Life Uncut - ASK UNCUT... Will you pee on me?

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

Soaking, parking, floating, marinating, dock and park, jump and hump… never heard these terms in relation to sex before? Well fear not, neither had we! Until a teenage Mormon armed with Tik tok made our day and shed some light on this hush hush act. Kinks. My newish boyfriend just told me he has a few different kinks and mentioned things like urinating during sex as one of them. I’m not sure I’m ready. Do I try or dump and run!? My boyfriend of one year wants to move in together, I think he is my penguin but I low key want to live alone forever! Help!? How do I broach this and is this normal!? My ex messaged out of the blue and wants to “catch up” to see how I’ve been.I’m seeing someone now and very happy but also considering meeting my ex… is this ok? Should I meet him? Do I tell my bf? Do I blow him off? (Not literally, metaphorically of course, get your mind out of the gutter would ya)Please keep your questions rolling into the DM’s @lifeuncutpodcast because oh how we love Therapy Thursday! Don’t forget to subscribe and share the love, because, well, we love love xSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi you guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut, I'm Brittany and I'm Laura and this is our Thursday episode, this is our dark and dirty and sexy saucy little episode where we answer your deep, dark, and burning questions. And now look, we have been keeping it pretty dirty lately, so I think we're going to keep this one a little bit more above board. I think we've been taking our intro too seriously because the last few weeks have been pretty questionable. I can't even remember the questions that we answered last week, to be honest.

Neither, but I just know our vibe. Also, I'm just going to like apologize right now if anyone can hear what sounds like a pterodactyl going. Yeah, it's not Matt. It's actually Lola. Don't worry, she's being supervised by Matt. She's just outside the door screaming at the moment. She's figured out how to crawl

and she's trying to get in here and get on the podcast. But that is lockdown life, isn't it? You can't even apologise for that now because literally you haven't left your house in three months. You live with two kids in a two-bedroom house. Can we call it lockdown life? Like, I mean, it feels like the never-ending saga. It's just his life.

I can't even be mad at her. I'm currently hidden in her bedroom recording. She's just trying to get into where her toys are. Hang on, is it Lola or Marley crying? It's Lola. Who knows? Who's counting anymore? someone's out there with them and that's all that matters. I wanted to kick start today with an

article that we have had a very good chuckle over and I don't know if we should be laughing but hey everyone else is. It seems to be trending. It is about the term soaking. Now I had never heard of soaking in sex before ever had you? I had never heard about it but I'm very very glad that this has come into my life. So if you guys haven't heard of soaking essentially if you don't know much about Mormons. Mormons don't have sex before marriage. They're also not supposed to engage in sexual or overt passionate kissing or touching or anything of that nature. They're supposed to save themselves for marriage. But isn't it that Mormons aren't allowed to engage in like really sexual kissing or like passionate displays of affection because of the potential of it leading

into more and therefore turning into the sex and we're trying to avoid that from happening? I'm not sure if that's the exact reason if it doesn't lead to sex or if it's just that these things are sacred and supposed to be for your partner but I know that oral sex masturbation passionate kissing and erotic touching are all very strictly banned unless you're married so that is definitely all of those things are a no-go you are not allowed to do that now the reason why we're talking about this is it is trending it is all over TikTok because a bunch of teenagers have finally outed what soaking is because apparently it's been around for a long time but it's been hush-hush especially in the Mormon world a lot of people do it but no one wants to put their hand up

and say hey i'm a soaker but what's what it is it's their way around not being able to have sex so they've come up with this thing where the penis goes into the vagina so the man puts you laying in bed you can't you're just laying down on your back the man puts his penis in the vagina and then nothing freeze frame you have to you play that game statue so you have to it's also called it has other names it's called parking but you essentially just have to put the dick in the vagina and not move now I am sorry this this has so many questions for me a I don't know if my sex education was wrong but I'm pretty sure a penis in the vagina is sex like that is breaking a barrier the barrier is called the hymen that is two physical bodies touching to me that sex and

I don't see how you're allowed to soak or park if you're not allowed to passionately kiss like what is I don't know if their reasoning is accurate there's okay there's a few things here i want to unpack firstly thanks for the sex education britney it's very accurate but also okay there are so many different things that constitute what make up sex like it doesn't even just have to be the penis in the we don't even need to tell you guys you guys know what sex is i'm sure you're all listening to this thinking that this is just as fucking weird as we are but like imagine imagine if a guy put his penis inside you and then was like hold the fuck still like just don't move like no wiggling no nothing just two people in missionary position laying on top of each other

still for three minutes or two minutes or however long they can withstand it and then that's it withdraw what do you get out of it well I guess I mean I guess there's a feeling of closeness because you feel like that special connection because we know we know endorphins released when we have sex when we have that intimacy with someone which is why it's so hard to maintain are strictly friends with benefits relationship where women especially are like I'm not going to get feelings I'm not going to catch feelings the second you have sex like bam let's spoon and get married like it is what it is but I think that this I think there's a feeling of closeness and connection and like they're taking the next step without doing the wrong thing in the eyes of

you know their religion this just so fully threw me back into like my teenage years and I feel like everyone's going to relate to this when you're I don't even know if I want to hear what you're to say teenage laura is so awkward and i feel so awkward for her talking about this that when you like very first kind of got into figuring out sex you're dating like you're a super horny teenager in your early 20s and you're hooking up with a guy and you're not actually having sex but like maybe they still have their underwear on or you have your underwear on and you're it's like you're pretty much having sex but you're wearing underwear like they might be in by like three centimeters but you're wearing underwear so it's fine if they're thrusting really hard they're in by three

to four am I alone here or did we all do this like just dry humping to the point where you're like pretty much just having sex but it's not sex well yeah it's when you're young and you're not ready to take the next move but you're like this feels good but that that makes me that literally makes me cringe and I feel like there's not gonna be anyone listening to this that didn't experience that so you're not alone Laura except as a mum to two girls it makes me feel so uncomfortable like I just wow we did it we all did it guys I can kind of understand why this terminology has come up I can understand why they're pushing the boundaries as far as they possibly can especially when this is happening in like Mormon universities and like we all know what it's like to go to uni

to live on campus to run around and be crazy and in our wild youths but there is more to the story well there are some other quotes before we get into the next part of the story because the next part of the story is like what I find the fucking funniest like this it's it's so beyond anything I could imagine was real life but there are some quotes for us from some soakers like some first class soakers some hardcore soakers some hardcore soakers the first time we soaked we were on the floor of my living room and she just asked me to put it in but not to move it around i guess she wanted to push her virginity as far as her sensibilities would allow now this just shows me that teenagers are horny motherfuckers there is another quote from this article which i want

to read out to you guys and it was there was always squirming on both of our parts but never any real thrusting and I guess squirming may be technically moving but it wasn't like the preacher was there reffing the event I was inside her it felt good and sometimes we would kind of grind involuntarily though it was torturous for both of us I mean I'm sorry but you had sex but it was going as far as we could justify before breaking the rules this is wild the thing that makes this so much crazier is the fact that Mormon sex is getting airtime purely because of TikTok. And TikTok is a sharing tactics used to get around what the chastity rules are. So to teach other Mormons what they can and can't do and how they can be intimate without being overly intimate.

Now there's more to this, Brittany, if you'd like to share it with us. It gets so much more wild. This is probably my favorite part because I love their creativity. Now, because they're not allowed to have sex, they're not allowed to thrust, they have come up with a term or an activity called jump pumping now jump pumping is where you have to have a very trusty friend or relative or whoever you're going to use maybe it's a sister maybe it's best friend maybe it's someone that's in your dorm with you but this is where you call your friend when you want to soak with your partner so you want to have this this intimacy with your partner but you want to have that little bit more so you get your friend to come over you're laying on the bed like the couple is laying on the bed

soaking and then the friend or the dedicated jump pumper stands on the mattress like a foot away and jumps really erratically so that your body starts to move and get friction as you're soaking and that way you get the feeling but you're not in the wrong because you're not making you do it you're not thrusting it's the friction from the person jumping on the bed and I am sorry but this has just absolutely made my day there's videos so this has gotten like 33 million hashtags on TikTok this is why it's viral because a girl put a video of herself up doing it to her friend she's on the bed jumping you can see it on TikTok the couple are under the covers soaking and she said this is what I have to do my friend called me and said it's time to soak it's time to jump hump

I'm like who gets the medal here surely the friend like she has taken one for the team you have to like I mean one you've got a friend in the room with you whilst you're pretty much having sex but because they obviously so fundamentally believe that they're not having sex that it's okay to have a friend in the room at the same time it's just so fucking crazy laura if you got a call from me one day and i was like sos i'm soaking i need you here asap to jump home i would do it i would jump on the bed next to you and jordan yes absolutely that's what friends do i would jump on that bed as as hard and as vigorously as you needed to make sure that you were having a good time that's what I would do but also who has the self-control like surely if

they're such horny like 20 year olds or 19 year olds however old these people are surely if the guy is inserting himself and then somebody is jumping on the bed next to them I'm gonna say that there's a few accidents I'm gonna say he probably gets a bit excited and might let it off the loose prematurely someone might think and then what happens well I don't think they're allowed to because you know they're not allowed to masturbate so you just have to have the best self-control of anyone that ever has walked the earth I couldn't know it just sounds it sounds torturous it sounds absolutely like hell on earth literal hell on earth horrible I feel sorry for one that this has come under such a microscope now because now anytime a horny mormon is going into a dorm room

to soak they're going to be like is this the wrong thing isn't this does the world think that I'm having sex right now. So maybe we've just cock blocked a whole entire group of Mormons who were just living their best lives. Well, there's a wheel that's away, Laura. Okay, guys, on that note, let's get into the questions for today's episode. Britt, you can kick it off and hit me with question number one. Hit me with question number one. All right, question number one. And whilst we're on the topic of sex, I'm going to read you a sex one, but I promise after this, it gets better. This was just a really easy segue for me. Guys, I love your work. I've had a few dates with this really great guy. I like him a lot and I'm pretty sure he likes me a lot too.

He's good looking, he's nice, the chemistry is great, the sex is great, even the talk is great and let's be real, it is not often you find all of this in one person. However, last night he started talking about his kinks, the unusual things he likes in the bedroom. He told me he'd ease me into it and started talking about how it really turns him on when a girl squirts. I thought, okay, that's not too weird. He then went on to tell me he would enjoy it if she were to then urinate on him. He even went as far as to say that when I really needed to pee during foreplay that he found it super hot. I'm really confused. Is this too weird? Am I just naive and vanilla or even judgmental? It scares me that this is not even the full extent of it. Do I try to

open up my mind to these uncomfortable uncharted things or should I just cut him loose now while it's still relatively early days help I mean I'm not getting weed on I am not getting weed on but that's just me I did say at the beginning of this that we had uh not so dirty dark and you know saucy questions for you and I forgot what our question I told you it was look have you ever had a guy ask you to wee on him never and I would not let a guy wee on me I've had someone wee on me in the shower as like a joke oh yeah no I've definitely had a guy wee on me in the shower as a joke I was like get the fuck out no one comes into my home and wheeze on me

yes I have also why do guys think that's funny like there's a whole conversation and how disrespectful that is I mean but urine is sterile in urine's defense it's also an opt-in situation though like you if you're gonna get pissed on in any version even if it's in the shower and your boyfriend thinks it's funny like you've got to make sure that you guys are in a relationship where that is actually something that you also find funny like if you if that is like that's so disrespectful if you guys are not on the same page mind you I had an ex-boyfriend do it to me he was like hey babe can you pick up the soap and as I picked up the soap he pissed on my head and I was so oh that is it's too much I was so angry too far so disrespectful I was so angry

and I mean surprisingly we're not together anymore we didn't see eye to eye on a lot of things you saw urine to eye ew well he got you when you bent over right in the face I had a guy ask me to pee on him this is totally gonna end up in the daily mail sure it is and I said no because I couldn't get my head around how you do it and don't ruin your mattress like would you lay sheets down do you lay a tarpaulin down like how do you do it what if you have like a goose down cover like you can't just pee on your bed so there's a lot to this I think there's sort of like on the same sort of track as when we were talking about what lube we would use the other day for example in the intro

and one of them was egg whites and in the middle of the moment you're like hang on a second I just have to go and prepare the egg whites to use it really kills the moment I feel like it's the same thing Laura if you have to get up and get a tarpaulin to put on your bed before you urinate on your partner i feel like it's a real buzz killer this is not king shaming though if anybody if anybody does this i'm asking these questions out of pure logistics like if that's something that you guys are into your end play i would love to know how you go about doing it just so that we can give some really informative information the next time we speak about it but and i think the same thing for all kings whatever floats your boat and whatever you're comfortable with so long as

you're both comfortable with it go for gold like that's super important the fact that you're not sure and you're a little bit new to this area I think explore it and I'm not saying do anything that sits outside of what you're comfortable with but I think have him tell you what his kinks are have those conversations and then see where you sit on the spectrum of how uncomfortable it makes you feel and what you are okay with and I probably think it's better to know more like you know when when he says he's easing you into it I think it's probably better for him to be pretty transparent and straight up about what it is that he likes or doesn't like, what it is that he can live with and can't live without

because then it allows you to go, cool, I am comfortable with this but I'm completely uncomfortable with doing X, Y, Z and maybe your feelings towards that might change over time as you become more intimate and as you push your own boundaries but also it might not and that's totally okay and he needs to know what your boundaries are now so that way he doesn't feel like it's okay to push them

or to try and coerce you into doing something that you're not comfortable with. Yeah. And unfortunately, sexual compatibility is a large part of a relationship. It is important. If you guys aren't on the same wavelength with things that you want, things that you like, things that you want to try, if you don't gel in the bedroom and you just don't have that ease and comfortability, it is something that can cause rifts in relationships, especially if, and it sounds like this could be the case with you guys, you're on one extreme to the other. I think what Laura said is completely accurate. I would sit down and just say, let's talk about your kinks. What are they? Because there is absolutely nothing

wrong with having kinks as long as people are on the same wavelength. Talk about what they are. Maybe you can write down a list. Maybe you can explore what they are together. So maybe you can look them up on the internet. Maybe you can talk about them. Maybe you can do a little bit of research to see where you feel comfortable. If there's something that you're willing to try on that spectrum after you've talked about it then you can definitely go down that path once you've tried and you've had the chat I don't think until you've done this you're actually able to say yes I want to be with you no I don't want to be with you I don't think you can just cut him off because he said I sort of like these things in the bedroom you need to know a little bit more

you need to find out more just have an adult conversation and if you're willing to try it go for it but 100% if anything you are uncomfortable with you don't have to try anything and maybe this relationship isn't for you you're just not going to know until you sit down and have that conversation I also think it's important maybe he's tried something in the past but I also think it's important to have a conversation around frequency and I mean this because I think that some people may have tried something once or twice or they they want to try it in the future and then they're saying hey like I've got this fantasy or I've got this fetish or I have this kink that I like but it's the non-essential do you know mean like they're probably or there is

still the opportunity to have a great relationship even if that's something that you're saying no to so the guy that I was dating who asked me to pee on him and I said no because it was something that I wasn't comfortable with it wasn't a make or break for him he wasn't like well if you're never gonna pee on me I can't be in a relationship with you our relationship didn't work out for many other reasons but interestingly it did have to do with sexual compatibility he wanted to be in a polyamorous relationship and I wasn't comfortable with that so his sexual exploration was far more vast than mine so for me it wasn't compatible however there are definitely other people that I've dated who have wanted to try things that I haven't felt comfortable with

but it's been a neither here or there and I think that that's also an important part of this find out sort of how essential are these kinks to him having a fulfilling sexual relationship with you and if there's something that he would like to try but he's not going to you know run away from the relationship if he never gets to try them with you and he's not going to go and look for that satisfaction elsewhere then I think you guys can still have a really awesome relationship and I think it's so great that he's been really open about this from the very very beginning yeah I was just about to say the same thing he hats off to him for being fully transparent very early on obviously it is something that's important to him or he wouldn't have brought it

up so I think that you can do the same you can be just as honest back and that's I mean we always say it every episode the secure relationship communication but let us know we love it I actually really mean this I love it when you guys follow up and tell us how conversation when or how something ended up because we we really love to see how it pans out and the last thing I just want to add to this as well is and and I think it's really important to be reminded of this sometimes we can push our boundaries to places we don't feel comfortable with just because we really really like someone and I want to like really reiterate in this that if there's something that you don't feel comfortable with no matter how much you like someone don't do it it's not

worth it it's not worth pushing your boundaries to a place that makes you uncomfortable just to make somebody else happy and somebody who's truly worth your time and your investment they would never want you to push your boundaries to a place that makes you feel uncomfortable so if you're in a new relationship and you want to please that other person I get it I think we've all been in that situation before where we've wanted to please them but don't deny the way you feel about something and don't push yourself to a point that makes you feel uncomfortable because it is absolutely never worth it and they are not your penguin all right question number two this is really interesting so I'm really excited to get your take on it I've been with my partner

for a little over a year and everything is great I'm in my 30s just for context we want the same things and I can see us ending up together I think he could be my penguin we have spoken about getting married he currently lives an hour away and we spend every weekend together and I really love our time together everything is great but he has asked me to move in with him and I'm tossing up whether I want to the thing is I love my independence and I love having my own space ideally I think I would like to have a separate place to my partner forever but is this really weird is it okay that I feel this way is it okay that I want to be with someone and also live this separate life. How do I even bring this up with him? Okay. I think it is weird based on traditional

monogamy and how we have been sold that we should live our lives, right? If you're going to subscribe to the traditional way of living, then yeah, it's an alternate way. Is it weird? No, I actually like, so for example, my mom who's married and divorced, she got remarried about 15 years ago now to my stepdad he is the freaking best they both own separate houses and for the best part of their relationship even though they're married they lived in separate houses all of his stuff was in his house all of her stuff was in her house and I think it just was because they both came from being divorcees being older and like having their very set lives having their own children from separate marriages and it worked for them but I think had you asked me this question when

I was in my twenties or when I was, you know, 15, 16, 17, how I'd been brought up, I would have thought that is fucking crazy. You have to live with your partner. It's so dysfunctional if you don't. But the older that I've gotten and the more that I have experienced and seen how other people live alternate relationships, the more that I'm like, actually, do you know what? It doesn't sound so bad after all. It actually could be really great. Look, you want it to be close by. You maybe want to be on the same street or something, but if it works for the two of you, it works just because other people think something's weird doesn't mean it's weird I couldn't agree more I used to think and I probably still there might be a little part of

me that still thinks that I used to think that I would be like that I got to the point where I just and I love my own space obviously I'd been living on my own for so long and I genuinely love my own time I was like if I ever meet someone I wonder if we can live like semi-separate lives maybe that's why i'm dating jordan because he's away for like 11 months of a year but i really loved the idea of like having your own space and being able to do your own things so you can come back together and still talk and have these i don't know i guess this level of independence i know a couple that laura the same thing they've been married they're in their 60s they've been married well i think since they were about early 20s and they live in the same street but in separate

houses and they always have this isn't a new thing they've got kids and everything and it's just it's just what works for them they're both like their own space they just go between each other's house for dinners and family stuff but they go home to their own house to sleep and it's not it doesn't even have to be every day that they see each other and I used to think that it was really strange because in the scope of relationships it is it's definitely not something that is common it's not something you come across all the time but I think if you started to speak about it more openly and I'm sure we'll get messages sent into us because every time we speak about something like this we do and it's very eye-opening I reckon there'll be more people that have this semi-independent

semi-separate life with their partners if it's what you want you just have to bring it up with him like if you know that that's what you want I mean you have to give the guy an answer he's literally said to you will you move in with me you can't just be like ah I'll get back to you in two years I would just have the conversation and say yeah look I have some reservations I love being with you. I love spending time with you. I think that you could be it for me. I'm just so used to being on my own and I'm not sure how I'm going to go transitioning into this full-time living arrangement. Maybe it could be that you start doing like a 50-50. Maybe you still have your own places, but you just spend half the time together and half not. He might be on board with

that. You don't know, but also there could be a chance where he wants something more and he wants this live-in complete relationship, but you're not going to know until you have the conversation. and I think you just need to say it to him I think just be 100% honest could you imagine not having to share your wardrobe with someone or not having to share your bathroom or like not having someone breathing their morning breath on you no I don't mean that I fucking love living with Matt but I think the thing that you're going to struggle with this is that because it is non-traditional there will be majority of people I would say who once they're in a long-term relationship and when I say majority I mean like statistically majority I don't mean that there's a right and

wrong in this but I think majority of people do want to have that you know closeness they want to live with their partner I think that that's a pretty standard want that most people have and so I think you may have challenges explaining this to your partner and for them to not feel rejected and feel like there's something wrong with them and I really think the most important part of this would be explaining that it doesn't matter who the person is it's that you are not at a point in your life where you're ready to give up your independence and you're not sure what that looks like in the future I don't think you should just move in yet if you're not ready to I really think that that's something that you have to want to do because moving in with someone can either

make a relationship so freaking awesome it can be the best thing that happens to you guys and really galvanize you as a couple but if you don't really want to live with the person or if the house is too small if there is things about them and the way that they live currently that irritate you and you spend too much time in their company then I really think that moving in together can be the beginning of the end for some people and it puts too much stress on the relationship yeah and it definitely like as much as I joke about it definitely changed for me I always thought I didn't want it and since spending the last few months in Jordan's pocket I can't wait till the day comes that we live together and I didn't think I'd ever have that feeling so you don't know what's

going to happen I know you've said you've been with him long term already I think it's already been a year but just I think just have a conversation with him there's no rush there's no right or wrong enjoy your life and don't feel the stress in this don't feel the pressure to be like oh my god this is the biggest decision ever it really doesn't have to be and it's only as big a decision as you make it but do you think with this do you think with this sort of question that it's so age dependent as well like do you think it's because and I'm talking like from your experience as well that because you're in your 30s and because you know when once you've been single for a period of time you've lived on your own you know how you like things do you think that

you then become so conditioned and comfortable in your own space and doing what you want when you want to, that it's an even bigger sacrifice to then pivot and then move in with someone and have to compromise on everything. 100%. It's so much harder the older you get. I think it's different too. When you're younger, not to say you're not just as excited when you're older, but you don't have the same stresses. I think there's this young love naivety when you're, you know, in your early twenties. When you're older, you've got like so many stresses. You're always tired. You're always working so hard you're always like and like the last thing you want to do is come home to an environment that you don't actually feel comfortable in and want to be so I think we just think of

things a bit more carefully also I think there's a level of financial independence that comes with growing up as well when you're in your early 20s it makes sense to move in with your partner straight away or you might be at university for so funding wise it just makes sense when you're older and you've got your own financial independence you're like oh I don't know if I want you to share my space for Jordan and I I think it's going to be harder for Jordan now Jordan is like an OCD neat freak and he can't stand me like I have like shit like I'm not messy but it gives him anxiety like I if you guys follow my Instagram stories you see that he's vacuuming all the time and like I'm always putting up how much he's cleaning he's the domestic goddess in

our relationship it's not me so I think that it's going to come with its challenges for sure and that's going to be the same as you as well but it also comes down to not just like the differences in cleaning it's also that feeling of like which I think we've all had it where you come home from a busy day of work and you want to just check out and not speak to anybody and then when you move in with someone there is always somebody and you can't just come home walk into your bedroom turn like your favorite tv show on and just not speak to anyone you have to go through the niceties like you have to you've got to be nice to them and then you're like fuck I don't want to talk to you I just want to go and be like ignore everybody and you you really can't do that

once you have kids. So this just happened the other day, Jordan and I had like, we never have a fight or argument, but I was just being a sook. I had just been at home working all day on my own and he had gone to training. He was playing, he was doing all this stuff. So he's around people all day. He's exerting high energy. I was doing nothing. I was just on my computer. He came home, sat in the lounge. And then I was like this needy little puppy. So I'm all over him. I'm jumping all over him. I'm kissing him. I'm like wanting to play. I'm tickling him. And he goes, and it wasn't even bad. He just said, would you just give me a second? That's what he said. And that was it I was like I'll give you a fucking second I got so offended and so upset I was like beside

myself and I was like you don't even want to be with me and he's like what are you talking about he's like I just want one second on the lounge because I was all over him like a rat and that's like a prime example of what you just said Laura it's like there are times where it's 100% you need and want your own space and you have to be comfortable with who you're living with and the environment. And on top of that, you have to be really open with your communication for each other and not end up like Jordan and I in that moment. And this is the person who we take life advice from. I was needy. I think I had my period. Oh man. I know how you feel, babe. Okay. Well, let's get to question number three. I feel like we answered that one. Recently, my ex got in touch

with me and said he would like to hear from me. Unsure if it means catch up in person or just have a conversation over text. We broke up two years ago. Since then I've had some situationships and almost relationships. I don't have any feelings for this guy. The breakup was civil but it really hurt and I learned a hell of a lot because it happened in two parts. We had broken up once before and then got back together. Bad idea and I know that. Anyway I do care about this guy and I'm genuinely interested in hearing how he is and a part of me would really like to catch up too but just as friends. I don't see us maintaining a friendship from this catch-up either. I just want to know what's going on in his life. Moreover I've just started seeing this really awesome guy

who I see a future with and I really want to explore this we have been seeing each other for almost two months now and he is perfect I guess I have two questions should I catch up with my ex and if I do should I tell this new guy I'm seeing him this is a really easy question to answer no do not catch up with you I'm straight up saying I again put yourself in your current partner's shoes. I think you've literally said, I really think there's a future with this guy. So if you really think there's a future, why would you want to go back and revisit the past? Why would you want to go back and revisit something that he's already done? Something that's already over when you know you're in a good place right now. There's no reason that you can't catch up

with him. If you said, I'm really interested in knowing how he is, you can do that via message. Like you're already talking to him. He's asked you to catch up. Just say, how are things? I hope there really well I think you should also be honest when he asks how you are and say hey I'm seeing this guy this new guy is really great but I think you're really asking for trouble and playing with fire by going back and seeing your ex in person to catch up when you're in a relationship with someone new if you do decide to do it yes 100% you need to tell your partner like I don't think you should do it but if you do you have to be honest and tell him but imagine if he said to you or didn't say to you when you found out I'm going to catch up with my ex-girlfriend hope

that's cool you'd be like well why like why are you doing that if we're in this really good place I just think nothing good is going to come from this situation nothing good is coming from this situation okay but we've all done it right so many of us I've done it I've lived the lesson I'm here to tell you it's a fucking bad idea also there is a saying and I'm gonna say it wrong but I'm just because I always do where there was once a flame the embers still burn is that it Brit there's something about okay who are you Gandhi what was that okay so what it means is like you might think that you're over him you may think that it's totally cool and you just are curious you want to know what he has to say and then you see him and then those feelings come back a little bit

because like, you know, you once had this deep connection and maybe it was, it was a bit of turmoil. Maybe it didn't end in a way that gave you full sense of closure. I think that we can be very curious about our exes and maybe there's a little bit of ego that's trapped in there as well. We once had this really strong connection and relationship with this person. Now we are no longer a part of their life at all. And so there's almost like this little sense of like, Oh, I want to just, I want to know what's going on in their life. Even if you don't want to be with them. Just wanting to have a bit of a voyeuristic insight. I understand it because I think it's a natural thing, but I also think it's really dangerous. And I think sometimes we

need to unpack why do we want to know about them? Like, why are we, why are we looking at their photos on Instagram if we don't even care about them? You know, if, if you don't actually have any deep feelings or like feelings that you want to rekindle the relationship, why do you feel like you want to know what's going on in their life? And where does that want come from? Is it curiosity is it ego what is it unpack that a little bit for yourself but I think it's such a dangerous thing I think you're only opening up a fucking whoop-ass can of worms by doing this why invite the potential of drama or the potential of a situation that could go wrong into your life when things are just cruisy and easy and good now yeah don't dance with the devil I also think

I do think that you can stay friends with your ex or have some sort of a great amicable relationship with your ex but I think you have to pick when and how and what that looks like you can maintain that friendship for sure but maybe it's occasionally you send a catch-up text or I hope you're well and also your current partner knows about it I don't think it involves catching up either behind your partner's back or even if you tell him I just think I mean hats off to your partner if he says go nuts go have fun like that's big on his behalf but I can't see it even if he does say that it's going to set something off in his mind he's going to start to wonder why you want to catch up with your ex when you are catching up with your ex he's going to say is something going on did she

have some sort of feelings for him again I just think it's not fair on your current relationship so I would if it was me I would ask how your ex is catch up via the text the conversation that you've got going now but then say I don't think it's fair to catch up with you in person because I don't think it's fair to Bradley or whoever your boyfriend's name don't you think there's like a sinister part in this and I don't mean sinister as in like that you're doing the person who's written the sin is doing the wrong thing at all I mean sinister as in when your ex gets in touch with you and says I have to see you to tell you something after two years like what could you possibly need to tell me after two years what that you're still in love with me like what are you

going to tell me that you're pregnant like what is there that's such a big thing and a big piece of news that you can't just text me so it makes me think what's motivating him is not a friendship because a friendship would just be a text message being like hey how are you you know I was thinking of this really funny thing that happened and it reminded me of you and I just wanted to reach out and wish you well and you know I hope that life is great and take care that's kind of that's where a friendship would be born from but somebody reaching out after two years and going I really need to see you to me screams that they are trying to hook their claws back in or there's more going on there have you not been in that situation brit where someone's just popped out of the absolute

fucking blue and been like hey i'm back i'm back to mess your life up yeah and it's always like i haven't been able to stop thinking about you or no one's compared to you or i mean that's what i dream people say no it's never it's never just a hey how you going all that texas so i don't know do it at your own risk know that you're probably playing with fire and it's probably going to spontaneously combust but that laura i reckon that's it from us today i reckon that's a wrap A good old salad wrap. That was a terrible, that was a Britney, that was a Britney-ism. I think I've said that a few times, actually.

It's definitely a Britney-ism. It's a salad wrap, guys. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. And if you have any questions for us for next week's Ask Uncut, slide on into our DMs at Life Uncut Podcast. Also, if you have any topics that you want us to cover on a Tuesday, you can also slide in and give us your recommendations. We've had a couple of good ones this week,

which we're going to look at unpacking over the next couple of weeks too. And you know the drill. tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends to share the love because we love love