Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Zero Libido, Forgotten Grandkids and Absent Husbands

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. I'm Brittany. And we have Ask Uncut, which is where we answer your deep, your dark and your burning questions. And let me tell you, I have been deep in the Facebook group this week and there have been so many questions that have come through in the Facebook group. And I know that you guys send them also to our DMs and everything else. But there's been a lot of spicy ones that have been happening in the Facebook group. I think it's like for anyone that doesn't know or isn't in the discussion group, that is where you need to be because I love answering the questions, but I also love going through all of the life as answers to the questions because sometimes

Starting point is 00:00:45 they provide something where I'm like, wow, I didn't look at it that way. I didn't think of that part. Although we have been discussing this and I almost want, do I open this up for other people they're not gonna like it okay do we open the can of worms I want to know you guys are gonna hate it but hear me out so Facebook brought in this new thing recently where you can post in groups anonymously we didn't turn it on it just turned on one day miraculously and then no one turned it off it gives you a nickname so some Facebook groups have the anonymous thing where you just come up as anonymous member we've had that turned off because mainly for legal reasons then it introduced this nickname thing and so it will be like crazy pineapple 1820

Starting point is 00:01:26 i love llamas 1932 do you know what it reminds me of my space back in the day because everyone's just got some sort of fucking weird handle and then like a random avatar there's that many beavers in our facebook group now but there is and okay so the problem is is like now you guys can post anonymously your questions in there. But the problem is, is that people can also answer the questions anonymously. And I don't like the idea of anonymous because I think that when there's anonymity, it means that people don't have to be as careful with what they're saying. When there is the cloak of anonymity, people can just be like bitchier or sassier with their replies because no one can see that it's Keisha. They think it's a pineapple.

Starting point is 00:02:08 But we can see. And maybe that's what you guys don't know. Other people in the group can't see who you are, but I can see who you are. Yeah, but we don't look at you. We don't look at them. I do. No. I was like, I fucking do?

Starting point is 00:02:24 I do. If you're writing something sassy in the comments, let me tell you I'm checking your profile. Since the nickname thing came in, you're right. The questions have also gotten spicier because people are like, I could never ask this if it was with my name on it. Everyone just used to ask for like what foundation are we all using? Now I'm getting tea.

Starting point is 00:02:42 This is true. This is true. Look, it's going to remain. if you're not part of the Facebook discussion group jump in however if anyone's misbehaving because they think that they have anonymity you don't we can see who you are and we will block your ass okay that's my one and only warning I'd be petrified I don't really trust technology probably because I don't really get it I'm trying really hard but I would be petrified that something would happen with the technology and my cloak would disappear and then all of the

Starting point is 00:03:08 names that you're posting under like revert back to your actual name do you know what I mean I I would be petrified that Beaver1872Britney would go back to Brittany Hockley and everyone would know all the spicy things I'd posted. Yeah, do you know what this reminds me of? Okay, so a long time ago, you know how obviously there's polls on Instagram where you can like see whichever. Yes, we love a poll. A poll, a poll.

Starting point is 00:03:28 Okay, well, you all know. Maybe you're new here and you don't know what a poll is, okay? Okay, so back in the day when they first brought out polls, I didn't know that the person who posts the poll can see what you chose. and I still remember it I would just be you guys want to see my holiday content look no I would just I would always choose the thing because I thought it was funny I would just troll people and I would just always choose the thing that was like a bit mean not because I actually cared or I felt mean I remember okay I'm so sorry Jade Tunchi I actually think she's wonderful but I remember

Starting point is 00:04:02 she did this series of things one day and I was just like nah yeah nah and I just like I just gave like a brutal honest reaction and then I was like I realized and it was like a month later and I was like oh my fucking god she must think I hate her I don't at all I don't know why I did it I hate myself you did it to me once too and I was like what a bitch I was like do you guys want to see more of this and you were like nah and I was like well I'm telling you about it anyway Laura it's on the pod no I never did it to you I would to be fair I actually don't remember specifically I just remember when I discovered that they could see and I remember how I reacted to that and it wasn't good so anyway let's get into our vibes and unsubscribes Britt what's your

Starting point is 00:04:44 vibe okay my vibe this week oh I actually I have an unsubscribe first if I can if I may my unsubscribe this week now I don't know if you have seen the film that I did a stupid parody skit of it on my Instagram stories. The new film that has Taron Egerton and Charlize Theron. Apex. I watched the first 15 minutes of it and I thought it was so bad that I couldn't watch it. It was terrible. It is the most watched film of 2026. It had the most, and I think that helped a lot with the trending videos on Instagram and whatever else and TikTok, but it's been the most watched film of 2026 it's absolutely huge but what my unsubscribe is he was brilliant in it and I can't imagine anyone else doing it but his character is such a thick Australian Aussie

Starting point is 00:05:38 Bogan kind of accent and I just hate that we Australians get such little opportunities in Hollywood that you finally are coming to Australia to film and you're allowing the actor to be Australian but you've chosen somebody from the UK to learn an Australian accent to do it and my unsubscribe is give an Aussie a chance that's my thing if you like why are you you're finally letting an Australian be an Australian and then you're like you know what we're gonna do not put a fucking Australian in that whole entire film and just get somebody else to train to be an Aussie so that's my unsubscribe I just think that was a real missed opportunity I would love to know Did anyone out there actually enjoy Apex, though, as a movie?

Starting point is 00:06:23 I know everyone's seen it. I get it. Like, I know it's been really popular. But genuinely, when they were hanging off the side of that cliff and she'd fallen down 10 times. Spoilers. It was. This happens in literally the first 10 minutes of the movie.

Starting point is 00:06:35 I put it on and I was like, it's so unbelievable. And it felt so poorly acted at that point that I was like, what am I watching right now? Oh, I thought it was great. I thought it was great. Because I don't think it is that unbelievable. A lot of rock climbers die climbing, Laura. It's a real thing.

Starting point is 00:06:53 Yeah, not for me. Not for me. Unsubscribe. Apex. My vibe for the week. It's on Netflix. It's a documentary. It is called Should I Marry a Murderer?

Starting point is 00:07:03 Have either of you seen it? I've seen a lot of talk about it on social media. I can. Yes, I've seen it. It's great. Yeah, so if you haven't seen it, it's just a three-part docuseries on Netflix. It is a true crime docuseries that's based in Scotland. it's a woman who's a doctor she's very smart very lovely but very lonely and she goes online to meet

Starting point is 00:07:23 somebody meets this quote unquote amazing man who is like an outback Scottish adventurer he lives on a farm and by all accounts he's everything she's ever wanted they have a really rapid quick relationship they fall head over heels they talk about getting married and spending their life together and she thinks he's perfect and then he tells her that he has killed somebody and then the whole docuseries is unpacking what she's supposed to do in that situation when you find out the person you love has killed someone and without giving too much away it's her dealing with that deciding what to do and then the story unravels with her decision and I don't want to say too much but I really really enjoyed it because I love true crime and it's a bit of like an

Starting point is 00:08:09 unfathomable situation to find yourself in simultaneously this woman annoyed the hell out of me and I don't want to go too much into that but you'll understand when you watch it why did she annoy you because I thought she was such a good storyteller like I watched it I really enjoyed it I think it's a very very good crime documentary but also I don't know it's like not an overly emotional one I think at the moment there's been a lot of stuff that's come out like with children or there's been things that have felt very heavy in terms of the crime now the crime is horrific don't get me wrong like someone's murdered but in saying that I thought it was like the way she told the story was just super engaging and I really enjoyed that part of

Starting point is 00:08:47 it that is funny what she did and the situation she put herself in and her actions were the most frustrating thing I've ever watched it's interesting that it's so interesting and the trending I shouldn't call them trends but you know every docuseries or movie has these trends online the conversation that everyone is talking about off the back of that is the same as I feel Everyone's like, what the hell was she doing? What was she thinking? Anyway, it's fascinating. I think she was like in love, but also a fuck man being in love

Starting point is 00:09:16 makes you do crazy shit, especially when you find out the person you love is a murderer. I mean, like just going to put it out there. Quite hard. I've never been in this situation. I'm not going to judge. Keish, what's your vibe? My vibe this week is because if you follow me on Instagram,

Starting point is 00:09:29 I'm sorry, you would have already seen this, but I'm becoming a trad wife. Oh, God. But only a trad wife with modern appliances. If you say your vibe is a KitchenAid, you're banned. It's an oven. Do you know what? I actually bought a KitchenAid for my partner for his birthday or Christmas,

Starting point is 00:09:47 one of the two, I can't remember, and I got it engraved and he reckons it's the best gift. I know that that sounds like it's such a KitchenAid engraved. You know what I mean? Because it's kind of like here is a kitchen appliance for your birthday and it feels very misogynistic. But I guess in this situation the genders are flipped and also he said it's the best gift he's ever received.

Starting point is 00:10:06 I disagree. I think that that's just evening out the playing field of feminism for all the women who've been given iron for their birthday, you handing out a kitchen aid that's engraved. It's like just really puts a little special touch on something. Yeah. And he got me an electric sander. So what a modern relationship. Yeah. Love it. Anyway, I think that there is an overall trend at the moment happening. I'm kind of a part of it where we're realizing that a lot of the processed food, you know, microplastics, we're all starting to get a bit freaked out by the shit that's been going into our bodies. And I started following this guy called Jerome Cooks Food. He's got 275,000 followers. His profile says simple, delicious, healthy food from scratch. So it's

Starting point is 00:10:46 really, really simple foods. He's got here cream cheese, flour tortillas, butter, scones, English muffins, tomato sauce. Like they're these things that you will likely have in your home or in your pantry. And he just shows you how to make them from scratch. But it's not like, what's that nara smith chick or ballerina farm these things take minutes like it is so insanely simple i mean take minutes if you have the electric appliance four days you're gonna do it by hand you gotta you gotta churn that butter so i have made butter and i've made tomato sauce and i'm gonna keep on going i had to get a cheesecloth to make the cream cheese i'm gonna keep on going i've made two things but i'm gonna keep on going yeah it's my current hyper fixation and also some of this

Starting point is 00:11:31 shit is really expensive. So he, in the cream cheese one that he does, he's like, this is a third of the price. It tastes heaps better. And it doesn't have any of the additives that they put in there to extend the shelf life. So live, laugh, love guys. I'm a tribe wife now. I have a genuine question for you. How often do you eat cream cheese in your household? Hardly ever. I'm so glad you're making it from scratch. I'm going to eat it more. We're also making sourdough. We've really taken this turn. I feel like this hyper fixation is probably only going to last a couple weeks, but so far I've been in it. And Jerome Cook's food is great because he shows you how to do it. I actually think that's so good. Like when you say everyone's thinking about what they're

Starting point is 00:12:07 putting in their bodies, it is so true. You don't realize how many microplastics and things you put in. But I do think it's funny that then we spend four days making our butter, but we go and get Botox. It's very unusual. Like we don't care about putting that in our body. We're like, yes, get rid of these wrinkles, but I will need that butter. You know what they say, pick your poisons. You're like, you've got to pick the things that you're okay with killing you. And I pick the strongest of poisons and that being Botox? Botulism. All right. Well, look, I have a recommendation, which is very similar in, I guess, in concept to yours, Keish, but it kind of is like an add-on. If you're in your health era. Are you a trad wife too? I'm also a trad wife. People do

Starting point is 00:12:44 look at me and they think it screams trad wife. Fucking hell. People are like, does this woman even know how to turn a toaster on? The answer is no. Marley Spoon. My recommendation is Marley spoon no my recommendation is it's an app called yuka it's y-u-k-a now this is an app so basically any product you have in your house any like a food product you can take it you can scan it and it will tell you all of the health food details on it but it gives it an overall rating out of 100 and tells you whether it's good or bad it breaks down all the saturated fats all of the sulfites the additives everything are we a wellness podcast now and it's gonna get you the best sleep score you've ever had no I started using it from a recommendation from a friend because it's really

Starting point is 00:13:27 good for kids stuff like kids snacks are absolutely rife with saying that they're healthy quote-unquote but when you actually scan them it shows you how many sugars are actually in things and like what are the hidden dyes or the preservatives that are put into stuff and some of it I would say you can read an ingredients list and not really know what those ingredients correlate to in terms of like what they're doing to your health and so yeah i've been using it for everything all the snacks are in the cupboard that the kids are using or eating like on the reg scanning them and i've been very surprised by some things that i had assumed were way healthier they're packaged in a really healthy way they're in the health food section yes they're snacks but i would have

Starting point is 00:14:05 assumed that they were like the better alternate option are actually frighteningly bad so it's been a real eye-opener it's called yuka it's free in the app store you can download it and you can get scanning. Amazing. Love that. All right, let's get into the questions. Number one, transactional wank. Kicking off the first one with the headline transactional wank. Oh, I love that pros. So ladies, I listened to last week's episode when you asked who is wanking their partner off without sex? Well, the answer is me. I am doing that and I have been doing that for many years. You go girl. my husband and i have been together for 10 years and he often asks for a wank so casually as if he's asking me to put the kettle on i don't even pretend to be in the mood it almost just feels

Starting point is 00:14:53 like a transactional wank and i have told him this but it doesn't bother him for context we both have very mismatching libidos i wouldn't say he wants sex a lot probably just a normal amount but i literally never want it it comes up as a problem regularly in our relationship but we never If you're watching this on YouTube, you can't, sorry, that can't be passed. Keisha was like, woman after my own heart. I literally never wanted. I did wonder if Keisha had written this in actually. I was like, transactional wank.

Starting point is 00:15:23 It was my nickname on Facebook. That's your anonymous name? Transactional wanker. Okay. It comes up regularly as a problem in our relationship, but we never seem to do anything about it. I floated the idea of an open relationship. if he feels his needs are not being met but he will not even entertain that idea. I also have

Starting point is 00:15:45 said he has two perfectly good hands if he wants to go and sort himself out but that doesn't work either. I've told him I just don't enjoy sex and I would happily go the rest of my life without it. I'm never satisfied and I just give in to satisfy him but honestly it leaves me feeling really icky like I'm just pretending and faking it. I never orgasm both alone and together. We've tried using toys but still no joy I'm sorry for the long message about transactional wanks but I would appreciate any advice to stop me having a lifetime of this do you know what at the start because when we did this call out if you guys don't remember there was a question around a woman whose partner basically like wanted a hand job she wasn't in the mood he wanted hand jobs and I was like

Starting point is 00:16:26 is anyone out there just giving hand jobs for the joy of it but like pretending because it's the theatrics that has to go into so like if you're completely not in the mood and you've said you're not in the mood and your partner goes well just give me a handjob then you've still got to pretend like you're interested in the handjob because you can't be there going like I'm so bored and no she is yeah what I kind of love about this question firstly I hate that you're having to do anything but you're like it is a transactional wank and you're calling it what it is do you know I picture Elaine in bed like on a kindle or reading looking one way with a bathroom and just wanking him off the other way like that's how I'm picturing it just gives no

Starting point is 00:17:03 fucks she's like literally gives no fucks you know what like it's funny at the start but then as you get through the question it's actually really shit and like I'm sorry that you're in a relationship not in a relationship I'm sorry that you have such a mismatch where you have even offered like to open the relationship up to kind of free you of having to have that responsibility at all and you feel as though every sexual encounter you have with your partner is transactional I actually don't know what advice to give here in terms of like how do you manage this because you know your partner wants intimacy and he wants connection it doesn't mean that he wants polyamory he just wants that intimacy and connection with you but it does sound as though

Starting point is 00:17:43 to some extent he is very accepting of the fact that you don't have and there's a big difference between saying you don't have a low libido to you don't have any libido you have zero interest in being intimate with your partner at all so I can understand why that would be very hard for him and I think the fact that you've said oh like it doesn't seem to bother him that much it's surprising to me and maybe I think this is like a testament to the fact that your partner is a good guy that he hasn't shown that he's like feels resentful or he's not hurt by it he's not using that in a way to be like you know I don't get what I want which is what we see a lot in these questions it sounds like he's like okay I love you I would like more but I'm trying to accept

Starting point is 00:18:25 and come to the table with some sort of meat in the middle I don't know what the recommendation is here apart from you putting a line in the sand and saying I don't want sex at all and then seeing how he responds to that I think the only thing that like I know we joke a lot about you know the fact that my sex life my sorry libido has like fucking shut up shop for the time being it is like a cyclical thing and for me it's medication based like I've really experienced a change in my libido and in also my pleasure from sex from medication it's something that is very very common for a lot of people who are on any type of something that alters your brain chemistry and I've experienced it to like a big extent because I used to be a horny bitch but you were

Starting point is 00:19:05 also a drunk single so like I think that was also playing into it the only thing that is a concern for me in your question is the part right at the end where you were like sometimes I just feel like I'm performing it and I'm like by all accounts it sounds as though he's pretty accepting like Laura said he's pretty accepting of it you will give the gift of the transactional wank from time to time and he seems to be quite happy with it so the only thing that I would kind of make sure you're questioning in yourself is when you're actually having sex it can be a really nice thing to do for your partner if you know that that's going to bring in intimacy and stuff but you don't want to feel gross from it like you don't want to feel as though you're like fuck I'm only doing

Starting point is 00:19:43 this simply because you want me to be here. I think if that is the case, then you do need to start talking about other options because no one wants to be, and also your partner wouldn't want you to be in that state. Totally. And so if it is an issue of the sense that you're not having the type of pleasure that you want during sex, you can bring that up. But if you just are for some, any reason, whether it be the life stage that you're at, you're just anatomically built that way that you don't have the sensation of wanting to have sex, I wouldn't encourage you to do it just because you feel as though you have to, because you're in a relationship. I know it's hard. I know it's hard because like some people really need that connection. And it sounds like

Starting point is 00:20:20 you've tried to outsource. She said, you don't want to open this up. Like, I don't know, maybe you could talk about whether he would be comfortable seeing a sex worker that can feel a little bit different to opening up the relationship because they don't have to have a relationship with that person. It is simply a physical transaction. I don't think he wants to. I mean, I think she gave him the option. She's like, you can go elsewhere if you want. He doesn't want to go elsewhere. I think that's really great. But I wonder if she's having any kind of pleasure. She said, I have never had an orgasm alone or with him. And I think this could lean into why you never want to be intimate with him because it's not enjoyable at all for you. I wonder if you're

Starting point is 00:20:55 having pleasure in any capacity. I understand you're not orgasming. About 10 to 15% of women haven't had an orgasm. So you're not alone. That is a huge amount of people. and I know you said you've tried toys and things but I wonder if you can go back to basics here and go back to trying to work on and finding something that will bring you pleasure and you might not be able to orgasm but also most people can't orgasm from penetration alone so I wonder if there's some different combos and different things whether it's jazzing things up whether it's role-playing whether it's not necessarily just toys but something that can bring some level of pleasure back into the relationship for you

Starting point is 00:21:34 that might make you want to be enjoying sex a little bit more because outside of that, it sounds like you've been a wonderful partner. You've done all the right things. You've given him the option. You're still doing your transactional wank even though you don't want to, but you can't keep doing that. If it's giving you the ick, you can't just keep playing on with a life. And he doesn't want that either.

Starting point is 00:21:52 I'm sure he wants you to feel like you want to do it and to feel like it's giving you something. Like no one wants to feel like it's a chore. But I don't know. I really feel for you. But I think for me, I think you're peeling it back to the basics to try and find something that is going to pleasure you and excite you again. It's a really tricky one because outside of allowing him to go and do whatever he wants,

Starting point is 00:22:14 what are you supposed to do? The statistic of like 10 to 15% of women who can't orgasm, it doesn't mean that they don't feel pleasure. She's saying she feels no pleasure at all. Do you know what I mean? At all from any experience that they're having together. I would like to know more. Have you ever felt pleasure?

Starting point is 00:22:28 If the answer is no, you may be asexual. you may be someone who doesn't enjoy sexual interactions that's a totally different it's tricky to then be like go back to seeing what works if she's like I have tried everything and it doesn't work and I have no sex drive and I don't want to if it's not a problem for you and for how you feel about your relationship then it isn't necessarily something that you have to fix the only thing is in rereading the question that I'm a bit like oh maybe we gave him a little bit too much allowance or I gave him a bit too much allowance at the start is when you say I don't even pretend to be in the mood it almost just feels like a transaction and I have told him this

Starting point is 00:23:04 it doesn't seem to bother him that could be interpreted in a very different way as well it could be interpreted that though he doesn't care whether you're in the mood or not he wants a handjob and expects it and I didn't think about that in that way either because the question does take then a bit of a Nikki turn where she says I feel icky like I'm just pretending ultimately I echo what you said as well Keish like you never have to have sex with someone just because you're in a relationship or whatever, like the answer is no. And I think you can also, if you've decided that sex is not for you and it's not something that you want, and you are in this phase of performative and you have no interest in getting back to a place where you're having sex,

Starting point is 00:23:41 you are allowed to say that is off the table now and I'm not doing it and I don't want to. And your partner is allowed to respond with how he feels, but because it's still open, there's still a discussion and a gray area there. Then of course, it's not something that has been like a closed conversation. So I think if you really truly feel the way that you've said in this, then it might be time for a sit down conversation with your partner where you say exactly what you've said here and say, I don't want to be doing these things anymore. And you have to decide how that impacts you in this relationship and whether you want to be in this relationship for those reasons. Yeah. The only other last thing I'll say,

Starting point is 00:24:14 and the only reason I'm bringing this up is because I had the conversation with Britt and our friend Claire a couple of weeks ago, and both of them were like, I didn't know that that was a thing and so I want to go back to this like medication thing because a lot of the time when you're not experiencing any form of pleasure it can be because of a health reason like whether you are extremely fatigued really stressed if you have you know a mental health condition perimenopause yeah yeah heaps of different things hormones all those kinds of things impact it to such a massive extent also there's new research coming out that people on GLP-1s like things like that that affect the reward center that can also decrease your experience

Starting point is 00:24:50 of pleasure. But the thing that I experienced is not only did my libido drop when I went on ADHD medication, but the amount of pleasure that I would get from an orgasm. So I said to Britt and Claire that if an orgasm used to feel like a hundred percent or what it would to me was my hundred percent, it's now like maybe 30 to 40. So like the feeling of having that pleasure has decreased a lot. And I'm like, wow, that's really, I don't know if that's just a really personal thing I've spoken to a couple of friends who are on the same medication as me and they've said the same things I've spoken to my psychiatrist about it and that's why I also really struggle when people are like oh you know my partner's on antidepressants and it's really fucked up their

Starting point is 00:25:30 sex drive and now they never want to have sex with me and I'm like well you're kind of doing this seesaw of like do I want to feel right mentally or do I want to experience pleasure how I used to and I choose to do the former so yeah that's kind of something that also can make a big difference in terms of the pleasure that you experience and I don't know if this person who's written it in is on any medication at all I just thought it was interesting that you know Britt and Claire didn't know that well she's also been within a relationship for 10 years like when you're with someone for 10 years sex hits different like you don't have the same drive and you don't get the same wants and desires and the things that turned you on maybe at the start don't so much you're

Starting point is 00:26:09 also 10 years deep I don't know your age but you're obviously not in your early 20s my assumption is So your sex drive does just change in your 30s and 40s as well. And I'm not saying that's the reason, but like 10 years deep in your relationship, I don't know many people that want sex as much as they used to at the start, you know? So that's also a factor. All right. Question number two. Now, this question came from the Facebook group.

Starting point is 00:26:33 Like I said, it's where all the good stuff is, Life Uncut discussion group. There are a lot of comments on this and a lot of the comments on this are actually from grandparents, which was very interesting when you hear about the content of the actual question itself. So I want to read you the questions and I also want to share with you some comments after we've unpacked it a little bit. My parents aren't really interested in being grandparents anymore or that is how it seems to feel. I am the youngest child in my family and when my siblings all had children, especially the first two, my parents were completely besotted. They saw them every day, took photos and showered them with affection. My son is the ninth grandchild

Starting point is 00:27:09 and it just feels like they are over it. Nothing is exciting or new. They never ask about him. They don't take photos of him. They've never offered to mind him. He is a beautiful and well-behaved boy most of the time. They are older now and both have health issues. My sister is also a single mom and they have given her a lot of support over the years. I just spent a week at home and I barely saw them. I am starting to feel really resentful towards my siblings, even though I know that it's not their fault. I don't feel like I can say anything, but I just feel so sad about it. I don't have any postnatal depression or anything like that, but I am finding motherhood extremely lonely. My husband's parents have all passed away and it is really hitting me that I

Starting point is 00:27:49 won't have the support of my own family or my own parents. Has anybody else been through something like this? I read this and I felt really sad for her. I feel sad for her hearing that too, because it would be really hard when your child is the ninth it's happened before the excitements you've seen the way your parents have acted for the other eight grandchildren and it's different for you I understand that but you know my immediate thought is is that I think it's okay that your parents don't want to be so involved and like not so involved that's the wrong thing I think it's okay that grandparents don't want to babysit grandkids all the time and I've said this before if you've been a long time podcast listener. I, and maybe it's because this is what my family is, but I

Starting point is 00:28:37 look at our parents as in they've done their job. They raised their children. Their job isn't then to raise children again. It's not then to raise your children. Of course you want them to be involved and, and want to know about your child and take photos. I get that part, but I think we put too much pressure on the roles that grandparents are expected to play. I don't know. I think you also said they're old, they're aging, they've got health problems. Like if your parents are in their seventies with health issues, do you really want to be putting that extra stress on them to be looking after nine grandkids? I don't know. I think everyone's very different to it. Like, I mean, I think about how family dynamics are and every single family has a different relationship

Starting point is 00:29:18 as to how their grandparents interact with their children. And I think about even in my own family, like Ellie moved in with us because at 73 years old, she wanted to spend more time with her grandchildren. She is the most proactive grandma that there possibly could ever be. Like that is her sole purpose of being in Sydney and being on this earth is to like be and to spend more time with grandkids. And she does that. And we have embraced all of it. And I, you know, I think about when I was growing up, my grandparents, I was always with them. You know, my grandfather was as much of a proactive parent as what my mum was you know he was always both my grandparents were I understand that there are people who have those relationships and when you have those

Starting point is 00:30:00 relationships they're incredibly fulfilling and I understand why the comparison is then drawn right but it's not the expectation you can't expect that every single grandparent is going to show up in the way that you hoped that they would when you have your own children and I think you know for some people they do. And for other people, they've got their own lives. They've got their own big things. And as much as they might love their grandchildren, it's not the one thing that gets them up in the morning. You know what I mean? Like they have a different kind of relationship and that's okay. I think the thing that was missed a little bit in the question and something that really shone through quite hard in the comments when I say there was a lot of grandparents

Starting point is 00:30:36 commenting is I think it's easy to focus on the fact that it's the eighth grandchild and then therefore like the shine's been taken away. But the thing that's being missed is that with the eighth grandchild actually comes time and these grandparents are older. And as we are having children older now, I'm making an assumption that, you know, and you've said that your parents have a lot of health issues. They're just simply not as able as what they were when your sister had kids X amount of years ago, which might've been 10, there might've been 10 years ago. It might've been whatever, like they're old, they're tired. Being a grandparent as you get older is hard. They probably don't feel as though they're able to keep and to take care of a two-year-old

Starting point is 00:31:15 for the day, but your sister's kids are probably 10, 15, 14, 12, whatever it is now. That is infinitely easier to take care of a 10-year-old child than it is to take care of a two-year-old child. I get why you're making the comparison. I get why it's hurtful. I get why you would feel so incredibly let down. I understand all of that, but I also just don't necessarily think it is as personal as what it feels as though it is.

Starting point is 00:31:39 and I think you can speak to your parents about it in some ways like you don't have to say you don't do anything you don't ask that you could say I you know sometimes I feel as though you don't show as much interest in how I'm going as a mom don't make it about your child don't make it about forcing a relationship there but you know like I feel as though you know I'm still trying to find my feet in this motherhood journey and I don't feel as though you ask how I am or have as much interest and I think you could say that it may be met with defensiveness it may not be but it might be worth a try to open up those conversations, but I definitely don't think pitting grandchildren against each other and saying like, you did this and then didn't do

Starting point is 00:32:16 that for me is a healthy way to attack this situation. I feel so sorry for you. I think that for a lot of us who have siblings, particularly if you have multiple, I think you kind of, you're kind of aware your whole life who the favorite is. And I know that parents are like, we don't have a favorite. We love everybody equally, but I don't think that makes them a favorite. I think it means it came first. I don't think it makes him a favorite, but I think like growing up and my mum and I have spoken about this now and we joke about it now, my brother got a lot more attention than I did.

Starting point is 00:32:45 And so now if I was to have kids and I felt as though she didn't or my dad didn't pay any attention to those kids when they have to my brothers, it would kind of bring up those feelings again of being like, oh, you always, you know, gave him more attention. And I know that this might be really fucking immature and really infantizing but I just think it would be really hard to separate the fact that you might feel as though your siblings had preferential treatment do you know what I think it is too when I read this question and it sucks and it can feel unfair but often the children that need more

Starting point is 00:33:20 get more and I say that because you said that's what my mom said but it's true they're really able child an independent child and I say child I mean adult as well like you're still their child but when you don't need as much and you're okay and thriving your parents it's normal to then channel the energy and support into the one that needs it and I say this because you you said my sister's a single mom and you know they've given her so much help yeah they have because she's a single mom that probably needed the help whereas by all accounts it sounds like you're not and I say that that's an assumption you haven't specified that I think of like my upbringing and I remember one of my brothers he'll kill me but he was ADHD as a kid he was always in trouble and

Starting point is 00:34:03 something was always you know he took a lot of my parents attention and we didn't but that was also because I didn't need it do you know what I mean like I was functioning in a different way to one of my brothers and it's just the way it went as kids and I don't hold that against anybody and I think that that's exactly what these parents are doing now is that you sound and maybe they think like you don't need as much help so maybe that's a communication thing if you do feel like you need that help. Maybe you need to say to them, like, I need that help, or I'd love you to come and show up a little bit more for the kids and just communicate it instead of building that resentment. Because the worst thing you want to do is let that resentment fester. And then you end

Starting point is 00:34:42 up holding it against your siblings and your parents and your nieces and nephews. And it won't be intentional, but when those feelings and emotions do boil up and they're not addressed for many years, that's what's going to happen. One of the comments I wanted to read out now, this is the first comment on there. It is from Humble Squirrel 6698. I wasn't joking, guys. She wrote this. And now this is what I mean by like, it's not always done in like the nicest or like, I guess what's the right word is like compassionate way. But like, I think that there is validity to what she's saying. This is so normal. And personally, I think it's unfair for you to feel resentment or jealousy of them. Getting old is hard, especially if they have

Starting point is 00:35:25 health issues. Young kids are very hard, especially if old, unwell, and having already had eight grandchildren. I honestly think that this generation have too high expectations on grandparents. It's a different era. Back in the day, most grandparents who were very involved were retired. They were retired young. They were mortgage and debt free. And we were having kids way younger. So they were younger and more healthy, giving them more time and energy to be involved. Don't get me wrong. Some grandparents will always be besotted, whether they have one or 20 grandkids and healthy willing and able to help and enjoy them but others well they're just not like that you can't change them or the situation you need to try and make peace with it and find

Starting point is 00:36:04 your own tribe of mothers and kids etc to fill your cup most local churches or councils have free play groups that are a great way to meet parents in the same season local libraries have activities rhyme times and kids sport i'd make the effort take the photos send the photos and do the things with them that accommodate their health issues you could set up a specific day of the week. You go and visit them, take an easy lunch, grab a barbecue chicken or a salad or a roll from Coles. Yes, it's a bit shitty, but sadly just a part of life. It doesn't mean that they love you or your child any less. It's just a change of season and circumstances. Oh, I couldn't have said a better squirrel beaver. That was perfect. Yeah. A very true, a very true way of summarizing

Starting point is 00:36:46 everything. I didn't take into consideration that, you know, they are getting older and we are having children later and like the age thing is a very very good point that i hadn't considered totally i mean i've been fucking six month old baby and ellie's 74 she's like i mean she does so much but every so often she's like i don't think i can carry her and i'm like carry her yeah you you forget what do you mean what do you mean you can't breastfeed the baby ellie sorry anyway we're good we're having a great time oh i feel for you but i do think what one thing she said there is, I mean, the whole thing was really good, but when she said it doesn't mean they love you any less. It's just times are different. Times are changing. And I think

Starting point is 00:37:26 that's really important to keep in mind. Don't feel like it's a love thing. All right. Next question. I don't want to go to my brother's destination wedding. Am I being a brat or is this reasonable? My brother is getting married next year and it's a destination wedding on a beautiful tropical Island, but the wedding is the day before my 30th birthday. I know a wedding is obviously a way bigger deal than a birthday and I am not expecting anyone to make it about me but turning 30 feels like a big milestone and I already know my actual birthday will probably just become the recovery day after his wedding. It's mostly just siblings and friends going. I also probably won't even have my parents with me on that day. What makes it even worse is that I'm

Starting point is 00:38:07 doing a master's degree at the moment. I'm working in a hospital and completing specialist training so I'm already flat out. The wedding is also one month before my specialist written exam so the timing just feels really awful. I feel guilty saying this but I genuinely don't want to go. Am I being a brat or is this understandable and how do I tell my brother's family without causing huge drama? A little bit extra context that might help, this won't be my brother's only wedding. They're also having a bigger wedding back home with our extended family and all the other relatives. So it's not like I'd be missing the wedding altogether, just part of it. But part of why I'm feeling torn is that this wedding is mostly made up of the bride's friends and people

Starting point is 00:38:49 from her side. On my brother's side, it's really just one of his high school best mates, me, and one cousin. So if I don't go, I honestly feel like there'll be barely anyone there for him from our side, and that makes me feel really guilty. At the same time, I know I'd probably feel so out of place. Her friends and family are all very glamorous and influencer type people. And I'm not that kind of person. I'm pretty low key. I barely wear any makeup and I'm not into partying or drinking. So a destination wedding like this just isn't something that I feel excited about. I'm also worried that if I do go, I'd be uncomfortable the entire time and it will just show all over my face. I really don't want to bring that energy to his wedding,

Starting point is 00:39:29 which almost makes me feel like not going would be the better option rather than showing up and clearly not wanting to be there. I would love to know what you girls think. Do I have to go or can I stay? You have so many excuses as to why you don't want to go. Just don't go. I think when I read this question, it's okay to not go. Will he be disappointed? Absolutely. Will he feel the way he feels about it? Probably. I mean, you can't control that. He'll be disappointed. He will be sad, especially as you've described, he has three people that he loves that it's going to this wedding. So your absence will be missed. You're aware of it. But the reason, and I think the thing that I'm like, makes me feel as though I don't know which of the excuses is the actual

Starting point is 00:40:13 excuse is because there is so many of them and they are also varied. You don't have to have that many excuses to not do something. Obviously studying and like, you know, taking time out when you're studying for a med degree is a huge thing in and of itself. That's a reason. That's okay is it because it's the day before your 30th birthday is it because you're resentful that he booked it so close to your 30th is that the reason is it because you don't feel comfortable around his like that to me is an odd one that you don't feel comfortable around her friends and family so therefore you don't want to go like that to me I'm like that's not really a reason like I mean I would put my own personal I guess feelings or interpretations about my brother's wife and like

Starting point is 00:40:56 their family to the side because I would prioritize what's important that's being there for my brother's wedding but I think like ultimately you have a lot of excuses you really don't want to go you don't have to do something that you don't want to do but you also can't control how he is going to react or feel about that and if he thinks it's unreasonable or he is very sad or disappointed that is all stuff that you can't control but you have to be okay with so it's up to you what you think the fallout's going to be and my only thing is I would be very honest with myself and I would probably sit down and have a real clear think and if it's purely because you are actually a bit pissed that he booked this this close to your birthday I would set those feelings aside because I would

Starting point is 00:41:39 say that one is a bit bratty like that one if you're like I'm not going because it's my 30th and I want it to be about me but it's my brother's wedding you can do a big 31st you can have your 30th birthday a week before you go away like there are other options there that one feels like a potentially bratty reaction. The other ones I, you know, being so close to med school and everything else and trying to study for a big exam, I get that. But I think like, be honest with yourself around which excuse is true. I think you absolutely need to go. I'm taking it differently. I think it's crazy. And I think you were coming up with excuses because I think the real excuse here is you feel a bit uncomfortable around her side and there's no one else from your side there. It's

Starting point is 00:42:17 only you, your brother and your cousin. And I think that's absolutely why you need to go. if your brother only has you and one other person there at his wedding and you don't want to go because the other girls there are influencers that wear makeup and you don't wear makeup and you don't like those environments that's one of those things there's a few times in life you need to put things to the side like that and you show up for other people and I do really think that this is one of them I'm not excusing the fact that you have to study I understand that and I've been in a relationship with a doctor studying for many years as well. I get it. But you can still study. You can still study and take a day off for the wedding. You can still take your study notes.

Starting point is 00:42:57 Everything's online on a computer. You can spend the plane trip the day before, the days after, but you are allowed to take one day off study for a wedding that is somebody that is really close to you. The 30th birthday part, I get that. That sucks because a 30th is a big milestone. And of course you want to do something and feel special and have your people there. It's very unfortunate it's the day before, but I would assume he hasn't done that intentionally. It is probably just when it suited them in their lives. And maybe that's when the destination was available. You can celebrate again another day, a couple of days later, the weekend before, the weekend after. I just think that this one is going to cause so much chaos if you don't show up for your brother.

Starting point is 00:43:41 And the last question you said at the end, you said, I'd love to know what you think because I genuinely can't tell if I'm being selfish or if this is also a fair thing to be torn over. Thank you for reading this and always helping make sense of life's messy situations. This one will be so much more messy if you don't go. Like imagine the hurt your brother's going to feel if he only has two people turning up to his wedding. You're one of them.

Starting point is 00:44:04 And then you pull the pin. I just like that. If that was me, I would be absolutely heartbroken. I would be like, wow, this is the biggest day of my life and you are not going to show up for me. So I think that the flow and effect is too big here. Are you not curious? Like where are his parents?

Starting point is 00:44:19 Like why are they coming to the Australian wedding and not the one that's overseas? Like why with the second wedding are all of his people there? Well, she said it's the older, yeah, she said it's the older relatives that are coming to the Australian one. A lot of like I had my grandparents and stuff that couldn't travel to my destination wedding. Sometimes it's just too hard and too far for them.

Starting point is 00:44:36 Yeah, I guess the thing is, I mean, I agree with what you're saying, I think that there is pressure on her here to make a decision on this but I think knowing that there are two weddings and she has to take time off for both of them and she is studying for a med degree it's not just one it's an international holiday I understand why there's pressure but I don't understand all of the excuses and if she'd just written in with the exams and it being like a really pressure cooker time and the exams being really close to that and not being able to take time to go overseas pay to go on a holiday where she's gonna have to spend the whole time studying and then also be and take time off for the second wedding I'd be like okay I get it I think the

Starting point is 00:45:09 reason why we're like no you sound like you're being a brat is because of all the other excuses that were shoehorned in there as well the only thing about the 30th birthday and like you said it's a big one I get it it's important but like you can't control the day that your 30th birthday falls on it could have fallen on a Monday what are you gonna do cancel work and go out with your friends on a Monday night like if your birthday's on a Saturday I'm guessing that it's like fallen on a weekend hence why it's like a big deal because you could have done something just do Put the week before, like that's not a big deal, I don't think. Like I understand why it is a milestone, especially when like someone else is getting married and you're like, but this is my big milestone to celebrate.

Starting point is 00:45:44 But no one's stopping you from celebrating it. You're just moving it forward by a week or moving it backward by a week. I don't think she sounds like a brat, but because she's put all of the, because you know when you're in that moment where you're like, I know what the rights and the wrong in there in air quotes thing to do here is. but I've got this and this and this and also this and I'm feeling really overwhelmed and it's also that and it's also this other thing that's kind of the vibe that I'm getting from her I think that the overarching thing is like you're overwhelmed it's very inconvenient and you don't want to go really want to go and so I to me I think that this is going to depend I very much see where both of you are coming from kind of depends on what your brother is like if your brother would

Starting point is 00:46:24 be understanding I'd pull out if he will hold this over you for the rest of your life and just make way more of a drama than what it's worth I would go and I would just try and use the time as effectively as I could do you know what this is though this question that's been written in is a really good example of how not to say no to someone because like do you know what I mean by that because you know sometimes like someone will ask you to do something or you'll get asked on a holiday or out for dinner or like there'll be a question a big question you want to say no to it because you have a million reasons as to why you need to say no to it but when you start to put a million reasons together and they're all conflicting and there's so many different

Starting point is 00:47:02 reasons as to why it's a no it undermines the no all it does is like it's so many excuses that then the excuse itself becomes like I mean fuck you whatever you just don't want to come I get it do you know what I mean whereas like if there was one clear reason or one concise quote do you get what I mean by that though yeah it's like I know why I've been that person like I've cancelled last minute at dinner and I've had like 50 reasons why I've cancelled last minute the dinner and I've written out those 50 reasons. And then you read it back and you're like, I could have just said, I'm so sorry. I'm not going to be at dinner tonight because of X. But now I just sound like I'm fucking utterly insane. And like, my life is falling apart and the house is on fire. Like,

Starting point is 00:47:39 I don't know. I think sometimes we overcomplicate the no. And I understand why you feel like that, because a wedding is a very, very big deal. But I agree with you, Britt. It's a hard one to say. Well, look, it's a hard one to say yes or no to. You have to assess what is the hard that you're choosing in this matter. Yeah. And that's the thing. I think that's her undoing is she just very evidently doesn't want to go so she's searching every reason and the reasons are like I'm not a drinking and partying person so it doesn't feel like something I'm excited about that's okay it's not your wedding it's his and I really do think and I hope I'm not coming across as brutal but I'm all for not doing things you don't want to do right no is a full sentence

Starting point is 00:48:15 whatever that is not a blanket statement for everything in life sometimes in life there are things you have to do that you don't want to do and I think going to your brother's wedding when he only has two people representing him in terms of all of his family and his friends I don't think a reason is like I don't fit in with the bride's side and I don't like drinking and partying I just for me that's not it and I feel like you're scratching the like I just feel like you are looking for a reason not to go I understand you don't want to go you're asking us for our advice my answer is go that's my answer unless you're really really really not close with your brother and it's like why has he even invited me fucking fine whatever but i'm not getting that impression

Starting point is 00:49:00 at all so my answer is go would love an aftermath yeah we need an aftermath all right last question am i crazy my fiance yes highly likely my fiance the father of our two children seven and four months old is a rather social butterfly he is often out at the pub fishing surfing checking the surf and working five days a week on top of that he very rarely plans anything in advance because it's commonly spontaneous especially the fishing and surfing as it's condition-based i feel really frustrated with him as he is out living his life like he is a fucking bachelor she didn't put fucking in there but i did i try to set a time for him to come home he is always late anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour late i ask him to come home to help with the children

Starting point is 00:49:44 and it's always met with yep coming home soon and that's always anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour it drives me crazy when i speak to him about my frustrations and concerns about him being out more than he is spending time with his family he meets me with well i'm here now and it's because i want to be but i just don't feel like he actually does want to be like if i didn't ask or set a time he wouldn't be home for hours he spends up to six to ten hours at a time with his mates or at the pub or are doing other stuff with them. Is this normal? Am I crazy?

Starting point is 00:50:17 Oh my God. If this is normal, if this is normal, may this love never find me. This is not normal. Yeah, it's become normal to you, unfortunately, but it shouldn't be normal. I hate the fact that you have had to say, is this normal? Am I crazy? Because it means that it absolutely is normal for you.

Starting point is 00:50:34 Like it's normal for you, but it's not sitting okay with you and it shouldn't sit okay with you. you have two kids one is four months old and you said it's because your husband is a social butterfly I can guarantee you if you could be a social butterfly too for 10 hours at a time with your friends you would probably choose that as well going out if you're working five days a week I get that everyone has to work right and everyone's jobs look differently but he should be in a chapter of his life where he's showing up for you like you have a four month old baby you are so in the depths of postpartum and you have another child, that is a job in itself. You

Starting point is 00:51:12 also would love to go and gallivant around, but he's finding excuses. You even said some of his excuses are, I need to check the surf. You know what that is? You go and park at the beach and you chill. That's what checking the surf is. Like that is not an essential. And guess what? You can check the surf on a surf cam now, a webcam from the comfort of your own home with your family. this really really upsets me because you aren't aware at how much your husband isn't showing up right now or maybe you are aware but you're not it's not locked into you that how abnormal this is and how shitty this is i absolutely think you need to have a really hard conversation with him also the checking the surf thing i know that that's not the big deal i'm just i'm sorry i'm

Starting point is 00:51:54 just gonna dine and chill for a second the checking the surf thing would piss me the fuck off because what happens if it's good you're going yeah what's happening now also just check and then let me know if it's good and if you're gonna leave me to take care of the kids without any notice yeah there is something so weird and unique specifically about being a surfing widow yes left on the beach just watching taking videos they get the best of every world because they're like i can't control it it's good now gotta go while it's good can't take my phone can't be contacted like i don't know what time it is and yeah i've seen this so i grew up at the beach and I know you guys both did as well.

Starting point is 00:52:29 And the amount of people who, like the amount of dads, I'm sorry it was always men. There may be women who do this too, but I've only ever experienced it with men. They would just fuck off for like six hours, maybe longer. And like to me it's just such a wild discrepancy in the responsibility. It's also golf. Golf has a lot to explain for itself as well. That's a long game.

Starting point is 00:52:49 Yeah, but it's like if your partner's into golf, they go on all day. Some people might be thrilled by that, but other people are like, oh, you're playing golf. You're going all Saturday. Great. I saw a woman the other day actually put something up on Instagram where she was really off. She had a fight with her husband about him being a golfer

Starting point is 00:53:03 and he was never home with the kids. And she's like, I also want to have hobbies. And he's like, I encourage you to have a hobby. So she took up golf. And now she's like, great. I went and bought some clubs. I've decided I want to play golf. So now she gets to go for her six-hour golf days as well.

Starting point is 00:53:19 I was like, fucking brilliant. The thing about this, I'm like, look, no, it's not normal. like he's being incredibly selfish also when you bring it up as an issue and he turns around and says well i'm here now and it's because i want to be that's not a fucking consolation prize of course you should want to be you made two children and you've got a family like grow the fuck up sorry i'm really sorry and i don't mean to be as angry about this is what i probably am coming across but the load constantly falls on you to do the parenting and to organize everything and to take care of the children because he wants to spontaneously go and live his social butterfly

Starting point is 00:53:54 life like you make sacrifices when you're in a relationship you show up you parent equally and if he has these allowances for himself then you need to have these allowances in the relationship as well if he's going out for six hours on a Saturday but would have a problem if you were gone for six hours on a Sunday or that would cause a mismatch in the relationship then there is a huge issue here because there's one set of rules that's good for him and you are left doing everything because he has another set of rules for you whether he's said it or not he has another set of rules for you. So I think you have to have a very clear conversation with him around expectations and also around what is a reasonable amount of time that he is spending doing these

Starting point is 00:54:32 hobbies. Cause yes, everyone's entitled to have hobbies. Everyone's entitled to go and spend time with their friends, but is it every weekend? That's unreasonable. Is it every fortnight? Like what is reasonable for you and your relationship will be different to what is reasonable for someone else. But I would dare say that having a partner who is gone for six hours every weekend during the day would be too much for most people. And I think you're really within your right to say that this is something you're not going to stand for. And it is incredibly disrespectful when he gives you a time and he walks in the door consistently after that time, whether it's 10 minutes, whether it's half an hour, whether it's an hour, it doesn't matter how much after it is

Starting point is 00:55:11 he is. It's the fact that he is always after it. And what that says to you is that, yes, you set a time you agreed on it, but I don't respect you enough to stand by it and to stick to that and that is fucked his behavior is not okay you know the other thing that really pisses me off here and it's so it's like disrespect on disrespect on disrespect it's like disrespect inception is that she says he never plans it in advance it's always really spontaneous and that's really cooked because it's a different thing to say hey honey next weekend the boys and I have locked in we're going to play golf like just so you know that way you can organize your life you can say oh cool well I might organize to see my mom or sister and actually know that I have some

Starting point is 00:55:50 help or I can book in a play date or whatever else but to walk in the door and be like fuck babe the surf's pumping like I'm out there see you tonight that's really shitty because there's that's like so much shittier than if you had advanced planned it because you've just left your wife with two little kids with no plans no help no idea when you're coming back it's yeah I don't know that for me is a bit I'm like come on man be better and also just like not no idea when you're coming back like you've set a time and you don't come back that time like you consistently fail the expectations that you're setting even though you've already failed them to start with the reason why we wanted to do this question is because we actually had and have had quite a few

Starting point is 00:56:31 questions come through like this and there was another one that was eerily similar to this that came through this week as well so when you say is it normal it clearly is normal in a lot of relationships this behavior is normal is it okay absolutely not if you are not okay with this do not fucking allow this in your relationship and you have to have a conversation about it sooner rather than later because the longer that this continues and like this might be his behavior for the past seven years he's not going to understand or know why why are you having such a problem with it now like he will think you're the one who's changed exactly exactly and i'm not saying like obviously you have a right to voice it all but like don't be surprised if he tries to push back

Starting point is 00:57:09 of course he's going to push back because his wonderful bubble just got burst that he can't do whatever the hell he wants to do. His reaction to this is going to tell you a lot as to how and when he's going to show up in this relationship. And I think you have every right to stand your ground in this and say, I am not happy and I'm not accepting this behavior. And you need to have a think about what's important to you because right now your priorities are not okay. And that should be how you phrase it and see what he comes back with because yeah, you're not happy. And if you keep doing this, you're just going to become resentful. And this is going to probably be something that boils over in the relationship. I also think it's probably something that's going

Starting point is 00:57:45 to follow you throughout the course of your entire relationship. Forever. You know, I just, I don't know. I think that men got away with this type of shit for a long time. I feel like there's a big generational shift that happened with our generation and, and dads do dad a lot better than what, or at least they turn up a bit more than what they historically did. It actually comes to the men calling out their friends for being like this. I've seen this happen in friendship circles of my own where other guys you know have a bit of a word to some of them when they have children and they're like hey dude like you know you need to be at home more like you need to be hanging out with your kid more you need to you know like I think that's the minority quiche I think most

Starting point is 00:58:23 people like yeah fuck yeah meet me at the pub totally the question is is who are the friends that he's hanging out with do they have kids have they got no kids like what's their status at you know and why is it is it enabling behavior and they all have children or is he just friends with a whole heap of people that don't have kids so he's behaving in a way that he thinks is reasonable because that's how everyone else is doing it. Guys, that is it from us. Thank you all for sending your questions in. Please keep them coming in.

Starting point is 00:58:46 You just send them to Instagram, Life Uncut Podcast. Put Ask Uncut at the top. You will always stay anonymous. And if you do want to stay as silly, waggly beaver, you can do that. YouTube, make sure you go and hit subscribe, follow along, and also keep your accidentally unfiltered, your aftermath. If we've ever answered a question, send them in as well. And you know the drill.

Starting point is 00:59:04 Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends and share the love because... We love love! We'll be right back.

Life Uncut - Ask Uncut - Zero Libido, Forgotten Grandkids and Absent Husbands

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