Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - When it comes to casting for reality TV, how far is too far?

Episode Date: November 24, 2021

Happy therapy Thursday lifers,Today we are jumping into something a little more grim but we've got some questions to ask the producers and casting staff of MAFS!Then we're jumping into your deep, dark, burning questions:-Do you pick the safe guy who treats you well, or the one you've got the chemistry for that isn't as safe a bet?- I'd been on one date with my now boyfriend when I had a drunken hook up with a friend. Do I need to tell him? I feel guilty.-I'm looking for a new job. What's the etiquette? Do you have to tell your current employer that you're looking for another job? Do you put them as a reference?If you have a dilemma you'd like us to unpack, slide on into our DMs on the gram @lifeuncutpodcast.The Australian podcast Listener's choice award is back and frankly, it's the one that we care about the most because it's a reflection of you guys, our incredible community, not a bunch of judges deciding whether we tell too many poop stories! If you have a spare sec, we would be ever so grateful if you could give us your vote here: https://australianpodcastawards.com/voteWe love love xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I am Brittany, Laura is sitting next to me, I'm introducing her. That was weird. Yeah, because I'm on a roll. We are coming to you today from a very, very special place. We have migrated our recording to not Laura's bedroom, to not my more professional lounge room, but to my bedroom. Oh yeah, we're getting saucy. We are absolutely not getting saucy. We're certainly not getting saucy. We usually, here's a bit of like hot news for everyone. You clearly will not care about this moment anyway. We have migrated from recording in my bedroom because we can't anymore because there's two children running around like wild feral beasts. And we usually

record in Brittany's lounge room when we need to be more professional yeah but we can't because somebody's outside drilling so here we are Brittany's also so close like where she lives is so close to the ocean that everything kind of smells seaweedy I'm not sure if you can tell I think it's just wet carpet either your whole apartment smells seaweedy or if it's like we can say it's because you're ambiently that close to Bonneville yeah I'm very close and it's been raining for days I feel like I just probably have wet carpet but I'll put some incense around next time if I knew you were coming in but not that long ago a few weeks ago I actually for the first time ever was invited on another podcast as a guest now before we get into this why does no

one want us on their podcast why has no one ever invited you and I on the podcast like we have someone different every second week but no one wants to talk to us I mean speak for yourself I've been on a couple podcasts okay actually let me rephrase that no one wants me on the podcast anyway that's not what this is about this isn't a woe is why won't anyone speak to Brittany I went on this podcast and I went to their office and it just really made me reassess some of my life choices I walked in and I was gobsmacked it was the most beautiful building it was all glass it was immaculate they had this big glass office to themselves they had somebody else working from them a lovely older lady that came in with a beautiful tea and biscuit in a really nice teapot

she's like what else can I get you sparkling or still and I was like oh my god when a guest comes to my house they come into my lounge room and I'm like just fight your way through my plans sit here on the ground here I prepared a cushion for you and that's it and I was like what I don't know if we need to up our game we don't need tea they don't need a chair they don't have we don't need a desk I'm quite happy here with a pillow propping up this microphone anyway if you are new to the podcast. Welcome. Sorry that, you know, this is how we started the episode, but we are doing Ask Uncut today, which is where you guys write in, you write in all your life dilemmas, you write in the big problems, the small problems, the ridiculous problems, the wild problems, and we give you our

life advice and we try and answer them for you. We try to come to some solution. But before we get into that, there is something very problematic that we have seen that we want to talk about with the new Married at First Sight trailer. And now, Laura, you are the Married at First Sight addict. This is your world. So I want you to take it away. Tell us what this issue is with the new 2022 Married at First Sight trailer. This is your world.

Yeah, guys. This is your whole world. I have nothing going on in my life. And we all know that The Bachelor is about to finish soon. So all I'm doing is just sitting here waiting for the next reality TV cycle. Actually, before we get into unpacking this whole maths debacle, we are going to be bringing out Batch Uncut a day late this week. it is finale week. So what better than to keep you waiting for an extra day. So Batch Uncut

episode is actually going to be coming out on Saturday, not on Friday. Just a little hot tip on that one in case you're in your libraries looking for it at the moment. Okay. So back to the other reality TV show. Okay. Talking about maths, I am a fucking maths diehard. I thoroughly enjoy it, but there has actually been some news that's come out about the 2022 maths. And I have a few questions that I want to ask. So just to give you guys the rundown, there is a contestant that was cast on the current season of maths it's finished filming it's wrapped up and it will be coming out usually i think it airs in january the contestant who has caused a lot of controversy is named simon blackburn so simon blackburn was one of the contestants and there have been some

absolutely vile and horrific social media posts from him that have come out since he's been casted and since filming has ended if you haven't heard of the wash the wash was the first to report on it they're a pop culture media house they have an instagram page it's it's great stuff but basically they have posted some resurface videos of simon blackburn some of his very homophobic views some of his misogynistic views and i just want to play for you guys now a little excerpt from some of the videos that they have put up on their instagram so how's this so the ex just text me and goes can you have the boys friday night because i'm supposed to be going away okay okay

i'm thinking you're fucking dreaming mate i don't give a fuck what you're doing with your new boyfriend but ask your fucking mother the only thing i'm going to be doing friday night lads is focusing on kama sutra and meditation so that when my cock enters this bird's mouth saturday morning i don't last 30 fucking seconds i'm shooting saturday the last thing i'm fucking doing is changing fucking nappies and worried about where this fucking retard is because she's probably gone down a fucking god knows fucking cockatoo or some shit to go to some fucking b&b to fucking get the back taken out of her or not back in the day i used to be like i'll keep a bitch at home mate i had that the cunts do fucking nothing sit on youtube all fucking day so if you've

if if the 2021 world means that we've got to fucking chip in help out with the kitchen and stuff like that, the bitch might as well make some fucking money. No point having that cunt sitting at home all fucking day. You come home busting your ass all day, then you've got to chip in and do everything as well. The only time we're going to fucking chip in is that cunt makes fucking money. I know that for a lot of people that would have been very difficult to hear because it is so, so incredibly offensive. My question here is, how is it okay when doing casting and when putting together the new season of Married at First Sight, how is it okay to platform someone who has such wildly problematic views? Now, I will just quickly jump in and say

that there has been a lot of backlash since these videos surfaced and Channel 9 has said that they're going to work towards removing him from the current season as much as they can because obviously the season is finished filming. Whether that means he'll be removed in its entirety or just he'll get minimal screen time we're yet to see but the question is how do you get cast in the first place when you are someone who has such problematic views when you are so dangerous in your ideologies how do you get platformed on reality tv because we are not overreacting when we say these are some of the most disgusting videos you've seen the thing is people cry out that they want drama on reality tv but where is the line because this person has 100 percent gone too far channel nine

casting this person has gone too far now channel nine have said that they didn't realize that his thoughts were so prominent they didn't realize he was like this i mean that's rubbish because casting do a deep dive into every person they cast that's why they cast them they know everything about them they know if there are any connections they know what their political views are they know what their beliefs are the whole reason you are cast on a show is because you're either there to be the really normal person that's going to have a successful relationship or you're going to be the one that's there for controversy and drama i don't believe for a second that casting agents said they didn't know because it takes you two seconds to look on his page to find him so unless

they cast him blindfolded they knew what it was about channel nine have now come and said that they are going to try and work towards removing him completely but they've only said that they obviously didn't think that they were going to remove him they didn't think that the response was going to be at the level it was otherwise they wouldn't have put him in the trailer and advertised they would have already cut him out they have said that they're now going to cut him out purely because thousands of people have already said i'm done i'm not watching the show like this is the most abhorrent behavior I'm done and this is their response so I don't know is it a bit too little too late do you think that they've just shot themselves in the foot by doing this

well I guess the issue that I have is like every year there seems to be someone who plays that misogynistic role like every year the characters on maths get a little bit more controversial they get a little bit more wild in their belief systems but at what point does that cross the line and become quite dangerous and you know when we put someone on a reality tv show whether or not they are there to cause controversy or drama to be the villain or whether they're there to have the genuine love story we're still platforming that person and if that person's views are misogynistic or they're homophobic that can do a lot of damage to reinforcing other people who are out there in society who have those same views they feel reinforced that there are other people who

believe the things that they believe I mean what you just said Britt you absolutely hit the nail on the head when you're like it's one thing to say that they didn't know that is the whole purpose That's the whole reason why this person was cast is because they were cast to be that controversial character, but there definitely has to come a line where not only is it problematic for the viewer, but there also has to be a duty of care to the other contestants in that season because some woman has signed up to be matched with a man and she's been matched with a man who has such vile views against other women. Well, this is the thing too, because, okay, apparently rumor has it, and we're not going

to know obviously until we see the show but rumor has it Simon lasts on the show for about two weeks we're never going to know exactly what his time on the show was like if he was expressing these views strongly for the two weeks we're not going to know because it seems like he's done and dusted channel nine are like well we went too far we'll cut that out no one's on board but also I don't know what person he was matched with for that two weeks but if he gets wiped out does this other poor person get wiped out as well as collateral damage does that does that just ruin the whole show for them only three hours ago the wash released another post now simon has responded simon has contacted the wash this is only three hours ago that the wash posted this as a follow-up

after their original post so the original post from the wash was a swipe series of clips that they had taken from his own tiktok and instagram from other people's tiktok and instagram but they're all of simon simon messaged the wash and just said can you remove your latest post that is it then he proceeded to say leave the past in the past with a beer emoji that was it and so the washers just said following on from our last post he has now responded asking us to take it down but there was no apology no accountability or anything like that just a comment with a beer emoji a six word private message to us and a random post to his personal page appearing to play the victim because he has COVID well one extra thing that he did say which I saw this morning as well was that

he said these these posts that have been collected this carousel that was put on the wash is a collection of videos from over six months ago and they're not my current views. How does your opinion on life change so dramatically in six months? I think, you know, I do believe in this idea that, you know, we can learn and as people, not necessarily things that come up from 10 years or 15 years in the past, we can be very different people to who we were back then. But six months is not a big enough time frame. You still need to be accountable for your actions from six months ago. Just one other thing I want to add on this. Now, something we discussed earlier this year was Dr. Tricia Stratford. When she was one of the relationship experts, she left the show on the

current season. So on 2021 season, she wasn't on there and she was replaced by Alessandra Rapola. Now, when Tricia left, originally she said she wanted to go and focus on her writing and focus on other academic endeavors. However, she later came out and said to media, by the end of my time on maths, I couldn't compromise my professional and personal standards because there were participants on the show who I felt shouldn't have been there. Now, this new casting of Simon Blackburn just goes to reinforce that there are some very, very problematic ways in which reality TV are cast, in particular maths. And the reason why this struck me and I was like, I really want to talk about this is because maths is the biggest reality TV show in Australia. It commands the most

eyes. And we've seen this on The Bachelor this year, that there's been this real pull away from The Bachelor and I feel like The Bachelor has almost cast there's been so little drama there's been so little controversy everything has been very politically correct and as much as we have said and the public have said that that's what they want to watch the ratings would suggest otherwise and when The Bachelor is going in one direction to try and cast the least amount of drama and the least amount of controversy on the flip side we have Married at First Sight which is only ramping up the drama and the controversy it makes you question what is it as the viewer are we wanting to consume what is it that's keeping us hooked on reality tv yeah and i mean

we all love some drama but as long as it doesn't get to the point where it's hardcore bullying or dangerous views but casting somebody like simon who even if he has said he has changed his views now we have we have to just take that at face value but who only six months ago was a homophobic bigot is toxic and dangerous and to put that on a platform as big as married at first sight in Australia and knowing that married at first sight also gets picked up in the UK like married first sight Australia is huge over in the UK and I don't know maybe America we're not sure what's going to happen but voicing somebody's opinion that is that dangerous and toxic at that level should never ever be happening especially not in 2022 so I'm very disappointed if he gets any air

time, I will be extremely disappointed. Brittany's going to come for you. I am right. Brittany's like, I am very disappointed in you. I'm not mad. I am disappointed. No, but it's just like, it's almost like, how is it still happening? We need the drama in these TV shows. People love it, but we've got to find a happy medium of drama where no one's actually getting hurt. No one's being bullied and we're not voicing toxic views. I 100% agree. And there has to be a fine line where there is a duty of care. That's the big thing in this. Well, you know, you've crossed the line when an old contestant voices their opinion now Tracy Jewell who was from season five actually commented on the original post from the wash where all the videos were shared of Simon

she just said where are the background checks on these people it is putting other participants in potentially dangerous situations where is the duty of care yeah and I think falling back on the whole oh we didn't know we'll do better next time like that's your job it's your job to cast people and you know I think like exactly what you said in the beginning Brit the people have been cast because of what they bring to the table and if we're casting people because they bring misogynistic homophobic views it is really really problematic for all the reasons that we've already discussed anyway guys let's get into the questions for today we have some ripper questions and you are going to kick start it i am going to kick start actually i have one which i'm going to

just surmise because it was a very long question but i think i think we can come with some good advice to this one so the person who's written in she is in a real little pickle dickle she is currently trying to toss up between two different men oh what a problem tab dating two men I don't think I've ever had that problem in my life as if you've never had that problem no way like you didn't have you haven't had two guys interested in you at the same time I haven't ever had two men fight over me in my existence nor do I think that would ever happen no have you Yeah. I mean, I was single 10 years.

Moving along. Yeah. I didn't have one man fighting over me. Well, this is like, no, like, I mean, in early dating days, yeah. Like, you know, when you're dating multiple people and you're kind of trying to figure out who you want to date and then maybe you catch feels for two people at the same time. Okay, so it's not two people, like, wanting to lock her down and marry her.

Tell me the question. Okay. Basically, she's been dating these two different guys simultaneously. And by the sounds of things, one of them is from her past. So she has a deeper and more long-term connection with him. However, he's been a little bit problematic in the past. She didn't go into detail. Mate, some red flags.

He's been flying some flags. The chemistry is bang on. You know, and that's the thing that makes you keep coming back. It always is with the bad boys. It always is. So there's a new guy in the picture as well. The new guy, he seems safe. I can guess this.

He's nice. He's sweet. He loves her. He wants to look after her. He's reliable. But she wants the bad boy. Is this it? Well, it's not so much that she wants the bad boy.

basically she has the option of two two guys two guys who want to be invested in her two guys who want to pursue a relationship with her both of them are making big grand gestures of commitment and one of them is the safe bet but her feelings are not as strong the other one is the risky guy and her feelings for him are really strong now I have quite conflicting feelings about this whole situation but I want to know what's your take if you were in a situation where you had someone who seem like a sure thing or somebody who maybe is a bit problematic but there is a stronger pull what would you choose or what advice would you give to a friend I okay I actually was in this situation I I just oh I hear the truth comes out now it's like oh that's right I definitely had

multiple men fight over me I forgot but I blacked it out but it actually comes with a funny story which I'll I'll tell you because it's pretty fucking funny okay so there was a very very long time ago and it wasn't necessarily that two men were fighting over me but it was that I had the option one was just like the most safe amazing beautiful human and one was the sociopath that I had this real heart deep connection and chemistry with or so I thought this is so funny I was so beside myself because I knew that once I made the decision there was no going back either way and I was so so torn that I went to a psychic someone recommended I'm not kidding I was such a head case back then that I was like I know how I'll make this whole life decision yes

but I have to tell you why it's so funny I went to a psychic uh she came highly recommended and I was like okay maybe I'll get some clarity maybe she'll do something bang on I was beside myself in hysterics inside you know when you're in a really inappropriate moment and you want to be laughing but you can't because it's not the moment that's the moment I was in I was trying to hold my laugh in it was this very I told her my problem I explained it I spoke about both of them she was very very serious and I was like this is going to be so wise and she's like okay I want you to picture this you're on a beach it's beautiful and I was like picturing my eyes were closed she's like close your eyes I was really invested you can hear the sound of the

waves lapping on the water and I was like this is so beautiful she's like there are birds there's no sound 300 meters out there's a boat I was like okay picturing on the boat are these two men I'm like so invested in this right now also I think it's the way you're talking I'm a bit turned on on the boat should I take my pants off please on the boat we're already on the bed halfway there on the boat there are these two men and then in my head I was like I think I know where this is going and she's like there's a hole in the boat the boat is slowly sinking and I was like she's like they can't swim you can only save one of them you run into the water you dive in you start to swim who do you save and I lost it I was in hysterics I was like woman you

are cool I literally opened my eyes and looked at her she's like who is it and I said both of them She's like, I said, I would find a way to have both of them under my arms and I'll swim them back to the shore. I was like, this is the most stupid thing. And I left and I was like, you are an idiot. Also, when you go to a psychic, you just want them to give you an answer. I paid a hundred bucks. Just tell them what to do.

Just say what, even if you're not a good psychic, just pick one guy. Just pick one. No, but make the answer easier for us. In all seriousness, this is really tricky. I, and this could be controversial. What I want to say is, and there are so many levels to this. if the guy that you said that you have this really strong connection to that you've known for a long time but he's been problematic it depends what the problems are and you only you're going to

know this is it problematic because he's been cheating on you does he treat you badly like really badly is he rude disrespectful there are a lot of things that you need to weigh up when you say it's problematic or are the problems just that he couldn't commit completely I get the feeling from the question that he just was someone who was super flaky that he wasn't committing that he would promise and then he would take it back so maybe okay if that's the case great is he just saying you it's always been you but it wasn't the right time but now it is I think that's different what I want to say to you is and I feel like Laura's going to disagree with me I am going to say that for the matter of the heart you go with the heart in this one if his only problem was not

being able to commit and now he wants to if you settle for something that you know is lovely and you know it's safe but the feelings aren't quite there at the level they should be it's not going to last anyway because eventually you're going to you're going to get bored you don't want to marry someone or spend your life with someone that's just mediocre because you don't want to be alone i i'm really passionate about that i think that you for this i would say try with the one that you are really passionate about and that the feelings are there for but you have to go in knowing that it's not going to work out not that it's not but you have to go in knowing that it might not work out and then you have to know that the other really safe option might not be there

waiting for you this is a really big thing that you need to weigh up is it a possibility and only you're going to know this is it a possibility that you're at a level where you can continue to date both of them and you can just say like I'm not ready to jump in anything serious yet but I really want to keep getting to know you and spending time together or are you exclude do you need to make a decision where you're exclusive with one because if it's still early days you're allowed to date multiple people until you have that conversation so I think if you don't know if you're ready But deep down, I think you know the answer with who you want to be on this one. I agree with some parts of what you said,

but I very deeply disagree with other parts of what you said. You want to go with the safe option, don't you? No, I don't think. No, I actually, this is, okay, I'm going to start with my answer and then I'm going to unpack why. Don't pick either of them. Don't pick either of them. Don't, like, don't pick either of them.

Don't hedge your bets in this way. I think if you have two people and you don't know who to choose, neither of them is your person because your person would cut through it would be very obvious to you who you should be choosing in this that's a good answer you shouldn't have to compromise it shouldn't be compromising on someone who treats you a bit bad but you have a strong chemistry with or someone you don't have chemistry with but they're safe like neither of those options are actually a good option and I think you deserve better on both sides of the coin so I would say don't choose either one because I think if you choose the person who you have incredibly strong chemistry

with like and they have already proven time and time again that they're not being committed and that they can't give you what you want are they only showing up to the table now are they only wanting to commit now because you have another option because your investor was someone else and we've all we've all been there we've all experienced that partner who's like oh I don't know what I want and as soon as you're interested in someone else you get the hey I've been thinking about you text because they just slide back in to fuck things up but I really think that if you're in that situation and you're trying to to juggle or to like pick the best suitor I think that it's neither my reason why I say don't pick the safe guy and the reason why I do agree with you on that

one Brit is because I think if you pick the safe person who you don't have chemistry with or you don't have this not not even chemistry but the desire for there is the possibility that you will regret or you will always think what if and it will be an unclosed chapter with that other person who you had that really strong pull towards I think you have to get over that person first before you can have not only a safe relationship that's like committed and reliable and all those things that are comfortable but that you also have that strong connection with as well yeah and I like that you said that because my last thing I was about to say is the reason I'm saying try it with one and probably the one that you have the pull with look like Laura said if there's a high chance

it won't work out if he has never been committed he's coming back for the wrong reason you don't know but what I do 100% know is and why I'm saying you should give it a go is you will always wonder why there will always be something left unsaid and you won't ever really move on and I have a friend that called me last night actually a guy friend and he said exactly this he was like there's a girl from six years ago that has come back into his life that they had this really big pull with but it wasn't there's a reason it didn't work out and this was literally just last night and he's like you know I reached back out and I think we we need to meet she reached back out sorry we need to meet back up and and I said look do you want to revisit that like there is a reason that it

hasn't worked out but you're forgetting those reasons like when you think of that relationship what do you think of it's like just all the good parts and I said okay and what now I want you to go and think about why you broke up and the bad parts and he's like yeah I know you're right he's like it just feels like there might be something left unsaid and I said cool maybe you go meet for coffee then it's been six years meet for coffee and see if there's anything there but there's always going to be this feeling if you don't revisit something my point is there's always going to be this feeling of like what if do and I just I'm saying this on what I am like as a human and I as a human am I like I wish I knew I wish I just found out for sure otherwise I'd always

wonder why and that's all I can base it on is my personal experience I also just want to say that this one quote which I fucking love and I will live by forever when people show you who they are the first time believe them and I really believe this I don't know people can change and it depends on what they've done I'm big up giving people a second chance and knowing that people can make mistakes and we don't know what this guy has done and she's not going to always wonder why she's going to wonder what if what if I was with him and he was my person what if he came back and he was like I will do anything for you but you're saying that like you believe that everyone only has one person there we can all have happy and long-term relationships with multiple people like

we have multiple soulmates. It's not like he's the one person. And if this fucks up, you're never going to meet someone else again. So that's why I'm like, that's almost like a detrimental, that's almost like a detrimental thing to say. It's like, well, what if that was your person? No, that, that one person, it's not your person. Whoever you choose in the long run, whoever you invest your time, your energy and your love into, that's the person. Well, I am so sorry to this listener because we, for the first time ever, are giving you a divisive answer and I think we maybe don't quite agree on this and we have our own reasons to wrap it I think that and again it's depending on what he did in the past it's

depending when you said you know that it was problematic if it's just that he wasn't ready to commit and it was I guess at a level there was a level of innocence there it was the wrong timing if it's just something like that and you're really feeling the pull now and he's telling you that he wants you he's telling you that he's changed he's apologized if his actions are the same as his words and you still have that feeling you're already dating him I would give it a go because I think you will always wonder if you don't if your relationship in the past if the red flags were actually more messed up and toxic if there was cheating if there was aggression if there was rudeness if there was anything that you know is not compatible with a healthy relationship then

of course don't revisit it I reckon don't date either that's my answer and please let us know what you decide to do and how it turns out because I would I actually genuinely love following up on these I really want to know how it turns out all right question number two so question number two is a work-related question which we don't get many work-related questions because we are not career advisors but we will do our best anyway ladies I have been working for the same company for the past four years I've really enjoyed the company that I work for however I have been in this situation where they will not give me a pay rise even though I've put forward the best case I possibly can for why I deserve one with this in mind I've started applying for other jobs with

other companies however the industry is small this is the first time i've ever had to really go out and look for a new job since being employed what is the etiquette should i tell my current employer that i'm now looking for new jobs should i just go out and do it and then not put them on my reference what am i supposed to do because i'm worried that it's going to get back to my current employer that i'm out searching for a new occupation i mean this is a i feel like everybody's experienced this yeah this is a it's a tough one it's it's dependent on your situation and depends on where you work that's what I found I think that no you don't need to if you're searching for another job you you don't tell them you don't be like hey just heads up I'm super

unhappy with you I could leave and drop a smoke bomb at any minute just want you to know that maybe I will maybe I won't you'll never know this actually happened to someone I worked with was one of my work colleagues uh in a hospital environment but they were looking for another job they didn't tell our boss that they put them down as a reference and but they did but they put them down as a reference and like you in a hospital environment you don't ever get a job without calling references like it just it's impossible it does not happen you know how some jobs they don't actually follow up on the references they look at your cv and they look at your qualifications and they're like cool it doesn't happen in our line of work so my boss gets a call

saying hey just wanted to check sarah's applied for a job here what would she like to work with and they're like oh sarah like that's a made-up name by the way she's like what do you mean sarah applied for a job like i've just got sarah rusted for the next six months i don't understand and she came to sarah and she was like hey can we talk are you thinking about leaving and she was like oh not really why she's like well i think you are yeah i just got a call from your prospective employer and she's like i actually did give you a glowing reference and she wasn't mad but she's lucky because my boss was amazing she's like you know but like are you talk to me when do you want to leave like is this a real thing that that was she's lucky that our boss was in a really

was a really good person and it was really nice and gave her a glowing reference but it's situations like that like if you're gonna is this if this prospect of them being called you 100% need to tell them and maybe you say it's for personal reasons or it's time to move on or it's a really good offer or whatever it is you want to say there does come a time where there is a level of efficacy and respect that you do give your employer but when you're just on the hunt I don't think you need to know okay if 100% if you're going to put your current employer down as a reference then you need to ask if that's okay but I think it's I do not think you tell your current employer that you're looking for a job especially if you're just in the pitching phase the pitching

phase especially if you're just sending out resumes and whatnot because if you're in that phase the last thing you want to do is go and tell your employer that you're looking for a job and then a job doesn't come up and you get pushed out of your current work early because as soon as you tell your employer that you're looking for another job so they're going to look for someone to replace you and I really think that in that instance you can completely shoot yourself in the foot. You can be almost too caring about your occupation that you're not taking care of yourself enough. So I think like, you don't know how long this journey is going to be of you looking for a new occupation. You don't know how long it's going to take until you find something that's suitable.

So no, you don't need to go and tell your current employer that you're looking. And I think very, very few people actually do that. Just so long as you stick by your contract, you give as much notice as you possibly can once you've taken a new role. The one thing I do want to say on this though is that there can be a level of transparency with your prospective employers like the people that you're sending out your resume to you can say to them or put it into your resume you know I haven't spoken to my current employer yet that I am leaving or that I'm looking for a new role and if this resume does progress to x point in your processes of looking for a suitable candidate please let me know so that I can then make them aware and I think that then you're at least

covering your bets you're covering all covering everything but I think just transparency communication honesty in that respect is really really well received by the person who is looking to employ someone as well. 100% I think I mean I don't really want to add anything to that I think we've really covered it and I think there's just a level of respect that you know I mean treat people how you want to be treated think if you were a boss what you would want to do it's always the same you can always put that saying you can always refer it back to yourself but treat people how you want to be treated think of what you would want if you're in that situation and I think if you do the right thing only the good things can happen back to you. But it's such a I think it's

such a tricky one I do think it's one that so many people it's like every single person's done this every single person's worked for an occupation or worked for an employer and then at the same time being on the job hunt for something else no employers going like I mean they might be surprised by you quitting if they didn't think it was on the cards but it's not something that they haven't experienced before with all their other staff so you know I mean especially if they're not going to give you a pay rise and you've asked for it and you've kind of put forward all the things and the reasons why if you're leaving because you don't feel like you've been treated fairly in your employment then I think like you don't really have anything that you need

to kind of do on the other side go get it girl so question number three this is the last question for today hey girls I'm hoping you can help me with something that has been gnawing away at me for a very long time I'm currently with my boyfriend of five months who I honestly think could be my penguin I just love him so much love that for you there's just one thing that just sounded so no i do i just like no i just love the i love the extra where she's just like i just fucking love him i actually do love that for you there's just the one thing nagging at me just after our very first date i went out with a few friends and i ended up sleeping with one of my guy friends there were no feelings at all it was literally just a drunken hookup

my boyfriend and i were by no means exclusive and again i had only just been on one date with him at the time but I can't help but feel so guilty and that I've done something wrong he's a very sensitive guy also love that for you who has experienced cheating in his past relationships and I know for a fact he wouldn't take the news well and wouldn't want to know is not telling him a form of lying even if it is to protect him and how the hell do I get rid of this feeling like I'm being dishonest every time I think about it I just don't know that if I tell him I'll be transferring the problem from me to him. And I don't want to do that. Thanks in advance. I don't think this is a hard question. Okay. No, I think that the reason why this is interesting, the reason why

you feel guilt is because you shagged your friend. If it was just a one night stand, if it was some guy who was completely, you're never going to see him again. You're never going to talk to him again. If he was like not in your friendship group, you wouldn't have this level of guilt. The reason why you have this level of guilt is because I'm guessing if he's your good mate and you guys all hang out together, your boyfriend doesn't know that you fucked your friend. That's where the guilt comes from. Now, do I think you should tell your boyfriend? No, I don't. I think that sometimes we can experience guilt around things where we haven't actually done anything necessarily wrong. Like you didn't do anything wrong. You're punishing yourself. You're never going to do it

again. Do I think that there's going to be anything gained from telling a boyfriend? No, I think by telling him all that's going to happen is he's going to be one insecure when you then hang out with your friend it's probably going to be the end of that friendship because he's going to be like well I don't want you to be hanging out with him if there was some overlap there and this was a weird thing for me and also it could just bring up a whole lot of other issues around insecurity I'm not saying lying I don't normally think that omitting details is a good idea but I just think in this instance maybe honesty is a little bit more cruel than what it is kind yeah and you just said it yourself in this question you said i know he wouldn't want to

know that's what you said i know he doesn't want to know i know he wouldn't want to know and you know he won't be happy with it you did not cheat on him like you didn't cheat on him you've said you weren't together you went on one date with the guy like laura said the guilt 100% comes from fucking the friend like it does it's like we've all been there but i think that there is nothing to gain and i'm again i hate admitting details i don't want to lie and i don't believe been cheating in relationships but you didn't cheat you're not really lying you're not doing anything wrong I'm not sure why it's eating you away because it probably shouldn't be eating you away this much after this long unless they're I don't know is there any weird feelings for the

friend still or do you still spend a lot of time with the friend if so maybe don't spend as much time with the friend but 100% I would just embrace your relationship if you tell him that after one day you slept with your friend it's going to cause so many problems in your relationship it just will and he even if he's like oh that's cool that's on his mind forever he can't unhear that it's just dumping knowledge on someone unnecessarily that's going to change the way he thinks and feels so I just think I really really just think you need to accept that it's done and that you did nothing wrong and just embrace your relationship I think there's a greater conversation here around guilt which I think is probably the most interesting part of this question like we all feel guilt for

many different things and it actually serves a really important purpose as an emotion it's a shitty emotion to have but it's important because it helps us self-regulate the fact that you feel guilty and the fact that you are very aware of what has happened and you're like you know you genuinely feel guilt for it even though you haven't done something wrong you feel guilt what that does is it stops you from ever doing it again do you know it will actually make you a better girlfriend the fact that you care this much makes you better at taking care of your boyfriend it makes you more considerate of his feelings and I think about this in regards to parent guilt like it's something that I've read a lot about because it's something I experience a

hell of a lot and I think most parents experience parent guilt at different times it's not necessarily I mean it's a terrible feeling to have it can be debilitating and if it is then definitely go and speak to someone but guilt in and of itself can really make us be better at whatever it is that we feel guilty for and it makes us change our behavior and it makes us do things and want to strive to be better. That's the purpose that it serves. So I think don't continue to beat yourself up about it. If you're being a great girlfriend, if you've never actually cheated, which you obviously haven't, if you've never done anything to make your partner not trust you, then I don't think you need to go in and unpack all the fine nitty details. That's only going to make him feel

insecure. Well, I'm too much of a good person. If this is still troubling you, I have to fight. Literally, when you're like, why are you feeling guilt around this? I'm like, maybe she's just such a nice person yeah that's I think that's the real problem here is you're too much of a good person this should not still be weighing on your mind after five months so I hope that you can accept maybe it's just that you've still you think that all this time you've done something wrong you haven't so maybe when you get that acceptance you can move on and just live your best life with your partner but that's it I think for that one don't fuck things up by sitting down and having a dnm about it no because you're onto a good thing obviously anyway guys that is it from us if you

have any other questions you want answered on ask uncut just slide into the dms life uncut podcast if you are not following us on instagram where you at but just make sure you put ask uncut at the top and then give us whatever question is on your mind also that is where you share your embarrassing stories your accident unfiltered and your confessionals or any other messed up thing that has happened to you that you feel the need to share do not forget as well that batch uncut will not be coming out on friday i'm very sorry uh apparently maddie j has a life and he can't record who does he think i know what i would like to know what he's doing with himself actually do you know what he is doing he is doing a photo shoot for men's health there's a competition

between him and sam wood over who has had the best body transformation in the last six weeks he has been training so hard neither of them what a ridiculous competition neither of them needed a body transformation they were both ripped and fit and hot dads they are so ridiculous matt is like so broad now and wide and every day he stands in front of the mirror and looks at himself it's adorable anyway guys that is it from us go leave a review if you've enjoyed the episode if you haven't yet voted for us in the listener choice podcast awards we'd absolutely love you to do that and all the details are in the show notes and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your sister tell your dog tell your cousin tell your nephew just you know tell everyone and share

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