Life Uncut - Ask Uncut with Britt & Ben - Strippers at the Buck's, Sitting Down to Pee & My Husband Won't Move to Australia

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany and I'm Ben and today we have a very special guest, my one and only husband. No Laura today, we are on holiday break and you guys know when we do holiday break, we do bonus content. The easiest bonus content i had the only bonus content i had access to delilah was busy delilah was busy i have zero friends over here so ben you've become quite friendly with the um ladies at the um coffee shop i have yeah they uh well there's a few different ladies the kasha shop ladies really like me the coffee shop ladies have laughed at me many times since i made the language mistake and said I had 38 anuses. Yeah. Yeah. We've not been back really. I haven't done anyway. No, I actually

Starting point is 00:00:55 haven't either. Probably better. They laughed me out of the coffee shop. So we are on holidays officially, but we never ever leave you guys high and dry. We always put some kind of content out there. We are still living in Italy. Yeah. And I guess at this recording, I'm trying to do the math. Ben and I are just about to take off for a month holiday around Europe, which is very exciting yeah and it's your first break in a year so you only get a one break a year I only had one this year yeah yeah so that's exciting but we're only recording this a few days before our one year anniversary what is that not insane we have an anniversary I hope you're joking yes we have an anniversary do you know what you could play that off as a joke but actually deep down not

Starting point is 00:01:44 remember no no i would always remember i would always remember but can you believe it's been a year i actually can't it feels like yesterday i mean we had two weddings feels like yesterday i think i think it went so fast because we don't see each other that much well someone has decided to you know do a tv show yeah we did married at first sight which hosting not the actual show if you're new here we didn't film married at first sight but we filmed after the dinner party i didn't film anything for the people out there i was i was working grafting no i so i was supposed to move here to be with ben in italy from australia and then i got a job so i couldn't move you were it was not you know how i do i don't like change i'm not good with change so once you say i'm going

Starting point is 00:02:33 to do this and any changes you mean because we had a plan yeah i was coming yeah i like people sticking to the plan that's interesting that might be interesting for people to know ben i'm the most laid-back person but i need to have some sort of a plan he needs a plan yeah so no i was gonna say i never realized how bad it was until you were on you were driving home from switzerland to italy and you said in your head you knew the map that you knew the direction and the roads you were going to take one was closed and you had to divert and take another route it wasn't closed i just i haven't driven that much in switzerland because i've left so many years ago so i obviously missed the exit and i had a plan in my head of right i'm gonna you know go this way and then i'm gonna have

Starting point is 00:03:21 a little break i know the route i know the autobahn and everywhere i can go you know maybe know the speed cameras as well and then it took me to another part which i wasn't i wasn't excited about yeah which is fine but you nearly went you nearly had a road rage and went home yeah I considered driving back one hour to go back to the exit and to go the other way which is it's crazy isn't it what is happening that makes you feel out of control when something changes it's not out of control I just I have a picture in my head and I would like it to go plus minus in that direction or in that way and when it changes it's it's a little bit annoying like a little bit more than annoying to a normal person I guess you know where people will be like oh you know it doesn't matter

Starting point is 00:04:07 we'll get there in the end and I'll be like well no I really wanted to go that way it's the same as and I find this hilarious I don't know if this is just an Australian thing but like walking yeah going for a walk I feel like Aussies walk every single day and you you don't have to have a purpose the purpose is the walk you don't have to have a destination the purpose is the walk and you could walk anywhere and it doesn't matter because you're walking which is the whole point i need purpose i need to know where how long what for it is impossible to step outside of the house with ben if he doesn't know exactly where we're going how long it's going to take what are we going to do when we get there and then when we're finished what do we do next yeah if you said to me

Starting point is 00:04:51 let's go for a 10 minute walk in my head i'm like i asked five minutes in that direction five minutes back that's enough you know or you're like oh we'll just go over there i was like well where do we turn around because i don't like to walk i don't like to walk but if you force me to walk i'd like to know where we're going you don't mind walking i do no like if we do if we've locked it in and you know so if it's night time and we say hey tomorrow morning we'll go for a walk yeah and we'll go here at 7 30 yes but i can veto i can say no that's too far so i can negotiate with you if you just say we'll go over there and then you're like oh just a little bit that road over on the left and then over there i lose patience yeah it's interesting anyway welcome welcome to

Starting point is 00:05:37 my life yeah so where were we the anniversary anniversary one year deep any regrets no regrets no none at all you sound surprised no it's going well for me it is anyway so this is ask uncut where you guys write in your questions we're going to pick a few out and try to help you out ben actually loves answering ask uncut i don't know why people want to hear my opinion i don't either but they do every time you don't listen to me so why should to people i do i do but every time you have come on to answer a guest ask uncut people really like your advice and i think that's because you're quite emotionally in tune you do have a high eq it's called common sense i think yeah but not everyone has it yeah very true so that's this

Starting point is 00:06:31 episode and then have another bonus episode coming out where you guys have written a bunch of extra questions that you have for ben or myself or us as a couple yeah so that's an extra episode that's going to come tomorrow so make sure you tune into that because there were just too many questions to sit down and doing one so for our anniversary we're going to sardinia we are yes which is nice we finally managed to book something i am assuming that you have something planned something up your sleeve i mean taking you to sardinia for the first time ever i mean so i funny i saw a box hidden up the top of ben's i saw a box hidden up the top of ben's wardrobe and it was like a very specific like orange yellow colored box bright orange box that is very very a

Starting point is 00:07:22 very fancy brand and i knew it and ben's wardrobe is not a normal wardrobe it's like for giants like i put it up there on purpose believe it or not did you yeah so you can't so you can't see you're only little so it's like really really high i couldn't actually reach it but i can see it put it so i face the logo away from you so you just see the bottom yeah of it and so i was looking at it being nosy and i thought oh my god i know what that is so it's a louis vuitton box yeah and now I don't own anything Louis like for me that is just like ludicrously expensive I would not ever go and purchase something like that. You've actually not known many brands before you met me. No I never owned anything yeah no my brands just came up or target like they might they still are

Starting point is 00:08:09 yeah to be fair anything nice I ever have probably you have surprised me as a gift but I just would never anyway I saw it up there and I thought oh my god Ben has bought me a Louis Vuitton like a hundred percent because I know the box I know the color and I know the brand and I thought oh my god must be for our anniversary so I haven't said anything for the last couple of weeks and then we were repacking some stuff and moving some stuff around and I said I it was very obvious and I could see it I was like baby what's that what's that box and it got really coy like the look on his face was like what what box and I thought oh my god it is for me he's playing dumb and I don't have to play I don't have to play that you looked really guilty

Starting point is 00:08:50 like you looked sheepish and i thought oh he's sheepish because i found my present anyway you said oh i bought myself something yeah i still thought you were covering up i still thought you were trying to like to get me off the scent you wouldn't let go you're like would you buy me what is it and i thought did you really buy something for you and you were like yeah and i was like well show me then and anyway he opens the box and it really was just a pair of giant shoes that you bought for yourself yeah it was my birthday yeah it's fine and you you know obviously left a couple of days before my birthday which i have totally forgiven you for and i was alone on my birthday actually one of my good friends uh came to my birthday shout out to khalid khalid

Starting point is 00:09:35 does not listen to life on khalid does not listen to life on khalid if you're listening if you're listening you're a good you're a good good friend but he took the train from from switzerland from bar so i came to milan and as you do you go shopping in milan and i was like you know what i i deserve a present i'm gonna buy myself a present so i bought myself a pair of shoes oh there's nothing wrong with it i know there isn't i just think it's funny that i thought it was for me and it wasn't it was you hid it from me because you're like oh you don't want me to know how much you spend i mean unless you're a size 12 no i'm not you know so for our anniversary i thought do know what would be really cute my parents nikki and tony have been married for 48 years

Starting point is 00:10:18 48 years nearly 50 years they've been together and i just when i think about them and when i look at them i've never seen them really fight no in my life no and if they do they just go to separate rooms tony goes to the garage and then nikki's just puts like i don't know she puts like the tv on and then they were like good as gold and of course they fight like of course they do they're a normal couple and they've been together for nearly five decades yeah they have been married nearly how old am i they've been married 10 years 21 yeah they've been married 25 years longer than i've been alive they've been married 10 years longer than i have been on this earth and that's how much time they've just been married which i think is really incredible

Starting point is 00:11:09 especially you just don't hear it often now but i've not only never seen them fight i've just never seen them raise their voice at each other only at the kids only at you well there's four of us we were a lot there was like four under six i can imagine you being a little troublemaker just out in the garden oh no i have an older brother that was way worse who's that dane yeah dane shout out but dane was uh anyone that knows dane that's listening knows it didn't matter how bad we were he made us look like angels we love him but he's yeah he made us look good but not only that i have never heard them swear at each other be disrespectful to each other like i've never seen it and they often speak about that they do do it like not swearing and stuff but

Starting point is 00:11:55 Like they have their stern talks and whatever behind closed doors, but they've just had this marriage that I've always dreamt of. Like I've always wanted to strive for because no matter what we went through or the family went through or anything, they were always just so stable and so there. And maybe that's what took me so long to meet somebody or meet you because i had very high standards because i saw what a relationship and you finally dropped them congratulations and then i got to 35 and i had to drop them to the ground

Starting point is 00:12:30 and i thought fuck it next one will do the next person that wants to date me i'm gonna lock down no so i asked them i messaged them for our one year anniversary and i said do you have some wedding advice oh yeah and so i have some wedding advice from my mom and dad they both wrote separately and i think it would be really nice to read it on the podcast for anyone listening right now so first i messaged my dad he said hmm brit that is a hard one in the big things i have always tried to put your mother first her needs before mine always and sometimes it's harder than it sounds but you have to remember that she is the woman i chose almost a lifetime ago and thankfully she also chose me

Starting point is 00:13:14 Oh, I guess that I just got incredibly lucky with her. I still look at her to this day with lust in my head and love in my heart. So why wouldn't I want to put her first? We don't keep score and I have never viewed our relationship as a competition. We laugh at ourselves as well as each other. Spite or malice to each other is unheard of. It just flashed into my head now as i was thinking this through and it can be all boiled down to one word respect that's it in a nutshell nothing more nothing less i respect her end of story it's really cute but you know what made me laugh the competition yeah it's like she doesn't keep score and i'm like you absolutely keep score not in a bad way but if there's if there's a competition to be had you and i are

Starting point is 00:14:05 go and that's it i cried when i read it i've got tears in my eyes now i cried when i read it because it's really beautiful and i can and i know it's true i know my dad still looks at my mom like she is an angel that walks in the door every single day after i was crying sobbing reading this obviously hormonal i started laughing as well at the line that's like i have never viewed our relationship as a competition ben and i have the same word where we say to each other it's not a competition but competition is healthy anyway so that's my dad's advice which i think is really nice very good tony very good and it's really true it's just respect okay my mom now my dad is definitely the really emotional i was gonna say your mom once is is gonna be different is

Starting point is 00:14:51 gonna be very different my mom and my dad are two very different humans they love differently like they express their love differently yeah like big time and i don't know why that is i think it has a lot to do with their upbringing but the way we even received loves as kids was different like mom and dad they showed up in different ways right but you still felt it the same amount yeah but dad is the one that wears his heart on his sleeve and mom is always the one where we're like do you have a soul wow well she's not don't let her talk to you like that nikki uh no we're just she's not overly emotional yeah she's very she's funny emotional she's very funny she's very funny like accidentally funny yeah not it's not intentional it's honestly some some of the

Starting point is 00:15:41 stuff she comes up with is so funny she's a crack i sometimes wake up in the morning and i catch up on the um family group chat yeah and it's just nikki just entertaining the group oh and you're hysterics I know and half the time it's really funny like she's making jokes half the time she doesn't know what's going on the other half she doesn't know okay so my mum said I agree with your father because this was in a group chat I agree with your father definitely respect but also compromise doing things together even if we have nothing on we'll go and have coffee somewhere and just talk that's important and we don't yell and scream at each other we rarely argue and if we do and your dad digs his heels in or is in or if we do and your dad digs his heels in or is

Starting point is 00:16:24 stubborn we just sulk and then eventually get over it so she's not one with words she'll skulk away yeah i think i'm nikki you're tony oh yeah i'm like come here and talk about it yeah and you'll lock yourself in your room so we just skulk and eventually get over it laughing with and at each other is cool as well you can never stop laughing at each other we don't take ourselves too seriously pay yourself out and laugh at yourself but ultimately if you love one another it should work it should work it should work out for 48 years and that's their advice very very different dad's is all emotional and your mother's the best thing in the world and mom goes laugh at him laugh at you laugh at everyone and it should work out that's why they match yeah that's why they're

Starting point is 00:17:11 that's actually really good advice sound advice yeah it is beautiful yeah do you remember like this time last year i just about picked my suit jacket do you remember the day i you mean your suit almost wasn't ready because you left it so long no it was it was ready but i had a backup jacket which ended up making it baby you only had the backup jacket because you didn't get your main jacket ready this time last year i that's not how i remember it this time last year let me tell you i should have been relaxed excited embracing the fact i'm about to marry is anyone relaxed before a wedding though yeah the people that have an organized husband where are they ben didn't have his suit yet we're just about to get on a flight

Starting point is 00:18:00 and fly to another continent to get married ben didn't have his suit he had to go and buy a backup suit in case your actual suit didn't come back from the tailor in time that's not true babe yes it is no it's not you we had two different styles so we've got a different suit so it was two different styles did you pick the suit up the day we flew out just answer it's yes or no it's a yes maybe it's not a competition the competition's healthy and I won I may have added another suit on the day that we left for the airport yes yes exactly so as we were I'll continue on our photographer had just cancelled yeah that was harsh yeah something personal had come up so we are days out a photographer is something really I think when you're getting married it's one of the

Starting point is 00:18:48 first things that people lock in in a way because your photographer is in control capturing the moments well yeah they're your memories for the rest of your life so i think most women probably go for the photographer first almost like in line with a venue i think it's like venue photographer i think yeah but the dress not even because the dress can come after the first thing you need to make sure is like is the photographer i want free yeah that's what i think because it's so important and so we'd locked that was one of the first things we locked in yeah and then they cancelled so ben's suit we were scrambling for ben's suit and then the photographer cancelled and we'd had all these problems with the cake and then they showed us the cake would be brilliant we know

Starting point is 00:19:29 the cake disaster the cake gate of whatever year it was 2025 so this time last year i feel like i was really stressed yeah really stressed and you were just cruising with your cigar yeah i mean you had not a care in the world because you knew i had it well yeah but that you know how your parents they match each we match each other you know you're more relaxed you're a little bit more stressful it's a good match imagine if i was the stressed one and you'd be the relaxed it's not about it wouldn't work i am relaxed i'm only stressed because i'm with you look i'm a relaxed person but if you have to tell somebody you're relaxed you're not a relaxed person if you have to tell someone you're relaxed the person you're telling you needs to step up you know there was

Starting point is 00:20:13 wedding stuff that you could have done anyway we're not getting into that right now yeah we'll cut that out no we're leaving that in let's get into other people's problems okay question number one my boyfriend is the best man for his best friend's wedding a three-day bucks party was organized with strippers booked at a private airbnb for eight hours on the first night i expressed some concerns at this as strippers are a hard boundary of mine and my boyfriend and i agreed that he would go for some of the party but not stay for the whole night returning for the rest of the weekend good man good man solid man when my boyfriend communicated this to the buck the buck was furious the bride-to-be and another girl both of whom i considered my friends proceeded

Starting point is 00:20:57 to add me to a group chat pressuring me to quote let him go and called me insecure and told me that I'm emotionally damaging my boyfriend and the box relationship I reached out to the girls to talk in person as I'm upset at their behavior they said they are too busy to talk before the wedding which is overseas in four weeks time I don't want the wedding to be awkward but I also want to call the girls out on their behavior who's in the wrong who's in the right what should I do it's not where I thought the question was going yeah I mean so there is a problem about the other girls pressuring the girlfriend to let the husband or boyfriend or partner go see the strippers with their boyfriends have i got that right yeah so usually when we get these questions usually it's like

Starting point is 00:21:47 i have a boundary for bucks yeah there's no strippers and i found out that my husband has gone and seen a stripper like usually that's where this question is the question never usually comes where it's my boyfriend was amazing and yeah didn't want to go and was happy not to go and all the other partner's wives are the ones that has the problem so apparently the buck has an issue now because his best man doesn't want to be involved with strippers at the bucks party i mean credit where it's due is like he doesn't want to it doesn't seem to want to do it so he's only going to be part of some of the bucks party that's not the problem it's the girls yeah so that's obviously a good thing it seems a bit weird for the women to disagree in this one or to even

Starting point is 00:22:35 get involved in this one how normal is it for i mean how many bucks have you gone to with strippers is it i just don't it doesn't even happen anymore does it i've only been to one and we just went to other than my my own one and we just went clubbing that's it but hypothetically yeah i know strippers aren't for you so you would never be in that situation it's different when you're single it all seems fun do you know i mean but most of these people the groomsman obviously in this case isn't single so therefore if he says or there's a couple have this boundary and says oh well i'm not gonna do it then i feel like you should i mean i know the other people should respect that and say all right fair enough yeah if somebody if one of your friends

Starting point is 00:23:22 said to you hey i don't feel comfortable with the stripper part i'll come for the rest of the weekend yeah your response is well i can the whole thing or it's like all right no worries we'll you know join us after or come to dinner or whatever like it's crazy to me that you are being bullied and pressured by the other wives yeah and saying it's almost like a manipulation to write to you and say that you're insecure because your boundary involves strippers like your boundaries that you don't want your husband with strippers which is fair that does not mean you're insecure no not at all and the way that they flip that on you like you are your boundaries causing flow-on effects with the buck i would say then the buck is insecure about their relationship

Starting point is 00:24:06 because that's not normal that's not a normal response for a man to be that upset at his friends because his friend has a boundary where he doesn't want to be with a stripper i'm actually i actually don't know what to say it's so weird i think everybody involved needs to respect each other's relationship and what they stand for and what they allow their relationship to be so obviously not everyone's relationship is same some are more i don't know a little bit more free let's say oh there's some people that have no problem with strippers which is fine if you wanted to go to a box and there were strippers my boundary would be i don't care i have to go of blindfold yeah i don't care as long as you're in a room with a blindfold on alone yeah no i don't

Starting point is 00:24:52 care my boundary would be like you know if you want to go on the strippers whatever but there's no touching no lap dances no private community like that's mine i don't really care if you want to be at a box not going to a strippers on a weekend yeah but i also think i wonder what age the couple is because when you're like i don't know when you're a little bit younger i want to say like early 20s mid-20s you'll be like yeah it sounds like a great idea and and bugs and strippers is almost like it goes hand in hand it seems where it doesn't need to but it's almost like a thing that's the first thing you throw out as a throwaway comment is oh there'll be strippers if you ask anyone we'll go into a box you'll be like oh there'll be strippers

Starting point is 00:25:32 hun i guarantee you so still now i think so yeah i don't know i thought we moved on but well we we got married when we were so quote unquote a little bit older so i think older people still have strippers i don't think it's necessarily an age thing but i think i don't know this is really sad because i would say these girls aren't your friends these women aren't your friends because friends don't respond like that friends don't pressure you to do anything they can disagree but they can't pressure into doing anything yeah but they should be having a conversation like this they should be having a conversation where they're like i don't mind if frank goes you know i just tell him not to touch i get your boundary though like the fact that

Starting point is 00:26:09 they're shitting on you making you feel guilty yeah for not letting him go yeah yeah it's weird it's weird yeah they need they need to both like stick to their guns and do whatever they feel comfortable with and then also to double down like not only have these girls written to you and used words like emotionally damaging bullshit as if you're emotionally damaging because he's not going to the strip club insecure and saying let him go but then when you say hey can we talk about this they say no i don't have time that to me is so infuriating and really immature to like drop a bomb like that as much as i like to do that i like to drop a bomb and then never talk about it again because i hate confrontation so i do like to like if i ever have to i like to confront whoever in a

Starting point is 00:26:54 really polite diplomatic way and then i just pretend i never did it yeah you turn off your phone but i think when yeah i do but i think when somebody has written to you after this and said hey like can we talk about the things you're saying to me yeah and they're like not too fucking busy i would also say that they're obviously getting married really soon so maybe just have this awkward part now because you don't want to upset them before the big day which is which is fine so just maybe not make a big deal out of it but also stick to stick to your belief stick to your guns and like no we don't want to take part in this we're not going to do it but we're not going to cause any more you know quote unquote disruptions you know if they don't want

Starting point is 00:27:43 to talk about it that's fine they've said their piece they don't want to talk about it we don't have to bring it up again but just let them be and you be you so you would say bring something up in the next four weeks no just don't and i don't yeah don't just let it as it is they're not going to uninvite you from the wedding i don't hope and you can still have a great day celebrate the new marriage and then you know and and after there's still time to sort of talk it out if you want or maybe both couples are just getting over it as you do life moves on you know but i just feel like added drama and stress if they don't want to talk about it okay there are people that don't want to talk about it whether that's right or wrong it is what it is i think this is tough the

Starting point is 00:28:24 actual question of do i say something in the next few weeks yeah or let dead dogs lie every part of me their behavior is wrong what they've done and said is wrong and every part of me wants to say call them out yeah but if you know that that is going to cause a really big drama yeah maybe two or three weeks before the wedding i probably wouldn't personally yeah uh it's not to say you can't have the conversation after but she's also the bride you don't want to get into a full-blown and what she said to you is wrong but you don't get into a full-blown fight with the bride a week or two before the wedding over strippers like is that what's going to tear your friendship apart it's almost like you take a step back and say right i'm not gonna cause any

Starting point is 00:29:06 trouble we're just gonna let it be as it is for the sake of their big day and then after if if it comes up if you want to bring it up then bring it up i would bring it up after yeah it's that that in a relationship in a friend no but that in a friendship is really wrong the only reason i'm saying don't do it now or think about not doing it now i would say stand your ground if the bucks hasn't happened yet i would say to you and your partner absolutely stand your ground like you've said you don't want him to go he said he's happy not to go and doesn't want to go don't go there's a it's a three-day weekend he's missing some strippers for a couple of hours it's eight hours that's also a lot of stripping eight hours they must be on rotation you can't dance for eight

Starting point is 00:29:47 hours you can't that is i did dancing with the stars i wouldn't know i did dancing with the stars dancing for eight hours you can't do it so i would say stand your ground don't have a big argument with them now maybe write something back and say i'm sorry you guys feel that way or i'm sorry he feels like that we have some boundaries in our relationship and it's really important to me to stand by them i hope you guys can understand yeah and then if they kick off again i would just leave it and then talk to them again about about it after the wedding yeah and maybe i don't know maybe this could be like a slow fade friendship you know when you have those realizations in friendships like you get to that point in life and you think maybe we've changed

Starting point is 00:30:29 or maybe it's going in a different direction or or maybe we don't see the things the same way seeing things differently is fine but you can become completely different people with different interests and no connection anymore anyway enjoy the strippers right i'm gonna read the next one question two my long-term partner and i have recently gotten a house together which has been amazing but she has made one request which took me by surprise she has to put out the spiders she's asked me to no longer stand to pee when using the toilet after watching a mythbusters episode i love miss buses episode years ago about how he can spread germs i have no problems with my aim as everybody says that i have no problems with my aim and occasionally i prefer to sit when

Starting point is 00:31:15 i'm really tired or hungover however the most part standing is more efficient and comfortable for blokes is this reasonable or an attack on my masculine masculinity wow is an attack on the masculinity what is it is this reasonable or is it an attack on the masculine yeah i mean i can't from experience i don't have a penis and i don't have to sit or stand to wee with my penis i think this is a you question does it attack your masculinity to sit to pee no i mean i you you choose to sit yeah i sit i when it's my house or someone else's house i am a guest i i will sit to pee if you went to the bathroom right now yeah i would sit yeah yeah and he wants to stand i think it is true that the germs do sort of scatter around well i'm i'm sure

Starting point is 00:32:05 there's splash yeah there is splash yeah i mean when you flush when you flush the toilet the germs go everywhere don't they they say you should close the lid of the toilet but that's not that's not her problem because she's not saying he hasn't closed the lid what i'm saying is i think the same applies to peeing standing up you know if you're at a restaurant and there's the standing up one i don't know what the english word is for it a urinal urinal it sounds much better in in english than what's german pissoir that actually makes so much sense okay i think he's french so you know the rule where it's like there's like four urinals yeah and then you have like a gap you know when you join in you're like

Starting point is 00:32:51 you juice which hang on what what no what are you doing and then the first blog is all the way on the right so you take the one that's furthest away so are these like unspoken rules yes yes oh my god i didn't know so you take the one that's furthest away and then the next person joins and then he needs to make a decision do i stand next to someone or more often you can tell someone's about to finish so you wait for him to go and then take either the slot he went he just left you just have to leave one slot in between so if you we're going of course if there were four you're yeah his was yeah and someone was on the right and someone was on the left there's still two in the middle yeah i mean someone made a grave error by taking one on the left because

Starting point is 00:33:41 you then put the next person next to someone yeah but that person needed to go so there's a person on either end yeah and then a third person enters if there's two urinals you're the rule is that you're not supposed to take one and you're supposed to wait yeah you wait what that can't be right no i don't believe it if there's two spare urinals you would stand back as opposed to using one i mean it depends how tight they are to each other but yeah because i want to be in quiet in peace but is this just you no this is a thing this is yeah and if 100 if somebody came up and stood right next to you in urinal two well you can't give them a dirty look because what then happens if they stand next to you in urinal two well nothing but you're just like

Starting point is 00:34:26 what are you doing mate you don't say it but you're like what are the other rules if there was no one there they're three four no four three if there are four free urinals say that fast no there are four there are four urinals that are free yeah and i am all the way on the right and the next person enters and stands to the one next to me i think we're gonna have an argument like we're gonna have to you would say i'm like what are you doing you'd say that yeah you'd tell him to move up yeah it's like what are you doing it's not normal to want to be close to someone when they're peeing i think you're overthinking it i think people just need to do a wee i would love to know why so why would you choose the one

Starting point is 00:35:09 that's closest to the person having a wee there's no reason maybe it's comfort if comfort of what i need comfort by myself together no okay they do not do nothing so okay back to the rules yeah so anyway if you're out in public you stand if you're home in your comfort you'll see that's how i do it Yeah, because if I was at home and I had guests over and they stand and their aim isn't as good as this guy claims, I'd be fuming because I'm the one that's cleaning the toilet or you. So this is an interesting question because he obviously feels like the rules are different.

Starting point is 00:35:44 He doesn't have the same rules as you because he's choosing to stand up to we at home. Yeah. Which is unusual and he thinks that it's an attack on his masculinity. That's a bit of a standout problem to me. and I know this we don't get that many questions written in by the male but this is interesting and I don't want to glide over it that you think sitting down affects your masculinity I'm wondering who you're bothered by because no one's watching you do it no one knows that you're sitting down

Starting point is 00:36:15 to pee like you go into a private bathroom in your own house it's cleaner I'm assuming it's more comfortable and i don't know why that makes you less of a man it probably makes you more of a man in her eyes because she doesn't have to clean up your piss i mean we've not even started on the whole toilet seat up or down debacle but i don't actually don't think it's that deep i think it has nothing to do with masculinity just obviously she's asking for a reason for him to sit down which is i guess hygiene and cleanness or whatever and i get that it's it's easy just to stand there and just pee i get that but for hygiene and just keeping it clean then it would just be better to sit down because i don't know maybe it's because i'm tall and i just sit down you know i don't

Starting point is 00:37:00 know do you think that's why you sit more because you are a long way up you have long legs i don't know i always have done i just always have done i actually think it's a european thing i think it's so rude when you go to someone's house and you pee standing up and you can like hear the splash i'll be like what are you doing and do you always put the seat up if you stand up what like if this guy's at home no but if this guy's at home standing up is the seat up or down not up right yeah mate just sit down yeah it's not that deep just sit down mate do your partner a favor if that's all she's asking of you unless your relationship unless he's the one cleaning the toilets then he can do whatever he wants no but it's a no he can't because i can guarantee you

Starting point is 00:37:48 he's not i'm just saying unless unless he's the sole toilet cleaner in this household all your partner is asking you to do in your relationship is sit down to wee so she doesn't have to clean your urine up from all of the bathroom i think there's your answer sit down yeah if it helps take your phone and scroll a bit that makes you sit down easy that's why you take so long boom okay next question i'm originally from australia but moved to the uk 16 years ago when i was 22 to be with my now husband. We built a full life here. We own a home, have a four-year-old son, a dog, a cat, and on paper, everything looks really settled. But I've always been clear that I'd want to move back to Australia one day, especially to raise a family. And my husband

Starting point is 00:38:33 has always agreed. Now that I'm seriously bringing it up, he doesn't want to move. For him, life here feels perfect. What makes it harder is that he can be quite stubborn. And the more I push, the more resistant he becomes. It feels like something he has to come to on his own, but I don't know how to give him enough space without feeling like I'm giving up on something that really matters to me. I've also been through a really tough time recently with three consecutive miscarriages, the last ending in a DNC, and it's made me feel even more strongly about wanting to be closer to my family. On top of that, I'm feeling quite unfulfilled in my job, which is adding to this sense of just feeling stuck how do you navigate something this big in a relationship when neither

Starting point is 00:39:15 person is wrong you're just pulled in different directions timing suddenly feels really important help whoa whoa is right now i mean we can relate to this a little bit i guess because we are from two different countries yeah i said pretty early though i love australia so i mean i've lived in the uk for 12 years somewhere like that and life in the uk is great but i actually can't quite grasp why somebody would chose the uk rainy uk over sunny australia i wonder though if he's born and bred in the uk it's different because that's yeah it's your home and it's all you've ever known it would be interesting if he's ever been to australia or whether they actually haven't been together

Starting point is 00:40:05 because it's a place that I feel like once you've seen it, you kind of fall in love a little bit. I would say in 16 years of their marriage, they've been to Australia together. Well, we don't know. We don't know. But the difficulty here is I think that she's unhappy. She's feeling unhappy.

Starting point is 00:40:22 She's feeling unfulfilled. And for him, life is okay. Life is good. He's got his friends. And I'm sure she has her friends as well, 16 years, you know. but it feels like it's almost like two different worlds where he feels everything's going good he's got everything he wants he's got the family he's got his friends he's you know i guess he got his job and and it's a very familiar surrounding and her desire to move back and to be with her

Starting point is 00:40:52 friends and family that she can't see every you know every every weekend or whatever and with the fact that things are not going well and she's had some hardship which i know they had together but i would assume it's maybe a little bit harder for the mother or for the woman of course in terms of her health and miscarriage yeah and i mean that yeah of course you know of course both partners feel something yeah because you both at the end of the day lost a pregnancy but by far the mental toll and physically the woman's body is physically going through it yeah it's definitely very hard to navigate that situation i don't know my advice would maybe be if if it is possible to maybe just go there for three months you know if if if they are fortunate enough

Starting point is 00:41:44 that they can take a break from work their regular jobs and go out there for three months and see it maybe that makes him fall in love a little bit more or maybe he kind of gives him that little push to you know at least reconsider it's really hard when you have a relationship where two people from different countries and or continents yeah you and i obviously switzerland and australia my sister sherry and her husband jay are the uk scotland and australia i think i have an extra insight into it because we are living it and i've watched sherry and jay live it as well so they've been together i think 11 years now and they lived in the uk together for a few years australia six years back to the uk for the last two and a half years and now back to australia for a year

Starting point is 00:42:31 when they had a baby so they've been back and forth yeah but big chunks of time yeah so they're at a time now that's similar where you know jay has this pull and feel from missing his home yeah and sherry does too she misses it there as well but she also when she had a baby baby maya she wanted to be around her family and friends and people she knew as well yeah and it's a really hard decision because one person is always going to lose out yeah somebody always is giving up is compromising in it i mean relationships are full of compromise anyway but long distance somebody is always compromising on something and i would say to you the big thing here is you have put in 16 years in the UK and it sounds like you went there when you were 22

Starting point is 00:43:21 I wonder if he ever lived here with you I feel like you might have met and you went straight to the UK for me you've always told your husband that you wanted to go back to Australia now I would say is the time you feel a really strong pull and you have a son that's only four years old i don't know if it's the end of the world but from a lot of people that i've spoken to they say they try to move their children when they're quite young if it's going so they're not pulling them away from their friends and taking you know what i mean it's quite disruptive i guess when you're i don't know in primary school and trying to settle in high school to up and your child and make them move to another country and make them start again you're still in that early

Starting point is 00:44:03 window where it's like well they haven't settled yet like a four-year-old can make friends like that and can like assimilate into an environment really easily i think you've put in the hard yards and i hate that you're saying i have to let him get there on his own i don't think he's going to get there on his own if he doesn't want to go and he's settled i highly doubt he's going to wake up tomorrow or one day and say you know what let's go he might but i think you've been together for I mean married 16 years or together for 16 to 20 years or something it's really important to you and you've sacrificed a lot and you've been there and I think you just need to sit down and be you know try and say I really understand how you feel but this is really

Starting point is 00:44:49 important to me I'm unhappy here and I always said I wanted to go back and maybe you can talk about your son and say i feel like i want to be there to settled when he goes to school and i want to be with my friends and family and going through miscarriages made me realize that i need those people in my life i think it's important to have those honest conversations and i would be surprised i just really would be surprised if he wakes up and he's like fuck it let's go i know i was stubborn last week but if it's important to you you have compromised for 16 years that's a really really long time yeah i think i just makes me wonder whether you know when she brought it up at the beginning of the relationship that he kind of was like well you know we'll stay here and we'll move

Starting point is 00:45:31 back yeah yeah and then maybe hoping she would just be like oh no it's fine here we'll enjoy it here i'm sure they do enjoy it but well he had it yeah she said when she brought it up and she said one day i'll move back he'd always agreed yeah so maybe he's just at the beginning kind of said it to like i know but that's not fair i know of course i'm just i'm just trying to think why all of a sudden he's so dismissive of this idea of moving back when it's always been because when you're yeah because when you're when they have been settled somewhere for 16 years and it's his country it is unsettling yeah to pack up and move and start again so it's not it is not easy for him by any means like he's also giving up so much of his life and maybe starting again

Starting point is 00:46:17 he might not have it's scary yeah he might not have any friends or family in the uk so he's in the australia sorry so he's probably like fuck i don't want to start again and go to a country where i don't know anyone but for a relationship to work and if we go back to the wedding advice from my mom and dad at the start of this episode the same thing my dad said then he said it's about compromise yeah and you have done a lot and he hasn't and i feel like in our relationship there's been no compromise to be honest but that's where this year will be four years deep like at the end of this year is four years and we're still no further along on our living arrangement are we no we're still very transient i'm the only one that's had to make compromise and i don't say that

Starting point is 00:47:01 there's no spite in that it's because of our situation you physically cannot be in australia and if we want to be together I have to be here and I have to travel here all year yeah six times a year if I want this relationship to work so there's no compromise yet but I know that when the time comes you will come to Australia yeah which makes you put the hard yards in now because you know there is an end goal of us living in Australia which which will be hard because you know I'm thinking of my sister and yeah you know in in football like I move I don't know sometimes you transfer every every year every two seasons every three seasons and you don't really have a life full of you don't really have friends outside of football when you go to a new place so you've

Starting point is 00:47:46 got your teammates and then automatically you do have 25 new people where if we were to move together to another team you're not presented with 25 new people so i understand it's as much as it's scary for for me to go somewhere new you know for you as my partner it's equally if not more scarier because you don't have anyone you don't meet 25 new people where you can say i like these five do you know i mean totally it's uh yeah we're in a very particular situation though so it is really hard i just feel like he's gonna love it like i know it's getting to listen to this yeah i just feel like he's gonna love it i mean it doesn't really matter which city and i've not seen all the cities in australia and uh you know i've only seen kind of few parts where where

Starting point is 00:48:35 your life has been where you grew up and obviously where you work and all that kind of stuff but i just can't see anyone not like in australia and i have a huge fear of sharks spiders scorpions and anything that has more than two legs so maybe i've never woken up in bondi in sydney and seen a well spiders but anyway but i i just i understand that packing up your life is a difficult decision and i understand where he's like well we have it good here and maybe he is not aware of the severity of your struggle possibly you know so and i also feel like if for her moving to australia would always make or could maybe provide like a a cut in terms of like leaving the the trouble of the miscarriage maybe just leave it behind i'm not saying it's all forgotten but maybe a new

Starting point is 00:49:27 environment just gives you you know a little little spring in your step like things are different and maybe it just makes you emotionally kind of let go of the dark times and spring into this new adventure of being excited of being back home and we all know how much the psyche and the well-being and how you feel has impact on your on your body that that it might be good a good way to make a cut you know also i'm just thinking i was just doing the math so you're my age right now i think that's a perfect time to move and when you start to feel unfulfilled in your job in your life and you feel stuck which are the words you used unfulfilled and stuck it's a really hard feeling to get out of and i'm not surprised because you've been doing it for 16 years with a thought in the

Starting point is 00:50:15 back of your head that you are always going to move you are always going to go and have something to look forward to well yeah you're working towards something in a life that you were excited about and you always dreamt about and you have probably romanticized what your relationship and what your family life and your day-to-day life would look like in australia and then to have then your husband put a pin in that balloon and you feel like maybe I'm not going to move when you're in a really hard time emotionally going through multiple miscarriages and you feel that sense of not belonging anymore and not not feeling fulfilled in your life it's really hard to get out of and I think that I don't know how you will get yourself out of that if you've been thinking about

Starting point is 00:50:58 this move for the last 16 years and you feel ready I don't think you can I just think you need to sit down and and have that conversation with your husband no like but a really considered calm conversation really honest with your feelings really honest with how you're feeling have you told him how you feel unfulfilled and how much these miscarriages have actually rocked you and how you feel the flow-on effects from the miscarriages where you just feel that pull to be with family and friends and people that you know have you actually broken down those feelings and let him know how you feel because on surface level maybe he thinks you've dealt with it and you're feeling fine or maybe he thinks oh i understand she wants to go to australia but

Starting point is 00:51:41 she's still happy here yeah you know so as long as you communicate really honestly and just be like bro i've done 20 years i've done 16 years with you here like it's my time otherwise there'll just be so much resentment that will build up if all this time if we got that deep and you'd always told me like when we finish football we'll move home to your friends if i still play football in 16 years oh boy he'll be in a wheelchair not even that just say i mean hypothetically we could be together seven or eight years before you finish so if if it's nearly a decade that i've been doing this and giving up everything with the thought that we will be coming to australia and then you turn around and say actually no i cannot imagine what that does to the trust and the way you view

Starting point is 00:52:29 that relationship because i would be so filthy i would be filthy because you almost feel like you've been lied to to get your way yeah you know so played yeah i don't know i just feel like it would be a real betrayal like you you told me that we would like i've i have done this for however many years knowing that on the other end of that we were going to be able to go and live the life you always promised me and then to take that away i would feel like it was a real betrayal yeah i'd love an aftermath for that one do you move or do you move or do you stay last question i am 34 and i still don't know what i want to be when i grow up welcome to life welcome everyone around me seems so certain about their lives

Starting point is 00:53:17 was there a meeting i missed how am i supposed to figure it out i don't know if i mean nobody has it figured out i don't think anybody has it figured out we just we just go through life and we do our best we can everybody does it i don't care what anyone says some people see more successful some people know what they want some people don't and everything is fine that's okay you don't have to know what you want i don't know what i want to be when i grow up it's crazy to think when you think back to finishing school and i think times are changing now because not as many people are going to university anymore with the internet and ai and whatever else but it's crazy to think back that you used to have to decide what you wanted to do

Starting point is 00:53:59 for the rest of your life when you were like 16 because you had to pick did you have to pick like a major or something yeah you have to well you're like oh if i i mean for me so it was like i wanted to do wanted to be in health or medicine or something like that and i always wanted to do it so i knew that i had to do science-based things and physics-based things and otherwise biology i knew that I had to do those things but you have to pick at 16 years old who actually knows no one imagine if we had to live without decisions we made at 16 it'd be chaos what did you do at 16 well I was playing football but I was just laughing there when you were like I wish I became a chef or something when I was 16 me never never I'm never cooking anything no it doesn't

Starting point is 00:54:46 matter how old you are when you feel like you figured it out and comparison is the thief of joy so don't worry about comparing yourself to other people they might have stuff going on that you don't even know about and you feel they're like top of the world or they're successful so that doesn't mean nothing doesn't mean anything at all yeah but some people might be certain about their lives at 34 and that's okay some people are certain about their lives at 18 some people are still not certain at 50 and 60 yeah i think also there's a little bit that thought of i'm mid 30s i should really know what i want or it's hard to say because this doesn't say it's because of my job or it's because where i live or do i have a partner like we don't we don't know these things

Starting point is 00:55:29 we don't know what seems to be unfulfilling you know i also think saying that you don't know what you want to be when you grow up at 34 i do think that's relatively normal and i would say there a lot of people fall into jobs and doing work that they don't necessarily, they didn't dream of and they didn't think that that's where they would be and they didn't expect it. And they're probably not certain about it either, but we seem to find ourselves doing things that maybe we never imagined because it's the way life rolled out. Like it's the way we found ourselves or we got a job at 22 that led to a job at 24 that made a study at 28. And now I'm working in a job I didn't know i think it's really normal to not know what you want to do or where you want to go and i really

Starting point is 00:56:14 think it's normal for those things to change i was certain of what i wanted to do yeah you wanted to be a radiographer yeah like i always wanted hospital i shouldn't say yeah i shouldn't say i always knew that it was like radiology but you knew the field i knew the field i knew i wanted to be in health i knew i wanted to be in a hospital i knew i wanted to work and help people but I also you're still helping people just with words well I also knew I wanted to do other things like I always had creative bones but I think it's important to let yourself change as well like I will never go back to working in a hospital now never and I finished up I did 13 years that I finished up in my 30s and even though I was certain of what I was doing at the time

Starting point is 00:56:59 my certainty changed in my 30s it's different there's no reason you can't try to reinvent yourself now like if you're 34 and you're unhappy with what you're doing day to day your biggest problem is that you don't know what it is and that's okay but you need to try to think about if you are going into a point of your life where you're like fuck it i don't want to do this anymore i need to figure this out then you do need to actively try to figure it out you can't just float through life being like oh one day the idea is going to pop into my head think about what makes you happy think about what's your passion yeah your passion think about what skills you have and then work out the following effect if you know that something creative makes you happy

Starting point is 00:57:44 what do you have to do to learn skills to be able to be employed what are the steps that you can do while you're still living your life that makes you happy and then you go down that path one of my favorite sayings is you don't know what you don't know which is you know you might not even have discovered your passion yet like you don't even know what's out there yet you've not you've not seen if you're not experienced it i'm not saying you know if you have a good job not saying like i don't know like quit your job and do something silly which which is going to harm you in the long run but yeah if if you i mean you've changed career i was also going to say as much as i knew i was certain at the time like when i was going into study things change the number of jobs that

Starting point is 00:58:27 i have done like i went worked in the hospital but then i also started to become a writer like i took writing courses and i was writing for a magazine yeah and then surf shop then yeah then i was working in retail and then i was a pt a personal trainer i was like you know what i love health but i don't think i want to be in the hospital anymore i'm going to go back and restarted to become personal trainer then I worked as a personal trainer in Sydney in my 20s at the same time that I was still working as a radiographer because I thought I need exactly what I'm saying now I need to figure out what my passion is so I did another course while still working and then started working that then I was like oh I'm so I still have this creative itch so I want to be an

Starting point is 00:59:06 actor so I went to acting school at the same time which was a three-year course so I was doing like five different courses at once trying to figure out who i wanted to be and like what my passion was but my question is so every time i think no like no's in life are really important did you think that whenever you tried something new for your career when you found out no this isn't for me did you get excited to do the next thing or did you get discouraged i get no's all the time not that but when you try like you did the PT and then you realize well no that's that's not it for me either but did you get encouraged to go right I'm still gonna look for the next thing I'm gonna try something else oh yeah I'm always doing something I I don't get the stay in your lane

Starting point is 00:59:54 kind of business like I've always trying to do something and you can't get discouraged over no because for example I've wanted to be an actor since I was in my 20s early 20s and I've been to multiple acting schools i'm always doing auditions yeah and you can't bank your life on it and i know that it's just a side thing that i'm i've enjoyed and if it ever came off and i did something great but at least i know i've tried in my hobbies and i'm trying to find my passion but if you got discouraged whenever anybody told you no none of us would get anywhere in life it's same with you like you wanted to go to different football teams or you have all these high hopes and then maybe you're not right for the team or last minute it's the worst in football

Starting point is 01:00:36 you think you're signed sealed and delivered somewhere that you have dreamt of and then at the last second it changes yeah i think the first sentence i still don't know what i want to be when i grow up so the no's are important to know what you want to be when you grow up do you know what i mean like you need to know that is not what i want and then that's not what i want and then maybe the thing that you do want that eventually is for you you'll find it but you only find it by having no's and having well no that's not what i want i'm not happy with this and then maybe you find something for two years and you're like well that's not for me anymore either but that's that's life that's the constant yeah and the question how am i supposed to figure it out find out what

Starting point is 01:01:21 you're good at and find out what you enjoy and then hopefully the venn diagram overlaps so i hope you're like i'm pretty good at this and i can work in this and i'm happy at it so but you're not alone every second person we're all trying to find it figure out life aren't we what are you gonna do when you finish football good question see him um i'm 34 as well what are you gonna do when you grow up i haven't figured out yet i'm still working on plan a to be honest great we're screwed guys that is it from us ben thank you so much for joining the podcast boom pleasure always a pleasure always a pleasure to have you you're welcome anytime you would like to i hope we could help some people i think we did yeah especially the sitting down to pee yeah

Starting point is 01:02:04 changing lives changing lives guys and toilets keep your keep your ass on cuts coming into instagram life on cup podcast we have the youtube if you want to go and watch this and you know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your dog tell your friends and share the love because we love love we love love

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut with Britt & Ben - Strippers at the Buck's, Sitting Down to Pee & My Husband Won't Move to Australia

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