Life Uncut - BACH UNCUT - Double dose, friend zoned and farewell to our favourite horny bogan

Episode Date: August 12, 2021

Another week of the Kinky Captain gracing our screens and we’ve been delivered a smörgåsbord board of (albeit less horny) goodness. Ep 7 kicks off with Jimmy gushing over his motorbike and the girls pretending like they’re interested in it. Lily is invited to take a ride to a secluded beach where Jimmy’s grandma had three heart attacks (we’re not kidding). It’s also the perfect spot to learn how to surf and make out.Meanwhile back at the mansion, Jimmy’s sister and cousin are joining the girls for dinner. But instead of dessert, they’ve brought an honesty box. Holly ends up getting thrown under the honest box bus as she’s accused of being two faced and fake. DRAMAAAAAAA!Ep 8 kicks off with Carlie receiving her first single dates at one of Sydney’s most romantic venues - Western Sydney Uni. They avoid any games of beer-pong and zipline into each other's mouths… oh, and there’s also a champagne tower and a fluorescent hula hooper because, Bachelor! Sticking with the educational theme, the group date was at an old high school where the girls enjoyed a debating competition, poison ball and a prom night, which was actually a rose ceremony in disguise (Osher you evil bastard). So this is the episode of Bach that never ends because now we have our beloved Laura on an Italian themed date and we’re sorry to say it was a total disaster. Like pineapple on a pizza type disaster! They cooked pasta, it turned out awful. She leant it for a kiss, it was as successful as the pasta. Just when you thought it was game over for Laura, Jimmy convinces her to stay (we’re still trying to figure this one out). The group date was speed dating with 5 of the girl’s mums. Sadly, none of the mothers received roses or a kiss and they were all sent home. There was also a two second game of tennis with Jay at the Bach mansion where she addressed rumours that she didn’t want to have kids (she confirmed she wants all the babies).Shout out to all the women who left the mansion this week, but special mention must go to the one and only Sierah... WE STAN !See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura, and I am joined by the love of my life, by the man I won on a reality TV show matthew johnson the father of my children the man who leaves dirty underwear on the floor of my apartment yes that is that is me thank you for such a beautiful introduction laura i wanted to make it as accurate as possible this week except i think it's fair to say that our clothes on the floor they are quite equal at this stage half of it is mine but i mean looking right now at your jeans uh your bra is entangled in the jeans also there's also two mismatched high heels that are just on the floor.

And let's be real, I haven't worn high heels in like two years now. So I feel like it's very unfair to point the finger at me and say that this mess is mine because clearly it's both of ours. You're being vindicated. I'm sure we'll get over it. But do you know what? We are back. We are back with another Batch Uncut recap.

Some of you are enjoying it. Some of you are still watching it. So that's why we are going to continue on with the good fight, bringing you these recaps. No, well, the audience is only going to grow from this point because the Olympics, Laura, they're done and dusted. Everyone is so lost, confused. usually have this void of like what to fill now with their time so the batch is going to suck up

those people you're shaking your head what's wrong because that's where you're wrong we've only got the audience for another two weeks and then the Paralympics start and then we've lost them all over again oh god well for the next two weeks welcome to all our new listeners so this week we are recapping episode seven and episode eight and let me tell you a hell of a lot happened in these episodes now I'm saying that because it kind of feels like they reduced four episodes into two. It was weird. There were a lot of single dates, a lot of group dates, a lot of cocktail parties. It was like they got the four dates, put them in the slow cooker, reduced them down and then spat out two episodes. Matt really likes a food metaphor. If you haven't, this is

Matthew Johnson. His favorite thing is a metaphor that includes food. To be fair, I've not included many food metaphors in this podcast so far. So that is the first of many to come. Now, before we get into the batch episodes, I do have a question for you. You have been teasing this for the entire week. So guys, everybody who's joined this ride with us, Matt has been telling me he has a test, a soulmate test that he wanted to keep from me to do live on the podcast specifically for this episode. Well, I would assume that we are soulmates. You know, we're very much in love. We have two children. We're looking at buying a house, but we're not married. Oh, look, everyone makes mistakes.

We're not quite married, Laura. So there is definitely time to pull the pin on this relationship if we are not, in fact, soulmates. So if you're going to ask me five questions and we don't match up on these, what happens? Is it over? Oh, well, I think it's safe to say that we'll have to cancel the wedding. A deposit is non-refundable, which is concerning,

but it's still time to pull out. Well, it's a good thing that COVID is making it look likely that we're going to have to postpone it anyway. Publicly, we'll just be like, it was the COVID. unfortunately that uh yeah it wasn't the five question questionnaire that matt asked me on live on cart which made me realize we weren't soulmates don't say this i love you you can say it back uh sorry i i love you too laura love you too confirming the love is definitely there now there is a website called romper sounds legitimate and i'm glad that this is

romper.com don't ask me how i found this there are actually many websites laura that have varying questions that determine whether or not you and your partner are in fact soulmates i went with romper apparently it holds the highest industry standard for soulmate confirmation sometimes when you're looking at porn and has those pop-up windows that come up that's where matt got this from exactly last night having a little wank and i was like and i was like oh soulmate question that reminds me of laura uh so there's actually 23 questions in here we will not go through all 23 we'll make it very punchy i've got five here so i'm gonna ask the question i'll see if i can answer it and then laurie if you can confirm if i am correct or incorrect please

are we gonna answer these in tandem like am i gonna answer it for you and you're gonna answer it for me this sounds like great listening hey sure yeah let's do that so i'll ask the question then we'll try and answer for each other question number one what is your partner's favorite junk food i think it is yours is chocolate i think it's naughtier than that rimming got me got me trying to hold that one in um it is yeah laura comes home i've just got chocolate around my mouth and i'm like sorry laura Too far.

That's it. Too far. That's from the rim job this morning. I think, Laura, I think yours is, it's not really junk food. It's more of a beverage, but I think it's wine. Oh, look, a beverage, you know, and a croissant every day will keep the doctor calling you pretty frequently. Actually, you do love a croissant. How about cheese croissant?

I fucking love a croissant, guys. Every single morning I have one for breakfast. Every morning I'm like, Laura, do you want a croissant? And you're like, no, no, no. I couldn't. I've had one every day for the last month. And then as I'm like out the door, four steps down the street, you're like, actually, get me a ham and cheese croissant.

I'm glad that I sound like Elmo off the South Sesame Street. Next question. Okay. What are the things that make your partner happy? I mean, again, I think it's the croissants and the wine. Yeah, you make me happy. Don't even try and get all mushy, Laura. It's true, though.

You make me very happy. The one thing that I love about our relationship and everybody listening to this is going to be like, can you just get to the battery caps? I love how much fun we have together, which makes lockdown extra special. Also, I think you do enjoy it. I'm drunk. What makes you happy is when I do the cleaning. If you come home and I've done the dishes, I put the dishwasher on.

If I've done the washing, if I imagine, hang on, imagine if you come home and I've mopped the floor. Every single person who is an OG Life Uncut listener who is listening to this right now, they are all fully and well aware about how much and how much it turns me on when you do the cleaning. It's literally the only time that we ever get down and dirty, guys, is after the floors are clean.

So what do you think makes me happy? Exercise makes you happy. Yeah, I guess that's fair. And you like words of affirmation. You like to be told that you are loved And you also like a head scratch. A head scratch. And if you give me any kind of compliment, just getting that ego patched is what I live for.

You make really good TikTok videos and you're very pretty. Next question. What is your partner's biggest irritation? I was waiting for you to say me. I was waiting for you to be like you. Okay, my biggest irritation, I'm going to go first, is when you come in after exercising and you walk into the lounge room. We have a back entrance and a front entrance to our house, guys.

and the back door matt just comes in through the patio walks straight into the lounge room and just takes his singlet off leaves out on the floor and then takes his pants off doesn't just take his pants off he will take his underwear then his non-chafing bike shorts and then he's like loose over the size shorts and just take all three of them off at the same time and leave them in a pile in the lounge room then he'll take his shoes and socks off somewhere else and there'll be a trail of matthew johnson that's just walked in the door the issue is i don't know where to put that clothing because it's not dirty enough after wearing it once in winter you've worn it exercising it is dirty and it needs to be washed he will put that back on and go to the gym again

another day after sweating in it it's wild laura if it's summer and i'm sweating profusely obviously i'll wear it once and then put it in the wash but if it's winter i'm not really sweating in it so i'm going to wear it at least one more time so it's not dirty enough to put it in the laundry but it's not clean enough to put it back in the wardrobe so the middle ground laura is then the floor somewhere in the apartment the lounge room yes yeah it is so my biggest irritation i think is when you don't finish every bit of food that's on your plate you'll leave you'll leave like a quarter of a tomato or you'll leave like a little slither of steak it's like that's all that's left there's just one more little mouthful like half a mouthful and you won't finish it off you're like

no I am done I am completely full there's not a single bit of food that I can fit in my stomach and I'm like but don't you want to have the satisfaction of having a clean plate like isn't that what you want I find it weird that you're so passionate about every single bit of food on a plate being eaten like if I'm full no matter at what point my plates are that's when I stop eating and I know how much it upsets you but also there are people starving in other countries well you're not going to send them my one slither of steak are you like it's gonna what difference does it make if i over indulge to them because if you have two bits of pasta of penne pasta left on the corner of your plate just finish it off do you know what i mean i will not be pressured into

doing anything that i don't feel comfortable with and i do not succumb to this peer pressure and i think it's time to get into the batch recaps guys so ken confirming are we soulmates yes undecided because i want you on national tv perfect let's get into episode seven of the bachelor i hope that everybody enjoyed these two episodes as much as I did. Look, a lot happened. A lot of nothing happened. There were some highs, there were some lows. We're going to start off right at the beginning, which is episode seven, where Jimmy rocked up to the mansion with his girlfriend, Tiffany. One who's a diehard ride. It's a motorbike. To be honest, it's like when you, when we first started dating and you tried to tell me about football and I pretended like I cared and

that's what they did. No, do you remember I used to call my bike Cindy? And didn't you think that I was talking about a motorbike and it was actually just like an old, like a really old bicycle. When, when Matt and I first met on the batch, he would reference Cindy. I'm actually saved in his phone as Cindy, which do you know what? The fact that you have me in your phone is the same thing that you call your push bike is a lot of problems loaded into that, but we'll get into that. It's very endearing, I think. So Matt was talking about his bike and like this bike that he had and he was being real sexy on our single dates. And he's like, yeah, my bike, my bike and he's like i called it cindy and it's real sexy and anyway i found out it was a fucking push

bike but by then it was too it was too far gone we were too in love trying to get that bike integrated somehow into one of the dates producers were like no i don't think that's gonna work buddy so jimmy is standing there and he's talking about his bike this bike i bought about five years ago and it was a bit of a wreck so i completely stripped it sourced parts from all around the world she was finished two days ago yeah today will be the first ride oh my god tiffany all right now i can guarantee there wasn't one girl there who gave a single crap about the details of tiffany jimmy's bicycle but doesn't it give you like the reassurance to know that every single one of these girls will be up for an acting career after this because i was convinced i almost thought

that they all cared but they didn't anyway lily got the lily got the single date out of this hey do you not think it was a little bit weird that all the girls now i'll admit there was one person in the life uncut facebook group that pointed this out every girl was in a beautiful summery dress and it was only lily that was dressed in something that was appropriate for being on the back of a motorcycle the other thing that's very suspicious is that jimmy kept referring to the motorbike as being a double seater and it was not a double seater it was a double seater for a tiny human him and a tiny tiny very petite tiny human like half like a child's seat at the back and Lily fitted into that seat it was only one person that could fit on the back of that motorcycle and it

was Lily so Lily and Jimmy end up on a single date at the beach somewhere in the northern beaches Jimmy's hometown and Lily's very excited they go on a surfing date and it's good to see that Lily has some experience in this area growing up we've always done like the little surfboard but yeah not in the ocean with like real waves okay so i'm just wondering if you're not doing it in the ocean where the hell are you going with a surfboard well she wasn't doing the surfboard in the ocean but they were definitely doing something else okay they had like surf lessons for all of maybe three minutes lily was awesome she stood up first go jimmy was like very turned on by her abilities on a surfboard All it took was one single stand up on a wave and Jimmy had a raging boner.

Jimmy also stood up on a wave. Jimmy was like, come back here. So Jimmy and Lily start macking on in the ocean and I was getting wild anxiety watching them get pummeled by the waves that kept on coming. Lily getting pummeled? Or who's getting pummeled at this point? Not only that, it then flicks to a lifeguard. There is a lifeguard on the beach, just sitting there in his buggy, creepily watching them mack on in the ocean, getting smashed by waves.

It was very sexy. I'm all here for it. You go for it, girl. You get your man. Who cares if your dad is watching? But I was wondering if they needed a lifeguard, why didn't they get Jimmy's mate from the last episode? Or why didn't they just have Jimmy since apparently he's also a lifeguard?

As if Jimmy needs a lifeguard watching on. But yeah, it was very awkward because she was kind of straddling him, but it was waist deep water. so it's not quite deep enough to give buoyancy to Lily but at the same time it's that perfect height to really get battered by a wave and you can literally you can watch Jimmy as he's battling to stand up and he's also trying to wrestle with Lily so credit to Jimmy for getting the job done in very difficult circumstances

could you imagine trying to passionately kiss someone whilst a wave smacks you in the back of the head we live at Bondi baby I could take you down there tomorrow and we can try it out we can act it out Okay, so then after the kissing and after the romance in the water, they move to on the shore and they're sitting there on a surfboard. It's super romantic and they're getting really intimate and talking about things that are very important to them.

My nan had three heart attacks on that beach. Three? Yeah. And, yeah, luckily she survived all of them. Yeah, so that was her... Three, oh, my God. Three. That was her daily ritual.

What a shit way to start your day every day, going for a swim and having a heart attack. Nan, it's 11 o'clock. How come you haven't had your heart attack just yet? Oh, there we go. If you like to start your day with a coffee and a poo, imagine going down to the beach and just being like the old ticker. The way he said it was thoroughly entertaining.

It was a weird way to talk about someone who's so close to your heart. I don't think he meant that she had a heart attack every day. Maybe she had it three days in a row. I think he meant she had three heart attacks there, but going for a swim was her daily ritual. Daily ritual, of course. There we go. At this point, back at the Batch mansion, Jimmy's sister, Tani, who was a psychologist, I might add, and his cousin, Melissa, have arrived to have a dinner with the rest of the girls.

And for a second there, I was confused as to whether I was watching The Bachelor or whether we had just flicked channels and accidentally landed on maths. The honesty box came out. It was very reminiscent of the honesty box that they have on maths. But you know what? It brought up some good, interesting conversations and a little bit of drama. Is it called the honesty box on maths? I don't know. Is that the actual term that they use?

Because it's genius because it's just an excuse to throw shade at the other contestants. But you have the anonymity of the honesty box. So you're absolved from any kind of repercussions. And also, I guess, like the idea with the honesty box, it's the same thing that happens on maths. It's anonymous. So you can put in your questions there. If you've had any beef happening with the girls in the house, if there's been anything that you've heard. It's a great way to be able to unpack some of the drama that's happening in the house

and to be able to throw people under the bus without actually having to address them face-to-face. And obviously, you know, whoever saw it, we saw that there was a lot of conflict that came out with Holly. This has been brewing over the past couple of episodes. But I'm pretty sure that anyone could make a wild guess that the questions that were put into the honesty box about Holly were either put in there by Steph or Tatum.

No, I think there's actually a few girls that really don't get along with Holly. Like, Holly definitely has her friends in the group. there's Brooke, there's Carly, there's Tani as well they're all really close with Holly but there's a lot of girls like it's very it's divided almost split in the middle I'd say between the two groups. But obviously there's quite a few people in the house as well who have taken issue with Holly. Holly I feel like that you are quite different behind closed doors. I think it's really interesting what's happened here and something that somebody who listened to this podcast one

of our lifers wrote in and they sent me a message saying it's really weird that Holly has said to Tatum that she never speaks to her that she's never had a conversation with Tatum so Holly's reaction to being asked this or being told that she's different in front of Jimmy to what she is to the other girls was to say well I've basically never spoken to you but at this point the girls have probably been in the mansion for what four or five weeks at least totally and so at this point Laura when you were in the mansion I'm assuming that you would have spent a little bit of time with everybody obviously you have your favorites and those you're drawn towards but you would have had a little bit of one-on-one time with just about everybody in the house absolutely like

you live with these girls you you spend 24 hours a day seven days a week and if you've been in that house for a month now which is pretty much where we're at in the filming schedule they would have been in this situation for a month to say that you've not had a conversation or you've not spoken to someone at all in that entire month if I live with that person I'd probably think that they weren't being very nice either and I'm don't get me wrong guys wow don't get me wrong I'm not saying that Holly is not a nice person I'm saying she I love Holly she's my number one and she has been from day dot but I think maybe in that home environment if she hasn't taken the time to actually get to know all the girls if she hasn't taken the time to have conversations with them

maybe some of them feel judged maybe some of them feel like they're not good enough for her to speak to them or she hasn't put in any effort with them and so when you don't put an effort with someone and when you don't care about that person's you know day or you even try and have you live with them like you haven't even tried to have a conversation with them maybe they have been left to make up their own opinions about Holly which is what seems like has happened in this situation so what you're trying to say right now is that you think Jay is going to win this whole thing is that is that what i'm picking up okay i think jay is i'm gonna i'm calling this right now jay is going to be number three she's getting a number three edit number one number three number

one number three okay so do you think do you think because i'm trying to decipher what's happening and i can't quite figure out is there any bit of negativity to holly's personality or is it all just being manufactured by steph and some of the other girls who are really jealous of the fact that Holly is clearly an absolute front runner here in this season? I feel sorry for Holly to be honest. I don't think that she is the nasty person that they're trying to say that she is. I don't think that she is a bitch behind closed doors. What I think she's actually doing, and I say this because I feel a little bit protective of her because I think I approach the situation in the same way. When you get into that environment, you very quickly figure out who are the

girls that you kind of want to avoid because they're going to be the girls that are embroiled it in drama and who are the girls that you align with and like Holly has obviously aligned with some really they come across as lovely people like Carly comes across as a really genuine and kind person Brooke comes across as a genuine and kind person Holly has kind of found her community within the batch mansion but in doing that she's also gone I don't want anything to do with you and maybe she has kind of like done that a little bit too far in the extreme and I know I did a similar thing and it kind of puts a target on your back a little bit because it gives people the reason of going oh well you don't like me so I don't like you back the one thing that I find

really interesting and obviously who knows what was recorded and what's been edited out of the show but at no point have you got any grabs of Holly saying anything really negative about the other girls however when you look at Steph and Tatum there are so many grabs where the girls those two girls specifically are being really spiteful and they're really doing everything in their power to try and push Holly out of the picture and really paint Holly in a negative light especially to Jimmy's family yeah and it's one of those things that we've touched on before in this like when you are so obviously a front runner I know that's such a weird thing to say but when when it's so obvious in that sort of environment that you have a strong connection

with the bachelor of course it puts a target on your back and if you're someone who is super confident if you're someone who's a little bit loud maybe a little bit obnoxious but not meaning to be obnoxious in a negative way like that doesn't bode well I think that strong confident and like sassy women can sometimes be brought down by other women because it's intimidating now I'm not saying that Holly is completely faultless in this maybe she has done a few things that's kind of put her into the situation that she's in well she's definitely not a woman of the people like jay is totally but in saying that you know it's obvious how much this situation has hurt her it's just brutal like it's just brutal i just did not i didn't see that coming

at all like i've never been nasty to any of these girls i've never had a conversation with tatum in my life like i don't know where that's coming from it's just almost like it's like the second that it's like i don't know the second i'm forming a connection with jimmy it's people want to pummel me down and i don't understand it listening to that part of the episode and watching that unfold made me feel so sad and it really for me personally threw me back into my situation when i was on the show with matt and you know having any conflict at all and having any fights with the girls is just it fucking kills you like it actually hurts you so much and so for that to unfold in front of jimmy's cousin and in front of jimmy's sister there's a whole other layer there

where you feel like you're probably being completely sabotaged. And I can only imagine that Holly in that moment would be feeling like, oh, it's over now. Like he won't want to be with me. Yeah, as we were watching that on TV, I looked over and Laura was just in a fetal position, shaking and crying with PTSD from your... I remember when I met your mum,

when I met your mum in Thailand and your brothers and... What was the question that got you tripped up? Do you have any hobbies? Oh my God. So we were sitting there in Thailand and Matt's little brother asked me he's like what are your hobbies and I was like in my mind in my mind hobbies are things like collecting stamps and knitting that's a hobby and I was like I don't have any fucking hobbies I was like who the fuck has hobbies I work and I do salsa

I guess salsa dancing is my hobby why didn't you say salsa dancing then Laura what was the problem I did say salsa dancing and he was like clearly you're not compatible because my brother likes to do exercise and go to the beach and leave his underwear in the lounge room anyway it was it all unfolded but when i met your mom and i sat down with your mom that was the absolute undoing of me your mom said to me how do you feel about my son and i burst out crying yeah i remember she told me that and i and i was really upset and i was like i'm so in love with him but i just feel like i was like i actually feel like you're the first person who's asked that question and they've cared about the answer and I had felt so guarded for so long on the show she didn't she was just

forced to say that by production she didn't really I had felt so guarded because the producers ask you every day every single day you ask how do you feel how do you feel where are you at why don't you love him like you ask these questions on repeat 10 times 20 times 30 times a day but you genuinely get to a point where you're like these people don't care about the answer like they only care about producing the response out of you and I felt like your mum was the very first person to ask that question and she really cared and it just crippled me well I think Jimmy's sister really cared so it was interesting to see the feedback that Jimmy's sister gave about the other girls obviously she was very specific about Holly and Steph she wasn't hugely sympathetic regarding

the situation for Holly and a lot of people were quite critical online about that because she's a psychologist and I guess people thought that she would be able to see through the situation and that it was it was quite an orchestrated attack on her but she very much plays Switzerland on the situation which like I kind of agree and she's only in there for a short moment so I'm sure she can't understand exactly what's going on and the dynamic between all the girls but I actually like what she said I like that she said that you have to create a space to allow people to have those conversations and you know if it is true that Holly has turned around and said that you know she's not spoken to Tatum in the last month then there is truth to the fact that maybe

she hasn't created space to be able to have any connection with those girls like that very obvious other group that's been formed but tiny did sit down with jimmy and then go through with him what she thought of all of the girls and you know there's been some suspicion that maybe jimmy's a bit of a bondi playboy that maybe he churns and burns through a few chicks and i don't know what would ever give anybody that impression i think jay is potentially compatible for jimmy i could easily imagine them spending a weekend together i find it kind of weird that she's imagining jimmy rooting jay for the weekend she said rooting but i think the thing like what she was implying there was very much a freudian slip i don't know if you guys heard it when it happened but instead of being

like i can see jay and jimmy together having a happy life she was like i can see jimmy for the weekend just a weekend no more which i want you to remember this since you think jay's our number one she's gonna be one for a good time but not a long time oh jay we missed you so there was a lot more that happened in this group date which isn't really a group date this weird dinner maths unpacking honesty box we're not going to go into it all because it's just there's actually too much to unpack on this episode seven and eight a whole little drama happened with steph and jimmy wanted to have some one-on-one time with her to be able to figure out what's going on there no but it was It was a nothing, like she rocked up at the Batch Mansion,

they had a cup of coffee. Starbucks is obviously a sponsor. Happened to be Starbucks and then they showed literally nothing of the chat. Which makes me think all that happened was that they macked on. They made out the whole time. No drama happened. I reckon he asked her one question. The producers are like, Jimmy, all right,

you've really got to ask the hard questions here. Like she's been pretty tough on Holly, you've got to get to the bottom of it. And Jimmy's like, absolutely, you got it. five seconds in Jimmy's got no pants on and producers are like oh god we'll have to cut all this out but seriously guys if there was anything juicy that had happened if there was any sort of like really important storyline conversation we would have seen that the fact that we didn't see it makes me think that all they did at that extra one-on-one time was that they made out so let's fast forward because tonight was a big night somebody voluntarily

walked at the cocktail party this is big isn't it it's always huge news when someone walks out especially when it's outside of a rose ceremony i think there's a definite show of power when somebody goes up to the bachelor pulls them aside and says nah mate you're not for me which is kind of weird because the bachelor can reject that many girls and no one blinks an eyelid but the moment one of the girls rejects the bachelor oh my god oh my god everyone's flipping out but also this is the thing i think most people watch the show and never question what's being presented to us in that not every single girl in there is into him not every okay but i know this is gonna be hard for you to appreciate it maybe not for all bachelors but not some of us here laura we were

very popular shut up can confirm no one walked out on me uh not every girl in our season was into you there were some girls in our season why would you say such a hurtful and spiteful thing to me laura but what happens is you get to this point in the show you've done four weeks and four weeks of like feeling if you don't have a connection if you guys haven't really spent any time having conversation or getting to know each other you do get to a point where you're like i'm wasting my time and obviously tatum and even though i'm know that tatum got that extra time and she made out with jimmy she obviously wasn't getting the amount of attention or the amount of I shouldn't say attention because it's not about attention,

but she wasn't getting – You do need attention. It's all about – you talk about filling your cup, and your cup is getting pretty low at this point, especially when you find out so many other people are getting time to mack on. Kissy kiss. Once you're an empty and you're an empty for a while, if you don't get filled back up, then you're going to walk.

The longer that the bachelor season runs and the more that we have these strong independent women coming through, the more that we're going to see women going, I don't need to sit around and wait for a guy to choose me. And I'm actually really proud that Tatum, even though she's caused a bit of drama in the house from time to time, I really liked that she got to a point in her own personal journey where she was like, I'm not feeling it. I'm not getting it from him. All the power to me. I'm going to leave. And the biggest power move about this whole thing is that she would not have told anyone. She wouldn't have told any of the girls.

She wouldn't have told any of the producers. That would have been something that she had decided and she actioned it all by herself and took it into her own hands because to be honest, the producers don't like it when the girls walk out on The Bachelor because it makes The Bachelor seem like he's not the most desirable person in the world and that doesn't play into the storyline which is that he gets to choose. Because especially imagine, Laura, a scenario where multiple people,

imagine multiple people in one episode walk out on The Bachelor because if one person leaves, they walk out, what you want to avoid is a domino effect then when someone else in the back of their mind, they go, yeah, do you know what? If Tatum's going to leave, I guess I'm going to leave as well. It's exactly the same thing that happens in a workplace. When one person quits, you end up having 10 people that leave, especially if the culture's bad. And trust me, sometimes the culture in the batch mansion is not the best, but the real tragedy of the cocktail party and something that I think we're all going to be asking ourselves for

a very long time is what the fuck did Sierra have planned? I can't sleep at night. She wanted to have extra time with you she came up and said jimmy when you've got a second please can we have a chat because i have something special planned for you and none of us know what that is now i can't imagine it was anything that amazing but she looked really good guys and she wanted to tell you all i'm sure her surprise was just telling jimmy that she looked really amazing and it was the best dress she's worn all season she did say that a few times and it really was but it was the best dress she's worn all season she looked great it was a shame now i thought maybe given that tatum walked out we would call it quits then and there but i'm very

happy to say there was a rose ceremony i'm happy just to get some of these girls out of the way let's churn through it come on let's get the show on the road people let's get it done so on episode seven the last person whose name i don't know went home and that's the girl who went home at the rose ceremony shit no i i i did take note i think it was stevie stevie the hairdresser she looked great Stevie the hairdresser. Let's just say she was a hairdresser. She was a girl. She left.

She looked smoking when she left. So that is great. Good for her. Also a power move. All right. Now let's keep moving because it's a really bloody long two episodes this week. So moving into episode eight. Carly had a very romantic single date.

Carly's our beautiful lawyer. I love Carly. She's sweet. She was the positive captain or whatever it was from that group date forever ago. So toxic positivity, I think it was. That's right. Toxic positivity. She is very warm and bubbly.

She's very warm. She's very giggly. She's very bubbly. And they had an extremely unromantic date at Western Sydney University. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Let's not shit on Western Sydney University. That place is very romantic. Now, did I say that Carly is pretty giggly?

oh my goodness this was a really weird smorgasbord type of date where they just had so many different activities put together to try and make something interesting but jimmy and carly have the world's slowest zipline ride i have ever seen in my entire life and laura i'm not a fan of ziplines at the best of times but this is one of the worst i think i've ever seen it look it was all being prepped up to be like oh it's so adventurous it's going to be so wild oh this is really exciting it was the most anticlimactic zipline i've ever seen it's like when you get a guy home and then they can't get an erection that's what that was for a single date imagine imagine that in date form and that was this zipline so they basically do the world's slowest

little venture down the zipline to a box where there's a flap address at the end and look carl is very excited she tells us that she's excited and that this is the oh gosh it's amazing many times oh it's amazing it's beautiful this is so fun oh my gosh i'm so excited this is so cool oh my god this is so amazing i'm loving this way too much well i'm glad one of us is enjoying this single date because i laura am not oh i feel sorry for carly you know when you're like so giddy and excited and look she truly is toxic positivity but it was and i don't know if anybody else noticed this but it was getting a little bit repetitive about how excited that she is about this date which is literally a

dog's breakfast before we shit on this date anymore there was hula hooping okay i want to shit on this date a little bit because i feel like this day if you haven't seen it i'm just going to run you through quickly the zip line yeah then there was a flapper dress basically like a sparkly like 1920s dress yeah what's a flap i was like flapper dress what are you talking about here it's like a flapper i don't know it's like an old 1920s dancer i might be wrong who knows anyway 1920s dress then they had a champagne tower oh yeah the champagne tower wasn't that a hoot then they popped some champagne bottles and then they had a woman dressed in like disco lights and a hula hoop and this was like i was on a roller coaster it was like watching an

adult dr seuss movie or some 40 year old man who went to burning man and just is like having a midlife crisis as a date it's like where the hell are they going next with this date it's the date that doesn't know what it wants to be and it just keeps on going so anyway in case you didn't realize carly is having the time of her life and of course captain kinky he seals the deal with a beautiful kiss i thought the last kiss felt meaningful but this one has stepped up a notch all right spoiler alert i don't think carly is gonna win this as sweet as she is laura i just don't see the spark between them i feel like she is worlds apart from the dates with people like holly and jay and even steph i feel a little bit sorry for the edit that she got though on that

date I think that they edited so much of her giggly like cutesiness into it but then when they actually had their intimate talk at the end there was some really quality conversations that they had and she's so much smarter than what that edit gave her credit for so I love Carly I'm sad that I look I don't think Carly's going to be the girl at the end but I kind of wish she is I love how you've just taken a page out of Carly's book here and you're trying to be so positive regarding the date so the group date was a school party thing there was a debate team there was a PE team okay the debate topic was do you believe in love at first sight laura answer right now go oh it's that's a really hard one for me because i feel like i fell in love with you when i first

saw you but now we're together so like if we didn't work out i would say no but because we did work out i believe in connection at first sight it's such a lame way of putting it i believe in chemistry at first sight but chemistry as you all know if you listen to our other episodes is very misleading and dangerous good thing you turned out okay so look there was a debate that happened on one team on the other team there was a PE team and it was meant to be like reliving your high school years and they were traumatic for most of us so why would we want to relive that and then after that they had a scene where the girls were smoking in the toilets which is a little bit odd step lost her virginity behind the netball

and then there was the school formal what was your school formal like Uh, school formal was pretty uneventful. We had a semi-formal in grade 11. So my year 11 semi-formal, I was in the car driving to the location, had a few too many swigs of my vodka in the car. You were driving to your school formal drunk. Matthew Johnson. No, I was in the back seat. I was being delivered to my semi-formal in a Toyota Supra. Okay. Cause the way you said that made it sound like you drove yourself drunk to your school formal. And I'm really glad you clarified that. can confirm I wasn't driving drunk. I got on the boat where the form was being held and I think I

lasted about five minutes and I went to the bathroom and I passed out for the entire boat trip and I only got out of the bathroom as we pulled back into the harbour and that was my semi-formal. Look, you're still a lightweight, let's be real. So my school formal, I went to my year 10 school formal with my boy well my ex boy so a guy i had been dating for a year i had broken up with him two weeks prior but i you broke up with him i broke up with him and i still took him to my formal why what happened look you know we just grew apart actually no no no why why did you still take him if you broke up with him i broke up with him because he wouldn't go to the next base with me wow we only ever kissed and i wanted more after a year and he wouldn't do it

mom has got to eat so i broke up with him anyway we ended up going to my school formal it was awful because we were not together and we were broken up and then we both cried and then i went home that was it wow memories the year 12 formal was considerably better anyway so the school formal was a little bit strange in that all the girls were there but only a few of them got extra time. Laura had a chat, a little bit uneventful. I feel sorry for Laura. She's like the kooky friend. And, you know, I think that she's still hopeful that there is the time for them to be able to build a connection. But I actually think at this point, I'm very doubtful that there's going to be a dark horse that's going to come out of the ranks. And I think it's a bit unfair

because Laura in her extra time actually asked Jimmy, is there any room left? Do you think that you could grow feelings for me? That's right. She said, don't waste my time. And he said, yes. and I actually don't believe him. I think that probably at this point in time when he's already built so many connections with girls, if he was genuinely interested in pursuing something, he probably already would have done it by now. So the girls that are left over that haven't had time with him yet

are probably girls that he's not as invested with. So I don't think he was as honest as he could be in this environment. Osher comes out and he announces that there is going to be a surprise rose ceremony, no cocktail party, do not pass go, do not collect $200, go straight to jail. And we, collectively, we being Matthew Johnson and I, are devastated because our Queen Sierra has gone home. Say it's not so, Laura.

But she took it like a trooper. I kind of hadn't even think that Jimmy wasn't into tall, horny bogans. I think any guy would be lucky to have me. Jimmy couldn't see that. That's a him problem. Like, it's just bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. F*** him.

you want to give me a rose fine like i'll be all right so i'm not gonna beat myself up about that someone who can't handle a woman like me i'm like i'm not gonna cry like i'm not gonna cry myself to sleep and now that our queen sierra has finally left the mansion too soon far too soon you would be forgiven if you thought that this whole episode was over you'd be forgiven Even if you thought that Thursday nights episodes were done, but no, Channel 10 sprung a little one on us, didn't they? And I don't know if we're recapping Episode 8 anymore, if it's Episode 9.

I don't even know what's happening. It's so late that we're recording this, guys, and I want to go to bed. I was so tired. And then it was like, wait, don't go anywhere. After the rose ceremony, another episode. I was like, oh, well. I don't want to watch The Bachelor anymore.

I'm so tired. guys one thing that we need to point out we completely forgot and no i know like at least half of you were listening to this being like so you forgot to mention brooke brooke just vanished oh yeah front runner brooke has gone front runner and look it's not funny someone in her family passed away her grandfather passed away she has left that happened at the start of the last who even knows so much has happened now we can't keep up you can't keep up no one knows what's happening and I've had a few wines. Okay, since we don't know if we're in ep eight or nine,

we'll just keep going and we're kicking off with Laura who's had her first single date. I don't know where they are exactly, but it's somewhere that's meant to look like Italy and she's part Italian and they're going to be cooking pasta. It's an Italian-themed date. What could go wrong, Laura? Laura has been so monumentally friend-zoned

and there is a lot of like sexual innuendos happening here. Jimmy does not want to bar of it. this reminded me so much of the date that you had with tara yeah it did scream that tara date didn't it if anyone remembers our season matt had a single date with tara where they had a little cooking date and they made pasta and i'm pretty sure it's the exact same pasta maker that i used from my season that was on tonight's episode one thing that was glaringly different between your date with tara and jimmy's date was that you kissed tara let's talk about that hey let's let's not get caught up in the details here, Laura. So Laura went in for a kiss and she got

denied. At the end of the date, you're sitting there in front of a candlelit dinner. If he gives you a rose, you're going to kiss him. Like that's what happens at the end of the date. Everybody, everybody knows that, right? Laura is a national treasure. And I think that everybody's hearts collectively broke when she, she was so embarrassed. And, and I wasn't, I wasn't embarrassed for her. I didn't think that she'd done anything wrong, but I think Jimmy embarrassed her by doing that and look i get it he's allowed to kiss who he wants to kiss and not kiss who he wants to kiss but i think at this point in time if you're going to give someone a rose if you've been loose lips jimmy captain kinky kissing every single other person and you've just given someone a rose at

this stage and they try and kiss you i think if you're not going to kiss them if you're not invested in them don't give them a rose like he should have just let laura go home or just give her a little sympathy kiss don't give someone a pity kiss you're gonna kiss everybody on set you literally have kissed every single person that you come within a one meter radius on just give her a kiss don't just give her a kiss do not give her a pity kiss it's a fucking terrible advice coming from matt how many people did you pity kiss on our season 15 how many people did you kiss at every other girl except me pity kiss hey let's it's it's not important but yeah i think it was what i found really upsetting is the fact that she was very distraught then cut to scenes

where she was talking to producers she was in tears and she was like hey I'm not an idiot I know what's going on here Jimmy then came in had to console her and almost reassure her that she is still in there with a chance we all know that as much as we love Laura she's not going to be the girl at the end it's like mate come on just let her go yeah I agree I think that you know what one thing that Jimmy has really prided himself on up until this point and one of the things which we'll like we're going to unpack this a little bit further down the track as well in regards to when he sent Ashley home one thing that he has kind of really reiterated is that he wants to be honest and he wants to be genuine and upfront with the girls and I know that it's really

really hard to hurt someone's feelings it's really hard to reject someone and say to them look I'm not into you and you know I want you to go home I get that that's difficult but I think that knowing how upset she was and him I'm gonna call it like what it is I don't think he's into yeah And I don't think he's into her. I don't think he's into her. I think he had the perfect opportunity there to sit down and say, look, I think you're awesome. That's why I gave you a rose, but I don't see anything romantic.

Instead of saying, oh, look, having a kiss is a really serious thing because emotions are infested. You have kissed everyone. Even Osh has had a kiss. So yeah, look, I think everybody collectively who watched that kind of called bullshit on it and everyone's heart broke for Laura. So Laura's date wraps up. Then we cut to a group date.

Now, the concept for this one is one that I kind of like. Imagine, Laura, speed dating. You have five minutes with each person, but it's the mum of each girl. So there's five girls who are there on the group date. Weird that you said you like it. Do you want to go on a speed date with my mum? Well, I do like an older woman. You know that, Laura.

I am two years older, but nothing screams romance like a polyamorous group date with your mum. No, I think it's quite telling when you spend time with the mother of the person that you're into. So I think this is really beneficial for Jimmy on this group date. So basically each mum gets a little bit of time with Jimmy and they get to ask the hard-hitting questions that their daughters have already kind of briefed them on. So I guess like each girl got a small amount of time with their mum to kind of tell their mum what's been going wrong

and set the mum up to be able to ask those questions. Or what's been going right, Laura, because Ash did mention to her mum within the first 30 seconds, yeah, I got him naked and we jumped in the jacuzzi. I think it's good to probably explain that these things are happening so that when your parents watch the show back on TV, they're like, I already knew. I was already prepped for that.

Mum, I had sex with him. Thanks, honey. That's my girl. I'm so proud of you, sweetie. Go, go, go. The one person who did stand out in this was Tani and she is the one who was given the extra time. Extra time that we didn't see,

but that's because her mum pretty much bullied Jimmy into giving her the extra time. It is a little strange though. we both watch tani every single time she's on screen and go she seems really great she's really confident she's super beautiful why is she getting no one-on-one time with jimmy yeah it was really confusing and a lot of people actually if you guys follow the life uncut group if you're in the facebook group we for each episode have a thread where everyone jumps on and comments a lot of people started to say that jimmy made reference to the fact that the girl that he chose

on out when we actually interviewed him the girl that he chose is someone who he had a very slow burn with and he made a reference to the fact that things with Tani were a really slow burn so a lot of people were jumping on the comment section of that thread thinking oh my god maybe it's going to be Tani at the end and that's why they've hidden so much of her story look I wish it was Tani at the end I don't think it's going to be I think that would be I want to I want a bait and switch I hope I shouldn't say I hope it's not Holly I want it to be Holly because that's great for Holly but I would love to be surprised at the end of this series and for it to be Tani just to really like be invested and be wrong so we didn't actually get to see any of the extra time with him

and Tani which I think I feel a little bit robbed by that we we cut to a lot of the drama and a lot of unpacking shit that was said in the previous episode but we don't actually know what happened at all between him and Tani do you know why I think we didn't see any of that scene with Tani why because i bet you he was macking on with her oh yeah yeah detective matt at it again are you um you okay there i'm masturbating and we'll cut here for five minutes three and a half it's all it takes guys wow i reckon you're right i reckon he kissed tani and then they couldn't put it in there Because it would look too weird to say that, hey, you know,

I don't just kiss any old girl. And then to say that with Laura wouldn't have made sense. And then cut to kissing with Tani. Dum-dum. That's like, you know, wait, what is it? NCIS. Special Victims Unit. Cut that out.

Dum-dum. Special Victims Unit. You've had a couple of wines. I've had a couple of wines. I reckon you were on to something. Anyway, we miss out on whatever happened, the tonsil hockey, whatever happened between Tani and Jimmy. Then we get straight into another single date with Jay

And I want to ask the question Go on Where are the date cards? Why are there no date cards on this episode? Where are the date cards, Laura? What's happened? Budget cards Spent all the money on that champagne from the last single date with Carly

so this also this date also reminded me of a date from our season the date that you had with lisa where you played tennis and then got in the pool are you okay watching this season anything that happens if someone brings out a champagne glass you're like oh that reminds me of our season no what i'm trying to get at is that the dates are identical some of the dates are carbon copy dates and that they just maybe need a little bit of freshening up, jazzy them up with a few sparkles and a date card. Fair point. Well, to be fair, it wasn't really a date though.

It was more of just like a quick catch-up. You know we mentioned that Stephanie had that weird coffee date that we also didn't see earlier on? It was similar to that. They hit two tennis balls and then straightaway they were chatting about the fact that there was a rumour going around that Jade didn't want to have kids. Now, if we cast our memories back a little bit,

Steph had told Jimmy's cousin that Jay didn't want to have kids. However, however, when Jay is confronted with this rumour, she is in shock. She's in absolute disbelief because, Laura, she does want to have kids. And can you tell me the time frame in which she wants to have children? I believe she said between two to three years. Now, it makes me think that our friend, the kinky captain, may have been drinking from the same Kool-Aid that our other friend Steph, who has amnesia.

Because on last week's episode, Jimmy actually sent Ashley home because Ashley said she wanted to have kids in the next two to three years. Are you sure? 100%. You can quote me. Daily Mail, come for me.

Jimmy sent Ashley home. Obviously, he wasn't interested in her. That's the real reason. But he said he sent her home because their timelines didn't match up. And now Jay's come out and said she wants to have kids in the next two to three years And he gave her a rose and a kiss and said, I'm so glad that we cleared this up because

having kids is a deal breaker for me. So look, the consistency now is just lacking a little bit. I'm sure Ash is watching this season back going, you son of a bitch, I went home for that. But of course, then Jay, she went back to the cocktail party. So the cocktail party is kicking off. She looks smoking. She walks in and she wants to get to the bottom of who has started this rumor about her, which

obviously everyone watching knows it's Steph Steph knows it's Steph but Steph does Steph know it's Steph I honestly think she doesn't have any recollection of saying it like she definitely did say it we all know we watched it with our own two eyes but I think she's just getting I think maybe she does have short-term memory loss the editing of this whole situation with Steph was pretty clever and it also made it seem a lot more frantic so Steph is like hand on heart I swear I didn't say anything and then she looks like it basically looks like she's jumped from person to person to person to try and convince everybody at the cocktail party that it wasn't her who started this rumor I'm sure it didn't play out like this but it was very very entertaining to watch and as

one person in our Facebook group said Steph either has amnesia she's blackout drunk or she's just an undercover fuck boy and at this point she's as good at lying as what my ex was so let's see how this all pans out for steph so we know that holly's kind of been on the outer a little bit it's been interesting to note that she's been getting almost the last or second last rose the last few ceremonies i feel like the drama of being identified as somebody who's two-faced is still really hovering over her head whereas jimmy had to just pull her aside reassure her that hey you're still in this it's definitely not game over for us i'm sure they macked on I absolutely guarantee they were going at it, but we didn't see that either.

What makes you say they were going at it? You just assume. No, because I can just see it. I can – okay, I look at the way – You can see it in his horny eyes. I can see the horniness in Jimmy. I mean, we've got to remember that he's like at least like five weeks in at this point and hasn't had sex.

So, like, there's a lot going on. There's a lot of horniness happening. There's 23 women there. And as Holly said, which I think is the real take-home message, Jimmy is courageous for being the Bachelor. Now, I for one think that war veterans are courageous, whereas Jimmy's being paid to date 23 people. But if you think that's courageous, Matthew Johnson, you deserve a medal.

Absolutely. We should all have one day of the year where the public should salute the Bachelors out there doing this hard work. Heroes, ladies and gentlemen. You are an amazing, amazing man. Thank you. It's truly an honour to be in your presence at 11 o'clock at night whilst we record this podcast.

I don't do this for me, Laura. I do this for you and the people. That then leads us finally at long, long last into the rose ceremony and poor Bec couldn't even wait for the fucking rose ceremony to finish. Come on, let's wrap this up. She sent herself home. So after a couple of names were called, we saw Bec put her hand up, take Jimmy aside and she caught a spade a spade.

You clearly haven't spoken to me in the past month or five weeks. I'm getting the feeling that maybe you're not interested in me. should i go home i think she said what's my name and he said is it chantelle and she goes no it's not i'm gonna leave where's my car that's exactly how it went down we just didn't get to see all the behind the scenes that editing trickery you know and i'm sure he tried to kiss her as she left which was edited out poor jimmy i actually really like jimmy and i can't wait to get him back on the podcast if you'll come back on to be honest anyway guys that is the end of what i think was three episodes in total about like seven it is about five hours of our life which we will never get

back um we absolutely love bringing you these episodes matt and i have several fights it's really good for our relationship it's like doing one of those trust exercises when we're building a deeper bond for each other so thank you to everybody who comes on the roller coaster with us if you haven't yet if you've listened to all of our batch uncut recaps matt and i doing them if you haven't yet left a review to tell us what you think we would absolutely love that matt needs the ego boost as i said at the beginning he thrives on positive affirmation give it to me give it to now i'll stop and you guys know the drill tell your mom tell your dad tell your friends and tell everyone give it to me now and give it to me now because we need to get you in bed

We'll be right back.