Life Uncut - Ask Uncut With Britt & Ben! Embryo Custody, Two Potential Soulmates and Finding Out They Cheated In The Past

Episode Date: January 14, 2026

Hey Lifers! Today's ask uncut features special guest and Britt's husband Ben!They share what they've been up to over Christmas and New Years and how they feel now living in Italy. Ben tests Britt's Italian and this is our apology to any Italian listeners 😂They speak about: Moving from Romania to Italy Being reunited after 3.5 months apart The bedroom problem they've been having How they've changed since being together Their relationship non negotiables How Ben feels being in Britt's content Conflict resolution Tongue wrestling And they jump into your questions! EMBRYO CUSTODYMy ex and I did over 5 years of IVF together and I want him to sign the embryo over to me to use solo and he is refusing. He claims to me that it's easy for him to find someone younger (I'm 6 years older than him) and he will be able to start the family that he wants. When we were together he didn't really want kids. I'm 42 and tried doing a few rounds last year with a sperm donor but they didn't work. That embryo is likely my only opportunity to have a biological baby. The next step for me would be egg and sperm donor. He has said that the only way that he will give me the embryo is if we co-parent the baby. However, he wants to stay on the dating apps and living his best life while I do all the IVF preparation and pregnancy alone. What do you think I should do? PARTNER DUMPED ME ON BOXING DAY My partner dumped me on Boxing Day on our way to my family Christmas celebrations. As you can imagine I feel pretty deflated by this and I'm in shock. My question is, do you think that this was pre planned and that he was thinking about breaking up for a while? He claims that he wasn't but it was completely out of the blue. We weren't even arguing! He just blurted out "we should end this. Let's break up." I know he was frustrated from other things going on in his life so it may have been out of anger but at the end of the day the relationship is now over. I'm also after advice on how to one day get back out there because I am completely put off men and dating.  IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE TWO SOULMATES?I have been with my partner for 4 years. We own a house together, a dog and a cat and I feel like a proposal is on the horizon. He is my soulmate. We have shared values and interests and he is my best friend. He is the person I see myself growing old with and raising kids with. My family and friends love him. However, I've been hiding a secret. There is a guy at work, lets call him George. He is exactly my type and he has the kindest heart. Almost a year ago to the day I had a dream about him and ever since I'e seen him in a different light. Some days I am so sure he is the person I'm meant to be with, however, when I get a bit of space or time off work my feelings die down slightly. We occasionally message non work related stuff and I wonder if he picks up on the vibe too. My heart feels like I'm torn between two people.  I JUST FOUND OUT THAT HE CHEATED 4 YEARS AGOI've been together with my partner for 11 years, married for 7. We have 2 daughters under 5 years old. He recently had to tell me that he cheated on me 4 years ago. I am devastated and heart broken. He has been my only serious relationship and we are close and enjoy each other's company. He has had untreated depression for many years and did not seek help. Since telling me this news, he is now in a mental health ward getting treatment. He is now giving me compliments and telling me he is going to fix everything now that he is getting the help. I feel like everything is too late but he feels like we can fix it. Can I please have your advice? I feel shattered. When he cheated he slept with her twice and exchanged nude photos. They were talking for about 6 months. I look at other married couples and how happy they are and I'm just broken. I feel like everything is ruined. You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Hosted by Britt Hockley & Ben Siegrist Produced by Keeshia Pettit Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany and I am joined by a very special guest today that is not Laura, because this is holiday bonus content. It is none other than my beautiful, wonderful husband, Ben. Hello, darling. How are we today? Hi, Ben. Welcome to the podcast. Thank you very much. I'm happy to be back. It does feel, what is this, number four, your fourth? I think so.

Fourth return to the podcast. Yes. So people are wanting you back, which is good news. Yes, it is good news. If you're new here, welcome. This is not a regular episode. To all our lifers coming back, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and a brilliant New Year's. And I say that knowing that we've been dropping content.

But this is literally our one holiday of the year. So we are on holidays. We take a month off over Christmas and January, as you all know. but we do like to sporadically drip you content so we don't leave you completely high and dry and that is exactly what this episode is for some reason ben you were highly requested for a little episode and chosen one yeah so this is an ask uncut where we answer your questions your biggest predicaments but some of the questions today will also be about you and i ben specifically but we do have some problems to work out for other people but yeah we're here

we're coming to you from Ben's and can I say now my living room in Italy because I don't know I actually don't know how to say it I've got to stop saying I've moved here because I sort of haven't now you've definitely moved in I can tell you that much I can you definitely moved in your clothes are everywhere it's hard I don't really know what to tell people and I don't know how to describe it because by all intents and purposes I was moving here I was supposed to be moving I was promised the move yes i was promised to move so to fill you in last year when ben was in romania romania wasn't for me ben was living it wasn't for me either apparently i'm a worldly girl i have traveled the world i've been very lucky and romania was just one of my least favorite places i'd been

it's a different part of the world for sure and it was mainly because for me i'm not speaking for ben but for me i didn't feel safe there and i'm essentially a single traveler when i'm there because ben works every single day ben has had one day off since i've been here in three or four weeks and that was christmas day so every day we're not just living this luxury life and we don't have all this time together we're not holidaying ben works all day and i just am on my own in whatever city that he's in and so for me romania was really i just felt like i couldn't go and live my best life i didn't really want to walk around by myself and it's hard to put your finger on why like it's hard to explain what it is i think it's fair to say that english wasn't

the best spoken language over there obviously i have yes i have my teammates i have my kind of circle and and most of the boys spoke english and all that kind of stuff but for you i guess just ordering a simple coffee at a coffee shop you would think is easy but it really isn't but it wasn't even that it was like so when you it's actually pretty interesting when we moved there ben was advised on where you can live and when i say that is it's literally like the hunger games so they're harsh but yes but that's how they explain it like there's districts and it goes around like hunger aims extremes not like you know they're out there killing you're gonna get me in trouble with this no but it's in terms of like these are the districts you can live in and you

don't go past that district so not even one street over they're like in this direction don't go straight yeah it's one to six basically and yeah you want to be in in the lower part so you want to be in district one or two which we were we were in district one which is also very convenient that's where the training ground was and the stadium was and there was nothing else there i mean the influence was quite good it was a lot of italian influence some sort of uh middle eastern influence in terms of food culture in terms of coffee culture but no real comparison to australia when it comes to coffee culture no i just i just wasn't able to like live my best life there i wasn't able to live any life there really but having said that the romanian countryside was

amazing like when we spectacular yeah yeah dracula's castle was dracula spectacular we went to dracula's castle which was pretty lit like that was pretty cool and the countryside is beautiful but anyway i'm getting very sidetracked here the reason i was saying that is when we were in romania i made ben a promise because i love italy and i lived here when i was 19 for a year i always wanted to live here again it's like that romantic dream and i promised ben i said if you can get a job get a team in Italy I will move like that's what I said to Ben I made that promise we did a pinky promise and I said you did say you want you wanted me to play for like uh Sardinia FC I said is there a team on the Amalfi Coast the Amalfi Warriors she's like can you go to the

Amalfi Warriors what about Sicily what about basically just wanted to live on some tropical little island who doesn't I was like does the Bahamas have a football team but I did make a promise and in my head I thought well why wouldn't I want to go and live if the time came where I could live with my husband in Italy for a little while but it obviously comes yeah it was just Italy it wasn't the husband part it was no yeah it wasn't I just I just wanted some accommodation for the summer you know all my friends are coming right no and so he did it he got a team in Italy got my agents and I had a talk with him and we we got it done yeah and so I uh here I am so I did you know that pushed me to make some big decisions back home and uh we did let you know Laura and I

as you guys already know I'm rehashing here but we left radio and we will do radio again this isn't forever this interim period now of me being here and Laura I'm returning to leave it's not forever it's just a little it was supposed to be like one year of us doing our thing and it has unfortunately and fortunately not even turned into that so I did when I announced on the podcast that I was like moving over here it is a bit short term now it was only five weeks i'm going home in two weeks for it yeah sorry you know that for a couple months to do a job that came up that you know we're excited about and then i'll be back again and so it is a lot of back and forth again but it's it's the opposite way isn't it it's more time with me and less time in australia for you

which is the complete opposite as it was before where it felt like it was every time you came was like a two-week break and then you had to go back now it'll be different i'll base myself here but i'll be going back to australia all the time which to be honest i feel like is the best of both worlds for me because there's so much back home that i'm excited to be going back for as well so it's it's tricky it's the best of both worlds and it's going to be sad when i leave in a couple of weeks because it has been i don't know what would you say i'd say it's been really good i just want to say at this stage just make sure you fill out the air miles correctly this time so we can actually take some profit from that don't give it to my ex give it to me give it to me give them to

me i'll look after you i'm actually glad i was so scared to tell ben when um i found out that three years i was giving all my air miles to my ex accidentally without knowing and i was scared to tell ben i don't know why but you just laughed i mean it's not like you're giving away money as in totally you know definitely no transfers no direct debits yeah no but it's just air miles i mean it's so you honestly it's so you it is me you know it's very funny we move on i mean it has been good living together which is kind of the part of the year we always are together for christmas in a row how is your italian going can you order a coffee oh you're the coffee yet amazing yeah do you get the right coffee when you order no i do actually yeah so the one thing that i this is

where i'm at let me fill you in i can say a few things like a pro well i mean i think i'm like a Like I've got it down pat That's so much so That the problem is I'll say it And then they're like Oh she can obviously speak Italian So then they come back to me

With fluent Very quick Colloquial Italian And I've got no fucking idea You've got no more chit chat Okay listen to this Ciao buongiorno Buongiorno

Come stai? Molto bene Grazie a lei? Bene grazie Posso avere uno cappuccino Con la soia per favore? Si E un cappuccino normale

Posso via? Grazie Certo. Qualcosa da mangiare? Ja. Did that sound good? Not bad. Not bad.

I mean, I'm sure we have some Italian speaking listeners who will correct us both. Anyway, I can do what I need to do, whether it's ordering food or wine. You've got your program. You've got your program and anything outside the program, the programmation. No, and there definitely has been some funny mishaps so far, but I'll save some of those for Laura. but we had a really good christmas and new year's actually very family-oriented christmas ben's family came here and mitch churi was here mitch churi and his partner steven so we all had a bit of a misfit it was a bit of a misfit it was a it was a wild bunch but yeah i think that's the

second time mitch was actually spending christmas with us which has spent 50 of our christmas with us which is third wheeling but no we love it yeah mitch has spent 50 of christmas is not just with us but with your family too and last year was with my family as well in scotland so mitch has really moved in he's a part of the relationship he's hosting yeah it's like like our wedding he's just providing entertainment and bringing the group together it was interesting to see how different our christmases and cultures and and i guess holiday periods are from being swiss and australian and i love it i love that it's different and i love that you know maybe one if we're lucky enough to have kids that will have a bit of an amalgamation of amalgamation of that

was a word that ben learned recently an amalgamation of christmas traditions but it was yeah it was there was some points of contention for sure like the way that you guys do it is very different to how we do it the way you eat the things you eat we didn't open our presents now this was a bit hard for me it was late mitch steven and i struggled as aussies i would go so far as to say that almost every australian opens presents on christmas morning yes like first thing or maybe you eat breakfast and then you do it like generally speaking that is when you do it but for you guys we opened presents essentially on boxing day because we had to wait until midnight on christmas and the opening what do you call it i mean it wasn't it wasn't intentional it's not like

our tradition is opening presents on boxing day we had on christmas eve we had a traditional swiss dinner a meat fondue dinner and the next day you would never eat fondue in australia for christmas i mean it's so hot over there yeah it's just fondue is not on the menu yeah but hey you wanted the swiss christmas that's what you asked for that's what you get right and then the next day my sister couldn't make it till christmas day they had a five six hour drive from switzerland to come down to italy here so i'm hearing a lot of excuses i'm just explaining the situation for the people that i've not been forcing people not to open their presents but also the whole secret santa experience i think everybody knew who each other's presents got which is not ideal but we

had dinner on the christmas day which you know everything in my family happens at night after dinner so opening christmas presents happens after dinner so we ended up having a nice dinner and some of the presents didn't get open until after midnight we felt like children we had to like sit there and look at the presents all day wrapped under the tree being like someone let mitch was beside himself he's like if someone give me my fucking present he's like someone give me my present but we we distracted him with the fondue so yeah and chocolates lots of chocolates he was okay we also got a pet felipe felipe although we haven't seen him in a while i'm worried about him actually he's our pet gecko who he lives here we give him water and food he's a teenager he's out

you know most nights yeah he's out yeah but yeah we had a really good christmas and then we moved on to new year just the two of us yeah just the two of us which was you know there was this moment where i realized there was like the balcony below us because we were at home and there were fireworks so close to us on he was the wedding all over again it was literally the wedding all over again and we realized that we're just like old souls so you and i were ready to go to bed at 12 10 and there were the oldies downstairs i say the oldies they're like in their 70s or something and they just partied into the early wee morning 3 4 a.m you and i like in fairness i had to go to training the next morning yeah not early but you know reasonably early after you've been up and uh

yeah they've been calling strong strong italian party at new year yeah and uh we were happy to call it a night at 12 30 that was mainly because you couldn't open the champagne so we couldn't we couldn't celebrate any longer you couldn't pop a bottle hard to do but we have been living together here now for a couple of weeks do you have any gripes with me like gripes yeah how's it been going settling in together because you and i are very used to our own space yes i think it's been going well first of all it's nice to come home from training and you're home which is really nice you come home you get a cuddle i've got nothing to do yeah but i mean yeah you are most days in your pajamas still but you know you're on holiday you're you're allowed to but

no it's it's nice to come home and sort of not do you know your day by yourself although i like to be by myself as well and we do nice little things in the afternoon you you drag me out of out of the house go little adventures go for walks go for coffee see genoa a little bit we've been we've been really lucky actually with the weather yeah we get a couple hours in the afternoon but um we were off to a bit of a rough start when i arrived here i i struggled when i arrived here i had really bad jet lag and then i got the worst migraine and then i got a uti and i had my period so when we hadn't seen each other for three and a half months i think by that it's not the way i left you it's not the way you left me we hadn't seen each other three and a half months and i

and i turned up and i think they're all pretty related i think the period and the fatigue and the hormones and then the migraine was probably hormonal induced and jet lag induced and then the uti was obviously induced by you but it was yeah it was a really rough start it definitely wasn't the romantic start that we thought we'd have my first meal here was mcdonald's yeah you you claimed that mcdonald's fries help with migraines which i just think you wanted mcdonald's fries yeah every second day now i'm like ben my head hurts order me my order me a big mac menu but i think also i get that as well when the season's over and you've been such in in workflow and get everything done and then you know you've got this holiday that the body is almost like

saying i'm allowed to get sick now so it kind of lets go and i often have that after football season when it gets to june that the first week i fall ill because the body's like you're allowed to get ill now you're not missing any training there's nothing to be fit for the body kind of relaxes a little bit you know the first week of june last year was our wedding so is that the excuse you're using for all the things you didn't do that was probably the pre-drinks before the wedding yeah i don't think that was you your body's shutting down i think the drinks had and barley belly so yeah the thing that i've been struggling with here actually a few things I'm super unmotivated here like I'm really really what I call lazy and at the end of the day it's

probably not lazy it's it's probably just what a holiday is supposed to be on relaxing and Christmas but I sleep longer than I've ever slept like I'm waking up at sometimes I get out of bed at 11 and I'm not asleep until 11 but I think in my head I'm like well I don't really have anything to get up for and you're not here and sometimes it's like zero degrees outside and even though it's beautiful sometimes I just can't face the cold on my own I actually think it's the blackout blinds they're really doing wonders the blackout blinds you wake up you think it's 6am and it's not it's midday it's hard but the thing I'm struggling with is sleeping with you like what you want to rephrase that sleeping with you but like literally like going to bed and sleeping you're just a terrible

person to share a bed with and you don't believe me but I'm gonna have to start filming it i fight for my life every night every night it's like i wonder if i'll wake up because you're so big you don't fit in the bed anyway like your body your feet i did fit until you came along actually well you don't that's what i mean you don't fit with two people like we need to get one of those you know those extra big yeah long king triple king beds yeah and so every day it's like i feel like i'm in bed with a toddler in a way but i'm getting kicked in the ribs you are in bed with delilah sometimes surely i'm not worse than delilah no delilah doesn't move she'll get her little spot and that's her she's good she's taking away your blanket she's complaining she's

not she owns the bed and last night you pushed me off the bed i'm just hanging on for dear life i have like a centimeter of bed left and then this giant heavy you're also 100 kilos you'll roll over don't body shame me i'm not you'll roll over and fling your arm onto my jugular and like your whole body weight of your shoulder was pressing on my throat and i thought oh my god i don't recall any of this i know you it's not intentional i was asleep that's why it's why i'm in like a half sleep all night i feel like you're making it up i'm not making it up last night for the first time admit it i woke you up and said put your arm around me and feel how i was off the bed i was like i'm holding myself up like a tripod you actually were on top of the nightstand

on the ground and i was like babe please let me in the bed but what you do is you you get up and then you walk around the bed and you just get in on the other side where i was before i have to do that all night i just want to sleep and i even said to ben please can i sleep in the spare room tonight and you said no you're like no why would you want to sleep away from me yeah why would you want to go away enjoy the contact yeah so it's been an interesting start i think when it's like when we actually get a house together we will be buying one of those i haven't actually seen them in australia but you've seen them in america probably because they supersize everything one of those beds that takes up like it's like four meters long or something yeah that's the

one we're getting for you well let's get into a couple of questions so we do have some bigger problems that we need to unpack from you guys but first up ben i will ask one about us have you changed at all individually since being together and what have you learned or taught each other you can go wow i feel like this question came from you i just wrote hey ben from the listeners what's your favorite thing about brunette i'm joking have we changed i think yes i have changed i would hope for the better because of our special situation with being apart for a long time and then being together i think i'm quite happy being alone i'm quite happy living by myself which i think you are as well so sometimes you are maybe a little bit not selfish

but you only have to you don't have you only have to care about yourself oh sorry i thought you were calling me selfish no no i would never i would never just joking um no so you only have to worry about yourself what you're doing on your day you don't have any sort of commitment so my day is pretty boring I get up I go to training I do what I need to do come home and then I'm quite happy to to stay on the sofa and be lazy for the rest of the day because I've done my my physical part obviously now that you're here I'm a little bit more outdoorsy which everybody who knows me that I don't like to walk I would drive to the kitchen if I could from the living room so you actually there's a coffee shop at the end of the street that we go to and Ben it takes

longer to drive down there but you will drive i would prefer to drive yes it's also why you wanted to be a goalkeeper out of any position oh yeah i don't like to run because you don't you are like what does at least running on the football pitch a goalkeeper yeah i think even the referees run more than i do but at least we're braver you know we're getting in the way of the shots and all that kind of stuff very brave baby so yeah obviously considering that you haven't been here for that much obviously trying to show you genoa a little bit there are some really nice spots we're by the sea stuff that's probably not top of my list every day yeah you're dragging me out of the house and uh you're a person that's very outdoorsy and likes to see new people

sorry likes to see new places and all that kind of stuff and and i'm quite happy in my little shell indoors so i think um so you've become more active yes i've become more active which is funny to say when you're an athlete but yeah have i changed yeah i think we all evolve i can't really put a finger on this is the exact thing I've changed or whatever but obviously I'm just trying to be the best husband that I can be for you and obviously in a relationship in a marriage you have to be considerate of the other person because you're used to doing things in a certain way I'm used to doing things in a certain way and not having a traditional relationship where you start dating and then you move in together and then you get married ours is very much you know upside down

or however you want to call it so it's still two separate entities but we are uh we're you know we're madly in love and every time we see each other it's like a whole new exciting dating experience you learn something new every time yeah it's like oh i didn't know you wanted that no just joking i think one of the other things is that as athletes we always think like sports is number one it's the most important thing and sometimes you forget maybe a little bit of life off the pitch balance so for example you are quite financially switched on and you made smart investments whereas you know I left school and then just became a professional footballer and thought money's going to come forever and then as you get older especially at the age where I'm at

now you know kind of seeing what you've done with your investments how you plan for the future you know all that kind of stuff's made me realize that I should have done that maybe a little bit earlier so those are it's probably a thing i've learned from you that you know it's not just plan a you got to make sure you're financially secure and set up for the future and maybe think outside the box of your profession yeah i think because you and i imagine a lot of people not even just athletes i imagine a lot of people do this when you're younger a lot of people don't think of the future because why would you why would you think about what's going to happen when you're 60 when you're in your 20s you know and i think there's no one used to speak about that schools

didn't teach that if you grew up in a home where money was plentiful it's not on your mind but when I met you you didn't know anything about finances really you didn't really think or plan for your future you very much lived in like the now there was no plan further than the next week and I think now you're really interested in your future and you talk about it a lot and I think that's really good yeah I mean obviously in sports as athletes we have an expiration date and the age i'm at it's probably coming evidently sooner than than later so having a sort of financial plan b and the security blankets is quite important which you don't really think about when you're 18 19 20 and you're starting out you think the world is at your feet and everything's

going to come naturally and you're going to earn lots of money and all that kind of stuff and you know very often for for athletes the thrill of the day-to-day the games and all that kind of stuff the admiration it's going to stop and i still feel like it's very important to to have a stimulus to work for a passion whether it's you know being involved in football variety of things you can do in football or whether starting a business and those are all conversations we've we've had a couple uh which were you know somewhat new but also quite exciting to see you know what else is out there because the football bubble is quite bubbly bubbly it's quite bubbly the football bubbly is the football bubbly is very bubbly yeah the bubbly is bubbling yeah and we need to give

you something we need to set something up for you after so that you can still do something you've definitely taught me a how to cook well yeah i'm trying i'm trying i can't not a good cook can't cook hate cooking you put the oven on the other day yeah last night i did yeah yeah that was epic success no but i think you've taught me over the years since i mean we've been together yeah four Christmases three and a half years something like that I don't know I think just that people like you very loving and giving and caring and trusting exist and I know that sounds like a bit like vomit in my mouth a little bit but it's really true and so many people I mean I didn't meet you till I was 35 which you know by all accounts is not early in my life in terms

of marriage and kids like 35 is people meet their soulmates at all times and 50s 60s 70s 80s it doesn't matter some people meet when they're 16 but in terms of you know the fertility timeline and the socially acceptable timeline 35 is you know on the slightly later end of meeting somebody but what that does mean is your girls lived a life your girl lived a life if you can see Ben's eyes right now he's shocked I have no idea what you're referring to I dated a lot of people publicly and privately but I had a lot of experiences with all sorts of people and all sorts of walks of life and there's a lot of turds out there and there's a lot of times where you think is this it is this the best I'm gonna get do I have to accept this treatment or this person

or these people that are breaking the boundaries and not respecting me or you know the number of people that just say oh cheating is just a part of a relationship it's inevitable it's going to happen at some point and it's normal to want to be going through their phone because I'm not sure what they're up to and you get to a point that's pretty dangerous where you think that that is what is normal and sometimes as you get older and I did have those fleeting thoughts in my 30s sometimes you think okay I'm getting to the point where maybe I do need to loosen the strings or the boundaries or you know maybe you have your list of non-negotiables which i think everybody should have i think everybody should write that down and say what they want

and make sure that those non-negotiables are not broken and when i say that that's not ludicrous ridiculous non-negotiables like you know like if they fucking wear sandals and socks it's it's what's wrong with sandals and socks don't wear them you actually wear sandals and socks yes that's probably why i said home comfort ben loves sandals and socks so much no but you do get to a point where you're like I just want to be loved and I want to feel safe and secure and I want to share my life with somebody and I want to share memories with somebody and create experiences and have a family and if I can don't pay the bills by myself anymore because it's really expensive to be single so you decided to sacrifice the sandal and socks no but that's exactly I had

to scrap the socks off my list because I met you and you have you broken any non-negotiables with you yeah you dropped a massive fire yesterday my non-negotiables were always like partners shouldn't be dropping farts in front of each other well excuse me yeah but i was unconscious when i did my if you're sleeping you pretended to sleep you pretended to sleep and let one rip that is not i didn't pretend to sleep i was and then the other excuse is oh whatever you cooked was it's not quite sitting well in my stomach which is not true it's not true anyway we do have two bathrooms here so I yeah okay so my non-negotiables I mean one that I did loosen with you was the haircut no but the short haircut I hate you Ben no I had said I didn't want to be

in a long-distance relationship again and it's not that it was a non-negotiable but it's something that I did break because I like you know there's nothing wrong with them I've done them and I've done them a few times but I didn't want to do it again so that was probably the biggest thing and here we are and obviously I'm so glad we did it because I have a husband and a bloody good one but that was definitely something but you've had no other literally no other red flags you don't have one red flag so I think the biggest thing you taught me was I guess that it's worth waiting and it's okay to want more for yourself or better for yourself or more respect or love or whatever it is that's something that you taught me I always used to say my parents relationship was both the best

and the worst thing because they've been married for nearly 50 years I think actually next year might be 50 or coming up in the next year or two and they have such a great relationship and they've had their ups and downs but when you're together that long and in all of my time I have never seen them have an argument now of course they are but they would be doing it privately I've never seen my dad raised his voice to my mom i've never heard them swear at each other in my entire life like your parents are the best they just go out of their way to do things for each other my dad specifically is just the most loving and giving and wholesome and generous man to everyone that he meets whether it's a friend or his family or his kids or his grandkids or his or like my mom

nothing's too hard i remember your dad taking me fishing for the first time and i asked him why he goes fishing at like four or five in the morning and I thought he was going to give me an answer like well that's when the fish are out yeah the fish are out in the morning or whatever and he said no I get it done early so when I come home I can spend time with Nikki and I was like oh that's really considerate yeah yeah that's the kind of person he is yeah but that's both good and bad because it sets you up for what it gives you it sets you up because it's there like you see that it's out there and you see that those people exist and they become your role model so that's what you want for yourself. But one thing I have learned is that that is a minority, like that kind of

love and relationship. It's definitely not the majority out there. And I think it's changing a lot with generations as well. And the next generation, what they deem as love and respect just looks different. And I'm not saying it's worse. It's just different. And so I think it sets you up. It's a little bit harder for me because I did want to hold out for that. I think you absolutely are that person like without doubt you are very very considerate and very loving and very giving and i i know that you would be the person that would actually you're never going fishing i was about to say sorry love i'm not going to play football at four o'clock in the morning yeah so i think that's i think that's the good thing i think that's definitely one of the

things that you taught me that i hope having this conversation now people listening also take away from whatever relationship they're in or whatever they're looking for but it's early days yeah i think that's what you taught me oh I think it's early days it's early days you get so awkward you get awkward with compliments you're even blushing well I'm not used to getting compliments normally the fans tell me what they think of me pretty straight so yeah yeah the one the thing that you hear on a football pitch is quite different so okay let's get into some other of your actual Ask Uncut questions. The first one I think is pretty tricky. It's embryo custody. Yeah. Something we have experience in. Yes, we have. My ex and I did over five years of IVF

together and I want him to sign the embryo over to me to use solo and he's refusing. He claims to me it's easy for him to find someone younger. I'm six years older than him and he will be able to start the family that he wants now when we were together he didn't really want kids like it sounds like they're broken up and he's like i'm gonna be fine starting a family you know like i'm dating someone younger so it sounds like he's a bit like that throwing your face i'm 42 and have been doing a few cycles last year with a sperm donor and they haven't worked that embryo is likely my only opportunity to have a biological baby the next step for me would be egg and sperm donor so no biological attachment to her at all yep he has said the only way that he will give me the embryo

is if they co-parent so he doesn't want to be with her they've moved on but he wants to co-parent however he wants to stay on the dating apps and just living his best life while i do all the ivf preparation and pregnancy alone what do you think i should do wow what a question i mean as far as i remember from our ibf journey is that embryos are more stable than the eggs and the sperm donor and all that kind of stuff so which is further along in the development which gives i guess her more chance of conceiving right so but what i also remember is we had to sign a lot of legal documents you know in case of you break up or who has ownership to the embryo or you die yes all those kind of things so i don't know if it's possible to just you know gift somebody an embryo

but i think it's quite interesting that he's obviously maybe thinking that you know if i am going to be the father of this child that i want to be in the child's life which is actually quite nice because it's essentially a little mini him running around i think i do understand her dilemma is that you know she feels like the embryo will give her more of a chance and the previous rounds haven't worked with the sperm donor and obviously she wants to have some biological connection with her child so it's a tricky situation wow it's difficult isn't it i think both people are right and for him to say i want to be in the child's life if it's you know my offspring but also for her to say look i'm at a certain age and we all know that women have a clock and it's not that

easy and obviously it does cost a lot of money that you know she obviously feels strong enough for him to be the father of a child and raise it by herself but then at the same time she's like well i am raising it by myself and he's living his best life it almost feels like she wants to have it both ways i think that this is both tricky and easy so yeah when you do do embryos like ben said there's so many documents that you need to sign and one of them is are you basically able to use the embryo with only one signature or do you need to have both and you both need to agree to that so most people i assume would say that like both parents need to agree i think that's what we've done haven't we yes of course like we absolutely did that but then there is another

part that's like if one of you dies are you happy for the other person to use your embryo and so i said we actually both said yes yeah you probably don't remember because i filled the document out but if i die and you wanted to have a child you could use our embryos you do have good DNA to be fair and thanks and vice versa so if you died you've also said that if I want to I can use them then there is another segment that's like if you pass away or whatever are you happy for somebody else to use them like to donate them yeah then there's a sub segment of that that's like uh who is it anybody or is it somebody specific so like I got yeah I got down to the point of not that they ever would but I said it can be donated but it would only be donated to my sister

Sherry if she wanted to but yeah that's the way that we did it but what I think here is interesting I just want to read two sentences again so they're fresh the first one is I want my ex to sign over the embryo for me to use solo that's the opening sentence and then the second sentence is he wants to co-parent but I would have to do the IVF preparation and pregnancy alone so it seems like the issue is that he wants to be involved as a parent but he wants you to go through that whole part on your own what should I do I think that I mean I think you should do it I think if the difference is you obviously really want kids and you have tried to do it a different way like you have tried with donors and it didn't work which sucks and I'm sorry but if the biological aspect

is really important to you then you've said you wanted to do it solo anyway the whole point was you like sign it over to me and i'll do it solo but then you seem upset that he has said he will do it but you'd have to do it on your own the pregnancy part like he doesn't want to be involved i don't want to do all the ivf preparation and pregnancy and stuff so he's saying like i don't want to be going to the appointments with you he wants the child without the nine months he just yeah it sounds like he just doesn't want to go and do all of the admin side it's difficult that part as well but i think it's more difficult raising the child and that's the part he said he wants to be involved in if he's not a horrible person if you just broke up because you weren't in

love and you think he'd be a good parent which you obviously did think that because you you did them with him if you are not opposed to him being in your child's life then I would do it if you really want the biological aspect and I would say I would do it it's your only option really you know if you can't if you've tried to make other embryos and for whatever reason it's not working or your egg supply is not thriving anymore or if this is your only option and kids are really important to you and your ex is not a horrible, horrible person.

Well, it must be a good enough person for you to want to go through with it still, you know, which is evident. It's hard, we don't know because she said she wants to go through it solo. So it's like she still wants to have her biological child but doesn't want him involved. So I'm just trying to understand what he did

or why you don't want him involved at all. But if it comes down to the biology part being really important to you, I would probably do it if anything if he's not a bad person it's not going to be the worst thing to have someone help you throughout the rest of your child's life financially physically with their time with their energy you know I don't have kids but you don't need to have kids to know how hard it is to parent in a relationship let alone being a single mother I imagine it's going to be very very difficult to be doing on your own for all of the reasons I just said the other thing

she's mentioned was she doesn't want him to be a co-parent and live in his best life on tinder and all that kind of stuff uh if i'm correct so i don't really see where she can kind of dictate what his dating life then looks like and being worried about who he's dating and all that kind of stuff so yeah but i think you can have rules i think it's like if couples split up and they've got little kids or any kids a couple split up you set rules about what it's going to be like and who's going to meet your kids and how long do you have to date for and does both parents have to know the new person before they can meet the kids like there are a lot of rules around that and if you're going to be co-parenting and you know that your ex is going to be out there dating and

bringing people home and doing whatever you will still set rules you'll still be like cool well when you have the baby or if you have the baby you're not going to have these random people around you're going to have to be responsible and I think that's all still fine I think the question just comes down to how important the biological part is because you have said the next step would be me going down you know getting an egg donor and a sperm donor that's also absolutely fine so the deciding factor is for you to make this decision is do you want your ex to be in the child's life and if it's a yes it's going to be okay for him to be it's not the end of the world then I would go down that track. And if you just think absolutely cannot fathom having this person

in my life for the rest of my life, and you're okay with going down the track of it not being a biological child, then I absolutely would proceed with what you're doing, which is getting an egg donor and a sperm donor. So I think that when I look at it, that seems to be the deciding factor here is just can you fathom this person being in your life? You also risk him signing the embryo over to you now and then he changes his mind and causes havoc down the track and wants to have some kind of parental claim you could accept the co-parenting he could be demanding that he wants to be a co-parent and then change his mind and say i don't want anything to do with the baby down the track like you actually don't know what's going to happen anyway so right now

i would just decide what are the most important factors for you to have this child and what your future looks like and then go from there it's a really fucking tricky situation it's a hard one it's really hard all the questions these hard every week yeah they're pretty hard and you also have to remember benny's like people's real lives yeah i know i know it's you know it's hard giving advice when you're not involved emotionally involved in it because the dilemma for somebody who's asking for advice is they're emotionally involved and when you give it advice as a as an external person especially you know this is not something i do every day you and laura and keisha have obviously much more experience in this but it's it's hard because you feel like you don't

want to make up someone's mind you just kind of want to show them the opportunities or the eventual problems that are going to come but you don't want to influence somebody in a certain way because we're only saying things from our perspective okay brit and ben sos my partner dumped me on boxing day on our way to my family's christmas Oh, that's harsh. What, like in the car? That's harsh. I'm like, how did...

I guess cuffing season is over. On the way to her family. Wow. Boxing day is brutal, man. If it's like a seven day period before or after... It's off limits, isn't it? Boxing day. I just think you're cooked.

Yeah. It's not the time. No. Birthdays and Christmas till New Year is like off limits. Yeah, like breaking up with someone just before New Year's is great for you because you're like, yeah i'm setting my intention i'm gonna be free next year and you've just shat on someone else and like ruined a year but whatever yes revolution came out yeah okay so my partner dumped me on

boxing day on our way to my family's christmas as you can imagine i feel pretty deflated by this and i'm in shock my question is do you think that this was pre-planned and that he was thinking about breaking up for a while he claims that he wasn't but it was completely out of the blue we weren't even arguing he literally just blurted out we should end this let's break up which seems at least it wasn't via text no but it's worse you're what you're in a 10 minute car trip from your house to your family's house and that's when you decide like what went down on christmas day what happened on christmas something's happened i know he was frustrated from other things going on in his life so it may have been out of anger but at the end of the day

the relationship is now over i'm also after advice on how to one day get back out there to date as i am completely put off men and dating I feel like I'd rather be alone and the thought of dating again terrifies me as I feel that no matter what I always get hurt I do so much work on myself such as reading and listening to podcasts including yours and your book oh thank you to ensure that I'm the best partner possible but it feels like I still get hurt I one day want a family and to get married and the whole kit and caboodle but right now I feel like I never want to date again help I mean sorry you're going through this it's obviously not nice I wonder did he give you a Christmas present like if you maybe your present wasn't as good no joking aside it's it's serious

I think the getting back out there and starting the date part I think that will naturally come I don't think that's something you need to worry about obviously you feel a bit of in a slump and you feel like you know why why does nobody want me or you you kept saying like you you keep getting hurt and all that kind of stuff so that's obviously not a nice place to be but being put off men or being put off dating when you just broke up i think is kind of natural i think it's it's a part of the grieving stage isn't it so did the guy just decide from you know one second to another i mean who knows but i would personally assume that it's something that has been on his mind for a little bit it does seem out of the blue just to be driving and everything's fine like evidently

things haven't been i would maybe think that men not generalizing but we aren't great at communicating so something is wrong we'll just kind of keep it for ourselves or we swallow it and then you know eventually not burst but we just kind of like come to a conclusion without maybe sharing it with someone else that someone else obviously being you and your relationship so maybe there is something where he's not happy in life he said there are other things going on and he's privately taking the resolution of i need to change i want to change something and unfortunately you are the person he wants to change in his life whether he has problems at work or other kind of things so i don't think it's come for him i don't think it's it's just been i'm in the car i'm going

to do it now i don't you know i don't love you anymore but i feel like yeah it's not a normal thing for i would say 99 of the population to be everything fine and then within a split second be like i'm just going to completely fuck up my life no there's been something going on in his brain that you don't know about that he hasn't shared for whatever reason and he's kind of made the decision himself that this is this needs to happen you just said something interesting and i think that that's a really good point to make is in your question you said like he's had a lot of other stuff going on and he's been dealing with a lot of other stuff and then ben you just said like you were the easiest person to be removed from his life i had an ex say that to me as well and i

think it actually has so much more truth to it for men more so than women I had an ex break up with me because he said there's too much going on I have so many stresses and different plates moving and the only thing that I can control would be you to be gone do you know what I mean like the relationship to not be there so I don't have to worry about another person and then hearing you say that then Ben I think that that is something that is definitely more inclined for a man to do I would say by all accounts than a woman because I think a woman is more emotionally connected and emotionally stable to like work through something or be able to manage something but I think a lot of men when they've got all these things going on and it feels overwhelming and stressful

they do just sort of and correct me if I'm wrong Ben but like you sort of categorize things and you're like what can I control or what can I remove to make my life easier and sometimes it's the relationship sometimes that's the thing that they feel is too hard or they're looking after another human or considering another human so there is a chance that that is the reason because you've said he had so much other stuff going on and he was you know not a great place so I would say that he has been thinking about on the back burner for a little while and it doesn't mean he doesn't love you it just means that the relationship wasn't right and at the end of the day you've said it's happened it's not like you're getting back together that's not the

question the question is just like is it normal for him to have done what he did no but I think a lot of women feel blindsided by an out of the blue quote unquote breakup when it's not out of the blue at all for the man yeah he's probably checked out or been thinking about it for a while ago and just autopiloting through life like just cruising through life living because it's not the worst it's just not the best yeah a lot of people get stuck in that situation and then god getting back out there is really hard when you've gone through a really big heartbreak every single person listening right now would have been in a situation where you're like fuck that i'm never dating again like it's easier to be on my own it's like when you're drinking you're like i never drink

again and then two weeks later somebody goes you want to come over for a wine and you're like yeah why not so i do think you will kind of get over that feeling you're you're hurt right now which is absolutely normal i would assume this is part of the grieving stage you went through a really big breakup ben yeah for me thanks for entering here that's right well you know people go through men and women get heartbroken all the time but did you feel like that were you like i'm never dating again it's fucking too hard i didn't think like that i was just focused on football i didn't want my personal life to affect my football you weren't actively looking but you didn't throw the towel in no but i also i always feel like if you're looking to find somebody if you're looking

i need to find a girlfriend i need to find a husband i don't think it works like that i think it needs to be a coincidence like you and I swiping yeah you know so it's I think if you're looking for it it's not like you're looking for it too much but I just think life just works sometimes in mysterious ways and it's sometimes it's just a coincidence and dating fatigue is a real thing that everybody goes through especially if you've been single for a while but you don't have to have been single for a while like you could go on three dates and you get over it yeah it depends on who you're dating how easy it has been what they've been like are you just swiping are you over it are people rude like there are so many reasons that people get dating fatigue

yours doesn't sound like dating fatigue you said you've just been completely put off men and i think that's because you're still hurting and you're going to take a little while to get over it i mean it's only january 10th that's what i mean it's only been two weeks yeah if that i can't even do that you're not over a relationship after two weeks yeah and it was i'm assuming you're probably pretty long term it was pretty horrific it was on boxing day on the way to your families you know get together yeah it's been two weeks give it time you don't have to get back out there quickly but i should hope that you will get back out there quickly you know what i think it is when people say i'm never fucking dating again like i'm done with men it's a protection mechanism

oh of course it is but i think of it like a job like just say you get fired from your job you're not gonna say fuck this i'm never working again like yeah but i think a job is more more important than having someone of course of course you need money but my point is if not just figuring out what you want now from that and what you how you want to be treated and whatever else like that you will be stronger after this like every single low or heartbreak or traumatic thing that happens in our life definitely builds resilience and puts us on a path of knowing a little bit more about who we are and what we want and how we handle things but I always just think if we let one bad experience impact the rest of our life i think that that would be really sad it would be a shame

it would be a shame because you know there's so many different forms of love and relationships and people come in and out of your life but it's a real shame for people just to close off after one heartbreak yeah just give it some time yeah it's been too have good people around you who support you and then see what the future brings okay ben bring the next question in i'm going to write the next question which is the first on the show you're gonna write it or read it i'm gonna read it right two soulmates hear me out i have been with my partner for four years we own a house together have a dog and a cat together and i feel like a proposal is on the horizon you know what that's like he is my soulmate to be fair the question should kind of stop here he is my soulmate

we have shared values and interests and he is my best friend great he's a person i see myself growing old with and raising kids with my family and friends love him however i've been hiding a secret oh no there's a guy at work there's always a guy at work isn't it not for me let's call him george all right george he's exactly my type and he has the kindest heart almost a year ago to the day i had a dream about him and ever since i've seen him in the different lights some days i'm so sure he is the person i'm meant to be with however when i get a bit of space or time of work feelings die down slightly we occasionally message non-work related stuff and i wonder if he picks up on the vibe too my heart feels like i'm torn between two people my partner my soulmate and

the person at work oh is that the question yeah like what to do there is more context hold on oh there's more to add more context george is single and has been since i met him a few years ago he's a walking green flag well you kind of don't know that yet but anyway i have no idea if he feels the same way but we occasionally hold a stare for a few seconds too long oh eye contact he's aware i'm in a relationship however i have opened up to him feeling uncertain without ever mentioning he's the reason why it's more so to gauge how he sees me or if he's seeing anyone my partner knows i work with him and he occasionally comes up however my partner doesn't suspect anything okay is that it that's the longest question ever i can't believe you

made me read that okay this one is a bit wild to me i mean four years we have a house together a dog a cat a proposal is coming he's my soulmate we have shared values and interests he's my best friend he's the person i see myself growing old with and raising kids with my family love him my friends love him however I also think my colleague who doesn't even know I'm in a relationship and I work with sometimes could also be my soulmate that's wild to me if you've never been with George which I'm assuming you haven't because you you know you've said you haven't you've just had a dream about him and you think about him I just think that you're in a crazy dangerous place to be comparing the two and you did say you know my heart is torn between two people somebody I

share a life with or the what if of another person it is a what if you do not know anything about this person like to to compare these people and say you've got two soulmates is crazy you can have more than one soulmate I do believe that I don't think we have one soulmate I believe so too but from the information you've given me I don't think that you know enough about George or you've experienced enough about George to put him in a soulmate category now I could be wrong but I just think that you two are probably very attracted to each other there is some flirting at work there is very normal to have a thought at some point in a long-term relationship on is the grass greener on the other side and you've been together for years with your partner and then

there's all of a sudden hot georgie boy at work that's giving you attention and it's exciting to have somebody look at you again and get those butterflies again that you get at the start of a relationship and all of those things you know those things die down in a relationship and life becomes life life becomes the monotonous and you know that person inside out so all of a sudden to rediscover those feelings with somebody else is exciting but I don't think your heart belongs to George yet I think that this is definitely there's chemistry for sure for you to be feeling like that and it's been in your head since you had a sex dream about him you know that's you've thought you've had the dream about him and he's been in your head ever since so there's a part of you

that's like what if that is just the most amazing thing in the world but i think it's important for you to remember and could also be the worst thing in the world it could be it absolutely could be like i don't think you know who somebody is for quite a while until you go through certain experiences together hard moments or traveling together or kids or meeting their families or there's so many different parts like it's very easy to think someone's a walking green flag when you see them sporadically at work yeah and you have some great conversations and you make each other laugh and they tell you who they are so he's telling you like you think he's a green flag from things he's told you but that's not a lived experience yeah she's also mentioned that

they only text work related stuff together i mean whether that's true or not but like you said you don't know what a person's like it seems like if you're only talking work related you don't really know him very well i think you're getting into a dangerous area that you might fuck up something really good because you are happy you you do say he's your soulmate and you might be doing more damage with this than good i don't know i'm a little bit more pragmatic i think you're at a stage now where you need to shut it off and i don't think you need to speak to george any longer yeah there's another part there's another part where you say when i don't see him at work or yeah texted that it dies the feelings die down and the thoughts die down i think that that's a

really telltale sign that the feelings and thoughts disappear when he does yeah i think a soulmate doesn't do that doesn't leave your head a soulmate doesn't just like dissipate into thin air we need to get george fired that's what we need to get the sound for her eyes i also feel like in a relationship when you're with a partner for a long time you're always gonna come in contact with people that i don't know you maybe find attractive or whatever but like you need to get over it you're in a relationship like there are a lot of good looking people out there that's you know it just happens to work where you work okay fair enough but you're in a relationship so you know be in the relationship well i'm not i i don't want this girl to think that anything she's done is wrong

because it's not she's just telling us her feelings and he and you haven't done anything wrong and you having the little butterfly and what if feeling in your head after four years with someone else I want to go so far as to say it is a normal feeling because from all accounts ever like doing this for six years and having hundreds of thousands of questions being written in every single week all of my my friends that have told me their stories my own experiences other people in my life I feel like that feeling of like wow I met someone that actually really gets me or or I met someone wow he's so hot he makes me laugh all of those feelings in a relationship are normal you're a human it's a normal human interaction you're going to meet

people where you have connections in life males and females if you didn't I would be worried because there's not one person on this planet for us I think any relationships can be made to be incredible with an incredible person and that person can be great for you but it doesn't sound like there's anything wrong at home that he's pushing you to that point it doesn't sound like you know him george on a deeper level it doesn't sound like you know nearly enough about him i would be asking yourself some questions if i gave everything i had up now for george because he could be my soulmate and it didn't work out would i be okay with that or would i feel like i'd lost the love of my life would i be okay if i went for george and it didn't work out in a month six

months a year whatever it is could you live with this would i then yeah would i be okay to live with that and then move on with my life knowing that neither of those people were for me or would you feel beside yourself to not see life with your partner in it because you've said he's your best friend and you see yourself growing old with him and raising kids and you can't do that with your husband and george like yeah i feel like she's answered her own question with the first two lines you know like four years apart okay it doesn't mean anything but own a house together have a dog and a cat and I do see myself growing up with that person I feel like that's the only point that matters and if you know that those feelings dissipate when you're not texting him getting a

job and not around him well I would just be limiting those interactions you don't have to text him like I mean unless your job has something that makes you text each other but be disciplined yeah the more you invite these things into your life it's a slippery slope yeah ben are you okay with being in lots of brit's stories and content i love brit's content but i was just curious as to how ben feels about it all because i do realize he has his own profile with football which is very different to the content that brit and life uncut do yeah i never thought i'd be on a microphone talking about relationships there was a there was a porn question that came in that i wanted to answer ben was like i just it's not porn online it's not for

me like i don't i was like that's okay you don't have to answer that am i okay with being it yes of course i think it's a completely new world which is obviously your world and i'd love to be part of it i i quite enjoy it i'd like to think i'm getting better at it after four four hours or four episodes four years four years four hours four episodes four years that's that's yeah no i um it was completely new when i started off and like everyone who's behind the microphone for the first time is a little bit unsure on what to say how to say it and you probably have a thousand thoughts of how is this going to come across but yeah every you know being a guest every now and then is is fun and i enjoy it i love to see what you do because i i know you take a lot

of interest in what i do and we are still working on the offside rule but but um yeah it's almost like bring your partner to work day when i come you know so i i when i when i come to the studio I see what you guys do to set up and and you know ultimately I know all the work that you guys put in you know it's I guess a little bit like in football the fans only see us showing up on a Saturday and they think that's all we do but there is a lot of preparation that goes in and there's a lot of preparation that goes in with you three really and and even more people I guess you know doing content and and researching stuff and but ultimately I feel like you guys just want to help people which is really nice and it's one of the qualities I love about you that you always want

to help other people first and yeah in terms of stories instagram again that's probably been a evolutionary process you know i wasn't a big fan of instagram i think i was one of the last people to have it i always thought it's about look what i have look what i can afford and all that kind of stuff so my instagram was mainly football related stuff would hardly post any even family members or you know like all the kind of stuff outside of football so but i've learned to learn to see the benefit of of the community and yeah i couldn't be prouder than being on your instagram but i i'm not i'm not gonna start posting uh advice and all that kind of stuff because that's not my that's not my field but um no and i know where this question comes from because i get it

a few times actually in response to stories i put up of you so i can tell you right now if ben doesn't want to be in a story or a real or a photo he i would not be on he absolutely would not be on and i get a lot of um not a lot but it definitely happens or people that respond to stories being like stop filming ben don't put him in your stories he obviously hates it he's not even smiling he doesn't want to be in it and ben will not be in that story if he doesn't want to be in it yeah it comes from i mean by all accounts you're actually quite shy you're quite a shy reserved person and it's not natural for you to be in front of a camera because you never really are like of course you're on camera when you're playing football in front of like hundreds of

thousands of people and whatever else but that's different it's different to like talking face to face with camera or being on it but that's not to say you don't want to do it you don't enjoy it it's just a new world just new year i mean if i'm on a football pitch and there are i don't know 50 000 people watching me believe it or not i actually know what i'm doing like i feel comfortable but you know even in school the worst thing was was doing a lecture in front of my classmates even though those are the people are standing in front of people and speaking to them it's it's worse when people it's people that you know it's harder you think so oh yeah it would be easier for me to get up and speaking in front of 5 000 people yeah then i mean not now but when i was younger

then get up in front of 30 of your classmates and talk because you know that they're the ones that are going to judge you and you don't care at the end of the day what strangers think true you care what people you know think and i guess instagram are communities of people that you know in a way like they know you they know your life inside out and who you are but ben i always say to ben like when ben's been a story or something i always say to him baby you gotta smile i'm like people think you hate me i was like but it's just it's just who you are and i it's hard for me because i know who you actually are and then the camera comes out and it's not it's not your core it's like the shy version of ben and i'm like it would be so i wish people could see the ben that i get to see

maybe that's our next content follow ben around i'll vlog you for a day the vlog of the vlog no yeah it's it's yeah it's a mixture between being shy and still new to this instagram world and you know dating a person that's in the public eye is probably not something i would have imagined but you've always been great you've always asked for permission you always you know sometimes you call me in the middle of the night hey we're going to talk about this is this okay and you check up which is really good that's actually such a good point i have never said anything about you without checking that's true yeah that's real yeah no without checking like even when we're talking about stuff or i'm referring if it's a podcast with me and laws

and i'm referring to something that you've done or told me before that's released i check it and sometimes ben will even listen to it before i post anything before there's any content of him or in any capacity anywhere he okays it yeah which yeah even if it's a caption and i've said something like trust me guys it's consensual it's consensual yeah i've got a question next question how do you guys handle conflict disagreements how do we handle disagreements I'd say we have very little different fighting styles like arguing styles conflict resolution but we don't argue that much to be honest also I think what I classify as an argument and what you classify as an argument is like worlds apart like us having discussions you're like why are you arguing with me and I'm

like I am actually just stating my point I'm like why are you trying to fight with me yeah Ben's very stubborn that's how i think it's a swiss german thing it's a german it is you've always i'm not german it's a german swiss german thing you speak swiss german and you have a lot of swiss german i mean german influence yeah but it is it's a you're quite stubborn and until now it's like your way takes one to no one it's your way or the highway and you you've even said you would rather die on a hill than admit that you were wrong even when you know if two plus two is four i do that you said five you would rather die on that hill than admit that speaking my truth yeah but it's not so that was really difficult at the start but i think that we have a really good

style now like you apologize and go on the highway we are very good at apologizing me more so i'm very good I think there's a lot of power in admitting that you were wrong and apologizing for something and that doesn't mean it's easy it's not easy to apologize but sometimes I'll be like sorry about before you're right and I will say it but we try to never go to bed angry like I feel like that's the the oldest relationship trick in the book it's you know what have you got to gain by being angry at each other and and making each other feel bad for days on end so it's just not our style I do apologize it just takes me a little bit longer to realize it takes me a day or two you actually don't apologize you know you you cuddle me and you try and kiss me

that is a form of apology that's my apology yeah but that's what i mean it's non-verbal yeah you find it hard to actually say that loud but we did come say yeah i just don't say it in english one of your other languages we came up with a new conflict resolution yesterday actually it's pretty gross but we'll tell you no no no yes we are so we were sort of joking we had a little argument and then people don't think this is so great we just we tongue wrestle i don't even want to say it out loud don't say it it was it was a joke but we did say that our new conflict resolution would be a tongue wrestle so like it's not even an actual wrestle it doesn't sound like a gross kiss if you both put your tongue out and it's touching in midair and you push as hard as

you can where has this podcast come to what has happened you say your tongues are out touching and you push as hard as you can. You've got to push the other person's tongue back. Jesus Christ. And the thing is- I won. You have a big tongue. We're like, is this how we should resolve conflicts in the future?

And it's actually funny because you can't be mad at each other. You start laughing, don't you? You start laughing and then you're not fighting about anything anymore because it's hilarious. And it's like we were in hysterics and it was so stupid that you forget what you even argued about. i think that that is a really good thing it's like you can get your point across you can express your point without having to hate each other for days and yelling and abusing like you can still be mad

at each other and laugh at each other and be like look just don't do it again okay i've got another question i've been together with my partner for 11 years and married for seven we have two daughters under five years old he recently had to tell me that he cheated on me four years ago. I am devastated and heartbroken. He has been my only serious relationship and we are close and enjoy each other's company. He has had untreated depression for many years and did not seek help. Since telling me this news, he's now in a mental health ward getting treatment. He's now telling me compliments and promising to fix everything now that he's getting the help. I feel like everything is too late, but he feels like we can fix it. Can I please have your advice?

I feel like everything is just absolutely shattered when he cheated he slept with her twice and exchanged nude photos they were talking for about six months I look at other married couples and how happy they are and I'm just broken I feel like everything is ruined well first of all I would say don't compare yourself to other couples because you don't really know what's going on yeah when you say it's that's such a hard thing to say when you say I look at other married couples and everything's perfect it's not fucking perfect unless they're like your best friends and you know the in and outs you know every couple has their downsides their arguments their problems so yeah don't compare yourself not saying every couple cheats but i'm just saying

like don't compare yourself to other couples it's a recipe for catastrophe yeah we always get such divisive feedback and comments whenever there's like a cheating discussion people are either one side or the other cheating is an absolute no doesn't matter what the circumstances are when what the situation was they can fuck off then there are other people that think it's absolutely something that can be worked through if you want to. Now I am on that side. I'm on the second side that I think that you can work through things. Obviously there are so many variables. It depends on what they did, when they did it, how they did it, how you found out what their actions are after the fact. And I think that's a really big one is what their actions are after. So now it's never

excusable. When I say it can be worked out, there are situations in cheating that absolutely cannot be worked out and they shouldn't be worked out and you deserve better. But I don't think it has to be the end of the world. And I say that just because it's how I truly believe. I also say that from a lot of professionals we've spoken to, one of which is Esther Perel, who is one of the leading relationship specialists in the world. And she said a lot about that, that it doesn't have to be the end of the world and that there are many couples who come out stronger than ever after it. Now, I'm not saying this because I want you to stay and work through it. I'm just saying that we can feel a lot of judgment from ourself

and from people in our life if you decide to stay after cheating. So sometimes the pressure just comes from you. Like, I can't believe I've lowered my standards and I'm doing this. Or sometimes it comes from other people. From his friends, yeah. Like, don't go back to him, whatever. How could you stay in that relationship? And at the end of the day, it's only for you to decide what is okay,

how you feel, and what you want to do with it. 11 years of your life you've been with him and it's a really long time and you have two kids so kids I don't care what anyone says kids change the way you think about your relationship and what you would do if you didn't have kids maybe you'd get up and walk away and not look back but kids make things trickier you're connected and you're in that relationship and you're going to be connected for the rest of your life for me I think it's good that he told you but it took him four fucking years that's pretty shit like four years is going to make you feel like cool not only did you cheat on me but you've got an extra layer of betrayal of lying to me for four years

having said that it sounds like if you do want to work it out it sounds like he is doing the things to show you that he wants to work it out he's seeing someone he's doing the work he seems to be doing the work and now that doesn't excuse what he did but maybe that he needed to realize what he's done so now by doing the work he's like oh i've done this i've told my partner i really You need to become a better person. Yeah, it doesn't excuse what he did by any means, but it does mean that if it is something that you want to try to salvage, it sounds like he is doing everything that you could possibly need to salvage it

because a lot of the problems that we hear of here are people saying, I found out my partner cheated on me, but he's refusing to go to therapy with me or he says that I need to get over it or whatever it is. That doesn't sound like what your husband is doing. it sounds like he said okay I need to get my life on the straight and narrow I'm gonna be really honest and I'm gonna do everything I can to work it out it's just up to you whether you want to work it out for yourself for your family for your kids for your relationship for him you absolutely don't have to like you've said you're absolutely shattered of course you are it's

the ultimate betrayal to find out that your partner has cheated on you and the situation and the reasoning doesn't matter it's always a betrayal but it sounds salvageable if you want it and that's all I'm going to say it's like you've got big things to consider you've got your kids to consider and there is no right or wrong and I hope you don't feel judged by whatever you want to do but I always think in these situations it's look to your future and think of what life you want and who you want it with if your relationship by all other accounts was good like if he's a great dad and a great partner otherwise in the day-to-day and the domestics and when it matters and supporting you and if he has everything else you want in a person then maybe you can try and

work through it like but if he has a lot of other red flags maybe this is the kick that you needed that it's not right for you but if you don't think you can get over it well then you can't get over it it's like you know like it's like once you get the ick once the ick's settled in the ick's settled in like you can do what you want but it'll always rear its ugly head but if you do not believe deep down you will ever trust him again and you will ever feel comfortable again and safe and all of those things then then that's your answer it comes down to what you personally inside think that you can deal with yeah it is really hard because you've been hurt by the person you love the most you've spent over a decade together so it's really really difficult and devastating but

like you said it's not impossible to come back from this as a couple but also it's not impossible to look into the future and say is that really what I wanted is that something I can't get over do I feel like I need to give him a one more chance because he has been remorseful I guess he's doing the work or appears to be doing the work do you feel like you need to give him one more chance and then if you're like look if after four or five months it doesn't work out you have every right to change your mind again that's true whatever you decide now it doesn't have to be what sticks forever yeah it can be a work in progress for sure the only other thing that I will say is that I've done both I have worked through cheating in the past and stayed with that person obviously

didn't work out eventually but like I have been in situations where I've accepted it for what it was and we've worked through it we've been together longer and I've had situations where they've cheated and I've been like this is not recoverable like this is beyond betrayal and that's because they both look very differently and the way it was handled was very different so there's it's just not black and white and I don't care what anyone says there are people that are going to come for me and say, you can't get over cheating. You can, you can. That's a fact because plenty of people do. And the black and white outlook on cheating at the end of the day, isn't black and white. It doesn't fit every relationship in every person. So it's only what you think you can do in

that situation. And I'm sorry, you're in that situation. I'm sorry it happened. And it's not easy because you've got kids as well. And it's not easy because he's also in a mental health care facility so that's adding a second layer you know it's a bit deeper than him just being sad he's got a lot more going on and I'm sure that complicates it because you feel like you can't just get up and walk away it's not a normal cheating situation where you know you're like fuck you I'm out if he is in a really bad place he's checked himself into a facility then I'm sure you're wanting to be very delicate with it as well and you probably feel a lot of pressure to maybe stay when you might not want to or whatever that looks like at the end of the day

you've been with him for 10 years 11 years you still care about him as a person and who he is and where he's at in his life so i'm sure you're taking that into consideration too which just adds like another layer of complexity but please let us know what you decide to do ben thanks for coming on the podcast well thanks for having me in my own living room we do have to go we did get a lot more questions but we do have to go because you've got to go to work but if people enjoyed it i'm sure we can get you on again in the next couple of weeks so they can let us know if you enjoyed it i did enjoy it well i love you lots love you too don't forget do you know the outro something about dogs tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because

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