Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - When Do You Use Your Best Bedroom Moves?

Episode Date: August 21, 2024

Hey Lifers,Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer all of your deep, dark and burning questions!It's Britt and Producer Keeshia's birthday and they're off on a romantic, couples holiday as a taste tester (quite literally) of Britt's wedding.Have you ever taken a vibrator to Bali? We might get stopped at customs for reasons we weren't expecting!If you have had a wedding, did you have a 'first look' and do photos before your ceremony or did you wait to have photos taken after the ceremony?Laura had an 'interesting' back drop in some of her wedding photos that caused a smell that didn't fit with the feelings of the moment.Vibes for the week: Laura: MCoBeauty Miracle Flawless Skin Foundation Keeshia: Podcast The rest is politics US Britt: Ilona Maher Instagram Account Then we jump into the questions: WHEN TO PUT BEST MOVES ON IN THE BEDROOMWhen is the right time to pull out your best moves in the bedroom? My best friend has started to see new people after coming out of a four year relationship. As her longest single friend she asked me when is it too soon to use your best moves on a new sexual partner? Which got me thinking, Do you leave it all on the floor on your first time because you want to impress them? Or do you keep some of those party tricks in the locker for future? I personally have had experiences in the past where I have been complimented on certain acts in the bedroom in almost a “you must do that alot” kind of way as if I’m being judged for having too much experience (charming I know). So I need to know your thoughts. Do you hold back with a new partner in fear of being judged for being too experienced or do you go hell for leather and pull out all the moves on the first go?  In this question we mentioned the great episode we recorded with Tara O Sex Isn't a Stage Show, So Drop the Act SHOULD I SUCK IT UP FOR MY HUSBAND'S SAKE OR IS THIS DISLOYAL?My husband's best friend (best man at our wedding) and his long term wife got a divorce due to him cheating. The wife was clearly devastated, they had started trying for a baby and it came as a shock to everyone. The husband less than 2 months on finds a new girlfriend and gets her pregnant, they have only a few weeks ago had the baby. I cannot bring myself to congratulate him. I am still close friends with my ex wife. And he is essentially living the life that they had planned together which is devastating to her. My husband is still close friends with him despite his actions, but I feel he's not the person we thought he was. Am I rude and selfish for not congratulating him on the baby's arrival and I should just suck it up for my husband's sake?FRIEND ONLY CONTACTS ME WHEN SHE WANTS ME TO BUY FROM HER BUSINESSI've had a friend for 10 years, we used to work together and have kept in touch ever since and see each other a few times a year. Recently, she’s started a business, and now all messages end in "do you want these products?" or ways of trying to sell. I am considering ending this friendship because of this. She usually takes weeks to reply to messages, but when she is trying to sell something to me, she replies straight away. When I said “no” she goes back to taking weeks to reply. I see that she is active on instagram stories 10x per day, trying to market and sell this product. I just feel a bit used. What should I do? Any advice would be appreciated. You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Cammeraygal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. Guess what today is? It's Ask Uncut. Guess what else it is?

It's the day before your birthday. It's birthday eve. Normally we would be recording on your birthday, but since you guys have a 3am flight to Bali tomorrow, we had to move recording earlier. So we're celebrating the life of Brittany and Keisha together. Kumbaya, because their birthday's on the same day. And what better way than to book in for Keisha and myself?

We've got romantic spas. We've got the honeymoon suite at a hotel. I thought you were joking about the honeymoon suite thing. Are you being serious? Yeah, and I booked one rotating, vibrating love heart bed. That could have gone very different. And I was like, good luck taking a vibrator to Bali because they're banned. Wow, that escalated.

No one was taking a vibrator to Bali on our trip, Laura. Are they banned? Yeah, you can't take – well, you're not supposed. Of course you can take them. No guns, no vibrators. But, yeah, when they say dangerous goods in your luggage, pornography is banned. But vibrators are not pornography. Well, apparently you're not supposed to travel with vibrators

in your suitcase. Keisha, my trip's ruined. I don't even want to go. Do not ask me how I know this, but you are absolutely not supposed to do it. Laura got arrested. Remember she lost that vibrator and she thought I stole it? Yeah. She lost it at Bali Customs.

Do you know what's really funny? I've been questioning whether I'm going to take my medication or not because Bali has really weird restrictions around – because some of my medications are stimulants and they have really strict rules about that in their pharmacy. Drugs. Yeah, like all drugs. Anyway, so I've been really considering not taking them

because I'm just like, oh, is it worth it for a couple of days? Maybe it's not worth it to go through all that drama and now it's that I should be more concerned about packing a vibrator. No, to be fair, Britt, you should be the one concerned. Keisha travelling without a medication for the week. I don't know if you got that on camera, but when she said she's wondering if she should bring a meds, I was like.

We're going to get lost. Great. No vibrator. Keisha's not on a meds. And you guys, you keep on trying to sell this holiday that you guys are going on for your birthday. So you're having a romantic weekend away. You're taking Keisha like wedding shopping for you to locations.

The poor thing is working basically. That's okay. I'll be a space cadet. If I don't take my meds, I'll be off with the fairies anyway. So maybe it's better. I have booked us in Keisha just this morning. I have booked us in for a food tasting afternoon. For your wedding.

Correct. I'm on board. But we taste food. What more do you want? We get to sit on a cliffside and eat food and you don't have to pay for it. I feel like you're trying to convince me that this is something I should be into. I'm already there. I'm already convinced.

I'm already keen. Some of the food I had in Bali when we were there six weeks ago was genuinely some of the best food I've ever had in my life. I don't think you're understanding the weight of this. So Ben will not be visiting Bali before our wedding. Ben will be going to Bali for our wedding and that is it. So, like, you are Ben. You are choosing the food for my wedding.

You are choosing the location for my wedding. I don't think you understand the pressure I am placing on your shoulders. Make sure you pack that strap on, Keish. Good luck. I'm just thinking of how I'm going to pretend to be Ben. I don't think you can do for me what Ben can do for me. I don't think I want to do for you what Ben can do for me. I was just talking to Ben this morning.

So we're discussing at the moment the, what is it called? Like the reveal before you walk down the aisle, like the first. First look. First look. We're discussing if we should do that or not, because I like the idea. I would love for us to see each other the first time down the aisle, but I also don't want to take away precious time from the wedding to go and do photos. So my sister did this.

Her and Jay did the first reveal. And then when they got married, they were just there. They'd done the photos. First reveal, we all went off, like I was the bridesmaid, the groomsmen went off too. We all did our photos before the wedding started. So we'd spent hours together and they'd already spent hours together before they were officially married, getting all the wedding photos.

Then they got married and then they were just there. They didn't have to leave, I guess. And I quite like the idea. And I was talking to Ben about it because I just want the kid to cry. Like Kim didn't cry for my wedding dress. I just want him to cry when I'm there. Like I just want to feel that emotion. But he's not a crier.

And I was like, Jay cried. I was like, Jay cried when he saw Sheridan. I saw it. And then Jay was like, I'm not going to cry again when you come down the aisle, just so you know, like I've done it. Sheridan was like, okay, whatever, fine. Down the aisle, he was a blubbering mess. So I was telling Ben so that he would feel the emotion.

So that he would feel the pressure, you mean? Yeah. And so this morning, I said to Ben this morning, because the last week or two, when I've been thinking about the wedding, because we've been talking about planning, I've been imagining the wedding how I want it because that's the whole point, right? my brain is my mood board because I don't put a mood board out in the world and every time I've thought about it I cry to myself like I'm really emotional about it I don't know what's going on but every time I think of walking down the aisle and seeing Ben and just like having a first dance

I cry and I did it again this morning to Ben I was like oh I just cry every time I think about it I was like do you he's like that's really sweet but that's that's not going to be reciprocated and I was like what at least he's managing expectations he's so honest and I was like what do you mean it's like no way I'm crying thinking about it and I was like okay but let's just stop this conversation here I was like save your tears let's not talk about it but you better fucking cry at the end of the night I feel like this is making me mad anyway so that's what we're doing Keisha no pressure but you are choosing my wedding because Ben can't should I have like a spreadsheet like Keisha you're not gonna be on your medication as if you're gonna use a spreadsheet

I'll take it off we'll take it off Keisha's like I've got it all up here I absolutely don't I want to go back to what you said about the intermission between the, you know, if people don't do the whole first look thing, you know, when they go off to do photos, have you guys been in the position where that photo shoot time length has just been far too long? Yes. And you're like, what are we doing here? I have small talked to my limit before the reception has even started. Because I've been to weddings where like I didn't really know anyone else other than the people who were getting married.

And I remember one of them, the intermission time was nearly four hours. And I was like, I can't do much longer of this. Laura's was good. Yeah. And yours was at the same place. Yeah. We all watched you do your photos. We all sat up on our throne and watched down into the vineyard and watched you get your romantic photos, like the whole wedding venue.

But it wasn't very long. It was only half an hour. So like, and actually it was kind of like a good amount of time because you've had this really intense moment where you've said your vows to each other and it was really beautiful. And then it was just a moment to just be together and like have a little chat and a conversation and like a laugh about what had just happened without having to do like all the talk with your family and your friends and everything. It was just like half an hour to decompress.

I actually quite liked it. It was like we got to watch a live showing of The Notebook. That's how I felt. And we all sat there with our drinks and popcorn and just watched the romanticness coming down the vineyard. Except that I was just in long grass with a cow in the background. Was there a cow? There was a cow.

And also in that area of where we got married, it looks really pretty, but it's right next to the septic tank. So of course it was quite smelly. What a backdrop. Oh shit. Anyway, you couldn't see the septic. Shit, literally. It was cropped out, one might say.

It was cropped out, but really permeated the nostrils for a bit. There was not even a cow there. She just asked the photographer to put a cow photoshopped onto the septic tank. Just on the side, just to cover it. Just as an artwork. That is so funny and that is so you guys coded. Like we're just going to pretend like we can't smell shit.

And we were just kissing each other with the waft of a septic tank. We were like spinning each other around and there was the waft of human shit around us and then we were laughing about it. There's this one photo actually, we put it on socials. I am hysterically laughing. And everyone's like, Laura, you can see the joy. But I'm pissing myself about the fact that we can smell shit

whilst having our wedding photos. That's what I was laughing at. I'm going to post it again. It's so funny. That's such a great – What a peek behind the curtain, guys. Yeah, that's such a great like a throwback to reality moment. If only people – if you have a photo with a septic tank in it

that wasn't cropped out, please put it in. It's so funny. Look, we are here to answer your questions. But I have a little update. This is what my entire life has become this week. It's book week. It's all I think about now, guys. It is book week.

And on Monday, I forgot. So I had all of the costumes planned out. It's been a big couple of weeks and I just completely forgot. We walked into daycare, looked around, and I was like, why are all these children dressed up? Shit. And Marley and Lola were like, Mommy, why is everyone dressed up? And I was like, go over to the costume box and pull out some used costume

that the kids have had before. Just like a hat or something. Yeah, I think Lola was a witch on Monday, which, I mean, whatever. And Marley picked something out of the costume box. But now we're back in form as of today. So what are they today? Lola is a dinosaur, but she thinks she's a rhino. Which is fine.

Yeah, she's convinced that she's a rhino. I think rhinos are obviously descendants of designas. Designasaurus. Well, last year. They're unicorn dinosaurs. Last year she was a penguin and she thought she was a cat. So we've really kind of scaled up, at least in size. And Marley is a princess, which just perfectly emulates their personalities.

Like Lola is chaos and Marley is a princess at the end. So, yeah, that's where I'm at in my life. I feel like we could get, let's make a mental note, I feel like we could get a grab of the last three years of Laura saying, guys, I forgot book week. Every single year. I just want to clarify, you need ten costumes for the week. Is it every day?

We upcycle. So Marley's going to be a dinosaur tomorrow. She'll be a rhinoceros tomorrow. And Lola's going as a princess. We just swap them around. That's actually insane. But if you think 10 costumes, that is too much on a parent. Thank you.

And that is the conversation I want to be having because it should be book day. But book week is just insanity. No, or book week, but commit to your character. All week. Every day. Like this, let's teach them about consistency and commitment. And showing up. You want to be a rhino?

You're going to stay a rhino. You think a rhino turns to a butterfly overnight? No. I'm sorry. You're not going from a rhino to a princess. You are a rhino and you will stay a rhino. Although there is the whole story of Shrek. That is Shrek.

Also Caterpillar is the butterfly. That does happen overnight. No, that's teaching them the wrong things. That's why you don't like make your kid go as the hungry caterpillar because that's two costumes right there. Oh, yeah, they've got to commit. No, but I do think it genuinely in all seriousness, it's too much. And I'm saying that in preparation of one day me being a parent.

My kid is going as the same thing all week. I say this in solidarity because I posted yesterday on my socials and the amount of mums who sent me photos of the absolute hack job costumes that they had to do the night before. Like this one woman had just put a sheet over her kid and cut eyelids out. Perfect. Yeah, Casper. Another person had like coloured in with the sharpie spots on a white t-shirt. They'd gone and spot the dog. Like genius.

I am going to ask my mum to find this photo and if she does, I'll put it on Instagram. But it's my favourite book weight costume ever. Mom dressed me as a gum nut baby. Now, if you know gum nut babies, they're naked. Dressed with a leaf. Dressed with a leaf. I was baby Eve. I was like baby Eve.

What she did was get crepe paper. You know the really thin. The stuff that if you put water on it, it basically disintegrates. It was this tiny child. She wrapped around us as a boob tube and then stapled it at the side. I was early days sewn into my costume. and then she wrapped it around us as a skirt and then we had a beanie and she just went to the garden got so many leaves and she stapled the leaves on and she stapled the leaves onto the hat

and that was me a baby eve that is the level of effort that i aspire to when it comes to book week it's very sustainable and the only thing i object to in that is the crepe paper situation i feel like you should have had undergarments i need to and another one was a hawaiian it was the same Actually, when I think about it, it was quite problematic. I just had, like, little coconut boobs on. It was a different time, guys. It was 30 years ago. It was a different time.

And I wore a hula skirt and I had a flower coconut boob. Oh, my God. I love you, Mum. My mum's the best. I feel like I've shat on my mum this week. I shit on her with love. Stop shitting on your mum. I love my mum so much and she had four kids very close together

and she did a wonderful job. Mate, it's why she was like, crepe paper and gum nut leaves is all I've got. They're not even gum nut leaves. I bet you they were just leaves off a bush. She just put glue on me. She goes, go roll in the gum. Just roll in the leaves.

She's like, you're the Gruffalo now, Brandon. All right. Let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. I'm going to kick it off. This is a very, I don't want to say it's basic because it's not basic. It has changed my life. Not really, but I quite like it. Look, Emco Beauty.

We have over the years worked with Emco Beauty on and off. this is not a paid sponsorship though. I recently was at my mum's house and I thought, God, mum, your skin looks good. And she was like, yeah, I started using this new foundation. So it is the Emco Beauty Miracle Flawless Skin Foundation. I am using the natural, I think it's called natural beige. I don't know. This is the worst vibe if you don't know what the name is. I don't remember the colour, but you know what? Well, you match your skin. It doesn't matter the colour. No, because it's quite tricky to match your skin because you buy it from like Woolworths or Chemist Warehouse and it comes in a pack so you can't open you know how sometimes

they have testers at most places I actually have been on the Emco beauty website they have that thing where if you have an existing foundation that's in your right color you enter it and it matches yeah Adore Beauty has the same thing you put it in on the website and it will tell you what color you should be in their versions of foundation oh that's very smart jupey jupe jupe okay so the one I'm using is natural beige and I use lots of different Emco products but this it's only $35 I bought like five tubes and have handed them out like confetti. It is one of the best foundations I've used in so long. So 35 bucks for a great foundation that you can pick up from Chemist Warehouse. Also a little tip, they have them on 40% off sales at Woolworths and Chemist Warehouse

quite regularly. I want to add something. Also not sponsored. I've just purchased it when it's on sale. It's surprisingly excellent. Like I don't like things that look full coverage where you look matte and you look like you've got a lot of makeup on, but it's really, really hard to find something that sits in that middle ground that isn't and doesn't go oily really quickly. So this is so good. Great. $35.

Great vibe. Love it. 40% off on discounts. Can't beat it. My vibe for this week, it's almost an extension of one that I made a couple of weeks ago. So there's a podcast umbrella. It is called The Rest Is, and there's all these different ones.

This one in particular has been approved by video producer Jono, who is our go-to political guy. this one is called the rest is politics us so this is brought up in our facebook discussion group through the week it's essentially a spin-off so there's the rest is the one i recommended a couple weeks ago was entertainment that's a uk one there is the rest is politics uk and then this is kind of like an extra arm of the brand we're just working through every single every single arm of the rest is i didn't know we were so interested in american politics well Well, I actually read an article a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, political podcasts

have had an upturn of something like 56% because this is an election year for the UK, America, and I think we have one coming up soon as well. So there's a lot of talk about politics in the pop culture space as well. Okay, so this one is hosted by a woman named Katty Kay. She's a British-Swiss journalist and broadcaster. And the other guy is named Anthony Scaramucci. Now, He was a former White House director of communications. So he actually worked within that organization when President Trump was elected. So he knows his stuff. Yeah, he's been on the inside.

The most recent episode they did was titled, Why Did Kamala Harris Sideline Josh Shapiro as Her VP Pick? Is Trump Setting the Stage to Reject Another Loss in November? What Does It Mean to Be a Republican Today? And the last part of that was what I actually found the most interesting. So Anthony is a Republican and has been for his whole life, but he doesn't agree with Trump. And so I thought it was kind of interesting to get an insight into why he had those more

conservative perspectives, but he didn't agree with a lot of the things that Trump stands for. I found it absolutely fascinating. It's not too involved. Like, I feel like I probably have a medium knowledge of the way that American politics work. I don't think you have to have more than that. sometimes I think that politics podcasts, sorry, political podcasts can be a little bit too hard

to access unless you're actually already in that world. It's almost like you feel like you have to start at ground zero to get to a place to understand what's going on, that it feels like there's too much information to take on board. Yeah. And it's overwhelming. So I don't feel that way at all about this one. It's on YouTube. It's wherever you can get your podcasts. The rest is politics US. Awesome. Thank you. I'll listen to that. My vibe is a person. It's an Instagram account and it's an account that I discovered throughout the Olympics. And I am obsessed with this woman. Her name is Ilona Ma. She's an American rugby union Olympian. So she's a gold medalist and she was a breakout star of the Olympics. She is very, very muscular and fit. And she's a hard

hitter. If you can YouTube or Google her, like her highlight reel of her hits, like she is a beast on the rugby field but she loves femininity she wears bright red lipstick when she plays she's always in beautiful dresses and she is the funniest person that I have found on Instagram in a long time so her Instagram account has nearly 4 million people 4 million followers and she just posts piss takes but she posts a lot of stuff that's really like encouraging women to embrace their femininity and regardless of what they look like you know like people are always trolling her which is really nasty for like wearing lipstick and dresses when she's so big and fit and muscular.

And she doesn't fit the mold that people might typecast her as. She doesn't fit exactly the mold that we as a society put on people. Her Instagram is just her name. It is Ilona Mar, I-L-O-N-A-M-A-H-E-R. She posts beautiful pictures out and about. She posts really funny memes. She's promoting the Olympics and the Paralympics throughout her Instagram. But it's once you delve into her, like she's done all the Saturday Night Lives.

Like she's very funny. Her personality is incredible. Her athleticism is incredible. And the messaging that she puts out is amazing. Like it's just a wholesome account that I cannot fault. I'm so impressed as to how you could wear lipstick playing rugby union and not come out looking like the Joker. Well, that's the – okay, so that's the thing.

I need to know the lipstick. No, she ended up getting sponsorships. Very smart because she ended up getting a lot of sponsorships on it because it's like it stays on her face. But it's incredible. You see her run at someone, slam them to the ground with this hardcore tackle and she gets up with this beautiful lipstick on. It's incredible.

I froth her and I can't recommend her enough. As for all of our vibes, they will be linked on our website and they're also linked in the show notes if you ever forget and you need to kind of just click through to it. Keisha's saying that so that you don't ask her again in the Facebook group. It's okay. I don't mind. But they are there.

question number one when is the right time to pull out your best moves in the bedroom my my best friend has started to see new people after coming out of a four-year relationship as her longest single friend she asked me when is too soon to use your best moves on a new sexual partner this got me thinking do you leave it all on the floor on your first time because you want to impress them? Or do you keep some of those party tricks in the locker for future? I personally have had experiences in the past where I've been complimented on certain acts in the bedroom in almost a, you must do that a lot kind of way, as if I'm being judged for having too much experience. Charming, I know. So I need to know your thoughts. Do you hold back with a new partner in fear of

being judged for being too experienced? Or do you go hell for leather and put all moves out there on the first go for context we are in our early 20s and need all the help we can get with the current dating scene i love this so much i've never thought about this what i've ever hey i need to know what moves you guys have got i don't have a repertoire of moves that i'm like i'll save that move like mine like which one are you saving the helicopter i'll save it in my back pocket i'm gonna save the sideways what do you do okay this is funny i left it all out there literally like left it all on the floor with Ben for my first time but that's because I didn't know I was going to see him again I pulled out every move I've got I was tell me let's go through them do you

remember well it's not necessarily moves I guess it's enthusiasm and I gave a 10 out of 10 performance everybody and willingness to try new things I don't know if you guys remember but when I had hooked up with Ben I'm sure we can find this grab I had literally said the next day quote when I was like banged this guy I was like it was like Hollywood movie sex I don't know if you remember that night I was like it was like a scene I don't particularly remember the night no but I wasn't there I think you put it in my package where you you know when you guys made that little video for me when I got engaged of talking about Ben I'm pretty sure that's where I remembered it it was like a movie and that was because we were both just thinking like let's put it all out there

and make this amazing like picking up around the way slamming against the walls and then you do the spin 180 to the other wall and then like you move down and you throw on the bed and you drag across and stop hitting the microphone sorry I'm so passionate because I haven't had sex in ages it was so incredible but that's because we didn't think we're seeing each other again if I was going to see him again I probably wouldn't go so hard so quickly like I would probably like breadcrumb into it I don't think there's an answer to this I don't think you should be overthinking it like i'm only going to put 20 of my moves out there i've never thought i've never kind of given this that much strategy i guess i've always just been like i'm either enthusiastic

about it or i'm not as enthusiastic about it i don't think i've ever really thought about withholding moves with a strategy for them to not think that i'm skilled at it and that i all of a sudden just like stumbled across something what's your move you've got to have one one that's like i'm gonna lock this down sideways missionary she just rolls onto a side i take my undies off just don't pull them to the side might get a nip out but not the bra off you know you just flop them out the top yeah i stopped scrolling my phone behind their backs that's what she's doing i put my phone on charge on do not disturb she puts it on do not disturb for two minutes

yeah sometimes when i make eye contact with my husband or have a shower he knows he knows it's on i feel like eye contact might be your move no it's not my move nah it's the easiest move i can pick up matt enjoys eye contact i'm well whatever it's like you know 50 50 eye contact no eye contact doesn't bother me it's different now that we have been in a very long-term relationship so i'm casting my mind back to the dating times of my life take us back if i was enthusiastic about a guy then i would just do all the things i wouldn't like wait you know what all the things are i don't i need you to tell me what your things i would do the front, back and sides. God damn it. I would do all the things. It's not a haircut. I remember

Laura got her armpit out when it was time to show them. I would let him suck behind my knee, whatever he needed. She got the knee out or any other crap. No, but genuinely, I think if I really liked a guy and I was enthusiastic about it, I wasn't trying to withhold moves for fear of them thinking that I was too skilled in the bedroom. Let's be real guys. After that conversation, no one's worried about that. But genuinely, I mean, when you say that there's been times where you've done things and guys have turned around and said, oh, you must be very skilled at X, Y, Z. I understand why that might make you feel a little bit like, oh, I wish he hadn't said that, but also fucking wear it with pride. Who cares? You did a good job. And maybe that's his insecurity

showing or him trying to mine for how many people you've been with. That stuff is absolutely irrelevant. I know that sex is like a thing that you can get better at, but I do think that some people probably have a bit more of a natural aptitude for it than other people do as well. Like some people kind of get it and some people have to work harder to get it. Like ballroom dancing. And also you might do something to some guy who he's like, wow, that was amazing. That whatever your best move was, was phenomenal. You might pull out your best move with another person and it is not what they like.

It is not what they want. So your best move is dependent on the person that you're with. If somebody is judging you because they think you have too much sexual experience, that's on them. Like that is literally fuck him and then fuck him off. we've always given that advice no but that's that is 100% on them like if anyone is judging you on how many times you've had sex whether it's too little or too much they're not the kind of people you want to be dating anyway that's what I truly think and I can guarantee that they've probably done the same or more but they're not judging themselves so this is my question have you ever

because like when you've been in a long-term relationship you very quickly know what it is that your partner enjoys that can get them from a to b as efficiently as possible if efficiency sees what you're after. Laura speaking from experience. But have you ever been in a situation where what your ex-partner liked versus what your now partner likes, or maybe they're both exes, but it was different. So you're like trying all the moves out that worked really efficiently in the past. And then you're like, oh, okay. I figured out actually XYZ works on him better than ABC in this occasion. But I think that's normal. Totally. No two people are cut from the same cloth. And I, from my experience, think that it has been startlingly evident to me when I have

started dating guys who have come out of long-term relationships because they have done things that I'm like, oh, clearly that's what your ex-girlfriend enjoyed, but that is doing nothing for me. And it's almost like a re-education. So do you think that your ex is still going around trying to sleep with people's knees? Genuinely? Do you reckon he's still, he's like, well, work for Laura. Are you still slipping it in? Imagine if there are other people out there that are victims of the knee. 100%. I think he enjoys it.

I think. That's his move. That's his move. Like I said, I used to think I was, God, this has got no context. It's going to be so confusing for new listeners. My ex-boyfriend from a very long time ago used to enjoy having sex with the back of my knee. I was flattered at the time because I thought he wanted to have sex with all of me. And then I realized actually it's a kink that he has.

It is by far one of my favourite pieces of information that has ever come out of this podcast in five years is that piece of information. If you came to the live show, you would be well across this story. But anyway, yeah, it's a kink for him. So I'm sure that whoever else he's with, he fucks their underarms as well. I don't know. Like he – Jono's looking so confused and is asking for – like, yes, Jono,

use your imagination. Like it goes in there. This is absolutely not going to be the social video also. Do not put this on Instagram. Look, to answer your question, do I think that you need to withhold moves in order to breadcrumb them? I absolutely don't. I think base whatever you're doing in the bedroom off how enthusiastic you feel about

that person and how much you want to do those things. Because I also think that there are some moves that you might have that you don't want to do with everyone, that you don't feel comfortable with doing with everyone. And rather than looking at sex as a way of, okay, how can I perform the best that I can perform for that person? think about it as in like how am I enjoying this and what am I getting out of this and is this making me feel good as well rather than it just being about how you can perform for that other person that's in the bedroom I think the hardest thing in a relationship or no not even a relationship

the hardest thing to do in intimacy whether it's a brand new partner like the first time early days long term is to completely let yourself go and be in that moment especially as women like we're so conditioned to a exactly what you're doing want to please you're overthinking to like what do they want what are they liking what do i look like right now do they think i'm sexy do i have a role here do i do i look good from this angle like it's so hard to turn off and just enjoy the moment and i think that's what you need to do here you i think you're overthinking if you are worrying now in advance of what moves you should bring into the bedroom and perform you're going to be thinking about them nonstop in there. My best advice is to enjoy it. Sex is amazing, especially if it's

with someone new that you're discovering, just be in there and roll with it. If you are overthinking it, it's probably not going to be good. If you're thinking, okay, four more pumps and I'm going to flip, then I'm going to go to the handstand. Like that's going to take away from you being in that moment. Yeah, it's so true. And also just that idea of like, and I know obviously everyone wants to have the validation that the other person enjoyed the sex. Like that's not something that I think you should totally discredit. Of course, like everyone, you want to know that you've done a good job for the person that you're having sex with in the same way that you want them to have done a good job for you. Yeah. Right. But I think trying to think through, okay, well, did I bring

out my best moves? Did I perform well enough for them? Did I satisfy them enough? I would stop worrying about that and just do the things that make you feel good in that moment. You guys had such a brilliant conversation about this exact topic with Tara O. It was last June. I've just search the name of it I'll link it in the show notes it was called sex isn't a stage show so drop the act talking better sex with Tara Oh and this is exactly what you guys spoke about you spoke about this kind of like deep desire to want to feel like especially if you like them you know you want them to think that the sex with you was good because then you think your chances of dating them are going to be better and it was all about the performance of sex I absolutely love that

episode and I related to a lot of it from when I was in my dating days and it's a lot the exact same topics that you guys are talking about now I just think you need to really live and be in the moment. The best sex I have ever had is probably at this point of my life where I'm so comfortable with me. I don't care what I look like anymore when I'm with Ben. I could not care at all if it was bright overhead fluorescent lights and I wasn't feeling good and whatever else, but I just am comfortable and love my partner and there's nothing better that comes from it. And it's really hard. I don't say that lightly, especially when you've started dating someone. It's really hard to do that because yeah that takes time to get to for a lot of people it does and I think it in a

way sort of comes with age as well you get more confident with yourself and you realize things don't mean as much and I don't want to be an ageist but when you're in your early 20s like you've said you said you're in your early 20s and you need help my biggest piece of advice is whoever you are with are not seeing thinking or worrying about the things in that moment that you are worrying about or that you think that they are worrying about. All right. Question number two. Oh, I have some feelings about this one. My husband's best friend, he was the best man at our wedding and his long-term wife got a divorce due to him cheating. The wife was completely devastated. They had started trying for a baby and it came as a total shock to everyone.

The husband, less than two months on, finds himself a new girlfriend and gets her pregnant. they have only a few weeks ago had the baby i cannot bring myself to congratulate him i am still very close friends with his ex-wife and he's essentially living the life that they had planned together which is simply devastating to her my husband is very close friends with him though despite his actions but i feel he is not the person that we thought he was am i rude and selfish for not congratulating him on his baby's arrival and should i just suck it up for my husband's sake that's really hard that's a for me that's a bit of a there's two parts to this question one you do not have to message him to congratulate him at all like if he's your husband

friend that fine he's not your friend he did the wrong thing by your best friend he obviously isn't the person you thought he was because he cheated and then had a baby two months later yeah but the other part of this is if they are still really good friends I wonder are you in situations where all together all the time because if for the next 20 years he's going to be a part of your life you probably need to find a way to be a little bit amicable that doesn't mean you need to be best friends with him but if your husband still sees him all the time if he's going to want to bring them over for family barbecues in the future like if your families are going to be intertwined you probably need to try and find a common ground that you can I guess tread carefully and respectfully

but I don't think you need to go out of your way to congratulate him at all I would not be congratulating that person if it was my friend yeah this is I mean I don't find it as tricky I guess I do not think you have to go out of your way to make him feel happy or good about himself I don't think you have to celebrate the arrival of his baby you absolutely cannot you know create a situation where that child feels as though growing up as though that they're this you know awful burden that's a horrible thing but cheating has long-stemming impacts on a lot of people not just the two people that are in that relationship I think a lot of people relate to this if you have had friends where cheating has happened in their relationship it does change the

way that you feel a little bit about that person even if they do repair the relationship and there can be so much empathy there can be so much grace for the complexities around why it happens but especially if in this instance your very good friend the ex-wife the relationship dissolved and then all the things that she wanted in her life he now has with another woman this sense of she's not okay and so you feel as though you have to almost take a side in this I don't think that I would be as amicable as what your husband probably wants you to be just to make it smooth over and for it to all be better I don't think I would be reaching out and saying congratulations I think for me I would feel as though well I've been put in this incredibly challenging situation and I

want to do the right thing by one of my closest friends. And so I'm just going to not say or do anything. That doesn't mean that in time you won't have a relationship with him. You won't be friends with his now partner. But when you look at this timeframe, he met her two months before and now they have a baby. It's only been a couple of weeks. That's 11 months. That's still a very short period of time for a whole lot of healing that was expected to take place. And I think unfortunately you're just not there yet. So give yourself grace, give yourself time. You're being a good friend to the person that's important to you and he created this damage so he needs to be a big fucking boy and deal with the consequences that his relationships and his friendships have

been altered by his actions this is so loosely related but it's the only thing i can think of but i had a friend a girlfriend who cheated on her partner they had no kids nothing like that and my partner at the time didn't like it like was like I'm not about this I don't like I don't want to do that I don't like her anymore I had to have a conversation with him where I said I understand it but I need you to be amicable she's my friend she did the wrong thing she knows that and we it was different because there was no marriage and no kids I totally understand that but I'm just putting myself in this position I actually went to my partner and was like it'd be great if you could move past that and we could all just, because she's important to me, she knows she did

the wrong thing, if we could all just get along. And he did that for me because I asked him. So in a way, I understand why your husband's like, he's going to be in my life. It's just going to make it easier if we can find a commonality, like a common ground, but you don't have to go above and beyond. The thing is though, there's a difference between being amicable and going out of your way to be and to do the things that a friend would do, i.e. sending the congratulations, sending those small moments of actively reigniting the friendship being amicable just means that you're completely fine when they're in your space and you're not going to create an issue but i don't think that there's an expectation that you need to maintain a friendship with someone who

you don't want to maintain a friendship with the other thing that i think sometimes in these situations that we want to be aware of when you say he's not the person i thought he was he absolutely wasn't behaving the way that you thought he was behaving in his relationship so he had a, you know, there was a, something wasn't congruent there. But I do sometimes think, and maybe this is just my own thoughts and insecurities, because I would feel similar if this was Matt's best friend and he wanted to maintain an identical relationship to what he had prior. But I think it might hold a mirror up a little bit for me. And it might make me feel insecure that my husband was wanting to maintain a really close friendship with someone whose morals

allowed them to be unfaithful because you know being faithful as in monogamous in our relationship is so important and so if Matt's best friend wasn't that I would be like okay well what do you guys talk about when you hang out how did you not know this like what is your kind of and I don't think that that's the right way I'm just saying that maybe that would be my bias maybe that would creep into my thoughts and my subconscious and my insecurities yeah but I think people I mean I I disagree with that because I think people can be a really good friend to someone and a shit partner. I don't think they're the same thing.

Somebody could cheat on someone and be a fuckwit to their partner, husband or wife, but still be an amazing friend to someone else. Like the two, I don't think are interchangeable. Obviously the morals might not align, but being a bad partner doesn't always mean you're a bad friend. I know, but I guess what I mean by that is, for example, if you were having an affair on ben and i found out about it or you were telling me about it or whatever that looked like something in me would ask the question why like what is going on in your life that makes you

want to do that like what is happening but then there would also come a point where i'd go i don't want to be that close to someone or that entwined in someone's life a best friend with someone who isn't able to I don't know so if I cheated on Ben you'd dump me I wouldn't dump you not for cheating which I think I would I think I would struggle I think I would struggle and this is I know people will not agree with this but I do think I would struggle with how you were able to treat someone who you cared about like that and I know cheating is complex and I know that there are many reasons why people do it we've had lots of conversations about it that that doesn't change my bias towards it and how it does in some slight way taint my feelings

about the person who is the cheater. So if Keisha and I hook up in Bali in the honeymoon suite, are we both dumped? Do we have an HR department? It's been a lot of mentions in the last two days. I promise you, you have your own room that is attached with an adjoining door. You know what I also think is really interesting in these situations when people cheat it's also the fact that they often deceive the friend so if they've been keeping secrets they've been lying about where they are they've been lying about what they're doing it's not just a deception to the partner that they've cheated on it's actually a deception to the other people in that because they they are no doubt telling lies I'm

100% going to disagree I understand what you're saying and I want that to be clear I totally understand it and I think it depends on the situation if my friend had been deceiving me for ages lying to my face that's different but I have had plenty of friends over the years male and female come to me because I'm their friend to talk about it I've done this like totally what do I do in this situation and that's what a friend is and I'll never forget my dad this is like the best piece of advice my dad ever gave me growing up he always said if a friend comes to you or somebody comes to you and says I need help you don't say what have you done you say what do you need because it doesn't matter what they've done and I'll never forget my dad saying that he's like

because that's what a friend does you help them first and you deal with the rest later and I've always thought about that but if your friend's lying to your face the whole time and you've been equally as deceived that's different because that friendship then is different I think that's really interesting advice though and I understand where it's coming from but I think as I've grown up I've actually realized more that if your value systems oppose each other I really struggle to maintain the friendship like even though that is being a disloyal friend in that situation I have gotten to the point where I'm like I don't think that I want to be friends with a person who has that different of a value system to what I do I will never forget a friend of mine called me

one night years ago it was 3am hours away and he said I need you to come bail me out of jail woke me up and I will never forget I just said where are you didn't ask why I didn't ask what did because I was like it doesn't matter I will find out later they need me right now so got up drove there got them out and then we dealt with it later but it's like if they did something against my morals afterwards I'd never see them again but it's like you know it's that's just me it's a very personal thing but I think in this situation it's not I don't disagree with you I'm coming back to this thing though there are two friends in this equation that's the problem it's not one friend who deceived and then it didn't impact this has impacted her best friend

who wanted to have a child with this man who was trying for a child with this man at the time when he had an affair and two months later he got another woman pregnant and now he's in a happy relationship living the life that her best friend thought she was going to have and i guess the bigger question is is like imagine it being the flip side with ben imagine that situation happening and been going off and having a baby with someone else months after breaking up with you because he's been cheating on you this whole time. I would find it really hard if that was my friend to not make me question the person that they were and the values that they held. And so I understand why she is not thrilled about the fact that he's had a baby and hasn't reached out and congratulated.

I just think give yourself some grace. Cheating affects many relationships and it doesn't just affect the relationships, the two people that are in it. It affects friendships as well. It affects families. It is a really, really, you know, corrosive and toxic thing that people have to deal with. Yeah. And the only reason I say that this is tricky is because there are two relationships here. Your relationship with your friend is super important and you need to protect her and respect her, but you have a relationship with your husband too. And it's your husband's best friend and he's also going to be in your life. So you are in a tricky spot where you're managing two relationships, your friend and your husband. If your friend comes

to you and says, fuck him off. You can't ever see him. But your husband comes to you and says, babe, he's my best friend. I get that, but he's going to be around. It sucks. And that is the only reason I'm giving you the advice of saying you do not have to go over the top. You do not have to congratulate him. Unfortunately, there is some sort of long-term relationship you have to manage with your husband and his relationship with him. So I think you'd just be amicable for the sake of all the kids in this situation, his future child, if they're going to be a part of your life but that's it you don't go above and beyond you don't have to go to extra events you don't you might just see each other sometimes in a group event or a sporting event or whatever

you just be polite enough and that's it yeah and i think explain it to your friend too because she there's got to be a part where she understands that you're going to see him and maybe you just say that look it's unavoidable for me like to completely not see him because of my situation but i want you to know that i'm team you and i'm just doing the bare minimum i need to the reality is though at the end of the day that will affect the relationship because once upon a time the three of you were best friends and your feelings have changed and your husband can go on having a great relationship with him but it will not be the same when he comes over for dinners he's going to know that you don't want him there like it will change yeah that's what it means so the relationships

change then yeah of course so like the thing is you're not the one who changed that relationship so you don't need to feel guilty about the fact that you're also dealing with the fallout from this. All right, next question. I've had a friend for 10 years. We used to work together and have kept in touch ever since and see each other a few times a year. Recently, she started a business and now all messages ending, do you want these products or ways to try to sell them to me? I am considering ending this friendship because of this. She usually takes weeks to reply to messages, but when she's trying to sell something to me, she replies straight away. When I said no, she goes back to taking weeks to reply. I see that she's active on Instagram stories like 10 times a

day trying to market and sell this product. I just feel a bit used. What should I do? Any advice is appreciated. Firstly, I feel sad that this is where your friendship is at, but also I kind of also feel a bit bad for your friend as well for two reasons. Firstly, one, you shouldn't be friends with people who you feel as though your friendship is not a priority and you feel like you're being marketed to, or you're a commodity for them, a way of making an income. But I do also think potentially the reason why your friend is doing this is because if she's started a business or if she's working for a business that requires her to sell whatever that is, it is a really, really hard thing. So she's probably trying to get this off the ground. And in her mind, she may not be someone

who is very marketing skilled. She may not be someone who is very business savvy. And this is how she feels she's able to sort of grow her network. Should she be using her friends as a way of doing that? Absolutely not. Like it will damage her friendships and she's going to learn that the hard way because if you're feeling this way, you can guarantee that there are other people within her networks who are feeling the same way as well. Which is why I would say to you to have an honest conversation with her first, especially if you value the friendship and you want to keep her around and you value the last 10 years of friendship that you've had. Because I think the behavior changes she may not be aware of how much it's an abuse of the friendship if that makes

sense and how used you're feeling as a commercial commodity i guess yeah i i think the same thing i don't think there's many responses to this i think you just need to say if you don't just say it's skincare we don't know what it is but just say it's skincare you just say hey i really love my skincare that i'm using so i'm good thank you i'd love to see you soon though when are you free and like you've said it there you've said so you're not just saying i don't want it now because i think that's the problem that's when people come back be like let me know when you're done then you can try this so maybe just commit to whatever it is that you you like what you're using and you're you're totally happy but hey we'd love to see you soon like you know it's nothing personal

let's catch up and then hopefully they stop trying to sell you the product and hopefully you catch up and the friendship continues there's a part of me that totally understands why she's trying to sell to you like it is a business it's really tough times like I have so many friends trying to make ends meet in so many different ways, like really creative ways. And I do always try to support that in whatever it is, even if I'm just supporting it at the start. And then maybe it's not long-term in terms of like, I mean, I can't think of anything similar to this, but it's like, I'm not going to go and sign up to something for the next 20 years because I want to support them if I don't believe in the product or need it or, you know, because everyone is trying to make ends

meet. But I understand why she's doing it too, because people have families or mortgages to pay and bills to pay and they're trying to sell. If they sell to one person, then maybe that person recommends a product by word of mouth. Like word of mouth is the most powerful marketing, I think. The easy answer to this question, like my instant knee jerk reaction is to be like, you shouldn't be friends with people who make you feel as though they don't value your friendship. And she's obviously taking you for granted. And I know that that's such an easy place to go to. And that may be the case. And the friendship may go by the wayside. But I also know that we have been sold this almost like fantasy on social media, on Instagram, that anyone can start

a business and that when you start a business, it's going to start to grow and you'll be able to be self-sufficient. It is so fucking hard. It is so hard. And in those initial years or months or whatever it is, and for some people, it's all they are able to achieve is that the people who are your customer base are your friends. And sometimes that line can become super, super blurry and super kind of, I guess like if she doesn't have good self-awareness or self-boundaries, she may not realize how she's making you feel. And if you're not verbalizing how you feel, then she doesn't realize she's done anything wrong. The only thing I want to kind of, I guess, maybe give you a bit of grace with in terms of like, give her a bit of grace,

because it's something that I know I struggled with, with some of my friends early on when I was, you know, very much in the thick of Tony May. Even now with Life Uncut and social media and all of that shit, some of my closest friends who I might take too long to get back to because I'm so busy with work and with the kids, they would look at my social media and go, but you are online, but you're posting on Tony May. My social media is very much my work. And so I don't see that as being like, oh, I'm connecting with all of these other people. It is a business for me, as much as it's something that I enjoy doing, it is also very, very much a business, especially Tony May. And my friends now, because I've been able to have those honest conversations with them,

they don't, at least I think my very close friends don't look at me online and go, oh, well, she's online, but then she didn't reply to me because they know that I have to do this in order to make an income and move my business and all that sort of stuff. So the lines do get very very blurred and I think the only way to overcome this is having good communication and once you've done that then you can assess okay well does she put effort into this friendship is the friendship of value to me has it been you know the season the reason the lifetime has the season passed of this friendship but you're not going to know that unless you sit down and actually kind of figure out with her or talk to her about how you're feeling the other thing is I think as

you get older there's a really blurry line and we blur it but if I'm being completely honest friendships are a priority but I will guarantee you paying bills are more of a priority so sometimes things get forgotten to replying to people gets forgotten friendships get forgotten not forgotten but like you replying saying let's cut start for a drink next week she probably wants to and I'm guilty of this too but work will always be a priority to people over a friendship well she's like I gotta sell some skincare first to pay for the drink but it actually is that and I don't want people to take that the wrong way but if you are in a position where you are prioritizing friendships over your work fucking good on you but that means you are in a wonderful

position in your life to not have to worry about selling things making money the money coming in to pay for that social life and it's nothing personal but people right now are going to prioritize their work because it is more important and that is not a bad thing but you cannot deny that your life revolves around work because we have to survive. People need to pay their bills and put a roof over their kid's head and dress their kids and get them to school. And that, unfortunately, is only done by making money in any way that you can.

Yeah, and I know that there will be a lot of people who will listen to this and be like, no, this friendship is being abused, which it may be. It absolutely may be, and I don't want to discredit that because that's a very real possibility. But I think explore the other options first. Have a think about, you know, what does it mean to her if she doesn't sell product that week? Is that the only stream of income she has coming in?

Because that may be why she's so monofocused on it. And that may be why she is at a point where she's exploiting her friends. And it may feel desperate and it may affect your friendship, absolutely. But it might not come from such an awful place. It might come from a place of feeling as though she has no other options. And that's her trying to hustle without having the marketing knowledge or the rest of the knowledge that is required to actually start your own business. Maybe that's my biggest gripe is that, like I said at the very beginning, this idea that we've been sold this dream that anyone can start a business, work for yourself. You don't need to work for the man. And that is a beautiful dream. But in order to do that, you also have to have

the other skills that go along with it as to how to create an audience base, how to market to an extensive network that moves beyond your friendship circle, how to grow that network. What does that look like and that is so hard and it is such a specific skill set that requires a lot of different types of education not just around I'm passionate about this product and I want to sell a product yeah and the only reason I've spent so much time breaking down this side of it is because to me the other side's obvious we've told you a thousand times like you don't have to be friends with someone you don't want to or that's not serving you so I don't want to spend a lot of time on that I just think there was another side to this question that may be overlooked by a lot of

people absolutely well that my loves is it from us guys if you have any questions for ask uncut slide on into the dms at life uncut podcast you can give us some saucy ones too yeah we love the sexy questions yeah even if you know it results in me talking about missionary sex and you can go and watch it on youtube leave a review if you've enjoyed the podcast episodes share them with a friend you guys know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love We'll be right back.