Life Uncut - BONUS EP - Accidentally unfiltered travel stories

Episode Date: September 6, 2022

Lifers, we are on holiday in Cairns right now and we thought "I bet they have some hilarious stories from their travels," so alas! here is an entire episode of your accidentally unfiltered travel memories!If you need a bit of an escape and a giggle today, this episode is for you!It's all thanks to the wonderful Flight Centre who have sent us on a beautiful trip to Cairns in celebration of their 40th Birthday. Book your holiday today by visiting Flight Centre.Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your travel buddies and share the love because we love love! xxSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Before we get into the episode, we're so excited to tell you about our sponsor and that is Flight Centre. Now it is no surprise that we love travel. It's no surprise that anyone loves travel and it is Flight Centre's 40th birthday. For 40 years, they have been the one-stop shop for all things travel. I'm talking flights, travel deals, tours, accommodation. They really are a see-it-all centre. Now that the world has opened back up, the experts at Flight centre have you covered? Your centre, our centre, Flight Centre. Visit flightcentre.com.au. Now let's get into the episode. Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We

pay our respect to their elders, past and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. This episode is recorded in Yirrginji people country. Hi guys and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. I'm Laura. And I'm Brittany. And this is a saucy, sexy little bonus episode for you all because we are away in Cairns at the moment and we decided we would create a little accidentally unfiltered bonus episode.

Are you feeling unwell? No, why? Well, it's the first time ever you haven't said, we have a special little episode. It's a very special episode. It is a very special episode, but I do like to just keep you guessing every so often, you know, try and invent the wheel.

It is a special episode because Laura, myself and Keisha have gone up to Cairns. So we are recording this right now in our hotel room in the beautiful Cairns. We are overlooking a pool that's on the ocean. There's ambience, there's little twinkle lights. It's a really nice time to be alive. Can I just say though, if you're a listener and you are from Cairns, Cairns is lit city. We were out last night. It was a Monday night. Hang on. Let's just clarify. We weren't out. I mean, we were physically out, but we weren't out out. It was 8.30 PM. We went for dinner, but on the walk home, which was only 9 PM, it was unbelievably pumping. And I did not expect that Cairns

would have quite the nightlife when we say pumping we were so shooketh to the core i'm talking like king's cross back in its heyday now the nightlife in sydney is shit and there is none it was unbelievable well it was like it was monday night and we were walking along the promenade and we thought oh it's a sleepy little monday night after our dinner we came around a bend and anyone from cans or that's been to cans they're gonna know what we're talking about we came around a bend we had to pick our jaw up off the ground we were like oh there must be a festival on because it was wild there were lineups out the pub it was packed to the brim it was overflowing there were police everywhere because it was so busy there were thousands of people in this one pub screaming

and i was like that's that's my people laura i want to go and dance i want to go dance with the 18 year olds because mama's gone wild on her two nights away from the kids see i was the one that wanted to put them in the car make sure they get home safe i was like these are really young kids out and they have had a lot to drink but it was absolutely insane how wild cans was last night But a whole heap of people slid into my DMs and apparently it is hospo night here in Cairns on a Monday and let me tell you, it is a fun, fun time. But the reason we are up here is this episode is brought to you today

by one of our great partners and that is Flight Centre because this year is Flight Centre's 40th birthday. 40 years old. Oh, the big four-oh. Well, I mean, I haven't experienced that yet. But I imagine it's a milestone. I don't reckon Flight Centre would have wanted to come out and party with all the 18-year-olds on a Monday night.

I mean, you don't know that. You don't think so? well you're 37 and you tried i had to drag you away so it's actually very very impressive i think but okay you're never too old to go party laura burn well we thought what better way to celebrate a 40th birthday than to put together all of your most absolutely cooked and embarrassing travel stories and we put the call out and let me tell you we have some absolute doozies for you but you know what happened today britney hockley had her own accidentally unfiltered out on a beautiful boat. We were out in the middle of the Great Barrier Reef. Hang on, I thought we were actually

going to talk about how great the day was, not go straight to that. Oh no, I think we'll go straight into it. We'll start low and then we'll build ourselves back up. So today, Laura, Keisha and myself, we went out, we were so lucky. It was such a beautiful day. We went out to the Great Barrier Reef and we went for a snorkel and a dive. We were on this amazing little tour. It was so, so beautiful. And I feel so lucky to be able to see the Great Barrier Reef because it is a natural Rwanda and it's just so beautiful we got to go swimming with sharks and turtles we saw yep we saw a shark I tried to tell someone it was a great white it was like a tiny little wobby gong but um it was about 30 centimeters long could have just been a big fish who knows

I was like one of those guys you know having like a quarter fish it was this big it was not that big but one really funny thing happened to me so Laura and I were out on the deck I think Keisha might have been still going for a dive she was doing something we're sitting out in the deck in our bikinis surrounded by lots of other people mind you lots of people i had my legs kicked up on the table and i was like bathing my body like a little lizard catching a bit of sun now we know i've been away for a little while i went away to film some stuff and it's been a while since i put a bikini on we're kicking back we're drying off it's amazing there's people everywhere the sun is out and i just look down and i see this huge thread coming out of the bottom of my swimmers

So like from right underneath in the crotch and it's coming down my leg. And I was like, oh, well, I'll just get that. It just looks awkward. Like someone will think my tampon string's hanging out, so I'll just whip that out. Went to whip it out. That thing was attached to my labia. That was a pubic hair that was so long that I tried to.

No, no, no. How can you mistake a pubic hair for a tampon string? No, it wasn't. What tampon string is black? I thought it was a thread. It was quite light colored. I thought it was a thread. and I didn't look at it closely.

I just sort of quickly looked down and saw it and I was like, oh, I'll pull that thread off my swimmers. It was attached. If you're trying to pull your pubic hairs out thinking it's a loose thread. There's been way too many times between visits. And I mean visits in multiple ways if you're picking up what I'm putting down.

I just don't know like how aggressively was it? Like, was it to the point where you plaited your entire labia out the side of your swimmers? Or was it just like you pulled it and then you were like, no, no. I mean, I didn't have to pick my labia up off the ground and tuck it back in, Laura. Some of us do, Brittany, after two children. Some of us do.

But I couldn't stop laughing. and it didn't come out mind you it just pulled it and went back in like it's still there for next week for tomorrow when we go to the pool I'll deal with it tomorrow I've got a date when I get back I've got to deal with this okay wait wait wait do we want to know a little bit about the date when you get back how have you already pre-arranged a date when you've been away for five weeks Brittany Hockley do you want to know who I'm going on a date with you'll kill me but it's funny remember before I went away the only thing the only caveat I have is that you're not allowed to date a professional athlete and no more professional athletes no more honey badges

no more tennis players just no more professional athletes for a while okay moving along look it's no I don't want to date a professional athlete but if that ever happened in the future you can't hold that against me but that's not who it is I'm going on a date remember just before I left we had a bit of a laugh on radio and on the podcast about how I went on a date with the guy that both Keisha and I matched, the one that hilariously jumped out of the car at the end of the traffic lights. Do you remember? And you were like red flag.

Yes. So for anyone who didn't follow along with that story, basically Brit and Keisha were chatting to the same guy on Tinder or Bumble or whatever dating platform it is. And then Brit still, after he kind of like pretended like he didn't recognise her out, Brit then slid into his DMs and then they went on a date. That is not accurate at all.

That is the worst story. how did he end up back in your dms like if he ignored you out and then you chatted again like how did that come around a second time okay so let me explain i'm just going to give the quickest recap for all of you kisha and i matched with someone we're talking to the same person we didn't know and then when we discovered it he'd gone quiet he had stopped talking to us so we were like oh well like it's a shame because he was a such a babe and he was really nice we're like what a shame thought nothing of it a couple of days later we're out at a pub together kisha and I we ran into this guy and it looks like he ignored us like he looked at us and didn't

recognize us or chose not yeah and then walked off and then we told one of his friends he was weird we were like ha ha ha your friend ghosted us he stopped talking to us blah blah blah he's like oh that's not like him fast forward a couple of days and he slid into my dm and all he said was and I didn't have him on instagram so this was a surprise to me all he said was I didn't ghost you that was it and that's how the conversation started anyway that's who I'm going on a date with all right please keep us posted and report back before we do get into the episode I wanted to say one other thing I had a I had a realization today about producer Keisha oh dear here it is she's sitting on the bed yeah it's just pricked up now we've said on the podcast before producer

Patricia has a way of meeting so many people. She makes friends with everyone everywhere she goes. She can pick up. I have never seen anything like it. It is wild. We will go out anywhere. Poor Patricia Keisha is just getting thrown under the bus here. This is a compliment.

We're saying you can make very good friends anywhere you go. This is a compliment. Yeah, it's like nothing you've ever seen. She just is one of those people that you walk into a room and all of a sudden she's got someone's phone number. Woman or man, as a friend, she's going to catch up with them. She makes friends very easily. but when we go out she also hooks up very easily like men gravitate towards Keisha and I'm always

like what am I a ham sandwich like why you know but it's just something about her but I figured out today why it is so today you weren't there today at this point I think you're outside I think you're at the snack bar actually I think you're downstairs at the buffet I was snorkeling thank you but there was this guy it was really nice we'd be we'd be chatting to him and he was sort of like sitting down we were on a chair and he was sitting down in front of us with his back against the wall Keisha gets up and she starts to walk past him and all of a sudden that a wave a little wave like hits the boat and the boat tilts Keisha takes this tumble like I've never seen her legs are spread and her she can't control herself but her whole body is pressed up against

the wall in front of him with her legs straddling him so her crutch was pressed up against his face she couldn't help it it was just like this wild thing and he's like whoa is this how you meet everyone and then I thought that's it this is how she makes friends so you're saying that the way that Keisha makes friends is by thrusting her vagina into people's faces it was unintentional but I could I was just watching the whole thing unfold in slow motion and I was in hysterics I was and then like because you can't recover quickly because the boat went back the other way so she couldn't get a balance he didn't know where you know when you walk down the street and you're running to someone and you're trying to like oh one goes left one goes right it's like

when you're going down like if you're trying to get in say you're like sitting and watching a concert or you're sitting and watching like a football game or something and then you have to make the decision do you give someone your front or your butt like which way which way is less offensive do I give you the front of my vulva or do I give you my butt or do you stand up and make room like come on like which one do you want I mean I give the front usually because I feel like you've got more to push back on what so like if you're walking down if you're trying to get past someone that's seated if you're facing them you can tilt your back backwards so your groin's not no give me my ass here it is here it is ladies and gentlemen here is my bum anyway we just I

just had a real little chuckle but anyway let's get into some other people's accidentally unfiltered all right let's get into your most embarrassing wildest outrageous travel accidentally unfiltered stories okay i'm really tuned laura you can go first my partner got locked out of our hotel room in london completely butt naked he thought the hallway door was the toilet door i had taken sleeping tablets so i didn't hear him knocking on the door for hours someone from another room heard him came out to the hallway called security because there was a naked man in the hallway they had to get the master key in the end from the hotel owner this whole time my partner is fully nude in front of everyone and all he's trying to do with one hand over his penis

is explain that he promises he isn't deranged he just got confused with the doors do you know what this reminds me so much so i once stayed in a hotel this was where was it we were in i think we're in new zealand anyway we had gotten to our level it was like late at night midnight we'd gotten to our level and someone in our hotel like on our level in the hotel had obviously like gotten out of the lift and thought that they were in their own house and had just started taking off their clothes and there was this like – In the hallway.

In the hallway of the hotel. Oh, I'm sorry. You are so intoxicated if you think a hallway is your home. It was like lift doors had opened and then there was like jacket, shoe, shoe, sock, pant, underwear. Laura, I hate to tell you but someone just got frisky. They didn't think they were at home. No, because it was just all one man's clothes and that led to the door

and like at the door was his shirt. He just had taken all his clothes off before he'd gone to his own room. It actually also reminds me of a story. When I was living in London, I had a girlfriend come over from Australia. Now, I was working in the hospital there and she was on a holiday. So she was just staying in my house and I gave her a key. She could come and go as she pleased because I had to go for, you know, long shifts at the hospital. I get home and I don't see her anywhere.

And I'm like, I don't understand what's happening. She hasn't texted. I try calling her. I don't get an answer I try texting her I don't get an answer but her phone was ringing out this is very unusual because she would have always told me she was going out and the whole idea was she was going to meet me at home after work so I was just a bit confused I was like maybe she's gone for a run or something without a phone eventually I hear her phone vibrating in the house and I'm like oh her phone's here I was like this is weird something's happened then after probably another

hour there's a buzz at my door I answer it the intercom she's like let me in and I'm like what is going on so I go down the stairs and I open the door she's standing there and I'm not exaggerating in like a little razorback white shirt with undies on that's it and socks that is it now this is snowing this is winter in London and and she goes thank god and she ran in I'm like what what has happened she went down to get a package from the front door and she forgot she didn't have a key she was in her undies it's all heated in London so she opens the door goes in goes out picks up the package and as she turns around the door closes so she's in her undies on the main street and now we lived in Notting Hill undies little crop and socks for five hours and I was

like what have you been doing she's like she didn't have a phone she just went across to the pub across the road and sat there and she's like I was really popular there all the men were sitting with me drinking beers five hours she sat there and she didn't know what time I was home so she just waited until like 7 p.m and then came back I was like unsurprised look going back to Sydney's terrible nightlife if you walked into a pub in just your underwear you'd be asked to leave now this is this was a pretty like it was a Monday night it was a pretty local little pub same as Cairns that's what could happen here you can come in in your underwear when you come to Cairns she was happy though she's had a great time she's like everyone's buying me beers

quickly interrupting the episode to talk about travel because we love travel here at life uncut as much as we love love and we are so excited to have flight center on as our sponsor and also thanks to flight center because we are in cairns at the moment producer keisha britney and myself having a little bit of a work trip but also a little bit of a holiday flight center is the home of travel and it is their 40th birthday so for 40 years which is a long time they have been the one-stop shop for all things travel I'm talking flights travel deals tours accommodation they are like the see it all everything you want center I remember actually when I moved to Italy I think I was 18 years old I walked into flight center now this is a long time ago kids I don't

think the interweb was even that around you used to have to go in and get pamphlets that's how you did everything you got the pamphlets for each country that was all along the white the back wall it was amazing but I walked in with no idea and I ended up booking the trip of a lifetime time through them. So it's something that really helped me start my whole travel adventure. I did the exact same thing when I went to India when I was in my twenties and I booked the whole thing through Flight Centre. Is that when you found yourself? That was when I, yes, had my real namaste moment. But travel these days is a little bit more complex and there's definitely some more things that you need to consider now that the world has opened back up. But the experts at

Flight Centre have you covered. They have got all the experience and the know-how to bring your holiday dreams to life. So now you just have to ask yourself, where is it that you're going to go? And are you going to take us with you? Yes, please take us. Your centre, our centre, Flight Centre. Visit flightcentre.com.au. Now let's get back into the episode. Okay, I've got one for you.

When I was in my early 20s, I went to Japan to visit my friend that was living there and working in Osaka. I travelled around by myself for a week at a time and then would stay with my friend for a few days before heading off somewhere else. One night I was out to dinner with my girlfriend and some of her Japanese friends and they asked me about my travels and if I was enjoying myself.

I mentioned that I have lots of great photos of some really beautiful places, but I'm not in any of the photos because I didn't know how to ask anyone to take a photo of me. And now this was all pre-selfie days. So they taught me how to ask for someone to take a photo in Japanese, which I would felt way more confident doing. So I learned how to say my phrase and I'm not like, guys, I'm not going to repeat this. She's timed it in here and I will butcher. Try it. I will butcher the Japanese language. So I'm not even going to give it a little shot, but okay the first word is it's shashin shashin which is apparently photo shashin anyway she after a couple of days got a bit confused and thought it was chin chin so she's been going around asking

for chin chin please oh what's chin chin i got strange looks and lots of smirks but the lovely japanese people took my picture anyway when i got back to home base i was out to dinner with my girlfriend and her japanese friends again and i told them that people have been so helpful and they have all taken my photo however i did get some strange looks so maybe my pronunciation wasn't very good they asked me to say it again and i said oh yeah chin chin please exactly as they had taught me they all roared with laughter and i had no idea but i had actually been going around japan asking for penis please do you know how awkward that would have been too what if you've gone up to a couple what if you've gone up to not an individual penis please oh it's the crazy

Australians again. But I also love that all they did was take your photo anyway. Because they're so polite. So if someone came up to you on the street here, Laura, and said, penis please, would you say, would you like a photo? I don't have a penis, but I will take your photo. Or imagine if someone took the phone off them, pulled their pants down, and took a photo of their

penis. Okay, too much. Too far? Yeah. Because she's going around as an adult soliciting dick pics. Yeah, which is lucky she didn't get arrested. Okay, I have a very quick one, which is so dumb, but so stupid, and so funny as an adult i broke both my elbows simultaneously doing leapfrog in india you just reminded me of another story

no this actually isn't that funny this was actually well then it's not part of the episode we're only here for a good time and a fucking giggle aren't we well it was funny but it's not i'll tell you why this was actually it was a friend of mine that became a patient when i was the hospital like i had to x-ray them when they came in they were in thailand they were eating food they made a grave error of taking food to the monkey temple and the monkeys went savage all the monkeys grouped together and started to like really aggressively chase him so instead of just giving the monkeys his ham sandwich he was like fuck it i'm so hungry like i'm not i will fight you i will fight you to the death so i just don't think he realized the seriousness

of the situation that he was in he starts to run from the monkeys with the sandwich now the monkeys i don't know if they think this is a game it makes them more aggravated they're frustrated they're hungry also if anybody's been to like indonesia and been to the monkey temple you know that this is this is not this is not doesn't not sound like a fun time for anyone he's making a grave grave error he was running for his life and as i think of like a snowball you know how snowball goes down a hill and it like gets bigger and bigger and bigger as he was running and the monkey group was running after him he just says that like they started to join him off the sides like there was like a hundred monkeys chasing him till he got to the edge of the temple he looked back to

see how close they were and then he fell down the whole flight of temple stairs got to the bottom and broke both of his arms completely so they were completely strapped up in but did he still have his ham sandwich the ham sandwich and they never got the ham sandwich but he broke both arms the whole way down is it no no it's not laura so i think the moral of the story is don't take any food to a monkey temple anywhere in the world and if they're chasing you down give them the ham sandwich i love that you needed to unpack the moral of that story i feel like it was pretty clean cut i think everybody listening was like yep i fucking i know what he did wrong and won't do that thanks for breaking it down for me can i tell you i have one another really quick one which i

thoroughly enjoyed someone was throwing ashes of their dead relative at the coliseum the wind caught it and it blew straight into my mouth i don't think i can laugh at that you can it's okay she ate uncle freddie but not her uncle freddie just someone else's uncle freddie that's even worse i think it's better if it was yours no it's just weird it's all weird hey guys so just today in new zealand i ran up to my boyfriend wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on the cheek seems that i forgot my boyfriend isn't in new zealand with me what was not her boyfriend she groped a stranger how do you forget how do you forget for at all that your partner's not on holidays with you she goes he's at home in australia i groped a stranger

could you like i mean i'm feeling like there must be some sort of level of drinking here or just what does she think it was an apparition or a mirage like what she just forgot that he's not in the country yeah i think if you just spend 24 7 with someone if you're with someone all the time just for a hot second maybe you've turned around someone looks like them and you just think that's it do you know what I once did I once in a shopping center tried to hold a complete stranger's hand that wasn't Matt he was just a man that was standing next to me and I just like I just like grazed his fingers and then he looked at me and there was like you know in that moment of just you can feel like someone seems like they're annoyed and I saw his reaction out of the corner

of my eye and I was like fuck I just tried to hold you are not my husband I'm sorry he also doesn't want to be my husband either i mean i i've also done that but i was five okay all right i was in vietnam with my now husband and this was pre-covid and things got very steamy in the shower while we were on a cruise in halong bay now i didn't think twice about all the water that i was swallowing whilst i was giving him a blow job that is until i woke up the next morning with the worst gastro that i have ever had all from giving him a blow in the shower if there is every time you don't give a blowjob in a shower it's on a cruise ship in vietnam i'm sorry but you use bottled water to brush your teeth it's just like there's so many

parts of this that is okay also this just goes back to my saying just don't give a blowjob it's too much work too much effort i didn't go terribly wrong no i didn't know that was your thing i thought you just didn't like oh i don't like them at all what shoes out last time it was i don't like to spoil it now is i just don't really like look i do them do you do you though but not on a cruise ship in high long bay well are you going to be doing them how what's the frequency with the 30-day challenge that you're doing the intimacy challenge for anyone who didn't listen to tuesday's episode matt and i are going to do the tiktok intimacy challenge i don't know the frequency well because that's what could get you out of if you don't want to have sex one night

yeah but then you've got to finish it off then what am i going to do no i don't think you have to finish it off you can just do it for a bit he will not be impressed by that Matt did not subscribe to this intimacy challenge and these new rules that we're throwing around we could make up a contract if you want I could write it and we could pretend it's the actual TikTok challenge contract and it just could have things like do not have to have sex could be a blow job do not have to finish could just be a kiss on the cheek could be one finger sleeping okay what's your next one okay we were on holiday in Greece with another couple my best friend and her boyfriend when i got gastro oh everybody's had a gas every single person

has been on holidays and has a gastro story they have but i haven't heard one like this okay well i'm glad you picked a real doozy because i was like as these these stories were coming in i was wading through the gastro stories i was like there's enough of these this is the only one that made the cut so i was the only one out of the four of us to get gastro i'd had the squirts might you say for a few days and there was nothing left in the tank that's very graphic I felt comfortable with going out for the day. I really didn't want to miss out on all the fun. So I decided to tag along and visit the most idyllic Greek island.

It was such a great day. I'd forgotten that I was sick. I went for a swim. I was drinking. I was eating. Everything was great. I went for one last swim with my boyfriend and everything caught up with me. To get into the water, you jump off the concrete and straight into the deep, calm ocean.

Whilst waiting around, I felt a terrible stomach cramp and I needed to fart. not thinking about the implications i did just that and to my horror suddenly i was waiting in a plume of diarrhea that was no joke a meter in diameter around me now i have never seen anything like this literally a meter of shit surrounding my body my boyfriend swam away as quickly as he could in disgust and disbelief but that is not the worst part oh it gets better there's more but wait and i hope you would never do this to me laura seconds later my friend and her boyfriend came strolling over to join us for a swim inevitably about to dive directly headfirst into my diarrhea which by this stage had flaked around a bit and spread into the gentle lapping

waters I had seconds to decide whether to alert them of their fate or just let it happen my friend is the kind of person that would never let me forget that I had shat myself in public so yes I decided the latter I quickly swam away towards my boyfriend warning him not to say anything much to my horror and amusement they dived headfirst into my diarrhea patch straight into my poop but thankfully they never noticed that is messed up i don't know if you can call that a best friend i don't know if you let your friend dive into poop your poop can you say your best friends i don't know what i would do if there was other people around i was worried about them like embarrassing myself i might just do that i might just keep it to myself not tell anyone so

If you pooped and I was about to get in the water, you would let me jump into your poop, your diarrhea poop. No, I tell you, but if we were there with someone else who I didn't feel as comfortable around, I might let them jump into it. I don't want to tell someone I don't know that well. We heard it here first, everyone. Okay, I hiked Machu Picchu and thought my guide was pretty cute. When we got back, I went out for a drink with him

and then we ended up hooking up and he said, hey, come back to my house and things are going to get real steamy like. so anyway we get back to his house and it turns out he has a guinea pig farm inside his apartment i'm talking 100 plus fucking guinea pigs i was horrified and the first thing he said to me was yummy turns out peruvians really enjoy eating guinea pigs they do he had his own feast of guinea pigs well do you know what it's hard when you know in australia they're pets yes but i i mean i've been there i've hiked machu picchu guinea pig is everywhere it is just it's like here we you know we eat cows we eat chickens that's what it is to them it was it's hard to

get your head around but i don't know how i'd feel if i went home with someone and they had 100 animals of one animal in their home it's very impressive what happens when he wakes up in the morning he's like can i cook you breakfast pick one talk about paddock to plate all right i've got one more to finish off i was traveling with my parents and boyfriend staying in paris one night the boyfriend and i went out and when we returned somewhat tipsy in the wee hours of the morning we decided to get down and dirty in the elevator oh yeah now it was a pretty small elevator with our wits left far behind we stripped off completely all by his socks before we got in leaving our clothes at the hotel door where my parents were fast asleep we pressed the button

and got busy now turns out the reason the elevator was so small was because it was a luggage elevator Not built for two people bouncing around. So sure enough, it ground right to a halt between the levels as we were banging. To our horror, the doors wouldn't open. It's 3am. After much fumbling around, we had no choice but to pull the emergency lever. An alarm sounded. We watched through the crack as many confused men and women came out of their rooms,

sleepy-eyed in dressing gowns, wondering what was going on. Eventually, the SAS arrived because they were unable to fix the issue. Are they still naked at this time? Yeah, in the elevator. He's only got his socks on. Now they're S.A.S. But they don't understand what's wrong because it's a luggage elevator. They don't think anyone's in there.

It's a luggage elevator. By this time, all the lights were on and curious crowds of mostly French people were watching and waiting. We armed ourselves with one sock each to cover what we could. Eventually, the elevator was midway between floors. we had to climb out ass first lowering ourselves down revealing our bare asses to the horrified mostly elderly crowd why why fucking a baggage elevator like what's the point too humiliated to stop and explain we bolted up the stairs to our hotel room hoping never to be identified next morning over breakfast my parents none the wiser asked why all our clothes had been left at the

door last night and why we weren't home we managed to cover story only until hotel management knocked on the door and told us red face and in broken english that the elevator was for luggage only please don't have sex in there again do you know what i've got one more and i know we said we wouldn't do any more poo stories but i lied i have one question first though just one question that i can't get my head around about this one if you were gonna have sex in an elevator not the baggage one very small a not the baggage one but b why didn't you take your clothes in with you like why did you take them off and leave them outside the elevator i just don't understand why you're doing a fire escape like why an elevator why a tiny little elevator i get that i think there's

obviously a thrill to the elevator and like we see it in movies and stuff so if movies do it we want to do it but i just think i have never ever seen a movie where two people have fucked in a baggage elevator just an elevator never not specifically the baggage yeah but there's a very different thing between like having sex in a normal size elevator that's made for humans that has space and cramming yourself into one that's got like a 40-kilogram bag limit. All right, hit me. Okay, I went for a run in Colombia.

I got halfway and I had to waddle back because my bowels were about to explode. I made it to my hostel and the very first toilet I saw was right behind the reception desk. After relieving myself in what was truly opening the depths of hell, I found out that the city's water had been turned off. Oh, no. I ran away, embarrassed, and I came back hours later

for breakfast only to find two people in hazmat suits still plunging the toilet. I mean, surely the hazmat is a bit excessive. Well, maybe not. I feel like hazmats are for, like, radiation leaks. Like, it's for the big stuff. There must have been something very toxic in that boot. There certainly was.

But you know what, guys? That is it from us and all of your embarrassing travel stories. It's one thing because the world has reopened and now you can go, you can book your holidays, you can go and have a wonderful time with your girlfriends whatever having a trip away looks like to you but I guarantee that no matter how wonderful your trip is there's always something embarrassing that happens but there's always something better that happens on that trip too so don't let these stories give you any sort of aversion to travel but don't you think that these are the stories

that you remember like I mean I've done a lot of beautiful travel in my time I've been to some wonderful places and the things that I carry with me the memories I have that are the most scarring and also some of the most funny are just when things have gone terribly wrong oh don't get me wrong i have pooped my way around the world like i have a poop story for almost every single country but i have a hazmat suit but again a huge thank you to flight center for jumping on board and being our sponsor this whole week 40 years they have been in the business so a big happy birthday to flight center and if you are planning any kind of trip flight center do it all they do accommodation they'll do your flights they're going to book your tours they've got so much

And if you're actually even struggling for an idea, they have so many amazing ideas and packages. So many activities. But that is it from us, guys. We'll be back tomorrow with our Ask Uncut episode, as we do every week. So send in all your deep, your dark, and your burning questions. We'll see you then.

Don't forget, tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friends, and share the love because we love love. And travel stories. We'll see you next time.