like I just want to be in that moment if I want to be happy with my partner in public if I want to kiss him if I want to do whatever I really love that like it was just them being genuinely so in love and happy to see each other and it was just a moment where i thought yes i'm fucking i'm here for this relationship

and i believe you and i want this to work i think it can be both i think it can be both i think it can be a real relationship that also is very pr advantageous and i think that it's very possible that they're leaning into both of those things i think it benefits both of them to be the public spectacle that they're becoming i wonder if you'll come to australia i mean it's a long way yeah does anyone care probably probably everyone except i don't care i truly don't care anyway let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes on the episode i have a vibe today now look full transparency this is a brand who i'm going to be working with but the vibe is fucking strong and i'm recommending it so buster he is a rescue dog i got him when he was one he's got three legs

he's an angel sent from the heavens. He is truly like the most amazing dog. And I often think that rescue dogs get a bad rap. Like people often think that rescue dogs are aggressive or you don't really know their background. And we know, or we kind of loosely know that Buster's a bull Arab, which a bull Arab is a mix between a bull Mastiff, a Great Dane, a Dalmatian. A lot of big dogs. It's like a random melange of dogs that's been made. And it's like an Australian breed of dogs, but no one actually knows exactly what kind of goes into them. So my recommendation is, you know how you can do ancestry

for like people? You can do pet ancestry. I didn't know this was a thing. So you do like a little swabby swab of the inside of their mouth and you send it away and you can find out exactly the breakdown of the breed of your dog. And I think this is amazing. How did you not know this was a thing?

I had no idea but it is a thing and we're doing it at the moment for Buster so I'm waiting for his like ancestry to come back and I just think it's adorable. And if you're someone who's a dog person and you've always wondered like what is the dna makeup of your animal i think it's so cool yeah there you go well can't wait to find out same i'll give you guys all the updates i'll let you know exactly how much dalmatian is in buster all jokes aside i'm actually really interested same i'm a dog person so same i'm so interested the only thing about buster his only flaw is his dick's always out his dick is

always out i have never seen him without a pink lipstick it is and not like it is always out it's flapped out it's like a it's like a giraffe's penis and it's always erect it is mighty and strong it's like a well i mean he's compensating for the missing leg with his additional forearm do you reckon that's what it is no but like he anytime he's excited anytime you say walk anytime you say water anytime you say a fucking ball anything to him he's like dick out and just excited to be in the world maybe that's what happens like maybe after you've been through like a big trauma like he did he poor thing got hit by a car had a leg removed maybe like you He's just really excited to be alive and everything excites him.

Yeah, all day, all night. Second lease. Yeah. Okay. My vibe this week is it's a podcast and it's not a good podcast in terms of a happy podcast. It's not a good podcast. I'm recommending a terrible podcast today.

No, not a good podcast in terms of it's a crime podcast. So it doesn't have a great ending for the person, but I love crime podcasts and I'm always trying to find something new to listen to. so it's called the trial ashling murphy that's her name ashling yeah a-s-h-l-i-n-g it's from the same people from a podcast i recommended to you guys a little while ago which was the trial of lucy leppy oh yeah the nurse yeah so she was the pediatric nurse that was charged with all these murders of horrific of babies that she was supposed to be looking after it's from the same

people so i really i feel the connection to them now you know when you like a host or you like the people that produce something so you also like the way in which the storytelling's done exactly I mean that was downloaded over 13 million times so this is season two I mean I'm not going to say too much but she's a 23 year old teacher in Ireland that's murdered and Ireland as you guys know is very small but the community is all very small too so this really like I follow Irish people on Instagram now that are talking about it because it's current you know this trial it's hard I always feel really guilty when I recommend a true crime podcast because when I think about the person it's a real person, you know, a real person was murdered. So you almost feel like you shouldn't

be talking about it, but then there's a part of you that's like, well, in her honor, more people should listen to what happened to this person. You know, they know who killed her and they do find him and because it's the trial. So it's about the trial of this man talking about how they discovered who did it, what he was doing in the lead up. And it's one of those things that gives your goosebumps what he was doing in the lead up to this murder and how many women which is fucking wild how many women were almost this woman like how many women he was following and oh it's so awful it's so awful and those women also talking about it like they were like i remember him following me so i was so scared but they didn't know until the trial that that's how

close they were to being that person that's so so terrifying yeah so it's i mean i i like listening into it and that's my vibe of this week. It's The Trial, Aisling Murphy. Do you know what I did watch? I watched your recommendation from last week, Last Stop Larimer. Lolcano. It was great. Do you see what I mean though about how like it's almost satirical? Yeah, 100%. It's the weirdest murder mystery I've ever watched, but I actually was on the edge of my seat. I loved it. I think if you haven't watched Britt's recommendation from last week, which was on Netflix, Last Stop Larimer. It's two episodes. Matt and I watched it over the weekend. And honestly, you just question like, why would you ever live in a town like this? But also the town itself seems so

interesting. It seems like the type of place and a haven where like the most oddballs of Australian society would go to and find their little community, even though they all kind of hate each other. Go, go watch that. That's like a rehash on a recommendation. Anyway, let's get into the questions. This is the wildest ask uncut we have ever received. I almost think it's going to be the hardest one to answer that we've ever had. Okay. I'm at an absolute loss. My fiance and I have been together for six years. We have an amazing relationship. And shortly after we got engaged, we decided to make our secret fantasy a reality. After deciding that I didn't want to die wondering, I asked my fiance if he would be willing to have a threesome, a one-off experience for us

both before we get married. We're both quite open and trusting with each other and wanted to experience just this one thing one time. We both agreed to doing this and I ended up asking a friend of mine if she would be willing. We all agreed and after a lot of great communication we worked out what we were okay with and how it would all go down slash who would go down. I felt comfortable and secure about doing this with a friend that I had asked because we're not super close but we have known each other for a long time. I didn't really want to do this with a friend that would be around a lot. I didn't want them to be super close to me. She was very respectful about boundaries and made sure I was happy with everything when it came to doing the deed.

My fiance and I were both super stoked we did this and we said we felt closer than ever. Now, there's a lot in this, so I'm going to fast forward. Basically, the next little while, we didn't talk to that girl. We messaged her twice just to keep contact, but she's not a close friend. last week she called and dropped an absolute bombshell on us she called me when i was at work and told me that she was pregnant i don't even have words pregnant and that my fiance is the father i called my fiance straight away he said oh my god i actually think the condom did break but i was too drunk to remember or to even think about talking about it she's decided to keep the baby holy shit i know she said i feel really blindsided i have no idea what to do how

do i even process this my fiance and i do want kids together one day but the idea of him having a baby with another woman makes me feel sick he's so upset and confused about what to do or how to feel how do we explain this to friends and family how do we know if this can even work i feel so overwhelmed i don't know if i can stay in this relationship and move over it but there's nothing wrong with our relationship except this oh okay let's attack it from the top down you can't do anything if she wants to keep this baby that is absolutely 100 her decision and unfortunately it means that if you want to stay in a relationship with your husband your fiance that this baby and it's mom, your friend is going to be in your life forever. And that's going to be something that

you're going to have to make, like, you're going to have to go to some therapy and you're going to have to come to terms with if it's something that you are able to do. Now, I think realistically, I'm trying to put myself in your position, which is just, I can't even, I cannot even imagine what it is that you're going through. But I guess what I would try and compartmentalize is that this was a decision that you guys both made together mutually as a couple that you wanted to do and you didn't have any regrets after doing it. Obviously, you don't want to have a baby. That's not something that was on the cards or it wasn't a plan. But I don't think it has to come at the sacrifice of your relationship because he didn't go out and cheat on you. You mutually had

this experience together. And now the byproduct of that is that he's going to be the father or the DNA contributor to a baby. I think together, the two of you have to make the decisions around one, obviously, if you're going to stay together, but two, what sort of father, what sort of contribution does he want to make into that child's life? And that can be being a proactive dad. That can be not anything if he doesn't want to be. I'm not saying that that is the great option or that is the most moral option, but that is also an option. He can financially contribute to the child's life, but he doesn't have to be a proactive part of the child's life. And how do you explain it to friends and family? You tell them, I think you have to tell the truth. I think you be honest.

I think you genuinely be honest. And I think the reason why you genuinely be honest, especially with people in your closest knit circle is because the assumption is going to be that he cheated on you. And if you love your partner and you want to protect your partner, I think you carry a bit of that weight together because he didn't betray you. I can't fucking hell. Wow. I mean, but I'm not, I don't want to skim over this. I don't know if I would be able to survive this in my relationship. No. And this is the thing that I think I want to, the angle I want to go down. We need to cover it all, but I have thought about this for the last couple of days. I spoke to Ben about it. I've been really trying to get my head around what I would do in this situation. And I

guess it's one of those things you don't know unless you're in it. I mean, she ends it with, I don't know if I can accept this situation. Unfortunately, if you can't accept it, whilst that's not fair, you don't have another option. You can't stay in a relationship if you're not going to accept it because it is forever. I'm also making an assumption here that your partner and you, if you stay in the relationship, because you will become a step-mom, but your partner, I assume is going to do the right thing because, you know, it was a situation you all willingly went into and it is a friend. I can't imagine a man in that situation being like, no you're on your own making that assumption that he's going to be involved in some capacity

financially and physically do you think though that that is the wrong thing i always find this an interesting debate because i don't think this might cop me into a bit of hot water it may i do think that you financially need to contribute so if you have unprotected sex with someone firstly i mean it's terrible that the condom broke and he did not have a conversation with her he didn't think about it he was too drunk like that's a whole that is a really massive issue that we can't just skim over. Like morally, this is a situation he created by his irresponsibility and he had sex in a way that she therefore did not consent to. And now she's pregnant. And this poor woman is having a baby that she didn't necessarily want to have, but

is keeping it. And that's, you know, like that's her decision to do so. But I guess when it comes to the expectation that he has, or that people have on him to be a proactive part in this child's life. I think financially and legally he has to be, but I don't think that a man has to be a father figure in a child's life that he didn't also agree to wanting to have. Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, I disagree. I think it's unfair, but I don't think that there's an expectation to play that part. I think it's a responsibility that you need to take in some capacity. Of course you don't have to. If I was that child and I grew up knowing that my dad was my mum's friend literally down the road and he didn't fucking care about me he threw me some

money sometimes it's going to have an impact so I think it comes down to a it's a moral obligation obligation is probably the wrong word it's a moral responsibility you are not obligated if you don't want to no human in the world obviously is but I think it shows a lot if he isn't involved in his child's life I don't think that in this situation money's enough personally especially when it was his fault yeah and we don't say fault well it was he his condom broke and he was too drunk to actually acknowledge it or talk about it that's his fault coming back to you because this is about you I feel so sorry for you but if you think that you there is a way you can get through this which I think you should probably try if he's the love of your life and you are going to have kids one

day together if you really think you can move through it then you need to all talk together you need to sit down with this friend go through what it's going to look like what are the expectations are there boundaries then you need to have a conversation with your partner what do you want in this in terms of being a father? What do you want from me? Do you still want to have your own kids with me in that situation? There are so many aspects of this that you need to nut out, but holy fuck. Yeah. I mean, look, I think I agree with you on some parts and I disagree with you on others. I definitely think the three of you need to sit down and have a very open conversation around expectations, around how you feel this is going to play out. I think you and

your partner need time to grieve. You need time to grieve this idea of the family unit that you were going to have that's not to say that your family unit still won't exist and it doesn't mean yes he will either you know your friend has this baby and he wants to be a part of it there will be co-parenting that doesn't mean that that relationship becomes his nucleus family or relationship he will still go on to have a family with you it just means that he will co-parent and your kids will have a half brother or sister which is going to be a weird thing to overcome but you know what in time even weird situations become less weird like they become normal you guys will grow past it. Time really does. And it's the dumbest and lamest saying, but it is true.

Time heals all. And in time, you can get over so many things that you think you're not able to get over. But I think in this instance, I would be really having conversations around expectations because you never know. Your friend may not have the expectation that she wants him to be a proactive part of this child's life. She may want him to be a proactive part. She may want him to be, you know, a dad who contributes financially. Like I think having those conversations, he might want to be proactive. Like you just don't know what everybody is feeling, what everybody's thinking and what the expectation is to show up to being a parent in this situation. And I think the choice to have the baby is entirely her choice, but how that baby is

parented is not entirely her choice. And so that's something that the three of you can come to a decision on together but I do think it is something you could work through but you're going to have to be super open-minded and you're going to have to really communicate with the people around you who you love and respect and who are important to you because ultimately you have to protect your partner as well as yourself and your relationship and it's going to be the weird big elephant in the room but also like fuck it you had a threesome it's not like you didn't no one cheated, no one did anything wrong. You had a consensual threesome. And I can only imagine how challenging this period of life is, but I genuinely think you can get through this. If this

is the person that you've been with for six years, you know, I just think you can, yeah, you can work through it. Yeah. I think that's the most important thing as well that I agree with is when it comes out, you do need to tell the truth because otherwise it paints, well, two people in a really bad light. Him as the cheater and her as a friend that also, you know, quote unquote, fucked your partner. But yeah, but also when I say you have to tell the truth. You don't owe anyone anything. You don't have to over explain it. You don't have to just, you had a threesome. Like you didn't break any laws. You did whatever the fuck you wanted to. You're three consenting adults. Yes. Your parents might find it a bit challenging to

understand, but you know what? Like at the end of the day, people around you will come around to these sorts of things. And I think it's the openness. No, but some people will, and there will be like some guilt and shame attached to it, which there shouldn't be. Yeah, totally. I'm just saying I think that part is a no-brainer for me is the truth telling because otherwise two people are painted as totally as really bad people that weren't so unfortunately it's a pill that you might have to swallow for a hot second but in this day and age I mean everyone's talking about this kind of stuff now it will hit different now to what it would have 20 years ago it is an unbelievable situation I think this is possibly the most challenging ask uncut we've ever had but I

really do want to reiterate that the big thing here and I think the main part of the responsibility falls on the fact that your partner, his condom broke and he did not communicate that. It is such a, like, I don't even have words for how much of a betrayal that is. And the fact that he didn't, he was too drunk. It didn't occur to him that he should have had that communication means that all of those discussions that you guys had pre having that threesome, all of the conversations around your boundaries, around the way in which you were going to engage the respect for each other, all of that went out the window. And that really changes the basis of which the boundaries were set in terms of what was going to be okay and not okay in this threesome.

I would love you to write in what happens and that might not be something you want to do, but this as an aftermath, I would love to know if you can get to a point where you're okay with it and you stay in the relationship and you guys move forward or if you think you can't. Yeah. Oh my God. The aftermath of this. And I think like the very last thing is go and have some therapy together, like you and your couple, the three of you to talk through the complexities of this situation. I think like, don't underestimate the importance of that process. And lastly, take it day by day, because this is such a big and overwhelming decision that you need to make. And it feels so huge, but like I said, time kind of heals things. And as you take

one step and then one day, and you start working through what this looks like over the next nine months or however long she has that she's pregnant, it may seem like it is not so insurmountable when you start to break it down into smaller days. That's not to say that it's not going to be hard, but like it may feel more manageable. Yeah. Far out. Question number two, my boyfriend and I have been thinking about making a sex tape for ourselves. What's your thoughts on this? Have you, would you ever make one? I'm not sure exactly how to go about it as I obviously would hate for it to go anywhere else, but it would be cool for us both to have it, to access it. Would love to know your opinion have you ever made a sex tape i have not i have not made a sex tape i have not and i would

not that's my personal why would you not there's part of me that loves the idea of it but i just don't trust it ever not being leaked not being sent somewhere not being hacked i just wouldn't trust you could have your kim kardashian moment that might be the thing that catapults you into stardom i don't reckon that'll catapult me anyway i mean i got some pretty good maneuvers but i don't think that shit's catapulted. I think it's been catapulted once with Kim and then that's it. I haven't made a sex. I mean, I filmed things, but not like a sex tape. Like what? That's a sex tape. I don't know. But it was like back in the day and it wasn't even on an iPhone. It was pre-iPhone

days. Back when we had Nokias. A recorder. Like a handheld camera, like a home movie. I think I have, it would have just been deleted. It would have sat on like a memory card somewhere. Yeah. Look, I don't see the problem with it. I don't think, I think if you're in a loving and mutual relationship and like you're in a long term relationship, I wouldn't be doing it with someone who I've just freshly started dating. But if you're in a long term relationship with someone, and you want to do it, and then you're going to watch it together, and that's going to get you off, I don't think there's any problems

with it. And I also don't think that it's necessarily unsafe if you do it in a safe way with someone who you trust. It's just you got to keep it somewhere where nobody is going to accidentally, you know, share it on like an airdrop or something. I disagree. Because I've been in relationships where I completely trust people and I don't haven't known them. Right. And that is something I want people to consider. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a sex tape. Film what you want with your partnership. The only thing I would say is anything you ever film or shoot,

there is a possibility statistically that it could go somewhere, whether you accidentally put that on a laptop that goes somewhere, whether somebody hacks you, whether it's leaked. Intentional. Whatever. It's going to be a possibility. so I guess one thing you could say is you know if it feels more comfortable an option is to say to your partner like I want to do this but if we do this I want to take control of the tape because

he also has to consent right because he could also be worried it's going to be leaked you could say I want it to be on my phone if that's okay and I don't want it to store it anywhere else I want to only be watching it together like I think it's like anything you still have to have consent and boundaries no faces up to whatever you guys are happy with no faces who has it where it's stored Is it in one of these calculator lockbox things? What are the angles? How do you feel comfortable? What do you want to do?

What don't you want to do? What isn't off limits? Do you then put it in splice and edit it? Like what do you do with it? Like do you just film it from start to finish and that's your sex tape or do you like edit it and put a filter over it? Also, if you're putting it in an editing app, just know that the people who own the editing app have access

to everything that you edit within that app. I've just realised I need to go through my editing app. I also think be conservative and don't go beyond where your boundaries lie. And sometimes it's very easy to do that because you want to impress your partner or you want to perform, or we can kind of like step outside where we feel comfortable because we don't want to disappoint someone else. And I think that this is a very big conversation just before you do it. So therefore, you know exactly what you do and don't feel comfortable with. So that way, if, you know, something is being filmed that you've said you didn't want, you can easily say, oh, you know, we just spoke

about this. I don't want this on film, but I also think the world's changing. I don't, I mean, and when I say this, I mean, I don't think that there is anywhere near as much shame and stigma around it. So again, go hell for leather, wear leather, do whatever you want, but just have those conversations and just be aware of where it could end up. My point is if something has physically been made, it can go somewhere. That's something to keep in mind. It's not about who, where, what, why. If it's out in the stratosphere and it's out in the interwebs and it's on a storage somewhere and it can be uploaded to an iCloud or it can be shared or whatever there's the option so it's just something to 100% keep in mind having said that fucking go for it if that's

what you want last question all right question number three I have been with my partner for three years we own a house together and are engaged since February I have been feeling unsure if I want the relationship everything on paper seems good but I am just not physically attracted to him I even sometimes feel embarrassed that I am with him oh that's awful and on the other hand, we get along really well. I also feel secure and have a lot of trust in this relationship. I have never had this before. He adores me so much and I honestly enjoy his company. I love the life that we've built together so far, but I also find my eyes wandering. No action, just wandering. I do however feel that maybe I have settled for a nice guy, but maybe

not someone I'm crazy about. Out of fear, who knows? Any advice on figuring out how to know if you were with the right person would be amazing. Is there more to love than looking at your partner and thinking, damn. One part breaks my heart. I feel embarrassed that I'm with him. That's really mean. That's really, really horrible. If you're only feeling embarrassed because you feel like he doesn't look the way he should look, breaks my heart for him because he sounds like everything else is amazing. And you've been with him for three years. Like this is a good guy that loves you. Obviously you love him or you wouldn't be with him. But that doesn't make you a bad person. If you're not attracted to your partner and just think you have to be honest with yourself,

Like if you are walking down the street and you are feeling embarrassed that you are in a relationship with someone, yes, it may be superficial. I'm not saying that these are good feelings, but what I'm saying is, is that you can justify to the cows come home, all the reasons why you should be with someone. But if you feel that way, if you feel embarrassed, if you feel not attracted to that person at all, then I don't think that all the other reasons are enough. Like if you're Googling, should I be with this person? if you're asking questions like, is there more than this? I would say that this is not your

person and you are trying to fit a square into a circle. Yeah. I want to say the same thing. I want to say, if you say to yourself, I feel like I've settled. You've settled. Well, then you've probably settled. And that, you know, we can be with the most amazing person that ticks every box and they're not our person. They can treat you amazingly. They can love you. They can be everything you want, even attractiveness wise. And they're not your person. Totally. The other thing I will say conversely is that looks aren't forever and looks do fade and attraction does change in long-term relationships. The attraction you're going to have after 10 years will be different

in some capacity to what it was at the start. There's a difference between like unattracted and having the ick and just nothing, just plateau. Like, you know, I love everything about you, my partner. I don't get wet when I look at you straight away but like I still want to. Does anyone get wet straight away? Yeah. yeah that's because you're doing long distance but my point is if you're actually getting the

ick and it's turning you off and you're that unattracted to him then maybe he isn't your person but it's the it's not just the looks for me it's the idea that you are saying you're embarrassed and you're saying you think you're settling they're two big red flags in a relationship for me oh like they're beyond red flags like for me there's no coming back from that feeling like and and I say this not because I'm like oh you need to do this for you you also need to do this for him. There's no convincing yourself or maybe I should be in this relationship because he's a nice person. If your partner knew that you were embarrassed to be in a relationship with them, how hurtful that would be. Like I couldn't think of any, I mean, I could think of things that are

worse, but like that would be so incredibly hurtful. And I don't think that we should be in any relationships where we're willing ourselves to like the other person, to love the other person just because on paper their qualities are great. And look, it might be that on paper his qualities are amazing and you may struggle to find somebody else who on paper has all the qualities that he has you know it's not like you're gonna just break up and then instantly start dating someone else you might you might not it might take you a long time but sometimes we can find ourselves in relationships where we know the person is a great person and we can't find enough reasons to leave it's like we want them to do something bad we want them to love us less we want them to do

something which would then warrant this feeling of it's not quite enough but he's so good to you he's never going to do it. But the thing is, is that sometimes relationships are just not right. And sometimes the person is just not the right person for you without having all of the other things that go along with it, without having the big red warning sign. It's just a feeling. And sometimes that feeling is enough to not be with a person. And you don't need someone to tell you that it's okay to leave a relationship. I myself have been in a long-term relationship where the guy was perfect it didn't come down to looks but I didn't feel it anymore and hadn't for a really long time but I knew he was amazing and I knew he was an amazing boyfriend and I

wanted so much to be in a relationship with him because I loved the life that we had together I loved our apartment I loved our cat I loved our everything that we had I loved but I didn't feel the way I should have felt about him. And so I hung on for so long because I was hoping so deeply that my feelings would change because I wanted them to change because he was such a fucking great guy. But the reality is, is sometimes just being a great person is not enough of a romantic match. And I guess like just coming back to those two things you said that you're embarrassed and that you feel like you're settling for me, that's it. That this is a relationship you shouldn't be in there's also the sunk cost fallacy you've been with him three years you've bought a

house together you're engaged like you feel like a lot of people i'm not putting words in your mouth but a lot of people in this situation feel like they've invested too much it's too late to go back you know we've got the mortgage three years of my time we're taking that next step with the house like yeah you're on the treadmill you want it to keep moving forward because you don't want to start again from scratch it makes sense right and you probably know you want kids or you're thinking you know you've fantasized and talked about and planned out what your life looks like it's really hard to get out of that it's really hard and I say hard as in not physically like anyone can sell a house right the mortgage isn't going to tie you together forever

you're not yet married I get yes you're engaged you've got a ring you know but you can get out of that it's mentally really hard to get out of that it's mentally hard to start again to mourn what you imagined your life would have been, the fairy tale, the safety, the security of a partnership. It's really fucking hard. Also three years of your life at any age, it's really hard to get around the fact that three years of your life has been wasted, quote unquote. It's not wasted at all. It is absolutely not. What will be wasted is if you stay in this relationship for 25 years when you know you should have left 25 years ago. Yeah. And I know that there's another way that we can unpack this. Like we can definitely take the route of saying you're superficial and kind of

pointing fingers. And I do think it is superficial to look at your partner and go, well, I'm embarrassed because of the way you look. It is so deeply superficial. It's proper cooked. It is. It really is. But that doesn't negate the fact that that is how you feel. And if that is how you feel, then it's a relationship you shouldn't be in because you should be so, especially being engaged, like engage your honeymoon period girlfriend. Like you should be so proud of the person that is standing next to you. And that is, I think a prerequisite for being in a long-term relationship, for like getting ready to walk down the aisle. If nothing else, you should be able to stand up on your wedding day and say, I am so proud of the person that I'm marrying and that

I'm so proud to be marrying them, not to be saying I'm so embarrassed by them. It's just, it's so deeply flawed. And I don't think that if that's the type of wording that you're using about your partner, that it's something that's going to be easy for you to overcome. But I do think you're going to have to do quite a bit of work to get yourself to a place where you feel as though you can walk away from the relationship because when everything when all the other boxes are ticked it's so hard yeah and i want to reiterate as well i said it earlier but looks they really aren't everything like one day we're all going to be hopefully we have the privilege of being old and wrinkly and saggy and the way someone treats you and their personality and their

humor is so much more important yeah but i think she knows that and that's why she's grappling with this that's why she's like i know he's great i just am not attracted to him so sure like what can I do to overcome this feeling but the thing is is if you've tried all the things if you've tried all the things if you've you know invested in the relationship because you recognize he's a great guy but you're still not attracted you still have the ick you still don't want to be physically intimate with him we don't know that we just know she's not attracted well you know it's pretty leaning into it I would say that if you've tried all the things then you can't deny what's screaming at you and that's that this relationship doesn't feel right even if you can't put your finger on

the exact reason why you are being told something. And that is that you guys are not compatible for whatever that is. Also, the last thing you've been feeling unsure if you want the relationship since February. So it's now November. So long. Get out. It's not a new thing. Yeah. This is not four weeks. This is coming close to 10 months, like the better part of a year. I think you need to exit stage left before you lock it down into the wedding. Sorry. Aftermath. If you feel like this before getting married this will end in divorce totally i very strongly feel like that okay anyway guys that is it from us if you have a question for ask uncut please slide on into the dms every single one of these ones were very spicy yeah they were hard yep very tricky also

the threesome one fuck it's gonna give me nightmares you guys know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.