Life Uncut - BACH UNCT - The hometown showdown

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

Hooly dooley can you believe it’s hometowns already !?Well we can… because it felt like we watched 82 eps of the Bach last week. We kick off ep 13 with Brooke getting the last single date up for grabs - Jimmy’s taken her to the world’s highest sex swing at the top of Centrepoint Tower. Look.. there’s no swing and it’s actually just a pilates class but they give the instructor the flick and make out like it’s going out of fashion. Next, Jimmy thought it’d be fun if they drank their body weight in coffee (we’re not even kidding with this part). Brooke manages to survive the tirade of coffee and decides to ask why he’s been so horny with all the other girls. OUR KINKY CAPTAIN ANSWERS TO NO ONE! The group date was a truly buck-wild concept where Osher found a body language expert who could pick out vulnerable personality traits just by looking at facial features of the remaining woman (there has to be someone in production smoking the wacky backy). At the cocktail party Brooke reveals that she still hasn’t slept a wink following their date, so Jimmy decides the only fair thing to do is send Lily and Ash home.Ep 14 and it’s hometowns bitches! Carlie is first cab off the rank, and can we just take a minute to appreciate how beautiful her teeth are!? Her family are equally as shiny and perfect, and she cements herself as this season's top wifey. Jay is next and her friend drops a bombshell and admits her last boyf is uber famous and she’s gunning to be a TV presenter. TAHNEE WAS RIGHT !? Holly’s hometown is bloody delicious and it’s everything you’d expect from this lovely gal - except just as she’s about to drop the L bomb as Jimmy’s walking out the door, she chokes (not literally). This leaves the door right open for Brooke (or Brookie as Jimmy now calls her). She’s clearly falling hard for him except all her family admit she hates coffee, Sydney and sex swings at the top of Centrepoint Tower.. which completely throws Jimmy. Then in this season’s biggest twist, Jimmy decides to send Carlie home at the rose ceremony. What in the name of porcelain white veneers is going on !????See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to Batch Uncut. I am Marnie May. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Batch Uncut, which is part of Life Uncut except Britt's not here and it's Matty J once again because for some reason you guys keep saying that you think he's funny and then he has a very inflated sense of his own ego and he keeps on coming back. I don't get any of these compliments.

They're all being funnelled towards you. You're hogging everything. Okay, every time we do these records, every week Matt's like, you hogged the mic again. That's the fight we have. You said you wouldn't bring that up on air. I have a bone I want to pick with you, actually, and I've been saving this. I thought you said a boner.

I was like, what? I'm going to start with the sexual innuendos already. Should I bend over now or when the podcast is finished? Bone, go, pick away. Where do you want me? Okay, I want to talk to you about something that you started doing every night, and it's very annoying. I'm sorry I try and have sex with you once in a while, all right?

No, you don't do that every night. Excuse me for trying to get some loving once in a while. Yeah, it's been a long and lonely lockdown. No, the thing I want to talk to you about, and it's something that I had really genuinely thought that I knew all your bad habits now. I thought that we'd gone past the point where, like, you know, you leave the cupboard doors open, you fart around the house,

you leave your underwear and your pants on the floor. Like, we've talked about all these things. Hey, tell me what you really think. I want to talk about your breathing. What? What do you mean? What do you mean? So, I don't know, guys.

I know that there's going to be some of you who are listening to this who you're not a cuddler and maybe your partner's like a real cuddler. So Matt's a cuddler at nighttime and I'm less of a cuddler. I still like a cuddle. Don't get me wrong. I'm here for it. I'm, you know, every so often I want to feel loved, but Matt has recently started mouth breathing on me whilst he's cuddling at night.

Oh, I'm so sorry. Who do I think I am trying to breathe at nighttime as I embrace my partner? I mean, I apologise. You know, it's despicable the conditions that you have to live under. I know, I agree. But it's like this. And actually sometimes it's like this. Sometimes it sounds like he's playing tennis and he goes.

And I'm really sorry if you have issues with ASMR because that's going to make you feel wildly uncomfortable. Look, okay, I admit that has been something that's crept up and is a habit that has now become quite regular. You can't blame me for telling you that you should stop breathing in the middle of the night. What I find frustrating is that I've always been quite proud of the fact that I'm a good person to sleep with.

Oh, yeah, he's a really good lady. Modest too. Like I remember in the past whenever you would wake me up and say you're snoring, instantly I would be like, no, I'm not. I don't know what you're talking about. I would have strict denial. Wait, so what you're saying is that you gaslight me.

Yeah. The other thing that I do as well when I'm sleeping is that I like to lay on my stomach and have my elbows out to the side so I kind of rest my head on my hands. And so as I get older, I now realize that my sleeping habits are getting worse and worse and worse. When you say that, Matt, when Matt says he likes to lay with his elbows out, what he actually failed to mention then is that every so often he has a spasm and just smacks me in the head. That's the other part.

Also the fact that he likes to breathe out of his backside at the same time. There's a lot going on. Okay, I feel like we've talked enough about our bedroom antics, yours specifically. I'm so sorry that you're so perfect and I'm just this absolute mess of a man to be with in the evenings. I will forgive you. Thank you. I feel validated now. Anyway, you come here not to listen to us fight.

You come here to 50% listen to us bicker, but also to listen to us unpack what has been happening on the last two episodes of The Bachelor. Question. Can we have a show of hands as to who is still watching? Anyone? Out there? Hello? Just us and... A few times I've spoken to people and said,

hey, are you watching The Bachelor? And the consistent answer is like, nah, not right now. There's been a few people who have messaged to say that they haven't watched the show, but they are listening to the recaps and this is how they're keeping up to date. So I'm glad that we can bring you a bit of the information. And just so you know,

every single thing that we tell you on this podcast is 100% accurate. We don't embellish anything. Nothing at all. Hey, for the record, I am enjoying this season. I'm into it. I am so enjoying it. And I know that that seems to be going against the common thread, but I also think it's because I enjoy doing these recaps so much. All right. I know that we paid out a lot, but for the record, I'm really enjoying the season. I am beyond invested. I can't wait for Holly to win.

All right, let's hit the ground running. Let's do episode 13. Is it 13? I don't know. Is it 14? It can't be 14. We're on uneven numbers. We don't know what episode it is, but it is... Brooke's had a single date. Single date with Brooke. Let's go.

So, Brookie gets the single date on this episode, and that is something we already know if you listened to the last episode or the last recap, because Brookie told everyone that it was happening. And once again, there is no date card. I believe she said in the last episode, this is mine, bitches. You're all going home because I'm going to win this motherfucking competition. So, they get to the top of this building in the middle of the city of Sydney, so, so high. So very high, and they're doing a dangerous activity,

which is why they have to have protective gear on. I didn't realise that I'd have to wear this sort of heavy harness during Pilates. Jimmy's just in the corner setting up a sex wing. Okay, so then they have to do Pilates, which I mean... I feel sorry for Jimmy. Why? Because Pilates sucks. I don't know any guys out there who enjoy doing Pilates,

even if it's like 200 metres above the city. Okay, but you're implying that Jimmy didn't organise this date then, if you feel sorry for him, which... Are you telling me that The Bachelor doesn't organise the dates? I reckon at the start of the season they would have said, hey, Jimmy, so there's this Pilates date that we'll do up at this building and Jimmy's like, yeah, we'll do that next week, next week, next week and now it's the last date and they're like,

Jimmy, you have to do this Pilates date and he's like, oh, shit. And in true kinky captain form, there was a lot of sexual innuendos that were at play here. That's actually a good stretch. It's a good view as well. Not only was there lots of sexual innuendos, there was also lots of very audible kissing. I think if there's one rule in The Bachelor, it's that you try and not make the noise with your mouth.

To be fair, I don't think this was Jimmy. I think this was Brooks doing. Hold her back. I just want to put in here for everyone, if you get really triggered by listening to people eat and they're going to eat each other's faces, I just want you to skip ahead a little while or don't and really feel immersed inside their mouths.

But if you like ASMR, enjoy this. Turn the volume right up and just enjoy every second. It's good to see a bit of tongue on the batch, don't you think? I remember you saying and giving advice to Lockie, saying that the one thing you shouldn't do is kiss with an open mouth. Unfortunately for Lockie, it looked like he was kissing his grandma the entire time. He was the only ever kissed closed mouth and then he had you to blame for it. What was your tactic?

I remember our single date and I remember there was a lot of side tongue and it just was like too much to look at. What? As if I was giving you side tongue. I don't mean you were giving me side. You weren't like licking me the side of my tongue. It was the camera was on the side and therefore the part of my tongue you could see was the side of it.

I gave you like a little, like a rationed amount of tongue. Just the tip. It was just the tip. I'd always leave you wanting more. Ah, look, and here we are with the mouth breathing. So Brooke goes from being atop of this very high mountain doing about five minutes of Pilates to Jimmy wanting to share a little bit of Melbourne with her.

This one's very Melbourne. It's so Melbourne. So I wonder if they're going to be locked inside Jimmy's house for the next two months. They're only allowed out for a one-hour exercise a day and everyone has to wear a mask. Okay, we know. Welcome to Melbourne.

We know that that is going to be really upsetting for some Melbourne listeners. We're joking. We're in Sydney. We're in the same boat now. And, yeah, it sucks. It sucks for everybody. Okay, so they're going to do a Melbourne-themed date.

Are we thinking maybe trams? No, I'm thinking they're going to sit outside in the rain. Yeah, oh, and maybe watch AFL. Oh, I love AFL. What else could they do? Maybe they'll get a coffee. Do you know what? I reckon they're going to get a coffee.

Do you think? Do you think Starbucks might be a sponsor of this episode? I don't know. Let's have a listen. Coffee? I love coffee. Coffee? Coffee.

I can definitely start seeing where things are going, especially with, you know, how he's going with the coffee. I actually have nothing to add to this part of the date. Like, nothing at all. It was such a filler part of a date. And I get that they needed to kind of, like, bring in the sponsors. I know it's very important. They were running out of money.

We've been saying this on every other episode. They were like, we just need a cash injection. Starbucks came to the rescue. Now at least we're going to have a finale. They couldn't get to hometowns without this part of the date, guys. But it was a bit weird. And I think everybody watching, I know there was a lot of people in the Facebook discussion group who were like, this is hardly subtle advertising. And I think if I was Brooke, I think I'd be a little bit pissed that my entire date became a branded exercise.

For the record, Starbucks coffee, very delicious. It's actually really nice. This episode is brought to you by Starbucks. So that part of the date ends very quickly. Jimmy and Brooke, Captain Kinky and Brooke go to have their intimacy time. and what do you think they do whilst having their intimacy time? Well, they've just drunk their body weight worth in coffee so surely they couldn't have more coffee.

I don't know about you but I could go another coffee. Poor Brooke is having heart palpitations right now. She's sweating bullets with anxiety. I actually feel sorry for her. This is why she started rattling her mouth off and she's like, I've got codependency issues. She's having an anxiety attack. The poor thing has just done a triple dump of espresso.

and jimmy's there racking up crushed coffee beans so brooke do you want one or have one go on have a shot go on have a shot it'll feel good oh god but you know what this is the time when brooke opens up and one of the things i couldn't get past in this conversation and i know brooke she's got a very sweet way that she talks but during this intimacy scene it goes to a whole nother level it's like when osha in the last episode was like brooke really takes on this like new tone to her voice and she's talking like she's a meditation coach she's like i'm a relationship girl and i can see him in my future and i love pilates and coffee enemas do you think that she was so hyped up on coffee that they had to bring her back down by giving

her valium just to equal her out what happened i don't know but i really feel sorry for brooke i mean we touched on it in the last episode i think that she has come back into this environment with such an inflated sense of what their relationship is. And I don't necessarily blame her. I think being in the outside world, I think seeing like what's been happening, seeing the pap shots, which she brings up with Jimmy, she talks about Lily's pap shots

and she really kind of puts Jimmy in a situation where he has to reassure her. He has to make her feel like, you know what, what's happening with the other girls is not as important. And I do think that maybe the reason why she's feeling this level of confidence is because he has done some reassuring on the outside world. maybe done a little bit too much reassuring we're never gonna know we'll never know well like okay

obviously when you're dealing with any type of trauma that person is going to help you through that you're going to build a really strong connection with and you know we don't know if jimmy called her once or called her a hundred times we're not sure i mean i do think that jimmy would have been really respectful so i'd like to think that he didn't lead her down the garden path but i think it's also worth noting that the pap shots that she's talking about i mean for anyone who hasn't seen them, if you cast your memories back to the single date with Lily and Jimmy, they're on the beach and she's straddling him and they're kissing.

Like, I don't think they're that bad. Like, if she was topless, I think, hey, now you've got someone to answer for, Jimmy. It also wouldn't be on primetime television, that's for sure. It's a damn shame. But I don't think he really had to justify what he was doing with Lily. Like, they were just hugging and kissing. I think that's pretty stock standard.

No, I agree. and I also think that like obviously Brooke really needed that reassurance and one of the things that what you just touched on when you said that maybe because she's been through this traumatic experience like she's just lost her granddad and she's made this huge sacrifice to leave her family when they're in this state of mourning to come and pursue this man so she probably feels like she has so much more riding on the experience than what the other girls do and she probably feels like she's had that reassurance from him and in her mind and I think any of us would think this if you've just had someone in your life die and then the guy that

you were seeing on a reality tv show is like I really want you to come back let's assume he said that we don't know for sure we have no idea but if he did say that I would think he wanted me to come back because it was going to be me he wants to marry me totally that would be my assumption and of course like we said all of these things are assumptions but I feel sorry for Brooks I think that she went from being this sweet really endearing like I'm going to say character because obviously like she's not a character she's a real human but her characterization on the show to coming back and being like slapped with this villainous edit. And I just don't think she's villainous.

I don't think that she's the stage five crazy clinger that she's being made out to be. I just think that maybe she's feeling a little bit damaged at the moment. She's just drunk eight litres of coffee. I mean, the poor girl, anybody who drinks that much is going to go a little bit crazy. All right, let's get into the group date. The group date, there was another fucking weird one, let's be true.

It was a little bit woo-woo. It was a bit woo-woo. When I say a little bit woo-woo, I mean it was fucking woo-woo. What would you do if someone was trying to analyze your personality based on your face? Like what would be your reaction to that? Oh, God. I'd be like, hopefully a big nose counts for something. Yeah, you know what they say about a big nose, buddy.

What's that? You can smell things real good. All right, so if you missed the group date. I'm so surprised you didn't go and throw in a sexual innuendo right then and there. What do you mean? I was, yeah, look, I was trying. Who are you, Laura Byrne? To keep her highbrow.

Big nose, big schlong was just a real easy one, wasn't it? It was too, it was just too simple. Sure. I'm better than that. Are you though? No. I've surprised myself. All right.

So this group date, what they did on this group date, and I want to tell you about a story that happened on our group date because, you know, I like to relate everything back to us. this group date they had a facial recognition expert and what she wanted to do her name was marie and what she did was she would look at their faces and then try and discover what characteristics they had about their personality now marie i am going to bet my hard-earned money and my children that she is an actress and that she actually has no skills in reading people's facial expressions is that a thing i mean like other people it's not a university degree let's

be real. I think you can get maybe a short course in Nimbin. Yeah. Yeah. Very credible. So, okay. What happened on our season? And if you guys can cast your memories back, if you watched our season, one of our single dates, we had to sit down with somebody who was a fortune teller. Is that what you call them? A psychic. A psychic. We sat down with a psychic and she talked about all the different issues or things that we might face in the future. And she really played into some of the insecurities that I had verbalized to production and also that Matt had verbalized to production so do you remember what her prediction was for us as a couple it wasn't good was it mate it wasn't two kids living in a two-bedder in Bondi that's for sure I mean

isn't it great how things just turned out for the best hard breath coming your way soon warm hot air in your future so she said some really negative things and the reason why she said that is because they still really wanted me to open up at that point in time and up until Lockie's season I genuinely believed that she was a psychic, that they hired a psychic. Anyway, our bloody psychic ended up on Lockie's season, but now she'd done a new course. She was a relationship expert and it was the same actress. And I felt like everything I knew to be true in the world had been shook to its core. So I'm going to say that I think Marie is an actress. I think she has just, she's got a cameo. She's on there for the one episode and we might see her back in season nine. I really hope

that our sidekick comes back for Brooke's season. I'm like, what's she going to be next, window cleaner? What have we got? She's going to be driving the limos of the guys and girls up to see Brooke. So with this group date, there were some very interesting things that Marie pointed out about the girls and about their relationships. Because you have such a sensitive chin. So the thing that's like just screaming at me is your two foreheads.

The last thing that anybody ever wants to hear is that their forehead is screaming at you. hey that's a five head poor ash is now wildly insecure about the size of her forehead she sat down and she's like holy shit that is a forehead and a half oh poor ash she's like you're really strong-headed i reckon you can head a goal with that what what did you say head a goal isn't that what it's called when you headbutt a ball into the i don't want to sport who knows You can give great head with that. So Lily has a sensitive chin, which obviously means that she's sensitive.

Ash has a great big forehead. Poor Ash. I don't know what that meant about her personality. Credit to the girls. I don't know if production were like, hey, we know this is all a little bit, you know, how do we say, woo-woo, but just roll with it. But I love how all the girls, regardless of what was said about them, they were like, oh, my God, she's so great.

She's amazing. I just want to say firstly Matt and I do not think that Ash has a big forehead I just want to say that before somebody comes to me and says Ash is beautiful We agree Ash is beautiful Agree yeah definitely

It's just what was said on national TV That a forehead was screaming Anyway Once again Holly is the one Who is clearly the favourite in this group date And I'm going to say I know I picked her from Day Dot

I'm feeling very cocky and very good about that $50 bet that I made But They're not doing much to try and hide the fact that she's the winner What did they say about her appearance? I can't remember She's just smoking The lady was just like, yeah, you're so perfect. You guys are going to be perfect together and have perfect little Bondi babies.

Jimmy would never breathe on you heavily at night time. That poor Laura from season five. Okay. And now for the group date. Like, what a group date. Fantastic work production. That was delicious. I'm really glad that Starbucks put a bit of extra budget in the tank and you could get those posters done A6 instead of A4.

Oh, that's right. They had the posters. I didn't get what was the point of the posters. I know it was like the asymmetry to the faces, but I don't even think they talked about asymmetry. I feel like they just had like an intern on set who could do graphic design and they were just like, I don't know, whip up like six weird photos of the girls. Like it reminds me of those, if anybody else ever Googles

or looks at plastic surgery on Instagram, this will come up in your feed. I always get these like weird asymmetry pictures that come up, which are like, asymmetry is beautiful. Imagine if we were all the same on both sides. and that's a really, really random thing that I just added here and I'm going to say that 99% of people have never seen it. So, yeah, I'm glad that we all listened through that 10 seconds. Look, I was a little lost, but I was like walking with you being like,

hey, wherever you take this, I'm going to follow you and we're going to make this work. But should we just go with a cocktail party now? So what you're saying is that I walked you somewhere and you want to go back. Well, was it as bad as the headbutt line with a soccer ball? Probably not. I've only had one wine tonight, guys.

But, hey, I'll help you out of this one and let's talk about the cocktail party. Oh, the cocktail party. You said that Brooke's not a stage five. She got real stage five. She got a little stage five. Do you think she had too much champagne? I think she wants to hog time and bind him up and put him in a basement somewhere. I mean, don't we all?

That's Jimmy. He's going to gag on. He's in Brooke's basement right now. Okay, so the issue is, the issue is between Brooke and Jimmy is the fact that being a pilot, even though he's only flying domestic routes, a lot of the time he's going to finish work at 11 o'clock at night. So the big jeopardy between Brooke and Jimmy is the fact that Jimmy flies planes domestically and he doesn't return back home until roughly 11 p.m. So imagine this, Laura.

You're cooking dinner. You're sitting there. Where's your partner? Oh, no. He's nowhere to be seen. You wake up in the morning, you have breakfast. Where is he? He's still in bed asleep.

How does that sound? Like the dream come true. No, I think the big thing here is that he also wants to be a long-haul flight pilot person. Well said. Well said. Hey, Jimmy, where do you want to be in 10 years? A long-haul flight person? A long-haul flight pilot person.

Okay, but he wants to do long-haul, which means he'll be gone for five days, then he'll be back for five days. and Brooke has made it, I mean, she's kind of alluded to it that she's a little bit codependent in relationships and likes her partner to be around. I think something that's really important that Brooke said, which seems to have been a real sticking point for Jimmy, is this. I would need from you, like, somewhat a compromise to make it work, though.

I want to spend nights with my partner. How dare Brooke ask for compromise? You can't do that from The Bachelor. It's his way or the highway. how dare you verbalize that maybe something wouldn't match up and that you have needs as a woman the quicker he kicks her out of the show the better brooke it's like almost like when something doesn't match up so the fact that brooke just wants her boyfriend home at night times it's like she's a bad person how dare she ask for that it's asking for too much from him and i get it it is

asking for too much from him if he needs to change his career i don't think she was saying that i do think she was like hey what are the compromises that we make so that way we would get to spend the most amount of time together. Pretty normal conversation to have, pretty normal compromise, but that makes her a villain. Brooke is evil. But what she doesn't realise is that after The Bachelor finishes, Jimmy's not going to be a pilot.

He's going to join me on TikTok and we'll be dancing our way to the top. And also what she doesn't realise is you just lie at this point to win. It doesn't matter. Just say whatever he needs to. Wait, I want to unpack this for one second. I always think this. Why don't they just lie? Like, why do they say things like, oh, well, we need to compromise.

I'll move to Melbourne. Like, just don't say it. Just say you'll move to Melbourne and then don't do it. Well, look at Steph. That's what she did. True. She was like, yeah, no, I love pilots. Pilots are great.

Well, I lied to you. I said I didn't want to have kids for five, six years. Look at us now. Yeah, I knew you were lying. I was like, I saw it as a challenge. I was like, I'm going to play hard to get. Okay, the weird thing is in this part, the weird thing is at this cocktail party is the fact that two people are going home, right? I think it's a bit of a given that it's Ash.

Ash is going home, and I think it's not a big surprise because we haven't seen anything from Ash in the last three weeks. But Lily is the big question mark. You know that last episode she almost walked out because when Brooke came back and said, hey, I've got the last single date, Lily proclaimed that, hey, I'm not going to take this guy home to see my family if we've only ever had one date.

She almost walked out. She almost walked out, but he convinced her to stay, and it felt like in a chat that Lily and Jimmy are having in tonight's cocktail party that he was kind of giving her more reassurance that, hey, you know, we had a little fight but we worked through it and I'm glad you're here and everything's going to be A-OK. It was a bit strange, wasn't it?

Like usually when someone goes home, there's usually some jeopardy during the cocktail party. I like that we just steamed ahead, everyone blah, blah, blah, Lily goes home. But there always is a little bit of jeopardy. There didn't seem to be any jeopardy at this cocktail party. Like I was like, oh, that was a really nice conversation that the two of them had.

Lily's going to be safe. She's going to stay there to see another day. Yeah, he was like, hey, that's a beautiful dress. Next minute, see you, bye. He's like, I like to see the back of it. And she was like, oh, that's so sexy. And he's like, no, you didn't get a rose. Get out of here.

So Lily goes home and so does Ash. And we actually had the pure joy of interviewing Lily. And that interview is going to come out in the next, I don't know, hopefully we get it edited out to you in the next day or two. So keep your eyes and ears open on the podcast library for that one. Do you reckon it'll be a Saturday or Sunday? Do you want to confirm or do you want to have an air of mystery around when it will be released? I like to keep things interesting.

Will we release it? Who knows? Who knows? Your guess is as good as mine. It is time for the big episode. We're now dealing with the big dirty dogs. It's Hometowns Baby, episode 14. Now we still have Carly, Holly, Brooke, Jay.

i'm saying it really slowly because i kind of forgot who we had left uh they are the four people who made it to hometowns and you know what i freaking love hometowns i also know how emotionally invested you are at this point in time or how emotionally invested i was and when you take the bachelor home to meet your family it makes it so real and i know that like the quintessential thing that everyone says after their hometowns is like now that you've made my family my feelings feel so real we should have put that into the drinking game yeah we should have that's a shame that was a missed opportunity there but I really really enjoyed this episode I feel like now I mean there's only two episodes left but I really feel like this is one of my

favorites can I ask Laura before we go into this episode when you see your family that's all filmed isn't it like the first time you see your family that is on camera dude you were there we walked in together holding hands we oh sorry yeah we we did didn't we can you tell me where does the big bouquet of flowers and the bottle of wine come from like does production just give that to you and they're like, hey, give that to that family. Yes, exactly. So you had nothing to do with like what the flower was. You weren't like, oh, maybe Laura's family would like a big white bunch

or a coloured bunch because she's a bit fruity. I think they did ask and I said, I don't really care. That's good. I said, give me the most expensive bottle of wine you can get. And we got given a bottle of Prosecco. So I don't know when that's said a lot. First hometowns off the ranks is Carly and Carly lives in the Morning Peninsula and it is quite possibly.

That's right. her house was bananas the helipad at the back was that was amazing i've never seen one like that in a residential property imagine taking like the okay look i know everything is supposed to be expensive but carly's house was like the most expensive thing that's happened on the show like she took him to the best venue that has happened on the show so far and it was just her family home it's a big flex isn't it it's like yes i am stinking rich you are marrying into wealth young man okay i really think that and i'm gonna this is like a bit of a critique on the editing of this hometown i think carly's hometown was out of all of them the most beautiful sweetest hometown

like her family was divine however there was a lot of jeopardy around her brother and we were really really set up for him to be a hard hard man but carly's brother is about to arrive i noticed that Ryan isn't saying much and he hasn't really cracked much of a smile since he's arrived. Ooh. Like he's dangerous.

Ooh. Ooh. So Carly's brother ended up being literally the nicest man that has ever been on The Bachelor. He was so sweet.

He was so gently spoken and he just loves his little sister. I mean, it's been lovely to watch you and Carly together and, you know, I'm very proud, particularly for Carly

as her brother, to see her being so vulnerable and honest yeah i mean it's it's lovely to see don't you think i'm very proud of him yeah yeah jimmy's a very nice young man he seems sincere and the most important thing is carly's happy next to him so yeah i wish them all the very best okay i know i'm jumping ahead with this and like for anyone spoiler alert carly goes home i feel like they had to try and create some suspense on this hometown because i just genuinely think her hometown was so perfect i think her family were so divine i think everyone was so welcoming i don't think there was any grilling

at all and they needed to make it make sense as to why he was sending literally the most perfect woman who has ever walked the face of the earth home wifey wifey's gone home it didn't make any sense at all even the jeopardy they tried to inject in there it still didn't make sense it didn't make sense at all like she had almost i would say the second best hometown i think out of all the women who who are remaining no i think she had the best one and i like that when they got up to leave like they all have a hug and everything and Carly's brother's like hey we'll play golf on the weekend they're like yeah Carly's brother's so mean and Jimmy's like no we're not she's going home next all right let's talk about Jay my beloved Jay who I still think will win I don't

think you really think Jay will win no she's not gonna win Jay just keeps falling on her own swords left right and center yeah I'm like come on Jay let's have a squeaky clean episode no stuff ups And then she sees Jimmy and she's like, hey, Jimmy, I just shat myself. They meet on their date and she's like, hey, Jimmy, the paps are over there. I set this up. So just smile and act like you love me. I don't know what to believe anymore with Jay. You even said you're watching Jay under a magnifying glass right now.

But even the moment they embraced each other at the park, she jumped on Jimmy and you said, oh, that's like a stock standard bachelor jump. You know when two people are running to see each other? They embrace and then the woman then jumps up and wraps her legs around him and you thought it was a little bit staged. It's getting scandalous, guys. But I think she's watched a few episodes of The Bachelor in her time and I think she knows how to play the game a little bit. There has been this recurrent issue that maybe Jay is on The Bachelor

for Instagram followers and let's be real. Who's not? Oh, we know it's a by-product of going on the show. Look at you, Matthew Johnson. You've got a flourishing TikTok. I don't even know what it is. You've got a flourishing TikTok. it's it's a career career thank you very much i was like what's the word it's right on the

i was like really do you need my help here it's a career laura i'm a professional tiktoker that is the man you are going to marry and i wouldn't have this position if it wasn't for the bachelor so thank heavens i applied this is true look you get these opportunities that come to you and like i don't think that everybody goes in there thinking i'm going to come out of this with like being an Instagram influencer. Like, I don't think that that's people's genuine push to do the show. I think people go on there with like a really open mind

of like, I hope that I meet someone who I love. And if I don't, well then hopefully other good opportunities come out of it. Like, I think that most people go into The Bachelor with a pretty open mind about what could happen afterwards. I mean, the odds are against you when it comes to actually finding the love of your life. 24 to one, not great odds.

The opportunity of something else coming out of it, i.e. like Britt and I started this podcast as a result of doing a reality TV show. We found each other. We became friends as a result of doing a reality TV show. Lots of other really cool things come as a result of it, I guess, is like a big thing. I think what's different with Jay, though, the thing about Jay is that not only has she dug her own grave, but her family are throwing her under the bus as well. When was the last time you met one of Jay's ex-boyfriends?

i can't remember the last time she's she's been through a few so it comes out of this hometown that jay has dated somebody in the public eye before and that she's had a relationship with someone who's semi-famous it didn't work out very well she was completely heartbroken by it it also comes out that she wants to be a presenter so poor jay and this is all happening without her knowledge and it's just blow after blow after blow and i think like one if you've watched enough bachelor that you know to go and do the jump you should also have told your friends what to say and what not to say to have your back in that situation like prep them tell them don't tell him i want to be a president to keep that shit on the down low don't do me dirty but how was the goodbye when he

left jay's home he did not give her any affection at all well would you don't you think he was feeling a little bit like what's true what's not true but then send her home i know i'm so angry for carly don't send the wifey homekeeper there we love we love her we miss her teeth already i'm still sad that those teeth walked out of the batch mansion when it comes to jay another thing that i did point out to matt when we were watching the show and one of the things that i think is just like now because i like matt said she's under a microscope to me and i think i'm over analyzing the stuff that she does you get this opportunity to give the bachelor a little speech before he leaves you know we saw it with brooke we saw it with carly we kind of saw it with holly she didn't

she gave a terrible speech because there's no cocktail party so when you say goodbye when you say goodbye at the front door of your house the next time you're going to see the bachelor is in the rose ceremony room so these are the last words you will say to him i feel like what jay said to him was such stock standard color by numbers batchy waffle it's scary for me because you meeting my family has made my feelings even stronger for you i'm not very good at this kind of stuff so yeah i mean i feel vulnerable at the moment because i could see myself falling in love with you. And that's really, really scary. Alrighty. So after the clusterfuck that was Jay's hometown, we are red hot and ready. And it is Holly's turn. And of course,

Holly's hometown is divine. So Jimmy is going to be meeting Holly's mum, who he's met before, as well as Holly's best friend. It will be Sam, my best friend. She knows me better than I know myself. I'm just imagining at the kitchen table and Holly's like, Sam, what's my name again? And she's like, it's Holly. All right. Thanks, Sam. Matt's been teasing this joke all afternoon. That was it.

That was like when we were watching the episode, Matt was like, put the grab down. Put the grab down. I've got a really good joke. And I was like, just tell me the joke. And he was like, no, I can't tell you the joke. Put the grab down. I'll tell you it on the podcast. I am gone.

I am deceased. I tried to pull out and you told me not to. We all know how good your pull-out method is, Matthew Johnson. We have to give it. Who was it, Ricky Gervais, who said, if you have a joke, win, lose or draw, you have to say it. I regret nothing. Do you think this one was a lose or a draw or a win?

I reckon there is somebody out there right now, at least one person who had a chuckle at my joke, regardless of how bad it was. Hello, Holly, who am I? I see dead people. She knows me better than I know myself. Imagine if she'd got her own name. Anyway, anyway, it was a great hometown.

Let's move on. It was literally so pleasant and lovely. We have nothing to say except that we think Holly's going to win. Let's get into Brooke's hometown. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on. Before we leave Holly's hometown, the jeopardy, the jeopardy right now with Holly is that as they were saying goodbye,

she then kind of has this moment of realization that oh my gosh you know now that he's meeting the family this has all become so much more real i'm so afraid of getting hurt i don't want to open up i'm completely closing up and maybe i'm closing up so much that i'm pushing jimmy away i reckon she's fine the end of the hometown with that little bit of jeopardy where she didn't say anything to jimmy Like she, they just stood there and stared at each other and she said, I'm really scared. And then she started crying and it was all like a very dramatic, I reckon she said a few things, they just cut it out.

But don't you reckon it was a bit weird how she, like he walked off and then like the camera was showing just an empty, dark, black street. And then Holly was sitting on like the curb, the step of her house, like squatting there. Doing a poo. like oh yeah it was like is she shitting on the doorstep of her house what's what's happening and then jimmy was nowhere to be seen and then she ran after jimmy and then she was like i just want one last goodbye i was a bit strange i thought i was expecting her to because she didn't say anything because she didn't tell him how she felt she didn't use that time wisely to say i'm falling

in love with you which is like what is expected i just done a shit on my doorstep that's the jeopardy with holly she's a she's incontinent she runs after him but then i i was expecting more i was expecting more than just i need another goodbye i'm sure it was edited out has to be you reckon oh yeah yeah okay how are you feeling about the when we go for gold the jay or holly situation at the moment do i feel confident No, I don't. What is going to happen to the winner? Like, what does the winner get?

Sex. Oh. Does the winner get to choose what they want? You can have whatever you like. No, I want sex. Look. I like sex. Sex is good.

Sorry for anyone listening. Let's talk about Brooke's hometown. We'll flesh out the details of our bet when we're not recording. Brookie. Brookie now. It's Brookie. It's cute. It's weird.

Hello, Brookie. Hey, Brookie. You hungry, Brookie? Do you want a drink, Brookie? want a little cookie brookie is brookie want a little nap okay brookie i find it very cute it's very cutesy too cutesy for me it feels a bit weird when he talks to her like that and i feel like the brookie thing is new that's only happened recently i don't know where it's come from maybe it wasn't i can't remember i'm trying to cast my memory back to before she went away and whether he was

calling her brookie or not or whether they just had like cute nicknames that popped up over text message since they were like you know on the sms all the time okay brookie okay brookie i love you brookie so brookie takes jimmy to her hometown melbourne welcome to my hometown melbourne and jimmy knows exactly what melbourne is like because he was there last week with carly and now this is brookie's bro i can't call it brookie it makes me feel weird now this is brook's opportunity to share with jimmy a little bit about melbourne more coffee are we having coffee and cake We're not having coffee today. I think we had a bit too much coffee the other day.

Brooke is still jacked to the nines. She's had like wild anxiety for the last week and hasn't slept. She's like, we can't have any more coffee. I've had seven therapy sessions. Just eat a chocolate eclair. No more, Jimmy. Make it stop. Latte?

No. There is a lot of jeopardy around Brooke's storyline at the moment. We get to meet her family. Her family are divine. However, they have a few choice things to say about Brookie. Brook lives in fairyland. What are you doing to poor old Brookie? We also find out that Brook locked her nana in the shed once upon a time when she was a kid.

And the more that this date progresses or the more that this hometown progresses, the more it's becoming very obvious that I think she also wants to lock Jimmy in a basement. She's like, Jimmy, you couldn't get another bottle of wine, could you? There's just one left in the shed in the garden. And down to the cellar. Jimmy once again. Nobody's seen Jimmy since filming of that episode. Next rose ceremony, Osher's like, so we don't know where Jimmy is.

He was last seen in Melbourne. Brookie's like, oh, how weird. That's so strange. Big take home from Brookie's hometown is the fact that, well, her brother throws her under the bus by saying that she is someone who is extremely dependent, which clearly is not going to work because Jimmy lives in Sydney, so he's not going to move. Brookie is going to have to relocate her life away from her family

and friends with Jimmy in Sydney if they do end up together. And let's not forget that Jimmy doesn't finish work until 11pm. It's a miracle that any pilots out there who fly domestically have a relationship or family. And this has been like the recurrent theme with Brook. like obviously she's come back and she really wants this to be a relationship that works for her but this just keeps on rearing its very ugly head this whole conversation around her not being as independent as what I think she would like to be in relationships and really needing her partner

to be there and be this support person physically being there which you know what a lot of people need that takes a very specific person to be okay with and and to opt into a relationship where they know that they're going to be making huge compromises around the quality time that they can spend with their partner well guys that is pretty much it and as we revealed earlier we are absolutely devastated that our beloved carly has gone home i think we should all take a moment silence for the fact that carly's teeth will no longer be on our tv take your teeth out and leave them in front of your doorstep take your teeth out how many old people do you think are listening to this podcast and if you're not old i want you to get a chisel hammer knock out a tooth and put it

out there for carly she'd really appreciate it it is so wild to me that we had just finished hometowns like this season has been over in a flash and i think it's because they've been double dumping episodes for half the season because we went through about 12 episodes in one week jesus christ but that is literally it from us guys we actually have a couple of bonus and little fun interviews that we're going to be dropping over the next couple of days We've interviewed Lily and we also have had the pleasure of interviewing Carly. So we're going to drop those little interviews. If you are just a diehard sick for it Batchy fan, we're going to drop them probably like on Saturday.

But like, I can't be sure. Maybe. So we'll keep checking back. Next week is our last week then together on the podcast. What are we going to do when this is all over? I don't know. Bachelorette? I don't know if I've got time, Laura.

I'm very busy. I mean, we have had a few fights that haven't made it onto the podcast whilst we've been recording this. But they've been healthy discussions, I believe. Matt afterwards said that it's a good thing that we can fight about stuff on the podcast because then we can have make-up sex. And tonight we'll be having some make-up sex. Will we?

No, I'm tired. You can't tease me like that. Will we do Bachelorette? I don't know. Unsure at this point. Guys, maybe we should put up a poll. We need to know. We need to make a decision.

Should we do Bachelorette recaps? We want to hear from you. also matt needs the confidence boost he needs the reassurance he needs the affirmation tell him you want him back on the podcast love me love me please and thank you to everybody who's left a review or commented about the batch on cart episodes and that you've enjoyed them this has been such a wild ride and we have thoroughly enjoyed it thus far and next week is going to be the real home race we're going to bring it on down to hometown that was where we just were I'm going to bring it on down to the finale.

Anyway, guys, if you haven't left a review, if you haven't jumped onto the Facebook group, Life Uncut Discretion Group, you haven't jumped onto the Instagram, which is Life Uncut Podcast, then where you been? And you know the drill. Tell your housemate, tell your pet, tell your barista,

tell the postman because... We love love. We are! We love love! We'll be right back.