Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Why Did We All Google This?

Starting point is 00:00:00 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. This episode was recorded on Darug Wollamutta land. Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm Laura. Today's standstay. What's funny?

Starting point is 00:00:30 Laura, okay, I've tried to start this three times and Laura's having a little laughing fit every single time, but I can't be sure why. Do you know why? Because we're 10 days away from Christmas, but it still feels like February. Okay, I literally had this thing this morning where I was like, oh, I wanted to listen back to, okay, I shouldn't say this,

Starting point is 00:00:49 I wanted to listen back to my own podcast. I wanted, I really felt like. Because the content is fire. Yeah, well, that's why. I just really felt like a laugh and I was like, I'm going to go back and listen to Joanne McNally's episode. And I was like, when I was like, it was a couple of months ago and I was trying to scroll through, I should have just searched it, but I didn't think it was that far back. I was like, I'll go back a month or two,

Starting point is 00:01:07 maybe to August. And I was like, August kept going. Joanne McNally was in April. It feels like yesterday, but it was the start of the year. Yeah, I know. And I've said this to you before, as we get older, time goes quicker. No concept of time, none. Do you know when you have kids though I think that kids are a very good daily reminder of how quickly time is going because all of a sudden they're at uni no because every day you wake up tired and you're like oh my god is this going to be my life of the next forever for the rest of the next 19 years saying that it's like the years are short but the days are long is that a parenting thing I feel like I've heard that I think it is it's all around like the phases of parenthood because like what you can get

Starting point is 00:01:46 into like a phase like right now as I said on Tuesday's episode we're in the dummy phase we're in the weaning phase. It's not a great phase. And you think it's never going to end. And then all of a sudden you're in another phase. You know, it just goes in these circles. People must listen to this and think I hate parenting. No, I think you just say things that people don't say. I think you're not negative about parenting, but you don't just say the good stuff, which I think is important because people know there's good stuff, but a lot of people don't say the stuff that bothers people. I like, I cannot even tell you how much I love being a mom. I love being a mom. I love my kids so much, but it's a thing that goes without saying. It's like, I feel like I don't need to

Starting point is 00:02:23 say that to you all on constant repeat. I love being a mom. I love my children. Like I'm disgusting. I lay in bed and I like stroke their faces and I try and like kiss their little fat cheeks and put their fat cheeks inside my mouth. And it's weird. You get, you become so weird as a mom, but also simultaneously there's moments where you hate it. I've just completely remembered this. I forgot to tell you the other day, I was lucky enough to come along to pick up Marley and Lola from daycare. And a couple of weeks before you'd spoken about how you can have that real intimacy with a kid that's not romantic Marley reached out grabbed the side of my face and brushed my hair and I have never felt oxytocin flood my brain more quickly than that

Starting point is 00:03:02 moment I was like I feel like that when the masseuse touches me I get it that's why I get massages wasn't there an article about that yeah there was you're in a long distance relationship so you go and get massages quote unquote just to be touched you wrap them up in a little ball and you just like want to breathe in every part of their body and like suck their toes and stuff if you could but then at the same time they do things that drive you absolutely freaking mental i do that with delilah you suck her toes smells like popcorn i suck it oh her feet smell like popcorn oh my god okay okay okay now i'm not a mom but i do have a question because i saw this article going viral and i have feelings there was just this woman online from the uk i think

Starting point is 00:03:45 irrelevant but she she has two little kids one's three I think and one is like under one I think eight or nine months and she's like hey I'm not getting my little kid a present this year for Christmas from anyone because it's hard times hard financial times and also the kids not going to remember they're not going to know and a lot of people kicked off I was like fair if times are tight with money I don't think you have to buy a under one year old a present because you could give them a cardboard box and they're going to be stoked but i could not believe people kicking off about the fact that she wasn't going to buy her kid a present they're not going to experience it but you as the only mom in this room laura what are your thoughts on that i feel like this is a

Starting point is 00:04:25 perfect example that people kick off about things that they shouldn't care about like this is what this is no i did the same thing with marley and lola for birthday parties so we did like a big birthday party for marley when she was one year old and then when lola turned one we were like let's have cupcakes and have Arnie and Kate over we didn't do anything and didn't you forget one not forget but you did it like two days late or something once yeah we didn't do it on her birthday we did it when it was convenient for everyone and it was like no she doesn't know and that's what we realized she's actually 12 she does not know she's really 12 we did Marley's one-year-old birthday party but realistically it was for us you know and it wasn't for her

Starting point is 00:04:59 she didn't know she didn't care she has no concept of it doesn't remember it but then at the same time it actually wasn't that enjoyable because I spent the whole time running around like making sure everyone had food. I did the cleanup. Like I was the one who had to do everything. So I was like, who was that for? What did I do that for? And yeah, we have photos from a one-year-old birthday party, but like, who cares? So then when it was Lola's, we kind of just did things very small, had cupcakes. I mean, we still got her a present. The only thing I do question about that, and I say this as a second child slash middle child, do you then grow up with immense middle child, second child syndrome? Because it does create a flow on effect. And when you are the

Starting point is 00:05:34 hand-me-down child which is what I was you always feel a little bit less loved I am the third child I'm third out of four and I definitely never felt that but we were hand-me-down children as well but my my problem was my older brothers are boys well my older siblings are boys so like that's probably why I was a tomboy because everything got handed down was the boy stuff but I personally don't feel that but my sister Sherry so she's the fourth kid every year you know you get around the Christmas time you get around the family gets together and you always go through like old photos you always talk about old memories like it's always that walk down memory lane and we were looking at all these old photos of all of the kids in these albums and it was so like nostalgic and so nice

Starting point is 00:06:11 and all the kids were getting their photos out and Mitch the eldest was going through his and there were like five albums of photos of just him then it was Dane's the next kid and then there were a little bit less of him me was a bit harder I maybe had one album and then poor Sherry by the time the fourth kid came because mum had like four kids under six Sheridan was like where are my albums we could find one photo no not an album one she's like who am I as a kid one because mom she was adopted at five mom's like I'm too busy I had by that point you had three other kids you've done it all a hundred times and so I think in that capacity the fourth or the third or the fourth kid definitely gets left behind a little bit I would say though in your case Brit I would say it's a

Starting point is 00:06:49 slightly different experience because you had two older brothers you were the first girl so that's still an exciting difference for a lot of parents especially when you've had two children you're having a third and it ends up being a different gender i know gender shouldn't matter but for a lot of people it does it's why people have bloody gender reveals and stuff it's like a fresh start yeah so i would say that you probably wouldn't feel the same as someone who is a second or third child to two older sisters or one older sister and that being like the hand-me-down kind of process anyway that's enough i think it's good for them i think it builds resilience okay so speaking of resilience building last night we went out to the rsl club and part of the rsl club they do a raffle

Starting point is 00:07:26 on a Tuesday night and because it's pre-Christmas it's a really substantial raffle so the raffle was the very first person to get a ticket drawn won this like toy package which was like the value of a thousand dollars worth of toys right and then there was a few hams and a pork that were going right so like if you didn't get the toys you could win one of three hams or you could win a pork still a great prize fucking lives hands are fucking mate I was all I was like I would love to win a ham or a pork that's Christmas day done anyway so we all buy raffle tickets there's a couple of tables around us. There's not a lot of people in the RSL club. So like your chances are high of winning something. I just imagine you there with your tickets. I'm not someone who condones

Starting point is 00:08:06 gambling, but when it comes to raffles, I am like queen raffle. I am the woman who, when I'm in my eighties, I'm going to buy that little booklet where you could win a house. That'll be me. I do. I do that now. I love it. I'm always into those. I'm a sucker. I always wonder if they actually even are really given away. RSPCA raffle. I'm there. 50 bucks. Put me down. Love it. Okay. so anyway, we're there with all our little ripped out tickets sitting there and the first ticket gets called and it's the thousand dollars worth of toys. We did not win that. Marley May, the absolute fucking tantrum that she threw, she was hysterical. She hasn't quite understood or grasped the concept of raffles. Every other child was like a little bit disappointed. Marley was like

Starting point is 00:08:43 inconsolably crying, sobbing for about 15 minutes to the point where the family that won the toys was like, oh, we'll just, you can have one. We don't need all these toys. Have one that's age appropriate for her and I was like nope you will not give her a toy because this is a moment in life that she needs she needs to know that she is not always a winner I'm glad you did that I was like this is resilience building this is a lesson that fell into our lap she screamed for literally 20 minutes on and off it was a 15 minute solid but then the reason why she cried for another five minutes was because mama won a ham and I was so excited and she walked up with her ticket and she was like I don't want a ham were you like well mom wants a ham oh my god congratulations

Starting point is 00:09:22 thank you everyone my christmas hair i haven't won anything since i won the year five easter hat parade that was that was a time marley just has so much main character energy correlation doesn't imply causation but here i'm saying she had a one-year-old birthday party and now she's a brat when she doesn't win oh yeah no it was a moment in my life where i was like okay i have a very spoiled child and she has been and i don't mean spoilers in that we don't go out of our way to spoil her but she has had zero nothing has happened in her life at all at the beautiful age of four and a half years old that has been a resilience building that kid has she has lived a good life you do and i'm not saying this in a bad way but you do buy her a lot of rando presents so

Starting point is 00:09:59 like i know there's a rule with her and your family that like if you go to the airport you'll always buy them present and matt and i were at the airport not long ago when you say rule i do that matt is very no well that was it matt and i were watching it go down from a distance so you're like i'm just gonna go get a packet of chips and a coke from the shop in the airport so we were just sitting there waiting and then Marley runs over he goes watch this within two seconds she's gonna be able to pick a toy he's like it's a nightmare and I was like surely not she already bought her a toy like 20 minutes ago she's like watch she runs over and you're like yeah pick what you want and I was like this is the problem it was like it's just creating a monster yeah look I find it

Starting point is 00:10:33 hard to say no to her but also I have realized that I use it and this is bad and I'm being heaps better I use getting a present so for example when we were doing the live shows and I was traveling heaps. If I go to an airport, if I'm away, if mommy goes on like a, on a plane trip without her, then she gets a little thing from the airport. And that's kind of become, that was like a thing that we started doing. And it was infrequent because I rarely ever went to an airport without the kids. But then during live shows of November, I was going every couple of days and that's been an increasing thing this year. So it's a bad precedent to set, but at the same time, it's compensating for the fact that I wasn't at home. So it feeds into this guilt that

Starting point is 00:11:08 I have around not being present. And so, yeah, literally buying their love. Thank you for bringing that up for me it's part laura i understand where that comes from but i've got an idea start bringing home christmas hams okay being that it's the end of the year this is one of my favorite times of year right the google searches i find it such a funny i mean because everyone does it right it's like the dictionary does like the word of the year yes which no one even knew what that word was it was like riz or something how did they come up with that does every like I just picture a room of like Dumbledore's in a library and everyone brings a word and then they just say which one they think is the best. Who knows? Honestly, maybe it's like the most

Starting point is 00:11:46 Googled or whatever. Whoever's asked that question, if you have the answer to it, slide into the DMs. We would love to know. But also like Spotify rap list. It's every single thing puts out there like this is how engaged you are with our content. I made an assumption that one of the top things to be Googled would have been something like Donald Trump or Kim Kim Kardashian. My opinion, Kim Kardashian has lost the shine recently. I think if I was going to pick someone for this year, I would have thought Taylor Swift would have been, especially within Australia with the heiress tour, I would have thought that she would have been one of the highest Google searches. I think this list is very surprising. I reckon we can rattle through what

Starting point is 00:12:20 they are in terms of like news. I don't think the news things will be surprising because every single one of these things has had quite a big impact socially. Some of them I think are very problematic, but we'll get into it. The number one most Googled news search this year of 2023, drumroll please, is something that I think will surprise no one. It was the Optus outage. See, I'm so surprised by this. Because the irony is that the people who had the Optus outage weren't able to Google Optus outage. No, but the reason why I'm not surprised is because, I mean, I was affected by the Optus outage. I woke up that morning and it was like, is the world ending? What is happening? And as soon as I did get internet again,

Starting point is 00:12:58 that was the thing I was Googling. Or when I was on wifi at work, I was Googling why wasn't my phone working? Like I think everyone that was affected, every single Optus person ended up Googling it, but every single or non-Optus person was Googling it as well. If you own a small business and you run your finances, your FPOS machines, your booking systems, everything via that, it was a hugely, hugely problematic day. And also on top of that, the way that in which that was handled just showed like such a lack of understanding as to how everyday people live their lives and how fundamental having access to the internet is. Number two, I thought would be number one, which is the current war in Israel and Gaza. I 100%, this is why it shocked me because I

Starting point is 00:13:35 would have actually said that was number one. So it's surprising that the Optus outage beat that. I wonder though, is like, how do they aggregate those searches? Because people would search for all different things that pertain to the war. It's not one singular search, whereas Optus outage is one singular search. And I think that maybe this as a combined search, because I think so many people are trying to educate themselves on what has happened. I would say that this is probably a tricky one because there'd be such a scope of Google searches that have been done about it. Number three is the referendum results. Number four is very problematic to me. We've spoken about him on the podcast before, Andrew Tate, who is the self-proclaimed misogynist.

Starting point is 00:14:14 The fact that he's the fourth most Googled person in the news, I'm hoping more people are Googling him in shock horror and to find out what his punishments were and to learn more about him and his crimes as opposed to Googling him out of interest and wanting to follow along with his teachings. And I say teachings because he literally runs classes on how to be a misogynist. Well, yeah, Andrew Tate had his social media taken away so I'm not surprised that people had to Google him to find out.

Starting point is 00:14:39 Do you know what I mean? If it was an Instagram search and he still had active profiles, I think that there would have been people checking out his stuff. We did. Or like figuring out who he was. You know, there's a curiosity around him because everyone was like, this man is such a bad person. That immediately makes people go, I don't know who it is.

Starting point is 00:14:52 I'm going to find out. 100%. I mean, we spoke about him earlier this year and we spoke about how he is more Google searchers around him than Kim Kardashian, than other very high profile celebrities. But I would question that not all of those are positive Google searches. I mean, every single person in this room has Googled who he is. He is prolific, but that does not mean that it's from a positive perspective. Totally. Something that did make me happy was the most Googled Australians. Now the top two most Googled Australians were Sam Kerr and Mary Fowler, both of which are

Starting point is 00:15:20 Australian football slash soccer players. I could not be happier that that is who we are googling the most in Australia. This is so interesting as well, because it was the big debate around when the Matildas were playing and how much media attention they garnered. And there was all the conversations around the pay parity with how men are paid within Australian football. And the conversation was, well, when it is garnering enough attention, then the pay parity will be matched. And this is just more proof in the pudding, not that we needed more, but that the women within Australian soccer need to be paid equal to the men, if not more, would be debatable now. So it went Sam Kerr, Mary Fowler, Michael Clarke, which is obviously from the big fight he

Starting point is 00:15:54 had with Karl Stefanovic. Everyone remembers there was like this big public fight in Noosa. It was filmed. It went viral. Very funny. I think I actually contributed to that Google. Then it was Reece Walsh and Daniel Andrews. If you guys want to go and have a look at the list yourselves, they're all on Daily Oz. There's lists upon lists of different things that have been Googled this year. You can look at what's been the most important sport. You can look at what's been the most important deaths or movies, whatever it is. The only other one that I think is quite interesting is the movies, the most popular movies this year that have been Googled are Oppenheimer and Barbie, which should not be a surprise. But in terms of box office hits,

Starting point is 00:16:28 Barbie eclipsed Oppenheimer. But in terms of Google searches, Oppenheimer was the most popular. And I think it's because so many people were interested in understanding the history and understanding the story behind why that was such a pivotal part of World War II. Okay, well, it's time for Vibe or Unsubscribe. And I know, Laura, you haven't unsubscribed this week? Controversially, I haven't unsubscribed today. And I don't know how people are going to feel about this because it is a movie that is getting so much airtime. And I think so many people are really excited about watching. It is Leave the World Behind with Julia Roberts. Now, I spoke to you about it, Britt, and I told you how much I hated it. And

Starting point is 00:17:02 then you watched it the next night. Now you have conflicting views on it as well. The reason why I don't like it is because as much as the show itself was very gripping, it's a real thriller, like it'll have you on the edge of your seat until the end. The end was so bitterly disappointing that it almost undid all of the, on the edge of the seatness. I kind of got to the end of it and I was like, is that it? And I know for some people you're going to enjoy like how conceptual it is in terms of the cinematography and in terms of the story, like the storyline itself, the concept I quite enjoy as a thing to unpack mentally, but was I entertained and did I enjoy the movie itself? not really movies like that make me feel like when you've been on a great date with someone

Starting point is 00:17:47 and you think everything's so good and then they like ghost you and you're like but it was so good for the 98 and now i'm just left so disappointed like does that then make it a good date or a bad day it makes a bad day no it does i disagree it was still a great date it was a shit ending look i'm struggling to decide if i like it or not and the reason is the ending was terrible hated the ending but the entire movie until that point so 99% I was hooked and I did enjoy the movie because I was waiting so I can't decide if I like it or not because the acting was great the story was great it kept my attention my anxiety was through the roof the whole time which is thanks to the background music but then the end let me down so I'm like does that

Starting point is 00:18:28 necessarily make it a bad movie I still enjoyed 99.9% of it so I'm on the fence the other part of it as well that I was a little bit like, I'm not really sure was exactly what you said, Britt. I thought the movie was very suspenseful and that's where all the thriller aspect came from. But also I thought that the acting was a little bit shit. And so I just genuinely was disappointed by it and I thought I was going to love it. And so that's my unsubscribe. I loved the acting, but I agree with other stuff. I have a very, very quick vibe. Yes, because I'm going to be hosting the carols in the Gold Coast this weekend. So if you are in the Gold Coast, if you're in surface paradise on sunday night matt and i are going to be hosting carols on the

Starting point is 00:19:05 beach it's on like surface beach it's going to be so fun for the family come down if you are a christmas fiend if you like being celebratory if you like all the things that make christmas as gay and jolly as what it is come down to carols on the beach because we're going to be there it's free keisha's there shaking like doing the little money sign how much money you're getting for hosting no i meant does it cost you don't want anything it's going to be so nice if you're a mom or you've got kids like it's just the best carols are so so nice bring a picnic blanket down come down have some fun very very cute i will not be going because i will be on a flight overseas okay well it starts at 6 p.m so don't be late so my vibe this week is an instagram page her name is

Starting point is 00:19:45 anna underscore louise underscore at underscore home so anna louise at home but every word has an underscore now she's british 3.7 million followers and her page is the most satisfying page I have ever seen. It is cleaning hacks and home interiors. So you know those pages where people do before and afters of like, I guess just cleaning or hacks for things that you've never even knew existed for your house. It's one of these pages that you watch and it's so satisfying. I found this page because Ben was so scared of spiders that he sent me a hack for keeping spiders out, right? And I didn't really believe it at the time. It's where you spray lavenders at doors and windows and spiders can't come in. And it was from this woman. He had just

Starting point is 00:20:27 stumbled across it. Her spider hack has got like 12.5 million views on this page. But when you go on the page, it's so many different things about making your home smell good, little renovation hacks, anything you want. And it's so aesthetically pleasing to look at. So I cannot, now I'm not saying I do any of these, but I love watching it. I have an addiction to watching these before and afters and declutters and cleaning a stove. I know this sounds so bad, but have you ever also tried to clean something you're like I don't know how to get this off she has a hack for everything because no one ever teaches you how to actually clean properly like no one teaches you how to I mean I do also kind of like that I don't want to be like the female that's been brought up to learn

Starting point is 00:21:05 how to keep a house but no one taught me how to do it like I've just figured it out over time because it is a skill cleaning is not just like wiping something down right like there are so many different products and different ways you can mix things to get rid of things or whatever just go and do yourself a favor and I think that you will appreciate this page Laura you will as well Keisha you're a clean freak you will appreciate this page if anyone's got any black spots on their pants and wants to know how to remove it bit of apple cider vinegar and some bicarb soda here she is and louise at home can probably do it yeah no doubt i will say like a high pressure hose does get my juices flowing oh it's so satisfying my vibe for this week is a little bit different and

Starting point is 00:21:40 out of the norm for me do you guys remember a year ago the former good morning america hosts Amy Robach and TJ Holmes. They were involved in that quote unquote scandalous affair. So they were hosts of the show together. And then it all came out that they were actually in a relationship and it was reported that they were having an affair. They have their own podcaster. They are still in a relationship a year later. They have their own podcast. There's, what have we got? Are you promoting infidelity? Two episodes. Well, this is what was interesting. So I kind of kept my finger on this story for a long time just because I found it so different I was like wow this affair has just played out so publicly and this is so interesting they were both suspended from their

Starting point is 00:22:21 jobs they have not gone back and they have been relatively quiet throughout the media we haven't really heard anything from them until they released their own podcast and I felt like I listened to 50 minutes of somewhat very interesting PR spin I felt like it was a little bit contrived but I do believe some of the things that they were saying in their podcast. They said they started the podcast with, we lost the jobs we loved for the person that we loved. But wait, didn't they lose the jobs because they were both married? So the thing is, is that in their podcast, they both were undergoing divorce proceedings. So like they already had moved out from their spouses and they both rubbish. They were having an affair before that. Well, this is what I did actually find was

Starting point is 00:23:06 very interesting. I believe the fact that they were living in separate homes because there's proof of that you know the photos that were taken of them were from the apartments that they lived in without their spouses and they kept it very quiet because they both had children and they kind of play on this narrative of like we didn't think we were that big of a deal and I was like I don't know how much I believe that you're very much a public figure if you were hosting Good Morning America but the thing that I was waiting for and the thing I did not get is when they first hooked up the whole podcast episode was like this wasn't an affair we had both separated from our partners before we got together we had been friends for eight years

Starting point is 00:23:41 before this and we were really good friends and then we fell in love but they did not talk about the first time that they actually like that's because I cheated for sure I was thinking I was like unless the narrative was we never crossed the line until this was a thing you would have told us about when you first got together maybe it's coming in a further episode maybe they've just got me hooked I don't know I find this very interesting as well because it's like there is this expectation from our morning TV hosts that they're people that we welcome into our homes. They're people that we need to be trustworthy, reliable, and people that we would want to be friends with. And I think if you're going to have even the whiff of adultery, that's not someone who

Starting point is 00:24:17 the majority of people would want in their homes. You kind of lose all credibility and trust. So I think it is a pretty harsh reality of losing your job off the back of something that you do in your personal life. But I also understand when your whole entire career and persona within media is based on your ability to show up to your job and be truthful it does create this duplicity that can't exist absolutely and I think also the brand of a show like that and the brand of the people that they have on there is very family oriented totally and so you have this contrast in what is actually going on on screen and what is happening behind the scenes and they say a million times in the podcast we didn't technically break any rules at work blah blah but I'm like it

Starting point is 00:24:54 actually doesn't matter when you work in the public space perception is everything 100% I agree I just feel like I'm not usually into full gossip based kind of things, but this was a particularly interesting one. There's many truths to a story and this is one of them. And I wonder how much of it is actually truthful in its nature. All right. Well, let's get into answering all your deep, dark and burning questions. Question number one. I gave birth four weeks ago and my partner last night said our sex life is shit and it's affecting him mentally. Now I had a grade three be tear so can't have sex anyway not that I even want to. He said he doesn't want to spend time with me because I never want to do it or even give him a blow job. I really don't want to so I won't

Starting point is 00:25:37 but I also think I have difficulty with sexual intimacy with him because after our last two kids I felt really pressured into having sex again three weeks after birth which was wrong. I still had stitches after both births. Where do I go from here? I feel like I have no sexual drive towards him, but he thinks I have something wrong with me. This makes me feel so mad. Like I feel so mad and I hate that the only response to this is what an absolute piece of shit your husband is. And that's because you have three children with him now. And I can only imagine how horrible this situation must be for you. And look, let's just give this guy the bend of the doubt. Maybe he's amazing in all other aspects of your relationship. Maybe he is, you know, a considerate and loving

Starting point is 00:26:25 partner in every other aspect. That ain't considering all loving. Yeah. But I would say probably not because if he considers and cares about you so little in this time when you've just had a baby, especially four weeks after having a baby, that he's putting his own sexual gratification over your healing, your mental recovery, you having a third baby, adjusting to the new life, all of the things like you know all the things that go into having a baby and he does too because he's done it twice now if he's putting his own sexual gratification above all of that then he is a selfish jerk and there is no other word for it and I know that you say that in the past that you felt pressured to so you did it that's firstly it's disgusting and I'm so sorry that you felt as

Starting point is 00:27:07 though you needed to make him happy at a time when you are supposed to be the priority and it is okay for you to be the priority. Oh, man, it's such a reflection of the type of person he is and of what he thinks is important and that is himself. He's a pig. He's a pig. He's a pig. And just medically speaking, so you understand, a 3B tear,

Starting point is 00:27:26 which she has, you can't even do anal. So is it just that sex is uncomfortable? Like it is a proper tear that is affecting both ends. The fact that he is also manipulating you and gaslighting you into thinking that something is wrong with you. yeah, something is wrong with me. I'm torn open. I just gave birth. I have two other kids. Three weeks ago, 21 days ago, I was torn open and went through, my body went through something traumatic. You're not sleeping. That's what's wrong with me. But you know what? This is a question that comes

Starting point is 00:27:57 up a bit. And for a lot of women, there is this feeling of responsibility to keep their partner happy, right? There's this feeling of like, well, I know it's disgusting, but it happens. And it would be remiss of us not to talk about it. There is this feeling of like, I'm letting my partner down because I don't feel like I can be intimate with them at the moment. Sometimes because you physically can't be at the four week mark. You're not supposed to have sex until six weeks. Certainly if you've had an episiotomy or a severe tear, you shouldn't be having sex until, you know, for some people it's much longer than that. For some people it's months and months and months and that's okay. It doesn't mean that you don't have any intimacy with your partner necessarily,

Starting point is 00:28:33 but this idea of like giving them a blow job, like it's your job that you need to give them a blowjob, it makes me feel so like viscerally fucking angry because of course you don't want to, of course you don't want to do anything. Of course you probably don't even want to cuddle or touch your husband. Like those, all of those feelings are okay. And that's not to say that they're not going to feel some sense of rejection if there's no intimacy at all. But the fact that he places the priority of intimacy around him being relieved as in physically ejaculating, as in having someone given a blowjob or being able to have sex is just truly, truly revolting but like I don't know many new mums who were in the headspace to psych themselves up to be

Starting point is 00:29:14 able to give their partners a blowjob like I certainly fucking couldn't a mum thing just to psych yourself up as a non-mum no but it's not everyone likes blowjobs no but like as a mum like there's so much pressure to do everything and to be everything to everyone and you are so touched out you are so tired you are so psychologically spent also you're dealing with this like new identity you have two other children that you also have to cater to and keep alive the last thing you need to do is be responsible for fucking your husband and i'm so sorry that you were in a situation where he's making you feel like you were the problem because he is the problem well also nothing makes you want to do something less than when you're being forced to do something you don't

Starting point is 00:29:53 want to do like like that is not what's going to make you be like oh my god you know what i do want to give you a blowjob because you're putting your dick in my face and yeah like it doesn't help the situation it's going to push you further and further away and cause a bigger and bigger divide because there's nothing around like i mean this idea of saying oh our sex life is shit i'm not getting what i want out of this which of course he's not like that's not even the consideration at this moment but it's like there's no intimacy there from him there's no like making you feel special there's no carrying the load or doing all the things to make you feel desired and loved and and you know what maybe you don't even want to feel desired or loved at this moment i fucking

Starting point is 00:30:29 wouldn't either. You're four weeks out. This would be a very different conversation if it was like you were at the 10 month mark and you still didn't want to have sex with your husband. And he was like, look, I feel like our sex life has dwindled. Can we have some conversations around this? Cause this is important to me, but it's the language around it. It's the forcefulness of it. It's the expectation of it. It's the duty of it. It's all of these things, which are so deeply steeped in misogyny and are so fundamentally wrong and I think now I mean we've established that it's fucked and I'm sure everyone listening to this feels just as angry as we do but what do you do that's the big question right you've got a four-week-old baby you have

Starting point is 00:31:10 two other children and you're married to a man who treats you like this what do you do how do you have these conversations with him do you go and speak to a couples therapist do you speak to him openly around his treatment of you, his expectation of women. Like how do you navigate this next phase? Because you're putting boundaries in place. And you're saying that with the last two kids, you did just concede and you did things that you didn't want to do. And you satisfied him in a way that you're not prepared to this time. And it's like, how do you make sure that you maintain those boundaries and that you get the respect from your husband that you deserve? Show him a picture, pull him up a graphic picture of what the tear looks like in your vagina to your

Starting point is 00:31:48 anus and say this is what is going on right now like this isn't I didn't just push a baby out and I'm like oh I'm a little bit sore like show him show him what's going to happen and then say do you understand and if he still does not care and he's like well I still want to fuck then like you have bigger deeper problems you need to work through but I think first and foremost make sure you know before you take action that he has this complete understanding I mean I feel like we're dumbing it down for him which I'm not saying we should do but just in case benefit of the doubt he doesn't understand what is going on downstairs like if he just knows there's a three beat who knows what that means as i said this is really really dumbing it down for him but you're not

Starting point is 00:32:26 going to exactly pack up your kids and leave are you totally that's the thing so hard but i agree with you but i also disagree with you brit because i think it shouldn't have to come to you showing of course physical evidence of the reason why you're not prepared to have sex at the four week mark even if you had had the most streamlined quote-unquote easy birth maybe you coughed that baby out, two pushes and it was done. There should still not be an expectation on you to have sex or sexually satisfy your husband. That should be so far down the priority list for him at that point in time. And the fact that he can't deprioritize his own needs and put you at the center at a time when you are supposed to be the center of this is so deeply fucking selfish. And it's so gross.

Starting point is 00:33:10 I hate that you're in a situation where you have to use a physical ailment, i.e. a tear, as the excuse for not wanting to have sex when they could be psychological. There could be so many other reasons after having a baby that you don't want to have sex as well. You know, going back to something that we said at the very beginning, a person who deeply lacks care for you in this way, can't possibly be great in every other aspect of the relationship. Like this is not something that lives in a silo, you know, like he's not behaving like this, but has always been a supportive, empathetic, caring, nurturing husband and father. So I would say, obviously, this is a big screaming red flag, but look at the other red flags. What are the other things

Starting point is 00:33:48 and the other behaviors that he's doing that are problematic, that are modeling a relationship that you may not want to be in, or that you may not want to be reflected in a parental figure for your children. And I'm not saying that you need to walk out of your relationship. I'm not saying that you need to just break up with him and go, but this to me would be the start of some very, very big conversations around with myself and potentially with my husband when it got to that point around whether I would want to be in a relationship with someone who had such a disrespect for me. Of course. But then this is, and this is why I say, let's not get ahead of ourselves. She's just had a baby. She's got two other kids with him. We need to take this back to basics.

Starting point is 00:34:25 And that is first and foremost, make sure he understands the why before you go into like, I'm going to leave you and let's like line up all our red flags. Like this is a situation that you need to deal with immediately because it is an immediate situation. It's happening to you right now and it's not going to go away anytime soon because you might not get that sex drive back for a long time physically but mentally that's not coming back while he's acting like this and he needs to understand that so break it down with him and make sure there is an understanding and then as I always say his response once you know you have explained it in every single way possible his response to that is the telltale sign of what will happen next question number two is a bit of

Starting point is 00:35:07 lighter one. All right. My friends and I were out on Saturday night for some fun. Drinks and dancing were involved. We normally buy rounds of drinks for each other instead of purchasing individually. So when it was my next turn, I started to friendly chat and flirt with a really hot guy who was in line and he offered to buy me a drink. I said I appreciated it, but I had to buy a round for all my friends. And he said, no, no, no, don't worry. I'll get it for your friends as well. So not only did he buy one round, he also bought shots for all of my friends too. So that was it. We went on and started dancing. And a little while later, it was time for another round of drinks. We all went up to the bar and my friend said, well, it's your round again. She goes on to

Starting point is 00:35:41 say that she argued with her a little bit because not only did she get one round of drinks, but she got two rounds of drinks for her friends, even though there was nothing monetary that was exchanged there. Now, they had a bit of a joke about it, but basically what happened is that she ended up paying for the round of drinks, but she hates that she's been made to feel like she's the tight ass in that situation when really she feels like she has done her job. And so it caused a bit of a debate in their friendship group and the question is if you have scored a round of drinks for your friend are you then responsible for buying the next round yes i agree i fucking yes you still have to buy the next round like well done you got a bonus round but you still

Starting point is 00:36:19 didn't pay for it like get as many bonus rounds as you want you still have to put your monetary round down a hundred percent like unless you went up and you were like okay i'm gonna do the groundwork i want to make out with this guy you know this is my thing i'm gonna invest time Well, here it is. Now you're selling your body for the round of shots. I'm fine with that. Okay, if you're going to invest your time into this person so that he's then paying for your drinks, also not a nice thing to do,

Starting point is 00:36:42 but like if you did that, I'd be like, cool. You just stood at a bar and like chatted to someone and he bought some drinks for you. Like that doesn't negate your round. That's a very minimal effort for rounds. It's 100% a bonus round. This is the easiest question I've ever had. You're being a tight ass.

Starting point is 00:36:58 I get why you're stoked and it's bragging rights, yes, high fives all around like you did well like you'd done good you went out into the wild you hunted and gathered and you gathered the drinks and you brought them back to your tribe and then they you know well done but you still need to put the money down for the next round 100 i totally agree okay okay we've literally never had an easier question yeah the toilet paper one i think that was easy also like you never want to be yeah the toilet paper one was very easy you never want to be seen as being the tight ass and if it means like if you haven't spent any money at all and the thing that's making you look like a tight ass is the fact

Starting point is 00:37:31 that you've not financially contributed and everyone else has. That's a you problem, not a them problem. I would have said, if you can go out and get us a round of drinks for free, I will buy the next round. And then you get two bonus rounds. Yeah. Or maybe it's something that you have to kind of specify. This is okay. I've got one more thing. I know we said this was easy, but I'm unpacking it now. If you had said when it was your round, guys, if I can get someone to buy this round of drinks for us for free, that's my round done. Because then it doesn't seem like it was just opportunistic. The thing is, you didn't go there expecting that this guy was going to pay for your drinks. You went there, he offered, and it was an opportunistic purchase. You know,

Starting point is 00:38:06 that's what happened. And so then you tried to claim it. No, you need to set rules of engagement. Yeah. You've got to have that conversation first. You've got to say, I'm going out, I'm going to hunt her, I'm going to gather, and I'm going to get her some drinks for free. And then I'm not going to pay for the next one. Yeah. And I'm going to brag about it the rest of my life. Perfect. Okay. Question number three. I have another silly lighthearted one, but I think it affects a lot of people. I'm single. And whenever I go away with my friends and family, I always get, I always get the trundle bed or the couch. I've been there. All the couples get the double beds. Even if I go away with my girlfriends, they refuse to sleep on the air mattress on the floor.

Starting point is 00:38:44 It's just like, it's a default because I'm the single person. Should it be okay for me to ask to pay less for the accommodation? Oh, another tight ass question. Because no, I don't think this is tight ass. No, no, no. But it pertains to whether you're being a tight ass. Should it be okay for me to ask to pay less for the accommodation? Because I get the shit pet on the floor when everyone else gets a proper comfy bed.

Starting point is 00:39:06 Okay. I have, I know you have feelings about this Brit because for so long being the single one, you would be relegated to the fold out. Here it is. Dude, I've had everything. I get the dog kennel. If I'm the single person we're away, I'm getting all the shit. All right.

Starting point is 00:39:17 I think if you are travelling with just your girlfriends and you have been relegated to the shittest bed in the house and it's like doesn't even have a room and it's on the floor and you're just travelling with your girlfriends and their partners are not there, then, yeah, fuck that. Pay less. Like that's ridiculous. No, paper scissor rocket.

Starting point is 00:39:35 Like you all need to paper scissor rock and whoever wins fair and square for the bed on the floor gets the bed on the floor. Totally. But the fact that that seems to be the expectation in your friendship group just because you're single, I think that that more I don't actually think that has anything to do with you being single I think that has to do with you being more agreeable and they're just like oh she's always fine with it so we'll let her have it I think that you just need to speak up for yourself in

Starting point is 00:39:55 those situations I've been this person my entire life like with my family and my friends I'm always I've always been a single person which is fine and 90% of the time I don't care it's fine but I remember I cracked it one year it's not even that it's the shit bed but it's the shit room to shit everything and I get why it's like you have to sleep in the lounge room because you're on your own. Maybe it's just the expectation around the fact that like there's no consideration and there's never even a conversation about oh maybe she doesn't want to sleep in the kennel tonight maybe we should bring her inside. So I think it's the idea of being like okay maybe we should paper scissor rock a bed maybe you know we all get double beds we're all here it's it's one

Starting point is 00:40:36 night whatever it is. I remember one prime example of I had to go away with my family but we were sharing a room, Sherry, Jay and myself, we're sharing a room. And this is so, this is actually so dumb, but there was one big normal bed, double bed. Then there was another blow up double bed that was at the foot of the bed. It was almost like kids that were sleeping away with their parents. And it was just like automatic that I was going to sleep on the blow up. And I just remember saying, do you know what? I want a real bed for once. We're in the same room. We're all sharing. You can have the blow up double bed because for the last 10 years straight, I've been the one that's like on the floor everywhere and they were like fair play take the double bed

Starting point is 00:41:14 we'll take the shitty bed at the end and that was it and I only needed that one I only needed to be seen just once but I think the friend one in all seriousness the friend one is easy like you guys just need to be doing a paper scissor rock draw a name out of a hat if there's one shit situation and you've all paid the same amount of money just draw a name out of a hat just don't let them walk all maybe next time. Yeah. I mean, I agree with you, Britt. And I think that this comes down more to the feeling that you have that you're not as relevant. You're not as like valued that you're just going to be expected to take the shit option because it does happen. Whenever you go and stay

Starting point is 00:41:50 in an Airbnb, there's always that shit room that has bunk beds in it, or like some sort of like crappy little room that feels like a cupboard. And when you're the single person that's just allocated to you. The only thing that I think is important to keep perspective on is that normally maybe it's different if you're traveling with your family, but normally if you're traveling with your friends, they break down the cost of an Airbnb or of a group holiday per person, right? So if you're each paying $200 per person, but the thing is, is so just say like in your instance, Britt, there's two rooms. One is infinitely better than the other. One room, someone is getting for $200 and the other room, two people are paying $400 for. So you would expect that as a couple,

Starting point is 00:42:30 if you're paying $400 between you to stay in one room, that that room would be better than the one that the single person has and I think that that just comes down to like the equation of maths the value for money unfortunately when there's two of you you've got more money to put into a group holiday that's how I feel about it and I'm also I don't want to stay in the room that doesn't have the nice bed in it selfish no one does question three the other day my partner of nearly eight years and I were discussing fantasies I brought it up because you know you want to keep the spark and keep things a little interesting I told him I'd always had the fantasy of having sex in public and he told me that he had always wanted to have a threesome.

Starting point is 00:43:06 I know it's pretty common fantasy for guys but I'm feeling a bit rocked by this. I'm only sexually attracted to men so I don't really find the idea of having sex with another woman appealing. I don't want to completely shut him down especially because I was the one that brought up the idea of fantasies in the first place. I don't really know what to do from here. Have you got any advice? Is there a middle ground?

Starting point is 00:43:26 Yes, there's a middle ground. Have a threesome with two men. Fine. See how he deals with that. fantasies are just that it's okay to talk about them you don't have to act on them like if his fantasy sits outside one that you're comfortable with then the conversation that you have is like okay like maybe we can watch threesome porn or maybe we can i don't know i guess there's other things i don't think there's many other things you can do except from actually have the threesome but

Starting point is 00:43:51 you can acknowledge that that's a fantasy for him but it's something that you don't want to do especially if you have zero sexual desire zero interest yourself in bringing a third party into your relationship, which is, can we just, and I know we want to normalize all the different things that people do in relationships. It is and will and could change your relationship to have a threesome. It can have, yeah, we had a big threesome question. As much as we want to be sexually liberal and say like, you can do whatever you want. You can experience whatever it is that you want to experience. If you don't want to, you don't have to. And there's going to be a big difference between having sex in public and fucking someone else in your relationship.

Starting point is 00:44:34 I would say they're very different fantasies. Some of them and one of them is much more complicated than the other, unless you get arrested. So like that is definitely a consideration. And I guess it's great that he voiced it to you. It's great that he made it known. You don't have to act on it and that's okay. But the other thing is, I mean, the thing that stands out for me is you say, I don't want to shut it down because I brought up the idea of talking about our fantasies. Just because you bring up a conversation doesn't mean you have to do it. Just because you said let's talk about our fantasies, fuck yeah, I'm going to do a threesome.

Starting point is 00:45:05 Like it doesn't work like that. Sometimes the idea of talking about fantasies is enough to bring spark in because just the thought of it and the discussion of what it would be is the excitement that you need. But you do not, to be clear, you do not need to go and have a threesome right now because you brought up the conversation of fantasies. Totally. And you're not shutting it down.

Starting point is 00:45:23 Like you could talk about going to Europe. It doesn't mean you have to go to Europe. Do you know what I mean? You could talk about one of many things. Bungee jumping. what is that? Yeah, no, I think that's so important. I agree with you. I think threesomes, it's a very common fantasy that a lot of people have. Does that mean that most people are okay with having them in their relationship? No, I would say that there are lots of people who

Starting point is 00:45:45 are explorative and experimental and like are quite happy to try, or maybe have had one in their life. I would not say, and this is just completely me blanket statement. And it's not based on anything other than my feelings. I don't think it would be that common for people who are in long-term relationships to go and have threesomes. I think that that is a rarity and that's why we like to talk about it because it is a fantasy because it is naughty because it isn't common. And so I think it's okay that he's said it. I think it's okay that he's spoken about it with you and being honest enough. I don't think it has to breed an insecurity in you that he wants to run away and do it. The thing is, he's always thought about it. It's always been a fantasy.

Starting point is 00:46:24 it's been there for the last eight years he hasn't acted on it and you don't have to now but I guess it does raise some questions though doesn't it Brit like if Matt said to me that he had a fantasy and because I brought the brought it up to him and I wanted to spice our relationship up and then he said that he'd had this fantasy he'd never acted on there would be a part of me that would want to please him there would be a part of me that would want to do the thing that he wanted even if it made me feel a little bit uncomfortable because I don't want to begrudge him of something. Oh, I couldn't be further from the truth.

Starting point is 00:46:53 You're never getting me into a threesome with another woman. Never. I do not care what it is. It's not my thing and I'm not going to do it because someone else wants me to do it. Yeah, well, that's what I was going to say is like, even though there would be a little part of me that would want to be able. So Keisha, stop asking me. Jokes.

Starting point is 00:47:09 Even though there would be, weirder that you didn't say me stop asking. Like it's really quiet in the corner there. So it's like it's been me and Matt who were like, Brittany, knock on the door. Come and have that threesome that we've always talked about. I'm saying, Matt, stop asking me. I'm not coming over. Okay, yeah, like what I'm saying is I empathise with your want and that's because you care about your partner's sexual desires

Starting point is 00:47:28 and needs, but do you owe that to him? No. Please don't go and have a threesome against your will. No. It'll also, if you're not fully into it and fully subscribed to it, it'll fuck your relationship. Hundy. Because it will make you insecure.

Starting point is 00:47:41 Hundy. All right. That is it from us, guys. We hope you loved the episode. Please keep the questions coming in to our Instagram, Life Uncut Podcast. Just put Ask Uncut at the top and send us any question. It can be serious.

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