Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT - Will the billboards please think of the children!

Episode Date: April 12, 2023

Hey Lifers! First up today we are sharing a beautiful story that happened within our facebook discussion group community. The kindness of Julia during a time where a family felt so vulnerable is something that ought to have you smile. You can join the facebook discussion group here - Join the Facebook group! Then we are unpacking whether the OnlyFans billboard ad is 'a bit much' or whether it's all power to ya! At the very least, this has got to be one of the most successful marketing tactics we've seen because every news site (and cmmm us) are talking about it! Interested to hear your thoughts on this one. Vibes for the week!Britt- Netflix's Lewis Capaldi: How I'm Feeling NowLaura- App 'Timetree'.  Then we unpack your questions. Is it rude to tell someone in person at the end of a first date that you aren't interested in seeing them again? Even if you know that you're not interested, should you wait until later to send a message or ghost? My husband (who I truly love) makes a weird breathy sound when he sleeps. It wakes me up. I have said that I want to sleep in the spare room and he seemed really offended. What do you think? My partner has a piece of jewellery that his ex bought for him. He still wears it. Firstly, is it silly that I care about this? Secondly, can I buy him a piece of jewellery to replace it or is that weird? Follow our Instagram and our Tiktok!Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands were never ceded. We pay our respects to their elders past and present. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany and it's Therapy Thursday. Therapy for who? Therapy Thursday and Laura is still on drugs. You are high as a kite.

Do you want to explain yourself turning up to this podcast record on drugs? I feel like that means a little bit of context and by context, I mean colon context. If you listen to Tuesday's episode, if you listen to last week's episode, I had a colonoscopy, but it means that I've literally done the three days of prep, the clean up. And then today I was on anesthetics and I was off my face, completely gone on another world, in another planet. Yet I still feel like I'm there. How do you feel?

Because this has been a long time coming and it's been on your mind and we've all known it's coming. But what was it like for you to actually go in, pull your pants down, know you're about to get nude, have them drugged? Like what was the team like? What was your experience like? I was surprised by how much of a medical procedure it was. I was like, oh, yeah, they're just going to whip a little camera up there.

It'll be all done. It'll be fine. It was like proper hospital. No, you're in like an operating theater. Yes. I was not prepared. But also, let me just tell you this. I had the best five hours sleep of my entire life.

I came home from that colonoscopy. I went back to bed. And I don't think I've, for three years since having children, I don't think I've ever slept like that. I woke up and I didn't know where I was. I didn't know what was going on. I just felt really heavy and the nurse was kind of like lightly shaking me to wake me up and I rolled over and I kind of put my arm on her face and I was like honey get me a blanket I'm cold because I thought it was mad oh god it's 18 months two years ago now when I froze my eggs

but I have the funniest videos from that and I remember when I was coming out of the anesthetic i thought in my head that i was completely fine so i thought i was normal and so i was like oh i'll do an update i'll send some updates to the family so i was recording this update to my family group chat about how the procedure went and how many eggs i got and when you play that back it is wild that they were in hysterics and i was like why is everyone laughing i genuinely thought I was giving a TED talk to like a thousand people but I was like there's 15 eggs guys I was like that's how I was talking but in my head I was like that was a great TED talk I actually remember you doing stories shortly afterwards and I was like I'm pretty sure Brit is still she's she's at about

a seven right now there's still a few brain cells missing yeah so look at the end of the day to the people who wrote in questions for this ask uncut I'm very sorry I do feel like I have a little bit more cognitive ability than what I did say five hours ago. But Britt, you were doing the heavy lifting. And if I say anything wildly out of tone or out of touch, let's just blame it on the fact that I have not eaten in three days and my colon is completely empty. If you've turned up, you're committed to the content, the project, the lifers, you're here, you're ready, you're roaring. Well, speaking of the lifers, we had possibly the most beautiful story that was in our Facebook group this week. And we wanted to share it with you guys because we know that you are a very

special breed. We know that we have such an incredible Life Uncut community around us. And this is one of the things that since this podcast started, we've been genuinely the most proud of. It's just separate to the podcast. There's been this incredible community of people that's formed, like obviously in support of the podcast, but it's also just you guys have your own little communities as well. So if you're part of the discussion group, you may have seen that there was a post, there was a woman, Kel Dre, and she posted on behalf of her friend. This is what she said. I have a friend taking her daughter to Germany for medical treatment. They are flying into Dusseldorf. Now this is a long shot, but are there any Life Uncut members who are in Dusseldorf

or have family or friends there? Just so I can tell her there is someone we can call on if she gets lost, lost, confused, scared, or needs help. So this is what this woman posted on behalf of her friend. And then one of our top contributors, her name is Julia, she commented and she said, I live in Dusseldorf. Now from this one comment, they've gone on to privately DM, like this wasn't a big thing happening in the group. They contacted each other privately. They landed in Dusseldorf and the little girl has a brain tumor. So she's gone over to get this treatment over there and they don't speak the language. It was very, very confronting and confusing. And Julia was on the ground, this lifer, and has completely gone above and beyond out of her way to help this family.

she's been translating she's taken them out she's gone to dinner with them she got an emergency call saying they want to give my daughter medication but I don't know what it is I don't want to let them give my daughter medication without knowing and within 15 minutes Julia was on a train she went to the hospital she was translating for her and I just think it's a really really beautiful example of how you guys are going above and beyond for each other and it's not for praise and it's not to tell everyone that you've done it it's this was all very private but these things do not go unnoticed by us yeah and they also don't go unnoticed by the life uncut community if you're not part of the facebook group it's a life uncut discussion group there have been over the years

so many beautiful moments of connection that have come out of that group one of the things that i think is so special and it's something that we don't see enough of but it's something that absolutely exists in the life uncut community is that sense of community and so to julia for everything that you've done to help out this family just doing it out of the kindness of your own heart. We are so grateful that you are a lifer and we love that you are a part of the Facebook group and have been contributing and just being an absolute 10 out of 10 five-star Cuban. This is like by far not the first time that you guys as a group of lifers have gone above and beyond for someone. I remember one of the big stories was Dennis, the man, the elderly man

last year that was about to be kicked out of his home. He had no family and friends and he was going to be homeless. And again, purely because of you lot, you changed his life. You found housing for him you helped him move he had free removalists you guys raised money for him you're on the news with him like it genuinely blows our mind we love you guys and we appreciate everything that you do for each other and also for the life uncut community now before we get into answering and giving you our pearls of wisdom there was something that happened in the news recently and brit i wanted to talk to you about it because i'm not sure how i feel part of me part of me okay i'm like straddling this fence hard with this one so in Perth there is a woman her name is Savannah

she has an OnlyFans account and she has decided to take out she's commissioned because she is a savvy businesswoman she has commissioned a fuck off billboard ad that is promoting her OnlyFans account now it is a picture of her in a very seductive pose she's wearing a little black bikini she's kind of like what do you call it when you're you've got your legs apart like you're not kneeling you're kind of leaning forward but you're straddled she's straddling the beach it's outside i'm finding the picture it's a very sensual and sexy photo although she has a bikini on so like you would see as much flesh going down to bonnet beach on the weekend okay i've got it yes okay we'll put a picture of it on our insta on stories let's promote her more yeah it's

definitely working there's a huge qr code on the billboard so you can scan the qr code from your phone when you're walking down the street and it will take you straight to her OnlyFans account. There's also her Instagram. It's linked to her Twitter. Every type of social media platform where this OnlyFans model is available and you can find her is linked on this billboard. Massive. The thing is there has been such uproar about this from many concerned Perth citizens are upset by the fact that there is this billboard and she has taken to it saying, well, look, I'm promoting my business. I'm in a bikini. Nobody's naked. People can use OnlyFans for all different things like for cooking recipes. As much as you could use it for hardcore porn, you could be using it to, I don't

know, teach someone how to service a car. You can use it for a whole spectrum of things. My question to you is Brit, what are your thoughts? Because I don't know how I feel because the empowered feminist in me wants to say, you go girl, live your best life. But on the other side, the mother in me thinks won't somebody think of the children it's a hard one I'm actually just on her Instagram right now as you were talking I went on she I looked at the promotion the billboard and I got a handle and I'm on her Instagram there's a post from four minutes ago actually great what is that that says it's a picture of the billboard literally four minutes ago and it basically she's collab posted with someone and it says Savannah has been warned that the billboard

company will likely be issued a cease notice tomorrow from local council it then goes on to say explain to me how this is any different from an ad with a huge naked man with his bulge in a pair of undies for calvin klein or kate moss laying erotically over justin bieber without his top on that's a pretty good point yeah i think the problem here is i don't think it's so much her in the picture as it is the push to the only fans where obviously erotic videos and photos are post it I think that might be the issue for a lot of parents it's not so much just the photo but it's like there's a huge QR code that any kid could go I guess could go and take a photo of and I think that it's incredibly black and white to say well you know Justin Bieber or whoever it

is has a bulge in their Calvin Klein's and then compare that to an OnlyFans ad because at the end of the day if you click on the link for Calvin Klein's you're going to go to an underwear site and you're going to buy some knickers which everybody needs very important product yeah but at the end of the day OnlyFans is a very different type of site and I understand that you know people have and use it for many many different things but we can't ignore the fact that a lot of people do use it for very sexually explicit stuff as well and is that an issue absolutely not but there needs to be some protection from children and I guess I read this article that it's been reported now and Seven News has done an article on it BBC is covering it because it does bring up a lot of

questions like why is one acceptable why is it okay to have a woman in lingerie but then not have savvy businesswoman who's trying to promote her only fans who's also simply just in lingerie and I guess for me as a parent the thing that where my brain goes to is as a parent it's your responsibility to try and limit your children from what they can and can't see right like you try and protect your children from porn sites you try and protect your children from knowing that only fans exists up until a certain age. You try and protect your children from so many different types of things. And when it comes to a phone, you're responsible for that. When it comes to what they're consuming in magazines, you're responsible for that. But when it comes to them walking out

of their house, walking down their street, what are you going to do? Blindfold them? You can't protect somebody from that. And I guess ultimately, even though there is many, because like if you scan that QR code, you have to, I think with OnlyFans, you have to submit like a license to be able to actually prove that you're 18. Yeah. You don't scan it and go straight to the nudes or whatever. Like you don't get straight in from scanning. No, there's definitely layers of having to prove that you're over 18 in order to be able to create a subscription, to be able to view content. But I mean, we'd be silly to think that some kids aren't savvy enough to be able to do that. Now, is this Savannah woman, like, is she the reason why children are going to get on and

look at OnlyFans. No, I would say a lot of kids already know it exists. And if they really want to look at someone, they're going to do it. But I do think that promoting it so publicly could be more of an issue. It's like bringing it front of mind. I'm on the fence because there's a big part that's like, fuck, she's just nailed the marketing for her business because that's business. So you're like, go off queen. Yes. Like that no one in Australia has ever done that. I don't know if anyone around the world has put their OnlyFans on a billboard. So there's part of you that's like, fucking get it queen. Then there's the other part that like if I were a mom and my four-year-old is driving along and says what's

OnlyFans I don't want to have that conversation yet so there's a part of me that's like is it the right place to do the marketing it's a tough one there is nothing wrong with it as a business and as a site and there's nothing wrong with wanting to promote it but I do think that there needs to be appropriate places in which you promote it and I also think it's important to know like none of us have seen what is inside this OnlyFans account? Is it just photos in a bikini? Is it something that's more sexually explicit? Like what are you subscribing to? I mean her Instagram's very sexy and the link says go here for the good stuff. I'm going to assume that there's some pretty sexy stuff on there. That's an assumption. I haven't been on there but at the end of the day yeah I'm

not convinced the school run is the place to put the billboard. If dad is doing the school run he might be okay with it oh fucking clever man i don't know how no one else has thought of this and like she's on every article ever lad bible news perth news australian everyone's currently talking about it so she's nailed it i just can't believe that the billboard company actually let this fly because there are so many rules around advertising say like porn sites or porn hub or any of those sorts of sites that require you to be over 18 to view there is so much legislation about publicly advertising them you can't so i wonder how this slipped through the cracks and I think it is because it flirts with that very blurred line between what is too sexual for the

school run literally yeah all right well I'm gonna give you an update on my life I'm still best friends with the gay guys next door Alex and Eugene they're amazing I went for a dinner party last night and they bought me a present let me show you the present Laura I'm just gonna get it I've lost Brittany to a 60 year old psychic okay they were so excited to give me this present and Now, I need to tell you, Alex and Eugene are the couple, right? So Alex, he walks around the house now and sporadically will go, lifers! He's called himself a lifer.

He listens to the podcast now. He knows everything. He knows about you, Laura, Maddie J, Keisha. He's so involved in the podcast and he's absolutely loving it. Eugene, not so much. He's like, I get what Alex tells me. He's like, Alex made me listen to some episodes, but he's not that tech savvy, Eugene.

I'm not your target market. Yeah. I mean, Alex had to download a podcast. He didn't even know how to download a podcast app, but he's our main subscriber now but they were so excited to give me this present it's a pair of socks and this says bitch I am reality tv this is the present they gave me I'm gonna put on life uncut stories but it's really cute anyway I had my psychic reading I've only just had it so I need time to go through that and process that and

we'll talk about it we'll unpack it a bit more on tuesday's big episode because he did mention like you laura may jay mentioned mitch like there was a lot of stuff that was mentioned and i'm not going to go through all of it some of it was pretty personal but i'll give you my thoughts about that one once i've unpacked it a bit more myself and i mean we all know how much of a absolute skeptic i am for it so i can't wait to sit there and be like i'm sure that he read this on the internet brit before we get into answering ask and cut questions what are you vibing this week oh okay I am it's no secret that I love Lewis Capaldi my vibe this week is Lewis Capaldi's Netflix documentary which is literally titled Lewis Capaldi how I'm feeling now I mean I love

him as an artist I love him as just so raw and authentic on his Instagram but it was really around his mental health and I don't know if a lot of people have seen this but Lewis has really really severe Tourette's no way severe and there was a really beautiful video that went around not that long ago Laura I don't know if you you mustn't have seen it his Tourette's has been getting really bad the last like year and he was on stage performing and his tics were going off and he couldn't sing anymore because his convulsions it takes his whole back he's got extreme back pain it's so severe and you don't realize until you see this documentary but he had to stop singing in front of like thousands and thousands of people and he felt like you know you

could see that he was a bit embarrassed and upset and the whole audience started to sing the song for him when he couldn't sing because of the tics and it was just like the most beautiful heartfelt moment but it's just a really honest look into this whole like it doesn't matter how famous you are how much money you have or you know you never really know what someone's life is going through and no one is safe from mental health mental health doesn't care doesn't discriminate who you are and I think it's a really beautiful insight into that. Also with Lewis Capaldi I think because he's actually so funny as well and I think that funny people are very good at masking when they're going through challenging times because they use it as a mask as a buffer but he's so fucking

hilarious not only just an amazing singer. I haven't seen this documentary so I will definitely watch it. Okay so he literally lives about 60 seconds from me here in Glasgow from Ben like I walk past his house every day but I didn't know which one it was but I think now I know so what I'm trying to say is I'm going to start to stalk Lewis Capaldi I'm going to set out the frat that's like my wildest dream is to get Lewis Capaldi on the podcast okay well my five for the week is it's something very simple I want to recommend an app which is saving my life at the moment it's one that we use all the time when we're trying to schedule our lives it's called time tree it is a very basic calendar app I know some of you are going to be like why the fuck don't

you just use Google calendars. It's because I find Google calendars so annoying. So annoying. I do too. I don't know how to use it properly. I hate it. Yes. And people are like, did you get my invite? And I'm like, no, I don't want your stinking calendar invite. And I'm like, what do I do with that invite? I'm like, do I click yes? Maybe do I schedule it? No, I'm not about it. Yes. Look, I mean, I know that for a lot of people it's very convenient. And I know that if I ever checked my emails and actually said yes to any of the calendar invites people sent me, then maybe I would find it convenient too. But TimeTree is something that Britt and Keisha and I all share. We're on it together. So we can kind of share each other's calendars. And then

I have another project that I'm working on at the moment. And so I have a really conflicting calendar. So I've set up a calendar with them. I have one with Tony May. It runs my life without it. If you don't go in the calendar, I forget you exist. That's literally where my life is at the moment. You know, you might forget, but TimeTree was my idea. I introduced us to that. So you're welcome. Yeah. Well, it's my vibe. I'm vibing it. Thank you so much for that. Keisha kept doing calendar, Google calendar. And I was like, I can't do it. I was like, here, everyone download this new ridiculous app and we'll use that. It's free and it's freaking great. Okay. I'm pretty sure it's free or maybe I paid for it.

I can't remember. This isn't sponsored. It's great. I think it's just the free one. I don't think we pay for it. It probably gets better if you pay for it. Yeah. But let's not do that. Let's get into answering some questions. Okay. I'm going to kickstart us with one. Here we go. Is it rude to tell a guy in person that you don't want to see him for a second date at the end of the first date. Backstory. I went on a first date the other day. It was okay, but I just felt absolutely nothing for the guy. So at the end when we're saying our goodbyes, I slipped in that although it was nice to meet him, I wasn't interested in hanging out again. Each friend I have said this to was shocked. They said it was

very savage of me and they asked how could I possibly do this to him? I want to know who your friends are. I felt great driving home from the day because I knew I wasn't going to have to contact him again. But now I'm wondering if this was in fact rude and a little text when I got home was probably the way to go. Now, I did think this is obviously, I mean, I have my opinion on it, but I sent this to Maddie J and Ben to get a male's perspective because I would love to know how the male would have felt in this situation. So go get Matt, bring Matt in and we can discuss what we think okay I firstly think it's fine I think it is completely fine it can be delivered in a polite way if you were feeling that there's a good chance he was also feeling the same thing

that like you know it was nice you were pleasant but like he didn't feel that spark either I think it's fine do I think it's ballsy and that most people wouldn't have the confidence to do it yes I think most people are so scared about offending somebody that they would hate to say something like that that's so direct for fear that it would shatter the other person's self-confidence but if you've delivered it in like a pleasant way if you've said you know had a really nice time but I think we're not each other's person and I hope you have a great life I think it's fine I think it is so fine would I have ever done that no because I'm a fucking coward but I'm so glad you're not oh okay I think the same thing and I think the problem here is the real underlying

problem is your friends saying I can't believe you did that I think it's saying more about your friends than it is about you they're viscerally uncomfortable by the fact that you had this confrontation and you actually voiced your opinion because it does make people uncomfortable no one wants to like shut someone down or no one wants to hurt someone's feelings or in case they had a good date you don't want to be the one that was like ill gross I have done this before I don't ever choose to do it like I don't want to have that moment of letting someone down or in case they did have a great date or the awkwardness the only times I've ever done it when someone has put me on the spot and said I had a really great time would love to see you again because I'd rather in

that moment lie I mean I'd rather in that moment tell the truth I mean I'd rather fucking lie I would rather lie I would never see you again yeah I would hope to say yeah I had a great time too and then never see you again no but I'd rather in that moment when I'm put on the spot I'd rather tell the truth than say yes can't wait to see you and then get home and say psych I was joking don't you think that's harder though if someone's like hey I just had such a great time I can't wait to see you again responding to that with yes same but I'm not interested in you so hard terrifying oh it's terrible worst day of my life and I've had some pretty bad days that's pretty bad I don't think there's a better way or a right or wrong way if you want to wait to get home and

send the message that's also fine like absolutely fine if you want to say it on the spot because you feel better which you did fine for you you didn't want to get in the car and have to think of what you're going to say in a text. And obviously the moment came, you did it. I think that your friends are reflecting their feelings onto you about how uncomfortable they would feel. 100%. And I think it also comes down to exactly like you said, Brit, this idea of like personality types. Some people are inherently conflict avoidant and the idea, the thought of doing what you did, it almost sickening. Like it's just like, it's petrifying to them. Whereas for you, it was an empowering moment nobody likes to leave a first date knowing that you're not going to see

them again knowing that you don't want to see them again and then having to do that follow-up text because it's almost like having more admin work when you've gotten home from your date it's nice sometimes just package it up say what you want to say and not have to then go home and think about fuck i'm gonna write back to the good morning text that this guy's just sent me that i don't want to talk to i mean it's more awkward too if like if he's taking you to like a michelin star restaurant paid for and then at the end you're like i'm gonna take my lobster eater to go back and i never want to see you again but i asked ben and he was like firstly if the guy has any awareness he would probably feel that there was nothing there from your side like unless you were

completely faking it but like you said laura like most people you get the vibe if it's there or not so he's like a the guy should have had some awareness i said if this happened to you how would you feel would you have been offended would you think the girl was being rude and he said it's absolutely fine of course it's not nice to hear I suppose but it's part of dating rejection happens he's not going to lose any sleep about it and I think that that's accurate I don't think this guy I don't think you have to worry he's not giving you another thought to be honest that's what I think I was like this guy that you let down is not fucking crying to his friends being like can you believe she said she didn't want to see me again I think you're good I am gonna ask Matt

because I feel like he might have maybe his fragile male ego has a different sense of it or maybe he's fine matt matt is fragile he's not fragile i was teaching i reckon he is no let's see what he says he's sensitive he's not fragile very different yeah potato potato all right so matt if you were on a first date with someone and you you know who knows maybe you thought it went great maybe you didn't but at the end of the date she said to you that she didn't want to see you again in a nicer way would you prefer it to your face or would you prefer it in a text message afterwards i did ghost me ghost me are you kidding okay for some people they may like the news to be delivered honestly and direct but for me that'd fucking destroy me oh my god i just when you

walked in we tried to guess what you'd say laura's like i think he'll be fine i'm like no he's pretty fragile she's like matt's not fragile and then you're like and you're like i would cry i said Matt's not fragile. He's sensitive. I wouldn't date for five years if someone delivered that news to me at the end of the date. I guess it depends on the person. I'm talking from personal experience here.

I like to be let down very gently into a nice, like, cushiony cloud with a blanket. So you would rather she get home. So what if you said, okay, picture this, Matt. You've had the date and you're leaving to say goodbye and you say, hey, I had a really nice time. I'd love to see you again. But she doesn't want to see you.

What would you prefer? That she lies to your face and lets you down on a text later? Or would you prefer she says, oh, like, I had a nice time too, but I don't want to see you again? I think that's one of the very few situations in life where lying directly to someone's face is absolutely acceptable. Okay, the only awkward thing would be if the person you're going on the date with tried to kiss you.

Oh, yeah. And went in for the kiss. And then you might have to say, hey, I'm really sorry, but you suck. No, that's where you have to just suck it up, a fake kiss. Like, you can't not. Take one for the team. It's too awkward. And you're just going to date them for, like, six months.

And then, like, Laura actually didn't want to be with me when I proposed to her. But she's just like, I know how fucking sensitive he is. I just. Totally. She's like, it'll just break him. I can't do it. I'll have one kid. And then she's like, shit, he got me pregnant again.

I'll have two and then we'll call it. and now it's been for six years and you've really grown on it you love me it's been a slow and steady race you're right honey yeah forever forever and ever well i don't know if we've come to a conclusion because do you think we've got a conclusion on that yeah lie well no i'm saying it's okay to be honest i think you're saying the same laura and matt's just like fuck no don't break the man down can i ask you if you've ever had a really bad day and you've texted a friend and say hey can you call me and pretend like there's an emergency and then yes i have it And gives me a reason to leave the date early.

Yes, I did that. That's perfect. I've done that one time. Right. But I don't think you should do that either. I don't think you need to. I think you can see a dinner date out and then just say, and you don't have to elongate it.

Actually, Ben has said that he's done that. Ben's like, I'll just not get dessert. You know, like if the date's not going well, I'll just be like, let's just call it. You know, like we don't need the dessert and the extras. But I don't think you need an out. I think people just need to be a bit more honest. But maybe that's because I'm getting old.

And like now I'm like, I don't care. Like just be honest. So many people are so scared of hurting other people's feelings, which is understandable because we want to be kind. Like inherently most people don't want to be assholes to other people. Yeah. And so I think the majority of people listening to this would do the text afterwards.

I think that that's probably a very standard approach. But if you want to be someone who is confident and takes the bull by the bulls, the bull by the bulls, then I think you can tell them to their face, but just know that you might crush someone like Natty J and his fragile little heart. Yeah, but the question is, was I rude to tell him? Fuck no.

Like, you don't want to see the guy again. Like, you didn't tell him, hey, like, I think you're ugly or you didn't say anything to be rude and offensive. You just said, we're not gelling. You're not my penguin. There's a billion people in the world. You're not it. It's not rude.

It's just an action that lacked a little bit of empathy, I think. I think. It's not rude. You're not wrong. It's just softer ways of doing things. Yes, I do agree. I do agree. Well, I have a question, which I'm going to keep you here for, Matt,

now that you've joined this little threesome. So this one. This is nice, isn't it, guys? It's been a while since we've done the threesome. I know. I know. A little menage a trois. I'm a bit rusty.

I also have just had a colon cleanse. Yeah. Perfect timing. It's not sexy. Quick, I don't know if Laura told this already, but last night the TV turned off and I was, like, scrolling on social media. and the room, like the house is very quiet obviously

because the girls are sleeping and all I could hear coming from the en suite from our bedroom was. In her defence, she's taken a laxative. Like what are you expecting? I did a pinko cleanse. You're so mean to me. And I was like, honey, is it clear yet? She's like, it's still brown, it's rusty.

She's like, don't come in here. This is so messed up. I did ask you to stay but now I want you to go. No. I'll stay. Matt, funnily enough, Laura hadn't mentioned that yet. So thank you for bringing that back. But Laura, keep going, keep going.

We are 40 minutes into this episode and we've answered one question. Good, great. It's been funny. Okay, all right. Question number two. I love my husband. I love my husband so much. However, I never feel like I get a good night's sleep.

So I have decided that I would like to sleep in the spare bedroom. Now, I broached this conversation with my husband recently and he was dare i say very very offended by it he thinks that it means that our relationship's coming to an end that i no longer want to be intimate with him or i no longer find him attractive but the truth is i just can't stand the way he breathes at night time sensitive soul a man after my own heart i can't stand the way he exists and literally lives by breathing so the reason why i found this so funny is because he's not a snorer now it's not that he's making an overt snoring noise it's that he makes a very loud breathy noise whilst he sleeps which I can

relate to this because this is the noise that Matt makes when Matt sleeps and it's this that's from my mouth not my arsehole it's probably from both I've heard you beatbox and I've always wondered how you did it Matt that's how you do it is this about me is this about me no I love sleep I'm what's the right word codependent yeah i'm codependent i'm never gonna sleep in another bed great i know the exact sound you're referring to that that sound yeah it's like someone's playing a game of tennis in the middle of the night oh it's annoying as fuck it's the ball getting hit across the court it's so annoying like i think that's a tricky one and it wakes you up well yeah if you're a light sleeper

it's not that it's just that you know when there's okay picture this you're in bed you're all relaxed you're going to sleep and then somebody brings your attention that outside your window there is a drip drip drip drip once it's brought to your attention you cannot unhear it so once this has been brought she's never going to switch off because that's all she's going to hear the whole time get the fuck out of there get to the spare room live your best life that's what i'm saying you guys need to suck it up it's a fucking drip what would you do if i said to you i wanted to sleep in the spare room because your parking was too much for me i'd be like that's fucking part of marriage that's what you signed up for yeah but don't you think you can go to another room

and just both ensure that you have a good night's sleep like maybe cuddle to almost sleep and then evacuate okay look if you want to cuddle me till i fall asleep and then leave to another bedroom that's totally fine exactly that's the dream but after i've gone to sleep and then you can come check on me a couple hours later to make sure i'm still asleep and then you can go back to bed yeah if there's a draft stop it you are possibly the cutest grown man that's ever existed if you honestly if you said i want to sleep in another room as long as we still had sex it doesn't bother me yeah i think answering this question properly i mean we can make a lot of jokes about it but there are so many people there are so many couples who sleep in separate rooms who still love each

other and are in great relationships they just can't sleep i also think that like once you've had kids things change because you know marley for example gets into our bed every night time and i usually get out of our bed and go and sleep in her bed at three o'clock every morning so like i think that it doesn't have to be a symbol that something's wrong in the relationship but i do think that you have to have all the intimacy that goes around it you know you have to still have the cuddles in bed before you decide to part ways and go to your own bed i mean let's be honest we literally give each other a peck good night and then we're at completely opposite ends of the bed that's about it you know obviously we have sex but on the nights that we're not having

sex it's like good night 97 of the time we're just like good night that's it well brid when you fall asleep like tonight when you go to sleep will you spoon or will you like how does that work as in a new relationship yeah but they're in a new relationship we spooned for the first year no i know but i just want to i want to live the life of a young fresh relationship for just the second no we definitely like we sex it up and then we cuddle and like spoon and stuff like that but then all right legend no but it's not the whole night i don't think we actually cuddle most of the night because we both want a good night's sleep so we cuddle you know for the first like 10 or 15 you know just the dozing off and then we roll on to the other side but ben like i could

probably sleep in another bed one day because ben's he's a quiet sleeper but he's so big he takes up the entire bed like his feet are off the end they're diagonally across the end his arm span is like an albatross there's no room for me in the bed but matt you lie because you say that we like part ways and we sleep on other sides of the bed we fall asleep but there's always one body part that's touching usually i have like my foot on your calf or something there's always one thing that's touching somewhere that like signifies we're still in bed together yeah correct yeah there's always one touch point i think the important part here is at the end of the day she's not getting the sleep she needs that's the question she cannot sleep she's awake all night

she might have kids she might have a stressful job she needs to get to she needs to get asleep so they can sleep in other rooms I think it's okay yeah but I think to be able to answer it I mean like if your partner's offended if your partner's upset by it what's the next steps I think the reassurance is what it is or maybe it is that you fall asleep in the bed together and then you know when you wake up or you are woken up you get up and you go to the other room but I think if you're dismissive in this I think if you turn around you're like I'm gonna go sleep in the other bedroom, that can make someone feel very shut out in the relationship. So as much as we can sit here and make jokes about it, I still think that this is something that a lot of people

have to deal with in their relationships, especially when you've been in a really long term. And it's also when you can start to feel like the passion's gone a bit and the intimacy and the feelings of being wanted are starting to erode. So be careful with it too. Because I think if I was going to put myself in the shoes of the husband here and think about the insecurity it would be the fact that this could be the beginning of further separation like you know it begins when you go to bed and then once you get used to that routine of not having that contact all the time it may be harder to then be intimate because you're in separate bedrooms so I think that would be my fear that it would be the beginning of the undoing of the

relationship well then the guy needs to go to a respiratory specialist I need to go and go to a sleep doctor go to a breathing doctor sort the shit out but it's i don't know i think i think you guys are overthinking it i think of course you're gonna reach your room of course you're gonna go baby i love you so much like you are my whole entire world but i cannot sleep with you breathing so loudly all night like i'm gonna have to try and nap in the other room i don't know i don't think it's the end of the world yeah i agree i know i totally agree with you i don't think it's the end of the world because i know so many couples who do it god i know couples who live together but they have separate bedrooms which sounds like the fucking dream because they've got

They've got their own wardrobes. They're a single couple. They live in a two-bedroom house and they don't have kids and they have their own bedroom. So they fall asleep with each other and then they go to their own beds. Well, they're going to have a terrible time when they have kids. I know. How are they going to adjust?

I know a couple that have been married for 40 years, happily, that live in the same street but in different houses. They have dinner together every night. They're together. But then they go to their own house. That's my parents. Oh, yeah. That's my mum and my stepdad.

Yeah. They have different houses. and they've been married for 15 years. But they're just constantly having sleepovers. Yeah, they do. They sleep over each other's houses all the time. It's cute. Anyway, I feel like, I don't know if we've answered it,

but I feel like we got close. I think ultimately it's not the silver bullet that killed the relationship. It doesn't mean your relationship's over, but I think that you have to be really sensitive with how you bring it up. And if it is building an insecurity in your partner, then you have to give a lot of reassurance

that the only reason why you're doing it is because you're not getting a good night's sleep. Yes, correct. Okay, Matthew Johnson, that's enough from you. Thank you for contributing, Matthew Johnson. Hey, you're very welcome. You're a good man. Last question.

My boyfriend has a piece of jewellery that his ex got for him and he still wears it. I know he's completely over her, so that isn't the issue, but the question here is that is it weird if I were to get him a piece of jewellery as a gift now because it might bring up memories of her and the ex? Is it weird if he still wears that jewellery? Am I allowed to buy him a piece that replaces it? That's the kind of vibe here with this ex-jewellery boyfriend thing. hope you can get back to me keep me anonymous of course we keep you anonymous so essentially it's a

in a new relationship the partner still has jewelry from an ex what are your thoughts on that well I mean I think we should start with what are your thoughts on it Brittany because I know a certain ring you've been wearing recently which is not from a recent ex-boyfriend it's from a very very old ex-boyfriend but you found it in your jewelry box and you were like I'm gonna start wearing this again yeah look I might be an anomaly but I'm sort of okay with this I have jewelry from previous partners that I still wear because I like the jewelry I don't put it on and think of the person and it doesn't bring those memories up but that's right Laura so my first ever boyfriend like I reckon he gave me this ring when I was 18 I'm 35 now so like a long time and it's just this

little silver like small thin silver ring with a little diamondy thing in it and I found it again recently and I was like I was looking for some rings to layer and I was like oh perfect I didn't think oh my god that's from my first ever boyfriend that's so cute didn't keep it in a box under my bed but I think with all the letters he wrote me yeah but I think you know it was a nice ring it went with what I was wearing it was a layered thing and I was fine with it but I did tell you guys I told Laura and Keisha and they thought it was a little bit weird no I didn't think that was weird I think because so much time had passed that it wasn't weird I feel differently to you Brit about jewelry and I think I feel differently about it because I I mean I have

like a real affinity with jewelry, guys, that might come as a surprise to you. But I understand and know very intimately how much meaning goes into jewelry, how much when somebody picks out a piece for someone to wear every day, what that meant to them in giving that piece to someone as well. Like jewelry is unlike any other clothing item, for example, like a pair of jeans or a shirt or whatever, it doesn't carry meaning like jewelry does. Jewelry can be like an engagement ring which obviously symbolizes marriage it could be a gift that symbolizes your affection for someone it's a real memory piece and so therefore for me I find it very very different I think that there's different types I think if it's costume jewelry like just say it's an expensive necklace

that you pull out once in a blue moon are you allowed to still wear that absolutely if it's like an inscribed ring that someone has given you because of their undying love for you it's fucking weird to still wear it and I don't mean that if you choose to still wear it it's because you're still in love with your ex but I do think that it's a little bit potentially insensitive to a new partner who might find that intimidating and in this case exactly that like if you're like well now I can't buy you a ring because your ex-girlfriend bought you a ring and then it's like she did it first and I don't want to be compared to her I don't know I just think it makes life easier if you leave jewelry that has been brought for you by your ex in the past

especially if it's an everyday piece oh look i agree with you on a lot but i disagree with you on a lot i agree that it can be it can be sentimental and if it was an engagement ring like you got engaged and then it went south and you broke up yes you can't wear the ring like that's pretty cooked wedding rings the same like if you divorce i don't think you need to be keeping that maybe i mean maybe you can melt it down and make it into something else i do know people that have done that because obviously it's nice expensive jewelry and then they've recreated into something else I think that's okay but for me like I mean I have a necklace that I have from an ex too that I wear sometimes it's beautiful I love it because I love the necklace it was

something I wanted but that necklace is costume jewelry when I say costume jewelry I mean it's occasion wear jewelry you're wearing it out for dinner you're wearing it to an event yes I feel very differently about that I think that's fine so what I'm saying is if it's occasion wear jewelry then I don't have an issue with it because you're wearing it because you're styling it with an outfit but if it's jewelry that you wear every single day that you never take off it almost becomes part of your identity like that's that one thing that never ever comes off your body and it was given to you by your ex i find it weird well i think in this case there's no reason for this girl for you the listener i don't think there's a reason for you to feel uncomfortable

about buying him a gift and buying him a piece of jewelry a ring buying whatever you want he's your partner and it's going to mean something to you and if you low-key want to be replacing what he's wearing that's okay you can also have a conversation about it and say you know I got you this ring but I would love it if you would wear it and how do you feel about you know swapping it out you know I sort of look at that ring and think of your ex you know you could almost be just really honest that it makes you a bit uncomfortable especially if it was something special between them and you know that but I think go for it buy him whatever you want buy him a ring and see what happens I also think on top of that there is no shame in saying I know that it means nothing to

you but it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable that you're wearing it totally but go together and pick out something that he likes because obviously he's got a style maybe he wants to replace it with something that's similar the last thing you want to do is buy something and he doesn't like it as much and then he feels forced to wear it that's all totally and he's like great now I've got to wear this ugly thing that he doesn't like I think go for it that's a good idea Laura go do it together but don't feel bad about buying something just because someone bought him something in the past yeah but I do get it though like I mean if I've ever dated a guy and I found that his ex-girlfriend has kind of done or bought something that's the same. Like for example,

if Matt's ex-girlfriend had bought him a ring that was really sentimental to them and their relationship, I would feel weird about buying Matt a ring. I would feel like I was copying something that she did. I would feel like I was trying to compete or, you know, take that memory. I don't know. I understand why there's a bit of a feeling of like, I don't want to repeat the same gift. Yes. But gifts are limited. What are you going to get? A wallet, a ring, a new shirt. A wallet is such a 16-year-old first boyfriend gift where you go to the surf shop and get like a billabong wallet for their birthday. I'm pretty sure I bought Matt a wallet for our first relationship milestone. I can't remember what it was, but I bought him a wallet.

I almost bought Ben one the other day. And wait, to be fair, I bought Matt a wallet and it was replacing the wallet that he had, which was bought for him by his ex-girlfriend. So there you go. Baller move. So there you go. You did do it. Yeah, I did. And he loves it and he still wears that wallet. Wears it, uses it. And who knows where the ex-girlfriend wallet is. yeah well we do know because you burnt it yeah it's in the ground in your backyard brit that's where it is anyway guys that is it from us we hope that you love the episode enjoyed matt making a little rendezvous on today's ep go and join the life on cart discussion group you can also find us on instagram at life on cart podcast and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell

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