Life Uncut - ASK UNUT - Asking for butt stuff, Bad fiancé's and cancelling friendships

Episode Date: May 26, 2021

Lifers, it's that time of the week again, where we answer your deep dark and burning question.On the table today:How do you ask for butt stuff?My friend said she would date my boyfriend (if we weren't together) should I cancel the friendship?I saw my colleagues fiancé on Hinge... Do I tell her?If you love todays episode please subscribe, leave 5 stars and share the love.BECAUSE WE LOVE LOVESee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany and today is the day guys. Well it's not the day, it's just Thursday. Well it's our day. You know what today is? Today is the day where we answer your deep, dark and burning questions. This is our Ask Uncut episode where you guys write in your questions and we answer them. It's always a highlight of my week because you never know what you're going to get. It's a really original idea, isn't it? It's a little fun back. It is. I have a really sexy question for you today.

I love when you bring me a low-key sexy, actually not even low-key, I just love a sexy question. It's a high-key sexy question. Love a high-key sexy question. Have you got anything to bring to the table before we jump in? Has anything happened to you in the last couple of days? my kitchen flooded does that count or do you want me to rephrase that things like has anything worthwhile happened in the last couple of kitchen flooded of course your kitchen flooded my kitchen flooded I'm still dealing with Marley having gastro we got the all okay for her to go back

to daycare today that was exciting and then my kitchen flooded I deal with very boring stuff in my day-to-day life this is the one thing like doing this podcast is like the one thing that keeps me semi-attached to adults otherwise I would just be ruminating in child poo dirty nappies and broken kitchenware I love that you put me in the group of adults I mean it depends on the day doesn't it look I had an interesting discussion that I just wanted to ask you this is this has got nothing to do with absolutely anything great let's talk about it on the podcast well the only person I have to ask is you because you're the only other adult contact I have literally everyone in my life has moved away I feel like actually I'm the common denominator there I should wonder

why everyone's moving you're like even my boyfriend went overseas yeah even my boyfriend And he's like, okay, love you, bye. No, I had a discussion with a few people a few days ago. My sister was in one of them. Her partner was one of them. I want to know when you're in the shower, this isn't getting sexy. Do you literally wash your whole body with soap or wash? Or do you just like do the main parts, like the underarms, face, privates,

butt, and then just let the water do the rest? And this is a genuine question because this got quite heated. i have had this conversation with someone before i don't think i've ever washed my legs like when was the last time who the fuck washes their shins thank you who who goes oh my gastrocnemius aka my calf muscle needs to be washed like you don't hug with your leg you don't kiss with your leg you don't eat off your calf well i mean normal people don't eat off their calf i mean like unless i've been doing something that's particularly dirty or i've been to the beach something where like my body has been let's say if i was doing the gardening i'd probably wash my shins but in

a normal day today in a day when i've been wearing jeans and just you know taking out the garbage and living a normal life i'm not washing my shins right do you wash your feet though okay again and you know what so many people are going to come and question this okay but i told a story about how i did shit in the shower you've actually set me up for the rest of existence like i'll never be that i genuinely on a day-to-day again unless i have been walking around barefoot and I've walked in mud or I just feel like my feet are dirty I don't scrub my feet in the shower I let the water do it I literally just like do my face do my underarms do my private parts and then that's it I don't scrub the rest of my body but I know a lot of people that do and I'm like how long like

my hot water would run out I actually do I think I wash down to where I shave and then I just shave up so like what do you mean well like I wash down to like the tops of my thighs and then I shave from the ankles to the tops of my thighs so i kind of why don't you kind of wash them kind of but why don't you shave to the top of your thigh why don't you shave the top of your thighs i just kind of no one sees them so you you're telling me you've got like a three centimeter radius that goes around your thighs like a garter that's unshaved it's hairy like a hairy you've got a hairy patch on both legs i've basically got the whole upper thigh is hairy but like let's be real everything from above my knees is hairy no one fucking sees it anymore okay so i feel like we

can settle I mean like you know what we love a poll here at Life Uncut I want to put a poll on do you guys wash your legs like you're just your actual legs on a day-to-day just while we're really getting into some personal hygiene here when was the last time you washed your bra okay I'm pretty good with that statistics say no statistics say otherwise statistics say you're lying Brittany well apparently women don't wash their bras once a month that's like an average thing for us wearing bras actually no in all honesty I probably wouldn't be that far off I I reckon I would be a – probably a three-weeker unless – I'm talking like a normal bra when you just go to work and sit down,

when you're not sweating it out. It's not a crop top that you've gone to a cycle class in. Like you need to wash that shit. Well, wait until you're lactating because if you don't wash it every day, you smell like four-day-old coffee. Is that what's in this room? It's like rotting soy milk in my top. Okay, anyways, this is too much.

This is too much. Let's get into something that is even more, which is this question from our very first listener. Ladies, I love your podcast. I love how outrageous you are. However, I love that we keep that in every question. I am super conservative. Oh, but that doesn't mean-

You're listening to the wrong podcast, girl. Did you get lost? We're happy that you're here and we're happy to bring you some very unconventional topics from time to time. But she goes on to say, that doesn't mean I don't like a bit of butt stuff. The problem is, I just don't know how to ask for it.

Do I have to ask for it in the bedroom when things are getting steamy or do I ask for it out of the bedroom? I've recently started dating a guy and things are very vanilla even more vanilla than what I'm used to and I really would just like a finger in the backside how do I ask for it first of all I think you need to look up the definition of conservative because you don't seem to be you can be conservative you can love missionary and also like a pinky in the stinky that's what I'm saying I'm saying I don't think you are I think like I think you've put a label on yourself that maybe you are not

i love this question because the old britney and i say the old because i myself have learned a lot by doing this podcast and the people we have been speaking to you thought i was going to say something else i you're like with age i just you know what i just grab his hand and stick it up there now look it's not for everyone and that's okay before i did the podcast and before we spoke to some of our sexologists that we've had on and we've done our research on that i would have said just start the dirty talk and say what you want in the bedroom i would have said let's just get freaky telling what you want try and make it sexy whispering his ear and like put your finger in my bum yeah do it now slide it in but now after speaking to some of our lovely sexologists that

we've had on we literally had this question coming a lot because i think a lot of people i think it's a problem that they have they want certain things they think maybe their partner doesn't they're embarrassed they don't know how to ask for what they want and they don't know how to have those conversations but we were told that it's probably more important to have the conversations like this and what you want in the bedroom outside of the bedroom have especially when it's something you don't know how your partner's going to react so the advice we got was have the conversation I mean you could have it over dinner you could be like hey like I've been thinking you want to try something different could you imagine talking about butt play over a

spaghetti marinara no if you're eating a sausage or something but like okay I'm I'm fence sitting with this because I don't think that every single sexual conversation has to be like a let's sit down and talk about I would like you to put your index finger into my backside please sir let's change bank accounts because the interest is better and can you put your finger in my butt please I reckon you can do that in the bedroom I think if you want to try something that's really outlandish and like a little bit left of field and wild and you've got like a bit of a kink fetish then sure it like outside the bedroom is important because you kind of want to make sure that there's safety and comfort and everyone's consenting and that everyone's on board but I reckon if you just

kind of back up on it a bit and just give it literally back up on it just give a few subtle clues like I don't think this needs to be a big conversation I think in a bit of a heat of the moment did a sexy husky voice you can tell him that you want that and then if he doesn't do it or he's like what be like I don't know sorry sorry well I didn't say anything so to mom no and like in all honesty I'm just repeating the advice that the suggestion from the sexologist if this was me and I was trying to bring something else into the bedroom I personally would rather do that in the bedroom that's for me and I know the advice could say otherwise but I would probably you know maybe start into kids maybe starting a freaky maybe you'd say something like I can't

even give you an example now maybe you would say something like hey you want to try something different tonight something like that as you're like taking each other's clothes off what would you say Brit well I'm not going to give you my whole dialogue time with the next part then I make a flow chart, step through. I want, I want to, I want to step by step. I want to color my numbers about how you would ask Jordan to stick his finger in your bum. He would run a mile. But I think that I do think that this is something, and I think this is something you want. This is something you've been thinking about and it is something that is 100% okay. And you're in a relationship with someone that you love. I hate the fact that you feel like you don't know how to

bring that up to him because you should be in a place where you are comfortable enough. So I think next time you're in the bedroom and it's starting to get heated I think just start the conversation say hey you could start it literally with hey you want to try something different tonight and he's going to say what and I also think it's not that wild like it might be wild for you to ask for it and it might be something that pushes you outside your comfort zone which is totally fine and totally normal and this is not in any way to like diminish how big of a issue this is for you asking for it but I think it's probably a pretty common thing that a lot of people like and a lot of people ask for so I don't think that you're going to be asking for something that's like so

outrageously wild that he's going to turn around and be like oh you want me to do what strap it on girlfriend let's go and if you can't ask it with your partner then you're never going to live out that fantasy so go wild yeah live your best best life with a finger in your bum I still love that you said back up on it okay question number two and we're getting into a couple more serious questions now okay I'm bringing question number two all right hit me so on the weekend my boyfriend his friend my friend and I decided to kick on for a few drinks after a footy game my boyfriend's friend goes home and leaves just the three of us out so it's just me my boyfriend and my friend the afternoon drinks turns into a bit of a pub crawl and at the second pub my single friend says

to me you know I would date your boyfriend if you weren't dating him awkward she then says in what world is that okay to say should I let her know that she's upset me and made me super uncomfortable and move on with her in my life like normal or is this friendship cancelled what do I do no I don't think the friendship's cancelled yeah like look it's a weird thing to say she'd obviously had a few drinks I don't think it means that she's gonna act on anything but like I don't know I mean I don't think it's a bad thing that your friend thinks that your partner is desirable and a good catch like I would as a compliment I would hope that my friends think that my partner's a good catch and like in another world in another time would pursue him because

he's such an eligible guy hey actually that's a lie some of my friends did try and pursue him I'm still friends with girls in the bachelor I was like I was looking at you shocked I was like was this who would have done that and why are you still friends but no your situation look I think I can understand that there might be a little bit of you that feels threatened obviously you trust your partner he's done nothing wrong but if in this you feel threatened by your friend or you feel like you can't trust her then that is a bigger conversation to have however if you do actually really trust her then I think take it as a compliment I agree with Laura I think that this does not have to be a big thing if you got the feeling from her that this is more than that

then yeah I would be questioning a lot in that friendship and obviously you have felt that to some extent otherwise you wouldn't be writing in but if it's just the fact that she was like like I would be dating him girl run with that because that's better than imagine if I went you laura and was like i would never date someone like matt like he is terrible like you want you don't want your friends to think your partner is terrible you want to have a relationship that people want because that means you're doing it well would you date matt in another world i mean if i didn't if i was if i was dead and my two children needed a mother would you step into that role if i had to but only for you only for your dead spirit to help the kids that got really

morbid really quickly um no wait okay I'm gonna put this on record Daily Mail write an article about this one Brittany will you date Maddie J no I am not dating Maddie J I mean he was a better bachelor than mine but no I often think that I was like imagine if you and I were on the same thing on the same one would probably not be friends actually one of my really good girlfriends almost ended up on my season and I remember sitting down with I hadn't told her that I was going on and she had been approached by the producers as well and the casting agents and she had been asked to go on there but she declined and I said yes and I didn't tell her because I didn't want it to become a competition I wanted her to make her decision regardless of what my

decision was I wanted it to be completely independent of each other but she still makes a joke about it and she's like remember that time that we almost competed over the same guy and then weirdly she asked me to start a podcast with her a week after we had agreed to do it and she's like why do I keep missing like my life's calling a week after back off girl that ship sailed I have been in this position before where I have said things to my friends like when I was in my the depths of my 10 years of singledom when I was on dates with terrible terrible people I have said to one of my best friends before I mean like I'll just call it out Renee and Andrew Renee my Renee's one of my best friends they have such a beautiful relationship and he treats her

like an absolute princess and there were times that I would say to her like god you're lucky like where do I get one of those and I in no way would ever date him what I mean is like you snagged a good one like you should be chuffed where can I go find a good one kind of thing and that was never a problem with our friendship because I didn't mean anything by it other than like I was just in a place of despair and she knows there was nothing by it because I'm her best friend I think that in this you should just be flattered unless you actually think something is going on or she's going to make a move then for sure if you believe that there's something more 100% say something otherwise you're just going to dwell on it and it's going to implode

I think cancelling the friendship is honestly I think that is an overreaction 100% if all she's really done is in a backhanded way I guess giving you a compliment yeah and I also think as well like unpack your own insecurities around this you know is there something or a bigger reason as to why you feel this way do you feel a little bit insecure in your relationship are you comparing yourself to her and you're thinking oh like am I matching up which obviously one that's all your own junk to unpack it's not a reflection of your relationship with your partner and it's certainly not a reflection of your relationship with your friend that could be like some insecurity that you're feeling there as well as to why you've had such a big adverse reaction to this

and I also do think a little bit maybe and not to make an allowance from drinking but I think that sometimes things can be said in not the best way when there's been a few too many drinks and maybe she did mean it as a compliment and she meant to be like fuck like your boyfriend is amazing she's probably doing your boyfriend's amazing and I'm jealous I don't have someone amazing in my life like this yeah not physically him yes so I mean see how you feel in the coming weeks when you're around your friends see how you feel the next time when the three of you together if it gives you the heebie-jeebies because you think that she's disingenuous and you think that there's something else there then like totally like maybe make some distance in that friendship but if this is just

one thing that she said I think cancelling the friendship is really extreme and step away ultimately also who's dating him you are you lucky lucky lady yeah you roll with that all righty i have a question here and i feel like everybody may have been in this situation at some point in time not everybody but no laura not everyone has food in the shower you need to let that one go okay no and not everyone's been on online dating but i think that this is going to be way more common than what we might think straight away okay i work in an office with a relatively big team. Our office is pretty close-knit despite the size and as such I know a lot of my colleagues partners from various work functions. So this is where it gets really tricky. There is a woman in

my office who is about five years older than me. She's engaged and I've met her fiance a few times. The last time was just a couple of months ago. So you can imagine my surprise when I saw his face pop up on Hinge when I was away in Queensland for a weekend with my girlfriends. We are both from Perth. So I can only suspect that he was in Queensland on a holiday without his fiance. What do I do? Do I tell her? Like maybe they have an open relationship, but I really don't think that they do. And I also think he must've been doing the dirty on her. Oh, boy, he's doing the dirty for sure. This is a little, I mean, this is a tough one because you're in an awkward situation. No one wants to have that conversation. I have been in that place before. I had anxiety over it.

I was in a really like, I was like, fuck, I do not want to do this. No partner wants to do this. But deep down, I was like, would I want to know? Yes. The answer is yes. If you didn't really know this woman, like you'd met her through a social circle once, then I'm like, maybe that's not your place, but you work with her. You said, you know, her, you know, that that is her fiance 100%. I think that, yeah, you probably need to have the conversation and you are 100% right. They could very well be in a happy open relationship so I think you need to approach it with a little bit of caution don't approach it with accusations but approach it like look I just wanted to flag something with you this may not be my place and tell me if I am out of place but when I was in

Queensland I saw your partner online dating I'm not saying I know why and I'm not saying he was necessarily doing the wrong thing I just want to alert you to the fact that in case you guys haven't agreed to be seeing other people I just want you to know that I saw him on there and I'm really really sorry that I'm the one telling you this and again I'm sorry if I'm out of place because if he is doing the wrong thing this is going to come as a real shock to her and she might get defensive that might be her first reaction which is completely 100% normal reaction which is to be like well no that was not him a there's a level of embarrassment b there's a level of shock and disbelief if you think you're engaged to someone and then someone literally pulls you out on your

lunch break and says I think your partner's doing the dirty like I know when that happened to me my first reaction was just like um okay you're just obviously trying to ruin my life like he would not do the dirty on me oh yeah and there's a massive massive potential here that she's not going to believe you anyway I mean there's a good chance he's going to lie and say I wasn't she's got it mistaken she's crazy whatever it looks like me yeah someone stole my photo maybe my account just managed to like randomly pop back up in circulation we've all heard that from a guy so okay look I've been in a similar situation to this this actually happened to me but it happened as in I found out that my ex-boyfriend was on tinder while we were dating after we had broken

up so this is a bit of a weird story but I'm gonna tell you anyway so I'd been dating this guy for a year and a half and we had had some issues with infidelity issues when I say that I mean like he cheated on me it was a cheating I mean he had issues with keeping his dick in his pants. That was the issue is recurring and it was crazy. But anyway, and so he would say to me, you know, he would jump on Tinder and I had found out from other people that he had kind of fired up the old dating apps. And he said he only used them as a way of getting validation. You know, he wanted to feel validated. It was like a bit of a dopamine hit swiping and having people like want to match him, whatever. Insert eye roll. Yeah. And I fell for it, you know, and I, and I

kind of made excuses for him and anyway long story short after we broke up one of my staff which is makes this so much more embarrassing one of my staff came to me and said Laura I have been so frightened to tell you this because I don't want to lose my job and she's like but I don't want you to get back with your ex because his dick fell out of his pants again I know she was like because I have been in this really really awkward situation this last couple of months basically what had happened was is my ex had fired up tinder when i had been away he had matched with my staff's friend right they had gone on a date i had come back from being away who knows what happened i didn't go into the full details with her but it wasn't until my ex came to work this

one day to pick me up from work and i introduced him to my staff member that my staff was like holy shit hang on a minute my friend just went on a date with my boss's boyfriend like you cannot write this shit guys and she didn't tell me until after we had broken up from like you know other things that had happened further down the track and I was so upset I wasn't upset that she'd kept it from me personally but I just was like I wish I had known like I wish that you had trusted that I wasn't going to shoot the messenger or act crazy I just wish that you had come to me and told me that and given me the same courtesy that I think you would expect for yourself in her defense though i'm gonna say this i'm gonna try and not be biased i would probably be equally petrified when it was

my boss and when you're when you're scared for your job like imagine going to your boss being like yo hate to be the one that tells you but your boyfriend's doing the dirty as you'd be scared that they would be like you know what you're fired like no or they just turn around and don't believe you and then there's this complete mismatch of power i completely understand and i also think in this situation the thing that makes it so much harder is that this is your workplace and the old adage of like don't shit where you eat right like you don't want to honestly don't do it it's really bad for your gut health guys bad for any health like holistically just don't no but I think you know you are going to bring some drama into your life and you cannot control the way that your

colleague reacts to this and she may shoot the messenger this may go badly I think you really have to sit with yourself and unpack your own moral compass do you have an overwhelming feeling where you need to tell her the whole girl code thing all that stuff comes into play and if the answer is yes to that then go and tell her and I think do it in a really like Britt said kind and considered way maybe go and have a coffee with her outside of work so you're not doing it on a lunch break where she's then going to go back to the office and be in tears maybe see if you can have a coffee with her after work on a Friday or something where she can have the weekend to kind of collect her thoughts and you just have to say you know hopefully you took a screenshot because

that would be really helpful in this situation but I think sit her down and say you know when I was in Queensland so that she can at least put a date time frame to this and say I saw this profile I don't know what your relationship is like but you know if I was in your position I would want to know this and you know I'm really sorry to be the person to give you this information but I just want you to be able to make the best decisions for you especially because she's engaged yeah it's a big thing just think what you would want to do you would want to know I would think you would want to know I would want to know I actually asked Jordan this too and he said that like in a role reversal he was like it wouldn't matter to him what level of relationship he was

at whether it was a week in like it just say it was me a week in a month in six months in engaged married he also wouldn't care who the information came from he would 100% want to know so I found that really interesting he was like I wouldn't have cared if someone off the street came up to him and was like look just so you know he's like that's just information I'd want to know because I want to be able to make a decision on who I'm spending my life with knowing the whole realm of information and I was like that's really interesting because I wouldn't probably want Jo Boy to tell me off the street but you also like you don't know where they're at in their relationship like she may already have her doubts there may already be so many things that she

is unsure about and this might be the thing like this might be the catalyst that she needs that little bit of proof to kind of go okay I need to make a better decision about my relationships like she could also be like yeah i told him to get lucky that we have a week a year that we say we can do what we want like there are so many aspects to a relationship there's no normal relationship and there's no one size fits all for relationship you know i know people that taking a week off a year from their relationship to do what they want and then they don't tell each other either but they know that they're doing it and then they just get back onto their relationship and it's what keeps them together long term that is wild but i mean i know it works i know there's loads

to pick we need to do an episode on open relationships yeah i would love to speak to a listener actually that's i would love one that's probably married or long-term open relationship because i'd love to know the ins and outs and how that works so if you if you are in that maybe slide into our dms and that is it from us guys the world of wisdom unqualified advice we have no training we have no qualifications there is not a certificate on my wall we have enthusiasm A lot of it. What more do you want? And a lot of experience.

I have seen some shit in my life, guys. Guys, keep those questions coming in. Just remember to write to our Instagram Life Uncut podcast with your questions put at the top of the message that it is Ask Uncut. Also keep those accidentally unfiltered rolling in. We love those. And remember, nothing is off limits. Make them as sexy and as weird, as wonderful as possible.

But make sure you caption that message accidentally unfiltered too, so that we can go through and categorize them. And before we let you go, if you haven't already joined up to the Facebook group, where are you at? The Facebook group is such a beautiful community of people who are like-minded where you guys can unpack some of the podcast topics. If you don't agree with Brit and I, that's your opportunity to voice your opinions and why you don't agree with us. We are all here for that as well. But also you're wrong. Sometimes we're wrong. I'm here. Like, you know, we all learn, we live, we make better decisions in the future, but there's also an Instagram page that

There's a live Uncut podcast as well. And we have been having some issues with Apple. They seem to semi-sort their shit out at the moment. So you can subscribe through Apple. But if you haven't subscribed through Apple and you want to find us on Spotify, we're literally everywhere, guys. We've infiltrated all the platforms. Just try to get rid of us.

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