Life Uncut - BACH UNCUT - clowns, chlamydia and car rides

Episode Date: August 5, 2021

Hold onto your undies Lifers, it's ep 5 and 6 and by goodnesses gracious me, they were doozies.Matt and Laura are back squabbling like a married couple behind the microphone, bringing you the breakdown on this weeks episodes.On ep 5 Steph was given the worlds most boring single date. She (once again) suffered amnesia and all of a sudden has a new found love of pilots.The date ended with an intense game of tonsil hokey...surprise surprise (to absolutely no one).The group date saw Holly (Nikki Gogan 2.0) take a trip to the hospital, and Matt and Laura both think this was a monumental waste of our essential healthcare workers time.Fast track to the Rose ceremony and it was like watching a pack wild animals in the zoo, which was easily the most entertaining part.EP 6 , Jimmy busts out the Big guns for Va-jay-jay, and we wished the production team had better distributed the budget so we didn't have to sit through flight simulation on the last episode. On this ep we have a helicopter, a jet ski and a drag race and I can guarantee you the rest of the season is going to be tea parties in the backyard as there is no money left.The group date on ep 6 was confusing, fabulous. According to Matt whoever came up with the idea was cooked on mushrooms, and well..... no arguments here.We said goodbye to another polite, pleasant and lovely woman who has received absolutely no airtime this season.Looking forward to all the cooked shit Sierah has to say next week.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I am Laura, and I am joined today with none other than Matty J. Wow, what a privilege for you, Laura Byrne. Yeah, I'm sitting here in our bedroom. Both of us have a sock over each microphone, sock over something else. And we're going to do the Bedtime Cuts recap. My goodness. Oh, yeah.

Laura, can I just say, always going into these, you like sit me down and you're like, hey, like just be aware. I don't want to talk about anything that's too grotesque. I want to be quite sensible. No fart jokes. You lay down the law and then you just go off on your own tangent doing your own thing. Matt's holding this against me because we've actually done this intro

three times and every time he started making fart jokes within the first 30 seconds. And I was like, can we just get through an intro of Life Uncut without talking about bodily functions or farting or sticking fingers into bums or anything to do with that stuff? No, Laura, absolutely we cannot. Apparently not. It's all we have.

It is. This is what our relationship is based on. Fingers in the bum. If we didn't talk about it, we would just be lying to ourselves, okay? And to the 300,000 people who listen, it's great. This is what they want, Laura. Okay, well, it's definitely what you're getting. Just get a little update on us.

We're still in lockdown and we've been spending way too much time together. And for that, we're really sorry to every single person who's going to listen to this episode because there may be some squabbling. Emotions are running high in this household. The amount of fighting that has to get edited out of these records. It's a miracle that we can get it done. But, hey, before we go into recapping The Bachelor, Episode 5 and 6, I do have a question for you, Laura.

You know I like to ask a question before we get into the juicy bits. Does it have anything to do with bodily functions? Well, potentially, if you want to go that way, but I won't lead into it just yet. My question is I find that you're quite inconsistent when it comes to what you wear to bed. For example, last night you came to bed I was nude.

And you were naked. That was not a sign. And I was thinking to myself, well, Laura, loud and clear. You do not need to say anything else. I get what's going on here. That's a lie. Actually, what happened? And I was confused because it was after 10.30 and I was like.

And it was a weekday. What is happening here? We don't fuck on weeknights, ladies and gentlemen. No. So I came to bed and I was nude. This is actually what happened. It was late. I came to bed nude after having a shower.

So all of that wigged that out. And you know that when you have a shower, it's my favorite because you never shower at night time. So if you ever want to seduce me, all it takes is a bit of body wash, a bit of warm water and I'm there. So I got into bed after having a shower. It was past 10.30. It was a weeknight and I'd already said I was tired and had a headache a few times before

getting into bed. So Matt was really confused. Very big headache. A lot of mixed messages were going on. Anyway, so I get in bed and Matt rolls over and he goes, babe, you're naked. And I was like, yes. And he goes, but you have your period. And I was like, thank you so much for reminding me, Matthew Johnson,

like I had just forgotten it. Well, they were new sheets. They were clean sheets. So I was thinking, what is she doing here? Matt doesn't know how a tampon works. So I explained that to him at 10.30 at night, rolled over and went to sleep. Still don't know the difference between a pad and a tampon. It's lost on me.

You're like, so you rolled it up and stuffed it inside you. I was like, as long as you don't destroy the sheets, that's fine. So, yeah, okay, we didn't talk about farts, but we talked about the fact that I have my period and we didn't have sex last night. So let's recap episodes five and six. At what point did you decide that I'm going to sleep naked? After I got out of the shower and I was too lazy to put clothes back on.

I was already nude, so I just thought the fastest route to bed is straight into bed, no clothes, do not pass go, get into the sheets. You like to live dangerously, Laura Byrne. Okay, so I don't know who of you are still with us and watching The Bachelor at the moment. The ratings would suggest otherwise. Well, it's hard because the Olympics, it's just so bloody good. I was slow with my watching of the Olympics, but now I'm engrossed.

I'll watch it and I'll be in tears. If Australia even gets close to winning a medal, I'm literally in a blubbering mess. Well, when we start recapping the athletics, we know who to call on. But right now, we've got to recap The Bachelor. And to be honest, I have had to pull Matt away from the Olympics unfortunately to watch batch i'm still invested guys i am there i am here for it but if you started watching episode five and then you switched off after the single date you may have

thought that the episode in its entirety was going to be a complete bore because before we get into the full episode number five i'm here to tell you that that episode was a real stephen bradbury just going for our olympic puns because it got good but it started off really slow painfully slow don't you think yeah it was not it was not good tell me matt unpack what happened single date who got it where we at okay so we start off this episode with a single date something new and different for an episode of the bachelor well hey sometimes it's a group date first sometimes it's a single date the clue for this single date laura is that it will be aviation based which doesn't come as a huge surprise considering we are bombarded with the fact that jimmy is a pilot

every second of every episode. You would think the way that they've set up Jimmy being the pilot, that that's his only redeeming quality. Like there's nothing else about Jimmy that they're using as a selling point. Just he's a pilot, which means he's going to only be there and be supporting you and your relationship for 50% of the time. But again, shout out to all the pilots who listen to this podcast. There's no 50-year-old man who listened to this podcast.

I doubt, anyway. As we're waiting to find out who gets a single date, we have a little line here from Steph, which I find weird because let's just remember on night one when they all arrived at the cocktail party, when she found out that Jimmy was a captain, she got very pissed off because she had once dated a captain, she got cheated on, and she pretty much said, I hate all pilots. It's no secret to those who know me that I do love pilots.

The one thing that I like about Steph is that she's consistent with her amnesia. Like she is very good at forgetting the things that she said in the episode before and it makes for fucking great TV. Do you think she's actually forgetting what she said Or is she just getting caught up in the moment? Or option number three, is it a little bit of an editing technique here? You know, like maybe she's set a bit more context around when she said, oh, I love, like clearly she loves pilots.

She's dated them in the past. So I think that maybe we're seeing fractions and segments of what she's saying and it's being used to paint a picture of her. And that picture is that she's very inconsistent. Very inconsistent. I also think on this episode, and there's going to be a few call-outs that we have, which we're going to get into a little bit further down the track. But I think whoever was editing this episode was drunk

because there are a lot of inconsistencies in this ep and I am going to remind me of them, Max. I'm going to call them out as we kind of get along the story. Because I didn't really see them. You were the one who pointed them out. You're very eagle-eyed. So, I mean, obviously that first little inconsistency, that's not an editing one necessarily,

but Steph saying that she loves aviation and loves pilots now, like it could be a sly of hands with how they've set her up to look like an idiot but there are quite a few things that happen in this episode which are 100 editing and i think once you start to see those things you go ah okay i'm being painted a picture that may not necessarily be 100 true and who would have thought the reality tv would lie to you shock horror the poor editor at channel 10 right now is probably sweating thinking oh my gosh i'm going to be under investigation here i'm being called out by life uncut what did you think of this single date uh okay look i'm trying to be positive here trying to be positive but i didn't think a lot

of the day to be honest and partly because when i watch the bachelor and i see the single date i want that element of just bougie-ness you know i want to have the yachts i want to have the fast cars i don't want to watch somebody in a simulator for 40 minutes it's like when you're a kid and somebody else is playing the video game and you have to sit next to them watching them play the video game like no one wants to do that i mean unless you're really really into video games but having the whole of australia is in a video game so actually this was perfect for her but watching the whole rest of australia sitting there watching them play a video game really didn't tickle my fancy okay so for anyone who wonders how the dates actually get produced

obviously the bachelor doesn't sit there make phone calls and tries to book in the simulator or book in the helicopters but you do have a producer and you sit down with them well in advance and you talk about hey what things would you want to do like if you know blue sky thinking what would be an ideal date for you and laura and you put forward options they make phone calls they see what's possible but you are really involved in the creation of the dates it's not as if producers just wake you up and go all right and by the way today you're doing the flight simulator jimmy would have had a part in deciding what this date was and it was just a bit of a budget date i think one of the big things that i didn't realize when i was on the show and something

that matt's explained to me since is that obviously like like he said you know you kind of know what you're going to do on some of the different dates and the really exciting dates that the dates that are with the helicopter or are with a beautiful big boat or somewhere you're going somewhere lavish and lush and it's just a really beautiful well thought out date they're the dates that you save for the girls who you're really really interested in and for the girls that you have a strong connection in because you want to impress them and dates like going to a fucking simulator in darling harbour are really not for the girls that you're so excited about so and you don't you want the dates to be something that you as an everyday person couldn't do you know you want

to be in a ferrari you want to be going somewhere that you as a normal punter couldn't have access to that and it's like i could go down and pay 17.50 and jump in that simulator tomorrow if i wanted to and i mean like look bless them they tried to make it exciting there was a fire and then jimmy did in pure jimmy style get a little bit handsy and a little bit suggestive i'm gonna get you going down is that so as i said that i realized we haven't even had dinner jimmy overall it was a bit of a boring date although laura there was a part afterwards where she got changed into a red dress they sat down on a rooftop somewhere they did have quite a good kiss this is the first editing thing that i want to call out here and look i don't know anything

more than anyone else i couldn't see it i couldn't see it you are blind you were you were denying what is happening right in front of your eyes i thought he had a cold sore or something. Okay. So if you guys want to go back and watch, have a look, you can tell me whether I'm right or wrong, but I think that Jimmy and Steph had been macking on long before he gave her the rose. So there's lots of closeups of him talking and then being really intimate and chatting about what they want and their futures and what they see for themselves. And Jimmy has lipstick smeared all over his mouth, which obviously the makeup department has tried to cover up and make it look less smeared and Steph is sitting there with bright red lipstick that

you know when your lipstick has been blotted off and so like you've worn bright red lipstick but then it's kind of been a bit dulled down because you've macked on with some batchy pilot for the last half an hour that is what has happened here everyone's like ah yes all the time that one time that happened to me every weekend so I think that they had kissed long before the kiss that we saw on the tv that's what I'm thinking detective Laura at it again although you did say something that I thought was bang on when she got changed into a red dress that was gifted to her by Jimmy you said oh they're going to make her come back into the mansion with that dress boxed up and try and make the other girls jealous which is exactly what happened because remember she came into the

kitchen and then poor Sierra was standing there with some of the other girls and it was just you could cut the tension with a knife I think as well though that there was a bit of editing that went on there so there was this one scene so Steph is standing there in the kitchen she's there with the three girls and it was Sierra and two others whose names I can't remember but they were having a chat and she was unpacking the day. Well we're at the point where like we should pretty much know everyone's names but unfortunately we're just not there yet. Not the case. Yeah so Steph is standing there and she's having this conversation around what her date was like. Steph is really bragging and she's coming across as too big for her shoes after this date. So how do you feel about your

connection with jimmy now better than yours okay so this little grab was something that really stood out to me when it happened and and the camera was really shaky if you're paying close attention the camera was shaky it was a really really mean thing that steph said and sierra's meant to be one of her closest friends in the house but i i feel like those two they would have so much banter where i feel like they're constantly paying each other out like i don't think there was any venom in that statement. I agree and I think it came across as super mean and the way that the show was put together is that as the audience they wanted us to think that that was a really mean exchange but I don't know if I believe it or maybe there was a little bit of frankenbiting

that went on there as well and frankenbiting for anyone who doesn't know is where they kind of can take audio and stitch it together for it to mean something else or say something else. You know they've taken out something of the sentence or they've stitched together a different word in order to make it seem a lot worse than what it maybe was. Of course this is me just speculating Maybe she is a raging bitch, but I'm going to say maybe not. You know, maybe Steph isn't as bad as the edit that she's getting. Laura, I agree with you for once. Well, that's really nice to hear because something that the listener doesn't know is that we've

already had two fights that we've edited out of this episode. Bit of franking biting going on over here. I love you, honey. I love you. Okay, group date. So did you know that Jimmy used to be a lifeguard? No, I thought that Jimmy was only a pilot, but he's a man of many talents, it would seem. Well, they've kept it under wraps, haven't they?

The lifeguard part. I think that they were like, we've really exhausted the pilot thing. What else can Jimmy do? Ah, here he is. He's a lifeguard. He's never been a lifeguard in his life. They're just like, we need something else. We're flogging this dead horse way too much.

And they just plucked his friend off Bondi Beach. They were like, come on down. You do. Stephen, come over here. Jump in the boat. Do you remember what his friend's name was? Cliff, I think it was. All right.

So Cliff, which it wasn't, but we'll call him that. He brought Cliff. You know, you always need to have your friends and your family dictate who you date. He looked very nervous, didn't he? Poor old Cliff. He brought his friend who was a lifeguard along to help him make the decision and figure out which girl he should spend some extra time with and which girl he would be most suited to.

I like that he's brought his friend to try and figure out who he's most compatible with. But we all know, I mean, I would love to find out this guy's name and find his Instagram profile. I told you, it's Cliff. You know that he is 100% going to hook up with at least one of Jimmy's floppy seconds. Well, I thought Tatum kind of had an eye on him

because there's a few girls who are in the mix at this point and haven't had a lot of time with Jimmy. So as soon as a bit of fresh meat gets thrown into the mix, your eyes are just absolutely fixated on that person. I can guarantee that him and Tatum are hooked up now. I can't guarantee it, but I'm going to put my money on that. Sports bet, there's my hot tip. All right, so the objective with this date is that the girls have been split

into two teams. They've got to paddle out into the ocean, which, Laura, it's like one foot high surf at the moment. The surf was very small. Look, it would have been cold. They're probably getting into winter, so it probably wasn't the nicest day. They filmed this months ago, so it actually would have been quite nice, I think, temperature-wise.

I remember when we filmed our season, so it would have been filmed at the same time, and it was freaking freezing. Babe, last group date, they rocked up in anoraks. Sorry, yes. In puffer jackets. And now this week they're like, all right, girls, get in your bikinis and get out there. So this week, like Matt said, they had to go out and they were on life-saving boards.

They had to swim out around the lifebuoys and poor Tatum. Tatum, at the start, she was the one that didn't really want to do it because she had been in a situation where she'd been saved before and she's not a strong swimmer. But man, she gave it her all. And to be honest, all of the girls gave it their all, except for maybe Holly. Well, no, Holly tried hard. She tried.

And I'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here because I watched the footage back and it didn't really look like she got dumped by a wave because there weren't any waves to get dumped by. It even looked like she barely got her hair wet. But as she came back into shore from her leg of the relay, she comes back onto the beach. She then tags her teammate.

She then drops to her hands and knees. And then she's like, help, I think I took on a lot of water. I think at the start it was the opposite. I think she came in and she was like laughing and looked really happy. and then she progressively got worse and worse and worse. But it did like, I mean, at the start it was like, I've taken on water. Then it turned into, I've almost drowned.

You're like, did you? It was one foot of swell. So then, okay, the poor thing that had to put the whole activity on hold. Holly's in the sick bay. She's like covered in a tinfoil jacket. No, she's not really. She's just got like a blanket over her. She's with the medic.

She's with the medic. Like it's serious, guys. They have stopped filming. They have gone. She's taken a full time out. And she's there laying on the bed, like her hand on her head being like, I don't know if I can continue. And Jimmy comes in to make sure that she's okay.

So obviously Jimmy's then left the group date. He's left the whole activity and he's spending some one-on-one time with Holly. And she genuinely is a bit embarrassed, but it really escalates from here, guys. Didn't Jimmy say, I think you should go to hospital? Was that from Jimmy or was that from Holly? I think it was Jimmy. And then, you know, when you get into a situation where you should say, it's fine like enough's enough i'll be good but she just kind of goes yep i think you're right

next thing holly's being put into a car and she's being sent to hospital she's still wearing her bikini i know i think even holly is thinking oh fuck should i should i say something maybe i just roll with it she's like this really really escalated didn't it like being put into a taxi to be taken to hospital when she's but like the thing that i don't understand is okay she almost drowned she walked to the sick bay she walked to the car like she's fine i don't think she needs to have her lungs checked but you know what there she is in hospital but also let's not forget this is a pandemic right now you know we can't have people rocking up to hospitals in bikinis being like oh i just got my hair wet and i wanted to make sure i was okay oh could you i

also think like the production teams they stopped it after holly ended up in hospital for taking on too much salt water i'm glad she's okay she was there at the cocktail party so she was fine was she okay well the cocktail party would have been the next day in regards to like filming schedule it would have been the next day she was there she was fine she was dressed as the turtle very embarrassed but i reckon production probably got to a point where they're like okay holly's going to hospital this is a terrible use of our resources like you cannot be having bachelor girls rocking up at a hospital during a pandemic because they're taking on too much fucking sea water like you just can't so the whole group date got called off tatum got the extra time and

another editing trick we didn't see any of tatum's extra time we didn't see the kiss we do find out that she has a kiss with him but we don't see the kiss we also don't see him give her the rose and i want to know why yeah what happened there i want to know why producers channel 10 warner brothers what happened what have we missed once upon a time i got some sneaky extra time with you matthew johnson and they didn't show any of it because we spent the whole time making out which one was that the paddle steamer which one was that you took me to the seek i'm glad you remember it you took me to the secret garden ah yes yes yes yes i remember that i was really really drunk and i don't think i said anything coherent i didn't say anything that could have actually been used

to give context to why we liked each other. I was just really drunk. I said a whole lot of drunk, wasted girl stuff and then we made out for about 20 minutes. That poor editor would have watched that back and been like, oh, what the hell do I do here? Cut, that's going to end up on the floor. He was like, why did he choose her?

This is a mess. Anyway, nothing's gotten better than that. Okay, so I do think it's fair that the girls on that group date were a little bit salty for want of a better word that Holly had taken up so much time with her little incident. Good pun.

Also, I do think that the girls are a little bit like, this escalated and seems like a massive overreaction. It's like someone getting a splinter and then being like, take me to hospital. And I'm sure maybe there was more to it. Like, I would have thought that if she had really been dumped, we would have seen that on the TV because it would have been a better explanation as to why she ended up in hospital.

But the fact that we just saw her splashing around and then laughing and then it kind of escalated, I don't know. It was weird for me. And I think it was weird for Tatum too. Yeah, and I think it was weird for Tatum too. I also think she took advantage of the situation, trying to get, you know, that extra little bit of extra time with Jimmy. Which brings us to the cocktail party.

And I have to say, this is probably my favorite cocktail party to date. And that's because I know that Sierra is a little bit of a villain, but I just love her. I know that Sierra is a little bit of a villain, but I love her so much. And I have so much time for her. And I have so much time for Laura. those two I will be very sad and might even stop watching the day that they leave I really hope that one of them gets a single date I know that they're not going to get one I know there's absolutely no hope I even I just hope one of them gets an extension on a group date so what happened

on this cocktail party is it wasn't a usual cocktail party obviously styling had run out of dresses so instead they made the girls dress up it was kind of like a weird extended group date like normally this is a group date activity but they made the girls dress up in their spirit animal. And all the girls chose different animals. Laura chose a sloth, Holly chose a turtle and Tatum's dressed as a bin chicken, but actually she's a hawk. And then we have Sierra who wanted to dress as a koala, but production wouldn't let her. So I was going to say that my spirit animal was a koala tonight because I like sleeping and I've definitely had chlamydia, but I thought that it'd be quite hard to explain to Jimmy,

so I stuck with a phoenix because I've risen from the ashes. I do love that just because people are wearing costumes, it means that they actually act like they're three-year-olds and the whole cocktail party just turns to shit. The girls have just gone wild. Laura's just climbed a tree. Go climbing the tree. Oh, come on! I'm not that high.

The cocktail party has completely derailed. It's like a fucking circus. All the girls are dressed like they're in a zoo and they're behaving like they're in a zoo, But during this whole situation, and while this is going on, Ash uses this time to take Jimmy to the jacuzzi and they spend a lot of one-on-one time together. And the girls seem to have been getting quite frustrated by the fact that they were spending so much extra time together.

And like the rest of this episode, we think things have been pretty choppy. And I did notice the editing at the rose ceremony because you have all these close-ups of the girls' faces, you know, like sometimes they look quite nervous, you know, very tense. and there were multiple girls that I thought it was quite obvious they'd been crying. So Ash, for example, had quite puffy eyes. Brooke was another one who definitely looked like she'd been crying, but they gave no context at all and didn't reference any of it. Yeah, I think they did try and allude to the fact that maybe the girls weren't that happy

that Ash had spent so much time with Jimmy in the jacuzzi, but obviously something bigger had gone on. Like there's something that's happened there. There's been a fight, there's been an argument or something that we're not seeing because it was really choppy the girls looked super upset and you know by the end of the night you're usually pretty emotional they're pretty long late nights and there were many cocktail parties that by the end of them some of the girls were crying on our season but almost every single night every single night but as the viewer you would never know it was just so obvious that

quite a few girls were crying at that cocktail party so if you are from the bachelor this year if you have a friend who was on the i want to know slide into my dms tell me what were the girls crying about i want to unpack this i want to get straight to the source otherwise i think we'll have to just make a mental note of this issue and ask jimmy and number one when the show's over we have the rose ceremony eleanor goes home eleanor is pretty much the last person who has had zero airtime so if you didn't know who she was that's not your fault i did know her though in real life really she works at fitness first at bondi junction when were you going to tell me this Well, I only realized recently, okay, and do you know what I heard?

Heard a rumor. Oh, God. Do you remember we spoke to Jimmy and he said that he spoke to Tim Robards at the gym at Fitness First? Yeah. Do you remember that? And so Elena works there. So I'm like there's absolutely no way that if Jimmy's training there

on a regular basis that he wouldn't have bumped into Elena. They would have known each other before the show started. Oh, my goodness. How have you not told me this? Yeah, I forgot to tell you. Sorry. Mate, we've been doing batch recaps for three weeks and you've just kept that bit of saucy information to yourself.

We've also lived together. Well, it's not that exciting because if she won, then it would have been exciting. She went home and also got no airtime. So, yeah, look, it wasn't that exciting. But thank you. There you go. You blew my socks off.

That's the most exciting thing that's happened to me today. A little bombshell midway through the episode. Should we get on to episode six now? Episode six was a goodie. I really liked episode six. Oh, she's back, is she now? I'm in it. I'm here.

and I also have really good feelings about Jay. So Jay got the single date on episode number six and I'm there with you, babe. Okay, when we did these from the very beginning, Matt picked Jay as his number one girl. And I was worried because I think up until now, all she's had is these little extra moments in the business lounge class area,

whatever it's called. And she's done food tasting. She's done chess. She's done ping pong. I was like, is this girl just Miss Quirky? What's going to happen? Why isn't she getting a date? I thought she was going to fade into the background.

And like we said earlier in this little episode that we're doing, Matt said, you know, that you save the most impressive dates for the girls that you want to impress. Who would have thought? Makes complete sense. And Jay's date was awesome. It was like the old bachelor had come back. She had a helicopter.

She had race cars. I don't know. They had a weird little business class lounge intimacy time set up, which actually they were just economy seats, which, you know what? We'll get into that later. But let's start with the helicopter. Maybe he's taking me to Fiji. Oh, poor Jay.

She's been watching too much of The American Bachelor where they actually have budgets. Unfortunately, on The Australian Bachelor, all you do is fly around the mansion and then you go down the road and have a picnic. Well, actually, it was a little bit better than a picnic because I had the jet ski in someone's backyard dam. I forgot the jet ski.

Oh, my gosh. She really got the trifecta. So Jay had a helicopter. Then she had a jet ski ride, which she did blindfolded. and, I mean, she just looked hot in a bikini and she was extremely, extremely fake tan and there was a lot going on and I enjoyed every part of it. And then Jay had to race a car

and I'm going to take a wild guess and say that MG Motors is probably a sponsor of The Bachelor this year. Well, hang on, let's not jump to conclusions, Laura. It's fucking wild. I was very excited about the drag race except Jay wasn't into it, which surprised me because she seems like somebody who would be really into an adrenaline-fueled date.

but apparently she'd had a little car accident in the past. I can understand why Jay's feeling nervous. Accidents can really rattle you. But this car is full of safety features. So hopefully she can relax and just have some fun. I really love that Jimmy has emphasised that the car is full of safety features. Now, when he said that, I thought that they were going to get into like a motor car, you know, that's got like a cage inside.

Like a roll cage, yeah. Something that's going to really protect her. He gets into a car and puts a seatbelt on and says, this car is full of safety features. I'm going to put $10 on a bet that the car she had a car accident in had a seatbelt as well, Jimmy. Just a guess. Yeah, so they have the race and, you know, shock horror, Jimmy loses.

Of course he's going to lose. He's a gentleman. Do you think he set that up? Do you think he lost on purpose? Of course. Of course this poor girl has been in a car accident. He's not going to then drop the clutch, foot down on the accelerator and then try and burn poor Jay at the starting line.

He's a loser. If you're not first, you're last. poor Jay so anyway Jay wins they have some really cute banter I actually really like them together for a little while there I thought that you know the only thing they had was the gimmicky ping pong and the chess but they're really really cute and I'm kind of coming over to your camp and there was a part of me after this date that made me think she might be number two so I still think Holly's number one but I think maybe Jay is going to be number two girl now okay why why because they just so cute and like he is so into her so when they had the extra time and they were sitting on

the economy seats that were in the business class lounge area or whatever the hell they called it he was just like he was so into her like the kiss was really passionate he did the whole hand behind the head thing and pulled her in it was absolute textbook textbook date it ticks all the boxes it was high budget it was multi-layered there was so much to that date as opposed to just like let's remind ourselves last episode before that was a simulator and that was it she had helicopters she had jet skis she had drag racing she had everything and laura i also made note of the fact that they're both part fijian they both live in sydney they're both like food they're a match made in heaven am i right i rest my case laura burn i rest my case oh wow and the kiss the kiss

was full on in a good way like there was there was definite sparks between the two and when i watch a kiss you can tell when two people are really into it and when i was watching that kiss laura you had a boner you were really into it that's why when you came to bed with no clothes on i was like this woman so you're trying to tell me it wasn't the athletics that got you turned on last night a combination bit of athletics pepping in with a bit of bachelor and i am good to go Okay, Jimmy did do a Maddie J special. He went in and grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in. That was what you did on every single day on our season.

That was fun to watch. But anyway, we're not talking about you or fighting on this episode. It's how Osher teaches us to kiss before the season starts. So, okay, they had their group date. She gets a rose. It's no surprise. I think she could win. I think she could win.

I don't think she's going to win, but it was a very good date. Also, I was here for the group date this time as well. It was a great group date. the group date was that five girls out of all of those who were on the group date got chosen to have avatars now firstly i don't know how they chose the five girls all these girls rocked up on a group date and half them just have to stand around and watch the five avatars so the group date the five girls who get chosen have been paired up with a different avatar and basically what happens is that they are in a hidden room somewhere with microphones watching on a tv

and the avatar that represents them there was five different ones there was a clown a queen a wizard a pirate and an adventurer so the avatar who represented them had to enact whatever the girls said or did based on the answers that the avatars gave jimmy was then going to see who was most compatible without being able to see the girls faces which is quite a fun concept and what's even more fun is the fact that sierra was one of the girls who got picked and i just love her so much just when i think she's delivered all that she can she's brought the lols i'm like what else can she do to make this more entertaining and she starts crying which is very confusing but we find out why everybody good are you okay yeah i just really i'm really scared of

clowns are you upset because of clowns no comment no no no for the comment this does feel a little similar to a group date that i had on my season what season was that matthew johnson uh season five where i think you had to rank yourself in order of like who was funniest or who was most selfish and i would have to then see who was most compatible with myself okay this was the most cooked group date like i hated this group date basically there was six of us or seven of us left i can't remember but every single girl who was left went on this group date and we were given little podiums and the podiums had numbers on them one to seven and Osher would ask a question or Matt would ask a question and we had to rank

ourselves and the questions were things like who is the funniest out of you seven girls and so we would have to fight between ourselves to rank ourselves number one was the funniest number seven was least funniest the issue was is that only one person could stand on one box so basically if you chose that you were the funniest you would get box number one and then you kind of had to fight between the girls and like maybe if two girls were standing on the same box you would then be bickering in front of matt over why you thought you were funnier but the questions were so mean there was questions like who's the funniest who's the nicest who's the most likely to lie things like this which just it left everyone feeling so salty by the end of the day

and i got out first because i'm clearly the shittest person on our show you threw your toys out of the pram and you're like i'm not doing this you're taking advantage of us i'm not playing And you were taking advantage of us and I was not playing. You're on a reality TV show to fall in love. Of course you're being taken advantage of. Tara and I both got out. We just didn't want to have to argue over whether we were funnier or kinder or whatever it was. And then there were some girls from our season who kept on putting themselves on box one or two.

It was brilliant. I loved it. But it was so bad because whoever got the most points, whoever was like the funniest, the prettiest, the whatever, all the things that you want to be as a person ended up getting the extra time with Matt that day. And both my date and this date from episode six ended in the same way where the girls had to write a letter directed at the bachelor. And it was all about what they want for their future, their timeline, where they want to end up, what's missing in their life. It was quite emotional. And I think that these letters, I mean, these letters were like two pages long

that Jimmy had been given. Oh, some girls are giving him like an absolute essay. They were like like a wad of paper and jimmy's like oh fucking hell i've got to read through all this it's like timestamp she's like i want to get married at the beautiful church in darling point on the 22nd of october in 2024 look these letters were so detailed jimmy only read out a tiny paragraph of each but there's such sentimental letters and they're being delivered by like a clown hopping down the stairs or, like, a pirate. It was so weird. It was like the producers had had mushrooms the night before

and been like, let's just do this. Who cares? Yeah, get a queen in there as well. Who cares? And a guy dressed as a wizard. No one's going to ask any questions. Like, no one's watching this season anyway. It doesn't matter what we do.

Oh, far out. So, Ashley gets the extra time in this date because her letter is the most sentimental. until she talks about, I kind of think, and I'm going to say this, I think Ash may have lent into some things that she thought Jimmy wanted to hear. She said, it's not about quantity time, it's about quality time, which is the perfect thing to say to someone

who you know is not going to be around for 50% of your relationship. So anyway, she gets the extra time. Sierra's a little bit pissed about it. I'm just a little bit disappointed that it was Ashley, I guess, because she sucks. I felt really bad for Ash during this extra time because obviously she's had no time with Jimmy whatsoever and this poor girl, she wanted to have time with him so badly

and straight from the get-go, he was picking her story apart because she said at one point she wanted to have kids in three to five years but then at the same time, she met the right guy, she'd have kids in two years and it was almost as if every answer that she gave, Jimmy would have a grimace on his face and he would disagree with it. She just couldn't say anything that was right. I totally agree and I felt the same thing.

I think Jimmy had already made up his mind that he was sending her home or that she was going to be going home very soon. Well, she didn't get a rose. Yeah, and it was so obvious that, like, I mean, she's 30. Of course she's going to say, you know, I'm thinking about having kids in the next five. That's like the token answer. Yeah, five years' time.

No one knows what's going to happen in five years. I said to you, five or six years. I was like, hey, nice try, idiot. Matt's just popping my contraceptive pill out. Yeah, so look, I mean, things change. and she said two years and he was like offended that maybe if she met the right person she'd want to have kids in two years he's like god that's too soon and look I get it relationships do change at around the three to four years mark you know you do need to spend time with someone to get to

know them but I don't know I just felt like she was being punished a little bit for being honest and I think that what she said in regards to her timeline for children is the exact same thing that some of the other girls have said on their single dates yeah but they haven't been punished for it So I don't, I mean, I'm glad he sent her home if he wasn't interested in her, but I don't think that that was the reason why she was sent home. Yeah, I guess the one thing that we both didn't like though with this episode is the fact that he didn't give her the rose. And then it was the next day at the cocktail party that Jimmy entered, said hi to everybody,

beelined it for Ash, took her outside and had a conversation with her. And at that point he said, hey, I'm going to send you home because I really see you as nothing more than a friend. You're a lovely person, but there's no spark here. and I did kind of think oh man like you could have just sent her home at the end of your extension time at the end of the group date you could have said goodbye right then and there or he could have just sent her home at the rose ceremony I think like the calling her out and doing it in front of everyone and making a big deal about it I mean on one hand yes of course I think it's

noble to to make the choice to send someone home it's a hard decision to make but I actually think it's like way more dramatic and more embarrassing sending someone home in the middle of a cocktail party when you're literally supposed to send someone home in an hour anyway and also you've like you've just had your hair and makeup done you've got your dress on at least if you wait to the rose ceremony you get to say goodbye to your friends like she just got fucking walked out the front and he was like okay hop in the car now she didn't even get to say goodbye to anyone she's like a fake tan for this i've got fake lashes on really dude you could have just told me like in an hour after i had a few free champagnes yeah so look ash went home and i feel like it was the

first time we actually got to see or have anything to do with ash i think from the very start of that episode we knew she was going home because it was the first time that she'd been given any air time and all the girls were really upset that ash was gone and also that they didn't get an opportunity to say goodbye to her oh my god i wasn't expecting that you guys that's really upsetting yeah no i'm fine i'm really surprised yeah but guys we're all staying so that's a positive Too soon, Sierra, too soon. Too soon. I love her so much.

Look, she's the person that you love to hate but hate to love. I don't even know if that makes sense. But I love her and I don't hate her. Well said. Can I ask Laura, in that situation, would she have literally hopped in a limousine and gone or would she have driven back then to collect her bags and say goodbye to everybody else?

Do you actually get a chance to say goodbye to the girls if you leave outside of a rose ceremony? So we had it happen a couple of times on our season. I can't remember. I know that Charlene went home early during a cocktail party and I know that somebody else, oh, another girl went home just after a date. So it was Liz. So we're talking about our season, guys.

Liz went home on one of those double dates. You know how on The Bachelor sometimes they'll send two girls off on a single date together and only one person comes home? Two girls leave and only one comes back. Two girls, one cup. That's definitely a different show. Who said let's keep this PG for this episode? You're disgusting.

Yeah, we're derailing pretty quickly, aren't we? Anyways, we're coming to the end. I think it's 50-50. Sometimes you get a quick opportunity to say goodbye, but I think in this instance with Ash, I actually don't think she would have said goodbye. I think Jimmy would have put her in the car and then what would have happened

is she would have been sitting in the car and producers would have brought her bags out to the car because usually you have everything already packed. everything's in every single night before a cocktail party starts every single contestant has to pack up their suitcase pack up all their belongings unless you've been given a rose on your date or group extension exactly you have to pack everything up as though you're going home and they say to you if you leave anything you can't get it like we're not going to fucking mail your shampoo back we're not going to mail you your toothbrush don't forget anything make sure you've packed it

all up so i reckon she would have been sitting in the car and producers obviously would have known she was going home and they'd be like here you go ashley have a safe trip you know enjoy your mcdonald's on the way home that's so upsetting did you um did you always pack your bags for every rose ceremony every single rose ceremony i was not cocky at all some girls would leave their stuff out and the producers were like if you get sent home we will not we will not pack your bag for you we will not be getting anything that you leave out and and some of the girls were like i'm not going home with this cocktail party so yeah but not you laura burn here i am my stuff is still strewn across the floor.

But anyway, guys, that is it. That's episodes five and six. I feel like next week there's going to be a lot more people watching because the Olympics will be over. And for anybody who's missed the first couple of episodes, you know what?

You don't have to go back and watch it on TenPlay. You can just jump on and listen to the batch recaps. Probably funnier. Maybe a little bit less reliable. But you will get more fart jokes. And more bodily functions in general.

Lots to look forward to. Can I also just say, no, no, I just want to say, obviously people can tell I'm a little bit sick right now. Oh, cry me a river. And hey, don't worry though, guys. I've persevered. I'm not a hundred percent, but I'll stop at nothing to get this podcast done because, you know, I do this for you guys listening right now.

Do you know how hard it is living with a man who has the man flu and not, not COVID, living with a man who has man flu? I have cooked dinner two nights in a row right now, and I've done the dishwasher the last five times in a row. So just be careful what you say, Laura. You are a god. You are like Hercules. You don't know how good you have it.

Every single time Matt does something, every single time he cooks, every time he cleans, every time he wipes the toilet bowl, he's like, you don't know how good you have it, Laura. I am an excellent husband. Other men don't do anything. I feed our children. And I'm like, look what I do for you and this family. Yesterday Matt was like, I helped you with the kids.

I was like, they're your kids. I babysit them on a regular basis. I'm really glad that you guys are getting an insight into this relationship. We only had a couple of fights on this record, but they were cute fights. And like, we're going to go and have a cuddle now. So, you know, it's been fun guys. Hey, mixed signals. Are you, is that an invitation?

Because I'm picking up what you're putting down, Laura. Anyway, guys, that is it from us. We hope that you have enjoyed another Bachelor recap. We need a little song or a jingle for this. It's recap time. Oh, my God. No, no. Just, hey, tell your friends, tell your family, tell Osher, tell Jimmy,

tell Sierra because. And share the love. And share the love because. We love love. Oh, thank God. That's over. We'll be right back.