Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - When You're the Only Single One in Your Whole Friendship Group

Starting point is 00:00:00 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollongong land. Are you ready? Yeah. Hi guys and welcome back. What?

Starting point is 00:00:27 You said are you ready and I was like... I am ready. Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And I am back. I'm in the studio. Where did you go?

Starting point is 00:00:40 Well, I was at home. I stayed at home. I don't think people notice as much as you think they notice. Laura was at home for one episode. She's like, I'm back, everybody. I'm back. Everybody, I am back in the studio. No, I'm back in terms of my body, mind, and spirit.

Starting point is 00:00:53 I felt fucked on Monday's record. I was absolutely cooked like a chook. It was horrible. You're like a rotisserie chicken in the window of Coles, not sponsored. No, it really wasn't. Also, I've never walked past a window of Coles and seen a rotisserie chicken. So that was a weird one. Well, yeah, they're in the, not the front window.

Starting point is 00:01:10 They're in the chicken window. It's true. It's very true. We didn't talk about which window it was. I just blew a snot bubble. Like I just laughed so hard at myself that I blew a snot bubble out. I hope that wasn't on camera. It doesn't take much for me.

Starting point is 00:01:21 But honestly, guys, I know that we managed to pull it together for Mondays, which was Tuesday's record and I know we talked about how I had COVID and Keisha had COVID I and Mitch had COVID everyone except me and now I'm scared that you're gonna blow it across the room at me no no I'm I honestly am 100% but this time it got me good like last COVID was not bad this one everything from like stuffy coughing asthma shitting myself like I got every symptom that you could possibly get I got it I'm glad you're back I'm here I'm glad you're better and if you try to make out with me once today, I'm going to be really mad. Just a little bit, you know, stop trying to flirt with me and I'll, and I'll keep my distance.

Starting point is 00:02:01 I have to tell you something funny that happened to me. Oh God. It was so embarrassing. And I actually don't get, you know, that it's really hard to embarrass me. It's really hard. Because a lot of embarrassing things happen to you. Because so much has happened to me. But once that is the case, you build up this like thick armor of resilience and resistance to the world.

Starting point is 00:02:20 but this one really embarrassed me and it's when i i'm about to tell you and you're going to be like wow britney you've done more embarrassing things but just nothing hit like this so i was walking delilah and i've got my hands-free leash that goes around my waist and i went and got a coffee we do the same thing every day we do the same little walk same thing every day now i'm not gonna blame my crocs i don't think that had anything to do with it but i have like big thick platform crocs they're just crocs that have like a slightly thicker i roll my ankle in them all the time. Anyway, that's irrelevant. So I was walking Delilah, had the hands-free leash, had coffee in my hand, had phone and the ball throwing in the other hand. I was like main

Starting point is 00:03:00 street Bondi, backed in Sydney. I was just walking. Anyway, Delilah is very reactive. And so if something, she's not one of those dogs, I could train her to the cows come home. I sent her away for three weeks to train her to be able to walk off a lead. Right. And the trainer sent her back and said, no, it's not going to happen. Like she's just one of those dogs. She's super reactive. So if something's on the other side of the street, you can't trust her not to run and get it. So I will never take her off a lead. Anyway, one of the things she reacts to for some reason are skateboards. Oh yeah. No, no, no. That's, that's like very common. Is it? Yeah. Lots of dogs are like, Ooh, cause I mean little wheels and they want to run, chase little wheels

Starting point is 00:03:35 down the street. So this was like a scene out of a movie. This is how I felt. It was a scene out of a movie. Some skateboarders went past the main street. I didn't even have time to realize Delilah ran for them, right? One of them went straight and one of them took a turn and went down past me and she didn't know which way to go. So my hands are full. So she, as fast as she can, reaches out for one of them, but lunges at them and then decides to change direction and run after the one that's gone past me.

Starting point is 00:04:03 Anyway, like a movie, she has run circles around my ankles with the lead, tied them together and kept running down the street. I have fallen on my face. Coffee's gone everywhere. main street of Bondi and she's trying to chase the leaders wrapped around my legs so I'm planked out superman and the lead is around my ankles on my stomach and I can't move because I'm I'm tied up and my hands are full she's going the whole of Bondi is looking at me and I'm I'm beside myself of embarrassment and I tried to get up with my legs tied together like some sort of sexy bondage

Starting point is 00:04:36 I tried to get up and she's really not nothing sexy nothing bondage about that she's launched again and I cannot control this dog like she's wild so I'm up trying to hop with my legs to undo them she's launched again and pulled me over again twice in the middle of Bondi some random guy had to come and go do you need me to undo your legs and I was like yes no it was so embarrassing I know you're gonna think I've done more embarrassing things no when I no no you should you should be embarrassed you should be like I spent so much money on this dog how dare you do me dirty in public. And also coffee was like $4.50 wasted. Okay. Well, we answering your deep dark questions on this episode, as you guys know, but we did have something that we wanted to unpack first,

Starting point is 00:05:15 something that will make no impact to your life whatsoever. But we did have a very good giggle when we saw this in the news. Oh my God. It's Robert De Niro. I don't know if anyone's been following the Robert De Niro lawsuit. So one of Hollywood's biggest actors, Robert De Niro, he's 80 years old. We all know him. He is in a pretty hectic, ridiculous, also serious lawsuit that has been going on since 2019 with his PA slash one of his employees. Now this is the lawsuit that you may not know about, but you wish you did know about because it is very stupid. So let's just set this up a little bit so you can understand. Now I haven't, I say, if you've been following this, you'll know I haven't been following it. I've only just been made aware of it, even though

Starting point is 00:05:54 it's been going on since 2019. And I'm so glad I was made aware of it because it is so petty and so funny. Well, most of it is. So Robert De Niro has this production company called Connell Productions and he has had a PA since 2008. Her name is Graham Chase Robinson, but we're just going to refer to her as Chase. Everyone refers to her as Chase. So she started working for him as a PA in 2008 and her duties literally included everything, which we're going to get into. But the thing is, is as a PA, right? Like you would think that people would have, even though you're a PA, even though you're a personal assistant, like what does that mean how personal are you assisting apparently pretty personal what is the

Starting point is 00:06:32 actual core details of your job the problem is is i don't even think chase knew what the core details of her job were no so it sounds like she was paid about 300 000 usd a year and that was pretty broad like there was no specific job description the idea was she was supposed to be available for whatever he needed whenever he needed it so she worked for him for 11 years but about a year, 18 months, she got a promotion. And this is where she became like the head of production finances. Sort of her role was to make people accountable for their finances within the company to make sure nobody was using company funds in the wrong way, which is very funny because that's apparently what she was doing. So now basically this lawsuit that has come out,

Starting point is 00:07:16 it's been going on for four years, but for the last week they have been in the courts and that's why it's kind of hit mainstream media. Robert De Niro is suing Chase for $6 million. Now I will get into the reasons why, but they pertain to her basically taking liberties on the job. How he's come to the $6 million is very questionable. Now she is counter suing him for $12 million. She is denying all of his claims, but also she's saying that she has been harassed within the workplace. And I don't know if the word harass has been used, but like some, definitely some of the things in which she's accusing Robert De Niro of, stuff that he has also said that he may have done, but it's just not as bad as she's making it sound like it is. And that's equating

Starting point is 00:07:55 to a $12 million counter-sue. Yeah. And I think it's also important to note here that she has said she was suing him first. She's come and said, I was always going to sue him first. He got wind of it and tried to quickly get in and sue me first. So it looked like I was being petty and counter-suing just because. So I think that's a really important note. Do we know for sure she was going to sue. We don't know, but that's what she said. Now, all of this is kind of wrapped up in a nice little additional bow, which is Tiffany Chen. So Tiffany Chen is De Niro's partner. She's much younger than De Niro and she has a baby with him. So they've only been in a relationship for a couple of years. And it seems as though the relationship with Chase and Robert De Niro

Starting point is 00:08:34 went really, really south once Chen had come into the picture. Chen described Chase as thinking that she was like his pseudo wife and that she had this imaginary relationship. It seems like there was a lot of jealousy that went on there. And there has been this real protectiveness over who has more dominance, Chen or Chase, which is just weird in the first place. Okay. So let's talk about some of the things that Robert De Niro is suing for and saying that Chase did wrong on the job. So I think probably the number one thing that he is complaining about. And the reason he's taking this to court is he said that Chase stole $60,000 worth of his frequent flyers. So he wants his frequent flyers back. He said, I said, I'd give

Starting point is 00:09:16 her a couple of frequent flyers instead of her pay rise. And she stole from me. So essentially he's saying she's been embezzling money behind the scenes. She has come back and said, he used to make me do unreasonable things, button his shirt, scratch his back, order him his favorite cocktail at 11.30 at night from Nobu, put said favorite cocktail in an Uber and drive it across town to be delivered to him at 11.30 at night. The pettiness of this lawsuit, it's like this veil has been lifted into a life that we cannot imagine. And some of the things Chase is coming out and saying that she had to do whilst her role as a PA for Robert De Niro is actually wild. Like I'm like, how can this be somebody's job? I don't know. I sit on two sides of the fence here because I'm

Starting point is 00:09:57 like, if you're getting paid 300,000 US dollars, that's close to 520 Australian dollars, 520,000 Australian dollars. I would think that the expectation of your PA job would go beyond just being a normal PA that gets to clock off at 5pm. I'm like, mate, if you have to get an Uber and get me a cocktail from Nobu, like, yes, it's crazy and obscene, but you're also getting paid so much money to do that. So I'm kind of like, okay, little bit of grace for the craziness of which is Robert De Niro. But also I think that the other part is, is that regardless of how much anyone is being paid within a workplace, there always has to be limitations to which you're asking someone to do. And those limitations are things that, you know, make you feel

Starting point is 00:10:42 personally unsafe, things that cross your personal boundaries, you know, anything that kind of like doesn't allow you to have some sort of separation between your work and your personal life. Because people can't buy into having total unfiltered access to you 24-7. But the problem is, is that I think Robert De Niro did think that he had unlimited unfiltered access. So she's come out and said that, you know, one of her jobs was that he'd asked for backscratches, which he hasn't denied. He says, yes, I may have asked for a backscratch twice. And he's tried to downplay the absolute, well, I mean, the audacity of it, but also how silly it is that this has been one of her jobs that she's been prescribed to do. But imagine if you had so much money that you

Starting point is 00:11:20 had a back scratcher imagine if you could get someone to like I have an itchy back scratcher that is wild I think the things where it's and you are absolutely right like if she has been employed for the equivalent of almost six hundred thousand dollars to be that on-call PA okay then so be it I think the part that is a bit questionable for me is doesn't sound like Robert De Niro whilst he expects a lot that's okay I think if there's a bit of moral leniency and it doesn't sound like he had that so this is one particular day that Chase had to go to her grandmother's funeral so she was literally at the funeral and Robert De Niro sends her a message to work he's like I need you to go and book a bus ticket for my son she's like bro I'm at a funeral bro like I'm at my

Starting point is 00:12:04 grandma's funeral and his response was so like like what's your point you know I've employed you I don't really care where you are what you do like I need you to do something and that's a bit where I'm like okay on a technicality yeah she works for you it's a working day just because someone in her family died it's still a working day but come on you gotta in situations like this you've got to have some morals I'm sure you could book a bus ticket I'm sure your partner no Tiffany Chen can no Tiffany Chen can also book a bus ticket he's 80 years old doesn't know how to use the internet the poor guy can't even fire up a bit of you know he's got to get his wi-fi working Yeah, his girlfriend's half his age. There's someone else in his life that can book a bus

Starting point is 00:12:45 ticket. That's true. But actually the thing about that that's funnier is that this all came up in the court case and it wasn't his response on the day. Like, I don't think that that was a reply that he wrote. That was his response in the court case. Yeah. His response in the court case was, so what's your point? That you had to work on your grandmother's funeral. Yeah, she's like, I was at my funeral. He goes, so? What's your point? Okay. That is a good point because what do you even say, right? I don't know. I feel like that this all just pertains to this idea that he has no connection to reality. He has no understanding of what is normal or what is a normal request from within a workplace. Maybe partly of that comes to being generational. And

Starting point is 00:13:18 I'm not saying that that's an excuse, but him being 80 years old, he would treat her in a way that was very sexist. And he would have her as the female PA because he had other PAs within his organization as well. But he would have her doing the things that are deemed predominantly female work. Like she was expected to do cleaning. She was expected to button his shirts. She was expected, wait for it, to wake him up, to come into his bedroom and prod him to wake him up so that he didn't miss any very important appointments. But I think that's fine. And on one of these moments, she didn't wake him up in time. He missed an important appointment and he lost his absolute shit at her and called her a spoiled brat or a spoiled bitch or something

Starting point is 00:13:54 like that. Which I mean, part of me is like, yes, you should never be yelled at in the workplace. You should never be called a brat or a bitch. There is nothing that allows for it. But if your job is to wake me the fuck up when I am paying you $520,000. I expect to be woken up on time. Yeah, but I'm sorry. I don't think you can be called a bitch. I think you can be called a brat. If we're going to get down to, you cannot even call someone a brat. Brat's fine. It's not a swear word. It's not abusive. It's a word we don't want to be called. Sure. But you can call someone a brat. I don't know if you can call someone a brat in a workplace. Yeah, a spoiled brat. Can you? Why not? If they're being a spoiled brat. And this may give some insight into why

Starting point is 00:14:33 Chase had been called a spoiled brat throughout this court case. So one of the reasons as to why he's also suing her is because it's been documented that she spent over the space of four days during her work days. And I'm guessing that the poor girl never, ever got a day off. She never got to just have, you know, a grandma's funeral, but it was reported that she spent 55 hours watching Friends and he's gone through and he's done the maths and she spent the entirety of that streaming Friends and also Schitt's Creek. I also can't blame her for that though. You wouldn't know this laura but once you start friends it's really hard to stop like once you start and there's so many seasons that play into each other so i i think we gotta let her have that

Starting point is 00:15:10 one she well it'd be 55 hours a friend but six million dollars honestly and i think the reason why we got so stuck down the rabbit hole of this is because it is honestly the dumbest fucking court case and the amount of money and the amount of privilege that goes along with how they're suing each other about this and the pettiness of the feud between the pa and the girlfriend it doesn't make any sense. And part of me is like, if you are 80 years old, if you have that much money in the bank, why would you want to air it all out on a public platform like this for every single news article to write different articles about how out of touch you are with the world? Yeah. But I sort of also understand that too, because just because somebody has money

Starting point is 00:15:49 doesn't mean there's not a principle involved of someone taking the piss a little bit. So like, I mean, the last thing that I had to chuckle about is, and the reason I'm so fascinated by it is because we're never going to live this life and we can't imagine it. And the fact that this is the hardest things that they're going through is hilarious. I think the big question here is, is who do you think is more in the wrong? Because if she did embezzle money, if she did take all these things and take all these liberties, then I do think that there is some justification for it. But when someone has that much insight into your personal life, when they have so much dirt on you, because they have been entrenched in every aspect of your life, would you want to take

Starting point is 00:16:27 them to court for it or if you were this much of a fucking millionaire would you not just be like oh look keep the sixty thousand dollars of frequent flyer points and you know what let's call it a day you can because apparently she was charging things like her dog sitter and pilates classes on his company credit card i'm like just keep it for the anonymity of the weird fucking life i live no fuck that fuck that it doesn't matter how much money you have there's a principle involved right Like someone is embezzling from a company you built. Someone is stealing your money. Yes, but you also ask that person for backscratches,

Starting point is 00:16:59 call them whilst you're pissing on the phone, and then you have to talk about it in court. There is no amount of money that would make me be like, do you know what, you could have all of my dignity, but please give me my $60,000 worth of frequent flyer points so I can give them to my children. The whole thing just sounds stupid. Exactly, it's so dumb.

Starting point is 00:17:15 It is so stupid. it. Anyway, I'm very thoroughly thrilled that we unpacked that all for you. And guys, I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat to figure out what happens next. Also, I can't wait for the Netflix special on this as well. I have a fucking great vibe this week. And that is because it came from a recommendation in the Facebook group. I have spent many days at home with nothing to do except watch the TV. And I was trawling through our Life Uncut Discretion group and there was some recommendations in there about some different series to watch. Now, I love a documentary. I love a true story. And there is a series that came out a couple of months back. It is called Shiny

Starting point is 00:17:53 Happy People. Has anyone heard of this? I haven't seen it, but I know the story. All right. Producer Keisha has seen it. So Shiny Happy People, it is about the Duggar family, which is basically this enormous family in the States. They had 19 children. Not only did they had their own reality TV show in the States and were very, very famous, but they were part of a quote unquote cult called the IBLP. Now the beliefs of the IBLP was based on like very traditional family values in that God was the main person in which everyone needed to obey. Then there was an underlying, his name is Bill Gothard and he is the person who is in charge of the IBLP. And then the husband obeys Bill Gothard, the wife obeys the husband, the children obey the rest of the hierarchy

Starting point is 00:18:39 and everyone sits below this umbrella of hierarchy and obedience. The thing that's so interesting about this is that basically this reality TV show, The Dugard, was all around almost romanticizing this life in which they'd created. And it was this like perfect, idyllic, 19 children, all beautifully behaved, all loving God and all being part of this beautiful Christian network. but it is the unravelling of that over the years. It goes through the systematic abuse of the IBLP, not just the abuse of power from Bill Gothard himself, who's currently serving in prison now, but it goes through how the children of the church were treated, how the wives of the church were treated. It is fascinating. And it's also fascinating because the father of the Dugard

Starting point is 00:19:25 family, he entered into American politics. He still to this day makes a lot of money off the back of the show, but none of the children who are now adults have ever profited from being and having their lives and every aspect of their lives exposed on reality TV from the time that they were literally born and had no ability to consent until the years in which they were adults. It's fucking fascinating. Matt and I watched the whole thing in two nights and whoever it was that recommended it in the Facebook group props to you because it was brilliant. So that's on Amazon Prime and that is my recommendation. Does it go into Josh Dugard? Yes. So I didn't want to give it away, but Josh is the oldest son. He's the very first son of the Dugard family and he ended

Starting point is 00:20:06 up being imprisoned for pedophilia. Child pornography. Yeah. It's really, really dark stuff, but it's very interesting in terms of like the unraveling of a cult. And I guess it's the headline, right? The title of it, shiny, happy people, how outwardly this TV show showed what looked like the perfect American family and what was actually going on behind the scenes. But watch it. It's really good. So Amazon Prime. Okay. Well, speaking of true crime, my vibe, this is a docu-series that I don't know if it's a vibe or not. And the reason I say I don't know if it's a vibe is because I watched it all. I enjoyed it, but I don't know why. And I don't understand why I enjoyed it. I almost didn't want to continue watching it, but I had to know what

Starting point is 00:20:46 happened. So I know that that's a really convoluted response. That is the weirdest vibe ever. It's like, you're going to hate this, but you can't look away like watching a car crash. Like Tiger King. But when you watch it, I love Tiger King. No, I love Tiger King. But when you watch it, you'll understand. So it's called Last Stop Larimer. It's only two episodes on Netflix. I have seen, I've seen it trending. Well, it's going viral now around the world. And I don't know if that's a good thing or not for Australia. So it's an Australian true crime docu-series set in a town called Larimer. Now Larimer is 534 kilometers South of Darwin. It's a tiny town in the desert in literally the middle of nowhere. Like this is desert as long as you can see. It

Starting point is 00:21:25 is dry. It is arid. And then you hit this town, Larimer, and Larimer has a population of 11 people. That's it. So everybody knows everybody. I don't know if you can call it a town when only 11 people live there. But the thing is, is that it used to be a more populated town because it used to be on a highway. And so there used to be a petrol station there. But then when cars were able to move and go longer distances, people now completely bypass Larimar. So there's never a reason for anyone to ever drive there. So it's just become this isolated, desolated, just trash of a town. Population 11, the population quickly turns into 10 because one person in the town goes missing. Now his name is Paddy Moriarty. He and his dog, his beloved dog go missing one night.

Starting point is 00:22:07 This has turned into this hectic murder mystery disappearance because no one else comes in and out of this town. So everybody knows that one of these 10 people who have all known each other for years, one of these 10 people committed a murder. One of the residents has a pet crocodile, like a huge crocodile in his backyard. I don't want to give too much away, but the reason it's so fascinating is I put a thing up on my Instagram that said, guys, what are some recommendations? I need something new to watch. This came through overwhelmingly, right? Like 90% of people said you have to watch this series. I didn't even bother to look what it was. I just put it on. I had to stop halfway through because I didn't understand what I was watching.

Starting point is 00:22:48 It's like satirical. It's like I'm watching a comedy. I know that sounds bad because it's a murder. You could not write these characters. You could not write the story. And they're not characters. They're real people. But that's why it's so hard to believe. This is exactly how I felt about Tiger King. I felt like they weren't real people. Keisha, I feel like it's like Tiger King on steroids. I saw the shorts for this on Netflix and I skipped straight past it, but maybe I'll go and revisit it but the thing for me is that i was like god this paints australia in such a fucking bad light we look like absolute it does like very odd yobbos that can't string a sentence

Starting point is 00:23:19 together also i'm just sure that that man fell down a fucking mine somewhere he's not gotten eaten he's just he's just fell into a mine i'm not gonna give anything away but he did not fall into a mine so this is why you need to watch it okay keisha i have the most wholesome recommendation off of the back of those two like cult and murders it actually was because of the conversation you guys had with sam fisher where you were talking about children's music so laura this is probably a little more skewed towards you and for anyone who has kids of your own or maybe like nieces and nephews we've just seen all these docuseries about the rise of the wiggles so there is a different music group they have just this week released a brand new album they're actually from newcastle

Starting point is 00:24:01 which is how I know about it because I'm from Newcastle. They're called the Quokkas and it's a completely children's based group. But something really, really cool about them is that they're really, really diverse. So Nick, I used to work with him in radio. He also played AFL. My friend is in it. He's an incredible singer. He's Samoan. They've got Matt who is blind. And so Matt plays the piano. He is incredibly talented, like fucked up good on the piano. His dog comes along to all of their recordings her name is Indie and then there's two other women in the group but I actually don't know those women personally so yeah this is a personal recommendation but also I mean I love that obviously like as a parent I enjoy listening to music that is not fucking Coco Melon so I feel

Starting point is 00:24:47 like this is one for anyone who wants something that's slightly more palatable that your kids might enjoy as well well it's so weird because I've actually times where I've hung out with Marlee May I've actually played this music for her and she's really enjoyed it it's really good children's music. The people are just people you super want to get behind. They're really talented and they're doing good things. Like they're kind of ticking every box of what you'd want for something that you want to play to your kid. I love that. That does nothing for me. I'm never going to listen to that, but I love it for all those parents out there that have kids. You can play it to Delilah Brute. I'm definitely not playing the Quokkas and rocking out at home.

Starting point is 00:25:20 They're good. You might enjoy it. All right. Let's get into your questions. question number one i have been dating this guy for a few weeks and we got on really well we get on really well but his driving is so bad he spends more time looking at me than the road he rides pumps the accelerator and is so harsh on the brake it makes me feel sick i haven't ever gotten car sick before but i have twice now whilst driving in his car he's made me feel so sick that i have to end the date a little early. Should I say anything? How can I see a future with someone that constantly makes me car sick

Starting point is 00:25:57 and is such a terrible driver? That's such a fucking great question. Do you know what? You can't date him. There is no future. Of course you can. Shut up. It's over.

Starting point is 00:26:05 You are going to can this guy because you're like, how can I possibly date someone that makes me car sick? Spoiler, probably any car you get in is going to make you car sick and it is something that is pretty easily fixable. No, no, I disagree with you. I disagree. You cannot be serious. I disagree so deeply and fundamentally in my heart.

Starting point is 00:26:24 You, who stayed in a relationship with someone that cheated on them for years, but you would break up with somebody because their driving made you a little car sick. Yeah, he was an excellent driver. So I stayed with him for that reason. Okay, nobody listened to Laura Burns. His driving was superb. No, I think this is a bigger deal than what you're giving it. Bullshit.

Starting point is 00:26:43 All you have to say is, hey, I actually get really motion sickness and I'm feeling really unwell in the car. I'm sorry. I'm excessively sensitive in that area. Do you feel like you can wind your driving back a little bit? Now, I think it's a really serious matter if he's driving dangerously, if he's looking at you and not looking at the road, big problem. I have said to many people in my life, I have called them out and said, can you please look at the road more? people that are on their phone, people that are distracted. Like I get really serious about that. And you guys know, we did the episode recently with Allie Wilcox, who she never walked again because somebody else was driving dangerously and looking at their phone. So like in the danger

Starting point is 00:27:25 sense, of course, this is a big deal. Like, and you need to call them out. I cannot, I cannot tell you how much of an ick it would be to me if I was in a car with a guy who was like, yeah, pumping there's accelerator dropping those sick beats in a car like it is so off-putting to have someone who thinks they're a fully sick driver drive like an absolute idiot whilst you're in the car with them and I don't mean in terms of speeding that I mean in terms of like pumping the brakes and pumping the accelerator when you're at the traffic lights I would instantly my vagina would be so far up into my stomach it would you're taking it the wrong I think you're taking the wrong way he's not being a car head some drivers are just erratic right they're too hard on the brakes Keisha for

Starting point is 00:28:06 example. Keisha, hard on the brakes, but she's not in the room now. That's why we've said it. She'll have to listen to this back. She's going to hate this, but she actually frightens me. I drive every day into work because I'm scared. In all seriousness, I genuinely think I drove every day for the last two years because I didn't want her to drive either. Don't you talk pretty, Hockley. You scare me just as much as well. You and your bouncing around from line to line to line to line. It's called city driving, Laura. Look it up. I am being serious. If you want to end this relationship because you think he's driving, he's too hard on the brakes, then you're going to have a tough time looking for Mr. Right because everyone's

Starting point is 00:28:39 going to have something. If you can have the conversation with him and he tells you to get fucked and he still rides the accelerator and pumps the brakes and whatever else, different story. But you can't, this is not a big enough red flag right now to end a relationship if you genuinely really like him. I disagree. I think if you have an ick, it's fine to lean into the ick. She doesn't have an ick. The girl got motion sickness because he's too erratic on the brake. But I also can appreciate that sometimes people take driving feedback very poorly and this will indicate whether he is a good partner or not. So if you give him feedback, if you say, you know what, the way you drive makes me sick,

Starting point is 00:29:19 say it to him exactly like that. The way you drive makes me feel physically ill and then see how he responds. Because if he responds positively, if he does, you know, and if he tries to cater to your needs and to your sicknesses, then you know he's a good guy. and if he doesn't then you're going to kick him to the curb with some acceleration you know what i love the most is how you fight me tooth and nail and then you just come full circle and 100 agree with me i still think you should break up with them you're being ridiculous people coming to you for proper advice don't break up with him do you reckon they are really 100 why do you think

Starting point is 00:29:50 we get hundreds of people right they're deepest darkest questions in every week you're taking the piss do you think this person actually is deeply unsure as to whether she should break up with him because of his driving. Do you think that they, she's laying awake at nighttime and she's like, he ticks all my boxes, but his driving is so bad. I think that's why she would take the time of her day to write the question into us. Yes, Laura. It's a real pickle dickle, isn't it? No, it's actually not really guys. This is not a hard one. It's probably the easiest question we've ever had in our life. Okay. Easier than the toilet paper roll. Question number two. I'm starting to feel really down about my lack of love life. I feel like all my friends are getting engaged or married

Starting point is 00:30:27 and I'm the only one that's left single. I'm nearly 30 and I've come out of a toxic relationship three years ago where my partner was having an affair. He moved on straight away. I've been on dating apps and I'm not sure if it's my city or what's going on, but I'm telling you it's the bottom of the barrel and I don't want to waste my time with any of these people so far. I want to find someone with similar values or a similar lifestyle that aligns with mine. I'm very independent and I am fine alone, but I have reached a stage where I want someone to share my life with. I honestly feel like I'm going to have to wait for people to start getting divorced at this rate, or I'm going to have to literally move cities just to find someone. I'm starting to

Starting point is 00:31:05 avoid going out or catching up with friends as it always feels like I'm the only one that's alone and not with a partner. When I do go, I end up feeling really sad and alone. I've been throwing myself into work too much so I don't have time to feel sad because it's really starting to affect my confidence and is making me feel like there's something inherently wrong with me. I want kids someday and I don't want to wait too late I know there are options to do it solo but I was raised by a solo parent and I don't want that to be my life I feel like this is so like you've gone into a spiral like there's so many parts of this that you're not just focusing on the you know wanting to date and like meeting someone new and you know that sort of initial stages you're so far down the

Starting point is 00:31:49 track of where your future is going to be that there's too many things loaded into what dating means for you and so like you're probably never going to be able to and I hate when people like just enjoy the dating phase which is so easy to say when you're in a relationship and you have kids and you're in the place where the person who is wanting that is trying to get to you know it's so easy to give advice from on top of the hill but at the same time I do also think that if you're so focused on everything that's in the future then it makes what you have to do in the day-to-day seems so heavy and so shit and so unenjoyable. And the reality is, is that dating is a numbers game. Dating is something that, you know, the more dates you go on, the more people that you

Starting point is 00:32:28 meet, the more that you trudge through the shit of life and wade through the people who are unsuitable, the more likely it is that you're able to find someone who is someone who will be a great match for you. But it does come down to, and I think it's great that you say, you know, you don't want to waste your time on these people. That's a great thing. You still have to go on the date. You still have to try and meet people because if you think that everybody is the same and you're not going to put yourself out there now because you can't be bothered or because you think it's a waste of time, you're not going to meet anyone by doing that approach or by having that approach.

Starting point is 00:33:00 I feel like I literally could have written this question. Every single thing you wrote down besides the solo parent, like being in a single parent family, I feel like I have said or I've written or I have felt at some point in my life, the only person that's single, the fact that you feel like 30 is old, the fact that you want kids but you don't know if it's going to happen, you're sick of dating, you're fine alone but you want to share your life with someone, you're not alone in that feeling. In fact, I'm going to say most people feel that at some point in their life and just remember a lot of people can still feel alone in a relationship as well. This is what I said to producer Keisha actually not long ago. So producer

Starting point is 00:33:35 Keisha went through this. Keisha had just turned 30, so exactly the same age and we know that she's with Toblerone now and she's in this great relationship but that hasn't been that long I guess seven months I think but we had this conversation just before she met Toblerone and she said exactly the same thing she said I just feel like I'm so sick of dating and I feel like at age 30 I should have had my life together and I want to be in that relationship and I don't want to meet these people anymore and I've had enough and everyone's shit like and she got into this really low point and I said to her I said just think of my life as you know it I went on The bachelor at age 30 to give Keisha and to give you guys context like think of how long ago that was

Starting point is 00:34:15 and I was your this girl's age right now she's like I'm nearly 30 I feel like life's over my life changed dramatically at age 30 and it took a completely different turn I feel like I've met the love of my life now and I met him when I was in this exact position I did not want to date anymore I was so sick of meeting people and telling my story I was so sick of going out and I met him at 35 years old so think of how much time you've got people put a lot of weight on a number on the age of 30 like society expects us to have done all these things by 30 by 40 so almost like we've rounded up to these decades you don't have to have done anything and I know you want to feel like you're sharing with life with someone but I think it's more important to share it with

Starting point is 00:34:55 the right person and to wait but exactly what you said Laura it's not unfortunately gonna walk in your door and fall on your lap. Like it's not just going to, I mean, maybe it does. You might be one in a million, maybe somehow like some sort of sitcom rom-com it happens, but chances are you're going to have to keep putting in the effort. You definitely don't need to waste your time with somebody, but you need to waste enough time to know whether you're going to waste your time or not in the future. Yeah. And also, I mean, this whole idea of you wrote here, I honestly feel like I'm going to have to wait for people to start getting divorced. Fair. There is definitely a second wave that comes, but that's not coming yet. Just, you know, in terms of age and where you're

Starting point is 00:35:33 at, you don't have to wait for people to start getting divorced if you're only 29. And I know that that, like we said, it doesn't have to be an age thing. And I don't want anyone to think that we're like, oh, you're so young because that's an infuriating thing to be told when you want to be in a relationship and you want to settle down and all those things. But at the same time, waiting and having in your head that potentially the next wave of men is where you're going to find the person for you is definitely not good. But the other part was you said, I'm starting to avoid going out or catching up with friends as it always feels like I'm the only one alone and not with a partner. That's so shit. And I hate that you're doing that to yourself. I hate that you are

Starting point is 00:36:11 avoiding your friendship circles because seeing other people in relationships is a reminder to you that you're not in one and therefore you are isolating yourself even more. I really think like don't do that. And the reason why I say this is because all that's going to do is compound and impact you. And you think that you're avoiding the fact that you don't have to see your friends in a relationship. You know, it's not bringing this up for you, but all you're doing is closing your circle off. You're making your friendship group smaller. You're making your connection smaller, which also in turn makes it harder for you to meet people because often it's through our friends and through our friends' connections where we can actually meet someone. You know,

Starting point is 00:36:45 you might go to a party or you might go to an event or you might go out for lunch or something and your friend's friend might bring someone and that could be how you meet. But also in saying that it is also okay to organize things with your girlfriends and not have their partners there. If there's moments where you feel like you need to just have your friends around you and not have it kind of in your face that everyone's in a relationship except for you, then organize things that are just with your closest friends that aren't with their partners as well. And I think that that's totally acceptable, but don't remove yourself from your friendship groups because you think that it's this reminder that you're alone. And I really think with this question, there were

Starting point is 00:37:25 so many parts. Like I said, at the beginning, there were so many bits that have made you feel hurt. And I think you have to break it down. You have to break it down to the dating. Then you have to break it down to like, you know, hanging out with your friends. And then you have to try and not think about this idea of like, well, maybe I'll be a solo parent in the future because like that's not going to happen. Like that's not something that you have to be thinking about now. And all that's doing is compounding and creating more anxiety and more fear around where it is right now for you and that is that you're in the dating game and sometimes it can be fucking rough yeah the few other things that I want to break down in this question as well because there are

Starting point is 00:38:01 so many parts to it one is something that I have noticed is it does move faster the older you get it's like when you meet the right person the same time frames don't apply and that's with all of my friends everyone in my life it's been exactly the same right all of my friends I've got family members that have met people later in life it happens quickly because you're more sure of who you are, where you are in life and what you want. And generally speaking, the person you've met is probably the same age and the same part of life. And they're the same. They know what they want as well. So things definitely happen quicker. So I don't want you to think that like, oh, what if I don't meet someone till 34? Then we have to do three or four years of dating. Then we have to,

Starting point is 00:38:40 you don't know. It could happen in a year. You could be so obsessed with your partner and fall pregnant and get married and get engaged in the love of your life. You don't know. The other part is you said maybe I need to move cities and this one I think a lot of people automatically put their guard up and say oh my god it's so drastic like you don't have to do that but what I want to say is that is actually a thing and that is actually an option depending on where you live now you're not going to consider this or maybe you will but if you have no family and no friends anywhere else in the world like if your world is located to the city you're in you're probably not going to want to move anywhere because you're going to feel just as alone. Maybe you're that

Starting point is 00:39:18 person that does thrive in an environment where they meet new people and they have no connections. But moving cities to find people is a real thing. It's a thing people have to do, especially if you're from a really small place. If you spent all your life there, if it's where you grew up, chances are you do know everyone and you don't want to have a relationship with any of those people. There are definitely certain cities that people go to to settle down. People move to these cities when it's time to have kids and have their married life. That is all accurate. I don't know where you are from, but if you know that chances are really, really slim, that new people are constantly coming into your town and you're not going to meet anyone, it could be something that

Starting point is 00:39:57 you actually consider. I'm very pro that. I don't know how you feel about that, Laura, but you've got to make sure you're going to be moving somewhere that you are comfortable with and you're not giving up your entire life just for the reason of finding a partner. It still has to have more around it, like opportunities for jobs, excitement, maybe you do have family and friends there, something new, but I'm not against that. I'm not against it, but I mean, it's hard to kind of make that judgment call without knowing where you're from. Because like, I would say that people feel the same as you feel, regardless of where they are. There are people who are in Sydney who feel like this. There are people who are in Melbourne that feel like this. There's people

Starting point is 00:40:35 who are in far North Queensland who feel like this. Like, I do think that it doesn't necessarily just change dependent on the area that you're in. And you might have just as little luck dating being in a major city or wherever, wherever it is that you end up. So I think it's hard to kind of make that assessment without actually knowing where you're based and how regional and tiny the population of this town is, which if you are in a totally rural area and you live out on a farm and you barely ever meet anyone, then yeah, absolutely. That is relevant. But I think it's the exasperation with dating that so many of us can feel regardless of where you're at and feeling like that there are no good people and that no one aligns with you. And it's easy to feel like that

Starting point is 00:41:14 after you've been on 10 dud dates or 20 dud dates or whatever the number is. Sometimes it's less than that. Sometimes it's five dud dates in a row where like, you know, you're like, fuck, who are these people and where are they coming from? But I really do think it's a numbers game and it's a numbers game, but it's also a numbers game in a way where you're not getting attached to a person before you go on a date with them. So when they do turn out to be someone who's not someone who's aligned with you, it doesn't feel as much as a big deal because you haven't worked it up into your mind as to who this person could or should be. You're just like, okay, I know that they're not right for me. And then you start the dating process again. I really want to acknowledge the fact,

Starting point is 00:41:53 I know we kind of already said it, but it's so easy to say this. And I think give yourself a little bit of grace and a little bit of kindness because everybody who is dating, who wants to be in a relationship who has been single for a longer period of time feels like this. You are not alone in feeling like this, but the fact that your friends are in relationships probably amplifies those feelings of loneliness. It's a shit place to be in when you want something that you don't have yet, but it is truly a matter of time. All right, question number three. This is a work question. I think that this is a very interesting one in terms of today's hustle culture. I work in the corporate world and get paid from 8.30 to 5 p.m. Currently, my workload has been pretty good,

Starting point is 00:42:35 so I'm able to leave at 5.30 p.m. most days. When I have a lot of work on, I stay back late and have even worked on public holidays unpaid. Now, there are other juniors in my team who have even less experience than me who always stay back until around 6 p.m. So essentially, I'm usually the first junior to leave work. I'm almost always the first person to arrive, however. I also have more experience so generally I am more efficient at getting my work done and I do work through lunch anyway she basically is trying to say that she does the same amount of work in the day then she goes on to say I'm worried our bosses don't see this effort and just see me leave first every day I'm also worried that the other juniors don't think that I'm working as hard as them

Starting point is 00:43:15 as there have been some comments that they stay late every day and I feel as though they are subtly aimed at me oh this is really difficult and the reason I say this is difficult is that my answer is probably not going to be what is socially right, but it's the truth. This is really dependent where you work. There are a lot of, unfortunately, professions and jobs and bosses, employers that do have an expectation that sometimes people stay late or put in extra hours. It's not right, but it's definitely there. It's crazy to me, isn't it? Like I was actually talking to Matt about this recently when he, so he used to work in marketing, that's his background. and I was talking about work in the office at Tony May and like you know what time everyone

Starting point is 00:43:59 finishes work and pretty much that we have a culture that when you finish work if you finish work at five o'clock you leave at five o'clock that there's never a reason for people to stay back and Matt was like fuck the world has changed he's like I used to be at work until 8 p.m every night he's like that was standard yeah he's like because your workload was always so big that there was this standard expectation that you would get it done and you never could get it done by five So you were always there six o'clock, seven o'clock, eight o'clock. He's like, that was just normal. And it was the expectation. Yeah. And I think you've said corporate world. So it's pretty broad, but I think the corporate world is one of those worlds that there's an expectation of like,

Starting point is 00:44:33 well, you keep going until you get it done. Like if five o'clock comes and you didn't quite finish what you're doing, I think there is an expectation to keep going. I mean, for me, it's hard. I've never really been in the corporate world. I was in the hospital for so long, but we would often stay back to help people out if it was really busy and that's just something that we would do as a person so like you could leave at five o'clock if you wanted to but if your colleagues because our workload is patient so if your colleagues are getting slammed with patients because it's busy you would never actually leave like you would always be like you know what I've got you for another 45 I've got you for another hour I'll you know it's just part of what you do

Starting point is 00:45:11 I'm not saying it's right but I think this is really hard especially if you're just starting out and you're a junior, like you've said, there's an expectation of people have to prove quote unquote, prove themselves in the industry. I actually don't know what to tell you because you're entitled to clock off at five o'clock on the dot. For sure you can leave, but if you're getting a gut feeling that it's not reflecting well, you have to think about what you can do about that. A few things you can do about that is have a conversation, an open conversation with your boss. If you know you are getting the same amount of work done as people that are staying late because you're more efficient with your time during the day and you're not taking lunches,

Starting point is 00:45:44 there's no reason you can't have that conversation with your boss. There's no reason you can't literally bring this up and say, Hey, I know that I'm usually home half. I leave half an hour, an hour earlier, but I just want you to know that I take shorter lunch breaks and I'm really passionate about my job. And I don't want you to think it's affecting my workload. Cause I will always make sure I get done what I'm supposed to do. There's no reason you can't reiterate that because if you're in an environment where there's not just five employees, you might be in a corporate environment with a hundred employees. You don't know. So if your boss doesn't actually know what you're getting done in the day and when it comes to lining all the juniors up he sees that

Starting point is 00:46:16 you go at 5 30 but they go at 8 it's not going to reflect well because people are always going to want someone that puts in that extra effort it fucking sucks but it is how it is in this world okay i think that we can't like we can't skim over how unreasonable the hustle culture is right like it is so unreasonable that there is an expectation that you will work beyond what you're being paid for just so that you can prove that you're a good employee. It is very wrong. It's a culture that needs to change. And the culture is only going to change by employees saying, actually, I'm going to work the hours in which I'm paid to do. And if there is a period where you need me to work harder, I will do it. But I'm not going to set a daily precedent that I'm going to work overtime every

Starting point is 00:46:57 single day. Because then what does that say during the periods where you have this increased workload? What, that you're going to just work like a dog 24-7? I totally agree with you, Brie. I think it's a conversation and I don't think it needs to be a challenging one. I think you can have the next time you have your review meeting, or you have a sort of a personal one-on-one whip meeting. I think you bring it up and you say like, you know, Hey, this is something I've been thinking about. I know I leave on time, but I just wanted to point out, you know, the things that I'm doing to ensure that I'm doing the same hours as everybody else in my team. And I don't want that to be overlooked because of the reasons that I leave at five 30, whatever. Cause you've

Starting point is 00:47:32 obviously, you obviously care enough that you've written this in and also that you've detailed all the additional stuff that you do within your workplace. I would say good employers would have a reasonable eyesight over the type of work that you're doing, especially if they're a good manager. They would know the output of work that you're doing, and they would know if you're covering off and actually achieving the things that you need to do within the week or within your day of workload. So I would say that hopefully if they're a good manager, then they would have that relationship and rapport with you already. If they're a terrible manager and they're only basing your successes within the workplace by the amount of hours that you spend physically

Starting point is 00:48:07 in the workplace, then that reflects more in the culture of the company you work for and their reflection of them as managers rather than the work that you're doing, which is really important to kind of like, you know, separate those two things as well. But I think you're not alone in this feeling in that, you know, you're in competition almost with your colleagues and also that you're all kind of trying to hustle to prove who is and working the hardest. Who might need to be getting the pay rise, you know, or promotion. Yeah. The opportunities when they come up. And I think, you know, for example, if you're saying that you're the first one there every day, so long as you're the first one there every day, and that's being

Starting point is 00:48:42 noticed in the same way that being the last person to leave is being noticed, you know, like those things are congruent. They're the same. If you're getting there first, but you're leaving first and someone else is getting there last and they're leaving last. I think that those things are noticed in the workplace as well. As long as the boss is also there early and knows you're coming in early. Totally. But or what you do is you send an email the second you walk in the fucking door. So that shit is timestamped. Wait, wake up at 4am, send it from bed at 4am and pretend you're in the office. Just be like, Hey, just popped into the office. Just wanted you to know. Just wanted to know that I'm here super early. They geolocate you to your bed. Firing off these emails

Starting point is 00:49:14 first thing. But no, I do think that this comes back to this idea that there is such a shitty expectation that people work above and beyond what they're being paid for. And especially when you're a junior, I'm going to assume that as a junior, you're on a junior salary. We can't be expecting people to work on their public holidays for free and to be working until eight o'clock for free and not being paid for those additional hours. Like it's such an unfair precedent that's being set within these workplaces. And I hate that that is something that you're expected to do in order to be taken seriously within your industry. Yeah, but there are obviously, I mean, there are so many aspects to this question. There are obviously different reasons that you might want to stay back

Starting point is 00:49:51 without being paid and that might be because you work on a commission basis and you know that for you to secure a commission or secure a sale or whatever it is that you're doing you're happy to put those extra hours in quote unquote unpaid to lock in a commission that will essentially come back and pay there are 100 jobs where what we're saying isn't going to relate to but generally speaking you don't fucking have to work overtime and not be paid can i just say the one thing though and this comes from as an employer the one thing that i i don't i don't care as much now but I used to find it annoying and this is something that really stands out with workers if you are packed up and ready to leave on the dot so if you've taken time to log off emails to

Starting point is 00:50:35 pack everything down and so when five o'clock comes you are literally out of your seat and walking out the door that to me goes well I know that you finished working 15 minutes ago because you didn't actually work up until the time you took your time to pack down to wash your dishes to go and do all the little bits and pieces that you've got to do to finish your day during the time in which it actually takes you to still be working because you're being paid to work from X time to X time, not for your, you know, your little admin life stuff that you've got to do to finish work. That, and I know it's only the difference of 15 minutes or five minutes, sometimes 10 minutes, whatever that looks like, but that can actually make a really big difference

Starting point is 00:51:12 in terms of a boss's perception of your care to be at work. Because if you are out the door, the second that you're supposed to clock off to me that says you have been waiting for that clock to count down all day in which case I'm like not necessarily all day no but do you mean you're on the timer like but like some people do some people literally sit down at their desk the second that their time starts which you know like eight o'clock you walk in then you've got to like get your computer up and set up and everything else and then you're out the second that the clock finishes. And I know in theory that that is how it should be. But I think that they're the small actions that really stand out when other people are arriving on time and they're ready to start

Starting point is 00:51:53 work and then they're staying back a little bit. That's when you're like, oh, do you like your job or are you just here for a paycheck? It's tricky. It's making me laugh. Like you're making me think back to one of my jobs. We had to fingerprint sign on and off. So your D, your literal identity, there's no way you could fake where you were. You didn't write in, the boss didn't have to clock you you had to physically be there and put your fingerprint on a machine that clocked it and clocked the minute and then you clocked out at the end of the day was this in medical like was this in medical okay i did the exact same thing but i worked in a nightclub fucking dead that is so funny but i remember we used to if it was a quiet day we would be lined up at the fingerprint

Starting point is 00:52:30 machine when it was time to clock off like we had all packed up we're fucking ready we're changed out of our scrubs like we were ready and we were watching that click over to the minute and the second it hit the five o'clock or the eight o'clock, whatever it was, our fingerprint was on and we're out. Like we were ready to rumble. But this is the thing. I know some people will disagree with that because there is definitely a movement of people who are like, no, you're only paying me from the minute I start work until the minute I finish. So all the things that pertain to work I'm going to do within my working hours. But I kind of don't necessarily fully agree with that. I think the, the preparatory things that you need to do in order to start work shouldn't

Starting point is 00:53:05 be included as work. Like for example, I'd completely be different. I'd hate that I lined up to clock out. Like if I was paying the bills, like for example, you traveling to work is part of your preparation to get to work, but I'm not going to pay you to travel to work, to do the work. You know, like there's all these other steps. Your work starts from the time that your computer is open and you're able to log in and actually work. So I think that that's like for me, like they're the small things that do stand out to an employer. But I would say overall, if you are ticking all the other boxes that you say you were ticking, then the person who employs you thinks that you're a good and hard worker. And the fact that you care about this enough to

Starting point is 00:53:42 write in a question shows that you're a good and hard worker. So I think have those conversations with your bosses to ensure that they are seeing the work and the energy that you're putting into it. What Laura's saying is show your boss that you took the time and you care enough to write into us. Show them this. Send them this email and just flick them this podcast episode and you will know that we have your ass covered. That's so funny. Okay. Last question. I am a single mom of three young kids. I have been separated for seven months now. I haven't had any interest in meeting or sleeping with anyone, but I've recently developed a crush on one of the coaches at my gym. I was with my husband for 12 years and married for eight for context. I'm also 34. My question is,

Starting point is 00:54:24 I have no idea how to show him I'm keen and put the feelers out I'm sure he wouldn't want to date me as I have a lot of baggage aka three young children and divorcing but I'd be happy to shag yes also would it be too complicated because I have to see him regularly at the gym I'm a dating rookie and I don't know what to do oh I mean fair she's been with her partner since she was like 20 years old. To be fair, if I ended up single now, I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know how to date. I'd love to be a fly on the wall. If you, I would pay to go. I'd be that person that hides in the restaurant behind the plant so that I could like watch you do it. It would be so awkward. It would be so awkward. I agree with this. I understand why you're like, ah, how do I put my

Starting point is 00:55:11 feels out there? Also, you don't want to be rejected because then that makes you feel a shitty as well. But I also think like, if this is a guy who you have the hots for, you don't do it at the gym. You don't like, you don't make the advances somewhere where it could be uncomfortable. You make the advances online. It's softer. It's subtle. You find him on Instagram. You follow him on Instagram. You send a few little fire flames and see if you get a response to that, the digital flirting. And if you get a response to the digital flirting, then you know that it is positive for you whereas like physical flirting is just like a little bit harder I am going to take a different approach here this time I agree with you like you always

Starting point is 00:55:55 go online first which is do you do the online stalk which sucks because like we live in such a digital world now I'd love to say go shoot your shot and you know my advice is always shoot your shot the reason I have a slightly different advice here is if you are just looking for a shag then I think you should go and get your shag elsewhere not somewhere that you have to go and see someone every single day if he says no and rejects your advances you're going to feel uncomfortable if you sleep together and it never happens again you might feel uncomfortable seeing him every single day if this is your safe place you go there regularly you only want to shag someone there are i'm i promise you there are a million people that would put their hand up to shag you in a hot

Starting point is 00:56:31 second you will have your pick once you have told people what you were looking for you will have your fucking pick get online troll until you find someone that is an absolute smoke show they don't have to know about your baggage you don't have to tell them you have kids you don't have to tell them anything you can go on a date hook up with them obviously gonna shag them at your house probably if your kids are at home i don't know how that's gonna work no you're not gonna shag them you're gonna shag them when you've got a babysitter you're gonna go play the away game that's what i mean you're not gonna shag them at home i thought you said you're gonna shag them at your house no you're not fucking hell mommy settle down no you're not but i just think it's not that

Starting point is 00:57:03 it's like a don't shit where you eat don't eat where you shit whatever that thing is um don't shit and eat it simultaneously. Whatever. Don't eat on the toilet. We've all been there. No, we haven't. We don't eat on the toilet, Laura. I just think if you actually have a proper crush and you like this guy and you do want to date him, that is a different story. If you just want to shag, I wouldn't be making this situation, this place that you go every day. I wouldn't be making that uncomfortable. Go online. And I promise you, if you're like, hey, looking for a one night stand, whatever, you could probably have your pick of men. before we like unpack i mean i know we've unpacked like the dating side of it where you can kind of

Starting point is 00:57:38 get your shag from and also shag.com shag.com i mean i disagree a little bit with you brit i think that it doesn't need to be massively awkward like if you both if you know that it's not going to be anything more than just sex like and he what if you guys have that totally awkward but it doesn't have to be that awkward i've been rejected by people and it's not that awkward you just kind of like unless he's your personal trainer unless you have to like speak to him and see him you just avoid him. Sure. The gym's big enough. Okay. But here's my thing I want to say on this is I don't like that you have instantly classified yourself as undateable because you have baggage because you have three kids and you're divorced. And I think that you need to be kinder to yourself.

Starting point is 00:58:17 And also if you are going to get into dating and you do feel like you're at that point in your separation after seven months that you could date someone, don't write yourself off as being undateable because of your baggage. Because if you feel that about yourself, other people are going to feel that about you as well. And, you know, there are so many people who are single moms who get back into dating, who meet incredible people and who are very, very dateable. And also, you know, for some people you're able to juggle the dating because the kids may be going and staying with their other parent for X amount of days a week, or, you know, we don't know what your structure is as to which you have your children. If you have your children

Starting point is 00:58:56 24-7, yeah, then maybe that's going to make things a little bit more complicated. But if they're, you know, weekends at dad's house or every X amount of time at dad's house, it may make dating easier for you. I kind of hate that we have this like social look on single moms as though they are undateable because I don't think that single dads carry the same level of baggage or the same feelings around their datability as what women do. Yeah, I agree. But I think it would be remiss of us to pretend like dating with three young children is the same as dating without children. absolutely not of course it's harder of course it's harder but doesn't make you not dateable doesn't mean that instantly someone will only want you as a shag rather than someone to date

Starting point is 00:59:34 absolutely there are going to be people out there that froth the fact that you've got kids they're going to be people out there that couldn't care less that have their own kids they're going to be people that don't want their own kids but want to be a parent in some capacity and would like there are so many options is it as easy as being completely unattached of course not the only other thing I want to say is and I'm I wouldn't know I don't know your story I don't know you but I would like to think that you will take some time and not rush into dating someone to grieve and recover and just just shag and get out there and date casually don't jump into another relationship straight away yeah spend some time with your kids just enjoy being single because you've been with

Starting point is 01:00:12 someone for 12 like your entire adult life and I think maybe just enjoy some time getting back out there and don't overthink the fact that oh my god no one's ever going to want to date me like don't even get to that point yet because someone is going to, your dating life will be amazing eventually, but just enjoy it. But yeah, Laura and I are different. She thinks you can go shagging. Of course you can go shagging, but I just think find your shag elsewhere if you can. No, I, which is funny. I feel like usually it's the flip side. Like usually I'm the one that's more conservative. I just think in this environment, just don't make it the physical advances unless you've made them digitally and you've gotten some sort of bread crumbing that he's interested. I

Starting point is 01:00:47 think like you attack it online you take it to instagram you send the fire flames you go and you're like five old pics and see if he follows you and does the same like you just kind of pick up on those small digital cues first and then you can bring it the flirting into the gym totally because literally a like like and a fire flame is enough to be like hey i'm looking for one night this day and age that's it i think that that's enough a like like and if all it takes is two likes and a fire flame for someone to say they want to fuck you if somebody two likes and fire flames me my dms i'll be like cool they're keen 100 people don't do it otherwise like that's why you would do it especially if it's never happened before you know someone's newly single 100 the

Starting point is 01:01:27 next time you like two of my photos and send me a fire flame i'm gonna be like i know what you're getting down here i can see and read between the lines all right guys well that is all of your questions actually that's a lie we had so many questions that's for people's questions but we will be back next week answering a whole heap more and if you want to send in a question to us and be on next week's episode you can slide into the dms at life uncut podcast you can also go and join the discussion group where some people put their questions in anonymously as well so you can do that as well that is life uncut discussion group and you guys know the drill tell your mom tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love

Starting point is 01:02:16 We'll be right back.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - When You're the Only Single One in Your Whole Friendship Group

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