Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Would You Trust Your Partner To Be Your Legacy Contact?

Episode Date: September 28, 2025

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions. Laura may or may not have her 3rd child by now so we recorded this a bit in advance!Do you have a ‘legacy contact’ (the person assigned to access your phone if you were to pass away)? Would you make your legacy contact your partner or are you trusting a best friend/sibling to scrub that thing clean of anything you don’t want anyone seeing? Vibes for the week:Britt - Egg in the air fryer for 8-10 minsKeeshia - Tapo TP-Link Smart Security Wi-Fi Camera  Then we jump into your questions! IS IT WEIRD TO ADD A FRIENDS BF ON IGI'm in a new relationship and I have never been in one before so I'm trying to understand what is normal and what isn't. I've known this guy for 2 months. My friend wanted to see me, and I asked if this new guy could join and she said yes. We hung out for a couple of hours that day. This was a month ago, fast track to now and she's just added him to Instagram. My new bf is very transparent and said he's not accepting her. After a few hours of him not accepting, I then got a message from her saying he came up on her ‘suggested’. Her one and only photo on Instagram is quite provocative. She's a friend I trust, but I just thought this was a bit odd as I've never added my friends bfs on Instagram. Most of my friends think it's weird, but one of them and ChatGTP seem to think it's showing signs of just friendliness. I'm also on my period, I just need help to know if this is normal  CAN I ASK A HOOKUP TO PUT DEODORANT ON?I recently went out for drinks with a distant work colleague who was tall, scruffy with a beard and overall very attractive. He was an amazing kisser and things got hot and heavy quickly. We went back to his hotel room and when he took off his clothes, I noticed he had a strong BO smell. I’m very sensitive to smells and would have liked to ask him to put deodorant on but it would have killed the mood. I ended up not saying anything but if this situation were to come up again, what is the protocol here? Is it inappropriate to ask a man to put some deodorant on? Or do women usually just put up with this?  IS PAYING SOMEONE FOR SEX BETTER THAN BEING CHEATED ON?I’m at a bit of a loss. My partner told me tonight that he has paid someone to have sex with him three times and to make matters worse, he thinks he may have caught something… he reckons the chick took the condom off and was really kissing him. (Writing this makes me feel like I’m going to be physically sick). I really didn’t think that he would ever do something like this to me and I just feel numb, I feel disgusting. We have been together for almost 7 years, we have a daughter who is almost two, I work full time, help him run his business as well as all the house stuff. I don’t mind doing all of this stuff as I want the business to be successful and I support him both best I can emotionally and financially. I’m always up for having sex with him and usually I’m the one who initiates it. I’m just curious on your thoughts, is this still betrayal. SHOULD I TELL MY PARTNER HIS SISTER IS GETTING AN ABORTION?My longterm partner has a sister who I am quite close to. She has revealed to me that she is pregnant and is getting an abortion next week. She does not want her parents to know. This feels like a pretty big thing to keep from my partner. I know he would not tell his parents, should I tell him? UPDATE: I spoke to her about the awkward position I am in and she said if I tell him she will not trust me again. But I think my partner’s trust is more important to me. I feel so torn. There is a chance he will never know about it anyway but what if he finds out and what if he finds out I knew all along? You can watch us on Youtube Find us on Instagram Join us on tiktok Or join the Facebook Discussion Group Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! XxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This episode was recorded on Camaragal land. Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Brittany. And I'm Keisha, filling in for Laura, who may or may not have a baby. Yeah, likely has a third baby by now. We're assuming at this point, so obviously... You know what they say about assuming. Yeah, it makes an ass out of you and me.

we are making the assumption that at this point Laura would have maybe a couple of days old third baby but we don't know because this has been recorded ahead of time for that reason I have been in Italy for a week with my husband and Laura was having a baby so we were like let's get ahead of this we do not know what chaos is going to come let's record this ahead of time so that's why it is a couple of weeks out but I wanted to start this episode because I came across a video on Instagram. It's not only a bit of a PSA to everybody, but I have a question to ask you off the back of it. It has to do with a legacy contact. So I'm sorry for anyone who doesn't have an Apple phone. I feel like I've just had an Apple phone for so long that I actually can't

imagine a world like the stranglehold that Apple has on me. I'm never leaving. I'm a customer for life simply because I refuse to learn how to use anything else. But that's why they do it. Yeah. Everything is so entwined. I know what you're going to say. Okay. So I came across this video about what a legacy contact was. Here it is. Hi, Apple. My husband just passed away and I need access to his Apple account. Oh, you must be his legacy contact. Um, I'm not sure. A legacy contact would be someone he named to be able to access his account after he passed. How do I know if he added me? Just go into settings on your phone, tap your name, click sign in and security, and then scroll down to legacy contact. From there, you'll just choose who you want from your

contacts and Apple will send them a text and it's all set up for them to access your stuff should anything happen to you no I don't have a legacy contact no I did not know it even existed do I want to put somebody down to go through my phone when I die I don't know okay because here's my question I saw this video and I thought wow that's great that you know if something happens because that's kind of a question you've got right like what happens to all your photos some of your messages there might be recordings like people have voice notes or videos that have your voice in them that other people might want to access I think it's also leans into a lot like I as you guys know I listen to a lot of true crime and the number one thing that they say is that like

somebody should have access to your life in case you don't pass away you know when everyone knows in case you're kidnapped or you go missing and you're the kidnappers left your phone behind like that could be the information you need I love that that's where your mind goes it is because I saw this and I sent it to my best friend who has been my best friend since I was about 13 years old and I was like over my dead body is my partner coming my legacy contact I said I need you to be my friend who goes through my phone and scrubs it clean and any of the things that I don't want anyone else to see or know about and you need to keep that shit to yourself until the day you die 100% like there is shit on there that you even though it's your husband or you might be

married for 20 years people have personal things that they do not want anyone else to see this surprises me because I thought I was going to ask you this and I thought you were going to be like no of course it would be Ben like of course my husband the person I love the most sorry my search history no scrub that scrub my google history that's no one needs to see that no look it all seriousness I don't have anything on I know do you know what I probably do now that we're going to deep dive I don't have anything on there since I've been with Ben that I would want to hide from him at all like we are an open book but I am pretty sure I probably still have a lot of photos of my ex on my phone but that's because I have 180,000 photos on my phone but like handing over

your I don't know it's like a diary my phone's like a diary see I feel more so like the photos and stuff of my past I'm like I have a past there's photos of it whatever you need to kind of get over that but do you have photos of your ex or like from your past still on your phone Yeah, I would because I haven't deleted photos for like there's like 250 gigabytes of photos in there, right? So that stuff I'm kind of like it happened before you. It's more so that I don't want my partner to get the ick for me after I've died. Like I don't want a posthumous ick. If he was going through my messages.

It's better than a live ick. Firstly, there would be moments where I would be bitching about him or I'd be complaining about things that he's done to my friends. Oh yeah, the mess he is. And if he also went back and saw the way that I used to be in relationships, like in the early phases of dating people. Like how needy you were? He would get the biggest ick for me and be like, I actually can't believe I was in a relationship with this person. She's so desperate and needy. I'm so glad she's dead.

I'm so glad she's passed on. I would think that about friends and family too. Like I wouldn't want family going through my phone. I wouldn't want anyone going through my phone. Who would be your legacy contact? Would it be me? Would it be Sherry? I would leave you instructions to burn my phone.

I don't even care if I'm kidnapped. Leave me there. Ben's already got all the important photos. I've already airdropped them. No, my legacy would be Sherry. Yeah. The only person I would trust on this earth with every single corner of my life. And, like, that's not, you know, I trust you with everything.

I trust Laura with everything. I trust Ben with everything. But every single corner of, like, business, relationships, friendships, money, nudes would be Sherry. Like, she's the only person that I know would never posthumously get the ick, you know? She's like, I already knew how flawless she was. Who's yours? Mine would be my best friend. One who's been my best friend for over 20 years.

Like, she is my absolute go-to. You know, like, you can have such close friendship. I feel like I have the closest friendship with you. To me, you are the closest thing that I've ever had to a sister because I didn't have a biological sister. And I kind of, I share everything with you. There's nothing that I would be... Actually, you know what?

You'd probably be a close second. yeah but you still would have bitched about me at some point from being your boss or something like there's still stuff that you just like and you're like i wish i could take that that invoice i wish i could retract her pay that way fuck britney well i think that there's someone in your life that you just know it is the least judgmental person you know no matter how much you fuck up or what you've done there's that person in your life i actually think it's a really it's quite a beautiful thing to share with someone in your life if you go you know we've had the conversations about like who's your emergency contact and that kind of shows you your proximity to that person

I feel like legacy contact is that plus trust well you know I was just thinking about Ben's so boring like in terms of there's just nothing to worry there's I can't even dig for Ben because there's nothing to dig if I got his phone right now and because I did do this once because we trust each other without passwords anyway I was looking for a photo and this was the last time we're together at the wedding I was looking for a photo and I only had to do like one scroll and I was at like our Maldives holiday a year ago he doesn't there's no screenshots he doesn't take photos and I was like how have I gone back a year with one swipe of the screen if I do one swipe of the screen I'm still in the same Delilah selfie no yeah I'm still in the same selfie session of me and my dog I'm

like this and I was like wow there's literally like there's no digging for Ben there's nothing that I can stumble across and find. There's just nothing there. Yeah, maybe you'd get the ick for like how boring he was. I was like, oh, God, at least like flirt with someone. No, I'm joking. All right, anyway, have a think about who yours is going to be and maybe actually go in and take the time to add them.

Let's get into vibes and unsubscribes. Keesh, what is your – is it a spotlight? Is it a shoe? Is it a – no, it's not a DIY and it's not a sleep recommendation. I'm actually vibing a home security camera system. So we got these a couple of months ago initially for just outdoors and then when we got Bonnie, the puppy, we also got one for inside because I had wild anxiety about leaving her by herself

and I was instructed that, like, I have to do that. And also theft. Yeah, otherwise they kind of get that separation anxiety. The ones that we had on the outside, funnily enough, like I know that you're supposed to want them for security, but I actually wanted them initially when we had Delilah there because if ever I had to leave her in the backyard, I was just – I just have, I mean, I do have anxiety, but I had a lot of anxiety about, you know, if

something could happen to her, if she could hurt herself and I wouldn't know about it. So the system that we installed, and I actually asked lifers on the Facebook group, what ones they recommended. And this one came up a couple of times. So it's the TP-Link TARPO home security system. So you can get a different number of cameras. The ones that we have outside, they were more expensive, but they charge through solar. So you kind of install like a solar panel and that way they never run out of battery.

they back up to a certain amount in your phone or like on an online system and then you can get an app on your phone that you can access at any time and you can see live you can talk through the cameras so if there's a delivery or something like that at the front door I can say hey like yeah you've got permission to leave it whatever and I guess you could also talk to your pets if you like which I have been trying to do but I'm trying to do it less because she needs to get better at being at home by herself but yeah it's been really really good and I found that it's helped me kind of reduce my anxiety about what's going on at home when I'm not there and I guess secondly if we had anything happen or anything weird that went on totally I've got a record of

it I feel like everyone should have a camera system at this point yeah you can also get they can have like motion detection so you get a notification if someone comes up to the front door you'll get a notification so that you can kind of open it up and see what's going on but yeah it's the tp link tarpo home security system they start pretty reasonably at like 37 i think some of the other cameras that we got were like up into the hundred and something mark so they do get more expensive if you want that solar connection yeah cool cool and you just like stick them wherever you want like you just like install them they're not very heavy i think we've uh screwed some of the outdoor ones in and the one inside we've just stuck with one of those

like double-sided tape things yeah okay well strap in for my recommendation you're not going to learn anything but it is going to streamline your mornings or maybe your lunch or maybe your afternoon i don't know if it's embarrassing to admit that i didn't know you could do this did you know that you can just get an egg and put it into your air fryer hole and just walk away and it will give you the most perfect boiled eggs so egg boom air fryer eight to ten minutes depending if you want i know you guys are laughing but this is what our vibes are we're not always going to be educational sometimes we're just going to make your life a little bit easier this is just reminding me of that time that you mocked me for motion sensor

lights and then a couple weeks later you were like actually the best thing ever and I'm like I've got an egg at the moment but I feel like in a matter of weeks I could come back and be like air fry egg trick but did you know you could do that I never thought you could get an egg just with a shell and just dump the shell in like you just just put it in whole and then walk away from your air fryer it's the quickest easiest thing like it sounds funny but it's even taking away the step of boiling the water and then timing it in the water you just put your timer on eight minutes put it in and you've got like a perfect egg like a hard-boiled egg yeah yes it's a perfect hard-boiled egg between eight and ten minutes depending on if you like it a bit more soft

like soft or hard-boiled but I am going to give you the little extra trick and that is once you do take it out you've got to just like do the cold plunge so it stops cooking it's like an ice bath an egg ice bath but when I learned this I'm a I'm such an air fryer fiend I live and swear by my air fryer like I will air fry everything but it never crossed my mind that I could just throw an egg in so that's it sounds crazy but when I did that this last week I was like the people need to know they need to know how you're reaching your protein goals the people need to know so that's my it's unusual I get it and I do have to admit sometimes when I'm mucky for things like this and vice versa. We actually get a surprising amount of messages from people saying that it was incredibly

helpful. So I'm going to shut my mouth. I'm not going to mock you for this. And I'm going to look forward to people sending in pictures of their air fried eggs. I'm looking at you, the busy mums. I'm looking at you, people that are not busy like me, but also just lazy to you. All right, let's get into the questions. This is an interesting one because I've actually been in this situation before and I'm wondering whether I handled it in the right way. Is it weird to add a friend's boyfriend on Instagram. I'm in a new relationship and I have never been in one before so I'm trying to understand what is normal and what isn't. I've been dating this guy for two months. Now my friend wanted to see me and catch up and I was hanging out with my new boyfriend

and so I asked whether we would all like to hang out together. We hung out for a couple of hours that day. This was a month ago. Fast forward to now and she's added him to Instagram. My new boyfriend is very transparent and he said that he is not going to accept her. After a few hours of him not accepting the follow requests I then got a message from her saying that he came up on her suggested. Her one and only photo on Instagram is quite provocative. She is a friend that I trust but I just thought that this was a little bit odd as I've never added a friend's boyfriend on Instagram before. Most of my friends think that it's weird but one of them went to chat GPT and chat GPT seemed to think that it was showing signs of friendliness. I'm also on my period and I just

need to know whether this is normal or if I'm overreacting. I can't wait to hear your response to this, Keish. I think this is the most normal thing. Am I a minority? I think it is so normal if your friend is dating someone new. It's a couple of months. They're in their life. It's pretty serious. You've met them. You've hung out with them. For me, that seems like a really normal thing. You're not going to rush home and be like, can't wait to add them. But if for whatever reason, maybe they didn't really come up on the suggested list. Maybe she's panicked and said that. But this would not be awkward for me at all. Like I know that you have followed my exes.

You still follow my exes. Yeah, we still chat. Yeah, which is another story. Sometimes we'll get a message. It's friendly. It's above board. But I follow Toblerone. I followed Toblerone after I think, I mean, I didn't know him that well,

but we'd met a few times. And at the end of the day, I was like, well, this is somebody that is important to someone that's important to me. Well, why wouldn't I? Like it's not an OnlyFans account. I don't know. am I missing something I think it's normal so when this happened in my life it wasn't someone that I was actually in an exclusive relationship with it was just someone that I've been hooking

up with and so there was this one day and I was hanging out at the beach with a couple of friends and I ran into him and so he came over and he kind of like sat with us for a little bit it was probably not more than 15 minutes and we were currently hooking up but it was quite friendly and it didn't look as though it was going to turn into anything like it was almost that type of dynamic and he was really hot and I quite liked him but that was okay so that was the situation one of my friends that was hanging out at the beach that time again 15 minute period went and added him on Instagram after it that's weird it did make me feel uncomfortable it made me feel really weird and I ended up bringing it up a couple of months later because I was like

am I I bet you I know who that is I was like am I you probably do I was like am I weirdly insecure about this because my friend was really attractive I would probably say she was more attractive than me and did I feel a bit threatened by it like potentially but I just thought it was a little bit strange because I was like we're not in an exclusive relationship you guys didn't really spend that much time together and she kind of returned serve by saying you know I've just moved to Sydney and I'm trying to be had as well and I'm trying to make more friends and I was like yeah but the guy I'm banging isn't the friend I was like those friends don't need to be people that I'm hooking up with. Like that's quite strange to me. So I can understand that there

is an element that can be weird about this. Yeah, but that's situational. You were just banging a guy and she met for 15 minutes. This girl's like, it's her really good friend. She's been dating this guy for a couple of months and they hung out properly. I do think it's strange, even if it is an exclusive relationship, if they haven't met before or had any type of interaction, then I think it's a little bit snoopy. Then I kind of think that the people who add the new boyfriend are kind of just trying to gather data right this is if their account is on private if their account's on public that's a little bit different because you can kind of do that snooping anyway but I think that if they've actually spent time together in person that does change it and I

think that it could be your friend kind of showing the boyfriend like I want to accept you into my friendship group as well the only other thing that I'd say is why it might get a little bit messy or you're uncomfortable with it like the listener is maybe and only you can answer this but maybe there's an element of you not trusting your friend. Maybe your friend has done something in the past or, you know, we can have, there are so many different levels of friends. You can have friends that you adore and you love them, but make questionable choices and do questionable things. Or maybe they're a bit flirty with people, but that's their personality or whatever it is. I'm getting the impression that maybe there's some sort of characteristic

or trait within your friend that makes you uncomfortable. Because if what you're saying is the whole story. She's your really good friend. You've been with this guy for two months. You've all hung out. She's followed him. It's fine. It's also a bit weird for me that he's making a big deal about it. And he's like, I am not accepting that. That's weird. Like why? What is going on that this has become a thing? Like, why would he be like, it's weird that your friend added me? Not really. It's your best friend and you all just met. Instagram is a pretty top level, everyday societal norm it's a part of our living like you you follow people you don't know so why can't you follow people you know or people that are important in your life so I don't know what

the reason would be that the boyfriend is finding it weird but his reaction is weird to me or maybe it's because the friend like he's also got the spidey senses of that person's maybe not particularly trustworthy do you know what I mean maybe he's kind of got the feel that they're a bit too flirty they're a little bit inappropriate and maybe he's kind of trying to say like I'm just reassuring you this has happened but I just don't feel completely comfortable about you know doing the whole follow-back situation I'm pretty sure you guys followed Ben when I was just banging him like he lived on the other side of the world like I think that was pretty early on yeah I think that we'd had FaceTimes though which is weirder I meant when you were there so I was like no but Ben and I had

been FaceTiming still also talk to all of your exes so I am the problem here sometimes when jordan doesn't answer i'll facetime bet like what the fuck keisha's just like jordan you've been brought into this oh my days no but it was because like sorry jordan he does not listen to the podcast absolutely wouldn't uh but i think that if you've had interactions with the person it makes it less weird so that's why i think that this one is actually a bit of a play on but i think you should maybe actually question why it makes you feel uncomfortable because it does and for me the reason I felt uncomfortable was because I didn't completely trust that friend that they weren't maybe trying to like cut my grass a little bit yeah and I was likely a bit

insecure because she was real hot so did they ever hook up I wonder I don't know are they friends they're still friends on Instagram you know what's made this weirder I actually think the weirdest part about this is that it's become an issue and now it's something that's been spoken about like did you follow them I only followed them because it got brought up and it got suggested and like oh he doesn't want to now like now it's a thing between your friend you and your boyfriend like you're all gonna hang out again and it's weird that he hasn't accepted the friend request like it has made it into something I don't think it should have been made into I don't know I would have taken the easier path I would have just been like cool I'll accept you and if we don't vibe or

we break up I'll delete you yeah I think that you have to now because otherwise the next time that you guys all hang out it's gonna be awkward as fuck I feel awkward okay anyway talking about awkward. Can I ask a hookup to put deodorant on? I recently went out for drinks with a distant work colleague who was tall, scruffy with a beard and overall very attractive. He was an amazing kisser. Wow, that escalated. I recently went out for drinks. He's an amazing kisser. We've all been there, babe. He's an amazing kisser and things got hot and heavy very quickly. We went back to his hotel room and when he took off his clothes, I noticed he had a very strong smell. Not a good smell a BO smell I am very sensitive to smells and I would have liked to have asked him to put

deodorant on but I felt like it would have killed the mood I ended up not saying anything but if the situation were to come up again with him what is the protocol is it inappropriate to ask a man to put some deodorant on or do women usually just put up with this I feel I kind of feel like that the question actually has two parts to it my answer is both like my answer is different for both of them the only way that you can bring this up and also I would have done the exact same thing as what you did and not brought it up no play on because that's gonna be awkward you're already in the moment and you know if things are getting kind of spicy and stuff maybe you just need to suck that up and try and block your nose not suck it up yeah maybe just change position all of a sudden

you're doing doggy and it's not so much of a problem I'm gonna do this thing where I'm hanging off the bed as far away from you as possible I actually want you to put my head out the window and then you stretch your arm out with a dildo and then we'll do it that way let's create some distance i've seen it like i can't talk about it oh my god so i think you did the right thing in that scenario but i think if it's going to be an ongoing problem it's obviously going to be a turn off and you're obviously not going to want to hook up with someone who smells really bad to be oh the only way that you can do this is by making it jovial and in a joke way well like oh my god And she'd be like, what is that smell?

When did you shower last? Go and put some deodorant on. Make a joke about it. I don't think you can make a joke about someone stinking. But you know what? I have the perfect answer. You say, hey, you want to take a shower together? That's hot.

Naked in the shower. You can lather him up. You can get his arms in the air. You can do some little scrubby scrubs under the underarm. But I think it's like, hey, let's take a shower together. You can make that hot and sexy. And, like, it is sexy, especially if you've been out and you've just come home from a club.

Like if I was ever going to do that, that's what I would do because I don't want to be hooking up with someone that's been around smoke and drink and alcohol and BO all day and other people and they're dirty and then you're going to get in my bed. No, thank you. Like the shower thing is an easy out. I'm interested by what you just said. I feel as though shower sex has had the best branding. That was terrible. I actually think it's the worst thing ever. There's no lubrication.

It's actually quite dangerous. Like I'm really short, so I've always really, really struggled with the idea of shower sex because ergonomically it's really dangerous. There's never been a position where it's been achievable without some type of weird safety accident prone position and situation. And I think that everyone's in this position, surely. Oh, no, 100%. But I don't think you go and have the sex in the shower, but you can still go into the shower and shower together and kiss and like can be the foreplay. It's just foreplay and you don't even have to do anything. like you can actually just wash each other if you want if you just want to clean each other

but like that's the sexy start then you clean and then you get out but shower sex spa sex sauna sex sorry we need to set the record straight that is your quickest way to an infection that you don't want some type of like UTI there's so many chemicals floating around it's a terrible idea anything in like pool or water is has just we've been led to believe it is something it's absolutely not. No one is doing that. And if they are, I can tell you they're not enjoying it. So that's what I would do. Once you get to know them better, you can tell somebody that they smell a hundred percent. Like if it's your partner, you know, if Ben had come home from training and wanted to get it on and he was, he'd been sweating and stinking, I would literally be like, go have a shower. You

stink. Yeah. And he would probably tell me the same. He would be like, wow, you've been working out. Haven't you? He's never going to say you stink, but it's different when it's like, I don't know. There'll be people that disagree. There'll be people that are like, you can say what you want on a first hookup and you probably can but is it going to offend him probably yeah so that's what you've got to take into consideration is it a mood killer also yes like if you think you'll bring your a-game and you're getting down and dirty and you're sexy and you take your shirt off and you think you're about to have sex and your partner that looks at you and says you smell it is going to cause a bit of an interruption in your flow and your vibe but at the end of the day if you

want to try and do it it's up to you I also think that some people just have a greater awareness of hygiene like you said that you're really sensitive to smells I'm exactly the same and weirdly enough it actually changes throughout the different times of my cycle like I don't know if it's connected to hormones in some way but I find that at different points of my cycle I can smell like a bloodhound like we've made jokes in our household that I can just smell certain things and my boyfriend after he's like had a t-shirt on and whether he's been out you know it doesn't even have to be like a BO smell. It can just be that worn in all day smell that gets into like cotton t-shirts and that kind of thing. And I'll be like, Oh, like I've just got, I've got,

it grosses me out at certain times of the month and I can smell it more. So I, I relate to you in the sense that you're very sensitive to smells. So maybe he's the type of person that doesn't have as much hygiene around like washing his clothes every time he wears them and that kind of thing. And that could potentially, if you actually want to start a relationship with this person and it doesn't just want to be like you know work hookups it might be something that you have to kind of investigate a little bit more and have a bit of a conversation with but yeah for me if this was the situation I would either make a joke about it or I think the shower renames them in your phone the last thing I want to say is food for thought and you've just made

me think about it Keisha so since COVID my smell is so bad like so I was hospitalized with COVID Keisha drove me to the hospital one day and since then my smell has never been the same so Keisha's come to my house before gone to get a drink from my fridge and she's like whoa bro something is off in there what dead animal I will put my yeah I will put my head into it can't smell a thing and I'm like wow I actually can't smell that at all so maybe you know his smell is not as sensitive a lot of people can't smell themselves or the way that they smell their own body is different to how another person interprets that smell as well like you don't smell other people the same way and you don't smell yourself the same way so I think that is something to consider too that maybe you're

both on different ends of he can't smell a lot and you're hypersensitive but fuck yeah you're not gonna you're not gonna go long term with someone you can't stand to be around so I think maybe by the third date you're a bit more open rain if you want to try Keisha's take it make a joke of it let us know how it goes okay this one I think there are going to be some very very different opinions on and all of those opinions are valid. Is paying someone for sex better than being cheated on? I'm at a bit of a loss. My partner has told me tonight that he has paid someone to have sex with him three times. And to make matters worse, he thinks he may have caught something. He said that he reckons the chick took the condom off and was really kissing him. Writing

this makes me feel like I'm going to be physically sick. I really didn't think that he would ever do something like this to me and I just feel so numb I feel really disgusting we have been together for almost seven years we have a daughter who is almost two I work full-time help him run his business as well as doing all of the house stuff I don't mind doing all of this stuff as I want the business to be successful and I support him the best that I can emotionally and financially I'm always up for having sex with him and I'm actually usually the one who initiates it I am just curious to get your thoughts on this is it still betrayal because he paid to cheat on me yes yes absolutely it is absolutely still betrayal just because he's saying it was a sex worker I want to call

bullshit on the fact that it even was a sex worker I don't know any sex worker that would ever take a condom off to remove protection never protection for themselves yeah and it's I think it's just like the rule it's like a standard rule that they wouldn't do it so that was a bit of a red flag for me when he's like oh yeah she was kissing me and she took the condom off and there are some sex workers that won't kiss you either like it's like they don't take the emotion out I'm sure there are some that do but for me this is really fucked your opening question here is is paying someone for sex better than being cheated on it is being cheated on they're the same thing firstly like it is still betrayal and it is still infidelity he has still gone and had sex with somebody else the fact he

paid for someone doesn't change the fact that it's cheating I almost want to say it's worse and the way you've written this is maybe you're trying to convince yourself it's not as bad I think it's worse because if my partner came to me and said firstly they told me because they'd made a mistake right I am so sorry I have done something terrible I was out with the boys I got blind drunk I cheated on you I've done the wrong thing I'm so regretful whatever that is very different to the premeditation of booking the same person, going back to that same sex worker, paying them for it. It's premeditated. It's planned. It's not a mistake. It's a recurring theme. So, and there'll be people that don't agree with me. For me, I would put my life down

that Ben wouldn't cheat on me either way. But hypothetically, it's almost worse for me when it comes to the point that it's like so preplanned and premeditated. I very much get your point with the whole premeditation thing. I think that I differ slightly. And I think that maybe everyone will feel this way. The reason I feel slightly differently about the cheating being with a sex worker is because it's a very defined transaction and there's no emotion involved in that. But you don't know there's no emotion. He's gone to the same person three times. Yeah, true. I mean, there might be emotion on his end. I think that for sex workers, that is the one thing that, you know, they can emotionally connect with their clients, of course.

but it's quite a defined interaction and a defined transaction of this is what we will be doing you will be paying this amount of money for these services the transaction happens and we go both go about our lives whereas i think if it's more of an emotional affair or if they've gone and slept with someone else three times like just a you know a standard person that they met at work or a friend of a friend or whatever it might be i think my concerns about that would be that there would likely be an emotional connection three times is not you know like that's not a short amount of time so I can understand where you're kind of saying like is it better that he did it with a professional rather than someone that's in our lives or that kind of thing I remember years

ago we interviewed you know one of Australia's leading escorts Samantha X and she would say that the reason she had recurring customers is because they wanted her because there was a connection with her and and as much as the connection isn't they're going to go off and get married and be together they form a connection you are the person that I go to I feel comfortable with now we know how this works you know what I like I know what you like some of them just want to emotionally connect some of them want to go and like the sex is the tiniest part about it and they want to have that connection and talk that's why I feel like this is worse for me that's like because they're he's choosing to go back to the same person and it is planned and it's not a

mistake and you can't brush it off. And let's not forget the only reason you know is because he thinks he caught something. Like it's not like he's been like, wow, what am I doing? I feel so guilty. I need to save my relationship and do the right thing. He's been sprung and thinks you have an STI. Yeah. And this line here just really, it actually really breaks my heart. I'm always up for having sex with him. And I'm usually actually the one who initiates it. Like, I think it's one thing to kind of understand that people have physical needs and sex desires can be different. They usually are different in any relationship one person may have a higher sex drive at some point in time the other might have a lower one and with little kids and married and totally and

you're supporting him in all of those things as well and so for you to be taking on all of the mental load of the house you're helping with the business you're helping raise your daughter and you're still saying I'm actually the one who initiates having sex and I'm always up for it like I actually find that a really good part of my relationship and he's still gone and sought out this other physical act of sex with a professional worker I find that actually the most disappointing thing about his behavior because it's not like he can lean on the excuse of all you know since we had the kid we haven't had sex for two years and I have physical needs and like I just went out and did it and you know it felt so good the first time I cut like he's really really betrayed you and I'm

so sorry that you're experiencing this and I think that they may be people who are in situations where if they don't have a sex drive and their partner does maybe that is an agreement that you can come to but the difference is is that it's an agreement that you come to it's not something that just happens and you find out about after the fact I would love to know how this played out like what he said to you and his reaction you know was he apologetic was he blaming in some capacity was there gaslighting did he want to make it work did he apologize like what is he wanting from telling you other than you to get an STI check to be sure you know that response is going to weigh very heavily on what you do moving forward and if you can move forward because if my partner came to me

and was like hey I've been doing this I'm not that he's sorry I'm only telling you because you know she took the condom off which she definitely didn't I'm only telling you because she took the condom off and you know now I have an SCI and if that was the conversation and it wasn't like I'm mortified I'm beside myself I don't know why I did it I love you let's work on this I'm gonna get help I wouldn't personally be able to stay in that relationship like that is such a multi-level betrayal for me. Yeah. And also at the end of the day, the crazy thing is you're not asking us for advice and you're not asking us what to do. You just want to know if paying someone for sex is better than being cheated on and is it still betrayal? And my

personal answer and Keisha's answer is it is the same thing. It's one and the same thing. It's absolutely a betrayal and it is cheating. We are happy to put this, and I would love to put this on Instagram, just this one question and get the responses from different people. Cause there might be people that feel differently about it, but short and sharp. Yes. Yes, it is. Okay. Last question. Should I tell my partner his sister is getting an abortion? So my long-term partner has a sister who I'm quite close to. She has revealed to me that she's pregnant and is getting an abortion next week. She does not want her parents to know. This feels like a pretty big thing to keep from my partner i know he would not tell his parents should i tell him update i spoke to her

about the awkward position that i feel like i am in and she said if i tell him she will not trust me again but i think my partner's trust is more important to me so i feel torn oh wow i'm so sorry i feel so so differently to you so do i do you okay i feel as though you firstly this girl is in a vulnerable position she's having something that no one wants to experience you know no one wants to have to go through the process of getting an abortion it can be a really emotional time for some people it can be a not emotional time for others but she has trusted you with this information because she's obviously after a little bit of support I don't know whether that's because you've experienced it before and so she's asking it in terms of like you know what happened with

you and what can I expect or if she just wanted someone to go to and you were someone that she felt she could go to. This type of information is really personal and very private. And while some people will be comfortable saying it on podcasts, like Laura has spoken about having this procedure before on the podcast, most people are not going to feel that way. There's still so much shame surrounding abortions, particularly at the moment with the way that things are changing in the United States and how there's a lot of regression in terms of abortion rights. there is so much shame wrapped up not only in getting the procedure but in getting pregnant to begin with and who it was weird and why you you know weren't protecting yourself or why were

you having sex before you were ready to be in this position and she's in a really vulnerable position because it's happened she's getting this procedure she's come to you seeking comfort and seeking reassurance and support and you're saying to her that you don't feel comfortable not sharing that with her brother I think it's way easier than that it's got nothing to do with her brother it's got nothing to do with your partner why are you in an awkward position now for keeping one of her most private moments from your husband who is her brother I understand where it's like we don't have secrets in our relationship like we tell each other everything this doesn't have to be that and it's never going to come out in the relationship because your friend is never going

to say, Hey, you know what? I just want you to know that like five years ago I had an abortion and I told your wife and she kept that from you. Like that's, it's never going to come out in conversation. I just think that it feels a bit weird to me personally that you've made this about you and how awkward you and uncomfortable you feel when she's come to you saying that this is really big life event that she's going through. And what have you got to gain? I guess is the question by telling him, I don't know. It just feels a little bit weird to me. And I get that. it's like, yes, I tell my partner everything. Why do you have to tell him this part? It's not like a big secret that's going to affect him. It doesn't affect him in any way, but it affects her.

And I can understand why she's saying, please keep this between us. Like I told you that, you know, like I told you that in confidence. I told you that as a friend. I didn't tell you it because you're my brother's partner. I told you because you're family and a friend and you're the person I've chosen to tell. I understand where you're coming from, but I'm probably a little bit more team her to be honest yeah and I also think there's an added layer she said here that she doesn't want her parents to know well telling her brother like you kind of risk the chance that her brother then going to tell her parents is that then going to turn it into something that she's going to have to deal with her entire family knowing and that's just not a

position I would ever want to put anybody in like I would never want to enforce that or even risk and have them have the anxiety, she's already going to have anxiety about going in and getting an abortion. Do you then want her to also be living in the space where she's like, oh my gosh, now my brother knows. I don't know whether my brother is going to tell my parents or not. I really don't want to have to deal with it. If they do end up finding out, I don't want to have to deal with the lectures and the repercussions. And I don't know, are they religious? Would they shame her for this type of thing? You know, like we just don't know these things. I just don't know why it's so important to you to have this open communication channel about something that

doesn't actually affect your body it's not like you're having the procedure and you're wondering whether you can keep it from him i also think that if you so strongly feel uncomfortable about it you can tell him but you've got to know that it's going to come with repercussions and are you is is it worth it is it worth him knowing about it and then causing a family rift causing a friendship breakdown just so that he knows that his sister had an abortion it just feels like personal private information that he doesn't need to know and she's entrusted you with and that's okay as open as I am with Ben if a friend came to me like that it's got nothing to do with Ben begged me you know or his sister came to me and said that I would trust that I would say

yeah it's got nothing to do with him it's fine like of course I'll keep that secret for you yeah and on the other side I'd be really upset I'm very close with my sister-in-law I love her and I'm so lucky that she's so amazing and there are many things that I have said to her that I have asked her to not share with my brother, not necessarily because I don't want him knowing. It's just that, I don't know, it's just something that I'm like if I wanted him to know, I would have told him myself. So I'm trusting you with the fact that this is just between us

and I would be really, really hurt and upset if I found out that she'd actually broken that trust. Yeah, and that is something to consider moving forward. like it's food for thought to think okay everything that you tell somebody you do have to weigh up if they're going to go and tell their significant other because there are a lot of relationships where they do tell each other everything and they tell each other everything about their friends and what's happening in their life and it's something to consider when you are unloading something that is a secret on somebody that it's highly likely they are going to tell somebody but you know

there's not many people that take a secret to the grave and don't tell one other human so something to consider I guess if you are sharing that kind of information with someone maybe if it's somebody that is so close to your brother consider that they might tell but for me I would be not telling him I'd be keeping this to yourself it's got nothing to do with you and it's got nothing to do with him and it's got everything to do with you being there for your friend and she already feels like you've almost probably sort of betrayed her in a way because she's like why are we even having this conversation I've asked you not to tell him like why are you making this more awkward yeah and the very last thing is is that let's say that

situation you spoke about Brit where the brother may actually find out in the future that to me also seems like an easy conversation to say that's a pretty private thing that is about her like reproductive well-being it's not something that I felt was my place to share it's her information if she wanted to share it with you like that's a particularly private thing for women and there's a lot of like emotion that can be involved in it and I just didn't want to share it with you because she asked me not to I don't feel like there's a person who wouldn't understand that the highly sensitive nature of that information and why you didn't share it with them so if the person that you're with wouldn't understand that that's actually where I would be questioning

things a little bit more and being like why would you know why would you enforce that upon your partner that she told you this highly sensitive information from your sister yeah so yeah I'm sorry if we've kind of come down a little bit hard on you but I think that sister right now actually is the one who needs a lot of support and I really hope that you are able to provide that for her I think we've been balanced it's just sometimes it's hard when you don't agree with the person that's written in like we sometimes you guys write in for advice and we want to agree with you and we want to be on your side but sometimes we're just not and you know there'll be other people that disagree with us 100% but people that say yes tell your partner

everything they're entitled to that that's okay but yeah we just differ on this one and it is it's tough when we go against you guys because we don't want to be but we do want to give our best you know most considered advice yeah yeah so i hope i have we have enough to say with that anyway let's get out of here i have a husband in italy to go on adventure and i've only got one slim little week so i'm gonna go and soak up every single second maybe you can catch everything on YouTube. We love to play the Ask Uncut questions

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